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Tremendous Tunes By Accordion

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 1 2

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion

Chainwriting The Tomorrow Gods 4 City Sense 9 Stowaway 14 Memories of Sand 18 Cooking by the Book 22 The Strange Case of the Astrogator’s Eye 26 Spell Trek 30

The Mummy from Differing Viewpoints 36 Samuel Cook

Aldi Gothic 38 Danielle Saunders

Xenomusicology: the use of fictional ethnomusicology in the multi-media world of James Cameron’s Avatar 39 Cici Carey-Stewart

A Beginner’s Guide to Prog Rock Concept Albums Which Tell Science Fiction and/or Fantasy Stories 46 Sarah Binney

TTBA Titles Being Appraised 48 Anonymous

The Remaining Pieces of Part I of Die Zauberkarotte 50 Anonymous Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 2 3

The Chairbeing’s Address A Note from the Editor Greetings CUSFS. CUSFS, your creativity will never cease to Another year, another sun, has been and amaze me. Our chainwriting efforts from gone. I have managed the benevolent task of back in Michaelmas took readers across the holding onto my chairbeing power (you fools) universe, from cities to deserts to approxi- and it is always amazing to see the society mately 50 different types of spaceship, throw- 1 evolve and witness what makes it into tradi- ing in the collective talent of more than 80 ex- tion this year. tremely bright and extremely genre-savvy people. I’m looking forward to the Chainwrit- It's been a fun Michaelmas, and promises to ing Extended Universe crossover event2 be a great Lent, having found the kettle in the (though bagsy I’m not on plot hole sealing Pembroke NCR and with fond memories of duty). the biscuits we ate. Tea, for I now make it tra- 3 dition, should hopefully continue in our dis- But that’s not all! This music-themed issue cussions. Always a pleasure to run films. For also boasts an entire fantasy opera, a serious those new to the society, be excited for the joy academic discussion of alien music, several that is Lent term films. album reviews, and something I can only de- scribe as Lidl Shop of Horrors (see what I I have no doubt you will find this TTBA ex- did there?). There’s everything from poetry to hilarating, wondrous, creative and chaotic, as the Mummy. I suppose variety is supposed to is the CUSFS way. However maybe slightly be the Spice of Life (though I was never one more organised with thanks to the editor and for nights out myself). her google forms. Keep doing you, CUSFS. It’s what you do Olivia Morley best. CUSFS Chairbeing 2017—19 Yours scribblingly,

Sarah Binney4 TTBA Editor

1 I’m shocked too! I didn’t even know there were 80 peo- ple on the CUSFS mailing list! 2 I promise I will ensure the combination of fantasy and sci-fi is perfectly balanced, as all things should be. 3 Completely by accident, of course. Great minds think alike, and all that. 4 You’re not rid of me just yet.

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 3 4

The Tomorrow Gods Bobby Vos, light_harted, A. A. Rispo Constantinou, Rory Hennell James, Ed H, Human, anon, Chua Jefferson Edralin, Shilin Chen, Tom Musgrove, Cayson, James Baillie

Kayla never cared much wards her people’s newly discov- his crew, nothing more techno- ered pantheon vanished for the logically complex than you for the old gods of myth. briefest of moments. For she would expect to find in a medie- But then again, she did now saw clearly before her eyes val village. The Lieutenant was the unfolding of magics she had poking at her wrist strap, desper- not remember ever seeing never dreamt possible. Amidst ately trying to make contact with them outside the temple this cacophony of colour and one of the fleet in the nearby energy, she noticed one of the space quadrant to tell them that hall. News of their arrival had beings conversing with what they’d crash landed on wherever spread across the village like seemed to be the leader of the they were after being ambushed wildfire and, notwithstanding the group. She vainly attempted to by the Swaleen. early hour of the day, had man- catch a fragment of their conver- aged to attract a sizeable crowd Crawley noticed one of the na- sation, but quickly returned her to the central square. Old Yeran tives manoeuvring its way to the attention to the spectacle before swore he had seen the heavens front of the crowd, eyeing him, her. burst open in flame, after which Pierce and the rest of the crew he had noticed the group of “Lieutenant, prognosis?” with what could only be called a strangers emerge on the horizon. “Bad, sir… We’re not getting out suspicious gaze no matter what Other villagers keenly supported of here. Not on time, anyway. species you were from. Their the octogenarian’s account in all And certainly not by ourselves.” eyes lit up briefly though as but the most extravagant of de- Pierce projected a hologram of tails. Most striking, however— * their ships diagnostics into the and it was in this that the Captain Crawley ran one hand air and examined it critically. strangers resembled most power- through his hair and looked out There was an uncomfortable fully those divine heroes of over the crowd of natives sur- amount of red in the hologram yore—was their seemingly ef- rounding him and Lieutenant and, working on the universal fortless mastery over the world Pierce. They looked most similar assumption that red in diagnos- around them. to small kangaroos except with tics was a bad thing, he felt duty bound to ask, Determined not to let supersti- opposable thumbs and a slightly tion and rumour deter her from flatter snout than the earthen “Lieutenant, prognosis?” variety. The had endearingly her naturalistic world views, “Bad, sir… We’re not getting out Kayla manoeuvred herself large eyes though and a colourful dress sense which immediately of here. Not on time, anyway. though the impromptu congre- And certainly not by ourselves. gation in an effort to subject the made Crawley take a liking to visitors to closer inspection. But them. “The ship couldn’t guarantee a as she emerged at the front of Beyond the crowd was a square gentle landing so beamed us the growing crowd of spectators, containing an impressive temple down before crashing. We still have contact with it but location the doubts she harboured to- but, unfortunately for him and Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 4 5 systems are down. That bit of they looked far too skinny to slightly irritably. He felt he was red means we don’t have work- provide much speed. It seemed missing something important. ing orbital thrusters, this bit of to be mostly hairless, with fur Luckily for him, Pierce had had red means the hull is too bat- only on the top of its head and a the same thought, and filled in tered for repressurisation, and curious curving line below its the gap. that bit of red means we don’t nose. The creature stopped in “Did you notice what word the even have basic life support – front of her as her fellow villag- translators chose?” she asked. waste filtering and water purifi- ers backed away behind her. It “'Heaven'.” cation are out. Orange says we extended its forelegs with their still have power, for now, and slender toes splayed wide and “Most pre-technical species don't somehow the entertainment sys- opened its mouth. have a concept of 'space' as we understand it.” tems have held, if that’s any con- “Greetings! We come in peace. solation. We need to make a full Can you understand me?” Pierce was not dissuaded by inventory to work out what we Crawley's dissembling. “You have left and— say, sir, do you It seemed an odd question for a know exactly why we have to be think that kangaroo thing is get- god to ask. Surely they could al- careful here.” ting awfully close?” ways be understood by their cre- ations, at least when they chose Crawley did indeed know why * to be. they had to be careful. He wasn't too worried, though – the classic Kayla started as the sudden “Yes, I can.” movement of one of the gods Chariots of the Gods scenario tore her from the lights. What “Good,” replied the leader. It was all about displays of supreme she presumed to be the group’s then turned back to its fellow. “I power, and didn't tend to involve leader had begun gesturing, mov- suppose the ship must have admissions of impotence. ing its appendages towards itself, beamed some translation mi- Both he and Pierce paused. and had dropped into a crouch. crobes over as well.” Hopefully the creature would try Curious, she approached. She “Have you come down from to communicate again; that noticed the other conversant be- heaven?” asked Kayla. would help them determine how ing watching her intently. Un- “Well, we have come from much of their hand to play. daunted, she stared back, with across the stars. We sought to * matched intensity. As their eyes watch over your world for a met, a cacophonous orgy of Kayla was thinking hard; she was time, but our craft was damaged, sound erupted from the lights. perfectly capable of a process of and we are now no longer able Kayla made out a string of elimination. Could they be of the to depart.” strangely coherent noises… material world? Clearly not – “you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, This reignited Kayla’s suspicion. they could travel to, or at least you’re beautiful, it’s tr—"… before The myths spoke of the gods as from, heaven. Could they be it stopped, as abruptly as it had almighty beings of incredible gods? Clearly not – they could begun. power. How could it be beyond not return to heaven with but a them to return to heaven as they thought. In fact, they seemed to “Well, that’s the entertainment pleased? As she pondered this, have been barred from heaven... system down now, too.” another burst of sound came What did that leave? She didn't The apparent leader stepped for- from the lights… “and I see, no know of things that were like ward, looking right at her. It was bravery, no bravery, in your–…” gods but the enemies of gods, much taller than any of her peo- * but if such things existed, then ple. It walked on its two hindlegs surely they must be hindered in with its back entirely upright, “Of all the artists to be stuck every way. There was still a leaving its forelegs too far from on…” muttered Pierce. chance that it was all a misunder- the ground to run on, though “Can you not?” asked Crawley, standing, though, and in truth

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 5 6 she was scared of opposing such ies on this planet show that the plete.” beings. community social life is built The monks giggled and the flick- around their gods and yet they She paused. Hopefully the crea- ering stopped. Within the dark tures would try to communicate have had only this one temple corner no one could be seen. for all this time. On closer in- again; that would help her deter- * mine how much of her hand to spection it seems to be quite a play. structure compared to the rest of Kayla stilled as the strange be- their architecture. I think ings’ whispered conversation * someone’s been and gone long broke apart, the apparent leader Pierce’s wrist strap lit up. “Ho, before us. I want to know if they approaching her again while the Captain, looks like we’ve receiv- left anything behind.” rest watched in silence. Even the ing a transmission of some sort.” * maelstrom of lights dancing After some brief fiddling the around them slowed to an halt. face of a young woman appeared In a nearby settlement, two The leader, seeming hesitant, on the hologram. monks seemed to be taking part produced a strange hacking in their morning prayer ritual noise from its mouth. “Captain, Lieutenant, what hap- with their heads respectfully to pened?” she asked, more out of the ground. However, if you “We find ourselves in a quanda- curiosity than anything else. dared approach the worshippers ry. We would like to visit your “Swaleen ambush. They took you would have seen iron gran- temple… to divine the… path out some major systems. We ules oscillating on the sand were we shall take.” were repairing them but our tra- the subject of analysis. Under The fumbled explanation only jectory crashed us on this planet. their hoods there was an unmis- fed her suspicion. If these crea- Although it’s already occupied. takable luminescence, switching tures were gods, why would they What should we do? Our ship’s from red to blue, providing an seek the temple’s guidance? damage is beyond the point of eerie glow to their huddle. The Then again, if they were truly the self repair mechanisms, we fluctuations were so rapid they banished from heaven, as she need someone to come down would have been dismissed as a had hypothesized, surely they here.” trick of the eye. knew better than to trespass on “Forget about that for now. You Within the quiet muttering one holy ground. But before she say the planet is occupied?” uttered, “Do you see these field could come to a decision, anoth- formations? This is not from er person toppled out of the still- “Yes Ma’am, they’re small kan- Earth. Stage one of our plan is in growing crowd, skidding to a garoo-like creatures. See for motion. They are here.” stop beside her. yourself.” Pierce replied whilst “I shall bring you to the temple, panning the camera on her wrist The other in muted tones re- strap. “It seems their language is plied, “A ship was successfully honoured heroes,” he shouted, clearly out of breath. “Please al- sufficiently similar to ours for targeted within the radius of the the translation microbes to make gravity-warp generator?” low this lowly scholar the privi- lege of being your guide.” reasonably sensible conversa- The leader confirmed, “The field tion.” forces have changed, they are 20 Kayla recognized the junior dis- “Good. I have a separate mis- degrees West from here. Our ciple of the temple. Insufferable, sion for you two. While passing gravity storm would have com- yes, but most steeped in doctrine through this system we’ve been pletely destroyed their ship. As amongst the villagers. If he detecting radioactive trace ele- we used Swaleen technology we judged these creatures divine, ments and subatomic particles in are safe from suspicion. I assume who was Kayla to disagree? ratios not emitted by any human we have three sunrises to find Yet… engine. Some with very long half them before self-replication of “I graciously accept your offer, lives. The non-interference stud- their cellular engines is com- Sage…”

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 6 7 “Seryn!” he gasped, delighted at holy, of a color that Crawley had “A clear lie,” said the monk. the address. An honorific re- never seen before. He didn’t “Deceptions as unworthy and served for the most respected of know how to describe it. ineffective as your disguise. You elders, now bestowed by appar- However, before Crawley took cannot shake our faith.” ent godly authority with such out his Collector of Unknown, “How can you be sure?” said thoughtless abandon. Kayla wa- something moved. It roared up, Crawley. vered, feeling something was off fiercely, and, like a lightening, about the entire situation. The monk only bared his teeth – seized Pierce. He was shaking, as perhaps a smile – and turned his Nevertheless, this was clearly out if electrified, but with a look of eyes away from Crawley, to the of her hands at this point. ecstasy and transcendence, as if central altar, where once again, If nothing else, once the temple struck by something supremely the light that had consumed judged, the truth would out. beautiful. Pierce welled up and spread, as * And before Crawley managed to beautiful and incomprehensible react, Pierce fell to the ground, as last time; and then it began to The villagers all lay on their motionless. coalesce into a shape that filled backs surrounding the temple, * Crawley with a strange apprehen- leaving a narrow passage way for sion and fear. them to come by. They were “As I thought,” said the monk, chanting, under the lead of a perfectly calm. “False gods; cast Why, said the light, because I am monk whose gaze reminded down from Heaven by the High- here for them. I have been here for a Crawley of a hibernating black er itself. Seize it.” very long time. But perhaps no longer, now that you have arrived. hole, a caustic mewing song. This last sentence was addressed When Crawley approached, they to Seryn, who nervously moved The mysterious light had now knocked him with their fore- towards Crawley. Instinctively, taken the form of what Crawley heads, half admiring, half cau- he drew his gun, aiming it at the could only describe as reminis- tious. disciple, who appeared to under- cent of a human male, and in “Ah, disgusting…” Pierce tried stand the gesture and halted. Out fact, judging by the familiar stat- to avoid the kangaroos’ curly of the corner of his eye, Crawley ure and slowly forming features, hair. noticed the first native slipping it was starting to remind him of… Pierce? Crawley gave him a warning away, further into the temple. gaze. In the temple, the lumines- “I might not be a god,” Crawley “Who… What are you?” Craw- cent granules were vibrating said, trying to keep his voice just ley asked cautiously, his gun now slightly, like hungry hunting as calm, “but I’m not completely aimed squarely at the mysterious hounds excited by the approach powerless. Attacking me would light. of prey. Sunshine shimmered a be far too much trouble for both The light continued as if it didn’t bit as well. At the same frequen- of us.” hear him, or maybe didn’t care to cy. But no one noticed. The monk tilted his head, and hear him. Finally. Soon I will be As the heavy wooden door said, “It is our duty to defend ready to make the transfer. banged close behind them, there ourselves against the enemies of The other monk flashed a smile, were only Crawley, Pierce, the the gods. If you think you can and then seeming to remember gloomy monk, and junior disci- threaten us, you are incorrect; we the role he was playing, quickly ple standing in darkness. Crawley will defend heaven to the last.” caught himself and turned to the noticed a smaller figure sneak in “You don’t understand,” said unwanted witness. “Leave us, — the strange native who had Crawley, abandoning all proto- disciple.” Seryn hesitated, but eyed them suspiciously? — but cols. “We haven’t come from dutifully obeyed, throwing on his he had no time to care. In front any heavens or hells. There are cowl and scurrying into the tem- of him, raised a light so pure, so ple. no gods here.’

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 7 8 “Don’t worry, human.” The since appreciated. Like the kan- The two unconscious gods had monk continued, “Your friend is garoos they resembled, they been hauled outside. Arguments fine.” Better than fine. The light packed one hell of a kick. This, were few, but Kayla was in no was becoming more and more one monk in particular was mood to brook dissent and she defined, and it was now unmis- about to become extremely well was the one who had emerged takable that it had taken the acquainted with. from the temple, lightless for the form of Pierce. “Disciple! Why have you re- first time, a strange smoking pit “There is no need to be afraid.” turned?” at its heart, weapon of the gods in hand. The monk said ponderously as Kayla was already in the air. Two he began to pace back and forth. large, heavy feet impacted on the “Are you alright?” one old Ata- “You see, we too, were explorers monk’s chest and it staggered reb asked, nervously pawing at from another world. When our backwards. The glowing shade her robe. ship crashed centuries ago, we of Pierce drew closer to the hu- “I won’t lose any sleep on it.” were forced to take refuge in this man’s prone form, though… She looked at the still broken temple. But this is no ordinary human ship. “I’ve got a plan.” • temple. No, it is an ancient and Crawley lifted his pistol and fired elaborate machine, which the a shot, which of course went ‘gods’ used to take our forms straight through the light- Bonus Material and leave our consciousness creature. His mind was strangely Alternative titles: False Gods trapped here. Since then, we’ve sluggish looking at it. It was beau- been confined to these light tiful, he thought. Angelic. “I'd like to register my surprise forms and occasionally pos- She smiled at me on the subway… at Lieutenant Pierce's transfor- sessing some of the senior mation from female to male The earworm words floated into monks. But now that you and halfway through the story, his head. Subway. His eyes wan- your ship are here…” not commented upon by any of dered down below the creature. the other characters. On the oth- As the monk monologued, Kayla It had to have come from some- er hand, many religions do hold found herself forming a daring where. The handle of a trapdoor their gods to be above human rescue attempt as she slipped on beckoned. genders and able to the robe from the unconscious He lunged for it, skidding over shift between them at will…” — junior disciple. the flagstones, hauling it open. Tom Musgrove Like the kangaroos they resem- Lights whirled, his mind THE EDITOR now joins bled, the Atarebs of Suberpeta- blanked. From light, he slipped 327,000,000 people in getting sus V were herbivores who had into darkness. James Blunt stuck in her head, never really developed weapon- * thanks for that, chainwriters. ry. This, the monks had long

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 8 9

City Sense

Anonymous Mathmo, Sally Wagner, Louis Hypothetical, Rachel Foreman, Rebs, Jonathon Cushenan, anon, Anna Mustata, picturesquerain, Samos

They say this City never that only I could hear. For a mi- Was she aware of what I had nute or so, I just thoroughly en- been doing? sleeps. On a Friday night, joyed it, letting the sound flow The woman finally approached gently through my mind. this statement is more evi- me and asked through her teeth: dent than ever. Then I started to make out the - Can I see your permit, please? specific emotions, instantly con- The doors opened with a muf- necting them with their sources. Baffled, I showed her my driver’s fled metallic clanging, and I A solid-looking man in his for- licence. She quickly touched my stepped into the train’s carriage. ties, pretending to read a news- hand and everything around me The stale air was filled with the paper - but all I could sense from suddenly went grey and blurry. clashing aroma of sweat and per- him was guilt, lust and… shame? While I was trying to adjust my- fume of a thousand commuters He was about to pay a visit to self to new reality, she kicked my who had ridden this train today. the Red Lantern district - the leg, which made me fall on my knees. And yet, there was something fact that he left at Midtown Commons confirmed my guess. more than just a mere smell. As a - You are under arrest for unau- soft feminine voice announced Suddenly, amongst all the emo- thorised energy withdrawal and the next station, I shut my eyes tions I could sense, a new one mind intrusion; you have the and took a long deep breath, emerged - the one of utter sur- right to… feeling of utmost tranquillity en- prise, which then grew into anger Meanwhile, I was too scared to tering my mind. When I opened and disappointment. My curiosi- protest. Unauthorised energy them and breathed out I could ty piqued, I started looking for withdrawal? The woman had sense a surge of energy passing the source - and found it: a transferred me to some weird through my body. woman with dark hair and place with just one touch, it Immediately, a whole new world swarthy skin - had we been in wouldn’t be sensible to argue appeared in front of me. Now, I New York, I’d guess she was a with her. Latina. And had we been in a could really see people. Just one When she finished talking, she bar, hey, I’d even take my chanc- glance was enough for me to feel took out an iPhone X, called es with her. the emotional state they were in; somebody and said: with a little more focused effort I She noticed me as well, and start- - Hey, it’s Agent Garcia. Can you could delve into their dreams, ed heading in my direction with a believe it? Tonight could be the troubles, fears… frown on her face. Her eyes ex- biggest night in my career, but, pressed extreme disdain, so, try- Though not quite the rush hour, no, I get a frickin’ leecher in my ing to figure out why, I probed it was a Friday night after all. way! We got standard charges - her. There were plenty of people in withdrawal, intrusion… the carriage, their emotions and Bad idea. Not only did I gain Wait, what did she call me? A thoughts weaved together into a nothing, it somehow made her “leecher”? strange, mesmerising symphony even more mad at me. Why?

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 9 10 - No, his permit hasn’t expired. wrist, before hearing two metal- ingly intact chair and got out her He doesn’t seem to have one to lic clicking sounds. A short phone again. begin with. Doesn’t exactly look glance down at my hands con- - He’s here. like he could afford one, either. firmed by suspicion that she had just handcuffed us together. Her eyes pinned me down with a She glanced down at me; a scru- steely glare, as the person on the tinizing look on her face and her - You are coming with me, other end of the phone respond- upper lip curled in disdain. I leecher. ed. I couldn’t make out what her wanted to interject, tell her to As she led me through the build- next instructions were but from stop insulting me; but nothing ing, I caught glimpses of the out- her composure I didn’t feel con- more than a short whimper es- side world through the windows fident. I considered probing her caped my lips. I could feel her in the rooms on the corridors. again, but then thought better of put a hand on my shoulder, as if The buildings looked taller, and it, and composed my face into to prevent me from getting back even denser for Uptown Man- what I could hope looked inno- up on my feet. hattan, but less modern, as if cent and slightly confused. - He probably hacked his way in. technology had outraced archi- After what felt like the longest Guess I’ll have to bring him in tecture. The Latina woman and most awkward staring con- for questioning. dragged me into a lift, and it shot test, I heard someone working She paused for a moment, and up. I hoped that when I got to the door handle to come in to let out a small snort. the floor we were headed to, I’d our room. The sound of this be able to see further, and figure broke the spell of Garcia’s gaze - No, wait, don’t, I’ll be there out where, and when exactly, I shortly. Just give me a minute to and with a firm ‘Don’t you dare was. The bell dinged on the move’ in my direction, she went bring this guy to headquarters 1970s era lift and I was in a dark and then – No, you cannot go in to respond to the door. I sup- corridor connecting to dark pressed an urge to crane my without me, this is my case as rooms, all held up with damp well, Brown! I mean it, do not neck and see who it was. Instead iron beams and rusting bolts. I used this welcome distraction hang up on me! Do not – Oh This floor could just have easily come on! to try and figure out the room been underground, with a door for any possible escape routes. For a split second she just stood leading onto the subway tracks, We appeared to be in an office there motionless, staring at her but there were black painted of some kind, with shelves lining phone screen; before redirecting over windows, with specks of the walls and a battered cabinet her attention back to me. I didn’t light peeking through forming in the corner. The desk that Gar- even have to access her mind to lines on the concrete floor. cia had been leaning on was cov- know that she was furious. Her Walking further, some rooms ered in files and the drawers clenched jaw, flaring nostrils and had gallows, racks and nooses in were a shambles, as if someone glaring eyes were evidence them. Wonderful, I thought. I im- had been searching for some- enough of that. Abruptly, she agined that she would take me thing in a hurry. grabbed me by my collar and into the big room at the end of pulled me back into a standing I heard the door close and Agent the corridor with the iron door, Garcia’s footsteps returned in position. Now, her face was so but she instead pushed me into a close to mine that I could feel my direction. She came back into room on the side a few doors my line of vision and I saw she her breath on my cheek as she short of that monolith, where spoke. was now carrying an ominous the natural light had finally start- metal instrument and a thick pa- - I’ll be damned if I let someone ed to make its way into the dingy per file. like you ruin this for me! passage and the bunker aesthetic had changed to a “1950s hotel in - So, leecher, are you finally go- As she was saying that, I could the 2050s” design, rubble and all. ing to tell me what you were do- feel something cold touching my She sat me down on a surpris- ing hanging around the station

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 10 11 this evening? Confusion flashes across her face change anything in his life and so I met her gaze, well aware that and I hear her mutter quietly: that's why he drank. All of a sud- den my head felt very heavy and whatever I say may change the - He was born with sense? Let outcome of my situation. I could me see. my thoughts thick like wading through cement. The next thing pretend I didn't know what she's Garcia came closer to me and talking about... but Garcia was I remember was waking up in put her hands over my temples. I the hospital and told I couldn't obviously aware of my ability. instantly felt a connection, like Ugh, why did this woman have go back to that home. They hearing a third person pick up wouldn't host a sick child. to constantly accuse me? My the receiver on a two way call - frustration gets the better of me. intrusive but subtle. As if I was Garcia removed her hands from - Look, Garcia is it? I'm sorry another filing cabinet in this of- my temples and took a step back. but I don't know what a 'leecher' fice, she flicked through my The confusion on her face had is, or what permit I may need to memories trying to find what she morphed into an off mix of shock, horror, and…awe? just listen to the world around was looking for. me. So maybe you could answer - Think about the first time you - It seems you’re telling the truth. these questions for me? After all, used the sense. That’s.. You’re… This shouldn’t from my perspective all I have be possible. It was as if her words were a done is taken a train home and - What do you mean? listened to the world around me. command and I instantly recalled Then you abduct me and accuse the moment. I was back at my - Queens, you said. You’ve spent me of being something I don't first home. I was one of 12 kids your entire life there? even know. living there and our foster par- - Yes, but why does that matter? ents were drunks. They were Garcia's frown deepened, and I having a fight over something Garcia ignored my question and began to panic, but then her stupid again and I was hiding in began pacing, murmuring under frown slowly dissolved and she the pantry, hoping not to be no- her breath. I couldn’t make out looked at me with a curious ex- ticed. I had sneaked in to grab a her exact sentences, only manag- pression... bar of chocolate when they ing to grasp something to do - You call it listening? Where did brought their argument into the with gateways, transports, and you say you were from again? kitchen. I could feel my heart special academies. I sat in silence for a few minutes, but eventually - Queens, lived there my whole racing and palms sweating as their argument grew more heat- my patience ran short. All I life, well, as long as I can remem- wanted to do was get home, and ber. ed. It was then I felt a surge of power and an increased sense of as far as I was aware, I’d done - Your parents? what was around me. nothing wrong, nothing different to my daily routine. - I don't know... Quickly, the shouting brought She gave me a withering look me back to the room and I I closed my eyes, took a deep and I wish I could have given peeked through the slight open- breath and listened. Garcia was her an answer. ing in the pantry door. My foster the only other person in the parents were still fighting and it room, so I focused in quite easi- - Fine Mr-I-don't-know-where- was getting worse. I could see ly, and, just like on the train, her my-parents-are-from. Why don't their anger and their discontent- emotions somehow were much you tell me how you 'found' your ment with each other. My foster more distinct than most, yet at power? dad was furious but that was just the same time they were much I took a long look at her, this on the surface. Inside he was harder to grasp. As if her mind woman was clearly crazy. dealing with so much pent up was a mansion compared to thousands, millions of smaller - How can you 'find' something disappointment about his current houses, yet with the mansion you've always had? situation. He felt powerless to Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 11 12 came much higher security Her words were sharp with an- both know you can’t take on the measures – easy to notice, hard noyance and more than a trace feeders on your own. I already to get in. of condescension, but as she have your location and I’m mov- But I was determined, and she spoke, I watched the flash of ing in. I’m bringing the kid too, was preoccupied – probably the anger fade and thoughtfulness he can’t be left on his own. only reason I managed to get in seep in to take its place. Realisation struck me like a bolt for as long as I did. On the sur- - I’m sorry... to the chest. Tributaries of emo- face she was annoyed, stressed, I began to stumble out, mostly tions converged into a seething flustered, confused. I went in a because I felt something of the mess: the thrill of excitement at little deeper, trying to find the sort was expected of me. My being an insider privy to some- exact source of confusion, the ability to listen was the one thing thing for once, quickly sub- reason she was so troubled. As I in my life I had never expected sumed under the simmer of re- went deeper, jealousy also to have to apologize for, mostly sentment at having my ability emerged, and finally I got a se- castigated when it was as part of because I’d never expected to ries of blurry, unfocused images, have it known. A small bubble me as the sky and sea were the a sequence playing out like a of loathing welled up in me to- halves that made whole the film. Two adults listening into a wards her for stripping me of world. sulking child’s feelings, a teenag- that. Woodenly, I followed Garcia er walking around a massive - Save it back through the way we came, academy campus, hours of sit- or at least I thought it was the ting in a room focussing on re- She snapped. way we came. The speckled taining on thought, graduating – - I can’t hand you over – not at bands of light peeking through walking across the stage proudly, until I know why you were the darkly painted windows were receiving a police officer’s badge, dropped off on earth at least. strangely dizzying. We came to a but a different badge to what I For my own peace of mind, if halt outside a nondescript metal was used to, and then finally, this nothing else. I could always... door that slid open to reveal an one tinged with pride, receiving a airy chamber and a platform that Her brows creased and I tiny fingernail sized chip, blink- overlooked a set of subway watched a knot of conflicting ing, and being on… another tracks. planet? emotions roil over her; snatches of excitement, trepidation, guilt. The train that pulled up looked Before I could probe any fur- Finally, they seemed to clear out every inch like the usual train, ther, her mind withdrew. It felt and crystallize into a solid deter- except for the flashing “DO like a steel door slamming shut mination. NOT BOARD” printed in neon on fingers that couldn’t pull red and the blurring echo of its - I’m not leaving you here to run away fast enough and I reeled outline that lingered when you amok, either, though. You’ll be back, too stunned at first to reg- stared a little too hard. ister the fury in her gaze. coming with me. We climbed aboard and sat fac- I stared at her in incomprehen- - I was willing to cut you some ing each other in a corridor sion. Something about the slack because it seems like you coach compartment. The train phrasing of her words pulled at really haven’t got a clue... but starting moving. A fluorescent an assonant chord within me. you will not use the sense on me light flickered, darkness dancing without permission again, you Still feeling dazed from the evic- over us. I wished I’d spent less understand? Otherwise I may tion from Garcia’s mind and the time feeling emotions and more well just pass you on to someone tumult of my emotions, I only time learning to read faces, be- less willing to account for your caught the tail end of her con- cause Garcia’s was doing some- circumstances. God knows deal- versation on her phone. thing interesting. At last she ing with you is a headache I sighed and made eye contact. don’t need... - …damn it, Brown! You and I

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 12 13 - This fucking night. Okay, I’m - As in a couple of million light going to take you home. But first years up. Bonus Material I’ve got a job to do. It’s going to I wondered then what my “The chain was supposed to be be dangerous, so I need you to thoughts and emotions would try not doing anything stupid. some kind of grim urban sound like right now to someone fantasy... and it somehow turned She paused. listening to me. I wondered if into science fiction by the end, - Do not, I repeat, do not try said hypothetical listener would with a narrator as an alien? getting into anyone’s heads. The be willing to clue me in. That's chainwriting for you.” — beings we’re about to encounter - So, were you looking for me? Anonymous Mathmo are playing a whole different She snorted. THE EDITOR needs more gen- game. You getting this? - Please. I just picked the wrong re-switching in her day-to-day I responded to the only bit train carriage. You know what reading. which made sense. this city is like. - You’re going to take me back As I sat there, it didn’t feel like I to Queens? knew much about anything. But She winced. without a doubt she was right - Little bit further up than that. about this City. It might never sleep, but maybe I was waking - As in Yonkers up? up •

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 13 14

Stowaway paulinia, Michael Lee, Rex, Ygerne Price-Davies, anon, G Lithglow, anon, Bass, Olivia Morley, Danielle Saunders "I want a job." After a check of their guns, Rose Prospered, that is, as an equator once again sadly concluded that of decadent hangars, seedy bars, A hall suddenly fell si- all the mafias were so outdated. and those weird flophouses The unloaded gun returned into where you plugged yourself in. lent. A door was wide Rose looked to the stars, beyond its case and Rose to the street. It open, a girl was standing was a starry warm September the great glass buckyballs which made the ring look like a giant in it. night, and Rose felt bored. When she finally completed her re- rope of toadspawn. "I want a job," she re- venge, her life became empty Rose was not a superstitious girl, and void. Occasionally she but having been born in May she peated impatiently. would think about getting a new knew her sign was Coca Cola. "What the fuck are you doing identity and ending her killing They were the great corporate here?" spree, but... no. Not too thrill- constellations, haphazardly rear- ing. Then a genius idea sparked ranged for the cost of entire sys- The girl shrugged and sighed, inside her mind. Getting a job! tems’ resources. Her sign was annoyed. "I'm Rose. And I like Humans must need some con- nestled between those of Sam- to kill people." tract killers. Rose sighed. Hu- sungSony and Walmart, though Several men burst into laughter. mans were so backwards, but she looked past these, into the Rose, as the girl called herself, getting back to the Community periphery of the dome, at the was at least two heads shorter was impossible. classifieds. than even the shortest of the * Much smaller arrangements, in- men and didn't look for more dividuals who, somehow, had than eighteen. The Street was the largest human -made structure in the Greater raked up the cred to have a mes- "We may have a different job for Earthen Galactic Metropolitan sage laid out. There was a lonely you girl," a man perversely Area, the outermost ring of that hearts page; a second-hand car laughed. clanky Dyson sphere they used on Venus; a guy made of dots and lines. And, just south-west "This is all the same," Rose to call the Sun. How many of those, crude starspeak glyphs: sighed. "Fuck you." miles? Rose wasn’t sure, and nor did she really care to find out. WANTED: INTERDIMEN- Before the men could even Growing up on a junker, passing SIONAL TRANSPORT TEST move, Rose shot a first one. Af- through this gate and that, there SUBJECT. NO EXPERIENCE ter a second man fell lifelessly to came a point where distances NECESSARY. APPLY TO 33 the floor, guns started to appear just ceased to be impressive. SERENDIPITY OUTPOST in their hands too. When the Sun had finally given Rose read it again, made a note "Pathetic." A laser gun showed up the ghost, local GEGMA leg- of the address, and smiled. A up in her left hand. "You could islation forbade the junkers from job? have hired me." No man man- moving in on the rings. aged to shoot. This would need careful consid- And so, Outertown prospered.

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 14 15 eration. She wasn’t an idiot; eve- eye open and a hand on her neath her khaki jumpsuit. ryone these days knew someone nearest gun. ‘Aha! Roses are red, violets are who’d volunteered as a test sub- Erratic visions of intimidatingly blue, what good fun you’re not ject for something or other and tall trees with swaying leaves dead, I’ve been searching for had either not returned or had came to Rose through her not- you!’ unspeakable things happen to quite sleep state. She had only Rose remained calm; although them. She’d heard tales of extra ever seen such a landscape in the limbs, phantom sensations or she dreaded to imagine what cru- ancient travel magazines of the elty was hidden within the re- even people going blind from vintage book shop she used to various experiments. Sure, she mark, she knew it wasn’t meant hang around before GEGMA for her. She felt a slight tremble wasn’t an idiot. But she did need legislation outlawed such places credits, and a fix. come from the furry lump now as ‘a thorn in the side of moder- pressed against her back. Serendipity it was, then. Rose nity’. She stood staring up at the decided to employ her usual infinite stretch of branches up- ‘Gryp, it’s been a while,’ Rose travel tactic of stowing away on wards, overwhelmed by the unfa- muttered gingerly. several different frigates and miliar green. Something brushed Without acknowledging Rose’s lightships. Sometimes she got against her ankle - an irritating, remark, the violet iris changed to caught and used it as an im- itchy sensation. She shook her a brilliant blue and began to promptu training session, but it leg absent-mindedly. The itch sweep up and down the length was accepted these days that persisted. She shook again. It of the crate. As that same mo- people stowed away and so most lingered still. She reached down ment, Rose felt a sudden move- pilots and crew turned a blind more forcefully this time to ment beside her, as the grozzel eye. brush whatever it was away and leapt from its hiding spot and The first ship she chose was a then felt the sharp twinge of two launched itself towards the top converted cargo pod, likely sto- sharp teeth in the back of her of the open crate. In one swift len. Its manifesto said it would hand, plunging her back into the motion, the gloved hand surged be leaving in half an hour, which ‘real world’. forwards and plucked it from the gave Rose enough time to hunk- ‘Goddammit!’. Two huge eyes air. The grozzel was held at arm’s er down in a crate inside a ship. blinked at her through the dark- length, writhing as it tried to es- Luckily, the cargo wasn’t any- ness. She recognised the distinc- cape its captor. thing that had ever been alive, so tive appearance of a grozzel, Each and every time Rose had the conditions in the crate were small and raggedly furry with encountered Gryp before, it had bearable. Rose felt the engine’s three spindly legs - one of the never been a pleasant experience. vibrations rumbling through the enslaved creatures imported Watching the three legs flail fran- bottom of the crate as the ship from the neighbouring galaxy to tically as the little body squealed left dock. This particular pod serve the elites of GEGMA. A from within the enormous hand was bound for Patience, a small tentative moment of intersubjec- (the android was aptly named) colony world in the same quad- tive acknowledgment passed be- Rose was sure this would be no rant as Serendipity, and Rose was tween them. exception. pleased to find it was hauling With a piercing abruptness, the The two tiny holes in the back of nutri-bars. She took a handful crate lid was unceremoniously her hand ached a little. and stuffed them into her pack, ripped off by a black leather Ignoring her completely, Gryp tearing the film of another and glove. The glint of a painfully began to turn away; the pitiful swallowing it whole. Small, en- familiar violet iris imprinted itself cries died down in intensity. closed spaces like this crate re- onto the back of Rose’s skull. Rose stood up within the crate minded her of the junker she She inhaled an anticipatory and watched; without conscious grew up in, and before long Rose breath as her new companion was cautiously dozing with one thought, Rose found the laser scurried its way to safety under-

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 15 16 gun in her hand once more. She al, and quite uncomfortable. The her skin with sprays, and put on aimed and fired, causing a huge stars were hidden by thick fog gloves and contact glasses. She explosion of sparks. The grozzel which seemed to seep into every had to be careful. Biological in- jumped free, scampering over corner. Rose was grateful for it, formation business was illegal, towards her crate. Gryp looked though, as it provided good cov- but the huge demand around the back over his shoulder. er. outpost boosted the black mar- With a squeak the grozzel took It didn’t take her long to locate a ket. She knew it so well. a flying leap, caught the hem of small ship bound for Serendipity. The familiar salmon smell almost her shirt and scampered up to Indeed, all Patience really was drove Rose crazy, alerting her wrap itself around her neck was a place for ships to land be- about the possibility of having where it remained, shivering and fore heading off to more inter- the wrong destination, or worse chattering nervously to itself. esting destinations. The ship was – maybe her ‘completed’ revenge The Gryp had turned to face her leaving in a few minutes, and as was a failure, and those Elites it did, she couldn’t help but still lived and took it as a joke. and was raising his arms to fight, but Rose was already up and fir- shudder at the loud, clanking S-transport was easy to find. It ing. noises it made. Even her junker was the largest transportation had never sounded quite so an- company in Serendipity, famous Two shots and the sensors hid- cient. den behind his vibrant eyes were for exploring new worlds. Its out of action. Blindly the gloved Luckily, the journey wasn’t all logo appeared on most of the hands reached out. Rose ducked, too long, although the ship was buildings. While inside one win- and stepped back, the grozzel's advancing at a painfully slow dow, an orange projected struc- claws digging into her neck. pace. Rose was more than re- ture caught Rose’s attention. Long experience had taught her lieved once they landed on Ser- That bright orange flame looked that the trick was to stay out of endipity. Unlike Patience, which like a moon cake being bitten by was about the same size, every- a crocodile. range of its, ahem, grip. one had heard of the outpost. Rose took a second glance. She A stroke of luck, and the Gryp's Few people had actually been foot caught on the edge of a must have seen the same croco- there, but it had become quasi- dile bite elsewhere. crate sending him sprawling for- mythical over the years, due to it ward, giant hands grasping only being so close to the edge. But The Chamber! She downloaded at air. Rose was moving before Rose was not impressed by tales a copy of the static memory after he hit the floor, up and onto his and superstitions, and as she sending the men into ever-lasting back, yanking the powerbank out stepped out onto the metal- silence. The crocodile bite was in in one smooth move. covered surface of the planet one of the GEGMA-related The Gryp stilled and fell silent, and looked up at the tall build- files. and the world did too. Rose ings stretching out across the If GEGMA wanted to dip a looked out the window, grozzel horizon, she almost felt excited. hand into interdimensional warm about her neck. They had The air smelled like over-cooked transport, Rose was certain that arrived. salmon, reminding Rose of the they could just use the slaves as Patience was a rather unimpres- night when she completed her test objects. Why are they hiring? sive world, consisting of nothing revenge. She sneaked into It stank of conspiracy, and of much other than wilderness and Chamber-X900, expecting to connections to some of her past a few run-down buildings. As inhale some ozone, probably missions of revenge. Rose felt she crawled out of the crate, sulphate also, while the ghost of her heart quicken as a grin Rose disovered that its nights salmon just crowded the space. spread across her face. For a were particularly chilly – the feel- contract killer without a job, this There was no time for flash- was perfect. ing of the grozzel shivering backs. Carefully, Rose covered around her neck was very unusu- “I want a job”, she exclaimed. Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 16 17 After kicking the door down, stars. She'd paid it no mind: it naturally. was what anyone would use to Bonus Material catch the attention of her kind The gathered people in the room did not question her entry meth- for a job. Gryps were fine, need- Alternate titles: ed minimal briefing or supervi- ods beyond a bit of scowling at The Community Calendar sion – one Gryp knew what all her lack of manners. It was one A Single Assassin In Possession Gryps knew – but were prone to of the warmest recpetions she of a Good Laser Must Be In short-circuiting or plain over- had had in a while and she Want of a Job balancing at a crucial point in an smiled at the thought these Our Dimension, in the Middle of assignment. Humans who'd had might be assassin-friendly- The Street too many Gryp-related disap- people. Planet of the Salmon pointments were, sometimes,

A young representative led her foolhardy or desperate enough further into the facility, Rose to make a Community contract. “This turned out surprisingly craning her head to catch more But how many of the Communi- coherent, and I enjoy how the glimpses of the orange structure. worldbuilding leaves us with un- She didn’t want to be obvious ty wandered the Street, scanning the dome for classifieds? Her expected questions, as any good about searching around, but it scifi should: why do the hive- was so interesting here – anyone people had left the GEGMA decades before, when the rings mind robots talk in rhyme? Are would be curious. She almost the GEGMA and the Elites the missed the familiar face of one were still cooling in their orbits. Serendipity had nothing to do same people? What's up with the of the scientists standing beneath salmon?” —Danielle Saunders it. with it: the advert had been meant for her. A call for help, THE EDITOR wants to know Suddenly the salmon smell was from the Community. A call to how everybody managed to overwhelming and Rose was keep them safe in their own di- avoid making any “something back to that night many months mension, peaceful and enclosed smells awfully fishy” puns. May- ago. Standing over the home- like so many cargo hold stowa- be you all just have more self made bomb, horrified onlookers ways. control than me. working for the Elites backing away from her in terror. They And here she was, and here the had worked for years on this scientists were, those few who project and suddenly Rose had had stumbled again on the math- rocked up and destroyed every- ematics of interdimensional thing. It was a good feeling, be- transport, despite Rose's system- ing feared. One of those onlook- atic annihilation of the Elites' ers was now repeating the past records, despite her hunting of actions, mouth open and backing the original research teams. away. There would be few credits for this job, but she could hardly So it seemed GEGMA were re- turn it down, and it would keep peating the mistakes of the her busy. Avenging the Commu- Elites. Typical. nity's banishment had been inter- “No,” the scientist whispered, esting while it lasted, but keeping and then screamed, “I thought them safe promised a lifetime of I’d escaped you!” adventure. It all added up. The Starspeak in Rose smiled, and drew her fa- the advert, so different from the vourite laser gun • blocky, simple lines used to brand corporate logos across the Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 17 18

Memories of Sand Jan Kozuszek, Greg Weir, Emma, Etaash Katiyer, Cerian Craske, Paula, Niko Kristic, Vlad, Mark Johnson, Carla Plieth

I couldn’t believe my turn es. No monsters. No ruins. Just in with the other kids. Pierce sand, and scorching sun, and the gave me a moment to find my has actually come. The storms that came and went every feet, but I knew better than to wind has scattered the week. hang around. Except there were ruins, of storm clouds, and under We lined up for the briefing. course. Buried, but the wind Pierce’s tool projected a hazy the clear sky our three could uncover them. Deep in the rendering of the building she’d rovers crossed the bridge and wasteland where only we dared identified, pulsing red marking sunk their tracks into the fine to go. And it was my turn to try points of note: “We’ve got four sand of the desert. I can still see and find them, and rob them of storeys. Looks like a merchant my home – a small white spot their treasures, so we could live building. Geophys seems to be among other small white, pink here a little longer. Here, at the showing it pretty choked up with and yellow pastel houses over- edge of the human world. sand still, but there’s a nice big looking the bay, with balconies The rover’s juddering halt jolted central cavity that got cleared out facing the destroyed shore. We me out of my reverie. Pierce, by the storm. One side’s badly sometimes gather – or, gathered from her spot behind the lead damaged, so we’ll need to keep – on them to watch the storms, rover’s sensors, had found us a an eye out for a collapse, but the lightning giving the sky a promising spot, and called a halt. other than that this should be a sickly yellow tint. That close to I checked my gear - tool, excava- simple room excavation job. I’ve the barrier and the bridge gate, tor, emergency anchors, life sup- got promising responses here the wind could reach us, carrying port, resonance projector, all in and here, but merchants sold all the constant roar of thunder. perfect order. The same couldn’t kinds of things that won’t show But no storm lasted forever, and be said for my nerves, particular- up on a scan, so stay sharp and a new expedition would cross ly with Hu and Feder waiting on you might find yourself a bo- the bridge with their ears still my OK to unseal the door and nus.” ringing, to look for what the step out onto the sands. wind had uncovered. The treas- I expected it to feel different. I When he heard the word bonus, ures of the other side were much knew it wouldn’t, of course; Feder shot me a look, a hard, valued, and constituted the only without a storm system aggravat- lopsided grin stretching across source of income for those living ing the field remnants, there’s no his lean face, mirroring the red here – them and the occasional real difference between our puckered scar above his eye- tourists from the cities inside the pleasant little scavenger town brow. I’d known Feder forever barrier, who wished to see what and the old world’s cadaver. But and I remembered the day he was left of the old world. But the I expected a jolt of energy, a got that scar. We had made the excitement in their eyes always spark like a static shock; some- plan together—the two of us turned to disappointment as they thing to mark the occasion. would crawl under the rotting looked across the bay. No corps- Instead, I found my feet sinking lattice of the porch and plot like into sand just like I used to play we owned the world. A couple Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 18 19 of lies, a stolen ID, and an old- Immensely wiser and stronger before him, or I could head in fashioned pair of bolt cutters was than us, their secrets are now lost behind him and keep an eye on all it took, and soon he was sit- in time. What remains of them him so that he wouldn’t be able ting in the front seat of a crappy are monolithic structures buried to get rid of me to move up the Model One rover breathing in under hundreds of meters of de- ranks. It would be just like Feder the cool air of trepidation and sert sand. to “accidentally” injure me and success. But the morning had People much like us had once then conveniently place himself been too still, the sand had inhabited these places too. Many as my rescuer. Making my mind stopped dancing and a smell, thousands of years ago, there up, I shuffled to one side to al- heavy and yellow, had draped would have been teeming cities low a few people in ahead of me. itself over the area like a pall. built into every nook and cranny If I placed myself in the middle The sand clutched at my feet and of these artificial caverns. I could of the group, I could keep myself I stood rooted, unable to walk always tell apart the old struc- safe while also avoiding missing away and unable to climb into tures from the newer ones. The out. the rover. Disgusted, he’d gone older had a sense of perfection in I don’t know what I had ex- anyway and from the balconies I them. Some buildings would be pected, but the building was just could see the glint of metal falling apart, while others would as decrepit inside as out. There streaking across the horizon, slic- seem to be exactly as they were were fragments of furnishings ing tracks into the dunes, for when first put down however visible, but most of the hallway once perfectly free. Then the many years before. seemed to have been dyed the winds picked up and suddenly I same drab colour as the rest of could see nothing at all. The valuables, however, were harder to uncover. Some trinkets the sand outside. Initially, I Feder ended the day an urban could be buried under heaps of thought this would make it easier legend with a four-inch scar, rubble, strewn across the tene- for me to spot anything metal lucky to be alive, and I ended the ments, while others could lie un- which could be sold later, but as day without a friend. Now, his touched inside sealed vaults be- I spotted a chunk of dull, rusted eyes glinted with malice, but I hind locked doors. We had plen- metal under the sand I realised could see the desperation behind ty of time to forage. that nothing here had kept what- it. It was the look of a starving ever shine or beauty it had once animal backed into a corner, bar- Anything that ever breathed had. We weren’t even hunting ing its teeth, not sure where the down here has long since shriv- for anything valuable – we were next threat would come from. elled up and turned to dust hid- out here searching for the last Everyone knew this was his last den in the dark for millennia. remnants of the dregs of society. Almost all the automata had chance, that he was one more I hesitated, listened. A deep si- screw-up away from being drained their energy reserves. The few that remain threaten lence filled the space. Deeper kicked out of the program. And than the muffled footsteps in the then what? If you weren’t scav- only the least vigilant and most careless of the foragers. Only sand, deeper than the grunting of enging, you weren’t eating. Peo- the men aimlessly strolling ple did anything to get these fools came down here unpre- pared, to meet a fool’s demise. around the room, shuffling and jobs. I had to watch my back. kicking up sand, their faces half The original structures here were I was wary of being the first to hidden behind makeshift protec- old, far older than what anyone head into the building – there tion against the harsh elements alive today could remember or were far more experienced scav- out here. Even the howling wind care about. There were myths engers than me on this team, as couldn’t drive out the silence. It about the ancients. They were well as people I needed to be lay heavy upon the group, and I muttered about in children’s tales wary of. Either I could head in was sure I wasn’t the only one as the ones who first created the before Feder, and stand a chance who had noticed. But that wasn’t barriers which we now inhabit. of getting something valuable all. It was almost like I could feel

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 19 20 the temperature dropping in the dune, that I realised that Feder survey of my surroundings. room. Looking up from my feet, had not followed. Mortified, I Whoever, or whatever I saw was I noticed the room had actually wiped the blood and grit from gone. I was completely alone in fallen silent now. Fear crept in, my vision – the window or my the desert in front of a giant gap- thick as fog, blinding like a light- broken visor must have bitten ing hole – a doorway into a mys- ning bolt. Five minutes, not me deep above the eyebrow – terious world that somehow felt more, and something intangible and looked up, transfixed, at the familiar. had happened, something I groaning hulk of the merchant Pacing back and forth I went couldn’t quite grasp until I finally building. And it was unmistaka- through my options interrupted spotted it. I audibly sucked in air, bly groaning – not the skirling by an imposing thought: Why on causing heads to turn in my di- wind or the shifting sands, but my first mission? The sinking rection. This wasn’t a scavenger the construction itself… feeling in my stomach gave hunt, we weren’t hunting. We And I could do nothing but stare mixed signals of hunger and the were being hunted now. What I numbly as its four storeys crum- desire to vomit. I knew there had feared all these years, cumu- bled, almost elegantly, before was no other choice. No one is lating in this moment. What I me. Was that Feder? The forag- coming for us, and there were saw was a pair of eyes glinting at ers? Desperately bracing myself, six hours before the setting sun us from outside the window. A I grappled with my cloak as the sealed my doom. The winch on figure standing perfectly, perfect- aftershock ripped through the the rover should get me down ly, still. And that’s how it started. cavern in seething floes of scree; there but what will I find there, Someone grabbed my arm. I debris and shingle raining from or what will find me? As I turned. Feder, his face expres- above while the very earth buck- strapped the hook to my harness sionless. He moved his lips close led and remoulded from below. I took a deep breath. And to my ear, I thought about pro- A crust of sand plastered my pressed the remote control that testing for a split second, and bloody face as I clenched my jaw started my descent. As I looked then realized drawing attention and prayed for dear life; pain, up I saw the hooded figure ap- to us was the last thing I wanted. guilt and paralysing fear con- pear as a silhouette in the fading At first I couldn’t understand tending savagely in my breast. light. Panic made my insides what my old friend, now enemy My first mission. squeeze and flinch. “You are whispered. He saw my confu- At last the chaos subsided and I going to need this,” she said as sion, shook his head, pointed in scrambled from the rubble. My she threw a wrapped object into the direction of the window, and sand-bleared eyes widened at my shaking hands. whispered again “Now”. It what the aftermath had uncov- I knew that voice. Jana. She had clicked, and we fell into motion, ered – and at the dark figure been a scavenger once, but had swift, side by side. who had seen it too. been kicked out of the program Something was wrong. Perhaps I In front of me was a gaping for telling too many tall tales to was still skittish about my first crevice deep into the bedrock. the children. Filling them with mission, or perhaps the sheer The vast emptiness barely illumi- futile hope. Feder and I had electric terror of that place had nated by the bright sunlight been among those children. overwhelmed my judgement. seemed endless. I crawled to the I opened my mouth to respond, But, without a second thought, I edge feeling vertigo and looking but it was already too late; the found myself charging forwards. down into cavern filled with the winch had lowered me past the Pierce’s sharp cry echoed in my outlines of many structures of a lip of the crevice, and Jana had head as I splintered the desic- dead city, wholly intact, lost to disappeared back into the shad- cated sill and hurtled headlong the world and forgotten for mil- ow of the dunes. I switched my out into the wastes, and it was lennia. Mesmerised by the vast- attention to the object in my only when I landed, roughly, in ness, I suddenly remembered the hands. the folds of a simoom-sculpted stranger. Jolting up, I did a quick

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 20 21 Within the thick canvas lay a de- cult choice. I fired my first emer- For Feder, me, and the others vice which in some respects re- gency anchor into the nearest from the freeze, it’s one of the minded me of a scavenging tool; wall, then pressed the release few ways to make a respectable the long aerial and small screen button on the winch. living and we fight to get a job wouldn’t have looked amiss in Next thing I knew, I was lying here. Although we’ve been here any of the settlements along the on the ground, opening my eyes, for a while, we’re still searching edge. The rest, though, was an- only for my eyes to meet an- for traces of what I’ve heard cient. It would fetch a small for- other’s. The eyes outside the some call ‘earth’. Nobody tune if I could get it back inside window. The eyes I had realised thought we’d find anything but the barrier. before were green, not brown ruins, debris, artifacts like the My musings were brought to a like ours. But that can’t be. one Jana gave me and that could stop with a sharp jolt, and it took When the last deserted this place, maybe buy me a way out of the me a couple of tight breaths to they were exactly that. The last. program but that I couldn’t care realise that I’d reached the end By leaving, they ceased to be. less about at the moment. of the rope, still fifty feet above I have forgotten how long this “You’re human,” I whispered. the ground. I let myself hang place has been declared deserted. “Yes.” there for a long moment, taking But some of us returned. When I And for the first time in a long, in the scene below me and con- arrived it felt like coming home. sidering the options I had left. long while, a smile crossed my Initially, the small shelters were lips • As far as I could see I had two; only built to house scavengers return home having failed, tell like us, our predecessors who the program that Feder and wanted to explore the world that Bonus Material Pierce and Hu and everybody had been left behind. Nowadays, “I really like the calm-before-the- else was dead, and that I’d found we have the wealthy ups coming storm feel created by repeatedly a tomb of the ancients but had as well, eager to get a glimpse at punctuating the action with ran- nothing to show for it; or contin- the long forgotten world. For dom reminiscing.”—Mark John- ue on, take a blind plunge into them, this is a quick getaway; for son the hostile unknown below me, us, it means survival. Because no with no way back and no-one to one knows what’s out there, THE EDITOR feels awfully sor- lay me to rest. working in the program is dan- ry for Feder and hopes he is ok. It never was going to be a diffi- gerous, likely a suicide mission.

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 21 22

Cooking by the Book

Bad Wolf, Christian Pfordt, Phoebe Fay, John C, Llewellyn, Leonard Yip, Yihua, Jacob, Sarah Nolan, Sarah Binney

“‘Virgin Blood’, it says her, not even close. But that was She reached out her hands to another body, another lifetime. grab the table and pulled herself on the recipe.” Moving Another identity. Another… Her up, only to realize that the caul- her finger along the parch- thoughts trailed off to the ques- dron was almost empty. Just a tion that had been vexing her for tiny bit of her pudding was left. ment inscribed with curly Wicca knew how long: was each She couldn’t say what exactly handwritten letters, she reborn to a parallel world, or was had happened after the old wall she just jumping through time in clock had struck the twelfth found the corresponding different identities, and all this hour. The grimoire was still on amount for said ingredi- would finally connect and make the table, still on the same page, sense one day? She had never where it said, “Virgin Blood, one ent. “‘One lamb- met her other incarnations. Yet. lamb-stomachful”. What could stomachful.’” She have possibly gone wrong? There was, however, little time Nothing; she was sure that she sighed heavily before putting for philosophy. The witch, after had made no mistakes. And no down the leather-bounded gri- all, had only one day. She picked one knew that she was here to moire on the table, making a one of the clean lamb stomachs perform the ritual. Maybe she thud that shook up a mist of an- and grabbed an obsidian dagger, succeeded. But wouldn’t it be cient dust from the cracks in the held it to her left side, and different then? None of the oth- heavily worn wood. Why are stabbed. Virgin blood flowed er deaths before had felt like puddings never simple? freely into the ominous vessel, this. and she barely had time to pour She glanced at the doorway. The its content into the cauldron be- There couldn’t be any doubt: night was still young. She'd hate fore she crumbled to her feet. She was still alive, still in the to die too soon before the inevi- same body. It took her a while, table Death at midnight, but a There was midnight, and there however, to figure out if that was waste of life force would be even was morning — the first day. good or bad. Pondering, she less desirable. Dying to save a cat She was a witch. stared into the cauldron, when was good. Executed for piracy suddenly a scratchy voice behind was exciting. Managing to sell Not only the sky was red; the her gave the answer: “Good. Ra- herself for vivisection and draw- floor was covered in blood, as ther good.” ing her last breath precisely at was her gown, a ferruginous midnight? Felt almost like she crust all over her left side. Does “Would you stop messing had tricked Death itself. time pass on when no one’s around with my recipes?” She there to measure it? It does, cer- said, turning around. Or maybe she wouldn't even tainly, so she couldn’t tell how have to die – she had lost twice long she had been unconscious. The grimoire, still lying on the that amount of blood, and to her Not more than a few hours table, chuckled hoarsely, “Your disappointment it hadn’t killed though, as it was only just dawn. time is up, my dear.”

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 22 23 “There’s nothing you can do to grimoire responded. “Enough Slowly, the grimoire began to stop me from doing this, you delay. Do you know the reason laugh. “That was it?” know.” for my intervention? After countless cycles of death and Nothing. Thick, sluggish silence. “I am stopping you, and I will birth, why have I at last decided The faint apricity of the early stop you, and I already have to conclude this saga?” For the day. Tiny spheres of blood, jolt- stopped you. That’s how this briefest of moments, she faltered ed from rest by that ancient arca- works,” said the voice that had in her nonchalance – but in the na, suspended in the air. The once been human. It was a man’s beat of a bat’s wing she regained world was motionless and empty voice once but was now neither her composure. and all of a sudden really quite male or female. It sounded like terrifying and there was a sudden all the Oracles did. The witch “Not in the slightest. It is of no inevitable realization that yes, the shuddered at the thought that importance to me, for you will Oracle possessed far more pow- she might become one of them, fail in your pathetic attempt to… er than she did and yes, she was that she might linger too long in thwart me.” She stifled a giggle probably going to die, not simply one life and the inevitable Re- at her use of the word thwart. Death but the inescapable cessa- birth would catch up with her. tion of being that she had run Subtly, she began to utter the from again and again and every- “You cannot keep doing this for- ancient incantations she had thing she had done, everything ever,” the grimoire said. “The practised over a thousand life- she had achieved in her millennia wild magic you are using is im- times, enunciated with countless of life trying to borrow and steal measurable, but each body can different tongues. Her pointed and claw her way to more life only use it so much before their fingernails traversed the meta- was worthless, maybe worse than spirit is torn up. What are you physical space around her; pierc- worthless, a cruel parody of actu- trying to achieve?” The Oracle ing into the nooks and crannies al life, actual meaning and all that knew the answer, of course. It of the universe itself, feeling how was waiting for her at the end of never asked questions it didn’t the wild streams and inlets of this long road was a small, leath- know the answer to. magic pool around her extremi- er-bound grimoire, its pages ties; and drawing upon it, feeding more rot than fibre. Time had She could be honest, and say she on its power, wallowing in its stopped. was terrified of the Rebirth. She strength. remembered when this Oracle “I have waited a thousand life- changed, screaming as every his- Suddenly, she threw her arms times for your demise. If the uni- tory, every timeline, pulsed forwards, crackling her knuckles verse had any sense of justice, through them. She could be hon- and yelling as she had done so you would have died the first est, but instead she shrugged: often before: “Defenestratatus!” time you tortured a child.” The grimoire had the slightly agitated “Being one person for too long Sparks radiated from her finger- tone of a wizened professor lec- gets dull.” tips, emanating across the table turing a witless child over some and bouncing off the imple- egregious repeated mistake, “I have been the same person ments strewn across the table. enunciating each syllable with for an eternity, and the eternity The colours reflected in the careful rage. “I would have before that, and the eternity after pools of blood, bathing the stayed the executioner’s axe, that.” room in a thick red light. She heard the clock tick past mid- cackled a deep, resonating laugh. “And you still like the sound of night before it fell, had I the your own voice?” Silence. Ha. Then, just as suddenly, they fiz- choice. You did not deserve That got them. zled out, plunging the dungeon this.” into darkness. After a long, lingering pause, the Each breath drawn was a torture, a brutal wrenching of broken Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 23 24 glass into starving lungs, but she It leaned in close now. She could “I am fine.” managed to push out five words: see the dark scars down its grey “It… was… the only… way...” face where her athame had cut “Would you mind terribly hand- into so many lifetimes before. “I ing me my athame back? What was your first. I would not be the blazes is an athame, any- The grimoire began to unspool. your last.” how?” Parchment came undone in the half-light, leather crumbled to “But you hadn’t answered my “Exactly. What’s wrong with a dust and settled in the pools of question,” the witch pointed out plain old dagger, I ask you. viscera on the floor. Then the politely. “I asked, what are you, Athame. My goodness.” The ap- animal sound of a low, keening and – as far as I had understood; parition shook its head regretful- moan; the crack of bones snap- you’ve not been a very clear in- ly. “I daresay I would mind ping together in all the wrong terlocutor – you merely spewed a handing you this, er, athame ways. A figure was rising out of string of meaningless and rather back. You see, you might try to the mound of dust and blood; rude adjectives back at me, and stab me with it again—” some un-thing wrapped in paper rounded them off with a couple The cricket bat knocked its head and flesh, muscles raw and of perfectly inane remarks. I clean off. twitching, bare and naked as a mean. Whatever did you mean flayed body. The murk of the by all of that? I don’t believe you “I’m glad that ridiculous ex- dawn occluded most of its vague have the faintest idea either.” change is over”. She muttered. man-shape, but its face was un- Unfortunately for her the being “I haven’t,” admitted the papy- mistakable – firelit, smiling and didn’t really need its head. angelic. The face of a young rus lips sheepishly. “I was sort of child. making everything up as I go The athame slid in through her along. I wasn’t very good, was dry withered skin. The tip nicked She reached for her dagger. I?” her aorta even as the surging magic within her furiously oblite- The thing had already spanned “No, I’m afraid you weren’t,” rated the daggers wards. The the distance between them when the witch agreed. “In fact, I athame disintegrated. her hands brushed its handle. It thought you came across as just stood there, smiling, even as she the slightest bit pretentious. An- “One lamb stomachful of Vir- screamed and buried the athame yway, I believe we were about to gin’s blood” said the oracle as it up to the hilt where its heart fight to the death, or something. placed a greedy hand in the should have been. Some kind of Shall we skip the pointless melo- wound. With every beat of her slick wetness sloughed off onto drama and maybe get on with heart she felt herself weaken. her hands. Their eyes met. It it?” Reaching out to the swirling spoke. Still, it was smiling. magic, the currents which drove “Yes, let’s.” The apparition reality she pushed. The ex- “No,” it said, with a voice that coughed. “Now, let’s see…” It grimoire recoiled, its desire only was all at once young and old. removed the witch’s athame half sated. “Rest now, in your failure.” from its chest and winced in dis- taste. “Ew. Icky. Look at all the The pain was all consuming. The “What are you?” she whispered, ichor you made me spill.” universe shrank and became a knowing full well the answer. room. This pinprick of raw suf- “I had the idea stabbing you in fering threatened to overwhelm Something that passed for low the heart would incapacitate her. Blood sloshed out, pushed laughter issued from its papyrus you,” the witch explained in an relentlessly by a failing heart. Her lips. “Even at the end, as you apologetic voice, “but clearly I grip tightened on the rusted iron were at the beginning. Witless. was wrong. You appear fine.” Spineless. Weeping. Ashamed.” cauldron luxuriating in the sensa-

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 24 25 tion of that crumbling metal as it The night was young, as she’d “Will you shut up?!” she snapped grated against her skin. She drew expected. But the stars, which at the grimoire. in a ragged breath and exhaled, only now were winking into ex- calmly compressing the pain and istence, were not in their right The tome rudely refused to re- restoring at least her thoughts to places. ply, instead continuing to issue a her. thin wail that pierced the star- Paying no attention to the low bright dusk. It sounded less like Her mouth opened, as the air moans that the grimoire was a voice and more like air leaving rasped out it lost the form her starting to make, she strode over a splintered lung. She grit her mind held so clear. Unconscious- to the fireplace and unhooked teeth and sprinkled a pinch of ness claimed her, the spell unfin- the cauldron. The rest of the dormant daydreams into the ished. pudding’s ingredients – child’s mixture. Still no souffle. “How fingers, lost hopes, a goat – fer- long is this going to take?” “Well that went as expected,” mented at the bottom. said the thing that had been a The wails seemed to be intensify- grimoire. “Let’s see if there’s any She muttered a few well-chosen ing. They drilled into her skull, improvement next time.” words, swilled the pot around into her ears. Absently she widdershins, and looked again. scratched her cheek. -- No change. According to the planets as they ought to align, Her fingers came away wet. "'Virgin Blood', it says on the the unappetizing mixture should recipe." Moving her finger along “Longer than you’ve got, iter- be a souffle by now. the parchment inscribed with ant.” curly handwritten letters, she The grimoire’s moans turned She spun. The grimoire seemed found the corresponding amount into howls. She put her hands to leer at her. Abruptly she real- for said ingredient. "'One lamb- over her ears and tried to con- ised the noise came not from it, stomachful.'" She sighed heavily centrate. Why was the night sky but from the very air, from the before putting down the leather- wrong? Had she somehow curse that hung heavy in the bounded grimoire on the table, slipped into a mirror universe, space between them – making a thud that shook up a where everything was as it was, mist of ancient dust from the only back to front? Possible, but She lurched for the book at the cracks in the heavily worn wood. unlikely. She had never been one exact same time as a spasm of Why are puddings never simple? for reflectology. Mirror universes pain rippled through her being, were not to be confused with She glanced at the doorway. sending her sprawling. parallel universes, which were a Then stared, fixated, at the night different beast altogether. Her “Wha – have you – this is not – sky beyond. thoughts trailed off to whether how it was su – posed to end!” Astronomy, Astrology, Cosmol- each rebirth occurred within a She spat and the phlegmy blood ogy and Cookery were rudimen- parallel world, or whether she that splattered across the page tary elements of a good witch’s was just jumping through time in was black as ink. The book re- education. She had not lived different identities. mained silent. The Oracle was countless lifetimes that each If she hadn’t slipped into anoth- gone, she realised; the tome was flared for a moment’s great glory er world, why were the stars inert. Just a book. before flickering out to be swal- wrong? Unless… lowed by the insatiable darkness Wet blackness poured from her that was the fathomless pea soup The howls of the grimoire cut ears onto the hungry page. Dy- of eternity without picking up a through her hands like an ing, she watched her life-ink coa- thing or two. athame through lungs. lesce into letters, conglomerate into words, and knew she would

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 25 26 not live to read them. Not this Bonus Material they had. I wanted to watch her time, at least. Alternate titles: The Athame of become an oracle herself, that Death was my idea, but it took a fasci- Long minutes passed and the ink nating turn that was enjoyable to dried on the page. “I wrote my part fairly early on watch unfold too.” - Phoebe Fay in the story and enjoyed reading Only the stars gazed with dispas- it turned out. I found it interest- THE EDITOR is not hungry sionate interest at what it read: ing that the grimoire became an any more, thanks. malevolent figure. When I decid- Hope of progress proved un- ed to make the grimoire talk, I sound didn’t see the characters as evil. I Still the Stone remains unfound envisioned it more like like an Iteration once more bound old friend with a dry sense of Better luck next time around humour, and multidimensional End vision, who was watching the Repeat • witch experience the same fate

The Strange Case of the Astrogator’s Eye Kelly Power, Shaun Vickers, Tristan, Harley Jones, picturesquerain, Joe Ross-Biddles, anon, Sam Cocking, anon, Bob the Creator, Andrew Conway

Cecy Carrington feared always adopted when Cecy ig- this, Cecilia. Yes. Yes she was. nored her admonitions and got that she was losing her Except that now it all seemed to into a scrape as a result, this is be going wrong, and Cecy began wits. Day after day she why nice respectable girls do not to wonder if madness might not belong on starships. They pick pored over the star charts be the least terrible option. It up all manner of bad habits. had to be, when the alternative in the Great Map Room, If it had been Cecy's brother was that the stars themselves making notes, making copies, who had passed all the examina- were waltzing through the heav- trying to commit each tiny detail tions and been offered a spot on ens, impossibly shifting position to memory. When she attended one of the Empire's most pres- – and that the charts aboard the the evening dances, her mind tigious starships as an apprentice s h i p w e r e a l t e r i n g t o was filled with spinning constel- astrogator, her family would all match them. lations. Her old governess would have been beside themselves Then there was the matter of the have been horrified by her inat- with delight. As it was, their gentleman with the green cravat. tention. This, she would have praise was decidedly muted. How He ought not to have been said, with that nasty, almost- very modern! they said, and Well, if aboard the ship at all. pleased air of vindication she had you are certain that you want to do Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 26 27

The green cravat itself, however, was no time to cower and hunt working, but there were no stars only served as proof that he for bandages. for lightyears, not just in front of could do whatever he liked. The captain barked into the in- them, but on the chart as well. Green was for military, and the tercom. She blinked, tried to refocus, but crest emblazoned on it carried her head was still aching from the rank of marshal, an incredi- ++Adopt Brace Position. Attempting the lightspeed jump. She ble position for a man still in his Emergency Lightspeed Manoeuvre. slumped against the wall. This early years: bright-eyed, strong ++ was not really happening, surely; jawline, and not a wrinkle to hide Following the winding route to surely it was her brain playing it. He’d even be quite attractive the bridge, another scream rang tricks on her. if it wasn’t for the permanent out as the wall to right shone out Green cravat turned to her, his smirk lodged above his chin. in a flash so bright it was still attention drawn by her stillness Starcruiser Bulwark was a leading blinding through her eyelids and among the hubbub of the bridge. research vessel for systems both she was hurled against the oppo- “Carrington, isn’t it?” he said, local and distant, so this armed site wall. That was the thing smiling. “James has been telling presence was alien and uncom- about lightspeed jumps, just as me about you – he says you fortable. bad on the way out as the way in. show much promise. Come and Focus. Enough daydreaming, Struggling against the urge to join me at the helm for a mo- and learn your stars for tomor- throw up, Cecy stumbled down ment.” Cecy gathered herself row’s inevitable quiz from James, the last few passages to the together and approached. The the ship’s actual astrogator. As- bridge, blindly groping for the Marshal may be being friendly tora Medius’ neighbours were… lock of the bulkhead door as her but one slip could see her dis- Jeraph Major? 10 astronomical sight slowly, and painfully, re- missed. units further from home. Or was turned. “Stand here and tell me what you it 15? Cecy groaned, and planted The bridge was disorganised and see in the screen.” He gestured her feet as she stood up to put chaotic even during a well- as he spoke for her to take his an end to her break - if you prepared lightspeed manoeuvre, position. could call leaning against the cor- but now there seemed to be at ridor wall outside her bunk- “There’s nothing, sir” she an- least a dozen crew shouting at a room a break. She’d be better swered. “No stars, no visible given time as others ran between working now so she had time to craft…” control stations, checking and dance again this weekend. She double checking every readout “It certainly seems that way, Car- began to trudge back to her and gauge they could find. rington.” room… “There’s nothing shown on the The gentleman in the green cra- A scream of shearing metal burst vat was the sole point of still- chart! Sir, I don’t understand – “ down the corridor. Doorways ness, standing firm like a rock in “Keep calm” he interrupted, ahead vanished into blackness. the stormy seas ships used to smiling reassuringly. “You’ve Searing pain clawed at Cecy’s brave in days gone by, his hands trained for this. Think: where shoulder as she collided with the clasped simply behind his back would we have to be for there to wall, thrown from her feet. watching the screen. be no visible stars?” The overhead lights sputtered Surely her sight must still be re- Cecy stared at him in astonish- back into life, and wails echoed turning, Cecy thought. That ment. “A black hole? Or possi- faintly from the end of the corri- must be it. The screen was black, bly the interior of some large dor. Cecy gasped and clutched with none of the stars you’d usu- rock planet? But that wouldn’t her arm as she stumbled for- ally see. It was only when she explain the charts – “ wards. She had to reach the noticed the chart in the corner Again, he moved to placate her. bridge. She had to help. Now that she realised; the screen was “Don’t worry about the charts! Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 27 28 Think – when, in normal opera- trogator does?” Cecy said. from the viewport. It was hot- tion, are there no stars visible?” Green cravat stepped closer. She but- oh. “During a light-speed shift! But could smell the faint lavender The Marshal couldn’t possibly that means - “ She was beginning perfume. Expensive organic maintain shiftspace this long. But to get irritated by his constant stuff. if you had clearance to override interruptions. “This is an order. Get us out of the safety locks, if you didn’t “Yes. I’ve steered us into one of here.” And with that the man mind burning out the heat- the portions of space that one walked away. His boots clacked dispersion systems and bending visits during a light-speed shift.” against the floor. the laws of physics in a circle, you could set the ship’s Anti- Cecy glanced at the screen again. “Wait!” Cecy shouted, “where is Time-Dilation Relativistic Shield- The little chart pulsed in one James?” ing to stretch a tiny instant out corner. The rest of it was so dark So briefly she thought she might to… hours? that it seemed to suck the light have imagined it, the man fal- Millennia? out of the room. tered, the military rhythm of his “But that means… we are still in stride broken – and then he was And that – trapped behind the the shift-space,” she said. Green gone, and the door slid shut be- sky, in a pocket of splintering cravat cocked his head at her. He hind him with a pneumatic hiss. time – that •was when Cecy saw smiled. something moving outside the Cecy bit back a terribly unlady- viewport. But Cecy barely noticed. The like curse, shoved her curiosity numbers ran through her head, about James to the back of her There being at last a star was of calculations and equations from mind, planted her feet and drew some comfort. The Astrogator those nights under the harsh in- a deep breath. Handling the fla- towering among the stellar flares door lighting of the academy. grantly impossible was her job. in which it basked was not. Its Eye opened as the ship drifted “This should not happen.” Cecy “Astrogator’s Override, Event closer, concentric ring after con- found herself walking to the con- Class Thaumiel, Emergency centric ring of ambpal and to- sole. She touched the interface. Code Apollyon,” she murmured pazlazuli around a comparatively The chart rotated. to the console. tiny pupil. It yawned, slowly, Still no stars. She walked over to the Primary albeit with a viscerally independ- ent reptilian grace. “And why is that.” Green cravat Viewport, placed a hand against stood beside her. it, stared into the impossible The shockwaves nearly tore the blackness and thought. ship apart. Sicklehead sharks “It’s not possible to stay in shift- swarmed in threes around the space for longer than a few milli- Reaching lightspeed – it wasn’t bases of its colossal ivories the seconds,” she muttered. lightspeed, but that relic of An- cient English had managed to size of volcanoes. Then Its Green cravat looked her up and reach the stars – required motion Mother reared Her head. down. through shiftspace, but even the “Untameable, they are” said “James spoke true about you.” very best experimental hyper- Green Cravat. “Indomitable. He put a hand on her shoulder. drives could only sustain a di- Some say they are far smarter “Now get us out of here,” he mensional transfer for a mo- than us. And yet they have no said in a low voice. ment. The power cost grew ex- form of language. They will do ponentially with time: the energy Cecy stared at him dumbfound- us no harm, however. At least to stay here for whole minutes ed. All her manners went out the not purposefully. We are here to should have drained dry every window. continue my census of them. My star in the sky. last three promotions were for “You think ­I can deal with this? Cecy snatched her hand away explaining how some of our cap- Do you even know what an as- ships had suddenly disappeared Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 28 29 without contact near the Red cus to Green Cravat. He finished finished connecting up the wir- Planet, Marx, in the Astoria Me- punching in a sequence on a ing and stood up so she could dius system. Anything which control panel, before raising his return power to the system... can take out a capship 500 times gaze to the viewscreen. Follow- which did nothing. The stars faster than the Galactomilitary ing it, Cecy watched as probes were still out, and now the As- can IS a matter for the Galac- set off from the ship, carrying trogator looked to be moving tomilitary… One of our missing between them what appeared to with an almost undeniable pur- vessels turned up in this Nexus, be an oversized GPS tag. The pose. and reported that one idiot Cap- probes moved into position “Carrington, we need to leave tain had set course right into a alongside the Astrogator’s tail, NOW.” Cravat said, seeming maw, upon which two other idi- skilfully attaching the tag while increasingly agitated. ot Captains opened fire on the its attention was fixed on their Astrogator, resulting in various ship. “We should be gone sir, I don’t understand why the equipment ships being shredded and their Green Cravat returned to Cecy’s isn’t working.” own being sucked into the Nex- side as the probes finished their us. This does of course mean work. “This will allow us to con- “Maybe James was wrong about that the current mission’s evalua- tinue tracking the Astrogators you after all,” he muttered, tions shall be cleassinfieored…” from outside shift-space. We’ll shouldering Cecy aside to look at Cecy shuddered at the thought receive population and health the panel, which did indeed seem of the consequent astrobureau- data, everything the census re- to be working. They were appar- cracic squalor. To a greater ex- quires, but on top of that we’ll ently experiencing time at a per- tent that she had shuddered at be able to plot their course fectly normal rate. the faux pas of having asked this through shift-space itself. If we “Cut off all power to the shift man whether he knew about as- can figure out how they can exist drives,” he shouted to the room, trogators: the professionals. stably within it, then perhaps one which had quietened somewhat Which of course sound exactly day our ships will be able to as since the initial chaos. Cecy the same as Astrogators: the sup- well.” could see that the Astrogator had posedly fictional terrors in old “But for now, Carrington, re- turned directly towards them governesses’ tales. member that we cannot. And get now, and its slit of a mouth was Sadly, there was little time to us out of shift-space… now.” yawning terrifyingly wide. consider the metaphysical con- Cecy turned her attention back “How will that help?” cried notations raised by the realisa- to the controls. Fixing the Time Cecy, “we need the shift drives tion that “fictional” terrors – Dilation Shielding equipment on to get ourselves back out could, in fact, turn out to be should be relatively simple, espe- shiftspace.” Cravat ignored her quite real. Cecy did wonder mo- cially if her suspicions were cor- and turned instead to look in- mentarily what this meant for rect and it had not been broken quisitively at the monstrosity Spacemermaids – after all, she but merely bypassed by Green about to engulf them. As the had been so sure that she had Cravat. It took her a few mo- shift drives were cut off the rest heard that alluring voice the last ments to find the relevant con- of the ship became oddly quiet, time she had passed through the nections, which was ample time perhaps the quietest it had ever Sirenuse Nebula. Her mind had a for her to wonder why she was been in Cecy’s time aboard. habit of returning to that voice the one doing this – surely “It’s the only hunch I’ve got, anyway, sometimes at highly un- Green Cravat must have been maybe the reason all our ships go helpful times, so it would be re- the one to sabotage the ship, he missing is because these crea- assuring if it had a basis in reali- must know the simplest fix... tures sense the distortion that we ty. she’d just come to the conclu- make to shift space when we ar- Perhaps to push that voice from sion that he must delight in the rive.” For a second his iron vis- her head, Cecy returned her fo- power of giving orders when she age had cracked and Cecy caught Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 29 30 sight of a very scared man who Sparke-Wobblingly equations are seconds. The Astogator blinked. was way in over his head. symmetrical in the real line and She tried again. The Astrogator the j-quaternion, so matter is blinked twice, then there was a Cecy decided that she had had enough, rage and frustration stable in realspace and meta- puff of something from the cor- bristled up under her skin. “So matter is stable in shiftspace. We ner of its eye. A third time, and you sabotage our ship to send us assumed there was no meta- the Astrogator flipped around, here, and all you’ve got to save matter in shiftspace due to the braced its forelegs against the us is a hunch?” She cried, the same asymmetry that means re- metastar and began to swim words slipping out before she alspace is full of matter and not away with sweeping strokes of could stop them. Her eyes wid- antimatter. That’s wrong. There its massive tail. What is it swim- ened with panic, an outburst like are pools of metamatter in ming in? thought Cecy and her that against a superior officer shiftspace and they’re inhabited. imagined paper grew another could get her court marshalled. Close to a pool of metamatter three chapters. the space transition is stable, so The metastar dwindled rapidly But to her surprise he responded we are stuck here.” Cecy was into the distance, and the ship calmly, almost with a hint of des- already planning the paper she peration in his voice. “I chose dropped back into realspace with would publish if they got out of the sound of a breaking garbage this ship because I’ve read your this mess. records, by the time you graduat- compactor, surrounded by a ed the academy you understood “No time for gobbledygook, get cloud of crystals. Cecy looked at shift space better than most as- us out of this mess.” the spectrograph. “Mostly water, trogators.” “We just need to get about with a little sodium chloride,” she said. “Crocodile tears.” • Cecy spun away from him. 50,000 astronomical units from Think. How does something survive in the metastar.” space? Normal matter can’t survive “We can’t do that on the ships Bonus Material there. Unless. She spun back to engines.” Fun fact: the only thing connect- him, “The astrogator is made of “Then we’re just going to have ing everyone on this chain was shift-space.” to drive the star off instead.” an interest in period drama, His eyes widened as all the puz- Cecy reached into the control which is why I was surprised it zle pieces started to slot togeth- interface, started the shift en- turned into Not Quite Star Trek. er. “Can we convert the shift gines, and adjusted the shift field But that’s chainwriting for you... drive to function as a disruptor into a long spike aimed at the THE EDITOR is awfully con- beam?” largest Astrogator’s eye. She ap- fused about what an astrogator is “Send the Astrogator into re- plied a surge of power, enough and is looking to finding out alspace? Only little bits of it and to take a cubic kilometre of plas- sometime. only briefly.” Cecy said. “The ma into realspace for five milli-

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 30 31

Alastair Haig, Lara Welch, anon, Danielle Saunders, Joanna Choules, Greg Dimmock, Pharydah, Maya, puntxi, Samuel Cook It started as a tingling un- gave his mission report, pausing magic. every now and again to let the derneath Omiles’ fingernails; bridge ask the questions he was “Chief Omiles here.” He leaned thaumions of power begging for already answering. Only then did against his desk to press the his attention. His face broke into he relax and allow the grin to ‘speak’ button. a slight grin as he felt the arcane fully take over his face. forces flow up his arms and into “Brian!” came the exuberant re- In the corner an ensign held his soul. He had the power. He ply. The general always leaned in tight to their safety harness and WAS the power. He was going too close to the communicator looked sadly at the space where to enjoy this. when he talked, and Omiles their bagel had until recently wrinkled his nose at the static. The hull of the Wing of Stars been, deciding if that was “Glad to see that your mission screamed and protested as its enough to say something. “Y- went well!” metal ruptured along carefully you know we have airlocks and sealed lines, bending and twisting communicators now right sir? at Omiles’ command. With a cas- “Yes. I’ll get a full report in You don’t need to j-jettison the soon.” ual gesture of one hand the flow bay everytime you come in?” of air from the split was halted, There was a brief silence that and reversed, pulling detritus Muttering a response and mak- made Omiles hope in spite of from the cold vacuum back in- ing a specific gesture in the di- experience that the general side the ship. A waft of a pinky rection of the ensign, Chief Brian would let him go with just that. moved the throttle, catapulting Omiles exited the Shuttlebay and Omiles’ pod towards and into headed for his office in Ops. “Nothing fun out there today? the hole, slipping through with Omiles spent much of his on No gossip for the base? You ease. base time in his office, and as know everyone’s dying to hear Omiles uttered a word the pod such it was fit to his every speci- about that meteor you’re explor- halted mid-vacu- no, wait, mid- fication. The room was to re- ing. I’ve barely been able to keep air (Omiles making a minute ad- main sparse, clean, and more the research squad off your justment to his spell and swear- than anything, private. On his back!” ing as the pod scraped a wall) desk sat two items: one, a com- and softly touched down to the municator with permissions too Beyond an almost intolerable floor. Two Dilithium wands high to be taken from the room, chattiness, Omiles acknowledged ejected themselves from the con- and two, a holographic projector that the general knew what he sole and clattered to the floor. that could conjure any combina- was doing, damn him. If other Omiles snatched one and drew a tion of Solomonic seals should people were trying to get on the sigil in the air, using the other he wish to engage in ritual. project, that spelled bad things hand to close his entry port. The communicator started buzz- for Omiles. After all, he hadn’t Speaking loudly to drown out ing almost the second Omiles made his newly acquired powers the demons in the comm- entered his office. News spread a secret, and if they found out dimension he’d opened, Omiles fast around here, even without what he’d done to get it – not

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 31 32 only would his advantage over ``Actually, I’m Hooded” said what wands, and it seemed to annoy the others grasping for his job be had until now passed for a little the demons less than the dry- gone, but his suddenly flourish- dust cloud, affording a small wipe markers. ing career could become nothing smile before smoothlyrechamele- Incredible, he thought. A week but space dust. onireconfiguringballisticexodeck ago he’d have been faffing about concealedprecocious. ``But go with some fail-safe encumbered “Just the same old meteor – on…”. single-demon message carrier, she’s got rocks, and lots of ‘em,” Two moons set and another rose standard issue. Comm speeds Omiles grated out. over the Aichemess-Spacefleet. between base and starships on The Captains and Admirals were those were milliseconds instead * playing cards in their own small- of hours with pre-thaum tech, “Given that we’ve not been as- er Icebreaker amidships on but the demon tended to forget signed a mission together before, Warsprite. In hindsight, some the odd crucial word and substi- Introductions are due” under- rued having chosen “Animal tute mind-bendingly inappropri- said the larboardmost, yawing to Snap”, given the presence of ate ones. Plus, their hold music expose Warsprite imprinted on Viceadmiral Francesca Duck, of was the worst. Her Redoutable Side. the ‘Unkind, whose Exploits- A week ago, he had landed on “And Icebreaker Games” Past, as Spacesailors’-Yarns, had the Crowley meteor for the first chipped in Next-In-Line, coro- Long-Preceded her arrival. time, and understood that every- tating to proclaim Herself Enrap- ``… beginning with `M’!” thing could be so much easier… ture. And before this last mission, ``Meteor!” groancluded Bark “Ooo, how exciting, do let’s play well. Changes had been made, Loyally. ``I spy… No, wait, I ‘I spy’ ” exclaimgested a third, his communicator for one, alt- hear, with My little ear, some- all-a-pitching to reveal Dread- hough he refused to let any oth- thing beginning with P…”. nightfall across Her Mighty Prow. er technician look into the work- ``But Introductions first” no- ``Pre-E-EY !” intoned Three-as- ings that connected it to Wing of nonsensebrusquiasserted anoth- One, honing in and broadcast- Stars' new comms grid. But he er, counterrolling to bring Bark ing: knew before this mission that Loyally to bear. ``Reflects what I “Just the same old meteor – there was power out there, scien- require of My crew…” she’s got rocks, and lots of ‘em,” tific achievements no-one but Omiles would be able to repli- ``Hear-Hear-HEAR” crescen- a voice grated out. cate, something more than just doapproved Holdfast, Countrattan “Ah, you don’t say,” replied an- some admittedly-risky short- and Coldly Unkind synchroyawing other, distorted like the first range comms dimensions. into view.``Which--Is--How through the fluctuatingflittering- OUR--Squad-ron IM-po-ses OR faltering wedged-open inter- And he’d been right. Instant -der--on those--who’ve--been dimensional cracks. “Say, is shuttle docking. Near perfect DE-FEA-TED” they proclam- someone else there on your end? comms over the light-years. basted smugnanimously, Three- I’m hearing some background Here at a stroke of chalk, gone at as-One. chatter on this call...” the swipe of a hand. ``But let’s play `I spy’!” enthusi- * Of course, it would have been asterjected Enrapture. ``I spy, more procedurally correct to car- Omiles waved a lazy hand with My little eye, something ry out the sealing ritual on the through the chalked-in sigil on beginning with `I’!” communication dimension, but his desk, and the communica- that way lay “health and safety” ``Interstellar dust!” efferves- tor’s insistent buzzing cut-out. and “docking via the airlocks ciebullolated Dreadnightfall, point- Chalk was old-school, but more instead of turning the shuttle bay ing aft. permanent than dilithium plasma into a vacuum, please, Chief, I

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 32 33 just wanted to eat my sandwich”. CROW-ley—yes?” “Something beginning with…” Boring nonsense. “Probably you were brought to “ T h e n - not- n o w - m a y - be- The chatter in the background of Honour his Achievements once sooooooooon-no-Crow-ley- his comms was random noise his work is complete?” A volley when-then-at-he-must-goooooo- from the portal. Nothing more. of agreement from a collection backkk-no-to-crow…” So why hadn't it stopped when of things that, Omiles knew per- “Able to hear…” he'd erased the sigil? fectly well, did not talk. He tried to clear his throat but there was “Something beginning with…” Omiles' anticipation had brought no blockage to vent. “Us yet!” him to his feet, to pitch stiffly from heel to toe and back while “No, that's... I wasn't... I am “Something beginning with…” him.” He braced for denial, in- scanning contemplatively, unfo- “You-kno-w-what-you-must-did comprehension, questions that cusedly, into the middle distance, - pur- s u e - in- e n d - i n g - he would have liked the answers but on noticing the still-hotness isthebegininng-correct” of comms he held steady, and to himself. “Crowley?” panted Omiles, more yawed back about to face the Dead air suffocated him. out of desperation than certainty. desk again. The noise seemed to Omiles had never heard silence Omiles spotted a small heap of resolve, barely to the edge of in- quite this loud. He stopped pac- powder on his desk. Through telligibility. ing and gazed round his well- old eyes he saw the hands of a “Well then it's their turn to pick kept office. He knew every inch younger man. a letter for 'I Spy'!” of this room, every word on eve- “Only there will you be able to ry page of every book that “But who is 'they'? The manifest correct...” is all accounted for... Hooded, an- adorned the shelves surrounding “Cor-rect-make-righ-tttt-sol-ve!” other one of yours?” him. Nothing was out of place. But for the first time in his life, “Something beginning with, P!.” “There are no others like me.” A this hawkish ability to see every tone of invisishimmeringinsouci- perfectly composed detail, only “Prey!” shouted Omiles as if he ance, Omiles thought, without confirmed that he knew nothing had done so before. “Prey! Prey! ever having heard that word be- about the situation he now Prey! Prey!” fore. found himself in. His eyes fell Omiles found himself lying flat “Then I suppose A Further In- upon the stick of chalk. One end on his office floor. He could on- troduction is needed. If we can- was sharp and smooth, while the ly feel the engine’s soft hum and not see you, then at least your other was worn and uneven. the embrace of silence. Suddenly, name?” “I spy, with My little eyes,” the his intercom buzzed. He slowly got to his feet and pressed the Omiles stewed in the dead air for voices came as if bubbled receiver. “Chief Omiles, your a few moments before admitting through every nerve in Omiles’ expedition pod is ready and its to himself that no-one else was body. He began to sweat as a course to Crowley has been cal- going to answer. painful cacophony of voices erupted. culated.” fuzzed Lucy’s voice. “Chief Omiles.” “You’re Chief Omiles?” Omiles paused and then picked “Already?” The reply was imme- up the pristine stick of chalk diate. “I had heard the rumours “Something beginning with…” from his desk. But Lucy knew that an Omiles was being laid “When?” what time it was, so she let him down, but to be launched and be, “I’ll get back to you later “I-saw-him-so-on-it-will-hap- commissioned so soon? Sir”. pen” “I—sup-pose YOU'RE—be-ing Omiles reached for his desk for “Something beginning with…” kept—out—of SIGHT—un-til his scheduled post-noon power HE'S—fin-ished ex-plor-ing “You’re not meant to be…” Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 33 34 nap. Just like clockwork, whilst copy of the infernal contract. He Omiles found it hard to distin- sat on his ergonomic desk chair, had more difficulty than usual guish “I” and “you”. As for a he opened his drawer to retrieve reaching it from the additional long time they have been work- his custom made memory foam layer of distance caused by his ing as one mind. pillow, crossed his leg atop his dream state, which didn’t help “But how could you not know desk and began to drift off. But his mounting nervousness at the the answers already… With your only this time, he wasn’t trans- way the demon moved towards knowledge of everything in exist- ported into the usual bliss of him, unhurriedly, knowing its ence?” Omiles continued reading nothingness but haunted by the prey could not back any further the document. “Oh here! You deal he brokered to get his pow- into the quicksilver filing cabi- seem to have once made an ers. It was supposed to be a sim- nets that lined the dingy, rust- agreement shortly after the be- ple trade of his grandmother’s coloured office cubicle it spent ginning… To pursue the desire mansion to recharge his powers its 9-to-5 in. for eternal existence, eternal cu- for it had begun to weaken as he Contract retrieved, he paged riosity and eternal knowledge, aged and if the general found through its thin parchment pag- you just have to make a small, out, he would not be allowed on es. As can happen in times of negligible sacrifice, a sacrifice the mission. But as he spoke to crisis, his rebellious brain spared which will cause no inconven- the demon through his blanket a moment to wonder what the ience but great conveniences, of shame and reluctance, the de- world was coming to if even the and cause no pains but a relief of mon fixated on the gem on his bureaucracies of hell slashed great pains.” hat. He was somewhat perplexed their stationery budgets to the “You have agreed to erase the as the demon began to slowly extent that you could barely approach him almost like it – no memory of what you were be- touch a document without de- fore! Permanently! Permanently he – was drawn to him. Omiles stroying it, but his subconscious in turn began to retreat. is defined by the direction of the mind skimread the crabbed print time arrow of this universe!” ‘What do you want?’ he hissed. nevertheless. The demon nodded its head. This was of course a rhetorical And this time Omiles noticed question coming from most there was no date specified in ‘Right, so can I assume that you men, since lesser demons were the contract, so the contract was still don’t know the answers to incapable of independent eternal. The contract came into those questions?’ asked Omiles. speech, but Omiles was not existence since the very begin- The demon waggled its head and most men. In the demon’s hand ning, the beginning of everything made a rude gesture, expressing gestures, he read the alarming else, and the beginning of the succinctly how stupid a question suggestion that the demon was power taking shape. that was, because why else would here to collect on the bargain. it be here? “Gosh, how long have you exist- ‘But the mansion was ed? And what were you before? ‘And can you accept that I clear- “accidentally” burned to the Why are you here?” Just when ly have as little idea as you?’ con- ground last week! And yes, I Omiles shouted out these ques- tinued Omiles. The demon know the plumbing is shite, but I tions with expected silence in shrugged its shoulders in a way how does that matter for beings return, an idea suddenly flashed that conveyed how, whilst it was with an internal body tempera- into his mind, “Oh, perhaps... generally sympathetic to this ture of 1000K? It’s not like those Could it be the case... that that’s viewpoint, it was in no way its lead pipes can take any fluid that what you want...?” problem and that it wasn’t the might be of use to them… What one who was liable to spend the do you mean, look at the small “To find out answers to these rest of eternity as Satan’s favour- print?’ questions…?...! And these ques- ite footstool for breaking the tions were not mine… but contract. Omiles dived for the pocket di- yours?” mension which contained his ‘So I suppose I’m going to have Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 34 35 to reverse the direction of the one important name. “Ah, the answer to the ultimate arrow of time, so that my past ‘Prometheus. I am Prometheus. question in life: 'What if Miles hasn’t happened yet and there- O'Brien was a Warlock?'. And I will kill every eagle in ex- fore I can remember it, because istence.’ • The Magical Star Trek AU you it will be in front of me?’ hazard- never knew you needed. Or ed Omiles. The demon gave him wanted. And probably still don't. a big grin and a thumbs-up, as if Bonus Material he were a particularly talented Pleasant to see some demons/ performing monkey. Alternate titles: ships/whatever those were, though I'm surprised none of ‘Sort of now-ish rather than, say, A Day in the Life of Chief Brian them were called Bertie…” — in a century or two?’ The demon Omiles Alastair Haig nodded vigorously. Rocks, and lots of ‘em ‘Well, here goes….’ said Omiles With Wings made of Stars “Finishing off this chain was re- as he drew a very complex sigil Wracking Up Omiles ally hard, because none of it in the air. Forward To The Past makes any sense or bears any Guess Who? relationship to any other part of For a second, his entire formerly The End Of The Aquiline it. Chainwriting at its scatter- -past-now-future life flashed be- What's The Frequency, Brian? brained finest!”—Samuel Cook fore his eyes in a torrent of imag- Interference es. Then the spell collapsed and Radio Gaga THE EDITOR enjoyed that normality re-asserted itself. Who am I? hugely and come up with a con- cise and witty comment to go Through the fog that was already The Demon Contractor here the moment she’s figured clouding his newly-acquired Literally anything other than out what the heck just happened. memories, Omiles remembered Spell Trek

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 35 36

Th e Mummy from Differing Viewpoints Samuel Cook

After CUSFS’s triumphal viewing of the classic horror-action-comedy-two- fingers-up-to-Egyptology, The Mummy, I thought it would be amusing to sum- marise the story from some different viewpoints. This may not make any sense if you weren’t there at the time.

Two Cows You have two cows, but one is really a bull, and tries to get frisky with your other cow. You kill both and mummify them. You now have no cows. 3000 years later, some Americans turn up looking for some beef, so you inadvisably resur- rect the bull as a demonic entity that proceeds to go on a killing spree in order to resurrect the cow and rule the world. This fails. You still have no cows, but have at least learned a valuable lesson about the perils of necromancy.

Roger Hargreaves

Mr Juicy was having a bad day. He’d been having a nice sleep for 3000 years, but then got woken up by some annoying people. Then he remembered that he ought to find Little Miss Mummy, so that they could rule the world together as invincible demonic beings. So he went down to the shops. On the way, he met Mr American. Mr Juicy doesn’t like Mr American, so he juiced him, and felt a lot better. Then he met the Other Mr American and juiced him too. The day was really looking up for Mr Juicy. He had so much juice now! A little bit more and he’d be able to give Little Miss Mummy a big juicy present.

He met Mr American’s two brothers and juiced them for good measure too. He was just feeling so juicy! So he headed over to Little Miss Mummy’s house, but just as he was about to give her his big juicy present, the annoying people that woke him up turned up and chased him away. He was so upset, he had to go back to sleep for aaages.

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 36 37

Imhotep

dQr.wy w| r mnXt tn | sDr I am most fruity in comparison to this linen garment. O lying down at night!

Or, in the vernacular: I’m too juicy for this shirt. Oh, bugger!

Cultist of Imhotep IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM- HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO- TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM- HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO- TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM- HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO- TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM- HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO- TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM- HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO- TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM- HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO- TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM- HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO- TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM- HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO- TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. IM-HO-TEP. Splat.

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 37 38

Aldi Gothic Danielle Saunders

The hummus has been taken. There is no sign save for one untouched carton in the centre of that it was ever here. the shelves. You give it a wide berth. Last week this shelf had flatbreads. This week it The seasonal carrot mascot now has a parnsip has rolls. The flatbreads have been fought back antagonist. You shudder when you think of their to a lower shelf, where they now plot their re- secret vegetable wars, rooted in hatred. venge. It is 10pm on a Thursday, and there are six of The label claims that lemon juice and lime juice you queued for the only open till. Five of you are are on this shelf. You have never seen lime buying a carton of milk, a chocolate-based juice, but there are certainly two kinds of juice. snack, and a loose citrus fruit. The sixth, who You do not touch the other one. has chosen to purchase only sliced bread, looks A packet of salami nestles amongst the water- around in increasing panic. melons. You are unsure whether it is only you You think you see lurpak, and then look again. who can discern its true form, or whether you You see norpak. You see noperak. You see lore- too are being fooled. You walk on. pak. You see blodpakt. You buy the norpak. We are now opening till 3. A store assistant is Till 9 is open. There is no assistant. There is no required at till 3. We are now closing till 3. queue. There is a single turnip on the conveyer. It is May. The central aisle is selling knitwear. There is no-one else in sight. There is no-one else in the store. It is August. The central aisle is selling knitwear. We are now opening till 2. We are now closing till It is January. The central aisle is selling orna- 2. A store assistant is required at till 2. An exor- mental fountains. cist is required at till 2. A cleaner is required at It is 4pm on a Saturday. The eggs are all gone, till 2. The blood, oh god the blood.

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 38 39 Xenomusicology: the use of fictional ethnomusicology in the multi-media world of James Cameron’s Avatar Cici Carey-Stuart

The following is an extract from a dissertation submitted to the Faculty of Music in 2018. Abstract This paper examines the use of fictional xenomusicology in James Cameron’s Avatar. Xenomusicology is the study of possible extraterrestrial musical cultures (see Robert Freitas Xenology, www.xenology.info). Within Avatar’s multi-media world, the paper analyses: how xenomusicology is constructed; how xenomusicology constructs the alien Other; and what this creation of xenomusicology shows about our real-world society. The paper focuses on the ‘research’ of James Cameron’s fictional xenomusicologists on the (fictional) musical culture of the Na’vi, the alien protagonists of Avatar, as portrayed through: the film; the DS and PC games; and the official Pandorapedia website. The fictional xenomusicological methods from Pandorapedia are used to analyse the music heard in Ava- tar, and to see how music ‘makes real’ Na’vi culture. I argue that the xenomusicological research about Na’vi mu- sic played a fundamental role in the creation of the alien Other. However, the restrictions placed upon it by Cam- eron’s blockbuster vision made the xenomusicology uncomfortably reminiscent of the cultural Darwinism of early comparative musicology.

Introduction James Cameron’s Avatar (2009) set twenty-seven box office records and still holds the world record for the high- est-grossing film (Avatar 2009, Box Office Mojo, n.d.), thanks to years of planning the hyper-realistic alien planet of Pandora. The musical life of the Na’vi aliens played an important role in the construction of a realistic Na’vi world and culture. Throughout the film, Na’vi music produces an immersive illusion of a whole new culture, and the diegetic (in-universe) music deeply influenced the whole soundtrack of the film. Cameron and James Horner, the composer, worked with a consultant ethnomusicologist, Wanda Bryant. They created an entire alien musical culture and xenomusicological (the study of alien musics) research based on this constructed music. The inven- tion of xenomusicology, and of fictional xenomusicologists, reaches a previously uncharted depth in film-universe formulation. In this essay, I examine the construction of this fictionalised ethnomusicology both in the film itself and its multi-media counterparts. Ultimately, I will argue that xenomusicological research about Na’vi music plays a fundamental role in the creation of the alien Other in the world of Avatar. However, I contend that the film is uncomfortably reminiscent of an older type of thinking about music and culture, one still rooted in the colonialist ideas of social Darwinism (Rice, 2014, p.17). Avatar’s xenomusicological basis in real-world comparative musico- logical techniques (from the late nineteenth- and early twentieth-centuries) reminds us of the historical founda- tions of ethnomusicology, that today’s scholars have had to come to terms with. The discipline of xenomusicology was not originally created for Avatar: in fact, it is not fictional at all. It developed as a sub-branch of the area of study known as xenology, “the scientific study of all aspects of extraterrestrial life, intelligence, and civilization” (Freitas, 1979). Xenology has been used since the 1950s to define the study of the possibilities of extraterrestrial life – none of it is fictional, but it is all highly theoretical. Xenomusicology is an area of study within xenology, focussing on the possibilities of alien music making, balanced precariously on the “liminal boundary between legitimate academic inquiry and fantasy” (Sandzer-Bell, 2016). Soon, of course, it found its way into science-fiction, with examples such as the self-proclaimed Klingon xenomusicologist Jon Sil-

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 39 40 payamanant (2011) and a fan-written xenomusicology module from Starfleet Academy (LiveJournal, 2010) as part of the expanded universe based on the main Star Trek plots. The plot of the Avatar film follows Jake Sully, a paraplegic marine, who controls a human-Na’vi hybrid Avatar through a neural link. His original mission is to force the Na’vi to let humans exploit Pandora’s natural resources, but as he learns more about the planet and its native inhabitants, he chooses the Na’vi and Pandora over humanity and helps defeat the human invasion. The video games are set before the film: in the DS game (Ubisoft, 2009a), the player character* is a young Na’vi who stops human scientists from disrupting the ecosystem, with the help of a sympathetic Avatar. In the PC game (Ubisoft, 2009b), the player character has an Avatar, and decides to either se- cure a crucial ecological site for the human forces or help the Na’vi protect the site. Both games contain diegetic and non-diegetic music, and Na’vi musical culture is key to the game plots. The final piece of media considered in this essay is the official field guide, Pandorapedia (n.d.). All of the information about Pandora created by Cameron and his consultants is published in this guide, as though written by real researchers working on Pandora. Everything in the guide is presented as fact, including entirely fictional xenomusicological research that would not seem out of place in academic journals in the field of ethnomusicology. A small number of scholars have already focused attention on the Avatar franchise, leading to many opposing in- terpretations. As Bron Taylor remarks, “The film-maker and film have been labelled pro-civilization and anti- civilization, pro-science and anti-science [...] racist and anti-racist” (Taylor, 2013, p. 6). Chris Klassen, for example, contradicts the praise surrounding the film, calling it a “thinly veiled misogynistic plot tied to a romanticisation of indigeneity” (Klassen, 2013, p. 143). This appears to be in direct opposition to Cameron’s ideological vision of en- couraging us to see the connections between all human beings (as quoted in Taylor, 2013, p. 5). From a musical perspective, both views (the more critical and the more utopian) are valid – there are also differing opinions of the use of real-world ethnomusicology in the film. Michael MacDonald, discussing the soundworld of the film, accuses Bryant and Horner of contradicting Cameron’s inclusive ideology by appropriating sound samples from real-world musical cultures as inspiration for Na’vi music. He compares Horner to the film’s antagonist, saying that he “mines and then processes ‘indigenous’ mu- sic” (MacDonald, 2013, pp. 264-265) to create the film score. In a contrasting paper, Trang Nguyen focuses on the use of these sampled sounds in creating “saturation scoring”, filling every scene in the film, which creates the emo- tional aspect of Cameron’s visual spectacle (Nguyen, 2013, p. 10). Bryant herself wrote an article in Ethnomusicolo- gy Review (2012) discussing her role in Avatar’s world-building process. She emphasises how important Cameron made music to the Na’vi culture, to the point of naming the main clan after a mythical “Blue Flute” – and hiring a consultant ethnomusicologist. Bryant found unusual or largely unknown sound samples from many musical cul- tures, from which Cameron shortlisted the sounds most appropriate to the film. Bryant and Horner then created the Na’vi musical style from a “global mash-up” (Bryant, 2012) of these musical ideas. As well as coming up with the actual sounds, Bryant also created Na’vi musical concepts and behaviours (Rice, 2014, p. 22) and give the music a (fictitious) cultural background. In order to get more information on Avatar’s xenomusicology, I contacted Bryant myself. We communicated via email, and I am grateful to have heard her views on the different scholarly attitudes towards the music, as well the difficulties of including ethnomusicology in a blockbuster film. This essay contributes to the scholarship on Avatar by focussing specifically on the fictional xenomusicology within the universe of Pandora. It investigates how this overlooked aspect of world-building impacts the film and its relat- ed media, through both aural music and the creation or emphasis of certain aspects of Na’vi culture. I will explore how the fictional discipline of xenomusicology is established in the multi-media world of Avatar and how it is used to construct the alien Na’vi culture. Finally, I discuss how the use of xenomusicology highlights the continued prev- alence of colonialism in our real-world society. The music and musical culture of Avatar is so important to the over- all impact of the franchise on audience members, I find it surprising that there has been little research into it. Rice mentions Bryant’s work when discussing how ethnomusicology is being used outside of academia, but he seems to misunderstand a key point of Bryant’s article of 2012: he says that Horner took the sound samples Bryant collected and “mashed them up into largely unrecognizable synthesized combinations” (Rice, 2014, pp. 118-119). MacDonald, in the most high-profile article on the subject, bases his main argument on this misconception, claim-

* The player character is normally called an ‘avatar’, but is henceforth called a player character to avoid confusion. Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 40 41 ing that the “electronically manipulated” (MacDonald, 2013, p. 265) versions of the samples were included in the final soundtrack. Bryant and Horner in fact used the samples as inspiration for entirely new compositions; Bryant described Horner’s compositional process as: an artist looking at a piece of Harry Winston jewelry for inspiration and then creating a piece of jewelry of his own design. The jeweler did not buy or steal the Harry Winston piece, melt some parts of it down, rearrange the gem- stones, and call it his own work. (Bryant, email communication, January 25, 2018). There are legitimate concerns about the use of xenomusicology in Avatar, but there are also many positives in the eventual audience reception of Na’vi music, and MacDonald’s erroneous argument attempts to push these under the radar. Overall, this essay will present the faults of Avatar’s xenomusicology as a warning about the restrictions on academic creativity in Hollywood. However, I argue that (even with these limitations) the success of the film’s ideological message shows that ethnomusicology can thrive in such an environment.

Construction of Xenomusicology in Avatar The majority of Bryant’s work as a consultant ethnomusicologist concerned the creation of original Na’vi music, but as a whole musical culture rather than just as a selection of sounds. Only one complete song by Bryant and Horner remained in the film, a Funeral Song (Bryant, 2012). To explain the musical concepts not explicitly discussed on- screen, Bryant wrote research articles on the cultural origins of Na’vi musical sounds and behaviours, as though written by fictional xenomusicologists. Avatar is constructed across many mediums that give different possibilities, and limitations, for the depiction of xenomusicology. In the film, the human compound on Pandora (‘Hell’s Gate’) is populated with generic researchers and scientists, few of whom are explicitly given a specific research discipline. Xenomusicology is important only as a background for the immersive diegetic Na’vi music, as also heard in the DS and PC games. In the DS game’s musical sub-plot available on newer systems, the player character learns the “old warrior’s song”. This banquet praise song (Social Songs, Pandorapedia, n.d.), is taught by another Na’vi through an ‘emic’ transmission process*. As controllers of the character, we learn about Na’vi culture in the same way as the fictional Avatars, hence the etymological link to video games. In the PC game, the player character is an Avatar who learns about ritual music from the Tsahik of the local tribe. This spiritual leader is an informant, teaching the outsid- er in their ‘emic’ way. Xenomusicology is only explicitly named in the fictional research presented in the Pandorape- dia, although this is also the only medium where we cannot hear any music. The website describes xenomusicologi- cal ‘methods’ similar to Blacking’s use of expanded versions of emic concepts about music (Nettl, 2005, p. 105). A xenomusicologist character is even named: Dr. Wendy Bryan (Warning Drum, Pandorapedia, n.d.), after Dr. Wanda Bryant. Perhaps in an attempt to cement the validity of this fictional discipline, xenomusicology on the planet Pandora is based on real-life ethnomusicological methods. On the Pandorapedia, there are linguistic studies of song lyrics, some of which seem intended to be used to measure the “wordiness” of a song, as one of Lomax’s cantometric var- iables (Cook, 1992, p.200). Xenolinguists also discuss theories that some Na’vi songs use vocables that are derived from old Na’vi words, as recognised by Na’vi elders (Personal Songs, Pandorapedia, n.d.). In general, the Na’vi have a sophisticated musical vocabulary for a non-literate culture (Language and History, Pandorapedia, n.d.); the lan- guage makes important musical distinctions, such as between a generic musical instrument (‘otxang), an aerophone (pawk) and a chordophone (i’en) (Miller, 2018). The Pandorapedia also includes descriptive analytical articles on different parts of Na’vi music. Many of these arti- cles are on individual instruments, discussing the playing method, their use in Na’vi society and a description of the instrument itself. The descriptions usually make “culture-to-culture” comparisons to instruments from Earth cul- tures, which, as Rice argues with regards to real-world ethnomusicological research (Rice, 2014, p. 20), can be quite an ethnocentric method of analysis. Instruments are also classified by the means of producing sound, using the Hornbostel-Sachs system, but without further levels of classification – although some instrument descriptions

* The fictional nature of Avatar’s xenomusicological research leads to etymological complications around the emic-etic interface. I use ‘emic’ to mean a Na’vi musical view, and ‘etic’ to mean a human xenomusicologist’s view. Because both views are fictional, they can each be seen in the other, much like Nettl’s point that real-life informants can express both views (2005, p. 229). Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 41 42 would fit well into such a system: “Pendulum drum: large gourd with both ends cut off. Drum heads (one side only) made from sturmbeest bladders” (Pendulum drum, Pandorapedia, n.d.). The xenomusicologists also made pitch-graphs, illustrating the melodic contour of songs because Na’vi have no set pitches or interval sizes (Na’vi Music Theory, Pandorapedia, n.d.). Here, the researchers drew on old analytical tools from comparative musicology, such as Ellis’ logarithmic cent scale (as described in Rice, 2014, pp. 18-19), which allowed the researchers to define the ‘octaves’ commonly used in Na’vi songs, as they are very different from the Western ratio-based scales. Alongside descriptive articles, there are socio-cultural analyses written as though based on fictional ethnographic research, mainly focussing on the links between particular tasks and song types. For example, the most complex weaving songs can only be sung by a weaver who is experienced enough to have a very steady weaving rhythm (Hometree Songs, Pandorapedia, n.d.). Children are taught how to complete such tasks using simplified versions of adult songs (Children’s Songs, Pandorapedia, n.d.), similarly to Blacking’s findings about Venda children’s songs (Nettl, 2005, p. 105). Interestingly, the section on social songs claims that there is no social role of ‘composer’; in- stead, anyone can compose a song. This appears to contradict the distinction between pamtseotu (musician) and pamtseongopyu (composer; literally music pamtseo creator ngopyu); this could parallel a lack of musical hierarchy such as found in the real-life Kaluli people (Feld, 1984, p. 390), and indicate that, for the Na’vi, you become a com- poser as soon as you compose a song. As opposed to the social musical concepts, all of the analytical musical theory proposed in the Pandorapedia is ‘etic’, as the Na’vi do not analyse their own music. An interesting ethical issue comes out of this, which the xeno- musicologists mention but do not expand upon: There has been no confirmation of musical theories by the Na’vi themselves […] they do not recognize any theo- retical basis other than Eywa […] An Earth-style musicological analysis would make absolutely no sense to them, and they believe the study of music to be a waste of time. (Na’vi Musical Theory, Pandorapedia, n.d.). This apparent lack of interest in the Na’vi’s own views on music fits with the standard academic position of the 1950s that the emic view was an “exotic curiosity” (Nettl, 2005, p. 229). This link is further emphasised in the use of many comparative and early-ethnomusicological methods in the xenomusicological research. For example, the pitch-graph notation is a similar technique to the melodic contour charts used by Mervyn McLean to analyse the differences between Maori song types in 1966 (as quoted in Cook, 1992, p. 195). The Hornbostel-Sachs system for describing instruments is older still, from around 1910 (Nettl, 2005, p. 383), and Ellis’ cent system dates from at the latest 1885 (Rice, 2014, p. 18). Modern ethnomusicology has mainly left these structuralist methods behind, alt- hough they are still used when in conjunction with emic musical views (Nettl, 2005, p. 229). To counter the largely ‘etic’ exploration of Na’vi music, MacDonald suggests that Horner could have been more “anthropologically sensitive” by developing an “ecomusicological imagination” (MacDonald, 2013, p. 265), such as acoustemology (“a way of knowing that occurs through sound and music” (p. 263)). Strangely, although she did not use the precise term, it seems clear acoustemology was what Bryant was working with when she created the xenomusicological research and the musical theory behind it. Stephen Feld, who coined the term acoustemology, described it as the “tacit knowledge” of ecological sounds leading to “active ecoacoustic knowing” (Feld, 2012, p. xxvii). MacDonald says the interrelations between the Na’vi and the environment should be the inspiration for their “musical emergence” (2013, p. 267), and indeed, this is what Bryant intended. Had she not had to make the Na’vi music appeal to the average American movie-goer, she told me that “My vision would have been for a musi- cal culture that reflected the close connection between the Na’vi and all living things on the moon of Pandora, through Eywa.” (email communication, January 25, 2018). Although she was limited in what musical experimenta- tion she could perform, such active ecoacoustic knowledge is shown frequently throughout the Avatar franchise. For example, there is a xenomusicological theory that the Na’vi have no concept of fixed musical pitches because drums made around different trees each produce unique pitches (Na’vi Musical Theory, Pandorapedia, n.d.). Ra- ther than ignoring newer methods such as acoustemology, it seems that Bryant has used such approaches along- side the older structuralist methods to construct xenomusicology as an entirely new discipline, dealing with not only a different culture, but a different species altogether.

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 42 43

Xenomusicology, Indigenous Culture and the Colonial Mentality Xenomusicology is used in the multi-media world of Avatar to inspire and create music as a fast way of showing an entire indigenous culture to the audience. Unlike other types of cultural heritage, music can be presented alongside other parts of a story, such as the hunt song that is heard in the film with Jake’s first flight on an ikran. The lack of easily recognisable music (for the average audience member) indicates that the music is alien, or at least newly cre- ated. Even through its disembodied use as part of the soundtrack rather than showing the Na’vi singing, the fact that the Na’vi have music to go with the specific ritual that Jake is completing implies that they have music for eve- ry ritual, and through extrapolation that music is an important part of Na’vi culture. Often audience members will not consciously register the soundtrack, but subliminally they will be more willing to accept the Na’vi as a ‘real’ cul- ture with their music playing in the background. The film and games present their culture as a way of directing our sympathies towards the Na’vi, which is vital for the plot of each medium. When diegetic music is both aural and visual, it becomes especially obvious. The main goal of the PC game is to find a set of songs that will lead the way to a Tree of Voices, and so music is key to any player’s enjoyment of the game. In the DS game, the musical subplot is only available if played on later DS systems with cameras – as a returning player on a newer system, I was excited to have a new subplot to play out, especially through music. In the film the diegetic musical moments are very emotionally charged: a funeral chant as the Na’vi mourn; and two different prayer scenes – one successful, one not. As well as being the most obvious cultural practice in the film and games, music is a very important part of Na’vi culture, thanks to its symbolistic and practical representation of the inter- connectedness of Ewya and Pandora. This is particularly clear to the subset of dedicated fans who read the Pan- dorapedia, in which some of the most detailed articles are focussed on music. Xenomusicology enables Na’vi culture to be quickly shown through the use of diegetic and non-diegetic Na’vi mu- sic. Culture is particularly emphasised as a way of underpinning Cameron’s ecological message throughout the film: “to see everything that is connected, all human beings to each other, and us to the Earth” (Cameron as quoted in Taylor, 2013, p. 5). He used a fictional planet to encourage the audience to prioritise the real natural environment. For Bron Taylor, this reflects the growing social and political power of ecological spiritualities in the early 2000s (2013, p. 4). MacDonald (2013) brings up the possibility of such an ecologically-centred acoustemology for the Na’vi, although he does not seem to realise that this was precisely what was being shown on-screen in scenes such as Grace’s ritual. However, he brings up an important criticism about Bryant’s use of music samples from indige- nous peoples. Even though Bryant and Horner only used them as inspiration for new compositions, MacDonald ar- gues that this approach is focussed on “how it sounds” (MacDonald, 2013, p. 273), rather than how the music is used by its creators. Considering the real-life cultures behind the musics that inspired Horner could have led to a more sensitive interpretation of Na’vi culture as a whole. The differing views on the use of ethnomusicology and musics are representative of wider critical reactions toAva- tar, and the academic dichotomies between Avatar as politically progressive or regressive. Such opposite arguments seem to arise from a tension created by Cameron’s desire to promote an ecological message through the necessari- ly limited lens of a blockbuster production. Reaching that compromise in the film and games reveals an enduring legacy of Western colonialism within mass-media, which finally leads to the conflicting messages perceived by audi- ence and critics, as discussed above. Klassen claims that this legacy means that the final impact of the film runs counter to Cameron’s supposed message (Klassen, 2013, p. 143). She argues that the Na’vi are portrayed as the “ecological noble savage”, an indigenous people who revere nature and live sustainably. Even though the entire point of the Na’vi culture is to prompt consideration of real indigenous populations, Avatar doesn’t consider their real political issues in the twenty-first century. Instead it promotes the myth of modern indigenous populations as static, sustainable and simplistic, (Klasson, 2013, p. 153) such as is seen in the lack of an indigenous Na’vi musical analysis system. This primitivism can be found quite easily within the soundtracks for film and games. I argue that Timothy Taylor’s discussion of musical exoticism in advertising (2007) maps very closely onto Avatar. He describes the new “world music style” (Taylor, 2007, p. 13) created for advertisements, which is not based on any real indigenous music. Tay- lor describes how songs like Adiemus (Jenkins, 1995) were inspired by sound samples to create a world music that references all of the non-Western world, but not a singular place. This world music style is quite standardised: fe-

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 43 44 male voices singing vocables; drums and flutes accompaniment; and the use of sequences (Taylor, 2007, p.185). I argue that these descriptions perfectly match the Avatar soundworld, with the lack of lyrics to most vocal music that is always accompanied by drums and often flutes, even though the film is entirely unique in its use of ethno- musicology to construct this sound. To create a musical culture that produces music so similar to the world music style, the ethnomusicological process must have been considerably ethnocentric. Indeed, it does not seem that it could have been otherwise to creating a new, technologically primitive culture that would not alienate a main- stream audience. However, the xenomusicology on the Pandorapedia was based on early musicological methods that could easily lead to such ethnocentrism, but this was not required to create a blockbuster film score. The pub- lished reality of Avatar, then, is an interpretation of Cameron’s ecological message fraught with ethical issues ne- cessitated to a greater or lesser degree by Hollywood’s mass-media appeal. The spectrum between ethnocentrism and ethnomusicology is also seen in the spectrum from diegetic to non- diegetic music, in the soundtracks to the film and games (composed by Horner, Inon Zur (DS) and Chance Thomas (PC))*. Diegetic music, shown on-screen, is always Na’vi music, as inspired by Bryant’s ethnomusicology and dis- cussed above. Some non-diegetic music is also Na’vi music, such as the song in Jake’s First Flight. Other non- diegetic music is inspired by the Na’vi musical style, or at least it appears to be. Sky Creeks in the DS game includes drumming rhythms heard in diegetic and non-diegetic music across all three soundtracks and features Na’vi sing- ing. It also includes significant emphasis on high melodic flutes, which are not part of the Na’vi soundworld but are a symptom of Timothy Taylor’s world music style (2007, p. 13). Finally, there are parts of the non-diegetic score that come straight from the standard Western orchestral film-score style. The interaction between the Na’vi and Western elements of the score are determined by the presence of humans or Na’vi; for example, Fight in the PC game (where the Na’vi player character encounters hostile humans) is in the Western orchestral film style. All three composers use a broad, world music style expression of Na’vi music in most non-diegetic music, so as not to alienate audiences. Horner lamented that he had to be quite aurally conservative, so as not to undermine Camer- on’s radical visual elements - “it still has to appeal to a film audience in a conventional way” (as quoted in Bryant, 2012). In a personal communication, Bryant told me what she would have done with the Na’vi musical culture had she not had to meet the expectations of Cameron and the average American cinema audience: I envisioned less of a highly structured taxonomy and a more organic, fluid expression of music […] I envisioned music that grew from the shared experiences that are stored within Eywa and accessible to all Na’vi through their biological connection to her and all living things on the moon (Bryant, email communication, January 25, 2018). Bryant was particularly confused by Cameron’s conception of music as segregated between genders, as seen in the separation of men’s (microtonal) and women’s (heterophonic) musical styles. Bryant found this contradictory, as all the cultural roles of Na’vi were shown to be open to both men and women – even the role of clan leader is gen- der neutral, as the leader of the “Ikran people of the Eastern Sea” (Cameron, 2009) is a woman. “But,” Bryant told me, “it was Cameron’s vision” (Bryant, email communication, January 25, 2018). It seems that Cameron imagined music as culture (Merriam, as quoted in Myers, 1993, p. 7), within the general Na’vi culture, that presented its own gender roles. A real-life society in which a musical culture presents its own gender roles is that of the Kaluli: men and women are alike in performing most actions, but wailing is “quintessentially female”, and singing “quintessentially male” (Feld, 1984, p. 264). The Kaluli are also like the Na’vi, as MacDonald points out, in that they cannot be discussed as separate from their environment (2013, p. 269), and the musical egalitarianism shared by both cultures as discussed. Cameron’s treatment of Na’vi gender roles in music can easily be seen as reminiscent of the Kaluli. A part of Cameron’s vision that was especially difficult to realise was Na’vi ritual music. Bryant and Horner attempt- ed to use a microtonal drone, but the idea was “shot down instantly” (Bryant, email communication, January 25, 2018) for straying too far from the musical mainstream. Cameron wanted a simplistic, unison song, which eventual- ly became the “Amazing Grace” music discussed above [in the full version of this dissertation], and microtonal drones were relegated to off-screen social songs (Social Songs, Pandorapedia, n.d.). Microtonalism was completely

* Bryant was not involved with the games, and Horner only worked with the game composers on parts of their scores. Thomas said that he took Horner’s “timbre” (Linder, 2009), and he was inspired by Horner’s heterophony for the singing scenes discussed above [in the full ver- sion of this dissertation]. In Zur’s score there are explicit quotations such as the bass melody from You Don’t Dream in Cryo (film soundtrack, Horner) in Hometree (DS game soundtrack, Zur). Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 44 45 removed from the Pandorapedia article on ritual music, which instead describes this type of music as “the simplest of Na’vi songs” (Ritual Music, Pandorapedia, n.d.). Microtonality only survived in the film in the non-diegetic sound- track to particularly sorrowful scenes, such as Shutting Down Grace’s Lab and The Destruction of Hometree. Alt- hough it is unlikely that such features would be noticed by most of the audience, many fans name these as their favourite tracks, citing heartfelt emotions. In a forum poll of fans’ favourite “songs”, they came first after tracks that had lyrics or were from singing scenes. Microtonality could well have contributed towards this popularity, by subconsciously linking the unfamiliar (‘alien’) musical sounds to the plight of the Na’vi. One fan even said that the tracks “make me cry with sadness i feel more Na'vi than human” (Favorite Song From The Avatar Soundtrack, Lean Na’vi Community, 2010)*. Emotional investment in the Na’vi people was the goal of the entireAvatar franchise, so that through that invest- ment the audiences would start caring more for their own species and planet. Horner, Zur and Thomas’ scores made such a subjective connection to fictional aliens possible and this success could not have been achieved with- out the foundation of ethnomusicological research. The xenomusicology backing up every moment of Na’vi music made the whole culture hyper-realistic, thanks to the acoustemological creation of the music culture. This was reg- istered subconsciously by cinematic audiences, as seen most clearly in the microtonal music, but consciously for gamers and readers of Pandorapedia. However, parts of the musical world of Avatar perpetuated the film’s use of a ‘noble savage’ ideology. Even though Bryant stressed that she used samples as inspiration for a new musical style, the use of comparative musicological techniques and musics without cultural context lead to a soundworld very similar to that of Timothy Taylor’s world music style. This style was emphasised by Cameron’s restriction of (xeno-) musical creativity to ensure box-office compatibility– yet by making such a blockbuster, Cameron managed to com- municate his ecological message to the largest cinema audience of any film (Holtmeier, 2013, p. 91)†. Through their sympathy for the Na’vi, the audience was consciously or subconsciously encouraged to respect real-world peoples and our own environment. Even with its basis in an ethnomusicology with partial faults and limitations, the xeno- musicology was what consciously and sub-consciously gave the audience a culture with which to sympathise.

Bibliography

Avatar (2009) - Box Office Mojo. Retrieved March 2, 2018 Religion and the "Other" in Avatar. In B. Taylor University, Melbourne, Australia. Retrieved March 2, 2018, (Ed.), Avatar and Nature Spirituality (pp. 143-160). Water- from Bryant, W. (2012). Creating the Music of the Na’vi in James loo, Canada: Wilfrid Laurier University Press. Cameron’s Avatar: An Ethnomusicologist’s Pandorapedia: The Official Guide to Pandora. (n.d.). Re- Role. Ethnomusicology Review, 17. Retrieved March 2, Forum Index. (2018). LearnNa’vi.org Community. Retrieved trieved March 1, 2018 2018 March 1, 2018 Rice, T. (2014). Ethnomusicology: A Very Short Introduc- Cameron, J. (Director/Producer/Writer). (2009). Avatar Lady_Wormtongue (username). (2010). Xenomusicology tion. Oxford, United Kingdom: Oxford University Press. [Motion picture]. United States: 20th Century Fox. 101 -- Unit 1: Vulcans. ONTD Star Trek – Live Journal. Retrieved March 2, 2018 Sandzer-Bell, E. (2016). Xeno-Musicology: Close Encoun- Cook, N. (1992). A Guide to Musical Analysis. London, ters, Star Trek, and the Space Harp – Evolve + As- United Kingdom: J. M. Dent & Sons Ltd. Linder, B. (2009). The Music of Avatar: The Game - IGN. cend. Retrieved March 1, 2018 Retrieved March 1, 2018 Feld, S. (1984). Sound Structure as Social Struc- Silpayamanant, J. (2017). The Klingon Xenomusicologist. ture. Ethnomusicology, 28, 383-409. Retrieved March 2, MacDonald, M. (2013). Knowing Pandora in Sound: Acous- Retrieved March 2, 2018, from 2018 temology and Ecomusicological Imagination in Cameron's Avatar. In B. Taylor (Ed.), Avatar and Nature Spirituality Taylor, B. (2013). Prologue: Avatar as Rorschach. In B. Feld, S. (2012). Sound and Sentiment. Durham, United (pp. 261-276). Waterloo, Canada: Wilfrid Laurier University Taylor (Ed.), Avatar and Nature Spirituality (pp. 3-12). Kingdom: Duke University Press. Press. Waterloo, Canada: Wilfrid Laurier University Press.

Freitas, R. A. (1979). Xenology: An Introduction to the Miller, M. (Ed.). (2018). NA’VI - ENGLISH DICTIONARY v. Taylor, T. (2007). Beyond exoticism. Durham, United King- Scientific Study of Extraterrestrial Life, Intelligence, and 13.63. Retrieved March 22, 2018 dom: Duke University Press. Civilization. Retrieved March 1, 2018 Myers, H. (1992). Ethnomusicology: Historical and Regional Ubisoft Montreal. (2009). James Cameron's AVATAR: The Holtmeier, M. (2013). Post-Pandoran Depression or Na’vi Studies. London, United Kingdom: Macmillan. Game [Nintendo DS video game]. Montreal, Canada: Sympathy: Avatar, Affect, and Audience Reception. In B. Ubisoft. Taylor (Ed.), Avatar and Nature Spirituality (pp. 83-94). Na'vi from Avatar Movie - Learn Na'vi Wiki. (2017). Learn Waterloo, Canada: Wilfrid Laurier University Press. Na’vi Wiki. Retrieved March 2, 2018 Ubisoft Montreal. (2009). James Cameron's AVATAR: The Game [PC video game]. Montreal, Canada: Ubisoft. Jenkins, K. (1995). Adiemus. [Recording by M. Stockley]. Nettl, B. (2005). The Study of Ethnomusicology. Cham- On Adiemus: Songs of Sanctuary [CD]. USA: Caroline Distri- paign: University of Illinois. bution. Nguyen, T. (2013). The Role of Music in Storytelling - a Klassen, C. (2013). Becoming the "Noble Savage": Nature Study of James Cameron's Avatar. Master’s thesis, RMIT

* Forum topic by Zefanaya (username) accessible at https://forum.learnnavi.org/official-soundtrack-music/favorite-song-from-the-avatar- soundtrack/msg188584/#msg188584 Quote by Zefanaya. † For examples of the real-world impact on audiences, and their actions in response to Avatar, see Holtmeier, 2013. Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 45 46 A Beginner’s Guide to Prog Rock Concept Albums Which Tell Science Fiction and/or Fantasy Stories Sarah Binney Sounds awfully specific? There’s a rich and long-lived tradition of telling elaborate and fantastical stories through the medium of European men with very long hair playing long guitar solos. Progressive rock and metal are to Beethoven what Brandon Sanderson is to Leo Tolstoy, and while I’ll admit you do need a certain taste in order to enjoy these, they more than make up for in fun what they lack in highbrow creden- tials. Here are some classics.

Rush: 2112 (1976)

If you've read Ready Player One, you'll know that when it comes to sci-fi concept album epics, Rush are where it all started. 2112 tells of one man's crusade against the totalitari- an, theocratic Priests of Syrinx, armed only with the forbid- den, ancient power of Music. It's told with characteristic brevi- ty, wit and humour—oh, who am I kidding, it's 20 minutes long. Hammy, but then all the best things are. If you like the idea but it's all a bit too 70s then try ... Dream Theater's The Astonishing (2016), whose plot and music are heavily influenced by 2112, but the whole thing's infused with all the pomp and comically convoluted interpersonal drama of a Mozart opera.

Seventh Wonder: The Great Escape (2010)

No relation to the Steve McQueen film. I honestly can't ex- press how great this 30 minute track is. Sweeping instrumen- tation and fab vocals, superbly diverse and engrossing. The story: the great spaceship Aniara leaves a dying Earth with thousands of refugee passengers seeking a better life, but soon calamity strikes. Fun fact: it's based on an epic poem by Nobel Prize-winning Swedish writer Harry Martinson; English translations are hard to come by but there's one in the UL if you fancy a read. If you've only got time for one track, then try... the Overture: witness the miraculous engines of the Aniara fire up for the first - and last - time.

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Ayreon: The Human Equation (2006) Ayreon is the pet project of an eccentric Dutch multi-instrumentalist by the name of Arjen Anthony Lucassen, whose extreme nerd cre- dentials (this is a man who wrote not one but two albums' worth of songs about his favourite SF movies and TV shows) are matched only by his prolificity. Each of Ayreon's 9 albums to date tells a dif- ferent chapter of one time-travelling universe-spanning saga, though the individual stories range from Arthurian court drama (The Final Experiment) to flamboyant space opera (The Universal Migrator). In The Human Equation, comparatively the most normal of the list, a man in a coma is confronted by his own emotions (personified by a full cast of guest singers pilfered from other bands) as he tries to piece together the chain of events that led to his situation. If you've only got time for one track, try ... Day 11: Love. It's a romp.

Persefone: Core (2006)

As far as I can tell, Persefone have two claims to fame: first, that they comprise approximately 72% of the population of Andorra, which otherwise exists only on some maps and Sporcle quizzes; second, that they produce really classy death metal with a broad range of influences including Japanese folk music and Mayan mythology. Core (pronounced korr-ay), Ancient Greek for "maiden", is another name for Persephone, and this album retells her journey through the Underworld, contrasting heavy passages representing death with lighter instrumentals representing life and light. (Also, the extended edition has a Star Wars medley as a bonus track, if you're into that sort of thing.*) If you like the idea but it's all a bit screamo then try ... Symphony X's The Odyssey, which is a much more Disney-esque version of retelling Greek myths through the medium of metal, and I defy you to get to the ending without screaming "CHAMPION OF ITH-A-CAAAAA!" at your bedroom wall.

Rhapsody of Fire: Triumph or Agony (2006)

Imagine your D&D group decides to write some music based on your adventures, but instead of producing one song you end up writing twelve full-length albums, and instead of Compsci Gary doing the voice of the evil wizard, it's Christopher Lee. Any of Rhap- sody’s albums are equally reasonable places to join the saga, but Triumph or Agony is particularly enjoyable for featuring one of the few Italian-language songs in the saga (the rest are all in English), and also because it makes Lee read lines like "The gates were built with the severed limbs of humans and elves", which he does as only Saruman can: completely deadpan. Not convinced, but you like the idea of Christopher Lee's metal ca- reer?... Well, you COULD go and google "The Bloody Verdict of Verden", but I don't accept any responsibility if you do. * Oh, that’s right, you’re reading the CUSFS magazine. Of course you are.

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 47 48 TTBA Titles Being Appraised

Anonymous

1) Two tentacled bunnies amble bespoke Vivaldi-style nostril, I told you I wanted to find a / Stradivarius/“ under a sky of silk, insisted Agamemnon the Cockroach, all a-waving an unem- a neon rainbow ployed bow. and woollen clouds Enter Mr Colepterson, arching his prodigious and horned Mono- The princess saw the silky sky and thought to themself: brow of Proprietry. I wonder why the caterpillar is eating all the stars "While -some- of you might find this amusing, I'm sure his Lord- and not my wife’s philosophical marshmallows. ship wouldn't approve..." To which the marshmallows replied he grumpterjected, as the Partakers of Frivolity dispersed into the night. ``because the pleistocene porters promised us a pillow pie!" 4) Two tentacled bunnies amble

diagonally through the mist-muffins "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" said one. in search of Pastures Greeeeeeeen. "Lyanna in the ToJ with Rubies" upterjected another. They are a Mother and Child, "Elbereth Gilthoniel among the stars wearing Silmarils" breathed a third. and this is the Little-One's First-Time So-Far From-Home. [Nobody can top that: Game Over!] 5) Techno-Tortoises Become Actors..., 2) "Troublesome Tribbles Behaving Academically... Placid People Become Props. "Prior to the loooooooooooooooong holidays, And Robotic Rhubarbs Become Re-enactors. in which they went to sea in a pea-green Playing Hippopotamus-Headed Hofficers of the Helleventh Hal- abama. sieve and ate their curds and vinegar 6) Tanker Tows Britain Away... and wrapped their feet in brown paper" In Protest Against Plate Tectonics. said the spider to the cockle-shells But actually also in accord with prevailing oil markets. "No, Bubblesome Bibbles Behooving bovine-epidemically... 7) Time Travelling Beaver Astronauts Posterior to the *short* wallowdays, in which Very little of what is found in space is what is expected to be hippopotami went to the river in a wanderlust of wallwernarlia found, and ate their purloined pies and very little of that has any right to be there.

These are acceptedand irrefutable facts. However, what most and dried their feet on a rapidly-browning newspaper stand" said people don’t know the liger to the codicial. is that the same can be said for time. It is possible to find a qurple "Stop playing the whispers game" moaned Sheila to her Dog. analyser in the 11th century, 3) Trouble Tiptoeing? Become Airborne! or a phone with a stretchy spiral cord in the 48th. "Double Dipping? Recrumb Delicatessen!" The mess that is outer (and indeed inner) space can be attributed Said the Fox in Socks, so as to hex and perplex the rabbit-chicken to a hybrids great number of people and organisations, as they headlessly but not earlessly endeavoured to burrow their but the mismatch of items scattered across time have one main way across the road. source: the Time Travelling Beaver Astronauts. “Agh, my hat changed my nose again. Seuss, I do not want a Featuring Brett "the Brawn" Bucktoothson,

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Bobby "Backwards Chronology" Bountybrook The simple noise of fluttering leaves and humming streetlamps sounded like life shuffling in its sleep. and Belladonna "the Brains" Belvoir. It was the perfect moment for something modestly amazing to In cinemas near you from... whenever, really. It's being released in happen. Or something straightforwardly terrible. all ages that have had cinemas, while cinemas themselves are be- ing released in all other ages... Two suns rose over Ant-ares III, alias the hiveworld planet. 8) They Took Back Antares! Its diminuitive inhabitants were cheerily chirping about their daily affairs of bliss. Antares is ours! Or it should be, by any rights. Ant-isocial gatherings abounded, and several films by quentin tar- We bought it, we own it. But those silly little locals took it back! ant-ino had left the colonies' cinemas packed to the rafters with Well, they won’t get the better of us this time. adoring ant-fans watching This time we have a plan, a plan to rival all plans that were ever "the hateful eight-legged creature" and planned before. "once upon an anthill in holywood". This time we will succeed. What is it they say? Five-hundred-and- Aye. seventy-third time lucky? We’ll show them who’s boss. Holywood. We’ll show them a tiny band of Brave and Honourable people can never beat a Corporation. As in the termite-run movie studios. We’ll make them regret that they took back Antares (again)! But if we described this matter too long, it would bore you to death. And so it went on and on and on.

The Lizardmen of Antares IV unseated the Alligatorwomen from 'Posteriors'^* IV, only to have the rug pulled out from under Literally. their own scaled hindlegs and counterweight tails, confining them back to the swampy hinterlands. 10) Trouble Tiptoeing? Become Airborne! ... ^* Alligatorwomen's alternative history's name for the homeland. Trouble Tipping? Become Air! Eventually a large spaceship of a more advanced civilization's Trouble Weaving Air? making placed itself into Posteriocentric orbit (the Alligatorwom- en being 'in power' at that point). Travel to Tremalking! A Rotund Bearded Man with a Cat soon Appeared before the The Wheel of Cheese turns, and Sage-Derbies curdle and Alligatorwomen's Liberation Front Leader, Santalia of the Knife- pasteurize, leaving fromagiverous mammalian lactic products that edged-Teeth. become quesadilla-legends. Which fade to Monterrey-jack myth, "I will give you an otherworldly species of warcodlile to ride at and even Monterrey-jack myth is long fruited-stilton-forgotten the Antaerean Capital that no Lizardman can withstand... in ex- when the change for 20% of your planet's resources" he offered, Sage-Derby that gave it birth curdles again. as his Cat purritonely fuzzcordioned across his ample lap. In onesuch Sage-Derby, called the Three-Year-Mature Sage- "Sure" she agreed, with a macroserratomaxillarodontic-rictussmile Derby by some, a Sage-Derby yet to curdle, a Sage-Derby long and a tokenlacrima of authentication... past its best-by-date, a fromageoderous wind rose in the great agricultural-industrial complex called Brie-de-la-Creme's Wood- 9) The Terrible Threat of the Bionic Aardvark Smoked Seasoning Refinerie. The wind was not the Brie-ginning. It was quiet, and still, and early enough that colours had yet to There are neither brie-ginnings nor most-mature cheeses to the churning of the Wheel of Cheese. But it was a Brie-ginning. remember how to be more than grey-scale. Not everything was right with the world, but the things that were wrong were put on hold, allowed some breathing space.

Tremendous Tunes By Accordion • 49 50 The Remaining Pieces of Part I of Die Zauberkarotte Completing the previous TTBA (2018)’s Account I. “The Cawsaken” Aria II. “The Paddledabbleshine Empress-Goddess Pineapple-Duck of the Night’s” Aria III. (Finale) “The Pogostick-Bearded Peoples” Aria

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TTBA The official magazine of the Cambridge University Science Fiction Society Released Lent 2019

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