YES! / NO! / MAYBE…?
You have here a tool for creating a blueprint for consent and desire with your partner(s). Answer the following questions with Yes, No, or Maybe, and fill in additional notes as needed. Each person should fill out their own questionnaire, then you two can discuss. (Tip for privacy: store your pages in a nondescript binder or folder. Take it one step further and punch your binder holes so that the pages lie with the blank back side up.)
Let the fun begin! BODY BOUNDARIES
Part 1
Having a partner talk with close friends about our sex life: YES NO MAYBE
Talking with close friends about my sex life: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner talk with family about our sex life: YES NO MAYBE
Talking with family about my sex life: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner talk with acquaintances or co-workers about our sex life: YES NO MAYBE
Talking with acquaintances or co-workers about my sex life: YES NO MAYBE
Additional thoughts on this section: ______
______
Part 2
Having a partner touch me affectionately without asking first: YES NO MAYBE
Touching a partner affectionately without asking first: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner touch me sexually without asking first: YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 1 Touching a partner sexually without asking first: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner touch me affectionately in public: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner touch me sexually in public: YES NO MAYBE
Touching a partner sexually in public: YES NO MAYBE
What is the difference between affectionate touch and sexual touch: ______
______
Part 3
Having my shirt/top off with a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner’s shirt/top off: YES NO MAYBE
Having my pants/bottoms off with a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner’s pants/bottoms off: YES NO MAYBE
Being completely naked with a partner with the lights off or low: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner be completely naked with the lights off or low: YES NO MAYBE
Being completely naked with a partner with the lights on: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner be completely naked with the lights on: YES NO MAYBE
Part 4
Direct eye contact: YES NO MAYBE
Direct eye contact during intercourse: YES NO MAYBE
Direct eye contact while receiving oral sex: YES NO MAYBE
Direct eye contact while performing oral sex: YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 2 Part 5
Being looked at directly, overall, when I’m naked: YES NO MAYBE
Having my genitals looked at directly: YES NO MAYBE
Looking at a partner’s genitals directly: YES NO MAYBE
Part 6
Having a partner talk about my body: YES NO MAYBE
Talking about my partner’s body: YES NO MAYBE
Some or all of a disability, identity or difference I have being sexualized or made part of sex: YES NO MAYBE
Some or all of a disability, identity or difference a partner has being sexualized or made part of sex: YES NO MAYBE
Part 7 (Menses)
Having vaginal intercourse during: YES NO MAYBE
Having anal intercourse during: YES NO MAYBE
Giving oral sex during: YES NO MAYBE
Receiving oral sex during: YES NO MAYBE
Giving manual sex during: YES NO MAYBE
Receiving manual sex during: YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 3 Part 8
Seeing or being exposed to other kinds of bodily fluids (sweat, spit, semen, vaginal ejaculate, urine): ______
Part 9
Grooming or toileting in front of a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner groom or toilet in front of me: YES NO MAYBE
Bathing in front of a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Watching a partner bathe: YES NO MAYBE
Being bathed by a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Bathing a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Part 10
Shaving/trimming/removing my own pubic hair alone: YES NO MAYBE
Shaving/trimming/removing my own pubic hair in front of a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Shaving/trimming/removing a partner’s pubic hair: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner shave/trim/remove my pubic hair: YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 4 WORDS AND TERMS
Part 1
I prefer the following gender/sexual identity/role words to be used for me: ______
______
I do not ever want the following gender/sexual identity/role words to be used for me: ______
______
I prefer the following affectionate or sexual nicknames or pet names to be used for me: ______
______
I would like to use the following affectionate or sexual nicknames or pet names to refer to you: ______
______
Part 2
I prefer my chest or breasts to be referred to as: ______
______
I would like to refer to your chest or breasts as: ______
______
I prefer my genitals to be referred to as: ______
______
I would like to refer to your genitals as: ______
______
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 5 Part 3
Some words or phrases I would like to hear during foreplay: ______
______
Some words or phrases I would like to hear during the more advanced stages of sex: ______
______
Part 4
Some words I’m not ok with to refer to me, my body, my sexuality: ______
______
Some words I am uncomfortable using or hearing during sex: ______
______
Part 5
Are certain words OK in some settings but not in others: ______
______
How flexible am I with what a partner might like calling something that I like calling something else: ______
______
Part 6
I like “dirty talk”: YES NO MAYBE
What is “dirty talk”: ______
______
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 6 Part 7
During sex I like (check): Being complemented ___ Complementing ___
What are compliments? ______
______
During sex I like (check): Being appreciated ___ Appreciating ___
What is appreciation? ______
______
During sex I like (check): Being “degraded” ___ “Degrading” ___
What is “degradation”? ______
During sex I like (check): Being “praised” ___ “Praising” ___
What is “praise”? ______
______
During sex I like (check): Being “humiliated” ___ “Humiliating” ___
What is “humiliation”? ______
______
During sex I like (check): Being “worshiped” ___ “Worshiping” ___
What is “worship”? ______
______
During sex I like (check): Being “teased” ___ “Teasing” ___
What is “teasing”? ______
______
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 7 During sex I like (check): Being “encouraged” ___ “Encouraging” ___
What is “encouragement”? ______
______
During sex I like (check): Being “defied” ___ “Defying” ___
What is “defiance”? ______
______
During sex I like (check): Being “instructed” ___ “Instructing” ___
What is “instruction”? ______
______
During sex I like (check): Being “commanded” ___ “Commanding” ___
What are “commands”? ______
______
During sex I like (check): Being “obeyed” ___ “Obeying” ___
What is “obedience”? ______
______
During sex I like (check): Being “disobeyed” ___ “Disobeying” ___
What is “disobedience”? ______
______
During sex I like (check): Being “consulted” ___ “Consulting” ___
What is “consultation”? ______
______
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 8 During sex I like (check): Being “approved of” ___ “Approving” ___
What is “approval”? ______
______
During sex I like (check): Being “disapproved of” ___ “Disapproving” ___
What is “disapproval”? ______
______
Part 8
Names I enjoy being called during sex: ______
______
Names I occasionally enjoy being called during sex, depending on the circumstances: ______
______
Names I never want to be called during sex: ______
______
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 9 PHYSICAL SEXUAL ACTIVITIES
Part 1
Holding hands: YES NO MAYBE Hugging: YES NO MAYBE
Kissing cheek/face: YES NO MAYBE Kissing closed mouth: YES NO MAYBE
Kissing open mouth: YES NO MAYBE Kissing with tongue: YES NO MAYBE
Kissing or touching a Being kissed or touched partner’s neck: YES NO MAYBE on the neck: YES NO MAYBE
Giving hickeys: YES NO MAYBE Getting hickeys: YES NO MAYBE
Part 2
Tickling (doing the tickling): YES NO MAYBE Being tickled: YES NO MAYBE
Wrestling or play fighting: YES NO MAYBE General massage (giving): YES NO MAYBE
General massage (receiving): YES NO MAYBE
Part 3
Having my chest, breasts, or nipples touched/rubbed: YES NO MAYBE
Touching or rubbing a partner’s chest, breast or nipples: YES NO MAYBE
Frottage (dry humping /clothed body-to-body rubbing): YES NO MAYBE
Tribadism (scissoring/rubbing naked genitals together): YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner’s mouth or tongue on my chest, breast or nipples: YES NO MAYBE
Having my mouth or tongue on a partner’s chest, breast, nipples: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner suck my fingers: YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 10 Sucking a partner’s fingers: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner suck my toes: YES NO MAYBE
Sucking a partner’s toes: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner lick my feet: YES NO MAYBE
Licking a partner's feet: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner stimulate me manually using their feet: YES NO MAYBE
Stimulating a partner manually using my feet: YES NO MAYBE
Masturbating in front of a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner masturbate in front of me: YES NO MAYBE
Masturbating together simultaneously: YES NO MAYBE
Part 4
Hands or fingers on penis: YES NO MAYBE
Hands or fingers on testicles: YES NO MAYBE
Hands or fingers on vulva: YES NO MAYBE
Hands or fingers around or on clitoris: YES NO MAYBE
Fingers inside vagina: YES NO MAYBE
Vaginal fisting: YES NO MAYBE
Fingers on or around a parter's anus: YES NO MAYBE
Fingers on your around my anus: YES NO MAYBE
Fingers inside a partner's rectum: YES NO MAYBE
Fingers inside my rectum: YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 11 Anal fisting, giving: YES NO MAYBE
Anal fisting, receiving: YES NO MAYBE
Ejaculating on a partner's body: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner ejaculate on my body: YES NO MAYBE
Ejaculating inside a partner's body: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner ejaculate inside my body: YES NO MAYBE
Part 5
Using sex toys alone: YES NO MAYBE
Using sex toys with a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Secretly using sex toys in public alone: YES NO MAYBE
Secretly using sex toys in public with a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Part 6
Oral sex to penis: YES NO MAYBE
Oral sex to vagina: YES NO MAYBE
Oral sex to testicles: YES NO MAYBE
Oral sex to a partner's anus: YES NO MAYBE
Oral sex to my anus: YES NO MAYBE
69 with a partner on top: YES NO MAYBE
69 with myself on top: YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 12 Part 7
Vaginal intercourse: YES NO MAYBE
Missionary: YES NO MAYBE
Cowgirl: YES NO MAYBE
Reverse cowgirl: YES NO MAYBE
Doggy style: YES NO MAYBE
Pile driver: YES NO MAYBE
Both partners sitting up: YES NO MAYBE
Anal intercourse: YES NO MAYBE
Double penetration (DP): penis in vagina, fingers/toy in rectum: YES NO MAYBE
DP: fingers/toys in vagina, penis in rectum: YES NO MAYBE
DP: fingers/toys in vagina, fingers/toy in rectum: YES NO MAYBE
Pegging (anal intercourse using a strap on): YES NO MAYBE
Other positions I enjoy or am interested in trying: ______
______
Part 8
Having food items be a part of sex: YES NO MAYBE
Biting a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Being bitten by a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Scratching a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Being scratched by a partner: YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 13 Choking a partner safely: YES NO MAYBE
Being choked safely by a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Covering a partner's mouth manually: YES NO MAYBE
Having a partner cover my mouth manually: YES NO MAYBE
Gagging a partner with cloth, tape, or a device: YES NO MAYBE
Being gagged with cloth, tape, or a device: YES NO MAYBE
Wearing something covering my eyes: YES NO MAYBE
A partner wearing something covering their eyes: YES NO MAYBE
Having my movement restricted manually: YES NO MAYBE
Having my movement restricted using rope or devices: YES NO MAYBE
Restricting a partner's movement manually: YES NO MAYBE
Restricting a partner's movement using rope or devices: YES NO MAYBE
Having my hands restrained manually: YES NO MAYBE
Having my hands restrained using rope or devices: YES NO MAYBE
Restraining a partner's hands manually: YES NO MAYBE
Restraining a partner's hands using rope or devices: YES NO MAYBE
Having my feet restrained: YES NO MAYBE
Restraining a partner's feet: YES NO MAYBE
Being restrained into a sexually vulnerable position: YES NO MAYBE
Restraining a partner into a sexually vulnerable position: YES NO MAYBE
Further bondage, being restricted: YES NO MAYBE
Further bondage, restricting a partner: YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 14 Having my hair gripped or pulled: YES NO MAYBE
Gripping or pulling a partner's hair: YES NO MAYBE
Being spanked manually: YES NO MAYBE
Being spanked using a device: YES NO MAYBE
Spanking a partner manually: YES NO MAYBE
Spanking a partner using a device: YES NO MAYBE
Being slapped: YES NO MAYBE
Slapping a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Being pinched manually: YES NO MAYBE
Being pinched using devices (nipple clamps, etc): YES NO MAYBE
Pinching a partner using devices (nipple clamps, etc): YES NO MAYBE
Having heat used on my body (candle wax, etc): YES NO MAYBE
Using heat on a partner's body (candle wax, etc): YES NO MAYBE
Having cold used on my body (ice cubes, etc): YES NO MAYBE
Using cold on a partner's body (ice cubes, etc): YES NO MAYBE
Any other physical sexual activities I enjoy or am interested in trying: ______
______
Is there any part of my body I am uncomfortable being touched: ______
______
Is there any part of a partner's body I'm uncomfortable touching: ______
______
Is there any part of my body I'm uncomfortable being contacted orally: ______
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 15 ______
Is there any part of a partner's body I'm uncomfortable contacting orally: ______
______
I am uncomfortable with certain physical sexual activities: ______
______
If I said 'maybe' to something to which my partner said 'yes,' what conditions or provisions might make my 'maybe' a 'yes': ______
______
Am I able to live with/accept y partner's 'no's: ______
______
NON-PHYSICAL SEXUAL ACTIVITIES
Part 1
Communicating my sexual fantasies to/with a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Receiving information about a partner's sexual fantasies: YES NO MAYBE
Part 2
Stripping for a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Watching a partner strip: YES NO MAYBE
Dancing for a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Watching a partner dance: YES NO MAYBE
Posing for a partner: YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 16 Watching a partner pose: YES NO MAYBE
Giving a partner a lap dance: YES NO MAYBE
Getting a lap dance from a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Attending a strip club alone: YES NO MAYBE
Attending a strip club with a partner: YES NO MAYBE
A partner attending a strip club alone: YES NO MAYBE
Part 3
Taking erotic or pornographic photos or video of a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Posing for a partner taking erotic or pornographic photos or video: YES NO MAYBE
Recording or filming sex acts with a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Listening to/watching audio/video of sex acts performed with a partner – alone: YES NO MAYBE
Listening to/watching audio/video of sex acts performed with a partner – with a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Part 4
Phone sex: YES NO MAYBE
Sexting: YES NO MAYBE
Skype sex (or some form of video chat): YES NO MAYBE
Receiving sexual notes from a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Leaving sexual notes for a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Receiving erotic mail from a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Sending erotic mail to a partner: YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 17 Getting sexual images of a partner in an email or on my phone: YES NO MAYBE
Giving sexual images of myself to a partner in an email or on their phone: YES NO MAYBE
Getting sexual audio recordings of a partner in an email or on my phone: YES NO MAYBE
Giving sexual audio recordings of myself to a partner in an email or on their phone: YES NO MAYBE
Part 5
Reading porn/erotica alone: YES NO MAYBE
Reading porn/erotica with a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Viewing porn/erotica alone: YES NO MAYBE
Viewing porn/erotica with a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Listening to porn/erotica alone: YES NO MAYBE
Listening to porn/erotica with a partner: YES NO MAYBE
A partner reading/viewing/listening to porn/erotica alone: YES NO MAYBE
Receiving porn/erotica from a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Giving porn/erotica to a partner: YES NO MAYBE
Any other non-physical sexual activities I enjoy or am interested in trying: ______
______
I am uncomfortable viewing depictions or hearing descriptions of: ______
______
I am uncomfortable with certain non-physical sexual activities: ______
______
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 18 LOCATIONS OF SEXUAL ACTS
Part 1
Bed: YES NO MAYBE Couch: YES NO MAYBE
Chair: YES NO MAYBE Floor: YES NO MAYBE
Standing: YES NO MAYBE Leaning against walls/pillars: YES NO MAYBE
Swings/hammocks: YES NO MAYBE
Part 2
Bedroom: YES NO MAYBE Living Room: YES NO MAYBE
Kitchen: YES NO MAYBE Bathroom: YES NO MAYBE
Office: YES NO MAYBE Garage: YES NO MAYBE
Backyard: YES NO MAYBE Balcony: YES NO MAYBE
Hot Tub: YES NO MAYBE Shower: YES NO MAYBE
Bath: YES NO MAYBE Car – Back Seat: YES NO MAYBE
Car – Front Seat: YES NO MAYBE Car – Outside/On/Against: YES NO MAYBE
Part 3 (Moving Car)
Manual sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE
Oral sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 19 Part 4 (Public)
Making out: YES NO MAYBE Intercourse, brief: YES NO MAYBE
Intercourse, to orgasm: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, brief: YES NO MAYBE
Manual sex, to orgasm: YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, brief: YES NO MAYBE
Oral sex, to orgasm: YES NO MAYBE
Part 5 (Public Park / Bench)
Making out: YES NO MAYBE Intercourse: YES NO MAYBE
Manual sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE
Oral sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE
Part 6 (Public Restroom)
Making out: YES NO MAYBE Intercourse: YES NO MAYBE
Manual sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE
Oral sex, giving : YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE
Part 7 (Restaurant/Bar)
Making out: YES NO MAYBE Intercourse: YES NO MAYBE
Manual sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE
Oral sex, giving : YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 20 Part 8 (Theater)
Making out: YES NO MAYBE Intercourse: YES NO MAYBE
Manual sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE
Oral sex, giving : YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE
Part 9 (Airplane)
Making out: YES NO MAYBE Intercourse: YES NO MAYBE
Manual sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE
Oral sex, giving : YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE
Part 10 (Other People's Homes)
Making out: YES NO MAYBE Intercourse: YES NO MAYBE
Manual sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE Manual sex, giving: YES NO MAYBE
Oral sex, giving : YES NO MAYBE Oral sex, receiving: YES NO MAYBE
Any other locations: ______
______
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 21 ROLEPLAYING Age difference (I'm older): YES NO MAYBE
Age difference (partner is older): YES NO MAYBE
I'm playing alien/vampire/zombie, etc: YES NO MAYBE
Partner playing alien/vampire/zombie, etc: YES NO MAYBE
We're both playing alien/vampire/zombie, etc: YES NO MAYBE
Bribes (I offer favors): YES NO MAYBE
Bribes (partner offers favors): YES NO MAYBE
Burglar (I break in): YES NO MAYBE
Burglar (partner breaks in): YES NO MAYBE
Celebrity – I'm famous: YES NO MAYBE
Celebrity – partner is famous: YES NO MAYBE
Celebrity – we're both famous: YES NO MAYBE
Celebrity – specific person?: YES NO MAYBE
Cheating (I'm cheating): YES NO MAYBE
Cheating (partner cheating): YES NO MAYBE
Cheating (I'm caught): YES NO MAYBE
Cheating (partner's caught): YES NO MAYBE
Cheating (we're both cheating): YES NO MAYBE
Clergy (I'm a nun): YES NO MAYBE
Clergy (partner's a nun/monk/priest): YES NO MAYBE
Clergy (we're both clergy): YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 22 Cowboy: YES NO MAYBE
Cowgirl: YES NO MAYBE
Cross dressing (me): YES NO MAYBE
Cross dressing (partner): YES NO MAYBE
Cross dressing (both of us): YES NO MAYBE
Doctor (I'm a doctor): YES NO MAYBE
Doctor (partner's a doctor): YES NO MAYBE
Doctor (I'm a nurse): YES NO MAYBE
Doctor (partner's a nurse): YES NO MAYBE
Doctor (we're both patients): YES NO MAYBE
First date: YES NO MAYBE
Forced (I'm the aggressor): YES NO MAYBE
Forced (partner's the aggressor): YES NO MAYBE
Historical: YES NO MAYBE
Interrogation (I interrogate): YES NO MAYBE
Interrogation (partner interrogates): YES NO MAYBE
Maid (me): YES NO MAYBE
Maid (partner): YES NO MAYBE
Office (I'm the boss): YES NO MAYBE
Office (partner's the boss): YES NO MAYBE
Office (I'm the secretary): YES NO MAYBE
Office (partner's the secretary): YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 23 Office (we are co-workers): YES NO MAYBE
Office (I'm the boss' wife/husband): YES NO MAYBE
Office (partner's the boss' wife/husband): YES NO MAYBE
Office (I'm the boss' son/daughter): YES NO MAYBE
Pirate (me): YES NO MAYBE
Pirate (partner): YES NO MAYBE
Pirate (both): YES NO MAYBE
Police offer (me): YES NO MAYBE
Police officer (partner): YES NO MAYBE
Prostitute (I pay): YES NO MAYBE
Prostitute (partner pays): YES NO MAYBE
Prostitute (I'm expensive): YES NO MAYBE
Prostitute (I'm cheap): YES NO MAYBE
Prostitute (I'm the madam/pimp): YES NO MAYBE
Prostitute (partner's the madam/pimp): YES NO MAYBE
Rescue – I'm in peril: YES NO MAYBE
Rescue – partner's in peril: YES NO MAYBE
School (I'm the teacher): YES NO MAYBE
School (partner's the teacher): YES NO MAYBE
School (I'm the student): YES NO MAYBE
School (partner's the student): YES NO MAYBE
School (I'm the teacher, partner's the parent): YES NO MAYBE
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 24 School (partner's the teacher, I'm the parent): YES NO MAYBE
School (I'm a cheerleader): YES NO MAYBE
School (partner's a cheerleader): YES NO MAYBE
School (I'm an athlete): YES NO MAYBE
School (partner's an athlete): YES NO MAYBE
Travel (I'm a tourist): YES NO MAYBE
Travel (partner's a tourist): YES NO MAYBE
Travel (we're both tourists): YES NO MAYBE
Virgin (me): YES NO MAYBE
Virgin (partner): YES NO MAYBE
Virgin (both of us): YES NO MAYBE
Costumes? Accents?______
______
Specific fictional characters?______
______
Any additional roleplays come to mind?______
______
WILDFIRECOMMUNITY.ORG 25