STALElj

JOURI1AL no. DECEMBER, 1020

CONTENTS The Spirit of Christmas 1 Engineers, Civilization's Monu- ment Builders 2 (G. E. Chamberlain) Football 5 Safety Editorial 13 (M. P. O'Brien) First Impressions of South Amer- ica 14 Transportation Clnl) at Stalcys.... 15 Great Workers of 1-1 istory 18 The Household 22 (Miss "L. A. Harkins) riant Talk 24 Roasts 27 The Man in the Moon 32 Art Work Harry N. Stadler

Published monthly in the interest of the em- ployes of tile A. I"-. Staley Mfg. t'o. Editor, NATHALIE HANKEMEYEK. lOc the cui'y. Subscription, $1.00 per yeai Constructive Co-operation

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The Spirit of Christmas

In spite of all our doubts and fears, Amidst our sorrows and our tears. The Star that shone o'er Bethlehem Still shines into the hearts of them Who cherish loved ones far and wide With open hearts this Christmastide.

As children we have all been told That story ever new yet old, Of the first Christmas Day— The lowly manger filled with hay That cradled midst the cows and sheep The new-born child Whose name we keep.

We all look back to childhood's days Through grown-up years and memory's haze And long to feel the selfsame joy In Christmas that a little boy Or little girl once gladly knew When childish dreams came true.

Our child's heart full of Christmas glee Is still enshrined in memory. And, like a hidden treasure chest, On this, of all the days the best. Let's leave all troubles and all care And delve for Childhood's treasure there.

Let us forgive the careless wrong, Let us be fair and brave and strong, Renewing in our hearts again The Christmas spirit which has lain Quiescent through the present year And turn our thoughts to joy and cheer. —Cobb Engineers, Ciuilization's Ttlonument builders

EOLOGlSTS tell us that the home-made cement, mixed with powdered only permanent record of this brick-dust and small flint nodules. era of civilization will be found These nodules were imbedded in a ma- at the bottom of the Atlantic trix of cement mortar. At horizontal Ocean, under the trans-Atlantic intervals of about one foot the wall is lane from New York to Great Britain, bonded with old Roman tiles—hard burnt and will be marked by the many thou- bricks, about twelve by twelve and one sands and millions of tons of cinders by one-half inches thick, in horizontal which have dropped along that avenue layers. The combination has proved as from the fire-boxes of the steamers pass- resistent to the devastations of time and ing. It is doubtful if any of the engi- weather as any masonry I have ever neering work now accomplished or at- seen. That home-made cement is today tempted will survive the next geological as hard as flint. Those old Romans were change. confronted with a paucity of materials For most of us, this is looking at the from which to select, but they overcame matter in too large a way. Our horizon that difficulty by painstaking and supe- is the duration of civilization. We are rior workmanship. satisfied to build for Time, not for Eter- Underneath the Coal Exchange in Lon- nity. In fact, in recent years we have don, there are the remains of an old Ro- somewhat lost sight even of this time man bath. The water was heated in the element. We have grown to believe bath by hollow tiles, conducting the gases that twenty years is a long time, and of combustion from a nearby furnace that in all probability everything will be underneath the water and thence to a torn down and rebuilt within that time. chimney. A similar bath exists in the This should not be true, and certainly basement of the Musee Cluny in Paris. is not true of many of the structures now Very slight repairs would put these in progress. baths again into operation. As we advance, we will more and more There is today in the city of Paris an nearly approximate the conditions that old stone amphitheatre formerly used by prevail in Europe today. We will not the Romans for gladiatorial combats. so freely demolish and rebuild, because The tiers of seats surrounding the arena the period of heavy profits will have were all of cut stone, and are as' true ceased. One has only to pay a casual today, and as free from evidence of set- visit to the great business centers of the tlement, as the Stadium at Harvard Oval. Old World to see with what great thrift On the high hills overlooking the Eng- they have utilized the well-constructed lish channel at Boulogne are the remains buildings of one hundred to three hun- of a brick watch-tower or signal tower dred years ago. Many instances may be built by Caligula, the Roman emperor, cited along this line. in the year A. D. 43, about ten years There is one that comes to my mind. after the tragedy of Gethsemane. This Our great competitors, the Corn Pro- watch-tower was built of hard burned ducts Company, have since the war pur- red brick, not vitrified. The bricks arc- chased a corn starch factory at St. Denis, but little larger than those used today. one of the suburbs of the city of Paris. The color was and is a splendid vivid The principal building in this plant was red. They were laid together with a originalry constructed as a-laundry for wonderful mortar of cement, and the Marie Antoinette, wife of Louis the Six- wall structure as it exists is a striking teenth, and the building still shows many monument to the thoroughness of its evidences of its former architectural builders. Wherever the Romans went— beauty as well as, of its more prosaic and they went all over the then civilized use. world—they left behind them massive There are great blocks of the old Ro- monuments of masonry of almost unbe- man wall in the city of London, remain- lievable permanence. ing in good preservation. This was built The best automobile roads in England about sixteen hundred years ago. Now today are carried on foundations laid the design of this wall was not such as by the Romans when England was a would impress the modern engineer with Roman colony. The great stone-arched permanence. Although massive in di- viadvicts running for miles through the mension, it is really constructed from a country districts of France have fur- nished models, as well as material for of that early race carried the dirt on thousands of modern structures. The their backs, in skins, from the surround- Roman engineers conceived in huge ing prairie. While this mound may not masses and his work discounted the ages outlive our present civilization, may not yet to come. become a geological witness, I venture We rind among other ancient peoples the statement that it will outlive any examples of very wonderful skill in ef- work of stone or steel now built or under fective design. In Jackson Park in Chi- construction. cago there is a true copy of one of the So I would say to the young engineer boats built by the ancient Vikings of of toda3r, whatever you build, build well. Norway. In this boat a score of hardy Build with your conscience, as well as Norwegians sailed to this country in the with your hands and mind. Don't cheat year of the World's Fair in Chicago, yourself—the ever present temptation, following the route pursued by the orig- the most serious fault of all. Don't de- inal Scandinavian discoverer of America. ceive yourself by intentionally mis-read- The workmanship and design of this ing conditions. Here lies the great cause boat, while rugged and rough, is a won- of engineering failures. When closing a derful piece of home-made engineering. survey don't force your data to make It is so proportioned as to ride the your lines close. When designing a roughest seas. It is so strong as to with- piece of machinery don't slur over it. stand the buffets of waves and ice. It See that each part, no matter how small, is so small and light that it can be is right. When digging foundations don't skillfully maneuvered by half a dozen stop until you have arrived at a strata oarsmen. I doubt if any marine engineer which will surely carry the load. Don't in the United States would undertake become faint-hearted and weary, and pass to originate a boat of that type to fulfill the work as good enough. Be certain of the demands made upon that one by the every step. Remember that you, too, are storms of the North Atlantic. building for time and posterity. The Most of you have seen the caravels work you do will outlive you. floating in the lagoon at Jackson Park. Of course, a very large number of our These odd-shaped little barks are almost, present problems have to do with devel- if not quite, perfect copies of the ships opments that are more or less perish- in which Columbus sailed to discover able, especially mechanical improvements, America. Columbus built these boats for lias it ever occurred to you how very this special purpose, and undoubtedly difficult it is to improve on some old made them somewhat different than if time-tried device for some every-day pur- they had been designed for the ordinary pose? One thing that has not been im- Mediterranean trade. They accomplished proved to any marked degree is the the purpose for which they were de- wooden barrel. Have you ever consid- signed, and bv so doing permanently ered how perfectly this container ful- demonstrated the engineering ability of fills every purpose for which it is in- the great discoverer. tended? Had the barrel never been dis- But America could boast of real engi- covered until this time, and should some neering work long before the Vikings brilliant engineer present so simple and or the caravels of Columbus. Within a efficient a device, he would establish very short ride from Decatur is located himself not only in the hall of fame but one of the most permanent engineerim; on the golden list of modern millionaires. developments in the whole wide world, Consider its wonderful strength in ev- lust back of East St. Louis stands what ery direction. Consider the simplicity of is known as Monk's Mound. This is a its construction, the ease with which it: geometrical pile of alluvial earth. Three is moved from point to point, the secur- sides are almost sheer. The fourth side ity with which it may be loaded on is approached by a series of steps or ter- wagons, cars and boats, the facility with races. The mound is rectangular, and its which it may be filled and emptied, the bounding lines run true east and west accessibility of the material from which and north and south, and it is the largest it is constructed. I consider the barrel of the many similar remains of that curi- one of the greatest engineering object ous race—the Mound Builders. lessons of the age. It was not built haphaxard. It was There are many other things developed designed and constructed according to by the ancients also most difficult to im- some well-defined mathematical plan. prove. Take the grinding mill, for in- There is evidence to show that its stance, the stone mill. This work was method of construction was primitive in first done with a hand pestle and mortar the extreme. It appears that the women such as the druggists use today. Later they increased the size of the pestle and in the progress of such a long-used and mortar, attached a sweep to the pestle, time-proven device. and rotated it by oxen. It is thus that the important discovery Some time in the distant past, the pe- of the individual today belongs to the world tomorrow, and forms the basis riod is not known to exactness, the Ital- from which other men start to build. ians constructed an overshot water wheel, which drove one of a pair of prac- A rat being chased by a cat escaped tically modern millstones. The next step into his hole. The cat kept watch for was the substitution of the steam en- several hours. Toward dusk a tramp gine for the water wheel. Following this carrying a bottle of squirrel whiskey the quarter twist belt drive was substi- came shambling up the alley, saw the tuted for the bevel gear drive. Later a cat standing guard, kicked at him and vertical electrical motor was belted to dropped the bottle, spilling most of the the mill. liquor down the rat hole. In a few min- Until this year the above records all utes the rat jumped out of the hole, the improvements that had been made in loqked about, and said: "Where in hell the grinding mill from the time of Agri- is that cat that was looking for me?"- cola. During the past year our company From The Starter. has added one more step to the change, by mounting a synchronous motor di- Uncle Eben—I just got a letter from rectly on the axis or spindle of the mill, an automobile fellow saying as how he avoiding nearly all friction, giving a per- wants to sell me an enclosed flivver. fect continuous speed, and occupying the Uncle Ezra—Are you goin" to buy it? minimum floor space. Our engineering Uncle Eben—I dunno. I got the letter department feels a very worthy pride in all right, but there warn't no flivver en- having been able to produce a real step closed.—The Marathon Runner.

G. H. Martin, our printer, in the print shop on the third floor of No. 17. where the syrup can labels are made. DEFEAT CHICAGO TIGERS The Chicago men put up a great argu- Two hundred loyal rooters, who made ment, claiming that Pearce had been the trip to Chicago October 24th to see knocked out of bounds before he reached the Starchworkers battle the Chicago the line, but his footmarks showed other- Tigers at the Cubs baseball park, were wise, and the touchdown was allowed. repaid by the Halas eleven copping the Hugh Blacklock kicked goal. contest by a 10 to 0 score and incident- The other score came from the well- ally winning the undisputed champion- educated toe of Jimmy Conzelman, the ship of the middle states professional former Great Lakes and Washington U teams. star, who booted the pigskin between the The Decatur eleven was up against posts from the 30-yard line in the third some real opposition in the Tigers, and quarter. but for a sensational SS-yard run for a The whole team played a great article touchdown by "Pard" Pearce and a beau- of ball and before the game had pro- tiful drop kick by Jimmy Conzelman gressed very far had over half the crowd would have been forced to take a tie with them. The play of the line in stop- with the Windy City team. ping Falcon and Barrett was the best Fighting desperately in the third quar- seen in Chicago for many seasons, while ter to stage a comeback and keep the "Dutch" Sternaman and Lanum not only title in the big city, the Tigers staged an did some great offensive work but feat- advance down the field that made the ured with ability to break up the Barrett passes. Staley rooters shiver, and not until they Kyle MacWherter and Shank were the got to their one-yard line was the Staley two reserves to see service in the cham- machine able to hold them. pionship battle, the former relieving Johnny Barrett, the former Washing- Koehler when the Tigers were threaten- ton and Jefferson star, was a wonder at ing to score and Bob was bruised a bit. hurling forward passes, and only on a Shank was given a chance to understudy great play by "Pard" Pearce, when he for Sternaman. dove three feet off the ground to bat the That Staleys have the greatest line ball out of Knopp's hands, did he prevent a sure touchdown. in the country was again demonstrated Ghee of Dartmouth and "Shorty" Des when the Tigers were unable to gain but Jardien, former All-American center with two yards and a half in four downs. the University of Chicago, were other Where will you get a better defensive well-known stars that kept the Staleys wall than Trafton at center, Jones and on the lookout at all times. Petty at the guards, Blacklock and Ing- The Halas machine put up a wonder- wersen at the tackle berths and Cham- ful all-around exhibition of football. berlain and Halas on the ends? Their tackling was deadly, especially on Their work was the talk of all the fans the part of Lanum, Chamberlain and following the game. Halas, while their ability to get down the The Summary field under punts and follow the ball Staleys— Tigers— gained them many yards, for three of Chamberlain L. K Meagher their own kicks were recovered when the I ngwersen L. T Matthews Tiger backs fumbled in the pinch. Petty L. G Keefe Trafton C Des Jardien Pearce's Run. Tones R. G F. Pierce The five thousand fans who braved the Blacklock R. T Bennett threatening rain to see (he all-star elev- Halas (C.) R. K Knopp ens in action were repaid by seeing one P. Pearce Q. B Ghee of the greatest runs ever pulled in a pro- Sternaman L. H Barrett fessional game. Conzelman R. H Malone Soon after the opening of the second Lanum F. B Falcon quarter, Pearce, the former Pennsylvania Substitutions—(Staleys): Koehler for U star, started his dash around the Tigers Lanum, Shank for Sternaman, MacWher- right end. He started to cut in, but on ter for Koehler, Lanum for MacWherter, seeing the end sucked in, dashed around Sternaman for Shank. (Tigers): Annan him, and with the aid of some good for Falcon, Bosdett for Meagher, Reeve blocking soon after the start, negotiated for Bennett, Falcon for Annan. the 55 yards for a touchdown, being Score by quarters: knocked out of bounds just after cross- Staleys 0 7 3 0—10 ing the goal line. Tigers 0 0 0 0—0 Touchdown—Pearcc. turned hall to 30-yard line. Barrett failed Goal from touchdown—Blacklock, to gain. Barrett punted to Pearce, who Drop kick—Conzelman. was downed on his 40-yard line. Cham- Referee—Thomas (Illinois). berlin made gain off tackle. Lanum failed Umpire—Moore (Chicago). to gain. Both teams offside. Conzelman Head linesman—Wyatt (Missouri). made ten yards but Staleys were penal- ized. Conzelman punted to Malone, the Play by Play ball being carried out of bounds by him After considerable argument over the on the Tiger 30-yard line. Malone made hall the Tigers furnished for the game, it four yards. Falcon hit for first down. was decided to use another pigskin and Jones threw Ghee for a loss. Pass failed. Jerry Jones kicked off, the ball sailing 60 Barrett punted out of hounds on Staley yards and hitting the post for a touch- 25-yard line. Lanum made two. Conzel- back. man made twelve around right end. Ster- Falcon hit for three yards and then naman hit same place for ten more. Half Barrett punted to Pearce, who returned ended with ball in Staley possession in the ball to center of field. Conzelman center of field. hit for three hut Sternaman failed to Third Quarter gain. Pearce was tackled behind the line for a loss. Conzelman punted 55 yards, Jones kicked off to Annan, who re- the ball rolling across the line for a turned twenty yards. Shank was hurt on touchback. the play but stayed in the game. Barrett Ingwersen threw Falcon for a loss. failed to gain. Barrett punted to Pearce, Falcon made three. Ghee added six. Bar- who returned twenty yards. Shank gained rett punted out of hounds on the 52-yard two. Pass failed to gain. Conzelman line. Sternaman went through the line punted and Staleys recovered the ball for twenty yards before being downed. when Barrett fumbled and it rolled out Lannm made two. Staley penalized for of bounds on 29-yard line. Chamberlain offside. Barrett intercepted a Staley pass made three. He added two more. Shank on their 25-yard line. Chamberlain and hit for four. Conzelman hooted the ball Ingwersen threw Malone for a loss. Fal- between the posts from the 30-yard line. con hit for five and a pass to Knopp Score: Staleys, 10; Tigers, 0. made ten yards. Malone hit for two and Jones kicked off to Malone, who re- Falcon failed to gain. A pass, Barrett to turned ball ten yards. Line smashed by Meag'her, gained fifteen yards. Barrett Ghee and Barrett made first down. Ma- was thrown for a loss by Blacklock. Two lone made three. Petty threw Malone for passes were incomplete. Barrett kicked a loss. Ghee made ten yards on smash. to Sternaman on Staley 20-yard line, Barrett came through with nine more. "Dutch" carrying the hall three yards He made first down. Falcon hit for one and then out of bounds. Conzelman yard. Koehler hurt on play and Mac- punted to center of field, Lanum down- Wherter went in. Pearce broke up for- ing Ghee in his tracks. ward pass on goal line. Pass failed. Bar- Barrett hit for seven. He made it first rett made great underhanded pass to down. Malone gained two. Trafton in- Ghee for a first down. Falcon hit for tercepted Barrett's pass and returned ball five. Barrett made first down. A series twenty yards. Conzelman lost three of line bucks carried the ball to the Sta- yards. Quarter ended with ball in Sta- ley three-yard line. In four attempts the ley's possession in center of field. Tiger backs could only make two and a half yards and Staleys took the ball on Second Quarter their own one-half yard line. The quar- Conzelman's pass failed. He punted on ter ended with Conzelman attempting to second down. Ghee returned to their get in a position to kick. 20-yard line. Barrett kicked on first play Fourth Quarter hut hall was returned and Tigers penal- ized for offside. Barrett punted forty The fourth quarter was a punting game yards to Pearce, who fumbled, but Lan- on the part of Staleys, with the Tigers um recovered. Des Jardien intercepted attempting forward passes on every play pass on 50-yard line. Ghee was thrown after they saw they could not gain for four-yard loss. Falcon hit for three. through the Staley line or around the Conzelman intercepted Barrett's pass. ends. On the first play Pearce skirted the Tig- The Starchworkers backfield men were ers right end for a 55-yard run and touch- on the job every minute, and while the down. Blacklock kicked goal. Score: Sta- Tigers negotiated a few successful passes, leys, 7; Tigers, 0. they were not past the center of the field Jones kicked, off to Falcon, who re- when the game ended. ROCKFORD IS EASY and it was thought he had received a In a game marred by the poor condi- fracture at first, but examination in a tion of their opponents, the Staleys had Chicago hospital showed otherwise, and easy sledding against the Rockford A. A. he was only out of practice a few days C. team in the Northern City on Sunday, following the game. October 31, winning by a score of 29 to 0. The feature of the game was the play 'the home eleven was unable to cope of Feitchinger, who relieved Halas early with the powerful rushes of the Starch- in the game. He put up a great defen- workers and had some one laid out on sive game and nabbed some neat passes. practically every other play. Kyle MacWherter, Shoemake, Dressen, » During the latter part of the game the Adkins, Shank and Mintun were all Halas athletes would not carry the ball, used during the contest and had just as but simply waited for the breaks to come easy a time with the Rockford men as their way in order to gain ground. the regulars. In their class the Rockford fellows Englund, a last season's high school have a mighty formidable little machine, athlete, was the star of the Rockford A. but they were not expected to cope with A. C. team, playing a wonderful game at such an aggregation banded together by end. It was almost impossible to keep the Staleys, and that the score was not him out of the play. Bengston, at center; larger was due to the fact that Captain Wiederquist, the Moline star, who was at Halas ordered his men to take things a tackle, and Smith, a halfback, were the easy. other shining lights for the home folks. The game was played at Kishwaukee Score Early Park, the home of the Rockford Three- Two touchdowns were put over right Eye League baseball team, and it was after the start of the game. After Con- just like chasing flies for "Pard" Pearce, zelman had punted, Rockford started to who has played shortstop for the Rocks run plays in their own territory but the past two seasons. Krickson fumbled, the visitors recover- "Pard" had a lot of friends among the ing the ball on their five-yard line. 2,000 fans who braved the weather to see "Dutch" Sternaman carried it over on the game. Rain fell all during the last the first play. Blacklock kicked goal. half. Score: Staleys, 7; Rockford, 0. The Summary The second score came shortly after- ward when Erickson hit Halas as he was Staleys— Rockford— about to receive a pass across the goal Chamberlain L. E Johnson line. The penalty gave Staleys the ball Ingwersen L. T Erickson on the Rockford one-yard line and Ster- Petty L. G O'Brien naman again carried it over. Blacklock Trafton C Bengston missed goal. Score: Staleys, 13; Rock- Jones R. G Ruckel ford, 0. Blacklock R. T Linguist After taking the kickoff, a series of Halas R. E Knglund short end runs and passes carried the Pearce Q. B Muicke ball to the Rockford 25-yard line, where Sternaman L. H Erickson the home team stiffened and Conzelman Conzelman R. H Smith dropped back and sent a drop kick be- Lanum K. B Thissell tween the posts. Score: Staleys, 16; Substitutions — (Staleys) : Feitchinger Rockford, 0. for Halas, MacWherter for Lanum, Shoe- The third touchdown came in the third make for Petty, Dressen for Pearce, quarter on another march down the field Shank for Sternaman, Mintun for Traf- on straight football and short passes, the ton, Adkins for Jones. (Rockford): Daly attack carrying the pigskin to the two- for Johnson, Wiederquist for Ruckel, yard line, where Chamberlain again went Powell for Smith, Ambrose for Erickson, over. Blacklock kicked goal. Score: Sta- Kelly for Daly, Carlson for Powell. leys, 23; Rockford, 0. Score by quarters: The final touchdown was a gift. A Staleys 13 3 13 0—29 Rockford back permitted a Staley punt Rockford 0 0 0 0—0 to hit him and roll over the line, where Touchdowns — Sternaman (3), Cham- Chamberlain recovered it. Blacklock berlin. failed to kick goal. Score: Staleys, 29; Goals from touchdown—Blacklock (2). Rockford, 0. Drop kick—Conzelman. Halas Injured Referee—Wood (Chicago). The Rockford athletes were not the Umpire—Millard (Wesleyan). only ones to suffer injuries, for Coach Head linesman—Osborne (Northwest- Halas received a bad bump on his jaw ern). HELD TO TIE SCORE of both elevens. Sternaman, 1'earce and On Sunday, November 7, the Stalcy Conzelman furnished the only long gains eleven met the Rock Island Independents for the Starchworkers and none of these at Rock Island for the second time this were over twenty yards. "Rube" Ursella season, and, although held to a tie by the gained the most ground for the Islanders, making two nice returns of Conzelman's Islanders, unbiased critics were of the attempted drop kicks. same opinion as the one formed during In the punting, Wenig had a big shade the first game, namely, that the Staleys over Conzelman and the Islanders gained have the Independents outclassed as a considerable ground through that fact, football team. but they had only one opportunity to Although we did not score, the only register and that through a kick. thing that prevented it was a muddy Too much credit cannot be given to field, which did not give the fast Staley the great playing of the Staley forward backs a chance to get started, being wall. Trafton played a whale of a game, downed by the heavy Islanders on nu- although he was a marked man because merous occasions. of some dizzy sport writer quoting him Twice during the game we carried the as saying he would get the Islander ball to the Islanders 20-yard line, where players. Conzelman attempted drop kicks without Jerry Jones and Blacklock, along with any success, owing to the heavy ball and Halas on one side of the line, were tear- mud. ing the Islanders to pieces on defense, The Islanders threatened just once, and while Chamberlain, Ingwersen and Petty they too resorted to a drop kick from the did not permit them to gain much ground same distance, but were also handicapped through their side of the line. by the mud and ball. The Staleys had hundreds of friends in Maintained Title the stands and left the field with the sat- As far as affecting their title of "West- isfaction of knowing they had the better ern Champions," a tic game was just as football team of the two. Again the great good to the Starchworkers as a victory, condition of the Halas crew showed up for they had already handed the chesty head and shoulders over the Islanders, Rock Island aggregation a walloping in not a substitution being made by the De- the first game, which should keep them catur team, while five of the Independ- from setting forth any legitimate claims ents were forced to leave the game at to the championship. different times. It was a bitter pill for their supporters to swallow, for after seeing their pets The Summary down the Chicago Cardinals 7 to 0 and Staleys— Rock Island— the Chicago Tigers 20 to 7, they had ex- Chamberlain L. E Wenig pected Ursella's men to grab the second Ingwersen L. T Shaw contest. Petty L. C Wylancl Poor Sports Trafton C Gunderson Jones R. G Denfield Never in the history of Staley athletics Blacklock R. T Healey have we ever seen such poor sportsman- ship on the part of an organization or Halas R. R Marshall Pearce Q. B Nichols its supporters as that of the Rock Island Conxelman L. H Novak Independents. Sternaman R. H Chicken Their mob staged a scene following Koehler F. B Smith the game, at which time they surrounded Substitutions—(Rock Island): Ursella the Staley players and officials, but like for Nichols, Fitzgerald for Wyla'nd, most cowards that make up mobs, waited Mockmore for Fitzgerald. Fitzgerald for until the team got into taxis before Gunderson, Kuehl for Chicken, Mans- someone hurled a pop bottle through the window. field for Smith. Since the Staley game the Islanders Score by quarters: have been tiechby a second-rate team out Staleys 0 0 0 0—0 of Chicago and handed a 21 to 0 defeat Rock Island 0 0 0 0—0 by the Dayton Triangles and have had Referee—Williams (Pittsburgh). their two games with the Canton Bull- Umpire—Barron (Iowa). dogs cancelled, so that they have had Head linesman—Lazarus (Drake). enough troubles without us heaping any more on them. CELEBRATE ARMISTICE DAY Back to the Game Just two years ago Thursday, Novem- Getting- back to the football game, it ber 11, many of the members of the Sta- was simply a case of defense on the part ley football eleven were made happy, along with thousands of others, by the Substitutions—(Staleys): Mintun for signing of the armistice. Trafton, Lanum for Koehler, Adkins for This year these same fellows celebrated Petty, Shoemake for Jones. (Champaign): the occasion by taking a trip to Cham- Weiss for Areldge. * paign, where they defeated the American Score by quarters: Legion team of that place, 20 to 0, before Staleys 6 7 7 0—20 a small sized crowd that went out to Mc- Champaign 0 0 0 0—0 Kinley Field. Touchdowns—Sternaman (3). ( The mercury was down around the Goals from touchdowns — Sternaman freezing point, or below if anything, to- (2). gether with a raw wind that swept the Referee—Brown (1 llinois). field, and only the fact that there were a Umpire—Millard (Illinois Wesleyan). number of former Illinois stars playing Head linesman—Griffith (Drake). with the Starchworkers brought out the few hundred that did brave the elements. With a trip to Minneapolis in mind, the DEFEAT MARINES team did not show its real ability on the On Sunday, November 14, the Starch- gridiron and simply walked through a workers made a long tiresome trip to 20 to 0 victory. The Legioners did not Minneapolis, Minn., where they played have anything to offer that could stop the famous Minneapolis Marines, win- the Halas machine and it was more like ning by a score of 3 to 0 on a fro/.en a practice scrimmage on Staley Field. gridiron. Curzon and Richmond, a forward pass- Having played a hard game with Rock ing combination, did awaken the Starch- Island the Sunday before and at Cham- workers with a couple of beautiful gains, paign just three days previous, the but that was only a flash in the pan. Starchworkers were far from being in About fifty Staley rooters made the their usual form. trip for the game, but most of them hud- Three times they had the ball on the dled around a fire built by some young- Marines two-yard line but failed to put sters to keep warm. Sternaman did a lot it over, and that is enough to convince of ground gaining for the team, but the their supporters that there was some- fellows accused him of having a girl out thing radically wrong, for that backfield there, which accounted for the activity on doesn't generally perform like that. the part of the "Flying Dutchman." Through the courtesy of the. sports tialas, Ingwersen, Petty, Lanum and editor of the Minneapolis Tribune, we Shoemake also had a number of their give you herewith his account of the old-time friends present to see them per- game, as published in his issue of Mon- form, while the other stars on the club, day, November IS: who the Illinois rooters knew only by "Minneapolis, Minn., Nov. 15.—Putting press reports, attracted a lot of attention. up one of the gamest battles ever seen With the exception of Bob Koehler, on a Minneapolis gridiron, the Marines who received a bad crack on the nose, went down to 3 to 0 defeat yesterday at none of the athletes were hurt in the the hands of George Halas' Staley eleven least bit. Practically every one that made from Decatur, 111. the trip broke into the contest, but all "It might be more fitting to say they were pulling for the old whistle to sound went down to defeat before the toe of and end the game. 'Dutch' Sternaman, former Illini star and Major Griffith, former head coach at demon halfback of the visiting aggrega- Drake U and now in the coaching school tion. This midget was the Staley offense at Illinois, acted »s an official at the in one choice bundle yesterday and he game. He is one of the well-known ath- tore through the Marines like paper, letic men of the country. whereas the locals' forward wall stopped the other advances of the all-stars. The Summary Staleys— Champaign— Marines Stage Comeback Chamberlain L. \L Davis "So sensational was the comeback Ingwersen L. T Areldge staged by the Marines in the last quarter Petty L. G 11 arm on that the small crowd which braved the Traf ton C Bailey elements to witness the battle was on Tones R. G Nelson the ragged edge of hysteria pulling for a Blacklock K. T Smith. touchdown, but the locals were unable to Halas R. V, Richmond connect with their aerial attack. Pearce Q. B Curzon "Twice in the first half a heroic Marine Sternaman L. II Carr defense, with the ball on the three-yard Conzelman R. H Myers line, prevented a touchdown, while Ster- Koehler K. I! Lewis naman also missed a goal from place- meat. The Marine power on attack was Goal from placement—Sternaman. nil during the first two periods, but in the Referee—Ecklund (Minnesota). third quarter they played the Staleys on Umpire—Moore (Boston College). even terms and outgained them in the Head linesman—Lund (Iowa). closing period. WIN AT HOME Stei-naman Boots One. Three thousand fans journeyed to Sta- "Kicking off to start the second half, ley Field Sunday, November 21, to see the Marines were pushed down the field the western champions defend their title to the 20-yard line, where Sternaman against the Hammond, Ind., eleven. dropped back to the 25-yard mark and Coach Halas' men did the job up in booted over the total score with a per- great shape, defeating the Hoosiers by fect placement kick. a score of 28 to 7 in a great exhibition "A barrage of aerial heaves near the of football. The Starchworkers showed close of the game kept the Staleys in a diversified attack, running the ends, their own territory, while the Marines smashing the line and then putting over tried frantically to push the ball over, but two touchdowns with the use of the for- each time as victory seemed to wait on ward pass. the next pass, Sternaman or Conzelman Four fine heaves from Jimmy Conzel- would intercept and turn the tide. Melly man to Chamberlain and Halas brought Nelson was sent in at center in the clos- the spectators to their feet when the ing three minutes of play to tie the score Coach raced over the line on two of with a drop kick and he tried twice, poor them for touchdowns. passes foiling his attempts each time. Hammond presented their strongest Once the kick was blocked and Nelson front of the year, having the aid of three recovered it, to immediately try again Chicago Tiger stars in the persons of Gil without success. Falcon, the hard-driving back; Knop, the Staleys Are Powerful former Illinois U end, and Rydzenski, who gained his spurs with Notre Dame. "The Staleys are all that has been said of them, but the Marines outshone all Big First Half previous efforts, and George Halas said It was in the first half of the game after the game the locals made more that the Staley machine put up a great ground against his cohorts in the second exhibition of football, piling up a score half than the Rock Island eleven did in of 21 points during that session of the a whole game. contest. "Outside of Sternaman, the Staley The visitors were unable to check the backfield was practically helpless, but hard driving interference of the red jer- this man was just as elusive as when he seyed athletes, and but for a couple of was wont to slip past Gopher tacklers on untimely fumbles, we would have added Northrop held. Trafton at center was a one or two more counters during the tower of strength on the line, while period. Chamberlain, also played well. Christen- On one of the touchdowns Jake Lanum son, Tersch, Irgens and Cleve did the drove off tackle for a 23-yard sprint to best work for the Marines, with Samp- the goal line, while on the other "Dutch" son punting excellently." Sternaman squirmed his way through the The Summary Hammond men for a 14-yard run and score. Staleys— Marines— A 37-yard pass to Guy Chamberlain that Chamberlain L. E Christenson carried the ball to the visitors' 15-yard Tngwersen L. T Palmer line, followed by another beautiful heave Petty L. G Tersch from Conzelman to Halas over the line, Trafton C H anson just ten seconds before the half ended, Tones R. G Gaustad gave us the third touchdown. Blacklock !R. T Krickson Halas R. E Rccleen Visitors Show Fight Pearce Q. B Irgens Sternaman I.. H Samnson Taking the field for the start of the second half the Hammond eleven showed Conzelman R. H Cleve all sorts of comeback, and after plunging Koehler F. B Sundby the line for several short gains, opened Substitutions— (Minneapolis) : Nelson up a barrage of forward passes that for Hanson. finally ended in Hess going over, after Score by quarters: eluding the Staley backs and prabbing a Staleys .0 0 3 0—3 well-directed shot from Specht. Marines .0 0 0 0—0 The Halas crew showed the old spirit 10 and played the visitors off their feet fol- Notre Dame, although bothered with an lowing the touchdown, but lost an oppor- injured thumb, played his same star tunity to score in the third period on game, while Ross Petty and Hubbard account of a fumble. Shoemake, who took his place when the hi the fourth quarter, Charlie Dressen, 1 llinois man was injured, piled up the who had been sent in to relieve "Pard" hard-plunging Gillo and Falcon on many -Pearce, put us in a position to score by occasions. returning' a punt thirty-seven yards to the Hammond eight-yard line. Reserves Have Chance Two smashes brought it up to the one- Shank, Dressen and Mintun were given yard mark, but on the next play the ball an opportunity to show their worth dur- was fumbled and recovered by Ham- ing the last half and each performed in a mond back of the line for a touchback. creditable manner. Shank negotiated The Indiana eleven was soon forced to twenty-eight yards against the visitors in punt, but the Starchworkers could not his attempts with the ball, while Charlie gain, and Conzelman booted the ball Dressen pulled the neatest run of the day down the field. when he returned Hess' punt thirty-seven George Halas intercepted a pass in thy yards. center of the gridiron and then a pass Jack Mintun hasn't lost any of his old from Conzelman to Chamberlain carried fight and played a whale of a defensive the ball to the visitors' 26-yard line. The game during the fourth period of the next play was another beautiful pass to game. Jack had a hard man to succeed, Halas over the goal line. Blacklock kicked for this fellow Trafton is just about the his fourth goal, for a total of 28 points. big noise in every Staley game. Although Lanum and Petty were both Show Great Form forced out of the game by injuries, it is Those who saw the contest were loud expected they will both be able to take in their praise for the Staley eleven and part in the Chicago Tiger game on it wasn't any wonder to the crowd why Thanksgiving Day in Chicago. they had been able to win the title of Western Champions. Gillo Real Fullback The interference furnished the man The feature of the visitors' play was with the ball in the first half was the best the plunging of Gillo, the former Colgate ever seen in Decatur, while the well- star, named on Walter Camp's 1919 All- directed forward passes of Conzelman American team. He caused the locals a brought the crowd to its feet during the lot of trouble during the game and was game. ably assisted by Hess, the former Indiana No one man stood out above the other, U star, and Specht. In the line, Louie Halas having a well-drilled machine, with Kohls, Rydzenski and Knop, another Illi- every cog doing its part during the entire nois U man, were the greatest assets of play. the visitors. Pearce and Sternaman returned punts Gil Falcon, playing a tackle on defense, in their old-time style, gaining 97 yards also broke through several times and in this deoartment of the game. Lanum backed up the line in good shape. and Sternaman hit off tackles for big Hammond really expected to win from gains or skirted the ends when called the Halas crew, but after the game said upon, as did Pearce and Conzelman. they would back the Starchworkers Besides nabbing passes in an uncanny against any team in the country, and they manner, Halas and Chamberlain were have been up against Canton, Dayton, down the field like a streak on punts, the Cleveland and other fast professional ma- visitors returning them but fifteen yards chines. in six tries. It was one of the cleanest professional Their defensive play was also high games the officials had ever worked in, class, very few yards being made around according to their statements, good feel- the wings. In the line it was the same ing being displayed between the men at old story. The Starchworkers are known all times, although they fought hard. the country over for having the best for- ward wall in the professional game, and The Summary it's hard to pick a star out of that stone- Staleys— Hammond— wall defense. Chamberlain L. E Johnson Blacklock and Ingwersen at the tackles, Ingwersen L. T Rydzenski although playing against some clever Petty L. G Oltz men, were through time and time again Trafton C Kohls to stop their man before he reached the Tones R. G Davis line of scrimmage. Blacklock R. T Bashaw Jerry Jones, that old war-horse from Halas R. E Knop 11 Pearce Q. B Hess extending to them every courtesy. These Sternaman L. H Specht gentlemen are doing a great deal of val- Lanuni R. H Gillo uable work for industrial athletics; they Koehler F. H Falcon are unqualifiedly fo_r sport as a valuable Substitutions — (Staleys): Conzelman adjunct to industrial welfare and both for Lanum, Shoemake for Petty, Shank men are giving liberally of their time and for Sternaman, Dressen for J'earce, Ster- money to put industrial athletics in Illi- naman for Shank, Mintun for Trafton. nois on a high plane. Every one who (Hammond): Robinson for Johnson, made the trip to Decatur will always re- Pleska for Specht. member with pleasure the fine treatment Score by quarters: that was afforded them, and none will Staley 7 14 0 7—28 ever regret the athletic connection that Hammond 0 0 7 0— 7 has been made with the Staley company, Touchdowns — L a n u m , Sternaman, which is the greatest independent corn Halas (2), Hess. products company in the world." Goals after touchdown—Blacklock (4), Kohls. Presiding over the class in advanced Referee—Moore (Boston Tech). mathematics, the Harvard professor call- Umpire—Mi Hard (Wesleyan). ed upon the fat student to rise and eluci- Head linesman—Penhallegon (Wa- date the binomial theorem. The fat one bash). stood up and complacently remarked Time of quarters—15 minutes. that the problem was too deep for him, and, begging to be excused for his delin- quency, he sat clown. Given Fine Reception "You seem to be better fed than The editor takes pleasure in reprinting taught," said the professor, sarcastically. from the Kewanee Union, published by "Yes, sir," replied that fat student. the Walworth Company of Kewanee, the "You teach me, but I feed myself!" following tribute to the courtesy and ef- ficiency of the Staley organization and He Figured It Out its officials: "One of the outstanding features of Old Giles was taking out an insurance the Walworth-Kewanee football squad's policy on his life, and he and his wife trip to Decatur to play the wonderful were puzzling over the forms that had Staley aggregation was the fine, hospit- arrived for him to sign. able manner in which our team members "Yer see this?" said Giles; "it says, were treated by the various people con- 'Age of father, if living.' 1 suppose I nected with the Staley company. This must fill it in." trip was the first out-of-town trip ever The form was at last filled, and a few- made by our football organization and it days later Giles received a visit from the will always be memorable for the fine agent. treatment they received, if for nothing: "What do you mean by your form?" else. Arriving in Decatur they were met said the agent. by representatives of the Staley com- "You state your father's age as 110. pany, who, after providing a dinner, fur- That is ridiculous." nished a special street ear to take the "No, it ain't," replied Giles, "your form boys out to the Staley works and ath- says, 'if living,' and that's the age he'd letic field, where the game was played. be if he was alive now." Mr. A. E. Staley, the owner of the Staley company; Mr. Chamberlain, the general Husband — I see young Brown's life manager; Morgan O'Brien, safety engi- was saved by the bullet hitting; a button. near, and Manager George Halas of the Rather a remarkable ecsapc for a mar- football team did everything they could ried man, eh? to make the boys feel at home and pro- Wife—But why for a married man? vide for their comfort. A very fine dress- Husband—Well, the button must have \n on, my dear. ing room for the athletes, that is equip- ped with shower baths and lockers is pro- Dobbs—"Time must hang heavily on vided, all equipped with massage tables your hands." for the players. The playing field, which Nobbs—"Why?" is a fine athletic field—one of the best in Dobbs—"Well, you wear such a large- Illinois—adjoins the factory; a fine grand wrist watch." stand and covered bleachers surround the field and next spring a larger .grand stand George—"That horse knows as much addition is to be made to the field. Mr. as I do." Staley and Mr. Chamberlain both per- Clara—"Well, don't tell anybody. You sonally made the local boys feel at home, might want to sell him some day." 12 SflCDTY IftCflS

tn. P. O'Brien, Safety Engineer

The fact that the safety idea is taking cars for years without causing an injury root in the minds of people generally is and when the safety idea is more gen- indicated by the wide observance of "No erally driven home there will be a larger Accident Week" in cities throughout the number of those so-called "careful driv- country recently. The real concrete re- ers" and the number of injuries from this sults of studied accident prevention by cause will fall in proportion. the people of a community for such a One of the most cheering results of the short period as seven days show what teaching of safety is the frequent sight may be accomplished when every man, of little children stopping at the street woman and child realizes that injuries curb and looking both ways before at- may be done away with and when they tempting a crossing. This can be attrib- go about their daily affairs with this con- uted to the teaching of the rudiments of stantly in mind. safety in the schools and through news- The spectacular accidents, generally paper and magazine articles in the home. those of traffic, either of railroad, street There can be no doubt that within a car or motor car origin, on account of short time there will be regular instruc- their happening in a public place, are the tion along these lines in all schools and ones most noticed, and toward the pre- the practical results will be such that the vention of which most newspaper prop- future generations will wonder at the aganda is directed. In the European careless days when safety was considered countries the number of railroad crossing merely a fad. accidents is almost nothing, and this re- sult has been obtained by very severe The Englishman boasts he is a self- laws punishing those who take chances made man and he worships his maker. such as are taken in this country every The Scotchman keeps the "Sawbeth" day. and everything else he can lay his hands It is an offense punishable by a fine on. to even walk along a railroad track, The Welshman prays to the Almighty while in Decatur, as in other places, very on Sunday and on everyone else for the often a railroad track is used as a high- rest of the week. way and occasionally we read of some The Irishman doesn't know what he man killed on his way to or from work. wants and won't be happy till he gets it. People as yet fail to realize that in cross- —Dodge News. ing a railroad track before an oncoming train, the train has the right of way, and that if they and the locomotive reach the The Whistle on the Steamer crossing at the same time the human is Do you remember Lincoln's story the one to suffer. about the little steamer with the big With the rapid growth of the use of whistle? Every time they tooted the the automobiles in the past few years the whistle it blew off so much steam that list of accidents has grown in proportion. the boat stopped running. That's the way It seems to be the ambition of some peo- with lots of people today. If they would ple to beat a railroad train to a crossing. only use their energy to drive the pad- Sometimes they accomplish this, very dle wheel of opportunity instead of etern- often they fail, and then there is another ally blowing the whistle of discontent headlined story with its repetition of fa- they would find themselves going up the miliar details. stream of success so danged fast that Some, with apparently no regard for the barnacles of failure wouldn't have a the rights or safety of others, approach chance in the world to hook onto their cross streets at a high rate of speed, with little craft.—Dodge News. the inevitable result that if some person, either carelessly or not, attempts to cross Edith was admiring her new frock. their path, there will be a serious acci- "Isn't it wonderful," she said, "that all dent. There are in many places laws and this silk comes from an insignificant ordinances regulating direction of traffic, worm!" but thoughtless violation of such a law "Edith, is it necessary to refer to your should not be considered sufficient excuse father in that way?" her mother inquired for a serious accident. Many persons run reproachfully. 13 First Impressions of South America

Mr. Galloway has received a letter ping to see a rock formation or to enjoy from our former editor, Mrs. Suddarth, an exceptional view. written on board the S. S. Vasari, Octo- "In the afternoon we went to the top ber 3, in which she gives an interesting1 of Sugar Loaf, one of the peaks which account of her travels thus far. She rises at the entrance of the harbor. It is writes: approximately 1,300 feet high, and it is reached by a car which is pulled from "We expect to arrive in Montevideo one point to the next by a cable. It tomorrow. We should have arrived there swayed in the wind considerably on tin- tonight (they say), but for a dense fog first leg of the trip and it certainly did which envelops ns. The old steamboat give one a ticklish sensation to look a whistle barks out about every other min- thousand feet below. But the view from ute now. the top is beyond comparison. "We left New York September 11 and "Rio seemed decidedly picturesque. it seemed like a long time before we ar- Horses can't stand the climate, so little rived in Rio de Janeiro last Wednesday donkeys are used for hauling. And they morning;. However, the voyage had been always have a bell tinkling about them. delightful almost all the time—a slight But the favorite method of transporta- blow last Sunday. It was chilly when we tion seems to be on top of a man's head. left Sandy Hook but grew warm over "On the mountain ride we saw cream- night, and seemed like summer most of colored oxen yoked to draw a clumsy the way. Now it is cool again. looking two-wheeled cart. The people "After seeing Rio I have wondered seemed primitive enough, although the whether that city was included in your men and women who promenaded on the travels. 1 never expect to see a more Avenida were altogether 'dressed up.' It beautiful place. We entered the harbor seemed to me that the women are more at sunrise. Mountains could be seen on fashionable than those on Fifth Avenue1. all sides. At the water's edge, on the "At night, the drive around the bay is west, the city of Rio gleamed pink and well lighted, making the place seem as white in the sunlight. The bay was very much a fairyland as in daylight. They blue and almost covered with various say there is no speed limit there, and ver- kinds of craft. The British and Ameri- ily I believe it, for the taxis just tear can residence section lies along a beach. along. The houses are brightly colored or white, "We were invited out to dinner in a dainty looking structures. Flowers were private home that night and I'm thinking in bloom in those yards of which we it is too bad some of the Staleyites were could catch a glimpse. For the most part not there to enjoy it. It was very appar- they were hidden by high walls. It was ent that we were no longer within the the first time I had seen poinsettias grow- bounds of the U. S. A. We ate outdoors ing. in the patio, and it looked for all the "The mountains appear to be solid world like a stage setting—even to a big granite. I asked the young man who full moon coming up over Sugar Loaf. served as our guide if there were mines "Saw a whale last Sunday, a school of in them. He replied that there were all sharks and a number of porpoise. We've kinds of minerals, but no capital to keep had tournaments and sports galore, danc- the mines going or to open new ones, ing and a good time generally. The ship and that foreign capital was discouraged. is British, and from Captain Penrice Trie entrance to the harbor (which is down to Boots the crew seems interested about thirty miles long) is narrow, and in our comfort and happiness. by placing guns on both sides is very "I often think of you all back there easily and effectively fortified. and am eager to receive a Journal. How ' "Our party numbers six—all of the is football coming this year? American Express Company. We were "Regards to everybody. met at Rio by the agent of the company there, who saw to it that we made good "DOROTHY B. SUDDARTH." use of the day there. We went first on an automobile trip through the mountains If the mariner's wise he looks in the which are covered with tropical growth, skies although it is now their early spring. We To see what he is about; went first to Alto Boa Vista to see a And he never expects any ships to come beautiful waterfall. Thence in and out in among the mountains, occasionally stop- If he hasn't sent any ships out. 14 Transportation Club Pisits Staleu's

, The Transportation Club and its out- "It is a matter of real misfortune that of-town visitors who came to attend the because of his unexpected and unavoid- meeting and banquet at the Hotel Or- able absence he is unable to meet you all lando were guests of the Staley company personally today. You, who do not know at luncheon on Wednesday, October 27. him, would, I am sure, be very much> About one hundred were present, includ- surprised to find him young—a shade ing representatives of the Illinois Cen- over fifty—vigorous, aggressive, with an tral, the Pennsylvania, the Wabash and ambition as limitless as in his youth, and the C. I. & W. strengthened by a wonderfully increased ability to accomplish. Address by Mr. Chamberlain "We, who arc in daily, sometimes The visitors were welcomed by Mr. C. hourly, contact with him do not look C. LeForgee, general counsel for the upon him as a multi-millionaire or as an Staley company, who was introduced by inaccessible leader of a great industry. Mr. Wolf, and acted as chairman of the To us he is a fine executive—a broad- meeting. minded tolerant gentleman—a great- Mr. Chamberlain made the principal hearted, liberal, loving friend and asso- address, sketching the history and scope ciate. of the glucose and starch industry, and "In his stead I again welcome you." of the Staley company in particular. He said, in part: See the Plant "This industry practically originated in After luncheon the visitors made an in- 1870 and has grown with great rapidity, spection tour of the plant and later were as evidenced by the following1 figures taken by automobile to see the Staley showing annual consumption of corn, at dam and pumping station. Each guest ten-year periods: was presented with a box of Staley's 1870, bushels ground per year, None cream cornstarch and a can of Staley 1880, bushels ground per year, 6,000,000 syrup. 1890, bushels ground per year, 15,000,000 1900, bushels ground per year, 30,000,000 Father Knows a Few Things 1910, bushels ground per year, 40,000,000 How many buttons are missing today? 1920, bushels ground per year, 75,000,000 Nobody knows but mother. "At the beginning of this period there How many playthings are strewn in her was but one principal product, namely, way? table syrup. At the present time there Nobody knows but mother. are twenty-six principal products. The How many thimbles and spools has she industry today represents an investment missed? of about $50,000,000 and employs approx- How many hurts on each small, dimpled imately 10,000 people. It has a total of fist? out-bound tonnage of 21A million tons: How many bumps to be cuddled and an annual in and out movement of cars kissed? of 112,000, or about 375 cars in and out Nobody knows but mother. * * * per day. The manufactured product is shipped to every part of the civilized What was the price of mother's fall coat? world, excepting Russia. * * * Nobody knows but father. "The A. E. Staley Manufacturing Com- Who is it gets Dad's financial goat? pany was originated about 1900 by A. E. Nobody knows but father. Staley. At that time Mr. Staley had a Is mother, dear, at the movies tonight capital of about $1,500.00 and a consum- While poor old Dad gets his own cold ing ambition. For twenty years that re- bite lentless, restless ambition has driven him And sits alone iu the dim twilight? night and day without intermission. Ob- Nobody knows but father. stacles were to him only incentives. They spurred him to renewed efforts and How much is a leg of lamb right now, greater successes. Or a dozen eggs, or a slice of cow? "Today that $1,500.00 has grown into Nobody knows but father. many millions. The unknown boy from Who is it suffers from chilly feet the mountains of North Carolina has be- Trying in vain to make both ends meet— come the largest independent factor in Struggling Old H. C. L. to beat? this great industry. He is strictly a self- Nobody knows but father. . made man and is a credit to his maker. —Eagle A. Unity. 15 The Transportation Cli JB qn|Q uc Qreatesl IDorkers of History

John Harrison The clocks of that day were something like the tall grandfather clocks that are You were once on the ocean. Or you sometimes used at the present day. They have a friend who was. Or at any rate had a long pendulum and weights on your ancestors came across from some- chains. Two things made this plan of where on a boat. How did the captain of construction faulty on shipboard. The the ship know his way into port? How sway of the ship .affected the swing of does it come .that any vessel can find its the pendulum, and the changes in tem- way on the trackless ocean? perature made the balances vary. Answer: Because John Harrison, car- ' penter and mechanic, made a clock over Harrison, after long study, finally two hundred years ago which was the solved these difficulties. He had noticed first timepiece to tell the hours accur- that some metals are more easily ately on shipboard. stretched or shortened by heat or cold than others. So he made a balance of Must Have Right Time at Sea two plates of steel and brass riveted to- A sailor figures where he is on the gether. The difference in-the way these ocean by using certain factors according two metals responded to the weather to the exact hour of the day. Until acted as a check on each, so that the Harrison built his clock the seamen had balance adjusted itself. Then, as a sub- to make a rough guess at their course. stitute for the swinging pendulum, he Columbus guessed. He found the New invented a series of springs to take its World, and landed down around Cuba. place, much as the hair-spring and wheel The next people to come over Hit up take the place of the pendulum in the around Newfoundland. Another .boatload watches of today. set ashore at Virginia. These inventions took time, patience The British Parliament of those days and money. He kept investing all his realized that that was a bad state "of~af- spare cash, which was very little, in his fairs, and in 1714 offered a prize of 20,000 -f business. Finally, after seven years of pounds, or about $100,000, to anyone who trying, he turned out a clock which he would make a clock which could find the believed would keep actual time at sea. location of a ship within thirty miles. For twenty-two years no one tried for He went up to London in 1735 expect- the prize. No one could figure out how ing to get his reward. 'But no. The judges to earn that $100,000. Then John Harri- said the thing was impossible. No one son grew up. had built a good sea-clock. Why should He was born at the village of Foulby, a poor, uneducated carpenter be able to England, in 1693. His father was a car- do it! But the Lord of the Admiralty penter. John went to school until he was was on the look-out for anything that seven years old. Then, barely able to would aid the Navy. He gave the clock read and write, he went into his father's a trial trip in a boat called the "Centur- workshop. ion." It worked. Figurings, by the clock kept the boat exactly on its course, when Was a Good Carpenter the captain's guess by the old methods He became a good carpenter, and was had been ninety miles out of the way. especially interested in wheels. By the , time he was twenty-two years old he had Harrison was very happy. He went up built a wooden clock so well that it c,on- to London for the reward once more. tinued to mark the hours for over 100 Not so again. Parliamentary committee years after his death. members wagged their heads. They said Harrison saw, though, that a wooden the clock was too large. clock couldn't stand being knocked Harrison was out of money, so the around very much, so he started.to work, committee advanced, him a little to go with metal. He collected books and pa- on experimenting. He built another time- pers on the making of timepieces. He piece. Still' they were not convinced. He studied these night after night. made a third. No nrize, always some ex- His place of business wa's' riot'far from cuse, He then made a fourth clock which the ocean, and lie early became interested was only five inches across and kept per- in clocks which would give* 'service on fect time on land or sea. But they still shipboard. Then, sometime in the early would not grant his claims. He was able years of his life, be heard 'of the great to keep going chiefly because the King prize and determined to win it. of Sardinia recognized his genius, and 18

•• placed an order for four clocks at a large the bacon;" in the second, he would have sum. saved ammunition. Then apply this to Harrison Despairs the man out for a job, whether it be as Finally Harrison despaired of winning an operator on a steam shovel, as a pres- the grand prize. He wrote to Parliament: ident of a corporation, as a clerk in a "I thank God I can be more easy in that dry goods store or as a pitman: Hit that T have the conquest, though I have no job hard or don't take it at all. Aim to reward, than if I had come short of the hit or don't shoot.—The Excavating En- matter and by some delusion had the re- gineer. ward." This appeal to public opinion put the Death's Door prize board to shame, and at length, in A Georgia man, whose wife swallowed 1773, he was paid in full. This was forty- poison by mistake, wrote the following five years after the beginning of his ex- message to a city doctor: periments, when he was at the age of My Dear Doc: My wife is at the door eighty. of death; please come at once and see if All Time Honors Him you can pull her through. John Harrison is dead. But some of his clocks may be seen in England to- day. And the safety of those at sea is made sure, because a carpenter and me- chanic followed his ideal unceasingly un- til his victory was won. W. T. ^ •^3$K&S0W''*7 (Copyright, 1920, by Business Feature Syndicate)

Aim to Hit, or Don't Shoot You may not have heard of the cau- tious hunter who went forth to hunt deer, and when the deer appeared, aimed to hit it if it was a deer or miss it if it should happen to be a calf. It is a foregone conclusion that whether it was a deer or a calf, it escaped with an unpunctured hide, and our hunter had one cartridge less in his belt. Many of us, however, have become ac- quainted at one time, or another with the citizen who hoped to make good on the job which he obligingly took, .with the aim-to work if he wanted to, or to loaf if the loafing was good. If. we were ob- servant we might have noticed that this citizen ended up in one of a few-ways: He either ended by getting fired, by get- ting someone else fired or by firing the sparks of dissension on the jot), which resulted in the end in loss to the contrac- tor, loss to the men and delay, inconven- ience and higher prices for the public. Krom the point of view of the welfare of mankind such a citizen deserves noth- ing and by all that is honest and square, should get nothing. If his boss is a bum, SOClt\U( or if his job is one that doesn't suit him, HUNCr -op he can exercise his American privilege STOCKING- /^NJ> GOT f\T f\S TWO sitses UNJ.ESS and quit, something he can't do in Russia. But right here is the point. If our cau- tious hunter had made sure first whether it was or was not a deer, and then fired to hit or fired not at all, what would have been the result? In the first case, if he were a good YOU ARE. I'M IT". hunter, he would have "come home with 19 TAKE A BOOK HOME Wright—"At the Sign of the Fox." Wyatt—"True Love." A new collection of books has just been received from the Public Library Non-Fiction as this Journal goes to press. Look over Barker—"Three Plays." the list of authors and titles 'and see if Bolton—"Famous Leaders Among there aren't some that will interest you. Men." Broadhurst—"Home and Community Fiction Hygiene." Dilnot—"Lloyd George." Bates—"Geranium Lady." Dunn—"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy." Belasco—"Girl of the Golden West." Dodge—"He Made His Wife His Part- Bland—"Red House." ner." Bosher—"His Friend McFarland." Duryea & Homans—"A u t o in o b i 1 e Brainerd—"How Could You, Jean!" Book." Chambers—-"Some Ladies in Haste." Farrington—"Practical Rabbit Keep- Clemens—"A Horse's Tale." ing." Cotes—"Crow's Nest." Fielde—"Chinese Fairy Tales." Curwood — "Courage of Madge Gallaher—"Best Lincoln Stories." O'Doone." Galsworthy—"Justice." Daviess—"Golden Bird." Hanson—"Commercial Egg Farming." Daviess—"The Matrix." Harkins—"Little Pilgrimages Among Davis—"Soldiers of Fortune." Men Who Have Written Famous Books." Foote—"Lucky Seven." Henderson—"Pay-Day." Harrison—"The Golden Galleon." Holme—"Life of Leonard Wood." Hough—"The Magnificent Adventure." Houghton—"Ilindle Wakes." Hungerford—"Little. Corky." Hubert—"Inventors." Jackson—"Daughter of the Pit." Ibsen—"Doll's House, Etc." Jameson—"The Silent Legion." Johnson—"Panama Canal and Com- Kauffman—"Azure Rose." merce." King—"Side of the Angels." Kirkpatrick—"Use of Money." Knibbs—"Tang of Life." Laut—"Story of the Trapper." Lee—"The Air-Man and the Tramp." Matthews—"Conservation of Water." Lee—"Taste of the Apples." Taber—"Business of the Household." Lefevre—"Simonetta." Van Dyke—"Spirit of America." Lloyd—"Stringtown on the Pike." Wheeler—"The Baby." Locke—"The Beloved Vagabond." Lockhart—"Fighting Shepherdess." The wife of a Methodist minister was Lynde—"The Honorable Senator Sage- greatly disturbed by the bishop's orders brush." to transfer her husband to another McCutcheon—"Day of the Dog." charge. She had recently succeeded in Maniates—"Penny of Top Hill Trail." starting a thriving garden, when alas, Moore—"Discovering Evelina." there came the bishop's commands to Nicholson—"House of a Thousand transfer. "Oh, gracious me!" sobbed the Candles." wife. "I pray for the day when I die and Nicholson—"Lady Larkspur." go to heaven, where I shall never see or Norris—"Josselyn's Wife." hear of a bishop." Orcutt—"The Spell." Oyen—"Gaston Olaf." Page—"On Newfound River." Page—"Shepherd Who Watched by Night." Phillips—"Social Secretary." Phillips—"Plain Mary Smith." Phillpotts—"Secret Woman." Piper—"Sylvia of the Hilltop." Richmond—"Red Pepper's Patients." Rohlfs—"Filigree Ball." Sawyer—"Herself, Himself and My- self." " Scott—"In Her Own Right." Tarkington—"Conquest of Canaan." Vance—"False Faces." Wells—"Diamond Pin." William, Edward, Katharine and Margaret Ken- Wright—"Shepherd of the Hills." niston, children of Percy Kenniston, of Building Wright—'"Winning of Barbara Worth." No. 17. 20 IPith the IDils

The pretty girl was eagerly watching a When General Leonard Wood was a drill of a camp when a rifle volley small boy he was called up in the gram- crashed out. With a surprised scream mar class. The teacher said: she shrank back into the arms of a young "Leonard, give me a sentence and we'll corporal standing beside her. "Oh, I beg see if you can change it into the impera- your pardon," she exclaimed, blushing. tive mood." "I was frightened by the rifles." "Quite "The horse draws the cart," said Leon- all right," said the corporal. "Let's go ard. over and watch the heavy artillery." "Very good. Now change the sentence to the imperative." A woman ordered a tombstone for her "Get up," said young Wood. late husband's grave. On the stone she had inscribed: "Rest in Peace." She ex- Philosopher's Wife—"Why, professor! pected her husband's insurance policy to Did you fall down those steps?" pay all the bills attending his demise, but Philosopher—"Yes, Mirandy, but it's investigation revealed that he had al- all right. I was going down, anyway." lowed his life insurance to lapse. The widow returned to the marble shop, and They had just became engaged. had a few words added to the inscription "I shall love," she cooed, "to share all so that the stone now reads: "Rest in your griefs and troubles." Peace—Till We Meet Again."—Lincoln "But, darling," he purred, "I have Life. none." "No." she agreed; "but I mean when we are married." She came down to breakfast very late and her mother scanned her severely. "Hid that man kiss you last night?" One in a Family her mother asked. Among the most prosperous citizens "Now, mother," said the sweet young of a certain town in the north of Ireland thing blushingly, "do you suppose he are two well-known brothers who are en- came all the way from the Great Lakes gaged in the retail coal business. to hear me sing?"—Jonesboro Grocer. In the early spring of the year a noted evangelist visited the town, and his fervid style of exhortation resulted in the con- Disheveled and weary, the stout subur- version of many sinners, among whom banite sank gasping on a seat in the rail- was the brother of the firm. way station and glared at the rear end of For weeks after his conversion, the the train he had just missed. brother who had lately "got religion" To him appeared the pompous, fussy endeavored to persuade the other to join station master. the church, but whenever the subject was "Were you trying to catch that train, broached the young man waived consid- sir?" he asked. eration thereof, absolutely declining to The panting would-be passenger eyed discuss the matter. One day the older him balefully for a second time before he brother was making another effort to hissed in reply: convince the erring one of his mistake "Oh, no. I merely wished to chase it and he asked: out of the station." "Why can't you, Richard, join the church as I did?" "Witness," asked the attorney for the "It's all right for you to be a member defense who was trying to prove the tem- of the church," replied Richard, but if I porary insanity of the prisoner, "was it join who's going to weigh the coal?" this man's habit to talk to himself when alone?" Stonewall Jackson Smith was looking- "Jest at this time," came the answer, for work and Barney was asking him the "I don't recolleck ever bein' with him usual question. when he was alone." "What's your name?" "Stonewall Jackson Smith, suh." Instructor in Public Speaking—"What "How old are you?" is the matter with you, Mr. Jones, can't "Ahs twenty-seven yeahs old, suh." you speak any louder? Be more enthu- "Are you married?" siastic. Open your mouth and throw "No suh. Dat scar heah on mah head yourself into it." is wheah a mule done kicked me." 21 Conducted by Miss L. A. Harkins, Home Advisor of Macon County

Merry Christmas names are used almost synonymously. Jacob Riis, in answer to the question, "Is Now Christmas comes, 'tis fit that we Should feast and sing, and merry be. there a Santa Claus?" says: "Santa Claus is the spirit of Christmas, and evdr and Keep open house, let fiddlers play, ever so many years ago, when the dear A fig for cold, sing care away. little baby was born after whom we call Christmas means that we celebrate the Christmas, and was cradled in a manger birth of the Christ child. In most homes out in the stable because there was not it is the most sacred of all the days of room in the inn, the Spirit came into the the year. It is a season for hospitality, world to soften the hearts of men and good will, good cheer, charity and love. make them love one another. Therefore, Washington Irving says it is "the sea- that is the mark of the spirit to this day. son for gathering together of family con- Don't let anybody or anything rub it out; nections and drawing closer again those the rest doesn't matter." bands of kindred hearts, which the cares From earliest time s, houses and and pleasures and sorrows of the world churches have been decorated for the are continually operating to cast loose; Christmas season. Everyone loves the of'calling back the children of a family, Christmas colors, scarlet and green. The who have launched forth in life, and wan- holly is always popular and of late years dered widely asunder, once more to as- the poinsettia is as often used. semble about the paternal hearth, that It is a pretty custom to have a big red rallying place of the affections, there to calico stocking with white toes, heels and grow young and loving again among the tops for each member of the family. endearing mementoes of childhood." They can be hung about the fireplace or Almost from the birth of Christianity, some convenient place a few days before Christmas has been kept as a day full of Christmas. The children love to fill them joy and thanksgiving. The early colon- as the packages come in the mail. These ists brought the Christmas customs from stockings make nice Christmas gifts. the old country. Children look for fun at Christmas, and The Dutch settlers celebrated St. Nich- it takes just a little time to make "fun- olas day which came on December 7. It makers" for the table from fruit. The is said that the children tried for weeks raisin can be turned into a turtle, with to be good because the good saint left five cloves for head and feet and a drop gifts only for good boys and girls. On of white icing for the eyes. What little St. Nicholas Eve, the children in New child does not love a marshmallow man Netherlands placed their wooden shoes made from three marshmallows, fastened in the chimney place for the good saint together with a tooth pick! The top to fill. marshmallow is the head and has cur- The English colonists celebrated on rants for eyes and a bit of red cherry for December 25, and the children hung up the mouth. He looks fine in a prune hat. their stockings. By the beginning of the nineteenth century, St. Nicholas was YULETIDE GAIETY coming Christmas Eve, instead of De- cemjier 6, and both English and Dutch Fagots children were hanging up stockings for If there is a fire burning, mindful of St. Nicholas to fill, and both were sing- the ancient Yule log, present each guest ing: with a small bunch of fagots. One of the guests places his bundle on the fire 'Twas the nigtt before Christmas, when and starts to tell a story. When his fag- all thro' the house, ots are burned, the next guest has his Xot a creature was stirring, not even a turn. Instead of relating a story, each mouse; guest can perform some stunt, or tell of The stockings were hung by the chimney his most embarrassing or most exciting with care, experience during the year. In hopes that St. Nicholas would soon be there. A Musical Race Instead of St. Nicholas, most children The juveniles love to play this game, today look for Santa Claus. The two and maybe the grownups will also. Little 22 souvenirs are wrapped in large packages, Chop fine one package figs. using a g'reat deal of tissue paper. A Chop fine three ounces beef suet. lively march is played on the piano. The Two heaping cups soft bread crumbs guests, carrying their packages on (use bread two days old; omit crust). spoons, march around the room. If suc- Steam three hours in buttered mold, or cessful in carrying their bundles without in cups steam one hour. dropping them, the fortunate ones may Sauce: keep them, but those who are not so One egg, beaten slightly. fortunate must march until they can Addfive-sixth scu p sugar: beat. ' make the rounds without dropping their Add one-fourth cup scalded milk. packages. Flavor. Stocking Game Date Pudding Stretcli a ribbon across the room. To One cup dates. this attach red card-board stockings of Half cup nuts. different sizes. The guests in turn try to One tablespoon sugar. hit the stockings with bubbles blown Half cup bread crumbs. from clay pipes. Allow five trials for Two egg yolks. each one. A pair of silk stockings would Two teaspoons baking powder. be a suitable prize to the most success- Mix, then fold in two beaten whites. ful "blower." Bake twenty minutes in moderate oven. Serve with whipped cream or hard sauce. Christmas Telegrams (Prunes may be used instead of the Christinas telegrams is a diverting oc- dates.) Serve cold. cupation. Cut countless letters out of the newspapers and scatter them about the room. Direct the guests to find enough letters with which to compose a ten-word telegram to Santa Claus. For the best telegram written in fifteen minutes award a prize. A book containing blank tel- egrams makes a suitable prize. A Snowball Race Divide the guests into two lines, with an equal number in each line. At the 'head of each line have a pile of fluffy cotton snowballs. At a signal the players begin passing the balls down the line. The side wins which has all its balls piled New England Plum Pudding up at the end of the line first. Three cups pastry flour. Star Contest •One-fourth, teaspoon nutmeg. One-fourth teaspoon ginger. Distribute star-shaped- cards and see One and one-half teaspoons salt. who is the best astronomer in the party. One cup molasses. An astronomer—A star.gazer. One cup raisins. A famished star—Starvation. Three teaspoons baking powder. A marine star—Starfish. Three-fourths teaspoon cinnamon. A bird—Starling. One-eighth teaspoon ground cloves. A star used by the laundress—Starch. One' cup suet, clioped fine. A star at the right hand of a ship— One cup sour milk. Starboard. One-half cup currants or An Knglish court of justice—Star One-half cup citron. chamber. Sift the dry ingredients thoroughly, A theatrical celebrity—A star. add the others in the order named, with A fixed star—Stare. the fruit well floured to prevent its sink- An inexpensive illumination—Starlight. ing. Two cups of chopped dates or figs A sudden alarm—Startle. may be substituted for the other fruit. Pour the pudding into a buttered mold, CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS filling it not quite one-half full. Cover the mold tightly and steam the pudding Fig Pudding for not less than three hours. If small Two eggs. molds, no larger than one-quarter pound One cup granulated sugar. baking powder tins, are used, steam the Half cup cream or top milk. pudding for one and one-quarter hours. One teaspoon salt. Serve it with hard sauce. 23 Wedding Bells Buster Woodworth, second baseman on the Staley nine, was married to Miss Elizabeth Zimmer in Taylorville on No- vember 1. La Faria Smith and Miss Lauretta Morgan were married Nov. 18 at the bride's home by the Rev. Irving Fox. They will live at 1125 Roger Avenue. Mr. Smith works in the Boiler Room. C. R. Thornborough and Miss Ruth McGibbons of Berwyn, 111., were mar- ried at the bride's home on Monday, No- vember 22. After a short wedding- trip they will live at 1621 Fast North Street. H. P. Mac Arty of Building 17 was married Nov. 6, in Peoria.

Noble LeRoy and John B. Dickey, Jr., are the sons of John Dickey of the Machine Shop.

Everybody was very much surprised, and equally sorry, to hear that Gertrude Logan and Goldie Scott had made up their minds to leave Staley's and go to California. Gertrude has been at the switchboard at Staley's for a number of years, and has endeared herself to every- one by her pleasant voice and courteous efficiency over the phone. Goldie was*, equally well-liked, and both will be much missed. They left Decatur Nov. 18, ex- pecting to spend a few days in Kansas City en route. We wish them all suc- cess in their new venture.

Everybody is glad to see Tommy Thornborough back on the job after his recent illness. Tom wishes to thank the They don't usually look so sad. They must have boys for the flowers sent him while he been thinking about leaving us. was sick. They were much appreciated. 24 Goes to Panama Avory McGlade left Decatur on Nov. 1 to go to Panama, where he expects to play baseball this winter. Avory worked in the millwright department and was third baseman on the Staley baseball team. His perpetual good spirits and never-failing "pep" made him popular the fans as well as around the plant, and everybody will miss him. Marie White and Willard Bush were married November 20, in Peoria. Mr. Bush is the manager of the New Paris Cleaning and Dyeing establishment. Alice White has been transferred from the Purchasing Department office to the Syrup Sales Department. Emma and Kate, Tray Room girls, have received answers to the letters which they put in bags of starch sent to Germany last June. The letters were found by two young" men in a factory at Bielefeld, Westphalen, Germany, when the bags were opened by them last Aug- ust.

This young lady has an interesting history. J. Miriam Eldredge is a new worker in R. McCord of the Machine Shop found her, a wee, the Starch Sales Department. wailing baby, on his doorstep March 10, 1919. She has now been adopted by him and is Mary Jane McCord. Just a glance at Mary Jane's smiling Zita McKee is the new girl at the face will assure you that she appreciates her good switchboard, and Roxie Poland has taken fortune in having found such a good home and Goldie Scott's place. kind foster parents.

Richard Glenn Martin. Six Months Old. Richard Is the Son of Our Printer, G. H. Martin 25 . I wish to express my sincere thanks and appreciation to all those who con- tributed to sending me flowers during my recent illness. Lela Richmond.

Born, to Mr. and Mrs. "Hank" Pot- rafka, a baby boy, November 20.

Born, to Mr. and Mrs. John Martin, Nov. 17, a baby girl, weight, eight and a half pounds. John works in Building 10.

The Cost Department extends its sym- pathy to Edwin Scheiter, who recently lost his mother.

Louis Brant is back at work again af- ter a week's illness.

,T , Bernhard and Franklin Hoffman, our pattern Mother: Johnny, if you eat any more, maker's boys, you'll burst." Johnny: "Well, pass the cake, mother, Mabel Payne has taken Marie Dixon's and get out of the way."—Judge. place in Mr. Augur's office.

Where Avory McGlade Is Now. He Sends His Regards to All the Staley Folks 26 Jim Galloway remarked in Foremen's One night last week Frank Brady was Meeting that he should think the angels trying to crank Jim Burge's car and, at would find it rather chilly traveling up the same time keep his eye on a young and down Jacob's ladder in this kind of lady in the car, and as a result his hand weather. Jack Fletcher suggested that slipped and he broke one of his fingers. they probably have a man-hoist now. The way Ernie Gentry has been high- balling here lately he will have to jump twice in one place to make a shadow, be- fore spring. Max Fascover, the physical director at V the y, has given Carl Wakens orders to stay away from the Y. M. C. A. for a week, as a rest would do him good after the way the bunch has been treating him. Evelyn Grant should go into the (Carl is thinking- of joining the girls' movies. You just ought to see her "reg- class at the Y. W.) ister emotion" when she finds a mouse in her coat-sleeve.

Sambo, while sitting in the office of the shipping department the other day at noon, heard a peculiar noise, and upon making an inspection he found it was Willard and Pee Wee trying to sing. Willard Valentine is going out every evening now to learn to play checkers. It takes just two to play that game, doesn't it, Willard?

P. Beagham of the Traffic Department seems to be a regular visitor at the Su- perintendent's office. We are for yon, I'ete. Bill Morrison took his car to a repair LOST—Three pounds, by Percy Ken- shop the other day and asked the man niston, when rolling glucose barrels the there what was the best thing to do other day. If found, please return at with it. The repair, man looked the car once, as he is losing more worrying over in silence for a few minutes, then about them. he grasped the horn and tooted it. "You've got a good horn here," he re- When Ed Lonergan was sent to work marked, quietly. "Suppose you jack it up with Gene Morrow's gang he got so and run a new car under it." homesick for carrying the hod that he took three) days off to repair all the Jack Mintun didn't have anything on chimneys in his neighborhood. the Swedes in Minneapolis in regard to feet. Dave Dryden has joined our old friend Thomas Freeman in Pittsburg, Kan. Slim Sherman said that while in France "Sub" Kolb has assumed the duties of he got pinched for fighting. Miller said four men since the lay-off, but emphat- he thought that was what he went over ically refuses to sweep the floor. He do- there for. nated the broom to Adkins. 27 Ask Johnny Shyer if he knows a young Nelle Hackley seems to be very much lady by the name of Frost. Johnny interested in those application blanks re- would like to know where they get that garding the Terrace Gardens addition. old stuff about him being kicked out of We understand she is wearing a sus- a certain young lady's house. picious looking ring after working hours. Who is the gentleman Blossom takes to breakfast every morning? Howley says it is her Dad, but we are suspicious. The way John Warren can boot the oval, we would suggest that Halas give him a little consideration. "Windy" says when Jack Mintun got Carl Waltens says Lela certainly would the ball in the Hammond game he make a good wife. started right off for Hill's Bowling Alley. Some of the office force are so absent- The Knocker's Creed minded on Monday morning that they Man comes into the world without his take the Edward street car and ride some consent, and leaves it against his will. distance before discovering their mis- During his stay on earth his time is take. spent in one continuous round of con- traries and misunderstandings. In his in- fancy he's an angel; in his boyhood he's a devil; in his manhood he's everything from a lizard up; in his duties he's a damn fool; if he raises a family he's a chump; if he raises a check he's a thief; and then the law raises hell with him; if he's a poor man he's a poor manager and has no sense; if he's rich he's dishon- Watch Your Dinner Pails! est but considered smart; if he's a poli- tician he's a grafter and a crook; if he's out Recently an employee of the Refinery of politics you can't place him as he is an called at the East gate and asked the undesirable citizen; if he goes to church gateman for permission to go down to he's a hypocrite; if he stays away he's a the Refinery. As he had left work only sinner; if he donates to foreign missions an hour or so prior thereto the gateman he does it for show; if he doesn't he's politiey informed him that as he was not stingy and a tightwad. When he first on duty, he could not permit him to do comes into the world everybody wants so and that if it was an urgent matter to kiss him, but before he goes out they he could call at the Manufacturing Dept. all want to kick him. If he dies young, office and secure permission from Mr. there was a great future before him; if Galloway,—but he said in return, "Lord, he lives to a ripe age, then, of course, he's man, I can't go down to Galloway and living only to save funeral expenses. tell him why I want in, for I would never Life's a damn funny thing, isn't it? hear the end of it." When pressed fur- ther by the gateman he confided to him Ed Moore has returned to the cooper's the fact.that when he left work at 7:00 ^trade after fifteen years. He thinks it A. M. he picked up the wrong dinner will be a sweet job. bucket and after he had gotten home and tucked in bed the 'phone rang and a John White's gang is now known as the somewhat ruffled voice informed his wife "Big Four," and they are some hustlers, that her dear husband had his dinner doing the work that it took ten men to do and that he wanted it right away. She before, so they claim. tried to tell the party that he must be mistaken, and as he seemed to be so George Mercer looks lonesome since positive she went into the kitchen and Grace is gone. examined the dinner bucket he brought home and found it filled with a mighty Buck Scherer insists on having the fine assortment of cake, hot buns, chicken light near his desk turned off all the and the trimmings. She almost fainted time. The natural inference is that he and hurriedly returned to the 'phone and likes to sit in the dark. told the party she would see that he 28 had his dinner immediately, which was Waltens says he has a notion to quit entirely satisfactory with the one who the office gym class because Mr. Lavery had lost it,—temporarily. plays too roughly. He says the "Hounds" The lady then roused the guilty man do not treat him that way. and told him of his deed, which he stoutly denied at first, but when con- fronted with the evidence he dressed in double time and beat it to the plant. No wonder he did not want to call on Jim and confess, and we don't blame him. The gateman could hardly open the gate on account of his merriment, but finally succeeded and the dinner was re- turned to the owner, amid much pro- fuse apologies which fell on deaf ears for the only comment made was, "See that George Auer requisitioned 500 cloth you do not do that trick again, for if shipping tags a short while ago. Jack you do, there will be something doing." Howley explained to Harry that he prob- Now the writer does not want to give ably wanted them to tag his clerks with. out this man's name,—but we will say We presume this is part of his new filing that he surely seems to be well fed (and system, having them indexed by sex and no doubt he is, if he can get by with it cross-indexed by tags. often.) He is rather short and chubby,— his number is 802 and he works in the A certain fellow on the loading gang Refinery,—and further, his initials are L. rushed into a barber shop one evening B. H. Nuf ced,—watch your pails, boys! and asked the barber for a hurry-up shave. By mistake the barber cut off his Matrimony is conducive to economy. mustache. From all reports, the air was Ray Demrnitt has acquired a corn-cob blue in that barber shop for a while. pipe that lasts longer than a twenty-five cent cigar—and the flavor increases with To wed or not to wed age. That is the question. Whether 'tis better To remain single And disappoint a number of women For a time, Or marry And disappoint one woman for life. — Exchange

Reflections of a Pessimist There was a young lady named Alice, Who was teased by Mr. George , Just when the festive season is upon She would blush rosy, red us, they begin a war on "home brew." At whatever he said— Where are all those women politicians This modest young lady named Alice. in atrocious hats who, the cartoonists of a decade ago assured us, would tyrannize How did it happen that Howley and the land when the hand that rocked the Scherer are again good friends—we have cradle cast a vote? read nothing about Ireland getting her freedom. President-elect Harding is going to make a visit to Mexico—a nice quiet place to rest up in before tackling his job in Washington. Over in Vienna the slogan now is "Say it with flour." The annual guessing contest which takes place in every American home will We are now waiting for news telling shortly occur, when we try to figure out of the Misses Logan and Scott starring what the Christmas gifts made by our in one of Mack Sennett's features. female relatives are for. 29 The End of an Eighty-Hour Day When Fred Gentry left he didn't take A man who stayed at home with the all the bull with him. Robazek has con- children for half a day while his wife did siderable. her Christmas shopping submits the fol- lowing statistics: Anyone wishing a summer cottage for Opened door for children—108 times. the rest of the winter see George Wat- Closed it after them—108 times. kins. Tied children's shoes—16 times. Number of stories read to them—21. Stopped children playing- piano—19 times. Smoke rings blown to amuse them— 498. Arbitrated children's quarrel—77 times. Put doll carriage out—28 times. Brought doll carriage in—28 times. Mended kiddie car—S times. Cautioned children about crossing street—66 times. Some Fishes, I'll Say Children crossed street—66 times. One of our prominent men at the plant, Peddlers rang door bell—7 times. who is very fond of a good story at any Toy balloons bought for children—6 time, was exchanging stories with a times. group of men one noon hour and as he Average life of balloon—3 minutes. had the last chance before the whistle Dried children's tears—14 times. blew he yarned out the fact that once Assisted children to blow noses—14 while he was traveling he came upon times. a great salmon fishing stream, and it Telephone calls answered—8 times. was wonderful to watch these salmon Percentage of wrong phone numbers— when they wanted to leave the main 100 per cent. stream and go up a side river. This Crackers issued to children—37. highly truthful man stated that they Slices of bread and butter served—12. would be going along and every now and Drinks of water served—9. Refused to buy candy—87 times. then one of the fish would make a leap Questions dodged about Santa Claus— out of the water and look around and 1,051. seemed to know they were near the point The statistician is now advertising for they were to detour. two nurse girls and a governess.—Journal The most wonderful thing he saw them of Home Economics. do was at a place where there was a rise of something like twenty feet,—a sort of a dam or the like, being at the mouth of the smaller stream where it turned into the larger body of water. "N'ow you can believe it or not," he said, "but those lish would make a run in the river, leap out of the water, give a twist to their tails and go right up to the top of the dam or whatever it was." He also said that the smaller lish would try it quite often and they could hardly make it, and the John Warren (to one of the girls)— bigger fish would make up a sort of life "Do you know anything about exports?" line and drop down a line alongside the Young Lady (pertly)—"I know some- face of the dam and as the smaller fish thing about sports, but not exports." leaped up they would sort of lock, tails John—"Well, I'm an ex-sport." and Ilip the smaller ones on up to'-the top of the dam. He said he watched this Ask Seib if he ever found that rolicki feat for a couple of days until the entire pin. school of salmon had entered the smaller stream, lie said he never saw anything Mr. Auer certainly makes most of the like it in his life before and never ex- office bunch look sick when it conies to pected to see it again,—and neither do basket-ball. (That's the old pep!) we. You know the one who tells his story lirst never has a chance on earth, If you want to see an Irish girl talk but the one who yarns last always draws with her hands, watch Miss Kiely. the fur lined bath tub. 30 Have you a little fairy in your office? Ortomobile thieves, coal thieves, and The Purchasing Department has. Ask purse snatchers. There's gonna be mur- Harry Walmsley — he will tell1 you all der and bloodshed in ever' 'imaginable about it. form. W're gonna have war at home and abroad. (Th' war at home mostly a Wanted, someone to look after Pearce's war uv words.) Bizncss is a-goin' t' L. Special delivery letters and telegrams. There hain't gonna be no wurk no place Apply at the Irish Inn. and Mother won't have nuthin to do but haff sole the seat uv the britches Poppy How did you like the box of candy wcarz out sittin' 'round. There's gonna presented to you by the laboratory staff be the wurst panick that ever wuz node after the Minneapolis game, Dutch? uv. There's gonna be—well, just, t' make a long story short, this here ol' worl' is Art Watkins must be in love. He gonna B 1 heluva place t' live in, the nex' started out to get shaving cream, but 4 years—accordin' to sum. the shaving cream turned out to be tooth- paste upon inspection. Carl Oakes' cat must B a orful kitten- ish little critter. We hear it washes the Somebody should present Bill Herr dishes, cranks the ortomobile, an' an- with a dictionary for Christmas. He swers the tellefone. Carl says 'es bet- asked one of the boys to send an ex- ter'n cny 'larm clock. How, and how of- press package for him "prepaid." fen d'ya wind 'im up, Carl? "Where's the money for it?" he asked. "Oh, I don't want to pay for it." said Willie Jennin's Bryan wunts Woody Bill. "Didn't I tell you I wanted it pre- Wilson t' rezine—iz that crust er iz it jist paid?" salt in the Bryan? It's purty tuff diggin' fur a 4 man t' Fuzzy Wrinkles have t' clean up the shop. Ast Earney T' hear sum fellers talk you'd think Gentry ef it ain't. th' worst Kalamities that ever happened wuz a-goin' t' take place in the nex' 4 Notwithstandin' th' grate Republikan years. Yessir, we're a-goin' to hav' strikes, lan'slide, Pop Gentry is still stickin' up lockouts, starve-outs, and knock-outs. for Cox. We're a-goin' t' hav' stick-ups, hold-ups, and lock-ups. We're a-goin' t' have pore- Cox musta crawled in a hole some- houses, soup-houses, and we orta have wheres, we hain't heard from 'im for sev- more bug-houses. eral days. Sum uvem, even 4 C a great crime wave loomin' on th' horizon. We're That's all. a-goin' t' hav' pickpockets, porch klim- Your'n lovin'ly, ers and burglars. We're a-goin t' hav' FUZZIE.

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31 vf) HEAR IN THE MOON— That Spiritualism is mighty popular with you Mortals since prohibition took effect; That in every cellar the Spirits are working twenty-four hours per day, Sunday in- cluded; That Ghostly shadows flit back and forth, to and from the secret chambers from sundown to sunrise. That "Show me an honest man and I'll show you a fool" is exemplified every day on the World Stage; That Cap Whitten found a safety pin in the Welfare House, and, being honest, re- turned it to Jim Burge; That instead of thanking him for his honesty, Jim became excited and thought Cap was accusing him of grand larceny and as an alibi he showed Cap he was wear- ing suspenders. That Herman Herbert says he never heard of a Wolf in Sheep's Clothing; That he claims he only wears his sheepskin jacket in the Winter time; That in Summer or Winter Herman is wild and wooly and is always listening for the call from the wild. That prosperous times are on the toboggan and thrift and economy have come; That the Hupmobiles, Studebakers and Fords in the back yards of the would-be mil- lionaires are getting delapidated; That you mortals who invested your savings in Liberty Bonds are to be congrat- ulated. That Charley Burkey's pet aversion is that society of friends named "Holly Rollers;" That one of them gave an exhibition in the Laboratory rolling on the floor while Charley was jumping over the counter making his exit; That Henry Dubes says: "Charley is worse than any Holy Roller as he rolled down- stairs getting out of the way." That Walter Meinert, in his soft-spoken, lady-like mannerisms is a great favorite with the ladies; That Walter is willing to be kissed but is determined to be free from any entangling alliances; That he makes an annual pilgrimage to Wisconsin to visit and worship his only god- dess. Tjhat Billy Broadbear, your Chief Electrician, is the most reformed, docile, domes- ticated mortal in your plant; That Billy, before he was married, was a little wild and needed some curbing; That the great change made him a model husband and father—every night he sings to the baby and is happy and contented. That after the Election the politicians are having sleepless nights worrying about the spoils of war; That John Doe wants to be postmaster and Bill Jones wants to be dog catcher; That to the victor belongs the spoils; let the Democrats do the worrying; That fools make feasts and wise men eat them. Yours truly, THE MAN IN THE MOON. 32 MfUikfn

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