CORD 20 1993 WILFRIDTHELAURIER STUDENT PUBLICATION VOLUME XXXIII ISSUE JANUARY 28 A Election open forum

views on is- dent, arrived 35 minutes late for election supplement of this through a referendum. Lynn McCuaig conveyed different Cord News sues concerning WLU in an the forum, all candidates were week's Cord. However, the ques- Jim Lowe asked the crowd open forum. given a chance to convey the is- tion period that followed gave how many students really know over half On Monday morning in the The open forum consisted of a sues they felt were important. more insight into issues. what OUSA is. Since Concourse, candidates for Stu- round of speeches from all candi- For the most part, the initial Topics discussed at the open the students present were not dents' Union president, Student dates followed by a question peri- speeches given by the candidates forum included potential changes aware, Lowe concluded that a Publications president and vice od. Although Fraser Kirby, candi- were a reinforcement of their to the University health plan, referendum is the "best way" to president of University affairs date for Students' Union presi- platforms as presented in the membership in the Ontario Uni- get the students' approval. Sean versity Students' Alliance Taylor, in turn, said that a (OUSA) and recognition of fra- referendum would be a "bogus ternities. document" since the students Opinion among the candidates should have confidence in their was divided on the issue of the elected leader to make a student health plan. Tim Crowder responsible decision. and Michelle Moore, candidates Support was also divided on for Vice President University Af- the proposal that the Students' fairs, both advocated changes to Union recognize fraternities. Both the existing system of a forced Fraser Kirby and Terry Grogan payment of health services. advocate their recognition. When Crowder proposed an "opt- asked how they would reconcile out" program which allows stu- fraternities with the non- dents to withdraw their money discriminatory policy of the stu- from an unused health plan. dents' union, Kirby stated that Moore advocated an "opt-in" since a fraternity exists for each policy where the students would sex it is not discriminatory. be given a choice before they pay Grogan said that the charity University out, pic : Page and student administrators check the forum. Sheldon into the health plan. When ques- aspect of the fraternities outweigh tioned if the "opt-in" program the disadvantages. would also apply to the Students' Although Taylor also supports Students make voices Union fees, Moore replied that fraternities, he did not see the there is "not a lot of dissatisfac- need to have them on campus. tion with the Students' Union as a French and Crowder stated that heard by power of petition whole" and would not apply the campus clubs are sufficient to program to SAC fees. represent Laurier in the com- munity. Ingrid Nielsen cord News "She seemed genuinely concerned with the lack In contrast, Jim Lowe con- of communication about the cuts," said Deßoer. demns "opt-out" as it would make Candidates for Student Publi- A petition protesting the declining quality of ed- The student petition committee, made up of the service more expensive to cations President, Adrienne ucation at Laurier has circulated through the eight Laurier students, put forth the effort to raise those who cannot afford a private Hodgin and Brian Gear, were student body, and has amassed over 1600 signa- student awareness about the recent cuts, and to health program. Cindy French questioned about the possibility tures. stress a lack of communication between the stu- would like to see the existing sys- of obtaining a separate house for In four days, 1600 names were attached to a dents and the administration. tem at a lower cost. Terry Grogan Student Publications. Hodgin said petition which states that the students at Wilfrid "They (the administration) should be talking to opposed the opt-out idea on the a house was a definite possibility Laurier are "greatly concerned", "distressed", and us; it directly concerns us," said Ken McGuffin, an- basis of "continuity" with other adding that it would give Student "displeased" with recent cuts to academic programs other member of the committee. student services. Publications "complete at the institution. "We want to bring attention to this issue, give All the candidates for Stu- autonomy, physically and finan- On Friday, February 22, organizers John students a chance to know what's going on," said dents' Union President and Vice cially". While Brian Gear is also Deßoer and Michael Loeters presented the petition Deßoer. President University Affairs ad- in favor of autonomy, he viewed to Laurier's president, Lorna Marsden. The petition has also been sent to Premier Bob vocated an active role in OUSA. a separate house as a "preliminary "1 am very pleased that they are concerned Rae, and Minister of Colleges and Universities, However, they were divided on idea" due to finances and a need enough to make such an effort," said Marsden. Continued on pg. 7 the need for student approval for a central location.

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•yWBTOWi.iI Ji H IWIM llfllPWINSIDEJWifl* 'WI IWB ftli im li HMW t1 / B—l ■■ 1 11 iP| News Laurier gets cash page 3 Sports Hockey Hawks slay Warriors page 9 Feature Election '93 supplement...... Pull out Entertainment Robert Langen Gallery opens....page 19 Comment Vote dammit.. page 26

Student petition with 1600 names targets Laurier's administration. p/c ; Chris Skalkos 2 — THE Advertisement Thursday. com January ?w 112 CONCERNED ABOUT I LAURIER'S ACADEMIC FUTURE ? I I • A discussion document wil be released by the I I Committee on Academic Restructuring. I I •If you would like to read this document it will be I I published in The Laurier News on February 2. I

I • Public hearings for staff, faculty and students will I I be held February 9&10 at the Paul Martin Centre I I from 2:30 to 4:30, Student input is encouraged. I I GET INVOLVED!! J

Your ONLY source for Floorshirts,I caps and residence wear. I

I vjj|| lIOIV ■ ■ I \ those legal hassles: I I r I Hi L 1 we are now accepting orders I I MP lAa 'wr floor shirts and I I Jjjßfe. r r % university insignia items. I I Closed Mondays CK I

wi!iyg|fßiwrwwißßPffHiiiiiiimi i mini \\wmpnrnmaMr~— New Student Constitution Frosh ideas space survey battle -page 5 page 6 page 7

: News: NEWS EDITOR INGRID NIELSEN fNEWS EDITOR SHELDON PAGE ASSOCIATE University receives cash Laurier is better off than some univer- million in "round one" of the pro- proving accessibility for disabled ture of our colleges and other universities. "Laurier has no Steve Schaus NewsCord in gram. The money will be used to students, improving campus sities today," said Allen a Janu- deficit," she said, "and we will "This fund the construction of a new health and safety, waste and air Post-secondary institutions will ary 6 press release. type of continue to try to stay out of building. management and water conserva- receive an additional $30.6 mil- public investment in post- science and classroom debt." secondary will help With the additional funding, tion. lion over the next two years, education Marsden will be holding an get the skills and knowl- Laurier is eligible to receive an- Richard Allen, minister of Col- people Lorna Marsden, president of open forum on February 5 in they need to sustain other $143,000, said Decker. The leges and Universities, announc- edge WLU, said all proposals will be P1025-27. She will address the Ontario's future prosperity and money must be spent within two ed yesterday. widely discussed within the uni- funding situation and any other quality of life." to three months and must be put The funding is part of the versity before they are submitted questions students might have. Ken Decker, the chief policy toward one of five "target areas". to approval. "jobs Ontario Capital" program. the ministry for final With the recent announce- we are analyst (Grants Administration The target areas include not believe that "Through this program Marsden does ment, a total of $93.5 million has pro- Branch) for ministry, said projects aimed at accommodating doing investing in the future of the the the government is enough been committed through the "jobs infrastruc- WLU has already received $14.6 recent enrollment increases, im- vince by renewing the to support post-secondary institu- Ontario Capital" program to help tions. "Compared to hospitals," postsecondary institutions renew said, "universities cost so she their facilities. Audits of universities little." The funding is part of a $127 "Laurier is also accepting million allocation announced by more students than are supported Treasurer Floyd Laughren under by provincial government by the government," said "jobs Ontario Capital", a five- Marsden. "Tuition only covers year $2.3 billion capital program competition for public Steve Tracy Cord News tration to reflect the diverse increased about 17 per cent of the actual supporting jobs and economic society in Ontario. funding. cost of going to university." restructuring, and promoting accountability is Between 1988 and 1990 the Marsden said that Laurier's University But Marsden did say that community and social progress. Provincial Auditor undertook Board of Governors (BOG) is set never measured strictly in finan- inspection audits of three uni- out in the founding legislation of cial terms. An equally important versities. the University. "It says who the consideration is the student body. The June 1992, task force Board of Governors must be, and Marsden described student progress reported that the Provin- it includes faculty, staff, students, co-op placements as "a big source cial Auditor was not satisfied, alumni, and a very significant of accountability because we are noting that "accountability for the number of people from outside asking businesses to take our stu- significant amount of funding to the university." dents, and our students work well Ontario universities remains in- When asked for her opinion or they don't and that's a form of adequate". on the current level of diversity accountability." The provincial government is within the Board of Governors, Student governments also studying the viability of auditing Marsden said that the current deal with accountability. Union President all revenues for provincial univer- BOG is representative."Our Students' stu- sities through extending the Board is highly representative. Christina Craft said that the whole, ac- powers of the Provincial Auditor. We have fewer women than there dent union "as a is it WLU President Dr. Lorna are women in the population, that countable to the students Marsden expressed her con- would require 52%, and so we represents." fidence in the present system: would be proposing to the Minis- "First of all, the main principles "On the fiscal side the university ter that his new appointments to of our corporation are directly is highly accountable. It has the Board be women." mandated by students through auditors, it has outside auditors, it One of the problems with ac- referenda, so that's direct accoun- has an inside controller, so there countability is finding the best tability there," said Craft WLU president. Dr. Lorna Marsden. File photo is absolute fiscal accountability. method of informing the general VP University Affairs Universities have three main public as to what goes on in a * Alexandra Stangret said that sources of income: government university such as Laurier. The "what goes on is checked on by Ontario Board Students youth funding, tuition fees, and dona- Friends of Ontario Universities the of Directors. tions. and the Alliance for Ontario Uni- can determine what kind of ser- One of the recommendations versities are two bodies that are vices they get, what we provide, talk issues the task dealing university public re- even where we take our direction topical in the progress report of with force is that accountability can be lations. through the Board of Directors." improved by broadening the rep- Accountability has become a A crucial aspect of accoun- John Lavigne Cord News resentation of university adminis- particularly important issue with tability for the Student's Union is the ability of the students that it If you are between the ages of 15 and 20, the Ontario Youth Par- represents to interact with those liament (OYP) may be the place for you. who have been elected. Many stu- The OYP is currently seeking delegates to its 25th annual session

, dents, however, consider student to be held at Emmanuel United Church in Windsor from March 12th government to be inaccessible. "I to the 15th. The session will bring about 150 members of Ontario's think that's not necessarily re- youth to discuss topical issues. lated to the Students' Union but Greg Sloan, a six-year participant in the parliament, noted that the that's the perception of any kind OYP is organized along the lines of Queen's Park, including a of government," said Stangret. premier, a leader of opposition and a cabinet. "We've tried, for a few dif- "We elect the top five positions, which we term the executive. ferent reasons, to dispel that, They include the premier, leader of opposition, house leader, whether it means having the registrar of finance and individual discipleship. Of the two leaders, Board of Directors come in and however, one must be a female. That's why we vote on the premier talk to students on a regular basis, first. If that position goes to a guy then the leader of the opposition or having information released, or has to be a girl," said Sloan. having open houses." Sloan added that the current leaders, Premier Amelia Leckey and Does Laurier's traditional low Leader of the Opposition Paul Miller, were elected at last year's ses- voter turn out mean that the stu- sion. Sloan noted that the premier will select her cabinet, just as the dents do not care about the Stu- premier does in Queen's Park. dents' Union? Craft said that: "It Sloan added that if a delegate wanted to volunteer for the cabinet concerns me that students don't they would have to have been involved for at least one year. The vote. Maybe it's a lack of aware- delegate would then send a resume outlining their past involvement, ness to the fact that a large por- whether or not they've held a position before, if they're involved in tion of their fees that go to the student government or the school newspaper, or whatever. The university go to us. We can't premier looks over the applications and makes cabinet decisions force people to vote. We can't do based on the qualifications of the candidates. anything more than provide During each session the delegates debate various pieces of topical people with information on issues legislation in a non-partisan format. The items on the docket for this and encourage them, and it's up year's session include the recognition of homosexual marriages, the i he accountable Students' Union. File photo to the individual to do the rest." Continued on pg. 5 N•ws------'!~~.£!!'!} 4 THE A new modest proposal

other universities, and I'll bet you modest pro~sal ... something for next year it's a big failure like cal plot of land -- and then just RIGHTON. you'll hear about 1) our involve­ next year's Vice President Stu­ "Boot Camp Laurier", and then run with it year after year? PAGE ment in Shinerama; 2) the Boar's dent Activities, Orientation Week we have a successful week with I guarantee, with time, stu­ The rep C!Q 2 FOUR ·· Head Dinner; 3) The Cord; and Committee, and Icebreakers to "Tour De Laurier", leading to the dents in 4th year will automati­ dents' maybe, just maybe 4) the Charity consider. hugely successful "Kingdom cally have at least one more thing mittee ·~ BY TERRY GROGAN ~ ~ Ball. Why not run a standardized Laurier", followed by this year's in common with Frosh ... and lated arc Any community is defined by The funny thing is, with Frosh Week, the same program of hit "Safari Laurier". that's what a community is all lines thf the traditions, values, and stan­ course cutbacks and escalating events being repeated from year­ It seems to me, since we al­ about: people who have tradi· quests · dards it holds in common. Wil­ enrollment, just as the students of to-year? ready have so few opportunities tions, values, and standards held ad mini~ frid Laurier University is a WLU are coming together to be Other universities have tradi­ to "socialize" (sorry, but you in common. campus community. Therefore, what squeezed into the hallways of the tional Frosh Week themes going wouldn't believe how much I per­ Old business: That "Name That The traditions, values, and stan­ Concourse, the Laurier com­ back years: at some universities sonally dislike having to use that Generation" contest: the only posed 1~ dards do we share with one an­ munity is slowly fracturing into the class of 2019 will be going. word ... ) incoming students with suggestions I heard were 1) Star tive plarl other across this campus? its component faculties and sepa­ through the same initiation as the. respect to WLU's values and Trek The Next Generation -· Union E Laurier is a comparatively rate buildings. class of 1919 ... or 1819. standards, we should reconsider James Bell; 2) The Laptop Gener­ Jimenez young university. WLU (Wilfrid I think part ofthe reason for This is done for a reason: to the idea that we waste this one. ation -- thanks, Woody; 3) The at the ti Laurier not Waterloo Lutheran this is because we don't have a establish a sense of continuity -­ Why not pick one theme Shadow Generation -- Tim Crow­ University) has really only been strong body of traditions at and community -- between the that's been done successfully -­ der; and 4) The Pepsi Generation around for 27 years. Laurier. Most of Laurier's tradi­ different classes. something like "Kingdom -- Michael Jackson (Don't ever Ask anybody you know what tions are either 1) relatively new; At Laurier, one year the Frosh Laurier", that makes it relatively say Michael Jackson isn't the traditions Laurier has developed or 2) not that unique. Week theme is something lame easy to build up a legend about hardest working spokesperson­ that really make us distinct from And now we come to my like "Wet N' Wild", and then the Laurier being a somehow mysti- thing in the world!) --.-:I .. L- .. --r: E .. !_-- cnll BB4 ?990 vvit~ yo••r ovvn un'iquo ideals. by phill kinzinger Students are sometimes bard eleven-thirty AM to one PM and fun is at the Laurel Creek Con­ spirit. There are short movies, a a display of Victorian decorations pressed to find a cheap thrill on Saturday from one to three and servation Area, which is located restaurant and even a liquor store. and baking, pertaining to the [you know what I mean]. Movie Sunday from Noon until two PM. on Rural Route 3 [like you know A little further down in holiday. rentals are good but very soon Similarly from ten to eleven­ where that is], down Northfield Kitchener, at 528 Wellington Further away on Huron Road, you find that your muscles have thirty on the mornings of Tues­ Drive. Make sure you phone Street North, you will find the is the Doone Heritage taken a permanent nap from day, Thursday and Friday you can [885-0160] ahead to find out if Woodside National Historical Crossroads. A slight cost of a lazing around. play "Pick-up Hockey" [say, the trails are open. Site. Simply put, this is William $1.75 is incurred but the early While many of us abore what's a nice girl/guy like you If you are a history buff there Lyon Mackenzie King's child­ twentieth century setting is well winter and its butt biting winds, doing in the penalty box] free of are a few places of interest in K­ hood home. As it happens, it's worth it It is open seven days a we should not totally excuse the charge. W. Seagram's Museum, located also free and open seven days a week from ten until five, when it possibilities available for recrea­ U of W also offers tennis, on Erb Street just beside the week from ten in the morning un­ closes doone. tion. which is found in the dome on Waterloo Town Square, is also til five in the afternoon. Many of these places are Cheap fun under the sun is Seagram Drive. It only costs $2 free. It is open from ten and six Each room is decorated in the beyond walking distance, so just just down the road at the Univer­ to play, but you should phone PM between Tuesday and Sun­ Victorian style. The tour guides check with the buses to see if one sity of Waterloo. At the Colum­ [885-3920] and book a court 48 day. are dressed to the period and a passes by. Don't pass up the mu­ bia Ice Fields, located [where el­ hours in advance. Tennis is open The Museum displays the brief slide show is given for those seums, they are not as boring as se] on Columbia by the Op­ seven days a week from nine in entire product line of Seagrams who are interested. Once a month some of you may think. You may tometry building you can skate the morning to eleven at night and its affiliates, complete with a the park holds a special event. even learn something about the for free Monday to Friday from Another free place for outdoor discourse on the making of each This Valentines Day there will be dead people we call ancestors.

TOTAL MADNESS $2.50 THURSDAYS COME TO WHERE THE HAWKS NEST 28 Kin St. N., Waterloo 725- 050 Historical sites at historically low prices. pic : Phil/ Kinzinqer I------I * I PRE-TURRET I I I I CHICKEN CHOKER I ~ l This coupon entitles the bearer to a basket SUNDAY NIGHT I l)' of our largest, juiciest order of wings I BURGER SPECIAL I wo;;:::;;l'.• for only $4 (plus taxes). I 1 rt ~ Good only 5-9pm Thursday. I $1.99 1/2 LB. Valid until February 4/93 1 \-, -, Dine-in Only I BURGER &FRIES I------~ *drink purchase necessary -I *drink purchase necessary THE CORD rxnntday January 28. 1993 News 5 Space report falls short

Steve Doak Commentary over-crowding crisis, and the later. The building was originally ridiculously inacurate, funding is of the people involved in the The report from the WLU Stu- report meant to solve the problem designed for 2,500 students, but not a problem. The Union works original plan that completely by- dents' Union Space Needs Com- is vague and indecisive. currently there are 7,700 full-time with a surplus budget and should passed student opinions. He has mittee is currently being circu- The first portion of the report equivalents attending WLU. be able to cover the costs of the also been involved with efforts to lated around the campus. It out- consists of lengthy background An additional chart assembled expansion by the time it is fin- make cutbacks in the university's lines the Union's expansion re- and philosophic views of campus by Dean Nichols and Christina ished. The administration has budget. quests in conjunction with the centres. Although just a building, Craft lists the amount of space claimed that it is out of money, The Space Needs Com- administration's Vision 2020 the campus centre is called a available to students and the but it is willing to sink millions of mittee's Proposal falls far short of campus plan. "unifying force... cultivating amount of space needed. For the dollars into Seagrams' Stadium. improving student life at WLU. The original campus plan pro- enduring regard for and loyalty to anticipated enrollment of 12,000 Simultaneously, members of the Architects will probably begin posed last spring included tenta- the college." As well, it is a "pro- students in the 2006-7 year, an administration have said that the plans for the expansion this sum- tive plans to expand the Students' vider of developmental experi- addition of 37,664 square feet is student center should be the focal mer according to input from this Union Building to the east. Nick ences at both the intellectual level neccessary. This figure is only point of the campus. report and the administration. Jimenez, president of the Union and the personal level". "suggested" in the report, indicat- The initial response from Dr. While most students are home for at the time, intervened to demand Student Unions are similarly ing that the students will accept a Andrew Berczi, the VP: Planning, summer vacation, the university an opportunity for students to endowed with the power to teach smaller allocation from this Finance and Information Ser- will conunue to move towards the give input about the expansion. students how to act normally in year's consistently miserly ad- vices, indicates approval of the future with little regard for the Jimenez established the Space the real world. The mission state- ministration. As it is, the amount proposal. Of course, he was one reality that unfolds around it. Needs Committee with represen- ment of WLU's Students' Union of space requested will be just tatives from different groups who pledges the Union to the lofty enough to accomodate the student use the building. In the fall, this goals of equality and prosperity body in fifteen years, whereas the group conducted surveys and for all Laurier students. rest of the campus plan is questionnaires to discern student "The History of Student designed for thirty years of opinions. Unions at WLU addresses the growth. This shows a complete The report that resulted from evolution of our Students' Union lack of foresight on the part of the the committee's efforts fell short Building. The first two floors committee. of the expectations cultivated in were opened in 1969 and the top Unless the figures of the the fall. Laurier currently faces an floors were completed ten years Union's financial situation are BAG O' CRIME January 19

ALARM RESPONSE - (1730 hrs): Received radio message indicat- ing that the fire alarm in Bricker Residence had been triggered. Inves- tigation established that the alarm was triggered by a smoke detector in the third floor from an overcooked meal in the oven. As soon as « the alarm was reset, it started ringing again. After a second search it gNiteh10,5 OPEN SUNDAY was discovered that a station was pulled on the ninth floor.

' EXCEPT KING ST. , „ . / \ • Prices in effect un- / utL/ &e«f January 20 —— .i>-v WE'VE BLOWN THE LID DISTURBANCE - (2100 hrs): A 23 year old Waterloo male was ar- «v OUR rested for starting a fight during the hockey game at the Waterloo OFF PRICES!! arena. The culprit was observed leaning over the glass partition be- Humpty L...npty Cloverleaf Mary Miles tween spectators and the ice area and punching a player in the head. POTATO CHIPS LIGHT TUNA A second spectator who was also involved in the fight was not ap- SLICED SIDE prehended. AND SNACKS DACON January 21 |gfe - FIRST AID (1610 hrs): An occupant of the Bricker Residence was 180 g-200g 500 9 delivered to the K/W Hospital by ambulance. The resident slipped on the rear stairs outside the North-East entrance of the building.

POSSESSION OF STOLEN PROPERTY - (0205 hrs): Two Water-' .99 PAPER 100 males were apprehended carrying a large advertising sign from a 1.69 nearby business. Both suspects had been drinking at the local bar and IPepsi Or 7 Up Beef Beyond Belief, .J ■ unyug were very highly inebriated. Suspects were released without charges assorted a mi ah and city police were advised of the incident. 1®#!! O SOFT DRINKS E D|l PRIME RIB January °r Pepper, QQ 23 11 If ■»■ b.9! ROASTS MISCHIEF - (0530 hrs): A discharged fire extinguisher was found Or near the grounds of Alumni Hall. Investigation established the fire Pepsi 7 Up m J9& ?'c SjMMpF Bajlraallt' Beef Beyond Belief, Cut From Canada "A" Grades of Bricker. No > ■ extinguisher was removed from the third floor hallway «■"■ 00 RIB || 9/ HI nil suspects at this time. sour cream steaks i( Qil MEDICAL ASSIST - (0100): The duty officer received a call from AA Fat Cap Removed || A |l|| s.*>c/ioo ml g Plus Deposil Save Regular Or Light |■ MJ ■ M 8.80 kg lb- ambulance dispatch advising that they dispatched an ambulance to "™~~~™""""""~™'~~""~~~~~~t§V 96C 500 mL I „.„ Little House upon a request from the WLU Foot Patrol. The officer was asked to meet the ambulance and guide them to the residence. ™,°S COTTAGE BLACK 9I 00 QJA Arriving at the scene, it was discovered that the victim had only a CHEESE FOREST minor cut on the upper lip. Consequently, the paramedics refused to MI 121 fi/.OSI ■ f*fs 7_69kg |ft3 i¥4Q transport him to the K/W Hospital and vented their irritation against 1/ 4% HAM Farm Fresh Never the officer in the mistaken belief requested at- °500mL A .IIH Frozen that security had their DRIMfI tendance. After the paramedics left, the duty officer questioned the diicva OA CHICKEN HA PflSTfl BAKESHOP Foot Patrol personnel to discover why security was not advised of the |s| LEGS QQ incident before the ambulance was called. They indicated that they 89 H« V >Vll a?"" J had been instructed by Students' Union officials to take over all *fl medical emergencies, and since they were so highly trained, it was TOP CROP BIRD lAH Buddig Thinly Sliced Beet, Ham, Turkey, 1 #flO necessary to call security. OR ANIMAL FOOD 3I $E J COOKED not - SS'S MHUUUiIIt Ib _V$iv Style Turkey Cockatielor Budgie seed ■Jf 9l CHOCOLfITE SUfPfftlVlQ and QQ January 24 chip ••• MMlb w v*: ,tVV INDECENT EXPOSURE - (0115 hrs): A 23 year old University of "I - AS.P.-3.99 ONSALE § I.SH MUFFINS . i- , , ,, ,| Guelph student was observed committing an indecent act. When the ■ 11 ■ J iii —I 1I"J •J "x *4 ■• ] • YiTiiTrJ-SHBPILLERS black schheidebs mac a cheese FOREST HAM mQQ CHICD* LOIICHIbM subject was checked for priors, it was determined that he had a pre- Prod. 01 U.S.A. No. I Grade Prod. 01 Chile No. I Gride Product 01 U.S.A. 97;,0 ° Ib. Dnt rn I nmnmn ■ 9 4.39 for this of offense. Consequently, raKHCR |Sp CELERY SSSSU FRESH CALIFORNIA S iSSS^e vious conviction type he was issued STALKS Qf) 44 .gg1,38 || «™g" Q9O tf|U|| 009 lb 591 °°s 2.69 b a trespass notice banning him from Laurier controlled property. millT llb 5151 " KIWI t HUI I Bag U C °OKID 01 UO loASt'eEEF MI^ MISCHIEF - (0120 hrs): A male was observed knocking over gar- Product Of U.S.A. 1,54.100 9 6.99 Ib A 7Q FRESH BUNCHED SWEET IDICY FRESH MA habym^H bage cans and throwing the contents around the Mcdonald House CARROTS CRISP A ||Q BOSC PEARS OQ McINTOSH APPLES / » 2.49, Quad. When confronted, he ran and had to be chased down. His SUPER BOWL Bunch •Vv 196 ka !h |I|V slb Baa Bfl #M M PARTY PLATTERS! MEAT, CHEESE OR SEAFOOD. 79 THE WE DO THE PREPARATION! > COMBINATION. identity was established as a 23 year old Port Colbome man. The sub- Dehcreme Flavouredßeiera Pariait Or Reier s Mexican Wong Wing ChineseMora D oeuvres ject, who was highly inebriated, was issued a trespass notice. T 567 681 C ,067 g bHUSECHEESE "Vaneties AQQ SSSP 9| QQ ,HQ I4Q K Qnn 1100 kg lb 4**l3 RINGS 9 Varieties pkg ( TORTILLAS k l SfSf pkg. 1.49 PLATTER P 9-9<99 PROPERTY DAMAGE - (0430 hrs): of the Reser's Mexican Reser's Mexican Schneiders Wong Wing The glass panel South

SALSA __ It emn.. I JIO 337<1 OMn ROAST PIGTAILS M nn MEAT OR SHRIMP m entrance door of E-wing of the Arts Building was found shattered. SHELLS ~ pkg 1.49 SAUCE HSJ 2.49 IN GRAVY a 9.99 EGGROLLS 2og p g Reser s Mexican Wong Wing 3.29 is presently unknown if the door was kicked in, or if someone used Mrair AII Wong Wing Garlic Ribs, Pineapple Chicken Or too much force on the door after the magnets were engaged.

MISCHIEF - (0700 hrs): Discovered the base of the directory sign on the South side of the Central Teaching Building had been kicked in. toiiaaaia lilPwMliWw No suspects in this case. Nows THE CORO 6 Thursday, January 28. 1993 Senators pursue issues

Lianne Jewitt Cord News It was presented but received Robinson said. honours major, but the program is ized, as "it takes so long to get reviews that were "less than Regulations have been known more diversified." It would mean through the system," said French, change the course of a reducing the number of major the Senate is optimistic, There have been some ques- favourable," Robinson said. Lack to during and en- making credits, and (necessary for com- courage students to tions lately about just what the of space to hold exams in the li- program, often it difficult voice their for some to complete pleting a degree) adding more own opinions. Senate is, and what they have brary, and professors who prefer students in they subjects of Students can do this by done for WLU students this to re-use old exams are possible that program which from other areas visit- study. ing booth in 1992-93 school year. Well here reasons why. started. the the concourse to idea The Senate is also enthusiastic Other Senate priorities in- be set up before each monthly are some answers. Another in the works is a new Liberal Arts clude moving the add-drop dates Senate meeting (the next WLU Senate is one of two the standardizing of progression about Honours meeting program. This is "similar to the together, and making them is March 2). Also, elections for governing bodies of the univer- requirements. Among other general program, but a four year sooner, and revising the present student senators are to be held in sity, and is currently working things, this would ensure students program," student Senate member course calendar. March. "I encourage you to towards several goals planned to that "whatever program you're run. Cindy French said. Although none of the men- There are seven or eight spots to affect Laurier students. admitted in to, you can finish by positively French added, "you pick an tioned motions have been final- fill," Robinson said. There are sixty-three Senate the regulations you started in," members, including faculty, staff, community members, alumni, and eight students. The duties of this group involve "looking after academic rules and regulations, Delegates debate and governing admissions," stu- member Keith dent Senate pg. 3 Robinson said. Continued from He added that the religious aspect of the weekend is of prime im- Upon returning to a new regulation of labor unions, sexual harassment, the privatization of portance to the OYP. school year, "the first few months post-secondary education funding. Mr. Sloan noted that although it is difficult to understand without are reactive," Robinson said, "All of the debates are non-partisan, meaning if you belong to the actually attending the weekend, the political aspect and the religious "figuring out how the Senate government and disagree with a piece of legislation you can vote aspect are totally divided. works." Robinson said the second against it. Sometimes the debates can get pretty cut-throat, just like at "It's hard to believe, I know, but the two halves are separate. half of the school year is "pro- Queen's Park," noted Sloan. There is no carry-over from the political debates to the religious dis- active, pursuing issues, making The OYP, which replaced an all-male youth parliamentary organi- cussions during Vesper. Once one session is over, we move into the students aware." zation 25 years ago, is also an interdenominational Christian-based other sphere," he said. we vote on a piece of legislation a copy of it is sent to So what are these issues the organization. During the weekend, Vesper services are held each "Once and to Parliament Hill in Ottawa, regardless of the vote Senate has been pursuing that stu- night during which a theme is developed. This year's theme is Queen's Park a way of letting the governments know how the youth of dents should be aware of? "Breaking New Ground". result. It's refused attendance based the province feel. I guess we're a little more radical than they are be- One motion presented this Sloan stressed, however, that nobody is them. cause last year we voted to legalize the sale of narcotics, under very year was the establishment of an on their religious convictions, or lack of controlled circumstances," said Sloan. exam bank. Robinson said this "It's just that every evening we hold Vesper services during which tighdy mainly on Chris- Those wishing to participate in the 25th annual Ontario Youth would allow "students to get a we develop a theme for the weekend. The focus is which we for the Parliament should contact Neal Stamer at 41-925 Lawson St., copy of a past exam," in order to tian concepts. We also have a theme song perform London, ON, N6G 4X3. The phone number is (519)657-0870. help them study for future exams. congregation at the Sunday church service," said Sloan.

~ ~ " " L jg""" te -& me Webb" S w wj l| 4'v f |112 $ sip m ® f^ ?\ec£ fed....._.IS}f*MicM M SD\To fWW6W® OW# (Ajill Erickso*- faM* • Bprw 2 WiJs> (jOJjjjg MjTE' Z?] |g" fa fTJ 2o- I^TJ w# OLfiwATe ftwtf ftm J|BTsechy Stev«< Cuff F^Lj JMfiiciArts Nerw* TtvPCjET § OtAU pfick^ort h-Sjfi).iKpMo)/ I l*aJ MS—asar 14KF» THE CORD Thursday, January 28, 1993 News 7 WORLD NEWS ROUNDUP Unique parents Bridge over troubled republics (Geneva) Peace negotiations in the works were dispelled this Folks deserve weekend when Serb and Croat forces engaged in violent fighting. The conflict arose over a crucial bridge in an area protected by the UN. The fighting overshadowed the ongoing warning in another former Ratings a second Yugoslav republic, Bosnia. by Ingrid Nielsen thought My parents are unique people. That used to real- dollars for anything resembling a cowboy hat. At so crude to environment Oil spill not ly bother me. six, I learned that entrepreneurial spirit isn't all bad. (Singapore) Light crude oil leaked into the Singapore coastline last I used to beg them, "just act normal.", or "why Did I forget to mention that my mother also week, and fears of an environmental disaster were imminent. The can't you act like my friends' parents?" Sometimes painted on all that clothing? I had cutesy designs burning ship was tied to a tug to prevent it from drifting, and reports my dad would laugh good-naturedly at this, other painted on every piece of clothing I owned, from said the oil had actually spilled far from shore, and was dispersing, times my mom would vent out in hurt pride, but Left and Right on my shoes, to flowers on my causing minimal damage. regardless, I would continue to champion the cause jeans, to hearts on my underwear. My mother's of the average. I took on the challenge of turning brush touched each of our wardrobes, and as an No dough for the working Joe my parents into respectable, ordinary citizens. eight year old bent on being one of the pack, this (Hong Kong) Due to budget constraints and rampant corruption in My mother is a talented free-lance artist. A mad originality had to go. Communist China, thousands of teachers have not been paid for demon from hell one moment, she would chase me The walls of my bedroom were covered in Walt months. Hundreds of teachers have resigned, because they can not af- inside and around the house, throwing slippers with Disney characters bigger than me; my dresser had ford to feed their families. one hand and waving a tyrannical fly-swatter at me scenes with Mickey Mouse on every drawer. The with the other. Nipping at my heels was the ever- value of these artifacts escaped me, as I entered Goat saved from baaad fall present german accent, "Ing'id, get bock here. pre-teen-land with John Stamos on my mind, and Ing'id, come here vight now." Mickey on my walL. (Spain) Residents of a village in Northern Spain broke a traditional Realizing I was faster, with youth on my side, I To this day, my parents hold their originality fiesta custom last weekend when it was decided that a sacrificial goat looked into the face of danger and fearlessly ran my like a veteran's shield against a harsh reality that not be flung from a church tower. While brass bands blared, would quest for freedom. doesn't seem to really judge anymore, it simply and crowds cheered, the furry four-legged friend was lowered down "Daaaaaddy....she's going to kill meeeeeeeee!" doesn't care. rope a canvas sheet. The goat was reported to be quite on a into Once he was in sight, with one mighty leap, My father refuses to lock any doors, house or relieved. splat! I attatched myself to his back like a squished car, and only recently have we convinced him to bug. take the key out of the ignition when he leaves his Forgive me father, for I have faxed "Run, Daddy, run." truck. He believes, "If someone takes it, they must (London) Roman Catholics who still observe the custom of confess- Always struggling against the urge to laugh, he have needed it more than I did." ing their sins can now pour out their troubles by fax machine. New tried to chastise me seriously for whatever offense I He never drives over the speed limit, despite the high-tech confessionals will soon be experimented with at a religious had committed, yet a twinkle of my blue eyes and a parade following him on any given roadway. "If trade fair in Italy. Yet some priests are opposed to the idea, saying well-placed sob and tear, and the game was mine. they're in that much of a hurry, they should have that the confessional custom has been turned into "a space-age tele- Laughter prevailed, and I was saved, as my left yesterday."he says. phone booth." mother ended up throwing a slipper at him, and But when it comes to helping someone, friend defiantly announcing "That's for the both of you." or stranger, the millionaire or the destitute family, Name game grants dame fame My father is one of the true free spirits. Vir- he always says, "If you can afford to help someone, (France) Parents in La Rochelle have won a court battle granting tually always self-employed, he has never once you do it, no questions asked." That's how my hinges the them the right to name their child Marie Marie Marie. The French wavered from believing his jackpot on parents have lived their lives together. primarily owned courts had formerly disallowed a given name in triplicate. The girl's very next deal. While he a fence However, these days, life is getting older, and father explained that every detail of the girl's birth was connected to company, I grew up mesmerized by the twinkle of that jackpot doesn't seem quite as real everyday. I the number three, thus the triple name. The family is remaining each of his new ideas. We're talking about entre- think, for my parents, their true jackpot has become anonymous, obviously forgetting that her rather strange name will preneurial spirit to the point of calamity. me, as I take on university and all the ideas it has to not go unnoticed. The new endeavours never quite worked out twinkle. though, for reasons I used to think I had nailed In the beginning, I told my Dad I was going to Femme fatale found in Florida down. Instead, they joined the other twinkling be an economics major, then Minister of Finance; ideas, a million miles away, but so bright it seemed Michael Wilson, (for any of you who are (London) Police in Florida ended their six-day search for Britain's the next like you could almost reach out and grab them. familiar with my math skills, you can stop laughing most infamous prostitute when they discovered her to be hiding in There were the rented flower boxes, the Christ- now). To me, it meant being different in the only Fort Lauderdale. The woman, known to her clients as 'Miss mas directions mounted on tree fungus, the set of acceptable way; different from my parents. Whiplash', claimed to have a "dirt file" on many members of British holders, the million-dollar pumpkins, The first parliament, and failed to show up for numerous meetings with jour- iron candle I've started to realize two things. is the bags that keep growing and growing... nalists. If her story is a scam, she could be charged for wasting police flower how fun being original is. It also means different Not only were my parents' aspirations im- don't have walk time and money. things to different people. I to possible for me to fathom, but their dress code down the hall on my hands singing Under the broke new bounds. Boardwalk, dressed in orange corduroy. But it can There was the leather era. I still have night- mean seeing the world in a totally new and unique mares about those head to toe leather ensembles, way, that at times, really holds a lot of humour. which weren't real leather, because hey, my parents At the same time, maybe my parents were on to would never wear the skin of a dead animal. In- something. We will never see eye to eye on some stead, it was the best imitation money could buy, things, and I'll always be a little more conservative crafted into boots, tight pants, jackets, tops, and in my philosophy of life, but hey, with parents like PPVV If you're thinking yes, cowboy hats. mine, I don't think my life will ever be boring. ■ I '|A Jfc about taking a course My mother's idea of a good time was to dress the three of us, my my mom and I, in matching My Dad says one other thing, "If you want | this summer at Atkinson dad, ||i"i outfits, and it was at a very young age, I learned to something, think once, think twice, if you still want College (York !■ University), make the best out of this horrendous situation. It it; go for it, and don't look back." I don't know , act NOW! The last day to dollar one Dad, maybe looking back isn't always a bad I | meant paying me one for leather pants, such a to dollar and fifty cents for leather boots, and three idea. ■JH apply for admission TITTYU lw our summer courses IbJL || jly is March 2. Course Student petition copy choices and letters of ITT T J Jx^rmission may be sent to Rae and Allen |ml|| submittedafter Continued from pg. 1 Christina Craft, Student's Union president, said, 111 l I acting own. || March 2. Richard Allen. Local MPP, Elizabeth Whitmere, "I think it's great students are on their I | and Diane Cunningham, PC education critic, were commend their actions. But I think it would be Our classes fill quickly. also contacted concerning the petition. more helpful if we stood as a united front on the Registration begins in Letters were sent to all professors at Laurier, cuts; that's what Student's Union is all about. A early March and with an attached memo for them to read to their fragmented movement is not as strong as a united enrolment is limited. classes concerning the cutbacks. one." "This school doesn't have a history of student "We would really like to offer our support, and For more information, activism. We're trying to light a fire under them," we have invited them to attend the board meeting." call (416) 736-5222. said McGuffin. Marsden will be holding an open forum for stu- The petition has also been covered by local tele- dents on Feb.s, in P1025-27. vision station CKCO, the K-W Record, and the "This is an open meeting to explain to students — l«*msl U N I V F R5 I T 112 Western Gazette, University of Western Ontario's the financial constraints and give them access to ATKINSON fiU VH D Y newspaper. more information pertaining to university issues," College I vJKK The petitions committee is not linked to any stu- said Marsden. UNIVEkSITY dent organization, and state they are "an expression Currently, Marsden will be the only administra- of concern from the grassroots." tive representative at the meeting. THE CORD 8 News Thursday, January 28, 1993 Board in power struggle over Cord constitution Editor Sheldon Page in at- As for the representation is- disappointed with the actions of At this point, Marty dove tendance, in into BORED started on the Con- sue, Brethour told the Board that this Board," he said. his President's Report It quickened was ab- stitution the pace con- the students have had many op- The action appeared to have breviated because he claimed siderably. he portunities for input, and even died down a bit, but tensions "was not in the mood for talking." WATCH President Martin Walker hinted at a bit of hypocrisy on were rekindled when Marty In the report, he the STUDENT kicked off the affair by presenting chastised PUBLICATIONS Marty's part. reiterated his concern that the BOD again, for their action on his view, which was that the Con- "This board," Brethour said, Constitution was being "steam- the Constitution, and their failure Lee Hewitt Commentary stitution had been "forced on the "passed two by-laws last week rolled through" the Board. to schedule interviews with him Board". without consulting the students." Brethour countered by citing as they had promised to. "We're looking at a power Marty wanted to have a law- Ouch. again the amount of time that the Phil asked the $1000 Jeopardy yer examine the Constitution and struggle here." Those were the Christina entered into the document had been discussed, question of the week, "Is it a by- a committee to words of ex officio WLUSP form investigate fray, when she said, "Let's really and adding that he "resented the law or not?", in reference to last Board Member Christina the matter further. trust the students with this; let's accusation." week's by-law/policy kurfuffle. Craft, spoken during the heated The committee was to be have a referendum." Phill said, in Brethour's Consensus had it that they were session that was last week's comprised of members of the With that, the lines in the sand defense, that "To say that it is in fact by-laws...but then again, BOD meeting. BOD, along with members of the were drawn. Various points of in- being steamrolled through is crap, maybe not. The object of controversy was Cord staff and the student body. formation and a few motions fol- Marty." By this time, the BOD was the ever-present Cord Constitu- "It's a student paper and they lowed. Finally, Chair Brian Gear too tired to discuss in-depth the tion which has graced the agenda should have some say," Marty When the dust had cleared, brought some order to the pro- remaining issues on the agenda of the Board for over four said. the result was this: the Constitu- ceedings when he called for a list. So the meeting was ad- months. Not swayed by the Prez's tion would be sent to the lawyer, straw vote on whether or not the journed. Things were a bit slow eloquent rhetoric, Brethour quick- but Marty's ideas to repass the Board wanted to continue with Next week: Phill promises a moving at first while the BOD ly took up arms. He scolded Constitution as a whole and to Section 9. "binge of by-laws" and other judged the WLUSP photo contest Marty for his "delaying tactics" form his committee were nixed. The Board decided to do so. stuff. Until then, good day and (congrats to Tom Szeibel, the and noted the length of time that The Prez could not contain his Without much further ado, it was may the good news be yours (as winner) and took care of a few the document had been discussed. displeasure with the result. "I am passed. Les Nessman would say). administrative details. But when the Board, with Cord EIC Pat Brethour and News Gallery reception Adrienne Kolotylo cord News Laurier's art gallery was named after former professor

M W M \ Robert Langen, during a recep- g ■ '•'Ai'y '112 < s '■ tion held on Thursday, January ;- m m M m w r •-''X V-" v^.' •':: K : 9 J •. V 21. MM § J \ i M u ;.. ■.. ' ■ ..; ' /' ' .-. *•■/•*"•" >-VJ 0 Robert Langen was a profes- sor of philosophy at Wilfrid Laurier from 1955 until 1985. During this time, Langen was department chair. He established Laurier's fine arts program, and is viu pumu also credited with pioneering the " idea of the art gallery, where the university's artwork is collected and displayed. Langen hopes that the gallery will intrigue students and create a noair greater interest in the fine arts, as he believes they are a reflection of our culture. Due to his contributions in this field, he was given the title of Professor Emeritus in 1984.

The Robert Langen art gallery . ' %te- I, vL-T '2"!T hosts approximately eight shows throughout the school year, and includes such features as a com- puterized inventory system and a lightweight climate-controlled environment. G^BV The art gallery was made a comfortable part of Laurier four years ago along with the construction of the Aird Centre. It was nameless for durable so long because "it was not al- Jfe ways a part of the university", 'iP said Teri Hranka who is in cultur- A dual-densitypolyurethane sole 'mgm al affairs at Laurier. is injected directly on to a quality . I

r ' The idea to name the gallery '• after Robert Langen has been leather upper ~* around for almost a year. The Board of Govenors took this time to approve the proposal, said * »*'» Anne Marie Tymec, also in cul- h w tural affairs at the school. The gallery's collection of art holds 400 pieces, primarily of Ca- :s•'?{ nadian artists. During the recep- tion to honour Robert Langen, Kurelek prints and indigenous art were displayed, courtesy of the

Issacs Gallery from Toronto. ' Editor's note: A similar story ap- AVAILABLE AT pears in the Entertainment sec- tion this week. Blame for thisfalls dlirisc 133 Weber St. N TTT\A squarely on the News Editor's Next to the Zellers Plaza ||Jfv\ head. I this story assigned JMr Waterloo mAT^>i=AD without checking with the Enter- 746-4983 FOOTWEAR tainment Editor. My profuse apologies to all concerned. SJP Hawkfan Hawks make loses faith waves SPORTS page 11 page 13 SPORTS EDITOR: EVAN BAILEY stop the Warriors Hawks the the several other occasions shot past Organ for tying John Lavigne OUAA Western Division. The while the Hawks were short- on Warriors were guilty of some in- Warriors, however, travelled to handed. Spoltore was set up on goal. accurate shooting. The period 2-2 as the The Laurier Golden Hawks Sudbury for a contest on Sunday the play by Mark McCreary who ended The Warriors came out hus- Hawks killed off the remainder of muscled past the Waterloo War- afternoon while the Hawks are set the table with a beautiful drop period and five-minute major. The War- riors 6-5 in a chippy game at the idle until Saturday night. pass. tling in the second tied the 14-13 in Waterloo Arena last week. The Hawks scored the lone The Hawks outshot the War- the score on the powerplay. Pat riors outshot the hawks Daly the finishing on a the frame, but again Pracey came The win moved the Hawks goal in the opening frame as riors 15-8, but were fortunate to put touch well executed two-on-one that up big on several occasions. into a second place tie with the OUAA scoring leader John come out of the period in the with chance of The goals came fast and Warriors, just three points behind Spoltore blasted a rocket past lead. Goaltender Rich Pracey left Pracey no making the save. furious in the final frame but the the Guelph Gryphons in the Warrior goaltender James Organ made a couple of huge saves and The Warriors grabbed the lead Hawks ended up just hanging on just over three minutes later as for the win. they enjoyed yet another power- Spoltore again got things roll- play courtesy of referee Bob ing for the Hawks as he took a Beatty. Geoff Schneider did the nice pass from Kevin Greco on a damage with a shot from the two-on-one. He was stopped by point that eluded Pracey. Organ on the first attempt, but Laurier apparently tied the somehow manage to flip a back- score a few minutes later in the hand shot into the open side. frame only to have Beatty wave The Warriors wouldn't quit, off the goal, ruling it had been however, and their persistent directed in with a glove. forechecking resulted in the Late in the second period an Hawks defence turning the puck altercation along the boards over for the tying goal as Corey resulted in Hawks' defenceman Keenan fired one from the slot Jamie Patenall being assessed a that Pracey had no chance on. mysterious five-minute major for The Warriors just kept com- cross-checking. Already leading ing and they regained the lead as 2-1, the Warriors were poised to Keenan scored his second of the take over the game completely, period on a deflection. but it was not to be. Some fine It would have been easy for checking and great goaltending the Hawks to collapse at this held the Warriors at bay until point, but they showed the.ir Spoltore got a break out of the character and steadily turned the Hawks' zone. Carrying the puck game around again. into the Warriors zone, he fed it Smitty Kulafofski tied the & pic ' Harvey Luon to Chris George who lasered a csatlaußd sn page 13

courtraised expecta- wins a firethe month) it our Two but with determinationonand extremely action packed game. and couldn't compete with the Lady Jennifer O'Connell cord Sports Hawks and their determination to in Sue Eagleson's eyes, the Janice Field racked up 22 points tions of a game, made us more learn their lesson and rise above women hit their stride and out- while "fiery" Sue Eagleson aggressive." pivotal Two games were their losses to Lakehead earlier in scored the Marauders in the last hooped ten for the Golden The victorious basketball played and won by the tri- the month. part of the half. Although still Hawks. Lisa Thomaidis scored 14 Lady Hawks pit their teamwork umphant 92/93 version of the Guelph proved to be only the slightly behind at half time the points and Leslie Buckley added and unstoppable momentum Laurier women's basketball team beginning as the McMaster Hawks dominated the boards and 12 for the losing Marauders. against Guelph in Guelph on Sat- this week. The victories move the Marauders fell prey to the once again doubled their op- Janice Field explains the win, urday at 4:00 pm. Their games Lady Hawks up two more rungs ravenous Golden Hawks last Sat- ponents defensive rebounds 32- "We're a much improved team are a nail-biter to watch and I on the ladder to a playoff posi- urday in Hamilton 62-54. 16. Although first year guard Sue from last year and our confidence urge you all to support your win- tion. Laurier fell 15 points behind Walsh was hurt late in the half is up. We worked our butts off ning Lady Hawks. See you in It took the women exactly one in the beginning of the first half the Hawks pulled through in an against Lakehead (earlier this Guelph!! hour and 25 minutes to absolutely 1 K— I devour the Guelph Gryphons in their match-up last Wednesday in Rock Hawks in finals the A.C. with a final score of 58- Pat Brethour cord sports team simply 32. For a that seems The women and men's curling teams are preparing for lough Febru- to get stronger more confi- and ary championships after strong showings in this past weekend's com- dent after every game, the contest bined tournaments. was one of sheer dominance on The women's curling team scored an impressive 3-0 record at the the part of the Hawks. The combined tournament, and ended up in a tie for first place overall. Gryphons just couldn't get the The team's only loss has come from Waterloo, in the western sec- ball through the basket tional earlier this year. The Waterloo team, says coach Jeff Harnbly, Hawk Shannon McConvey will be the biggest threat to the Laurier women's team winning the was the game's high scorer with championship. 21 points while Tiffany Bunning "Waterloo still has to be one of our tougher opponents," he said. added an impressive Laurier 11. "I would presume there would be a Waterloo-Laurier showdown." more than doubled Guelph's But Hambly considers the Waterloo squad "very beatable". defensive rebounds 27-13. With a The men's curling team scored an upset in the combined tourna- half score time of 34-15 for ment, bringing home a 5-1 record and placing fourth overall in the Laurier the Hawks never gave the combined standings. Gryphons any they were idea that Before the tournament, the team -- which won last year's in game. Coach back the Sue championship — had been ranked ninth. Going into the tournament Lindley was to test able her with a 1-4 record meant the team had to win all but one game to ad- rookies in a league situation game vance to the championships. adding that "we don't always They did, and they are. have situations where we can Jeff Hambly attributes the sudden surge of the male curlers to the reward people for their hard work return of veteran skip, Pete Stesky. (in practice)". "Any good team on the men's side, if they have a good weekend, The decisive win may be due can go right through," said Hambiy. "We have a strong chance of in part to Guelph's the absence of bringing home the championships for two years in a row." Karen Schroder but with or The championship tournament is scheduled to take place from without their top player, Guelph If you don't shoot you can't score. pic : Jim Elkins February 20 to 21, in Brantford. 10 Sports THE CORD 28. laaa Hawks set for Paul Gray cord sports Waterloo First up was the boys from thing seemed to go right for U of Fan support was also a plus have to take control of our game. Action was hot and furious Guelph, a team that our guys G. "They (Guelph) just played this week lead by none other than If there is a time to do it, it's this past week for the Men's Vol- quite readily disposed of the last flawless ball, we were just un- Ralph Spoltore. "It's definitely now." ley Hawks with games against the two times we saw them. This prepared, mentally and physical- great to have the fans in our Our Volley-Hawks take their Guelph Gryphons and the Brock time they were different though, ly," commented Greg Tennyson. corner, I've got to thank 'Spotty' show on the road to UW for a Badgers. It was a week of great it was on this Wednesday evening Laurier jumped out to an early 2- and everybody else that keep return engagement with the War- highs and lows, a week that saw that the Gryphons would soar 1 lead only to go down in the next coming out." Tennyson went on riors on January 27 and from the team go down in five sets to high over top the Golden Hawks. two sets to ultimately lose 3-2 to to say, "We need to play smart there bring it back home against the Gryphs and a week for the Nothing seemed to click for Guelph. from here on in. We cannot af- those purple horses from Western season. the volley-Hawks, whereas every - Some good did come out of ford any mental mistakes, we on February the 3rd. this loss, however, "it showed us that we are not invincible, that we do have flaws and that we do have work to do", added Ten- nyson. And work they did. Going over game tapes and a little bit of HAWK OF THE WEEK hard work prevailed as the volley-Hawks went on to face the bothersome Brock Badgers, fresh from defeating our cross-town Deb Green rivals the Black Plague from UW. Curling This game featured some ex- cellent passing from all members Deb had a fantastic weekend on the ice as her leadership was a big of the team. It also featured the part of the women Hawks success as they advanced to the finals. return of Chris Borden, one of the Deb's play has been outstanding all season, however, she seemed to team's premier hitters. Although turn her play up a notch for the playoffs. his timing was slightly off he still managed five stuff blocks in his first game in about seven weeks. Sinisha Dordevic played his usual consistent game with 23 kills to his credit and an average of nine points per game to add to his OUAA West lead. Dylan Labelle played superbly, quite possibly the best game of his university Pete Steski career. He managed 13 kills. Curling Team captain Jason Koeskela was on the attack with eight kills and Pete also had a great week on the ice as he led the struggling Dave Cote managed to get six men's team out of a slump and right into the finals next weekend. kills in what little court time he Pete is a second year economics student from Sarnia. The Hawks block Brock pic : Myher Darren saw. Risk A Look At The Big Picture...

* IT' Mon., Feb. 1: Fri., Feb. 5: 7:00 PM "It's My Choice...Or Is It?" 7:00 PM Free Movie: "Flatliners" A debate between: plus all you can eat popcorn Dr. Jan Narveson, Philosophy Dept. location: IEI : Prof. John Franklin. Phi'osophy Dept. Ont. Bible College - christian Fph »^flllkj 1 fi'■ JUI Exploring the legitimacy '*■? ||| Jllllf of relig;on as-.morat author:ty . 8:00 PM Cafe Launer location-. the Turret location;,the Torque Room WBIIIIft' 11 Tues., Feb. 2: llllli. eii,, 12+1 PM "Chtlstiantty in the Marketplace' Dr,: McReady : r 1 Ldcation: the Turre 7:00 PM "InSearch of the Man Uostaks' jjj* ■ m featuring: Al Mcßryan gm ma m dTTi ■jy W ■ ■dp ■ from the Univ of Alberta M m I I# I II IT" ■ ■■#■%! Ivl I ICvIVUIi Wed., Feb 3: 12-1 PM "Christianity and Sociology" Dr. John Peters i ■§ wh mi 0 5:30 PM featuring; the music of Pheoby Jean & Co. lAIUwBWS fflHßi AiffFTCI/CDH Wm A Candid took at the mmm IfaI SHI W Him W|[ Problem of Evii & Suffering loeatbn;: the Turret

: s ' F ™% sLi UADDCMCn TO Ws* 7:30 PM WhatTin JA EL U ™ 111™ EfU I Unmasking the Identity of Jesus" if featuring Steve Kearns, former CFL player Feb. 1-6 Sponsored by: LCF the cord Thursday. January 28, 1993 Soorts 11 Ashamed & embarrassed Ralph Spoltore Commentary since the mid-seventies. My boy for the football Hawks, a However, I have never been so I ended up sitting beside the brother and sister are both team which I have played for the ashamed or embarrassed to be a same guys that I have sat with for Fellow Golden Hawks. My presently attending WLU and are past four years. part of WLU and WLU athletics the past four years at every home parents both attended WLU as key members of the hockey and What I'm trying to say is that as I was in this past week. game. We could only watch in students in the sixties, and my volleyball teams respectively. At I am a true Golden Hawk fan and WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 20, disbelief as our Hoop-Hawks mother has worked at the school the age of 13,1 worked as a ball- have been for my entire life. 2:40 p.m. played the Nationally ranked Suffering from a bad flu virus Gryphs to a tie with only five I was approached by Athletic minutes left in the game only to Lady Hawks drop two more Director, Head Coach and close have the wheels fall off down the be swept. The game was not over personal friend, Rich Newbrough stretch. Nevertheless, we were Greg Sloan Cord Sports lost tough matches this week to Guelph and Brock. The Lady as Coach Cookie Leach made key in the gym. He informed me that I proud of the gutsy effort that our substitutions, inspiring team was from sitting in my fa- team against a The women's volleyball team Hawks showed vast improve- the banned showed much ment, taking both matches to five to fight back to take an 10-8 lead. miliar seat behind the penalty box tougher team. games. They hung on and eventually won for the hockey game against the Over 350 Guelph fans, with On Wednesday, Laurier 15-13. The players off the bench Waterwoosers that night. This painted faces, pom poms and con- played a tough game against the continued to play well as they led was due to the fact that I caused fetti included cheered boisterous- Gryphons in Guelph before losing Laurier to 15-11 victory in the "too much trouble" in the game ly, which only made our humilia- in the fifth game. The Lady fourth game. Brock seemed to fall versus Western the week before. tion worse. Hawks kept up their improved apart, tanking five serves late in That was the game that many 7:30 p.m. play when they hosted the Brock the game. miffed Mustangs took foolish My friends and I rush like es- Badgers on Friday. They took an The stage was now set for a penalties while others handled the caping convicts to the car, to head early 11-2 lead as they capitalized fifth and deciding game. Laurier puck like it was a live hand to the "Bubble" so we can watch on many Badger mistakes. How- had the momentum, but Brock grenade, while being relentlessly our Hawkey team battle the ever, Laurier again found a way came out strong, taking an early ragged by yours truly and my Waterlosers. Why did we rush? to lose as Brock stormed back to 7-2 lead. The Lady Hawks fought band of babbling baboons. That We rushed because some win 15-12. The Lady Hawks back, but it wasn't enough as the was also the game that we moron(s) scheduled a basketball could not change the momentum Badgers prevailed with a 15-8 humiliated the third place 'Stangs game and a hockey match on the and put Brock away. Losing the win. 7-1 in front of a delighted and same night. Whoever did that game after the big lead came back Jodi Campbellton was one of enthusiastic home crowd. I should shake their head because I to haunt the team later on in the the players who came off the apologize for trying to create a want to hear the dice. match. bench to inspire the comeback. home-ice advantage. 7:39 p.m. In the second game Brock "We needed a change of pace and 6:05 p.m. After rushing to the rink, I get started cold again. There ap- the substitutions really helped. After organizing half-time rejected by Mr. Doorman because peared to be two different teams Our passing was really good in events all day I was handing out the 92-93 sticker has been peeled playing for the Badgers. Un- the third and fourth games, but lucky number tickets during in- off of the back of my student's fortunately for the Lady Hawks, went down in the fifth game. troductions at the basketball game card by a spoofing roommate. Brock regained their rhythm and That's what cost us the game." against the Guelph Gryphons. I The Laurier jacket, track pants, took advantage of many unforced Laurier will try to keep up ended up passing out over 400 baseball cap and ring weren't errors by Laurier, winning 15-6. their improved play as they head tickets at the game, and counted enough for this guy so the side After Brock took command 8- down the road to play at Waterloo only 32 WLU fans. It was totally door was my next stop. A big serve pic : Darren Myher 4 in the third game, the crowd this Friday night. Come out and embarrassing to be a part of the 7:45 p.m. sensed that Laurier was about to support the Lady Hawks! whole situation. MflffMNf Off m* 1* I Mill 11 ill llilBIIII— I!

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—^^■MMMM MMBH the cord Thursday, January 28, 1993 Sports 13 Hawks up short Ralph Spoltore Sports the the comethe Gryph and Cord against Gryphs in first half both Hawk fans that was dangerously close until and actually led by three at the ensued. the final minutes. After losing both ends of a half in front of a frenzied 32 The second half was a see- When asked about the tough double-dribble in front of 2600 Laurier fans that were scattered saw battle until the last five four game losing streak assistant possessed Lakehead Nor'Wester throughout the 35CM- Guelph fans minutes when the Hawks, without coach Greg Walton was visibly fans, in Thunder Bay, the Hoop in the stands. The highlights in injured players Tom Pallin and upset. "We usually play purdy Hawks came home to play the the half were the hot hands of then Chris Livingstone had to good but we need a good home Guelph Gryphons who are ranked Sean Brennan and Chris Living- resort to a short staffed bench. crowd to push us over the top," in The in the top ten the nation. stone, a Brian Fretz two handed The Hawks ended up losing by said the bewildered Walton. Gryphs moved up in the rankings good tomahawk chop, and Gryphon 13, a job considering they Hopefully Walton's wish will beating the #2 ranked Tim were after Mao's fifth rebound of the supposed to lose by 30. come true Wednesday night in a Badgers at Brock earlier in the game which made him the The Cage Hawks then went to battle vs. the Waterlosers which week. OUAA's career board king. A McMaster to face the undefeated will include a presentation to our The Hawks came out flying well deserved standing ovation by Marauders in a Saturday 1992 National Champion afternoon tilt. It was a cozier at- Women's soccer team at half- mosphere for the Hawks, as they time. up actually had more fans at Mac Hawks moving The Hawks'handicaps con- then they did at home Guelph soatiamtSfmm page 9 vs. tinue, however with the suspen- (37). The hot hands of Sean Bren- game after some great work by McCreary along the boards. He out- sion of star forward Andrew nan and Chris Livingstone, once muscled the Warrior defenders along the side boards, and carried be- Scharschmidt for the remainder again, led the Hawks in a game hind the net before flipping a pass to Kulafofski who was of the season. stationed at which once and for all, proved the lip of the crease. that they can play with the best Hope to see you at the games The Hawks regained the lead just 1:34 as later Mike Dahle got his teams in the province. The and be sure to bring your on a Hawks stick point shot from Jim McLaren past Organ. : and deflected it ended up losing by 13 in a game plungers! Hawk miss upset pic Eda DiLiso Again the Warriors refused to quit and put considerable pressure on the Hawks. Pracey made what could only be described as a miraculous save with just over 3:00 remaining in the game. He was down and out of position after a scramble, but somehow managed to Hawks make pool McAlpine Sports waves in Julie Cord get his trapper on a shot from the side of the net to preserve the one races. goal lead. With the swimming season al- Shannon Higgins placed well, He made another outstanding save at the 1:37 mark which forced most over, Laurier hosted a suc- and achieved personal best times a faceoff deep in the Laurier end. Waterloo coach Don McKee cessful meet against Laurentian, in the 100 m fly, and both 100m elected to pull his goaltender, a move that backfired because on the Carleton and U of W last Friday and 200 m backstroke. ensuing face-off Paul Bennett grabbed the loose puck and sent it the and Saturday. Rob Carter placed second in length of the ice into the empty net for a 6-4 Laurier lead with 1:30 Personal best times were both the 50m free and 100 m fly, remaining. achieved by almost all of the and won the 100 m freestyle. The Warriors attempted a comeback and pulled to within one of water-Hawks, despite a notable The team is in the home Hawks wave pic : Evan Bailey the Hawks, with Steve Schaefer scoring on a wraparound. This goal lack of Laurier student support in stretch now, with just a few came referee after Beatty had disallowed another goal by the Hawks the bleachers. once again with personal best weeks left before the swimmers and called an interference penalty to give the Warriors the power- Tom Lane back-stroked his times in the 50m freestyle, 100m head to Ottawa for the OWIAA play. way to first place in both the fly, and 200 m individual medley, championship meet February 13 The Warriors buzzed around the Hawks' net in the final 39 sec- 100 m and 200 m events. placing second in each of the & 14, and the OUAA meet Feb- onds, but stood Pracey firm to preserve the win. Sarah Pearse outdid herself 50m, 100m, and 200 m freestyle ruary 21 & 22. PERFECT m STAGE DMK L Idrand new^^j/ JBBmm mgLlfcly special ofooo VKIMjb 7 112

33 Weber st. n cftoe, Better Prices Next to the Zellers Plaza %Sfc Restaurants 94 Bridgeport Road E.Waterloo Waterloo MW Located in the Zellers Plaza ti 746-4983 / II 725-9999 Sports THE Thursday, CORD 14 January 28, igg3 Jordan breaks record beating of the night. Waterloo becoming the second fastest person in sport is the Bills quarterback Jim Kelly to survive MEN on staged a late comeback, however, player in N.B.A. history to reach Thurman Thomas. No-one can the punishing Dallas defence. and if not for a late goal by 20,000 points. The Bulls super- deny that the running back has in- In closing, the "fair-play" SPORTS defensive specialist Paul Bennett, star simply dominates every game credible talent, but anyone who proponents in the N.H.L. should by Jim Lowe, Brian it might have been successful. he plays in. brags about being "the Michael take note of the Winnipeg Jets Gear and Adam Holt Bennett's game winner, his first Despite reaching that milestone, Jordan" of the N.F.L. has been recent success. It took the ac- The Hawkey Hawks are on a goal of the season, occurred when Jordan may not win the league's drinking too much brain tonic. quisition of Kris King and Tie roll! Led by the high-octane of- he blasted a low, steaming slap- M.V.P. honours, after doing so The Bills, of course, are un- Domi from the Rangers to jump- fence of John Spoltore, the shot into the (empty) Waterloo for the past two years. The Suns' derdogs heading into Super Sun- start this talented teams. Players Hawks blasted the cross-town net. round-mound-of-rebound, day. Buffalo fans can claim that like Teemu Selanne are, obvious- Warriors last Wednesday. Laurier Someone with about 19,999 Charles Barkley, is favoured to past Super Bowl experience gives ly, exciting and valuable, but they pounded the Warriors throughout more points than Bennett is bully his way to the trophy. their team the edge, but it will be will always need bodyguards to the contest, with goalie, "Crazy" Michael Jordan. Jordan cinched Perhaps the most arrogant very difficult for Thomas and open up the rink. Rick Pracey laying down the best his legendary status last week by Golden Hawk fan baffled cuttimmifromm* 11 the good work boys. LfIURIER VS. CONCORDIA Once inside the arena I am forced to reject my In conclusion, I have a few messages for some friends and family who have saved my regular seat people at Laurier; Saturday, January 30 at for me, because I must respect Coach Newbrough's 1. THE FANS. Wake the hell up and get decision. Eventually I stand and freeze my ass off rowdy. We have hundreds of athletes that work 7:oopm at the Bubble. in the area that the zamboni comes out of, while their asses off all season long, and only ask for your some doorknob tries to tell me that he knows as support in the stands. Stop thinking about your- much as Pat Burns does, and will one day coach the selves and go to these games to let the players Leafs to a Stanley Cup victory. Don't quit your day know that all of their hard work is worthwhile. job Meathead. Who knows, you may even enjoy yourselves. 10:15p.m. 2. COACH NEWBROUGH. As much as I ad After sitting behind the penalty box for the mire and respect you and your accomplishments, I entire third period, which we scored five goals in, I am going to have to disagree with the obvious watch in amazement as hundreds of Laurier "fans" political decision you made last week. I will con- leave the arena after an empty net goal made it 6-4 tinue to act as a verbal presence at as many sports for us in the final two minutes. What these people events as possible in the near future. Please let me (who probably attend many Blue Jay games), have my fun. NATIONALS missed was a Warrior power-play goal with 39 sec- I am writing this article to the people of Laurier onds remaining and an enormous point blank save that feel there are problems with the way that things prize up by Rick Pracey with only four ticks left on the are done around here. I feel that we should all band Win a pack worth clock to seal the victory. together to create an atmosphere that is unmatched to $200 by filling out ESSO The real Laurier fans that stayed witnessed a by any other school in the nation. Hopefully we can application fantastic finish and cheered on our home team after make it so that other teams will not enjoy their stay card form. a good hard fought victory against the second best at Hotel Laurier, and we can all participate in team in the country. Congratulations and keep up Laurier athletics in some way, shape or form. 1 I WU> STODENT5 ONION —— 1 JamuXß/ 29(^|®W®P)^J"zjCyS> Q^aS^ e g-.pb / [ft

: _0 . February 3, | 111 6.1 Ift '^ Fo meetingi ILLr

\ —BffiCß hours——i Volunteer_L ninn- ! mes IM-Q* wed i - 2: 30 Mftup AUDIT i ForrOK IL-h j Thurs 2:30-4 "AFET " h j WLUSU • 8844360 p. a ' Anne Rice's Smash erotica Vegas page 16 page 19

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•112" UPaejCOMING —

Toronto's Freshwater Drum play the Commercial Tavern in Maryhil LANGEN HONORED Mercury Rev play the Opera House on February first. Suzanne Vega will probably play some stuff of that God-awful new album of hers at the Music Hall on the second.

The Centre in the Square presents Fiddler on the Roof February 2 and 3. King Apparatus play the Volcano on thefifth.

Thelonious Monster play Lee's Palace on Febru- ary eighth.

One are at the Volcano on the twelfth ofFebruary.

Lonnie Brooks plays Albert's Hall on the twelfth

and thirteenth. The Laurier Gallery (yes we have one) is now the Robert Langen Gallery pic : Les/e^jTTomgson Inspiral Carpets play the Concert Hall on the nine- Woodyard Entertainment now, according to Professor Michael Manson, "one teen February. Adrienne of of the only universities that does a rounded pro- A reception was held last Thursday evening in gram in Fine Arts. At other universities, students Jon Bon Jovi struts his new do on the twenty-fifth the John Aird Building's Main Foyer to celebrate are required to commit to being either studio artists ofFebruary at the Gardens. the naming of what is now (officially) the Robert or historians; Laurier allow you to take the full Langen Gallery. spectrum of arts courses." Teenage Head kick the can again at the Volcano on Professor Emeritus Robert Langen was The building of the gallery in 1987 was a tri- the twenty-sixth. honoured by his friends, family and former col- umph of sorts for the Fine Arts department; before leagues for his 30 years of teaching and his work in its construction, Langen referred to the university's the Bluesman Buddy Guy plays Spectrum on March establishing the university's Fine Arts department. art collection as "Buried Treasure" - 'buried' in the 11. Calling the dedication ceremony "an unexpected sense that, at one time, it had no permanent home. but very pleasurable occasion", Langen also ack- The gallery now displays the talent of both local nowledged his "extended university family" for and national artists. their support of his efforts. And, according to Langen's appreciative col- Not only chairman of the Philosophy Depart- leagues, it is only appropriate that the gallery be ment, Langen was also responsible for introducing named for the person who did so much to promote «— Recommended— an art historian and artist-in-residence to the visual arts at Wilfrid Laurier. Manson expressed campus in 1973 and 1974. As curator of the WLU these sentiments during the dedication ceremony. Permanent Art Collection, he systematically built "We have been trying for such a long time to l00k 31 life in 4 p seud°-D sney up the collection to include over 300 pieces by his think of UhJBWWK : a way to thank you for your foresight, your 'rh'-? % 1 environment known as the Land retirement in 1985. And, fueled by his commitment determination, your exquisite taste and your quiet l |yi of Nod. to the visual arts, the department and the collection diplomacy. You have accomplished so much...with Also included in these 32| continue to flourish today. no bloodshed. Thank you for your legacy and your ■llBpage black-and-white mags are Largely due to his efforts, Wilfrid Laurier is faith mat we will carry on." quick stories of Captain Rightful,;; 2r pumberA a luckless hero with no arms, and f r\ Horde, a group of • 1/:£&* 1*1 villains a la the Fantastic Four. n,%•(V0» (?)1 The magazine pokes fun at all the usual comic-book in-jokes: SCENT OF SUCCESS Tffcp word balloons, dumb ads, and Jennifer Epps Entertainment ding or cornflakes for breakfast or something, Stephens uses that mptrfoTA simplistic themes. might be enough." Mama interrupts: "Rice'pudding £6 \\ tfeSS "silly" art and stories to convey a In Marsha Norman's play-turned-film, 'night, is good." Jessie's answer is only: "Not to subtle sense of humour. me." uw J> p ?) Mother, epileptic Jessie tells her mother she will At the beginning of the Bo Goldman-scripted \ j*w So far, SIN has been well vp shoot herself at the end of the night. Mama tries Scent of a Woman, received across the four corners blind Lieutenant-Colonel -WR / every tactic she can think of to stop her. But Jessie Frank Slade tells his caregiver Charlie he of the globe: London, Moscow, Sims is has already made up her mind. There is only one planning to shoot himself at end of /|Hg-§ Tokyo and Berkely, California. the the reason she might stay: "if there was something I weekend. Charlie scrambles to dissuade 1° fact, this is the only TRAGE- "him. 6ch really liked, like maybe if I really liked rice pud- The difference between Norman's DY STRIKES book 11131 wil1 con " Pulitzer- " winning drama and the new vehicle is tinue to be printed during their 5 A 1 Pacino that Scent of a Woman is rigged from the start. month hiatus. Pacino's gruff, belligerent character isn't at a loss Jason Stephens is a Kitchener The first four issues can be for enjoyments. Frank adores sensual pleasures- artist who, through TRAGEDY bought at Looking For Heroes women and Ferraris are his favourites, but he also STRIKES PRESS, publishes his downtown across from the savours perfumes, fabrics, tastes, luxury, and his own bi-monthly comic book Kitchener Bus Terminal. Issue #5 own wit. Although Pacino makes it clear that Frank called "SIN". For those who will be coming out soon, and the is embittered and full of self-loathing, we don't don't know (which means nearly comic will be published in colour ever really expect him to go through with his plan. everyone since the press run is starting with issue #7. ChafTie (Chris O'Donnell) is a student at Baird, only 3000), SIN is an off-the-wall Buy it. It's real good. a very old, moneyed private school which preps boys for the Ivy League. Only able to attend thanks to a scholarship, Charlie takes an extra job over Thanksgiving. He has to babysit the obstreperous Frank, a retired war hero who is always on the as- sault, whose barrage of insults detonates in "Ha!"s "All I basically said was these guys don't like if and "Hoo-ah!"s. Frank's niece assures Charlie: "By what I'm doing, that's one thing. But they're if Sunday night, you'll be best friends." Of course going to be rude and cruel, they can kiss my ass. It they will. It's that kind of movie. And when Frank was a spontaneous reaction. And I will continue to drags his young companion off to the big apple to stand for success right in their face. This year they spend the disability cheques he has saved, we know can pucker up and get in line. That's my new one. this Pucker up and get in line." will involve swanky hotels and exclusive boutiques—it's that kind of movie too. Rain Man BueHer's Day Off. Michaei Bolton, on the critics who hate him Like every blind person on screen or in Greek

- -«_>• - n-.-, w (cont'd to pg. 19) 16 THE Entertainment Thursday, JanuaryCORD 28, 1993 BEAUTY WAKES UP, GETS LAID

Sheldon Page Entertainment — to gender just to the level of submission that one Sleeping Beauty, the classic children's tale achieves. The foremost rule for dealing with slaves a nasty takes in — erotic twist Anne Rice's The is that no physical harm is to occur no mention is Claiming of Sleeping Beauty. made of psychological harm though. Rice, as writing A.N. Roquelaure, begins this Beauty is spared the worst of the treadnent as with tale the Prince awakening Beauty from her she displays a willingness to obey. Others are not as 100 year slumber. It takes more than a kiss to fortunate. awaken Beauty this time. It's only after the Prince Slaves that resist are punished in a variety of has sex with Beauty, that she awakens to find that ways. Male slaves have the honour of being im- she is enslaved to the one who woke her. paled on a leather phallus, while holding another in The Prince takes no time in initiating Beauty to their mouths. The slave is kept in this position for the wonders of sex. The bonds of her enslavement an entire night. Females tend to be hung by their and the Prince's political power keep even Beauty's hands and feet and tormented with feathers and father from interrupting the initiation. honey. Spankings are routine for all. From the time the Prince locks the bedroom This is not a novel for the squeamish. Rice door, the tone of the novel is clearly set. The rela- balances the reader between slamming the book tionship between Beauty and her Prince is far from down in disgust at the slaves' treatment or reading tale quality. fairy Beauty is to be the Prince's sex until the slave achieves the sexual bliss that usually slave and nothing more than that. occurs at the end of a punishment session. The morning after Beauty's awakening she is Beauty, while in the midst of a clandestine af- taken to the Prince's kingdom for further (raining. fair with a fellow slave, Prince Alexi, hears his tale The Prince tells Beauty's parents: "Beauty will be of a month in the castle's kitchens. Alexi was at the returned in time. And she will be greatly enhanced mercy of the kitchen staff and the stable boys. His in wisdom and beauty. Now tell her to obey as your account of numerous rapes and his resulting parents commanded you to obey when you were humility spurs Beauty to seek her point of submis- sent to us." sion. The basic idealism behind the kingdom of the Beauty, not one to let the process happen grad- Prince and hence the novel seems to be: The key to ually, gets herself sent to the village. enriching your life is to break your character down While The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty is an to the point of complete submission. There cannot erotic novel of sexual domination, it is not be a shred of resistance in your soul if you want to pornography. Rice captures the sensuality of the be renewed. characters in between the slaps of the Page's This submissive gospel is spread throughout the paddles. The sexual scenes are explicit, but are de- kingdoms that own allegiance to the Prince's king- scribed sensually, rather than crudely. dom. The kingdom is ruled by the Prince's mother Not for the faint of heart. The Claiming of who's greatest passion is paddling slaves into sob- Sleeping Beauty is a novel that allows the reader to bing wrecks. I got the feeling that Beauty's parents explore the depths of sexual domination while had first hand knowledge of what she would en- cherishing one's own strength of character. counter at the castle. The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty is the first in It should be noted that there are both male and the Erotic Adventures of Sleeping Beauty. Beauty's female slaves (all Princesses and Princes) at the Punishment and Beauty's Release are the other in- Queen's castle. No special considerations are given stallments. iffil B Vrfr 2nd Sftt 0 MB* |W0 W 171?g 7 w Bring a roll of film in for developing ANY WEDNESDAY kjH 0 SET C-41 sizes: Disc & DOMINO'S and receive a 2ND FREE! 110,126, PV Fn 35mm Full Frame (excluding Stretch 35) y hour PIZZAS HK PHOTO Q BifIHHHEIKi WITH | 1 DEVELOPING 31 d Victoria St. N. Kitchener 744-2911 UNUMITED TOPPINGS Pi 70 Otanabee Dr. Kitchener 893-1200 jpS 65 University Ave E. Kitchener 885-3050 J" J Offer Expires February 4, 1993.

" 12 '™>Bruce Cockburn's "If I had a watch these old relics, enjoy themselves, get drunk, Rocket Launcher" sung to the tune of the fall down, go home throw up in the sink and come Rarenaked Ladies', "If I Had a Million Dollars." back the next week. Things never change. Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" provided the Matt Osborne broke tradition last Thursday background music to a great spoken piece on night. Matt knows lots of chords. Matt can finger weight loss. It was all there including the Chili's pick. Matt uses harmonics. Matt can bend an E "Under the Bridge." string more ways than a slinky in a cement mixer. The highlight of the evening for me was Matt's Matt can sing. Matt can jump around like a mem- original piece, "Lowkowmowshun." Matt appar- ber of the Manson family out on a day pass. Matt ently knows that he plays a six-string fantastically can work the living bejeezus out of every damn well and this can only be referred to as a "showing- note and chord on the fretboard. The big guy can off" piece. In 5 minutes he manages to play just only be referred to as exceptionally gifted. He has about every possible note a guitar is capable of the talent to entertain with wit, verve and making at a blistering pace that leaves your jaw enthusiasm. Talent just seems to ooze right out of hanging agape mouthing "Holy shit" over and over him. again. Who else would start playing Flamenco How can you handle Mr. Fred Hale's Piano bullfighting music while charging around the stage Man after you've seen Matt Osborne? You can't. in a red silk shirt'?. In the blink of an eye the Period. End of discussion. Matt, magnificent, mercurial, manic pic : Chris Skalkos PENH'S FOLLOW-UP AVOIDS THE SOPHOMORE JINX Penn's style of a rock-folk Unlike the droid Martin Walker Entertainment pretty good. certainly a success, and in many have made an album that was dif- type music carries over into his synthesized dance music that is ways, quite unique, it sounds too ferent than his last. It is a form of Probably the biggest problem new album, with songs like so often heard on most stations, it much like his first album. progression that an artist of his" with being Best New Artist is fol- "Long Way Down" and "Free requires a couple sittings to un- Fenn may not be copping out calibre should be capable of. lowing up on your initial success. Time". In the case of "Seen the derstand truly what the song is by doing similar music, it's just However, Penn's multi-tiered But Michael Penn has nothing to Doctor", Penn unfortunately PENN S FORMULA that the two albums are fairly songs and excellent use of in- worry about. Although it's been relapses into a musical sense of similar and can easily be con- strumental variations still help to two years since Penn became corniness, as he metaphorically PROVES SUCCESSFUL fused for one another unless you create a very unique and enjoy- MTV's Best New Artist for his has his heart ripped open on the about (God forbid!). happened to have the covers in able album. The songs are debut album March, he is back operating table (I've heard this I don't think that this album front of you. It would have been a certainly wide-ranging and, for with a new album entitled Free one before!). will be as successful as March little more interesting if someone the large part, quite interesting. For All. All in all, the music is still was. Although his first album was as musically gifted as Penn could Overall, well worth the money. Why Rent? Instaprint Inc. Available May 1

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— Call Jacqueline Costello ROYAL — LePAGE_S =, SALES REPRESENTATIVE BM—— H 258 King Street North, Waterloo (ACROSS FROM WLU ATHLETIC COMPLEX) Royal LePage Real Estate Services 886-9000 office 18 THE CORD Entertainment Thursday, January 28. lag? for the record TORONTO'S DRUM FRESH by feizal valli Andrew Duncan Entertainment For the record, I like Bill Clinton and that should be no surprise to anyone who knows how much I hate Rush Limbaugh. I also hate Toronto club veterans Fresh- seventies classic rock which shouldn't he a surprise either since, water Drum, after lying low for well, it sucks. That leaves me with a bit of a dilemma; How do I the past year and a half, are back learn to like a guy who is ascending to the most powerful position on the local circuit with their dis- in the world still humming the chorus of "Don't Stop (Thinking tinctive, fresh sound. Starting al- About Tomorrow)"? How can I feel safe knowing that the guy who most 10 years ago at the might push the button is anxiously awaiting the next Boston album? Etobicoke School of the Arts, lead vocalist Tom McNeil, Unfortunately, I'm afraid that the answer might be that I can't. guitarist Sean O'Keefe and drum- Last week, incoming president Clinton presented us with a rela- mer Michael Posthumus used tively new concept; President as Pop Star, and it wasn't pretty. their musical theatre classes to I suppose it could be argued that Kennedy was a practicing pop bring 3-way harmonies to this vo- star long before Clinton signed his first motel register and if that is cal driven band. the case it only makes the latter look even more laughable. If Having recently returned from politics were pop culture, Kennedy would be a sauve Sinatra and an east coast tour, including an Clinton, unfortunately, would be little more than a clean-shaven Jed opening gig for 54-40, they're Clampett. shopping their new demo tape and two year old independent pulling it off. Also, we've just Cord: What's the connection with Of course, Clinton isn't entirely to blame for his looking stupid CD, Classical Fish, around for a made a demo tape that is the best [ex-Blue Rodeo keyboardist] at the Inaugural Fiasco last week. Where Kennedy existed in a time record deal. work we've done. For one of the Bobby Wiseman? where he could associate with entertainers with class and talent, I spoke to song- new songs, "My Beautiful SO: He's been very helpful. He Clinton is condemned to share the stage with a hodge-podge of writer/vocalist/rhythm guitarist Maureen", we've just received a played on our cassette [I like it circus freaks (Michael Jackson), overblown hams (Barbara Sean O'Keefe about the past and Videofact grant to make a video. but What Does it Mean? (1988)] Streisand) and off-key wash-outs (Fleetwood Mac). Where Ken- future of the band, as well as You have to put together very im- and he turns up at our shows nedy lived in a time of sultry, beguiling Marilyn Monroes Clinton what can be expected from pressive packages to get a record every once in a while to play. can do no better than dolled-up lounge bimboes who pose for skin tomorrow night's gig at The deal. Cord: What can people expect mags. Commercial in Maryhill. Cord: How has the Toronto club from Freshwater Drum live? Cord: Where did the name Fresh- scene helped or hurt the band SO: The shows are kind ofa vari- One can hardly blame the guy; he's a victim of the times he water Drum come from? over the years? ety pack, like the CD. Our songs •lives in. Yeah, that's right...he's the victim. And the real culprits are SO: It's actually the name of a SO: We've done well despite the cover a wide range styles the Republican of from station programmers who have been keeping classic fish. It turns out that when the Toronto clubs. In the past we had hard to soft. Lately, because of rock alive for the last twenty years! And just maybe, last week's male is trying to attractfemales it to word our asses off just to play the number of songs, we 've been culmination of schmaltzy crap was a conspiracy to make the man makes a drumming noise, but we at a place like Lee's Palace. It's a able to make the shows more con- look stupid! Is other there any possible explanation for that Zep- didn't know that until after the hard market to get into because sistently one style. There's also a pelin of a human being, Stevie Nicks, to be standing next to the band was named. We just liked there are so many other things to lot energy in our shows. You President of of the United States? the sound ofthe name. do in the city. Also, recently, be- won't find us just standing Cord: How do you plan to break cause we haven't played locally around up there. / thai the For the record, maybe not, but that makes me feel better. It's the find out of the Toronto scene? a while, the club owners have live shows are stronger than the only way I'll be able to live through an administration that Steve for SO: We've just been out on the been cautious about putting us on recordings because we like to Miller probably voted for, road to see if we're capable of the weekend spots. play offthe audience.

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EXPIRES FEBRUARY 4,1993 • NOT VAUD WITH OTHER OFFERS § | v / | TfWU THE CORD Thursday, January 28, 1993 Entertainment 19 CRASH VEGAS GET AGGRESSIVE the road for a year, and things got Dave Scott Entertainment McAdory. The tightness of the set was a a little louder. There was a feel- It was with some bias that I pleasant surprise given that ing we wanted to push things." Look for Stone to be approached the Crash Vegas they've been off the road for the released show at UW's Bombshelter last past year working on material for at the beginning of March, the week since their first album. Red a forthcoming album. first single being a track called Earth. Material for the set was a "You and Me", which according In the sweaty, tight, balanced mixture of new and old, to Colin has a "psychobilly- claustrophobic atmosphere of the delivered with confidence and a raunch guitar-cool lyric, Crash 'shelter, the band hit the stage in kicking, engaging feeling. Vegas meets The Cramps kind front of a very packed house, who Judging from the cuts they of feel to it." were treated to an excellent set. played from the new album. The band soon trot out on a Crash Vegas looked relaxed Stone, this record promises to be twenty-two date cross-Canada on stage and displayed a strong an excellent listen. Lead guitarist tour to promote the album. Look presence, led ably by the wonder- Colin Cripps told me "Stone is a for them to crash into Stages, in Michelle McAdory. smashing p/c : Dave Scott fully strong voice of Michelle more aggressive sounding record, Kitchener, on March 18th. It with more of a live feel. A lot of should be a less claustrophobic, PACINO BLINDINGLY VIBRANT the songs came out of being on but equally entertaining show.

(cont'd from pg. 15) people don't deserve to see." There's no disputing theatre, Frank perceives visual details and judges Goldman's intelligence, but someone should have character with something akin to ESP. Not that it held him back. He makes much ado about nothing. actually requires skill to judge any of these charac- Certainly Pacino delivers an exciting, vibrant EmSELVMjDjIS ters: Harry (Nicholas Sadler), the arrogant leader of performance. If he didn't, there would be no movie. the brat pack; George (Philip S. Hoffman), popular He doesn't have a genuine role to play and has to Here's a chance to win the King and confident in the quad, putty in his father's cover over the gaps with lots of spittle and pulsing includes 5 tapes, a colour booklet and a sheet of hands; and Headmaster Trask (James Rebhorn), a veins. O'Donnell is vulnerable and responsive, es- stamps. All you have to do is fill out this ballot and Down-to-earth (he's from pecially his teary struggle with the Colonel, but puerile phony. Charlie in answer the Qi|ption: Qq what day, month and year Oregon) has to contend with all these rich people Charlie spends most of the picture as a naive, terminally inconvenienced and decide whether to confess for success or keep gawky, teenage dork in search of a personality. His did Elvis become / (become dead) ? his integrity. We're not on tenterhooks. polite smile is tiring. '*• * •••• /- >'-r • Meanwhile, director Martin Brest seems too The materialism of quest is quite ironic, in- Frank's Name: J- 4 —— on creating an foreign Look at the considering the values the professes to film. film — tent artsy Phone #: title. Look at the length-an insufferable two-and-a- propound. Why is taking a limo from NYC to Bos- Answer: half hours. Look at exotic Gabrielle Anwar, making ton the paradigm of living? Why would it be so ter- a fleeting appearance as Frank's shy tango partner. rible for Charlie to go to a less-than-Ivy League Enter as many times as you want and Cord staff is not eligible. Drop And look at all that writing. Goldman is in love college? And why do the filmmakers feel it neces- the ballot off at the Feedback book or bring it up to the Cord offices. Draw will be February 1 and the name and pic will be with the sound of his own typewriter keys, and sary to wrap everything up perfectly? Not only do made winner's published in that week's issue. , ladles out one-liners: "No mistakes in the tango, they give Frank a romantic interest, they even make darling- not like life;" "Maybe God thinks some him become nice to children.

1ST YEAR

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SMMl mmf|v|l SFfI g Iff 1? * THE CORD Entertainment Thursday, January 20 28, 1993 SVEN KICK BUTT dear Ouija is Ouija great. Ouija is powerful. Most of all, Ouija is omniscient. If Bryan Kruuk Entertainment you would like Ouija to give you advice on your pathetic woes please submit a letter c/o THE CORD (the third floor of the Students' Union Building). This past September, I went to see a band called Slik Toxik at Dear Ouija, Stages. Slik was alright, but what I have had deeply philosophical and heated (literally) debates with really impressed me was their people over the best position during sex (the most pleasurable for a opening act named Sven Gali. woman, that is). I've thought of resorting to THE JOYS OF SEX, This was a band whom I had Dr. Ruth or Madonna, but thought I would get the best and most im- never heard of and who didn't mediate response from our very own omniscient Ouija. So what is have an album out to even create the best position/method -- top, bottom, side, sitting down, standing a fan base. up, backwards, forwards...? Now, a few short months Signed, later, the Sven Gali story is much Curious Georgette different. The band returned to Dear Curious Georgette, Stages last Thursday to play. This For once the most powerful Ouija will not be giving you a straight however, they were the time, answer. Instead, I would encourage you (as long as you are and brought with them comfort- headliners able) to try all positions and then determine for yourself. Personally, a host of kickin' songs from their As well as being strong musi- From the crowd's response at I like the top. gold status (50 000+ copies) cally, Sven Gali was also great as the show, there is no doubt that Top Heavy, debut album. a group of entertainers. The band Sven Gali has established a Ouija The Canadian band opened was full of energy and did not strong core following. the set with an electrifying ver- stop cornering the stage during The band came to Kitchener Dear Ouija, entire show. Wanless even sion of and from minute the -- "Freakz" on Thursday night and kicked I have a problem a guy problem. I'm at a complete loss on how the packed club took time out for a quick stage one, the crowd at major ass. Some people have this I should let a guy know I'm not interested without being rude or cold- could the dive and ride around the crowd. tell that boys had a band pegged as the next Skid hearted. A male friend once told me never to use the "let's just be tight-knit, energetic set to per- Their album does have the Row. Maybe, however, they are friends" line. But what else is left? "Sorry bud, I have herpes'" - form. power ballad content in the songs in fact the first coming of Sven NOT! The sound quality at Stages "Love Don't Live Here Gali. Gali rocks in a category of Signed, was impressive, which helped Anymore" and "Whisper in the their own with an excellent per- Severely Depressed make every aspect of the band's Rain", but the band claimed that formance and a great album. The Dear Depressed, sound top notch. It was loud all "they didn't have the time tonight fans that were lucky enough to With most guys all you have to do is be honest. Others, right, but incredibly clear. As a to slow the fuck down". The see the band in the confines of however, require even more. a man is asking out, chances are you result, the vocals of lead singer audience did not seem to mind. Stages should consider them- If you al- ready know him. Test the waters Some people and Waterloo native, David Wan- Some songs that did get to selves lucky, because the way first. need brutal honesty and bluntness. Something like, "leave me alone disgust- less were strong. The work of blast our/ar drums included "Tie Sven Gali is going, this may have you ing pig" would work in - guitarists Dee Cernile and Andy Died Skies", "Real Thing" and been the last time this rock and this case I'm sure he'd take the hint. Others (the ones with any pride) will understand you just Frank along with the rhythm of their debut hit on Much Music roll band will be able to play a if say you are not interested in a romantic involvement but you bassist Shawn Maher and "Under the Influence". They also venue of under 2 000 people in do like spending T.T. time with him. drummer Gregg Gerson was also included their upcoming single this area. These guys kick and i For women impressive they in perfect "In My Garden" and it was well definitely their empowerment, as were they are on way Ouija synch together. received. up. a JOIN US FOR a SUPERBOWL SUNDAY

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action, Oll And if you feel like another kind of live ■ 1 y . and IcketS $6 50 there's shuffleboard, very cold beverages, VISA/MaSterCard: 885-4280 a great menu to feed from. and sports are free ' - info tumanitiesGroup Rates Available Fresh popcorn 31 year in a row, FASS chases away those winter blues with For the st /J|\_ Ag iASt its annual winter comedy-musical. Written, produced and performed by University of Waterloo Faculty, Alumni, Staff and Students, 11 movies, the mob, university life and g FASS *93 pokes fun at old Ck. A' no in j kangaroos named "Chippy". Tickets are available now at the tfek flfik Humanities Theatre Box Office, Hagey Hall, University of Waterloo. Wm V 11|g| 160 University Ave. 886-6490 THE CORD Thursday, January 28, 1993 Arts 21 I THINK DEEP THOUGHTS THE FAT FARMERS SKINNY CITY COUSIN In today's world A CITY MAN WALKS INTO THE RURAL CITY NOTING Tilt it is alwayshow much, how much, how much. CONTRADICTION HE SLE'S How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if indeed, a woodchuck could chuck wood? THE RURAL FARMER STARTS HIS MACHINERY Now, I'm not a woodchuck and I don'tprotend to boons, and pleese, WHILE THE URBAN be DWELLER PLANTS HIS BALCONY SEEDS. assured that I havs no granddelusions of woodchuck-dom. Bowsvor, if indasd I wsra a woodchuck, I oannot snvision mysslf chucking wood f day. "I HOPE WE HAVE A GOOD CROP," THE FAT FARMER STATES TO HIS f| lw»MM«l«w«y slngls Is society trying to impose some sort t,ck EQUALLY FAT c! ijnota on these " WIFE. beasts . . • - . N Timber-Harvesting of 3_-• nature? Again, I will1 restate the fact that I am . not femiliar with all of die particular HiS URBAN COUSIN DROWNS IN HIS ALREADYPICKED THROUGH nuances of woodchucking, but I think that on some days I GARBAGE, INFESTED WITH HUNGRY MICE. would chuck very little, whUe at other times InHy bs a vary proficient chucker of wood. How much, how WHEN THINGS GET BAD ITS NOT HARD TO SEE WHO TRULY HAS THE much, how much -Isupposs that's theWs for you. POWER. I mean really, what ever became of Quality, Style, Creativity? By asking "how much" are wa not stiffing theIndividualism of the woodchuck? Are ITS THE ONE WITH THE GARDEN AS VAST AND we on a course toward never-ending standardization? WUI the wood- ENORMOUS AS THE chuck AVERAGE FOOTBALL PARLOR. become the next victim of automation? Is society prepared to replace them with woodchucking robots, veritable powoihousett of lumber processing? All this In the name of maximum chucking? Bow much, how much, how much. i hnpw ( p notaround sad day. RoUtd Cuy sad, Scott Simpson

FRAMED ILLUSION THE RAIN Commentary: Shattered Fragmented. , flain. As the reader can clearly seen, this poem represents the Splinters my year eternity Foiling gently from personification of three ofthe process, the very matter, ofprecipitation. The Smeared - with colourless blood. the shy. rain is seen being as human. This is evident in the first paragraph Ashes td ashes and Washing away when the air mattress is mentioned. ~ Air mattresses get wet when Glass to the pain. smash. they are used inpools, or bodies of water such as oceans, seas,lakes, A kaleidoscopic Leaving the wet resurfacing earth rivers, gullies, puddles, and the However, " wells, like. the process of A shrill shriek. like an air mattress. getting the air mattresses wet can only be accomplished by a human being since an air mattress is an inanimate object. It is incapable of - A desperately - . futile gasp for air aid, you say? Rain. abstract reasoning per se. Thus, it is clear what this poem is alluding Despised and cursed Air. It's either under or above. Nevertheless, the personification of precipitation is nowhere Dominant, passive. more evident than in the last paragraph where it wishes to become Never welcomed You, then....me. a garden hose. This shows the poet's support of capitalism. Garden Always. fl symbol of problems hoses are a direct result of capitalism and the capitalist spirit which in has gripped the hearts of men and women all over the Western Vandalism . Subseruient the Hemisphere. Garden hoses are manufactured in factoriesowned by Violation Submissive Middle Cast. the bourgeoisie (owners and managers offinancial capital). It is the Verdict: Victory Sentence: Sepulchral Servitude Oh, the rain bourgeoisie not the labourers who receive the glory for making the Oh, the rain garden hose - the garden hose which the rain wants to be. My wilderness..whim my Eden? Its cry echoes in the wind Clearly then, the reference to the Middle East and their opposite "I want to be a garden hose economic and political structure is made by purposely the poet to Had it only been a black md white I wish was a garden hose contrast with the reference to the garden I hose and the exalted I may I could If only I was a garden hose." economic system it represents. feel My grip...I slip... ;JjjjBj| Rhonda Reist Pierced by tran spa Torn through at th ijjf But tainted purely {4&rripomrily.

A qtiNskoi. Julie-Ann Bailey Yes. iin 1 il.ll IHROEqll tUe fil)W PAIN VERY of My btiNQ. TIDAL I'm sore iIim's wIhat a qi nsIhot would fu !.like. WAVE She is bEAurifut. I'm li\pp\ (or yoi'. LUCIOUS LEMONS BOUNCING; ReaIIv. BIG HEADS JERKING; A quNskor. LOVE DRIPPING; .22 cAlibRE. JUICES BANANA CREAM PIE. U/\yA Saam

Someplace Else By Phill M Kinzinger THE CORD Comment Thursday, January 22 28, 1993

THURSDAY, JANUARY 28, 1993 VOLUME XXXIII, ISSUE 20 COVER PHOTOQRAPHY: SHELDON PAQE THE CORD "The tie that binds Laurier" since 1926

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EDITORIAL BOARD EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Pat Brethour NEWS EDITOR Sheldon Page ASSOCIATE NEWS EDITOR Ingrid Nielsen ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Feizal Valli ASSISTANT ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR.... Jennifer O'Connell SPORTS EDITOR Evan Bailey PRODUCTION MANAGER Rente Ward GUEST FEATURES EDITOR Your Name Here ART DIRECTOR Ryan Feeley STAFF Production Assistants: Gail Norton Lynn McCuaig Scott McKay Classified Co-ordinator Libbi Hood Circulation and Filing Virginia Parker

.. Vote dammit! Copy Editors Tom Tanner Julie McAlpine Ii favorite part of student politics is election time. The rivalry, the apathy, the scandals, the blatant errors, and the false promises are almost more than a news editor can handle. It's obvious why I care CONTRIBUTORS: My about our student elections. It comes with job. Some of have friends running in the elections Dave Slimmon, Lee Hewitt, Patty Chippa, Lynn McCuaig, Steve my you - against Doak, Adrienne Kolotylo, Terry Grogan, Phill Kinzinger, Steve you will probably keep tabs on how your friend does the others. Then there are those who work be- Tracy, John Lavigne, Steve Schaus, Ralph Spoltore, Jim Lowe, hind the scenes. The campaign managers, the chief and deputy returning officers and all have a stake in the Brian Gear, Jen O' Connell, Paul Gray, Julie McAlpine, Jennifer elections. Epps, Adrienne Woodyard, Martin Walker, Sheldon Page, James The question I would like to try and answer is: why should the rest of you care? Neilson, Andrew Duncan, Dave Scott, Bryan Kruuk, Amit Kapur, Why, indeed. Maybe the candidates just want to pad their resumes with a nifty political title. Maybe they Peter Eglin, Ryan Feeley, Jennifer Hamilton, Christina Craft,' want to boost their egos. Or maybe, just maybe, they feel that they have something valuable to contribute to Greg Sloan, Christine Gaddye our student corporations. Production: Mo Athia, Lindsay Dwarka, Mia Kroll, Sandra Regardless of the candidates' motivations, some of them will be getting into office and be spending your Honey, Gabriele, Crawford Samuel, Libbi Hood, Kathleen money. This is the bottom line, ladies and gentlemen — money. Cold, hard cash. Your cash. Irvine, Steve Doak, Katie Billingsley Andrew Cameron, Karen I don't want an incompetent boob handling my money. In my case it's government money, but I have to Sonia Haslam, Dave Scott, Jim Elkins, Harvey Luong, Photo: pay it back eventually. Darren Myher, Sheldon Page, Phill Kinzinger | , A certain percentage of our tuition fees support the Students' Union and very soon, Student Publications STUDENT PUBLICATIONS as well. Up to now, Student Publications funding has been channeled through the Union. With a new operat- agreement finished, funding for Publications will come direcdy from the students. Next year you TREASURER ..— Rosemary Banks ing almost will be money directly to both corporations. SYSTEMS TECHNICIAN .. Vacant giving PHOTO MANAGER Chris Skalkos The people who take office at the end of this term will have control of our student corporations, which of Photo Technicians: Jig Eda DiLiso course includes the funds that operate them. J&t. Jo-Ann Julien Unfortunately, the Students' Union Board of Directors and half of the Publications Board are already ac- Graphic Arts Technician ... Kathleen Honey claimed for next year. Not that this is much different than this year's Board, but at least there are some elected members on the Union Board this year. Not so next year. ADVERTISING Just enough people ran for the Union Board to fill it this year. Only three people bothered to run for the Manager Jamie Neilson Publications Board. It is quite disturbing to think that we did not get the opportunity to vote for the people m Ad Production Manager •••••••••••••••m».*f Brian Craig who will be making any real decisions. Ad Production Assistants ...... Eric Green The Boards are where the real power lies. All major operating decisions have to be passed by the Board. »««..«•..■»!»...... Paula (sj^ffarvi .....^.***#*■*■»»...... are of a of crap. Sales -Jk. CraigKelley The members of both Boards will claim that they representative the students. And this is load Hopmmmeron An acclaimed Board member is representative on paper only. Only those who stand for election have a * a at being represen- «*** John McHutchion mandate from the masses. By the looks of next year's Boards, only Publications has shot tative. worry about now. damage has been done. We have to concentrate .. BOARD OFDIRECTORS It's too late to acclaimed Boards The Martin Walker, President on the few candidates that are left for election. We can have our say in this matter. Whether or not you vote, Brian Gear Sean McLean someone will be elected. I would rather have a say in the process, even if the person I supported did not win. Vacant Phill Kinzinger At the very least, the fact that I voted will enable me to complain about our student representatives in Michael Rosenblatt Dawna Maclvor good conscience. I played my part in the process, hence I have the right to complain about it. Christina Craft (ex officio) Think about your money that funds our student corporations. Think about the type of people you want to administer these funds. Think about it and then get out there and vote.

' 112 ' The Cord cOnSnues its publishing year, sys- Editorial by Sheldon Page, News Editor tem. is also for Letters to the The Cord eternally grateful Sunday the rest Editor must be submitted signed, typed and double-spaced by Tuesday, January The opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of 19, at 12:00 pm for the following publication. Bui, •»» can only print letters that of The Cord staff, or its publisher, WLU Student Publications. bear the author's real name, telephone number, and I.D. number (if applicable). AH letters must be 500 words. All submissions become the property of The Cord "I and we reserve the right to orrefuse any submissions. The Cord will not print anything in the body of the paper considered to be sexist, racist or homophobic in nature by the staff as a voting body, or which is in violation of our code of ethics. Thumbnail Editorials By the way, our offices are on the third floor of the Fred Nichols Campus Centre. After all the students pay for it and operate it... party advocacy Cord subscription rales are $15.00 per term for addresses within Canada and THUMBS UP to the federal parliament for moving to restrict third $18 oUtside the country. We have no subscripton rate for addresses down in the advertising. In the wake of the 1988 federal election when the Tories' big oisiness .boondocks. The Cord is printed by the people at the Cambridge Reporter who friends bought Mulroney a second term, Parliament is finally putting forward legislation really, really know their inks. But they need lessons on mooses (mises). control the manipulation of democracy by tig business interests. Why the lones to tee '""2 '"-'The Cord publishes cach Thursday unless the computer system goes for a support this is anyone's guess...alt hough they could be thinking about the \Wo complete meltdown. The Cord is a member of the Ontario Community Newspa- campaign. per Association fnd a confirmed prospective member of Canadian University Press. Kudos for this issue go out to everyone, even the Production Assistant (who homophobia Ontano doesn't put her feet on the light table nearly often eq»ugh). THUMBS DOWN to the Ontario NDP government for The failing to r All commentary is strictly the opinion of the writer (as if you haven't realized Human Rights Commission has blasted the province for brms °y® and does not necessarily reprelent those of the Cord staff, the statutes into September's Leshner decision. The effect of the decision that by now) line with last - editorialboard, or fee WLU Student Publications Board of Directors. which extended employment benefits to the spouses of lesbian and gay employees attorney-gene Copyright (c) 1993 by WLU Student Publications, 75 University Ave. West, currently only affects provincial employees, by dictate of the Ontario . Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3C5. No part of this publication may be reproduced The Rae government must act now to bring Ontario laws into line with the Lesnner without permission of the Editor-in-Chief. Unless you know where we can buy a decision...or else hand in their Captain Progressive decoder rings. new computer systenu-cheap. THE CORD Thursday. January 28. 1993 Letters to the Editor 23 Feminism not LETTERS TO THE EDITOR exclusive club The Cord's Letter Policy Dear Editor, • All letters must be signed, and submitted with the author's name, student and telephone In response to Beth Haydl's commentary (Womenwords, Jan. 21) identification number number. I would like to begin by stating that any discourse's main purpose is • All letters will be printed with the author's name, unless otherwise requested. to convey a basic and important message to its readers. Unfortunate- • Letters must be received by Tuesday at noon for publication in that week's ly, the derogatory message given by Haydl's unjustifiable "argu- issue in print or on disk. Disks can be picked up on Wednesday. ments" only serve to foster any hostilities against feminism, thereby • Letters must be typed, double-spaced and cannot exceed 500 words (2 pages).

undercutting • the very goals she wishes to achieve. The lack of The Cord reserves the right to edit any letter, but will not correct spelling and cogency within the seemingly "ultra right wing" work cannot help but grammar. so. I do and do agree that men women should be given • equal op- The Cord reserves the right to reject any letter, in whole or part, that is in portunities and respect in all social terms, and economic but enforc- violation of existing Cord policies, specifically : letters which contain personal ing this with respect to Haydl's theories can only be harmful. attacks, or defamatory statements. Women need men. Men need women. Alienating ourselves from others' interests cannot possibly fortify a position, but drive it into despair. Haydl claims that men simply cannot realize a woman's position, yet she seems to understand "all males" and their "grossly oppressive" tendencies inside out Does this make sense? Old press kit leads to The purpose of any movement is to gain common support in producing changes. Female exclusivity in feminist movements does not represent independency so much as it represents divisiveness and inaccurate coldness toward the other Cord members of humanity. A one-sided equali- review ty so to speak. Haydl does not want to waste any "energy" on provid- Dear Editor, player. These additions, combined with the three ing understanding in her revolutionary crusade, yet she will not even This letter is in response to the article in last years that have passed have seen some serious accept those males who make an honest effort to understand. By weeks issue of The Cord in which the local band, change, not only in the songs on this demo tape, but regarding men as equals and by approving their attempts to join The Result was reviewed. in most of the band's new material. If Mr. John forces in rectifying any negative beliefs, a broader message will be First of all, I would like to thank Rick John for would like to review the band's new material, the signalled than if women shut men out. One must remember, true fem- reviewing the band, the more coverage they get the band, or myself for that matter, would be glad to inism must be viewed as a collective cause, not an exclusive club. better off they will be, right? Well, maybe... provide him with it (contact either Dave Flitton, or All support, both male and female, reinforce this cause through Some of Mr. John's information was not quite myself through The Musicians Network). : their consolidated approval. Haydl fails to recognize this and instead as accurate as it could have been. The Result will be performing on February 6th rejects and humiliates all males, especially those involved in move- The inaccuracies, unfortunately, come from the at the Turret, and I sincerely hope that Mr. John is ments, in her vicious words. One of many such quotations states, "It's very music that he reviewed. The tape of which he in attendance, as I'm sure that he will bew after his hard for men, especially straight white men, to actually be excluded speaks is one that was put forth as part of a press kit comment that "Seeing this band live would be a from something important." Any intelligent thought can discover the by the band almost three years ago. Much has treat..." idiocy in such rubbish. changed in that time span. The Result is no longer a Once again I would like to thank Mr. John for Furthermore, in her overly inclusive language, she symbolizes all three piece band. After Mike Pond left the band his review of the band and I would urge him to con- men as terrible oppressors of righteousness towards women, giving (he's the bassist that is said to still be with the band tact the band or myself to hear what they sound like her column that special touch of hate literature. Such bitterness will by last week's article) a major restructuring took these days (or just go buy the CD!) only be met with bitterness; don't blow it, Beth. More thoughtful and place. There have since been added a new bassist, a valid arguments, as opposed to contradictions and nonsense (brought new vocalist, and a keyboardist/rhythm guitar Jim Brezina about by frustration and negative attitudes), are the true instruments of liberation. And, no, I am not a male putting a female in her place, but rather Don't a citizen concerned for the welfare of all. support apathy, Rich Vanderdrift screw slick talkers Dear Editor, talents to implement any solution. this to encourage you to vote for Every year elections for the From what I've so far from the the candidate that you think is Women words Student Union come around, candidates, Tim is our best most capable. (I am sure you will' posters go up, and you put a choice. We need a V.P., whose agree with me.) Come out to the check on a ballet if you happen to motivation is truly for our Union. open forums, ask questions, place "sexist drivel" be near a voting booth that isn't If it wasn't for his concern, I too your concerns; you will find them Dear Editor, busy. This scares me. like too many students, would informative and a key way to see This is ridiculous. These full- probably be supporting student will Coming from a long line of oppressors, from Genghis Khan to who be representing you next time positions require full-time apathy. (This scares me as well.) Darth Vader, we felt obliged to respond to the weekly column year. (Also, you can put some of attention and motivation. A Also, I am concerned that WOMENWORDS, and most specifically to the article that appeared the slick talkers on the spot. It can qualified, concerned candidate is most people do not vote for the be fun?!) in the January 21, 1993 edition of the Cord. In this article it was men- essential. Not someone who right reasons. This is our Union, tioned by the author that as males we could not be feminists. We took wants to give it a try. Not some- so it is vital that our Union has a offense until we realized that if the author represented what a is femi- one who gets all hype just for the qualified personnel. I am nist, we wanted to be equalitarian. we penises, writing Jason Mancini Granted, have and for election then loses interest. This this fact we apologize profusely because in her eyes this fact negates decision is very important If we any contribution we could have made. The fact she judges our merit don't know the candidates, how based on our sex negates her position of equality is still sexism. can we make an educated deci- The author makes it clear any help we could offer is neither sion? Women words needed, wanted or appreciated. While we do recognize that the two From a business stand point, genders must do different things to bring about gender parity, we also this multi-million dollar corpora- believe there is room to work together. It seems however that she tion is hiring its top level man- would rather fight alone than work together for equality. She, how- also bigoted agement, and we are its share- ever deems it proper to passive do nothing to for all males be and fur- holders. What ther the cause of equality. kind of return do we want on our investment. Espe- Dear Editor, Our only hope is that she writes this column to piss people off, cially this year with many con- Womenwords, being published open their eyes and make them see whats wrong with the system. Un- weekly in the Cord seems to be a cerns with many concerns about: constantly reiterated fortunately, we don't believe this to be the case. If such stereotyped manifesto of the Women's Centre. Through this Seagrams,our new building, class editorial mostly written by Haydl, sexism and ignorance were to be presented by males it would be Beth it can be noted that the sizes, number of courses offered, Women's Centre is apartheid and banned and cordonned immediately, and its perpetrators labelled separatist in its policies. The writ- increasing tuition, decreasing ings state that the centre wants nothing to chauvenist. Yet this sexist drivel has been a part of Laurier life for the do with men, is not a gen- government funding, and our as- der relations centre, is not against past year. Two wrongs do not make a right. violence against men and that men sociation with OUSA. are singularly and wholly responsible for womens oppression. I might What I really Brent Okum want to address suggest at this point that Womenwords and related articles, i.e. The position V.P., Gibran Neiva is the of which is double page spread on the shooting at Montreal (which incidentally becoming a fully con- Michael Herbert external was incorrect in reporting the number of people that died in that inci- cern. We will need a student dent) could be construed as misandrysL voice who can and who has dealt As men have been accused of bigotry can it not be seen that the with these kind of "major" con- Women s Centre is also bigoted. Replacing one form of bigotry with

• \Thje Ciord • got cerns. From my experiences at another is a net result of zero. Laurier, the candidate who will Inflexibly reinforcing stereotypes as the official voices of the do the best job is Tim Crowder. Women s Centre and related • writings does, only helps to y o u i k n s ? perpetuate (n)' o\t Since Tim has been at Laurier, he the problems that these women hope to overcome. Achieving has continuously been involved in womens 'liberation' through bigotry in a vacuum void of 50% of the * • activities, concerned about population is worse than Write a L c t u e) r . Union shortsighted it is pathetic. present situations, and has great ideas, leadership and political A.R.Hills. THE CORD 24 Comment Thursday. January jooo Equal pay law unequal WOMEN WORDS Amit Kapur Cord Comment by members of the Women's Centre and training. Thus, discrimination their control. for work of pay is a real problem in the workplace As labour costs rise, domestic by Jennifer Hamilton equal value is a term of today. firms become less competitive Equalwhich has been applied Unfortunately, the realities of with foreign companies. As for- are rarely portrayed in the mass media simply as in- recently to a law passed in our economy often prevent us eigners charge into Canada, many tellectual beings. No matter how intelligent or successful Ontario. The law basically states from doing the right thing in all more thousands of jobs are lost, Womenthey are, their appearance is always an issue. There is pres- that if two jobs are deemed of cases. Just as our economy cannot innocent victims of over- sure to succumb to stereotypical perfection. To be the beautiful, young, woman, always gets ahead, or gets equal value to an organization, afford to provide free medicines regulation on the part of the thin who her man; not not-so-thin, regardless of the nature of that to all its citizens, the trauma of government. the ugly, plain, perhaps older woman who doesn't job, then the pay rates must be the this legislation on our economy We must ask ourselves if we Society has a vested interest in maintaining such female same. will hurt many more people than are going to let the market forces stereotypes. This vested interest is based on economics. Women are This concept has drawn it will benefit. which now rule our economy to fighting a war, not against sexism, but against fine lines, feet, severe criticism from opposition You can be sure that because do their job, or are we going to crows and -groups, and has embroiled our of this legislation people's wages make things worse by having endless skin-care horrors. In the advertisements in magazines, in the provincial government in a battle will generally go up. Many em- government muddy up the water? commercials on television, women are fighting to be beautiful. prize? Allegedly, everything. over the very nature of how ployees would rebel upon hearing More work must be done to mini- The Men, love, relationships, chil- weapons? workers are compensated for their the news that their wages were mize the negative effects of this dren, and careers. The Products which can help you your to be beautiful and labour in this province. being brought down to another legislation, and to remove the so- achieve goal beat old age. of on perpetuation It cannot be denied that, person's level. Employers are cial problems of discrimination The sale these products depends the of morally, the concept is right. If faced with the only option of rais- and prejudice which are the basis stereotypes. Women need to feel that their worth is somehow de- and two people are putting the same ing lower-paid employees up to for inequity in our labour market. pendent on their ability to look young beautiful. If women be- independent the media, they might begin effort into their work, taking into equitable levels. By trying to cover up the ef- came too of mass to ques- need products may or may not do consideration their educational As this labour cost goes up, fects of discrimination in wages, tion the for which what they claim to. Beauty is a billion dollar industry which depends on requirements, training, mechanical substitutions for all the government will succeed women succumbing to the pressures of being beautiful. responsibilities, and a great many labour will become more attrac- in doing is confusing the issue. The most recent challenge for advertisers has been to change the other factors, then they should get tive options because they are The real problem lies in social at- way in which women are approached. They have had to take into the same wage. cheaper. Thus, many people will titudes, and until those are account women are often better educated, more sophisticated, It should also be noted that be thrown out of work because of changed, no amount of legislation that and more independent. They have also still had to sell their produc- women tend to hold the jobs with this legislation; people who did will create true equality for the the lowest wages, though often no wrong and are being punished working people of this province ts. The connection between cosmetics, beauty, and getting the man their jobs require more education because of circumstances beyond and country. isn't as evident as in the days during World War II when ads read "We like to feel we look feminine even though we are doing a man- sized j0b...50 we tuck flowers and ribbons in our hair and try to keep our faces looking pretty as you please." CORRECTIONSCLARIFICATIONS AND Advertisers recognize that women don't want to be portrayed as naive objects of pleasure any more. Advertisers now recognize that (January In "Theatre Laurier outdoes itself" 21, page 24), the Cord incorrectly credited women have goals beyond snagging a man and getting married. the creators of the play's music. Only Trevor Wagler and Steve Lehmann are the Women know that it's a nasty world, but they've been given the composers of the music. The other three people credited were solely performing the music. products to combat it: age management serums, wrinkle-defense creams, water-resistant mascaras, turnaround cream... the list is A number of errors were made about the Senate in the "Student Politicians on Parade" endless. (January 14, page 17). Five out of 63 Senate members do not have any affiliation to the The worst part about this is these products don't work. The only university. The subheadline "Student Senate" was potentially misleading since only eight way to prevent wrinkles, although marginally, is to stay out of the students sit on the Senate. The article stated that Laurier's Emergency Response Policy sun. And water resistant mascaras run. The idea of need is created had been created in response to the November bomb scare. That statement was incorrect not to help women better themselves, or to give them confidence. It - the policy had been in the works for three years. is to fuel a billion dollar industry.

The question: SHOOTING What should you never discuss at a party: politics, religion and... FROM THE The shots: LIP

Things that happened at Beer drinking Sexual preferences the last staff party? Julian Scott Barry Jen and Neenz Geography Fourth year Honours table dancing Bodybuilding Honours Wilf s Jeff Fourth year honours per- fection

by Soma Haslam and Christine Gaddye THE CORD Thursday, January 28, 1993 Comment 25 Protest shameful Iraq 'conflict'

Eglin Cord Comment Peter vasion of Lebanon in 1978, and first...was an aerial attack on the the Iraqi Republican Guard, of violence in the hands of the the US invasion of Panama. civilian infrastructure, targeting "which had been largely spared perpetrators and to their im- a recent essay entitled In the subsequent months, up power, sewage, and water sys- by the US attack [aided and punity." 'The media and the war; to mid-January 1991, during tems; that is, a form of biological abetted by Canada], proceeded to Former U.S Attorney General Inwhat war?' Noam which Iraq occupied and annexed warfare designed to ensure long- slaughter first the Shiites of the Ramsey Clark conducted his own Chomsky reviews the character of Kuwait, Iraq's forces committed term suffering and death among south and then the Kurds of the war crimes tribunal and inquiry. the Gulf conflict and the nature of many atrocities against the civilians so that the United States north with tacit support of the The results are set out in his book its associated carnage. Kuwaitis, killing several thou- would be in a good position to at- commander-in-chief, who had The Fire This Time: U.S War "As I understand the concept sands and torturing many. tain its political goals for the called Iraqis to rebel when that Crimes in the Gulf 1992. 'war'," he writes, "it involves two "But that is not war," region." suited US purposes...Again, this My concern is with the blood sides in combat, say, shooting at Chomsky says. "Rather it is state "The second component of slaughter hardly qualifies as war.' on my own hands, that is with each other. That did not happen terrorism of the kind familiar the [Canada-supported] US-UK Finally, Chomsky reports the Canada's responsibility in the in the Gulf." among [Canadian-supported] US attack was the slaughter of Iraqi casualty estimates of the Green- matter. According to Martin's He divides the period of con- clients." soldiers in the desert, largely un- peace International Military Re- Annual Criminal Code, 1991, flict from August 1990 to July The second phase of the con- section 3.71: "...every person 1991 into three phases. The first flict dates from January 15, 1991. who... commits an act or omis- phase is the period of Iraq's inva- It begins with the US-UK attack sion outside Canada that con- sion and occupation of Kuwait. on Iraq. Other participants, in- A turkey shoot, not a war stitutes a war crime or a crime Human rights groups reported cluding Canada, have a marginal against humanity and that, if several hundreds killed as a result involvement though are important committed in Canada, would con- willing Shiite and Kurdish con- of the fighting involved in the in- in putting an appropriate 'interna- search Group. stitute an offence against the laws scripts, it appears, hiding in holes vasion itself. "That hardly tional' face on the assault. "This Remember that 'casualties' of Canada in force at the time of in the sand or fleeing for qualifies as a war," says was slaughter, not war," their includes both dead and wounded. the act or omission shall be lives -- a picture quite Chomsky. "Rather, in terms of Chomsky says. "Tactics were remote Greenpeace estimates the "total deemed to commit that act or against peace and against carefully from the Pentagon disinformation crimes designed to ensure that Kuwaiti casualties at 2 000 to 5 omission in Canada at that relayed press humanity, it falls roughly into the there would be virtually no com- by the about colos- 000 and Iraqi civilian casualties time..." of sal fortifications, artillery power- category the Turkish invasion bat." He distinguishes two com- at 5 000 to 15 000 during the air Section 3.77 reads: "In the ful beyond our vast of northern Cyprus, the Israeli in- ponents of this phase. "The imagining, attack, an unknown number dur- definitions 'crime against stocks of chemical and biological ing the ground attack, 20 000 to humanity' and 'war crime'... 'act weapons at the ready, and so on. 40 000 during the civil conflict, or omission' includes... attempt- Pentagon give and other sources perhaps another 50 000 civilian ing or conspiring to commit, estimates in the range of 100 000 deaths from April through July,- counselling any person to com- defenseless victims killed, about PINK INK and another 125 000 deaths mit, aiding or abetting ay person by half during the air attack, and half among Shiite and Kurdish in the commission of, or being an Denys Daivs during the air-ground attack that refugees. accessory after the fact in relation heterosexuals who never and followed. Again, this exercise have been brave ad- Chomsky concludes as fol- to, an act or omission." venturous does not qualify as war, rather, enough to wander into a gay/lesbian bar for an it lows: "In brief, from August 1990 "War crime" and "crime a 'turkey-shoot', Forevening, you are missing out on one of the cheapest forms is as some US through July 1991 there was little against humanity" are defined in of entertainment There are sights forces described it, adopting the available. many and sounds just that could qualify as 'war'. Rath- the Criminal Code in accordance too fantastic to fully describe in words, but I shall attempt term used by US troops anyway. er, there was a brutal Iraqi with customary international law Why would I discuss such a topic anyway? Well, last Wednes- slaughtering Filipinos at the turn takeover of Kuwait followed by on these matters. It is clear that in day night after work I wandered into one of the a of the century." local bars for various forms of slaughter and aiding and abetting the attacking bevie. Across from me sat a rather large group of rather large The third phase refers to les- the state terrorism, the scale cor- of civilains, of civilian infrastruc- bians who jumped up and began yelling with period after the cease-fire excitement when the when responding roughly to the means ture and of defenceless and song "Follow Me" was played. They all ran (not a pretty sight) to retreating soldiers in the desert the dance floor and prompdy began to do a form the bus-stop, of and on the hellish Basra road, line dancing resurrected from those nasty disco days when I was in Canada committed either or both grade six. Picture it, a group of lesbians in jeans, denim shirts, and CORDFEEDBACK war crimes and crimes against ball caps moving in perfect formation and symmetry the best like humanity in the Gulf Massacre, syncro-swimming team you could ever see. the We're Now, resurrection here to hear. crimes for which its executive of- of the line dancing phenomena is not exclusive to gay and lesbian ficers in government and the mili- bars, but there is still some strange hilarity involved in watching it The Cord's Feedback Booth is open Thursday, from 10 am to 4 pm, tary remain unprosecuted. done. in the Concourse. All members of the Laurier community are wel- I take it the criminal responsi- More on dance: imagine the two nelliest queens possible. Now come to comment, although students will be given priority. Com- bility of Saddam put on some traditional German folk dancing music. Picture these Hussein is also ments appear unedited. All comments must include the submitter's self-evident. two prancing around the floor, arm in arm, stepping as high as they ID number. Issues of pressing or enduring interest will be com- Apart can and spinning like dervishes. Along the same vein picture a large from actively mented upon The - by Cord. We're your student paper so make demonstrating against Canada:':; number of same-sex couples doing the polka to "Roll Out the Bar- your view known. rel". participation in the (forseeable) massacre both before it began and If you are a fan of country music you have probably been to a C Not enough controversial stuff in the paper. Editorials on con- while it was in progress, I and W dance bar. Imagine, if you will, a gay C and W bar. Burly sought troversial issues iejninority hiring some mustached men replete in ten gallon hat, boots, well worn jeans, further means to register —Steve Ridout overwhelming chaps and a beautiful string of pearls to complete the outfit. Now my disgust at what had been done in my name by my picture ten or twelve of these men in a row, clog dancing to the Where is that knowledgeable car dude, anyway? government. Since taxation of my latest Randy Travis single. Even more far out, how about a Square --Dean Macko dance? income is done at source I am un- able to withold that part of my_ The fashion styles can be worth the cover charge alone. You Men on Sports: Great section on Mario. You show the compassion taxes that goes to the military or will, of course, see the average outfit that anyone would wear, but too many choose to set aside. to paying the $600 million it cost intermixed with this group of conformity you find people dressed -Sharon Brooks us to help kill or cause the deaths according to their fetishes. The leather queens and clones are the of some 300,000 Arabs and most interesting with their sado-masacist outfits and harness, yet For The Record I think that this week's "For The Record" is a bust! Kurds at a cost of some 386 not so spectacular as the 'club-kids' who don themselves with the —Colin Yong 'coalition' lives (a most outlandish lace rags, neoprene and spandex suits, and wild sizeable pro- portion of whom were killed by hair and make-up. The club-kids do not dance to anything except I Ouija's find suggestions very mundane. You can do better. 'friendly fire'). Madonna, but on occasion will do the cat-walk strut to some other —Irv Hopper When the census came around hip song. The strut is an attitude filled pace across the dance floor it afforded an opportunity to as if they were modelling the latest haute-couture fashions of It's about time you covered women's hockey! What about other withdraw symbolically and really Gauthier and were being paid large sums of cash for the effort. women's sports? some small part of Karaoke is always a fun thing to watch or partake in, but in a —Susan Ratz my citizenship, my participation gay bar it becomes a Judy Garland sound-alike contest. If you like in the state, as a token of my horror show tunes, Karaoke is the best time to go out. Why no coverage on highly the successful Laurier track club? at the obscene acts done, I repeat, The final thing to say about a gay bar is about the diversity of —N. Francis in my name by the patrons. Most bars will have a certain commonality or similarity my government and that left me ashamed to be amongst all who are within. A gay bar, however, cater to a Chad s will Belcher letter about Star Trek was great. I suggest that one Canadian. much wider group. You can see the suited execu-trod, the collegiate of my roommates should read it Ha Ha Ha. When, on Sunday, January 17 punks and alternates, drag queens, truck drivers and so on, -K. Rogers the Prime Minister affirmed Can- for a list of 'types' too long to imagine. Actually, it is this diversity ada's 'full support' for actions of 'types' in fashion, dance, and personality that make gay bars an that subsequently led to the kill- interesting place to hang out for an evening. The Cord blots out history. For The Record last week was illegible ing of two unnamed female Come out some evening when Star Trek is in re-runs whether because we miscalculated the inking and how it would affect the receptionists at the al-Rashid you are gay or straight, for what can be a truly hilarious exercise in type. So you know, was it about February being Black History hotel in Baghdad and of one other people watching. month. woman, my shame deepened. THE CORD 26 Comment Thursday, January 28. 1993 FEED BACK Naked bikes room like this one, you are bound throughout the year, the call Feedback is a new initiative by the Students' Union, to and the entire to become friends out of self- 'take out the trash' was echoed university community, to let students cut through red tape, and get preservation. throughout our floor, and a group answers from the university bureaucracy. Feedback forms are one Our room was situated across would raid one unfortunate's part the program, where students can question of the administra- from Party Central on the floor. room and carry him to the lounge, tion, the 'Students' Union or Student Publications. by Ken Breadner The Cord will The floor was a sort of busy com- where the cockroaches would consider printing all Feedback that have the author's name forms mune populated by interesting beat him up. And hey, I've barely and phone number. BREADBOXgot to thinking about people stereos with loud that al- scratched the surface. residence lately. I spent ways played 'Bat Out Of Hell' by The closets on our floor were I my first year at Laurier Meat Loaf. And it had this particularly lethal. Let me tell you Recently a physician at health services diagnosed me as "possibly" confined to Macdonald House 2 lounge which was home to a story about mine. Don't laugh.

— having an STD after an examination. When discussing the problem, West — M2W Much Too Wild. several thousand cockroaches I wandered into my room one she suggested NOT telling my boyfriend until I knew for sure, as I don't think I will ever forget who didn't like humans trying to night near the end of the year, he'd probably already been exposed to it anyway. My question are: that year as long as I live. cook on their stove. And then opened my closet, and was im- does Health Services, in this age of rampant STD's actually ap- Macdonald House, as you all there was the shower, which mediately subjected to a cascade . prove of telling students to hide infection from their partners? Do know, is located just inside the spewed noxious brown water that of peanut butter and corn syrup. the people at Health Services receive special training for diagnosing Turret. On Thursday nights, the felt like grease and colonized the The jars had been placed just per- and counselling people with STD's? Is there any formal com- entire building would pick itself floor with a neon green variety of fectly, so that when I opened the plaint/assessment system to ensure some level of accuracy at Health up and somehow beam right into fungus, and so on. top door, the contents would spill Services? the middle of the Turret's speaker The key phrase in the last out on my head. No one has ad- -Name withheld by request system. Don't ask me how. sentence was, of course, 'interest- mitted to this stunt yet I'd like to Laurier works in wondrous ways ing people'. I feel very strongly know who did it, just so I could In general, a sexual partner should always be informed of the dis- its miracles to perform. that three-quarters of our floor ask them how it was done. ease to which they have been exposed. However if there is a two to To begin with, there was the came to Laurier direct from a So here is your humble three day delay in confirming a suspected diagnosis, withholding room. The room contained the mental institution. One gentleman columnist, with a large glob of li- that information is appropriate in terms of the costs that may ensue following pieces of furniture: decided, apparently on a whim, to quefied peanut butter in his hair from a presumed diagnosis that turned out to be wrong. Sexual re- Two (2) beds, hard, about a ride an exercise bike outside. and corn syrup running down his sponsibility is promoted by Health Services. foot too short, mattresses stained Stark naked. In the middle of face. Being blind, I couldn't see All the doctors in Health Services have several years experience with all manner of bodily fluids winter. We have photos of this my bed, and so I promptly tripped in student health service. We have a series of ongoing lectures and and beer. Equipped with pillows feat, in case someone doesn't be- over it, spreading peanut butter other methods ofin-house education to update all our doctors in the about half an inch think, similarly lieve me. and corn syrup everywhere. By fields of interest to students, such as STD's, contraception. In medi- stained. Yes, interesting people. some strange process of osmosis cine, I think there are always tests that are somewhat ambiguous One (1) desk, long and wide, Somewhere in that blurry year, (or perhaps it was bitter rage and which is a frustration to both the patients and the physician. but never quite long enough or one of my floormates --1 think he humiliation), the mixture ended There is no formal assessment system. I personally speak to the quite wide enough. My side of was dared to do this - spread a up all over the bathroom as well. dons and head residents and ask them to forward complaints to my said desk was always such that I piece of newspaper on the floor But, that's a column in itself. attention, as Director. We have had a student representative from could chisel my name in the dust of some room or other and pro- I often wonder what the cur- the student council and a patient questionnaire, but these are not My room-mate's side, however, ceeded to ritualistically defecate rent residents of our room have being done at the present time. It may be time to develop an ongo- glistened. Errant dust motes from on it One night, unknown person made of the large stain on what ing, more formal process of assessment of patient satisfaction at my side were summarily ex- or persons hung a used used to be my mattress. Laurier. ecuted. prophylactic over my door, after I told you not to laugh. Dam- -Dr. James C. Hicks Two (2) closets/ambush sta- first smearing its contents on my mit, that's not funny! tions. More on these later. doorknob. And all of this because my With this room came a room- There were lacrosse tourneys friends convinced me residence mate. You know, if you spend held in our hallway at one in the was the place to be in first year. According to Maclean's magazine, Laurier ranks last (eighteenth) enough time with someone in a morning. Every fifteen minutes Yeah, right for classes taught by tenured faculty. Why is this the case? --David Jeffrey Political politics In 1991, WLU ranked 46 out of 46 in this category. In all likelihood, we will rank last in 1993since no changes were made to Retraspect teaching assignments this fall. It should be noted, however, that many non-tenured teachers receive the highest marks in teaching evaluations. Since we ranked 4 out of 18 overall, it is also clear this category did not receive a heavy weighting from Maclean's in this year's study. Thereview in week by Pat Brethour -Arthur Stephen, Director ofInstitutional Relations such thing. political should student government "If the tone of that document implies that we in- politics be? As this week wore on, that tend to impose controls or infiltrate student govern- Howparticular question gained greater and ment, that's not representative of what PCYF is by Ryan Feeley greater importance in my mind. Monday's open doing, or what we're doing here on campus," said CEREBELLA forum for die current student government elections John Toogood, former president of the Laurier was devoid of ideology. Not much politics a' hap- Conservative club. He says that he doesn't think penin' there. But then came Tuesday, and a visit partisanship has a place in student government. from the Reform Party club on campus. "[lt's] absolutely absurd to even suggest there's The young Reformers have come across a docu- a plot for a Progressive-Conservative takeover of ment called "PCYF: Post-Secondary Strategy for student government."

1992 - 1993". PCYF stands for the Progressive- Some facts bear him out. None of the candidates Conservative Youth Federation, or the young running for election are members of the Tories. Progressive-Conservative club. There are Liberals And yowsers, the nasty kinds of things that and Reformers running, though. the paper has the young Tories doing. First, the Conser- Of course, the absence of Conservatives on vatives and all right-minded individuals are to at- slate could be due to the triumph of conservative Union tack political correctness to "provide an entrance mores at the Students' Union. After all, the a into the campus intellectual debate". is anti-CFS, anti-progressive...what more could Next on the attack list is the Canadian Feder- young Tory ask for? of Students. The CFS, say the Tories, is But some facts throw some doubts on ation lend hostile towards the Conservative party. Because of Toogood's interpretation of events, and this 'hostility' - which the CFS has denied many credence to the Reformers. "harshly times — the Tories are on a search and destroy mis- Although he calls the document sion against the CFS. worded", Toogood does not dispute the basic intent Not tremendously exciting stuff. of the document: injecting conservative values - But there's that third point titled..."Student the 'values' of the Progressive-Conservative party

Government Takeover". Injecting conservative — into student government by having conservatives ideology into student government elections is the run for student political office. And Andrew Bast, focus of this section of the leaked document. the executive secretary of the PCYF, said the same The young Tories are, according to the thing in a September interview. As I Reformers, implementing a "hidden agenda for tak- How political should student politics be? important ing over student governments". said, the question has become much more The young Tories (not surprisingly) deny any recently. HOWARD JOHNSON'S Energetic and enthusiastic Come to Roberts "Coming Out" Computers (IBM) ICLASSIFIEDS$695. PARTY COMPLEX IS THIS volunteers are needed to assist in- party at Wilf's on Feb Ist. 386's from 286's from YEAR'S SITE OF MUCH dividuals who have a disability 5 95 - Laptops (Toshiba, IBM,

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