By Meggan Hartman a Dissertation Submitted in Partial Fulfillment of The
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MOTHERHOOD IDENTITY by Meggan Hartman A dissertation submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY IN PSYCHOLOGY Meridian University 2015 MOTHERHOOD IDENTITY by Meggan Hartman A dissertation submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY IN PSYCHOLOGY MERIDIAN UNIVERSITY 2015 This dissertation has been accepted for the faculty of Meridian University by: __________________________________________ Lisa Herman, Ph.D. Dissertation Advisor __________________________________________ Melissa Schwartz, Ph.D. Dissertation Chair __________________________________________ Aftab Omer, Ph.D. President iii ABSTRACT MOTHERHOOD IDENTITY by Meggan Hartman The purpose of this research was to explore the ways in which the American culture influences the development of the maternal identity. It focused on the research question: in what ways does the shame that Western, postmodern parenting ideologies can evoke in mothers impact the development of the maternal identity? The target population was mothers with children three months to four years old. The research hypothesis was: The shame that some mothers feel as a result of following popular parenting ideologies can impact the development of maternal identity by diminishing her confidence, instilling feelings of ambivalence towards her child[ren] negating her own needs, and limiting her ability to improvise solutions to perceived problems on the spot. The study’s guiding theory was Rubin and Mercer’s “Becoming a Mother.” The literature illustrates that the process of developing a maternal identity mirrors the rites of passage model. At pregnancy, a woman actively imagines who she will be as mother. After the baby is born, she begins to test her reality against her idealized image. In these stages, some new mothers adhere to guidelines provided by the Internet, media, books, and professionals. Over time they use guidelines less as they gain confidence in their abilities. However, some struggle to make the transition away from these guidelines. Current research has yet to investigate the impact these resources have on the development of the maternal identity. Participants were screened for low confidence. Data was collected through the participant responses to journaling questions and through group discussion of their responses to hearing professionals talk. Co-researchers helped to analyze key moments. Integration occurred upon the presentation of the hypothesis and the preliminary learnings. iv Learnings are summarized as follows: mothers turning away from their own mothers towards the Internet, media, books, and professionals for mothering guidance can experience shame when prescribed methods fail or when they feel judged for deviating from them. Although information sources are designed to help, the shame they can evoke diminishes mothers’ confidence to improvise, increases maternal ambivalence, negates personal needs, and prevents integrating mothering identity into larger self-systems. Given the range of symptoms experienced when maternal identity development is compromised, it is important for professionals to offer a multidisciplinary approach, understanding unique needs and ways that help build confidence in maternal identity. CONTENT ABSTRACT . iii CHAPTER 1. INTRODUCTION . .1 Research Topic Relationship to the Topic Theory-In-Practice Research Problem and Hypothesis Methodology and Research Design Learnings Significance and Implications of the Study 2. LITERATURE REVIEW . 20 Introduction and Overview Becoming a Mother Shame and Motherhood The Mother Archetype, History, and Current Ideologies Obtaining the Motherhood Identity 3. METHODOLOGY . 82 Introduction and Overview Participants Four Phases of Imaginal Inquiry 4. LEARNINGS. .103 Introduction and Overview ii Learning One: Loss of the Maternal Line Learning Two: Are You My Mother? Learning Three: I Am Not the Martha Stewart of Motherhood Learning Four: When the Bough Breaks Conclusion 5. REFLECTIONS. 148 Significance of Learning Mythic Archetypal Reflections Implications of Study Appendix 1. ETHICS OF APPLICATION . .173 2. CONCEPTUAL OUTLINE . 188 3. CHRONOLOGICAL OUTLINE. 192 4. INFORMED CONSENT. 196 5. APPENDIX A: PARTICIPANT SCREEN . .197 6. APPENDIX B: RECRUITMENT FLYER. 199 7. APPENDIX C: JOURNALING QUESTIONS. .200 8. SUMMARY OF DATA. 203 9. NOTES. .225 10. REFERENCES. 248 1 CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION Research Topic For well over 100 years, American culture has defined the job description and role requirements for mothers. Each generation has established new parenting practices, and most of these practices place mothers at the center of being responsible for the care and well-being of their children. Mothers are charged with raising children who are “self-disciplined, responsible, and emotionally healthy,” 1 as well as being physically healthy and well-socialized. In the course of researching this topic, I have seen the goals of motherhood evolve from Bandura’s idea that any responsible adult can raise the child and condition them to do anything, to being a “good enough mother,” to being the “perfect mother.” Donald Winnicott describes the good enough mother as “One who makes active adaptation to the infant’s needs, an active adaptation that gradually lessens, according to the infant’s growing ability to account for failure of adaptation and to tolerate the results of frustration.” 2 In today’s American culture, even this often cited definition holds some inherent risks for the mother. Janice Doane and Devon Hodges summarize that “the discussion of the maternal role always exists in an ideological framework in which they [mothers] are purveyed to particular groups at particular times.” 3 They go on in their assessment of Winnicott’s theory that in, “Winnicott’s construction of mothering, all the mothers are married, at home, and happily defined by their maternal capacities.” 4 They review Winnicott’s cases that he presented and argue that the women he described are near depression, which reveals the strain put on the “good enough mother.” 2 Today, we are far from this concept of being good enough; postmodern women now have entered what Judith Warner calls “Parenting in the Age of Anxiety.” She developed the concept of the Mommy Mystique to describe the current state of motherhood. She states: The Mommy Mystique tells us that we are the luckiest women in the world — the freest, with the most choices, the broadest horizons, the best luck, and the most wealth. It says we have the knowledge and know-how to make “informed decisions” that will guarantee the successful course of our children’s lives. It tells us that if we choose badly our children will fall prey to countless dangers — from insecure attachment to drugs to kidnapping to a third-rate college. And if this happens, if our children stray from the path toward happiness and success, we will have no one but ourselves [mothers] to blame. 5 In this concept, one can see the undue stress that is placed on the mother. The idea that Warner is presenting is that it is solely the mother’s responsibility to steer her child through the multiple mazes that culminates when her child achieves academic brilliance, is socially well-adjusted, is physically healthy, and is well-attached to her family of origin. When I step away from the potential pressures that the cultural mandates can evoke and look at the simplest process of becoming a mother, the perennial theme of rites of passage emerge. Aftab Omer describes this process in terms of identity transformation. Omer emphasizes that there is an initiatory threshold, liminal space, and then formation of a new identity. He states that the importance of this process is to shed old belief structures that have constricted our experience in order to gain new states of being that expand one’s awareness. 6 During the postpartum period the mother enters her liminal space where she sheds her imagined selves, which could be constricting her experience, and moves into expanded states of being. Robbie Davis-Floyd ties this liminal state of being to the process of becoming a mother. She discusses how one could find profound meaning and potency in the formation of the new identity within the liminal state. She describes this state of being lasting three to six weeks postpartum. Virginia Nemetz expanded this time frame. She contends that a second birth must 3 happen. This second birth takes place after “the honeymoon is over and that intense and nearly psychotic union has taken place, [then] there comes the next step that is a renewed search for the sense of self while in a state of emotional communion.” 7 This process can be potentially ongoing. Recent research delves deeper into the development of the maternal identity. Reva Rubin was one of the first researchers in the Western world to recognize that women do undergo psychological change when they become mothers. She notes that women have to develop an identity as a mother. Ramona Mercer develops Rubin’s ideas further as she coined the term “motherhood identity.” She defines the Maternal Identity as being the point where “the mother has established intimate knowledge of her infant such that she feels competency and confident in her mothering activities and feels love for her infant; she has settled in. She has expanded herself to incorporate a new identity and assume responsibility for her infant and her infant’s future.” 8 Taking a more in-depth look at the process of obtaining the Maternal Identity reveals that