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Writing the Personal Barbara Bridger 2008

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Writing the Personal Barbara Bridger 2008 University of Plymouth PEARL https://pearl.plymouth.ac.uk 04 University of Plymouth Research Theses 01 Research Theses Main Collection 2008 SPEAKING OF GENDER, LANGUAGE AND IDENTITY: WRITING THE PERSONAL BRIDGER, BARBARA http://hdl.handle.net/10026.1/2227 University of Plymouth All content in PEARL is protected by copyright law. Author manuscripts are made available in accordance with publisher policies. Please cite only the published version using the details provided on the item record or document. In the absence of an open licence (e.g. Creative Commons), permissions for further reuse of content should be sought from the publisher or author. SPEAKING OF GENDER, LANGUAGE AND IDENTITY: WRITING THE PERSONAL by BARBARA BRIDGER A thesis submitted to the University of Plymouth in partial fulfilment for the degree of DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY FIELD OF WRITING DARTINGTON COLLEGE OF ARTS 2008 BARBARA LILIAN BRIDGER SPEAKING OF GENDER, LANGUAGE AND IDENTITY: WRITING THE PERSONAL This thesis features a range of texts that exemplify my practice. They include experimental prose, poetry, hybrid forms of writing that merge theory and practice, and scripts for live performance and digital film. To these examples I apply an autobiographical writing method, one that simultaneously reflects and creates, in an enquiry designed to uncover the detail and complexity of my writing motivation through a discursive account of its context. In a process that acknowledges the centrality of language to the construction of female identity, I begin by exploring the importance of autobiography to both my writing and this thesis. Next I give an account of an artistic project, designed to identify and collect perspectives on the main areas of debate and concern. I then revisit the writing of significant gender theorists, including Julia Kristeva, Luce Irigaray and Helene Cixous. The sections that follow use two scripts for live performance to illustrate the 'predicament' of the female performer and the importance of myth to women's artistic practice. My conclusion, and the thesis as a whole, is a demonstration of, and an enquiry into, a method of 'writing through'. This reflexive strategy questions how writing functions, how it responds to, and incorporates various influences. It attempts to understand how such a process, such writing, not only enquires into context, but also can impact on it, in a methodology less concerned with representing knowledge and more concerned with releasing it. CONTENTS Contents 1-11 Acknowledgements Ill Author's declaration IV-VI Opening Words Writing the Personal 5-6 Language and Identity 6-16 Speaking of Gender 16-19 Autobiographical Writings Self in Process 20-27 Throat Clearing 28-29 The/My Female Voice Coming to Writing 30-32 Witnessing 32-36 I Could Have Danced All Night 36-39 Sleeping Dogs 39-41 Friends 41-43 Material Evidence 43-48 Seven Days and Seven Nights of Mourning 48-52 Boudicca Queen of the Barbarians 53-54 America! America! 55-58 Sleeping Dogs 60-66 A Looped Footage 67-82 Starting Up the Car 83-84 driving home 85-108 What Is It You Wish To Speak Of? Qu'est-ce que je voulais dire? 109-111 Outcomes 111-112 Revisiting Ecriture Feminine Re-reading 113-117 Revisiting 118 Part One 119-142 Part Two 143-159 Mid-Conversation 160-161 The True Aerialist Reckless Repartee 162-165 The True Aerialist 166-217 Afterword 218-219 Tracings Tracings 221-270 Myth 271-298 I Beginning Again 299-308 Last Words 309-334 Appendix One Boudicca Queen of the Barbarians iii-xv America! America! xvi-xxii America! America! (CD) xxiii Distance xxlv-xxxi Appendix Two What Is It You Wish To Speak Of? The Question xxxiii-xxxiv You XXXV What is it? xxxvi-xxxxviii Wish xxxviii-xlii Speak xliii-lii Talk lii-liv Of liv-lvii Body lvii-lxix The Videoed Responses lxix-lxxi Diving Ixxi-lxxii Editing lxxiii-lxxiv Dangers lxxiv-lxxvi Responses to the Question lxxvi-lxxxix DVD XC Accompanying Poster xci Booklet of Selected Writings: xcii DVD Talk Dancing xciii Appendix Three The True Aerialist xcv-cxiv The True Aerialist (Prose) cxv-cxxvi Appendix Four Orpheus. Eurydice. Bermes CXXVll-CXXX Appendix Five Bodywork cxxxii-cxxxiv DVD Bodywork cxxxv References a-h Internet Sources h Additional Bibliography i-k 11 Dartington College of Arts has supported my research. It has given a full bursary towards my fees and has provided a teaching environment that has also been a learning environment; a rich context influencing both my pedagogy and my practice. I am very grateful to John Hall for all his encouragement and learning. His supervision has balanced sensitivity with rigour and I hope this thesis does it full justice. I thank all my family, but especially my husband, for their continuing patience and support and I dedicate this whole project to my mother, Hilda Dawson (29th March 1925 - 27th May 2005). Ill At no time during the registration for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy has the author been registered for any other University award without prior agreement of the Graduate Committee. This study was financed with the aid of a bursary from Dartington College of Arts. Relevant seminars and conferences were attended at which work was presented; external institutions were visited for consultation purposes and writing submitted for publication. Live Performance: SEVEN DAYS AND SEVEN NIGHTS OF MOURNING, Studio 4, Dartington College of Arts (Gilgamesch Project), May, 2001 TRACINGS, rehearsed reading, Dartington College Of Arts, June, 2002 AMERICA! AMERICA! prose reading, Barbican, London (Writers' Incorporated Awards Ceremony), October, 2002 THE TRUE AERIALIST, Studio One, Dartington College of Arts, February, 2008 Digital Film: BODYWORK, 18 mins. Black and White The Phoenix, EXETER AND DEVON ARTS CENTRE, One Short Night, Film Showcase, November, 2002 Small Film Festival, Johnson Centre Cinema, George Washington University. November, 2004 AMERICA! AMERICA! 20 mins The Phoenix, EXETER AND DEVON ARTS CENTRE, tEXt03 Text Festival, May 2003 WHAT IS IT YOU WISH TO SPEAK OF? 80 mins. Black and White The Phoenix, EXETER AND DEVON ARTS CENTRE, tEXt05 Text Festival, May 2005 20 minute edited version Women Writing and Reading, Past Present, Local and Global Conference, Alberta University, Canada. May, 2007 Publications: AMERICA! AMERICA! I, 766 words, prose Leviathan Quarterly No. 5, (September 2002) INDI ... AH, 2,000 words, prose Quality Women's Fiction 39 (2002) ISSN 13 57 4914 IV COMPLEXITIES OF A SUPERHEROINE, 2000 words, critical review- The Frederica Quartet, AS Byatt Leviathan Quarterly No. 7 (March 2003) MAD GANGSTERS, 650 words, prose Orbis No. 129 (Summer 2004) ISSN 0300-4425 DISTANCE, prose 1,600 words Feminist Review 78 (2004) ISBN 1-4039-4142-4 A LOOPED FOOTAGE, 4, I 05 words, prose Tears In The Fence (January 2005) ISSN 0266 5817 MATERNAL INSTINCT, 2,500 words, prose Other Voices, Vol.l8, No.l (Summer 2005) PM40033165 RI 0700 EVEN DEATH I THINK, 2,250 words, prose Skrev Press,Anthology, Spiders And Flies (Autumn 2005) ISBN 1-904646-30-1 driving home, 4,560 words, autobiographical prose Texts Bones (Autumn 2005) ISBN I -904646-27-1 driving home 2, 830 words, autobiographical prose Texts Bones (Summer 2006) ISBN 1-9046-31-X THE TRUE AERIALIST, 3,240 words, prose version of play Feminist Review, issue 84 (October 2006) ISBN 1-4039-4142-6 Mother I- VII, sequence of 7 poems Tears In The Fence, issue 44 (Autumn 2006) ISSN 0266-5816 THE RULES OF THE REAL, 416 words, prose Orbis, 139 (Winter 2006) ISSN 0300-4425 ON E.L. DOCTOROW, I, 170 words, critical review Sweet Land Stories, E. L. Doctorow The Warwick Review, Vol. I No. I (March 2007) NEW WRITING BY WOMEN OF THE IRANIAN DIASPORA, 1.394 words, critical review, Let Me Tell You Where I've Been. Persis M. Karim (ed.) The Warwick Review, Vol. I No. 2 (October 2007) A HOLDING SITUATION, I ,969 words, prose Stand, Vol. 7 (4) (2007) ISSN 0038-9366 Awards Prose Writer of the Year (2002) (Writers Incorporated) Short-listed for Fish Prize (2002) Short-listed for Asham Prize (2003) Short-listed for Real Writer's Award (2004) Short-listed for Raymond Carver Award (2005) V Presentations and Conferences Attended Research Seminars The following were given as part of the Dartington College of Arts programme of post­ graduate research seminars: BODYWORK (May 2003) Screening of digital film of the same name and reading, short prose, America! America! WHAT IS IT YOU WISH TO SPEAK OF? (May 2005) Paper and excerpt from digital film of the same name. THE SUBJECT WHO SPEAKS - Autobiography And Gender (May 2007) Paper and reading. Conference Papers THE/MY FEMALE VOICE (May 2004) Conference: Art What is it Good For? Dartington College of Arts. TALK DANCING, Digital film + introduction, 20 minutes, Conference (May 2007) Women Writing and Reading, University of Alberta. External Contacts: Annie Castledine (Director) Yvonne Banning (Head of Theatre) University of Cape Town. Sarah Madchett of the Mother Tongue Collective based in Cape Town. Word count of main body of thesis: 79,899 Signed ... B~~--~:~······-····· Date ....... f.~... fYI ..~···k_fE!.8 .................... VI Opening Words In this research I take an autobiographical writing methodology, one that simultaneously reflects and creates, and use it to uncover the detail and complexity of my writing motivation through a discursive account of its context. 1 The whole is an experiment in reflexivity , testing the boundaries and operation of a practice-based model in a personal enquiry that also seeks to contribute to a wider understanding of the condition and context of contemporary women's writing. I began 'writing' sections of this thesis early in the process and have continued throughout the five years leading to its submission. Consequently, this final thesis provides a record of my writing practice over that period.
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