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WHOApage HEY 19 NOW Técnica • Friday, April 1, 2002 • 19 Dubya talks Oscars Coach or dictator? The critic-in-chief wasn’t just We don’t really know what to WHOA HEY NOW talking antiterrorism, he was think about basketball coach talking movies too. Paul Hewitt after seeing this. Técnica • Monday, April 1, 2002 In this section Keep reading Clough: “Forget engineering, I wanna dance” Institute President G. Wayne Clough has found his true passion, musical theater, and plans to vacate his Carnegie Building office for the famed title role in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of the Opera. By Dragon Platypus him after he left, and that now to playing this role, and maybe Dramatic Correspondent he has the opportunity to start a my engineering skills will help French domination here at Geor- me, because that chandelier fall- It all started when he wrote gia Tech (but that’s another sto- ing every night can’t be very struc- “A Half Day in the Life of a ry). turally sound,” Clough said. College President,” and now he Anne Clough, the engineer/ The engineering experience dreams of the Great White Way. thespian’s wife was quoted as he alluded to will be a Broadway “I found out that I really liked saying, “I think Wayne’s really first. Never before has a lead in a this theater thing, and finally lost it this time. He was a little major musical come in with three determined that this engineer- out there with the whole ‘writ- degrees in civil engineering. ing stuff is pretty boring,” said The rest of the Phantom cast Tech president G. Wayne Clough was surprised at the news of their in a press conference outlining “Je ne sais pas new teammate. his reasons for leaving the Insti- Jennifer Hughes, who plays tute. pourquoi le Christine in the Broadway show, “I used to think that being a Président est parti said, “I don’t understand what’s triple threat was being able to going on now. I used to act with integrate, differentiate, and de- de l’Institut, mais il Michael Crawford, and now rive, but now my outlook on life me manquera they’re giving me some washed- has totally changed,” said Clough. up college president who prob- “Forget engineering, I wan- après son depart.” ably can’t even sing?” na dance, sing, and act my in- Jean-Lou Chameau Clough resented Hughes’ re- credibly well-educated brains out. Provost marks, stating that his singing Ever since I was a boy growing skills are more than adequate, up in Douglas, I’ve wanted to be and that he’s been practicing for a star, and now I can!” quite some time. Those close to the President- ing my own one act play’ idea, “I am ready, though I’m not cum-Tony hopeful were shocked but he’s totally off his rocker that good at learning new songs. by his announcement. now.” All I really know is Ramblin’ “Je ne sais pas pourquoi le She added, “I don’t want to Wreck and Up with the White Président est parti de l’Institut, move. I like living in the Presi- and Gold,” he said. mais il me manquera après son dent’s House!” “It’s going to be a challenge, depart. Peut-etre, je peux com- For now, it looks like the that’s for sure. But if singing, mencer un domination français Cloughs will be packing up and dancing, and acting in a highly maintenant,” said Provost Jean- heading for Manhattan, where dramatic fashion in front of a Lou Chameau in his native he has already landed the huge paying audience night in and tongue. role of the Phantom in Andrew night out is anything like run- Photo illustration by Ian Clark / STUDENT PUBLICATIONS Roughly translated, Chameau Lloyd Webber’s masterpiece, The ning the technological universi- Institute President G. Wayne Clough is slated to begin his run as the title character expressed his surprise at Clough’s Phantom of the Opera. ty of the 21st century, then I in ‘The Phantom of the Opera’ on April 17 on Broadway. He is making theater departure, that he would miss “I’m really looking forward should have no problem.” history as the first Broadway lead to have three degrees in civil engineering. Crowe upset over Academy Award snub Rockapella singer treated for infection after After being passed over for the Best Actor Oscar for his performance in A Beautiful Mind, being licked by fan at Ferst Center concert Russell Crowe told the Técnica, “I’m bloody pissed at these Academy blokes who wouldn’t By Blah B. Blah pella band, Rockapella performed but unfortunately one of the sing- of the incident and let it go by as know a great performance if it bit them in their Assistant Chief Deputy for a sold out crowd at the Ferst ers, whose name was not released just another unexpected feat of behinds. These are the same fools who don’t Center, an overexcited fan (we’ll call him John Doe), was bizarreness that came with the appreciate my band, 30 Odd Foot of Grunts.” Georgia Tech was the site last charged through the aisles sprung not quite quick enough and suf- fame. Their perspectives were week of an unfortunate incident on stage attempting to lick the fered multiple licks to the front changed however, two days lat- that would change the face of a band members. Four of the five and sides of his face. er on Monday when Doe began Academy caves, awards cappella music forever. Last Sat- singers managed to escape the At first Doe and the rest of complaining of extreme exhaus- Crowe ‘Grouch Oscar’ urday, after hip doo wop a cap- probing of the woman’s tongue Rockapella didn’t think much tion and a violently sore throat. After a trip to the doctor it was The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and confirmed, Doe had contracted Sciences announced yesterday that they will be mono and Rockapella was out a awarding a supplementary “Grouch Oscar” to base man. Russell Crowe in a special ceremony to be held As Rockapella struggled to soon at the Kodak Theatre. Reasons were not find a replacement for their up- disclosed. coming tour dates, Doe’s con- dition worsened. On Tuesday it was confirmed that the strain of Oscar the Grouch leaves mono that the fan had passed on to Doe was a rare and deadly trash can, sues Academy form of the virus which is often Sesame Street’s Oscar the Grouch filed a fatal. defamation of character lawsuit against the Acad- Doe’s survival chances are slim emy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, he and he certainly will never sing said in last night’s press conference. “This make again. The licking woman claims Oscar very mad. Now I go eat more trash,” said that she had no knowledge that Mr. Grouch. she was carrying the deadly vi- rus and is still under investiga- tion for licking with intent to Crowe to make guest harm or kill. The rest of the band has made spot on Sesame Street a promise to Doe that before he The Children’s Television Workshop said dies, they will finally, at long that Russell Crowe will make an appearance on last, catch that wiley Carmen Sesame Street, and will play a sing-along with ByIan Clark / STUDENT PUBLICATIONS Sandiego, and when they do, Bert and Ernie backing up his band, 30 Odd The diseased member of Rockapella exhibits one of the many painful symptoms associated with the they will all relax and sip on Feet of Grunts. The date is yet to be set. strange infection he contracted after one of his fans licked his face Saturday night at the Ferst Center. some fresh Folgers coffee. 20 • Monday, April 1, 2002 • Técnica WHOA HEY NOW Lucas announces sweeping last-minute changes to Episode II By Darth P. Burdell design teams. The kidnappers from liked the character of Jar Jar Binks members of an all-Jedi country-west- and the Lightsaber boys.” Suppos- Contributing Sith Lord starwarsfreaks.wreck.org began tor- from Phantom Menace so much, he ern band with Anakin Skywalker, edly, Jar Jar is rejected time and turing the officials by forcing them wants Jar Jar to play the leading roll played by Canadian actor Hayden time again to be in the band. In one In a surprising press conference to watch Citizen Kane, Mrs. Doubt- in the new film. Jar Jar, now made Christiansen, as their lead singer. scene, during an audition to fill the Sunday, writer/director George fire and Dumbo which, in the film to be even more goofy and laugh- Britney Spears will appear in the band’s Electra-Proton Banjo posi- Lucas announced last minute dras- community, make up what is known able (starwarsfreaks.wreck.org re- film as Obi-Wan Kenobi’s little sis- tion, Jar Jar performs on the Elec- tic changes to the upcoming Star as the “Anti-Star Wars” trilogy- the ports that as actually meaning ter igbay-oobiebay Kenobi. Spears tra-Proton Banjo so poorly, that it Wars sequel. Lucas, while reading three movies that are the exact op- “irritating” and “annoying”,) will will also perform both the music for causes *NSYNC star Justin Tim- from a prepared statement, said: posite of Star Wars. The Kidnap- save the universe from certain de- the opening title crawl, entitled “A berlake’s head to explode. That is, “Everything you’ve seen or heard pers used the “Anti-Star Wars” films struction with his clumsiness, and Long, Long Time Ago,” and the apparently, the only redeeming part about [the movie] is actually just a to liquefy the brains of the Lucas- even sing and dance in the movie’s movie’s incidental music, which will to the movie- to see Justin Timber- front.

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