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Comunicación No Violenta UN LENGUAJE DE VIDA Comunicacion No Violenta 3Ra 1/17/11 1:23 PM Page 2 Comunicacion No Violenta 3Ra 1/17/11 1:23 PM Page 3 Comunicacion No Violenta 3ra 1/17/11 1:23 PM Page 1 Comunicación no violenta UN LENGUAJE DE VIDA Comunicacion No Violenta 3ra 1/17/11 1:23 PM Page 2 Comunicacion No Violenta 3ra 1/17/11 1:23 PM Page 3 Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Comunicación no violenta UN LENGUAJE DE VIDA granAldea EDITORES Comunicación no violenta:un lenguaje de vida - 1a ed.- 8a reimpresión - Buenos Aires : Gran Aldea Editores - GAE, 2013. 200 p. ; 23x16 cm. ISBN 978-987-21834-9-3 1. Autoayuda. Diseño de tapa: Michelle Kenigstein Traducción: Estela Falicov Cuidado de la edición: Estela Falicov Revisión: Julián Lichtmann, Jorge Rubio-Vollert Ilustración de tapa: Perica 1a edición: mayo de 2006 8a reimpresión: enero de 2013 ISBN: 978-987-21834-9-3 Translated from the book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life 2nd Edition (1-892005-03-4) by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Copyright © 2003 PuddleDancer Press. All rights reserved. Used with permission. For further information about Nonviolent Communication please visit the Center for Nonviolent Communication on the Web at: www.cnvc.org. Traducción del libro Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life 2nd Edition (1-892005-03-4) de Marshall B. Rosenberg, Copyright © 2003 PuddleDancer Press. Todos los derechos reservados. Usado con autorización. Para mayor información acerca de Comunicación No Violenta, visite la página web del Center for Nonviolent Communication: www.cnvc.org. 2013 © Gran Aldea Editores Tel.: (5411) 4584-5803 / 4585-2241 [email protected] www.granaldeaeditores.com.ar Hecho el depósito que establece la ley 11.723 Se prohíbe la reproducción total o parcial, por cualquier medio electrónico o mecánico incluyendo fotocopias, grabación magnetofónica y cualquier otro sistema de almacenamiento de información, sin autorización escrita del editor. Comunicacion No Violenta 3ra 1/17/11 1:23 PM Page 5 Contenidos Prólogo a la edición en castellano . 9 Agradecimientos . 11 Prefacio. 13 1. Dar desde el corazón ............................................17 Introducción. 17 Una manera de centrar la atención . 18 El proceso de la CNV . 21 La aplicación de la CNV en nuestra vida y en el mundo . 23 Resumen. 26 La CNV en acción: “¡Asesino, criminal, asesino de niños!” . 26 2. La comunicación que bloquea la compasión ....................... 29 Los juicios moralistas . 29 Las comparaciones . 32 Negación de la responsabilidad . 32 Otras formas de comunicación que alienan de la vida..................35 Resumen. .......................................................36 3. Observar sin evaluar .............................................39 La forma suprema de la inteligencia humana . 41 Distinción entre observaciones y evaluaciones . 43 Resumen. .....................................................45 La CNV en acción: “¡El disertante más arrogante que hemos escuchado!”. 45 Ejercicio 1: ¿Observación o evaluación? . 46 4. Identificar y expresar los sentimientos .............................49 El elevado costo de los sentimientos no expresados . 49 Los sentimientos versus la ausencia de sentimientos . .................52 Elaboración de un vocabulario para los sentimientos . 54 Resumen . 57 Ejercicio 2: La expresión de los sentimientos . 57 5. Asumir la responsabilidad de nuestros sentimientos .................59 Cuatro opciones para recibir un mensaje negativo . 59 Las necesidades que están en la raíz de nuestros sentimientos . 62 Comunicacion No Violenta 3ra 1/17/11 1:23 PM Page 6 Marshall B. Rosenberg El dolor de expresar nuestras necesidades frente al dolor de no expresarlas . 65 Pasar de ser esclavos de nuestras emociones a liberarnos de ellas expresándolas . 67 Resumen . 70 CNV en acción: “Restaurar el estigma de la ilegitimidad” . 70 Ejercicio 3: El reconocimiento de las necesidades . 73 6. Lo que pedimos a los demás para enriquecer nuestra vida ...........77 El uso del lenguaje de acción positiva . 77 Hagamos nuestras peticiones conscientemente . 82 Solicitemos la confirmación de nuestras palabras . 83 Pidamos sinceridad . ............................................85 Las peticiones a un grupo . 86 Las peticiones versus las exigencias . 87 Aclaremos nuestro objetivo cuando pedimos algo . 89 Resumen . 92 La CNV en acción: Compartir los miedos con respecto al tabaquismo de un íntimo amigo ...................93 Ejercicio 4: La expresión de las peticiones . 95 7. La recepción empática ...........................................99 La presencia: no nos limitemos a hacer algo, estemos presentes . 99 Escuchemos los sentimientos y las necesidades de los demás . 101 Parafraseo . 103 Mantener la empatía . 108 Cuando el dolor nos impide conectarnos empáticamente con los demás .................................109 Resumen . 110 La CNV en acción: La conexión de una esposa con su marido moribundo . 111 Ejercicio 5: Diferencias entre la recepción empática y la recepción sin empatía . 114 8. El poder de la empatía ..........................................117 La empatía sanadora ............................................117 La empatía y la capacidad de ser vulnerables . 119 Usar la empatía para neutralizar el peligro . 121 La empatía ante un ¡No! . ......................................124 Comunicacion No Violenta 3ra 1/17/11 1:23 PM Page 7 Comunicación no violenta La empatía para reanimar una conversación sin vida . 125 La empatía con el silencio . 126 Resumen . 129 9. La conexión con uno mismo a través de la compasión ..............131 Recordemos lo especiales que somos . 131 Nuestra evaluación de nosotros mismos cuando distamos de ser perfectos . 132 Traducción de los juicios sobre uno mismo y de exigencias internas . 133 El duelo en la CNV . 134 Perdonarnos . 135 La lección del traje a lunares . ...................................135 ¡Haga lo que haga, que sea un juego! . 137 Traducción del «tener que» al «elegir» . 137 Cultivar la conciencia de la energía que se encuentra detrás de nuestras acciones . 139 Resumen . 141 10. La expresión plena de la ira .....................................143 Distinguir entre estímulo y causa . 143 La ira siempre encierra algo que es útil para la vida . 145 El estímulo frente a la causa: implicancias prácticas . 147 Cuatro pasos para expresar la ira . 150 Antes que nada, ofrecer empatía . 150 Hay que tomarse el tiempo necesario . 153 Resumen ......................................................155 La CNV en acción: Diálogo entre un adolescente y su padre: asunto de vida o muerte . 155 11. El uso protector de la fuerza ....................................161 Cuando el uso de la fuerza es inevitable ...........................161 Los pensamientos que hay detrás del uso de la fuerza . 161 Tipos de fuerza punitiva . ........................................162 El precio del castigo . 163 Dos preguntas que ponen de manifiesto las limitaciones del castigo . 164 El uso protector de la fuerza en las escuelas . 165 Resumen . .....................................................168 Comunicacion No Violenta 3ra 1/17/11 1:23 PM Page 8 Marshall B. Rosenberg 12.Cómo liberarnos nosotros y asesorar a los demás ..................169 Cómo liberarnos de nuestra vieja programación . 169 La resolución de los conflictos internos . 170 El cuidado y la preocupación por nuestro mundo interior . 171 Sustituyamos el diagnóstico por la CNV . 173 Resumen . 176 La CNV en acción: Cómo abordamos los resentimientos y los juicios dirigidos a nosotros mismos. 177 13.Expresar agradecimiento mediante la comunicación no violenta .....181 La intención existente detrás del agradecimiento . 181 Los tres componentes del agradecimiento . 182 La recepción de las expresiones de agradecimiento . ...............183 El hambre de elogios . 185 Superar la renuencia a expresar agradecimiento . 186 Resumen . ..
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