10 PRINCIPLES for HELPING BABY SLEEP THROUGH the NIGHT April 16, 2012 by Christiekiley — 16 Comments

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10 PRINCIPLES FOR HELPING BABY SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT April 16, 2012 by christiekiley — 16 Comments

Save 1K+ Ahhh, sleep. Probably the most hotly debated topic in all of baby-rearing. It seems everybody’s got an opinion, quick !x, or one-size- !ts-all solution when it comes to baby sleep. As a mom whose baby has struggled with and fought sleep for months on end, I can personally vouch for the fact that the world is full of con"icting advice and so-called “experts” who can barely agree on anything when it comes to baby sleep.

On behalf of sleep-deprived parents everywhere, I just want to walk up to this panel of experts, grab them by the shoulders, and say, “JUST GIVE ME THE FACTS!” It shouldn’t be that hard, right? There are facts about the best ways to help babies sleep, aren’t there? We don’t just have to leave it to generational fads and the unsolicited opinions of well-meaning strangers, do we?

No. We don’t.

Like many sleep deprived parents, I have desperately turned to peers, family members, and books and websites devoted to helping my sleepless baby (and his mama) sleep better. Despite con"icting information and heated debates, it seems there do exist some universal truths about baby sleep. Imagine that! They have simply become lost in the shu#e. After personally sifting through tons of murky info, it seems “experts” would likely agree upon the following 10 sleep principles no matter what their approach to helping babies sleep through the night.

Once you understand these 10 principles and are ready to further pursue speci!c strategies for how to actually help your baby sleep better, go ahead and check out the links at the bottom of this post. They should help you make a more informed decision about what your next step should be in this whole sleep thing.

Ready? Here we go:

1. Sleep begets sleep. Don’t buy into the lie that keeping a baby up all day will result in a longer stretch of sleep at night! It’s just not true. One of the number one reasons babies wake frequently at night is due to the fact that they are “overtired”. Seems counter-intuitive, I know. But think about it. You know how, as an adult, you can get a “second wind” after you’ve been feeling tired? The same thing happens with babies. They get really tired because they’ve missed out on some portion of sleep or have been awake for too long, so their brain sends out a signal to give them the equivalent of a second wind. So now their brain thinks things are !ne, when really their body is begging for sleep, and what do you get? An overly tired baby who fusses and cries and yawns and rubs his eyes and SCREAMS, but who just can’t seem to fall asleep or stay asleep. His body just can’t relax enough. This is why daytime sleep is oh so important. The longer and more consistently a baby naps during the day, the better chance he will have at being able to sleep longer at night, and vice versa.

2. Understand what “sleeping through the night” really means. When a baby “sleeps through the night”, it means he gets about 5-6 hours of sleep (typically midnight to 5:00 or 6:00am) without waking for food or comfort. But that’s not “through the night”! you may object. Well, sorry to burst your bubble. I know it’s not for you, but it is for your little baby. As he gets older he will be able to sleep longer, maybe even up to 10-12 hours uninterrupted. But starting out, set your standard at 5-6 hours and then you can be realistic in your expectations. 3. Understand when babies are developmentally capable of sleeping through the night. Many sources report babies are capable of sleeping through the night (remember, this means a 5-6 hour stretch) by 2-3 months. However, that doesn’t mean all babies will sleep through the night by this age. Some may not reach this coveted milestone until they are 9-12 months…maybe even older. When they can sleep through the night and when they do are two very di$erent things, and this is often a$ected by factors such as temperament, sleep habits, and sleep environment. Continue down the list to see what I mean.

4. Address the underlying cause !rst. While it may be “easier” to pick up a book or hop on a website to !nd out how to make your baby sleep better (maybe that’s why you’re reading this post?), you must !rst identify and address the underlying cause of baby’s sleep di%culties. Is she getting enough nutrition during the day? If she’s genuinely hungry, how can she be expected to sleep through the night? This has been a big one for us, as our little one has refused the bottle from an early age even though his mama works outside the home. Hungry baby = sleep-deprived baby = overtired baby = no fun for anyone. Are there underlying health issues that must be addressed? If she is sick, teething, or dealing with something painful like gas or re"ux, then those things need to be dealt with before she can really relax and begin to sleep more peacefully. Is her sleep environment comfortable and conducive to sleep? Would you be able to sleep well if the sheets were scratchy, temperature of the room (or your body) was too hot or too cold, sun shone through the curtains, and you could hear everything going on in the house? Well, neither can baby. I’m sure you could think of other examples of underlying causes that must be addressed in order to help baby sleep, so for the sake of brevity, let’s move on.

5. Consider the TOTAL number of hours your baby sleeps in a 24-hour period. This is really the most important number to keep track of when it comes to making sure your baby is getting enough sleep. Yes, it would be magical if he slept 10 straight hours at night. But check out the numbers below to see where your baby is at (thanks to BabyCenter.com) before making any drastic changes to his sleep schedule.

“ Age Nighttime SleepDaytime Sleep *Total Sleep 1 month 8 8 (inconsistent) 16 3 months 10 5 (3) 15 6 months 11 3 1/4 (2) 14 1/4 9 months 11 3 (2) 14 12 months11 1/4 2 1/2 (2) 13 3/4 18 months11 1/4 2 1/4 (1) 13 1/2 2 years 11 2 (1) 13 3 years 10 1/2 1 1/2 (1) 12 *Note: number of naps in parentheses

6. A baby’s temperament will a"ect the nature of his sleep. Some babies are easy-going, some are angels, some are sensitive, some are spirited (code for “screamers”), some are strong-willed. Some are social sleepers, some need their space. The list goes on. Most will exhibit a combination of traits, but many will also !nd one trait to be the leader of the pack, so to speak. My baby? Strong- willed, spirited, social sleeper. I envy those whose sweet, easy-going angel babies peacefully drift o$ to sleep in their own crib as soon as they show the !rst sign of fatigue and seem to go with the "ow no matter what. That has certainly not been the experience in our household! So, like I said, a baby’s temperament can certainly shape the way in which he interacts with and experiences sleep, thus, it will in"uence the approach to sleep taken in each household (and with each individual child). So the next time you’re tempted to compare your baby with little Josie down the block who slept through the night at 3 weeks, just remember this baby is di$erent than that baby. It’s unfair to compare the two (ohhhh, but it’s so tempting!). I would also like to include a note about the importance of developmental stages in this conversation about temperament. As babies get older (around 7-8+ months), they begin to !gure out how their behavior controls their caregiver’s behavior. This may mean they begin screaming more prior to nap/bedtime in an e$ort to either avoid sleep or gain your attention (they know from experience if they scream long and loud enough, you will come in, pick them up, and give in to whatever they want). They also tend to develop separation anxiety around this age as well. It is important to understand where your baby is developmentally in order to accurately determine how you are to approach their sleep issues.

7. Babies bene!t from consistent routines. When a baby is born, she enters a world !lled with unknowns. Back in the womb, everything was pretty much the same — dark, warm, snug, and !lled with whooshing noises. But things are wildly di$erent out here in the real world and, all of a sudden, baby has no idea what to expect. This is why a baby will often respond very well to consistent, predictable routines that signal to her what’s coming next. Once learned, they can o$er her a sense of security, something that was lost the second she entered the world. While this principle can really be applied to any area of a baby’s life, it can be especially true when it comes to sleep. Now, this doesn’t mean you are doomed to putting baby down at the exact same time in exactly the same way in exactly the same circumstances every single day until she reaches adolescence. That would be unrealistic and impractical. But it does mean that, when you are starting to work on her sleep, one of the !rst things you’ll be encouraged to do is established a "exible yet consistent pre-sleep routine if you haven’t already. Many of the resources at the bottom of this post discuss the process of establishing pre-sleep routines in greater detail, so I will leave it to them if you’d like to learn more.

8. Babies form sleep associations. We often “train” our babies to associate certain events and objects with sleep without even realizing it. Some sleep training approaches advocate against the use of sleep associations while others advocate for them. Regardless of your opinion on the value of sleep associations, the truth is they exist whether we like it or not. Some sleep associations provide sensory input that impact the baby’s physiological state and allow her to calm, such as swaddling, massage, bouncing, back patting, white noise, or sucking. Other sleep associations provide psychological comfort that allows for calming, such as a particular book, blankie, or goodnight song. Still other sleep associations provide both sensory and psychological comfort, such as a paci!er, thumb, bottle, or the act of nursing. If your baby is relying on a particular sleep association to fall asleep in the !rst place, then the theory is she will need that same sleep association in order to go back to sleep in the middle of the night. So before you start working on your baby’s sleep, take a moment to !gure out what her sleep associations are and what purpose they are serving (physiological, psychological, or both). Then you’ll be better able to determine what kind of method you’d like to take in pursuing sleep training.

9. Babies’ sleep patterns are constantly changing. Like it or not, babies’ patterns and routines change more quickly than their diaper sizes. If you told me right now what your baby’s sleep patterns are like, chances are they will be di$erent 10 days from now. For some parents this is reassuring and is met with a resounding, HOORAY! For others it’s not so good news because it means their 12- hours-straight-per-night sleeper may have some rough patches ahead of him. And whether your baby is a “good” sleeper or a “bad” sleeper, all will encounter things that interrupt their sleep such as teething, sickness, travel, developmental milestones, and more. This is why it’s more important to establish healthy sleep habits and address underlying causes than it is to !nd the perfect “quick !x” to cure your baby’s sleep problems. You want to help your baby make changes that will endure, right?

10. It’s only a problem if it’s a problem for YOU. As long as you, your family, and your baby are okay with how things are going on the sleep front, then change isn’t necessary. Who cares if so-and-so’s kid doesn’t ever wake for a feeding, snuggle, or diaper change in the middle of the night. Even if they talk your ear o$ about what you should do about your baby’s sleep, the way you respond to your child’s sleep is your call, not theirs. Don’t feel like you’re being forced to make any changes. The choice is yours.

. . . . .

If, after reading these 10 principles, you’d still like some more speci!c techniques for helping your baby sleep through the night, then go ahead and check out the following links below. I have only listed sleep resources that either I have personally used or that have been personally recommended to me by trusted friends because they worked for them. There are plenty more books and methods out there, so this short list is simply a place to start. Follow the links, read the o%cial summaries of books that pique your interest, and do more research on your own if you must. Remember to always put baby on her back to sleep during the night, and closely supervise any daytime naps spent on her tummy. I hope this helps!

1. The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night. By Elizabeth Pantley.

2. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child: A Step-by-Step Program for a Good Night’s Sleep. By Marc Weissbluth, M.D.

3. The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer. By Harvey Karp, M.D.

4. Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby. By Tracy Hogg & Melinda Blau.

5. BabySleepSite.com. Helping You and Your Child Sleep. An interactive website o$ering sleep information, weekly emails, and personalized sleep plans for you and your family. ***6. On Becoming Baby Wise: Learn How Over One Million Babies Were Trained to Sleep Through the Night the Natural Way. By Gary Ezzo & Robert Bucknam, M.D. (See comments below regarding medical downsides to this popular approach)

. . . . .

What principles and resources have you found to be helpful in your quest to get your baby to sleep through the night?

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Filed Under: 01. Infants (0-1), 08. Sleep (or a lack thereof) Tagged With: baby, Infant, Newborn, Sleep, Sleep deprivation, Sleep training, Sleeping through the night

« Three tips for making pumping less painful and awkward Don’t throw out your broken crayons: Use short crayons to promote correct grasp! » COMMENTS

Jenny says January 3, 2015 at 11:26 pm

Baby Wise often gets an automatic bad rap, but if you have read the book, you will see it very very clearly states (at least in the newer addition) to feed your baby if they are hungry, even if it is not the “scheduled” time to do so. I do not think you need to be worried about recommending it to your readers.

I have read most of the books in your list, but I personally liked and used Kim West’s book, “Good Night, Sleep Tight”. It would be a great addition. I would say her method is somewhere between Pantley and Ferber’s methods. It helped my daughter anyway. Ultimately, every baby is di$erent and you may need to know di$erent sleep methods for di$erent children, so thanks for all the tips!

Carly Ploeger says June 22, 2017 at 7:22 am

Agree. I often wonder if the people who give Babywise the bad rap even read it at all, or if they did grossly misinterpreted it. I am not suggesting it is for everyone or a one size !ts all solution, but I don’t like that parents that utilize the methods suggested in the book are automatically classi!ed as sel!sh or somehow abusing their children. “Parental Assessment” is stressed in the book, meaning if your child is hungry before their next scheduled feeding, feed your baby! Or during growth spurts, developmental changes, sleep regressions etc. It makes me wonder if the babies FTF had parents that read “schedule” and that’s all they saw and wouldn’t break the 3 hour routine for anything. Or had parents that let them scream for hour on end. I didn’t get that from the book AT ALL. Sure, the cry it out part is in there, but ultimately what I took from the book was structure and routine and using my gut as a mother to assess the needs of my babies. It’s worked wonderfully for our 2 boys. Again, I’m in no way saying it’s right for everyone, but I just wanted to give my 2 cents as well since it seems like a lot of sites and comments scare a lot of new moms away from the book. Ultimately, you have to do what’s right and comfortable for your own family. Babywise worked for us and we have 2 healthy, thriving boys who smiled and laugh all the day long (in between their amazing naps;-) Best of luck to all mommies trying to !nd the solution that works for them! Xo

christiekiley says August 18, 2017 at 5:32 pm

Thank you for sharing your experience, Carly!

Joni says January 3, 2015 at 6:31 pm

Fantastic post! Both of my girls fought sleep and were very challenging for the !rst 6 months of their lives. With my second I think I was more prepared and a good routine helped a great deal. I loved loved loved the Merlin Magic Sleep Suit and it was a great transition out of the swaddle. Once they’re rolling its not safe either, but it slows down the desire to roll over during sleep.

Both of my girls went through a rolling themselves over to their belly and then crying phase. It passed after a couple of days and they both became belly sleepers.

I remember not being able to sleep myself because I had info from di$erent books debating in my head! There’s so much info out there but it is overwhelming! I always recommend the Weissbluth book to friends and families I work with. Its de!nitely my favorite.

Nicole Pittaluga says January 3, 2015 at 6:17 pm

I am surprised with all the info provided, that you did not mention Dr. Ferber and Solving Your Child’s Sleep Problems, as much of what you mentioned is covered in his book as well.

christiekiley says January 3, 2015 at 8:09 pm

There are so many baby sleep resources out there, thanks for adding to the list, Nicole!

Cristina says April 4, 2014 at 8:39 pm

We just swaddle arms in, hips and legs are free

Cristina says April 4, 2014 at 8:33 pm

Besides the rolling over risks, should I worry about continuing to swaddle my !ve month old causing sensory issues later on? I tried to wean him 2 months ago and he wasn’t ready. Then I went back to work and we kept doing it for consistency while getting used to being at grandmas during the day. Now I have a week o$ work and was thinking of trying to see if I can wean him now. Sometimes he will get an arm out and stay sleeping.

REPLY !

christiekiley says April 4, 2014 at 8:43 pm

Cristina, my perspective is, if he needs it, he needs it. However, I have seen that once babies are able to roll I’ve to their belly independently and are no longer swaddled, they tend to prefer to sleep on their belly instead of their back. Belly sleeping provides similar sensory input to swaddling, which allows them to relax more while sleeping and potentially not wake as often as back sleeping. So once your baby is able to roll over to his belly, then he might be able to sleep better unswaddled. Until that point, of he needs to be swaddled in order to sleep, I don’t know that I would change anything.

Cristina says April 6, 2014 at 6:59 pm

Thanks! Today he was a rolling onto his belly machine during play time and nap time. Two naps he got one of his arms out, rolled over and was crying. Now maybe he was done napping anyway. I tried putting him down on his belly one time and that did not go well lol, then I tried on his back swaddled around his truck with arms out and then one out. He was very mad each way. Would you just keep swaddling him like I usually do, try to wean, or go cold turkey?

christiekiley says April 7, 2014 at 10:04 pm

Oh boy! So he’s rolling to his belly now? This is where it gets tricky for everyone. It really isn’t safe for babies to continue to be swaddled once they can roll to their belly. I don’t know that I can recommend one best course of action through this blog. If you have any friends or family who have gone through the baby stage, it might be helpful to see what they did when they got to this point. I also saw this interesting idea recently for babies who still need the sensation of swaddling but are too old to be swaddled (though it looks like it’s meant for back sleepers though): http://www.pinkoatmeal.com/2014/02/swaddle- sleeping-sensory-system-sleep-suits.html Best of luck, I hope you are all sleeping better soon Jessie says April 3, 2014 at 9:00 pm

I have read Baby Wise and as a Parent Educator through the Nurturing Program and as a mother of three I would not recommend that book. I would highly recommend Elizabeth Pantley and I do recommend her to many. This is a great article and summary of facts. My four year old will not sleep unless he has a substantial nighttime snack before bed, no matter how much he eats at dinner. What a relief when I !gured out the problem, but it took until he was almost two! My two year old child sleeps (or doesn’t sleep, more like it) much more !tfully than my two month old even, who sleeps a six hour stretch most nights and has since he was two weeks old. I’ve done the same things with all three of them. There is de!nitely no magic, I think temperament de!nitely plays the biggest role, but there are things you can do for you and baby to gradually get more sleep.

Rachel says October 6, 2012 at 12:24 pm

i really appreciate this post, Christie. Sounds like our little ones have similar sleep temperaments. Your summary of the facts sounds similar to what I would have said from my own frantic research as well, but so well stated!

The only concern I have is the reference to BabyWise– I think it’s great that you included books with a variety of stances to baby sleep methods, but we were alerted by our birth class instructor to the lawsuits and controversy going on against BabyWise (further clari!ed by some internet searches and conversations with people who’ve met the authors of the book) and so I do feel the need to say something. There have been documented cases of children developing Failure to Thrive because of the baby feeding schedules put forward by this book. On the other hand, Weissbluth and others, despite taking di$erent approaches to sleep training than our family has chosen, DO have an accurate understanding of baby feeding needs. Sorry to be so dogmatic, but this issue is

! !

dear to my heart.

A couple responses to BabyWise- http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2001/july8/12.20.html http://www.nospank.net/granju2.htm

Keep up the good blogging! I just recommended your blog to some mama friends of mine.

christiekiley says October 6, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Rachel, thanks for this info. I personally didn’t follow Baby Wise but know many people who swear by it. I hadn’t heard about the Failure to Thrive info. Wow. I am often wary of new (at the time) approaches to things like nutrition, exercise, or parenting that call for such speci!c adherence to their program (and theirs alone) and quickly gain a cult following, without knowing what the long term e$ects are. I have read through many, many resources on baby sleep and I have learned that you can gather all the info you want but, at the end of the day, you have to go with your parent instinct. All that info can guide you, but it can’t tell you what to do with your speci!c baby (unless you are under speci!c medical care from a doctor or other professional…then, obviously, you should follow their personalized advice for your speci!c situation). Though our baby was a terrible sleeper his !rst 12 months of life and woke basically every 2 hours, he is now a great napper and sleeps 10-11 hour stretches at night in his own room (now 14 months old). I believe the ultimate goal of parenting is not about competing to see who can get their baby to sleep through the night the fastest (though it often feels like that is the goal everyone is after). It’s about meeting baby’s physical needs and developing a foundation of trust and care that will go with them as they grow older. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and info, and for recommending my blog to your friend(s)!

Katie says October 7, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Great article Christie I was also going to comment about BabyWise. I read the book after reading about the controversy (after having my !rst) and quickly threw it out. I agree you absolutely, as a parent, read every thing you can and make the decision you feel is right for your family. This one, however, has been linked to FTF (as mentioned) and so this is one you need to at the least, be careful with. A baby should be breast fed on demand to keep supply up as well and some parents who have followed this method to the T have watched their supply diminish as well.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the No Cry Sleep Solution! I used many principals with both my children. I happen to co-sleep with my babies for the !rst year and then gently work on transitioning to the crib, using her methods.

Thanks for the great post!

Ness says September 30, 2012 at 8:37 am

This is such a comprehensive post with so much practical advice. I struggled with my son’s sleep for years (well, we still struggle with it actually) but I know this too shall pass. Thanks so much for linking up with the Sunday Parenting Party.

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