Guns don’t kill people... Watching rappers go by, Music interviews Goldie Lookin’ Chain - p. 21

No. 617 The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Friday March 04, 2005

Tom Dye

King’s students vent “A non-political, service based union; responsive, relevant and primarily anger over likely concerned with the life of appointment of Cambridge students” new Senior Tutor Laura Walsh Lucy Phillips widening at this college, and to comment on this matter. Chine Mbubaegbu that there are serious struc- Current and former stu- “An accountable, visible, tural flaws in the appoint- dents at King’s have alleged DR GEOFF MOGGRIDGE, ment processes to senior more serious incidents sensible union of colleges current Lay Dean of King’s executive positions.” involving Moggridge. He working together for College, appears set to become Onur Teymur, a second year has strongly denied any the benefit of students” the college’s next Senior Tutor, Mathematician, who sits on the rumours that he had inap- despite fierce criticism from the college council, said: “For the propriate relations with a student body concerning the students, the appointment of the female undergraduate after a nature of his appointment and Senior Tutor is the most impor- formal hall took place in col- his suitability for the post. tant of all the senior college offi- lege last May. Moggridge is A member of the college cers. The Senior Tutor has the said to have been seen going council has disclosed to Varsity most day-to-day contact with up to his room at the top of that Moggridge’s appointment students. Students are riled the Gibbs Building with the Robin Sivapalan was passed by the council last because, without being told, girl. He acknowledged to Friday, with minutes of the we’re going to be getting some- Varsity that he “took her onto meeting confirming the one who is very unpopular.” the roof of the Gibbs build- “Education is not for sale. appointment circulated to Moggridge’s unpopularity ing after a party”, but did not members yesterday (Thursday). stems from allegations of mis- offer any further comment. A 20,000 strong union” The College’s Governing body conduct with a female student, Moggridge has also been crit- are yet to give the go-ahead, verbal abuse and his public con- icised for his outspoken con- but this is reported to be a mat- demnation of the University’s tempt of the University’s admis- ter of routine. admissions system. sion’s process. In 1998 a book Students at King’s are dis- Most recently, Moggridge’s was published, entitled ‘Beating satisfied with the state of proposals to change the nature the Boffins’, in which affairs that have led to of the popular ‘Mingle’ event Moggridge said of the inter- Moggridge’s appointment. have angered members of the views procedure: “...candidates’ Ben Harrison, King’s student body. In his role as Lay failure to successfully negotiate College Student Union Dean, Moggridge sent out an this complex system only adds to CUSU candidates announced (KCSU) Co-Ordinator, has email defending his position the random element in the Sharon Macauley hustings were candidates didates running for the posi- called an emergency meeting with regard to the Mingle. admissions system.” Geoff for Access Officer and tion. Helen Marks, Suzy for this evening because, he Amongst other things, it Parks, Director of Admissions ELECTION CAMPAIGNS Target Campaigns Officer, Milburn, Michelle Nuttall says, they are “unhappy imposed a ban on any advertis- for Cambridge Colleges, said for the next CUSU team are despite an emphasis having amd Sam Skinner are hoping about the potential candi- ing of the event and has imposed that he could not comment on well under way, with the can- been placed on widening to replace Jo Read as the cur- date” and, given Moggridge’s restrictions on capacity and the book because he had not didates having been entrance to the University rent Women’s Officer. current relationship with access for non-college members. read it. But he added, “There announced on Wednesday by both the Admissions Three candidates are also students and the Exec, “his The Cellar Bar committee at the may have been an element of night during the first round of Office and CUSU. The standing for the position of appointment would pose college rejected the restrictions: truth in this seven years ago but hustings at The Union. current president, Wes Academic Affairs, including many potential problems”. “He [Moggridge] argued that since then the admissions Three candidates are in the Streeting, urged students Drew Livingston, the current He added, with reference the Mingle has always been process has become more trans- running to take over from Wes to put themselves forward officer, who is hoping to serve to previous consultation with described as a Kings’ only party. parent and there is a lot more Streeting’s role as President of for the post of Access another term, Sam Caldwell students: “The fact that he This is just not true. We pointed access to information.” The the student’s union – Tom Officer during the by-elec- and Leti Littlewood. has been appointed Senior out that the nature of the book is no longer in print. Dye, Robin Sivapalan and tions that will take place at Hustings will take place in Tutor despite there being no Mingle is for King’s students to King’s College Council are Laura Walsh. The three can- the same time as elections various venues throughout substantive consultation interact more with other colleges due to meet again on didates have very different to the University board. the University. Polling will process, is endemic of the and helps to develop inter-col- Monday and the Governing ideas as to what they hope to The post of Women’s begin next Wednesday. fact that the gap between lege relationships, he did not Body are expected to con- deliver as CUSU President. Officer, however, proved Students will be able to vote students and fellows is agree.” Moggridge did not wish vene on Tuesday. Notable absentees from more popular, with four can- at their college.

UNION ELECTIONS PAGE 5 CUSU ELECTIONS PAGE 6 KNOWING ME PAGE 9 CONSPIRACY PAGE 13

SHORT BUT SWEET PAGE 19 THE FRESH PRINCE PAGE 22 CROWD-PLEASER PAGE 24 BLUE STREAK PAGE 27 2 NEWS March 04, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk News in Brief Union elections get underway Road harmony Amy Goodwin emphasised that they were confi- debates to debauchery.” Through years Ali Al-Ansari and Luke utter commitment” to the Union A psychological survey of dent of a fair election based on “persistence and determination” Pearce. Whilst Pearce chose to by helping to promote it to the cyclists in Oxford and NOMINATIONS FOR elec- “mutual respect” and free from and under the “experienced and stand as an independent candi- outside world. Al-Ansari aims to Cambridge has been drawn up tion to posts within the what Scott referred to as “dirty imaginative” leadership he thinks date because he sees himself as a “push hard for the dramatic low- by researchers from Bath Cambridge Union were tricks campaigning.” he is able to provide, it could ful- “team player” who will “concen- ering of membership fees for University in the hope of find- announced last night. Every Swersky even expressed his fil its promise to “entertain, trate on the job in hand,” Al- those who can’t afford it.” He ing a way to help bike users and position is being contested, sig- disappointment that a planned enlighten and excite” students. Ansari was originally a candidate thinks it is “tragic” that those bus drivers get on. Thousands nalling an election that will be Union Idol duet between the two Asked what they saw as the for President before withdrawing from “a different side of the of cyclists from the two cities “undoubtedly heated” yet “ami- has had to be cancelled following largest problems currently facing to stand as Treasurer on Adam political and economic spectrum” will be asked to detail their able,” insisted candidates. the postponement of the event. the Union, both candidates men- Swersky’s electoral slate. He are “excluded” from the benefits experiences with buses on the Heading the list are However, the anticipated tioned its image, most obviously explains that although he has of membership, and believes that roads and workshops will be Presidential candidates Adam closeness of the result and the conveyed in members’ voting “big ideas” for the Union’s future, increasing diversity would “inject held for bus drivers to give Swersky and Jennifer Scott. Both electoral reforms implemented apathy, and the increasingly consultation with other members a new lease of life” into debate. their side of the story too. The by current President Alasdair dilapidated building. Scott including next term’s President Richard Magrath and Alyson aim is to draw up safety mes- Ross mean that turnout is believes that the Union’s best way Jaffar Khan led him to believe he Thompson are standing for elec- sages for both sets of users. expected to be higher than ever. to deal with the former issue is to would have a better chance of tion as Senior Officer. The tests will be trialed in Scott spoke of how “incredibly change opinion gradually by con- achieving his goals if he gave Candidates for Entertainments Oxford and Cambridge will be excited” she was about the cam- tinuing to be “genuinely nice himself more time to gain ‘expe- Officer are Zahra Khan and used as the control. paign, adding, “This is such a people.” She also stated that rience’ and ‘insider knowledge’. James Kanimba. In addition to great time for the Union. A new “important as it is to concentrate Both Al-Ansari and Pearce the Union Officer elections, those DJ kindness mood has been emerging recent- on the visible parts of the Union believe they have the energy and to the External and House ly, free from the backstabbing which matter to its members,” enthusiasm to make good on Committees are also expected to Radio One DJ Scott Mills that was perceived to have played such as the bar, library and ents, their manifesto commitments. In be a “battleground,” according to helped a Newnham student a role in the past.” it is also vital that its rules and Pearce’s case, this is a prioritisa- one candidate. who had lost her ticket to see Swersky agreed with this sen- |inner workings” come under tion of the Union’s “long-term Hustings are on Monday at Embrace at the Corn timent. He believes there is now scrutiny if the Union is to run development” and attempts to 5.30 and all Union members are Exchange with a “random act the potential to make the Union smoothly. “involve members more in the invited to vote in the elections on of kindness”. the “real cultural centre of There are also two candidates life of the Union.” He “wants to Tuesday. Polls will be open from Una Monaghan, 21, was The Cambridge Union Cambridge...for everything from for the position of Treasurer, first demonstrate his complete and 8am until 9pm. mid-way through broadcasting her weekly show, Alphabet Soup on CU Radio, when the top DJ, joined by pop star Danny McNamara from MML in decline Bike ban lift Embrace, came to the rescue. Una had bought two tickets Natasha Anders subjects such as Business Department for Education Liz Bradshaw impression that a decision has to see rock band Embrace on Studies. However, the fall in and Skills said: “Our national already been made. He said of Wednesday night but days THE NUMBER OF stu- student taking languages and languages strategy emphasises CAMBRIDGE CITY Council the ban: “It has been a pleasure before the concert she lost her dents studying modern lan- other traditional subjects such the importance of encourag- will lift the cycle ban in the city to walk through the city centre ticket so emailed Scott to ask guages at English universities as mathematics and science ing students in higher educa- centre from this summer, after an without having a cyclist coming for one of his ‘random acts of has fallen dramatically by 15% have lead to the Conservative tion to take an active part in attempt by Labour councillors to into the back or the side of you. kindness’ – a regular feature in from 1998-2002. This has government pledging to offer learning modern foreign lan- block the move was rejected. In my opinion this will be a his show – and to her surprise mainly been a problem in £2000 bursaries to students guages and this report will A trial period of 18 months backward step.” he came to her rescue. newer universities with lan- studying these subjects, if help to inform the develop- will follow in order to test the Liberal Democrat councillors, guage study being more con- they are elected. ment of the department’s viability of the proposal. however, contend that the ban Leisure Dome centrated in universities such Last September the then strategy towards achieving Liberal Democrats on the unfairly discriminates against the Cambridge and others in the Education Secretary Charles this aim. Council voted in January to majority of cyclists who are safe Cambridge Leisure, the Russell Group, which now Clarke started a national “This report shows that lift the ban, but the idea and responsible. Those who recently opened develop- contain 46% of all language debate on whether key sub- overall interest in languages is aroused strong opposition aren’t, they say, flout the ban any- ment on the corner of Hills undergraduates throughout jects such as these should be strong, with a growth in lan- from their Labour counter- way. Furthermore, Lib Dem Road and Cherry Hinton the country. protected in the national guage learning outside the parts. At a meeting at the Colin Rosenstiel asserts that: Road, has been sold for £34 Reports from the govern- interest. Studies showed that main language degrees and as Guildhall last week, Labour “Encouraging cycling is in the million to a company run by ment have noted a “marked making languages non-com- many as 20,000 students tak- councillors tried to get the bid interests of the future of our city.” the Frenchman behind the decline” in students deciding pulsory after the age of four- ing languages as part of a non- brought to the floor again, 28 per cent of people cycle to Millennium Dome project. to take modern languages, teen had had an adverse effect, languages degree.” claiming that it had not been work in Cambridge, almost The leisure complex is home especially those from less with Ofstead reporting a fall Academics have attacked properly debated the first time twice as many as anywhere else to a multi-screen cinema, a affluent backgrounds. A more in taking languages at school. this report, claiming it is sim- around because they had not in the country. bowling alley, a health and popular choice of course The government is now ply “warm words” from the been given sufficient warning. The ban was last put to fitness club, as well as shops appears to be combining lan- adopting a new strategy to government. Universities must However, they were again public opinion in 2002 when and restaurants. guages with another subject; combat the fall in students also now give a year’s notice if voted down. Labour councillors the majority were in favour of The current owners, recent years have also seen an taking modern languages. A they are to close down a lan- fear that the move will prove retaining it. The Council now Turnstone Estates, have sold to increase in students taking spokesperson for the guage department. detrimental to the safety of hopes to assuage public fears X-Leisure, whose Chief pedestrians. There is to be a by including in the terms of Executive has been Vice public consultation after the trial the current proposal an assur- President of Disneyland and is period has been completed, but ance that pedestrians will take currently involved in the rede- Labour’s Richard Smith argues precedence over cyclists on velopment of Brighton Marina, Cash for gap years that this delay creates the the city’s streets. as well as having headed up the Millennium Dome venture. Rachel Cooper “The university marketplace is them a chance to join the very competitive. For the top scheme until they have fin- Friday night in GCSE STUDENTS are students there are 20 employers ished their GCSEs. being targeted by companies going for the same people. Companies offering a simi- Many pubs and clubs across offering gap-year “scholar- Going into schools will make a lar scheme include KPMG Cambridge will be closed ships” and university funding difference in our abilities to and Price Waterhouse tonight (Friday) due to security ahead of the introduction of attract future graduates.” Coopers. A survey by fears over around 1000 travelers tuition fees next year. From September, Deloitte Incomes Data Services, an who are reported to be coming City firms are tempting the will offer 40 “scholar” places to employment analyst, shows to town. The Cambridge brightest students to work for school-leavers. The students that 29% of the graduate Union has postponed its event them after graduating by offer- will get a seven-month work employers studied now have ‘Union Idol’ which was sched- ing up to £1,500 for travel fol- placement, followed by a links with schools. Jane uled for the evening in accor- lowed by annual study bursaries. £1,500 bursary that can be Rowley of Graduate Prospects, dance with the other pubs and Traditionally, many companies spent on travel during the a recruitment firm said: “Even the high cost of hiring security recruit graduates at “milk round” remainder of their gap year. companies like Asda and guards for the night. visits to universities when stu- During their time at university, Tesco are keen to make links dents are about to complete their the firm will give them £1,000 with schools at an early stage”. degrees. But experts believe that a year plus four weeks’ paid The news comes in the wake Fashionistas companies will increasingly work experience. of Gordon Brown urging focus part of their recruitment This year, Deloitte will give youngsters to give up backpack- The Cambridge Fashion Show effort on schools. lectures to 200 schools nation- ing during their gap year and is taking place on Sunday at Sarah Shillingford, graduate wide, and will now address proposing to offer them cash 7pm in the Guildhall. recruitment partner at Deloitte, pupils as young as 15. incentives to help the disabled the accountancy firm, said: However, it does not offer and the environment in Britain. NEWS www.varsity.co.uk March 04, 2005 3 PhD student banned from Law Faculty

Chine Mbubaegbu the reason for his eviction, but Their Library? Reflections on ll said that he suffered “public Color, Justice and Due we A CAMBRIDGE PhD stu- humiliation unnecessarily” and Process.” Kim said: “It’s not dent who was banned from the was “subjected to emotional merely focusing on my case y Bar

Law Faculty last term follow- stress and duress” as a result of per se – I put it in the larger Luc ing complaints from female being forcefully ejected from perspective of human rights students, has written a book the library by security guards. and official oppression.” giving details of his ordeal. David Wills, the Law Kim, who is a member of Heerak Christian Kim of Faculty’s librarian, said: “Mr the Faculty of Divinity- also Jesus College, was ejected Kim was excluded from the on the Sidgwick Site, recently from the Squire Library in the Squire because his behaviour contacted members of stu- Faculty of Law on the towards female students was dents in positions of authority Sidgwick site early in inappropriate and unaccept- around the University, urging November last year. Kim able. them to “raise propositions to claims that he is unaware of “The complaints made protect student rights and against Mr Kim were investi- human rights in the University gated at the time and, against official coercive force.” .net e although Mr Kim denied He added: “I hope you will them, we were satisfied that do the right thing and help .imag they were well founded.” encourage Cambridge The case was taken up last University to be the best it can www term by the University be. We can make positive his- Proctors, whose roles include tory together, constructively.” “overseeing discipline and Kim, who is of Korean ori- public order within the gin, felt that his dismissal was University”. Richard Reid, on grounds of ethnicity, say- CUSU Welfare and Graduates ing: “It may be that someone Officer said that he was may not like the achievements unable to comment on indi- of a person of colour. Such vidual student cases. motivations have hindered Despite the unclear nature people of colour historically of the official complaints and should not be ruled out as made against the PhD stu- a possible motivation.” dent, Mr Kim has written a Mr Wills said, however: book entitled: “Why Did “The suggestion that it had Cambridge University Law anything to do with his race or Christian Kim has published Faculty Push Me Out Of nationality is utter nonsense.” The Law Faculty on the Sidgwick Site where Christian Kim, a PhD student, was banned follow- a book outlining his ordeal ing complaints from female students. OxStu editorial staff resign Race equality Oliver Tilley independence” had been Student and OSSL] will go not be, cannot be, a carte Joe Gosden have been waiting for the breached and no formal machin- ahead. We all just want an inde- blanche for The Oxford Student Natfhe to do the running on THE ENTIRE editorial staff ery for the hiring and firing of pendent Oxford Student and hope staff to make demands in a CONCERNS HAVE been the race equality issues…time is of The Oxford Student resigned staff had been formalised. that what is decided will be in the negotiation with other Oxford raised over the representation of getting on now”. on Monday after its editors Though OUSU and OSSL best interests of the paper.” students over a paper which black staff if a prospective The AUT, which represents were fired due to a spat agreed to this consultation, they John Blake, president of ultimately belongs to everyone.” merger between the country’s staff at many of the older uni- between them and OUSU over demanded that no news stories OUSU said in a statement “edi- The issue is expected to be two further education unions versities, has 48,000 members editorial independence. be published concerning the fir- torial independence is vital for a brought up at the OUSU council goes ahead. but no staff dedicated solely to The Oxford University ing of Tom Littler during the free newspaper, but it should meeting today. The merger between the race issues. In comparison the Student Union (OUSU) is to period of consultation (likely to Natfhe and the AUT has been Natfhe has 68,000 members run the paper’s final edition of last a number of weeks) as it under negotiation since and a dedicated team of three to the term using sabbatical stu- could be prone to “prejudice any Spring 2004, but last week deal with racial issues. dent officers as stand-ins, fol- consultation by staking out a AUT vice-president Gargi According to Ian Law of the lowing the mass resignation of manifesto of demands in the Bhattacharyya spoke out over Centre for Ethnicity and staff at Oxford’s premier stu- pages of The Oxford Student” her fears for racial equality in Racism Studies at Leeds

dent newspaper. and produce “an unhelpful bar- xfordstudent.com the new, larger union. University, “Racism is institu- The row began after Drama rier to discussions”. .o Members of the Natfhe, tionalised within higher educa- editor Tom Littler was seen to They offered an ultimatum to which represents staff from tion and should be central to have privileged his own play Rayner and Maybank on the fol- www newer universities and is his- the main higher education Quartet in the drama page by lowing Monday with no accom- torically proactive on race debates of what we understand giving it a lead position, 4 stars panying discussion and no equality issues, had previously by teaching and learning”. and a large picture. This pro- opportunity for the two editors to voiced criticism of the AUT’s In a 2002 study, Law con- voked a critical letter from a defend their position. When they comparatively poor record on cluded that “lecturers from eth- member of New College, who were asked whether they could racial issues. nic minorities earned less than insisted on the existence of “a ‘guarantee’ that they would not In a radical move, Dr their white counterparts on conflict of interest that is both publish material related to Bhattacharyya broke ranks with similar pay scales, were less perceived and real” due to Littler’s dismissal, they replied her own union to warn that likely to have a senior job, and Littler’s involvement in the “no” and were then fired after an “People are so eager to merge were more likely to be on inse- Oxford student theatre scene. hour’s deliberation. that there is a danger that they cure short-term contracts.” He OUSU and its financial The same demands were then are willing to swallow any kind found that while nearly a quar- branch Oxford Student made to the rest of the editorial of bad practice to make the ter of white lecturers earned Services Limited (OSSL), who staff who similarly replied “no” merger happen…I think the more than £35,00 per annum, fund and oversee the paper’s and resigned unanimously. AUT agrees that race equality among those of Afro- production, fired Littler, against Rayner’s chief objection was has not been at the top of our Caribbean descent the figure the wishes of the editors, on to the contravention of “the edi- agenda and that there is a long was only 8 per cent. Saturday 26th of February fol- torial independence of The history of disquiet among our The University of lowing the complaint. Oxford Student, which is sup- black members.” Cambridge refused to comment The editors, Tom Rayner and posed to be inviolable except on She continued: “There is not on issues of racial discrimina- Anna Maybank, criticised this legal terms according to the enough recognition that you tion within its AUT dominated act and called for consultation to OUSU constitution.” don’t have a white only organi- workforce, but concerns have in begin in order to ‘codify’ the rela- He added that “the staff are sation by accident,” she said. the past been raised over the tionship between OSSL and The still unanimously behind us. I’m Drawing attention to the effect that the largely white Oxford Student editorial team, as not sure what’s going to happen, AUT’s lack of a race equality workforce has in deterring stu- they felt that their constitutional but hopefully the consultation impact assessment, she added dents from ethnic minorities right to “inviolable editorial process [between The Oxford The Oxford Student, one of Oxford University’s student papers “black members of the AUT from applying. 4 NEWS March 4, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk Kelner talks to Shirley Society at St.Catz Amelia Worsley

an ues, it’s nothing else. The v ethos of The Independent, from “WE ARE IN the midst of a it origins in 1986, is to be free

newspaper revolution,” said lotte Be of proprietorial influence and Simon Kelner, Editor-in-Chief political parties.” of The Independent, in a speech Char But he made his own political organised by The Shirley views clear when he criticised Society on Monday. Blair, stating that he “misled us “The newspaper market is in into a disastrous war and, decline,” he said. “I think there incredibly, never paid the politi- is both a problem and opportu- cal price for everything he said nity for newspapers now.” being proved to be false.” “Too many papers live with When questioned as to the idea that newspapers are whether these views compro- people’s primary source of mised the independence of The news; that view is ludicrous and Independent, Kelner retorted, delusory,” he stressed. The “Issues like the war don’t split immediacy of television, radio neatly on party political lines. and the internet means that the They don’t split on even left or focus of newspapers will right lines. You tend to define increasingly become “comment, yourself by issues rather than a background, interpretation, prescriptive text from a politi- analysis,” said Kelner, coining cal party.” the term “viewspaper” to How, then, would The describe this trend. Independent define itself in the Kelner, two-time winner of absence of Blair? “Gordon the prestigious ‘Editor of the Brown is cleverer, has a greater Year’ award, is proud of the ideological awareness, and revolution The Independent led could possibly be a good prime when they converted from the minister. Whether we will broadsheet to “compact” for- support him or not I don’t mat. He stressed the risk he know. It would be easy to sup- took in changing the size, stat- Simon Kelner at St.Catharine’s on Monday port the Lib Dems, but that ing “we were basically betting might be a wasted vote.” the whole company.” But the be a single broadsheet.” the price of newspapers will member. “On occasion we are don’t think the design corrupts “TV and Radio don’t give risk paid off, with circulation He also pointed to his con- have to rise significantly. a bit simplistic,” admitted our journalism.” the same provocative views rising by 20%. Kelner predict- cern that “the economics of the But “Has The Independent Kelner. He explained, “With Kelner defended the philos- that challenge orthodoxy and ed, “It is entirely possible that newspaper industry are com- fallen victim to its new tabloid our position we have to shout ophy of The Independent, say- government that newspapers this time next year there won’t pletely skewed,” foreseeing that format?”, asked one audience quite loud.” But he added, “I ing, “The paper is a set of val- do,” he had said earlier. PGCE lobby Graduate Union fights back Chine Mbubaegbu healthcare and government policy also being discussed. University pledges support for fresh reform of A GROUP OF Cambridge Among the students were a students travelled to London number from Homerton on Wednesday to take part in Union of Students who were the GU following years of mismanagement a general education lobby dissatisfied with the govern- organised by the NUS at the ment’s recent decision to apply Lucy Phillips en Houses of Parliament. the full £3,000 tuition fee for

Around 30 students from all PGCE students after the THE UNIVERSITY Standing y Bow the University joined repre- top-up fee legislation will be Advisory Committee on Student enr sentatives from further and put into place next year. Matters has pledged their sup- H higher education in lobbying The NUS-organised lobby has port for the Graduate Union’s their MPs over a number of met with criticism because of its aims and objectives for the future issues concerning the future of failure to attract a large number of the GU. education in the UK. of students. Wes Streeting, The committee, which Following the publication of CUSU President, also criticised includes members of the the Tomlinson report last the lobby, saying that it was: “sti- University Council, the CUSU week, higher education fund- fled by excessively long briefing Executive and senior academics, ing was at the top of the agen- talks which prevented students offered their financial backing at da, with issues of student from questioning their MPs.” the meeting on Tuesday, follow- ing a report issued to them by the GU executive detailing its pro- posals. The Vice-Chancellor and a number of other high-level aca- Porn star delay demics have also offered support. Ruth Keeling, GU President Henry Bowen the planned visit. called the Committee’s response In response to accusations of “very positive”. She said: “We dumbing down and decreasing have turned around our relation- The University Centre, a grad hangout and the destination of the new toddlers’ play group scheme. PORN STAR Ron Jeremy has standards, Vladimir Bermant, ship with the University and delayed a controversial visit to the who arranged the talk, asserted addressed our infrastructural for elected representatives, a focus have been understood and are ing and toddlers’ play group at the Oxford Union where he was due that “Ron is the biggest and problems - our organisation is on enhancing graduate represen- being addressed in a way that will University Centre. The GU has to give a speech. Jeremy, who has apparently the best in the business back on track.” tation and co-ordination within enable the GU to restore stability new staffing arrangements and appeared in over 1700 movies and so I’m sure he’ll have some fasci- Keeling took up the presidency the University, a strengthened to its organisation and enable the has developed its financial proce- claims to have slept with more nating stories to tell”. at the end of last term after her infrastructure and improved GU to more effectively support dures in order to stabilise its oper- than 4000 women, had been The Union attracted similar predecessor, Ribu Tharakan, was quality of services and better use and represent its members.” ations and enhance continuity. expected to speak about what had controversy in 2002, when porn sacked with a vote of no confi- of the GU’s facilities. Keeling cited the progress so She added: “We have an been mysteriously described as a star Jenna Jameson argued in dence. The Union was in a finan- CUSU President Wes far, with examples such as enthusiastic and experienced “technological product”. favour of pornography in a debate cial and managerial crisis. Since Streeting, who was a member of improved communication with executive committed to the GU’s The Oxford Union, which that she won 204-27. then, it has made considerable the Working Party set up by the graduate representatives (particu- reform. It is very satisfying for us was founded in 1823 and has Commenting on Jeremy’s post- progress, which was recognised GU to address its financial and larly through the GU’s website). that the University has also hosted speakers as distinguished ponement, Peter Cardwell, a by the Committee on Tuesday. management concerns, also The shop on Mill Lane is now renewed its commitment to the as Mother Teresa, Winston Union spokesman, said “I am The GU’s report outlines fur- pledged his support to the GU in open everyday from 10am-5pm, GU and we are excited about Churchill and the Dalai Lama, completely confident that he will ther proposals for an improved a letter to the Advisory Council. new computing facilities are moving forward and improving provoked widespread condem- be at the Union within the next 3 governance structure, with more He said: “I am confident that the available for graduates and there the contribution we make to nation when they announced months.” defined roles and responsibilities broad strategic financial issues is a weekly parents’ coffee morn- graduates at Cambridge.” NEWS www.varsity.co.uk March 04, 2005 5

Popular illustrator Quentin Blake visits the Cambridge Union Science Matters

Cambridge Biostability grant

Cambridge Biostability (a UK Biotech company based in Cambridge) has announced that it is to be awarded a $3.5m grant by the US Government, with which to develop a botulism vaccine. Botulism is a rare type of poisoning, generally caught from food contaminated with the botulinum neurotoxin – a toxin which even- tually leads to muscle paralysis and death if the respiratory muscles are affected. The toxin is produced by bacteria called Clostridium bot- ulinum and it is thought that ingestion of as a little as 0.0001g can cause illness, making it perhaps the deadliest naturally occurring sub- stance known to man. Concerns have been raised over the potential use of botulinum toxin in bio-terror attacks: if the neurotoxin were converted to a fine powder which could be released into the air, millions could be affect- ed by inhalation using just a few grams. Previous attempts to produce a vaccine have proved unsuccessful due to the fact that the toxin occurs in seven slightly different vari- eties, produced by six different bacterial strains. To provide full immunity patients would need to be vaccinated against all of these types, but each of the ‘toxoids’ used in the vaccines (non-poisonous forms of the different botulinum toxins, which prompt immune responses without causing illness) must each be stored in a slightly different acidic environment to ensure they are not destroyed. Cambridge Biostability has developed a new technique – Stable Liquid Technology – to overcome these issues. The method is based on the naturally observed phenomena in which organisms can ‘dry out’ by concentrating the sugar solution of their cells so that it hard- ens to a glass substance, and then are ‘revived’ some time later by the addition of water to their cells again. To form the vaccine, each toxoid is encapsulated within a micros- phere (conferring the necessary conditions for that type) by spray- drying using a sugar syrup to form tiny glass spheres, which can be mixed and suspended in an inert solution. When injected into the muscle, bodily fluids will reactivate the vaccine. Quentin Blake, the man who brought the BFG, Matilda, and the Twits to life, came to the Union last Tuesday evening. The cham- If Cambridge Biostability can develop the vaccine fully (in collab- ber was full, from friends of the speaker to little children. He talked about what it was like to be an illustrator and a teacher. He oration with the DynPort Vaccine Company) then mass vaccination gave drawing tips and advice to prospective art students, and talked a little about the history of illustration. Throughout his speech, against the botulism toxin may be possible – the first effective solu- he drew accompanying quick sketches, which were projected onto a large screen. He also stressed that illustration was not only for tion to the threat of bio-attacks. children or positive emotions; which he demonstrated with the grey and expressive illustrations from one of his recent books with Details given on the Cambridge Biostability website: Michael Rosen, called the Sad Book. He also hopes to open a museum of illustration in London soon to bring the art form to a http://holdsworth.3ev/Home.147.0.html wider audience. An enthusiastic and comfortable speaker, Blake was appointed the first Children’s Laureate in 1999 and was made an OBE in 1988. Zoe Smeaton

Andrew Poole Huntington’s Disease

There is new hope for treating patients suffering from Huntington’s Disease (HD) following a recent study by Dr Jenny Morton in the Department of Pharmacology, and her colleagues Parker’s Piece cricket ends from the MRC Laboratory of Molecular Biology and the Brain Repair Centre. The researchers have found that disrupted sleeping patterns in HD Anna McIlreavy patients may not simply be a secondary effect of being ill, but could host future games and continue says, “there has been cricket “the idea that cricket will stop on instead be intrinsically linked to the progressive pathology of HD. the strong tradition of cricket in played there since before the last Parker’s Piece is extraordinary. “Because no one previously considered the possibility that sleep CAMBRIDGE CITY Cambridge. century and Jack Hobbs started Over the last few years more disturbances were actually part of the disease, they have never been a Council brings about the end As the home to historic cricket his career playing for a team on teams have started using it priority for treatment in HD. However, sleep disorders can often be of cricket on Parker’s Piece, as games for the last 170 years, this Parker’s Piece. There are many because the groundsmen have treated” says Dr Morton. She and Dr Barker, a neurologist who they cannot afford the mow- well-loved sports ground is part ways round this.” done such a good job.” works in the HD clinic at the Brain Repair Centre, believe that these ing fees any longer. of Cambridge’s cultural heritage The council have defended The image of white-clad crick- findings will have a major impact, not only for improving the quality The council have pulled the and people have gathered to their decision with claims that eters on Parker’s Piece is known of life of patients suffering from HD, but also for their carers. plug on the £3000 annual main- watch cricket matches on Parker’s the ground is not used as much around the world, but unless the HD is a familial, neurodegenerative disease, in which a mutation tenance funds, a move that will Piece since as early as 1830. anymore. They say that cricket council retract their decision, all in the huntingtin gene results in motor impairments, as well as cog- leave the grounds ineligible as a Kevin Blencowe, a cricket-lov- clubs across the city have found that will remain of the illustrious nitive and psychiatric decline. The researchers used mice carrying the league ground. Without a well ing labour councillor who plays better grounds elsewhere. But the cricketing history will be a small HD mutation to study the circadian pacemaker, which is known to kept wicket it will not be able to for the All Saints Cricket Club, councillor Kevin Blencowe says, commemorative plaque. regulate night-day activity by functioning as a biological clock. They found that circadian clock genes were not expressed properly in HD ve mice, eventually leading to a complete disintegration of their normal hi rc sleeping pattern. “If what we have observed in the mice corresponds to what is happening in humans, then circadian disturbances and its neurological consequences offers up new possibilities for treating HD arsity A

V “ says Dr Morton. As it is not possible to directly measure circadian rhythm genes in humans, the results obtained from these animal studies are extremely valuable. It remains to be seen whether HD patients will respond normally to sleeping pills, but the big question, according to Dr Morton, is whether or not such a treatment will have a positive effect on their cognitive functions. “Nobody has as yet investigated the relationship between sleep dysfunction and cognitive decline, but it certainly ought to be done” says Dr Morton. Although it is not clear what causes the cognitive and psychiatric disorder seen in HD, the idea that sleep dis- turbances might be a contributing factor is very interesting. At present there is no treatment for Huntington’s Disease. While a therapeutic approach aimed at restoring the sleep-cycle will not cure HD patients, it should bring them and their caregivers apprecia- ble improvements in their quality of life. Whether or not such a treat- ment would also lead to an improvement in their cognitive abilities, is a goal for future research by Dr Morton and her colleagues.

Christina Geijer Parker’s Piece, Cambridge 6 ELECTION ANALYSIS March 04, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk Getting to know your CUSU candidates

This is Varsity’s media hustings. Here is what CUSU’s Presidential candi- Tom Dye Robin Sivapalan Laura Walsh dates had to say. St John’s College Homerton College Fitzwilliam College

On first glance - • Communication - We need to know what’s going on • Education not for sale • For a campaigning union • Ents - Bigger, better, cheaper • 20,000 strong • For a college based union manifesto summary • Access - Efforts need co-ordination • For stronger services • Services and Welfare - Bringing them to you • For a national voice on local issues • Facilities - Making it happen • For an experienced president

What makes you laugh? Banter Declined to answer Student newspaper profiles

What do you see as the A non-political, service based union. It should be Is the future not bright and orange? An accountable, visible, sensible union of colleges responsive, relevant and first and foremost con- working together for the benefit of students. future of CUSU? cerned with the life of Cambridge students, not the NUS.

What have you got Simple stuff. I’ve made great friends, played sport Fuckloads. Amazing people, dynamic people. An education (academic and otherwise) and engaged in a range of societies. In short, I’ve Phenomenal financial, educational, social opportu- out of Cambridge? done what most students here do. At the end of the nities. A right not a privilege for all. day I’m a normal bloke - exactly what CUSU needs.

Favourite film? Shawshank Redemption or Life of Brian Dead Poets Society All the President’s Men

Describe yourself in 5 words A good bloke, I hope. Intelligent, creative, fun, principled, human A student just like you

What makes you different I haven’t applied to be an NUS delegate. I will I will say what I think but also conceive of our Experience (+ tits) always be here in Cambridge listening to you. I’m Union as 20,000 members strong in their diversity. from every other candidate? not part of the closed shop of CUSU politics. I I believe I’m the only candidate who has acknowl- believe that under my leadership CUSU could edged that students might care if there were ways become a visible, inclusive, relevant body. This is forward. I’m the only one who put forward a cre- something the other candidates simply don’t offer. ative, committed, intelligent proposal for how we might reconceive out Union and the way it works and engages with its membership, to make it a force of progressive change to contend with. I understand that it is not the President’s role to wish list, but to execute policy and support its members, and at most set the tone - a positive, optimistic one.

If you could only achieve one mani- Getting people into meetings and getting everyone For Cambridge students to feel part of a Union. Visibility: bringing CUSU to the colleges excited by CUSU. Let’s make it relevant, and do it, festo policy,what would it be? not just talk about it.

Why are you running for Because there needs to be a change. I have spent I saw no other option this year for our Union. I know CUSU. I know it needs to change. I know three years feeling isolated from my union. CUSU how to change it. CUSU President? should do what it says on the tin - it should repre- sent every single student, giving us the services we want and need. I say, you say...

• Colonials • Shut up Sholto • Sad to be a nature of a country where racist scape- • Irrigation goating of asylum seekers spurs political parties and has permeated so absolutely the public conscious- ness where the are pursuing through G8, the World Bank and the IMF hideous neo-colonial policy. • Michael Jackson • I’m looking at the man in the mirror - I’m going • I loved Jacko as a kid • Bad to make a change • Grime • Blind carbon copy • The CUSU offices • Fitz Buttery • CUSU • Dye’s Your Guy • 20,000 students • Colleges United Supporting Us CUSU elections will be held next Wednesday, 9th March. Hustings are taking place all this week at various colleges. For full results,comprehensive analysis,and an interview with the new President,watch out for next week’s issue of Varsity

8 INTERVIEW March 04, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk The man who invented the Third Way .net Lord Giddens, eminent sociologist, gov- e ernment adviser, and former Cambridge imag don answers to Ginevra Cucinotta

ot long ago Anthony Is ‘the third way’ relevant to the ties in knowing how you can Giddens was just a developing world, particularly generate economic develop- Nname for me, attached the growing economic powers ment, big difficulties in mak- to memories of long afternoons of India and China? ing sure it filters down to poor spent in the SPS library trying The debate about the third way people. In Latin America, to write essays on social theory. is global. It is certainly relevant quite large economic develop- However, one raining afternoon to all countries around the ment has not filtered down to this term that name material- world because this is a global the poorer people whereas in ized for me. For those of you era and many countries share China, and now India, a lot of who have not had to write soci- the same thing in common people have been taken out of ology essays, Anthony Giddens whether they are poorer or poverty by economic growth. is arguably the nost important more wealthy countries. We sociologist of our time. know that you can’t develop in How important are indiviual His major academic works a poorer country by, for exam- nation states in a world of include books such as ple, going back to socialism increasing globalization? Capitalism and Modern Social because you have to engage You don’t and can’t control Theory that are now rightly with the wider world economy. globalization purely on a global considered as textbooks for the India, China, Brazil, Argentina, level; you have to have nation study of sociology. Then, with Chile, Mexico all face a similar states playing an important part the publication of The Third spectrum of problems. in that because nations are still Way, he affirmed himself as one largely the arbiters of territory, of the idéologues of New “Can we survive the law, and violence. Nations are Labour, becoming one of present century?” still important in a global order, Blair’s political gurus. Our and the United States is the interview comes seven years It’s not such a most important of all because after that first work on the stupid question of its de facto power. You can’t development of modern left- write off the nation state and if Professor Lord Giddens now lectures at universities and conferences across the world of-centre politics. In an era in If you look for example at you look at what Gordon which political distinctions President Lula in Brazil, you Brown and Tony Blair are try- terrorism? world society. So it is a different if we want to reduce global have become increasingly have certainly got a left-of- ing to do in Africa, for example, First of all, new-style terror- kind of issue, on a much larger social inequalities, what blurred does it still make sense centre project. He has recog- it’s a global issue but it needs ism is very different from old- scale, and I think the responsibilities do the future to talk about a ‘third way poli- nised that realities of dealing leadership on the part of the style terrorism. Old-style ter- Americans and the nations who generations have? tics’? After the latest interna- with a global marketplace. G8 nations to effectively do rorism is the kind of terrorism sent troops to intervene in You have to move towards tional events can we still talk He’s recognised that you can’t something about. Nations will of the Red brigades or the Afghanistan simply had to. something like a parallel to about a future for the Left? go back to traditional pop- have to get together to try to IRA or the Basque national- social democracy among coun- ulism whereby you think you resolve a wide range of global ists and is more local, with the Do you think it was a good idea tries on a global level. You What is the position of ‘the have some easy way of redis- problems. The problem is to aim in most cases, not in the to overturn the Iraqi regime? have to move to a global social third way’ today? tributing wealth. He has made reform the main critical institu- case of the Red Brigades, but Iraq is a much more difficult democracy where the same ‘The third way’ is simply a an adaptation to the realities tions, particularly the United in most cases of creating a issue as we all know, more diffi- kinds of protections against term for trying to develop a of the world that in Brazil the Nations to give it a more bal- nation state. I think we face cult than most of the people extremes of a market economy, framework for an effective left values and ideals have created anced, capable role. a new kind of terrorism which hanging their peace flags out the inequalities it tends to of centre policy or framework a more egalitarian society. If We need much more equality is essentially an expression of tend to think because you don’t produce, as have been effected that will do several things. It you go to China, there is mas- in terms of export of agricultur- globalization really where ter- know what would have hap- in Western countries, is repro- will help to get parties into sive interest in the third way al goods in particular from rorists, especially fundamen- pened without intervention. duced on a more global level. government and it will give debate in China, because in a developing countries to richer talist terrorists, can organize Saddam might have split the You have to have forms of them the chance to enact way that is debate about ones. We know that richer on a global level and can have world community, he might governance, which will work meaningful, successful policies whether the Chinese commu- countries preach free trade but access to weapons which are have been free to go on and built on a more global level, and in when they are in government. nist party will become social they practise protectionism. We truly frightening. You can’t destructive weapons again, the same way as they did with- That means accepting some democrats eventually. know that the world arena is contest new-style terrorism which everybody thought he in a nation. things that the Left has found Although developing coun- loaded in favour of industrial with the ways in which you already had anyway. It is going to be difficult difficult in the past, such as tries are not necessarily the countries rather than poorer did old-style terrorism. The situation in Iraq was a and we don’t really know the need to have an entrepre- same as developed countries, countries and it is not too hard disturbing presence in the whether we can manage it. neurial economy, to have more some of the issues are very to see what sort of reform ‘Richer countries Middle East; it was a tyranni- What we do know is that dynamic labour markets and similar. Anti-poverty pro- processes should be made. The preach free trade cal regime under which mil- some good things happen to come to terms with prob- grams are similar in most problem is making them, and lions of people died through alongside the bad. You might lems of crime and migration, countries around the world the national geo-political inter- but they practise the wars that he fought. I still have less wars between nations which the left needs to and we in the West can learn ests involved in that. protectionism’ think it could have been much than you had in the past, you approach in a different way to from less developed countries. As you can see from the more effective if essentially the might have to cope with glob- distance itself from the right. For instance, ‘microcredit’ struggle over Kyoto, that’s real- If you consider September peace had been properly man- al terrorism but there may not You could just say you’re talk- came from Bangladesh origi- ly interesting because that is a 11th it was an attack on the eco- aged, if there had been inter- be the same level of interna- ing about the ongoing revision nally and is now deployed in global assemblage of nations, nomic, political and military cen- national organizations admit- tional violence between of social democracy and the British cities, American cities and it has had some success, of tres of American power and was ted from the beginning, if they nations because territory no ongoing revision of realistic and so forth. To some extent it course the Americans refused something quite different I think had not disbanded the whole longer seems to have the same left-of-centre thinking as is a mutual learning process to sign up, but a sufficient from an IRA bomb, even in the of the Iraqi army and if they interest or importance as is opposed to the kinds of quasi- not just a one-way one. You number of nations did sign up centre of London. New-style ter- had not made the other mis- used to do. It is a two-way bal- utopian thinking of what can’t pretend there aren’t diffi- to make the Kyoto pact a prop- rorism is essentially based in a takes they made. ance sheet in these things, so remains of the Far Left. culties, there are big difficul- er pact. It manifestly doesn’t go world where you have quite a few we’ve got to press on where far enough to cope with global states, where it is difficult for the Do you think democracy could there is hope and control warming but is some kind of state to maintain authority, and work in Iraq? where there is problems. Anthony Giddens: Biography progress. So there is going to be where you have extremist move- You could get a form of democ- some sort of partial progress in ments growing and where they ratization there but you are not Giddens puts forward fluid, Born in 1938, Anthony Giddens was educated both at Hull these areas, and whether they can, through the internet or other going to get a fully established composed and ultimately per- University and London School of Economics (LSE) before are enough to resolve global sources, acquire the knowledge or Western-style parliamentary suasive arguments, clearly the becoming a fellow of King’s College, Cambridge in 1969, lectur- problems, your guess is as good the capability to use weapons, democracy. You could get some product of a life spent in aca- ing in sociology. His first book, Capitalism and Modern Social as mine. I mean in Trinity which are highly destructive. kind of quasi-democratic demia. The result is an inter- Theory, was published in 1973 and remains in print to this day. College, the Master there, Sir Where their agenda is so regime there if the tensions in view that is rather more didac- He is the author of the leading undergraduate textbook in sociol- Martin Rees, has written this general that you can’t really the country can be managed. I tic than discursive. And yet ogy, which has sold more than 600,000 copies since it was first book on ‘Can we survive the hope to deter them, you can’t say quasi-democratic because it this approach has arguably published in 1988. In 1997 he was appointed Director of the present century?’ It’s not such a hope to use the usual means by will require some fairly strong been the principle of his LSE, a post he held until 2003. Professor Giddens has popu- stupid question. which states in the past have governance to control the state. career as a sociologist: to make larised the notion of ‘the third way’ in political thinking and has deterred one another from war. you think upon the present in acted as an adviser to both Tony Blair and Bill Clinton. In 2004 What is the relationship Bin Laden, for example, wants You have spoken about ‘no order to be prepared for an he was made a life peer by the Labour government. between social democracy and to change the whole nature of rights without responsibilities’; uncertain future. COMMENT www.varsity.co.uk March 04, 2005 9

Broadside There’s no me without you Ifti Qurashi Tim Dickinson on the changing relationship between the past and the present Does anyone remember all those years ago when we could

‘The future should be a higher echo we’re living in the same world. a still say that we lived in a liberal of the past.’ - Robert Schumann My problem started with hit democracy? claims like “guitar bands would- ic Liberal takes on the more lit- W s a teenager, I think I n’t have happened without the eral meaning of liberty. Which is was angry about most Beatles” or “the Beatles wouldn’t to say that the intervention of the Athings for a while, but have happened without Elvis”. state in the realm of the individ- sulked because I didn’t know To start with, I think that this is ual is proscribed by fundamental why. Of late, as I have begun to an insult to human ingenuity. rights of the individual. have ideas of my own, I have At a base level, this is like claim- Now, it could not possibly realised that it’s all right to be ing that we wouldn’t have have escaped the attention of angry about certain things, so learned to cook if we hadn’t dis- even the most isolated reader long as I understand why. covered fire: I honestly believe that there have been things going Here, in an environment that we would have discovered on which have begun to funda- where I’m simultaneously fire eventually - it’s such a good mentally threaten the function- encouraged to have ideas and idea! As is the guitar band, ing of liberal democracy here in discouraged by the achieve- which continues to inspire and the UK. Measures ranging from ments, nasty looks and bad thrill worldwide, again, because the antisocial behaviour orders to supervision reports of others, it’s such a good idea. And even the Anti-terror bill currently held I’m becoming more certain of if (big ‘if ’) guitar bands never up in the Lords are all threats to my identity and what it is that took off, I think we’d have made all our liberties. I’m going to do before I die. something just as good, if not An anti-social behaviour order I’ve also realised that I belong to better, to take its place. (ASBO) may not seem like a generation who have very lit- You’ll see that I’ve men- much of a threat to the liberty of tle sense of the past as being tioned the Beatles a couple of law-abiding citizens, but therein part of the present. Everything times. Yes, them. They’re an arises the problem. The govern- is now and what came before is old band, and ex-band and ment uses these orders against written in books and taken for only really half the band they citizens it can’t prove aren’t law- granted. The Second World used to be. This article isn’t abiding or against citizens that War exists in the same picture about them. For a lot of our Are Bloc Party just an echo of older bands? are law-abiding, but are sort of a books as Stalin, Vietnam and generation, they’re consigned of the ways I communicate with that you start to get over your creative entity for the same rea- nuisance. So in some cases an the Berlin Wall, in which book to that same picture book as my girlfriend are very similar to ex, no? While they are no sons? If a song written tomor- ASBO can impose a curfew or many of us have already stuck WW2 and the rest. Yet thou- the ways I’ve communicated longer part of your waking life, row sounds like a Beatles song, forbid the congregation of 9/11 and the Tsunami crisis. sands still find solace and suc- with other girlfriends in the they are still a part of you, have a Radiohead song, or even youths in certain areas. The peo- It’s not happening anymore. cess working in the same cre- past. Just small inflections, (heaven forbid) a Keane song, ple targetted by these orders We are the new buildings that phrases, little things like that, Think of every new what’s the problem with that, if aren’t neccesarily doing anything replaced those that were We are the new which made me wonder if I had movement in music it’s an honest emotional state- wrong, its just that they might destroyed by bombs. We have buildings that fully escaped the emotional ment? The new and the com- and they’re a bit scary. no memory of old woes nor do context of former relationships. as a new lover pletely original certainly have As much as annoying behav- we feel like we have any obliga- replaced those that While sweating over this, I their place, and will always be iour is, well, annoying, it cer- tion to them. We live out our were destroyed stumbled on the memory of still influenced you and there conceived, there’s no need to tainly shouldn’t be proscribed by own contrived histories. The by bombs how I tend to feel after a break- is no shame in any of that. worry about that. Think of law. The deeper trouble with fabric of mine is one of music up (of which there have not And so my little romantic every new movement in music these sort of palliative measures and of love, lost and found: two ative framework in which the been many, but one is enough): nuances that seemed so famil- as a new lover. is that they obscure the real universal languages that speak Beatles worked in the 60s. like half a person. Some words iar weren’t fraudulent, as I Think of the sudden defiant problem. So while an ASBO to each other and of each other. Many frustrated young people that have been used to describe instinctively suspected, they move to find something new may succeed in keeping a violent Lost love and unwritten songs would ask: why bother making this sentiment: “There’s no me are simply part of me, wherev- and original as the sudden defi- gang off the streets after dark, it go in the back of that picture music that looks or sounds like without you.” And with that, I er they came from. “There’s no ant decision to get a radical new does nothing to address the book, in the hope that they’ll go something that’s already been was free, because this was the me without you” is just as look post-break-up. The new is socio-economic reasons that away and leave me alone. made? Why not make some- same sort of claim as I was demeaning and ridiculous as just as much of a comfort as the caused that violent gang to exist So the best I can do in this thing completely original and bemoaning earlier pertaining to “There would be no rock old, and being aware of both is in the first place. Meanwhile, space is to address a problem I new? It’s a fair question, and music and human ingenuity. music without the Beatles.” being aware that you with x in the government pats itself on became aware of which some of the crux of my problem. Of course there is a me with- So, is it not fair to say that 2002 and you with y now are the back for reducing muggings us may have in common. At Recently I had a small, inter- out you and obviously the real- music which references the past the same person. The same of little old ladies, but mean- least then we might feel like nal crisis. I realised that some isation of this is the moment is completely acceptable as a song, remixed. while the underlying problems fester and eventually explode. Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble sardonic undergrad a few ished to a destination far beyond through mere osmosis). Here’s a and did not write our first does not go to Homerton) has decades ago now has its own Cherry Hinton? quick quiz to see where you fit: Booker Prize-winning novel at any idea where the buses go. “I Mary assigned budget from Has it ever come to your can you name a) the location of the age of fifteen. It makes us need to get out, man,” says the Cambridge City Council, and attention what a danger – and American TV sitcom Desperate view the Union elections as the bloke who lives down the corri- Bowers someone to keep the paintwork indeed a farce – this phenome- Housewives b) three or more fight between Good and Evil, for dor, hair sticking up in all direc- fresh. I myself was convinced, as non is? Not only this; it has characters in Desperate life or apocalypse. It makes us tions, having torn half of it out, we all are, that much past Pizza become a convenient cloak for Housewives? c) three or more cup “I’m going to Sainsbury’s.” Hut there is a yawning gap pure hazy ignorance. For we sizes in Desperate Housewives? What truly defines There are those who plead the ifth week has come and where the Earth (which is, after Don’t tell me: I know you know. the Bubble is the case that, like in Neighbours gone, with little more than all, flat) ends and the number 3 Past Pizza Hut One of my more conscientious nothing in the world ever Fa flurry of snow, certainly bus floats off into the strato- there is a yawning pro-Tory friends fascinated me adjective Cambridge changes after eight weeks that no mass-suicides and a relatively sphere (though of course with last week’s Prime Minister’s we can’t redeem to our con- small amount of natural disasters Homerton students, those singu- gap where the Question Time only because it think that articles such as this sciousness straight away – yes, involving the clash of supervi- larly anomalous creatures, might earth ends became an identity parade of all one really matter. there’s peace in the Middle East, sors, missed essay deadlines and be surprised to hear this). It does the faces I couldn’t identify. On What truly defines the Bubble but not. There’s tension in Iraq. that (very nearly) deadly bout of return after week 8. might like to pretend that hours the front bench. But I have heard is the adjective Cambridge. Go But not. The government are flu I’m sure you had too. We may But if there really is such thing in the UL huddled inside our the new Mars Volta album. And and visit any other university and still arguing and the have all survived the onslaught of as the Cambridge bubble, imper- college scarves behind a fore- it’s pretty darn good. you would, I guarantee you, find Conservatives will never make it another case of ‘fifth week blues’ meable and complete with its head-high pile of dusty books The Cambridge Bubble is fewer packs of filled pasta in into power. So, for all the readers but none of us are ever safe from own self-sufficient gassy atmos- has led to the cultivation of this inadequately described in that it fridges, Sicilian pesto in the cup- of gxfh a quick synopsis of what the other black dog that comes in phere, I have but two questions. particular problem. Yet despite is far more unyielding than any boards and Pinot Noir next to the is going on in the world: Charles the form of a smooth University Firstly, how and why do I need to the scholarly plea of eccentric that would burst at a mere touch Complete Works of Plato on the top and Camilla are getting married cliché – the Cambridge Bubble. study the effect of turnips on unawareness there is a not of its oily surface. It distorts all shelf. Only in Cambridge can you soon, the Pope’s in hospital and We’ve heard it ever since eighteenth century agricultural uncommon breed of Cambridge perspective, and makes us believe enter someone’s room on a David and Victoria have just naive, open-eyed fresherhood. industry? And secondly, why Student who regards his or her- that we are stupid and ignorant Thursday evening and still see given their son a Spanish girl’s The myths surrounding it are in can’t a simple search find the self the bastion of all contempo- because we are not on track for a the Sunday Times on the floor still name. But you probably knew themselves numerous: the ‘reality Sesame Street cereal bowl that rary knowledge (and I’m not starred first, have not opened the in its shiny plastic packaging (mea that. My staircase are planning a check point’ on Parker’s Piece, went missing from my kitchen in talking the kind of useless infor- first hospital for street children in culpa). No one in Cambridge (or, trip to Linton Zoo on Sunday. supposedly scrawled by some first week and has, clearly, van- mation that enters one’s head the mountains of Kazakhstan at least, once again, anyone who You’re all welcome to join us. 10 COMMENT March 04, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk

Claire Mawer 11-12 Trumpington Street Cambridge CB2 1QA 01223 353422

Editor Amol Rajan [email protected] Deputy Editors Henry Bowen James Dacre [email protected] Online Editor Sarah Marsh [email protected] Deputy Web Editor Adam Edelshain Arts Editor Jessica Holland [email protected] Chief Photos Editor Lucy Barwell [email protected] Photos Editor Albert Mockel- Von-Dem-Bussche Chief News Editors Chine Mbubaegbu Lucy Phillips [email protected] News Editors Amy Goodwin Oliver Tilley [email protected] Chief Analyst Sam Richardson [email protected] News Analysts Rachel Willcock Kate Ward Comment Editor Ned Beauman [email protected] Interviews and Mungo Woodifield “That CUSU has been an effective organ of protest is undeniable” Letters Editor [email protected] Features Editors Jenna Goldberg Sarah Sackman [email protected] Science Editors Krystyna Larkham Zoe Smeaton Look Out! It’s Your Future! It’s [email protected] Travel Editor Oliver Batham [email protected] Theatre Editor Allegra Galvin here to scare the crap out of you [email protected] Music Editors Nicola Simpson Jon Swaine The big wide world is exciting, but it also scares me witless Was Yaqoob [email protected] here are, I think, many good at everything, and whatever Satire Editors Jonny Sweet moments in life which only I’ve always thought Archie you want to do is there for the tak- Zack Simons Treveal themselves as signifi- “of those who spend ing. All you have to do is choose. [email protected] cant in retrospect. Like, when I was Bland Everything seems to be opening up. Film Editor Emma Paterson about nine, cheerfully minding my much time thinking These days, it’s hard to take quite [email protected] own business as an entirely average about their future such a lyrical view on endless possi- Literature Editor Benjamin King Student Columnist student with an unhealthy interest career path with a bility. It seems incomprehensible. [email protected] in football stickers, Pogs and very of the Year Like, my friend Kate just got a JOB Visual Arts Editor Johanna Z-Sharp little else, I found, to my intense kind of benevolent and she’s going to be a teacher, [email protected] surprise, that my English teacher condescension which is completely nuts. She did- Fashion Editors Agata Belcen had written kind things about me in ” n’t know what she was going to do Lucy Styles my report. The excellent Mr Rose, this time last week, and now they’re [email protected] whose principle interest was PE, but History or French or even Maths, ly. For those of us about to be paying her REAL MONEY to Sports Editors Adam Edelshain who had a nice sideline in which I was good at for a while unleashed upon an unsuspecting Impart Wisdom for a year at least, Tom Burrell Kidnapped and Moonfleet and The thanks very much, it’s entirely possi- wider world, it’s getting worryingly and presumably all these teenagers Ben Myers Thirty-Nine Steps, called me ‘natu- ble that my life would have gone in a close to decision time, and this hor- will be calling her Miss. And I’ve [email protected] rally curious,’ and ‘bright, if different direction. rid fact rather focuses the mind. I’ve heard her swear and laugh at rude Production Ifti Qurashi disheveled’. Imagine! I only bloody applied to always thought of those who spend jokes and everything, and it just Managers David Wyatt Now, I was a particularly obnox- Cambridge rather than Oxford much time thinking about their doesn’t make any sense, at all. [email protected] ious youth – one music teacher wrote because it was foul and gloomy when future career path with a kind of Possibilities are only endless until Production Alastair Currie me a report which was an acrostic I went to the other place, and lovely benevolent condescension, rather as you start making choices. I like Sarah Keen with the word ‘prick’ running down and bright when I came here, and me one might a well-meaning, enthusi- writing, and I always have; but that Business Manager Eve Williams the side, and I promise I’m not mak- and my three friends had a nice day astic, but ultimately dull-witted I’ve spent such a weird proportion [email protected] ing that up – and so such praise was infant: their frenetic industry, whilst of my time working on this newspa- Chief Sub-Editor Anna McIlreavy rare; and I just decided that English Possibilities are only morally commendable, generally per is mainly because Varsity hap- was my favourite subject, and that I endless until you strikes me as a bit sad. After all, pened to accept an article I wrote was good at it, having never had any start making choices you’ve got the rest of your life to about the Archbishop of special interest in it before, and I think about that stuff. But now, the Canterbury because frankly he’d attended to it with far greater care wandering around town. A guy start- rest of our life is ABOUT TO been getting on my tits, and a week Email the business manager to enquire than I did any of my other work. ed to ask us if we wanted to take a BLOODY BEGIN - today may later I realized I had missed the cut- about placing adverts. Letters for publica- tion should be emailed or posted to the And then it was my favourite subject ride on a punt, and then broke off even be the first day of it – and it off date to apply to direct a play the editor. at senior school and I naturally and said, Oh, sorry, you’re students doesn’t seem so ridiculous any more. following term by mistake, and so I assumed it was what I should do at here aren’t you, to which, as one, we I remember the day I got my A thought I may as well have a shot at To get involved in a section, email the rele- university because it would be very replied, yes, that’s right. And if it level results, which confirmed a place being comment editor. vant section editor listed above, and come along to a meeting. No experience neces- odd to do anything else and Here I hadn’t been for the hilarious grown- at Cambridge. The exciting thing I think most of us have similar sto- sary. Am. I didn’t get called a prick in any up pleasure of that fundamentally about that wasn’t so much getting ries, about minor epiphanies and of my reports last term, which is def- meaningless moment, I might be the right grades, which was more a apparently trifling decisions which Varsity is published by Varsity Productions initely progress. somewhere else, and everything matter of relief than anything else; it subsequently prove to have shaped the Ltd, and printed by Cambridge Evening News. All copyright is the exclusive prop- What I find really unnerving is the would be different. was the extraordinary – and, I now course of our lives. Doors open doors erty of Varsity Publications Ltd. No part of arbitrary nature of all this. I don’t I think this may all be incredibly think, incredibly rare – sense of lim- open doors; but also, they shut them. this publication is to be reproduced, stored seriously believe that I have no apti- obvious, in which case, sorry, and itless possibility. When you’re eight- And I don’t mean to bring you down, in a retrieval system or transmitted in any tude whatever for this sort of work as may I recommend the arts section een and a bit pleased with yourself, it but to be honest, that scares the crap form or by any means, without prior per- opposed to other kinds; but I do before you go. But this stuff has seems absolutely clear that you will out of me. Who knew possibility mission of the publisher. think that, had this nice man taught been particularly exercising me late- never, ever die, and that you are very could be so utterly paralyzing? EDITORIAL www.varsity.co.uk March 04, 2005 11

Letters [email protected] Letters may be edited for space or style

Tiddlywinking no more a damn sight harder, and a damn sight occur without the use of small arms, the slower. If China hadn’t sold Rwanda hun- damaging role of arms is not only in facili- A different kind of politics Dear Sir, dreds of thousands of machetes, far fewer tating acts of violence but also in fuelling ‘Tis the season to be campaigning. The annual CUSU jamboree is people would have died, in a genocide conflict. To talk about defusing conflicts underway; applications for sabbatical positions closed on Wednesday, It is with a sad tear in my eye that I write whose most terrifying characteristic was its rather than disarming combatants is to and those ambitious enough to delay re-entry into the world beyond this correspondance. At 9pm on January extraordinary efficiency. And AK47s would ignore the fact that the two processes are Cambridge for another year will undergo painful scrutiny over the 16th 1955, a sherry party was held in room have meant still more people died. It is inextricably linked. The uncontrolled pro- forthcoming week, before elections next Wednesday. Y2 of Christ’s college hosted by a pair of quite extraordinary to suggest otherwise, liferation of arms not only fuels human There are some noteworthy features of this year’s applications. undergraduates, WM Steen and RC and the logic behind such an argument is rights violations, but also escalates conflict The Presidency offers genuine choice between a politically cogent Martin. This was the first meeting of the deeply fuzzy. It’s a bit like the way you don’t and intensifies poverty. In this manner, I campaign veteran, an impressively experienced electioneer with now world famous Cambridge University need an aeroplane to travel to the other side would see the control arms campaign as knowledge of both CUSU and the Union, and a refreshingly hon- Tiddlywinks club and after all this time it is of the world, but if you have got one, you’ll integral to Amnesty’s wider purpose of pro- est Johnian with an acute perception of what CUSU can and still going...just. have a significant advantage over the chap tecting the human. should be. Three’s a small bunch, but there’s plenty of variety with the bicycle, however muscular his amongst this lot. The fiftieth annual dinner was held bare- thighs. Yours Sincerely, Nobody has applied for the position of Access Officer or Target ly a few weeks ago. It was attended by over Alice Thompson Campaigns Officer. Which is to say: no student amongst the thou- a hundered diners spanning three conti- Fundamentally, this is a less nuanced Queens’ College sands here thinks it sufficiently worth their time to spend a further nents and included over 30 ex-presidents. argument than Dnes makes it out to be. If year of their life in Cambridge, trying to promote diversity in this The good and the great of the tiddlywinks he can defend the arms trade from a start- Visions of America University. But there were more applicants for the position of world gathered in Cambridge, many having ing point which accepts the basic principle Women’s Officer than any other; so while diversity doesn’t seem to not played a game in decades, purely to cel- that weapons are pretty useful for those Dear Varsity, be a particularly pressing issue to some, others believe that women ebrate one of Cambridge’s oldest and bent on killing large numbers of people, in Cambridge still warrant special treatment. proudest traditions. Few student societies fine, and I agree with him absolutely that I was interested to read Ifti Qurashi’s It is impossible to draw firm and incontrovertible conclusions can claim to have been going this long. we should worry about defusing conflicts, article ‘America-Bashing is for the lazy’ from the trends in the application process. But the wider pattern There is apathy in the current membership too; but the suggestion that Rwanda stands (Comment, February 25). He states that in Cambridge is clearer, and it is one of disengagement. Writing in and disinterest amongst potential members. as an example of why the arms trade isn’t at American world view is one which these pages, Archie Bland recently made a distinction between apa- An extraordinary general meeting to offi- the heart of the problem, rather than as the demands ‘radical change on the basis of an thy and disengagement, showing the former to be associated with cially disolve the club is to be held on absolute opposite, is simply too absurd to go ideology of Liberal.’ If that is the case it is the cultivation of disinterest, and the latter to be associated with the Wednesday the 16th of March (venue to be uncorrected. certainly a view which has had a somewhat cultivation of disillusion. decided). limited influence on American foreign pol- It is disillusion, and not disinterest, which dominates student Yours sincerely, icy: it is a world view which is for example politics in Cambridge. There are two distinct and opposing reasons It has been a colourful few decades. There hard to reconcile with the enormous mili- for this. The first, as those who attended CUSU Council on was the 1958 ‘royal match’ against the Goons. Archie Bland tary and financial support given to Israel (a Wednesday will testify, is that these meetings are extraordinarily There was winks played on ice when the Emmanuel College state which is hardly very democratic for boring. Speakers cloack their comments in political jargon, euphe- Cam froze over in the late ‘60s. There were the million or so occupied Palestinians who mism, and ostentatiom. The procedural wranglings frustrate listen- appearences on ‘Blue Peter’, ‘That’s Life’ and are subject to its authority yet excersize no ers and speakers. Finally the absolute concentration on issues of even the ‘weakest link’. There have even been Dear Sir, control over it). The idea of a Liberal complete insignificance manifests itself in questions that do little to numerous varsity matches against our Oxford Democratic agenda is even harder to recon- interrogate public policy. There’s a time and a place for personality counterparts (should they exist) since the late I am writing in response to Michael cile with the support given in 2002 to a mil- tests of this sort (see Analysis, page 6), but so long as CUSU 50s, only three of which were lost by Dnes’ letter of February 25th to clarify the itary coup in ( the naturally oil rich) Council meetings prioritise personality in this way they will not Cambridge. Anyone needing an example of aims of the Control Arms campaign and Venezuela, or the backing given to the appeal to the masses. how to run a society should look no further the action being taken to achieve them, as Saudi Arabian theocracy. The notion that The second reason for continuing disillusion, is, paradoxically, than our own (highly unconstitutional) con- we suspect Mr Dnes’ criticisms result from such policies simply reflect the current con- caused by the over-politicisation of CUSU. It is a truth universal- stitution - an historic document if ever there a misunderstanding of these. tingencies of the war on Terror are hard to ly acknowledged that CUSU cannot possibly represent the ideolo- was one. sustain: The Chilean coup in the 1973 and gy of all students in Cambridge. This may seem obvious - New We do not claim that the Control Arms the invasion of Guatemala in the 1950s are Labour cannot represent the ideology of all Britons, and it was All those who wish to be part of an campaign will impact all forms of violence just two examples of Americas long history democratically elected – but then governments are required to gov- ancient and proud Cambridge tradition in the world (in particular, there has been of undermining Democracy abroad. ern, whereas student unions are not. should join the club and play tiddlywinks in no mention of the genocide in Rwanda). That CUSU has been an effective organ of protest is undeni- Cambridge now, before this rare and won- The comparatively easy availability of small Ifti Qurashi is however right in one sense: able. But, despite claims to the contrary, CUSU cannot hope to derful oportunity passes forever. arms is certainly not fuelling violence in all the gulf between Europe and America is not protes on behalf of all the students all the time. Wes Streeting theatres, but it is in sufficiently many to jus- that wide. Indeed General Suharto - has been a thoroughly competent and professional president, but Ben Fairbairn tify being treated as a problem in its own renowned for the massacre of an estimated his better achievements have been associated with an increase in CUTwC president 2001/2 right. Furthermore, we are not calling for 500,000 communists and suspected commu- the quality of services provided by CUSU, rather than any spe- an end to the international small arms nists and the genocide of up to 1/3 of the cific political campaign. trade. Desirable or not, this is clearly not East Timorese population) received both A depoliticised student union, which focuses on services, is CUAI misfires (x 2) currently attainable. We have a much more British and American support, meanwhile therefore an attractive option. Re-engagement with student poli- specific aim: the adoption of an the Belgian government and the CIA were tics – at least in relation to the student union – may, paradoxically, International Arms Trade Treaty that is equally active in the fall (and then the mur- be best facilitated by a shift of emphasis away from policy, and Dear Sir, legally binding (in the sense that dealers der) of the Congo’s only Democratically toward service provision. guilty of illegal transactions can be traced elected president Patrice Lumumba. The Michael Dnes (Letters, February 25) and brought to justice). sooner people realize that Western should re-examine the facts supporting his Governments are not and never have been argument in defence of the arms trade. He Finally, Control Arms has been launched standard bearers for democracy, the better. Independent labels writes that it is an error to ‘put the empha- jointly by Amnesty, Oxfam and the If student journalism is to be taken seriously (and it rarely is), then sis on weapons rather than butchers’; and International Action Network on Small Reuben Bard-Rosenberg its integrity is dependent upon its independence. That The Oxford promptly cites the Rwandan genocide as an Arms (a worldwide network of over 500 Jesus College Student’s theatre editor promoted his own play compromises the example of how ‘humanity’s twisted inge- NGOs) as a two-pronged campaign: we at Cambridge paper’s integrity; but that he was fired without consultation with nuity will find the tools to slaughter among Amnesty are concentrating on the the paper’s editors destroys it. This newspaper regards itself as whatever is legal and available.’ Obviously International Arms Trade Treaty, while unique in Cambridge as an unaffiliated, and so independent, stu- for Dnes’ argument to hold, machetes Oxfam and members of IANSA are work- Screening Arrogance dent voice. As TCS is managed by CUSU, their maintaining a would have had to be easily available with- ing in communities around the world at completely independent line, to sustain their integrity, is essential. in Rwanda without buying them in from conflict resolution and changing existing Dear Sir, TCS ran a front page last week that destroyed the campaign of a abroad. The problem with that argument cultures of violence (precisely what Mr presidential hopeful unpopular within the CUSU ranks. They also is, in 1993, the Rwandan government Dnes’ accuses us of wrongly ignoring). I feel compelled to write to you as I am ran a political (rather than a personal) profile of a presidential bought around half a million machetes from becoming increasingly frustrated with the hopeful popular amongst the CUSU family. Another CUSU China. It is highly unlikely that the Chinese We wish to stress once again that a much current trend amongst your film writers to favourite’s NUS campaign was given high coverage a fortnight government could have believed that such a more thorough discussion of these issues state their rather bizarre opinions as fact. I before he applied for the CUSU presidential position. quantity of these implements were intended and aims can be read online at www.contro- speak in particular reference to your last The most impressive detail from The Oxford Student’s political for agricultural use, particularly given the larms.org. issue’s ‘And the Oscar goes to...’ column explosion was that the entire editorial team stood together in their simmering ethnic tensions, the continuing (Film, February 25). To describe Clint decision to support a member of their staff. Varsity’s student staff civil war, and the increasing concentration Yours sincerely, Eastwood’s ‘Mystic River’ as a “cinematic have complete editorial autonomy from the governing body that of Hutu extremists at the top of the offense” and Leonardo DiCaprio’s previous overlooks the paper. This is a structural necessity: it avoids unnec- Rwandan government. That’ll be the arms Will Moy project to ‘The Aviator’ (Spielberg’s ‘Catch essary bias or long-established prejudices. Student governing bod- trade, then. (Chair, CU Amnesty International) Me If You Can’) as “a tragic lapse in artistic ies must have the power to intervene, but doing so without due judgement” merely displays sheer arrogance consultation with all involved leads to inevitable over-dramatisa- Like America’s NRA, Dnes is arguing on the part of your writers and undermines tion within such systems. There was no need for the sacking of one that guns don’t kill people, people kill peo- Dear Sir, any value these pages could possibly have. individual on The Oxford Student’s team to result in a fiasco docu- ple: well, yes, people kill people, but they mented by the national press. It is very difficult to justify the action DO IT WITH GUNS. I am writing in response to Michael Dnes Yours, of the OUSU and a great shame that, outside of Oxford, this will letter of last week. Whilst I acknowledge be the defining feature of their year. Or machetes. And without weapons, it’s that human rights violations can and do Jon Opstad 12 FEATURES March 04, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk What you don’t know will hurt you Ignorance and apathy threaten to scupper any chance of an informed debate on the EU constitution. Sarah Sackman blames the politicians for the grumpier member Tories in its turn. Parties are tale of left-right confrontations states? Messers Chirac and themselves reluctant to engage in which plucky British MEPs Blair will have a challenge on in a European debate which fend off nasty European their hands. might threaten their own unity. encroachments on taxpayers The decision to hold a refer- Yet more attention should be money and national sovereignty. endum on the constitution is given to explaining both the This vicious cycle of popular proving to one of the biggest content and the consequences ignorance and simplistic media political gambles of Blair’s pre- of endorsing or rejecting the coverage will not be easily miership. British voters are the constitution. overcome. Blair has already most ignorant in Europe when delayed the referendum cam- it comes to EU affairs. Britain may reject paigning until after the gener- According to a Eurobaro- the constitution al election. Yet what is required meter, 50 per cent had never is the long term percolation of heard of the constitution and as much out of information on the constitu- 44 per cent said they had heard ignorance as tion. It will not be sufficient to of it but knew little about it. stage a quick-fire campaign a These statistics will fuel the genuine few weeks before the vote. arguments of those who reject opposition Now is the time to start play- the use of referenda and who ing momentum politics. argue instead that such com- An opportunity was missed Politicians and jounalists plex constitutional matters during last year’s European alike must assume responsibili- should be referred to the elections when the emotive ty for staging high profile ‘expertise’ of professional issues of Turkey’s member- debates across the country and politicians. ship, the concessions to a rigorous discussion of the Quentin Peel, International European federalism and a issues. In this way voters will be Affairs editor at the Financial liberal market philosophy faced with real choices to which Times, argues that there is a made in the constitution were they are likely to respond. correlation between ignorance relegated in favour of domestic There is also much to be Remote control: Few Britons claim to know how instituions like the European Parliament work and opposition to the constitu- battles and the subject of learned from Spain’s innovative The greatest ignorance is to sound goals it is seeking to football players from La Liga, tion. Britain is currently the Kilroy-Silk’s perma-tan. approach. Without patronising reject something you know achieve. Similarly, Europeans by contestants on Spanish Big only member state where polls Politicians will pay a high the electorate, public interest nothing about. It is just such are apathetic towards the EU Brother and abridged copies indicate a majority of people price for avoiding serious debate can be engaged by using ignorance which is likely to be project and its institutions that (thankfully!) of the constitu- opposed to the constitution. about the constitution. celebrities and pop stars to the chief enemy of the can seem at best remote and at tion were disseminated by the There is a distinct possibility Responsibility lies not only with front the awareness campaign. European Union constitution worst, anti-democratic. main dailies. that Britain may reject the con- politicians but with the media This is not a question of as it is put to a vote before the Despite voting ‘Si’ in a refer- The fact that Spain has tra- stitution as much out of igno- too. A MORI survey into the hijacking the debate for one public and parliaments of endum two weeks ago, the low ditionally been one of the rance as genuine opposition. BBCs coverage of European side or other but it is about Europe this year. turnout of less than 45 per cent most enthusiastic member The cause of this ignorance affairs revealed a catch-22 raising the profile of a vital The vote on the EU consti- in the Spanish vote was a disap- states and with its main must be partly laid at the door whereby the ignorance and lack legal, political, economic and tution is much like the upcom- pointment for those who had national parties both support- of politicians who have so far of interest among a British cultural issue. Britain and ing vote for CUSU president. hoped the opportunity would ing a ‘yes’ vote, only makes the staged the most half hearted of audience led to limited, facile Europe’s other political lead- Most people have little idea be seized to shrink Europe’s result more disappointing. campaigns in presenting the coverage of events. ers, as well as the EU itself, what CUSU is for. The lack of democratic deficit. The argument that a for- constitution to the public. News is presented through must take steps now to engage information and accessibility The Spanish government gone positive conclusion kept Historically, the issue of the prism of Westminster poli- voters in an informed debate, surrounding CUSU leads to tried a host of initiatives to voters at home is fair but if Europe has poisoned the tics in order to grab viewer’s otherwise come election day widespread disengagement and motivate voters. The constitu- this is the best turnout Spain atmosphere of party politics, attention. More often than not the only winner will be igno- opposition to the perfectly tion was championed by top could muster then what hope splitting both Labour and the the media presents a simplistic rance itself. Song for the Revolution? Nul Points The room ballot of foreign affairs It seems political controversy No to lies! hip hop outfit were wildcard As winter passes into spring, But everyone knows that the for the fulfilment of its role while is still rife in Ukraine. Only Yushchenko, Yushchenko! latecomers to the competition Cambridge students start think- biggest rooms are can be empty the Franco-German dominance months after the Orange (or is our President. and controversially beat off ing about room ballots. High or and cold, and the most comfort- of the EU must have at least Chesnut) Revolution, Ukraine Yes! Yes! Yes! the favourite Ani Lorak. low? Sharing or not? En suite or able room far from friends can be some connection to their situa- is stirring up political fervour Allegations of political basement loo? a real bore. So what is it, that puts tion at the heart of the continent. in the European Union. Their This year the Eurovision voting have always plighted Going about the business of a nation at the top table? But that’s no good either. The entry for this year’s song contest will be held in the Eurovision Song finding a suitable roof over our Economics is important. Azores Islands have a far better Eurovision Song Contest is Kiev after Ukrainian Rusiana Contest. Last year’s partisan heads, we could never be aware of America’s superpower status is claim than we do to bridging the on the brink of being disqual- won last year’s competition. voting meant that Greece the intricate links between our derived essentially from its great Atlantic and Australia surely gets ified by the European Greenjolly hope to be on and Cyprus both gave each activities and the world of inter- wealth and its consequent domi- far too much attention for an Broadcasting Union. stage representing their other maximum points, national politics. But there they nance in decisions over trade and island at the planet’s antipodes. This comes after allega- country on May 21. This year Norway gave its 12 points to are for all to see. Don’t believe it? war. But Russia’s economy is the As a last gasp, I resort to tions that the song is inap- nordic neighbour, Sweden, Then consider: size of Belgium’s and yet it gets a nuclear weapons. Perhaps they propriate for the competition It seems Belarus gave Russia 12 points You’re a country. Through no permanent seat on the UN hold the key to the global pecking on account of its revolution- as though the and Turkey put differences fault of your own – by random Security Council and an invita- order. Russia, America, Britain, ary origins. Razom nas Bagato aside to give high points to selection, (by ballot?) you are tion to the G8 summits. France, China, India and was originally written in the Eurovision Song Greece and Cyprus. Belgium. That’s bad luck because Perhaps, then, history is the Pakistan are all senior and all are 1960s and has a strong politi- Contest is on a It seems as though the you have to share positions on indicator to watch. Russia has acknowledged to have The cal message. It was adapted Eurovision Song Contest is issues with Luxembourg and the retained at least some of its status Bomb. But Germany has no by Greenjolly, an Ukrainian slippery slope on a slippery slope and its Netherlands to make headway. as a major world player despite bomb, nor do Japan, Brazil, hip hop outfit, in less than politicization could spell the Most of the time you’ll end up the post-Cold War chaos. Britain South Africa or Saudi Arabia yet four hours and quickly is also the 50th anniversary end of its reign as a serious accepting provisions in treaties and France’s privileged status at all are able to make their weight became the unofficial anthem of the Eurovision Song forum for musical apprecia- and making big compromises just the UN is hardly a reflection of felt on the international stage. of Yuschenko supporters who Contest and more countries tion. Greenjolly may support to get a tiny clause that favours their current positions. The answer, is that the best gathered at the Independence than ever before will be able a worthy cause but there is your farmers. Everything Yet like its more honoured countries have a bit of every- Square in Kiev in December to participate due to a new surely a bigger picture here. becomes harder – a bit like, for European neighbours, Denmark thing: big economy, historical last year, when they fought system that involves two sets What’s more important - example, having to traipse down also once managed a great empire significance, a strong location for the elections to be reheld. of qualifying rounds to be Ukrainian hip hop or the two floors to use the facilities. that stretched across the globe as and some pretty good bombs. The song climaxes with the held before the big date. purity of artistic endeavour? But what about your friend – did Italy and Greece. None of And the lesson for room bal- rousing chorus: Greenjolly were the under- Listen to Razom nas he got America, lucky thing. Not them are given much recognition lots? Simple: pick the big, com- dogs in the fiercely fought Baghato at: only does he get a huge country for their once-central place in the fortable room with tudor roof Falsifications. No! contest to select the per- www.orangeukraine.square- to lounge about in and great fur- world hierarchy. beams, proximity to town and Machinations. No! former to represent Ukraine space.com nishings, but he can go it alone in Geography might count for friends and... nuclear weapons ‘Little Understandings’. No! in their own capital city. The Jenna Goldberg the world and often gets exactly more. Britain, located between capability? what he wants. Europe and America, is perfect Adam Swersky FEATURES www.varsity.co.uk March 04, 2005 13 Elite and Discreet: The secret rulers In a remote Dutch hotel members of a secret society plot the future of international affairs. Kay Drage and Will Hedges investigate the workings of the Bilderberg Group

shaping and dictating of global held at random times each year, theory that Bilderberg plays the policy for foreign affairs and the and rarely at the same location, for tune to which national govern- international economy. security reasons. The government ments dance. Bilderberg is the name of the of the host country must supply The Bilderberg Group has hotel in the Netherlands where military security, secret service, been described as a secret group the group first met in 1954 when national and local police and pri- of the Western élite lobbying for it was created by Denis Healey, vate security personnel to protect an anti-democratic European Joseph Retinger, David the privacy and safety of the very super-state; a capitalist secret Rockefeller and Prince Bernhard society operating entirely of the Netherlands. Its raison d’e- International affairs through self-interest; and an tre was the general consensus that have, from time underground neo-Nazi organisa- regular, off-the-record discussions tion hoping to establish a 21st would help create a better under- to time, been century fascist world govern- standing of the complex forces influenced by ment. But the idea that a shad- and major trends affecting these sessions owy clique is running the world Western nations in the difficult is nothing new (after all, for hun- post-war period, in particular the powerful international attendants, dreds of years people have need for closer collaboration to who are not required to conform believed the world is governed by protect their moral and ethical to the custom searches or visa a cabal of pernicious Jews). values, democratic institutions, requirements to which private cit- Perhaps it is naïve not to expect and their independence against izens are subjected. When they that the rich and powerful organ- the growing Communist threat. meet, no outsiders are allowed in ize things in their own interests. The Bilderberg Group now or near the building. They bring In some ways the real debate operates from a tiny, shoe-string their own food, cooks, waiters, lies in the question of whether central office in Holland, each telephone operators, housekeep- policy being debated, and practice year bringing together approxi- ers and bodyguards. being affected (to some extent at mately one hundred of NATO Bilderbergers have admitted least) at clandestine meetings that countries’ chief political leaders, that international affairs have, purport to being democratic, is monarchs, central bankers, from time to time, been influ- legitimate. But as a couple of cats defense experts, press barons, enced by these sessions. This has who do not usually go in for all The Prince presides at the First Bilderberg Conference, Oosterbeek, 1954 industrialists and strategic led, for example, to leading Serbs this conspiracy nonsense anyway very year, behind the these meeting can be breathed understanding, the Bilderberg thinkers. Attendance is by invita- in Yugoslavia blaming the group (have you heard about the closed doors of a lavish outside. No reporters are invited group is one of the most contro- tion only, and excludes residents for triggering the war which led to Afghanistan/Enron Conn- Ehotel, the Bilderberg in and while confidential minutes versial and hotly-debated of Asia, the Middle East, Latin the downfall of Slobodan ection, or that doctors are actual- Group meets for three days to of meetings are taken, names are alliances of our times. Its mys- America and Africa as well as Milosevic. The Oklahoma City ly trying to make us all ill?), it discuss, often to galvanising and not noted. Though defended by tique has given rise to an extraor- outsiders from the news media. bomber Timothy McVeigh, the seems difficult to believe that fascinating effect, the most its participants as an informal dinary conspiracy theory alleging The meetings, which apparently London nail-bomber David international relations as we important global issues of the day. international leadership forum that the fate of the world is large- involve a fair amount of golf as Copeland and Osama Bin Laden know them could be, for all Not a word of what is said at intended to enhance mutual ly decided by Bilderberg and its well as political discussion, are are all said to have bought into the intents and purposes, irrelevant. listings powered by

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FRIDAY 19:00 Corpus Christi Playroom Oh,What a Lovely War! CLARE Fat Popadaddys Funky and soulful sounds SPEAKER 19.00 Vivien Oxley @ Queens’ College 19:30 Arts Theatre Orpheus In The Underworld LIFE Boogienight 70s and 80s music SUPPER 19:30 Cambridge University Jewish Society 19:30 Fitz Hall,Queen’s Hamlet FEZ Funk Star Quality funk & break beat @ The Student Centre,Thompsons Lane 4 19:45 ADC Royal Hunt of the Sun CORN EX Lemon Jelly Laidback sounds 19:45 Robinson College A Thousand Words CAFE AFRIKA Afrocubism Cuban rumba and salsa 20.00 Bateman Auditorium Kafka’s Dick 20:00 Christ’s New Court The Street of Crocodiles 21:00 School of Pythagoras Peace 21.30 When Declan Died 22.45 Fitz Hall,Queens’ The Morning after Optimism 23.00 ADC Lunch SATURDAY 19:00 Corpus Christi Playroom Oh,What a Lovely War! LIFE The Big Party Dance, 60’s and club classics FILM 19.30 Competition Night 19:30 Arts Theatre Orpheus In The Underworld FEZ Eternal Soulful American House @ Emmanuel College 19:30 Fitz Hall,Queen’s Hamlet TRINITY HALL Heaven and Hell Viva! 80s, 90s and today AEROBICS 18:00 Kick Bo @ Christ’s College 5 19:45 ADC Royal Hunt of the Sun 19:45 Robinson College A Thousand Words 20.00 Bateman Auditorium Kafka’s Dick 20:00 Christ’s New Court The Street of Crocodiles 21:00 School of Pythagoras Peace 21.30 When Declan Died 22.45 Fitz Hall,Queens’ The Morning after Optimism 23.00 ADC Lunch 22.45 Fitz Hall,Queens’ The Morning after Optimism LIFE The Sunday Roast Suporting CU Hockey Club FILM 19.00&22.00 Blue Velvet @ Robinson College SUNDAY 6 CLARE Robert Mitchell Jazz FILM 20.00 Reparatory Night @ Emmanuel College JUNCTION Electric Six 21st Century Rock FILM 20.30&22.30 Goodbye Lenin! @ Christ’s College JUNCTION Flamenco Classes Takes you to the heart of Seville SPEAKER 19.45 Simon Nye @ Newnham College MONDAY 7 LIFE Live is Life International student night IWW 19:00 ‘The way forward for women in Iraq’ FEZ Fat Poppadaddys Funky and soulful sounds @ Latimer Room, Clare College 19:00 Corpus Christi Playroom Smorgasbord LIFE Unique CUSU’s lesbigay night FILM 20.00 Some Like it Hot @ Corpus TUESDAY 19.30 Pembroke New Cellars An Ideal Husband BALLARE Top Banana CUSU ents flagship night IWW 19.00 Self Defence Class 19.45 Emmanuel College Mrs Warren’s Profession FEZ Ebonics Mix of hip hop, dancehall, reggae @Trinity Hall Lecture Theatre 8 19.45 ADC Noises Off PONANA Dynamo d’n’b With Hospital’s Logistics and IWW 11.00-14.00 Women’s Day Fair @ Guildhall 19.45 New Court Thtre,Christ’s Mythmaking Commix playing IWW 19.00-21.30 Women’s Cabaret @ Guildhall 20.00 The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant IWW 21.00 International Women’s Day Ent 21.30 Corpus Christi Playroom The Freshers Play @ Newnham Bar 22.30 Pembroke New Cellars Bailegangaire 23.00 ADC Gift-wrapping Costs Extra... 19:00 Corpus Christi Playroom Smorgasbord WEDNESDAY 19.30 Pembroke New Cellars An Ideal Husband BALLARE Rumboogie Godfather of Cambridge nights FILM 19.30&20.00 Mean Girls @ Robinson College 19.45 Emmanuel College Mrs Warren’s Profession FEZ Mi Casa Tu Casa International student night IWW 19.00 Grad Woman’s Event with BFWG @ B Bar 19.45 ADC Noises Off IWW 18.30 LBG’s Womens Event @ Clown’s 9 19.45 New Court Thtre,Christ’s Mythmaking IWW 19.00 ‘Making it work:Work/Life Balance’ with 20.00 The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant Eileen Rubery & Rufus Evison 21.30 Corpus Christi Playroom The Freshers Play @ Shelia Gillies Rm,Wolfson Court 22.30 Pembroke New Cellars Bailegangaire 23.00 ADC Medics Review 2005 THURSDAY 19:00 Corpus Christi Playroom Smorgasbord COCO Urbanite CUSU’s night of hip hop & rnb THEATRE 19.30 Jesus Christ Superstar @ Fitz 19.30 Pembroke New Cellars An Ideal Husband FEZ Wild Style Award winning night of hip hop Auditorium 19.45 Emmanuel College Mrs Warren’s Profession LIFE Lady Penelopes RnB and hip hop IWW £8.50 King’s Women’s Dinner 10 19.45 ADC Noises Off KMBAR Foxie Pop, emo and indie 19.45 New Court Thtre,Christ’s Mythmaking 21.30 Corpus Christi Playroom The Freshers Play 22.30 Pembroke New Cellars Bailegangaire 23.00 ADC Medics Review 2005 www.varsity.co.uk March 4, 2005 LISTINGS 15

TUTORS WANTED Please submit Tutors needed to work with our listings son on a home-based education programme. or box ad Our son Naren is 13 years old and suffers from autism. The requests to person willing to join should be [email protected] reliable, committed and moti- vated to learn a new method of teaching based on Behaviour Intervention techniques. The programme is suitable for enthusiastic, young persons, eager to help a child learn. JUDITH E WILSON Full training will be provid- EDINBURGH ed with flexible hours. DRAMA STUDIO, Starting pay of £7 per hour. FESTIVAL Faculty of English For further information contact Drs RAO on 01223411575. 2005 Solve your accommoda- Cambridge Series

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Carole Smith/Anne MARCH KEITH INVITES APPLICATIIONS FOR Goring original and innovative WALDROP, ROSEMARIE on 01620 810 620 May Week Shows WALDROP AND DAVE email address: To be held in Emmanuel College [email protected] RUSHMER Grounds Submit typed or e-mailed applications, or write to Festival Flats, with a copy of the script, to Martha 3 Linkylea Cottages, Monday 7 March 8pm Spurrier (mgs37) by 6pm, Sunday 6th March. Gifford, East Lothian, EH41 4PE

This week http.//www.english.cam.ac.uk www.festivalflats.net Mon 7th: MBM - Third MBM, elec /dramastudio tion hustings and 2 hours of polling, 5pm -8pm Tues 8th: Speaker - Bob Crow - 7pm Election day, polls open 10am -8pm Thurs 10th: Debate - This House believes the music indus SamSam SmileySmiley try is all about industry and not about music - 8pm 68 Trumpington Street

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UK GRAD Careers in Focus for PhD Researchers Investment Banking and Management - 31st March & Management Consultancy - 15th April

These UK GRAD Careers in Focus events have been designed for doctoral researchers, and will provide a unique opportunity within a fast paced and dynamic environment to: • Find out about the real opportunities for PhDs within a range of leading firms. • Develop and practise the skills and competencies that employers in the sectors look for in PhD recruits. • Enhance your awareness and understanding of the different business areas within sector • Understand how your skills as a researcher can be transferred to these sectors. Great tasting, great • Tour a trading floor (applies only to the Investment Banking & Management event) Furthermore, you will have unlimited informal networking opportunities, including a drinks reception in the evening. These are 1-day events and are FREE to participants.

value pizza for delivery Whether or not you have previously considered a career in either sector, these events provide the chance to investigate them further, increase your understanding of the transition between academia and the sector, and give you a clearer perspective on how to bridge the gap. For more information and to book online, please visit and collection www.grad.ac.uk/events Dominos, Cambridge: 01223 355155 27 Hills Road, Cambridge, CB2 1NW 16 SCIENCE March 04, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk Complementary or Conventional? Zoe Smeaton asks whether Western medicine is always the best option he achievements of dition) are increasing in number Western medicine are ever year and the Government Tregularly cited as an reported that there were 955 inimitable factor in maintain- cases in 2003 – a 19% increase ing our ‘quality of life’. from the previous year. Increasing life-expectancy fig- The reaction of the public to ures are perceived as a measur- the media coverage of hospital- able consequence of medicine’s borne diseases is often one of ever mounting success rates in anxiety, and is leading to a lack healing its patients, and most of confidence in the medical

of us would like to think that profession. A friend whose oe Smeaton & Charlie Manning whatever diseases Nature may mother contracted MRSA Z choose to inflict upon us, our whilst in hospital recovering doctors will have the capability from septicaemia summed up to help. this feeling “she was supposed to be in hospital to get better, but it Is our medical sys- just made her more poorly.” tem really as This dissatisfaction with our own medical system is perhaps sophisticated as the driving force in many people’s we like to claim? decision to turn to ‘alternative therapies’. One of these which is But is our medical system currently less well-known in really as sophisticated as we like England, but well established to claim? Many experts fear not, worldwide, is Tibetan Medicine – and MRSA is regularly referred the chief medical and healing to as one of the most worrying practice of Tibetans. (and potentially disastrous) Dr Tsering Thakchoe Dr Drungtso pictured next to the cover of his book - a leading guide to Tibetan Medicine examples of modern medicine Drungtso, a professor at the is necessary to qualify as a spirits is not generally accepted by astrology in this practice. They have expressed an interest in apparently failing. Tibetan Medical and Tibetan physician) but holds a Western doctors, and it is for this are guided by astrological factors manufacturing some of the MRSA stands for methicillin- Astrological Institute in India, firm belief that diseases of any reason that Dr Drungsto believes as to when they should perform Tibetan ‘precious pills’ (herbal resistant Staphylococcus aureus, but is an international expert on kind are related to the mind. Tibetan healing can be more operations - some days will bring remedies of varying composition is now used to describe any strain Tibetan Medicine and has He feels that Tibetan beneficial than modern treat- higher chances of success than often used as preventative meas- of Staphylococcus bacteria (which written a book on the subject Medicine is particularly superior ments. He does recognise the others, and this is an important ures as well as treatment for a commonly cause only mild infec- which aims to dispel some of in the realm of mental disorders, successes of modern medicine consideration when preparing for range of disorders, including tions) that has become resistant the basic misconceptions about many of which are un-diagnos- however, and says that a combi- any operation. It is easy to imag- one for cancer) as an alternative to one or more antibiotics, mak- Tibetan therapeutic methods. able and thus un-curable in mod- nation of modern and Tibetan ine this procedure being com- medicine for Westerners. ing it difficult to treat. If con- He talked to the Cambridge ern medicine’s terms. His book medicine “works pretty well” in bined with the more ‘sophisticat- Many Tibetan physicians are tracted by a weak or ill person as University Himalayan & ELST includes a detailed description of many cases. ed’ operational techniques unwilling to support this due to is often the case in hospitals, and Complementary Medicine such a case in which a patient had employed in the west, perhaps to their beliefs that Tibetan MRSA can be dangerous, or even & Medical History Societies, been diagnosed with a psychiatric Tibetan Medicine increase success rates here too. Medicine should be used solely fatal; and the possibility that bac- and then to myself personally, illness, but doctors had been “works pretty well” Whilst the idea of Tibetan to help people rather than for teria may mutate further to even- giving an introduction to unable to help her. Eventually in many cases healing may seem very different any monetary gains, but perhaps tually be resistant to all antibiotics Tibetan Medicine and his work the family of the patient turned to to our own visions of medicine, in the future a demand for such is an ever present threat. as a healer. Tibetan physicians and Dr An example of a potential com- it is the primary medical prac- developments will become Deaths involving MRSA as a Dr Drungtso explains that the Drungsto then successfully treat- plementary use of the two can be tice used by Tibetans, and has impossible to ignore if our contributing factor (patients theory behind Tibetan medical ed her by expelling the evil spirit found in surgery. Whilst Tibetan attracted interest from around modern medicine deteriorates often die from a combination of science is highly complicated responsible for her condition. healers do perform some minor the World. Dr Drungtso said as is feared by many to be a def- infection and their original con- (hence a five year training course The concept of possession by surgeries they also rely upon some pharmaceutical companies inite possibility. When science lets us Die Another Day et’s face it, Bond films something to consider. But it’s could find worked together to There is a lot of interesting sci- would be crap without the certainly not a straightforward beat a common enemy – and for ence and engineering in this area gadgets. Without the laser decision that the science gradu- better or worse, they succeeded. – and more importantly, people

oe Smeaton L watches, exploding pens, jet- ate about town faces today. Whilst this example does who are willing to pay money to Z packs, and the rack of heat-seek- The problem faced by many seem to have at least some moral get at it. Military research does ing missiles cunningly concealed scientists boils down to whether justifications in ending the war, ultimately provide the technology in the bumper of his Aston or not they believe military things often aren’t so clear-cut. with which wars are fought, so Martin, Sean Connery would just research is a morally acceptable Take the recent NASA-devel- does the “Cruise missiles don’t be a plonker in a DJ. activity. In an ideal world, oped X-43A Scramjet, which kill people, people kill people” Despite the fact that Q is where there were no wars and was a much-celebrated achieve- argument really stand up? A played up to the bumbling British no ‘bad’ people, then no – it isn’t ment in getting to speeds of near squad of battle-hardened marines scientist image we all know and, really. Making better ways of Mach 10 (roughly 7000mph). brandishing a selection of big er, love, the James Bond films do killing people when there is no Of course, you couldn’t fit a per- sticks probably wouldn’t have got represent one of the few need to kill anyone is obviously son in it… but then the too far into Baghdad, so in some moments in the wider public eye a bad thing. But keeping tech- American Department of ways it seems not. where science and technology nologically ahead of your “ene- Defense’s HyTech (Hypersonic As well as the more general looks even a little bit “cool”. Well, mies” is a much more blurry Technology) project, where a issues of morality though, anoth- relatively speaking, anyway. issue – and one that has proba- Scramjet engine is fitted into a er major problem with any mili- But what about the real-life bly been the biggest influence Cruise Missile, doesn’t need to. tary research is that where and ‘Q’s’? According to recently de- on the scientists of the past who The morality of this one is much when the technology developed classified MI5 files, it turns out have faced this decision. trickier to call. is used is not the scientists’ deci- that Fleming’s vision of hi-tech The big example, of course, is Of course, technology from sion. In choosing to work on such undercover warfare wasn’t actu- the atomic bomb – arguably used past wars has given us aero- projects, scientists are ultimately ally too far from the truth. to end the Second World War. planes, computers, radar, and all helping to develop the tools of Would today’s scientists be pre- Some of the 20th century’s great- sorts of things that have helped war and just have to hope that pared to use the principles of est physicists were involved on define modern life and arguably they stay in the right hands. But physics and/or engineering to both sides – including Feynman, made things better. And future as to whether there are such help MI5’s finest out of a tight Oppenheimer, Fermi, and technologies – such as laser things as “the right hands” – in a spot then? Unless they’re into Heisenberg – using some of guns, robot soldiers, and com- world without James Bonds and the idea “selling out” to go into physic’s most fundamental results plete battle space mapping (all evil bald men with fluffy white investment banking, or braving to unleash the one of deadliest under development) - might cats and funny accents – well the ego-ridden minefield that is weapons known to man. In this well lead to more such that’s a tricky decision too. academia, then it might be case, the finest minds the Allies “advances”. Tom Whyntie A plonker in a DJ... or the next James Bond? V

04.03.05 Rob Petit arsity

Forthcoming student film Ten Pence

hat’s it called?” my pick of the week friend asked, sound- “Wing unimpressed, Art-house party Music: Lemon “Ten Pence,” I replied. “Is that how Jelly much is gonna cost to make then?” Corn Exchange, Fri he asks, to which the answer was, as Rob Petit explains the trials 4th, 19.30 with most student films: “yes, give Mercury-nominated or take.” It often seems that student ambient-electro odd- projects are comprised of groups of and triumphs of being a stu- Arts balls stop off in people that work because they want Cambridge to promote their new album to: working for the love, as one of dent film-maker in Cambridge ‘64 - 95’ the actors so touchingly put it. I began working on Ten Pence filmmaking society who are organ- not, then there’s always the option about a year and a half ago and it ising a Cambridge University com- of storming out of the cinema very quickly became one of those petition featuring the best short shouting, “nobody understands me!” Film: Gold Rush obsessive projects that couldn’t be films made by students. On Believe me, it happens. Winstanley Lecture left alone. Broadly, it’s about Saturday March 5 some of these Whatever happens on CineCam Theatre,Trinity London. The film tracks the jour- films will be screened in front of an competition night, it’s likely to be College, Sun 6th, ney of a London coin through the audience and a panel of judges. The an exciting evening. I’m sure a lot 20.30 hands of two characters who have panel includes the film guide editor of the filmmakers feel it’s not just One of Charlie essentially been in some way dam- for Time Out, John Pym, as well as their film that’s on show; it’s also a Chaplin’s greatest films, this details the aged by city life. It’s not all dark the director of the Brighton Film part of their ideology. Criticism, adventures of the Little Tramp who trav- though, as a street preacher brings School and directors Brian Gilbert however, is the only way things are els to Alaska to seek his fortune in the sunshine (literally) in the only dia- and Toby Macdonald.To have work going to get better, something I’ve gold rush. With live piano accompani- logue sequences during the thirteen screened in front of such a panel is still got to learn. ment from Trinity’s organ scholar. minutes. Filmed in two days and an exciting opportunity. So what have I missed out? I’ve edited on a laptop, it illustrates how got the suitably arty screenshot, much more accessible the process of There’s always the talked about finding the meaning of Fashion: The filmmaking has become in the last option of storming life: is there anything else to student Cambridge few years. filmmaking? The most important Fashion Show Student films get a hard time. All out of the cinema thing is to appreciate the range of Guildhall, Sun 6th, students seem to be blessed with a shouting,‘nobody talent we have here. Getting more 19.00 unique gift: an overwhelming desire people involved and making more Come and see to answer the ‘big’ questions in life. understands me!’ films is the best way to do this. Cambridge’s finest Unfortunately this can translate as Film-making is now so accessible: fashionistas showcase their new cloying pretentiousness, especially While it’s vital for students to get the rise of ‘bedroom filmmakers’ designs, in aid of the Tsunami Relief in the minds of those unimpressed their work shown, there’s always (largely students) is testament to Fund. friends. Whether Ten Pence is an that element of fear. Public audi- how much easier the process has exception or not is not for me to say; ences are terrifying. Making a film become. As for the meaning of life, my circle of friends liked it, but is very personal, and the director can well we’ve got a much better chance Theatre: they’d probably have enjoyed a put so much of him/herself into the of finding it if there are more of us Smorgasbord musical version of Desperate project that there’s inevitably an ele- making the attempt. Corpus Christi Housewives, if it meant not offend- ment of autobiography involved, Playroom,Tue 8th - ing a friend’s piece of work. That is and the filmmaker too is put on Competition night Sat 12th , 19.00 why, as with any project, it’s really show. Sometimes rejection can feel Saturday March 5, 19.30 Queen’s Annual drama festival important to get it seen by people like the audience is rejecting part of Building, Emmanuel College showcasing outside the ‘bubble’, people who can you. However awful this seems to Cambridge’s best new play-writing talent. offer serious criticism. be, they’ll always be someone who Reparatory night 7 short plays of brand new work. This is where CineCam comes likes it, unless it really is a musical Sunday March 6, 20.00, Queen’s in. CineCam is the university’s version of Desperate Housewives. If Building, Emmanuel College

MAKE MINE A SHORT ONE LITERATURE, PAGE 19 GOLDIE LOOKIN’ CHAIN INTERVIEWED MUSIC, PAGE 21 TABOO CINEMA UNLEASHED FILM, PAGE 25 OFFERINGS FROM OFFENBACH THEATRE, PAGE 23 18 STUDENT FASHION March 04, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk

Fashion Show Preview 2005 - student designers Shawn and Kirstin in outfits by Benj Seidler, Anna Heinrup, Emilie Grouber Claudia in outfit by Claire Jamieson and Owen Watson Photography by James Beresford LITERATURE www.varsity.co.uk March 04, 2005 19 Italian legend Make mine a short one Laurence Hooper talks Sam Holmes examines the origins of the short story ou’re probably wonder- What gushed forth was to award-winning ing what there is to get something quite unexpected. Yexcited about when it Those instructive moralising comes to short stories: surely finalés were inverted to become writer/director Giorgio just a second rate substitute for the closing twists that we so proper, reassuringly weighty know and love today. No more Pressburger about novels? But despite the way pre-packaged meanings to they’ve often been disregarded place us comfortably in a Pasolini and war by Anglophone critics and coherent world, but instead, authors alike, over the last year the rug of established values iorgio Pressburger has cate the experiences of people there’s been a flurry of activity whipped away, leaving us reel- led the sort of life that, like Osip Mandelstam, who was in the somewhat neglected ing in the face of dizzying Gfor better or for worse, is killed in Siberia. I want people realm of the tale. uncertainty. The modernist no longer possible. Born into a to feel Siberia’s snow and its Will Self has returned to the short story was born. Jewish family in Budapest in frozen air and to understand short story fold with his collec- Maybe the history wasn’t 1936, he narrowly escaped that Mandelstam only died tion Dr Mukti And Other Tales quite that simple, but the power deportation to Auschwitz during because the régime didn’t like of Woe after some hit-and-miss of the contemporary short story the Second World War and then what he wrote. hybrid ventures, Chuck is undeniable. I may not be the Cover stories: don’t be deceived, these are no books at bedtime fled to Italy from the Stalinist Palahniuk (of Fight Club fame) first person to point this out but But short-story-shock is not For something to really mess repression of the 1950s. There he LH: Of which of your works are has published his stomach- short stories are, well, short. You just about the subject matter (it with your head, Magnus Mills trained as a director at the you most proud? turning Stranger Than Fiction: know as you’re reading one that wouldn’t be giving away too is your man. Although he has Accademia d’Arte Drammatica True Stories and, not to be out- each word is there for a reason, much to say that Guts is a fairly published two collections of and has since become a colossus GP: My film of Pier Paolo done, the Cambridge more like in a poem than a literal title). Even the apparent- short stories, his four novels are of Italian culture, directing the- Pasolini’s play, Calderòn; a critic University English Faculty have novel. Joyce’s The Dead doesn’t ly more mundane tales of Joyce’s also written in classic bizarre- atre, film, radio and opera; teach- once called it “Pasolini’s greatest jumped on the band-wagon, end with a ‘blizzard’, but “snow Dubliners can leave you with an yet-all-too-familiar short story ing at the Universities of Lecce film”. I’d always admired with their new paper on falling faintly through the uni- uncanny sense that normality style, quite literally stretching and Udine, as well at his old alma Pasolini’s films and I knew his Modernism and the Short Story. verse and faintly falling, like the just isn’t quite normal anymore. the genre beyond its physical mater and writing plays, novels novels and his plays a little, unlike So, what’s it all about? descent of their last end, upon all Short stories lodge themselves limits. His All Quiet on the and short stories. most Italians who know his poet- Let me take you back about the living and the dead”. in our traumatic memory. Read Orient Express, is a novel only He has won numerous prizes ry best. My best friend, Paolo 900 years to the depths of the Chekhov, Katherine Mansfield, in length, as its eerie irresolu- both at home and abroad: he Bonacelli (who plays the lead in European Dark Ages. Short stories lodge Edgar Allan Poe, Kafka, even tion is reminiscent of the short confided to me that during the the film) taught me everything I Translations of Eastern tales, themselves in our Roald Dahl, and it will always story through and through. seventies RAI used to await his needed to know about Pasolini, such as the Arabian Nights, traumatic memory leave you with spine tingling, The Anglophone reader is entry to their radio prize, which he starred in his final film, Salo, or were just starting to become not quite sure how to accom- still a good few centuries he won three times in five years, the 120 Days of Sodom. First we available in European lan- It’s not just about elegant, modate the unsettling void behind his Hispanic and with bated breath. These include put the play on in a theatre and guages, sparking an interest in evocative sentences; the short leaking from the pages. Lusophone counterparts in rec- the Viareggio Prize for his novel then with the same group of short tales and linking them, story is written to shock, as well; If the physical pain of Chuck ognizing the importance of this La Neve e La Colpa (Snow and actors we filmed it inside Italy’s in the mind of the gleefully look no further than Chuck Palahniuk is not for you, then genre. Read anything by Jorge Fault) and the Independent only Nazi concentration camp, at scandalised Western reader, to Palahniuk’s Guts for proof of this. tease your mind a bit with any- Luis Borges or Machado de Foreign Fiction Prize for La San Sabba, near Trieste. It won all that’s weird and wonderful. He claims he’s yet to complete a thing by the brilliant Kurt Assis and you might see why. Legge Degli Spazi Bianchi (The the San Sebastian Prize in 1981, Christian Europe already had public rendition without provok- Vonnegut. A natural-born Still, the English language Law of White Spaces). the year it was released. its parables and fables but, ing at least a couple of fainting yarn-spinner, you’ll find a boasts both classic and contem- He talks in slow, measured inspiration having dried up a fits or bouts of vomiting. If you string of short stories inter- porary greats so, next time Italian, without a trace of an LH: What was it that you bit post-Bible, these began to want to know why, you’ll have to woven even into Vonnegut’s you’re taking advantage of accent and has a habit of making admired so much about Pasolini? be turned on their head in a read it, but make sure you heed novels, passed off as summaries Borders’ 3 for 2 offer, don’t just anyone with whom he comes last-ditch attempt to shake a the health warning. It still gives of books by the science fiction be seduced by the latest novels into contact feel very poorly-read GP: You could tell from his films few final drops of potential me disconcerting flashbacks, over writer Kilgore Trout, his recur- but spare a thought for their because of his continual refer- that he, like Fellini, had a great from the dying genre. six months on… rent character and alter ego. eclipsed older cousins. ences to far more books than any passion for the Italian people and one person should have had time the Italian nation. They were to read in a lifetime. both against naturalism as prac- tised by Visconti, who always had Short stories are sidelined in our escapist world, insists Zoe Organ LH: Let’s start from the begin- elaborate historical sets from the ning: could you tell me a little 18th and 19th centuries. away the winter.Today we have story is clearly alive and well.” about your experiences in In 1968, Pasolini wrote a a frantic lifestyle. But despite But shortness involves more Hungary during the Second great manifesto called Manifesto the contrast, we choose to than following impulses. In the World War? for a New Theatre, in which he immerse ourselves in the dic- balance of concealment and rev- called for a ‘Theatre of the tionaries of Tolkien and ponder elation, these stories have to GP: It’s not something I like to Word’. This came out of the the alternative universal laws of unfold at a much faster pace, talk about. The Second World work of the Porcospino (porcu- Pullman. Perhaps everyone just whilst preserving our specula- War is the worst thing that’s hap- pine) theatre company, who needs a holiday, and the short tion. Characters have to be pened in Europe’s history. I was were putting on works by writ- story has become only the sec- immediately intriguing, sen- very young at the time and didn’t ers such as Moravia and Gadda ond-rate minibreak. tences have to explode after truly understand how close we as well as Pasolini himself. All short fuses: “Neil Sissons, were to death; although I knew of these writers wrote pure the- We don’t want unfortunately, has a very big we were suffering. We spent a atre, theatre for its own sake, glimpses of the problem. At home, he has a month and a half in the cellar of Theatre of the Word. And who imaginary, we drawer full of envelopes. In each a synagogue, two adults and more was the director of the compa- envelope is a child’s tooth.” than 60 children with almost ny? My friend Paolo Bonacelli. want to remain Such is the opening of Teeth nothing to eat and drink. Finally, When I was directing suspended forever Stories 1 by Lloyd Thomas. we were saved by some Russian Calderón, I followed Pasolini’s There is no scope for Tantric soldiers who knocked through manifesto to the letter, even As a child, The Lion, the authorial indulgence. the wall of the next-door cellar. where the stage directions Witch and the Wardrobe left me The short story has fled the called for me to reproduce a leaning across a sea of minia- emblematic and vague roman- LH: Do you think it is possible to Velázquez painting onstage. I ture shoes to press my sticky tic worlds, such as are revived communicate experiences like that to was as simple as possible: I fingers on the back of the by AS Byatt in The Djin in the audiences of a younger generation? used an enormous mirror. The wardrobe wall. After The Nightingale’s Eye. Here she English still have great play- Magicians Nephew, which I calls on all the nostalgic GP: Yes. Writers such as Primo wrights, Stoppard for example, read probably six months later, romantic symbols and laces Levi have communicated them. but the Italians don’t anymore. oday it seems that even beckons. Today we don’t want all my old heroes had been them in those lulling bedtime If This is a Man is a very impor- Pasolini was the last, and he was shortness itself is under- glimpses of the imaginary, we deemed “too old to return to words. Her stories are pillow tant text, it’s as rich as the the greatest since Pirandello. Testimated. We literary want to remain suspended for- Narnia”. I was already expect- talk. The Mays were often sto- Divine Comedy. And I’m trying I’ve tried to make my own con- monsters want to glut ourselves ever. The book, the film, then ed to adopt the next genera- ries of our world today. Despite to write about them myself in tribution recently with three on novels by the trilogy. We the show, the plastic toys, and tion. The art of an excellent its meagre size, the short story my latest book, which is about plays that touch on the great demand a promise of seven best of all, the costume. writer is knowing when to has to straddle the gap between hell on earth. It doesn’t have a themes of society and culture. courses before we will even sit Way back at the birth of stop, knowing how much of a archaism and current affairs. title yet but it will be a series of down. The shorter the story, romance, rugged and hairy good thing is enough. Otherwise it may miss that encounters with people who See Pier Paolo Pasolini’s the less time will pass before northern Europeans would In the introduction to last fleeting sense of detatched were killed unjustly in the last Mythmaking at Christ’s New the suspense will be fulfilled, huddle round firesides digesting year’s Mays, Pullman rejoices in reflection which lets us return century in gulags, in Auschwitz Court Theatre, 8th-12th the climax reached and the large chunks of meat and the fact that amongst the con- to our world with the richness and so on. I want to communi- March, 7:45pm. return to the world of reality inventing detailed plots to while tributors “the impulse to tell a of the other remaining. 20 MUSIC March 04, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk

NEW IN 2005 7Longcut #7 Dreamy days at the Junction Roots Manuva Swaggering on to the stage in a generally well received by the his laid back delivery, but this couldn’t help feeling that he dapper white waistcoat, it was crowd. But the biggest cheers of time it occasionally sounded like wouldn’t mean it until he’s back Junction – 1st March unclear whether Manuva’s hesi- the night were reserved for old he was just being lazy. Like on home turf at the Brixton Review by Henry Bowen tant pace was because he was favourites such as ‘Join the Dots’ Skinnyman, who replaced “fuck” Academy this weekend. wearing shades or whether other and Manuva had the audience with “love” and “nyam” with “eat” Despite this, Manuva still put “Allow me a spare ticket bruv?” substances were to blame. But the singing along in unison to the when he performed at Clare on the best hip hop show that became a familiar plea in the days reception of the crowd was no less chorus of ‘Dreamy Days’. And of Cellars last term because he felt Cambridge has seen in a long Predictably heralded as the running up to Monday. As one of excited as he launched into his course, no-one would have gone he had to “adapt to his audience”, time, his well-rehearsed act and next standard-bearers of ‘the the few recent junction gigs to opening tune. home happy if the encore hadn’t Manuva changed lyrics as if we accomplished band bringing a Manchester sound’ – with have sold out weeks beforehand, Since finishing his latest album, finished with the rowdy anthem would only understand a watered touch of class to overshadow the their familiar interplay of there was considerable excitement Manuva has been working hard to ‘Witness’, a treat that had been down version. For a rapper who usual efforts on two turntables looping, machine-gun drums, about Roots Manuva’s appearance put together his live show. As he cruelly denied to the Manchester makes such brilliant use of and a microphone. And anyone sparse guitar shrift and sour at the Junction. Touring to pro- said in a recent interview, “My crowd a few days before. London slang, even inventing who can persuade that many lazy yelping, none of The Longcut mote his new album, Awfully main aim is to build the Roots Still, there was a definite sense his own word ‘Crufiton’, this was Cambridge students to mission all are even from the city. Lee Deep, the sheer size of crowd was Manuva live act into an unstop- that he wasn’t giving it everything a shame. When he shouted out the way past the station has got to Gale, Stuart Ogilvie and Jon proof of the rapper’s breadth of pable force”. Taking the cue from he had. Manuva is legendary for to big up the local crowd, I have something worth checking. Fearon met while studying at appeal beyond just the usual UK acts such as Philadelphia’s The Manchester University, hip hop heads. Roots, his show involves a tradi- en bonding over an open-mind- tional line-up of keyboard, bass, Bow ed enthusiasm for good “My aim is to build guitar and drums along with y music. Yet, finding them- another vocalist and his long- enr

the Roots Manuva H selves charged with the serving DJ sidekick, Kilburn’s responsibilities of maintain- live act into an finest, DJ MK. ing the musical heritage of a unstoppable force” Although most of these served metropolis that none calls a purely as backing for the lyricist, home town does not appear As the swelling crowds checked the crowd were delighted that to be daunting them: their coats and hit the bar for Red MK was given ample opportunity January’s Transition EP com- Stripe, recent XL signing M.I.A. to show off his awesome turntable bined the aforementioned warmed up the sound system with skills with an extended scratch inheritance with the sweaty her blend of hip hop and dance- showcase. Having redefined the drive of Fugazi and Sonic hall from Sri Lanka via boundaries of UK hip hop with Youth and an instrumental Hounslow. While some of the his first two albums, the MOBO pulse reminiscent of Can and tunes got the crowd moving, she award winner and Mercury Music Neu! Catch them on the never really impressed and her Prize nominee is reaching out to great lineup of Thursday’s final tune got more reaction for include influences from genres as Camden Crawl or download using a beat from Dead Prez than diverse as techno, soul and indie their session for Steve for her original interpretation. As rock into his sound. So it was no Lamacq from their website. the late entrants left the bar to surprise that much of his set con- crowd towards the stage, the last tained new tunes that diverge Jon Swaine preparations were finished for the considerably from his original www.thelongcut.com main event. dubby hip hop style, and were Roots Manuva and DJ MK played out to a capacity audience at the Junction MUSIC www.varsity.co.uk March 04, 2005 21 Ravin’ it up? You knows it, clart! Goldie Lookin’ Chain dying something - again I’m not Corn Exchange - 27 Feb so sure. They aren’t really come- dians and they aren’t really musi-

Review by Oli Robinson Ian Cheek cians. They seem to fill a niche

had a great Sunday night at somewhere in between. A niche y of es the Corn Exchange in the that’s filled with three stripe, t company of Goldie Looking bling, weed, willies and Wales. I Cour Chain. To say that they put on a But it was worth the wait. great gig would be a little silly. I When they eventually came on an tend to think of a ‘great gig’ as awesome party started. The beats involving well crafted musician- are great for leaping around to and ship that somehow and coinci- it’s just somewhat invigorating to dentally merges with the time watch grown men in tracksuits tell and place…or something equally us that “yer mother’s got a penis” pretentious. GLC didn’t do any or eloquently lamenting “j-lo of that. But they did show that it don't mean shit to me, p-diddy is somehow infectiously enter- don't mean shit to me, ja-rule taining to watch 10 mental Welshmen manically leap around To say it was a a stage like drunken monkeys. great gig would Beginning at the beginning; the support, not to mince my be a little silly words, was rubbish. The first act was like watching a ‘ghetto’ don't mean shit to me, Fuck You, teenager rapping his heart away Alisha Keys”. There are also so in his bedroom, and the second many of them running around was tedious, incomprehensible and leaping off bits of decking and loud. They made it seem a that it’s rather like watching the long wait for the main act. I’m penguin pen in a zoo or perhaps not entirely sure that’s the pur- children in a playground (not that pose of support. They did, how- I make a habit of watching play- ever, support the notion that hip- grounds…). Either way, it is hoppers desperately deserve to compelling and the energy levels me sad. More often than not you The set lasted around an hour great actors. And I guess that’s As they might put it themselves; have the piss taken out of them. shoot through the roof. had to rely on the somewhat but it went quickly. It was fun. the crux of it – watching lots of “Safe as Fuck”. As a companion of mine pointed If I had one complaint it would PowerPoint-esque display behind The encore, following some word people enjoy themselves in front A special mention goes to their out, it seemed like GLC were be that they were fairly distorted them which would occasionally art “you want some more” and of a crowd of people enjoying hilarious website: priming us with a perfect exam- and it was often hard to hear flash the odd lyric or “you knows “you’ll have to make more noise themselves, alongside some www.youknowsit.com ple of what they parody just what they were actually saying. it” in front of scenes of finest than that,” was well judged and catchy tunes, some pop refer- before brutally cutting them I’m sure I missed the naughtiest Newport. Slightly shoddy, but I left us on a high. If they weren’t ences, and a healthy dose of See www.varsity.co.uk for the down. If indeed GLC are paro- things they said, and that makes suppose that adds to the charm. enjoying themselves, they are immaturity is, well, wicked fun! full article, including interview.

Mouthing off about Girls Aloud eek

hat really irritates me about Girls he indie snob living in my iPod tells me to Aloud is their absolute nothingness. reject Girls Aloud, to go back to Patti WTheir lyrics tell us how, like them, we TSmith and The Arcade Fire, and forget the should “stick a finger to the world below”. inescapable joy of ‘No Good Advice’, ‘Sound of However, it sounds like they wouldn’t hesitate to the Underground’ and ‘The Show’. But I can’t, lbum of the w

give that finger (or fist) to anyone, but would won’t and shouldn’t have to – the product of A have no sense of spirit behind it; it’s just a banal Popstars: The Rivals epitomise great pop music, gesture when stumbling out of a nightclub with a and are a lesson in how to manufacture a band Idlewild The Bravery Kaiser Chiefs dress above her head. (Pete Waterman, take note). Warnings/Promises The Bravery Employment Even the name of the band is so almost a clever Take Cheryl Tweedy. A proper chav she may pun, insinuating that they’re mouthy and have be, but don’t we need people like that? If noth- Recording with new guitarist Still showing symptoms of Post- Quick, let’s jump on this somehow paved the way for empowered girl ing else, they provide us with some sort of a Allan Stewart and bassist Gavin The Killers Live Performance slightly dancey-rock band- bands to overtake the charts. In fact, they’re just a yardstick against which we measure ourselves, Fox for the first time, subtle but Stress Disorder, I should perhaps wagon before it becomes carbon copy of bands which have been and gone. and dare we say it, our peers. With all their significant changes have been have steered clear of any album uncool! This time round, both It would be easy to criticise bands such as the perma-tans, straightened hair and co-ordinat- made to Idlewild’s sound. The by a similarly slightly-too-chub- sides of the pond are doing it. Spice Girls, but they at least weren’t just going ing awards show outfits (even though they measured, poetic delivery of by-to-wear-that-much-eyeliner Are Kaiser Chiefs aware of the through the motions of being pop stars. Girls never win anything), the girls inject that little Roddy Woomble’s vocals, slide bunch. But The Bravery isn’t significance of their Leeds Aloud just whine their way through clichéd lyrics bit of fun, variety and spontaneity that we all guitar and soaring harmonies nearly as bad; homages to heroes roots? If they have the same and have nothing worthwhile to say. secretly relish in Heat magazine. here hark back to early REM. (usually) more tasteful, bass-lines politics as Gang of Four, they In the past few years, we’ve seen the demise of Indeed, where would we be without a girly However, whilst consistently more driven and tunes far more don’t sing about them; possi- pop luminaries such as Steps and S Club, but punch-up in the ladies’ to keep us amused? We all beautiful and challenging, this subtly infectious. ‘Fearless’ rivals bly a blessing, as judging by would anyone really care if Girls Aloud split up might shun the idea of lowering ourselves to that album lacks a single to compare even LCD Soundsystem for some of the haphazard lyrics tomorrow? For little girls they provide the pop level, but there is a warped sense of admiration for to ‘You Held The World In Your dancefloor draw, while ‘Honest here it could come out as sub- star dream, for older boys they’re FHM fodder. anyone else who has the guts to, and walk out with Arms Tonight’. Whilst The Mistake’ is every guilty act of Manics trite. Yes, this album is There is nothing wrong with that; the problem is her head held high in her pink lycra minidress Remote Part caught the eyes of teenage infidelity distilled into really bad in places – lyrically that they’re nothing else. ready for the next shot of sambuca. the masses, Warnings/Promises is three, somehow-credible min- it’s appalling, musically it’s I’m not ashamed of owning dancing to cheese In defiant conclusion: inventive songwriters trying desperately to hold their utes. The album comes most mid-90s, but some of its tunes at bops; in fact bops without cheese would be (‘Let’s go, eskimo’ !?), clever producers and a band gaze. Nevertheless, if you liked close to falling when more overt- are nonetheless infectious. empty and soulless. I’m not asking for life-chang- that are reassuringly, almost endearingly, spared where Idlewild were going, you ly attempting to match – even These lads can write catchy ing music; just a little bit of heart which Girls the personality airbrush. So good that I don’t have may well love the introspection ape – its peers; ‘No Ring On even if it’s obviously bad. It’s Aloud seems to be sadly lacking. to cry about Busted anymore. of ‘Disconnected’ and ‘Welcome These Fingers’ might as well be just not groundbreaking or Home’; in many ways this album called ‘Look! We Like Interpol’. brilliant, but I think they can Natasha Hannah seems a logical progression for a This aside, The Bravery makes a be forgiven when there are far Anders Stewart band whose career has seen them decent enough stab at this 80s- greater evils about. shift from the combustible to the ravaging lark – more than can be dramatic and awe-inspiring. said for most.

Neil Singh Jon Swaine Sam Blatherwick

Warnings/Promises is released The Bravery is released on Employment is released on on March 7th through March 7th through Polydor March 7th through B-Unique Parlophone The legendary DJ Jazzy Jeff will be at the Fez Club on Tuesday night - see www.varsity.co.uk for our preview, or go to www.thehiphoplist.co.uk for the chance to win 2 tickets to the night. 22 THEATRE March 04, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk ll What to watch A fresh Prince arrives we SMORGASBORD y Bar amlet is an enormous superb performance; strikingly role is wholeheartedly and skil- Luc Corpus Playroom, challenge for any direc- subtle in places, boldly atten- fully crafted; there are few, if 7pm, 8th - 12th Htor to take on; it’s an tion-grabbing in others. any weak links. March enormous challenge for any However, this wasn’t by any The lighting crew, often neg- actor to play; and, more impor- means a one man show. In a play lected, must get a mention as the Camrbidge’s annual tantly, it’s an enormous chal- with a relatively large cast it was grimy light used to wonderful new writing festival. lenge for any audience to sit still somewhat surprising that the effect in the opening scenes for three hours to watch the performances were so accom- made the ghost of Old Hamlet Promises “7 little thing. Having said all that, plished all round. My particular truly terrifying. Similarly at nuggets of polished, Simon Evans’ Hamlet is truly favourites were Sam Kitchener’s some points the light was so stunning, and it was a challenge Polonius, who managed to bring harsh that the scenes were pur- outstanding drama which he has undoubtedly suc- much wit to the old guy and add posely difficult to watch. and comedy will be ceeded in. Playing in the appro- a greater sense of weight to the I cannot recommend this pro- played. 7 casts, 7 priately traditional theatrical whole thing. Particular mention duction highly enough. I was space of Queens’ Fitzpatrick must go to Laertes (Rob honestly moved by the epic pro- writers, 6 directors, Hall the production was thought Heaps); this role is often neg- portions of its breathtakingly 1 huge production provoking, funny and intelligent, lected until we’re nearing the effective and distressing conclu- sombre, macabre and subtle in conclusion of the play but the sion. Wonderfully stylish and team.” Potentially all the right places. sympathetic cut, and his sense of crafted, yet never affected or one huge mess, but Hamlet is a play which needs humour in his strikingly confi- unnatural, this Hamlet is a stu- no introduction, yet, watching, I dent portrayal mean that much dent production without the worth seeing for gained a new perspective from credit must go to him. usual writhing in your seat feel- anyone interested in their interpretation of a less Where all of the characters ing that any minute something’s serious, chilling Prince than is are so vital to the telling of the about to go wrong. Practically new writing. often staged. Credit where tale it is difficult to leave any- flawless, make time for it. credit’s due: their Prince, Tom one unmentioned, that I must 7.30pm, Fitzpatrick Hall, Secretan, builds up to a truly however; suffice to say every Queens’, 1st - 5th March

When Declan Died Royal Hunt of the Sun and by James Croft as the Corpus Playroom, 21.30pm, 1st - 5th March ADC, 19.45pm, 1st - 5th March world-wearied and disillu- sioned man of means. The last Review by Imogen Walford Review by J. J. Adams of the company, his earnestness When Declan Died revolves confronted with a twitching A play that includes amongst his lines with sober gravity of delivery and sincerity of around pints, potatoes and patri- corpse holding a gnome. its minor stage directions such and brings to mind nothing so countenance as narrator draw otism: a hackneyed description of Cian O’Luniagh’s piece of new trifling affairs as crossing the much as Simba’s father one, breathlessly, irresistibly, the themes but one that sums up writing has some excellent dia- Andes is perhaps not to be Mufasa in the Lion King. into full sympathy with the this play. It is a very entertaining logue in it, but it lets itself down enterprised lightly, and it is to The events of the play character’s vicissitudes, and to way to pass an hour or so of your by following so closely the style of the credit of the ADC that it revolve around the character of the play’s moving and altogeth- time with good acting and some new Irish writing that play- has pulled off with grace and Francisco Pizarro, Commander, er quite harrowing conclusion. witty one-liners, but it always wrights like Conor McPherson conviction Shaffer’s 1964 well-steeped in age, whose soul The Chaplain and Friar exe- Jesus Christ feels like something seen before. have done so well: black comedy depiction of the fatal has been made narrow and cute their parts admirably, illu- The play is based around three overlaying deep emotion. The encounter between the Old hubristic by the circumstances minating the paradoxes of the Superstar dissolute Irish lads, each of whom comedy here is more high farce World and the New. of his youth, and the real or Church at its most sanguine, 7.30pm, Thu 10th - falls into a different stereotype. which tries desperately to subvert The directors have mar- fancied slights visited upon and heightening the spiritual There is Conor, with unrealisable itself with meaningful mono- shalled a cast of some twenty- him by his native land. He is conflicts of Pizarro, as he grap- Sat 12th March, aspirations for a better future, logues. The Playroom buzzes six persons, replete with armour played by Daniel Powell with ples with faithlessness and a Fitzwilliam acted with huge energy and with energy in this piece which and doublets and hose, or the varying degrees of success: in tragic near-redemption in his humour by James Doherty; makes it fun to watch but means varicoloured and fanciful dress his lesser moments failing to bond with Atahuallpa. Auditorium Tommy the wheeler-deeler who the acting sometimes veers into of the Inca, and deposited them engage sufficiently the inter- The chorus are worthy of Rock opera of the has an IRA past and Pat the ‘sen- hysteria. Frank Paul is genuinely about the most remarkable set, ests of the audience, or quite especial mention, for their live- last week of Jesus’ sitive’ one. With the death of funny as the nutty uncle but over- consisting of some four tiers, of dissipating the tension built up ly and evocative dances, with Pat’s father Declan, the action of all the tone of the performances is diminishing size, somewhat thereto, but at his height, exe- apologies to Martha Graham, life, told from Judas’ the play shifts from the pub into inconsistent. resembling a pyramid, and cul- cuting a performance worthy their curious and refreshing point of view. The the other great bastion of Irish It’s possible to laugh at the minating in a large white illu- of, say, Klaus Klinski, at his singing, and for their varied drama – the funeral parlour. characters and laugh with the minated canvas. most possessed and driven, tableaux, depicting progressive- blurb promises It’s here that Pat’s mad fam- characters but not really to care Against this stands for most with a wild-eyed and quite ly the pastoral life of the Inca, ‘Screaming guitar ily emerges to talk of the good about them in this piece. When of the first act Atahuallpa, the inscrutable will-to-power. the journey of the Spaniards times at the wake. It’s to Declan Died will provide you with sovereign Inca of Peru, Martin Ruiz, a man in the across the Andes, the splendour riffs, and the Gareth McCarter’s credit that an hour of great good fun – but it attended by his priests and service of Pizarro, is doubly of the Incan religion, and the exquisite climax of he manages to achieve real stays on the level of rollicking Indians, and portrayed in a represented in the play, as a boy, tumults and massacres which Gethsemane.’ pathos in his performance of farce without reaching into the most regal and majestic way in a neat and consistent per- precipitated its decline, and the the grieving son Pat even when depths of true emotion. by Nick Dalton, who invests formance by Tom Hennessey, decline of the civilization. ll Morning After Optimism we ‘real’ numbers in uncondition- Review by Peter Morton al favour of their romantic y Bar Fitzpatrick Hall, Queens, 10.45pm, 1st - 5th March ideals, and both, as literary Luc creations within the play, are "Maybe we’ll start laughing companion Rosie (Dan two-dimensional as a result. soon," mutters James, a con- Mansell and Nadia Kamil) But it is James and Rosie who fused and disappointed Irish with the overblown fantasy have to deal with their ageing pimp, to the audience who are characters Edmund and bodies, the imperfections in slouched on blankets and Anastacia (Adam Welch and their relationship and the rejec- cushions in the middle of a Lisa Owens), comic parodies tion of their ideals and their 360° theatre. of a theatrical world where characters are complex, inter- Laughter doesn’t seem like- falling in love is destiny, and esting and touchingly human. ly in these parting words – joy the curtain falls before anyone Mansell and Kamil were is not going to thrust itself has a chance to fall out of it. magnificent. Acting with flair upon him like it inevitably The fantasy lovers were and feeling, they were totally will upon the hero of a both excellent at playing roles engaging, charming us with Shakespearean comedy. that were specifically their worldly Irish and Welsh Murphy’s Morning After designed to parody – Welch accents (not the well-rounded Optimism offered us a both striding heroically about with English of the other two). humorous and saddening look an inane and distant smile on The quality of their arguing at the optimistic romantic his face, and delivering bold and joking was a real treat with ideals human beings cast for but confused and ridiculous every gesture, every inflection themselves and the search for soliloquies, Owens bringing of the voice executed to per- their fulfilment. off the innocent yet ever-so- fection. They conjured a rela- We were constantly forced predatory nymph. tionship that was the heart of a to recognize the incompati- Both resist the romantic wonderful, moving and bility of James and his whore- advances of the their opposite provocative production. THEATRE www.varsity.co.uk March 04, 2005 23 Offenbach on top of the world Orpheus and the Offenbach’s most famous ing from his very first entrance. operetta, is therefore a daring Acting as a quasi-choric figure Underworld work to take on. The Gilbert and between characters and specta- ampton Fr Arts Theatre, 1-5 March Sullivan Society does it credit, tors, he travels with us as we are with over 80 people involved. taken from modern-day London, Review by Tess Riley There’s Can-Can and fireworks, to the roaring depths of Hell, the In the world of mere mortals, life champagne and a hot-air balloon. audience making a detour to has always been relatively simple; The Chorus sings beautifully and Mount Olympus en route to see boy meets girl, falls in love, mar- powerfully, while Orpheus what mischief the gods and god- riage, kids, wrinkles, memorial. (Nicholas Jackson) and Mars desses are up to. Public Opinion Those Greek poets – Homer and (Peter Griffin) sing confidently, parades as the guardian of public companions – found this all a bit vocalizing their solos with virtue, yet it is his cynicism and mundane. So they decided to strength and accuracy. harsh reality that has the audi- spice things up a bit. Now we’re ence in raptures and Miller per- getting adulterous gods, infernal All the great male ceptively and wittily delivers his fires of Hades, beautiful nymphs lovers of our literary lines with fantastic dexterity. The revelling with wine-gods and vir- dancing is high quality and the ginal maidens doing sexy-looking heritage have costumes enhance the talented moves with tassels and grapes. suffered for love spectacle. The choreography Enter Jacques Offenbach, a works particularly well when only German-born Jewish student A twenty-plus orchestra plays a couple of dancers appear at a who moves to Paris in the 1830s almost continually through the time – individually the dancers all to pursue his love of the cello. He show and is a delight to listen to. looked and moved brilliantly but takes a sharp glance at contem- It teases the audience as it inter- when several of them were on porary society, infuses it with a weaves among the vocalists and stage at once the coordination satirical treatment of the Greek complements the stage action went slightly askew. However, the traditional stories, and out pops throughout. At times some of the set is wonderful and the dancers musical extravaganzas that could singers were unable to project use the space well. not be more entertaining, impres- loud enough to be heard over the And as for the plot? Well, it is sive or absorbing if they instrumentals and, while no fault a truth universally acknowledged tried. of the orchestra’s, it might be wise that the great male lovers of our Orpheus and the to tone down the volume so that literary heritage have suffered for Underworld, the audience can follow the love. Virgil’s Orpheus is no singers. Since most of the plot is exception to this mournful fate. delivered through the lyrics you Nonetheless, in Offenbach’s pro- can miss what is happening for a duction, Eurydice’s departure is while if you cannot hear them. just the beginning of the adven- The star of the show is Public tures. Scantily clad women, riots Opinion ( Jay Miller). Dressed in and revelry, lusts and losses, a fantastic jacket, decorated with friends and fiends – if you want a newspaper cuttings and head- music-filled, burlesque treat, lines, he had the audience laugh- Orpheus is the show to see. From flights of fancy to the gates of hell: this production of Orpheus does Offenbach proud Footlights Smoker ily a bad thing. Several sketches whilst engaging with the audi- dances, grouse shoots and to watch with his sneering facial came and went without any pal- ence in a way that some of the Oh What a Lovely War! trench warfare were played out expressions and patronisation of ADC, 29 Feb, 11pm pable sense of a conclusion but sketches failed to do. The other Corpus Playroom,7pm,1st-5th in front of them. The set was John Dalton’s Lanrezac. Review by Mic Wright amongst the usual false starts stand up of the night, Fred March minimalist enough to allow the Dalton himself had the audi- there were some extremely orig- Crawley, was on riotous form. Review by Adam Shindler actors as much space as possi- ence in stitches with his red- Reviewing the Footlights smoker inal and well written pieces. His discussion of man vs. ble - the use of boxes to create faced, bawling Sergeant-Major. is a pretty difficult task - the Luke Roberts’ sketch based beast was packed full of pop There is a comment in Director barricades, cars and trenches Likewise the teasing of Alex audience will love the smoker around a man with an unnerving culture references and original Abigail Rokison’s programme proved highly effective.The light- Spencer-Jones and tap dancing because their expectation is to love for moving chairs was a well detail. Other highlights includ- note that lets us know that she has ing design also allowed slick scene Sara Sheridan were impressive laugh. A critic could simply drawn piece of surreal character ed a trademark ode to bitter- “enjoyed the challenge of changes and created an effective song and dance performances. judge the show on the audience comedy and he was ably assisted ness and regret from Oli attempting to fit 12 singing, battlefield atmosphere. Whilst this ensemble goose- reaction and on that basis this by Nadia Kamil, one of only two Robinson and a brilliantly per- dancing Pierrots and a band into The ensemble, headed by Alex stepped across the stage the audi- smoker was a roaring success women performing in the smok- formed physical piece in the Corpus Playroom.” Steer was almost faultless. After a ence were never permitted to for- with the laugher so frequent and er. I continue to be disappointed response to TV voiceovers by It is a challenge that Rokison slight low energy start, the cast get the serious message under- so seemingly random that I felt by the under-representation of Nick Mohammad which pro- has risen to, and with style: a soon threw themselves into their pinning the play - a projector there must be canned laughter women in Cambridge comedy. vided a clever and surreal pas- Music Hall romp through the roles - which changed extremely flashed up disturbing images secreted somewhere in the audi- In a show characterised by tiche of televisual conventions. First World War with a strong quickly: short, sharp scenes from the Great War throughout. torium.This is not to say that the sketch comedy, two stand ups All of the sketches per- and poignant undertone to it. requiring quick changes of cos- Oh What a Lovely War! was a show was not funny nor that the were a refreshing alternative. formed came from genuinely Fitting this all singing, all dancing tume (in this case a staggering wonderful mix of the fun of performances were lacking. Tom Sharpe’s Japanese vs. interesting perspectives but show into such a space is no mean variety of hats) and versatility of music hall and extremely Irony and a thoroughly post- British humour set was based on many were hampered by the feat. Yet the three piece band, character. Particularly entertain- naughty cabaret underpinned modern approach characterised the perennial issues of language desire to suddenly fragment highly successful in keeping the ing was Chris Crawshaw with his by a solemn message. And it this smoker like many others and confusion but cleverly cir- into ill-advised in jokes or pace of this show upbeat, sat deft handling of a hobby horse. had foreign accents which are before it and this is not necessar- cumvented the usual stereotypes unnecessary sword fights. unobtrusively upstage as tap Richard Evans too was a delight always amusing. an v Out to lunch with Berkoff lotte Be words his own. an ‘apt metaphor’ for the hol- Char Lunch Berkoff ’s language is noto- lowness of its male protago- ADC, 11pm, 1st - 5th March riously artificial, and con- nist, the theatre itself was not Review by Alice Harper sciously so: it embraces a myr- manipulated in the way in iad of theatrical genres, which one might have hoped. Berkoff performing Berkoff bouncing his characters from The simple lighting in no is a master class in perform- park bench by the sea to cir- way complemented the ance. He manoeuvres his still cus-ring to television com- pyrotechnics of Berkoff ’s malleable body into the shape mercial and back again. lines and at times the script of the words, creating a In this two-hander, an begged for more daring phys- fusion of movement, sound exploration of the emptiness ical interpretation. and meaning that explodes on of working and married life, But this is a vibrant, mas- the stage. Max Bennett, star- director Thomas Eccleshare terful production, which pro- ring as Man in the ADC’s propels Bennett and his co- vides the actors with a production of Berkoff ’s star Megan Prosser through remarkable arena in which to Lunch, showed glimmers of these genres. shine. The performances, and the master at work and yet he And yet, in a play in which Bennett’s in particular, do infused his performance with the author claims to use the Berkoff proud. something new, making the ‘profession’ of the theatre as 24 VISUAL ARTS March 04, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk Turner, Whistler, Monet and The Tate

Turner Whistler Whistler in an attempt to Houses of Parliament during recreate the feel and tone of an the fire of London in 1834. Monet environment. Although con- The Thames Above Waterloo troversial for their day, all three Bridge (1830-1835) was a par- The Tate Britain, artists have been credited with ticular favourite of mine as 16 Feb -15 May transforming the art of creat- Turner appeared to find frivo- Review by Johanna Z-Sharp ing highly evocative and poet- lous humour in the fact that ic representations of both cul- the city’s factories and river he extraordinary exhi- tural and natural landscapes. traffic produced such an inten- bition showing the sity of fumes that the bridge Tremarkable relationship a record-breaking was completely obscured. This between three of the possibly is clear in the painting where greatest painters of the 20th 21,000 tickets only a very vague outline of century, held at the Tate purchased before Waterloo is obvious despite its Britain until May the 15th, inclusion in the title. has had a somewhat crazy the doors The relationship between the amount of interest from both even opened three painters is not, however, the press and the general pub- as glaring as the exhibition pro- lic. With seven rooms taking The exhibition focuses on fesses. The idea is that although the viewer on a journey views of the Thames, the Seine Turner’s career had indeed fin- through from Turner's legacy and the city of Venice; ished before Whistler and to pieces by all three artists arguably it is the ability to Monet had begun to paint, depicting the serenity of recreate the vitality of reflected both artists were highly influ- Venice, the exhibition light which sets these artists enced by his awe-inspiring attempts to show how ideas apart from their contempo- work during their 5 year resi- bounced off each to the oth- raries. Monet’s Houses of ers. Tickets have sold at an Parliament: Effect of Sunlight in alarming rate with a record- the Fog (1904) is a vivid exam- a confident breaking 21,000 tickets pur- ple of this: the neon orange toxic palette of chased even before its doors sunlight rippling through the greens and blues Claude Monet’s The Thames at Westminster: “highly evocative and poetic representations” opened – indeed one is advised hazy purple smog highlighting to “book tickets in advance” a vague impression of Big Ben Whistler. As one enters the depiction of The Palazzo Dario doors for the easily shocked due to the estimated populari- is especially evocative of twi- dency in London. Walking final room, supposedly dedicat- (1908) takes a totally different artistic environment sur- ty of the show. light romance. Equally hazy, through the exhibition it ed to a series of similar works approach with brash brush rounding early 19th century Although Turner (1775- but far more ominous, Turner’s becomes strikingly clear that from Venice by all three work and a confident toxic European society. Where 1851) heralded the movement reflection on the Thames this was not the case - many of painters, this disparity is fairly palette of greens and blues. Turner was shunned for ironically labelled as depicts the industrialisation of Turner's most controversial obvious. Where Turner con- The relationship which is extremism, Monet and ‘Impressionism’, the move London with its dense smog pieces were not displayed at the centrates on hazily romantic however patently clear is the Whistler were openly from realism was also filled atmosphere and the National Gallery until after the visions of skies with an inoffen- way in which Turner's transi- embraced for the beauty of embraced by both Monet and heavy smoke residing over the death of both Monet and sive tonal composition, Monet’s tion from realism opened their highly poetic work. FILM www.varsity.co.uk March 04, 2005 25 When silence is made to be broken Say ‘shhh’ to taboo cinema? No thanks. Varsity pumps up the volume

The Woodsman sophistication is much under- whilst menacing, also appear to Such potential intelligence is

mined by Vickie’s grossly over- be screaming in protest. also undermined by the delivery .net Arts Picturehouse simplified acceptance of Walter’s One of the film’s central of the central thematic e

Review by Zoe Ross past. At one point during an inti- curiosities is that Walter is metaphors, which, though per- imag mate scene, he places her on his renting an apartment over- haps pitched at a level of subtle Nicole Kassell is obviously not knee, and the realisation of what looking a school playground. insistence, occasionally escape at one to shy away from the most he is simulating is both horrify- This is quite casually a hammering, clumsy yell. Take taboo of cinematic subjects, as her ing and disturbing. Yet Vickie’s acknowledged at the outset, bird-watching as an analogy for directorial introduction, The initial, fleeting discomfort is left but it lingers slightly implau- child-watching. There is cer- Woodsman, proves. In this, her undeveloped and overlooked. sibly in the mind, as does the tainly something neck-prick- first major project, she presents us The voice of unforgiving con- fact that there happens to be lingly unnerving about Kevin with a portrait of ‘paedophile at demnation and disgust takes another paedophile in the Bacon hanging a bird-feeder large’, and one with a decidedly form in Mos Def ’s surprisingly neighbourhood, whom Bacon from his window, while gazing human face. Kevin Bacon plays accomplished turn as Sgt. Lucas, almost whimsically observes longingly into the playground. Walter, a shadow of a man re- watching and waiting for Walter’s from his window. Yet when the lonely little girl in emerging into society after hav- re-descent into those abhorrent It is here that Kassell the woods describes the birds as ing served a 12-year prison sen- old habits. Bacon wears the appears to try her hand at her only friends, who ‘like to be tence for indecent assault on weight of society’s contempt - painfully incongruous comedy, watched,’ things get a little young girls. The film explores his and his character’s own self- in a bizarrely misjudged heavy-handed, if not strikingly struggle to reintegrate into a hos- loathing - with convincingly sequence involving this second odd. Is the implication that the tile and grimly oppressive envi- melancholic depth and under- paedophile and a small boy. children Walter observes also ronment, whilst battling to sup- statement, whilst retaining an air Walter suddenly morphs into secretly enjoy his voyeurism? press the very urges that landed of ominousness that allows us to sports commentator, giving a Nonetheless, The Woodsman is him in prison in the first place. believe him capable of certain play-by-play account of the a confident picture, with strong Rare compassion affords him unthinkable misdemeanours. predator’s pursuit of his prey. performances, and whose subject a job in a lumberyard, where he In a particular scene, where he The scene is not sufficiently matter is, in the main, skilfully meets the streetwise Vickie (Kyra has followed a little girl into the funny to risk its unexplained and innovatively handled. And Sedgwick), with whom he woods, Walter asks that chilling inappropriateness, and since it though ultimately an exploration embarks on a passionate affair. question, “Would you like to sit sits in such opposition to the of human despair and alienation, The chemistry between them is on my lap?” This is a terrifying, otherwise sensitive and intelli- there exists within the film an somewhat believable, yet the chest-tightening moment, pecu- gent tone of the film, its single almost uplifting sense of redemp- film’s potential psychological liarly so, because Walter’s eyes, effect is pure bafflement. tion, hope and forgiveness. Can Kevin Bacon let go of his predatory past in The Woodsman? .net e imag “A psychological study of deviance” Carly Farthing explores the fascinating screen history of Lolita ow did they ever the screenplay credits, but only a that we have to remind ourselves enhance the emotional and psy- make a movie of ?” small part of his original script that this is a paedophile who is chological impact of the story. “Hasks the tagline to was used, and it shows. James driven to bribing a child for sex Kubrick’s version omits the Stanley Kubrick’s 1962 screen Mason’s Humbert has little or as their relationship sours. formative episode from adaptation of the hugely contro- no psychological depth, no clue Questions were raised about Humbert’s adolescence that versial mastepiece by Russian as to what drives such a man to Lyne’s suitability for the project: holds the key to his appalling émigré (and Trinity alumnus) allow himself to take advantage was the director of Flashdance sexual predilection, and neither Vladimir Nabokov. Given the of a pre-teen child, while Sue really such a wise choice to han- film includes his disastrous novel’s reputation and content, Lyon’s Lolita looks about twen- dle such infinitely sensitive early marriage or the desperate- the question is a fair one. The ty-one in her chic clothes and material? The beautiful Ennio ly sad affair between Humbert book’s disturbing portrait of a poised demeanour. Morricone score and lush visuals and the tragic drifter Rita. middle-age professor’s infatua- A large portion of the film is add to the unsettling feeling that tion and subsequent affair with a simply played for laughs, with this Lolita is a little too much of Was the director of twelve-year old girl led to a ban the main offender being Peter a romance. Otherwise, the film Flashdance really a upon publication, and its two Sellers. Having obtained the excellently captures the sense of wise choice to han- screen outings were no less con- admittedly brilliant comic actor inevitable tragedy and increasing troversial, with Adrian Lyne’s for the part of the insidious pae- desperation so crucial to the dle such sensitive 1997 version languishing for two dophile Clare Quilty, Kubrick power of the story. material? .net e years without an American dis- obviously gave Sellers free rein, While both films are forced to tributor. Adapting Lolita for the and the result is a string of mess- raise the age of their Lolitas But perhaps expecting a per- imag screen may be seen as a feat in ily improvised rambles that com- slightly, here Dominique Swain’s fect screen adaptation of Lolita itself, but the real question is: did pletely undermines such a sup- Lo is the sexually precocious yet is asking too much of the most either get it right? posedly chilling character. Even emotionally and physically competent director. After all, if Lolita the novel is at once the setting looks wrong: Kubrick immature child of Nabokov’s Kubrick couldn’t manage it, satirically savage, blisteringly was forced to shoot the film in novel, all braces and gangly who can? The novel remains a funny and painfully moving. England, and so fails to capture limbs. She is obviously no seduc- psychological study of deviance, Unfortunately, neither film ver- the breezy bleakness of small- tress, however much Humbert and the inevitable failure of its sion wholly succeeds in trans- town America, with its endless wants himself (and us) to believe film adaptations to match the lating this to the screen, but if motels and malt-shops, that is so she is, and her “nymphette” status complexity and emotional there has to be a victor, Lyne’s integral to the story. is forced upon her by the preda- power of Nabokov’s book prob- modern interpretation has the tory men who desire her. Frank ably says more about the limita- edge over Kubrick. A large portion of Langella’s Quilty is as chillingly tions of cinema in translating There is, of course, the issue the film is simply seedy as he is meant to be, and such a problematic work to the of censorship; Kubrick was fac- played for laughs the climactic murder that screen. Perhaps the answer to ing intensely restrictive scrutiny Kubrick so bizarrely chose to the question “How did they from the censors over the nature Adrian Lyne’s modern Lolita show at the beginning of his ver- ever make a movie of Lolita?” of the relationship between his may be the superior adaptation, sion - removing all suspense from should be “They didn’t, and Humbert Humbert and Lolita, capturing far more of Nabokov’s the plot - is suitably grimy. Lyne’s they probably can’t”. and his response was to turn novel than Kubrick manages, but film was attacked for its explicit- Nabokov’s story into a jet-black if the 1962 Lolita is a comedy, ness, yet it actually shows very Don’t Miss comedy. While the novel is bru- Lyne’s more modern version errs little; the most shocking thing tally funny in its satire of the a little too much on the romantic about Lolita should always be its hopelessly twee world of fifties side for comfort. The film’s main emotional cruelty. Join Liam Neeson at the school Americana, it is most definitely strength is also its main problem. Ultimately though, neither of desire in Kinsey, the film that not a “Carry On Humbert” From its opening close-up of his film can hope to challenge the had the Bible belt bashing on its farce. Regrettably, this is often desolate face, Jeremy Irons plays power of Nabokov’s novel. release in America. Playing now what Kubrick’s film can resem- Humbert as a tortured romantic, There are crucial elements at the Arts Picturehouse. ble. Nabokov’s name may be on and his performance is so good missing from each that greatly 26 SPORT March 04, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk

dance, but not to the same extent James’s team-mates rallied round ‘Pyjama man thwarts Blackburn’ as someone like David James. His him, his manager didn’t, replacing and a song (to the tune of Pop- most important attribute is con- the lanky James with the rotund Eye the Sailor Man) which goes, sistency – something that has Paul Robinson. 1-0 to the ‘fat bas- ‘Kiraly the keeper man, Kiraly The importance dogged James throughout his tard’ school of goalkeeping. the keeper man, You’ll never career. The brilliance of James’s harm us, He’s in his pyjamas, qualifying save against Turkey was Brian Clough said Kiraly the keeper man.’ matched only by the ‘my gran that Peter Shilton I was given a book called of a good ‘keeper could have saved that and she’s Goalkeepers Are Crazy for dead’ incompetence of his howler was worth twelve Christmas. Like Kiraly, you do against Austria. points a season need to be a little bit crazy to Sam Richardson reflects on the growing James has brought new troubles stand in the freezing cold for upon his own head even faster So where does this goalkeep- ninety minutes, knowing that at than new hairstyles. He blamed a ing consistency come from? any moment your mistake could number of demands facing goalkeepers string of poor performances for Peter Schmeichel, the greatest cost your team the game and Villa on his playing too much goalkeeper of his generation, put attract abuse from fans and Following disastrous Champions goalkeepers from this school are pathetic supporters crashing out Playstation. And, after he accused it down to listening to classical jumped-up hacks (be it in Varsity League errors by Lehmann, likely to let in any shot which isn’t of Cuppers last month. Girton is the tabloids of being ‘unoriginal’ music before matches. On the or the Sun) who suggest that you Carroll and Dudek last week, (like the pies they had before the an interesting case in point. Last by constantly referring to him as other hand, Shilton’s consistency only play in goal because you’re Tuesday’s cup replay between game) heading straight down season’s champions started this ‘Calamity’, found himself likened on the pitch was matched only rubbish outfield. But whether Arsenal and Sheffield United their throat. campaign with a horrible to an ass in the Sun. The long- by his chaotic lifestyle off it. goalkeeping creates crazy people proved yet another reminder of The second school of goalkeep- injury to their stalwart keeper faced players failed to see the Crystal Palace’s Gabor Kiraly or merely attracts them is hard to the importance of having a ers – represented by Almunia - are Rob Jones, and now find them- funny side and refused to speak to refuses to play without his lucky say. The only thing you can ever good goalkeeper. usually referred to as ‘good shot- selves languishing at the bot- the media, straight from the grey tracksuit bottoms, prompt- say for sure about goalkeepers, is Two penalty saves by the stoppers’ or ‘lanky gits’. They tom of Division 1. horse’s mouth or otherwise. But if ing tabloid headlines such as that you need to have a good one. much-maligned Almunia won stand very meekly on their goal- This goes to show that, from the tie for Arsenal, but it was the line and pull off the occasional college football to the Champions heroics of his opposite number brilliant save, but refuse to leave League, without a good goalkeep- Paddy Kenny that kept the the goal-line under any circum- er you don’t stand a chance. Brian ndy Sims

Championship side in the tie.The stances, and cannot kick the ball Clough said that Peter Shilton’s A penalty shootout proved the ulti- off the ground. expertise was worth twelve points mate goalkeeping showdown a season – and that was when a because it encapsulated the ulti- There are two types win was only worth two points. mate clash of goalkeeping person- of goalkeeper: Messrs Wenger, Ferguson and alities that we see in parks and Benitez would do well to learn a college pitches across the country. the fat bastard lesson from Jose Mourinho: It’s There are basically two types of and the lanky git no coincidence that Chelsea, who goalkeeper: there are the short, in Peter Cech have arguably the round ones – represented by I definitely fall into the ‘good world’s finest goalkeeper, sit atop Kenny and his Sheffield rival shot-stopping’ category. Indeed, the Premiership table and haven’t Kevin Pressman - who shout lots, one article in Varsity recently conceded a league goal in 18 have good kicks, dominate cross- likened me to Jens Lehmann. hours of football. es, and are usually referred to as But I’m happy to rest on the lau- Cech’s most important attrib- being ‘commanding’ or ‘fat bas- rels of having once played in goal ute lies neither in his shot-stop- tards’. Unfortunately, a lack of for the Blues, and that a string of ping nor in his handling of cross- height and agility means that my saves sent Girton and their es – he has both abilities in abun- Coming for crosses; the sign of the ‘commanding’ or ‘fat bastard’ goalkeeper Karen Forte Bridal, Evening and Occassion Wear www.karenforte.com

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Verona House, 36 Old North Road (on the A1198), Bassingbourn-cum- Kneesworth, Cambridgeshire, SG8 5JL, Tel: 01763 242 790 Fax: 01763 242 791 [email protected] SPORT www.varsity.co.uk March 04, 2005 27 Awesome Blues smash Oxford Sport In Brief

d The second goal followed Varsity Football soon after as a long ball from CROSS-COUNTRY CAMBRIDGE 4 midfield by Donohoe fell into the path of Parcak who slotted The inaugral inter-college Fen

OXFORD 0 Dan de Lor home for her second. This rat- Ditton Dash produced both tled the Oxford team who, excellent individual and team from then on, were not able to performances. Trinity Hall’s Alma Donohoe get any grip on the game. Emma Pooley and Pembroke’s After half time the Ed Brady were successful in the Cambridge team kept their women’s and men’s events THE WOMEN’S Football composure, as the playing respectively. The hotly-contest- Varsity was finally upon us last conditions got worse with hail ed 2nd Division titles ended weekend after months of slashing down onto the pitch. with glory for Queen’s women preparation and last minute Two further goals followed, and Robinson’s men. training in the snow. Whilst the first when a sweet cross by the players were nervous, there Parcak met the composed foot BASKETBALL was a quiet air of confidence of Hilary Soderland to calmly amongst the Cambridge side place it past the keeper. Then Cambridge defeated Oxford seeing as Oxford had not in a similar fashion Donohoe 59-50 to celebrate their second enjoyed much success in their was able to bag a goal from a consecutive Varsity win. The league this year. menacing cross by Parcak 15 Blues have finally turned the The day kicked off with the minutes from time. tide against their arch-rivals seconds match at Emmanuel’s Excellent midfielding from who had previously amassed 14 pitches with a good number of Kate Robson and Kathy straight wins in the contest. Leo fans down to watch. Oxford Brooks meant that Oxford’s Prats was the hero, ending the got a good start with an early best player Anjali Nayar was match with a spectacular 360 goal; nevertheless, after a kept out of the game, but a degree dunk. reckless challenge in the box clash of heads between by an Oxford defender it was Cambridge’s aerial power proved too much for Oxford Donohoe and the Oxford FENCING up to Lizzie Gibney to take a Two substitutions saw Suzy Yet Oxford made a crucial formance, which was a credit player saw the captain’s game penalty that Cambridge’s early Stride and Sarah Pollock substitution of their own, and an to them despite the loss. end 5 minutes from time, The Men's Blues progressed pressure fully merited. strengthen the midfield in the incredible second half hat-trick This defeat meant the pres- blood pouring from a deep cut to the Semi Finals of the Withstanding the pressure, second half, and Cambridge led many to question why she sure was on for the Cambridge under her eye. BUSA Fencing Cup after and in what can only be pulled one back with a sub- was not playing from the outset. firsts to win. A shaky 10 min- Despite being down to 10 putting Manchester to the described as a perfect penalty, lime free kick from star winger The final score ended 7-2 utes into the match at the players, great defending from sword 125-86 on Wednesday. she slotted the ball in the right Fiona Ratcliffe. to Oxford, showing the bene- Grange Road stadium, they the back four, with Kate Martin The Epeeiests were pushed hand corner of the net to put Ratcliffe’s pace and move- fits of having played in BUSA, scored after a cheeky lob from in particular playing the game hard but their fitness showed Cambridge back into con- ment was a constant thorn in which the Cambridge second captain Alma Donohoe was of her life, meant that through in the last three tention. Despite this aggres- the Oxford side, and they team this year did not take headed off the line, only for Cambridge were able to hold fights with Eamon sive response by Cambridge, were forced to continaully part in because of its late for- Sarah Parcak to follow up with out to full-time and keep a McGrattan, Chris Greensides two defensive errors saw them change formation to nulify mation. However, the light a header into the top right clean sheet for a fantastic 4-0 and Mark Adair all showing end the first half trailing 3-1. her threat. blues displayed a fighting per- hand corner of the net. Varsity victory. their international class. Men’s College Rugby League Division 1 Blues support needed Place Team Pl W D L F A PD Pts

1 Downing 10 8 0 2 200 115 85 34

2 St. John’s 9 8 0 1 380 56 71 33

3 Jesus 10 6 0 4 187 120 67 28

4 Girton 9 4 0 5 113 157 -44 20

5 St. Catharine’s 9 2 0 7 85 222 -137 15

6 Trinity Hall 9 0 0 9 58 353 -295 9 www.crazyaboutsport.com

Results: No League matches this weekend. Men’s College Football League Division 1 Place Team Pl W D L F A GD Pts

1 Fitzwilliam 7 7 0 0 30 5 25 21

2 Trinity 6 5 0 1 14 9 5 15

3 Jesus 7 4 2 1 16 8 8 14

4 St. John’s 7 3 1 3 12 9 3 10

5 Churchill 6 3 1 2 8 10 -2 10

6 Darwin 8 2 3 3 12 14 -2 9 Cambridge’s women’s rugby team prepare to give their opponents a dressing down 7 Caius 8 2 2 4 9 17 -8 8 Paul Wunfs delectable for-ward-play, and to give with the match back in Cambridge 8 St. Catharine’s 7 2 1 4 7 13 -6 7 their all, for those who come to give there are certainly no plans to throw in ON SATURDAY 12TH of March the them some much needed support. the towel or take an early bath. 9 Girton 8 2 0 6 12 23 -11 6 hotly anticipated Womens’ Varsity The girls will need to show naked With barely a week to go before the rugby match will take place at Grange aggression to overpower their dark blue big day, the tension is building in the 10 Downing 8 1 0 7 12 24 -12 3 Road. In what represents one of rivals, having been turned over last year. dressing room and all the girls are March’s calendar treats, Cambridge They know that to compete this year quietly hoping they will score the Results: Fitzwilliam 5 - 0 Darwin Women’s Rugby have promised some they will have to pull their socks up, but winning try. March 04, 2005 SPORT Cambridge women win Varsity football Oxford left stunned after being on the wrong end of a 4-0 thrashing page 27

Cambridge CUHC esuy of t victorious cour in Varsity hockey tie Varsity Hockey Any Oxford attacks were quickly blocked by the strong CAMBRIDGE 3 defence of Smith, Wilson, OXFORD 2 Hemsley and Hansell who have been the foundation of the Cambridge side this season. At Mark Rushton half time, Cambridge entered the dressing room 2-0 up, and by far the dominant team. TUESDAY SAW the 105th The second half saw a more University Varsity Hockey aggressive Oxford playing for Match take place at Southgate their pride. They won numer- Hockey Centre in London. ous shot corners but failed to The promotion of the Light capitalise on all but one. At 2- Blues to the National League 1 Cambridge showed the last season enabled a less hectic experience that had been build-up schedule to Varsity gained throughout the season Day. Playing at a higher level in the National League. The than Oxford, Cambridge have midfield of Wells, Harbour, Oxford’s goalkeeper looks on helplessly as the Blues notch up their second goal of the afternoon been able to go without extra Littlewood and Penman did practice matches in the run-up the necessary tasks of breaking period leaving the team fresher down the Oxford play and Varsity Rugby League and raring to go on the day. provided support to the for- CAMBRIDGE 17 The desire for victory had ward line. The Cambridge Falcons ready to fly never been greater and the attack of Patchett, Fulford, OXFORD 16 encounter was eagerly awaited Morley and Rushton stretched Axman Luge Despite the differing schedules, lege goal machine Brendan by the squad. the Oxford defence, probing observers are backing the Light Threlfall joins his Fitzwilliam Olivia Day The match started tensely for their weaknesses and test- CAMBRIDGE’S FOOT- Blue representatives (who will father figure Danny Griffiths in with both sides scrapping for ing their keeper. BALL second XI completed play in yellow and green) to put a little and little combination the ball in the early exchanges. As the second half pro- their Varsity preparations by one over on the dark side. that, if they stay onside, should CAMBRIDGE MANAGED Fresher, Andrew Middleton, gressed, the umpires began to spanking another set of naughty Indeed, regardless of who they cause no end of problems for the to pull off the most unlikely of in goal, made two fine saves to get a little card happy and children in midweek. The have played, this year’s Falcons Centaurs’ back four. A look comebacks to win by a single prevent Cambridge from Cambridge saw two players Oakham youngsters went the line-up is strong. The club policy across the midfield also raises point, having been 16 - 0 down going behind early on. being sin-binned, leaving same way as many a school team of blooding promising players in confidence, as Blues prospects at half time in Wednesday However, Cambridge soon Oxford with a two man advan- who have crossed paths with the the Blues team has paid divi- Lockwood, Dankis and Leslie night’s Varsity Rugby League found their rhythm and their tage. However, Oxford still Falcons this year, taking a 10-0 dends, helping the senior side combine with fresher Mike match in Richmond. Alex nerves began to settle, leaving could not find a way through beating. The result is a mixed whilst providing vital experience Sohn, Matt Ellis of Trinity, Dave Drysdale scored two tries and Oxford struggling for posses- and their attacks came to indicator for this weekend’s for the Falcons. Six of the squad Mills, and Will Stevenson, who set up Cambridge’s third in a sion. The pressure began to nothing. With the final ten Varsity fixture, as whilst you can for Saturday’s match have repre- would love it if just once he could second half that also saw a late tell as Morley won a short cor- minutes of play to go, right only beat what is put in front of sented the firsts this season, feature in a newspaper report dropped goal from Drysdale ner. Captain Robert Fulford, wing Patchett was cynically you, the Cambridge demolition whilst others have trained with without a reference to Prince win the tie for the Light Blues renowned for his drag flick, fouled in the Oxford 25, win- of various sixth forms is poor the squad. A further indication Harry being made. and make amends for last did not disappoint as he fired ning a short corner. The keep- preparation compared to the of the side’s quality is that Leslie, Whilst Cambridge football year’s reverse. the ball into the back of the er, demoralised from the Oxford Centaurs’ BUSA cam- Lockwood and Dankis are also may be keen to look towards The first half was poor as net leaving Oxford aghast and Fulford flicks, was again left paign. This problem has become part of the Blues squad for the the Falcons appearing in strong winds and driving snow 1-0 down. standing, but this time, cun- a major gripe among university match on the 11th March. BUSA, the side is focussed on compounded Cambridge’s The increased confidence ningly from a Neil Wilson footballers over the past couple Captain Sadler, who has more immediate matters. defensive problems and after saw Cambridge play some flick that smashed into the of years, as the question of enter- begun to turn bald through the When the Centaurs visit giving the ball away, they con- fantastic hockey and Oxford back of the net. ing the seconds into the compet- stress of captaincy despite an Grange Road on Saturday, they ceded tries from Corcoran, could only chase shadows. Oxford battled hard and itive BUSA league has been reg- excellent year, has a lot on his will find a high-flying Falcons Bradshaw and Brook-Walters. Man of the Match Tom managed to convert a short ularly sidestepped. Surely after side going into the weekend. The side ready to soar to victory and Sixteen points down and Littlewood worked tirelessly corner in the dying minutes. the performances of the team squad combines defensive solidi- prove that whilst teaching les- without a point on the board, the in the centre of midfield, dis- However it was too little too this year, another fixture pro- ty and experience with attacking sons to schoolchildren comes game looked beyond the Blues, tributing the ball with appar- late and the final whistle blew gramme mixing old timers and verve and bags of pace. James easily, they are more than capa- but Drysdale took centre stage ent ease. Within a few min- signifying a Light Blue victory, cheeky little monkeys is unac- Dean is a quality ‘keeper, despite ble of lecturing universities. to score two quick tries and set utes of the first goal, Cambridge 3 Oxford 2. ceptable; the Falcons have a penchant for short-sleeved The Falcons Versus Centaurs Dave Bulley on his way. Cambridge won a second Unfortunately the women’s earned a step up. goalie tops, whilst Sadler, Kemp, match kicks off at Grange Road The winning kick came with short corner and again Fulford Blues were unable to follow That said there have been few Brown, Verdon and Glover are Rugby and Football Stadium at ten minutes to go and though slotted home. 2-0 up and the male success, as they were recent second’s Varsity matches all big, solid defenders who are 2.30pm on Saturday 5th March. Oxford tried to fight back, Oxford were struggling with narrowly outdone 2-1, in a approached with such confi- more than comfortable with the Entry is free and comedy pro- Cambridge didn’t struggle to the pace of the game. tense and gritty encounter. dence in the Cambridge camp. ball at their feet. Up front, col- grammes are only 20p. hold on to the winning scoreline. ART OF GOALKEEPING PAGE 26 VARSITY FOOTBALL PAGE 27 NAKED RUGBY LADIES! PAGE 27