A Guide to Gender (2Nd Edition)

Sold to [email protected] A Guide to Gender: T e Social Justice Advocate’s Handbook Uncopyright 2017 by Sam Killermann Published by Impetus Books Austin, TX www.impetus.pw Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by schools, corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the pub- lisher at the address above. Kindle version available. Pay-what-you- want/can E-book version available at www.guidetogender.com. ISBN-13: 978-0989760249 ISBN-10: 0989760243 Cover photography & design, layout design, and all illustrations by Sam Killermann Second Edition Published March 2017 4 6 8 10 9 7 5 3 To Albina and Helmuth, without whom this book would not exist. To Megan, who gave me the words I needed to see it to completion: Te, Be, To, Of, And, A, In, and [see, using that one already] Tat. TABLE OF CONTENTS “OUTSIDE OF A DOG, A BOOK IS MAN’S BEST FRIEND. INSIDE OF A DOG IT’S TOO DARK TO READ.” – Groucho Marx Foreword ix BASIC TRAINING Learning the things every social justice advocate needs to know, before we get into the gender-specifc material. 1. Genderal Address 1 2. Navigating the Book 3 3. Defning Social Justice 11 4. Te Cycle of Oppression 17 5. Te Corruption of the Golden Rule 25 6. Understanding Intersections of Identity 33 7. Checking Your Privilege 39 BREAKING THROUGH THE BINARY 52 Moving from a traditional, incomplete understanding of gender to an inclusive, cognitively complex understanding of gender diversity. 8. Gender Norms 55 9. Introduction to the Genderbread Person 65 10. Genderbread 101: Getting Started 71 11. Using the “Spectrums” Genderbread Person 81 Sam Killermann A Guide to Gender 12. An Improved Way of Visualizing Gender 89 13. Using the “-Ness” Genderbread Person 95 14. Gender Identity Explored 103 15. Gender Expression Explored 109 16. Anatomical Sex Explored 119 17. Attraction and Gender 127 18. An Assortment of Gender Identities 133 19. How to Diagnose Someone as Transgender 141 20. Te Dangers of Normalized Binary Gender 147 21. A “Non-Vital” Medical Procedure 155 22. Let’s Talk About Bathrooms 161 23. A Unifed Understanding of Gender 169 FEMINISM AND GENDER EQUITY 176 Taking a quick look at the most contemporarily prominent gender movement and how it aligns with a more comprehensive cause. 24. Te Well-Intentioned Misogynist 179 25. A Gender-Inclusive Feminist Perspective 187 26. Why People Believe Feminism Hates Men 193 SOCIAL JUSTICE COMPETENCE: WORKING FOR GENDER EQUITY 200 From comprehension to competence, knowledge to action, thinking to doing—this section focuses on preparing you for social justice in- terventions and education. 27. Why My Approach to Social Justice is Better than Yours 203 28. Being Well-Intentioned Isn’t Good Enough 209 29. No Such Ting as a Positive Stereotype 219 30. Making Forms Gender Inclusive 225 vi “Partner” and Other Inclusive Language 31. “Partner” and Other Inclusive Language 231 32. Political Correctness vs. Being Inclusive 237 33. Responding to Non-Inclusive Language 241 Conclusion 249 APPENDIX 254 Te more you know, the more you know. Additional bits and pieces that help complete this gender puzzle. A. Glossary 257 B. Trans* Asterisk 275 C. Recommended Reading & Works Referenced 279 D. Heartfelt Tanks 287 E. Cut-Outs 290 About the Author 297 vii FOREWORD February 23, 2017 Austin, Texas A few months ago, I was cleaning bird poop out of Katie Couric’s hair and I thought, “I’ve got to include this in the second edition of A Guide to Gender.” I’ve been meaning to write this second edition for a few years now, but every two months something big happens and I think, “Well, of course I have to include that now,” and the can gets kicked down the road. I wrote the frst edition of this book four years ago. In gender years, which are like dog years, that’s a lifetime. I wrote this book before National Geographic declared a Gender Revolution. Before half a million women marched on Washington, and millions more marched around the world. I published it before the world met Caitlyn Jenner, or the United States recognized mar- riage equality. It came out the year before Facebook added over 50 diferent options for gender identity, and Laverne Cox became the frst transgender person to be nominated for an Emmy, or to grace the cover of TIME (that we know of, anyway). When I frst wrote this, I couldn’t have anticipated how it would be used. I thought I knew, because I was writing with a particular au- dience in mind, but I was woefully wrong. At the time, I was traveling around the U.S. performing comedy shows with a social justice bent, afer which I would ofen do Q&As with the crowd. When I would get a question that was too complicated, or would require too lengthy a response, I would promise to blog my answer later. I started blogging, and that platform grew. I loved the writing, and I started dedicating my downtime from the road to that, as well as creating other little social good projects online. Soon, I realized that a lot of the blog posts I wanted to write were too complicated, or too lengthy, for a blog. By this point, several ix Sam Killermann A Guide to Gender publishers had reached out to me to ask if I’d ever thought of writing a book. Many of my readers had goaded me into the same thing. I hadn’t thought of that, but then I did. So I started writing a book. And I had what I would soon real- ize were unreasonable demands when it came to publishing. Central among them, the book needed to be available, somewhere, somehow, for free: because access is a core value of mine, and a tenet of social justice. “We can’t give it away for free, because nobody will buy it,” I would be told several times by publishers I would later walk away from. I just wanted to have a book that I would be able to give to the people who asked me questions afer shows, or through email. Gender is core to everything I do, and sometimes I would feel like I was creating more questions than answers. I wanted something to give to people who were looking for ways to do good in the world, but didn’t know the steps. Or for people who were struggling to understand a dimension of themselves, or others in their lives, that they knew was important, but couldn’t quite wrap their minds around. Above all, I knew what I wasn’t writing: a gender studies textbook. Or a book that would have a broad appeal. Or a book that was, based on my experience thus far, and my stubborn ways, likely to be published at all. It couldn’t have come as more of a surprise to me that now, just four gender years later, I would get to brag that I’ve given away over 15,000 copies of this book (and sold some, too); that it would make its way into 100 countries; that it would get incorporated into more gender studies curricula than I could keep track of (against my protesting); or that, yes, that I would end up cleaning bird poop out of Katie Couric’s hair because of it (again, against my protesting, “Katie, I do not think I’m the right person to do this”). Te frst edition of the book was the indirect result of thousands of conversations with strangers, and the direct result of feedback from about 40 diferent editors. In this way, it was very much a creation of the commons. I’m grateful beyond words to everyone who contribut- ed to the frst edition, and helped me share it with the world. Writing it helped me better understand myself. Sharing it helped me better x Foreword understand my role in the world. With this edition, I’ve updated everything that needed to be updated (I hope), overhauled most of the chapters, added a few shiny new chapters, and I even doodled a toilet and smacked it on the back cover (fnd a restroom door that needs it for me, will ya?). I’m sure something big is going to happen soon (with any luck, it will be impeachment big), and I’ll think “Dang! I really wish I could have included that in the second edition.” But I didn’t feel like this could wait any longer. Te world has been changing a lot these past few months, and not necessarily for the better. In many respects, despite how much has changed these past few years, and how much this edition difers from the frst, this is the same book I wrote four years ago: it’s an entry point to a concept that afects the world in big ways, with the hope that it will help you efect positive change in the world. I hope you can use it to do some good. We need it. – sK xi Section 1 BASIC TRAINING LEARNING THE THINGS EVERY SOCIAL JUSTICE ADVOCATE NEEDS TO KNOW, BEFORE WE GET INTO THE GENDER-SPECIFIC MATERIAL. 1. GENDERAL ADDRESS 1 2. NAVIGATING THE BOOK 3 3. DEFINING SOCIAL JUSTICE 11 4. THE CYCLE OF OPPRESSION 17 5. THE CORRUPTION OF THE GOLDEN RULE 25 6. UNDERSTANDING INTERSECTIONS OF IDENTITY 33 7. CHECKING YOUR PRIVILEGE 39 CHAPTER 1 GENDERAL ADDRESS “AS A STAND-UP [COMEDIAN], I TRY TO CHANGE THE WORLD.

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