The Amazing Plotless Kingdom Hearts Fanfic By Rabid_Penguins Submitted: June 17, 2005 Updated: June 17, 2005 Take the characters from Kingdom Hearts. Take away the plot, and any semblance of one. This is what you end up with. No real spoilers, but ya never know. Suggests a bit of shounen ai, barely. Provided by Fanart Central. http://www.fanart-central.net/stories/user/Rabid_Penguins/16043/The-Amazing-Plotless-Kingdom-Hearts -Fanfic Chapter 1 - Plotlessness, Yay! 2 1 - Plotlessness, Yay! Warnings: Major OOC, minor character bashing. Don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against anyone. Well, except for Ansem. But he's a fat smelly old Guado! Hah! Let's see… Where should we start? Ummm…how about the Destiny Islands? *The destiny Islands pop into the scene. * Ok, now my story actually starts! Have fun! Ok, so one day Sora woke up. He got dressed, ate breakfast, and so on. The he got into his little 2' by 2' boat and sailed to the…other…island to meet up with Riku, Kairi, and everyone else. Well, for the sake of my story, he got there early, so he decided to do his favorite pastime. Nope, not baseball. That's AMERICA'S favorite pastime (Yeah right). Riku and Kairi finally arrived. “Aww, do you really have to do that…?” Riku asked his younger friend. Sora jumped down from the nearby tree he had glomped onto. He looked at Riku innocently, and nodded. “Uh huh,” Sora said. He smiled. Then for the sake of my story once again, the three of them went to work on their raft. We'll cut off at that. Stayed tuned for more tree glomping action with The Amazing Plotless Kingdom Hearts Fanfic! A guy pops onto a black screen. “Hi,” he says. “I've made something I bet you will love! A Sora doll and a fake tree pop up. “The Tree Glomping Sora Doll!” The guy disappears. Nanaki appears and pushes the button. The doll glomps onto the tree. Nanaki laughs and unpushes the button. The Sora doll unglomps from the tree. Nanaki pushes the button, laughs, and unpushes the button. Push, laugh, unpush. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Nanaki disappears. The guy pops back. “Yup. The Tree Glomping Sora Doll!” The screen goes black. And now back to the feature presentation! “So, Sora,” Kairi asked with little hearts in her eyes, “do you like me?” Sora looked at her with a cute little innocent smile. He nodded his head. “Uh huh.” “Really, Sora?” He smiled that smile again, and nodded. “I like you, and Riku, and Tidus, and Selphie, and my mom, and my dad that doesn't exist, and Goofy, and Donald, and King Mickey…” Sora continued to ramble on while the hearts in Kairi's eyes broke in two, and she started to cry. “…and Cloud, and Leon, and Sephiroth, and Ansem…wait, not Ansem. He's a stupid fat old Guado.” Sora started to laugh, not noticing Kairi's ever-flowing tears. “Guado! Guado! Ansem's a fat old Guado!” He laughed and did a stupid little dance while chanting the previous quote. After a while, Kairi quit crying and Sora quit chanting. Riku thanked the good Lord. “So, Sora, if you don't love me, what were you trying to tell me at the end of the game?” Kairi asked. Sora blinked. Once. Twice. A confused look crossed his face. “Huh…? …Oh yeah! Let's see…I was saying, `Kairi…I want you to tell Selphie, Wakka, Tidus, and my mom that I'll come back!' but I s'pose you didn't tell them…” Sora blinked again. Once. Twice. “Well, I'm back anyways, so I guess it doesn't matter anymore.” Sora smiled his cute little innocent smile for the 4th time this story. Kairi started to cry again. Riku knocked her out with a log from the raft. Kairi quit crying. Riku and Sora went to the `secret' place. Riku looked around some, and Sora picked up a piece of chalk. He drew Kairi's face with Xs for eyes. He laughed. “This is Kairi now,” he said to Riku, who turned to look at Sora's new drawing. “My goodness, Sora!” he exclaimed. “Will you EVER learn to draw!?” Sora blinked. Once. Twice. He smiled innocently. And believe it or not, he didn't nod. He actually shook his head no. “Nuh uh,” he said. Riku looked for a sharp rock to stick through Sora. He couldn't find one, so he tried to impale himself on his wooden sword. It didn't work. Then Ansem appeared. Riku glared at him. “Don't even think about taking over my body again!” “This world has been connected. Tied to the darkness. Soon to be completely eclipsed. One who knows nothing can understand nothing. So you have come this far and you still understand nothing. Kingdom Hearts, fill me with the power of darkness! The final darkness is at hand. What is it you hope to accomplish? Take a look at this tiny place. Look as hard as you are able. To the heart seeking freedom, this island is a prison, surrounded by water. Darkness is the heart's true essence. Return to the darkness from whence it came!” Ansem laughed maniacally. Riku took a while to take in everything Ansem had said. Sora blinked. Once. Twice. He burst into laughter, “Guado! Guado! You're a fat smelly old Guado!” he chanted while pointing at Ansem. “Wh-what?” Ansem stuttered, tears coming to his eyes. “You're so mean!” He made a door appear out of nowhere. He walked through it, crying, and slammed the door in Riku and Sora's faces. The door disappeared. Sora smiled his cute, innocent smile. Riku told himself, “Just smile and nod.” Riku smiled and nodded. Now we go to the Meeting of Misunderstood Villains, where Ansem's door led. After this commercial break. Don't worry. I'll squeeze some more tree glomping action in later. The guy from the other commercial pops onto the back screen again. “I've made another thing everyone will love.” A Nanaki doll and a Sephiroth doll appear. The Sephiroth doll is real cool looking, with the one raven wing and everything. “The Sephy Glomping Nanaki Doll!” He disappears. Nanaki comes in, and pushes the button. The Nanaki doll glomps onto the Sephiroth doll. Nanaki smiles. Nanaki unpushes the button, and the Nanaki doll unglomps from the Sephy doll. Nanaki pushes, smiles, and unpushes. Push, smile, unpush. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Sephiroth pops onto the screen. “Sephy!” Nanaki says, and glomps onto Sephiroth. Nanaki smiles. Nanaki doesn't unglomp from Sephiroth. Nanaki glomps, smiles, and doesn't unglomp. Glomp, smile, doesn't unglomp. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Sephiroth manages to unglomp Nanaki from him, and runs away. Nanaki runs off with the Sephy Glomping Nanaki Doll. The commercial guy pops back. “Yup. The Sephy Glomping Nanaki Doll!” The screen goes completely black. “Hey! Come back with that!” And now, to the Meeting of Misunderstood Villains! “And then Sora called me a Guado and laughed at me!” Ansem said, and burst into tears. “I don't get it,” Seymour said. I AM a Guado, but nobody makes fun of me…” Two kids ran by. “Guado! Guado! Seymour's a fat old Guado!” they chanted. “At least they don't say you're smelly,” Ansem said as he wiped the few remaining tears from his eyes. Two more kids ran by. “Guado! Guado! Seymour's a fat smelly old Guado!” they chanted. “Does anyone else have any other matters to bring up?” Seymour asked. He looked out into the large group that was attending the meeting, and realized that none of the Shadow Heartless were there (They're too cute to be evil). “Nanaki glomped onto me,” Sephiroth complained. “So?” Kuja asked him. “You should be happy that rabid fangirls chase you, and not rabid fanguys who think you're a girl.” Two teenage guys ran by. “Will you go out with me, Kuja-chan?” they asked. Kuja threw his shoes at him. One shoe per person. “NANAKI glomped onto me,” Sephiroth said. “Oh, I see. That's just as bad as my situation,” Kuja said. “I have something to say! I don't belong here! I'm not a villain! And I'm not misunderstood! And for Pete's sake! I helped save the world!” whined King Mickey in his voice that sounded like a fat old Guado geezer mouse dying a painful, bloody death. Everyone ignored him Now we cut to where Nanaki is, typing up this fic. “Hmm… Now what?” she asks herself. Then a lightbulb appears over her head. It flickers and goes out. She taps it a couple times, and it goes back on. “I've got it!” she says, and starts to type again. Now, we're skipping the end of the Meeting of Misunderstood Villains, and we're going back to the Destiny Islands! Ok, now Sora's just out of the picture for a little bit. He's…I don't know! Catching fish or something. So now we see Riku taking a walk around the island. “Nothing out of the ordinary today,” Riku said to himself. “We have Selphie, Wakka, and Tidus at a `secret' meeting, Sora chasing fish, and Kairi glomped onto trees. As usual, I'm the only sane one here…” Riku continued to walk, but then he realized what he had said. Kairi glomped onto trees? Riku ran back to where he had seen Kairi. “Please say it's not true,” he muttered to himself.