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Villageof the Giants

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Villageof the Giants Village of the Giants Mystery Science Theatre 3000 Experiement #523 Transcribed Screenplay Screenplay by ALAN CAILLOU Screen Story by BERT I. GORDON MST3k writing by Mike Nelson MST3k riffing by Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Trace Boileau Film Transcribed by H.W. Ekim Color Coding Mike Nelson Crow T Robot Tom Servo Mike & Tom Crow & Tom Mike & The Bots As our film opens we come upon the giants of our film, dancing in slowmotion, as the screen shifts from different colors. The credits begin to roll. Crow: Oh my. Oh, my word. Mike: Wow, wild rebels. (As he watches, the screen changes to a bluish tint)Wow, I love these 'blue blockers.' Tom (watching the weird dancing): Haha, Madonna, what're you up to now? Ha ha. JOSEPH E. LEVINE Prsents Crow: The extra 'E' is for 'Extra Levine.' Mike: This is everything 'Laugh-in' could have been! A BERT I. GORDON PRODUCTION VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS Tom: Whoa!(Noting the giant teens)You know, they don't look that big to me. Based on “The Food Of The Gods” by H.G.WELLS Crow: 'Based on?' Oh, that they're 'both in English.' Mike: This is based on 'Profiles and Courage.' Crow: Oh, by Theodore Sorenson? Mike: Yes. Starring TOMMY KIRK JOHNNY CRAWFORD Co-Starring BEAU BRIDGES JOY HARMON BOB RANDOM GAIL GILMORE TISHA STERLING Tom: Boy these kids today, you just can't tell em apart! Mike: Yeah you know, like look at that kid there, with his long hair, his firm buttocks, his pert breasts and a-oh, wait a minute. Tom & Crow: (both shudder with disgust) TIM ROONEY KEVIN O'NEAL CHARLA DOHERTY TONI BASIL and Co-Starring RONNY HOWARD as Genius Crow (like a chef): and just a 'hint' of Toni Basil. Guest Stars THE BEAU BRUMMELS FREDDY CANNON MIKE CLIFFORD Crow: Hi, Beau! Mike: Beau knows awkward dancing. Tom: (begins to warble to the weird music) Featuring HANK JONES JIM BEGG DEBI STORM RANCE HOWARD VICKI LONDON and JOSEPH TURKEL as The Sheriff Crow(noting Tisha sterling shaking her behind): Oh, she's just trying to get attention! Music Composed and Conducted by JACK NITZSCHE Tom: Oh, Jack Nietzsche. That which does not kill you makes you more musical. Special Visual Effects by BERT I. GORDON FLORA GORDON Mike: Pioneers in really, big stuff. Director of Photography PAUL C. VOGEL, A.S.C. Crow (on Jean's outfit, talking like a woman): Oh, you know she made her own costume herself? She's really very talented. Art Director..................................FRANZ BACHELIN Process Photography....FARCIOT EDOUART, A.S.C. Production Manager.........................FRANK CAFFEY Assistant Production Manager..............CURTIS MICK Tom: So guys, what stage of 'The Wonder Years' do you think this is, hm? Choreography TONI BASIL Songs: “Marrianne” by JACK NITZSCHE “Nothing Can Stand In My Way” RUSS TITELMAN “Woman” BY RON ELLIOTT “When It Comes To Your Love” “Little Bitty Corrine” by FRANK SLAY FREDERICK A. PICARIELLO Mike: Somehow this film is a metaphor for the Vietnam War. Tom: Somehow. Crow: Russ, Tit-elman? Tit-elman, can they say that, can they, huh? Assistant Director.....................JIM ROSENBERGER Script Supervisor..........................DOROTHY YUTZI Camera Operator..................................TOM MORRIS Sound Recording................................JOHN CARTER CHARLES GRENZBACH Set Decoraton......................................BOB BENTON Hairstyle Supervision...........NELLIE MANLEY, CHS Makeup Supervision......WALLY WESTMORE, SMA Costumes...........................................LEAH RHODES Effects...................................HERMAN TOWNSLEY Tom: So, you think this music's ever gonna get near a MELODY or what? Mike (about the credits): Nobody cares about these people, let's just get on with it. Crow: I care. Mike: Oh. Film Editor................................JOHN BUSHELMAN Sound Effects...................................JACK CORNALL Music Editor...................................CHARLES PALEY Customized Hot Rods by.....BARRIS KUSTOM CITY Special Prop Construction....................ROSS WHEAT Talent Coordinator............................MARVIN PAIGE Copyright MCMLXV by Embassy Pictures Corp. and Berkeley Productions, Inc. The events and characters depictued in this photoplay are fictitious. Any similiarity to actual persons places or films is purely coincidental. Tom: You know this dance is not gonna take the pounds off. It's not aerobic it's anaerobic. Crow: Yeah, and it's contra-indicative. Screenplay by ALAN CAILLOU Tom (as Merrie's head bobs violently): Look out, she's gonna chunk! Screen Story by BERT I. GORDON Produced and Directed by BERT I. GORDON Mike (watching Jean sway to the music): When Catholic girls let go, they really let go! Tom: Wow! Outskirts of Hainesville-DAY Thunder and lightning can be seen and heard, as we see a broken 'Road Closed' sign. Crow (observing the part of the sign that has the letters s-e-d): So I 'sed' to the guy, I 'sed.' 'Sed.' Mike (As Captain Kirk): The rain pelted the hovercraft, as it approached, Torrean 5. Tom: The forecast is for bright sun, with intense rain. Nearby is a broken wheel- Crow: It's raining cats and tires! Ha! -and a baby-blue Ford Thunderbird, crashed into the side of a mudslide- Mike: Senator Kennedy, are you all right? -as rain pelts the car and the landscape. Part of a broken telehphone pole can be seen. Tom (as the pole looks like a cross): Soo, I guess Jesus was run down with a Thunderbird. Mike: (whistles) Crow: Oh, this is where Thelma & Louise landed! Suddenly, the passenger side door opens up and out jumps Merrie, a platinum-blonde, screaming into the air, a bit wild with abandon. Tom (noting Merrie sticking her tongue out): Oh no, she's tonguing the universe. Crow: Acid rain is fun! Mike: You could learn a lot from a dummy. Tom: Ever heard about 'turkeys in the rain?' Mike: Huh? Nearby, the others pile out as well: Jean, a skinnier blonde than Merrie, Goergette, a brunette, and the guys:Fred, Rick, Harry & Pete. Merrie: (screaming in joy) Fred: It's a-drive, baby! Let's rock! Mike: Ooohhh. Crow: So far, there's not 'thing one' wrong with this movie. The teens begin to rock out to 'Woman,' playing on the car radio, sung by the Beau Brummels. Elsa a bob-cut blonde, is still in the car, grooving to the tune. Fred: Hey come on, turn up that radio. Hey let's have some beer out here! Still in the car, Elsa complies and turns up the radio, before passing beer out of the car. Crow (mistaking the can): Creamed corn, anyone? Mike: Never was a car crash celebrated so well. Tom & Crow: (voice their agreement) Elsa finally emerges from the car, and is embraced by Fred, as she begins to get wet in the rain like everyone else. Crow (singing): Here's to good friends, tonight is kind of special. Tom (watching Elsa lick Fred): Ugh, stop licking Beau! Mike: Ew. Mike: If it rains much more it will turn into 'Sea Hunt.' By now, everyone is caught up in the dancing, albeit in muddy water. Crow (watching Rick's dancing): Hey, that's the monkey! Tom: I thought it was the jerk. Crow: No, the jerks are doing the monkey. Tom (getting the joke): Oh! Mike(singing along with the song): Woman. Woman, woman woman. Tom: Witness the debauchery of Grecco-Roman dancing! Mike(as the camera focuses on Jean's pants): If her pants were any tighter, they'd be behind her. Tom: (makes little crashing sounds as Jeans hips sway to the beat) Mike(as the camera focuses on Merrie's stomach): Oh, it looks like a pupa trying to emerge. Tom: Ugh! Crow: Wrong. The kids begin to stomp around in the muddy water. Jean: Oh, wet! Rick: Muddy! Crow: Alright, who gave the kids sugar? Mike (as the camera shows Georgette): Oh, she's the shy, smart one. Crow: Mike, do you think this scene is providing characterization and establishing narrative? Mike: No, but who cares? Tom (voicing for Elsa): Wait til' Mom finds out I'm in a movie! Crow (observing the muddy water): The main sewer line breaks, and the party never stops! Mike: These kids are just 'high on life.' Let em' go, I say. In the throes of dancing, Rick falls to the ground, gyrating around in the mud. Crow: Well, he's contracted 'dance fever' from Deney Terrio. Tom: Ow.(then begins to sing)Mistah Mo-jo, Ri-sing. Pete: Hey, get up off of the ground, will ya?' Rick then pulls Jean down to the ground as well. Mike: Camelhold. Tom: Ooo! Mike (as Jean): No don't, my pants are a little too tight for this sort of thing, no. Fred: Hey what kind of a party is this? The two roll around in the mud, and soon, everyone is joining suit. Tom: Hey did each person or persons get explicit content for this? Mike: When this is over, you know they'll be too embarassed to look at each other. Crow (as Harry knocks Georgette down): Ow, my collar bone! I can't feel my legs! Soon, everyone is sliding around, and throwing gobs of mud at each other. Mike: Mm, mud-honey. Tom (noting the beer): Hey Blatz! I love Blatz! Mike: I bet Beau still has nightmares about the making of this film. Crow: If I were here, I'd sit in the car, and listen to the radio. Tom: This is the wildest Christmas party yet. We top each other every year! Mike (like a phone operator): You'll get 'The Pigskin Preview,' and also 'The Year in Sex.' Crow: You'll need 'All Temperature Cheer'' to get those pants clean. Mike: Yes, but how will they erase the shame of this movie? Crow (as Harry slams some mud into Merrie's chest): Whoa! Well, at this point, what's inappropriate? Tom: Unreleased footage, from 'The Piano.' Mike: Couldn't they have used all the time to show short scenes of their growing discontent with society's moreys? Tom: Well, got a lot of wet boob shots in.
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