YES! / NO! / MAYBE…?

You have here a tool for creating a blueprint for consent and desire with your partner(s). Answer the following questions with Yes, No, or Maybe, and fill in additional notes as needed. Each person should fill out their own questionnaire, then you two can discuss. (Tip for privacy: store your pages in a nondescript binder or folder. Take it one step further and punch your binder holes so that the pages lie with the blank back side up.)

Let the fun begin! BODY BOUNDARIES

Part 1

Having a partner talk with close friends about our : YES NO MAYBE

Talking with close friends about my sex life: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner talk with family about our sex life: YES NO MAYBE

Talking with family about my sex life: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner talk with acquaintances or co-workers about our sex life: YES NO MAYBE

Talking with acquaintances or co-workers about my sex life: YES NO MAYBE

Additional thoughts on this section: ______

______

Part 2

Having a partner touch me affectionately without asking first: YES NO MAYBE

Touching a partner affectionately without asking first: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner touch me sexually without asking first: YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 1 Touching a partner sexually without asking first: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner touch me affectionately in public: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner touch me sexually in public: YES NO MAYBE

Touching a partner sexually in public: YES NO MAYBE

What is the difference between affectionate touch and sexual touch: ______

______

Part 3

Having my shirt/top off with a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner’s shirt/top off: YES NO MAYBE

Having my pants/bottoms off with a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner’s pants/bottoms off: YES NO MAYBE

Being completely naked with a partner with the lights off or low: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner be completely naked with the lights off or low: YES NO MAYBE

Being completely naked with a partner with the lights on: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner be completely naked with the lights on: YES NO MAYBE

Part 4

Direct eye contact: YES NO MAYBE

Direct eye contact during intercourse: YES NO MAYBE

Direct eye contact while receiving : YES NO MAYBE

Direct eye contact while performing oral sex: YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 2 Part 5

Being looked at directly, overall, when I’m naked: YES NO MAYBE

Having my genitals looked at directly: YES NO MAYBE

Looking at a partner’s genitals directly: YES NO MAYBE

Part 6

Having a partner talk about my body: YES NO MAYBE

Talking about my partner’s body: YES NO MAYBE

Some or all of a disability, identity or difference I have being sexualized or made part of sex: YES NO MAYBE

Some or all of a disability, identity or difference a partner has being sexualized or made part of sex: YES NO MAYBE

Part 7 (Menses)

Having vaginal intercourse during: YES NO MAYBE

Having anal intercourse during: YES NO MAYBE

Giving oral sex during: YES NO MAYBE

Receiving oral sex during: YES NO MAYBE

Giving manual sex during: YES NO MAYBE

Receiving manual sex during: YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 3 Part 8

Seeing or being exposed to other kinds of bodily fluids (sweat, spit, , vaginal ejaculate, urine): ______

Part 9

Grooming or toileting in front of a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner groom or toilet in front of me: YES NO MAYBE

Bathing in front of a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Watching a partner bathe: YES NO MAYBE

Being bathed by a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Bathing a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Part 10

Shaving/trimming/removing my own pubic hair alone: YES NO MAYBE

Shaving/trimming/removing my own pubic hair in front of a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Shaving/trimming/removing a partner’s pubic hair: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner shave/trim/remove my pubic hair: YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 4 WORDS AND TERMS

Part 1

I prefer the following gender/sexual identity/role words to be used for me: ______

______

I do not ever want the following gender/sexual identity/role words to be used for me: ______

______

I prefer the following affectionate or sexual nicknames or pet names to be used for me: ______

______

I would like to use the following affectionate or sexual nicknames or pet names to refer to you: ______

______

Part 2

I prefer my chest or to be referred to as: ______

______

I would like to refer to your chest or breasts as: ______

______

I prefer my genitals to be referred to as: ______

______

I would like to refer to your genitals as: ______

______

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 5 Part 3

Some words or phrases I would like to hear during : ______

______

Some words or phrases I would like to hear during the more advanced stages of sex: ______

______

Part 4

Some words I’m not ok with to refer to me, my body, my sexuality: ______

______

Some words I am uncomfortable using or hearing during sex: ______

______

Part 5

Are certain words OK in some settings but not in others: ______

______

How flexible am I with what a partner might like calling something that I like calling something else: ______

______

Part 6

I like “dirty talk”: YES NO MAYBE

What is “dirty talk”: ______

______

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 6 Part 7

During sex I like (check): Being complemented ___ Complementing ___

What are compliments? ______

______

During sex I like (check): Being appreciated ___ Appreciating ___

What is appreciation? ______

______

During sex I like (check): Being “degraded” ___ “Degrading” ___

What is “degradation”? ______

During sex I like (check): Being “praised” ___ “Praising” ___

What is “praise”? ______

______

During sex I like (check): Being “humiliated” ___ “Humiliating” ___

What is “humiliation”? ______

______

During sex I like (check): Being “worshiped” ___ “Worshiping” ___

What is “worship”? ______

______

During sex I like (check): Being “teased” ___ “Teasing” ___

What is “teasing”? ______

______

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 7 During sex I like (check): Being “encouraged” ___ “Encouraging” ___

What is “encouragement”? ______

______

During sex I like (check): Being “defied” ___ “Defying” ___

What is “defiance”? ______

______

During sex I like (check): Being “instructed” ___ “Instructing” ___

What is “instruction”? ______

______

During sex I like (check): Being “commanded” ___ “Commanding” ___

What are “commands”? ______

______

During sex I like (check): Being “obeyed” ___ “Obeying” ___

What is “obedience”? ______

______

During sex I like (check): Being “disobeyed” ___ “Disobeying” ___

What is “disobedience”? ______

______

During sex I like (check): Being “consulted” ___ “Consulting” ___

What is “consultation”? ______

______

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 8 During sex I like (check): Being “approved of” ___ “Approving” ___

What is “approval”? ______

______

During sex I like (check): Being “disapproved of” ___ “Disapproving” ___

What is “disapproval”? ______

______

Part 8

Names I enjoy being called during sex: ______

______

Names I occasionally enjoy being called during sex, depending on the circumstances: ______

______

Names I never want to be called during sex: ______

______

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 9 PHYSICAL SEXUAL ACTIVITIES

Part 1

Holding hands: YES NO MAYBE Hugging: YES NO MAYBE

Kissing cheek/face: YES NO MAYBE Kissing closed mouth: YES NO MAYBE

Kissing open mouth: YES NO MAYBE Kissing with tongue: YES NO MAYBE

Kissing or touching a Being kissed or touched partner’s neck: YES NO MAYBE on the neck: YES NO MAYBE

Giving hickeys: YES NO MAYBE Getting hickeys: YES NO MAYBE

Part 2

Tickling (doing the tickling): YES NO MAYBE Being tickled: YES NO MAYBE

Wrestling or play fighting: YES NO MAYBE General massage (giving): YES NO MAYBE

General massage (receiving): YES NO MAYBE

Part 3

Having my chest, breasts, or touched/rubbed: YES NO MAYBE

Touching or rubbing a partner’s chest, or nipples: YES NO MAYBE

Frottage (dry humping /clothed body-to-body rubbing): YES NO MAYBE

Tribadism (scissoring/rubbing naked genitals together): YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner’s mouth or tongue on my chest, breast or nipples: YES NO MAYBE

Having my mouth or tongue on a partner’s chest, breast, nipples: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner suck my fingers: YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 10 Sucking a partner’s fingers: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner suck my toes: YES NO MAYBE

Sucking a partner’s toes: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner lick my feet: YES NO MAYBE

Licking a partner's feet: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner stimulate me manually using their feet: YES NO MAYBE

Stimulating a partner manually using my feet: YES NO MAYBE

Masturbating in front of a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner masturbate in front of me: YES NO MAYBE

Masturbating together simultaneously: YES NO MAYBE

Part 4

Hands or fingers on penis: YES NO MAYBE

Hands or fingers on testicles: YES NO MAYBE

Hands or fingers on : YES NO MAYBE

Hands or fingers around or on : YES NO MAYBE

Fingers inside : YES NO MAYBE

Vaginal : YES NO MAYBE

Fingers on or around a parter's anus: YES NO MAYBE

Fingers on your around my anus: YES NO MAYBE

Fingers inside a partner's : YES NO MAYBE

Fingers inside my rectum: YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 11 Anal fisting, giving: YES NO MAYBE

Anal fisting, receiving: YES NO MAYBE

Ejaculating on a partner's body: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner ejaculate on my body: YES NO MAYBE

Ejaculating inside a partner's body: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner ejaculate inside my body: YES NO MAYBE

Part 5

Using sex toys alone: YES NO MAYBE

Using sex toys with a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Secretly using sex toys in public alone: YES NO MAYBE

Secretly using sex toys in public with a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Part 6

Oral sex to penis: YES NO MAYBE

Oral sex to vagina: YES NO MAYBE

Oral sex to testicles: YES NO MAYBE

Oral sex to a partner's anus: YES NO MAYBE

Oral sex to my anus: YES NO MAYBE

69 with a partner on top: YES NO MAYBE

69 with myself on top: YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 12 Part 7

Vaginal intercourse: YES NO MAYBE

Missionary: YES NO MAYBE

Cowgirl: YES NO MAYBE

Reverse cowgirl: YES NO MAYBE

Doggy style: YES NO MAYBE

Pile driver: YES NO MAYBE

Both partners sitting up: YES NO MAYBE

Anal intercourse: YES NO MAYBE

Double penetration (DP): penis in vagina, fingers/toy in rectum: YES NO MAYBE

DP: fingers/toys in vagina, penis in rectum: YES NO MAYBE

DP: fingers/toys in vagina, fingers/toy in rectum: YES NO MAYBE

Pegging (anal intercourse using a strap on): YES NO MAYBE

Other positions I enjoy or am interested in trying: ______

______

Part 8

Having food items be a part of sex: YES NO MAYBE

Biting a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Being bitten by a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Scratching a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Being scratched by a partner: YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 13 Choking a partner safely: YES NO MAYBE

Being choked safely by a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Covering a partner's mouth manually: YES NO MAYBE

Having a partner cover my mouth manually: YES NO MAYBE

Gagging a partner with cloth, tape, or a device: YES NO MAYBE

Being gagged with cloth, tape, or a device: YES NO MAYBE

Wearing something covering my eyes: YES NO MAYBE

A partner wearing something covering their eyes: YES NO MAYBE

Having my movement restricted manually: YES NO MAYBE

Having my movement restricted using rope or devices: YES NO MAYBE

Restricting a partner's movement manually: YES NO MAYBE

Restricting a partner's movement using rope or devices: YES NO MAYBE

Having my hands restrained manually: YES NO MAYBE

Having my hands restrained using rope or devices: YES NO MAYBE

Restraining a partner's hands manually: YES NO MAYBE

Restraining a partner's hands using rope or devices: YES NO MAYBE

Having my feet restrained: YES NO MAYBE

Restraining a partner's feet: YES NO MAYBE

Being restrained into a sexually vulnerable position: YES NO MAYBE

Restraining a partner into a sexually vulnerable position: YES NO MAYBE

Further bondage, being restricted: YES NO MAYBE

Further bondage, restricting a partner: YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 14 Having my hair gripped or pulled: YES NO MAYBE

Gripping or pulling a partner's hair: YES NO MAYBE

Being spanked manually: YES NO MAYBE

Being spanked using a device: YES NO MAYBE

Spanking a partner manually: YES NO MAYBE

Spanking a partner using a device: YES NO MAYBE

Being slapped: YES NO MAYBE

Slapping a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Being pinched manually: YES NO MAYBE

Being pinched using devices ( clamps, etc): YES NO MAYBE

Pinching a partner using devices (nipple clamps, etc): YES NO MAYBE

Having heat used on my body (candle wax, etc): YES NO MAYBE

Using heat on a partner's body (candle wax, etc): YES NO MAYBE

Having cold used on my body (ice cubes, etc): YES NO MAYBE

Using cold on a partner's body (ice cubes, etc): YES NO MAYBE

Any other physical sexual activities I enjoy or am interested in trying: ______

______

Is there any part of my body I am uncomfortable being touched: ______

______

Is there any part of a partner's body I'm uncomfortable touching: ______

______

Is there any part of my body I'm uncomfortable being contacted orally: ______

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 15 ______

Is there any part of a partner's body I'm uncomfortable contacting orally: ______

______

I am uncomfortable with certain physical sexual activities: ______

______

If I said 'maybe' to something to which my partner said 'yes,' what conditions or provisions might make my 'maybe' a 'yes': ______

______

Am I able to live with/accept y partner's 'no's: ______

______

NON-PHYSICAL SEXUAL ACTIVITIES

Part 1

Communicating my sexual fantasies to/with a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Receiving information about a partner's sexual fantasies: YES NO MAYBE

Part 2

Stripping for a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Watching a partner strip: YES NO MAYBE

Dancing for a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Watching a partner dance: YES NO MAYBE

Posing for a partner: YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 16 Watching a partner pose: YES NO MAYBE

Giving a partner a lap dance: YES NO MAYBE

Getting a lap dance from a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Attending a alone: YES NO MAYBE

Attending a strip club with a partner: YES NO MAYBE

A partner attending a strip club alone: YES NO MAYBE

Part 3

Taking erotic or pornographic photos or video of a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Posing for a partner taking erotic or pornographic photos or video: YES NO MAYBE

Recording or filming sex acts with a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Listening to/watching audio/video of sex acts performed with a partner – alone: YES NO MAYBE

Listening to/watching audio/video of sex acts performed with a partner – with a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Part 4

Phone sex: YES NO MAYBE

Sexting: YES NO MAYBE

Skype sex (or some form of video chat): YES NO MAYBE

Receiving sexual notes from a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Leaving sexual notes for a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Receiving erotic mail from a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Sending erotic mail to a partner: YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 17 Getting sexual images of a partner in an email or on my phone: YES NO MAYBE

Giving sexual images of myself to a partner in an email or on their phone: YES NO MAYBE

Getting sexual audio recordings of a partner in an email or on my phone: YES NO MAYBE

Giving sexual audio recordings of myself to a partner in an email or on their phone: YES NO MAYBE

Part 5

Reading porn/ alone: YES NO MAYBE

Reading porn/erotica with a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Viewing porn/erotica alone: YES NO MAYBE

Viewing porn/erotica with a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Listening to porn/erotica alone: YES NO MAYBE

Listening to porn/erotica with a partner: YES NO MAYBE

A partner reading/viewing/listening to porn/erotica alone: YES NO MAYBE

Receiving porn/erotica from a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Giving porn/erotica to a partner: YES NO MAYBE

Any other non-physical sexual activities I enjoy or am interested in trying: ______

______

I am uncomfortable viewing depictions or hearing descriptions of: ______

______

I am uncomfortable with certain non-physical sexual activities: ______

______

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 18 LOCATIONS OF SEXUAL ACTS

Part 1

Bed: YES NO MAYBE Couch: YES NO MAYBE

Chair: YES NO MAYBE Floor: YES NO MAYBE

Standing: YES NO MAYBE Leaning against walls/pillars: YES NO MAYBE

Swings/hammocks: YES NO MAYBE

Part 2

Bedroom: YES NO MAYBE Living Room: YES NO MAYBE

Kitchen: YES NO MAYBE Bathroom: YES NO MAYBE

Office: YES NO MAYBE Garage: YES NO MAYBE

Backyard: YES NO MAYBE Balcony: YES NO MAYBE

Hot Tub: YES NO MAYBE Shower: YES NO MAYBE

Bath: YES NO MAYBE Car – Back Seat: YES NO MAYBE

Car – Front Seat: YES NO MAYBE Car – Outside/On/Against: YES NO MAYBE

Part 3 (Moving Car)

Manual sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE

Oral sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 19 Part 4 (Public)

Making out: YES NO MAYBE Intercourse, brief: YES NO MAYBE

Intercourse, to : YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, brief: YES NO MAYBE

Manual sex, to orgasm: YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, brief: YES NO MAYBE

Oral sex, to orgasm: YES NO MAYBE

Part 5 (Public Park / Bench)

Making out: YES NO MAYBE Intercourse: YES NO MAYBE

Manual sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE

Oral sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE

Part 6 (Public Restroom)

Making out: YES NO MAYBE Intercourse: YES NO MAYBE

Manual sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE

Oral sex, giving : YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE

Part 7 (Restaurant/Bar)

Making out: YES NO MAYBE Intercourse: YES NO MAYBE

Manual sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE

Oral sex, giving : YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 20 Part 8 (Theater)

Making out: YES NO MAYBE Intercourse: YES NO MAYBE

Manual sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE

Oral sex, giving : YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE

Part 9 (Airplane)

Making out: YES NO MAYBE Intercourse: YES NO MAYBE

Manual sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE

Oral sex, giving : YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE

Part 10 (Other People's Homes)

Making out: YES NO MAYBE Intercourse: YES NO MAYBE

Manual sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE

Oral sex, giving : YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE

Any other locations: ______

______

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 21 ROLEPLAYING Age difference (I'm older): YES NO MAYBE

Age difference (partner is older): YES NO MAYBE

I'm playing alien/vampire/zombie, etc: YES NO MAYBE

Partner playing alien/vampire/zombie, etc: YES NO MAYBE

We're both playing alien/vampire/zombie, etc: YES NO MAYBE

Bribes (I offer favors): YES NO MAYBE

Bribes (partner offers favors): YES NO MAYBE

Burglar (I break in): YES NO MAYBE

Burglar (partner breaks in): YES NO MAYBE

Celebrity – I'm famous: YES NO MAYBE

Celebrity – partner is famous: YES NO MAYBE

Celebrity – we're both famous: YES NO MAYBE

Celebrity – specific person?: YES NO MAYBE

Cheating (I'm cheating): YES NO MAYBE

Cheating (partner cheating): YES NO MAYBE

Cheating (I'm caught): YES NO MAYBE

Cheating (partner's caught): YES NO MAYBE

Cheating (we're both cheating): YES NO MAYBE

Clergy (I'm a nun): YES NO MAYBE

Clergy (partner's a nun/monk/priest): YES NO MAYBE

Clergy (we're both clergy): YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 22 Cowboy: YES NO MAYBE

Cowgirl: YES NO MAYBE

Cross dressing (me): YES NO MAYBE

Cross dressing (partner): YES NO MAYBE

Cross dressing (both of us): YES NO MAYBE

Doctor (I'm a doctor): YES NO MAYBE

Doctor (partner's a doctor): YES NO MAYBE

Doctor (I'm a nurse): YES NO MAYBE

Doctor (partner's a nurse): YES NO MAYBE

Doctor (we're both patients): YES NO MAYBE

First date: YES NO MAYBE

Forced (I'm the aggressor): YES NO MAYBE

Forced (partner's the aggressor): YES NO MAYBE

Historical: YES NO MAYBE

Interrogation (I interrogate): YES NO MAYBE

Interrogation (partner interrogates): YES NO MAYBE

Maid (me): YES NO MAYBE

Maid (partner): YES NO MAYBE

Office (I'm the boss): YES NO MAYBE

Office (partner's the boss): YES NO MAYBE

Office (I'm the secretary): YES NO MAYBE

Office (partner's the secretary): YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 23 Office (we are co-workers): YES NO MAYBE

Office (I'm the boss' wife/husband): YES NO MAYBE

Office (partner's the boss' wife/husband): YES NO MAYBE

Office (I'm the boss' son/daughter): YES NO MAYBE

Pirate (me): YES NO MAYBE

Pirate (partner): YES NO MAYBE

Pirate (both): YES NO MAYBE

Police offer (me): YES NO MAYBE

Police officer (partner): YES NO MAYBE

Prostitute (I pay): YES NO MAYBE

Prostitute (partner pays): YES NO MAYBE

Prostitute (I'm expensive): YES NO MAYBE

Prostitute (I'm cheap): YES NO MAYBE

Prostitute (I'm the madam/pimp): YES NO MAYBE

Prostitute (partner's the madam/pimp): YES NO MAYBE

Rescue – I'm in peril: YES NO MAYBE

Rescue – partner's in peril: YES NO MAYBE

School (I'm the teacher): YES NO MAYBE

School (partner's the teacher): YES NO MAYBE

School (I'm the student): YES NO MAYBE

School (partner's the student): YES NO MAYBE

School (I'm the teacher, partner's the parent): YES NO MAYBE

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 24 School (partner's the teacher, I'm the parent): YES NO MAYBE

School (I'm a cheerleader): YES NO MAYBE

School (partner's a cheerleader): YES NO MAYBE

School (I'm an athlete): YES NO MAYBE

School (partner's an athlete): YES NO MAYBE

Travel (I'm a tourist): YES NO MAYBE

Travel (partner's a tourist): YES NO MAYBE

Travel (we're both tourists): YES NO MAYBE

Virgin (me): YES NO MAYBE

Virgin (partner): YES NO MAYBE

Virgin (both of us): YES NO MAYBE

Costumes? Accents?______

______

Specific fictional characters?______

______

Any additional roleplays come to mind?______

______

WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 25