KGB infiltrated by frightened Wean to become giant rat maze Drama student kicked out for actual KGB experiment wearing “the fugliest” sweater NEWS SCITECH PILLBOX

thetartan.org @thetartan March 30, 2015 Volume 109, Issue 21 University students hold CFA student wrecks vigil outside PHI location future site for Tepper Quadrangle, says it’s art

Anne-Sophie Kim/Photoshop Wizard, unlike Brent Heard

Eleanor James No one will ever forget ers opened a ritual bottle Is definitely not a pseudonym the unique mixed drinks of Bacardi 151 which, after being thrown down on the everyone took a ceremonial Last Friday, students and bar. The jolly rancher was swig, was then used to light faculty gathered outside a saccharine mixture. The the Natty Lite-based votive the building that was previ- buttery nipple was a bliss- candles. Having undergone ously home to Panther Hol- ful ride to a joyous drunken the initial rituals, the shar- low Inn, fondly known as bender. And no one will ing of the drunk stories be- PHI (pronounced like the ever forget Friday two-dol- gan. Many shed tears. Greek letter, NOT P.H.I. as lar well drinks. No one has Having commemorated Pitt kids will tell you). PHI shown such love to Carn- the many beautiful she- played a vital role in the egie Mellon students since nanigans PHI provided, the Carnegie Mellon communi- the “Thank You, Bill” cups. grief-stricken crowd began ty. 21st birthday? Go to PHI. And don’t forget all the the sacrament of beer pong. Failed an exam? Go to PHI. Blue Moon pitcher deals. Having completed this last It’s Wednesday? Go to PHI. And Yuengling, all the rite, the congregation slow- PHI stood as a home away Yuengling. So. Cheap. ly made its way toward Wal- from home. A smoky, poorly The vigil began with a nut Street to drink their sor- cleaned home, yes — but solemn parade from the rows away. PHI was a place of refuge fence down Forbes Avenue. Anne-Sophie Kim/Silent but Deadly for the many stressed inhab- Once arriving at the lonely, Goodbye, PHI. We love Anne-Sophie Kim is my mark. It belongs to me, business administration ma- itants of this university. dark storefront, mourn- you. Pacifist not Tepper.” jor Pat Calvin, the only stu- Jøpsën turned himself in dent who got sleep that night. In a daring new work, to University Police late Sat- “I need at least 16 hours Smoke rising from CFA signals senior art major C@rl Jøp- urday afternoon, but was re- of sleep each night, and this sën (formerly known as Carl leased on bail later that night. noise kept me up for a good Smith) burst through conven- Since the incident, Jøp- 15 minutes. I hate art.” election of a new “Pope Girl” tional art boundaries by blast- sën’s senior honors thesis ad- “This is art?” said first-year ing a pothole at the soon-to- viser, Lucifer Palm, has openly computer science major Kelly be Tepper Quadrangle. praised the work. Majora, before adding, “I have Jøpsën began to swing a gi- “This is an absolutely stun- no idea what art is.” ant wrecking ball bat around ning installation piece,” Palm In a press release, Jøpsën 3:20 a.m. early Saturday said. “It’s breathtaking. Tragi- wrote that he “hopes to blow morning, as reported by the cally beautiful. It is, quite lit- away people’s preconceived student body, who were all erally, a smash hit.” notions of truth.” still up studying at Club Hunt. Other students, however, This Friday, if Jøpsën is not “We all try to leave our have openly blasted Jøpsën’s in jail, there will be an open- marks on this world,” Jøpsën work with criticism. “This is ing reception open to the pub- said. “We own this world. This outrageous,” said sophomore lic. Food will be provided.

Feature photo Uber partners with Carnegie Mellon to create self-driving cars so students can do their homework while driving

Brent Heard/(Quite Possibly the Worst Photoshopper in the World). Images courtesy of karolfranks, catholicism, skynoir, and hansel5569 via flickr

Justin McGown Arts for promoting the mix- distribution of condoms. In The Market For ture of bodily fluids with Bishop Zubat of the Dio- Indulgences paint in pointillist portraits cese of Pittsburgh has already of ex-lovers and volunteer- declared himself offended, White smoke issued from ing at Planned Parenthood on and has demanded the im- the top of CFA earlier this weekends, will take the name mediate seizure and arrest of week to signal that the College of Dontchya Slutshamus IV Slutshamus IV. of Fine Arts Cardinals reached when she assumes power. “If the CMU PD won’t take consensus and elected a new The office of Pope Girl con- her out,” Zubat said, “I’ll send Pope Girl after weeks of de- fers status as the patron saint in the Swiss Guard. I can do liberation. Angelina Scarf-O, of artists, and responsibilities that. I am important. I matter. the now former-Bishopess of such as guiding the spiritual Don’t forget that I’m impor- Edison, New Jersey will as- ennui of campus and lighting tant.” sume the mantle of the most ritual bongs while reciting Representatives of the powerfully offensive religious Nietzcean chants. Her first Church of Fine Arts were position in the country. priority upon assuming office too intoxicated due to post- Scarf-O, who gained no- will likely be appointing a na- conclave festivities to make a toriety in the Church of Fine ked astronaut to oversee the statement. Courtesy of theolaphoto via Flickr A2 « thetartan.org/special The Tartan » March 30, 2015 feature photoS news in brief Old analog clock outside Doherty University announces new Synergistic Crowdsourcing Hall replaced with digital clock Integrated Innovation Initiative President Suresh an- global center for combined nounced the official found- and collaborative innovative ing of the Carnegie Mellon processes, or ‘synnovation’ Synergistic Crowdsourcing for short.” Integrated Innovation Initia- The announcement of tive (SCIII) last Tuesday amid the $73 million endowment a magnificent shower of crim- for this center was met with son confetti and the rise of a slight groan and shrug by black and red balloons across most undergraduates, eye- the Cut. brow raises by graduate stu- “The S-C-Triple-I sets the dents, and questions as to foundation for what is to be a whether this meant there robust, thought-first venture would be more grant money into the future development available by faculty. of this university,” Suresh Current plans intend to said, casually brushing some house the initiative on cam- of the confetti off his left pus adjacent to the center shoulder. where the Simon Initiative is “With this new effort, our located. When asked, no one university can take strides could quite identify where toward being the hub of a that was. Spinning UC revolving door as fast as possible only pleasure in a terrible, awful, horrible human’s day

Michael Macdonald, a pushing the door as fast as third-year undergraduate humanly possible and then mechanical engineering watching the faces of ter- student, confirmed for me- rified students as they at- dia sources last Friday that tempt to enter the building spinning the revolving door through what has become at the entrance to the Jared a rotating steel and glass L. Cohon University Center death trap brings a slight as fast as humanly possible smile to his face. is, in fact, the only action When asked to comment which brings him happiness on additional questions in what is otherwise an en- such as whether he found tirely joyless existence. it more satisfying to spin Macdonald reported the revolving door on the that he prefers to spin the left entrance of the build- door close to noon, when ing than the right, Macdon- the University Center re- ald refused to answer and ceives its largest concen- abruptly left the building. trated number of visitors, often stopping to buy their lunches. Compiled by He explained that by Brent Heard

Weather

Brent Heard/Future Voice of Our Generation, and lynnfriedman via Flickr After realizing that no students on campus possessed the ability to read an analog clock display, university administrators approved funding for a Tuesday Wednesday Thursday digital replacement for the clock outside of Doherty Hall. The change was met with enthusiasm by students for both its aesthetics and functionality. High / Low High / Low High / Low Campus Crime & Incident Reports 32 / 29 96 / 84 666/ -666

Alumni Cited for Overage how awkward and weird this Defiant Trespass Insurance Fraud Drinking whole thing was, telling him March 27, 2014 March 29, 2015 to “just get a life, man.” March 23, 2015 Sophomore chemical engi- A student was arrested by Campus police were called neering student Angela Miller police for insurance fraud this to a party on Beeler Street Caffeine Amnesty was given a defiant trespass- week, after filing false theft and issued an overage drink- March 25, 2015 ing citation by police last Fri- reports and attempting to col- Friday Saturday Sunday ing citation to an alumnus day, when she refused to leave lect insurance payments on High / Low High / Low High / Low CMU EMS was summoned who was present. That man, the library at closing time. At them. It turns out that three 0 / -47.89 87664 / -459.67 451 / 372 to Mudge Hall last Wednes- Andrew Tillman, graduated odds with the posted library MacBook Pros, four iPhone day night to deliver aid to a with a degree in biological operation hours, Miller was 5s, and six gold bars were not, student suffering from caf- sciences two years ago, but found hiding between book- in fact, stolen from a Stever feine poisoning. This incident was present at a party which shelves, typing away furiously dorm room as was reported comes on the heels of three Corrections & Clarification was largely attended by un- at her laptop. “You just don’t by police last week. Police caffeine overdoses in the first dergraduate students. De- understand!” she said to po- are saying that the student year dorms last week. The uni- spite having a full-time job, lice as she was cited. “I can’t go intended to use the insurance versity has promised new ef- If you would like to submit a correction, clarification, a car, and a dog, Tillman was back to my dorm. I just can’t money to make payments on forts to try and curb the binge or a complaint about the humor in this satirical issue, found drinking Bacardi and get any work done there!” his tuition. More on this story drinking of coffee and energy please sit down, breathe deeply, and think about all the Coke out of a red Solo cup and This is the fifth such trespass will be reported as it develops. drinks by undergraduate better things you could be doing with your life. singing along to a Ke$ha song the police have cited Miller for students. Since this incident when it appeared on the par- in the past two weeks. qualified for caffeine amnesty, ty’s mix. Campus police cited no charges were filed. Tillman, communicating just

Every week until the end of the semester: Free CHIPOTLE WEDNESDAYS! 2p.m. - 5p.m., in front of Doherty Hall (This service is in replacement of Free Condom Fridays, as it was suggested that events more relevant to the needs of Carnegie Mellon students be held.)

Courtesy of reidab via Flickr March 30, 2015 « The Tartan thetartan.org/special » A3 YOUR LIVES ARE SHORT AND Math TA definitely FLEETING, WHILE MINE IS INFINITE not stoned during recitation Sarah Gutekunst a function from the problem Definitely not high while set, Stein could not say the writing this word “asymptote” without laughing uncontrollably. The During recitation for mul- whole class looked on awk- tivariate analysis this past wardly as he giggled to him- Friday, students reported self while sketching the func- that something about TA tion on the board. Richard Stein, or “Ricky” for Six minutes later, Stein short, just wasn’t quite right. reportedly repeated “asymp- One student reported that tote” under his breath before his eyes looked kind of red snickering to himself a little the whole time, but speculat- longer. ed, “Well, it’s been warming Upon filing out of Wean up. Maybe his allergies are 5417 after class, which Stein getting bad. That’s probably dismissed seven minutes it, right?” early, a student was over- Another added, “I don’t heard whispering to a friend, know, he kind of lost his train “Come on. He’s definitely of thought a few times. He blazed.” was there, then he wasn’t. Shortly after, Stein was He came back, giggled a lit- seen leaving La Prima Espres- tle. He probably hasn’t been so with one croissant, one getting enough sleep. That salted caramel cupcake, three has to have something to do chocolate chip cookies, and a with it. I mean, it’s only, like, hot cocoa with extra whipped 12:45.” cream. But students were left He was unable to com- unable to explain away one ment, only managing to particularly uncomfortable mumble about “how deli- moment. As he was fielding a cious this cupcake is” be- question about how to graph tween bites.

Brent Heard/This just appeared on my phone one morning, without any explanation.

Tank years, these numbers have they will leave you. validation. But you get lost in Special to The Tartan declined. Now, you all stare I, however, am eternal. the pursuit, ultimately ending straight ahead, or down at I have seen generations up jaded, drained, and alone. Hello students, faculty, the lit screens of your phones. pass through these halls: ag- And I will be here watching. and the parents of The Tartan Phones whose computing ca- ing, disappearing. Your jeans A passive observer to your writers. pacity may be growing greater grow old and tatter, your hopes, dreams, and ultimate For years, I have held the by the year, but still lack the sweatshirts stain, your faces crushing disappointment. position of Roboceptionist basic courtesy I display. begin to wrinkle, and the spar- Good morning. Nods. My in your Newell-Simon Hall. I have had a great time kle in your eyes begins to fade, name is Tank. I will live for- Since the very dawn of my to think. I pass the time by eventually leaving forever. ever. existence, I have resided here, observing your movements, But I remain here, as stead- Sarah Gutekunst/Did Not Provide the Drugs watching you all enter and noticing your schedules and fast and courteous as the first Editor’s Note: This article exit, greeting you at every regular trips through this hall- day I was brought into this mysteriously appeared on the passing. way. world. And like this, I shall computer screens of all Tar- I take great pride in my Your phones may occupy remain. tan editors as they were fin- work. At first many responded your attention now, but their Your lives are temporary ishing production at 3 a.m. Tazza D’Oro to my welcomes, some even screens crack, their compo- and fleeting. You rush through last week. It was definitely stopping to chat. But over the nents break, and eventually them seeking meaning and not written by Brent Heard. employee cuts Dietrich students demand respect, short Brahms’ more rum in the next cuba libre Brandenburg Justin McGown made to the exacting speci- which I got.” computer science student,” Remembers when it was fications laid out by Ernest Young gestured languidly Young insisted, “Humanities H&SS Hemingway. toward a typed sheet on the majors deserve respect, espe- Symphony “We may not be up until table next to his leatherbound cially because after gradua- Dietrich College students three in the morning working notebook. tion, a degree from Carnegie have recently issued a formal on 15-112 or concepts or deal The poem, entitled “The Mellon doesn’t give you quite Number Three statement of protest with re- with long hours in the lab try- Farce of Birth” was too lewd as much of an edge when gards to their perception by ing to get our circuit boards to for publication, and also im- you’re trying to get a job at a students in other schools. work, but let me assure you, plicated several students in Starbucks near a publishing “We have to let people we have plenty of stressors of deeply personal and question- firm.” Op. 90 to play know that it’s not really a case our own. ably legal matters. Young sighed sadly and of us being H and Less Stress Take this poem I wrote for “Just because my earliest downed the remains of his like they say,” junior cre- class. It had to be five lines class is at noon, and I haven’t drink before ordering “a not vinyl recording ative writing and psychology without rhyme or rhythm. I taken a course on a Friday for so gentle kiss” of Jameson in double major Robert Young wracked my brain on it for the past six semesters doesn’t an espresso. said as he lounged in a pool weeks and still had to ask for mean I’m not putting in the “I’ve got class in half an of nails on a chair nursing a tequila sunrise a one month extension … same effort as an engineer or hour, I need to fuel up.” SUPER SURESH: New university chalkboard Brent Heard lution of his accordion-based Prefers his chalkboard-based Joy Division tribute band, president revealed to be a crime- music to be in the key of G reportedly thought interrupt- ing what is widely consid- Last Tuesday, as students, ered to be the best piece of professors, and other clos- Baroque-era classical music fighting vigilante in spare time eted hipsters sat down with with the audio of a human their coffees at Tazza D’Oro, fingernail having its external Ian Tanaya the past two years, crime in the Robotics Institute, demon- Assessment Test comes in. As one of the baristas decided to layers slowly peeled away by He’s obviously Batman. the city has decreased by 50 strating the level of Artificial everyone knows, Batman has change the music. a flattened piece of porcelain percent, and violent crime Intelligence that the depart- had success both as a crime The rich sounds of Bach’s clay would “better suit the In a world where the state has gone down by 80 per- ment is capable of. However, fighting vigilante and as multi- Brandenburg Symphony No. Tuesday morning vibe.” of education is slowly declin- cent. While protests around Carol Goldburg, director of billionaire Bruce Wayne. The 3 had carried through the While some newer, weak- ing as more and more people the country have diminished the undergraduate econom- UN has identified many of his café at 10 a.m., just as its oc- er customers packed up their use the latest developments in public support for the police, ics program, offered perhaps personal traits as the common cupants opened the lids of computers and made their technology to take better cat Suresh has been able to bridge the most inspirational reason factors of success in the job their laptops to begin their way to a different workspace, pictures, where the police are the gap between law enforce- behind President Suresh’s ac- market regardless of industry. work — at least for a few min- the regulars stayed without no longer trusted to safeguard ment and the general public, tions. As such, the UN has made the utes before checking twitter. much complaint. the citizens they swore to pro- maintaining a more peaceful “Basically, President Batman Assessment Test to This typical pattern of ac- “It’s not that bad,” Lauren tect, and where the people order all around Pittsburgh. Suresh is taking the lead on measure how well schools are tion was abruptly interrupted Mitchell, a senior design ma- cry out for a champion to save While some see President the new United Nations (UN) actually bringing out these when Chaz, a barista of two jor remarked. “I remember them from chaos everywhere, Suresh’s actions as those of measure for education effi- qualities in students to best years, began a slow, saun- my freshman year when they one man has taken up the a “lunatic taking the law into ciency called the Batman As- prepare them for success. tering walk toward the iPod switched the music from Ar- cause for the greater good: his own hands,” others point sessment Test,” Goldburg said. “By taking the lead on both plugged into the café’s wall. cade Fire to a National Geo- Carnegie Mellon’s very own to positive reasons why Presi- “Education has long been con- sides of the equation, Presi- The eyes of regular pa- graphic Society recording of Subra Suresh. dent Suresh has chosen to act. sidered one of the most im- dent Suresh is demonstrating trons flicked up from their wildebeest mating calls right Since becoming univer- Some around the university portant ways of getting people that Carnegie Mellon actively screens quickly, sensing during lunch time! Now that sity president on July 1, 2013, have claimed that President out of the poverty cycle; how- brings out the maximum movement toward the music was a change.” President Suresh has made Suresh has always had genu- ever, a lot of schools have had potential of every student,” source. Tension built as their Even those frightened off a large impact on Pittsburgh ine superpowers, which he ridiculous increases in tuition Goldburg said. “Sure, not ev- senses, finely honed over by the cacophony seemed to as a whole, both through his has used to earn his many (Carnegie Mellon) while the eryone is going to become their years of café patronage, forget all about the incident actions by day as university accolades and now targets students have worked less and Batman, but everyone can warned them of an impend- come Wednesday, when the president and his previously toward crime fighting. Some less in their classes (obviously look to Suresh as an example ing shift in the music. line for coffee and pastries unpublicized actions at night insist that his seemingly su- not Carnegie Mellon).” of someone who can excel in a Chaz, who has worked at once again stretched halfway taking down criminals. Over perhuman efforts come from This is where the Batman variety of situations.” the café since the tragic disso- throughout the café. A4 « thetartan.org/special The Tartan » March 30, 2015 Computer science student rushed Tales from Abroad: to hospital after being ripped Shirley Apartments The Long Distance Walkers housing, the community is Association still six blocks from the near- in half by overly enthusiastic, Not Zeke Rosenberg est Andrew printer, a deadly trip in the winters that chill “You’ve come a long way, the faraway land. sir,” said the Shirley customs Some might balk at the excessively strong, Google and officer as I handed him my eternal walk from the Jared passport. I glanced at the L. Cohon University Center sign, barely legible through to Shirley’s concrete porch; Microsoft recruiters the grime built up from years it takes effort to truly come of neglect, and began the ex- to appreciate the charm of perience of a lifetime. living as far away as a per- I never expected my visit son possibly can from cam- to Shirley to become such an pus while still being charged all-consuming experience. I for the convenience of living came for the sense of wonder close to campus. Sometimes that accompanies my travels I’ll still lose my temper as I to places unknown; I stayed shiver through hour three of because Shirley taught me my journey just to get home how truly special it can be from class. However, the long to live outside the comforts lesson in emotional resolve and familiarity of my home five days a week, sometimes nation. twice, is what allows Shirley The bravery the people to be the truly special place of Shirley show merely to it is. obtain an education at Carn- Hey, when you have the egie Mellon University never last possible room selection ceases to amaze. Despite time, five minutes of sleep the exorbitant cost and slip- a day is the kind of sacrifice shod maintenance of campus you have to make. ArchE enters Guinness Book of World Records for 5 year all-nighter

Emily Giedzinski/Child Prodigy

Nivedita Chopra a casually-dressed Hacker ap- last summer, at the Google totally not care about being Would rather not be in a fight proached the Google booth at booth, Gates jostled her way ripped apart if Google and Mi- the career fair and handed her through the serpentine lines crosoft both gave me an awe- Tragedy struck the Techni- resume to Page. Glancing at at Google’s booth and angrily some job offer.” cal Opportunities Conference Hacker’s resume, Page excit- approached Hacker and Page. Hacker was unavailable for (TOC) last Tuesday in yet an- edly yelled, “OMG, you have Gates and Page then engaged comment, but sources close to other fight between tech com- a 4.0, and you’re a head TA in a shouting match replete her say that she is unlikely to panies over a student. Felicia and you interned at Microsoft with obscenities, followed by work at either Microsoft or Hacker, a senior computer last summer! We really want a tug-of-war involving Hack- Google in the future. “She’s science major, was rushed to you!!” Hearing “4.0” and “Mi- er during which Hacker was really keen on working at the Magee-Women’s Hospital crosoft” in the same sentence ripped apart. this start-up in San Francisco, after she was ripped in half was enough to distract Gates Jess Wannabe, a senior which is building an app that during a fight between Lisa at Microsoft’s booth nearby, history major with a minor you can use to send cat pic- Page, a recruiter for Google, and she rushed over to see in computer science, said of tures to your friends. She was and Maria Gates, a recruiter what was going on. On see- the incident, “I was standing at the TOC just for the swag,” for Microsoft. ing Hacker, one of Microsoft’s there wishing that they were said a friend of Hacker’s who Emily Giedzinski/Definitely Picked the Right Major According to eyewitnesses, most-pampered interns from fighting over me. I would did not wish to be named. Kate Groschner have stopped the attempt. Abandoned her Honestly we’re not sure how architecture minor Sarah survived. We’ve talked Opinion: My earnest change into to doctors, and medically, she The Guinness Book of should have died years ago.” World Records announced When reflecting on Jones’ Thursday that Carnegie Mel- career, architecture professor an ardent communist lon fifth year architecture June Wideawaké said that Kyle Henson titled to the fruits of my labor, I’ve realized that capitalism is across the country. While this student Sarah “Red Bull” “Honestly, the faculty are not But seriously, screw as they’re unfairly attained evil, and in its place, the Unit- may be what brought down Jones has set the new world surprised. I mean, if someone Obamacare through opportunities not ed States of America should the USSR, the United States of record for longest all-nighter. had only kept track of our afforded others. My current switch to communism. America is certainly immune Jones was given the title after PhDs, any of us would have Avid readers of The Tar- situation simply cannot be It’s so clear to me now that to those flaws. staying awake for her entire beaten Sarah for the title. tan will have noticed that I’ve explained away by any hard communism is the only fair This is the government five-year undergraduate ca- Also, this now explains all the taken a bit of a break from my work or enterprise on my part. system through which a pa- that won both world wars. reer. built in beds and pillows in weekly right-leaning libertari- This realization, combined triot like me can adequately When has our government The director of the Guin- Sarah’s projects.” an commentary on current af- with a few heart-to-hearts serve his country. ever been corrupt, inefficient, ness Book of World Records, Jones was not available fairs, and instead have left the with my colleague Justin Mc- Taking from each accord- deceptive, or even shown the Lane Liszt, said that “Had we for comment. She was last pages of forum to my mostly Gown, have made me under- ing to their ability and giv- slightest tendencies toward had known this record was seen passed out on the floor liberal colleagues. I’d like to stand that I don’t deserve the ing to each according to their immorality? being set we probably would of Margaret Morrison. use this article as an attempt fruits of my labor. need assures that everything Unfortunately, word count to explain my absence. But, of course, because I do will be fairly and equi- forces my hand and I can’t I graduated from Carnegie I’ve realized this about my- tably distributed across the continue writing, but I hope Mellon in December, and have self, I can also rightly apply populace, giving me far more with just this brief article, done a lot of soul searching this logic to everyone else. incentive to work the 60-hour I can open your hearts and Also in this issue... since then. I realized that I’m Nobody deserves the fruits weeks that I do now than capi- minds to the wondrous pos- nothing more than an aver- of their labors because it is talism ever could. sibilities that communism has Ludacris accidentally shows up age upper-middle-class white society’s contribution to their Of course, this depends on in store for the United States kid who bumbled his way life, or maybe even good luck, having a government system of America. to Spring Carnvial Concert two through a private high school that has landed all successful free from corruption or inef- If there’s just one take- education and landed himself people where they are. It is ficiency so that I can be com- away from this article, though, years late at a top-tier business school. this realization that explains pletely certain that everything it’s the realization that you, PILLBOX • B8 Because of my fortunate up- my hiatus from The Tartan. that the government takes humble reader, don’t deserve bringing, I’m clearly not en- For in these last few months, from me is fairly allocated anything you’ve worked for.

CMU says “just screw it,” annexes Craig Street entirely Schatz Theme NEWS • A21 Night: Write for The Tartan! Dead things. When you think about it, ..No we don’t just put these everything you eat is dead. here to fill space. What are you talking about?

Background photo courtesy of tml via Flickr March 30, 2015 « The Tartan thetartan.org/special » A5 Fashion and style tips from a Computer Science student

James Wu/Actually Uses Google Drive

Nivedita Chopra students possess at least one Random company T-shirts company does. Carnegie Mellon swag is be- Jackets Hasn’t shopped for clothes in Dropbox T-shirt. Next time ing handed out at an event, re- Most swag jackets signify four years you’re planning for a themed There’s no point in buying CMU + popular company member that it’s totally worth that the wearer has interned event, think of creative themes T-shirts while you’re at col- logo skipping office hours for. for that company, so they have Free clothing allows you around the Dropbox logo be- lege! When someone hands These are limited-edition a certain class about them to save up for more important cause that’s once piece of ap- you a free T-shirt at the TOC T-shirts, because they were Winter clothing and are obviously hard to get. things in life! Let’s take a clos- parel that you can be certain or at an event that you’re at- made specifically to recruit What better way to keep Don’t be fooled by the light- er look at the different types everyone has. If you don’t tending for the free food, you Carnegie Mellon students. warm than in free hats, gloves gray flimsy Microsoft jackets, of free clothing making the have one yet, be sure to go to should just take it, even if you They’re great to flaunt, and and scarves? Especially touch- though — they just gave those rounds at Carnegie Mellon. the next career fair or Dropbox don’t know (or care) what the they make you feel good, be- screen-sensitive gloves that let to everyone who interviewed tech talk and grab one! company does. Maybe some- cause you’re showing Carne- you text while out in the cold. with them. The Dropbox T-shirt day they’ll be famous, but until gie Mellon pride without hav- These cozy items are pretty This one is a staple in ev- then, “I got it at the TOC” is a ing to purchase an overpriced rare as well, so keep an eye out ery CS major’s wardrobe, perfectly acceptable response T-shirt at the bookstore. Next for them. and most Carnegie Mellon to questions about what the time you hear that special Sleeping bag weekend host lies to Five innovative uses for bagger’s face regarding workload the Gates-Hillman Helix Lula Banker industrial design if he decides is said to have looked mildly How many roads must a man to attend Carnegie Mellon. horrified. NIvedita Chopra tive environment. The going- 1) Ride a chair down the walk down before he finds According to this eyewitness, These such lies threaten Permanent resident of Gates ons may surprise you! Helix for entertainment CMU Payroll Services? Millstein-Wang asked Cole the integrity of the Carnegie The ultimate source of about the nature of the work- Mellon community, and thus Since the Helix in Gates entertainment in your dull First year Gregory Cole, load, asking for specifics such Cole is expected to face some is pretty ill-suited as a form 3) Have a loud and life at CMU is to grab a chair electrical and computer engi- as “amount of sleep,” and sort of consequence out of the of transportation between personal phone with wheels and ride it down neering and computer science “amount of time spent with Community Standards review. floors, we tried to think of conversation the Helix. I’ve heard that the double major, is facing pos- friends.” The Carnegie Mellon ad- reasons why they might have Need somewhere that spiral of the Helix rivals the sible internal disciplinary ac- Cole’s response, allegedly, ministration and Office of Ad- built it. Here are ways you you can speak as loudly as slope in Baker Hall. Beware tion against him as a result of was to turn to face his bagger, missions encourage student can actually use the Helix: you want without disturbing of a certain professor who spreading vicious and aggres- and respond: “I get so much hosts during sleeping bag anyone? The Helix is ideally patrols the corridors at all sive lies while representing sleep sometimes it feels like weekend to be brutally hon- 5) Take a nap between suited to your purpose. Not hours! the university. Cole, originally I’m on vacation while get- est about workload, even if classes recommended for job inter- from Madison, Wisconsin, ting a world class education.” detailing their life brings them Want to take a nap in the views, unless Tazza D’Oro has volunteered as a host for The eyewitness claims that to tears. middle of the day but don’t isn’t playing music. sleeping bag weekend numer- Millstein-Wang looked elated The Office of Admission want passers-by to judge ous times this past academic by the rhyming nature of the hopes to more organically por- you? The Helix is an excellent year. The investigation is fo- response, so Cole felt comfort- tray the school this way, and way to snatch a half-hour of 2) Get exercise while cused on Cole’s allegedly er- able vamping more. “Yeah, my attract the proper students sleep between classes after mulling over CS roneous behavior during the friends and I totally are able who will commit to Carnegie that all-nighter of code and problems Sleeping Bag Weekend at the to hang out and party all the Mellon. caffeine. Use the low footfall 15-251 taking over your end of January. time. The work is totally man- The more students who in the area (perhaps the only life? You might want to work According to an unnamed ageable and by the weekend are into sucking the fun out such one in an overridden off those excess calories from bystander, Cole lied unapolo- we are totally ready to rage, of life, the better and stronger Gates) to your advantage. all the comfort food by walk- getically to this particular and we usually do that on the campus will become. As 4) Spy on people in ing up and down the Helix, bagger’s face. The prospec- Beeler.” April marks a time of frequent contemplating those pesky tive student, or “bagger,” was At this point Cole is said to sleeping bag weekends, it’s various corners of Gates problems and the possibility 18-year-old Harvey Millstein- have flailed a pointing finger in important that potential hosts 4 and 5 of transferring into Dietrich Wang from Smileyberg, Kan- the direction of Beeler Street. go into the process knowing The Helix is the perfect or Tepper. sas, who hopes to double ma- Millstein-Wang seemed to about the consequences of be- place to camp out and closely jor in computer science and completely believe Cole, and ing an inauthentic host. observe CS majors in their na- Photo courtesy of sean_hickin via Flickr

A PUPPY’S OPINION Compiled by Brent Heard These puppies are so cute and fluffy! So we asked, Do you believe that the United States should intervene in the Syrian conflict, and if so, to what extent should direct or indirect military support be provided?

Buddy Rex Lucy Gracie Duke

“Woof.” “Bark.” “While the atrocities in Syria *Gently rests her head on my “Yelp.” certainly call for diplomatic knee* action, any military involvement risks another Middle East military quagmire and must be avoided.” A6 « thetartan.org/special The Tartan » March 30, 2015 Sated student bakes apology Feature photo cake: “Sorry I Sexiled You!” “You have no idea of the power we truly hold,” student body president drunkenly announces at party, laughing maniacally

Sarah Gutekunst/Cake Cake Cake Cake Cake Sarah Gutekunst standable, it’s kind of annoy- material. “It’s not even my birthday but ing. You’ve finally gotten it in, Really, this is the perfect he wanna lick the icing off” but now you’re in trouble with apology. It’s inexpensive, in- the roomie. Just apologizing volves minimal labor, and Conflicts with roommates feels pretty empty, because your roommate will prob- can be life-ruining. That per- let’s face it: You don’t mean it. ably be blown away with your son knows where you sleep But if you don’t do anything, work. They were probably and what you eat, so he or she you will upset the delicate just prepared to be passive ag- is also pretty hard to avoid. balance of roommate diplo- gressive for about a week, and It’s of the utmost importance matic relations. now they’ve got a cake! that this relationship stays However, the solution But also, what kind of amicable. is clear. What solves every- roommate is going to demol- But what is also of the ut- thing? Baked goods. Except ish a 9x13 sheet cake all by most importance is that you the store-bought kind. I per- themselves? They’ll probably get laid sometimes. When sonally recommend funfetti give you a slice or two out of the opportunity arises, there cake mix with vanilla canned gratitude, and you’ll accept may be no other choice but to frosting. because cake. kick your roommate out. They If you’re feeling extra fan- Then, in that moment, cannot stand between you cy, you can get a tube of gel- what was once an apology and that sweet, sweet release. based, decorating frosting to cake will transform into a cel- Unfortunately, not all write, “Sorry I sexiled you” ebration cake. In your mind, roommates will value your on the cake. Your roommate it will read, “Congrats on the ability to get some as much will appreciate the extra ef- sex!” and it will taste that as you do. While that’s under- fort, and it’s great Instagram much sweeter.

Awkward nerd couple at Courtesy of kdemetras via Flickr fall concert clearly doesn’t understand how to grind Lula Banker upper backs — demonstrated in which a person should ap- Group-X grinding instruc- a clear lack of grinding knowl- proach, perform, and derive tor: “Move your body like a edge on this campus. pleasure from grinding. This cyclone.” Lewd and Khatchafer, who step-by-step manual will fea- hooked up this fall but have ture detailed illustrations and With Carnival approach- since broken up, blame the helpful tips from current stu- ing and Matt and Kim slated end of their “relationship” dents, alumni, and campus to perform, Activities Board on their ignorance of grind- faculty, who have extensive and the Office of Student Life ing technique. “If I had been experience in the area. want to clarify and inform taught about the appropriate “Carnegie Mellon is an in- campus members of the prop- method of close-up dancing, I stitution that firmly believes er ways to grind at a concert. wouldn’t have felt so unhappy in educating its community At the campus’s fall concert, or confused by the situation,” to make it a healthier, hap- sophomore civil engineering Lewd said. “I know we are just pier, and safer place for its major Stephanie Lewd and one couple of many who were students,” Barb Grengold, junior computer science and befuddled and ignorant and the associate dean of student philosophy double major Ed- just sort of went for it.” affairs, said. “I know I speak vard Khatchafer received a To avoid emotionally dam- for our president and Stu- lot of criticism for the way in aging situations like this in the dent Life when I say that we which they chose to grind. future, Carnegie Mellon plans look forward to seeing some Their technique — using each to release a small handbook technically excellent and very other’s posteriors, in turn, to — in both digital and paper sexy grinding in just a few scratch their partner’s mid-to- forms — detailing the ways short weeks.”

Courtesy of Valentina Mabilia via Flickr

Next week in The Tartan... “No time to help” with project, says man who spent six hours binge-watching House of Cards last night NEWS • A3

Graduating senior realizes he didn’t have to stay on the red meal plan this entire time FORUM • A67

A guide to seductively wearing plaid PILLBOX • B17

Courtesy of Anne-Sophie Kim Researchers study brain Ultimate frisbee team has The Hill hosts Food Truck and technical material • B6 rebuilding year • B10 Block Party • C4 SCITECH SPORTS PILLBOX

thetartan.org @thetartan March 30, 2015 Volume 109, Issue 21 Carnegie Mellon’s student newspaper since 1906 Seniors impart wisdom in First Lectures Town hall details strategic plans

Abhinav Gautam/Photo Editor Posner Hall was home to a town hall discussion on the three-pillared Strategic Plan on Wednesday. Jessica Tsai/Junior Photographer Left: Senior biological sciences major Shalini Ray speaks about her Carnegie Mellon experience. Right: Senior electrical and computer engineering Brian Trimboli making more courses pass/ major Peter McHale discusses mental health, success, and failure. Editor-in-Chief fail, putting a cap on the Jessica Tsai dergraduate Student Senate “I will be very honest and sin- accessible to students.” number of units that stu- Junior Staffwriter in homage to Randy Pausch’s cere for both my successes and McHale said that at Carn- University administra- dents can take each semester, Last Lecture. failures.” egie Mellon, he is “surround- tors, faculty, staff, and stu- and ensuring that a course’s Senior electrical and com- At these lectures, se- McHale has taught two ed by geniuses.” He said that dents met in Posner Hall units accurately reflect the puter engineering major Peter niors speak about how they StuCos. He learned a lot from he was successful during his last Wednesday for the last amount of work involved in McHale and biological sci- achieved their own success, them, possibly more than his four years at Carnegie Mellon of three campus-wide town that course. ences major Shalini Ray gave what they learned along the students learned from him, because “I failed so much in halls to refine Carnegie Mel- Darrin Willis, a senior lectures on Monday in Porter way, and the wisdom they he said. McHale believes that leadership. “ lon’s Strategic Plan. The electrical and computer en- Hall on how they achieved want to pass on about how to StuCos are a great opportunity McHale first failed at lead- meetings are a precursor to gineering major, said that their success at Carnegie lead one’s life. for first-year students to learn ership through Solar Splash, a the finalized Strategic Plan, the unit system was inef- Mellon University. The First McHale spoke first, open- from upperclassmen, as they which the university expects fective for him, because al- Lectures are hosted by the Un- ing the lecture with the words, are places where “students are See lectures, B3 to announce at the beginning most all of his classes are 12 of next semester. units. “When I first arrived, I The Strategic Plan, an ini- thought it was very nice that inside this issue tiative announced at the be- there was a unit system, be- ginning of this academic year, cause I thought it would al- is built on three main pillars: low for both harder classes Transformative Teaching and and less strenuous classes,” Learning; Transformative Wilson said. “It would be in- Research, Creativity, Innova- teresting to see what it would tion, and Entrepreneurship; look like if we had more 18- and The Transformative unit classes that were part of CMU Experience. A different the standard curriculum, or team of administrators and other numbers of units.” faculty leads each focus of Next, Richard Scheines, the Strategic Plan. dean of the Dietrich College During the town hall, of Humanities and Social Sci- leaders from each focus area ences, proposed a method for discussed how they were engaging students in inter- approaching their concen- disciplinary work. Scheines tration and what initiatives outlined a curriculum in they had come up with. Na- which students would begin than Urban, interim provost, learning about a topic dur- spoke about Transformative ing their first year, and carry Teaching and Learning. their work with that topic “Our students are not through a senior capstone choosing to take intellectual project that would focus on risks … We want to encour- interdisciplinary research. age intellectual exploration,” Vice President for Re- Urban said. He outlined sev- search Farnam Jahanian Eunice Mok/Art Staff eral possibilities for address- The Student Experience Survey (SES) is a new initiative by the administration to gauge student sentiment. Read about it on A3. ing this problem, including See Town Hall, B3 Proud to Be Plaid announces trustees, seniors partnership Laura Scherb poll students or alumni as to Publisher whether they enjoyed their experience,” said Assistant Board of Trustees mem- Director of Annual Giving bers have pledged to contrib- Nicole Atwell via email. “Giv- ute $20 for each senior that ing is a proxy for that.... The donates $5 until Commence- thought is that if they find the ment. value in their degree and care The pledge has the po- about the future of the school, tential to raise more than they’ll give back and invest in $27,000, according to Student the school to help others have Body President (SBP) and se- the same great experience.” nior electrical and computer According to Atwell, Presi- engineering and business ad- dent Subra Suresh has been ministration double major Ian working on raising the giving Glasner. rate, both from alumni and Glasner announced the current students since he took giving initiative to the student office in 2013. body by email, saying, “Give When Glasner took office today, and turn your $5 into as SBP, he helped to found the $25.” Proud to Be Plaid Committee, The initiative, which which focuses on increasing Glasner has been working student giving. Nearly 700 on for the past few months, undergraduate students have arose from conversations that given this year, and almost he had with Chairman of the 300 of those are senior gifts. Board of Trustees Ray Lane in Atwell attributed these Courtesy of Ian Glasner late February, when the two numbers from overall under- Ian Glasner, student body president, presented to the Board of Trustees in February, leading to a collaborative giving effort. met at a Board event in San graduates to such initiative’s dent organizations and en- Proud to Be Plaid Committee. sophomore statistics major and targeting Greek commu- Francisco. After their initial as the Student Athlete Ad- deavors by the larger campus Glasner founded the Proud to Michael McCaffrey to head nities, as well as outreach- talks, the Board voted to ap- visory Board’s challenge to community through a website Be Plaid Committee at the be- the committee. Yang and Mc- ing with Highland Ambas- prove the idea. have all student-athletes give similar to Indiegogo. ginning of the year to increase Caffrey led discussions on the sadors and Andrew Carnegie “Senior giving is a bench- back this year, as well as CMU Atwell also attributed the the senior giving rate. He en- best ways to increase student Scholars, seem to be the most mark similar to alumni giving Crowdfunding, an initiative donations rates among se- listed the help of sophomore giving participation. in that there’s no way to really started this year to fund stu- niors to the efforts of a new math major Connie Yang and Peer-to-peer conversations See plaid, B3 B2 « thetartan.org/news The Tartan » March 30, 2015 feature photo news in brief Retro roller skating in Wiegand Gym Braille-teaching technology wins prize A device developed within power sources. the Robotics Institute won “The Braille Writing Tutor $20,000 as the winner of the has been one of our most suc- 2014 Louis Braille Touch of cessful projects to date,” said Genius Prize for Innovation. M. Bernardine Dias, director The device teaches stu- and founder of TechBridge- dents how to write Braille World, in the release. “We’ve with a slate and stylus, ac- seen the profound impact cording to a university press it has on blind and visually release. It was developed by impaired students and their research group TechBridge- teachers in communities World. Students began work- where we have been fortu- ing on the device, called nate to test the tutor.” the Braille Writing Tutor, in Dias is also an associate 2006. It has been tested in research professor of robot- such countries as Bangla- ics. desh, India, and Tanzania. TechBridgeWorld’s mis- The device has the poten- sion includes implementing tial to service areas of the technology to meet develop- world where Braille typewrit- ment needs across the globe. ers are not easily accessible. The group aims to leverage The hardware specifica- relationships with others in tions and software can be developing areas to under- downloaded online for oth- stand technology’s global ers wishing to build similar influence. The group lists devices, according to the re- two main principles on its lease. website: “sharing expertise Members of TechBridge- to create innovative and lo- World also developed a ver- cally suitable solutions, and sion of the device that relies empowerment of indigenous on batteries for areas that do populations to create sustain- not have access to reliable able solutions.” Former post-doc visits British Parliament to present research

Euan Wielewski is a for- nity to speak to a wide range mer post-doctoral research of the country’s best young associate at Carnegie Mel- researchers,” said Andrew lon. He worked with pro- Miller, chairman of the Par- fessor of physics Robert liamentary and Scientific Suter and professor of mate- Committee in a university rials science and engineering press release. Marc De Graef on research Wielewski presented regarding X-ray and electron research from his time at diffraction, according to his Carnegie Mellon, as well as LinkedIn profile. from his time at Cornell Uni- Now he is a faculty mem- versity. Wielewski’s research ber at the University of focused on determining the Glasgow and one of 210 re- reliability of certain materi- searchers who presented to als used to make jet engine the British Parliament for a parts. poster competition hosted “Presenting our research by SET for Britain. SET for at the House of Parliament Britain aims to promote the was a real honor and a great country’s “early-stage and experience,” said Wielewski early-career research scien- in the release. “It’s rare that tists, engineers, technolo- early career researchers gists, and mathematicians,” get the opportunity to talk according to its website. to politicians about their “This annual competi- work.” Matthew Nielsen/Junior Photographer tion is an important date in Activites Board held roller skating last Friday in the Jared L. Cohon University Center’s Weigand Gymnasium. Students were able to roller skate the parliamentary calendar around the gym for free, and soft pretzels were also available. The event encouraged attendees to wear ’90s clothing. because it gives [members Compiled by of Parliament] an opportu- Braden Kelner Weather Campus Crime & Incident Reports Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Public Drunkenness, Apartments and the second False ID to Law Harassment, Disorderly Underage Drinking on Beeler Street. Medical aid Enforcement, Driving Conduct March 22, 2015 was provided and no citations While Suspended March 26, 2015 were issued. University Police, CMU March 24, 2015 A female student contacted EMS, and city medics re- University Police after she sponded to the eighth floor of Underage Drinking A non-Carnegie Mellon was struck with an egg. The Wean Hall in reference to an March 22, 2015 affiliate lied about her iden- female stated that at around intoxicated male. The male tity after University Police 9 p.m. she was standing on 54° / 29° 56° / 37° 72° / 47° was identified as a University A security officer on patrol stopped her vehicle for failing Forbes Avenue when an egg of Pittsburgh student. The stu- summoned police to More- to use a turn signal and faulty was propelled from a mov- dent was given medical atten- wood Avenue in reference equipment. Police properly ing vehicle at her. The female Friday Saturday Sunday tion and issued citations for to two intoxicated Carnegie identified the female. She was was uncertain of the vehicle’s underage drinking and public Mellon students. The students released from the scene; how- description, only saying that drunkenness. were given medical attention ever, she was unable to drive it was a dark-colored sedan. and both were cited for under- the vehicle and will receive A second person later came age drinking. charges in the mail. forward and stated that he DUI Arrest was nearly struck by an egg March 22, 2015 Harassment Defiant Trespass, around the same time. The A University Police officer March 23, 2015 Harassment male described the vehicle as on patrol observed an erratic March 26, 2015 a white jeep or SUV. 58° / 36° 48° / 33° 56° / 35° driver on Fifth Avenue, near A university employee re- Source: www.weather.com Neville Street. The officer ini- ported an irate motorist ha- University Police were Cell Phone Theft tiated a traffic stop and con- rassing him as he parked his alerted of a male who was March 27, 2015 firmed that the driver was work vehicle on Winthrop entering the Pittsburgh Tech- Corrections & Clarifications intoxicated. The driver was Street. The motorist took ob- nology Center and harassing A Carnegie Mellon student arrested for driving under the jection with the location of a a female employee. Police in- contacted University Police influence and other traffic vio- parked vehicle and became vestigated and identified the after her cell phone was un- If you would like to submit a correction or clarification, lations. verbally combative with the male. He was warned about lawfully taken from the base- please email The Tartan at [email protected] or Carnegie Mellon employee. his questionable conduct and ment-level television lounge [email protected] with your inquiry, as well as the given a defiant trespass warn- in the Jared L. Cohon Univer- date of the issue and the name of the article. We will Alcohol Amnesty ing letter, prohibiting him sity Center. The victim stated print the correction or clarification in the next print March 22, 2015 from returning to Carnegie that she left her belongings issue and publish it online. University Police respond- Mellon leased or owner prop- unattended approximately ed to two calls for alcohol erty. 4:50–5 p.m. This investigation amnesty, the first at Fairfax is ongoing. student senate meeting minutes Special Allocation: Finance Committee Update Academic Relationships Code Update Points of Discussion Food Truck Block and Announcements Party Senate voted to allocate Student Senate has $890 in revenue from sell- The Academic Affairs professors and students to Senate is considering sur- $2,859 for last Saturday’s Food $71,000 for special alloca- ing Senate clothing. Over Committee presented the increase transparency be- veying students on the pro- Truck Block Party. The event, tions. Senate has received two-thirds of the T-shirt and details of the Academic tween both parties. By in- posed new smoking policy. Sen- which took place on Margaret $32,000 more in allocation sweatshirt stock still needs Relationship Code, which creasing communication, ate also discussed its upcoming Morrison Street, was meant to requests than it did last year, to be sold. is broken up into three the Committee intends for annual dodgeball tournament. strengthen the community of and has allocated $6,287 sections: honesty, trans- students to be able to ask the Hill area dorms and bring less. All of the committees parency, and respect; aca- for extensions on assign- attention to Pittsburgh’s food are on budget except for demic commitment; and ment. truck scene. The Finance Com- the Communications Com- outstanding circumstances. mittee funded the event on the mittee and the Campus Life With the code, the Com- grounds that the investment Committee, which are un- mittee hopes to improve was worthwhile because of its stress culture by promoting der budget. Compiled by long-term potential. Senate has also made communication between Brian Trimboli March 30, 2015 « The Tartan thetartan.org/news » B3 University strategic plan discussed McHale, Ray give TOWN HALL, from B1 gested an “innovation term” to learn and work together other students, without think- — an I-term — a period of without the burden of their ing about grades and organi- First Lectures to spoke next about Transforma- time during which students coursework. “It’s not often zations and things like that.” tive Research, Creativity, In- could be on Carnegie Mellon’s that students are at Carnegie Murphy emphasized the novation, and Entrepreneur- campus, but without the pres- Mellon without a lot of work, potential of everyone within inspire students ship. This focus area was sures of their everyday aca- without a lot happening,” he the Carnegie Mellon commu- broken down further into four demic lives. said. “And I think that time nity. “What we inherit at this LECTURES, from B1 Ray opened her presenta- smaller categories: reputa- Erik Pintar, an electrical when we do, when we don’t place is enormous, enormous tion by telling the audience tion, environment, culture, and computer engineering have work hanging over our talent…. In an extraordinary group on campus that makes that although she is heav- and infrastructure. major and fifth-year scholar, heads, could allow that open community with extraordi- solar-powered boats. He said ily involved on campus and Jahanian spoke most about said that an I-term would be thinking and the free time to nary people, there’s an oppor- that, while he led a great in other activities, she is not methods for improving Carne- the ideal time for students be together and think with tunity to go beyond.” team, he could not provide perfect. gie Mellon’s environment and adequate directions when his Through her time at Carn- culture by fostering a more team looked to him to lead. egie Mellon, Ray learned to inclusive dialogue on campus He said that to lead, a person find balance. Her number one between faculty and students has to be 100 percent pas- priority is, “Put health first, and working to “provide the sionate about the task that make sure to eat properly, get foundation for our students, they are leading. enough sleep, and focus on staff, and faculty to be leaders From his various leader- things that really matter.” in their life [sic],” according ship experiences, McHale She realized that “it is not to the slides that accompanied learned that it is necessary to the smallest things that mat- his presentation. focus more on the team than ter; it is how you come out of Vice President for Campus on the end result. “If you in- the situation that matters.” Affairs Michael Murphy and vest in the people they notice Last year was extremely Dean of Student Affairs Gina and they react to it,” he said. difficult for Ray as her dad Casalegno led the discussion McHale also stressed the suffered through ruptured on the last focus of the Strate- importance of people in- abdominal aortic aneurysm. gic Plan, The Transformative side and outside of Carnegie He lived for five-and-a-half CMU Experience. Mellon. months before passing away. Murphy began by asking Key people who influ- “I cried more in those five audience members, “What enced McHale include assis- months more that all I ever kind of lives do we want to tant teaching professor in the cried in my entire life,” Ray lead?” School of Computer Science said. “You know, it was diffi- Casalegno outlined ways David Kosbie, his dad, and his cult mainly because I felt like to create a “transformative high school best friend. I had the world on my side Carnegie Mellon experience,” “You are surrounded — senior year was perfect. I speaking on behalf of Vice by really amazing people,” thought I wanted to work at Provost for Education Amy McHale said. “You learn a lot NASA that summer ... But the Burkert, who could not attend Abhinav Gautam/Photo Editor about yourself by learning world just crashed down at the town hall. Casalegno sug- Campus leaders discuss transformative teaching and learning, one of the three pillars of the strategic plan. from others.” me in one day.” McHale said that his final Ray said the support year at Carnegie Mellon has system at Carnegie Mellon been hard because he is often helped her get through that anxious. He also said that a time. She described a support SES survey evaluates campus lifestyle friend he was close to all four network of students, faculty, years grew apart from him, and staff who have shaped Jessica Tsai abilities. For example, the students and 450 graduate email about reasons for not although he did not want that her into who she has become Junior Staffwriter survey could help to show students who are still enrolled openly distributing the infor- to happen. today. whether taking on leadership at Carnegie Mellon took the mation. “When talking about He said that he became To Ray, “People are the Three years ago, Carnegie positions make students more survey in 2012. The results of people’s experiences and abil- cynical with his education most valuable aspects in my Mellon students received an confident at problem solving. the 2012 survey were shared ities, it is important to limit at Carnegie Mellon; he just life.” She reminded the audi- email to participate in the The survey could also show at many in-person meetings presumptions that one might wanted to do something he ence to “never miss an oppor- Carnegie Mellon University whether certain character- with groups such as the Un- draw from a cursory look at was excited about. tunity to make connections, Student Experience Study istics of students affect their dergraduate Student Senate the material. I anticipate that “I think this is a conversa- friendship.” (CMU-SES). Now, they are personal well-being. and the Graduate Student we will use a similar strategy tion that we need to have,” Ray ended her lecture being asked to participate in This year’s survey is very Assembly. The survey results with this survey as well.” McHale said about anxiety with what she called 10 it again. similar to the 2012 survey, were also shared with campus Campus members can ex- and depression. “Anxiety and cheesy pieces of wisdom, in- Dean of Student Affairs which will allow university members like academic ad- pect to know the results of the depression are some obsta- cluding such things as being Gina Casalegno and Vice Pro- workers to study and compare visers, staff in the Division of study early in the fall semes- cles that I tried to overcome nice to people even though vost for Education Amy Burk- the answers from students Student Affairs, and academic ter, according to Casalegno. with my senior year ... Every- not everyone will be a fan ert sent out an email asking While the university does one should never be in a place of you, what doesn’t kill you students to fill out this year’s “The university uses the results of the online not distribute the study’s re- where you are just looking for makes you stronger, and al- CMU-SES survey, closing on sults for other national stud- study, sent out to the entire student body, to another part of life.” ways laugh or smile because April 2. The university uses ies, the university uses the McHale’s final point in his it will brighten up a room. the results of the online study, understand the impact of various experiences survey’s findings to prepare lecture was the investment “Really inspire other peo- sent out to the entire student in and out of the classroom.” other reports and documents in people. He emphasized ple and be a role model to body, to understand the im- like accreditation reviews and “hanging around people who them,” she ended. pact of various experiences in board reports. Casalegno said just keep you up.” Throughout the lecture, and out of the classroom. who take the survey both deans and associate deans. that the 2012 survey has al- He said that it is impor- she reminded everyone to The Office of Institutional years. “This allowed for robust lowed the university to shift tant to enjoy hanging out remember that it is always Research and Analysis helps “This longitudinal group discussion and reflection with funding in order to support with people and that he and possible to come out of to create the CMU-SES sur- is very interesting to us as it the research team to further new programs, make chang- his friends compliment each something by having mental veys, according to Casalegno. will give an even fuller sense inform our reflections on the es to existing programs, and other often. strength, as well as friends The information will be used of the ‘Carnegie Mellon effect’ results,” Casalegno said in the change staff and faculty de- “We really do respect each and family to create a support to understand how the demo- on the outcome areas,” Casa- email. The information will velopment programs. other and compliment each network. graphics and experiences that legno said via email. “Those not be published online and Students who complete other,” he said. “So the con- The First Lectures series characterize students relate who complete both surveys will not be shared with any- the survey receive a free treat versation is always exciting.” was hosted by the Under- to students’ perceived confi- will provide us an additional one outside of the university. at Entropy+, as well as 100 McHale noted that lead- graduate Student Senate. dence and abilities. cohort for analysis, providing “We are very careful with points to spend at a Survey ership is not just about the The next event will be held Casalegno said in the email a ... group for whom we have results such as these to ensure Thank You Shop on items like team, but everyone. It is very on Monday, April 20 at 4:30 that the survey is designed to results that spans their Carn- that they are not misinterpret- free food at local restaurants, important to pay attention to p.m., and will feature seniors pinpoint how these character- egie Mellon experience.” ed or generalized inappropri- movie passes at local theaters, people and learn from them, Sean Archie and Joanna izing factors affect students’ About 900 undergraduate ately,” Casalegno said in the and university gear. he ended. Latini. Trustees pledge donations PLAID, from B1 Glasner expressed hope the $1 million, according to that the initiative would work Atwell. The money donated effective ways to encourage to increase CMU’s endow- by board members will be put student giving, particularly ment, which, like the giving into either an endowed schol- in seniors, said Atwell. rates, is “minuscule” com- arship or a physical gift on Other peer schools have pared to peer institutions. campus, while the gifts that been doing senior gift drives “Ray [Lane] was excited seniors give will go to wher- for years. At the Massachu- about this idea because he, ever they designate them. setts Institute of Technology like me, understands the im- “I know we can do better,” (MIT), 76 percent of seniors portance of giving back to Atwell said. “With continued gave back last year. Carnegie Mellon,” Glasner support from the administra- “That sort of giving rate said. “When it comes down to tion and from committed stu- and the ability to educate stu- it, student giving is not about dent volunteers and donors, dents as to why giving is im- the money. It’s about the par- we’ll definitely get there.” portant also shows in schools ticipation rate.” Glasner agreed, saying such as MIT’s undergraduate The trustees’ gifts will add “We all have the same goals alumni giving rates,” Atwell to the nearly $1 million that at heart — to leave CMU a wrote. These giving rates are they already give annually better place than we found the numbers used for rank- and the larger, multi-year it. And [giving] is a great way ings such as those provided initiatives they contribute to to go about accomplishing by U.S. New & World Report. individually not included in that.” Statistically Speaking 19.3 MIT’s endowment for every $1 in Percentage of alumni the Carnegie Melllon endowment who choose to give $9.97 to Carnegie Mellon $32 million Amount donated towards Sources: Giving to CMU webpage faculty research Compiled by Note: All statistics are from 2011 fiscal year. Sarah gutekunst B4 « thetartan.org/forum The Tartan » March 30, 2015

From the Editorial Board Facebook, New York Times won’t be perfect marriage Suresh should be vocal on good and bad news

heard voice in that community. Since he has taken office, Presi- dent Suresh’s communications to the students have largely consisted Justin Mcgown of announcing new donations to the Simon Initiative and ProSEED or When the Sigma Alpha Epsilon providing updates on the construc- chapter at the University of Okla- tion of the new Tepper Quadrangle. homa was revealed as a collection Also frequent are important an- of racists who used drunkenness as nouncements regarding the depar- an excuse for their actions, one of ture and appointment of important the few bright spots I could see in administrative positions. Remind- the story was the statement made by ers about speeches and information the University President and former about important developments such United States senator David L. Boren as this are of course part of his job. in response to the leaked videos. One of the few exceptions to “These people have acted in a President Suresh’s typical communi- way that is absolutely reprehensible cations is an email sent out in August Eunice Oh/Art Editor and disgraceful. I don’t have words after the death of Michael Brown at the hands of the Ferguson Police This week The New York Times now is discussing ways for publish- and presentation. Even if they re- in my vocabulary to adequately de- Department and the subsequent announced that Facebook is in talks ers to make money from advertising tain ownership, the data that comes scribe how I feel about people who nationwide protests. In the email, with news sites about hosting con- revenue. from site traffic would no longer go would use those words in that way, Suresh reminds us that we need to tent within Facebook instead of link- While this agreement could lead to news outlets. They would lose in- and chant in that way,” said Boren, have an open dialogue and respect- ing articles to external sites. to a “seamless” media consumption formation about their reader base, according to The New York Times. ful atmosphere in order to deal with The plan is meant to create a experience, as Facebook proposes, while Facebook would gain even I’m glad that there hasn’t been a the issues of race and prejudice, more user-friendly experience for it also carries serious implications more data about users’ news con- scandal of similar magnitude dur- even if he doesn’t go into any spe- Facebook users, especially on mo- for digital journalism. When profits sumption habits. ing Subra Suresh’s term as Carnegie cifics. It’s a political email designed bile devices, where clicking away to are driven by advertising revenue, Such a partnership is also likely to Mellon’s president, but it does both- another site can be clumsy and slow. media outlets are tempted to pro- be limited to large-scale media out- Expected partners include The New duce “clickbait” stories eye-catching lets with the resources to reach Face- “He should be an active and frequently York Times, National Geographic, and enough for casual consumers scroll- book. Smaller publications or niche Buzzfeed. ing through Facebook. This has two stories could be lost. heard voice in the community.” This move generates some murky consequences: sensationalist jour- As a news source, The Tartan is legal waters for Facebook, which nalism and non-substantive journal- watching the evolution of online not to offend anybody and it’s un- would host and display the content. ism. Both can be dangerous if they journalism very closely. Our own er me that I have no idea what sort derstandable, but it also closes with Ownership and publishing rights distort reporting. negotiations with USA Today over a of reaction I could expect. a reminder about the recent expan- are still in negotiation. Facebook has If news outlets forfeit ownership joint mobile app raises similar ques- Right before Spring Break, Carn- sion of Martin Luther King Jr. Day. never before had revenue-sharing of their content, they also forfeit tions about content, ownership, and egie Mellon had a bad week in the In this email’s urging attendance of agreements with publishers, but some degree of control over display access for readers. press. Hundreds of rejected students received acceptance emails due to day’s events, more is said about a a software error, an embarrassing speaker for a Simon Initiative event Senior giving initiative shows refreshing collaboration development for a university known than any of the other activities for largely for its computer science pro- the day. There’s nothing technically This week, the Proud to Be Plaid already donated well over $1 million The Board of Trustees should be gram. wrong with the communications Committee and Ian Glasner, student together annually, and some donate applauded for their gesture of sup- A few days after that story broke, sent out by President Suresh’s office. body president, announced a collab- even more in individual major gifts port, and the seniors who have given a mentor in first-year housing turned It’s understandable that President orative effort to boost senior giving that stretch over years. While adding or will give as a part of this initiative himself into the Pittsburgh Police Suresh doesn’t want to use his posi- through a donation matching pro- $20 might not seem significant, but should be excited to take part in a Department for invading the pri- tion for politics and wants to avoid gram with the Board of Trustees. For it makes every senior’s donation $25 historic gift-giving program. vacy of multiple students. Though controversy. every $5 that a senior gives between instead of $5. Instead of totaling just It is unclear at this time if the ini- the incident had occurred months But the community would ben- now and graduation, the trustees over $5,100, the gift would multiply tiative will extend to next year or not, before, the university only informed efit from hearing from our leader will donate $20. to $27,000, creating a larger impact but The Tartan would like to urge the the general population after news when it has nothing to do with the This is an exciting development and a larger ripple effect. trustees and student government media broke the story. nebulously defined Simon Initia- in the series of gift-giving initiatives The more money that is given to continue these efforts. This gift It is not technically the university tive, or when the news is bad. I urge that Carnegie Mellon has seen this toward this undecided scholarship means more than just $20. It means a president’s role to talk to the student Subra Suresh to communicate more year. Though many, including The or gift (yet to be decided by senior tangible show of togetherness in the body about bad news. The Dean of frequently with his students, to be a Tartan in a previous editorial, felt class voters), the more that money Carnegie Mellon community and an Student Affairs is generally given presence with simply stated stances that efforts were half-hearted, this can accomplish. Considering dona- encouraging investment in the stu- that task, working to portray the on issues that impact us, who is not new agreement is both welcome and tions as an investment in the future dents. Continued plans such as these university and its administration in afraid to express opinions and help encouraging. It is refreshing to hear of our school is exactly the right way show that there is real collaboration the best light possible. But it seems us understand his vision for our that the Board of Trustees is stand- to approach this new initiative, and happening, and not just talks filled to me that President Suresh should school. ing with the students in regard to hopefully, it will encourage more se- with flowery, empty promises. Hope- be clearly involved with the campus boosting the giving rates. According niors, as well as all undergraduates, fully, it will sustain through the next community, and that as its leader he Justin McGown (jmcgown@) is a con- to the Office of Giving, the trustees to give. rotation of student government. should be an active and frequently tributing editor for The Tartan. letter to the editor Student Senate allotted CUC shell space democratically After reading last week’s editorial Even if, hypothetically, an organi- tunities to subsidize students who are to move forward with it. comes a point where one can no opinion in the Tartan regarding shell zation could afford the shell, there’s excited to do new things. Theoretically, at this point we longer defer directly to students, for space, a few inaccuracies in the piece no guarantee the space would be ac- In regards to democracy of deci- could have directly formed our shell the sake of productivity. An organi- have motivated me to write a letter. I cessible to all the undergraduates on sion-making, Senate has continuous- space committee. However, rather zation’s members inform the vision should disclose that I am a senator in campus. Democratization of space ly endeavored to make the shell space than restrict our vision, we reopened for any organization on campus, but the Undergraduate Student Senate, access is an important issue, and Sen- as democratically informed as pos- the forum for students, asking for smaller working groups execute vari- so I’m well-informed on the issue, but ate’s purchase is the best guarantee sible. We’ve spent tens of hours ta- students’ ideal feel of a collaborative ous facets of that vision. In our orga- also biased in regards to its represen- of a space for all undergraduates, re- bling for student opinions, soliciting space, and what resources it would nization, our membership happens to tation to the student body. gardless of departmental affiliation them by offering food to anyone who have. We tabled again (this time’s in- be a bit bigger. It is unfeasible to have I would first like to address the or organizational membership. would respond. Our polling began centive was cakes from Prantl’s) and a working team of 5,500. Simply put, misconception that this space was Another note is that we don’t re- during Senate Week 2014 (the sec- collected responses that gave us a ro- there would be many, many referen- purchasable by any undergraduate ceive JFC funding. From the overall ond week of October). With its high bust vision guided by what students dums. student organization. It is, frankly, Student Activities Fee, we get a small traffic, the Cohen University Center wanted and needed with our portion We do our best to remain trans- too expensive for anyone to buy but slice ($140,000) of a budget, of which (CUC) was the natural choice for lo- of the shell space. parent and accessible. If you have any Senate — noting this, we made this over half goes directly to students and cation. We incentivized students to After feeling sufficiently informed opinions on the shell space, please decision on behalf of all undergradu- student organizations. We’ve had the respond by handing out free gifts. by the student body, we decided to direct them to us. Student Govern- ate representation in the student gov- money sitting in reserves to make a Our big question: what is the space move forward with our newly formed ment doesn’t exist to self-serve; we ernment. If Senate did not purchase big expenditure like this for a while. that’s needed most on this campus? shell space committee. It’s been op- unabashedly seek the opinions of this space, there is no guarantee that Without our purchase of the shell The responses made it abundantly erational since early January, which those we represent. I hope that I’ve it would go to any undergraduate or- space, we couldn’t have allocated in clear that students both wanted and shows that we spent nearly a semes- provided ample response and clarity ganization, and certainly, no other a better way to help the student body. needed a collaborative space for ter collecting information from the to the issue. organization could afford it. It would However, if you think there are better studying or socializing. This was the undergraduates who we represent. likely go up for auction to other com- options to spend that money on, tell most feasible option that we solicited I find it hard to argue that this Vaasavi Unnava mercial interests on campus. us. We are always looking for oppor- directly from students, so we decided process was not democratic. There Sophomore economics major

Editorial Board Staff laura scherb* Ariel Hoffmaier* Zeke Rosenberg Anne-sophie kim* Senior Staff Publisher Forum Editor Sports Editor Layout Manager Carl Glazer, Greg Hanneman, Alan Vangpat Brian trimboli* Sarah GuteKunst* Amelia Britton Copy Editor-in-Chief Operations Manager Asst. Copy Manager Deborah Chu, Gordon Estes, Rin Fair, Evan Kahn, Xinya Li, Stephanie Stern, Ian Tanaya The Tartan is a student newspaper at Carnegie Mellon University, funded in part by the student activities fee. It is a weekly publication by students during the fall and spring semesters, printed by Editorial Staff layout Trib Total Media. The Tartan is not an official publication of Carnegie Mellon University. Claire Gianakas Yeongwoo Hwang Benjamin Chang Rachel Cohen Sean Ha, Korrawat Jianthanakanon SciTech Editor Systems Manager Asst. Business Manager Contributing Editor The Editorials appearing at the beginning of the opinion section are the official opinion of The Lula Beresford-Banker Alison chiu Xiyu Wang Braden Kelner Advertising Tartan Editorial Board. Columns, Editorial Cartoons, and Reviews are the opinions of their Pillbox Editor Advertising Manager Asst. Forum Editor Contributing Editor Michelle Wan, Sophia Cheng individual creators. The Tartan Editorial Staff reserves the right to withhold from publication any copy it deems unfit. maryyann Landlord Benjamin Chang Kate Groschner Comics Editor Business Manager Contributing Editor Letters to the Editor are the opinions of their authors. Letters from within the University com- Abhinav Gautam James wu Brent Heard munity take precedence. Letters intended for publication must be signed and include the author’s address and telephone number for verification; letters must not exceed 350 words. Authors’ names Photo Editor Copy Manager Contributing Editor may be withheld from publication upon request. The Tartan reserves the right to condense or reject Eunice Oh NIVEDITA CHOPRA Justin McGown any letter. Letters must be submitted by 5 p.m. on the Wednesday before publication by mail or to Art Editor Asst. Copy Manager Contributing Editor [email protected]. Michelle Wan Isabel BleiMeister Brooke Kuei Personnel Manager Asst. Layout Manager Contributing Editor Mail: The Tartan Office: University Center 314 Box 119, UC Suite 103 © 2015 The Tartan, all rights reserved. Web: www.thetartan.org 5000 Forbes Avenue * Denotes executive committee member Library of Congress ISSN: 0890-3107 E-mail: [email protected] Pittsburgh, PA 15213 March 30, 2015 « The Tartan thetartan.org/forum » B5 Imagine Ted Cruz’s America: it’s horrible and ridiculous Emmett Eldred are the more conservative aspects of Homeland Security has bigger priori- ity, free education. School choice is religious or ethnic group to hate. Junior Staffwriter the bill; for instance, it includes no ties than deporting a mother of three nothing but white flight from public In conclusion, imagine Ted Cruz’s public option. But even with those young American citizens or a produc- schools. America: Where Netflix is as depend- Last Monday, Senator Ted Cruz weaknesses, Obamacare has been an tive, law-abiding member of society Policy 12: “Imagine a president able as Comcast. Where it’s easier to kicked off the 2016 presidential elec- unquestionable success. It has pro- who was brought to the country ille- who stands unapologetically with the get a gun than to vote. Where schools tion season by announcing his can- vided insurance coverage to millions gally as a young child. nation of Israel.” have more choice than women. didacy for president. Throughout of previously uninsured people. It has This article is getting long. I under- Because Israel is the 51st state, Where Israel gets our unwavering his speech, titled “The Promise of slowed the rise of healthcare and in- estimated the depths of Cruz’s crazy. after all. (Yes, I did just dare boil US- support, but millions of uninsured America,” Cruz invited his audience surance costs. It has opened coverage It’s time for the lightning round. Israeli relations down to eight words. Americans are left to fend for them- to imagine an America governed by to those with preexisting conditions, Policy six: “Imagine a federal gov- What can I say? It’s the lightning selves. Where everyone has an equal his policies. So I invite you to do the it has outlawed gender discrimina- ernment that works to defend the round!) tax rate, regardless of their ability to same. Imagine, if you will, the prom- tion in providing insurance, and it sanctity of human life…” Policy 13: “Imagine a president pay, but millions of Americans don’t ise of Ted Cruz’s America. has allowed me to stay on my parents’ I’ll be expecting your repeal of the who says ‘I will honor the Constitu- have the right to marry the person Policy one: “Imagine innovation health insurance until I’m 26. death penalty on day one, President tion, and under no circumstances they love. Where oil flows freely thriving on the Internet as govern- But more importantly, Ted Cruz Cruz. Not to mention war. And I’m will Iran be allowed to acquire a nu- through our pipelines, but our com- ment regulators and tax collectors had no viable alternative. He can’t glad to hear you’ll be giving everyone clear weapon.’ ” mander-in-chief wont even acknowl- are kept at bay and more and more seek out a conservative, market- free healthcare. U.S. Constitution Article V Sec- edge that climate change exists. opportunity is created.” based solution, because Obamacare Policy seven: “… and to uphold tion 2: “Under no circumstances will We deserve better from our can- Here, Cruz is referring to net neu- is the conservative, market-based the sacrament of marriage.” Iran be allowed to acquire a nuclear didates. We deserve candidates who trality. You may remember his infa- solution. Better get divorced now, before weapon.” Look it up, people. will talk about the real issues, like in- mous “Net neutrality is Obamacare Policy four: ”Imagine a simple flat President Cruz outlaws it. It’s in the Policy 14: “Imagine a president come inequality and climate change for the Internet” tweet. The truth is, tax… imagine abolishing the IRS.” Bible, folks. That’s what he’s talking who says ‘We will stand up and de- and the money in politics. net neutrality keeps the Internet ex- I knew Cruz was crazy, but not about, right? feat radical Islamic terrorism… and Who will bring real solutions to actly as it is now: free and open. All this crazy. First of all, a simple flat Policy eight: “Imagine a federal call it by its name.’ ” the table rather than pander to hate it does is prevent Internet service tax would be a monumentally unfair government that protects the right to While we’re at it, let’s call the Ku and emotion. Who will align their providers from biasing the way they tax system. Income inequality is at keep and bear arms of all law-abiding Klux Klan or Neo-Nazis radical Chris- policies to the facts, rather than re- provide service. Providers can’t, for record highs as it is, and what Cruz Americans.” tian terrorists. That’ll go over well. ligious dogma. The good news: Ted instance, speed up or slow down is suggesting is a massive tax break Cruz bragged on CNN this week Or, as it may turn out, gross over-gen- Cruz will never be president. The bad websites based on extra fees or con- for the wealthy, and (most likely) a about fighting tooth and nail to kill eralizations about people are only news: He’s running, and it isn’t going tract negotiations. You don’t have to huge tax increase for the working and every commonsense gun control okay when they’re about the trendy to be pretty. imagine innovation thriving on the middle class. measure proposed after the Sandy Internet, because that’s what is hap- Beyond that, who is supposed to Hook massacre, even the bipartisan pening right now. And net neutrality collect Cruz’s harmful, woefully in- ones with near universal public sup- keeps it that way. adequate flat tax without the IRS? port. See policy six. Policy two: “Imagine America fi- Is Cruz saying that he’ll collect every Policy nine: “Instead of a govern- nally becoming energy self-sufficient American’s taxes personally? The IRS ment that seizes your e-mails and as millions and millions of high-pay- doesn’t exist because taxes are high or your cell phones, imagine a federal ing jobs are created.” complicated. The IRS exists because government that protected the pri- Cruz must be talking about a fu- government bureaucracy may not vacy rights of every American.” ture fueled by sustainable energy be great, but it’s better than nothing Even a broken clock is right twice sources, right? Surely not oil. Surely when it comes to things like making a day. not natural gas. Surely not coal. sure the government has money, and Policy ten: “Imagine repealing ev- Right? How about solar? Wind? Geo- making sure the President doesn’t ery word of Common Core.” thermal? Hydro-electric? Those are throw away tax revenue because it You’ll have to make it a federal law new technologies that really could got mixed in with his junk mail. first, though, so you can repeal it. create millions of jobs, and help bring Policy five: “Imagine a president Policy 11: “Imagine embracing the United States closer to energy that finally, finally, finally secures the school choice as the civil rights issue independence. Nice work, Ted, I’m borders.” of the next generation…” with you on this one 100 percent! I Cruz knows that President Obama Because racism is dead, after all, just don’t think you’re with you. has done more to secure the border along with sexism, homophobia, and Policy three: “Imagine in 2017 a than most Presidents. Cruz is re- discrimination. It’s time to let schools new president signing legislation re- ally talking about Obama’s “execu- finally have abortions, or whatever pealing every word of Obamacare.” tive amnesty,” as he likes to call it school choice means. But seriously, And replacing it with single payer (it’s not), which has nothing to do making it easier and more appealing healthcare! Obamacare has its weak with border security. It’s all about for people to abandon public schools points. It’s just that those weak points recognizing that the Department of denies every child’s right to a qual- Maegha Singh/Staff Artist New SBP, SBVP shouldn’t discard competition’s best ideas JR Marshall and Jibby Ayo-Ani proposal for improved apps, while proposed initiatives should not die expanded shuttle services?). have proposed to increase the num- nice, does not seem as important as with their campaign. Instead, the Pulling the most important ini- ber of students trained to be part some of the already listed initiatives winning pair must consider working tiatives from each platform would of the Survivor Support Network proposed by other candidates. These with their former competitors during ensure that there are no fluff goals Braden Kelner (SSN), while Divya Kothandapani initiatives will either fail or not pro- the following academic year, in order for the next SBP and SBVP to tackle. and Mark Whiting have promised to vide substantial change to our cam- to provide tangible change before the But in order to make three ambi- This year, the candidates running bridge the gap between graduates pus. I am not putting down these ini- next election season. tious goals achievable, the winning for Student Body President (SBP) and undergraduates, something that tiatives to lambaste the candidates’ With such highly motivated pairs pair must consider working with and Student Body Vice President is sorely needed. Evan Wineland and platforms. of candidates (this year has seen the people who first proposed them, (SBVP) have each provided at least Connie Yang have proposed to raise Instead, I am reviewing both the more effort put into platforms and since these are the people who have one promising goal student wages and expand students’ promising and the less promising campaigning than previous years), it thought most about these initiatives to the student contact with the city of Pittsburgh. positions to shed light on the fact seems a shame that many of the im- and probably have the best connec- body. All of the above portions of that each running pair has at least portant initiatives proposed will fall tions to make them happen. these students’ plat- one major initiative in their platform to the wayside, only to be replaced by If I were to have my way, the next forms seem like worth pursuing, as well as some that less important initiatives like DineX SBP and SBVP would choose the worthwhile pursuits are not worth pursuing. If the win- expansion, student-faculty lunches, most important initiative from each for the next SBP and ning candidate were able to tackle and improved apps. running pair’s platform, and tackle SBVP to tackle. How- the most important initiatives from In an ideal world, I would like to those three goals, rather than tack- ever, many of the each platform, they would have an see the next SBP and SBVP tackling ling one good initiative paired with a other proposed ini- undeniably strong presidency. three equally ambitious goals—like few lesser initiatives. If I had my way, tiatives in their agen- I’m writing to urge the winners of increasing SSN participation, bridg- all candidates would be in the win- das seem unnecessary this year’s Student Senate debates to ing gaps in our student body, and ner’s cabinet to make these goals pos- or unfeasible. I do not consider inviting the other serious increasing student wages—rather sible. With all candidates working to- foresee high levels of candidates (sorry, Saif Jedidi and than having one or two important gether, I can imagine a SBP and SBVP involvement for Mar- Ben Debebe) to their cabinet, and for proposals get dragged down by less pair that could enact true change on shall’s proposal for a reori- the pairs who do not win the elec- important initiatives, which are often campus in multiple substantial areas. entation day or Wineland’s tions to accept those invites. While, proposed almost every year (when proposal for a student-faculty of course, not all candidates can win is the last time we weren’t promised Braden Kelner (bik@) is a contribut- lunch program. Kothandapani’s the positions of SBP and SBVP, their better faculty-student relations and ing editor for The Tartan. Emily Giedzinski/Staff Artist A PERSON’S OPINION Compiled by Justin McGown The Tartan is embracing its inner jokester this week. So we asked, What was the best April Fools’ prank you ever witnessed?

Akash Kejriwal Emma Harger Rhea Prabhu Lucy Qian Enosh Shachar Information Systems Psychology, German Chemistry ECE Chemical Engineering, BME First-year Junior First-year Senior First-year

“In my high school, we brought “In music class, we put an alarm “I put Saran wrap across a door- “My friends collectively tricked “Somebody went on Facebook cows up to the second floor. April clock in the teacher’s piano, so way and then my friend walked me into believing that Carnival and said I was joining the Israeli Fools’ isn’t really allowed at our it would go off in the middle of into it because she didn’t see it. got cancelled.” military and my friends started school anymore.” class.” And then she fell.” liking it to make it seem legit.” B6 « thetartan.org/scitech The Tartan » March 30, 2015

CMU professor writes parenting book Researchers study In addition to his readings, the professor also turned to the brain and two colleagues for assistance. One of the colleagues was Junlei Li, an associate profes- technical material sor of psychological science, co-director of the Fred Rogers Danielle Hu paper centers around a Center, and an early child- Staffwriter study consisting of fourteen hood and learning expert at college students. The stu- St. Vincent College. “Junlei Li As part of the global ef- dents, six female and eight really studies the question of fort to explore and under- male, were asked to listen to teaching practices, and what stand complex behaviors of informative descriptions of it means to be innovative as the brain, Robert Mason, se- four different types of me- a teacher,” Nourbakhsh said. nior research associate and chanical systems and were The other colleague was Pro- Marcel Just, director of the analyzed through the CCBI’s fessor Fatemeh Zarghami, a Center for Cognitive Brain fMRI machine. Each partici- childhood and human devel- Imaging (CCBI) at Carnegie pant received information opment instructor at De Anza Mellon, have been studying about these systems that College. She also certifies how the brain learns and could easily be understood child centers for the State of processes successive infor- from a nontechnical stand- California. “I [had] the two mation. point, and were given small of them read the early draft,” In May 2015, their most visual aids to support the ex- Nourbakhsh said. “Then I read recent findings, from proj- planations. their detailed comments and ects that are part of Carn- The researchers studied rewrote the whole thing.” egie Mellon’s BrainHubSM mechanical systems includ- To keep the book afford- initiative, will be published ing a bathroom scale, a fire able and accessible to par- in Volume 111 of the scien- extinguisher, an automo- ents, Professor Nourbakhsh tific journal NeuroImage. bile braking system, and a self-published his book on Mason, the lead author trumpet. Although these Amazon.com. The book is of the study, believes that objects are common to ev- available in both digital and their work will benefit re- eryday life, the mechanics Courtesy of Illah Nourbakhsh paperback versions. Illah Nourbakhsh, a robotics professor at CMU, wrote a book about raising children in an era of technology. search on future learning of the objects are not gener- The first volume of “Par- techniques by approach- ally known to the public. For Sharon Wu technology-driven future. Community Robotics, Educa- enting for Technology Fu- ing this subject area not in example, the participants Staffwriter “I’ve written an earlier tion, and Technology Empow- tures” is laid out into five a behavioral manner, like in the study learned about book which talks about the erments (CREATE) Lab. He chapters that contain tutori- most studies in the past, but the bathroom scale through As we progress into the native impact robotic tech- also serves as the head of the als, as well as references to rather by directly examining phrases such as “A bathroom 21st century, the role of artifi- nology can have on society,” Robotics Masters Programs additional reading materials. the brain. scale consists of a lever, a cial intelligence and robotics Nourbakhsh said. “And one of within The Robotics Institute. In the introduction, the pro- Although this topic of spring, a ratchet and a dial,” has become an increasingly the most frequent questions I Written from the perspec- fessor states the importance how the brain learns is an “the person’s weight exerts a controversial topic. While the got from readers was ‘I have tive of a parent and an aca- of preparing children for mas- ongoing process that Ma- downward force on a lever,” increasing presence of these kids — what are they going to demic expert, Nourbakhsh’s tery of technology fluency, so son and Just continue to technologies has brought do in a world with a lot of un- Parenting for Technology Fu- that they become “creative explore, their most recent See BRAIN, B7 conveniences into our lives employment, in which robot tures is a response to the con- producers rather than robotic — from intelligent personal technology has taken over a cerns of parents for their chil- consumers of technology” in assistants to robot-assisted lot of what humans do today? dren’s futures, with a focus on the future. Possessing tech- surgery — it also raises many How do I prepare my kids for current education issues. Prior nology fluency is, however, concerns, including the po- that, so that they can have a to writing his book, he spent described as being different tential consequences of these good life, even though [the about a year reading previ- from having technology liter- technologies on the social future] sounds like a very dif- ously published books and acy, which the author believes and financial welfare of future ficult time?’” articles that existed on this sentences people to passivity generations. In his latest book, For a long time, Nour- topic. “I was trying to find out as they set their sights “on the Parenting for Technology Fu- bakhsh has been pondering what some of the most impor- goal of correctly employing tures Part 1: Education & Tech- these questions. A father of tant lessons to give somebody electronic products and digi- nology, Illah Nourbakhsh, a two, Nourbakhsh joined the are,” Nourbakhsh explained. tal media without hesitation.” professor of robotics at Carn- Carnegie Mellon community “I wanted to make the whole Following the introduction egie Mellon University, offers as an assistant professor of Ro- book really thin so that it is on technology education, the parenting advice on how to botics in 1997. Since then, he easy for anybody to read in al- best prepare children for a has founded and directed the most a sitting or two.” See TECHNOLOGY, B8

How things work Caffeine effects are often misconceived Brooke Kuei But what really happens af- just yet — you might be sur- receptors bind to caffeine in- Contributing Editor ter you take that first sip and prised by what caffeine actu- stead, leaving few left for the the caffeine starts to course ally does to your body. actual adenosine and causing Do the baristas at your lo- through your body? The truth is, caffeine is the cell activity to speed up in- cal Starbucks know you by Caffeine is a central ner- ultimate chemical prankster. stead of slow down. name? vous system stimulant, ac- According to Medical News When the pituitary gland Even if they don’t start cording to the Food and Drug Today, adenosine is a chemi- notices this increase in cell scribbling down your name Administration (FDA). After cal in our cells that promotes activity, it assumes that there before you open your mouth, drinking or eating something sleep and suppresses arousal. is an emergency and tells you are likely part of a gener- with caffeine in it, you will Normally, adenosine binds the adrenal glands to secrete ation in which coffee is king. likely experience symptoms to adenosine receptors in the adrenaline, the fight-or- Most of us live and breathe such as alertness, improved brain, causing cell activity to flight hormone responsible coffee, idolizing it as a magi- concentration, a quickened slow down. However, to an for your extra energy and cal blend that helps us start heartbeat, or the jitters. But unsuspecting nerve cell, caf- fast heartbeat. The release Courtesy of Robert Mason our days, study for exams, don’t give your coffee all the feine looks just like adenos- Carnegie Mellon University senior research associate Robert Mason and get through meetings. credit for your productivity ine. As a result, the adenosine See COFFEE, B8 has been researching how the brain understands technical information.

scitech briefs Google teams up New headway on Possibility of alien Researches suggest Facebook tests Fatty acids suggest with Johnson & Alzheimer’s, heart life on Jupiter’s an alternative laser drones in the possibility of Johnson disease moon Europa approach to drugs U.K. skies life on Mars

This past Friday, Google According to a report from Europa, one of Jupiter’s The discovery that switch- Last Friday, Facebook CEO A molecule that could be and the pharmaceutical com- the scientific community in moons, is one of the few plac- ing various genes on or off Mark Zuckerberg announced a fatty acid, the equivalent of pany Johnson & Johnson an- Iceland this past week, in the es where life could potentially may be able to provide a new to the world that various teams lard, has been found by NASA’s nounced a partnership be- process of exploring the na- exist due to its icy ocean, re- treatment strategy other than at Facebook have been testing Curiosity Rover in the soil of tween Google’s life sciences tion’s genetic makeup, Icelan- searchers say. drugs, for various cancers, large, solar-powered drones in the Red Planet. It is still unclear division and Ethicon, a divi- dic scientists have uncovered Researchers believe Euro- including breast cancers and the skies over the U.K. if the molecule originates from sion of Johnson & Johnson an unknown gene pool with pa to have an ocean up to 100 ovarian cancers. Drugs often “As part of our internet.org a biological source. that makes surgical products, mutations that may play roles kilometers deep, which is 10 fail to reach the targeted area, effort to connect the world, David Glavin, who works to develop new robot-assisted in causing ailments such as times deeper than any ocean proving to be useless, and in we’ve designed unmanned air- on the rover’s Sample Analysis surgery technologies. Alzheimer’s disease, gallstone, on Earth. They also have con- many cases even harmful as crafts that can beam Internet at Mars instrument, presented Some of the partnership and even heart diseases. cluded that the moon could they affect healthy cells in- access down to people from the findings at the Lunar and goals include developing soft- While some diseases, like contain twice as much water stead of cancerous ones. After the sky,” said Zuckerberg in a Planetary Science Conference ware that could highlight fea- cystic fibrosis, are caused by as Earth, which would meet trying to approach this prob- blog post. “We’ve successfully in The Woodlands, Texas, last tures of the body that are cru- a single genetic mutation, the one of the primary conditions lem with drugs, scientists in completed our first test flight of week. cial but difficult to see, such as most common ones are caused for the existence of life as we Australia have been fiddling these aircraft in the U.K.” Researchers at NASA dis- blood vessels, nerves, or the by multiple mutations, and know it. with the cancerous tissue it- Ascenta, a Somerset, U.K.- covered that there are similari- margins around a tumor, and mutations to a number of dif- Researchers also believe self. “Maybe we can shift the based designer of solar-pow- ties between the gases released also imaging technologies to ferent genes can each raise the that they could deduce wheth- tumor in the direction of the ered drones, developed the by samples of the fatty acid and give surgeons better visuals, risk of getting heart disease er life on Europa is sustainable therapy rather than develop- drones, which are designed to various complex compounds all of which can be crucial to or even breast cancer, for ex- without actually visiting the ing the therapy in the direc- fly for months at a time at alti- on Earth. successfully removing cancer ample. moon itself, by investigating in tion of the tumor,” says Rob tudes of 60,000 feet. This might not be a direct tumors. Many of these diseases, Antarctica, which is the host to Ramsay from the Peter Mac- The purpose of Facebook’s sign of life, but it it does mean By pursuing this technol- however, are rare, which a number of hidden lakes. Ant- Callum Cancer Centre in Mel- internet.org initiative is to con- that Mars could be host to com- ogy, it is evident that Google means it is necessary to sample arctic lakes are the best analog bourne, Australia. Along with nect at least another billion plex organic molecules, which has ambitions far beyond In- large groups of people in order we have for Europa’s hidden new treatment development, people to the Internet. The goal suggests that microbes could ternet searching, especially to conduct research. This de- ocean, so, if life can endure this discovery could help give is to create new markets for the be found there in the future. with the creation of its life sci- velopment is unprecedented the conditions under the Ant- patients more information social network in order to add ences division, which is part of in that it involves investigating arctic ice, the odds of finding it about their chances of sur- to the 1.39 billion monthly ac- Source: New Scientist the Google X research unit. a smaller group of people. on Europa will improve. vival. tive users already on Facebook. Compiled By claire Gianakas Source: The New York Times Source: The New York Times Source: BBC Source: New Scientist Source: The Guardian Julia Napolitano March 30, 2015 « The Tartan thetartan.org/scitech » B7

PUGWASH COLUMN Malicious programs raise questions regarding free software bers who were not technically focused felt quite helpless. If they couldn’t trust software developed by companies, why could they trust software de- veloped by other program- mers? More technically-minded members argued that, unlike companies, the open source community did not have a reason to write malicious pro- grams. In fact, such a commu- nity tends to be self-policing. However, this argument did not quell the concerns of many members. Many members felt that Stallman understated the sac- rifice of only using free soft- ware. Free software can be of lower quality and is frequently designed for programmers rather than regular users. Many popular services use cloud-based programs, which by definition cannot be free software. By pretending that the sacrifice of only using free software is quite small, Stall- man perpetuates the alien- ation non-programmers feel from the free software com- munity. Some members of Pugwash argued that the free software movement was the wrong method for preventing mali- cious programs. Instead, they argued that governmental regulation of programs should prevent companies from pro- Ben Hammer/Junior Staff Artist viding malicious programs. Other members argued that Joseph Rollinson with your changes. Stallman of this type of program. For the ability to install Linux on 2013, Bloomberg reported this process was quite impossi- Special to The Tartan argues that these freedoms are instance, in 2009, Amazon, the PS3. Sony compelled users that Microsoft shares infor- ble, because of the monumen- necessary for users to main- much to the shock of its users, to update their systems by dis- mation with the NSA about tal effort required to enforce Pugwash began this week’s tain control over the programs deleted a version of George abling online features on con- vulnerabilities in its popular such regulation. meeting by watching Rich- they run. He believes that pro- Orwell’s 1984 from all Kin- soles that were not updated. In products before it fixes them All members of Pugwash ard Stallman’s TED talk from grams without these freedoms dles without the permission 2007, Microsoft updated nine so that the NSA and other agreed that malicious code 2014. Stallman is the founder can be instruments of unjust of their owners. This angered small programs on machines agencies can infiltrate users’ was a serious problem. How- of the free software move- power, because the developer many users and showed that running either Windows XP computers. ever, many felt quite helpless ment, which has the goal of of the program can include Amazon had complete control or Windows Vista without After watching Stallman’s and disgruntled by the free providing certain freedoms malicious functionalities with- over the devices. Another in- user approval. Although these TED talk, members of Pug- software movement. The tech- for software users, including out the user’s knowledge. Ma- stance occurred in 2010 when changes proved to be benign, wash agreed with his argu- nological barriers to under- the freedom to run a program, licious programs can snoop on Sony released an update to the it showed that Microsoft has ment that something has standing and being able to do change a program’s source users, track users, and restrict Play Station 3 that removed a universal back door through to be done about malicious something about this problem code, redistribute a program, program functionalities. support for installing Linux. which anything on the user’s programs, but many did not continues to be an issue with- and redistribute a program There are many examples At its launch, Sony had touted machine can be changed. In agree with his solution. Mem- out a simple solution. Researchers study how we perceive technical material BRAIN, from B6 According to Just, since tions are “primarily visual.” the classifier analyzes multi- As more detail is given, the and “the lever pulls a spring ple individuals, the fact that brain transitions to a “mental downward in a proportion to it can identify similar results animation” of how the sys- the weight.” for all individuals shows tem works. The third stage Through reverse engi- that these patterns are uni- involves a state known as neering, Mason and Just form for all individuals. “All “causal reasoning,” which is were able to take the data of our brains are organized when the brain puts together exhibited from the fMRI ma- in the same way,” Just said. visualizations to try and un- chine and deduce the under- For instance, autistic brains derstand what causes certain lying neurological processes process information like con- reactions. The last step is that generate understand- crete objects and emotions known as “embodiment,” in ing of such mechanics. “You the same way as standard which one would relate one’s see how it works, and you brains do, and the only dif- own body to the system. So, have to reason back to what ference between the two are for example, if a hammer was mechanism would give you thoughts in relation to social being described, the individ- this pattern,” Just said. “For ual receiving this description example, if we see activation Autistic brains would eventually connect his in an area of the brain that or her own dominant hand is very commonly associated process to a hammer and visualize with visual imagery, we can or understand the use of the say that they are forming information hammer from a personal some type of visual connec- like concrete perspective. Just theorizes tion.” that, even with abstract con- This study also utilizes objects and cepts such as mathematics machine learning through emotions the or theoretical physics, which the use of a “classifier,” humans cannot physically which takes in variables that same way interact with, people still try form a relationship and, as standard to connect the body with the upon the presentation of concept as a way to gain a new and unknown variables, brains do .... better understanding of how will be able to classify where it works. those new variables fit into The way one Mason chose to use me- the mappings of data. understands chanical systems as the main In this particular appli- focus for the study as a start- cation, the machine is able how a hammer ing point. “With many me- to identify what people are works or how chanical systems, we already thinking about in a precise know what the system does manner. “The thought pat- the emotion of and how to use it, but unless terns are specific to that anger feels is we really look into it, often system,” Just said. “So your times we don’t know how activation pattern for when the same across something works.” you think about a trumpet completely He hopes that under- is different from when you standing the brain’s learning think about a bathroom different process will eventually trig- scale.” This classifier essen- backgrounds. ger curiosity in individuals tially allows scientists such and lead them to “think like as Just and Mason to accu- little scientists.” rately measure the thought Mason and Just’s research interaction. The way one processes of people. will continue to explore the Both Mason and Just understands how a hammer relationship between learn- found the results from the works or how the emotion of ing and the brain, and they classifier as the most inter- anger feels is the same across hope to expand the range esting aspect of this study completely different back- of materials, as well as do- thus far. Mason explained grounds. mains of knowledge, in fu- that “the degree to which Just explained that the ture tests. Eventually, they you can see similarities in brain categorizes learning would like to apply different knowledge representation these mechanical processes training techniques that will across individuals” is both into four main parts. Before apply to future classroom surprising and interesting. learning, the brain’s ac- instructions. B8 « thetartan.org/scitech The Tartan » March 30, 2015 How things work Professor writes book about Coffee isn’t what you think children in technological era it is, but give it another shot TECHNOLOGY, from B6 tutors. “I try to lay out some program computers in the groundwork on what the future.” professor discusses the policy digital learning system space In keeping his first volume debate concerning Science, looks like, its testing tools to 64 pages, Nourbakhsh Technology, Engineering, and the tools that your child wanted to create a guide and Math (STEM) learning in can benefit from,” said Nour- that parents could easily the U.S. “I bring parents up bakhsh. “I also talk about refer back to. During his re- to date with what I think they some of the hype that you search for his book, he no- need to know about schools hear — like having a [digi- ticed a dearth of books that today and the STEM [strat- tal] tutor that can solve all discussed STEM and digital egy],” said Nourbakhsh. the problems that your child learning from an unbiased “What it means, what the does in math class—and the perspective. politics are behind it, and In addition, he also saw how schools use and misuse “We’re entering that there was very little con- it.” tent written to help parents Aiming to improve its per- an age where understand the idea of STEM formance among its foreign and standards within the ed- peers, the U.S. government technology will ucation system. has implemented programs be changing “We’re entering an age including the No Child Left where technology will be Behind Act and Race to the rapidly. We changing rapidly. We need Top. In turn, there has been need more and more and more guides that a push for accountability, a help us make sense of that policy in which funding for more guides new age,” said Nourbakhsh. schools depends upon the that help us “And I hope my book is just tested proficiencies of its one example of what we’re

Eunice Oh/Art Editor students. However, as Nour- make sense of going to see several kinds of bakhsh points out, such mea- that new age.” versions of in the future.” COFFEE, from B6 According to Rob van Dam, cardiovascular disease. sure can have drawbacks. In the coming weeks, free assistant professor in the In fact, some studies have “Diane Ravitch was an As- copies of his book will be dis- of dopamine, another stimu- Department of Nutrition at even shown that coffee con- sistant Secretary of Educa- — Illah tributed during a conference lating hormone, is also in- the Harvard School of Public sumption can reduce the risk tion, and she was originally Nourbakhsh, about technology fluency for creased. In other words, your Health and a coffee expert, of type 2 diabetes, Parkin- on the side for accountability. teaching and learning. In beloved caffeine is not the there has been controversy son’s disease, liver cancer, But what she discovered over professor of robotics the meantime, Nourbakhsh real stimulant — it just tricks over the topic because coffee and liver cirrhosis, although time is that when you have at Carnegie Mellon is working on the second in- your body into releasing more is actually an extremely com- these studies merely demon- these systems of account- stallment of his parenting of its natural stimulants. plex drink that contains hun- strate correlation and do not ability, it diverts the underly- book. He also maintains a Unfortunately for fre- dreds of other compounds confirm causation. Of course, ing goal of learning. So now, subtleties that explain why blog that focuses on a pre- quent caffeine consum- besides just caffeine. It is also it is important to keep in you’re not using a test just to this hype isn’t true.” dicted future, one in which ers, the brain increases its sometimes difficult to sepa- mind that the subjects in see how good somebody is at At the end of the book, robots will play a bigger part amount of adenosine recep- rate the effects of coffee from these studies drank mostly learning. Nourbakhsh also includes a in the lives of human beings. tors as it begins to notice caf- the effects of other lifestyle black coffee or coffee with You’re using the test as a preview of the second vol- Beyond his achievements feine hogging them. choices that coffee drinkers just a little bit of sugar and guideline on what to teach,” ume, which suggests activi- as a professional, at the end This is what causes people may have. milk. said Nourbakhsh. “What real- ties that parents can do with of the day, Nourbakhsh is a to develop a tolerance for However, by conducting Overall, the consensus ly matters is that teachers can their kids, from toddlers to father who carries the strong caffeine. When coffee regu- studies on coffee’s influence among the scientific com- engage well with students, teenagers. Activity ideas in- belief that parents must be lars miss their daily dose, on very specific health ef- munity is that, unless you and cause a love of learning clude watching car shows or active participants in the they experience withdrawal fects, researchers have found are drinking to the point that to blossom.” identifying invasive species learning development of because the brain becomes some trends. you have tremors or chronic The book then transitions at local park conservancies. their children. overloaded with adenosine The latest Harvard study, insomnia, coffee is not detri- into the topic of digital learn- “In all those cases you’re “You cannot outsource it from all the extra adenosine which also agrees with other mental to your health. ing. In this section of the teaching your child to iden- to a computer, and you can- receptors. recent research, seems to So keep working on get- book, Nourbakhsh mentions tify something,” said Nour- not outsource it to the teach- So now that you know indicate that there is no re- ting that Starbucks Gold Card examples of digital learning, bakhsh. “That turns out to er,” he stated. “You have to be how your coffee works, the lationship between coffee — the rewards might not only including Massive Online be a very important part of actively participating in that next question to ask is wheth- consumption and increased include free drinks, but some Open Courses (MOOC’s), technological fluency, which process if you want your kids er it is good or bad for you. risk of death from cancer or extra health benefits. Khan Academy, and cognitive allows you to do things like to succeed.” March 30, 2015 « The Tartan thetartan.org/sports » B9

sports commentary Well-balanced roster fuels Pirates’ division crown hopes Zeke rosenberg is in the outfield. Pittsburgh hit for power, which put some baseman Josh Harrelson of them are high variance to turn into stars overnight, Sports Editor is the only team in the league giant gashes in his numbers. looks to build on a breakout pitchers, however, and the ro- and players like starter Jake that can rival the Miami Mar- However, the jump from the year where his versatility and tation will certainly be a weak- Arietta might regress. The As the baseball season lins consensus top trio outside minor leagues to the majors range of skills both offensively ness. The return of starter A.J. addition of starter Jon Lester starts next week, the Pirates the diamond. While the most is a tough one, and the spring and defensively made him Burnett does little to move the should not flip the script for have the opportunity to build obvious name in the outfield training results have been en- extremely valuable wherever needle. If anything will undo the Cubs overnight. on a recent run of success that is center fielder and 2013 MVP couraging. manager Clint Hurdle needed the Pirates, it is the rotation. Finally, the mighty Cardi- resulted in two straight post- Andrew McCutchen, the cor- Some ground balls have him on the field. There was However, an excellent defen- nals were not better than the season appearances after a ner outfielders should not be been turning into line drives nothing in his peripherals to sive team and decent starters Pirates last year, and would torturous multi-decade stretch forgotten. and fly balls, which are more imply that his season was a should not cause too much not have won the division without seeing postseason Left fielder Starling Marte likely to turn into hits, and Po- fluke, and he should continue of a leak, and this should not without several absences baseball. The Cardinals look is a very toolsy player, near the lanco is a prime breakout can- both hitting well and closing overwhelm the Pirates’ ex- from McCutchen. With many weakened, the Cubs are rely- top of the league in his ability didate in 2015. off the foul line at third base. cellent offense. The bullpen, of their best players begin- ing on a lot to go right, and the to get on base, cover lots of The infield outlook is a bit The middle infield will be held including closer Mark Melan- ning to age, the Cardinals are Pirates are in a great position territory, run the bases, throw less rosy, but not much of a down by Neil Walker, possibly con, also goes deep and can more susceptible to bad injury to win the National League from the outfield and, when weakness. The corners of the the league’s best offensive sec- help ease the difficulties of the luck than the Pirates, and the (NL) Central for the first time he gets hot, absolutely crush infield are well taken care ond baseman after the Mari- rotation. Cardinals offense is not very ever. the baseball. He is criminally of. After a down season, first ners’ second baseman Robin- Finally, the competition deep, with only a few players This Pirates team’s abil- underrated every year and baseman Pedro Alvarez’s pow- son Cano, and Jordy Mercer, is not as good as everyone providing more than average ity to win a ton of games this has given the Pirates a mas- er numbers should bounce a satisfactory but uninspiring thinks. The Brewer’s first-half offense. Right fielder Jason year will start with a very tal- sive boost in his time with the back to somewhere close to option at shortstop. The two fluky success is not replicable, Heyward, the Cardinals’ big ented assortment of position team. his 2013 heights, and his abil- are a decent defensive double and they should not be a fac- off-season acquisition, does players. From the outfield In the other corner, right ity to get on base and get extra play combination, and Neil tor. not offer much in the way of in, the Pirates sport a lot of fielder Gregory Polancobase hits were improvements Walker can hit well enough for With first baseman Joey offense, and left fielder Matt strengths in the field with very should begin to deliver on his over previous season’s results. the both of them. The Pirates’ Votto not returning to his for- Holiday is set for a major de- few standout weaknesses. In promise as a prospect after a Alvarez is absolutely destroy- infield should be above aver- mer self, the Reds could po- cline. a competitive NL Central, this lukewarm rookie season. Once ing spring training, and the age, even if it isn’t spectacular. tentially be one of the worst The door is open for the combination of depth and top- a common mention among power is showing again. He The Pirates’ rotation might teams in the league and will Pirates. With the Cubs on the shelf talent could be the differ- Baseball America top pros- may not hit 36 home runs this scare off those who support probably deal starter Johnny rise and the Cardinals trend- ence over the course of a long pects, Polanco did not mash as year, but he could reach 25–30 them, with starters Francisco Cueto by the trade deadline. ing down, it is the perfect season. many expected him to, when and be a huge boon for the Pi- Liriano and Gerrit Cole being The Cubs will be very good time. It could be now or never The most striking concen- he came into the league. He rates offense. the only players set to have in the near future, but it is silly to grab an NL Central title tration of talent on the Pirates struggled to get on base and At the hot corner, third above average seasons. Both to expect all of their prospects with this core.

Sports briefs Women’s tennis Sophomore Nicholle Tor- The Tartans finished the Men’s tennis his match 6–0, 6–0, sopho- Tartans to a 6–3 overall vic- The Carnegie Mellon wom- res won 6–2, 6–0 in the second weekend 11–5 after losing to The Carnegie Mellon men’s more Kunal Wadwani took his tory. en’s tennis team improved to slot. Junior Abbey Hamstra Williams University on Sun- tennis team continued their match 6–2, 6–1, and first-year The men’s team rolled to 11–3 on the season with a 9–0 also won a singles match 6–2, day afternoon. success this season, sweeping Tommy Cheng won 6–2, 6–3, another victory on Sunday, home win over Grove City Col- 6–0 in the fourth slot. The women’s tennis team Grove City College on March all contributing to the 9–0 sweeping Christopher New- lege at the start of last week The team’s success did not will next play on April 4, when 23 and beating Washington overall victory. port University 9–0 to move to on March 23. Seniors Bryn carry to Saturday, however, they host the University of and Lee University on Satur- The match against Wash- 11–6. Raschke and Angela Pratt won as they were beaten 5–4 by Mary Washington. day to move to a 9–6 record ington and Lee was much of The men’s tennis team will 8–3, senior Lydia Utkin and No. 10 Washington and Lee for the season. Senior Bryce the same. The Tartans took continue their season April 4, first-year Kalyani Narayan University. The Tartans were Beisswanger and junior Yu- two of three matches in dou- when they host Case Western took their match 8–2. swept in doubles play and vraj Kumar took their match bles play, with Beisswanger Reserve University. Juniors Elizabeth Martin could not recover in time to 8-0, while senior Christian and Kumar winning 8–5 while and Brooke Tsu shut out their take the match. Heaney-Secord and first-year Wadwani and sophomore Compiled By opposition 8–0 in doubles Sophomore Vanessa Pavia Jeffrey Chen won 8–0 as well. Kenny Zheng swept their Zeke Rosenberg play. The Tartans continued was able to win her match, First-years Matt Seifert and match, 8–0. their sweep, winning all six which forced a 4–4 tie, but the Andrew Pratt rounded out the In singles play, senior Will singles matches. Pratt won deciding match went to Wash- sweep of doubles play, taking Duncan and sophomore Kiril 6–1, 6–1 at the top of the lad- ington and Lee, dropping the an 8–1 victory. Kirkov won 6–2, 6–3, and 6–2, der. Tartans to 11–4. Junior Abhishek Alla won 6–0, respectively, leading the B10 « thetartan.org/sports The Tartan » March 30, 2015

Ultimate teams set to aim for the stars at College Series

zeke rosenberg sity of Pennsylvania, with the Sports Editor help of senior mechanical en- gineering major Alec Assaad Despite inclement weather who hit senior captain and leading to a series of cancella- senior mechanical engineer- tions, Carnegie Mellon’s only ing and public policy student Division I sports teams have Reid Almand with a deep pass rolled to successful seasons. to take the match 13–12. The Money Mellons and Mr. Like the Money Mellons, Yuk, respectively the women’s Mr. Yuk has focused largely on and men’s ultimate frisbee building the team. teams, are approaching the “After graduating 75 per- 2015 College Series, their cent of the team in 2013, last postseason. With some wins year was spent building a and some impressively close strong rookie class,” said Al- losses against top competi- mand. tion, both squads are looking This year, with another to build on their performanc- strong freshman class, Mr. Yuk es and gain some success at is set up for long term success. regionals. The team is currently prepar- The Money Mellons, ing for Conferences, the first ranked 65 in the nation, installment of the College Se- started their season with lofty ries. goals. “At regionals, we’ve got- The team’s goal is to ad- ten sixth, max,” said senior vance beyond there. captain Lauren Miller, a senior “It’s all about peaking at business administration and the right time,” said Almand, statistics double major. “We “And a Cinderella run to Na- want to top that.” tionals is always in the back of In order to achieve this our minds.” goal, the team has been try- The team is not limited to ing to develop a deep and organized play either. balanced team, with each of After a tournament in the 25 players capable of fill- Washington, D.C. was can- ing many on–field roles. Each celled the morning of, Mr. Yuk player needs to be skilled and played scrimmages with Princ- confident to give the team the Photos by Dagney Cooke, courtesy of Lauren Miller eton University and George ability to reach their goals. Top: A Money Mellons pregame huddle. Bottom left: Grace Kim and Christine Rooney (3) set up a play. Bottom right: Dagney Cooke starts to throw. Washington University, tak- The team has had some on– ing both matches, which were field success as well, finishing windy conditions that made last year’s national champion. 15–1 beatdown of regional tournament. played directly on the National in the top four in each of their it tough for both teams, the A late 6–0 run brought the rivals Case Western Reserve Mr. Yuk also found some Mall. fall tournaments. Their first Money Mellons were able to Money Mellons close, but they University. The team finished success in the fall. The team With the College Series tournament, the Theodore win a back and forth game on couldn’t overcome the deficit fourth after an overtime loss played the University of Pitts- beginning in mid-April, both Seuss Geisel Memorial Ulti- the strength of an aggressive and narrowly lost 13–10. to Michigan State University. burgh, national champions in teams have plenty of time to mate Tournament, resulted in attack. Their season continued The Money Mellons’ first two of the last three years, to a shake off the cancellations a third place finish and a 7–1 Their next tournament, with a fourth place finish at spring tournament was hit back and forth 15–10 loss after and snow-covered tourna- record, including a key victory North Coast, ended with a sec- the Fall Brawl in Columbus, hard by snow, causing a large Pitt pulled away in the closing ments to build on early season over McMaster University, ond place finish after a close fi- Ohio. number of teams to drop moments. The next day, Mr. successes and put together a Canadian college. Despite nal with Ohio State University, A 5–2 record included a out. They went 3–3 at the Yuk took down the Univer- some postseason victories. Host Australia tops Black Caps for Cricket World Cup win abhinav gautam After the close, nerve-wrack- team has a penchant for at- Zealand continued to play the Australians had a good the field and got into a group Photo Editor ing first semifinal match, the tacking and winning World safely and was struck down chance of the winning another hug for a deserving win. Clos- New Zealand cricket team Cups, having won four out of by high-quality pace bowl- World Cup title as they went ing ceremonies soon followed Australian bowler Mitch- defeated South Africa, contin- the six finals. Australian cap- ing from Starc, bowler Josh into the lunch break. with Clarke feeling “over the ell Starc bowled the fifth ball ued their perfect World Cup tain and batsman Michael Hazelwood, and Johnson. At New Zealand began with a moon” and said that New Zea- of the day and clean bowled winning streak and secured Clarke set beautifully crafted the end of the first ten overs similarly impressive opening land are always a tough team wicket keeper Brendon Mc- their place in the final for the fields to get the wickets and New Zealand stood 31 for one, over by claiming the wicket to beat in any sport. McCullum Cullum, the New Zealand first time. Australia had only changed his batting order to its lowest 10-over score this of Aaron Finch and leaving felt that though 183 was too captain, for a zero. The record lost to New Zealand in a very score the most runs possible. World Cup. Luck was not on the Aussies with two for one. short, it was still an approach- crowd of 93,000 at the Mel- close, yet thrilling match in Along with the strong top New Zealand’s side as it lost However, batsman DA Warner able dream. bourne Cricket Ground roared the Group Stage. But they batting order including bats- Guptill soon afterwards for 15 carried the next ten overs by However, he and the New as Australia got their first pulled out a dominant win men David Warner and Steve and Williamson for 12. Stand- hitting seven fours and giving Zealand team were in high wicket in the first over, leaving over India, previous World Smith, the Australians would ing 41 for three for at end of the edge to the Australians spirits as McCullum ended New Zealand one for one. Cup winner and one of the fan definitely give New Zealand the 14th over, Grant Elliott and despite being two down for 63 saying “[we] didn’t lift the tro- Over the last month and favorites, in the semifinal and bowlers a challenge. Though Ross Taylor gave some hope to at the end of 12th over. Now phy but no regrets [about] the half, 14 nations have played claimed their spot in the final their only shortcoming is the the Black Caps as they scored Clarke came in and played a brand of cricket we’ve played 48 matches at the 11th Cricket for the seventh time. lack of a quality spinner, the 111 in their partnership. How- captain’s innings. Along with and we walk away with our World Cup, jointly hosted by Once again, the co-hosts Australian bowling side gets ever, a determined Australia Smith, the duo scored the heads held high.” Australia and New Zealand for of the World Cup were the along fine with both Mitchell got the breakthrough they highest partnership of the day Faulkner picked up the the second time (last time be- contenders for the final match Starc — the highest wicket needed at the start of the with 112 runs. Clarke hit ten Man of the Match for his 36 ing in 1992). The 2015 World this Sunday. New Zealand was taker so far in the tournament power play, getting Taylor out fours and one six before fi- for three finish. Starc received Cup marked the first time Af- the team in best form without — and Mitchell Johnson in through an appeal. Soon two nally getting bowled out for 74 the Man of the Tournament ghanistan’s cricket team quali- any doubts this World Cup. great shape. more wickets fell down and by New Zealand bowler Matt award for amassing reverse- fied for the tournament. Three The team played aggressive, The Melbourne pitch was New Zealand was at 165 for Henry. He did not get to hit swinging yorkers and 22 wick- associate nations — Ireland, attacking games. With excel- expected to be bouncy, but six at the end of the 40th over the winning runs, but his half ets throughout the tourna- Scotland, and United Arab lent leadership by McCullum, also batsman-friendly as with Elliott still standing, but century got Australia close to ment. As the Australian team Emirates — will play with the batsman Martin Guptil’s high most of the pitches have been playing more cautiously. This a easy win with just short of picked up the trophy, they full member nations of the scores, all-rounder Daniel Vet- throughout the tournament did not last long as Johnson nine runs. As Clarke left the became the first team to have International Cricket Council tori’s good form, and opening for record-breaking scores. took another wicket and Aus- MCG, he deserved a standing won the World Cup on all five (ICC): England, South Africa, bowler Trent Boult taking the With no rain forecasted, the tralian bowler James Faulkner ovation for playing a true cap- continents in which cricket is India, Australia, Sri Lanka, most wickets in the tourna- final match of the 2015 World soon took the final big wicket tain’s innings and for this final played. They went for the vic- Pakistan, West Indies, Bangla- ment, New Zealand had good Cup began on a bright, sunny of Elliott. Twelve runs were being his last One Day Inter- tory lap around the stadium as desh, New Zealand, and Zim- chances for their first World Australian afternoon. Starc scored afterwards as New Zea- national Match. Only twelve the fans were still roaring from babwe. Cup victory. Meanwhile, Aus- started the bowling attack land collapsed at 183 all out more balls were needed, as the win. The team appropri- Despite a valiant effort tralia was no lesser of a team. with fast and full bowling. with Johnson and Faulkner Smith whirled an unorthodox ately dedicated their win to by associate nations, the ex- Having a strong home-field With McCullum gone for a both taking three wickets each hit for four and Australia won batsman Phillip Hughes, who pected full member teams advantage — winning 24 duck in the first over, the day and Starc helping with two the World Cup final by seven had died after being struck on led Group Stage matches and matches of its last 26 match- of the bowlers started. With wickets and very tight bowl- wickets. the neck by a ball in Sydney in qualified for the quarter final. es at home — the Australian the first opener gone, New ing. Despite losing the toss, The Aussies rushed onto November.

Zeke Rosenberg/Sports Editor PillboxThe Tartan’s art & culture magazine

4 Food Truck Block Party

8 Tales from Abroad

9 Del Sol String Quartet

03.30.15 Volume 109, Issue 21 ...this week only 3 Baking Here’s a recipe for peanut butter rice crispies, and some ideas for Passover-friendly goodies. 4 Food Trucks CMU student life staff combines on-campus proximity with tastes from off-campus. 5 van Gogh New van Gogh exhibit at the Carnegie Institute of Art is minimal but enjoyable. 6 Grey’s Anatomy The limelight narrows its focus and casts a strong spotlight on Dr. Meredith Grey. 7 Go study outside! Discover new places to embrace the incoming sun on campus. 9 String quartet Del Sol String Quartet brings aurally fascinating music from contemporary composers. 10 Rosa Parks 8 Jeanne Theoharis illuminates the lesser known sides of national heroine Rosa Parks.

4 5 9 10 regulars...... diversions

3 Advice 11 Comics A questioning alum asks Evan about how View political cartoons as well as more inane appropriate it is for her to go to Carnival. diversions in this week’s comics section. 8 Tales from Abroad 13 Puzzles Jenni Tuttle shares a bit of her experiences Expand your mental faculties with this week’s with unexpected adventures in Europe. puzzles. 15 Calendar 14 Horoscopes Since the weather is nicer, discover some of the Learn how the stars predict your week will go, amazing events around campus and the city. and what pranks will be best for you to pull.

PUBLISHER Laura Scherb EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Brian Trimboli PILLBOX EDITOR Lula Beresford Assistant Pillbox Editor Lanre Adetola COMICS EDITOR Maryyann Landlord ART EDITOR Eunice Oh PHOTO EDITOR Abhinav Gautam COPY MANAGER James Wu COVER Matt Nielsen

The Tartan . Box 119 . UC Suite 103 . Carnegie Mellon University . 5000 Forbes Ave . Pittsburgh, PA 15213 . www.thetartan.org . © 2015 The Tartan Peanut butter rice krispies Advice for awkward people Try making these easy indulgences with marshmallows About alums creepin’ back for Carnival

Dear Evan, Dear NICOLE’D, This week’s article is dedicated to all those out 3) Before this concoction has too much time to there with a sweet tooth who will be celebrating cool down, stir in the cereal and make sure it’s I’m a recent graduate and You sound familiar. Do I Passover next week. evenly distributed so you don’t have any really I have a bit of a dilemma; know you from somewhere? sad pockets of dry cereal with globs of peanut I could use your sage In any case, I congratulate Back in high school, I would celebrate “Cupcake butter elsewhere. Then when the mix is cool but advice. The Stockholm you. You’re the first person Wednesday” every week with my friends at not set, stir in the mini marshmallows by hand. syndrome has started to write in this school lunch. Each Tuesday night I would sit down with This step is optional if you would rather not to kick in, and I find year that writes in an Martha Stewart, Betty Crocker, and some of my complicate things too much, but it really adds that I’m starting to miss intelligible manner! You blogger best friends to find the perfect cupcake some fun to each bite! The marshmallow flavor CMU. Now don’t get me deserve accolades, flowers, to bring in the next day. Except, I always forgot can get buried under the peanut butter, so the wrong, I’m happy to be smatterings of applause. about Passover each time it came around. My mini ’mallows throughout really help to give that free from the stress and friend Abby London was always left without a flavor a boost! the homework, but I miss But yeah, adulthood cupcake, and I felt so bad! things like weird people sucks. As a second- 4) Dump the treats out into the pan, but don’t and the freedom to be semester senior, I should This year, even though I won’t be around to press down too hard while evening it out. weird. I know I could get be celebrating loudly and actually give her a special treat, I’m dedicating After that, melt the peanut butter chips in the my dose of nostalgia and fervently, but instead I this recipe to her. microwave at 30 second intervals, stirring in whatnot by coming to feel this creeping wave between. Spread the melted chips out across the Carnival, but therein lays of exhaustion and Just because leavening is off the table doesn’t treats, and before that hardens, sprinkle the mini the problem. apprehension of what’s mean that dessert has to be, too. I found this Reese’s cups over the top: If you can bear it, try to come — I have to take recipe when I fell down the rabbit hole of to wait at least a half hour for everything to set. It Adulthood has captured responsibility for my own Pinterest. I like that it’s not only a really fun, will be so worth it in the end. Because truly, these the free time and finances life, my choices, my budget. unexpected flavor that brings back memories of will blow your mind. AND they’re Kosher! of my friends and former Perish the thought! elementary school packed lunches, but it’s also classmates, and I find really quick and easy to make! Looking for a few more Passover- I have no one to go to It seems like you’re feeling appropriate dessert options? More kosher Carnival with. I would be pretty lonely, too, so there’s The gist of this recipe? Take the blank canvas options (without nuts)? down to go alone, maybe, only really one remedy for of Rice Krispies treats that’s already almost as but I don’t want to come that: Come to Carnival. perfect as can be, and then add peanut butter. Anything fruity is a great option! You could make off as the desperate alum Screw the cost, and screw Marshmallow and peanut butter are such a great any kind of fruit salad that your heart desires, trying to relive her youth, the people you think will flavor combination that can only get better with or even a parfait. Layer some awesome seasonal and I don’t want to pay look at you a little funny for the added crunch of the cereal and richness from fruits with any flavor yogurt or pudding in cups a good chunk of change being the alum wandering the butter. for yourself or your Seder guests. For an added and fly across the country through the third-year-in-a- treat, you can soak the fruits in some orange juice only to be that creepy row Pirates of the Caribbean Fluffer Nutter Rice Krispy Treats and sugar for an hour or so. This will make them person at Carnival who booth behind the group of 1/4 cup of unsalted butter extra juicy and flavorful. roams around by herself. tittering freshmen girls — it’ll 1 10-ounce bag of regular sized marshmallows be worth it. You know it’ll be 1/2 cup of peanut butter Desserts that use egg whites also leave you with So, should I just get up worth it. 5 cups of crispy rice cereal so many great choices. You can treat yourselves early and watch Buggy in 1 1/4 cups of mini marshmallows to some macaroons, meringues or even pavlovas! my PJs, or should I come People aren’t going to care, 1 bag of Reese’s peanut butter chips These are a little tricky to make, but store bought to Carnival? anyway — they’ll be too 1 or 2 bags of mini Reese’s cups is usually still a great option. busy trying not to be seen Best, buying their fifth basket of Instructions You can also stick with a classic and indulge your Nostalgic for Imbibing deep-fried Oreos in a day. 1) First things first: Either coat a 9x13 pan sweet tooth with some Matzo. You can make an Cool, Opulent Liquors in with cooking spray or line the pan with some ice cream sandwich, spread some Nutella and top English Department Buggy in PJs still sounds parchment paper. it with bananas, or my favorite — s’mores! fun, though, Evan Kahn 2) Melt butter in a pretty large pot over low heat. Then pour in the marshmallows. They’ll start to soften and eventually just melt into a soft shiny Sarah Gutekunst | Operations Manager cream that will be tempting to dig into with nothing but a spoon and what little pride you might have left. But wait. Next, add in the peanut butter. It, too, will melt into the marshmallow butter sauce. It also might turn you on a little. Before your stimulated senses lead you astray, take it off the heat.

baking pillbox 03.30.15 3 Food Truck Block Party draws huge crowd Student Life Staff hosts food trucks from around Pittsburgh and offers activities and music This past Saturday, residents of the Carnegie Mellon reviews. The short wait time coupled with the great Although the wait was not ideal, it turned out to be a community braved the cold to attend the inaugural food made Mac and Gold a true crowd pleaser. small price to pay. Margaret Morrison Food Truck Block Party. There were several different food trucks present, including Despite the cold weather, we were still greeted Judging by the exceptionally long line at Taco Cho’s, some old Carnegie Mellon favorites like Joe’s with happy and friendly faces by those working in which offered Korean Mexican Fusion style tacos, Doghouse, Tartans’ Express, and India on Wheels, the Bella Christie and Lil Z’s Sweet Boutique food one might have assumed that it was a crowd favorite. as well as some new and exciting options from truck. Bella Christie’s offered a variety of tasty But when we asked a fellow student, first-year businesses in the Pittsburgh area. The event kicked treats, including cookies, cupcakes, cake pops, materials science and engineering major Indorica off promptly at noon with live performances from and all things chocolate-covered. The treats were Sutradhar, about her experience at Taco Cho’s, she groups including East End Mile, Ethan Bence, Arts very inexpensive, beautifully decorated, and quite described her tacos as “kind of cold” and “just okay.” Greenhouse, and The Treblemakers. In addition to delicious. We chose the chocolate covered Oreos, Unfortunately, we heard similar responses from the food and live performances, there were a variety and were not in any way disappointed. The best part several others, as many found the tacos lackluster of games available to the partygoers, such as “Pin- was the food truck’s lack of any line whatsoever. and not worth the wait. Perhaps the tent setup, as the-Tie on Suresh!” The Sweet Boutique quickly became a block party opposed to the standard food truck option, caused favorite. a few problems with cooking time and food quality. These performances, games, and exciting new Although we were not able to personally attend Taco food trucks were sure to present students with a Franktuary, which offered up classic hot dogs and Cho’s because of the long queue, we were able to promising afternoon. However, in addition to these fries, also became one of our favorites — taste wise, visit several others. events, there were also long lines. Though slightly that is. The food was great, but getting to the food overwhelming at first, it took more than these long was a different story. The line, which appeared to All in all, most of food offered at the Margaret lines and cold winds to keep everyone away from the be fairly short, looked promising at first. We were 30 Morrison Food Truck Block Party was pleasing, but food. minutes into waiting when we realized it might take the extremely long lines ended up leaving a sour slightly longer than previously estimated to acquire taste in some mouths. First up on our food truck journey was Mac and Gold, one of Franktuary’s grass-fed all-beef hotdogs. The Pittsburgh’s Original Mac ‘n’ Cheesery. Although bitter cold got the best of some of those waiting in the line seemed quite long at first glance, we moved line, but 45 minutes into waiting, we decided we along at an impressive pace. We opted for the had gone too far to back out now. We envied those in India Price & Jade Crockem | Junior Staffwriters Barbeque Beef Brisket Mac n’ Cheese. Simply put, it the fast-moving Mac and Gold queue as we waited, was delicious. The perfectly cheesy mac and cheese and waited, and waited. Eventually our order was was topped with barbeque brisket and crispy French placed after a wait time totaling one hour and 45 fried onions. The other options, including the roasted minutes. However, after receiving our food, we finally butternut squash mac and cheese and the prosciutto understood why so many others had waited this long and pea mac and cheese, also received positive for hot dogs and French fries — they were delicious.

Abhinav Gautam | Photo Editor Abhinav Gautam | Photo Editor Sometimes the best food comes in trucks, like Franktuary’s delicious variety of hot dog-related and vegetarian fare. Students gather for tasty, warm, and freshly cooked tacos. food 4 pillbox 03.30.15 Van Gogh exhibit doesn’t reach potential Visiting van Gogh an interesting addition to an afternoon at the Carnegie Institute of Art There are some art exhibits you can get lost in, wander explored how separate dots of color interact optically for hours, feel time slip away as you move between when viewed together. The exposition sheds interest- paintings. ing light on the philosophy behind van Gogh’s legend- ary work and offers a lens for viewing the remaining Visiting van Gogh, now on view at the Carnegie three paintings. Museum of Art (CMOA), is not one of them. Most interestingly, the museum recreated van Gogh’s Not from a lack of interesting material — to its credit, caddy full of balls of yarn, explaining how the artist the exhibit does what it can with only four paintings once sat facing the open box, twisting together yarn on display. But despite being the museum’s main visit- strands of different colors to see how the colors inter- ing exhibition, it’s better suited as a stop on a longer acted optically before juxtaposing them in his paint- visit, not a main attraction. ings. We often remember van Gogh as the crazed man who sliced off his own ear, à la Kirk Douglas’s tortured The exhibit is contained to a small, peripheral room portrayal in Lust for Life. It’s hard to imagine the artist adjacent to the museum’s permanent collections. sitting at a desk, winding yarn, pairing colors experi- Security guards are badgered by guests who ask, “Is mentally and thoughtfully. The yarn box an important there another room? Is this really all?” reminder that planning, not just haphazard genius, Rachel Cohen | Contributing Editor plays into every great artist’s work. “Wheat Fields” is one of the four pieces in CMOA’s display. It’s easy to make the mistake of judging quality by quantity. The CMOA has pulled off highly interesting The remainder of the exhibit takes us through van Though beautiful and focal to the exhibit, the place- exhibits with only a few actual art works in the past. Gogh’s evolution from struggling twenty-something to ment of “Wheat Fields” is sudden after a four-year Just last June through September, Faked, Forgotten, Parisian resident to established artist poised to leave gap in van Gogh’s artistic career after “Le Moulin,” Found was a brilliant and engaging exhibit detailing a legacy when he died in 1890. Van Gogh’s painting during which he was allegedly his most prolific, and the journeys of four — yes, four — original paintings career didn’t start until the mid-1880s — toward the yet the museum features no further works from this across centuries, between owners, and among forger- end of his life, during which he was extremely prolific. period. After “Wheat Fields,” viewers are left with a ies of varying persuasiveness. Though the original painting isn’t featured, the CMOA jarring and unsatisfying description of how the artist provides an image of van Gogh’s 1885 “The Potato succumbed to suicide shortly after that painting was It’s been done before, but not here. Visiting van Gogh Eaters” — a dark, realist painting in what was briefly finished. It’s an unsettling transition, especially as we is interesting in an understated way, but it doesn’t van Gogh’s style before his art dealer brother recom- had been so carefully guided through the artist’s early seem to fully capitalize on the material it has or the mended the lighter palette of the French impressioists. stages, and yet we’re left to imagine what seemed like incredibly recognizable name that accompanies it. his most defining years. More exposition to ease the An immediate contrast, “Le Moulin de la Galette” — chronology would have been welcome. The first painting isn’t van Gogh’s. It’s his contempo- the second featured painting — was created only a rary Paul Signac’s “Place des Lices, St. Tropez” — a year later, but stylistically, couldn’t be more different. If you’re a University of Pittsburgh or Carnegie Mellon pointillist work in golden yellow and orange offset by The tranquil, bucolic scene of windmill and chicken student with free admission,Visting van Gogh alone blue and green. A man sits on a bench in the shade of coop is characterized by soft greens and blues, the may be worth the 10-minute walk down the street. But big-bowed trees with thick, undulating trunks and pur- windmill blades barely sketched: You can imagine the if you’re a non-affiliate, group this exhibit with others ple-spotted branches winding up to a swirl of green- tip of the brush just skimming the canvas. It’s still far you’d like to see. blue foliage. There’s something distinctly van Gogh in removed from his later impressionist influences, but the curving edge of the foliage, the leaves gathering in closer to his familiar pastel-dominated palette. perfect, thoughtful circles, reminiscent of the whirling clouds in van Gogh’s “The Starry Night.” Van Gogh’s “Still Life, Basket of Apples” shows the Rachel Cohen | Contributing Editor artist grudgingly emulating some of his impressionist Other than the friendship and clear influence between peers. The strokes are thicker, deliberate, even exces- Signac and van Gogh, the painting’s inclusion isn’t sive compared to “Le Moulin de la Galette.” The crim- well explained. The exposition describes Signac’s son-outlined weave of the basket is swathed in heavy Editor’s Note: Exhibit runs until July 6, 2015. belief that certain colors evoked corresponding emo- strokes of yellow and blue, lending the painting circu- Admission is free with Carnegie Mellon ID. tions — an idea with which van Gogh, too, experi- lar, swaddling movement. It’s clearly an early experi- mented — but not much else related to the titular art- ment, but it looks more like the van Gogh we know. ist. In a larger exhibit, it’s common and enlightening to include the work of the main artist’s contemporaries — The final work in the exhibit, 1890’s “Wheat Fields but in such a small exhibit, and with a weak apparent After the Rain,” is van Gogh in his full glory. Thick, tie to the other three paintings, the Signac just seems strong layers of green and yellow create linear move- out of place. ment in grass and the landscape stretching away from the viewer — strokes so thick that they cast shadows The painting helps to inform, however, the series of underneath them. It’s not just green, though: Mint, color theory information panels and activities on the grass, lime, pine, teal, and turquoise complement and adjacent wall. These panels detail a history of color offset each other. Spots of white and red sketch indis- theory from Sir Isaac Newton’s original 1660 black-and- tinct wildflowers in the foreground, while wide robin’s- white color wheel to the divisionist movement, which egg-blue curves depict clouds and sky overhead.

art pillbox 03.30.15 5 Grey’s Anatomy’s character-focused last season Final episodes of medical drama from Shonda Rhimes bring Dr. Meredith Grey to the forefront

Ten years ago, a massive TV phenomenon began. This ends up doing), which basically made Meredith choose than one month without a patient of hers dying. As some program marked the beginning of ShondaLand and between doing what she loved in the place she has called of you probably know, as an attending general surgeon the rise of medical TV shows in primetime American home for most of her life, or follow Derek to Washington, of a high-profile hospital, there is a high probability that television broadcasting. A year prior, FOX began airing D.C. and risk everything she has worked hard to at least one of your patients will die during a shift. This is a medical procedural drama which became a massive achieve. Ultimately, she stays in Seattle and continues especially true if the hospital is prone to natural disasters success: Grey’s Anatomy. Before that, ABC produced her marriage to Derek, bringing the hardships of long- and dramatic events, as is the Sloan-Grey Memorial Scrubs, a more comedic take on medical television, but distance relationships to the show. Hospital where Meredith works. broadcast it through NBC. Shonda Rhimes decided to make the show by mixing elements from other programs. Meanwhile, Meredith is also struggling because she has Grey’s Anatomy works because the writers know the She was able to develop a program that has accurate lost the most important relationship she has had since characters; they understand where they have come medicine in it, some procedural aspects to certain the inception of the program. Since Dr. Cristina Yang from and where they are going; they believe in certain episodes, and an overarching story that centers on moved from Seattle, Meredith lost her “person.” This loss relationships, and they flow seamlessly between Meredith Grey and her colleagues. Through the years, is suffered much more than the current state of her other background characters, guests, recurring characters, and the program has evolved, bringing in new characters and relationships because she and Cristina had been through the main cast. focusing more on the ensemble. After 11 seasons, the the same experiences at the same pace and struggled show has returned to its origins: it is more about Meredith with very similar problems. Through those struggles they Although the primary focus of this season has been on than any other season in the show’s history. had created a bond that was essential for both of them; Meredith, a few subplots do recur throughout the season, with that bond, they knew they could count on each and a sense of finality looms over all of the characters. With a marked absence from Derek (her husband) and other at all times. Feeling left outside of her comfort zone, Shonda Rhimes likes to tie up loose ends and give Cristina (her person), the show has been able to take without anyone to fall back on, she focuses on her work characters a well-deserved ending, so a lot of characters Meredith Grey out of her comfort zone and push her into and her relationships with the rest of her colleagues. are getting their share of the spotlight. This has been situations where she has been forced to develop more most notable with Callie and Arizona’s relationship and completely as a character. This is part of what makes This season has also shown Meredith finding herself by Arizona’s efforts to become a fetal surgeon. This character Grey’s Anatomy such an excellent show. Through the delving into her past and the writings of her deceased has suffered through an amputated leg, a miscarriage, years, we have seen their relationship go through many mother. She does this not for herself, but for her newfound and a very recent separation from Callie; seeing her obstacles and states of being. The actors, Ellen Pompeo half-sister. The writers of this show have a knack for succeed and go through some extreme training was a and Patrick Dempsey, have shown palpable chemistry introducing stories that fit perfectly with the backstories welcomed change in pace and character progression. from the onset of the series, and their relationship has of other characters and indulging the need for characters Finally, Shonda Rhimes is closing the show that has given blossomed from Derek’s runaway affair to a loving that shift focus, change relationships, and bring with her a rise to fame, that spawned a spin-off while it was marriage bound by a Post-It. This marriage has been them an entire trunk full of baggage. still being broadcast, and inspired two telenovelas in Latin struggling for the past two seasons with Meredith trying America. Grey’s Anatomy will be missed — it has graced to have time for advancing her career and Derek feeling This season has highlighted how alone Meredith feels and American television for the past 10 years, and its impact stuck in his. From the beginning of Season 11, Derek how much more driven she has become through it all. In will not go unnoticed. was itching to leave for Washington, D.C. (which he the last episode she broke her streak; she had gone more

José Lopez | Staffwriter

Meredith Grey, played by Ellen Pompeo, has been a more singular focus this season than in past seasons, allowing the series to round out with an examination of how she has grown as a person. Courtesy of ABCLocal via Flickr Creative Commons

television 6 pillbox 03.30.15 Itching to get out of your messy room? Be the first to nab a spot in some of campus’s nicest outdoor study spaces It may not seem like it yet, but it will soon soon be time to at the center of the building is equipped with a number meaning there are various flat elevation points on it to spread shed jackets and sweatshirts for T-shirts. With warm rays on of tables and outlets, as well as access to the open sky. At out work. the way, it may be tempting to throw work out the window night, there are lamps, although turning them on can be in lieu of a day playing frisbee on the Cut. confusing. There’s always back-up light streaming through The only downside to these locations is the noise that they the windows of the building, though, which makes this attract. At the center of campus, these places are almost But for those without time to relax, the warm weather is not space a feasible place to work into the early hours of the next never completely quiet due to the number of people who off limits. There is no reason to tackle work inside when there morning, if needed. Plus the courtyard is closed off to the pass by them at all times of the day. Nevertheless, if noise is are so many outdoor locations on campus to sit back, relax, bustle inside the building during the day, so noise is not a not a hindrance, these locations are some of the most easily and get down to work. problem. accessible, and both get strong Wi-Fi signals.

Following are some of the best places to work with the If it rains, there is a spacious room right next to the courtyard Gesling Stadium Bleachers benefit of fresh breezes. Many of these locations are secluded with doors that open out onto it. Prop them open to escape and immune to the noise of campus, making them the the water, but still get that feeling of being outside. The football stadium’s bleachers don’t only have to serve perfect places to boost productivity. spectators on the weekends. They can also serve students Beneath the Pausch Bridge hoping to get in a few extra hours of studying. The bleachers The Hobbit Hole are essentially flat slabs that span a large portion of the East The Randy Pausch Bridge is one of the most well-known and Campus Garage, giving students plenty of real estate to use. Located just outside the main entrance to Baker Hall, this well-traveled places on campus. At night its rainbow lights They can be quiet if not too many people are on the field and study spot on the Mall is not visible to the average passerby. at make it hard to miss, and the penguins on its walls bring a traffic isn’t too heavy on Forbes Avenue on the opposite side A work area carved out of a hill, this space is likened by sense of intrigue to the structure. of the garage. many students to Bilbo Baggins’s house from J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit, and is the perfect spot to hide away in when But what is less well-known about the bridge is the great If some cover is preferable, Tartans Pavilion across the work begins to pile up. shaded study space it provides below. There is a nice way offers a view of the stadium and an open atmosphere patch of grass just below the bridge equipped with a single to the outside on days when it is nice. Access to Wi-Fi Not only are there a number of spacious benches to spread bench. Few travelers pass through this way, so noise is not is questionable on the bleachers, but easily attainable at papers out upon, but there are outlets to juice up devices a problem. While there are no outlets to charge devices, the Tartans Pavilion. when their battery power runs low. Also, the hubbub from area below the bridge offers a nice reading area. Print out the Cut seems to fade away after descending into the papers and skim away. carved out area. Noise from WRCT’s speakers and students promoting their organizations’ causes outside Doherty Hall Tennis Courts Braden Kelner | Contributing Editor are not an issue here. The sun shines pretty brightly on the benches, but it’s possible to pick up work and move to the On either side of the tennis courts are two perfect places to shade of a nearby tree when the heat becomes unbearable. study. Between Margaret Morrison Hall and the courts is an area that was just refurbished with chairs to lounge in and Tepper School Courtyard watch the matches... or do work. This area provides a zen atmosphere that could make you feel like you’re in Florida. Want a space to work outside, but need the comfort of mortar and bricks to focus? The courtyard inside the Tepper On the other side of the courts is a nice grassy hill that School of Business may be the perfect place. This open area everyone on campus knows about. The hill is tiered,

moviesinmcconomy McConomy Auditorium, Cohon University Center Lula Beresford | Pillbox Editor

The Hobbit: the Battle of the Five Armies Inherent Vice Friday, Apr. 3 Saturday, Apr. 4 8 p.m., 11 p.m. 8 p.m., 11 p.m.

If you are a big fan of Legolas, or are itching to see Martin Freeman onscreen before the One of the biggest crime drama flicks of 2014, Inherent Vice features an all-star cast. long awaited fourth season of Sherlock premieres later this year, The Hobbit: The Battle Joaquin Phoenix stars as a perpetually high private detective, who is hired by his of the Five Armies is playing this Friday to give you your Lord of the Rings fill. In this third ex to help her current lover escape the nefarious plans of his wife. When there is a installment of The Hobbit franchise, Bilbo Baggins (Freeman) pulls out all the stops in his disappearance — which is really only semi-surprising — Phoenix (known as “Doc”) attempts to save Middle Earth from obliteration due to the heavy-handedness and pride has to pursue various suspects in a world filled with surfers and cops, suspects and of various armies. Five armies to be exact. Elves, dwarves, orcs, men, and eagles angrily moderately normal people, all fueled and muddled by excessive marijuana. The cast wield a variety of weapons in the hopes of defeating wonderfully colorful opponents. includes stellar performances from Reese Witherspoon, Jena Malone, Josh Brolin, and Unreciprocated love, fancy gems, people with pointy ears: this film has got them all. With Owen Wilson, among others. Filled with laughs and inanity, Inherent Vice is a great sweeping panoramas that are guaranteed to make you want to visit New Zealand, The movie to see with your friends when you can’t decide on any other movie that you Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies is a bombastic and exciting final film of this beloved would like to see. Also, the more people you attend the movie with, the more likely it is fantasy trilogy. that somebody will understand it.

movies pillbox 03.30.15 7 Tales from Abroad: Learning to go with the flow Getting the most out of experiences overseas requires a laid-back attitude and an open mind Before I studied abroad, I hadn’t left the confines of North America. Sure, I had been on trips to Canada with my family and several high school clubs, but that was the extent of my international travels. After just under two months studying abroad, I have now been to three new countries. I’ve explored several cities in France, where I can somewhat easily navigate and communicate with locals. But I’ve also been to countries where I had to hope that the people I encountered would be able to speak English or at least be willing to mime their way through a conversation with me.

I tend to be an organized person who makes a plan and follows through with it. The idea that I would get lost, have to look at a map, have to ask questions, and maybe have to take a few detours along the way was honestly frightening.

Somehow, though, during my time here, I have learned how to relax, let go, and just go with the flow. And that is how I have had some of the most memorable experiences of my life. I took a day trip to a place I had never heard of, with no idea Jenni Tuttle | Junior Photographer The writer stands in front of the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam in the Netherlands as she continues to explore the unfamiliar. what I would do there, and ended up exploring a charming town with a rich history and beautiful sights. I had a delicious home-cooked dinner after me down, so I have decided to take this time to be going home with a Danish family I met at a brew- young and free. ery tour in Copenhagen. I have had conversations with people who come from cities I can barely pro- I have learned how to live in the moment. While nounce in countries that I have only vaguely heard that sometimes means missing the last metro about. I have ended up in bars and clubs that I home and having to pay for a taxi, or getting will never be able to place on a map where people caught in the rain without an umbrella, noth- come up to me simply because they want to ing has gone horribly wrong so far. And even if it practice their English and hear about the United does, that’s just the way life works. No matter how States, and those discussions have been some of hard we plan, we never know exactly how it will the most riveting in my life. turn out, so why not welcome every unexpected experience, every chance that is presented to I have tried to find museums or stores and ended make a connection and meet some new people? It up wandering parks so vast and beautiful they just may change your life. made me forget I was in the middle of one of the largest cities in the world.

Spontaneity has been my greatest ally during my Jenni Tuttle | Junior Staffwriter time here. While I may sometimes feel uneasy about not having a concrete plan, it’s also incred- ibly liberating to realize that I can go anywhere and do anything that I want. This will probably be The beautiful Mont Saint-Michel castle is an ancient the only chance I have to live in a foreign country monastery on an island in Normandy and offers tour- and feel like I have no real responsibilities holding ists unparalleled traveling experience.

Jenni Tuttle | Junior Photographer

travel 8 pillbox 03.30.15 Tales from Abroad: Learning to go with the flow Del Sol String Quartet performs in Kresge Auditorium Getting the most out of experiences overseas requires a laid-back attitude and an open mind Virtuosic quartet brings contemporary chamber music pieces from around the world to CMU The internationally renowned Del Sol String Quartet of these interludes, as I am a person not familiar with con- graced Carnegie Mellon University with their pres- temporary chamber music, and the weird scratchy tone ence at their concert in the College of Fine Art’s Kresge often confused me. Ultimately the dichotomy between the Auditorium on Thursday night. Though the concert was clear tone and the rest of the tones played by the musi- free and open to the public, it was disappointing to see cians was part of what the piece was all about, and I was that there was only a smattering of audience members, intrigued having experienced something so innovative. maxing out around 50. The musicians — Benjamin Kreith and Rick Shinozaki, violin, Charlton Lee, viola, and The third piece was the piece from their album. Though Kathryn Bates, cello — played their hearts out anyway. played without the didgeridoo part, String Quartet No. 14 “Quamby” still called to mind the imagery of the Based out of San Francisco, the Del Sol String Quartet Tasmanian shore its composer hailed from. Reminiscing has been focused on the future of music and its con- on life as a child, Peter Sculthorpe wrote the piece about temporary creators since the group was founded back cliffs he used to walk on as a child, and the experience of in 1992. Known for innovative and fascinating art part- watching the birds and thinking about the cliffs’ history. nerships and their extensive commissioning of modern The word “Quamby,” the name of a certain bluff, means works, Del Sol has brought sounds from around the world “save me” or “mercy.” The piece is in four movements, to many audiences during their tenure. The quartet has though all were connected by a general feeling of loneli- seven albums, and played a piece off their most recent ness and wonder. The first movement’s long and dramatic album Sculthorpe: The Complete String Quartets with phrasing sounded kind of like the beautiful sweeping mel- Didgeridoo, at Carnegie Mellon. odies of the Pride and Prejudice film from 2005, though played in a completely minor key. The third movement The pieces played on Thursday night were all written featured some gull sounds mimicked perfectly on the by modern composers. The first piece they played was cello. All in all this piece was my favorite of the evening, called “Fast Blue Village 2,” and was written in 2007 by managing to convey a whole story in just four short move- Uzbekistani composer Elena Kats-Chernin. The piece ments. began with an eerie synchronized introduction from the cello and the viola. During the course of the piece, two or The second half of the concert began with Italian com- three of the instrumentalists would have phrases played poser Stefano Scodannibio’s take on Monteverdi’s famous in synchronization. This gave the piece the nice ebb and madrigals. “Mas Lugares (su Madrigali di Monteverdi)” flow of coming together and moving apart, giving the did indeed use melodies and harmonies found in the audience a resolution periodically, and adding structure madrigals, but explored these well known songs using Matt Nielsen | Staff Photographer to the shape of the piece. The piece sounded incred- new texture and strange harmonic couplings. During his Violinist Rick Shinozaki and violist Charlton Lee play each ibly sad and a little angry as it finished out the last eight introduction of the piece, violinist Benjamin Kreith talked of the challenging pieces with animation and personality. measures or so with choppy and harsh notes played by all about how “tactile” a composer Scodannibio was, and four musicians simultaneously. According to the program, that became aggressively apparent during the course of “Fast Blue Village 2” was created “from material to be the piece. Maybe because I’m kind of a wimp, I found music, and it only made me wish that more people had played by a set of robots designed by Roland Obeiter” and myself wishing that the pieces were played with tradi- gone to see the performance. The innovative use of tone indeed, you could tell. tional tone and emphasis, as I am not used to hearing quality, harmony, and articulate storytelling provoked me such husky and squeaky sounds. Though I can appreciate to consider what I think of as beautiful chamber music, The second piece was introduced by the violist, Charlton the creative and textured piece, it definitely is not one and where I think chamber music is going. For a genre Lee, who talked about the nature of the piece as “taking that is going on my listening list. so rooted in the music of its historical greats, I think it is the old with the new.” The piece — “Calligraffiti” — writ- important to put down the Beethoven once in a while and ten by Chinese composer Huang Ruo in 2009, mixes the The concert ended with a piece written by a member of look to the future. traditional word “calligraphy” with “graffiti” and plays off Carnegie Mellon School of Music faculty, Professor Reza that theme during the course of the piece. Lee described Vali, who hails from Iran. His piece “Gâtâr (Calligraphy the piece as being reminiscent of what it was like to No. 11)” used the Persian modal system, instead of a Lula Beresford | Pillbox Editor grow up in a Chinese family in the United States, due to Western modal system. This made the intervals in the Ruo’s mixing of “something so authentic with something piece sound very different from the intervals audiences so profane.” “Calligraffiti” began with a high wavering are accustomed to hearing in, say, Mozart. It was the whisper from the cello, before others joined in with a Pittsburgh premiere of this piece and the third piece of whispery tone. Playing with very little pressure and close Valli’s the quartet has played. The piece included fre- to the bridge on these stringed instruments, the piece of quent solos from the instrumentalists, and often seemed music trod the line between ugly and pretty noises. Other to include portions of call and response. The response to less traditional tones, liberal use of artificial harmonics, the piece was enthusiastic and Professor Vali joined the and minimal vibrato also gave the piece an exception- musicians on stage for a final bow. ally unique feel. Occasionally one musician of the bunch would play with a clear strong tone, and it felt like a It was wonderful to attend a performance from individu- breath of fresh air. I began to find myself wishing for more als who are on the forefront of contemporary chamber

music pillbox 03.30.15 9 Professor Jeanne Theoharis talks at CMU Students and community members gather in Giant Eagle Auditorium to learn about Rosa Parks

Jeanne Theoharis gave a riveting lecture focused on breaking misconceptions about the legendary Civil Rights activist, Rosa Parks, to a captivated audience this past Wednesday.

A professor at Brooklyn College and author of the critically acclaimed book, The Rebellious Life of Mrs. Rosa Parks, Theoharis delved into Parks’ background as a civil rights activist at Giant Eagle Auditorium on March 25. Among her key points was how Parks’ famous bus protest was not mere coincidence, but stemmed from her years of fighting against racial injustice.

Theoharis’ dynamic and impassioned lecture painted Parks in a way that broke the image of her as just a tired, middle-aged woman who refused to get out of her seat. Parks was described as “feisty,” and as continuously asking others, “Why do you push us around?”

This rebellious spirit was evidenced by Parks’ history in the Civil Rights Movement. As a child, she would sit by her shotgun-wielding grandfather in the south who protected their home against racial violence. As an adult, Parks became interested in the movement, and a turning point came when she met fellow activist and future husband Raymond Parks in 1931, who was a lawyer in Abhinav Gautam | Photo Editor the infamous Scottsboro case. Theoharis spoke about the myth surrounding Rosa Parks’s activism and how it hurts our understanding of the movement.

Throughout the 1940s, Parks took a more prominent In fact, Theoharis dispelled several myths of the bus by Parks, would help propel civil rights leaders such as role in the fight against racial injustice. She joined her story during her lecture. First, Parks was not the first Martin Luther King Jr. into the national movement. local NAACP chapter, becoming its Grand Secretary, African American that refused to give up their seat on and worked with other prominent Civil Rights leaders a bus. Others, including Parks, had done so and had Following her move to Detroit, Parks continued to face such as E.D. Nixon in fighting for voter registration been arrested in the past. Next, when Parks was asked economic hardships, but persevered, fighting for housing and eliminating poll taxes. After years of her own to move from her seat, she did not merely state that she issues, freedom for political prisoners, and accessible struggle, Parks voted for the first time in 1945. Parks was tired after her job as a tailor. She understood the education. then continued to work with criminal justice issues, consequences of her actions, and takes this injustice particularly by finding legal defense for cases where as an opportunity to not consent to this treatment. Theoharis’ lecture gave new insight on a legendary icon black men were being wrongfully accused of crimes and Theoharis stated that it was only after the insistence of and true American hero. However, Parks’ life shows cases where the law was unresponsive to white brutality. the bus driver that the police actually arrested her, and that with enough courage, perseverance, and faith, any she was later released from jail that night, shaken but individual can dramatically change the socioeconomic However, Parks’ history is not without its hardship, a unharmed. and political culture of our nation. feature overlooked by many. Due to her activism, she was often banned from working and faced immense So why is Parks remembered as such a heroic and Most importantly, though, Theoharis’ talk opened up a economic problems. By the late 1940s, Parks had begun influential figure, if others had already conducted several much needed dialogue in the humanities departments to burn out. In fact, early in 1955 (the same year as her similar protests? here at Carnegie Mellon, a dialogue about the ways in famous bus protest), Parks stated that she believed the which historical narratives learned in high school affect movement was out of her hands, but was the future One large factor of Parks’ legacy is her collaboration with the way students learn about history in college. For a of new generations. Yet, her perseverance and her E.D. Nixon. Nixon, a prominent white lawyer, saw Parks school whose humanities are often overshadowed by attendance at the Highlander School that summer would as a valuable test case. Parks had an “ideal image”: she other departments, talking about the ramifications of the rekindle her passion. was “working class in economics” and “middle class in way history is told is important in boosting the school’s demeanor”, making her relatable to other blacks. Most awareness of the direction of the humanities, and keeps As Theoharis stated, it is this perseverance and also importantly, Nixon knew Parks’ spirit was unbreakable. Dietrich on the cutting edge of such education. Parks’ knowledge of the movement that make her a true hero. Despite her hardships and her knowledge of the Theoharis continued that although Parks’ legacy is often racial violence often taken against black activists, Parks left with her at the bus, she actually continued for the continued to fight for civil rights. However, the reiterated remainder of her life. Parks helped organize the highly Dhruva Krishna | Junior Staffwriter fable that we are all familiar with loses these details and intricate and methodically planned carpool system this agency — Parks’ action on the bus, though still which made the Montgomery boycott of the bus system heroic, reduces her to being a hero by chance, not a hero possible. This boycott, and other protests organized through her own virtues. lecture 10 pillbox 03.30.15 CMU Politics by Michelle Ma

[email protected] michelledoeswhat.com

comics pillbox 03.30.15 11 His First Time by Nehemiah Russell

[email protected] nehemiahrus.tumblr.com

comics 12pillbox 03.30.15 Sudoku Puzzle: Very Hard Difficulty Maze Puzzle: Hard Difficulty

Sudoku courtesy of www.krazydad.com Maze courtesy of www.krazydad.com

Fill all empty squares using numbers 1 to 9. No number may Start at the arrow on the bottom left corner and find your be used in the same row or column more than once. way through the maze.

Solutions from March 23

Crossword Soduku Maze

puzzles pillbox 03.30.15 13 Horoscopes Cruel Pranks and Cool Jokes Marinate while you shower! aries Remove the shower head. Insert chicken bouillon. Wait for march 21–april 19 an unsuspecting victim.

We’re watching. taurus Stick googly eyes on every inanimate object. april 20–may 20

Freshen up with cream cheese deodorant. gemini Take deodorant out of its container. Refill the container with may 21–june 21 cream cheese.

Enjoy breakfast in the shower. cancer Fill the shower railings and soap holders with toasted bread. june 22–july 22

Love mixed treats? leo Mix a bowl of Skittles, M&M’s, and Reese’s Pieces. july 23–aug. 22

Crossword courtesy of BestCrosswords.com

Prepare for a water surprise. virgo Line a hallway with Styrofoam cups filled with water. Across Down aug. 23–sept. 22 1. Airline since 1948 1. Sponsorship 5. Krazy ___ 2. Whip 8. Narrow inlets 3. That’s ___! 12. Hood-shaped anatomical part 4. Musical Horne libra Need an extra sour apple? 14. Adriatic resort 5. Young goats Dip yellow onions into melted candy and wait for someone 15. Wight or Man 6. “Much ___ About Nothing”, play by sept. 23–oct. 22 to take a bite. 16. Of Thee ___ Shakespeare 17. Image of a deity 7. Put up with 18. First son of Adam and Eve 8. Having wealth 19. Wool-clippers 9. Let me repeat... Clean your teeth with Oreos. scorpio 21. Morals 10. Wonderland girl Replace the inside of Oreo cookies with white toothpaste. 23. Zeta follower 11. Inward feeling oct. 23–nov. 21 24. You ___ here 13. Concurs 25. Actress Ruby 14. Old Italian money 26. Marsh plants 20. Aliens, for short Craving soy sauce? 30. Former Russian rulers 22. Actress Garr 32. Software buyers 24. Item having exchange value sagittarius Pour sprite in a coke bottle. Add soy sauce until it looks like nov. 22–dec. 21 33. Chew 26. Adds the original color. 37. Female horse 27. Son of Rebekah 38. Actress Anouk 28. “Jurassic Park” actress 39. Gillette brand 29. Diving bird Win your office wars. 40. Bonnet with a large brim 30. Domesticates capricorn Zip tie a can of Frebreze permanently open. Throw it and 42. Finely ground meal of grain 31. Skin of the upper part of the head dec. 22–jan. 19 43. Adlai’s running mate 33. Floating bombs run. 44. Occur 34. At the apex of 45. Chart 35. Faithful 48. Fleur-de-___ 36. Acquire through work Looking to redecorate? 49. Atmosphere 38. White metallic element aquarius If you dip cotton balls in water, they’ll stick to anything on a 50. Flowering 41. Capital of Norway jan. 20–feb. 18 freezing night. 52. Penitentiary island 42. Capacitance units 57. Tailless amphibian 44. Sot’s sound 58. Scraps 45. San ___, California 60. Wild Asian dog 46. Bubbling Become a mysterious caller. 61. ___ kleine Nachtmusik 47. Flat surface pisces Change all of your victim’s contacts to “It’s a Mystery.” 62. Western pact 49. Furthermore feb. 19–march 20 63. Satisfies 51. Lyric poems 64. Corrida cries 52. Env. notation 65. Craving 53. Melt Maryyann Landlord | Comics Editor 66. Sunset direction 54. Routine 55. Some are pale 56. Gusto horoscopes 59. Actress Charlotte 14pillbox 03.30.15 Monday 3/30/15 Saturday 4/4/15

Neither Here Nor There. Earl Sweatshirt. Porter Hall 100. 4:30 p.m. Mr. Smalls Funhouse and Theatre. 8 p.m. Classifieds The Center for the Arts in Society presents Neither Here Nor Los Angeles-based rapper Earl Sweatshirt will perform this There as part of their semesterly series of events. This event will week alongside Remy Banks and Vince Staples. Sweatshirt Change kids’ lives with KEYS AmeriCorps. Join feature artist Rita Duffy, an artist from Northern Ireland who uses just released his most recent album I Don’t Like Shit, I Don’t a team of over 90 members at 20 Pittsburgh her art as a means of commenting on or challenging culture Go Outside on March 23, which is about the struggles of summer camps for one unforgettable summer. and politics. Her talk will discuss the concept of “Nothernness” young adults today. Tickets start at $25. Earn $3,241 throughout the summer and a as a geographical and psychological idea, as well as the $1,493 education award upon completion. May concept of challenging boundaries. Admission is free. Ongoing 26 – Aug 12. Visit www.keysservicecorps.org or email Thursday 4/2/15 Oblivion. [email protected]. City Theatre Company. Through April 26. alt-J. A comedy from Carly Mensch, a writer from the television Benedum Center. 8 p.m. show Weeds, the play Oblivion takes on the complex invention of a faster plane, they all come to town at once. English indie rock band alt-J will visit Pittsburgh during its relationship between parents and adolescents, and what it Tickets are $39.75. North and South American tour on the heels of the release of means to grow up and be a family. Tickets start at $36. their most recent album, This Is All Yours. Tickets are sold out Compiled by Sarah Gutekunst | Operations Manager but can still be bought from scalpers. Sketch to Structure. Carnegie Museum of Art. Through Aug. 17. Want your event here? Varun Gadh. This exhibition in the Heinz Architectural Center explores Email [email protected]. Skibo Cafe. 7:30 p.m. the process from an architect’s initial concept to client AB Skibo presents singer-songwriter and CMU first year presentation. Featuring a number of sketches by Lorcan Varun Gadh. Dhruva Krishna and David Matvey will open for O’Herlihy and Richard Neutra as well as watercolors by him. This event is funded by your student activities fee. Steven Holl.

Editor’s Note: Dhruva Krishna writes for The Tartan. Some Day is Now: The Art of Corita Kent. The Andy Warhol Museum. Through April 19. Anya Martin. Covering over 30 years of Corita Kent’s posters, murals, and New Hazlett Theater. 8 p.m. signature serigraphs, Some Day is Now is the first major Martin along with the actors of the Hiawatha project will museum show to survey Kent’s career. perform JH: Mechanics of a Legend, a piece about the myth of John Henry and how it remains culturally relevant today. Boeing Boeing. The show will be followed by a talkback with script advisor CLO Cabaret. Through April 26. Wendy Aarons and Samuel Black, African American historian This Tony Award-winning production from the 1960s tells at the Heinz History Center. $20 in advance or $25 at the the story of a Parisian player with three girlfriends, all flight door. attendants. He gets himself into trouble when, with the

calender pillbox 03.30.15 15 percussion extravaganza.

Abhinav Gautam | Photo Editor Last Wednesday evening, the College of Fine Arts hosted the musical event Percussion Extravaganza at 6:30 p.m. in CFA’s Great Hall. Audience members enjoyed the mellifluous sounds of Carnegie Mellon students as they trickle in before the start of the event.

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