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International Journal of Transpersonal Studies Volume 29 | Issue 1 Article 8 1-1-2010 Relational Spirituality, Part 2 The Belief in Others as a Hindrance to Enlightenment: Narcissism and the Denigration of Relationship within Transpersonal Psychology and the New Age Gregg Lahood Northern Rivers Gestalt Institute Follow this and additional works at: https://digitalcommons.ciis.edu/ijts-transpersonalstudies Part of the Philosophy Commons, Psychology Commons, and the Religion Commons Recommended Citation Lahood, G. (2010). Relational Spirituality, Part 2 The Belief in Others as a Hindrance to Enlightenment: Narcissism and the Denigration of Relationship within Transpersonal Psychology and the New Age. International Journal of Transpersonal Studies, 29 (1). http://dx.doi.org/10.24972/ijts.2010.29.1.58 This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 4.0 License. This Special Topic Article is brought to you for free and open access by the Journals and Newsletters at Digital Commons @ CIIS. It has been accepted for inclusion in International Journal of Transpersonal Studies by an authorized administrator of Digital Commons @ CIIS. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Relational Spirituality, Part 2 The Belief in Others as a Hindrance to Enlightenment: Narcissism and the Denigration of Relationship within Transpersonal Psychology and the New Age Gregg Lahood Northern Rivers Gestalt Institute Lismore, NSW, Australia The aim of this paper is to tease out from the New Age religion and religious transpersonal psychology a more relational spirituality. Humanistic and transpersonal psychologies were important forces in the emergence of the social phenomenon of the New Age. New Age transpersonalism leans toward a restrictive non-relational spirituality because of its historical affirmation of individualism and transcendence. Relational spirituality, which is central to the emerging participatory paradigm, swims against strong and popular currents in New Age transpersonal thinking which tend to see spirituality as an individual, personal, inner pursuit, often into Eastern/Oriental nondualism. Whatever the merits of impersonal Advaita Vedanta or Buddhism—and there are of course merits—these are categorically not relational spiritualities. Keywords: cosmological hybridity, New Age religion, transpersonal psychology, spiritual narcissism, relational spirituality In India we find perhaps the most radical of all versions of world rejection, culminating in the great image of the Buddha, and the world is a burning house and man‘s urgent need is a way to escape it. —Robert Bellah, 1972, p. 264 While the transpersonal movement has been informed and inspired by peak experiences of virtually all religious traditions, it not surprisingly has drawn most comfortably from Buddhist theory and practice. —Robert McDermott, 1993, p. 208 orizontal or relational spirituality can be seen as most central of the psycho-technologies employed in the an intervention in overly vertical, non-relational humanistic era, along with the encounter group, gestalt trends in New Age-transpersonalism’s thinking therapy strongly embraced one of Buber’s central ideas— Hand practices. This paper continues the points made in the contrast of what he called I-it relating and I-thou “Relational Spirituality, Part 1: Paradise Unbound: relating. In the words of Brant Cortright (1997): Cosmic Hybridity, and Spiritual Narcissism in the ‘One I-it relating is normal, secular relating in which the Truth’ of New Age-Transpersonalism” (Lahood, 2010, other is a seen as an object, a thing to be used, a in this issue), demonstrating how a relational approach means to an end. I-thou relating, on the other hand, can surmount many of the difficulties that inure to brought a person into a sacred relationship in which New Age-transpersonalism. Ironically, Martin Buber’s the other is viewed as an end in itself (p. 106).1 relational ethos was also present in both the humanist and transpersonal movements in the form of Gestalt It was this appreciation of the authentic, the inter- therapy which had assimilated Buber’s ideas to its canon subjective and the call for equality that could potentially (although Buber argued that true mutuality could not push Buber’s I-thou intention to “its highest culmination be achieved in the therapeutic relationship). Perhaps the in a transpersonal perspective which truly embraces the 58 International Journal of TranspersonalInternational Studies Journal of Transpersonal Studies, 29(1), 2010, pp.Lahood 58-78 sacredness of relationship” (p. 106). Here, potentially, to be a central foundation of transpersonalism and its the transpersonal is in the interpersonal (Naranjo, 1978). New Age shadow.3 However, there is a serious question as to whether this Here is an example of Buddhism’s historically central tenet of Buber’s was ever really fully embraced non-relational ethos: The psychoanalytic anthropologist by the transpersonal movement. Wilber (1999), for Melford Spiro (1987), who studied Buddhism on the example, ranks Buber’s spirituality beneath his Oriental ground in Burma, viewed Burmese Theravadan Buddhist non-dualism. For Buber the true estate of authentic religion as a culturally constituted psychological defense spiritual realization was not based in an individual’s inner mechanism. In a discussion about Buddhist “goers forth,” experience but in this realm of the Between, a realm to the men who leave home to join the fraternity of monks, which he gave ontological status (Ferrer, 2002, p. 119). he recounted a famous Buddhist teaching story about an It seems to me that Buber’s relational ethos was earlier incarnation of the Buddha who leaves his children lost in the stampede for higher consciousness. The blending with dubious caregivers as he sets out on his quest for of the American Transcendentalist trinity (Christianity, enlightenment: Buddhism, and Advaita; Lahood, 2010—this issue) in Beginning with the Buddha himself, “leaving home” the psychedelic imagination, coupled with humanistic has meant abandoning not only parents, but also— psychology, brought transpersonal psychology into since some “goers forth” have been married when being—which in turn gave rise to a Wilberian paradise embarking upon their quest for enlightenment— to which the movement was bound for at least 20 years wives and children as well [the classic locus of this (Lahood, 2008, 2010). Indeed, a close look at the early story] is the Vessentara Jakata, the most famous transpersonal movement’s commitments shows that they Buddhist myth in Theravada Buddhist societies were not particularly relational, but tended instead to (The Jakata 1957: vol. 6). The Prince Vessantara, overtly devalue relationship. abandoned his beloved wife and children in order The Marriage of Maslow and Zen to seek Enlightenment. To attain his quest he gave he affirmation of self was a central aspect of his children as servants to a cruel Brahmin, and humanistic psychology, central to the self realization T his wife to yet another. When his children, beaten or self actualization espoused by Carl Rogers, Fritz Perls, and oppressed by the Brahmin, managed to escape and Abraham Maslow. It called for a kind of autonomy and find their way back to Vessentara, he was filled and independence that suggested not needing other with “dire grief”—his heart palpitated, his mouth people—a sort of, you go your way I’ll go mine, approach panted, blood fell from his eyes—until he arrived at that is attested to by the so-called gestalt prayer: the insight that “All this pain comes from affection I do my thing and you do your thing. and no other cause; I must quiet this affection, and I am not in this world to live up to your be calm.” Having achieved that insight, he was able expectations, to abandon his children. (p. 279) And you are not in this world to live up to Thus when faced with the parental responsibility that mine. comes with procreative relationship the hallowed Buddha- You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we to-be had no raft of emotional skills or interpersonal find each other, it’s beautiful. competencies to draw on, and could only redouble If not, it can’t be helped (Fritz Perls, 1969). his efforts in the practice of tanha (severing of bonds). It has been claimed that this kind of robust Having achieved his own serenity, he turned his back on Nietzschean philosophy found an expression in Mary his abused children, children whom he put in harm’s way Daley’s elitist feminist theology that urged self- in the first place, diligently leaving to them to work out sufficiency and a willingness to abandon obligations their own salvation. and commitments to others without feelings of guilt or Spiro explained that the primary responsibility emotional ambivalence (Morris, 1994, p. 181).2 These for the Buddhist is his attempt to attain nirvana, rugged humanistic ideals would be coupled with the relationships with parents, beloveds, wives, and children extreme individualism of Buddhism—compassionate, notwithstanding. Reflecting on the cosmological design maybe, but not very relational; this attitude still appears of the Buddha, anthropologist Morton Klass (1995) Relational Spirituality, Part 2 International Journal of Transpersonal Studies 59 wrote, “Nothing really exists in the universe but desire experiences was joined at the hip with Eastern spiritual and the manifestation of desire, since all of these offer concepts—a marriage of Maslow and Zen. nothing but continued