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Nota Bene, April 1, 2002 George Washington University Law School Scholarly Commons Nota Bene, 2002 Nota Bene, 2000s 4-1-2002 Nota Bene, April 1, 2002 Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarship.law.gwu.edu/nota_bene_2002 Recommended Citation George Washington University Law School, 11 Nota Bene Z (2002) This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Nota Bene, 2000s at Scholarly Commons. It has been accepted for inclusion in Nota Bene, 2002 by an authorized administrator of Scholarly Commons. For more information, please contact [email protected]. ATON ENEB The George W. Bush Post Monday April 1, 2002 Vol. XI, No. Z Shadow Government at Work in Burns Basement eral strange students. They were dressed in suits like ev­ BY JOHN DOE Unfortunately, when I inquired if the student knew any­ eryone else here, but they all had wires in their ears. Since Missing Person thing about Article 9 of the UCC. the "student" was com­ pletely perplexed. "UCC? How did vou know the pass­ On March 1. 2002, President Bush disclosed on CNN word?" that a "shadow government" had been at work in two un­ Security was tight, and although I w as not allowed th disclosed locations since September 11 . "We have to en­ access to the Command Center, I was able to interview sure that, should another catastrophic event occur," re­ several key members of the Shadow Government. Vice marked the President, "that the continuity of government President Dick Cheney was here, using the easy access to will be ensured. Plus, isn't the thought of a shadow gov­ legal publications to research answers to the Enron scan­ ernment just too cool? No one will mess with us if we dal, just in case a catastrophic terrorist attack is unable to have a shadow government. They'll be too scared." overshadow the scandal. "Gary Condit got lucky. George Here at the A ton Eneb. we leave no stone unturned, and I can t count on that," he stated. Before this reporter and one of those undisclosed locations is undisclosed no was dragged off by the Secret Service for "debriefing." an­ longer. In the interests of shameless publicity and in com­ other official told us that this site was chosen because "the plete violation of several orders from the Secret Service, administration assured us that no one comes down here. we have decided to completely disregard the issue of na­ So far, they've been right. We haven't seen a soul that tional security and publish the results of our investigation didn't work for us until you came down here. Must be the into the Shadow Government. switch to electronic research." In addition, he told us that One branch of the Shadow Government has been it was convenient because it gave them easy access to the laboring away deep in the stacks of the Jacob Burns Law law school's advanced computer network and the GW hos­ Library. Yes, that's right, deep below the computer labs, pital, since Cheney seems to be spending at least half of hidden in the stacks of books (Yes, books, remember his time there. "The real icing on the cake, though, was those?), several key government officials have been labor­ when Lexis and Westlaw started a bidding war for the right Vice-President Dick Cheney researching ing away to ensure that the government will continue to to stuff our mailboxes with ads." operate, even if a terrorist attack wipes out both Congress the evidence rules. and the President. they seemed to spend so much time in the library. I throught See SHADOWS page 7 This reporter was tipped off to new arrivals by sev­ one of them might help me with Secured Transactions. Cell Phone Service to be Grass Roots Disrupted by Government the new "grassroots" policy. Treasurer Zach BY LONG BONG SILVER Spy Center in Turret Staff Herbalist Ellis was very vocal in his opposition to this strategy. "Now that we are giving out original architect. Nicodemus J. Alexander, BY FOX GARCIA MULDER Rumors had been circling for weeks. pot at meetings, all those hippie leftist Staff Radar Operator in 1892. The following inscriptions are en Finally, at the last SBA meeting, those ru­ groups like the environmentalists and the graved along the sides of the turret: aut mors were confirmed. De Famuyiwa re­ democrats are going to come in requesting After a closed-door conference be­ disce aut discede (either learn or leave), and ally is ... grass roots. Last night's meeting big sums of money. This sucks," he stated. tween upper level members of Homeland dura lex sed lex (the law is hard, but it is was marked by a timid or more relaxed de­ Nathan Mammen, the 2L Evening Vice- Security and The George Washington the law). At first, these words were seen as bate than the rancorous discussions over President, pointed out that, "Evening stu­ University's administrators, an agreement too stern by many, but the faculty and staff softball funding. Room L301 was packed dents do not engage in such childish be­ has been reached to place a communica­ soon grew to love and live by them. Now, with students while all the pizza boxes were havior." It should be noted that (as usual) tions intercept center atop the law school. with the possibility of the turret being used empty. The reason was simple, according no evening students attended this meeting The law school was chosen for its proxim­ as a communications intercept by major to the new SBA President and initiator of Secretaiy Erin Hirsch pointed out that, "The ity to the I.M.F., World Bank and White government agencies, the turret may again this new policy. "I told you that you are a SBA should not be promoting illicit drugs." House. When the Nota Bene attempted to move to the center of the law school's, and political hack and I am grassroots. How Five minutes later Hirsch was seen passed contact Richard Bollingsworth of the Uni­ the world's, attention. do you get students to SBA meetings you out behind her desk. versity Board of Regents in order to cor­ Yet t here are a few disadvantages to ask? Well I will tell you buddy, you give Many Representatives, however, roborate our source, we were told that Mr. hosting the communications interceptor in them some bud," stated Famuyiwa. He went found it difficult to concentrate on SBA Bollingsworth would make no comment. the law school turret. One possible impor­ on to whisper, "Now do you know why I business during this past meeting. 2L Rep The source, who asked to remain anony­ tant side effect of the turret intercept center won by such a landslide, this is off the Erik Baptist was seen staring at one of his mous, suggested the possibility of the his­ ("T.I.C.") is a severe disruption of the air­ record right?" fellow 2L Representatives. "Hey, with this toric law school turret being used to house waves around the law school. While the The Representatives received this stuff, even though I a m completely out of the highly sophisticated communications GW hospital has assured Nota Bene that change in policy warmly. In fact, for the shape, I might be able to get women. Hey, intercept device. the T.I.C. poses no health hazards, physi­ first time in recent memory, the whole Sen­ if they are high enough, they might even The turret was inspired by the famous cist Dr. Arthur W. Waltckszv mentioned the ate was in attendance, even 3L Rep Etan think I am an interesting and intelligent turret of the Fleur de-lis in Louis the XIV's severe effect of communication intercept Mark who skipped out on a Britney Spears guy," he remarked. 2L Rep Corrie palace, and was designed by the building's technology upon cell phone users, likening concert was in attendance. "Sure De is no Westbrook responded to the looks by point­ the event to the restricted usage of cell Britney Spears, but if he can get us this stuff ing her middle finger in the direction of phones during flights. According to Dr. for every meeting, he definitely rules," said Baptist. When asked about her gesture, she Waltckszy, "Recent studies conducted by Mark. Other Senators expressed regret that commented, "That wasn't for Erik ... he is • Inside Bell Laboratories found that cell phones and they did not try to institute this policy at a sweety, it was for you Mr. ..I can't spell Sex & Drugs Page 5 other mobile communication devices are their undergraduate institutions. "Man Eastbrook!" severely affected by devices like T.I.C. Cell nobody ever came to meetings when I w as During the course of the meeting, phones are rendered useless within a radius the dictator... I mean President. At UPenn, Famuyiwa rambled on about how much he Rock & Roll Page 3 of 50 meters (about 160 feet) of such de­ I always thought it was my personality, but disliked the Student Association. Many vices." I guess it was because we had lost touch representatives found it hard to understand While it is unclear how the students with the grass roots issues," remarked 2L what he was talking about. "Man. I never Masturbation Page 2 will react to this veritable inconvenience, Rep Mike Silver. 2L Rep Erin Rubenstein understand that guy, maybe if he spoke wilt the news is supposed to be heralded with rejoiced over the change in policy as he was a Southern accent I would know what lit great jov by the many opposed to the inces- seen jumping around the room quoting lyr­ was talking about," stated 2L Rep Chris Miss Cleo Page 7 ics to Cypress Hill songs.
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