Arbiter, April 16 Students of Boise State University
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Boise State University ScholarWorks Student Newspapers (UP 4.15) University Documents 4-16-1997 Arbiter, April 16 Students of Boise State University Although this file was scanned from the highest-quality microfilm held by Boise State University, it reveals the limitations of the source microfilm. It is possible to perform a text search of much of this material; however, there are sections where the source microfilm was too faint or unreadable to allow for text scanning. For assistance with this collection of student newspapers, please contact Special Collections and Archives at [email protected]. .~ .:;' , 'C } ~ \ i; .: ~l "i' 1';\ ~ dB 4'. ~ ~ -.;~ q: i 'it' :~l }'" ,~~ ;~ r~ :1, 2 INSIDE ------------------------- WEDNESDAY, APRIL 16, 1997THE ARBITER conveniently on the ground floor. This way.jstu- .Special floors don't dents won't need to haul their stuff up many flights of stairs. Walk-in closets and walls of shelves aid cater to everyone students who would otherwise be burdened by their possessions. Student Residential Life's OAF (Outdoor . _< ..•.. Opinion Adventure Floor) residents are involved in activi- Student Residential Life recently announced ties such as kayaking, mountain biking and skiing. Hunzeker's take on Heaven's Gate. there will be four specialty floors available in fall 1997. These "theme" floors are supposed to repre- In the spirit of adventure, we give you the sent some broad range of students but we disagree. ORGS (Organized Recreational Goings-on of a Sexual nature) floor. Condom machines are readily While this editorial is in the spirit of fun, we available, and the proceeds go to workshops on seriously feel not all students can be confined to the . such topics as STD awareness and the myth of the .............. i:dk.; N.ew 5 four "types" of specialty floors being offered. The vaginal orgasm. "A floor that plays together stays Isf1oo<iiHg#ijl~ concern? ~::a:P.Z;:~~;~~ who share other deep connec- together" is the motto. , ,_ ", . A,,' ...•. ", Another alternative would be the WRECK Take the PASS (promoting Academic Success (Where Refuse Everywhere Collects Kooties) floor. for Students) floor, for instance, which provides It's perfect for students who've suffered nagging -, '~,'.;;:?';: educational and social programming to "serious" -: .. ~ from tidy roommates. Weekly housekeeping ser- students. vice, cans of Lysol, and conveniently located We propose the SNOOZE (Student Not dumpsters add to the pleasant atmosphere of this Obligated to Open 'Zer Eyes) floor, where dark floor. draperies compliment padded walls to create a VIA (Values In Action) floor residents must sleep environment. Phone calls and alarm clocks agree to uphold conservative community values. are prohibited until noon. Benefits include a com- Student Residential Life's VIA also boasts "a stu- munity breakfast at 4 p.m. dent's beliefs and individual choices will be appre- The LIFE (Learning in a Fitness Environment) ciated and respected." floor SRL proposes is a place where students agree to abstain from alcohol, tobacco and drugs, while Yeah, right. How can you uphold conservative participating in social programs that revolve around values and at the same time respect others' individ- fitness and health. ual choices? In response, we've come up with two different We propose the NARC (Not Allowed to Rat on Churchgoers) floor-<lesigned for otherwise devout floors. students who wish to keep their forays to the ORGS First, the WASTE (Where All Stay Toasted or WASTE floors confidential-requires room- Everyday) floor features filtered air circulation, a mates to deny the unrespectable activities of others. _ walk-in humidor with 80 brands of cigars, and a This will be a popular floor for Jack. Mormons. wet bar at the end of every hall. Proceeds from a cigarette machine benefit the American Lung On the LUST (Living United in Sin Together) floor, students are allowed to room with their sig- Association. .Sports nificant others. Heart-shaped beds, jelled tubs and Other students will feel welcome on the LOADS the option of mirrored ceilings. make this floor a (Lots of Abounding Different Stuff) floor, located Tennis guys get two wins. favorite. Unfortunately, there's a waiting list. The Arbiter is the offioal student newspaper of Boise State University. Its mission is to provide a forum for the discussioll of issues impacting the campus and the community. The Arbiter's budget consists of fees paid by stu- dents of BSUand advertising soles. The paper is distributed to the campus and community on Wednesdays during the school year. The first copy is free. Additional copies cost S1 each, payable at The Arbiter offices. - THE STAFF 1910 University Drive, Boise, Idaho 83725 Editor in Chief Kate Neilly Bell Business Manager Chris Adams News Editor Phone· (208) 345-8204 Fax - (208) 385-3198 Asendon Ramirez Hootenanny Editor Josh Casten Sports Editor Amy Butler E-mail· [email protected] Health/Beauty /Fashion Editor Ariel Spaeth Out of Doors Editor Clint Miller Sports: [email protected] Opinion Editor Kelly Millington Online Editor Mike Moore Art Director News: [email protected] Jonathon H. Smith Photo Editor Kara Brown 'Ad Designer Brenda Zipfel Letters to the Editor: [email protected] Advertising Manager Matt Pottenger Local Advertising Sales Sean P. Murphy StaH Writers· Erin Burden, Josh Danielson, Jarod J. Dick, Mary Doherty, Matthew Arts and Entertainment: [email protected] Haynes, Erica Hill, Mark Holladay, Seth Jaquith, Dan Robbins, Mark Taylor, Carissa Wolf, Tiffany Wren Columnists Melissa Albert, Damon Hunzeker, Jennifer Ledford ~it~~ar~a Photographers Ronny J. Grooms, Rick Kosarich, Jonathon Smith Cartoonist Eric For back issues visit us at: Ellis Computer Systems Administrator Mark Holladay Circulation Enric http://www.idbsu.edu/orbiter Figueras, Uuis Figueras Reception Yvette Bryant Editorial Adviser Peter Wollheim Business Adviser William Hart THEARBITER WEDNESDAY, APRIL 16,1997 ----' --'- OPINION 3 Fun with wacky cults mean, come on-did anyone think they could get on the by Damon M. Hunzeker, expected to behave like a standard cult, so I guess we'd have to suddenly kill ourselves. space taxi with five bucks? That wouldn't even get you to Pluto. And why did they castrate themselves? If they Cults are weird. Some people consider Christianity a actually were transported to a spaceship headed for a .cult. If that were true, however, everyone who admired I'm going to establish a harmless cult. In my cult, the "higher kingdom," they're all groaning in pain right Jesus would've nailed themselves to a cross. But members would drink tea and raise puppies. Eventually, now. And no amount of lip balm will ease their eternal Christians are practical. They let one guy die and then of course, we'd be suffering. started a religion. Conversely, ina cult, everybody ends up dead. This is why they don't have The Heaven's Gate incident presents another problem any long-term influence. How many with cults: they routinely violate the commonly accepted Branch Davidians do you see wan- standards of suicide etiquette. Certain things should be dering around town? How many done alone, such as crying, flossing andkilling yourself. Heaven's Gate members have But cult members ki!1 themselves the way other people knocked on your door lately? get together for a game of Trivial Pursuit. None, because they're dead. I mean, if you're going to commit suicide, find a And you can't recruit dis- remote area. And if you're absolutely compelled to live ciples if you're dead. in a big house with a bunch of zombies who consume The Heaven's Gate Phenobarbital-laced pudding with vodka chasers.join a folks were exceptional- fraternity. Incidentally, the cultists had it all backward. ly peculiar. They Normally, vodka requires the chaser, not pudding. believed aliens were Sadly, like all cults, Heaven's Gate will be soon for- • • hiding behind the Hale- gotten. Eventually, a new and improved cult will Bopp comet. Naturally, emerge. And they, too, will capture the nation's atten- they wanted to meet the tion, prompting some of us to consider adopting their zany creatures. So they enlightened philosophy. Then they'll eat some poison killed themselves pudding and die. because, hey,everybody But in the meantime, I'm doing my part to preserve knows you go to a big the memory of Heaven's Gate. Last night, beneath the spaceship when you die. Hale-Bopp comet, I gazed into the universe and won- It's important to prepare for dered aloud, "Shouldn't this thing be more spectacular? the "next level," though. It looks like a motorcycle headlight. And if comets are Consequently, they put on their so fast, why has it been hanging around for two running shoes and packed their bags months?" Then I went back in the house to eat some with spare change and lip balm. clam dip and fall asleep on the couch. Maybe I'm demented, but I think that's funny. I The last thing I'll be saying about nerds River. They have never caught me in the second floor any of the above and it is my solemn duty to REPORT by Asencion Ramiru bathroom of the Student Union Building on the evening this in another OPINION COLUMN. of March 31 around 7 p.rn, and beaten me severely with Seriously, though, "The day the Nerdstroms took our blunt instruments and deep sea fish in an effort to make printer" was all in fun. However Haskett's response I think Lou Costello put it best when he said, "I done me print a retraction. I reiterate, they have never done points to a more serious problem. People seem to have a a baaaaad thing, Abbot." problem distinguishing between where serious news Yes, I too have done a bad thing, Abbott.