PERSUASIONS OF THE WILD WRITING THE MOMENT A PHENOMENOLOGY Jana Milloy Bachelor of Fine Arts, Simon Fraser University, 1994 Master of Arts, Simon Fraser University, 2004 DISSERTATION SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY In the Faculty of Education O Jana Milloy 2007 SIMON FRASER UNIVERSITY 2007 All rights reserved. This work may not be reproduced in whole or in part, by photocopy or other means, without permission of the author. APPROVAL Name: Jana Milloy Degree: Doctor of Philosophy Title of Research Project: Persuasions of the Wild Writing the Moment A Phenomenology Examining Committee: Chair: Lynn Fels, Assistant Professor Stephen Smith, Associate Professor Senior Supervisor Celeste Snowber, Associate Professor Charles Bingham, Assistant Professor Dr. Stuart Richmond, Professor, Faculty of Education InternalIExternal Examiner Dr. Carl Leggo, Professor, Faculty of Education, UBC External Examiner Date: September 27,2007 SIMON FIIASEII UNIVERSITY Ll BRARY Declaration of Partial Copyright Licence The author, whose copyright is declared on the title page of this work, has granted to Simon Fraser University the right to lend this thesis, project or extended essay to users of the Simon Fraser University Library, and to make partial or single copies only for such users or in response to a request from the library of any other university, or other educational institution, on its own behalf or for one of its users. The author has further granted permission to Simon Fraser University to keep or make a digital copy for use in its circulating collection (currently available to the public at the "Institutional Repository" link of the SFU Library website <www.lib.sfu.ca> at: <http://ir.lib.sfu.ca/handle/l892/112>) and, without changing the content, to translate the thesis/project or extended essays, if technically possible, to any medium or format for the purpose of preservation of the digital work. The author has further agreed that permission for multiple copying of this work for scholarly purposes may be granted by either the author or the Dean of Graduate Studies. It is understood that copying or publication of this work for financial gain shall not be allowed without the author's written permission. Permission for public performance, or limited permission for private scholarly use, of any multimedia materials forming part of this work, may have been granted by the author. This information may be found on the separately catalogued multimedia material and in the signed Partial Copyright Licence. While licensing SFU to permit the above uses, the author retains copyright in the thesis, project or extended essays, including the right to change the work for subsequent purposes, including editing and publishing the work in whole or in part, and licensing other parties, as the author may desire. The original Partial Copyright Licence attesting to these terms, and signed by this author, may be found in the original bound copy of this work, retained in the Simon Fraser University Archive. Simon Fraser University Library Burnaby, BC, Canada Revised: Fall 2007 abstract The phenomenological inquiry into a real experience is often rhetorical, discursive, reflective. Much of phenomenological discussion attempts to describe or represent lived experience, undertakes to capture it, record the event of it. This thesis presents a methodological practice of reflexivity and considers writing not only a tool of research, but writing as research, a kinesthetic survey of the phenomenological underpinnings of a qualitative inquiry into a live self-authoring experience Rather then describing the process of writing it seeks to catch the moment of it in its duration, a vital contact with the instant of articulation of a corporeal discourse, whereby the process catches the writer at a threshold folding over to the non- symbolic relationship of the body and language, a proprioceptively oriented, phenomenologically situated event of self-authoring as well as experience of a variety of temporal rhythms and the dynamic reciprocity wherby the self is organized around a text that comes from the body in a pre-reflective moment. In this text, the ontological positioning of the self is dispersed, experienced, absorbed and motivated by the intralinter subjective relationship between the self and language. The movements that reside in the subtle bodily, fleshy, visceral shifts in writing proprioceptively are interrogated as the first motivators, the primary motile gestures that activate subsequent intrahnter subjectivity. Primarily about a relationship to language, this thesis attempts to generate text proprioceptively, it seeks the moment of writing that yields to bodily imperatives, that holds the sensuousness of the lived moment at the threshold of duration. It is an exploration of philosophical expressive aesthetics that comes from the moment of somatic intuitive kinesthetic impulse that reflects both visceral carnality of the moment of knowing as well as an intellectual decision, a matter of bodily knowing and intellectual aesthetics. Here the relationality to words spans both the carnal and intellectual. Written from the body and its experience lived in the moment of the writing infuses the master narrative of the traditional academic genre and provides space for renewed questioning, opening up the str~~ctureof the text to other possibilities of knowing. Keywords: phenomenology, writing, research, proprioceptive, temporal Subject Terms: corporeal discourse, phenomenological inquiry, proprioceptively oriented reflexivity To my greatest muse and my greatest distraction, in loving. acknowledgements As time approaches, passes through me and takes all my bits and pieces, shifted, into the future with devastating urgency, I know I am following a natural progression, a transformation across a finely delineated, trembling threshold. That I am able to open up this fully to the knowledge of the body and transpolinate it with philosophy, would not have been possible without the support and understanding of Dr. Stephen Smith who supervised and held my thresholds with respect and trust, and continues to inspire me throughout our ongoing collaborations. I am forever indebted to you, Stephen, for making me understand and practice philosophy with a balance of corporeal and academic integrity. I would like to express a deep gratitude to Dr. Celeste Snowber for her careful attention and sensitivity to my work, her creative and boundaryless support and feedback. Thank you, Celeste, for your friendship and complex energy that revived on so many occasions. Many thanks to Dr. Charles Bingham, who's feedback helped to focus me, especially with respect to the theoretical nuances of my work. I am grateful to my friends and colleagues Sharon Wahl, Sandy Hill, Colin Chow and Marlowe lrvine for feeding my spirit, my intellect and my body with their deep insight, mentorship and fantastic food. I would like to extend my appreciation to Greg Ehlers for image consultation. My shifts and metamorphoses between routine and chaos were eased by love and emotional heaven provided by the friendship of Nancy Green, Leslie Allen, Catherine Clarke, Meg Zuccaro. Thank you, my extraordinary children, Marty, Ginny, Veronica, Jackie and Theo, I love you very much. I am very grateful for the assistance of the Simon Fraser University's employee professional development initiative and all the support I have received from the Faculty of Education. And finally, thank you, Barry. Your intellect shines in my heart. table of contents approval .................................................ii abstract ................................................iii dedication ................................................v acknowledgements .........................................vi table of contents ......................................viii prologue ..................................................2 chapter one ..............................................21 chapter two .............................................. 61 chapter three ............................................76 chapter four ............................................102 chapter five ............................................ 145 chapter six .............................................158 reference list ..........................................203 persuasions of the wi Id writing the moment, a phenomenology prologue overture Suppose this. Wind playing a tune upon my tongue. I am in full armor, all the time. Guarded by a shield of solitude. And if I let down the usual framing of the expected, the comfort of routine, the boundary I delineate intensely, with grace? If I lower the shield of this remorseless solitude and open my mouth, taste the inexplicable spice? I hear the wind playing a tune upon my tongue. I have language inside me. A quiet tongue. What I don't know that I know comes to me. A kiss, suddenly given. What speaks then? The w.hirrings, drama and largess of the world. The tongueless voice that speaks for me, this text, speaks through me. Speaks me. A shaft of ululation, deep within the space of my lungs, my chest, my throat, my mouth. The brittleness of bones fills with sound and the moment grabs and pulls me in equivocal rhythm, synchronizes our heart beats, the blood flow of time. And my hand, calligraphy bound, surrenders. Surrendering to a moment in language has its risks. Words carry layers of meaning, loaded with cultural, political nuances, values and determinants, and can