http://awfulpossibilities.com/

collection of short fiction. He lives in Philadelphia. in lives He fiction. short of collection

tebordo Christian has published three novels. This is his first first his is This novels. three published has

. 2010 f f books April April books eatherproo on Out

awful possibilities we could never have imagined. have never could we possibilities awful

boundaries of short fiction, Christian TeBordo locates the awe in the the in awe the locates TeBordo Christian fiction, short of boundaries

apartment next door. In brilliantly strange set pieces that explode the the explode that pieces set strange brilliantly In door. next apartment

people whispering in hallways, mumbling in diners, shouting in the the in shouting diners, in mumbling hallways, in whispering people

the rules and regulations for sadistic childrearing. You’ve heard these these heard You’ve childrearing. sadistic for regulations and rules the

tional speaker skins his best friend to impress his wife. A man outlines outlines man A wife. his impress to friend best his skins speaker tional

- motiva A thieves. kidney among forgetting of art the masters girl A

Possibilities Awful The This story is an excerpt from from excerpt an is story This 1

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Christian TeBordo

01

listen to new mixes of their one song, which always sound the same same the sound always which song, one their of mixes new to listen

Imagine your brother won’t let you up above the garage except to to except garage the above up you let won’t brother your Imagine

word nigger casually. nigger word

devil and they all feel in their very cores the call to throw around the the around throw to call the cores very their in feel all they and devil

friends believe the white man is the devil, but they don’t feel like the the like feel don’t they but devil, the is man white the believe friends

Da Vinci Code Vinci Da thrown in for balance. Your brother and his his and brother Your balance. for in thrown the of dash

Wu-Tang Manual Wu-Tang with a a with the and Nuwaubianism of mixture weird a

name but his rap name, but the ideas are not perfectly good. They’re They’re good. perfectly not are ideas the but name, rap his but name

aren’t rapping, especially Wallace, your brother, which is not his real real his not is which brother, your Wallace, especially rapping, aren’t

Imagine they are perfectly good at expressing these ideas when they they when ideas these expressing at good perfectly are they Imagine

inspiration.

very good, for lack of inspiration, they say. They’ve got ideas but no no but ideas got They’ve say. they inspiration, of lack for good, very

themselves the Mongreloids, but they only have one song and it isn’t isn’t it and song one have only they but Mongreloids, the themselves

apartment above your mom’s garage. They’re in a rap band and call call and band rap a in They’re garage. mom’s your above apartment

two in fact, but he likes them more and they all live together in the the in together live all they and more them likes he but fact, in two

than you in school but not bad. He’s got friends, not as many as you, you, as many as not friends, got He’s bad. not but school in you than

Imagine your brother’s two grades ahead. He does a little worse worse little a does He ahead. grades two brother’s your Imagine

Keep that in mind. in that Keep

in Brooklyn. Brooklyn, Iowa. There are no Jews in Brooklyn, Iowa. Iowa. Brooklyn, in Jews no are There Iowa. Brooklyn, Brooklyn. in

of friends for what it’s worth but it’s not worth much to you. You live live You you. to much worth not it’s but worth it’s what for friends of

You’re in tenth grade and you do okay in classes and you’ve got plenty plenty got you’ve and classes in okay do you and grade tenth in You’re

and-listen-to-Marilyn-Manson-because-no-one-likes-me bullshit. bullshit. and-listen-to-Marilyn-Manson-because-no-one-likes-me

good reasons, and it’s none of that I-play-too-many-video-games- that of none it’s and reasons, good

Imagine you’re planning your own school shooting. Imagine you have have you Imagine shooting. school own your planning you’re Imagine



and never any better, and for indoctrination sessions which he calls demanding that the sins of the Mongreloids be visited upon the brother Right Righteous Teaching. Right Righteous Teaching is a combination and the mother and the fetus of the mother and the motherfucker. of esoteric and problematic racial/religious philosophy and horrible 2 They’re demanding retribution and the restoration of a reputation of no word play. White stands for With Hell I Triumph Evermore; black repute, and all I can do is pray they get tired of it before they realize I’m for Belief, Love, Action, Knowledge. The missing c is the white man’s up here, pray they go home. Cancer. Miscegenation is the only hope for humanity. Now when I’m not praying, I’m sleeping. It isn’t as peaceful as it was the Hence, Mongreloids. night my brother left—how could it be?—but you’d be surprised. The Imagine you find the ideas ridiculous at first and still but there isn’t chanting of the angry villagers, the glow and crackle of their torches, much to do in Brooklyn and you like hanging out in the apartment can be soothing enough that I fall asleep despite myself, and though I above the garage which they call the sanctuary, the lab, the thirty- only nap for minutes at a time, I dream, and I remember my dreams. sixth chamber, and eventually start enjoying the teachings, not In the dreams I’m strutting through school in slow motion with a because you believe, but because it’s a very involved and imaginative gangsta lean, arms extended and guns blazing, my black hood barely mythology developing before your eyes and the eyes of the inter- covering my thousand-yard stare, nothing but my erection keeping net, though no one out there seems to be paying much attention. my jeans above my ankles, and all those faces begging me to stop, to Statcounters don’t lie. spare just me, but I can’t hear them even though there’s no soundtrack now, or maybe just the static at the end of the Mongreloids’ album, or Imagine you’re there when your brother has the revelation, and the crackle of torches in the distance, and all those faces are the face of though you don’t see the connection, you can see that it’s utterly Chris Nelson, though sometimes they’re my brother. And I know now spontaneous and that your brother truly believes it. A man will that dreams aren’t reality. I know now they’re a stand-in for something come, a boy really, and he will terrorize a school with the white man’s else, something bigger than a school shooting, like a nudge from God weapons and the black man’s sense of style, none of these himself, that complicated motherfucker. So when I wake I go back to trenchcoats, shiny black fingernails, combat boots, and hockey player praying, that they’ll go away, burn the house if they have to, my mom, haircuts, and this will trigger the revolution, the new era, whatever, so that I can head out for the back yard under cover of night, the tupacalypse. and dig up my bag of guns, and head out east. I could use some Right If you think for a second that this is reason enough to plan your own Righteous Teaching. I need to assess a tax where a tax is due. school shooting then you’re a fucking idiot. But it’s interesting at least.

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even though you don’t give your own motherfuck about the cops, the the cops, the about motherfuck own your give don’t you though even brother really seemed to be enjoying himself, at least on the screen. the on least at himself, enjoying be to seemed really brother

more than she’s getting from Chris Nelson if she’s getting any yet, and and yet, any getting she’s if Nelson Chris from getting she’s than more session at the United Nations, the game sold like crazy, and my my and crazy, like sold game the Nations, United the at session

the cops for your own good or because she needs some attention too, too, attention some needs she because or good own your for cops the Anti-Defamation League, the Congressional Hearings, the emergency emergency the Hearings, Congressional the League, Anti-Defamation

rap records—and you know your mom will do the same, will call in in call will same, the do will mom your know you records—and rap and Middle Eastern dictators, but how, despite the protests of the the of protests the despite how, but dictators, Eastern Middle and

what’s in that bag, or even less—plans, drawings, journal entries, entries, journal drawings, less—plans, even or bag, that in what’s level of notoriety, infamy even, usually reserved for petty African African petty for reserved usually even, infamy notoriety, of level

to be digging through their children’s things looking for exactly exactly for looking things children’s their through digging be to Remember how within weeks everyone involved had achieved a a achieved had involved everyone weeks within how Remember

Now imagine how pretty soon parents all over the country are going going are country the over all parents soon pretty how imagine Now

insistence that the song was called ASSESS A TAX!. TAX!. A ASSESS called was song the that insistence

anyone notices you’re missing. you’re notices anyone in the lyrics what it wanted to hear, despite my brother’s repeated repeated brother’s my despite hear, to wanted it what lyrics the in

and aching, and your only hope is that you can get it done before before done it get can you that is hope only your and aching, and bent on the overthrow of precisely itself, heard, or pretended to hear hear to pretended or heard, itself, precisely of overthrow the on bent

permafrost and taking forever to break. You’re freezing and sweating sweating and freezing You’re break. to forever taking and permafrost white devil, with its obvious investment in not having a revolution revolution a having not in investment obvious its with devil, white

a foot of hardpacked snow, and the dirt at the surface is practically practically is surface the at dirt the and snow, hardpacked of foot a Remember how the news media, controlled as it is by the forces of the the of forces the by is it as controlled media, news the how Remember

for a backpack full of guns, but the ground itself is buried beneath beneath buried is itself ground the but guns, of full backpack a for

much less a lyric sheet. lyric a less much

Now imagine you’re in the backyard trying to dig a hole deep enough enough deep hole a dig to trying backyard the in you’re imagine Now

Remember how the game was released without so much as a tracklist tracklist a as much so without released was game the how Remember



game ever underdeveloped. ever game

dream that, you can understand. can you that, dream an 8-bit first-person school shooter, maybe the worst, stupidest video video stupidest worst, the maybe shooter, school first-person 8-bit an

Chris Nelson, though sometimes they’re your brother—if you can can you brother—if your they’re sometimes though Nelson, Chris the record industry was dead, they said—but as the soundtrack to to soundtrack the as said—but they dead, was industry record the

Bwoy Bureill,” Smif-N-Wessun), and all those faces are the face of of face the are faces those all and Smif-N-Wessun), Bureill,” Bwoy unscrupulous advisors the album was released, not as an album— an as not released, was album the advisors unscrupulous

you can’t hear them because the soundtrack shuts it all out (“Sound (“Sound out all it shuts soundtrack the because them hear can’t you student to rap impresario, how with the guidance of some stupid or or stupid some of guidance the with how impresario, rap to student

ankles, and all those faces begging you to stop, to spare just me, but but me, just spare to stop, to you begging faces those all and ankles, Remember how within weeks Chris Nelson had turned from grad grad from turned had Nelson Chris weeks within how Remember

yard stare, nothing but your erection keeping your jeans above your your above jeans your keeping erection your but nothing stare, yard



and guns blazing, your black hoody barely covering your thousand- your covering barely hoody black your blazing, guns and

through school in slow motion with a gangsta lean, arms extended extended arms lean, gangsta a with motion slow in school through Now remember. Remember what you already know. already you what Remember remember. Now

If you can get beyond imagining, if you start dreaming of strutting strutting of dreaming start you if imagining, beyond get can you If

3 be crushed or fucking furious or both from one day to the next. the to day one from both or furious fucking or crushed be

year after college, your brother says. What do you do? you do What says. brother your college, after year your brother in person, and you can’t decide even now whether to to whether now even decide can’t you and person, in brother your

and first period. Chris Nelson lived in Brooklyn, the real one, for a a for one, real the Brooklyn, in lived Nelson Chris period. first and the only note they leave for you. To date it’s the last time you’ve seen seen you’ve time last the it’s date To you. for leave they note only the

Remember how the news crews descended on Brooklyn to investigate Imagine some asshole grad student finds the Mongreloids on what kind of evil hamlet could breed such a virus. MySpace and decides to do some kind of dissertation on them. You Remember the headlines: The Real Children of the Corn. Hitler in the are suspicious, but your brother, who, despite his naiveté, is actually Heartland. a pretty skeptical guy, agrees to go along with it. Because the grad student lived in Brooklyn, the real Brooklyn, not this Iowa bullshit, for Remember that stupid article in the weekly magazine of the national a year before grad school, so he probably knows what’s up, he says. newspaper of record suggesting a few possible insinuations for why there are no Jews in Brooklyn. Imagine the next thing you know the grad student’s moving into your brother’s old room in your mother’s house because he’s too good to Remember how you watched the screen as the clueless townies, the sleep on the couch in the apartment above the garage but not too shit I grew up through, in order to clear a good name they’d never good to spend all the rest of his time with them in the lab, the sanctu- had, because they’d never had a name of their own, because their ary, the thirty-sixth chamber, smirking behind his hand like the devil name was Brooklyn, announced their intention of clearing Brooklyn he is, and he might be fucking your mother for good measure. You of the remnants of the virus it had gestated and incubated unaware don’t know it then, you’re not even suspecting it, but keep it in mind. for so long, with pitchforks and torches, and how you did nothing, never considered that those remnants were more than my house, were Imagine you know this, the smirking part, because you’re still my mother, her fetus, myself. allowed up there a couple of times a week for Right Righteous Teaching, though it’s more performative now, less freestyle, and your Now it is now and you can neither remember nor imagine now. brother tones things down, i.e., is suspiciously silent on the once  world-historical issue of a school shooting, but still you can see Chris Nelson, the grad student, the motherfucking devil biting his tongue Now I’m in the apartment above the garage, but it isn’t like I’d imagined ‘til his eyes water like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. Like your it would be because I’m alone, because my brother’s in the city of broth- brother is a joke. erly love forgetting me and getting turned into nothing but Marilyn Manson with better clothes and dope beats, and because the goyim of Even without the motherfucking you have your reasons now, right? Brooklyn, Iowa, have my house surrounded. Lucky or not for me they The only choice is between grabbing the grad student by the back of don’t know about the apartment above the garage. So they’re standing his blond head and pounding his pale face in until it’s red, and throw- around the house waving their weaponized farm implements and ing your set in the air as you walk down the hall between homeroom

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and how it changed the world forever. world the changed it how and But before you remember again, imagine school reopens and you you and reopens school imagine again, remember you before But

Teaching with a through-line about the first hip-hop school shooting shooting school hip-hop first the about through-line a with Teaching

You’ll be doing more remembering than imagining soon enough. enough. soon imagining than remembering more doing be You’ll

and preparing to perform, a concept album full of Right Righteous Righteous Right of full album concept a perform, to preparing and

metaphor died. It’s the Mongreloid creed. Don’t forget to remember. remember. to forget Don’t creed. Mongreloid the It’s died. metaphor

album they’ve spent these last months composing an–d recording recording an–d composing months last these spent they’ve album

Do you see my point now? It’s a parable for the generation after after generation the for parable a It’s now? point my see you Do

the Mongreloids will perform, live and in its entirety, the concept concept the entirety, its in and live perform, will Mongreloids the

Chris Nelson, to inter yourself in the lab, for one night only, where where only, night one for lab, the in yourself inter to Nelson, Chris Assess a tax. Okay, I’ll assess a tax. tax. a assess I’ll Okay, tax. a Assess

of emerging from the garage, your brother invites you, through through you, invites brother your garage, the from emerging of

Assess a tax? tax? a Assess

the grass greens and what trees there are start to bud. But instead instead But bud. to start are there trees what and greens grass the

Now imagine spring comes to Brooklyn and the snow thaws and and thaws snow the and Brooklyn to comes spring imagine Now What does a tax assessor do? do? assessor tax a does What

That’s the way it all goes until spring. until goes all it way the That’s It says here you’d make a good tax assessor. assessor. tax good a make you’d here says It

you say something to one or the other, even when you interrogate. interrogate. you when even other, the or one to something say you way he told the story of his high school aptitude testing. Remember? Remember? testing. aptitude school high his of story the told he way

of them ever seems to have anything to say to you anyway, even when when even anyway, you to say to anything have to seems ever them of like it was more death sentence than major. Remember the haunting haunting the Remember major. than sentence death more was it like

be missing something. You’re at school all day most days and neither neither and days most day all school at You’re something. missing be wall of his dorm room, talking calmly, deadvoiced, about accounting accounting about deadvoiced, calmly, talking room, dorm his of wall

through the groaning wooden walls of the old house. But you could could you But house. old the of walls wooden groaning the through already up, stood in front of the camera, in front of the cinderblock cinderblock the of front in camera, the of front in stood up, already

business and you never hear any creaking or moaning creeping creeping moaning or creaking any hear never you and business yourself, so remember instead. Remember the way the kid, his hood hood his kid, the way the Remember instead. remember so yourself,

your mother pretty regularly. You don’t see any signs of any funny funny any of signs any see don’t You regularly. pretty mother your You probably don’t have to imagine having watched the videos videos the watched having imagine to have don’t probably You

Now imagine you still see Chris Nelson pretty regularly. You still see see still You regularly. pretty Nelson Chris see still you imagine Now

months have passed with a dozen more dead. more dozen a with passed have months

make any of it out. it of any make before the quarantine’s lifted, though they won’t know it ‘til a few few a ‘til it know won’t they though lifted, quarantine’s the before

bouncing like machine-gun fire off the low winter sky, but you can’t can’t you but sky, winter low the off fire machine-gun like bouncing the event. Four more kids in three separate states catch the sickness sickness the catch states separate three in kids more Four event. the

to hide your tracks in the snow you can hear their rhymes and drums drums and rhymes their hear can you snow the in tracks your hide to the shooter made in the hours before the shooting within hours of of hours within shooting the before hours the in made shooter the

Sometimes when you creep around the perimeter of the garage trying trying garage the of perimeter the around creep you when Sometimes nowadays and the kids in their quarantines are downloading videos videos downloading are quarantines their in kids the and nowadays

your mother nor your motherfucker seems to be catering to them. them. to catering be to seems motherfucker your nor mother your other kids. What the nonkids don’t realize is everything’s a virus virus a everything’s is realize don’t nonkids the What kids. other

they must, sometimes, because they have to eat, right, and neither neither and right, eat, to have they because sometimes, must, they kids are quarantined at home, and you’re in your room like all the the all like room your in you’re and home, at quarantined are kids

4 back to school. They don’t even leave the lab or don’t seem to, though though to, seem don’t or lab the leave even don’t They school. to back shooting is a virus likely to spread through the country unless the the unless country the through spread to likely virus a is shooting

as you ever have. Your brother and his friends don’t. They don’t go go don’t They don’t. friends his and brother Your have. ever you as the first couple of days. The first couple of days school’s closed, like like closed, school’s days of couple first The days. of couple first the

give up on shooting and feel about the same about school qua school school qua school about same the about feel and shooting on up give of your concerns for the next month or two, in fact your only, minus minus only, your fact in two, or month next the for concerns your of

Now imagine that you accept the invitation, but grudgingly, and with last thing you, the Mongreloids, your brother, want is for you to be low expectations that have less to do with the grudge than with your called a copycat. memory of how bad their first and for so long only song was. But as Now imagine what everyone else is doing as you pack the earth back the music begins it becomes clear that something has changed, and into some approximation of its former self. Wonder what Wallace and drastically. In fact, it’s maybe the greatest, most unexpected jump in the guys and Chris Nelson are doing that very moment. Imagine what quality since The Fugees scored. By the time the final anthem, “Assess your mother is doing. Think quickly back to the Mongreloids and a Tax,” explodes climactically and decays to static leaving the silence wish you hadn’t. Remember the look of your brother as you watched crackling in your ears like wax paper, you’re left drained, and you find the school shooting unfolding the hour before. yourself weeping softly. Now imagine you can remember watching that grainy cellcam footage Now imagine you have no words to offer your brother, and at first that yourself. Maybe you can. Everybody else can. Everybody else did. But makes you feel frustrated and guilty and like a fraternal failure. Then can you imagine watching him doing exactly what you’d imagined you realize, you can see on his face, that he doesn’t need them now. yourself doing, from costume to posture to facial composure. It’s Your brother has become a god, a mongreloid god, and he knows it. exactly like you thought it would be. It’s scarier than you thought it Now imagine you go to bed, and despite the night’s excitement you would be. It’s like watching your imagination of yourself, but cooler sleep well and soundly, assured that you’ve witnessed the beginning and a thousand miles away, a thousand miles ahead, just one fucking of something new, a renaissance with roots in Brooklyn that will hour. Fuck. change the world like a virus, the good kind if there is one, the kind that will cure the world of the white disease. Chris Nelson and your Now imagine yourself crying as you bang the snow back over the spot mother could be having screaming farewell sex in the room next door you’ve dug and filled. It’s cold enough to freeze the tears to your face and this would not effect much more than a moment of your peaceful but your face is so hot with rage it never will. Your brain won’t stop dreams of a new era, a new America, completely reversed of its curse. telling you that whatever the Mongreloids are doing, they’re doing it Now imagine that while you sleep so well, sex or no, Chris Nelson above the garage, and they’re happy about it, and you’re not allowed and the Mongreloids are loading their things and themselves into to join them now. You’ll never get the chance to join them. School’s the band van and stealing out of Brooklyn under cover of night, closed. Go to bed little bitch. headed east to Philadelphia where the motherfucker knows some people who know some people, the tracks in the gravel driveway Now imagine that—what are the Mongreloids doing?—could be one

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