THE SEARCH... for Strange Coincidence. Survey Says Gay
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THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES April 29, 1997 PAGE 11 THE SEARCH... Survey Says Gay Family Feud Is Fun Casey Reilty r i lenged by answering "A riot" and Retriever Weekly Staff Writer I Who is the only I "You mean like, Jackson?" for a to- for Strange Coincidence. I I tal of 59 points. The next two ques- Although the evening's entertain- I man most tions were answered by Casey with Shara L. Terjung divorce but no lawyers encouraging repair not only did not work out but ment was to be "Gay Family Feud," I straight men similar results. The first was in the Retriever Weekly Staff Writer us to be civil to one another. wound up causing a huge flood that the sign outside the UC Ballroom I category 'stereotypes.' To get back to the present... Neil trashed one of the nicest rental Lounge read "Gay Jeopardy." I think I would sleep "When you hear the word! Due to an act of God or an act of now has a lovely girlfriend who is houses I have ever seen. So, ignor- it probably would've gotten strange I with? transgendered. who is the first per- bad workmanship depending on very sweet and who wondered if ing the fact that all electronic looks whatever it read, and Retriever son you think of.'"' The obvious an-; Weekly Staff Photographer Will and I Mel Gibson, swer 'RuPaul' earned Casey 85 i your point of view, "The Search" Renton really did dive into the toilet. equipment was destroyed, that art I is officially backing out of a So why do I know so much about my work was irreparably damaged, Circulation Manager Casey were Va\ Kilmer, points and further guesses 'Michael longstanding, vehemently held ex and his new squeeze? Well, if you antiques ruined, etc., Jason and his kept entertained by the poorly-hid- I Jackson' and 'Richard Simmons'- position. Sort of. go back to my original piece, you will roommates are out of a place to den shock on people's faces as they I 5rad Pitt or earned much polite laughter. In the March 5, 1996 issue of find the line "our refrigerator had live. walked by and read the sign. I Further questions proved to be very The Retriever, as it was then called, been empty for weeks, and Neil and Dave and Monica are back with Will and Casey were awaiting the I Harrison ford educational for some participants.' I wrote an article for the Opinion our other roommate came home with their folks and Jason, well, Jason arrival of enough gay/lesbian/bi- The answer to the question "Which* section on living with your lover a Super Nintendo." moved in. With me that is. There sexual people to begin the game event, but rather an actual competi- president would you have most likedj entitled "Think of the Conse- The other roommate is Jason. (You are two computers and two chairs which they had been sent to cover. tor. to have slept with?" was, of course,! quences Before You Shack Up with may need pen and paper to keep track in my office. There is a giant easel With every 'ding' of the UC eleva- And so the contest was joined with JFK. But who could have guessed* 1 Your Man." It was paired with a of all this.) Jason had known Neil in my dining room and my cds have tor, Will and Casey waited in breath- Casey, Corris and Terri vying for the that good old Honest Abe would be piece by my good friend Julie since they were boys and had become been organized. Plus he took out less anticipation for the doors to slide prestigious prize package on offer third on the list? Bunn. my friend while Neil was away at the garbage, cleaned the fridge and open and reveal an elevator full of and for the honor of being known as And when the altogether yummy!* The two of us maintained that College Park. Jason introduced Neil the catbox, and washed all the gay/lesbian/bisexual folks, eager to the "Gay Family Feud" champion. Special Agent Fox Mulder was ab-" living together, simply shacking and I, and remained my friend even dishes. All in all a good deal so far. compete. And with every elevator full Care should be taken to distinguish sent from the survey answers to the| up, was a really bad idea. Julie was after Neil and I broke up. The really important point to all of apparent heterosexuals our hopes this from being known as the gay question "Who is the only man most^ basically motivated by religious Then one fine night a few months this (and the part where I feel like grew dimmer and dimmer. Eventu- "Family Feud" champion. straight men would sleep with?'" beliefs and I by personal experi- ago, Jason and I were playing pool. Doogie Howser typing his mem- ally, Retriever Staff Photographer The rules were the same as the some contestants were left shaking ence. (You can, by the way, look it This goofy friend of mine who had oirs at the end of the show) is that Will became bored of waiting and Family Feud with which we are all their heads in disbelief. up at the library in Special Collec- always been like a brother to me, who sometimes you change your mind LEFT CASEY ALONE. That is why familiar. The contestants were asked The end result saw Casey winning tions — it ran in the same issue that had set me up with his best friend and — and sometimes circumstances no pictures were taken of this histori- to respond to questions and their re- the "Gay Family Feud" with a com- premiered "The Happy Horo- who had dated my best friend, the are just different. cal event. sponses were to match those of a ran- manding lead and a burning desire! scope.") same roommate who used to stick his See, I'm twenty-five now, not Soon it became apparent that most dom survey of people. The contestant to defend his title at the next "Gay, It must have been about five paint covered hands in the cereal box, twenty. I've lived on my own al- of the gay/lesbian/bisexual people at who guesses a response which is in- Family Feud" competition. The prize] years ago that I moved in with Neil told me my hair was pretty. (Bare ready, established a residence, a UMBC were somewhere otherwise cluded on the survey is awarded as was a surprisingly generous $20 gifd (as I like to call him in articles) and with me, this is the only mushy col- credit record, and an identity. I've occupied on this evening, as Re- many points as there were people certificate to the fine Lambda Risingj it turned out to be an utter disaster. umn I've ever written.) And I, I was gone to Blockbuster and rented my triever Staff Photographer Will also who answered the same on the sur- bookstore. It would be a shame if thej As I said in my article, "We had smitten. own movies on Saturday nights. was by that time. However, Casey vey. differentness of these homosexual told ourselves that we were just So you can guess the rest I am now Jason's done the same and, in the was still there and in an unprec- The game got off to an historical game show rip-offs continued to] going to live together; it was no big dating the other roommate who is still intervening years, has learned not edented step was asked to participate. note with the question "What was scare off potential competitors, sincej deal, just a more convenient form friends with my ex, Neil, and so we to put his hands into the cereal box. This is the reason Casey was not sim- Stonewall?" Casey took an early lead this one turned out to be a whole lo of dating." It didn't work out that all got together and watched Most importantly, I do not regard ply an objective observer at this which would never seriously be chal- of fun for everyone. way at all. Trainspotting. (Anne Arundle this as a "more convenient form of "Our relationship wasn't strong County's familly tree gets a lot worse dating," but as a natural progres- , Joe's Excellent England Adventures..., enough to endure the daily pres- than this; ask anyone who went to Rt. sion slightly accelerated by an act sures of living together. If it had 2 U.) Not a pretty picture, but a bottle of God. been, we wbuld have gotten mar- of Merlot made it a little easier. As for my friend Julie's argu- Solving the English-Irish Conflict ried instead of just living together." Here's the act of God part. Jason ment, our reasons for not getting You get the point. We broke up and his roommates share a house a married immediately are many and Joe Schwartz freedom, here are some prime targets: goodwill among all the citizens of and it was absolute hell as we tried few blocks from where I live. They trivjal; we know the promises Retriever Weekly Prodigy (that band that does the world, I suggest the following Foreign Correspondent to separate our furniture, our fi- were all away last weekend when a we've made, that's what matters "Firestarter") ~ damn, they're annoy- solution; As the present level of nances, and our lives. Just like a plumber came in to do a repair.