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MIXED REVIEWS AL CAPONE, ALFIE Ie F, ALIENS Is : ALIVE Vile ALL ABOUT I ALL DOGS G( A

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MIXED REVIEWS AL CAPONE, ALFIE Ie F, ALIENS Is : ALIVE Vile ALL ABOUT I ALL DOGS G( A 244 ALADDIN 'n MIXED REVIEWS AL CAPONE, ALFIE Ie f, ALIENS is : ALIVE vile ALL ABOUT I ALL DOGS G( A. ROSS ECKLER ALL QUIET ( Morristown. New Jersey AMADEUS am\ In the February 1993 issue, Games Magazine editor Will Shortz AMERICAN GI announced a new puzzle contest based on a Word Ways idea: ana­ ANATOMY OF gram a movie title to form a concise review of the film (for examp­ THE ANDROMI Ie, "oh. OK" for Hook, "I, trash" for Ishtar. or "non-cinema" ANGELS WIn for Encino Man). More than 700 readers submitted several thousand ANIMAL CRA( entries for the prize, $1000 worth of puzzles and books from the ANNIE inane Bits & Pieces catalogue; it was awarded to James Sempsrott of ANNIE HALL Raleigh NC who suggested "not worth a fire engine" for The Tower­ ANOTHER FOE ing Inferno. APOCALYPSE ARACHNOPHOI Many meritorious entries were submitted; this is the first of AROUND THE a sequence of articles sampling readers' ingenuity (one, David Wiederhoef Lee of Detroit, even found that Evil Dead anagrammed his name). ATOMIC CAFE I have used the 1994 edition of Leonard Maltin' s Movie & Video ATTACK OF 1 Guide (over 19000 entries) to ascertain the correct titles (or even BABY DOLL G the existence!) of the movies cited; readers were sometimes uncer­ BABY BOOM t tain whether or not to precede titles with A or THE. One had to BACK TO THE be on the lookout for those who used a little reverse engineering THE BAD NEll to create plausible titles out of dynamite reviews: "two thumbs (it is bar up" created Who But Stamp? and "bad movie", Mobi Dave (a cousin BARBARELLA of Moby Dick?). The most poignant near-miss was Oh, God! which, BASIC INSTI had it been titled 0, God! would have yielded the concise "good". I BATMAN RETl liked the review in which the final E of It's a Wonderful Life BATTERIES was rotated 90 degrees to form an M, making the last word "film". cute andre BEACH BLANl< In the following, entries have been restricted to a bout 30 letters: longer titles (and there were some of 50 or more) are in general BEAUTY AND too easy to generate plaUSible reviews from. No more than four best yet, or five examples are given for any single movie, although there BEDTIME FOB were sometimes as many as 30 different entries. An asterisk indi­ BEETHOVEN b cates honorable mention or runner-up T-shirt a ward by Games. BEING THERE Author credit is gIven only if two or fewer submitted the review. BEYOND THE Occasionally, reviews have been repunctuated (or even the words BELL, BOOK THE BEST LI rearranged) to make them more understandable. hee [J Van ABOUT LAST NIGHT laugh not at it - B.S. [K Robinson] THE BEST YE ABOVE THE LAW we, a "blah" vote [M Scanlan] they belie THE ABSENT MINDED PROFESSOR "Fred's part shined" teens boom [J Davis] BILL AND TE THE ADDAMS FAMILY a film my dad hates-lr[R Kreh] my, a sad film - death [C brag? sub­ Bright] a tamed shady film [R Taylor] a flimsy mad death [G Berg] BINGO big " THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLANE never offer this dud to a real fan [J BLACK BEAU1 THE BLACK ~ Brown] BLADE RUNNE THE AGONY AND THE ECSTASY heady cast? then stay gone [G Lenker] BLAME IT AIR AMERICA a crime "aria" [R Flora] m AIRPLANE in! a pearl! [S Liss] real pain; Lear pain BLIND DATE BODY AND S( 245 ALADDIN 'n' la-di-da [JL Eddy] Ali dan-d [PE Palmer] AL CAPONE a-one (clap!) [J Smith] ALFIE 'e fail [B Morton] ALIENS is lean [N Zimmer] ALIVE vile (A) ALL ABOUT EVE able to value [B Morton, BRinger] ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN ah, loved tale, song. go! [C Sarantakos] ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT fan quote: not newest thriller [F Thompson] AMADEUS amused (A) Will Shortz AMERICAN GRAFFITI I'm fair (giant farce) [G Ede] idea: ana­ ANATOMY OF A MURDER drama of many to rue [S Lindsey] (for examp­ THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN a damn snorer hated it!*[F Thompson] 'non-cinema" ANGELS WITH DIRTY FACES wild (stars Cagney, thief) [GH Wienecke] 'al thousand ANIMAL CRACKERS real manic racks [R Flora] ks from the ANNIE inane; a "nine"; a "Nein" [T Cocchi] ,empsrott of ANNIE HALL hal Allen in [0 Larson, B Barsody] hi! an Allen The Tower- ANOTHER FORTY-EIGHT HOURS hal go to the first one! hurry! [C Hill] APOCALYPSE NOW Coppola awes N.Y.; say - new Coppola! ARACHNOPHOBIA hah! a panic boor! rb Sandler] he first of AROUND THE WORLD IN EIGHTY DAYS unhesitatingly adored..• how dry! [C (one, David Wiederhoeft] his name). ATOMIC CAFE a comic fate! [J Dudman] tie & Video ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES freak title! a total shock to me [T Mentock] es (or even BABY DOLL ably bold [K Wickremasinghe] imes uncer­ BABY BOOM boy, a bomb! ;([D Adams] One had to BACK TO THE FUTURE PART TWO fact: OK to rate (but threw up) [S Silverberg] engineering THE BAD NEWS BEARS IN BREAKING TRAINING beginning as weak, then drab 'two thumbs (it is barren) [C Higham] 'e (a cousin BARBARELLA bar "bare-all" [G Anderson] 30d! which, BASIC INSTINCT sin acts in it (B,C) [R Prevade] e "good". I BATMAN RETURNS un-smart banter [CW Crause] Mr Bat nets a run [C Bright] 1derful Life BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED bon! talent! credit is due! [BJ Miller] let .rd "film". cute android in! best! [F Gamble] best! no dirt! can delight U [BJ Miller] 30 letters: BEACH BLANKET BINGO eck! babble! a nothing! [J Colbert & V Wilcox] in general BEAUTY AND THE BEAST aha! best yet, bud - a "ten" [MJ Hazard] a hand! than four best yet, U bet (A) [L Reier] a hand! best yet! beaut! [C Beanesderfer] 10ugh there BEDTIME FOR BONZO I'd bomb (zero, of ten) [B Nowacki] terisk indi­ BEETHOVEN he be no vet! BEING THERE begin ether [p Angiolillo] by Games. the review. BEYOND THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE odd; this one never deep, buoyant [S Gartner] the words BELL, BOOK AND CANDLE dolce? no - bleak, bland [L Picarella] THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS no sex heist, but still worth a tee­ hee [J Vanderbeg] see sex-hut show titillate, then bore [MJ Hazard] THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES bath! see it for yourselves [G Wienecke] so they believe four stars [J Sempsrott] [J Davis] BILL AND TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY young dudes still jabber on*[K Robertson] n - death [C brag? sub-dull is enjoyed? not! [C Bruner] Berg] BINGO big "no" :il fan [J BLACK BEAUTY tacky bauble [M Callum] THE BLACK STALLION halt! lock in stable! [G Lenker] er] BLADE RUNNER near-blunder [0 West] "un-reel" brand [J Severson] BLAME IT ON RIO a no-limit bore [R Schieber] Mailer bio - not! [p Lewis] BLIND DATE bland diet [ML Welch, M Marusinski] bad 'til end [anon] BODY AND SOUL nobody lauds [r Thompson] 246 THE BODYGUARD earthy - dub "dog" [MJ Hazard] art, eh? dud! go by [B THE CRYING GAME Guilfoyle] bad guy red-hot; yeh? doubt! drag! [ML Holt] Barletta] BODY HEAT ay, hot bed [S Starsinic, S McCune] DAMAGE egad, Ma BODY OF EVIDENCE deceive nobody (F) [C Silver] DANCES WITH WOL' BOLERO 01' bore [D Bran] vile! [M Callul BONNIE AND CLYDE end nicely? no, bad [J Moss] DAYS OF THUNDER BOOMERANG go? bore, man [J Hungerford, GA Gibson] DAYS OF WINE AN: BORIS AND NATASHA I abandon as trash [G Aguillera] DEAD POETS SOCII BORN IN EAST L.A. stale an' borin' [anon] too deep - dec. BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA somber, stark - a la crud! [PE Palmer] real rot! DEAD RINGERS de: liB" drama sucks [G Lenker] black drama sure rots [M Mammel] DEATH BECOMES HI BRANDED dern bad [J Howard] [R Prouser] BREATHLESS sheer blast!*[T Donley] DEATH WISH TWO , THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI the re-review: darn big hit! OK! [M Erdman] DEEP COVER cop 1 BRIGADOON a boring "do" [K Wickremasinghe] 0, I'd grab on [R Pivarnik] DEEP THROAT red­ BROADCAST NEWS score wasn't bad*[ML Welch] bad-news actors DEFENDING YOUR I BROADWAY DANNY ROSE drab yarn (Woody sane) [D Everly] DELIVERANCE an E THE BROOD do bother! [S Murkin] DESIRE UNDER THI BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER bare limp stuff? yeah - very [N Martin] DETECTIVE STORY BULL DURHAM rah? dull, burn! [E Brown] THE DEVIL AND Ml BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID cute 'n' dashing bandits chased ­ DIAL M FOR MURDE ducky! [T Allman] dread film [J [ THE BUTCHER'S WIFE hit, but few cheers [N Kelly] DICE RULES rude BWANA DEVIL a bland view [A Lee] DICK TRACY tric~ CABARET bare act [S Welsch] DIE HARD D, I he CANDYMAN canny, mad [T Donley] DINER in red! [l-: CAPrAIN GAUITOO a pain •..cut action [S Murkin] DINNER AT EIGHT CAPE FEAR ape farce [M O'Reilly] a perfec' A! [J Savin] DIRTY DANCING ca THE CAR a retch! [D Orlowski] [EK Dickey] CAR WASH aw ..• crash! [p Pouchet] THE DIRTY DOZEN CHARADE rah! aced! [L Stoffel] THE DISTINGUISHE CHARIOTS OF FIRE I offer Oscar hit; Irish foot farce [M Callum] Haddock] laughs CHILDREN OF A LESSER GOD oh, Lord - deaf girl scenes*[anonJ cheers! sold ing! TNT! he's on deaf girl [B Nowacki] DOCTOR DOOLITTLE THE CHINA SYNDROME hi-tech; many snored [M Boltizar] DOG DAY AFTERNOO CHINATOWN no watchin' [J Bell] [K Robertson] a A CHORUS LINE 10, a nice rush [M Poire] DON'T TELL MOM T CITIZEN KANE necktie Nazi [G Berg] bottom CITY HEAT ye hit act [I Velez] THE DOORS shot! CITY SLICKERS it clicks - yes'r [G Filzer] DRACULA a la cru CLASS ACTION a classic? not! [J Smith] DRAGNET rated N.
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