Transcript for: Monty Python’s Flying Circus “The Argument Clinic” Cast: John Cleese Michael Palin

[00:00:01] Monty Python’s The Argument Clinic (edited)

[00:00:06] What is an argument?

[00:00:09 – opens with Palin in a hallway, standing in front of a door]

[00:00:10 – laugh track] (Palin) [knocks on door four times] (Cleese) [muffled behind the door] Come in!

[00:00:13 – Palin opens door; scene cuts to room with Cleese sitting at a desk] (Palin) Is this the right room for an argument? (Cleese) I told you once. (Palin) No you haven’t. (Cleese) Yes I have. (Palin) When? (Cleese) Just now. (Palin) No you didn’t. (Cleese) Yes I did. (Palin) You didn't (Cleese) I did! (Palin) You didn't! (Cleese) I'm telling you I did! (Palin) You did not! (Cleese) I'm sorry, is this a five minute argument or the full half hour? (Palin) Oh…oh, just the five minute one. (Cleese) Fine…Alright, thank you…Anyway, I did. (Palin) You most certainly did not. (Cleese) Look, let's get this thing clear; I most definitely told you. (Palin) You did not. (Cleese) Yes I did. (Palin) You did not. (Cleese) Yes I did. (Palin) Didn't. (Cleese) Yes I did. (Palin) Didn't. (Cleese) Yes I did. (Palin) Look, this isn't an argument. (Cleese) Yes it is. (Palin) No it isn't. It's just contradiction. (Cleese) No it isn't. (Palin) Yes it is! (Cleese) It is not. (Palin) It is! You just contradicted me. (Cleese) No I didn’t. (Palin) Oh you did! (Cleese) No-no, no-no, no-no. (Palin) You did, just then. (Cleese) Nonsense! (Palin) Oh, well this is futile! (Cleese) No it isn't. (Palin) I came here for a good argument. (Cleese) No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument. (Palin) An argument’s not the same as contradiction. (Cleese) It can be. (Palin) No it can't! An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a definite proposition. (Cleese) No it isn't. (Palin) Yes it is! It isn’t just contradiction. (Cleese) Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position. (Palin) It isn’t just saying, “No it isn't.” (Cleese) Yes it is. (Palin) No it isn't! [laugh track – short pause] Argument’s an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says. (Cleese) No it isn't. (Palin) It is. (Cleese) Not at all. (Palin) Now look, I’m… [Cleese rings a bell, interrupting and befuddling Palin] (Cleese) Thank you! Good morning. [erupting laugh track – Cleese turns away from Palin and tends to himself] [crowd applauses] (Palin) What? (Cleese) That's it. Good morning. (Palin) I was just getting interested. (Cleese) Sorry, the five minutes is up.

[00:01:40] – Video Ends