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Love to a Whore’s Daughter Life and faith through the lens of grace and redemption LISA F. BARNES Cover and layout design by Adriana Rivera Love to a Whore’s Daughter Life and faith through the lens of grace and redemption Lisa F. Barnes 2015 Frontier Press Cover and layout design by Adriana Rivera All rights reserved. Except for fair dealing permitted under the Copyright Act, no part of this book may be reproduced by any means without written permission from the publisher. Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™ Scripture quotations marked (MSG) are taken from THE MESSAGE. Copyright © by Eugene H. Pe- terson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copy- right ©1996, 2004, 2007, 2013 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (TLB) are taken from The Living Bible copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (GW) are taken from GOD’S WORD®, © 1995 God’s Word to the Nations. Used by permission of Baker Publishing Group. Barnes, Lisa F. Love to a Whore’s Daughter October 2015 Copyright © The Salvation Army USA Western Territory ISBN 978-0-9968473-0-8 Printed in the United States on recycled paper To Anthony, my handsome best friend. You are God’s greatest gift to me. You love me just as I am, while encouraging me to be the best version of myself I could be. You are a man of integrity, love, and compassion and the best father to our beautiful beige babies. Thanks also for being my external filter. Good looking out, Boo. iii iv ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Majors Kevin and Linda Jackson: Thanks for encourag- ing this project, believing in me, and spurring me on. Lt. Colonels Joe and Shawn Posillico: You have loved and supported me for years. I am more thankful for you than I have words to express. Lorrie Davis, Joesphine Morton, Jen Arens- My Big Three: You have each cared for me during dark days, and shared the light of Jesus when I thought all hope was lost. Thanks for loving me when you had every reason not to. Commissioners Jim and Carolyn Knaggs: Your visionary leadership rocks, and your compassion for the one lost sheep is evident in all you do. To our camp staff: You have blessed my heart and done amazing things for the kingdom by showing Jesus and loving the lost. Heaven is surely more crowded because of you. v TABLE OF CONTENTS Foreword........................ …………………………………………………………… ix Introduction: Let’s Rock......................................................... …......... xi More than a Food Box……………………………………………………………… 1 Misunderstanding Forgiveness………………………………………………… 5 You Don’t Matter……………………………………………………………………… 9 God-Sized Dreams…………………………………………………………………… 13 My Biggest Mistake…………………………………………………………………… 17 This Mask is Heavy…………………………………………………………………… 21 I am Woman; Hear Me … Do Whatever I Wanna Do……………………… 25 “I Don’t Care if the World Knows What My Secrets Are”……………… 29 Wounds…………………………………………………………………………………… 33 Create……………………………………………………………………………………… 37 A Drunken Lie………………………………………………………………………… 41 Color ……………………………………………………………………………………… 45 Tattoo Evangelism…………………………………………………………………… 49 Comparison That Kills……………………………………………………………… 53 Judge Me………………………………………………………………………………… 57 Wild Things and Unloveables…………………………………………………… 61 The Christian Cage…………………………………………………………………… 67 A Love Letter to the Life Changers……………………………………………… 71 The Family We Choose……………………………………………………………… 75 Serving with Jerks…………………………………………………………………… 79 The Dating Test………………………………………………………………………… 85 Love and Sex Are Not Synonyms………………………………………………… 89 Crushing Expectations……………………………………………………………… 93 Foot-Phobic……………………………………………………………………………… 97 vii Nobody’s Puppet……………………………………………………………………… 103 Season of Terror……………………………………………………………………… 107 The Fight………………………………………………………………………………… 111 The Curse of Coasting on Good Enough……………………………………… 115 Exploding Pedestals………………………………………………………………… 119 Conclusion……………………………………………………………………………… 123 viii FOREWORD Lisa is a voice of vulnerability and courage, strength and compassion. The sincerity of her heart is tattooed on her body—it is real, visible and unhidden for the world to see. With refreshing honesty and brutal sincerity, Lisa brings us her story—how she has shifted her identify as a daughter of a prostitute to a daughter loved by God. Lisa’s story captures the intricacies of life. From once feeling unwanted and discarded, she walks us through her journey of finding forgiveness and accep- tance, joy and belonging. She shares lessons learned on overcoming the abuse of neglect and the pain of rejection, to embracing the joy of ministry and the beauty of community. It is her incredibly poignant testimony that has shaped her vocation today. As a pastor in The Salvation Army, she has been a light to so many who have simi- larly experienced abuse. Yet her message is not only a narrative of redemption for women in abuse, but for all who have experienced woundedness. To us—the pastor, prostitute, spiritual leader, and addict—she says, “Lay the mask down.” Lisa developed practices of faith that have helped to bring about her own healing. Her example encourages us to share our stories, our deepest and dark- est secrets, acknowledging that healing is nurtured in community. There, as we embrace our weaknesses and failures, we find the courage to be human. The mask is slowly lifted and we are able to recognize our true identity in Christ. In this honest confessional, we recognize there is hope of redemption. We live in a world where prostitution runs rampant, orphans are perpetually abused, and hurting children are unseen. In this book, Lisa captures these sto- ries of reality that we may prefer not to hear. Because if we listen, we know that we will be compelled to respond to our own need for healing, compelled to act in compassionate justice on behalf of others, and compelled to hold together the hands of the broken. As I heard such stories around the world—compelling me to work in restor- ing dignity with survivors of sexual violence in Kenya and Zambia— I am further compelled by Lisa’s story. I am compelled to recognize the areas of brokenness ix in my own life and within my own backyard. Our neighbors, our classmates, our families and our friends are the unseen—they are the forgotten, abandoned and abused former Lisas in our community. Like Lisa, we must lay our own mask down to reach out our hands and raise each other up. Walking us through her personal journey toward healing, Lisa holds our hand in the process—reminding us that in the pain, in the abuse, in the darkness and woundedness of our world, our redeeming God of Grace is ever present. —Nikole Lim Co-founder and International Director of Freely in Hope. x Introduction INTRODUCTION Rock Let’s Let’s Rock In Joshua 4, the nation of Israel crossed the Jordan River and Joshua told one dude from each tribe to grab a rock from the riverbed. They made a pile of these regular, everyday rocks to serve as a memorial to a time when God intervened on behalf of his people. God saw them through a crazy tough time, and he wanted the kids, teens, young adults, and all the generations that were to come to know how amazing he is, and that he was and is living and active in their lives. God could have done this very differently. God could have told the people to make a beautiful statue to remember what he’d done. He chose just to use rocks. Rocks are common. Rocks aren’t beautiful. Rocks are rough and not al- ways easy to work with. Rocks are just rocks. But God uses ordinary things to show his grace and presence all the time. God works with hard rocks and hard heads. For that I am thankful. God could have also told the people that he wanted them to put the rocks in the center of the city so everyone could see them all the time. But God asked his people to put the rocks (in verse five) in the middle of the Jordan River. In the middle. That means that for the most part, these stones would be hidden by the water—that is, until times of drought when the waters receded. Drought back in the day in the Middle East was the worst of the worst. It brought panic and death and despair. God wanted to offer a reminder of his presence, his love, his care, and his intervention when his people would need it the most, when times seemed the darkest and they felt crippled by hope- lessness. This book is about life and faith and all the messy bits in between. This book exposes the piles of stones that God put in my life to show his faithfulness. Some of my stone piles will be different than yours; others may be the same. My hope is that, by reading this book, you will recognize the piles of stones around you when you are in the pits. You will know that you are not defined by times of fear, or shame, or abandonment, or hurt, or wounds, or secrets, or even joys and accomplishments. You are a child of God, no matter what. xi There are questions for reflection at the end of each chapter. These can be just for you, but asking the hard questions with a buddy may lead to more honesty and accountability.