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How to Help Your Anxious Teen Copyrighted material How to Help Your Anxious Teen.indd 3 5/3/19 9:33 AM Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® ), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing minis- try of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Verses marked msg are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Verses marked csb have been taken from the Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible® and CSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers. Cover design by Bryce Williamson Cover photo © hannahgleg / Getty Images Published in association with Wolgemuth & Associates, Inc. How to Help Your Anxious Teen Copyright © 2019 by Jessica Thompson Published by Harvest House Publishers Eugene, Oregon 97408 www.harvesthousepublishers.com ISBN 978-0-7369-7671-8 (pbk.) ISBN 978-0-7369-7672-5 (eBook) Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: Thompson, Jessica, 1975- author. Title: How to help your anxious teen / Jessica Thompson. Description: Eugene, Oregon : Harvest House Publishers, [2019] | Includes bibliographical references. Identifiers: LCCN 2019000379 (print) | LCCN 2019003549 (ebook) | ISBN 9780736976725 (ebook) | ISBN 9780736976718 (pbk.) Subjects: LCSH: Parenting—Religious aspects—Christianity. | Parent and teenager—Religious aspects—Christianity. | Anxiety in adolescence. Classification: LCC BV4529 (ebook) | LCC BV4529 .T554 2019 (print) | DDC 248.8/45—dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019000379 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechani- cal, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher. Printed in the United States of America 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 / BP-AR / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Copyrighted material How to Help Your Anxious Teen.indd 4 5/3/19 9:33 AM Contents 1. The Problem ....................................... 7 2. Mental Illness or Elevated Anxiety? ...................... 13 Part 1: How Society Contributes to Your Teen’s Anxiety 3. Accomplishments Are King. 27 4. The Disdain of Being Normal .......................... 39 5. Social Media, Electronics, and Our Kids .................. 51 6. The Diminishing Sense of Safety ........................ 63 Part 2: How the Church Contributes to Your Teen’s Anxiety 7. “Do Big Things for God” ............................. 73 8. “Be a Good Christian” ............................... 83 Part 3: How You Contribute to Your Teen’s Anxiety 9. Helicopter Parenting ................................. 95 10. Using Our Kids Instead of Loving Them. .105 11. Can We Be Best Friends? ..............................115 Part 4: How Your Teen Gives In to Their Anxiety 12. The Desire to be Successful, Well-Liked, and Good-Looking ........................123 13. Conclusion ........................................131 Notes ............................................137 Copyrighted material How to Help Your Anxious Teen.indd 5 4/18/19 4:35 PM 1 The Problem he sound of the espresso machine made it hard to hear her timid Tvoice. I had to lean forward and strain to catch what she said. She fiddled with her paper coffee cup and repeatedly crushed the crumbs of her muffin with her thumb. “I am so anxious all the time. I don’t know what to do. My friends all told me that cutting helped them deal with it. So I tried it. I don’t know if it helps or not, but it did get my mind off all the things I was worried about.” I put my hand on her arm and noticed it was littered with little nicks, some fresher than others, some scarred over. My heart hurt for her. She was only 14, but she felt the crushing weight of anxiety every single day. Her body exposed the internal conflict she tried to hide. She was worried about school, church, her family, and boys. She had expe- rienced an incredibly tough year, and things didn’t seem to be look- ing up for her. Her story is not exceptional in any way. I have a 19-year-old son, a 17-year-old son, and a 14-year-old daughter, and all three of them have told me that they experience anxiety at some level or another. Teen- agers today are suffering from anxiety at increasingly alarming rates. Catch a teenager in a talkative mood, and they will tell you most of their friends are anxious. Anxiety has replaced depression as the number one 7 Copyrighted material How to Help Your Anxious Teen.indd 7 4/9/19 2:40 PM 8 How to Help Your Anxious Teen problem teenagers deal with. From 2010 to 2017, anxiety has been the main reason kids seek mental health services, and each year has seen an increase in the number of teens seeking help. “This year, 51 percent of students who visited a counseling center reported having anxiety, fol- lowed by depression (41 percent), relationship concerns (34 percent) and suicidal ideation (20.5 percent). Many students reported experi- encing multiple conditions at once.”1 The number of teenagers that have been admitted for attempted suicide has doubled over the last ten years.2 This rate reaches its zenith when kids return to school each fall. Anxiety feels like a weight. It has been described as the feeling of tripping—the “moment where you don’t know whether you are going to catch yourself is how you feel all day long.” Or “when you tap your pocket to get your wallet, and it is not there. You feel that every moment of every day.” Or… like when you see cop lights in your rearview and you know you did something worthy to get a ticket. Coming down from an attack is like the cop flying past you, heart still racing, kinda shaky, sweaty, and it’s all in the back of your head the rest of the day. You think how great it was that you didn’t get pulled over this time, but you are painfully aware you might not get this lucky next time.3 According to the National Institution of Mental Health, anxiety is now the most common mental health disorder in the United States. Almost one-third of both kids and adults are affected by it.4 Part of the problem of anxiety with our youth is that most of us adults view it as a part of everyday life—it’s not a big deal, we tell them. This feeds into their anxiety; they don’t believe we are taking them seriously, which in turn makes them more anxious. I have always thought we should be most concerned with our chil- dren suffering from depression, but things are changing—anxiety is what we now should be looking out for. Copyrighted material How to Help Your Anxious Teen.indd 8 4/9/19 2:40 PM The Problem 9 It’s important to understand that anxiety and depression often occur in the same teenager, and may need to be treated as two separate disorders. Anxiety is more likely to occur without depression than depression without anxiety. It may be that depression leads to anxiety—the negative state of mind of a depressed teenager lends itself to uncertainty. If you’re not feeling good about yourself, or confident, or secure, or safe, anxiety may find fertile ground. It may also be because the regions of the brain affected by anxiety and depression are close together, and mutually affected.5 According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Dis- orders (DSM-5), Fear is the emotional response to real or perceived threat, whereas anxiety is anticipation of future threat. Obviously, these two states overlap, but they also differ, with fear more often associated with surges of autonomic arousal necessary for fight or flight, thoughts of immediate dan- ger, and escape behaviors, and anxiety more often associ- ated with muscle tension and vigilance in preparation for future danger and cautious or avoidant behaviors.6 Or to put it more plainly, “Anxiety is the overestimation of danger and the underestimation of our ability to cope.”7 The problem is real, and it doesn’t seem to be going away. How do we help our children deal with it? Is the rise of anxiety in children real, or are they just identifying as anxious because they don’t know how to cope with everyday stress? How does the good news of the life, death, resurrection, and ascension of Christ impact our anxious hearts? Questions abound. We need solid biblical answers and gospel truth to inform this part of our lives. Copyrighted material How to Help Your Anxious Teen.indd 9 4/9/19 2:40 PM 10 How to Help Your Anxious Teen If you are a parent, youth worker, pastor, teacher, or mentor of teens, you know exactly what I am talking about—you see it every day: the rise of self-mutilation; the use of marijuana, vaping, or more seri- ous drugs to help decrease unwanted feelings; the addiction to social media to escape the real world; the heightened reports of sleeplessness among teenagers. In this book, we will start by looking outward—we will analyze the way society contributes to our teens’ anxiety. This might be an easy cause-and-effect relationship to understand. The world provides lots of reasons to be anxious: social media, the lack of human interaction caused by social media and new technology, bullying, the tempera- ment of the country… and those are certainly contributing to teenagers’ anxiety.
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