Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
Full Episode Transcript
With Your Host
Jill Angie
The Not Your Average Runner Podcast with Jill Angie
Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
Welcome to The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you're a woman who is midlife and plus sized and you want to start running but don’t know how, or if it's even possible, you're in the right place. Using proven strategies and real-life experience, certified running and life coach Jill Angie shares how you can learn to run in the body you have right now.
Hey rebels, you are listening to episode number 73 of The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. I'm your host, Jill Angie. Today, I have a super fun episode for you, but I need to warn you right now if you have little kids around or you're in a public place. We are talking about sex and running on this show and there are not only some F bombs but there's a lot of sex talk and some of it's a little verging on graphic so I just want to make sure you know before you blast this if you're out in public that this is one you maybe want to listen to with your headphones on.
Anyway, I am so excited to have a chat to share with you today with certified life coach and sex queen, Brenda Florida, who is passionate about empowering women professionally and personally. She kind of does the same thing that I do with running is just empowering women through running. She empowers them through life coaching and sex. Not with her specifically.
She helps her clients get better sex lives and just feel better about themselves. So she's actually created a four-step process for sustainable transformation through this and works with women who want to expand and explore empowerment through sexual pleasure. And there are a lot of parallels between feeling good about your sex life and feeling good about your running life.
And so that's why we are talking about this today because there's so many things that are similar that I thought it was going to be a super fun
The Not Your Average Runner Podcast with Jill Angie
Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
conversation. Now, Brenda is a survivor of sexual abuse and she understands the negative and positive effect that our relationship to sex has on our sense of self, health, relationships, and personal powers. And honestly, we had so much fun talking through all of the similarities and where women can really get their power back in their lives through improving their sex lives.
So without further ado - I'm a little flustered just talking about this you guys, but we had a really fun conversation. So without further ado, here is Brenda.
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Jill: Alright rebels, we are doing something a little bit different today on the podcast. We're going to talk all about sex and running. It's one of my favorite topics. Both. Two of my favorite topics. Anyway, I am here with Brenda Florida and she is a self-professed sex queen and I am like, super excited for our whole conversation today. So Brenda, thank you so much for joining me. Welcome to the show.
Brenda: I'm so excited to be here.
Jill: And I love talking to you about sex, it's super fun, so I thought it would be really fun to have you talk to all of my listeners about it too. So before we get into that, can you just explain a little bit to everybody listening about who you are and what you do, and what is a sex queen by the way? I don't even know what that is, so you can explain that as well.
Brenda: Okay, so for starters, I'm Brenda Florida, I'm a certified life coach and I am for what it matters, 58 years old. So when I was a young girl, I was sexually abused, and as often happens with people who are sexually
The Not Your Average Runner Podcast with Jill Angie
Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
abused, they repress that memory. And I did that quite successfully until I was actually in my early 30s when very out of the blue, I started remembering this episode where I was abused. And so it rocked my world. At that point, I'd been married quite a while. I got married right out of high school to my high school sweetheart, very sweet story. We're not married anymore though. And really hated having sex. My sex life was just horrible, and was very disconnected to my body because of the experience of that early trauma.
Now, fast forward and I'll fill in some of the gaps as we go along here, but fast forward into my 30s when I was getting divorced and I knew I would need to have sex sooner or later with somebody, you just kind of figure that once you're in your 30s, and I realized I needed to start dealing with these issues that I had. And so I started working with it and to make again, a long story short, really opened myself up - the way I like to say it now is I awakened my body to the pleasures of sex.
And so then the benefits of it and understanding that, really having a lot of fun with it and connecting it to so many things in my life that are really very empowering. So to answer one question there you had, which was where did the sex queen come from, I find that one of the things about the topic of sex that's fairly universal is that is a way that we often give our power away and connect that only way I can really have great sex in my life is dependent on another person, this person I'm having sex with and if they're good at it or if they want it as much as I do or whatever, like somehow that has to be magically in sync or I don't have a great sex life, which is a huge way to give your power away.
And so I love empowering people in their own sexual pleasure and sexual expression as the way I like to [...] in their lives. And so how that connects to running is in a couple of different ways. I mean, one is that many of us - with thousands of listeners in your podcast audience, there's got to be
The Not Your Average Runner Podcast with Jill Angie
Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
runners out there in your group who are not terribly connected to their body. There's many ways we get disassociated from our body. Trauma is one of the ways that that happens, but it's super common.
And so I found sex to be a way to bring me back inside my body and connected to my body and when you have that, you have so much information, whether you want to use that information for running or for any other physical expression, including sex. It just informs you so deeply about what's going on in your body. Does that make sense?
Jill: It totally, totally does, and actually, something you said earlier about giving your power away when you are having sex with somebody and the fact that it's dependent on whether that person is good at it or also a lot of times I hear women say, "Well, I'm so ashamed of my body that I can't enjoy sex," and I see that so much with my runners. They're ashamed of what they look like so they won't run in public or they cover their whole body up, they won't run in a tank top for example because they don't want people to see their arms. I think there are a lot of similarities, like the root cause is - what do you think the root cause is?
Brenda: Yes, so I love that you brought this up and you know because we've known each other for a few months that one of the things that kind of set this off for me and even gave me this idea of doing the sex queen was an ass selfie.
Jill: Oh my god, I remember that.
Brenda: You remember?
Jill: You have such a nice ass, can I just tell you that?
The Not Your Average Runner Podcast with Jill Angie
Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
Brenda: Thank you so much. So an ass selfie that I posted in my own private Facebook group...
Jill: Wait, can we back up for a second. Just in case there's somebody listening that does not know what an ass selfie is, can you explain it?
Brenda: Yes. So this...
Jill: It's important.
Brenda: These are important details. So it's a picture of the back of your body. You put your cellphone on the floor behind you so you get from your feet all the way up to the top of your head, but it's just your backside. Now, I did mine in underwear. So I had - my ass wasn't totally bare because I don't wear a thong. Hate thongs.
Jill: I know, I don't understand thongs. They're very uncomfortable.
Brenda: No one buy me a thong for Christmas or my birthday or anything. But anyway, so it's just a great picture and there's really an awesome YouTube tutorial on it if you want to search YouTube for an ass tutorial by a woman named Lux Atl. So Lux Atl has a great ass selfie and I watched her ass selfie and then I used her tips and got my ass selfie. And now, I am a person - I'll say I'm 30, maybe 40 pounds over what probably I and many doctor charts would consider my ideal weight. So you can decide whether or not anybody thinks I'm heavy.
But I know I've got extra pounds on me, and I'm 5'10, so I have a pretty nice frame to carry that I guess but I'm just saying I'm not a Victoria Secret model. So for me to take an ass selfie and I also have of course the thing that shines bright in the picture to me is a mole that I have on my back. So
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Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
to your point, we're looking at our bodies with such criticism and we typically want to hide them and that especially happens when we're having sex but anything like you're saying with the clothes we choose in every day, the clothes we choose to run in. Will I let myself be seen running, working out at the gym, any of those things, all of that is so mental.
Jill: Yeah, for sure.
Brenda: It's so mental. And so when we can liberate ourselves and that's a really simple thing to say that's a much harder process. It took me years to do this, but I can look at myself in that ass selfie and the creases and the fat and the mole, whatever, and the beautiful ass, I love my ass too. So the parts I like, the parts I don't like, and say, you know what, I'm okay letting that be seen.
Jill: Well, so how does that fit in with the sex queen because that's how we started talking about your ass in the first place?
Brenda: Yeah, so...
Jill: I think everybody should talk about their ass a lot, by the way.
Brenda: Everyone should and everyone should do an ass selfie. I think you should have a contest in your group for an ass selfie contest.
Jill: You start it. We should totally do this.
Brenda: That's my own agenda. But it is - it's so fucking liberating. I can say fuck, right? I should have asked you that before...
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Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
Jill: You have to say it a minimum of five times if you're going to be on my podcast so you've still got four to go.
Brenda: Thank goodness. Okay, so it's so fucking liberating because it is just a way of saying - like, the worst part about your body being seen, the parts of your body you don't like, like we all have parts of our body we like and we don't care if you see those. I think I have pretty hands or I think I have pretty feet or whatever. The parts that we don't want seen, those are the hard parts. But the worst part is what we're telling ourselves about that, not actually when it happens.
And so one of the things you get to experience in the ass selfie world is that it's like, well, nothing happened. There was no nuclear war, nobody died, a lot of people complimented me. It was the idea of being seen can be way worse than actually being seen. And that's the way so much of sex is. We build up all these things in our mind about sex and what our own inhibitions are and, oh, I can't do that, ooh, that's nasty, or all these rules around sex that in my 30s and really my 40s, as I really opened up sexually and really started taking my power back sexually, that are so fucking liberating and so empowering that when I became a life coach was just like, four years ago.
I just had that sense of wanting that to be part of my practice that if I can do this, if I can go from the most frigid, shut down, I didn't even know I could masturbate until I was 27. That's pretty sheltered, okay. If I can go from that to who I am today sexually, I can help somebody else do it and I can relate to wherever you are in your journey. And so I started this little playlist on YouTube, Qs for the Sex Queen as a format just for people to start asking their questions in an environment where they're going to know it's total judgment free.
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Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
I don't care if you want to ask me about having sex with strangers, multiple partners, inviting somebody into your bedroom. I don't care what you want to ask about. I want you to have a safe place that you can ask your craziest question or what might be the opposite but you might feel it's crazy is I haven't had sex for five years, I have wanted to have sex for 10 years, whatever it is, where you're feeling very shut down to it. And wherever you are in that spectrum, odds are I'm going to be able to relate to you and then ideally, obviously give you information that will be helpful.
Jill: So talk to me about this playlist then. So this is - when I think playlist I think music, so this is not you singing to people, right?
Brenda: No. I do love to sing but I haven't started singing my answers yet, so no.
Jill: I think you should, but anyway.
Brenda: Maybe I can try that. But no, on YouTube, so I have a channel on YouTube. It's BFlorida1, but with a name like Brenda Florida, if you just search for me on YouTube you're going to find me. And within any person's channel, they can create playlists. So it's just a cluster of videos that go together. So when a person goes there, or I can send the link and we can do that maybe for the show notes if you want me to send you the link to that specific playlist. But on my email distribution list and stuff a lot of times when I have a new episode come out, I just link directly to the playlist. So it's just a way to organize the videos.
Jill: So the video is basically you taking an anonymous question that's been asked on your website and then answering the question?
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Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
Brenda: Answering the question. And I don't profess to know everything. One of the ones I answered, I recorded an episode just a little while ago and one of the questions was from a woman asking about this O shot that is supposed to help you have better orgasms, especially for women as they age, and she didn't tell me how old she was but she just said her orgasms when she was younger, they used to be a lot better, stronger. And so she was contemplating this O shot and what did I know. I didn't know jackshit about it. So I did a little research.
So I don't profess to know everything but if I don't know something like that that's technical, I'll do a little research and just give you my own sense of it. And I'm always just going to be sharing out of my own experience. I would never profess to know what's right for another person, but - and this is the whole style of my coaching no matter what people come to me for coaching is, and this will take us back to kind of where we started with this theme of empowerment, and I am sure empowerment is what drives you with your audience to help them with their running, that that's an active empowerment to get themselves out there and run.
And that's the same force that drives me. When we can talk about our sexual experiences, when we have a place we can ask questions when we feel empowered to try new things - it takes empowerment even to ask the question. So every act is this piece of bringing back our power and inside each of us, we have our best answer. So I can't tell you - one of the other questions today was on anal sex. I can't tell you whether or not you should have anal sex, right? But I can tell you about it and some of the things to prep for that, whatever, and then bring you back to your own empowerment of is this right for you.
Jill: Well, I guess I'm just curious like, I just lost my question. We're going to talk about anal sex, all my questions went right out of my head.
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Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
Brenda: Right out the window.
Jill: I see what you're saying though. Is it right for you, because some people that's a choice - all different kinds of sexual experiences like are right for different types of people, and it's all about tapping into your own wisdom and finding out. And like, kind of getting in tune with your own body and learning to appreciate your own body and love it rather than criticizing it is going to make your sexual experience a lot better whatever activities you decide to participate it.
Brenda: Yes. The same way your folks are loving their body - so I love this expression, to love myself into life. And whether that's something in my professional life or whatever that I'm wanting to change or relationship I'm wanting to change, loving ourselves into that instead of criticizing ourselves into it, and we've really all bought into - at least around the United States and many other countries - this idea that is as if we are hard enough on ourselves, we'll actually get what we want.
Jill: There's a saying in the diet world, you can't hate yourself thin.
Brenda: Yes. And so I'm sure you feel the same way with running, right? I can't hate myself into running.
Jill: You can't hate yourself faster, you can't hate yourself to go further.
Brenda: Yes. And so with any of these, they're all complementary in that we are a united being. We truly don't have compartments. Our brain will allow us to think about things in a compartmentalized way, but when I open up to running, that could be the catalyst to opening up to sex because the things that I need to do to get in that outfit and go out in public and let people see me and get in touch with my body and get connected with what
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Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
my body loves and the power of my body, right? All of that can translate into the bedroom in a really seamless way. And then some people might come at it the other way. They can't figure out how to do that in running but it'll really click with them sexually, it's like, ooh, I can try that out in the bedroom and figure that out there and then use it in my running.
Jill: I think just like mastering a skill in one area of your life gives you confidence that you can do things in other areas of your life.
Brenda: Absolutely.
Jill: Here's one thing that I've noticed other similarities between the experience of sex and the experience of running is that so often my clients come to me thinking that they have to be thin to be a runner, and I teach them that you do not have to be thin to be a runner. You do not have to be thin to enjoy running. You do not have to be thin to be good at running. Your body type and your experience of running are kind of separate issues. And I think sex is the same way because I think people think, oh, you have to be thin to have good sex, you have to be thin to be attractive, you have to be thin - you have to have a certain body type, basically porn star, to be good at sex or to enjoy sex or to even be allowed to enjoy sex and that's not true. Sex and body type are unrelated.
Brenda: It's totally unrelated, and that's such a powerful point. And you know, we have - for all of us women, we've got that fabulous clit and you got your G spot and you have other places that you get a lot of pleasure from but that thing has all its nerve endings and it's beautifully responsive no matter what you look like, how many pounds you have or don't have or whatever, how in shape you are, like whatever. You just go, you just start, right?
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Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
Jill: You don't have to be a gymnast.
Brenda: Right. You don't have to be a gymnast, and it doesn't matter if you're by yourself or with a partner because we get so hung up and I'm sure there are some exceptions to what I'm about to say. There's so many different people out there. There are going to be men and women who are so hung up on the physical proportions of their partner that they can't enjoy having sex unless you look like a Victoria Secret model or a GQ model or whatever. But most people aren't that way.
Jill: I think those people are in the minority because I think - think about how you are with a partner and are you sitting there judging what they look like or are you just enjoying their body, right?
Brenda: That's right. So anybody any of us want to be with, I doubt any of us want to be with somebody who's that physically judgmental and rigid and small minded...
Jill: Because that person is not going to be fun outside of the bedroom either.
Brenda: They're not. Again, it all carries over so they're going to have all those judgments about all kinds of things. So you find somebody who's just loving and nurturing and fun and that you would want to be with in other ways and I'm sure they don't have a perfect body and I'm sure you're not going, "I wish his nose was a little smaller." No, you're just like, oh my god, I'm having so much fun with this person, and that's what they're doing with us.
But again, that's a power issue because you see, if I give you the power to decide whether or not I'm sexy, beautiful, thin enough, whatever enough,
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Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
then you have that power. And I'm at your whim and whimsy, but when I own it, then nobody has that power and even if I got in bed - I'm single and I've been single for a long, long time. So if I date somebody and I get in bed with them and they make some kind of comment, I'm not going to internalize it and think, "Oh my gosh, my stomach's too fat," whatever he said. There's something wrong with you and you can get out of my bed, my bedroom, and my life right now. So that's how you know. And the equivalent is true with your running. When you own your power to do that, it doesn't matter how fast your mile is, right? You're the running coach, but it's that you did it.
Jill: It never matters how fast you run. It never matters how far you go. It's all about making it the experience that you want to have and like, just like sex, different people like to have sex different ways and running is exactly the same way. I mean, there's so many parallels. It's a very individual experience. With sex - I mean, sex can be an individual experience or it can be an experience with a partner or many partners, depending on where you want to go with it, but you get to decide what you want out of it and what is pleasurable to you and what you enjoy, and running is exactly the same way. There’s so many parallels. I think that you can kind of learn a lot from both.
Brenda: And there's that connection to your body where when you're running, when you're connected in your body, that's when you're going to know whether you're going too far, too fast, you're going past that edge and into the pain and need to pull back, right? Versus pushing yourself. And so that's a very - same thing with sex and being experimental. So I'm a little uncomfortable or a little unsure of whatever, what's that feeling versus oh no, I just got to my no and I don't want to have anal sex or whatever. And the more you practice that, whether it's in running or in the bedroom, the better you are with that, knowing that truth for yourself in either case.
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Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
Jill: Yeah, love that so much. And darn it, I just forgot what I was going to say again.
Brenda: It's because I interrupted you.
Jill: No, it's not. It's menopause brain, and I talk about that all the time.
Brenda: Oh god, yes.
Jill: Talking away and then all of a sudden, boop, whatever it was I was going to say is gone.
Brenda: For what it's worth, mine is getting better now that I'm really done, so I guess now I'm menopausal because I've been over a year and I think that's lifting, I think that fog is lifting.
Jill: Okay, so I have that to look forward to.
Brenda: You can look forward to that and for what it's worth, TMI, but a super wet vagina, so don't worry about that - that way that...
Jill: I'm going to have to put such a warning on this podcast.
Brenda: Yes, such a warning on this podcast because you know, we hear things over and over. You've got a perfect correlation to this in the running world, but when we hear things over and over that are some different people's experience, then we expect it to happen to us. There's terrible flu bugs, oh it's going to be a terrible year for the fly. Oh my god, I'm going to get the flu, I know I'm going to get a germ, whatever, because that collective conscious takes effect.
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Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
And as women, at least for the last 10 years or so, as we live so much longer than we used to and the whole idea of what's life like after menopause, there's so much information about how terrible it is sexually after menopause. You don't have any libido, you don't - dryness, we'll just say, whatever, and I'm just here to tell you that's not true either all the time. I mean, of course it's true for some people, but don't allow yourself to - don't give your power to that and say, "Oh my god, I know that's going to happen to me," or whatever, dread that, whatever, because it doesn't have to happen to you.
Jill: And honestly, like I can say for sure that these years of my life have been the most fruitful from the perspective of - from a sexual perspective than any of the years before that. And I remembered what I was going to say and it actually ties in really well to this point, that I always tell my clients and everybody on this podcast, I say, running is 80% mental and 20% physical, and I am pretty sure that sex is the exact same way.
Brenda: Exactly the same, yes.
Jill: It's all what's going on between your ears.
Brenda: So mental. So mental. And everything in life is that way because primarily, I'm a mindset coach, and every way I work with people, 80% of it - I mean, there are more things. It's not just your mind. But your mind is so much of it because your mind drives your feelings, like from a physiological state, those thoughts in your brain trigger the chemical releases then that your brain sends into your body and the emotions of that. And so we can't escape - we can't have anything lasting. I can't stick to my running routine until I can work with those parts, the thoughts and feelings part because they're so interconnected.
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Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
Jill: For sure. Your thoughts drive everything. Your thoughts drive your whole life and like, until we start to recognize that if you're in bed with somebody and you're having negative thoughts like, "Oh, I wonder if he likes my body, I wonder if this is going to be good," whatever the thoughts are, you're not going to have a great experience if you're all up in your own head, and running is exactly the same way.
One client cracked me up. She's like, "I don't understand what my problem is. I keep stopping when I go out to running. I just keep stopping and walking." And I'm like, "Why do you do that?" She's like, "I don't know," and I'm like, "Well, what are you thinking when that happens?" and she's like, "I'm thinking like, this is really hard, I don't want to do it anymore." Well, that's why you're - like, your brain is telling you to stop doing it and it's so funny. We think that it's just sort of involuntary so we think our sexual experience and the amount of pleasure we get out of it is up to our body, and it's so not. There's so many parallels. I love that.
Brenda: Yes. It's so true. And so I even did a program, I just released it last week, called Think Your Way to Success, and it's just a quick video program of how to handle, how to sort of disempower, how to start to dissolve those thoughts. Because it's one thing to notice you have it, and of course, we're all having about 90% of our thoughts every day are unconscious, not conscious. So 90% of what we're being driven to do, we're not even aware of.
And so once you're aware of it, like you're saying, so super great coaching there, not that you need me to tell you that, but to get her to realize - because we don't necessarily connect it and go no, just stop. Well, there was a thought that triggered that, and then once we have the thought, then a lot of times people are like, well great, now I know that's getting in my way but I don't really know what to do with it except to go back into self beating up, self-criticism or will. I'm going to will myself out of the thought
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Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
and that doesn't work either. Your will will not - it can help temporarily but you won't stay with it if it's only will. You've got to find a way to disempower and dissolve that thought and so Think Your Way to Success, that's what I teach people how to do so they can just do it for themselves over and over and over.
Jill: And it takes practice too, and you kind of have to be willing to suck at it for a while until you get better because I think we beat ourselves up when we're not - I know my runners do and I think people with sex do too. If it doesn't work right the first time, it's like, oh, well obviously this is a terrible idea, I'm not meant to be a runner or obviously I'll never be good at sex. And it's like no, you can practice that shit.
Brenda: So I'm so glad that you said that because you're so right. We have such an unrealistic expectation of our self that we should just be fabulous at sex. And we never went to a class on how to have good sex. And yet, somehow we're magically just - not just for ourselves now, this is a two-way thing. It's not just supposed to be super knowledgeable about my own body and my own things through me. I've got to know about yours too and I'm supposed to do that without us talking about it because people really have a hard time talking about what they want with their partner because they push their buttons or they get their own buttons pushed, whatever.
So we have this super unrealistic expectation as if, to put it back to running, I get on my leggings and my sneakers and I'm just going to - I mean you know, it's just your feet. You just go, right? And now I'm a good runner. And it doesn't...
Jill: Nope, it doesn't.
Brenda: Not how it works.
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Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
Jill: Yeah, we just expect I'm human so I should naturally be good at this. And I think once you can kind of absolve yourself of that, then everything gets a lot better.
Brenda: Which is again another power issue. This is why I'm so passionate about empowering people through my work because all that is is power. When you are owning your power, you can say, "Yeah, I don't really know how to do this, I need to go get a coach. I need to get Jill to coach me on how to train for my next race," or whatever it is because I don't expect myself to just magically naturally know how to do this. Or I need to go get a coach, I think Brenda Florida would be a great one, to help me reconnect - that was my subliminal message - to help me reconnect to pleasure in my sex life because I've lost that.
Jill: So good.
Brenda: Yeah.
Jill: So what would you say - let's wrap this up with what's your number one tip for somebody who is not happy with their sex life and wants to make it better. Where do they start?
Brenda: So start with yourself. Always start with yourself. So if you have a partner, you're married or you have a lover, boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever, just don't even think about them right now. And you may even want to ask for kind of a break from that for a while. Ask your partner for a couple of weeks or something like that where you don't even deal with sex with another person because that's a whole other layer of it.
So you want to just come all back home to yourself and start - I love journaling, but start getting those thoughts out of your head and onto paper
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Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
or onto your computer, but get them out of your head. What are you telling yourself about sex? What are you telling yourself about yourself, your body, whatever that is, and get clear on what that is and then find a way to work with that. Get with one of us or something. Find your way to start to - sometimes writing down is all you need and you're like, oh, that's crazy, that was a silly thought. Like what was I thinking?
And you can kind of just liberate yourself easily just by bringing it into consciousness. But if that doesn't do it, look for some help on that. And then with your body, get into your body. Ask your body what it wants. Just put physical pleasure back in your life from anything as cliché as sounding as a hot bubble bath but it's true because it works. Like, start getting pleasure in your body. Go get a massage, masturbate, figure out what gives you pleasure, and then work to communicate them to your partner.
So then go for your phase two with okay, now I'm really grounded and centered and feeling powerful in my own pleasure and so now let me share with so some of my journey because they're going to want to know what that was about, and how to then bring that into the relationship and so I'd like to try it this way or why don't we experiment with that, or sometimes people just need to go again, another period of time of I just want us to have sex a few times and I don't want to think about what you want. Are you willing to give me permission to do that, so to speak? Is that okay with you that we just have some time that we just have sex and the whole point is for you to be giving me pleasure and I don't have to worry about - I'm going to let myself off the hook for your own pleasure.
A great partner is going to do that without a second thought. And if you don't have that then just keep coming back home until you can have a conversation that works, that you can have with your partner and whatever all else that means. Because sex in a relationship is also always kind of a
The Not Your Average Runner Podcast with Jill Angie
Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
symptom of the relationship. So sometimes it takes us to bigger things we need to deal with. But always start at home. Always start at home.
Jill: I love that. Start with yourself. So good. So okay, so if people have questions that they want to ask you, how can they go and ask one of these anonymous questions that you'll answer on video?
Brenda: Yes, so that's my website, brendaflorida.com, and it really is Florida, just like that state. So brendaflorida.com...
Jill: You're not Flo Rida.
Brenda: No. We don't pronounce it that way at all. I have people say that to me though when they see it. Just Florida. Brendaflorida.com and then in the navigation of my website you'll see questions for the queen and just click on that, it takes you directly to the form and you ask your question and hit submit and you're in. I'll get it and then do the episode.
You'll get a little pop up after you're on my website for whatever it is, 20 seconds or something, to ask for you to sign up on my mailing list, and I offer right now - I just kind of have a visually lovely manifesto that is my Live Lavishly manifesto. Live Lavishly is kind of my tag line, and it's just sort of the 10 principles that that was born out of. And that'll put you on my email list, and if you're on my email list, then you'll also get an email every episode that's released for the Sex Queen as well as a number of other things regarding my work. But if you just want to submit a question, just go to the brendaflorida.com, click on that questions for the queen and submit your question.
Jill: Oh, I love this. brendaflorida.com, so good. So we will have that in the show notes. But if your - your name is so memorable, it should be pretty
The Not Your Average Runner Podcast with Jill Angie
Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
easy for people to remember as well. And if people want to connect with you on social media, do you have an Instagram or a Facebook group or something like that? Where can they see the ass selfies?
Brenda: So the ass selfie was only in my private Facebook group, but I think we should launch a contest in yours and then I'll put my ass selfie...
Jill: I totally think we should when this episode comes out.
Brenda: But I have a private Facebook group that's also called Live Lavishly and so you could search Facebook for Live Lavishly and then it's the Four Jewels of Sustainable Transformation. It's possible that Live Lavishly will be enough on Facebook for you to get - for it to pop up. Anyway, so that's the private Facebook group. Of course, I'm just Brenda Florida on Facebook. And then on Instagram, I'm lavishbrenda.
Jill: Okay, lavish.brenda.
Brenda: I don't think there's a dot on Instagram. It's just lavishbrenda.
Jill: Love it. Okay, and again, we'll have all those links in the show notes.
Brenda: Perfect. Yeah, I'd love to connect with your people because I think that running is such a profoundly empowering activity.
Jill: Yes, I agree, and I think sex is the exact same way. So we will definitely be starting an ass selfie contest in the group when this podcast drops. I think that's going to be super fun, and yeah, so thank you again for joining me today and telling us all your secrets.
Brenda: You're welcome.
The Not Your Average Runner Podcast with Jill Angie
Ep #73: Taking Back Your Power with Sex Queen Brenda Florida
Jill: This has been super fun.
Brenda: Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me.
Jill: Yes, my pleasure.
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Hey rebels, I hope you really, really enjoyed my chat with Brenda and I hope you go check out all of her stuff, all of her information you can find it in the show notes or you can look her up on Facebook. She's at facebook.com/brenda.florida. She's got a private Facebook group as well if you search for Brenda Florida you'll find that. She's also got an Instagram, lavishbrenda, and of course her website is brendaflorida.com. And on that website you will find the link to submit anonymous questions to the sex queen because she might just answer them on her YouTube channel.
Alright my friends, until next week. Happy running.
Thanks for listening to this episode of The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you liked what you heard and want more, head over to www.notyouraveragerunner.com to download your free one-week jumpstart plan and get started running today.
The Not Your Average Runner Podcast with Jill Angie