TAKE CHARGE of YOUR LIFE Become the Captain of Their Own Ship.” Are You Seeking a Happier and More Satisfying Life? in Take Charge of Your Life, Author Dr
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SELF IMPROVEMENT “A game changer for anyone ready to TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE CHARGE OF YOUR TAKE become the captain of their own ship.” Are you seeking a happier and more satisfying life? In Take Charge of Your Life, author Dr. William Glasser explains choice theory—a —Dr. Phil McGraw, host of the nationally syndicated series Dr. Phil science of human behavior and principles for regaining and maintaining a life you control—and how it can help you fi nd personal freedom from relationship- “Take Charge of Your Life urges readers to stop blaming and destroying external control. start accepting responsibility for choices.” Take Charge of Your Life, a revision of his 1984 book Control Theory, explains —Jeannine Chartier Hanscom, ForeWord Reviews choice theory using personalized examples and illustrative stories that allow you to learn how to improve your relationships and take charge of your actions. Topics include marital and relationship problems, parenthood, addictions, pain management, and psychosomatic disorders. For each situation, Dr. Glasser ties behavior to the pictures people create in their minds of what they want. He ex- plains how the pictures got there and how people can choose new behaviors TAKE to get what they really want. In Take Charge of Your Life, Glasser off ers a real model of empowerment. He shows how you can become a part of the equation that adds happiness and connection to the world in which you live now and to the world of future generations. CHARGE WILLIAM GLASSER, a world-renowned psychiatrist who employs a nontraditional approach, has written more than twenty books, including Choice Theory and Eight Lessons for a Happier Marriage. Glasser is OF YOUR LIFE president of the William Glasser Institute and lives with his wife, Carleen, in Los Angeles, California. Visit him online at www.wglasserbooks.com. How to Get What You Need with Choice Theory Psychology GLASSER, MD U.S. $19.95 WILLIAM GLASSER, MD STAR www.iuniverse.com AWARD Praise for Take Charge of Your Life “Choice theory can unleash creativity to help you break old patterns, reframe problems into opportunities, and realize there is more than one right answer.” —Cheryl Grills, PhD, CTRTC “This book is a ‘game changer’ for anyone ready to become the Captain of their own ship. Going far beyond theory and philosophy this powerful book is a hands-on guide to creating, rather than just observing one’s life. A must read and more than once”. —Dr Phil McGraw, Host of the nationally syndicated series Dr. Phil. Professional Recognition of William Glasser, M.D Since 1989, Dr. William Glasser has been recognized as a member of the distinguished faculty of pioneers in the psychological professions by the renowned Evolution of Psychotherapy Conference of the Milton Erickson Foundation. In 1990, he was awarded the honorary degree Doctor of Humane Letters, Honoris Causa, from the University of San Francisco. In 2002, he received the California Association of School Counselors award for his many years of contributions to the school counseling profession. In 2003, he was presented with the American Counseling Association Professional Development Award in recognition of his significant contributions to the field of counseling. The American Counseling Association presented him with a Legend in Counseling Award in 2004 for developing reality therapy. In 2005, the American Psychotherapy Association presented him with the prestigious Master Therapist designation. Also in 2005, he was presented with the Life Achievement Award by the International Center for the Study of Psychiatry and Psychology for his enormous influence as a psychotherapist and author. In 2006, he was awarded the honorary degree of Doctorate of Education from Pacific Union College in Angwin, CA. In 2008, the European Association for Psychotherapy publicly recognized reality therapy, which Dr. Glasser developed, as a scientifically validated psychotherapy and was officially announced at the twenty-ninth Annual William Glasser Institute International Conference held in Edinburgh, Scotland, in 2009. In 2010, Ca se Western Reser ve Universit y conferred t he Disting uished Alumni Award upon him. TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE Also by William Glasser, MD Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom Reality Therapy: A New Approach to Psychiatry Every Student Can Succeed For Parents and Teenagers: Dissolving the Barriers between Them Eight Lessons for a Happier Marriage Warning: Psychiatry Can Be Hazardous to Your Mental Health What Is This Thing Called Love? Getting Together and Staying Together Staying Together Counseling with Choice Theory, the New Reality Therapy The Language of Choice Theory Positive Addiction Fibromyalgia: Hope from a Completely New Perspective Schools without Failure The Quality School The Quality School Teacher Choice Theory in the Classroom The Identity Society The Choice Theory Manager Available through wglasserbooks.com TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE How to Get What You Need with Choice Theory Psychology William Glasser, MD Revised and updated by Carleen Glasser, MA, CT/RTC iUniverse, Inc. Bloomington Take Charge of Your Life How to Get What You Need with Choice Theory® Psychology Copyright © 2011, 2013 by William Glasser, MD All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. iUniverse Star an iUniverse, Inc. imprint iUniverse books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting: iUniverse 1663 Liberty Drive Bloomington, IN 47403 www.iuniverse.com 1-800-Authors (1-800-288-4677) Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them. Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only. Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock. ISBN: 978-1-938908-32-3 (sc) ISBN: 978-1-938908-33-0 (e) Library of Congress Control Number: 2013903897 Printed in the United States of America iUniverse rev. date: 7/8/2013 To our grandchildren, in whom our future lies: Jana, Nate, Julianne, Jared, Rachel, Conor, Michael, Lucy, Amelia, Nicholas and Scarlett. Contents Foreword. .xiii Preface. xvii Acknowledgments . xix Introduction ���������������������������������������������������������������������������������1 1. Everything We Think, Do, and Feel Is Generated by What Happens Inside Us. 4 2. Replacing External Control With the New Choice Theory Psychology. 8 3. The Pictures in Our Heads �������������������������������������������������13 4. Our Values-Driven Behaviors ���������������������������������������������28 5. Why We Behave �����������������������������������������������������������������39 6. Creativity and Reorganization . 49 7. Craziness, Creativity, and Responsibility �����������������������������59 8. Psychosomatic Illness as a Creative Process �������������������������67 9. Addicting Drugs: Chemical Control of Our Lives . 87 10. Common Addicting Drugs, Legal and Illegal. 96 11. Conflict. 116 12. Criticism . 131 13. Taking Charge of Your Life �����������������������������������������������145 14. Choice Theory Psychology and Raising Children. 158 15. Controlling Ourselves or Others with Pain or Misery �������181 16. Choosing to Be Healthy ���������������������������������������������������198 17. How to Start Using Choice Theory �����������������������������������217 Appendix. 223 Notes ���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������227 References . 229 xi Foreword Jenny, serving a life sentence in prison, lashes out at other inmates and corrections officers on a daily basis as she tries to find meaning and purpose in what is left of her life. What does she have in common with Michael, in his last year of college, who is barely able to make it to class as he struggles with his mother’s latest hospitalization for attempted suicide? Or with Jessica, a senior in high school, who is college bound but often self medicates with marijuana to ease immobilizing anxiety associated with her contentious relationship with her mother. Or Sylvia, divorced for five years, who finds herself in yet another unsatisfying relationship but hangs on even though sadness and despair are her only companions. Or Ms. Edna, retired and on a fixed income, who fights sleepless nights and constant headaches after recently joining the legions of inner- city grandmothers raising their incarcerated children’s children. Or Charles, who entered his new position as department head with more than a little trepidation and has constant body aches and pains from the stress of managing a team that is anything but cohesive and effective. Or a group of social service supervisors who sit guarded, angry, and frustrated at a county training session as they bemoan the difficulty of managing overworked and under- resourced social workers in their agencies. What do all of these people have in common? An amazingly similar transformative response to choice theory. xiii In each of these situations, I personally witnessed the diminishing returns of external control