Orthodox Non-Conformism Steven Greenberg
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Orthodox Non-Conformism Steven Greenberg even years ago I wrote an anonymous article ing out last year that was abusive or hateful. And since called ”Gayness and God.” Then I was the coming out, I am for the first time, partneTed with an Scloseted Rabbi Yaakov Levado. Today I am, absolutely wonderful guy We have not yet fi@ out as far as I how, the first openly gay Orthodox rabbi. how two gay orthodox men are supposed to put a life While I have been out to family and friends for nearly a together. Gay life, even coupled monogamous gay life, decade, last March I decided that it was time to come does not yet mix so well with contemporary Orthodox out publicly I sat on pins and needles for a month wait- society. We attend a synagogue where it is fairly well ing for the onslaught of attack and criticism. To my known that we ap.e a couple. The rabbi has been very surprise, there was no public outcry There were a few accepting, but we were encouraged by some members mean quotes here and there, but taken together the re- to keep our relationship ”private.” sponse ranged from cautious For most orthodox gays, understanding to outright ap- the risks of corning out in the plause. Old friends and ac- community are formidable. quaintances, colleagues, and Thepatestfearisthatwewill students came forward to offer How could a people lose the closeness and comfort th& support and encourage- knownfor unrelenting family offers. It is terrifying ment. h reb.nspect, the para- to imagine seeing the same lyzing terror that I suffed for inquiry become so disgust that one felt about more than twenty years had patently conformist oneself in the eyes of loved been a paper tiger. ones. Will we lose their A number of factors have and risk-aversive? love or their respect? Will made my corning out rather friends and family members painless. First,inconsciousand look at us differently? Will we unconsciouswaysIengjneered causethemanguish? Thisis a life that would be clear of the multiplied considerably in worst dangers. I am not a pulpit rabbi in an Orthodox large multi-generational, Closehit families. ~nve.+ re- synagogue. Second, I was not outed; I outed myself. ligious homes there are worries that siblings will he re Corning out was the culmination of two years of think- jeded as marriage partners when the news gets out. As ing and activism. As well, the public outing was only for myself, I had largely inchoate fears of humiliation. the most recent (and perhaps most dramatic) moment Why did I do it? Because I had finally grown thd in a very long and painstaking process. of the evasion and deception. I was ready to get on with The response from the orthodox commUnty has life, and being in the closet was getting in the way of beenremarkablyrestrained. Most of theOrthodoxlead- finding a partner. The two years I spent in Jerusalem ership was respedful in their disagreement. Many felt had helped me to decide that it was a religious duty to littlereasontorespondbecauseoncearabbimakessuch stand up and say the truth, to live with * a declaration, in their minds, he is simply no longer Or- Orthodoxlifehadbeenaradical thodox. Such was indicated in Rabbi Moshe Tmder’s the start. When I became observant at the age of fifteen, Fmrdarticle, ’To say that one is a gay orthodoxrabbi orthodox Judaism felt like a perfect counferculhtre for ~like~~that~~~~ox~~~~rkonYomme, a spiritual rebellion against a deadening secular Kippw. You are not an Orthodox rabbi, you are a Re- mundm.I found in Jewish history models for my form rabbi.” life. Neither Abraham nor Moses was conformist. Both From a number of my colleagues I have received a became revolutionary leaders willing to stand up to so- ymhM! but don’t quote me on that A number of cial consensus and even at times to chaknge God‘s de- fium gays have thanked me for giving them the courage cisions. As a people who celebrate Momby inducing tocomeouttotheirfamilyandfriends.~efactis,Ihave children to ask questions, we are not likely to mom- not gotten a single phone call, email,or letter since com- mend a quiet conformism. Sh’ma September 2000 @ http:/ /www.shma.com How could a people known for unrelenting inquiry lar Orthodox worlds with no way to make religious become so patently conformist and risk-aversive? sense of their experience and no friendship circle of Could it be that when the modern world offered per- support will not feel capable of making a leap into an sonal freedom from religious dictates, all forms of per- abyss. It was easier for me to risk the communal pur- sonal freedom, even those with religious underpinnings, gatory of gay Orthodox identity because I travel in were deemed dangerous? Perhaps it is built into various supportive circles. struggles of minority culture. Might therebe something A few mcmths ago, a young man I was m- about the work to remain Orthodox when most Jews complahedthatitwasn’tfair.Forhimtogetmwihlife have not, to retain a detailed amay of ritual and spiri- inthemalter-of-fadwaythatallhis~~andfriends tual observances in the midst of the largely secular have done demands frmn him inedible courage. I world, that has made us shy to be different from each agreed with him. So it is. Talang the risk to simply be, other? We are to be different from “them,” from the when you a~ gay, is always an act of bravery. non-Jews and most importantly from the non-Ortho- dox Jews, but not from others who are Orthodox. Rabbi Steven Greenberg is a Senior Tmhing Fellow at Thinking about it now, I was able to come out because CLAL-TheNationaIJewiShcen~~LemningmdLeader- I had my own criteria of belonging, of being faithful to the ship. He meiwd his rabbiniclll ordinationfrom Rabbi Ismc tradition and remaining Orthodox. My years in yeshiva Elchanan Thaological seminary at Yeshiva Unimmity. Rabbi gave me tools for understanding my predicament. From Greenbmgspt twoymsmaJenrsalemFeuoz0,aeVelopmg the begmrung, my love of learning was grounded in the curriculum@ KOm,a ttew qanizatbn that emtpoum Thud’s unrelentjng multiplication of possjbilities, its in- Israeli mnmic, political, ~timd,and cultural leaders to terpdve freedom, and its struggle to understand com- meet the chauenga #mtemporary Israeli somty. He also peting human values. servesastheeclucationalad*oftheJ~openHouse, Risk is easier when one has the resources of intel- a gay and kbian community center adm’ng tkcause 4 lecixal and social independence. People living in insu- sod toleram in the Holy City. Portrait of the Artist as Risk-Taker Rebecca Goldstein o take risks means to subject yourself to forces leased. My editor has warned me that this book is that are not entirely in your control. After all, one of the riskiest books of her long and distin- Tif you could control them, there would be no guished career. So now is the moment to confront risk. A risky action then introduces into your life a the question: Why do I do it? certain element of pure passivity. You open yourself Unlike almost all other writers I’ve ever met, I up to being affected -how significantly is part of the did not originally set out to be a writer. I’ve always measure of the risk - by events outside your sphere loved to read fiction, but I considered it a somewhat of influence. illicit passion. Trained as an analytic philosopher, I There are actions I’ve undertaken precisely because was proceeding satisfactorily along the academic they were risky, grasping that live wire of passivity track. By the age of 26 I had a doctorate from that zaps me into full wakefulness. And then there Princeton, a job at Barnard College, and I was writ- are things that I do despite their riskiness. My career ing academic journal articles, composed in that belongs entirely to the latter category. highly precise, highly impersonal voice required by The amount of risk that goes into putting my soul the field. And then, the year that I turned 28, I onto the page and then sending it out into the world risked it all by writing a novel. The few with whom is staggering. I simply have to blot out all thoughts of I shared the secret of how I was spending my sum- this if I*amto do the work at all. I would not permit mer vacation (including my husband) warned me myself to think of it now if I could help it - but I that, given the odds, I’d probably never get the book can’t, because my sixth book, Properties of Light: A Novel published, and that, even if I succeeded, the publi- of Love, Betrayal, and Quantum Physics, is just being re- cation would toll the death of my academic career. Sh’Pna September 2000 @ http: / /www.shma.com .