Vol. 18 Issue 52 All Rights Reserved © 2020

CHRISTMAS TRIVIA  It is believed that the real St. Nicholas was born some- time around 280 A.D. in Patara, near Myra in modern- day Turkey. According to legend, his extraordinary kindness led him to give away all of his inherited wealth as he traveled the countryside helping the sick and pov- erty-stricken  According to the historical accounts of Captain John Smith, the first eggnog made in the was consumed in his 1607 Jamestown settlement. "Nog" was, apparently, a variation of the word "grog", which refers to any drink made with rum  The first was made in 1670 by a German choirmaster to help children endure lengthy nativity ser- vices. They were white and modeled after shepherds' canes to remind the children of the shepherds that vis- ited baby Jesus at the first Christmas. Some say the white stripes represent the purity of Christ and the red, the blood he shed  In traditional Ukrainian houses a Christmas will often be decorated with a spider and web for good luck  The Chichilaki is a Georgian tradi- tional made from dried hazelnut or walnut branches that are shaved to form a small co- niferous tree. Georgians believe the Chichilaki resembles the famous beard of St. Basil the Great

PUBLISHED AND DISTRIBUTED WEEKLY BY PASSTIMES OF ARIZONA, LLC - [email protected] - 480.983.9143 GLUE A DEAD WASP TO YOUR PALM AND YOU CAN SMACK YOUR BOSS ON THE BACK OF THE HEAD AND ACT LIKE YOU SAVED HIM

“FOR UNTO YOU IS BORN THIS DAY IN THE CITY OF DAVID A SAVIOR, WHICH IS CHRIST THE LORD” – LUKE 2:11

1. MEASUREMENTS: How many tablespoons are in 1 fluid ounce? 2. LITERATURE: Which famous gothic novel features the beginning sentence, "Last night I dreamt I went to Mander- ley again"? 3. GEOGRAPHY: What is the capital of New Zealand? 4. BUSINESS: When was the first iPhone released? 5. TELEVISION: What was the name of Norm Peterson's unseen wife in the sitcom "Cheers"? 6. PERSONALITIES: Which former pro football player EVERY GOOD GIFT AND EVERY PERFECT GIFT IS FROM ABOVE earned the nickname "Broadway Joe"? 7. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What is a female donkey called? 8. MEDICAL: A deficiency of vitamin A causes what con- dition? 9. MUSIC: Which 1980s pop hit starts with the line, "Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to get through this thing called life"? 10. MOVIES: What was the name of Charles Foster

Kane's estate in "Citizen Kane"?

Vera 5.

(c) 2020 King Features Synd., Inc. Synd., Features King 2020 (c)

Xanadu 10.

2007 4.

Prince

Wellington 3.

9. "Let's Go Crazy" by by Crazy" Go "Let's 9.

"Rebecca" 2. blindness Night 8.

tablespoons 2 1. jenny A 7.

Namath Joe 6. Answers WHY DON'T WE WAIT FOR LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS TO FIND US? WHY DO WE HAVE TO DO ALL THE WORK?

“A MERRY HEART DOES GOOD LIKE MEDICINE” – PROVERBS 17:22 I TOLD MY BOSS I SAW A MOOSE ON THE WAY TO WORK THIS MORNING. SHE SAID, "HOW DO YOU KNOW HE WAS ON HIS WAY TO WORK?"

* On Jan. 1, 45 B.C., New Year's Day is celebrated on January 1 for the first time as the Julian calendar takes effect. Julius Caesar enlisted the aid of Sosi- genes, an Alexandrian as- tronomer, who calculated a year to be 365 and 1/4 days. * On Dec. 30, 1862, the U.S.S. Monitor sinks in a storm off Cape Hatteras, North Carolina. Just nine months earlier, the ship had been part of a revolution in naval warfare when the ironclad dueled to a stand- still with the C.S.S. Virginia (Merrimack) off Hampton Roads, Virginia. * On Dec. 28, 1895, the world's first com- mercial movie screening takes place at the Grand Cafe in Paris. The film was a series of short scenes from everyday French life. Admission was charged for the first time. “MEOW” MEANS “WOOF” IN CAT - GEORGE CARLIN

HIS NAME SHALL BE CALLED WONDERFUL COUNSELOR, MIGHTY GOD, EVERLASTING FATHER, PRINCE OF PEACE.” – ISAIAH 9:6 * On Dec. 29, 1940, London suffers its most devastating air raid when German planes firebomb the city. The next day, a newspaper photo of St. Paul's Cathedral standing undamaged amid the smoke and flames seemed to symbolize the capital's unconquerable spirit. * On Jan. 3, 1952, Sgt. Joe Friday's police drama "Dragnet" comes to television. A popular radio series, it became one of the first TV series filmed in Hollywood, instead of New York, and began a long line of crime and police dramas. * On Dec. 31, 1972, Roberto Clemente, future Hall of Fame baseball player, is killed when the cargo plane in which he is traveling crashes off Puerto Rico. Clemente was on his way to deliver relief supplies to Nicaragua following a devastating earthquake. * On Jan. 2, 1981, the so-called York- shire Ripper, Peter Sutcliffe, is finally caught by British police. For five years, investigators had pursued the serial kil- ler who terrorized Northern . Sutcliffe had been interviewed nine times but always convinced detectives that he wasn't in- volved. He finally confessed when confronted with evidence. (c) 2020 Hearst Communications, Inc. All Rights Reserved HUMOR IS ALMOST ALWAYS ANGER WITH ITS MAKE-UP ON

SHE SHALL BRING FORTH A SON, THEY SHALL CALL HIS NAME EMMANUEL, WHICH BEING INTERPRETED IS, GOD WITH US” – MATTHEW 1:23

THE FAITHFULNESS OF THE LORD ENDURES FOREVER

THE ANGEL SAID UNTO THEM, FEAR NOT: FOR, BEHOLD, I BRING YOU GOOD TIDINGS OF GREAT JOY, FOR ALL PEOPLE – LUKE 2:10

I LOST MY JOB AT THE BANK ON MY VERY FIRST DAY. A WOMAN ASKED ME TO CHECK HER BALANCE, SO I PUSHED HER OVER

HALF OF SEEMING CLEVER IS KEEPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT “SHE SHALL BRING FORTH A SON, AND THOU SHALT CALL HIS NAME JESUS: FOR HE SHALL SAVE HIS PEOPLE FROM THEIR SINS” – MATTHEW 1:21 CHRISTMAS VERSES “And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favor with God. And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus.” – Luke 1:30-31 “And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God.” – Luke 1:35 “And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.” – Luke 2:15 “Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judaea in the days of Herod the King, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem, Saying, Where is he that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him.” – Matthew 2:1-2 “After coming into the house they saw the Child with Mary His mother; and they fell to the ground and worshiped Him. Then, opening their treasures, they presented to Him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.” – Mat- thew 2:11

RETIREMENT IS DOING NOTHING WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT GETTING CAUGHT AT IT MONTANA  The lowest temperature ever recorded in Montana was a blister- ing -70, at Rogers Pass on January 20th, 1954  15,000 to 20,000 elk migrate through Yellowstone National Park into the heart of the Northern Rocky Mountains in Montana every winter  Montana is the home of one of the only huckleberry busi- nesses in the United States  The Roe River, located near Great Falls, Montana is the world’s shortest river coming in at only 200 feet in length  Montana’s Glacier National Park is home to 68 different animal species and 277 documented bird species  Yellowstone. has the largest array of geysers and geother- mic pools in the world  With the largest population of trumpeter swans Trumpeter Swans actively bred in Montana and

migrate to and from the state seasonally  Wild herds of buffalo roam the mountains near Yellowstone National Park and one of Montana’s slo- gans is “let the buffalo roam” NOT TO BRAG, BUT MY ANTICS AT WORK RESULTED IN SEVERAL ITEMS BEING ADDED TO THE EMPLOYEE MANUAL

I REALLY WANTED TO BE A BANKER…BUT I KEPT LOSING INTEREST

WHERE IS HE THAT IS BORN KING OF THE JEWS? – MATTHEW 2:1-2 TWO BITS A customer sat down at a table in a very exclusive restaurant and tied a napkin around his neck. The restaurant owner was a bit taken aback at this because it was attracting unfavorable reactions from MY BUSINESS IS UP AND DOWN AT THE MOMENT; I SELL YO-YOS the other customers. So, he called a waiter and instructed him, "Try to make him understand, as tactfully as pos- sible, that that's not done here." Said the thoughtful waiter to the customer: "Pardon me, sir,. Shave or haircut?"

AH, NUTS A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at pre- cisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was PEOPLE HAVE A HABIT OF REMEMBERING THINGS THEY SHOULDN'T out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"

"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory dai- quiri, Doc." I'VE NEVER ONCE BEEN ABLE TO EXPLAIN MY CAR TROUBLE TO A MECHANIC WITHOUT RESORTING TO SOUND EFFECTS ARCHITECTURE IS ONE PART SCIENCE, ONE PART CRAFT AND TWO PARTS ART

BEHOLD, YOUR KING IS COMING TO YOU; RIGHTEOUS AND HAVING SALVATION IS HE – ZECHARIAH 9:9 I JUST HIRED A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR TO FIND OUT WHAT I DO ALL DAY

SARGE THE EMT The retired sergeant, the one with the 6-foot foldout measuring stick, wasn't there when I headed for the order window at the coffee shop. The rest of the veterans were uncharacteristically quiet, arrayed around the sidewalk in folding chairs and blan- kets against the cold, listening to an emergency scanner. THE GIFT OF GOD IS ETERNAL LIFE THROUGH JESUS CHRIST "Where is he?" I asked. "There was an accident out on the highway. We suspect he was involved somehow," one said. A pause, then: "He was a career Army combat medic, E-6. Tried to sign up with the EMTs here. Wouldn't take him. Too old, they said. Policy." It was an hour before Sarge pulled up in his truck and climbed slowly out, blood on his coat. He snapped open his lawn chair and dropped into it. The story came out in a tired voice: He was three cars behind a nasty wreck, multiple crushed vehi- cles, one a pickup truck that had rolled, ejecting a toddler onto the pavement. "I grabbed my medical bag," he said. "Injured baby, blood THE TERRIBLE THING ABOUT SARCASM IS THAT IT'S REALLY FUNNY everywhere, but thank God, still strapped in her car seat." One of the other vets pushed up out of his lawn chair. "You're a bit shock-y," he said and handed Sarge his blanket. The story kept coming out: Sarge had wrapped the baby's leg that had the worst of the damage and kept pressure on it with one hand while washing the blood off her face with the other, singing to her for distraction, and managed not to kill on sight the drunk father who stumbled over and demanded to know what he was doing to his daughter. The EMTs eventually showed up, bouncing down the median. His phone rang and he pulled it out, listened and grunted "I'll be there." He snapped the phone shut and slid it back into his pocket. "The baby will be fine eventually." We saw a tiny smile, and then: "The EMTs want me. Said maybe I'm not too old after all."

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