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Oral Sex to Make It Safer, (But Don’T ‘Do Down’ on Someone If You Have Any Mouth Infections Like Cold Sores) 7

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Oral Sex to Make It Safer, (But Don’T ‘Do Down’ on Someone If You Have Any Mouth Infections Like Cold Sores) 7 It all starts with a kiss … Hello and welcome to our sex and relationships guide for young lesbian and bisexual women. We are LIK:T the young lesbian and bisexual women’s health project. We make information leaflets; write a magazine 3 times a year and plan brilliant activities and events for young lesbian and bisexual women (14-25 years old) including our infamous annual summer camp! We meet once a month 6.30-9pm (usually the first Monday of the month) at the Lesbian and Gay Centre in Manchester. We run weekly and fortnightly allotment and football groups and run regular arts projects including photography and drama. We are supported by a worker from Manchester Youth Service. For more details about our project contact Amelia or Myrtle on [email protected] or call 0781 398 1338 Why? We all came together as young people because we felt that there is not enough information out there for people like us, not enough spaces that we can call our own, and lots of people and places that don’t treat us and our relationships as valid or healthy. So we decided to create for ourselves that information and those spaces, all the while focussing on a healthy lifestyle. We want to encourage positive attitudes to being lesbian or bisexual, and we welcome you to join us! What’s it all about then? Our leaflet includes just about all a young lesbian or bisexual (L+B) women could want to know about sex and relationships, plus contact details if we haven’t answered all your questions. So enjoy the experience… X 1 Sex and relationships Contents Our survey says… Page We have done lots of surveys 1 It all starts with a kiss 2 Our survey says and Over the past 2 years; at Pride, Contents at International Women’s Day, at 3-4 Assertiveness quiz all our events and in trips to Cork, 5-6 What girls do in bed Dublin, Glasgow and Edinburgh. 7-8 Taking it further Here are some of the highlights 9 Coming out to a we found out about sex n all healthcare professional 10-12 Safer sex tips that… 13 What’s love got to do with it? and Keep it equal l Most L+B women found other 14 When love goes wrong L+B women as friends thru 15 But on a happy note and pubs, clubs, university, college 16 Respect yourself or thru other friends 17 Respect in relationships 18 Coming out l 19-20 Sex with boys Women found girlfriends thru 21-27 Pregnancy and all of the above plus at work, in contraception sports teams and the internet. 26-28 Guide to abortion 29 Smear tests l Lesbian and bisexual (L+B) 30 Breast cancer women would rather access info 31-32 Different types of sex on sex and relationships from a 33 Online dating 34-35 Friends or lovers? project specifically 36-38 Abusive relationships for L + B women 39 Civil Partnerships 40 Marriage l Tops tips for first moves 41-42 Contact details include making the person you fancy laugh, talking to them in This booklet was written by Myrtle a toilet queue or buying them a (aged 16), Maz (18), Gemma (27), Amelia (22), Lisa (21), Tessa (20), drink amd with the help of Jen (21), CC (32), Sally (38) and Steph (16). In l Half our respondents 2005. Updated October 2008. recommend using lubricant and Photos by Amelia, Sally and Tracey. most said sex toys like vibrators Front cover by are fun for all types of sex Thanks to all Sex and relationships 2 ASSERTIVENESS QUIZ To get the most out of relationships with people, it is important that you know yourself and the type of person you are. Try our little quiz and find out what type of a communicator you are… 1. Your girlfriend/boyfriend tells you that they are really mad at you for not returning their calls. You realise that your parents /housemate never gave you the messages. You... A. Don’t say anything about the messages to your parents/housemate B. Ask your parents /housemate if your girlfriend/boyfriend called while you were out C. You get even by not giving your parents /housemate a phone message 2. Your teacher gives you a “C” on a paper that you believe was at least “B+”. You... A. Go home and cry or put it down to a learning experience B. Ask the teacher to explain the grade since you were expecting a better grade C. Rip the paper up and tell your friends what a lousy teacher he or she is 3. Your friend says something that hurts your feelings. You... A. Say nothing and hope it doesn’t happen again B. Tell your friend that what they said hurt your feelings C. Vow to get even with your friend (e.g., say something hurtful back) 4. Your friend offers to collect something from the shop for you but doesn’t give you your change. You... A. Assume there was no change B. Ask if there was any change C. Accuse your friend of trying to rip you off 5. Your classmate asks if he/she can copy your homework. You... A. Let them even though you’re not real comfortable with the idea B. Tell them you’d rather not, but you’d be glad to help them with their work C. Tell them you’re not a cheater like them 6. You’re about to have sex with someone you’ve been dating, but they tell you that they’d rather not use protection. You are concerned about HIV and other Sexually transmitted infections (STI’s). You... A. Have unprotected sex B. Tell them you will not have sex without protection C. Tell them you don’t want to get a disease from them 7. Your date suggests a particular movie, but you’ve been looking forward to seeing a different one. You... A. Go to the movie they suggested B. Tell them that you really want to see the other movie and try to decide together C. You see the movie they suggested but you complain about how stupid it is 8. You are shopping with a friend and they try on a pair of jeans and ask you how 3 Sex and relationships they look. You think the jeans are too small, but they sound excited about how they look in them. You... A. Smile and say the jeans are cool B. Tell them you like the jeans but suggest a different size C. Tell them that the jeans make them look like a fat pig Scoring: What sort of a person are you? Mostly ‘A’s = A Passive style - You may tend to interact with others in a passive way, taking their feelings and thoughts as more important than your own. Mostly ‘C’s = An aggressive approach - You may come across to others as aggressive and perhaps a bit harsh. Mostly ‘B’s = An Assertive Style - You consider the thoughts and feelings of others without discounting your own. You might not fit exactly into one style, but instead communicate with different people in different ways e.g. you may be more passive with your boy/girlfriend and more aggressive with your parents. See below for more info on the styles COMMUNICATION STYLES Passive Assertive Aggressive Definition Communication style Communication style Communication style where you put the where you stand up where you stand up rights of others before for your rights while for your rights but your own, minimizing maintaining respect you violate the rights your own self worth for the rights of of others others Implications to My feelings are not We are both Your feelings are not Others important important important I don’t matter We both matter You don’t matter I think I’m inferior I think we are equal I think I’m superior Verbal Styles Apologetic I statements You statements Overly soft or tentative Firm voice Loud voice voice Non-Verbal Looking down or away Looking direct Staring, narrow eyes Styles Stooped posture, Relaxed posture, Tense, clenched excessive head smooth and relaxed fists, rigid posture, nodding movements pointing fingers Potential Lowered self esteem Higher self esteem Guilt Consequences Anger at self Self respect Anger from others False feelings of Respect from others Lowered self esteem inferiority Respect of others Disrespect from Disrespect from others others Pitied by others Feared by others Sex and relationships 4 What do girls do in bed together? The real question is where to start?! Girl-on-girl sex is so much more than people assume. A good starting place would be to make sure you trust you respect yourself and your partner, and of course keep your sex safe. Blast the myths: It is a myth that one woman will take on ‘the man’ role and one will be ‘the woman’. Some people like to play more dominant roles in sex, whilst others like to be more passive, but many women like to take it in turns – it’s all about talking to each other about what you like. The Basics Rule number 1 Foreplay is a must! If you want sex to be hot, horny and enjoyable, make sure you turn your girl on big style: nibbling her ears, neck, nipples, caressing her thighs, dirty talk… find out what turns her on and do it! 2 Keeping it simple. The simplest form of lesbian sex involves fingers, tongues and lots of imagination. For a lot of people this is quite enough! Mutual masturbation (fingering/ finger fucking), cunnilingus (going down/ licking), frottage (dry humping/ rubbing/ tribadism), anal, fisting (putting your fist up your partner’s vagina- N.B this requires lots of lube!), scissor sisters (entwined with open legs so your clitorises are touching) etc are all very pleasurable, and the big ‘O’ (orgasmic joy) will hopefully be on its way.
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