LearningNetwork Facilitate. Educate. Collaborate. Issue 21 | November 2017

SIBLING VIOLENCE IS A COMMON FORM OF FAMILY 1 VIOLENCE, YET IT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED. This newsletter will:

Sibling violence is the physical, emotional, and/or sexual of one sibling by • Describe the different 2 another. It is not the everyday squabbles, rivalry, or physical playing between types of sibling violence . Sibling violence often involves a power imbalance that makes it difficult for harmed children to protect or defend themselves. Much of sibling violence does • Identify signs that not take place in front of parents or other caregivers. When it does occur in front sibling violence may be of them, the violence is often minimized due to widely-held beliefs that it helps occurring toughen kids up and prepares them for life.3 Accordingly, sibling violence is not often • Present factors that 4 recognized as a form of abuse, even by the child being harmed. Research tells us increase the risk for a different story. Sibling violence is harmful and may have serious short-term and sibling violence long-term impacts. • Describe the impacts WHY? of sibling violence for children, youth, and When a man hits his partner, we call it intimate partner violence. adults When parents hit their children, we call it /maltreatment. • Provide helpful tips to When a child repeatedly ridicules her classmate, we call it . prevent and address sibling violence Yet, when a sibling hits a brother or sister, we call it “horseplay”.

A NOTE ON LANGUAGE In this newsletter, “sibling” refers to children who grow newsletter, the term violence will be used to capture all up in the same family, including step-children, foster forms of sibling behaviours and actions that are severe children, adopted children, or children by birth. and intense, and that likely have negative consequences for the harmed child. However, we will use specific terms Various terms are used in the literature to describe the when distinguishing types of violence (e.g. physical, violent and harmful actions that characterize sibling sexual, psychological) or when sharing the findings of a relationships. These include: aggression, bullying, specific study. violence, maltreatment, , and abuse. In this vawlearningnetwork.ca There are three facets to consider to whentrying identify siblingviolence: ABUSE: INVOLVES THREE FORMS OF SIBLING VIOLENCE LARGELY PERCEPTION HOW CAN WE IDENTIFY SIBLING VIOLENCE? PHYSICAL PSYCHOLOGICAL SEXUAL and hairpulling. pinching, scratching, biting, kicking, slapping, hitting, to asister orbrother. watched. shower, orusethetoilet whenthey donotwant to be pornography, andrepeatedly watching themdress, another; forcing siblingsto watch sexual activityor more children to engage in sexual activitywithone touching orrape andalsoincludes: forcing two or curiosity. and notmotivated by developmentally-appropriate pets. possessions, andtorturing andkillingofasibling’s , scorn, provocation, destruction of Examples includeridiculeanddegradation, belittling, worth. behavior isabusive, regardless that thescenarioisnotoneof inflicting violence,itislikely of whether heorsheisthe If onesiblingfeels that the view andunderstand the harmed childorthe 10 normal siblingconflict. How doeseachsibling Thisislikely to beconstant and intense. 15 14

Siblingsexual abusemay involve sexual interaction? 13 of identity, dignity, andself- that diminishesasibling’s sense Psychological abuseisany act causes physical harmandpain when onesiblingintentionally by a sibling occurs age-appropriate, nottransitory, between siblingsthat isnot is behaviour 12 This can include: shoving, Thiscan include: shoving, 6

INTENT

present, theintent ofthechild is different thansiblingrivalry limited family resources (e.g. to cause orharm.This injury inflicting violenceistypically space, time,and affection). where onesiblingormore attempts to gain access to What istheintent ofthe 11 When siblingviolenceis sibling’s behaviour? experienced by children. the most frequent form ofmaltreatment and U.K. indicate that siblingbullyingis violence, is anextremely common form offamily the U.S. suggests that siblingviolence pervasiveness. For instance, research from countries helpusbetter understand its violence inCanada,findingsfrom other Despite thelackofreliable data onsibling family members. by siblingsversus difficult toassesstheincidenceofviolence members indata collection, makingit together withothernon-parental family it isreported, siblingsare often grouped caregivers that abuseishappening.When , andlackofrecognition by parents/ reasons includingfear, embarrassment, abuse, often goes unreported for many Sibling violence,like otherforms of sexual abuse. the most prevalent form ofintra-familial shows that siblingsexual assault may be safe for many children. the homeandfamily relationships are not VIOLENCE? HOW COMMON IS SIBLING perception, intent, 7 16 andstudies across the U.S 18

These findingsindicate that SEVERITY violence by extended behaviour escalates over time Sibling violencemay involve intensity ofthebehaviour? repeated patterns ofabuse What istheduration and with theintent to “harm, and enforces “victimand humiliate, anddefeat”. Normally, thistypeof and perpetrator” roles. 17 Research also severity. 5 9 8 2 vawlearningnetwork.ca 33 21 29 Older 27 30 . In addition, 24 23 , and dating violence. , and dating 20 This link to peer bullying exists peer bullying exists This link to Violence in one context may may Violence in one context 31 28 25 , parent-child abuse , parent-child 19 , however others have found no gender differences. no gender found have others , however 26 22 While sibling physical aggression appears to decline with age, injuries aggression appears to While sibling physical be more serious as the age of the hurtful sibling increases. to tend In a Canadian sample of children exposed to IPV, approximately half approximately IPV, to of children exposed In a Canadian sample siblings during unstructured towards aggressive behaviour directed time. a a Some studies have shown a link between age and sibling violence, suggesting sibling violence, suggesting and age a link between shown have Some studies younger instance, For the behaviour. to component a possible developmental in violence than older sibling pairs. engage to likely more are sibling pairs Normalizing abuse within the family has been found to influence the severity the severity influence to has been found within the family Normalizing abuse model when parents instance, among siblings. For of abuse and frequency condone abusive or and interactions behaviours sexual inappropriate with a sibling. act in the same way may a child behaviours, Unstable parental behaviour and disorganized family structures have an impact have structures family and disorganized behaviour parental Unstable gender strict imbalances, when power For instance, on sibling relationships. exist supervision of siblings, and lack of parental treatment differential roles, abuse increases sibling sexual the risk for structure, in the family a sexual climate in the family that is either too pronounced or too repressive repressive or too pronounced is either too that in the family climate a sexual abuse. the risk of sibling sexual increases Emerging research has found that there is a significant relationship between between relationship is a significant there that has found research Emerging of sibling abuse and peer bullying. experiences for survivors and perpetrators of sibling abuse. and perpetrators survivors for in other settings. behave to way violence is an acceptable that children teach There is a strong link between sibling violence and other forms of family of family forms sibling violence and other link between is a strong There spouse abuse violence, such as brother–younger sister pairs have been shown in some studies to represent the represent to in some studies been shown have pairs sister brother–younger with brothers boys in others, sibling violence, however, pair for common most of sibling violence. types more committed Whether the sex of a child plays a role in sibling violence remains unclear. unclear. violence remains in sibling a role a child plays of the sex Whether in sibling engage to likely more are boys that suggested have Some studies violence than girls FORMS OF OF FORMS AGE OF CHILD AGE SEX OF CHILD

UNHEALTHY FAMILY FAMILY UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS ACCEPTANCE OF ABUSE ACCEPTANCE EXPOSURE TO EXPOSURE TO DIFFERENT  VIOLENCE EXPERIENCES OF EXPERIENCES BULLYING

FACTORS ASSOCIATED WITH SIBLING VIOLENCE SIBLING WITH ASSOCIATED FACTORS Despite the prevalence of sibling violence, research has typically focused on descriptive analyses, rather than trying to than trying rather analyses, on descriptive focused has typically violence, research of sibling the prevalence Despite of systemic A range it. do not experience children many is widespread, sibling violence it. Although causes what explain with sibling associated factors some are violence. Below the risk of sibling to contribute can factors and individual violence: vawlearningnetwork.ca vawlearningnetwork.ca RED FLAGS THAT YOUR CHILD MAY BE EXPERIENCING SIBLING VIOLENCE • • • • • • CHANGES INBEHAVIOUR • • • • • • suggest thefollowing: study siblingviolenceindifferent groups or contexts larger samplesinCanada isrequired, earlyefforts to prevention initiatives. Whileadditional research with this knowledge can inform effective responses and which significant adults recognize theabuse.Also, experience siblingviolenceimpactstheextent to understanding how different groups perceive and Closing thisgap inknowledge isimportant because children, racialized children, children livinginpoverty). children livingwithdisabilities,immigrant and refugee across different groups ofchildren and families (e.g. about thenature andextent ofsiblingviolence Despite thegrowing bodyofresearch, littleisknown FAMILIES AND CHILDREN EXPERIENCES OF SIBLING VIOLENCE ACROSS DIFFERENT GROUPS OF esteem Loss ofself-confidence, self- loss to extreme weight gain orweight Unusual eating habitsthat lead deteriorating grades performance andattendance; Changes inschool/sports falling orstaying asleep as frequent nightmares, difficulty Changes insleeppatterns such home withdrawal, notwanting to go Fear, anxiety, depression, siblings Afraid around ornervous certain such asmigrationtrauma,lossofaparent, childabuse by anadult). signscanThese occur for otherreasonsaswell(e.g.experiencing asignificant stressor

• • • • • PHYSICAL SIGNS NATURE OFSIBLINGRELATIONSHIP • • • • • siblings increases over time Violence orroughness between A childactsoutabuseinplay one isalways theaggressor Children’s roles seemto befixed; or doingnormalactivities Trouble running, sitting, walking, injuries onany partofthebody Unexplained marks or bruising, • • • heterosexual counterparts. verbal victimization from their brothers thantheir GLBTQ individuals experience more severe forms of assault, property destruction, ). increased riskfor siblingvictimization (i.e. physical Children livingwithaphysical disabilityare at may view itasanexample ofmildabuse. example ofsevere abuse,whereas anothergroup groups may perceive psychological aggression asan mild orsevere abusive behaviour. For instance, some There are cultural variations inwhat isperceived as • • • • • OVERLY SEXUALIZED BEHAVIOUR • • • • • statements aboutsexual abuse Asking aboutormaking towards adults Acting inasexually explicit way Sexual drawings orlanguage movies, media Sudden interest insexual pictures, that isage inappropriate Use ofexplicit sexual language 34

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36 Psychological difficulties (e.g. depression, difficulties depression, (e.g. Psychological suicide, anxiety) misuse alcohol and Substance re- roles (e.g. and patterns negative Repeated relationships) interpersonal in victimization avoidance or promiscuity Sexual ties among relational impacts on Negative siblings ADULTS • • • • • 35 Many survivors do not seek or receive informal or formal support, and often, and often, support, formal or informal receive or do not seek survivors Many Parents and adults should Parents 38 39 For instance, studies investigating the investigating studies instance, For 37 Internalizing and externalizing problems (e.g. problems and externalizing Internalizing out) acting anxiety, depression, (e.g. sleep difficulties) reactions Trauma interactions and poor social Social isolation in compromises and potential Disruptions development Delinquency CHILDREN & ADOLESCENTS & CHILDREN of the impacts of various types of abuse types of abuse of various some of the impacts are adulthood. Below into extend the consequences violence. sibling experienced who have and adults youth children, by faced • • • • • Increasing evidence suggests that sibling violence is harmful to the wellbeing and mental health of mental and wellbeing the to violence is harmful sibling that suggests evidence Increasing adults. and youth children, EARLY INTERVENTION IS KEY: SUPPORTING THE CHILD WHO IS HURTING HURTING IS WHO CHILD THE SUPPORTING KEY: IS INTERVENTION EARLY OTHERS link between sibling aggression and later dating violence dating and later sibling aggression link between sibling childhood between relationship a positive found of and perpetration and both victimization aggression violence in adulthood. dating There may be many different reasons for aggression in for aggression reasons different be many may There frustration, psychosis, (e.g. mood disorders, children and it is important trauma), disorders, conduct impulsivity, the underlying address to and caregivers parents for abuse their to their children be causing may that problem siblings. In addition to supporting the harmed child, parents and to supporting the harmed child, parents In addition behaviour. sibling’s the aggressive address must caregivers continues often an early age at starts that Aggression the who do not receive Children development. throughout this aggression address supports needed to appropriate in future behaviours use aggressive to likely more are relationships. monitor aggressive behaviour closely and take appropriate appropriate closely and take behaviour aggressive monitor action when needed. IMPACTS OF SIBLING VIOLENCE CAN BE LIFE-LONG BE CAN VIOLENCE SIBLING OF IMPACTS vawlearningnetwork.ca RESPONDING TO SIBLING VIOLENCE worldview.” relational life andanadult’s self-esteem and “Sibling violence hasthepower to shapeachild’s compound thenegative impactsoftheabuse. Minimization andinappropriate responses to siblingviolence by parents can Sibling violenceisnottaken asseriouslyotherforms ofchildmaltreatment. Dr. JohnCaffaro someone andare notsufficiently supported by familymembers. sexual abusemay risk“secondary victimization” whenthey disclosetheabuse to violence andreceived little to nosupportduringchildhood. asseeninseveraldamaging, studies withadultswhoexperienced siblingphysical protect thechildbeinghurt.Theirresponses andreactions can beemotionally and caregivers fail to recognize siblingbehaviour asabusive, they are unableto HARMFUL FAMILY RESPONSES TO SIBLING VIOLENCE MAY BE between your children. support to theharmed Get outsidehelpwhen Offer reassurance and understanding ofthe violence taking place hurting theirsiblings Make asafety plan. Strengthen coping Try to get abetter Support children to change their behaviour. needed. skills. child. 44

it (asthehurtchild) andget helpto stop (asthe childdoingtheharm). instance, incases ofsiblingsexual abuse, children needimmediate helpto bothrecover from harmed childiftheimpactsinterfere with day-to-day adjustment andpersist over time. For behaviour continues to beharmful to hisorhersibling.Also, assistance is needed for the Seek assistance from community supportagencies orotheroutsidehelpers ifthechild’s removing orrestricting access to harmful objects,andidentifying adults to go to for help. is clearlycommunicated. Thismay includeseparate bedrooms, establishing safe zones, Parents are responsible for keeping children safe. Develop asafety planandmake sure it Recognize andacknowledge respectful behaviour. communicate that thehurtfulbehaviour isnotacceptable andwillhave consequences. from someoneorsomewhere else,especiallyincases ofsiblingsexual abuse.Clearly Consider whether thechildwhoisdoinghurtinghaslearnedthisbehaviour protective buffer against theimpactsof stress onachild. be usedandidentify safe people to go to for help. Remember that anurturingadultis incidents ofsiblingviolencewithyour child. Rehearse specific words andactionsthat can Build onexisting strengths anddevelop strategies problem-solving) (e.g. for navigating future downplay siblingviolence--itisharmful. this withtheharmedchildseparately from thechilddoingharming.Donotdismissor note asmany details aspossibleincludingwhen/where/how often it took place.Discuss Ask specificquestions abouttheincidents ina way that doesnotblamethechildren and that children don’tfeel they can tell someoneaboutsiblingabuse. safety andwellbeing ofchildren isanadultresponsibility. Remember, amajorproblem is fault Make sure your childknows that you are gladthey told you If you learnthat allow your your childisbeinghurtby theirsibling, childto tell her/hisstory. andthat you want everyone inthefamily to berespectful. Reassure your childthat the 40 For instance, victimsofsibling 42 41 Whenparents brother orsister. become estranged from their avoid contact andeventually, or hersibling.Siblingsmay may continue to victimize his to adulthoodandasibling the samefrom childhood between siblings often stay Relationship dynamics UP. CHILDREN GROW END WHEN DOES NOT ALWAYS SIBLING VIOLENCE andthat violenceisnottheir 43

6 vawlearningnetwork.ca 7 Explain to your children that you want everyone to treat each other with respect with respect each other treat to everyone want you that children your Explain to behaviours. abusive for will be consequences there and kindness and that Promote family members. by behaviours respectful acknowledge them to Encourage youth activities. in positive and participation to others connections When a conflict arises between siblings, determine if one child is clearly more child is clearly more if one siblings, determine arises between When a conflict on the harmed child. If it is having kind of effect than the other and what powerful It’s “Stop! Say, immediately. or emotionally), intervene the child is hurt (physically up with the kids. Follow now” right and separate together be to two you for not safe each child. Make home a safe and peaceful place and always discourage aggressive behaviour in behaviour aggressive discourage place and always and peaceful home a safe Make video web, television, media violence (e.g. to through exposure Reduce the family. games). Teach your children to say “no” and “stop” to unwanted physical contact. Never Never contact. physical unwanted to “no” and “stop” say to children your Teach permission asking for by Model consent hug, anybody. or kiss a child to touch, force tucking them in, or helping them get child when giving them a bath, your touch to dressed. Assign chores equally and discourage sexist jokes and sexist put-downs. put-downs. and sexist jokes sexist and discourage equally Assign chores arguments to settle it is better that children your Teach example. learn by Children or insulting another threatening, of hitting, instead words, but firm using calm not parents between arguments and aggressive hostile in mind that Keep person. example. a bad but set children, only scare Teach your children that ‘telling’ is when they tell you that a situation is not safe and and is not safe a situation ‘telling’ that that you children tell is when they your Teach things safe. make help to need your they Ask them specific questions and listen carefully to the answers. For example, ask example, For to the answers. carefully and listen specific questions Ask them play?” alone to brother/sister and your you when I leave happens “what (2007) Parents Abuse: A Guide for Sibling Sexual RELATED RESOURCE: RESOURCE: RELATED Set expectations to foster foster to expectations Set relationships. healthy Know when to intervene intervene when to Know conflicts. children’s in your Keep violence out of the Keep home. Teach your children to to children your Teach their bodies. “own” Model good conflict- Model good solving skills and respect others. towards Encourage non-sexist non-sexist Encourage and behaviours. attitudes Explain that “telling”Explain that is not “tattling”. Talk to your children, children, your to Talk and individually, together basis. on a regular PREVENTING SIBLING VIOLENCE SIBLING PREVENTING vawlearningnetwork.ca ADDITIONAL RESOURCES Children, Western University Research &Education onViolenceAgainst Women & Elsa Barreto, Multi-mediaSpecialist, Centre for Jassamine Tabibi Dianne Lalonde Linda Baker Contact Us! Contact [email protected] to joinouremaillist! vawlearningnetwork.ca GRAPHIC DESIGN: WRITTEN BY: the counseling field. influenced them. Recommendations foradvocacy forchildren and youth are offered forthosein counselors’ attitudes andbeliefs aboutsiblingabuseandthe contexts orsituations that have This articleprovides findings from aphenomenological study examining eight practicing school Sibling Sexual Abuse:Legal Responses andMothers’ Experiences Sibling Abuse:AStudyofSchoolCounselors’ Shared Attitudes andBeliefs Hidden AbuseWithintheHome:Recognizing andResponding to SiblingAbuse making tree isusedasaframework whenworking withstudents andfamilies. This articleprovides school counselors withafive-step model to recognize and respond tosiblingviolence.Adecision- youth justice conference. sexual abuse,data from two studies inSouthAustralia, andfour case studies ofsiblingabusethat were handledat a This presentation paperprovides an overview ofthecurrent state ofthe research onsibling facebook.com/TheLearningNetwork twitter.com/learntoendabuse , LearningDirector , Research Associate , Research Associate sibling-violence http://www.vawlearningnetwork.ca/issue-21- For fullreference list visit dbAhzEuaWkPKPpb https://uwo.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_ thoughts ofthisnewsletter: to us.Pleasecomplete thisbrief survey onyour Let usknow what you think.Your inputisimportant Please evaluate us! 978-1-988412-12-2 ISBN: (2013) (2015) Funded By: (2014)

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