June 2011 Number 237

MELTHAM GOLF CLUB

BULLETIN

Captains News

Can you play too much golf? I played my first round of the Carr Bowl on Thursday the 28th of April against John Steel, a member I have not had the pleasure of playing with before (another good reason to enter the KO comps). We finished on the fourteenth then I dashed back to catch the last hour of the first Social Committee meeting of the year, chaired by the Captain Elect Adrian Ashworth and diligently minuted by Dr Sue Whittaker.

For the Bank Holiday weekend I went up to Scotland (managed to miss the Royal Wedding) with Paul Sykes and Steve Hanley from Meltham, Major Tim Dyson from ”Royal” Longley Park, an ex Marsden member and a slim lad from Woodsome. On Friday we played 18 holes at Stirling GC, it has spectacular views of Stirling Castle which is like Castle Hill but bigger, in the evening we went out for a few beers, as you do. Saturday morning we played 9 holes at Alva GC with only 3 clubs and a putter. I chose a rescue club, an 8 iron and a gap wedge (I don`t know why either). At least I finished with the same ball. On Saturday afternoon we played 18 holes at Alloa GC where for an extra £12 we had soup and bacon sandwiches for lunch with the option of a high tea after we had finished our round. We northern boys chose the pie, chips and gravy option followed by apple pie, cream and ice cream, and washed down with Carling Extra Cold. On Sunday morning we played 18 holes at Kilsyth Lennox GC which has an interesting history. Their original club house was burnt down with all their trophies and club history, the course has now been extended from its original 9 holes and is built around a working quarry. We came home on Sunday evening and finished the trip in the Woolpack at Almondbury as tradition demands.

On the morning of Bank Holiday Monday I walked the course with the Greens Chairman Andrew Westacott, Geoff , Jonathan Leach our Course manager, Sam Wardill the Deputy Course manager and Golf Chairman Rob Load, looking at ways to improve the course. The findings have been published in Mr Westacott`s monthly report. I then had all Bank Holiday Monday afternoon off to rest. Tuesday the 3rd of May brought another 36 holes at Meltham in the Huddersfield and Halifax Winter Alliance Page Trophy, which as a past winner and this years Captain I was obliged to play in. The tro- phy was won by Simon Garside a 19 handicapper from Willow Val- ley, say no more. I was the lowest placed Meltham competitor, whereas Neil Paxman was the top Meltham golfer with two excellent rounds of 70 and 77 on what was a very windy day. The greens were, as ever excellent with all competitors praising the quality of the Meltham greens.

On Wednesday night I had my first Captain’s Friendly away at Elland. Luckily I didn’t have to play all 18 holes but managed to finish with a birdie two on the last hole. My thanks to Past Captain David Thorpe, my foursomes partner Mick Cooke, David Utasi the Rabbit Captain Elect and stalwart Jack Thewlis for turning out to represent the Club.

So I had Thursday and Friday off before another 36 holes on Saturday the 7th in the Fisher Cup Foursomes where myself and partner Ashley Mills went round the lakeside holes in the first round 3, 9, and 3. Easy life! I must pass on my congratulation to Norman Higgs and Jim Hemming for their splendid win in the Fisher Cup Foursomes, shows there is life in the old dogs yet!

On the 12th of May I had the sad duty to attend the funeral of Mrs Jackie Donkin, a past Lady Captain and long time member of Meltham GC. Mike Carr remarked that Jackie always kept him on his toes when he was Captain. She will be sadly missed. Our thoughts are with her husband Barrie and his family.

In the Chas.Watts Trophy I played with two of the nicest left handers in the club, Tom and Henry Freeland another two members I had not played with before. Congratulations to Ben Ellis for a great score on a tough day.

I didn’t manage to play in the Mixed Invitation due to work commitments, but I did assist the Lady Captain in presenting the prizes. My thanks go to Pauline Hazelden for her hard work and for making my job easier. The first Gents Invitation was played on Saturday 21st, unfortunately it was not very well attended but it was won with ease by resurgent Mark and Toby Garret with a splendid 63. Toby said his Dad played so badly the week before he had to apologise to his playing partners! I express my apologies’ on behalf of the committee to those members who were unable to dine after the invitation due to a long standing booking in the diary.

Thanks to young guns Alistair Brodhead and James Fish, not so young Roy Roebuck and Ted Pickles and Stephen Hanley for braving the elements at Dewsbury on Sunday the 22nd to play for the club in the Union four ball.

That woman does it again! My foursomes partner Hazel Hardacre sank another monstrous putt on the tenth. Playing competitors Margret Bottomore and John Cooper were gobsmacked.

Ian Saxton Captain

Presidents Twopenn’rth

Why, Oh Why, Oh Why……………..

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the bat- teries are almost dead?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but have to check when you say the paint is still wet? Is there ever a day when sofas are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialised?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead insects get into those enclosed light fixtures?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

…………………….and Lost in Translation

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat and mutters, “I don’t like Chinese”. “No rike Chinese?” asks the co-pilot “why not”.

You people bombed Pearl Harbour, that’s why”. “No no” the co-pilot protests, “Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah, that Japanese, not Chinese”.

“Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese… doesn’t matter, your all alike”. There’s a few minutes of silence.

“I No rike Jews”, the co-pilot suddenly announces. “Oh yeah, why not?” asks the captain. “Jews sink Titanic”.

“What? That’s insane! Jews didn’t sink the Titanic!” exclaimed the captain “It was an iceberg”

“Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg…..no matta….all same!” Rabbits News

What a strange year! I have just picked some strawberries from my garden – not under glass – and it’s only May!! The dry ground is helping the ball run too, just discovering what a wedge is for!

The Meltham Rabbits are doing well this year we lead the league after two games so keep it up. Apparently Derek Tompson is on fire hope he can keep it up as we play together in the Greensomes.

In the Huddersfield and Halifax district competitions we have six players through to the second round of the RT Morley, unfortunately not our star from last year – Mr Auckland is out in the prelim.

I let Mr Vice take a group to Saddleworth last Monday and apparently his joke was quite funny but they won’t let him eat in the clubhouse, he did win the wine again – I must remind him that as acting Captain he should give up his prize for his fellow team members.

Meanwhile I seem to be witnessing incredible events on my Friendlies – first David White and his bunker antics, this has been put in perspective at Outlane, when a fellow Meltham member, who shall remain nameless to protect his honour, managed to hit his ball straight into his own goolies while attempting a wedge out of the rough – more than a shot penalty I felt.

The Rabbits Committee went to Headlingly to take part in their annual Rabbits Open yesterday and I must say how good value these events are at £30 a couple and a free bacon sandwich and coffee plus 18 holes on a cracking golf course you can’t get many better days out. We only managed one prize – Jim Bence got nearest the pin after two on the 18th, but I would recommend fellow Rabbits to look at some of these events if you haven’t already and of course support our own on 3rd July and for anyone who can bring in 7 other non Meltham member golfers we’ll let you have a free entry.

Lots of good golf and competitions to look forward to in June so lets get out there.

John Harper Rabbit Captain About the House

At the Ladies AM - AM held on 25th May, the extension to the car park showed signs of coming into its own as people used it to park in preference to parking on the course. For any one who hasn’t noticed, the extension is among the trees to the right of the car park. It was created by the Greens Staff during the winter by clearing away undergrowth and covering the area with road scrapings. Jonathan and his men are thanked for doing a great job with only the materials used costing the Club. The extension is intended to be serviced by a one way system with entry nearest the course and the far end serving as exit. It should provide at least 20 more parking spaces. I hope to put up proper signs soon. Sue Hinchcliffe has been doing a sterling job cleaning the two WCs at the halfway house: she does them twice a week on Wednesday and Saturday, prior to the first players reaching them. One small job is to rationalise the plethora at toilet roll holders and soap dispensers; once this has been completed we might consider entering the facilities for Golf Club Loos of the year. I apologise for the fact that the air pressure blower for cleaning golf shoes and trolleys situated by the Pro’s shop is not working at present. It was doctored by Neil Birks who has since departed for the U.S. ( temporarily we hope). Once the facilities are restored members are asked to clean shoes and trolleys when they leave the course. Apart from keeping car boots cleaner this should help the overall appearance of the car park. We still find the odd cigarette butt outside the doors although many are being put in the correct receptacles. However there were half a dozen empty cigarette packets lying around the patio last Monday morning. They can of course be brought into the Clubhouse and put in the bin by the coffee machine. There are also litter baskets around the course and two at the halfway house to take rubbish which would otherwise ruin the look of the place. Sorry to preach; enjoy your golf and social activities in the next few warm months. If you have comments, suggestions or even criticisms please let me have them by either putting a note in my pigeon hole upstairs or emailing [email protected]

Christine Baxter HHDUGC JUNIOR CHAMPIONSHIPS SUNDAY 29TH MAY

Individual Gross Jamie Bower Meltham

Individual Net Chris Bell West End

Team Gross Halifax Jamie Smith, Connah Judson. Calum Lewis, Jack Waterworth

Team Net West End Chris Bell, James Dix, Brad Hardcastle, Joe Stott Ladies news We were all very saddened at the news that Jackie Donkin had passed away. Before she was taken ill, she won her final match against Pauline Hazelden whilst playing in August 2010 in the Peace Salver knockout competition. Over the 55 years as a member and a Past Captain, she always worked very hard for the club, and was a mind of information. We shall all miss her very much.

May has not been a good weather month, although the ladies have been fortunate enough to play all their competitions.

4th May C.H. Watts Salver, Medal 7

1st Sheila Mellor 2nd Christine Ward 3rd Christine Baxter Best gross Carol Walker

With a plethora of Bank Holidays in May it was difficult to find a suitable weekend for the Ladies Sunday Driver. Normally played in early April, we went to Herons Reach near Blackpool on the 8th May. Lancashire lived up to its reputation, it rained. A big thank you to Pat Smith for again organising a good couple of days. I felt that watching every group at some time on the course as I drove round in a buggy, gave me a grandstand view of everyone’s game, and I kept relatively dry! Most of the ladies visited a club with live entertainment after the meal on Saturday night! Perhaps a bit of an eye-opener for some.

Sunday winners were, Pauline Hazelden, Carol Thompson and Margaret Shaw, with a credible score of 74 points.

Monday’s winners in a Stableford Waltz were, Christine Ward, Jill Thornley-Casson and Mary Shawley. All the prizes were travel related.

11th May YLCGA Foursomes & Club Foursomes

1st Frieda Bolton & Sue Whittaker 2nd Tilly Prior & Carol Thompson 3rd Carol Walker & Rhoda James. Nine couples qualified to the district final at West End on 30th June 2011.

On Sunday 15th May the Open Mixed Am-Am, organised by Pauline Hazelden, was represented by 24 couples from 29 clubs, with only 4 Meltham members playing! Thank you to Pauline for very capable organisation skills, and to Denise Mear for her excellent cooking skills, in the half-way house.

1st Terry Charlesworth & Hilary Charlesworth Woolley Park & Martin Guest & Sarah Guest Meltham 2nd J Glaves & A. Glaves. J. Robinson & G. Robinson Wortley 3rd Keith Moores & Derek Moores Stamford & Eileen Moores & Rhoda Potts Saddleworth

Tuesday, 17th May was the day the B Team played Crosland Heath away and won 5-2. Well done!

18th May Ladies Centenary Trophy & Medal 8

1st Karen Roche 2nd Pauline Hazelden Best gross 3rd Pauline Blakeley

On 19th May the Scratch Team played Knaresborough at home, and after the good start by the B team, they were able to continue the wins with a 6-1 result. Well done! Monday 23rd May was an horrendous day for A Team Captain Julie White. After a fine morning, and discussions at 7.30 am with the team captain from Flamborough, the heavens opened as soon as the 1st pairing reached the 3rd hole. After some further discussion, and consideration for the distance travelled by the visiting team, the match was restarted 45 minutes later. The Meltham ladies finally won 6-1. Well done! On Wednesday 25th May, Margaret Shaw gave a huge sigh of relief when all the hard work that had been put into her first ever competition organisation, was a huge success. There were 25 clubs represented, many of whom made comment on the excellent condition of the course. A very big thank you to Jonathan and his team for their hard work in preparing the course after the very strong winds the previous two days. Meltham is renowned for its food, and again those who stayed to dine expressed their enjoyment. Thank you to Tony, Steve and the waiting staff.

However, without the help of the Meltham Ladies Section (and their husbands) volunteering, we would not be so successful. It would be good to see additional names on the volunteering list, to help build on the excellent reputation that Meltham has developed as a well organised and friendly club. This could be an ideal opportunity for newer members to assist, and learn more about the Ladies Section organisation. Don`t just leave it to the few!

1st J Hellawell, W. Dufton, L. Foster & S.Taylor St. Ives 2nd D.Proctor, L.Easton, G.Wright, & W.Stott Outlane 3rd D.Riley & M.Blanchard Longley Park & K.Roche & E.Schofield Meltham Nearest the pin Ross Lumb 150cms Nearest the line Nancy Sawyer 21cms.

To all those that have organised competitions, to those that have volunteered their time, to those who have played and won, a very big thank you, and well done. Let's hope June lives up to its reputation, “ Flaming June”, and provides the opportunity for some excellent golf. Janet Stangroom, Lady Captain Course Report for May

With 0mm rainfall during April and a dry March coupled with warm days and frosty nights we had the worst possible conditions for spring growth. The greens are suffering due to the unfavourable spring weather. We are left with patchy growth. The deeper rooting bents and fescues growing but meadow grass still in its winter dormant state. The automatic water has been on for 19 days in a row. This has been essential just to keep grass alive. However, owing to cold night time temperatures and the cold temperature of the water it has had a big a negative on the grass as it has been positive. In an attempt to combat this we moved the start time of the water programme from 11pm to 7.30pm to try and get the water on when the temperature is reasonable.

2011 course walk notes Hole by hole suggestions

1. New purpose built temp green down to left hand side

3. Possible raised medal tee. Possible bunker short left of green

4. Lift and level drainage ditches

6. Small hump down left 60yds short of green Tree plantation 10-12 trees same area

8. New tee possibly slightly to right – 1 level area instead of 2 split level

9. Slight alteration to left side shape of fairway

10. Clear trees to left of tee – possibly extended tee back 20 yards

11. Slight change to fairway left hand side near drainage scars lift and level drainage scars

12. Possible new larger tee split over 2 levels to create more teeing area

15. Possible bunker short left of green

16. Slight alteration to right side of fairway

17. Blue stakes placed on stoney path

18. Remove trees on left bottom side of path Friday Night Mixed Friendly 4’somes After the first three weeks of the Friday foursomes we hoped that we were going to have a year when the weather was going to be really kind to us. Unfortunately Friday the 13th proved us wrong. On a night only fit for ducks the spirit of Meltham golfers came to the fore. Some players had their clubs in and out of their cars like yoyos as they decided whether to play or not. In the end 20 couples ventured out into the deluge. What spirit!!!!!

As we all assembled in the lounge afterwards, the talk was of the rain – how wet everyone had got and the effect that it had on the scores. However, two couples obviously enjoyed the conditions and managed to come in with scores under 50 –what an achievement! Let’s hope for better weather for the next game.

We would like to take this opportunity to welcome Mr Captain, June & Bill Hopwood and Lionel Barham to our Friday night event. I am sure that they have been made to feel very welcome and are getting to know our regular members. We would also like to thank those members who do not play regularly but help us out when needed.

The results from the first four Fridays are:

8th April 1st Karen Roche & Mark Earnshaw 2nd Maureen Buckley & Lionel Barham 3rd Christine Baxter & Dave Campbell 15th April 1st Carol & Phillip Walker 2nd Karen Roche & John Dixon 3rd Hilary Dukes & Alan Green 29th April 1st Maureen Buckley & Lionel Barham 2nd Sue & Roger Whittaker 3rd Mary Shawley & Gerald Parr 13th May 1st Karen Roche & John Dixon 2nd Denise & Chris Mear 3rd Tilly Prior & Barry Bennett Congratulations to all the winners.

Anne & John Szlachcic. SOCIAL EVENTS AT MELTHAM GOLF CLUB JUNE - AUGUST 2011

What a great night we had at the Wine Tasting on Saturday 14 May. About 60 of us enjoyed sampling a variety of wines most of which were Australian. There were 2 Roses, 3 Whites and 4 Reds. The earlier wines were accompanied by a delicious platter of hors d’oeuvres and half way through the evening we were sustained with Australian lamb pie and peas. Many thanks are due to Emma Breslin, ably assisted by her mum and dad, Jane and Chris, for obtaining the wines and educating us about Australian wines in a fun way. The wine quiz was won by Lady Captain’s table on a tie break question. Lady Captain closed the evening with a gracious vote of thanks to Emma, Jane, Chris and the caterers. PRESENTATION EVENING Saturday 4 June. Come and celebrate with the winners and competitors. Free entrance to listen and dance to the rock band ‘Band of Oz’; their performance will follow the presentation at 8.pm. Food will be available from 6.30 to 7.30 but please sign on the booking sheet on the notice board if you wish to eat. Dress code is ‘smart casual’ but prize winners must wear jacket and tie for the actual presentation. SUMMER BALL Saturday 2 July. Our annual ‘marquee’ event to celebrate Captain’s weekend! Tickets will be £25 for an evening of fabulous food accompanied by melodic music and followed by a more lively sound to dance away the rest of the night. There will be opportunity to donate to Mr. Captain’s charity ‘ForgetMeNot’. Dress code is ‘Back tie’. PRESENTATION OF PRIZES FOR Mr. CAPTAIN’S COMPETITION Saturday 9 July. Food will be available before the presentation which will take place at 8 p.m. Please sign the list if you wish to eat. There will be entertainment after the presentation. Dress code is ‘smart casual’ but as usual prize winners must wear a jacket and tie for the presentation itself. PRESIDENT’S PRIZE Saturday 6 August. If you enjoy jazz this is the night for you! The Tame Valley Stompers will be playing after the President has presented the prizes. Please watch the notice board for further details nearer the time. AROUND THE WORLD GOLF Sunday 28 August. A really popular day!! More details nearer the time.

Sue Whittaker. THE SOCIAL COMMITTEE WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR FUTURE SOCIAL EVENTS AND PRESENTATION EVENINGS. IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS PLEASE SEE Mr. Captain, Madam Captain, Mr. President, Adrian Ashworth or any other member of the social committee.

JUNE DIARY

Wed 1 Medal & Medal Winners Brooch Thu 2 Ladies B Team V Flaxby Tee res 12.30pm Fri 3 Junior League V Woodsome Hall Tee res 5.30pm Sat 4 Medal Presentation Night Sun 5 Invitation Mixed Greensomes Tue 7 Rabbits Friendly V Marsden Tee res 4.30pm V/P Le Miserable (18/20) Tee res 9.30 & 1.30pm Wed 8 O H Sykes 4somes Thu 9 Scratch Team V Halifax Tee res 5.30pm Ladies A team V Lightcliffe Tee res 1.00pm Fri 10 Friday 4’s Senior League V Moor Tee res 12.00pm 2008 Past Captains (16) Sat 11 Centenary Salver Sun 12 Leslie Price Trophy Ladies Medal V/P UGAGB G/S (20) Mon 13 HHDGU Scratch & H’Cap 4’s 2nd Round Tee res 5.15-6.00pm Huddersfield Masonic G/S (18) Tee res 1.30-2.45pm Tue 14 Rabbits Friendly V Cleckheaton Tee res 4.30pm Mid Week Medal Wed 15 Gladys Sykes Cup Thu 16 Ladies Scratch Team V Wakefield Tee res 1.30pm Sat 18 Meltham Trophy Sun 19 Rabbits V Ladies Tee res 12.3-2.00pm V/P Hansworth G/S (12/16) Tee res 10.00am & 2.00pm Mon 20 Ladies B Team V Filey Tee res 12.30pm Tue 21 Captains Team Match V Bradley Hall Tee res 5.00pm Wed 22 Lady Captains 1st Round & Medal Rabbits Friendly V Crosland Heath Tee res 4.15pm Thu 23 Handicap Team V Castlefields Tee res 5.00pm Scratch Team V Woodsome Hall Tee res 5.30pm Ladies Scratch Team V Sitwell Park Tee res 1.30pm Fri 24 Friday 4’s V/P Mrs Mitchell Lady Captains Day Tee res 10.00am & 1.30pm Sat 25 John Reynolds Trophy Sun 26 Rabbits Centenary Trophy V/P Altrincham G/S Tee res 9.30am & 2.00pm Golden Wedding (70) 1.30pm Mon 27 Rabbits Centenary Trophy (alternate day) Ladies A Team V Rudding Park Tee res 1.30pm Tue 28 Rabbits Friendly V Longley Park Tee res 4.30pm Mid Week Stableford Wed 29 Lady Captains 2nd Round & Tea Thu 30 Handicap Team V Bradley Park Tee res 5.00pm Scratch Team V Huddersfield Tee res 5.30pm