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Reality Therapy Relationship, Not What Others Choose Chapter 11 to Do, That Is the Heart of Reality Therapy.” Dr

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Reality Therapy Relationship, Not What Others Choose Chapter 11 to Do, That Is the Heart of Reality Therapy.” Dr William Glasser • “. it is what you choose to do in a Reality Therapy relationship, not what others choose Chapter 11 to do, that is the heart of reality therapy.” Dr. Sheila K. Grant Biography of Biography of William Glasser William Glasser • Born 1925 & educated at Case Western • Glasser's path a continuing progression from Reserve University (Cleveland, Ohio). private practice to lecturing & writing, ultimately culminating in publication of 20+ • Initial training in chemical engineering, books then master’s in clinical psychology • After writing counseling book, Reality Therapy • Attended UCLA medical school & (1965), published his first book on education, became a board certified psychiatrist in Schools without Failure (1969), greatly 1961 expanded understanding of motivation & behavior with Choice Theory (1998), & finally added, Warning: Psychiatry Can Be Hazardous to Your Mental Health (2003), to help people improve their mental health and happiness Philosophy of Philosophy of William Glasser William Glasser • People should not be labeled with mental • People choose to be depressing, anxious, illness unless they have a true brain panicky, angering, behaving in a way disorder such as Alzheimer’s disease, that others say they have a psychosis, epilepsy, head trauma & brain infections etc. in order to avoid other more painful (they should all be treated by experiences or to reach out for help neurologists) • They are coping in best way they know • Otherwise, categories of DSM-IV-TR are how for given situation, which is usually not mental disorders or illness caused either by relationship problem or • Psychologists & psychiatrists should only a lack of a relationship at all use DSM categories to satisfy requirements of insurance companies to receive payments 1 Philosophy of Choice Theory: William Glasser Need for a new Psychology • The brain reacts to actions & thinking processes • Past 100 years, technology has progressed of individual, rather than individual reacting as drastically, but human progress has been at a result of an “imbalance in brain chemistry” as is standstill popularly thought – Still wars, divorces, suicides, murder, poor productivity in • As a result, people do not need psychotropic or schools & workplace & unhappy people “brain” drugs such as Prozac • Two groups of people of unhappy people: – Those who try to find their way back to pleasurable • Rather, they need psychotherapy to help them relationships w/happy people with their relationships – Those who have given up on relationships & try to feel • Society should be in a more preventive mode good by other means (drugs, alcohol, violence, sex, abusing rather than a reactive mode for psychological food, etc.) behaviors, just as communities are for medical • Once this group can find meaningful relationships through AA or other professional or nonprofessional counselors & teachers, illness they too can find happiness again Choice Theory: Choice Theory: Need for a new Psychology Need for a new Psychology • Glasser believes problem is external • Need to change our “7 Deadly Habits of External Control” mindset of our society – Criticizing – Blaming – “You must do what I want or be the way I – Complaining Nagging want you to be!” – Threatening • Rather than letting us both decide what is – Punishing – Bribing or rewarding to control best for us in our relationship & then work • To the “7 Caring Habits of Choice Theory)” together to make it happen – Respecting • Glasser feels that society should move – Supporting more towards internal locus of control – Encouraging Listening – Accepting – Trusting – Negotiating differences to a Win/Win situation Choice Theory: Choice Theory: Need for a new Psychology Basic Needs and Feelings • Similar idea as Maslow’s hierarchy of needs • Difficult to retrain our thinking & communication (Survival,Love/Belonging, Power, Freedom, & Fun) because we are so engrained in the external control – Different in that only Survival & Love/Belonging are in system both sets • Three Beliefs of External Control Psychology: – Choice Theory needs are NOT in a hierarchy – 1) My behavior is caused by something that occurs outside of myself (e.g., “I answer the phone because it rings”) • Rather they are analogous to the legs of a chair -- – 2) I can make you do what I want you to do or we can if all legs are balanced, the chair functions better control each other by what we say or do • Glasser believes that we are genetically – 3) I know what’s right for you & if you don’t do it, I should & programmed to satisfy all five basic needs must control you because it is the right thing to do – Strongly Agree, Agree, Unsure, Disagree, Strongly Disagree • Negotiation is necessary to balance the needs of Where are you on this continuum of beliefs both parties of a relationship for #1, 2, & 3 • One party may need more of one need than the other 2 Choice Theory: Choice Theory: Basic Needs and Feelings Basic Needs and Feelings • 1) Survival - Physiological Need • There may also be an internal conflict to – All living creatures struggle to survive & reproduce satisfy multiple needs at same time the species – Also, humans look beyond present survival needs & – e.g., you want to be responsible & gain make an effort to live in ways that lead to longevity respect of others but also want freedom & (exercise & eating healthy) fun – Survival comes from the “old brain” – base of the • McNamara (1997) also added intraneed brain As humans developed, cerebral cortex or “new brain” allows us to have needs beyond conflicts (e.g., survival – “the need for survival can include the – If survival was our only need, there would be no motivation to be safe & the urge toward anorexia or suicide growth”) – Also getting along better with each other would result in more survival & less death Choice Theory: Choice Theory: Basic Needs and Feelings • 2) Love & Belonging - Psychological Need Basic Needs and Feelings – It’s a 2-way street • 3) Power – Psychological Need • “I need to receive love, be involved & feel like I belong” – Distinctive human need • “I feel better if I am able to give love & acceptance to others” – Includes feeling of accomplishment, success, recognition, respect & being heard – Most of psychotherapy in countries where survival needs are primarily met revolve around this need – For some, the need is insatiable – Either lack of love or deteriorating love are associated – For others, they are satisfied with the amount they with have • Suicide – For some, it comes at the expense of their • Mental Illness relationships with others (greed, external control • Infidelity over others) • Murder – But for some, it may work for the common good • Feelings of jealousy, abandonment, revenge & despair (saving lives or developing new treatments) – External control is used extensively here – We need to strive for the latter rather than the former Choice Theory: Choice Theory: Basic Needs and Feelings Basic Needs and Feelings • 4) Freedom to express ideas, choices & ability • 5) Fun – Psychological Need to be constructively creativity – Psychological Need – The genetic reward for learning – It concerns us most when we perceive that our – We play all our lives & as a result we learn all freedom is threatened our lives – Need balance between “your need to try to force me to live my life the way you want & my need to be free – “Fun is best defined by laughter” of that force – “People who fall in love are learning a lot – This balance is best expressed by the golden rule “Do about each other, & they find themselves unto others as you would have others do unto you” – External control is the enemy of freedom laughing almost continually” – When we loose freedom, we loose a defining human – “Laughing & learning are the foundation of characteristic (creativity) all successful long-term relationships” 3 Choice Theory Choice Theory (Quality World) (Quality World) • As people grow up & interact with • It is dynamic as our experiences environment, they find some parts of world satisfy their needs & make them grow feel good & other parts do not • Anytime we feel good, we are • They take this information & build into choosing to behave so that their memory pictures of people, things, something or someone in our real beliefs or situations which seem to be the best ways to satisfy one or more of the world comes close to matching the basic needs image in our quality world • The conglomerate of these wants is the world in which we would like to live & is called our Quality World Choice Theory Choice Theory (Quality World) (Quality World) • Everyone has their own unique quality world • Besides being in conflict with other’s quality world • Total objectivity is a myth wants, our own quality world wants can be in • It could only exist if we all had exactly the same conflict with each other and/or they can be linked quality worlds together • It’s just like jury trials – everyone sees things from • Advertises hope that consumers will put their a different perspective product into their quality world & link them to the • Only things that are not important to us can be images the consumers already have in their minds seen as they truly are (heroes, beauty, power, wealth, etc.) • Luckily, there are enough of these unimportant • Pictures or wants exist in a priority & often it is the things to almost all of us that we can agree that therapist’s job to help clients to determine priorities what is out there is REALITY about what is need satisfying in the long term & not just for the moment Choice Theory
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