ver since I was a little girl, I have heard in bits and pieces Emythological stories surroun- From Curiousity to Devotion ding the goddess Ma. My mother is a Kali devoteed. She has graceful, as The Many Meanings of Kali well as grotesque images of the goddess in her home shrine. She also visits a  Madhu Bazaz Wangu neighbourhood Kali temple. Once a year, my mother hosts a day-long, religious discourse given by her long- , , and ? I realised that word ‘understand’ and continued. time teacher, Guru Maharajji, who often she was their personified rage, but what “Understanding is good, but, lectures on Kali and other Hindu did that mean to a devotee? And why eventually, it is only through feelings goddesses. did she dance a frantic dance of and experience that we understand My early memories of the goddess after destroying demons? them.” Kali are those of wonder combined with One winter, Guru Maharaj ji spend a Kali’s Essence curiosity. Her gruesome appearance day giving a discourse about the Great “How do you ‘feel’ a goddess?” I and dreadful paraphernalia have kept Goddess and her manifestations. asked. “When you have devoted me at bay. Kali did not pull me toward The segment about the goddess Kali yourself to the worship, adoration, and her, as did other goddesses. I wondered was stimulating to me. The following meditation of a deity for years, one day day after breakfast, he was sitting why a goddess would look so fearful. you get yoked to her essence. You quietly on a wooden chair looking When I was much older, I put this don’t even know — suddenly, you feel relaxed in his saffron-coloured, cotton question to my mother. In answer, my her power residing within you,” said dhoti, loose shirt, and a shawl. I sat mother narrated Kali’s sacred stories to Guru Maharajji, while continuously cross-legged on the ground next to him, me, telling me about the destruction of turning his rosary behind the cotton and he blessed me by putting his hand ; her drinking of shawl wrapped around his shoulders. on my head. He asked me how I was ’s blood and of her dreadful “What is Kali’s essence?” I asked. doing at my college. “Fine,” I replied, defeat of him; her slaying of the demon- looking up at him. I asked, “What is the “Her essence is her power. Her king, Nisumbha, and of the demoness, meaning of all this dreadful imagery in myths and images represent her power Daruka. My mother also discussed the myths of the goddess Kali?” feebly. It is not until you feel her Kali’s frantic dances after the killings. “Child, it is not easy to experience presence that you know what she is. Gruesome killings? Frantic dances? spiritual matters when we try to Her essence is her.” Although the myths were engrossing, understand them,” he emphasised the “How does a devotee feel her they did not make any sense to me at power?” I felt a tinge of excitement in the time. my solar plexus. Whenever I confronted a Kali “Such holy occurrences cannot be image, I carefully studied it to see which put into words, child. But, as I have said myth was being represented. Some of before, if you begin to worship, adore, her images did not resemble a myth, and and focus on a deity of your choice — they were unattached to any sacred in your case, I would think it is Kali — stories I had heard. I started listening you should be able to feel her. After to Guru Maharaj ji’s discourses about venerating her for a few years, thus, Kali with exceptional attention. I had focusing on her may accelerate envisioned, read about, and listened to your spiritual progress.” He picked up Kali’s deeds for years. The goddess his jhola- from the floor and pulled out had touched me at some deeper level a colourful, geometric diagram from it. of understanding, the extent of which I Pointing to the diagram he said, could not comprehend. “This is Kali’s Yantra. The Yantra is I was intrigued at the puzzle: Why considered to guide a devotee’s did Kali keep on emerging from the enlightenment. By focusing on this bodies of auspicious deities — from geometric form, you can be led to a state

14 MANUSHI in which you will experience her understand the meaning of delusion, seven spiritual wheels of energy in my invisible power. It not only contains which is created by samsaric cycles, body. It seems to me that goddess is Kali’s immense cosmic power, but it and you will be able to comprehend gradually disclosing herself to me. also symbolises the inherent forces the psychological states. Those will In my early twenties, when I within your mind as the goddess’ become the stages of your spiritual inquired about Kali’s presence from devotee. Her potent imagery is ascent. Finally, when you reach the Guru Maharajji for the first time, I was a condensed in her yantra as her bindu, you will make a link with the spiritual infant. After more than two inherent energy.” goddess Kali and, at the same time, decades of continuous adoration and Pointing toward the centre of the with your innermost self.” dedication to the goddess Kali, I have yantra, Guru Maharaj ji continued. Guru Maharaj ji gave me the started to feel her presence. I was in the “What I am going to explain is Yantra. I thanked him for his gift and stages of ‘between and betwixt.’ symbolic. It represents the cosmos in looked at it for a few moments. I had Recently, I have been feeling that the a geometric diagram. Kali, in union understood all the separate words he goddess has picked me up and is with her male partner, Shiva, forms the spoke, but their meaning, as a whole, caressing me. I believe I need to central dot, or bindu, as the source or eluded me. I started performing Kali understand her essence more keenly womb of the world. Here, she is the each morning. Over the next before I can feel the intensity of her cosmic movement and he is her potent power. I understand that her foundation. Without her movement, three eyes represent the powers of the the whole of existence is inert, like a sun, moon, and fire. Her dishevelled hair corpse. The fifteen corners of the five suggests her uncontrollable nature. Her concentric, inverted triangles lolling tongue expresses her defiant represent the psychological states: attitude. Typically, her four arms the five senses, their receptive represent samsara, the cycle of birth, functions, and the five organs of death, sacrifice, and release. In some action. The circle of the Yantra images, she brandishes a sword represents samsara, the cycle of life, (khadga), which expresses the and Maya, the great delusion. As destruction of ignorance. At times, she Maya, she leads one to believe that holds a severed and bloodied head the fleeting and shifting appearances (munda), depicting the dawning of of the world is its Reality. Thus, the insight. The hand in the gesture ‘fear circle of the Kali Yantra indicates that not’ (abhaya) suggests one who is the veil of Maya, which confines an unafraid, and, lastly, the gesture of individual to the circle of life, needs to ‘boon-giving’ (varada) offers the be disclosed in order for her to see beholder a doorway to spiritual Reality as it is. The eight lotus petals twenty years, while I graduated, got transformation. of the Yantra denote the earth married, and had children, I enshrined Kali’s nude and unadorned images elements of prakriti—earth, water, Kali’s images and her Yantra in my and her audacious behaviour mock at fire, air, ether, mind (manas), home shrine, as had my mother. I the passivity of the individual: a demure intellect (buddhi), and ego sense focused my mind on her image, read daughter; a suffering, yet yielding, wife; (ahamkara). The Kali Yantra can also her myths, and listened to discourses a timid woman; or those faint-hearted be seen as a psychological about her. In short, I became a genuine members of the society who do not fight arrangement. The gates drawn outside Kali devotee, and her imagery kept me for their rights and freedom. Through the lotus petals represent the doorways intrigued. her imagery, Kali stimulates submissive to your own unconscious mind. Once A Devotee’s Encounter women and men to move beyond the you have been able to focus on your Over and over again, I have looked status quo of social norms. The fragility mind, you will be able to penetrate at the images of the goddess Kali. I of the human body is conveyed through through the eight lotus petals, and that have been meditating on her yantra. I the depiction of dismembered bodies. will indicate your envelopment with the have been listening to discourses about These sinister accessories scoff at those spiritual essence. When you cross over her and reading about her legends and who do not see the fragility and the circle and the triangles, you will myths. I have become aware of the impermanence of life.

No.134 15 I understand that Kali’s dance cremation grounds. They are symbols In conclusion, Kali’s presence symbolizes aggressive movement. of the spaces or thresholds that reminds me that opposites are linked Unless an individual activates his/her function as doorways from life to death together, and that although the world mind through movement, no change is or from death to life, where spiritual may seem fragmented into malevolent possible. An individual’s dance of transformation is possible. and beneficent, creative and freedom in uncontrollable frenzy is a I understand that the emotion of destructive, or male and female, in must in a society in which the behaviour outrage, when channelled as Kali, may reality, it is a unified totality. Human of women, as well as members of the express itself as physical prowess, a beings must accept the terrible, as well economic lower classes and castes, are dance of freedom, the cleansing of as the sublime. To feel both is to be set in regimented patterns. Such a demons, and the outpouring of activity. fully human. It is not the melding or the social structure needs to be radically Kali’s symbolic imagery, her ferocious mingling of the two aspects that brings changed. mien, grotesque appearance, her enlightenment, rather the discovery that Kali’s frantic dance is the fire of bloody weapons, and her gruesome one is unsanctioned and meaningless devotion, burning away the devotee’s behaviour has aroused my inherent without the other. limitations, ego, fear, and ignorance. Her strength. Viewing her images with From Kali’s Divine Mouth dance is the blazing fire in the devotee’s intensity has helped me to get in touch I am Kali. I am blackness, death, and heart. At the time when the devotee with deep creative centers within me.11 time. I am naked, bloody, and dark, and realises the impermanence and fragility My heart has been cleansed by the I dance in an uncontrollable frenzy. My of life, the veil of his/her delusion is fire of my total dedication to Kali. The dark skin is sometimes youthful and at removed. The devotee ‘dies’ to his/her goddess has killed the dreadful demons other times wrinkled. My hair is always previous ignorant self and is reborn as of my mind. She dances frantically unbound, if not dishevelled. I am a spiritual infant. Kali’s dance is, within my heart. Now, I have triumphed usually shown with my , and therefore, a process of becoming: a over my fears of death and life. I feel all three eyes are bloodshot and personal transformation toward Kali’s presence. sunken. I have hollow cheeks, a gaping spiritual emancipation. The energy unleashed by Kali has mouth, lolling tongue, and large fangs. In the saptamatrika goddess ignited the power of my heart. It reminds At times, blood trickles from the corners cluster, the infant seated on ’s me that I must live my life with of my mouth. I have a sunken belly and lap represents the initiate or a devotee determination and boldness; that I must sagging breasts. I gesture with each of who is spiritually only a newborn. question familial and social norms that my four hands or hold symbolic While Brahmani signifies the lowest have remained unquestioned; that if I emblems in them. , Maheshvari, Kaumari, am exploited in any situation In my upper-left hand, I hold a cup Vaisnavi, , and the five middle whatsoever, I must dance frantically made from half of a human skull, filled (personified energy centres) until I achieve my freedom; that I must with blood. In my lower-left hand, I hold signify the five rungs of the ladder be constantly aware that life is fleeting; a severed head. My upper-right hand toward liberation, which the devotee and that death is not something to be wields a sword, while my lower-right must ascend. As the spiritual infant afraid of and must be confronted. hand is in the gesture abhaya (fear not). passes from one matrika to the next, Sometimes, one of my hands makes the she progresses along the road to gesture varada (boon-giving) emancipation. Kali represents the or bindu mudra (the flicking of drops uppermost chakra and completes the of blood or wine). From my neck hangs initiate’s ascent. a garland of fifty human heads. Human jumped in the glowing fire so hands dangle from my waistband. that she could renew herself. She I am devoid of opulent ornaments. immolated herself symbolically and slew Almost all of the other Hindu her demons, in this casxhe imagery of goddesses are heavily embellished with the myth of Sati, the idea that it is only them; draperies, floating scarves, through the human body that spiritual girdles, necklaces, armlets, anklets, and transformation is possible is powerfully garlands encircle their limbs, while conveyed. head-dresses and halos crown their I understand the connection heads. All of those ornaments signal between infants, battlefields, and their auspicious holiness. My divinity,

16 MANUSHI however, is concealed in the audacity of my dark and naked body. My sinister accessories symbolize my divine power. Some of images of me are grotesque, while others are benevolent. I kill demons on battlefields, and then I dance the dance of freedom. At times, I dance in cremation grounds. At other times, I stand on my husband’s supine body, surrounded by corpses, jackals, snakes, and ghosts. I have been known to wear infants as ear-ornaments. On other occasions, I embrace and suckle a newborn on a battleground. I am as popular as is any other mainstream Hindu goddess, such as , Sarasvati, , Durga, Sita, or . The images of these goddesses are alluring and auspicious, while mine are grotesque and dreadful. Yet, throughout I am highly regarded, especially in the cosmopolitan cities where people from understand and to feel my energy and woman; a wrinkled hag (Kankali); or a different groups live. Recently, I have power: Blood, Bones, and Body Parts; fleshless skeleton goddess. My images attracted worldwide attention. Devastation, Death, and Dissolution; depict me in various stages of women’s In order to portray the meaning of and Spiritual Emancipation. lives: as a virgin; a sexual partner; a my visible essence, Indian artists have Blood, Bones, Body Parts mother; a matron; and an old woman. developed a visual language that My symbols are of a different sort Gradual, physical transformation shows my ferocious mien, grotesque than those of the auspicious Hindu through the life cycle is an integral part appearance, bloody weapons, and goddesses. Whereas theirs include of my imagery. gruesome behaviour. The function of lotus flowers, musical instruments, Death and Devastation. this symbolic language is to reveal weapons, and other material emblems, I am the personification of divine fundamental truths about human life. It mine consists of blood, body parts, wrath or venom. I emerge from divine is a commentary on some of the deepest bodily fluids, bones, carnivorous birds, bodies, and I fight, kill, and defeat truths about the actions of peoples and and animals. I exude raw power. I drink dreaded demons like no other warrior. I, individuals. Even when represented in the blood of demons on the however, remain untouched by my a pictorial form, these truths are not battleground and stand amidst severed enemies, participating in the bloodshed immediately evident to the casual bodies. but remaining above it. Having observer, and the meaning of my At times, I can be seen in the completed my gruesome killings, I energies remains hidden from them. My cremation grounds, while the flesh of dance in frenzy, and when I dance, I am image does not disclose its true dead bodies is flaming on the pyres, wild and uncontrollable. I dance on meaning at the surface; rather, my and while jackals and carrion birds battlefields and cremation grounds. power is only revealed to those chew human bones. My pedestal The depiction of devastation and death sensitive observers who look long and (pitha) is often a dead body (pretasana are central to my images. I am the hard at my images, who have a deeper or savasana), my garland is made of personification of divine wrath. I wreak level of understanding, and who seek human heads (), and my havoc and destruction on battlefields. my inner reality. skirt is fashioned out of human hands. Tales About Me My rather complex mythic and In my hair or in my hand, I don a In an episode of the Devi symbolic imagery can be categorised grinning human head (munda). Some Mahatmya, the goddess Durga into three simple headings, so that a representations depict me in various confronted Chanda and Munda, who sensitive observer is able to stages of life: as a beautiful young were assistants of the demon kings,

No.134 17 . The god the battlefield with an army of their One time, Shiva asked his wife, had granted the assistants a envoys. As Saptamatrikas, we were Parvati, to destroy the demoness boon, the protection that they could assisting the warrior goddess Durga. I Daruka, who could be killed only by a never be slain by any man (a woman was the most ferocious of the seven. female. Parvati entered Shiva’s body, was considered too weak to fear). Upon Together, we fought on the gruesome and from the poison in his throat, she confronting them, Durga’s face became battlefield. As Nisumbha went forth to transformed herself into me, and I dark with rage. At that moment, I sprang fight Durga, she beheaded him. When reappeared. from her brow, I, Kali of the terrible Sumbha went before Durga, he was I was murderous in appearance. I countenance. I appeared emaciated, overcome by her beauty, delicacy, attacked and killed Daruka and his army with sunken eyes, drooping breasts, a alluring charm, and prowess. It was at with the help of my assistants. After skeletal body, and four arms. I was that moment that I attacked Sumbha and the killings, I danced in a frenzy and wearing a long garland of severed slew him. After the slaughter of Sumbha brought havoc to the world. My fury heads, as well as a serpent necklace and Nisumbha, I danced a hysterical shook the universe. Shiva came back, around my neck. Another snake, which dance of triumph, and it was impossible not as himself but as an infant, in order was coming out of and entering my to control me. Once again, Shiva came to drink away my anger. He lay on the navel, was tied around my hip. My to calm me down. He pleased me by battlefield, as a newborn, amidst the deformed breasts heightened my dancing the dance and I dead demons. When my motherly love grotesque and frightful image. The started dancing with him. sunken cavities of my body sharply On another occasion, I arose as the heard the cries of an infant lying among contrasted with those of the graceful goddess Sita’s fierce anger. Her the corpses, I picked him up, kissed Durga. husband, , was confronted with him, and nursed him. Thus, I became I cut off the heads of the demons the thousand-headed demon, . calm. Glad to see me composed, Shiva Chanda and Munda and presented As Rama and his army attacked the transformed into himself again and them to the goddess Durga, since demon, Ravana shot arrows that drove began to dance. I was delighted, and I earning the title of . I then Rama’s allies back to their homes. Alone joined him in his dance along with my returned into Durga. Later, in a battle, on the battlefield, Rama began to weep. assistants. Durga summoned me once again to help Rama’s condition made Sita angry, and On a metaphysical level, I personify defeat the demon Raktabija (whose through her divine power, she primordial chaos. My stark, black colour blood is semen), an ally of Sumbha and summoned me as her personified rage. presents me as the cosmic annihilator Nisumbha. This demon had the ability I attacked and killed Ravana. and as the primordial void before the to reproduce himself instantly I got into a frenzy after destroying new cosmic creation begins. Just as all whenever a drop of his blood fell to the Ravana. I started drinking his blood and the colours of spectrum are consumed ground. Durga had seven female throwing his body parts all over. Then into black I, Kali, the Black One, Saptamatrikas (seven companions I commenced an earth-shattering dance, withdraw everything into my cosmic mothers) helping her, and I was one of from which no one could stop me. body. the seven. Durga had already wounded When the gods implored Shiva to I am one of the Saptamatrikas the demon Raktabija, and the drops of intervene and calm me down, he came (Seven Mothers). In Vedic texts, we his blood that were falling onto the to the battlefield on which I was originated as the inner power () earth were forming additional, duplicate dancing madly. He threw himself down of the gods. Our names were derived images of him. This time, Durga’s anger among the corpses of Ravana’s slain by using female suffixes at the end of knew no bounds. Once again I emerged soldiers. I started dancing with Shiva the names of the gods: Brahmani from from her as Chamunda, the under my feet. It was only when Brahma Brahma; Mahesvari from Mahesvara; personification of her rage. I assisted directed my attention to the body Kaumari from Kumar (or Krittakeyi from her by sucking all the blood from each beneath my feet that I recognised it to Krittakeya); Vaisnavi from ; demon’s body before any of it could be that of my husband, Lord Shiva. I Varahi from ; from ; touch the ground. With my gigantic was astonished and embarrassed and and Kali from Kala. Together, we have tongue outstretched, I drew the stopped my dance. At once, I was assisted the great gods in their battles countless duplicates into my mouth consumed back into Sita. She resumed against the dreadful demons. and devoured them.1 her appearance as Sita and In Puranic myths, we are the Finally, the most dreadful of demon- accompanied her defeated and battlefield goddesses: militant, kings, Sumbha and Nisumbha, came to humiliated husband to their home. ferocious, and blood-drinking deities.

18 MANUSHI Yet, in sculptural portrayals, all the other her colour changed to red. Shiva closed supreme Hindu goddess. I am the Dark six are depicted as royalty, benevolent, his eyes, and when he opened them a Mother — Kali Mata. “ and compassionate. My image, female stood before him. She was Readings however, continues to thrive as terrible in appearance: dark and  terrifying and gruesome. My image is a frightening, with dishevelled hair. She Rachel Fell McDermott, “The perfect terrifying balance to the other had four arms, her limbs were smeared Western Kali” in Devi: Goddesses of six benevolent . with sweat, and her tongue was lolling. India, Eds. John Stratton Hawley and As Saptamatrikas, we are often She was completely naked, except for Donna Marie Wulff, University of depicted in the company of infants, a garland of severed heads around her California Press, California, 1996. whom we carry on our hips or hold by neck, and a half moon, which she wore  Jeffrey Kripal, “Kali’s Tongue and the hand. Our images integrate as a crown. She shone like a million : Biting the Tongue of the aristocratic elegance and maternal love. suns, which filled the world. She had Tantric Tradition,” History of Seated in the lap of Brahmani, the first a deafening laugh. It was I, Kali. Shiva Religions 34, no.2, November, 1994. ‘mother,’ is an infant. While Brahmani tried to flee, but it was to no avail. I  signifies the lowest chakra (the energy David R. Kinsley, Tantric Visions surrounded him with my ten different centers within the body of a or a of the Divine Feminine: The Ten forms, collectively known as the Dasa yogi), Maheshvari, Kaumari, Vaisnavi, , University of California Mahavidyas. I then re-entered Sati’s Varahi, and Indrani signify the middle Press, 1997 and The Sword and the body. chakras. I represent the uppermost Flute: Kali and Krsna, Dark Visions Sati stormed off to her father’s chakra and complete the internal of the Terrible and the Sublime in abode and threw herself into her passage toward spiritual ascent. , University of father’s great sacrificial pit, vowing to Although I am often represented as California Press, 1975. be born again only to a father she could terrifying and gruesome, when I am in  Kinsley’s “, Chinnamasta and the midst of this group, my essence respect. Upon hearing the news of his wife’s immolation, Shiva became the Mahavidyas”, pp.161-177 in Hindu ceases to be the bloodthirsty warrior Goddesses. goddess who kills and dances enraged. He arrived at ’s home frantically. and cut off his head. He picked up his  Katherine A. Harper, “Seven Hindu Another cluster of goddesses with wife’s charred body and carried it Goddesses of Spiritual which I am associated is known as the around until it broke into pieces, falling Transformation: The Iconography of Dasamahavidyas, the Ten Great one by one onto the earth. the Saptamatrikas,” Studies in Women Wisdoms. We are Kali, Tara, Ever since later Puranic times, the and Religion Vol. 28, The Edwin Chinnamasta, , Bagala, cremation ground has become my Mellen Press, 1989. , Kamala, , Sodasi, dwelling place, and I have become  Katherine H. Lorenzana, “Early and . Our origin is described in dissociated with battlefields. I am , Tantric Art”, 1989 (unpublished the Devibhagavata Purana. quintessential ‘death’ of an ego-and- paper). Daksha, the chief priest, had a ignorance-laden life. I destroy demons daughter named Sati who married the of fear, delusion, and ego. I lead the  Rita M. Gross “Hindu Female god Shiva against her father’s wishes. initiates toward spiritual emancipation. Deities as a Resource for the Daksha disliked Shiva, the god of I am also the power of wisdom that Contemporary Rediscovery of the wilderness and a dweller in the arouses the initiate from the illusion of Goddess”, in The Book of the cremation grounds. Therefore, when existence. I am the embodiment of Goddess, Past and Present: An Daksha held the great sacrifice to which knowledge that wakens the mind toward Introduction to Hindu Religion, Ed. Carl “ all the inhabitants of heaven were spiritual awareness. Olson, Crossroad, New York. 1983. invited, he invited neither Sati nor her I am who I am. My visual imagery The author is a US based scholar of husband. When Sati found out about helps my genuine devotees to Phenomenology and Indian art. She has it, she became angry and felt disgraced. understand my power and essence. taught at the University of Pittsburg, Although uninvited, she wished to When I started dwelling in the cremation USA. Her other books include A attend the sacrifice. Shiva prevented her grounds, I was associated with the Goddess is Born (Spark Publishers) from doing so. dreadful () form of Shiva. and Myths, Meanings and Models: At Shiva’s refusal to let her go, Sati Eventually, I was also coupled with his Indian Goddess Images, Abhinav became furious. Her limbs trembled and auspicious form, (Shiva). Now I am a Publishers (fothcoming)

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