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YES, No, Maybe Tool

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YES, No, Maybe Tool YES! / NO! / MAYBE…? You have here a tool for creating a blueprint for consent and desire with your partner(s). Answer the following questions with Yes, No, or Maybe, and fill in additional notes as needed. Each person should fill out their own questionnaire, then you two can discuss. (Tip for privacy: store your pages in a nondescript binder or folder. Take it one step further and punch your binder holes so that the pages lie with the blank back side up.) Let the fun begin! BODY BOUNDARIES Part 1 Having a partner talk with close friends about our sex life: YES NO MAYBE Talking with close friends about my sex life: YES NO MAYBE Having a partner talk with family about our sex life: YES NO MAYBE Talking with family about my sex life: YES NO MAYBE Having a partner talk with acquaintances or co-workers about our sex life: YES NO MAYBE Talking with acquaintances or co-workers about my sex life: YES NO MAYBE Additional thoughts on this section: __________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ Part 2 Having a partner touch me affectionately without asking first: YES NO MAYBE Touching a partner affectionately without asking first: YES NO MAYBE Having a partner touch me sexually without asking first: YES NO MAYBE WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 1 Touching a partner sexually without asking first: YES NO MAYBE Having a partner touch me affectionately in public: YES NO MAYBE Having a partner touch me sexually in public: YES NO MAYBE Touching a partner sexually in public: YES NO MAYBE What is the difference between affectionate touch and sexual touch: ________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ Part 3 Having my shirt/top off with a partner: YES NO MAYBE Having a partner’s shirt/top off: YES NO MAYBE Having my pants/bottoms off with a partner: YES NO MAYBE Having a partner’s pants/bottoms off: YES NO MAYBE Being completely naked with a partner with the lights off or low: YES NO MAYBE Having a partner be completely naked with the lights off or low: YES NO MAYBE Being completely naked with a partner with the lights on: YES NO MAYBE Having a partner be completely naked with the lights on: YES NO MAYBE Part 4 Direct eye contact: YES NO MAYBE Direct eye contact during intercourse: YES NO MAYBE Direct eye contact while receiving oral sex: YES NO MAYBE Direct eye contact while performing oral sex: YES NO MAYBE WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 2 Part 5 Being looked at directly, overall, when I’m naked: YES NO MAYBE Having my genitals looked at directly: YES NO MAYBE Looking at a partner’s genitals directly: YES NO MAYBE Part 6 Having a partner talk about my body: YES NO MAYBE Talking about my partner’s body: YES NO MAYBE Some or all of a disability, identity or difference I have being sexualized or made part of sex: YES NO MAYBE Some or all of a disability, identity or difference a partner has being sexualized or made part of sex: YES NO MAYBE Part 7 (Menses) Having vaginal intercourse during: YES NO MAYBE Having anal intercourse during: YES NO MAYBE Giving oral sex during: YES NO MAYBE Receiving oral sex during: YES NO MAYBE Giving manual sex during: YES NO MAYBE Receiving manual sex during: YES NO MAYBE WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 3 Part 8 Seeing or being exposed to other kinds of bodily fluids (sweat, spit, semen, vaginal ejaculate, urine): _________________________________________________________________________________________ Part 9 Grooming or toileting in front of a partner: YES NO MAYBE Having a partner groom or toilet in front of me: YES NO MAYBE Bathing in front of a partner: YES NO MAYBE Watching a partner bathe: YES NO MAYBE Being bathed by a partner: YES NO MAYBE Bathing a partner: YES NO MAYBE Part 10 Shaving/trimming/removing my own pubic hair alone: YES NO MAYBE Shaving/trimming/removing my own pubic hair in front of a partner: YES NO MAYBE Shaving/trimming/removing a partner’s pubic hair: YES NO MAYBE Having a partner shave/trim/remove my pubic hair: YES NO MAYBE WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 4 WORDS AND TERMS Part 1 I prefer the following gender/sexual identity/role words to be used for me: ____________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ I do not ever want the following gender/sexual identity/role words to be used for me: ____________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ I prefer the following affectionate or sexual nicknames or pet names to be used for me: _________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ I would like to use the following affectionate or sexual nicknames or pet names to refer to you: ___________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ Part 2 I prefer my chest or breasts to be referred to as: _________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ I would like to refer to your chest or breasts as: __________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ I prefer my genitals to be referred to as: ________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ I would like to refer to your genitals as: _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 5 Part 3 Some words or phrases I would like to hear during foreplay: ________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ Some words or phrases I would like to hear during the more advanced stages of sex: ____________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ Part 4 Some words I’m not ok with to refer to me, my body, my sexuality: __________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ Some words I am uncomfortable using or hearing during sex: _______________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ Part 5 Are certain words OK in some settings but not in others: ___________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ How flexible am I with what a partner might like calling something that I like calling something else: ________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ Part 6 I like “dirty talk”: YES NO MAYBE What is “dirty talk”: ________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 6 Part 7 During sex I like (check): Being complemented ___ Complementing ___ What are compliments? _____________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ During sex I like (check): Being appreciated ___ Appreciating ___ What is appreciation? _______________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ During sex I like (check): Being “degraded” ___ “Degrading” ___ What is “degradation”? _____________________________________________________________________ During sex I like (check): Being “praised” ___ “Praising” ___ What is “praise”? __________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ During sex I like (check): Being “humiliated” ___ “Humiliating” ___ What is “humiliation”? ______________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ During sex I like (check): Being “worshiped” ___ “Worshiping” ___ What is “worship”? _________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ During sex I like (check): Being “teased” ___ “Teasing” ___ What is “teasing”? _________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 7 During sex I like (check): Being “encouraged” ___ “Encouraging” ___ What is “encouragement”? __________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ During sex I like (check): Being “defied” ___ “Defying” ___ What is “defiance”? ________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ During sex I like (check): Being “instructed” ___ “Instructing” ___ What is “instruction”? ______________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ During sex I like (check): Being
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