“Trying to Be a Hot Girl Is Dangerous”
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“Trying To Be A Hot Girl Is Dangerous” Consent and Sexual Agency in the Digital Age ANNABEL LEVY “Trying To Be A Hot Girl Is Dangerous” Consent and Sexual Agency in the Digital Age ANNABEL LEVY HAMPSHIRE COLLEGE 2016 CHAIR: LISE SANDERS COMMITTEE MEMBERS: VIVECA GREENE, LILI KIM Table of Contents Foreword . .1 Introduction . .4 Chapter 1: Sex(t) Positive: College Students’ Responses to Sexting . .10 Chapter 2: Sorry For What?: Policing Girls’ Sexuality on the Internet” . 42 Chapter 3: “She Was Drunk”: Inherent Victim-Blaming, Shame and Consent in Degrassi: The Next Generation . 59 Conclusion . 96 Appendix . 100 Works Citied . 101 Foreword I was thirteen and in the eighth grade. I was texting with a fifteen-year-old boy whom I had a crush on that summer. He never knew I existed when we were at sleep-away camp, but somehow he had acquired my AOL instant messenger screen name. Or maybe I somehow acquired his. That fall we IM’d and talked every day, or rather, I typed sentences and asked leading questions while he typed words like “lol” or “yea.” I was eager to impress the older emo boy from camp. I remember telling him I was nervous to enter the 8th grade, and him saying I shouldn’t worry because, as he said, “you’re not ugly ;)” At the time I probably took it as a compliment; at the time it probably made me squeal in girlish delight. Eventually we exchanged numbers and started texting. I added him to my contacts under a secret nickname, Trenchboy. It was only a matter of months until the inevitable moment came. It was late at night when I received it and I was shocked. I remember frantically texting my friends asking, “What do I do????” It was too late in the night for any of them to respond, so I just wrote back, “I have to go to sleep now bye!” He replied with a “hmmm” as if he didn’t believe me and as if he hadn’t just suddenly sent me a photo of his penis unannounced. I had never even kissed a boy, let alone seen a penis. I was in shock, from what I was seeing, but it also felt incredibly powerful. I, a thirteen-year-old loser, had received a photo of a boy’s penis; of course I wanted to share it with my friends. And so I did. Looking back on my experience is confusing. I still look back on it fondly, as one in a series of “firsts,” but I also think about how rude and disrespectful it was that he sent me a photo of his penis without asking. I struggle with the sense of 1 power it gave me, how I stared in shock but also amazement. I cringe at the memory of my reply, not even acknowledging the photo. I think about how messed up it was of me to have sent it to my friends, just so they could share in my excitement and confusion. I was selfish and wanted my friends to know I was the recipient of a dick pic. I never thought about how my friends’ well-being, or how they would feel about receiving a photo of a stranger’s penis. I wanted to scream, “Look at me look at me!” and make others jealous that I was a recipient of such a photo. Sure, I didn’t send a photo back, and I didn’t even want the photo in the first place. But that didn’t matter. There it was sitting in my inbox, and I had to do something with it. Unlike the TV portrayals and the media’s “moral panic” about teen sexuality, nothing happened with that dick pic. He never found out I showed it to anyone, no adults found out I was in possession of such a photo, and the worst that happened to me was that my friends teased me and called me a pervert. It was then, amongst the teasing, that I knew I had to keep this a secret, both the photo itself, and my sense of pride. I struggled with wanting to tell everyone, but knowing I shouldn’t, to wanting to keep the exchange with Trenchboy my own little perverted secret. I think about this moment a lot: it was the moment I first felt both power and shame as a result of my sexuality. I was sexually curious, and earned the label of a slut and pervert throughout middle and high school, without doing anything more sexual than my peers. I was just the one who talked about it. I believe this confusion and the feelings of pride and shame I have so far described, are ones that every young woman has experienced in one way or another at some point in her life. It’s 2 for that reason I find it important to introduce this piece with a personal essay. I want to share my own experience before sharing those of others. 3 Introduction A young woman’s sexuality is seldom talked about. Adolescent female sexuality is shushed and silenced; girls’ virginity and innocence however, are praised. I believe this silencing of such a vital and important developmental period in a girl’s life should be recognized so that the larger meanings of this process can be researched and understood. While not a foreign concept, young men and women are treated differently for their sexual experiences. This is commonly referred to as the “double standard,” by which young men are praised, amongst their peers, while women are often shamed for the same acts. However, while this phenomenon has been explored, researched, and written about, I find that there are seldom discussions on why young women are engaging in these acts. If girls know about this double standard, and the possible shame associated with such sexual acts, why do they choose to engage in sexual acts while knowing the social consequences? In my Division III I attempt to explore the fine line between pleasure and pressure that young women face with respect to their sexuality. I argue that not enough research has been done to allow young women to explore their sexual agency and to move past the shame. I aim to pose such “shameful” acts, such as sexting, as a positive, and as an act in which these women have agency and empowerment. This thesis explores the challenges of navigating young women’s sexual agency and consent in the digital age. To do so I address the subject of sexting, the policing of young women’s sexuality through cyberbullying, and audience responses to a case of sextortion in an episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation. In each case, I 4 argue that young women are continuously policed and shamed by others for visible displays of their sexuality. For my first chapter “Sex(t) Positive: College Students’ Responses to Sexting” I have collected a series of college students’ responses to their own experiences with sexting. I asked them to reflect on their own uses and personal benefits for sexting. Most importantly, I asked them how to gain consent before sending the first sext. Looking back to that first sext I ever received I am proud of myself for not replying in kind. I did not succumb to pressure, and I was enough in control to know it was something I didn’t want to reciprocate. My cringe-worthy response of “I’m going to sleep now” was indeed an excuse, an excuse to get out of a sexual situation I never wanted. Other girls, like those we read about in the newspaper or hear about on the news, weren’t so fortunate. Those are the stories that have created a moral panic about sexting. The moral panic, it turns out, is true. Or at least, half-true. Participants recounted their own stories of middle-school sexting, while knowing it was wrong because they were told so. The women I interviewed were well aware of the so- called risks, that, like I did years ago, someone could send it to their friends and it would be out “there” forever. The second chapter, “Sorry for What?: Policing Girls’ Sexuality On The Internet”, tackles the subject of cyberbullying. Using Anne McClintock’s concept of touchless torture, I argue that cyberbullying breaks down the victim, making them anxious and distressed. Cyberbullying turns the innocent into the guilty, and forces people to apologize for being themselves. Throughout the paper I analyze examples of torturous cyberbullying in the films Sexting in Suburbia, Cyberbully, and 5 Unfriended. I attempt to redefine friendship in an age of social media, I ask who must apologize and for what, and I offer solutions to the mistreatment of young women. I ask audiences to contemplate the bigger picture, the policing and shaming of young women’s sexuality, and ask who is truly doing wrong. The third chapter “’She was Drunk’: Victim-blaming, Shame and Consent in Degrassi: The Next Generation” is a study of audience responses to a case of sexual exploitation in an episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation. Study participants addressed body issues, self-love, agency and consent, and were harsh in their reactions to Manny’s character, claiming a lack of self-confidence was her main problem. Peter’s character, while disliked, was thought to be a product of his upbringing and privilege. The language used by my participants veered toward victim blaming terminology, as participants focused on Manny’s decision to drink. Most participants noted that they did not think Manny had any agency in her situation, as she did nothing to better herself.