Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Is It Christmas Yet?

It’s mad isn’t it? For ages I’ve been We only got one chance at a 50th wondering what to write in this editorial, Anniversary. Let’s do it right! thanks in no small part to the lack of episodes we’ve seen so far, but as I It’s rather sad in a way to see the exit of write this Colin Baker is currently in a Amy and Rory. It draws to a close the Australian jungle, avoiding snakes and first chapter of the The Doctor’s life as poisonous MP’s, I’m listening to more his 11th incarnation and there’s a lot of Doctor Who-related audios than I’ve discussion about whether their exit was ever done in my life and Doctor Who is handled correctly. I think most of us can about to do it’s annual advertisement agree that they at least provided stint on Children In Need. Even with 5 something a little bit different at a time episodes in a year (okay, 6 if you count when the show itself was regenerating the upcoming Christmas episode) and that they had a decent enough run. somehow Doctor Who still manages to Hopefully with a new companion, take over people’s lives! Rassilon (hopefully) a new outlook on things, knows what it’ll be like in 2013! Doctor Who can move forward and improve. We’d like to wish Karen and I think it’s fair to say though that the vast Arthur all the best and with the greatest majority of us have been disappointed of respect, hope that they never return to with the lack of episodes recently. Doctor Who ever again, so they won’t Doctor Who seems to be doing a lot of spoil their ending! shifting and adapting with its format and I can understand why people find it hard Finally, can I just say a MASSIVE thanks to follow. Hopefully 2013 will see a glut to everyone who has contributed and of Doctor Who, but personally, I do hope read the fanzine this year, I wouldn’t be that the show isn’t shoved down able to do it without you and it means so people’s throats and be all smug with much when people bother to associate itself. I like my Doctor Who to build up themselves with a publication such as it’s own excitement, instead of a press this. We’ll be back in 2013 – so please office doing it. I don’t think the BBC feel free to e-mail us at have been handling the show properly [email protected] recently - we’ve already had them at any time, with any treating it like the proverbial cash cow contributions/questions/ you may have! and I just hope that it doesn’t lose touch with it roots by trying to be something it’s Cheers not when the big day comes around. Danny

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2 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

Bye, Bye Ponds: Series 7 Reviews

Though still my favourite New Who together into a gripping adventure, along series, series five felt like the half way with comedy, scares and emotion. point between a Russell T Davies series and what was to come, with Moffat’s Wow, I thought, I’m really enjoying this bigger story arc creeping in. Series six series. was a big step, focusing primarily on one arc. This elation didn’t last long. With way too many characters and no real attempt at And series seven, so far at least, has making us care about them, Dinosaurs been an even more radical step – in the on a Spaceship truly was a mess. It felt opposite direction. The recent five like Chibnall was trying to emulate adventures have all been, on the whole, Moffat but failing to add much depth or self-contained stories. They’ve also been talent of his own. You know that thing I ambitious; with “big blockbuster movie” said about Michael Bay? plastered all over the publicity, it was easy to be worried that Doctor Who Things perked up again with A Town might be about to lose its wit and charm Called Mercy, a solidly accomplished in favour of Michael Bay style scale- mix of Western, sci-fi, and typical Who over-substance. Britishness. Not one of the most remarkable episodes, but Whithouse’s Thankfully, this was not the case. Yet. best yet and one that I’d be happy to The series started off, as the eponymous watch again and again. mad Daleks would say, eggs… ex… excellently well. Asylum of the Daleks Given my opinion on Dinosaurs, I wasn’t was a fast paced string of memorable overly optimistic for The Power of Three, set piece action sequences linked but it exceeded my expectations. While the invasion plot was empty and

3 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 arbitrary, its central exploration of the of my favourite longer stories took the three leads was sufficiently funny and time to make the viewer really care full of character to keep me entertained about the supporting characters. throughout. Whereas Riddell, Nefertiti, Grayle… I neither know much about nor care for Unfortunately, Amy and Rory’s final any of these. episode was the plot-hole riddled mess that I was hoping it wouldn’t be. There One thing I can say about series seven were just too many contrivances to get so far it that, visually, it’s been lovely. involved in the bulk of the episode. Can The Asylum sets, top-notch CGI someone please explain to me why dinosaurs, location filming in Almeria exactly he can’t go back and see them? and New York, Matt Smith’s hair… the And the Statue of Liberty, how did that series looks beautiful. A testament to even… BBC production; let’s hope it can keep this up.

So it’s goodbye to the Ponds, and it’s a shame that their exit couldn’t be as strong as their entrance, but, overall, the first married couple on the TARDIS have been a fascinating take on the Doctor Who companion. In ways they’ve been endearing, with character moments such as Asylum’s teleporter scene really making us care about their relationship, although there have been problems with their characterisation – series six’s messy story arc didn’t do them any Luckily, Moffat managed to cover up the good. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed following nonsense a little using that old their development from children to young storytelling tool: emotion. I cried a little at engaged couple to experienced the final scene; a perfect choice of travellers, and feel that now was the image to end Amy’s story on and the right time for them to leave. “final page” was a beautiful piece of writing. Farewell Ponds, come along soufflé girl!

It is nice not having to keep up with a  KIERON MOORE ridiculously complex story arc – unlike series six, the feelings of “this doesn’t (check out Kieron’s blog at make any sense” are separated into http://thisisgood- bite-size chunks. There is, however, an isntit.blogspot.co.uk/) interesting bit of arc going on with the Doctor deleting himself from databases Asylum of the Daleks: Moffat isn’t across space and time; it’ll be interesting overly fond of Dalek stories, and neither to see where this Moffat masterplan is am I. It was different in the Virgin heading. Novels era, when you couldn’t have Dalek stories at all. RTD cured that Ditching two-parters is not a move I drought and then some. Moffat’s instinct support. While many stories fit brilliantly to give the Daleks a year off was, I feel, within the 45 minute structure – Blink, not a long enough absence, especially Midnight and Vincent come to mind - when they made a cameo in The others feel rushed and incomplete. Many

4 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Wedding of River Song. The idea of the itself. The Doctor is not a costumed Daleks having a Prime Minister and/or a superhero; he kills Cybermen and Parliament is ridiculous. There were Daleks all the time. There should have some good moments here, mostly the been no moral quandary here, and the moment when the Doctor “reversed” the way they did resolve it was a cop-out. Dalek. But the Daleks being made to forget him? Eh... The Power of Three: Not so much a story as a character piece, this middle- There was also, of course, Oswin, but of-the-road episode is greatly helped by we’ll see how that plays out in the the return of Rory’s father, Brian. Also second “half” of the series. the new head of UNIT! They missed an opportunity to have Martha here, but that was more than made up for by Kate Stewart, the daughter of the late, great Brigadier.

The Angels take Manhattan: The departure of Amy and Rory is not the problem, though it was unnecessary that they suffer this fate. The problem is that it wasn’t a story at all. Compared to the character piece of Power of Three, which worked well in that format, this is just a bunch of set pieces crammed together with New York City (and, briefly, Ancient China) as a backdrop.

The whole “Amy and Rory saved the day with a suicide paradox, only to be Dinosaurs on a Spaceship: Easily the undone when Rory looked at a best story of the lot; the larger “half” of tombstone” is frankly ridiculous, evoking the season will be hard put to match up. RTD at his worst. And they are not A fun adventure in time and space, the stuck. All they would have to do is leave way it should be. The fact that the New York City in a mundane way; take a central plot device actually made sense boat trip back to London, say, and all is in Doctor Who continuity only made it good. I’m not going to join the “Moffat better. The extra ‘temporary must go” crowd here, but for certain he companions’ worked well, not crowding does need someone else to script edit up the story at all. But Brian, Rory’s his own stories. Chibnall or Gatiss or father, was absolutely brilliant.. Caroline Skinner needs to sit him down and say “No wait, this doesn’t make The only downside was that the villain, sense. See the plot hole here? The of course, had to be a greedy merchant. complete lack of logic over there?” I know this is a trope of modern fiction, but please, give it a rest. Nor was there Again, I don’t mind Rory and Amy any moral quandary in the Doctor killing leaving; they’ve been around for more him. Which brings us to.... than two years. I don’t even mind a semi-tragic departure; for example, the A Town Called Mercy: As with the horror of the Angels could convince RTD era Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution them to finally quit the Doctor’s lifestyle of the Daleks, the story’s problem isn’t (as they were thinking about doing in it’s American setting, but rather the story The Power of Three) and be somewhat

5 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 bitter and resentful towards the Doctor. and Rory jumping off that building at the That would have worked just fine. end didn’t mean as much as it should have done and I know people who still Here’s hoping the new companion snaps aren’t convinced that Amy gives a toss Moffat out of his funk. about Rory.

Brian Williams. Why oh why, wasn’t he  JAY McINTYRE introduced sooner? He’s introduced with 5 episodes to go, written and acted When I look at this batch of episodes, I brilliantly…then nothing. Where has he can’t help but think ‘was that it?’ It’s not been hiding? Where was he at the that the episodes are bad, I really wedding? How did The Doctor know his enjoyed Dinosaurs and Mercy but for name? All questions which have ran some reason, I don’t feel that it hit the around the heads of Doctor Who fans heights that the hype professed it would everywhere. I still don’t understand why do. I still don’t understand what The that extra scene, which was posted as a Power of Three was all about (and why storyboard with narration from Arthur nobody bothered about those poor Darvill on the BBC website, which saw people that blew up along with the ship Brian getting a goodbye letter from Rory, at the end!), I don’t like the new WASN’T filmed. It would have taken a Robomen in Asylum (too much fantasy couple of hours at the most, and that for me – Dalek guns coming out of their includes travel to and from Cardiff! They hands, do me a favour!) and the ending could have filmed it in Mark Williams’ of Angels was unsatisfying to say the kitchen for Ood’s sake! least.

First of all, what on earth was the ‘Amy and Rory getting a divorce’ all about at the beginning of Asylum? Even in Pond Life, the pair having an argument was the last episode of a series that had been light-hearted. It felt like it was stitched on as an afterthought. To make it all the more jarring, their differences were resolved at the end of Asylum! How apt, how beautiful, how fantastic would it have been to have this animosity running throughout the 5 episodes until the very end, when Rory The Angels Take Manhattan was a so- is willing to jump off that building? Amy so episode for me. There’s some great would have joined him, explained her acting but it constantly just lets itself reasons and the pair could have finally down. Why could River go and see Amy, sealed their mutual love in a beautiful give her the book later on, and The moment. They didn’t need to be Doctor can’t go and rescue them? If the dropped off at home, The Doctor could TARDIS doesn’t work, he could always have picked up on their differences, borrow River’s time-travelling device. It pretended to try to take them home, only made no sense to me why these people for the TARDIS to go where it wants and couldn’t have been rescued. It isn’t just the other 4 adventures could have taken plot-holes that make the cut though, place. Instead, what we got was what there’s also the basic cosmetic mistakes. these episodes amounted too – a rushed WHY go through the trouble in resolution that made little sense. Amy

6 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 researching the fact that people in matter. It DOES matter when it takes 1930’s America turned over a dollar bill, people out of the story, it DOES matter to prove it was legal tender and then call when they don’t bother to be invested in a hotel Winter Quay. Americans don’t the story because of these errors. And use the word Quay, they call them that’s what I was like. Wharfs. Basic research will tell you that - you just need to ask any American! Now that the WILLIAMS (never the Say the word Quay to them and they’d Ponds!) have gone, their ending rather think it’s something you open a door rushed, let’s hope that Moffat and co can with. Moffat even went to the trouble of start afresh with Jenna. But has he explaining that this hotel was in Battery already written himself in a corner, Park – a mere stones-throw away from thanks to Asylum of The Daleks? She the Statue of Liberty, so it makes it WASN’T originally supposed to be in it rather odd that an error like this was after all… made. It might sound like a minor (and ridiculous) point, but its evocative of the I must sound like I hated these 5 Moffat era for me – full of wonderful, episodes, I really didn’t. I just want well-written moments then spoiled by Doctor Who to be the best it can be, but moments of madness, designed for at the moment, it has a long way to go cheap thrills or made to look impressive. before it’s back to it’s very best. Like having the Statue of Liberty (which is made out of copper, not stone!)  STEVE JAMES walking around! I can just imagine Moffat’s response to this – it doesn’t

Why The Doctor should never travel alone

7 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 ASYLUM OF THE DALEKS

also get grabbed and taken to the great Dalek spaceship in the sky, where the Doctor is now awaiting them, having been taken himself.

But then things get wonky. The Doctor, gearing up for a fight, is quite surprised (as I was) to hear the Daleks asking for his help. No “exterminate” is uttered here. The Daleks want the Doctor’s assistance in going down to this thing called the Dalek Asylum. And yes, it is really is as bad as it sounds. Insane Daleks = not good. They’re

too afraid to do it, so they ask the Doctor to do it instead. But wait, first, there’s that odd “Asylum of the Daleks” starts with a scene voice coming to them from inside the on Skaro. We already knew the Daleks planet. would be involved in this episode somehow (the episode name sort of gives it away), That voice belongs to actress Jenna but in what capacity? Well, lo and behold, Louise Coleman, in the role of Oswin here. they have laid a trap for the Doctor. The Yes, she’s the actress that will be playing woman he is meeting is not as human as the Doctor’s new companion. But … things she appears: the Daleks are now able to are about to get even wonkier… convert people and leave them looking like people. Until that blue-beaming eyestalk Those Daleks beam Amy, Rory and the comes out of their forehead. Was that Doctor down to the planet where the creepy or what? asylum is located underground. And obviously, Rory gets separated from the Seriously, knowing that this episode was group. Eventually, they all meet up about Daleks, made me question “What? together, and while surrounded by Daleks AGAIN?” But this episode puts a whole and a planet that’s about to go boom, new twist on the Doctor’s most famous Oswin insists that they come rescue her enemy and makes them scary again. I like from where she’s been hiding. that. So the Doctor does just that. Meanwhile, If you’ve been watching the Pond Life mini- Amy is slowly turning into a Dalek thanks series (particularly that last episode), you’ll to the nanites that permeate the air of the know that there have been some marital planet. There was a bracelet that would issues with Amy and Rory. Apparently, protect her that the team were given, but of things were serious enough to warrant course, she lost hers. divorce papers. I don’t find this as a surprise as it seems the two need the But this is the wonkiest part yet. It turns out Doctor in their life for Amy to be happy. that Oswin only thinks that she’s human. Yes, I blame Amy. Rory is a saint. Don’t She is, in fact, a Dalek herself! A human argue that point with me. conscience trapped inside a Dalek. And she has no idea that she’s a Dalek. But the Daleks, in their all-knowing wisdom, know of the Doctor’s affinity for his Meanwhile, Amy and Rory kiss and make latest two companions, so Amy and Rory up (is anyone really surprised?). Their big

8 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 problem? Amy is bawling her eyes out and But I would love to see some sort of telling Rory that she cannot give him connection between the two. Especially children. with that whole “Remember Me” thing she said while looking knowingly at the Doctor. So that sums up the episode, but the most important question is what did I think? Or perhaps the new companion is an I thought “Asylum of the Daleks” was a lot ancestor of Oswin? I’ve seen that theory a of fun. Every time a new season of Doctor lot since the episode aired. Personally, I’d Who begins, I am always reminded of what like to see Oswin, the Dalek, as the new a great adventure the show is. I’m also companion. How reminded that Matt Smith is brilliant as the awesome/funny/terrifying/freaky would it be Doctor. I do still feel, however, that too to have a Dalek running around with the much time is spent on the companions, Doctor in his TARDIS? Oh, the possibilities even in this episode. Although I’ll be sad to are endless! see Amy and Rory go, their drama will also go with them – and good riddance. My My beef with this episode is the Ponds’ favorite episodes so far have been the reason for divorce. Amy pushed Rory away ones without the Ponds because Matt because she can not bear him children. needs to be allowed to carry this role on There’s just one problem with that: they his own shoulders. And he’s perfectly already have a kid. Her name is River capable of doing that when left to his own Song. It’s like the writers forgot a character devices. He proved that in “The Doctor’s THEY CREATED even existed. And there Wife.” was no mention of her anywhere. I found that to be a very weird oversight. Or are we But Matt got some good screen time and going to find out that we now live in a he made use of every moment. The universe where River Song never existed? absolute look on his face when he finally Yes, I know that they did something to Amy sees Oswin as a Dalek (although I’m on Demon’s Run, where she had River. thinking he knew all along because he’s And yes, I know, they didn’t get to raise that bloody brilliant) was a moment of River. But still, you’d think Amy would say heart-wrenching sadness. Tears pooled in something more along the lines of “I can’t my eyes as he told her. And then he said have any MORE children.” Or that the the lines made famous by the 10th Doctor: would be happy they had a daughter at “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” all. I don’t know… but I really didn’t get that. But there’s another twist, too – this one will affect future episodes with the Daleks. Besides, I still stand by what I’ve always Oswin somehow managed to wipe their said: Rory is too good for Amy. memories of the Doctor out of their metal All in all, though, this is still the best thing heads. They no longer see the Doctor as a on television. Ever. I especially liked the threat and that’s one less thing that he’ll punny “Eggs-term-in-ate” jokes and the have to worry about (although I’m sure chanting of “Doctor Who? Doctor Who? they’re still evil and will turn up again). Doctor Who?” by the Daleks at the end. Doctor Who indeed. But the biggest question here is about Coleman’s appearance in the episode. I’m  ROBIN BURKS assuming it’s a case of ”actor plays one part and then returns as a companion in a (Originally published on: new role” sort of thing. Especially since we http://www.fangirlconfessions.com) know the new companion’s name is Clara.

9 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 DINOSAURS ON A SPACESHIP

actually a simple thing to write. It fitted into the story seamlessly and is a far easier concept to understand than say, a scientist cloning them or better than using Time Travel to explain it. What we got was established Silurian history. You could say what were Silurians doing with Spaceships when many of them were under the Earth, or why they were giving a toss about the creatures, but again, it’s something that can’t be explained easily, so why bother wasting time over it?

I can forgive a story a lot if I really enjoy it, There’s a pastime where I come from. DOAS doesn’t really do anything wrong for Moaning. I’m not talking about sexy me. True, there’s the gaping moment moaning, but moaning about everything when The Doctor leaves Solomon to die, from the weather to the state of the music but then again, did he? Solomon had more on the radio. Moaning about trivial things than enough time to get up and concede that doesn’t really matter in the grand defeat and walk out with The Doctor. And scheme of things. This is what I feel that it’s not as if The Doctor hasn’t done worse Doctor Who fans are like. (Especially the in his past. This scene is something that lack of sexual moaning) can be explained by a line of dialogue and the only disappointment was that it wasn’t One of my main disappointments with new exercised. Much has been made of Doctor Who is that I feel that it doesn’t Solomon’s death and why The Doctor delve into the ‘adventure’ genre enough. shouldn’t have done it. Have any of these True, we’ve had some stories that could people complaining ever even seen Doctor potentially fit that mould, but I don’t feel Who before? He’s done things like this that it’s enough to warrant that tag. countless times, to humans AND aliens. Sometimes we need a break from the norm Was it because Solomon was a human and adventure is something that can be that it mattered? Do alien beings not count wonderful, yet frightens you to death, and in your morality? Last year, he happily then can be funny again at the same time. murdered most of a Cyber fleet just to get Doctor Who has proven that it can do all of their leader’s attention. Tennant’s Doctor those things, but it needs to have them all imprisoned the Family of Blood for all in one episode from time-to-time. eternity, which is far worse fate than death, in my opinion. And let’s not forget him There’s nothing that screams out forcing Adelaide to kill herself just to put ADVENTURE than having Dinosaurs in a history back on track. The Doctor has story – and here we are! Dinosaurs on a always had this perceived ‘dark side’, but Spaceship! I was worried, you know. people only criticise him for it when it suits. Worried that the story was just fit around a Fine, you didn’t love this episode, but headline-grabbing title and that the actual saying that it’s out of character for The contents wouldn’t make any sense. Doctor to trap Solomon is just wrong, I’m Having the Silurians taking the creatures sorry, it’s what he’s always done. and plant life away from Earth (which they thought was going to get destroyed) was a One major aspect of the story that hooked stroke of genius, yet if you think about it, is me in, was how well-drawn the characters

10 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 were, we had Neffi, the Egyptian Queen When I reviewed Invasion of The who is clearly bored with her life and finds Dinosaurs in Issue 5, I implored Steven The Doctor fascinating to be with. We Moffat to fit in a Dinosaur episode have Riddell, the Victorian/Edwardian somewhere. Many people are fascinated hunter who’s values about women are with these creatures and they can provide improved as the story goes on. And it’s an exciting backdrop to a story if done clear that The Doctor has already had correctly! Being chased and hunted by adventures with Riddell before, so it Dinosaurs can provide a writer with tools to doesn’t require any slowing down of the develop characters in the face of such story to deal with setting up a trust adversity and I feel that with Brian, Nefertiti between them. Then there’s the fact that and Riddell, they did that. But for me - the he’s portrayed properly – a (by today’s episode wasn’t long enough! A longer standards) chauvinist who kills animals for episode would have fleshed out the sport. That’s what people in the early characters more and left space to fit in 1900’s used to do, and I don’t understand those lines that would have made the story why anyone would have a problem with better. This would have been great if it someone from that era, someone of his was a Christmas special – they could have background, being portrayed properly. slowed down and inserted more into the That’s why The Doctor didn’t have a contents of the opening sequences (which problem with him - he could see past his did catch me by surprise with its pace on primitiveness and see the good side in him. first watch) and how great would it have Then there’s Solomon, played by the been to see the planet that the Dinosaurs magnificent David Bradley. FINALLY we ended up on? get someone who is able to play a villain with a real sense of terror. He possibly even threatened to rape Neffi (‘I will enjoy breaking you in’!) Has that ever been done in Doctor Who before? Now THAT was dark and controversial!

Again there’s been complaints about how random Riddell and Neffi were, but that’s the point! The Doctor travels with random people, his life is random. I think it’s brilliant that he can take two historical characters (one a Queen who did disappear in mysterious circumstances and another, a hunter, who wasn’t quite as famous!) I can take or leave the two robots – it was funny (and probably more true to And if you’re still not convinced that this is life!) in thinking that this space pirate just a decent episode, look at Brian, sat on the went out and bought the cheapest ‘help’ edge of the TARDIS with his flask and possible, just to maximise his profits! sandwiches, looking at the Earth below in wonderment. Forget time-travel, clever I’ve not even mentioned Brian Williams yet, plotting and emotional bumf - that’s a who came into the story as a dismissive, scene that sums up Doctor Who in a perhaps a tad ignorant of the world and nutshell. departed as a wide-eyed traveller who seemed to have more respect for his son.  DANIEL GEE That’s what The Doctor can do.

11 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 A TOWN CALLED MERCY

Everything you’d want from a good Western was there. A saloon, a showdown, a stetson, and shot beautifully on location in Almeria, previously used for A Fistful of Dollars, The Magnificent Seven and many more classic Westerns. The episode certainly looked the part, with bright blue skies contrasting with bright orange sands. It was magnificently scored too, with a Western twist on Murray Gold’s usual incidental music making the episode really distinct and underpinning certain dramatic moments perfectly. OK, so a few of the actors overdid the American accents more than others, but Ben A man who walks into towns, solves Browder made up for them and A their problems and leaves without Town Called Mercy very much felt revealing his name; a man who like a Western. saves many but is destined to be a lonely figure. The Doctor shares But this was no ordinary Western, it many traits with the quintessential was a sci-fi Western. The clunking Western hero. In this way, perhaps beast of the gunslinger was a finely it’s a surprise that it took the revived designed creation, mashing cowboy Doctor Who seven series to do a and robot into something intimidating Western episode, the first since and powerful. The plotline of a 1966’s The Gunfighters. doctor on the run after his cyborg creation had turned against him, a Toby Whithouse’s A Town Called futuristic Frankenstein in the Old Mercy had the Doctor, along with West, did feel like it reused some Amy and Rory, strolling into a town plot elements we'd seen before but under siege from a mysterious fit the setting strangely well, allowing gunslinger - part cowboy, part for a series of tense confrontations. machine, entirely dangerous. Their investigation led them to another But this was no ordinary sci-fi alien doctor, Kahler-Jex, creator of Western, this was a Doctor Who sci- the gunslinging cyborg and escaped fi Western. From the moment the war criminal redeeming himself by Doc and co. walked into the town, serving the town of Mercy. the story looked at the typical Western tropes with a strong

12 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 element of the typical British humour We've seen the 'enemy is akin to the we’ve come to associate with Doctor Doctor' trope before, yes, but some Who. “Tea. But the strong stuff. of the dialogue was chillingly Leave the bag in” the Doctor orders effective - “Looking at you, Doctor, is in the saloon, in a brilliant piece of like looking into a mirror, almost. comic writing. There’s rage there like me, guilt like me, solitude, everything but the Besides this, the episode was a very nerve to do what needs to be done” interesting character study. Though taunts Kahler-Jex. And the Doctor Amy and Rory, the focus of a lot of flips. Perhaps understandably, this series, didn’t have a lot to do, though I’m not sure the Doctor as I the episode, like Whithouse’s The know him should. God Complex last year, focused on a particular element of the Doctor’s Whatever your opinion on the character. This time it was his anger, Doctor’s character arc, A Town as his frustration with always Called Mercy really was an encountering death caused him to accomplished mix of Western, sci-fi, take up a gun and throw Kahler- and that Doctor Who Britishness, in Jex out of Mercy into the hands of terms of humour and the prevailing his assassin. I’m not sure I like the “violence doesn’t end violence” direction the Doctor’s been going in message. Toby Whithouse’s scripts this series, first with killing Solomon can be criticised for following the and now this. I liked the Doctor of traditions of Doctor Who a little too series five, who occasionally had closely, and indeed this episode’s mad outbursts of rage, but only in use of well-worn tropes in Kahler- defence of his principles and would Jex’s story means that it’s not one of never contemplate killing, but this the very best episodes, but it is Doctor seems to be becoming more Whithouse’s best yet and one that ruthless, a characteristic I don’t want this Whovian would be more than associated with the character. Amy happy to watch again and again. attributed this to too long travelling alone, though I don’t see that as an Plus, the Doctor rode a transgender excuse – that shouldn’t turn anyone horse and wore a Stetson. Stetsons into a killer, and besides, he seems are cool. I just wish he’d worn that to be visiting the Ponds and other gorgeous cowboy coat for longer. friends often enough. Nevertheless, for actually exploring the anger in a  KIERON MOORE well-written, reflective manner rather than last week’s Bond-esque (Originally published on: nonchalant smarmy murder, http://thisisgood- Whithouse gets a lot more of my isntit.blogspot.co.uk) appreciation than Chris Chibnall.

13 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 THE POWER OF THREE

the least about, this mystery Watching this episode was like continued well into the episode itself travelling back in time to 2008. The as we followed the Doctor, aided by only way it could have been more UNIT in trying to discover what these RTDish would be if they had stuck in cubes were all about. Torchwood and Trinity Wells. This however is no criticism, I found it Kate Stewart was powerful, quirky refreshing to be reminded of this and the right kind of serious to be take on the show, it lent itself to the considered the brig’s daughter and feeling of an epic worldwide threat part of the UNIT family, this and the good fun of the Ponds character will be what most long penultimate story. Chibnall seems to term fans will have enjoyed most in have been given the two ‘happy’ the episode. After new-who had episodes of the mini-series; this revealed the sadness of Brigadier provided a lighter story focused on Lethbridge-Stewart’s death last the Ponds before their heads get series it was refreshing to be given chopped off in the following week, it hope in the shape of another long made for exciting family running character to fill his boots and entertainment. Out of the five for the audience to warm to. episodes in the first half of this series ‘The Power of Three’ seemed The opportunity to see a better- to be the episode spoiler fans knew rounded version of Pond Life was

14 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 also much appreciated. The fun of Why is his plan so bloody The Doctor struggling within this convoluted? Why does he have that ‘normal’ environment was voice? Why? WHY!? entertaining; these parts of the episode were approached in a different and new way then both The Lodger and Closing Time with us seeing The Doctor ability to cope with boredom tested. An opportunity for Mark Williams to return as Rory’s dad was also very welcome; I think he is Chibnall’s best creation. We’ve seen a lot of companion’s family over the last seven years, in my opinion Brian joins Jackie and There is no doubt in my mind that Wilfred as the only ones who have this story would have been best truly stood out and undeniably served in two parts; Kate Stewart added to the entertainment. Brian’s and UNIT could have been explored realisation of what was to become of further and the nemeses would have his son and daughter in law added a been better realised and fleshed out. thought-provoking dimension to the So much of the episode was taken tale, these characters will not just be up with the brilliant slow reveal of the missed in the real world, but in the cubes capacities and Amy & Rory’s fictional world too. lives that there was no time left for anything else. The fact it comes to However, there were only a mere 42 minutes seems to be disappointments, first of all we never the maddest fact at all! previously knew The Doctor was unable to paint a fence properly, on The thing is – this series has been top of this we were teased but not SO good so far that anything that treated to a Zygon at the Savoy… now doesn’t live up to that brilliant Like many RTD episodes, it had a level of expectation is always going fantastic build up and an to feel like a bit of a let-down. This unsatisfactory resolution, the reveal has been my least favourite episode of the baddy was rushed, of 2012, but with 90% of it being nonsensical and embarrassing to great I cannot complain, had it been watch, by not keeping to the same aired in 2011 in comparison it would standard and tempo it let the rest of have been one of the better ones of the episode down. Who on earth is the year! the Shakri? Why have we had no indication that they existed up until  RICHARD WIGGINS this point in the episode? Why is he only on screen for two minutes?

15 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 C74 0=64;B C0:4 <0=70CC0=

The goal of this episode was to write off Amy Pond and Rory Williams from the show. With that in mind, I think Steven Moffat did an admirable job sending the pair off in quite a satisfying way. Unless you kept yourself from all forms of communication until this episode premiered, it was declared from day one that we would be seeing the last of the Pond’s. Since the audience knew this coming in, it was up to Steven Moffat to create a story that would end their story in a satisfying way. Karen Gillian as well should get credit for What stood out to me most of all was the her performance. While I certainly know pure love Amy and Rory showed for that she loves Rory, this was the first each other. Karen and Arthur deserve a time where I felt she understood the lot of credit for the chemistry they’ve had depth of Rory’s love for her. When Rory since they began involvement in the is finally attacked by the Angels and sent show because the dynamic they’ve back into time, her reaction is heart created for these characters is unlike breaking. You could sense not that we anything I’ve seen on television ever. were witnessing an actress pretending (Granted, I’ve been used to American she was upset. You felt she was upset television so seeing good acting like this over her husband gone. While she has a gives me the same reaction folks had deep connection with the Doctor, without when they first saw a movie at the turn Rory in her life, life wasn’t worth living. of the 20th Century when they were first While it was sad she had to say goodbye created). to the Doctor, the fact that Amy and Rory were able to lead a long life together left The love Rory shows from Amy is pure. a good feeling in my heart, especially as It’s unquestioning. When he’s put into a someone who recently celebrated the

16 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 tenth anniversary of the first date I had for seasons five and six but without with my wife. some sort of arc linking the stories together, the characters just seemed Another good aspect of this episode was lost. River Song. I agree with some criticism I came across that questioned why she Another issue I had was that this was even in this episode. It did come episode, like the others before it, across like Mr. Moffat felt she had to be seemed like an edited version of a much there so simply tossed her in. Despite longer story. There were definitely some that, Alex Kingston chewed up the great parts to it but the overall story gave scenery. Her interactions with the Doctor me the impression like there was a lot were great. I really got the sense that we more they were trying to tell but couldn’t were watching a married couple. On the due to it being cut. For all I know, when surface, I could see where some folks season seven is in the books, my could be a little weirded out that a opinion of my last two critiques may woman pushing fifty is supposed to be dissolve in a poof of clarity. We may find the love interest of an actor not yet thirty. that there has been something that will Yet I love how, through Matt Smith’s link everything together that will allow us performance, you get the feeling that he to get more meaning from the earlier is the older man in the relationship. River episodes upon further viewing. comes across like a young woman who fell in love with her intellectual soul mate Overall, this was a good episode. It had who just happens to be hundreds of some great elements in which Doctor years older than her. And their Who fans will be talking about for years arguments…they were great. They were to come. But the critiques I had about also the type of arguments I have with this episode and the episodes preceding my wife on a regular basis, the small it brought down what could have been little things that happen in all long term an amazing moment in Doctor Who relationships. history down to a normal episode with a decent ending. I hope the rest of season This episode did fail similar to the rest of seven will change my view of this the episodes from the beginning of episode but as it stands, I am season seven. Without any sort of a disappointed with what we were story arc, each episode has seen lost presented. It is an incomplete somehow. Things are happening to the masterpiece in waiting. characters we love for no reason other than to simply have them happen. I get  TIM JOUSMA that some folks may not have liked the long term stories that Moffat put together

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17 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Mary Tamm: The Key To The Key To Time

story-arc which would see The Doctor on a quest for the Key To Time. Historically it contains the 100th Doctor Who serial (The Stones of Blood), the 500th episode (episode one of The Armageddon Factor) and what’s more, was broadcast during the show’s 15th Anniversary.

Whenever a new female companion is announced these days, the tedious phrase ‘She IS The Doctor’s equal’ always seems to follow. We all know that’s not true, but the only character to ever come close to that moniker is Romana. Mary’s performance had a sort of ‘I’m a strong Woman, don’t mess me with’ vibe, but yet she was very respectful towards The Doctor, patient and understood that he’s a bit of an oddball. What’s more (and probably more importantly) you always get the feeling that the character is alien towards us. Never once did I get the feeling that this person was a human When I hear people talk about their trying too hard to be an alien, I mean, favourite Classic Who seasons, it’s what human lady would willingly go out sometimes one that contains their and walk on rough ground with heels favourite story. For me, it’s different. I on? She was brilliantly played and it’s a think Series 16 is now my favourite real shame we never saw more. Doctor Who season. It’s a season that doesn’t contain my favourite story, but in We kick off with The Ribos Operation terms of quality, it’s pretty much of the and when The Doctor gets his orders same high standard all the way through. from the White Guardian, it’s that Then there’s the characters – all of wonderful shot that introduces us, as the which are brilliantly written, but perhaps camera pans up to reveal Romana who none more than Romanadvoratrelundar, cuts such a striking figure in her played by Mary Tamm. costume. At first she seems aloof and

distant, understandable as she was When we heard the sad news about plucked from her duties to go on a Mary recently, I wanted to crack open mission with this buffoon. She has an the Key To Time again, partly as a air of a classy lady about her, you know tribute, mostly because I’ve only actually like the girls at the school disco, the seen it once. I was attracted to it in the ones who wouldn’t be seen dead in first place, not because the key can stop catalogue clothes. You know you the universe (though that’ll be handy shouldn’t, but you can’t resist in asking sometimes) but because the plot has an them if they want one of your Chewits, or ‘epic adventure quest’ ring to it. It’s even worse, asking them to dance. 1978 and the production team wanted to They’re out of our league and Romana is do something different, introducing a

18 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 quite clearly out of The Doctor’s league, is helped by great characters and but due to circumstances, the pair work Professor Rumford especially is a together, get along and by the end of delight. Sadly the final episode loses The Armageddon Factor, they are quite that bit of momentum it had built up, but clearly great friends. The Doctor’s in there’s still some nice little moments and there, having fun, whilst we are left sat at lines in there to keep you happy. the side, trying not to catch the eye of the over-excited teachers who enjoy Probably my favourite of the entire bullying children to dance to rubbish series though, is The Androids of Tara. songs. It’s just a story where everyone and everything was on top form and it’s a joy Ribos is a great start to this series - the to watch from the first minute to the last. characters are beautifully drawn as it The villain, Grendel, has to be up there turns out that everyone in the story is a in a list of ‘best one-off Doctor Who thief of some kind! There’s a nice mix baddies’ as he just suited that creepy of medieval-style language and clothes, and murderous role right down to the yet in the next sentence they’re talking ground. Maybe the actor (Peter Jeffery) about battle cruisers and strange spent his spare time kidnapping and concepts that aren’t normally associated blackmailing, because he was so with the type of clobber they’ve got on! convincing! Overall though, Tara is a tale of romance, plenty of swashbuckling From there we go to Douglas Adams’ action and adventure and even science- The Pirate Planet – and after watching, I fiction mixed with a backdrop of a was left thinking that technically, this is fairytale setting - they had electrically- probably the best Doctor Who story charged swords and everything! ever. The story of a space-hopping planet that sucks resources out of other smaller planets, is just utter genius and way ahead of its time. This is a far better measure of Adams’ talents - the characters, the plot, the feeling of magic that this story gives off (even though Doctor Who isn’t magic!) And then there’s the fact that this is his first stab at a Doctor Who script! Those characters – The Captain threatens to be this over- the-top Panto villain at times, but STILL manages to maintain that level of creepiness just after he makes you laugh with another ridiculous threat. It’s just perfect Doctor Who and as always, The rest of the series, though not being Tom is in his element and it’s a joy to as high in quality, just about manages to watch him just bounce around in this tie things up. Power of Kroll has it’s story, taking the mickey out of the moments, the keeping of slaves in aid of villains before turning on a sixpence ‘progress’ was a plot that I think could when he’s put in a corner and have been expanded upon, instead of threatened. having some of the silly and pointless scenes they did with the monster! I The Stones of Blood attempts to be the really enjoyed some of the performances gothic horror of the series and somehow in The Armageddon Factor (especially manages to make massive, ancient John Woodvine as the Marshal), but you stones look scary! Yet again, the story get the feeling that this would be better

19 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 off being a 4-parter as the plot seemed Mary says in her autobiography that to be stretched out too much. So much originally she wasn’t interested in the so, it feels like we’re in a time-loop with role and it took a little persuasion from along with some of the characters! Even her agent and a phone call to her old the cheesy resolution to the Key To RADA friend, Louise Jameson, who Time fails to wipe the gloss off the despite having a somewhat frosty series. This is Doctor Who after all - it relationship with Tom at the time, can’t go around being all perfect! advised her to go for it. Even the producer, Graham Williams, didn’t want I was left thinking after watching these to let her go and fudged up the start of again, would this series have been as the next season because of it. I’m not half as good if Mary Tamm wasn’t in it? one to criticise anyone who leaves You can see throughout the series that Doctor Who because of creative issues her character develops from someone but looking back, I think Doctor Who who is a bit wary of getting involved with needed another series with Mary Tamm. the worlds they visit, to getting stuck into Lalla Ward is brilliant as Romana but I the action at every opportunity. Her think it’s fair to say that City of Death relationship with The Doctor improves apart, the next season just pails in and by the end they’re sharing jokes and comparison and the opportunity for her working well together. The way she to develop as someone more than The holds herself in that striking first scene, Doctor’s right-hand girl, didn’t present the way she interacts with The Doctor itself, which is the main reason Mary left. (and other characters and worlds) just sticks out as ‘someone not human’. And So perhaps Mary was right to leave that’s the real triumph of her portrayal - when she did? Who knows. But I do as I mentioned, never once did I not know that Doctor Who would have been think she wasn’t a Time Lord (or Lady if a poorer place if she hadn’t have you will) nor did I not believe her words stepped into that role and made us or character. I was invested in her and believe in her character. that’s the mark of a great actress, when she can get someone with the attention  DANIEL GEE span of me, engrossed in a story!

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For more info visit: www.fishcustard.bigcartel.com 20 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Caroline John: The Last Post

One sad aspect of early Doctor Who is that the character of the companions were hardly expanded upon. In steps Big Finish, who produce the monthly Companion Chronicles series, which sees one former companion (along with another actor) tell a story about The Doctor, their life after The Doctor or about their own adventures in between.

The Last Post is the last performance of Caroline John as Liz Shaw and is more than a fitting epilogue to the character. Set during her time with The Doctor and UNIT, the majority of the story is told been turning up dead and Emily Shaw is through letters and phone calls from Liz more involved as she’d like to be… to her mother (Emily) and back again. I really enjoyed this format and found it What The Last Post does, is to provide a easy to listen to, sometimes the usual character for someone who lacked it way of having an actor just read a story during her time on the show. It gives her to you and doing voices, can prove to be a back-story to invest yourself in, a difficult to follow (especially with some family, an understanding of why the of the plots that Doctor Who provides!) character was portrayed as she was. Rowena Cooper is fantastic as Liz’ The main plot weaves its way into their mother and it’s incredibly sad to learn lives and eventually takes over. making from the CD extras that everyone was Liz and her Mother work together, interested in doing more stories with Liz despite the pair seeming like polar and Emily, but sadly we won’t get to opposites in terms of their characters. hear them. It’s a story that could have easily been fit into Season 7 quite comfortably and Taking place throughout her time with works well as a companion piece to that UNIT (listen out for all the references!) year. The name ‘Companion Chronicle’ Liz and her Mother exchange letters has probably never seemed so apt! about their lives and the story slowly morphs into a plot involving murders, All that’s left to say is that if you enjoyed ironically by people receiving letters. As that year of Doctor Who, this is a must the story goes on, we learn more about listen and a perfect footnote to the Liz’ family and Emily learns more about character of Elizabeth Shaw. Go and get her daughter’s life at work and the it! people she works with, especially the strange man that calls himself The  DANIEL GEE Doctor! As the story goes on, we learn that there’s a link with people who have

21 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Review of The Ambassadors of Death DVD

I’ve always had a real soft spot for time to be unnerved by the ‘scream’. I The Ambassadors of Death. I don’t was surprised, reading the productions know exactly why: there’s a high subtitles, that the episode one cliff frequency of set wobbling, it has two hanger was changed from Cornish examples of my least favourite cliff speaking at an obviously empty capsule hanger, it doesn’t really end properly to Taltalian pulling a gun on our heroes, and it’s always existed in pretty poor shock-horror. This is a real shame as the quality. I had a copy taped of UK Gold hopelessness of Cornish’s unheard in the early nineties where one of the messages has much more dramatic episodes had such a hissy impact. I have a personal dislike of soundtrack the announcer had to enemy-pulls-a-gun-on-Doctor-or- apologise first. Companion cliff hangers anyway, as you rarely believe that they will go through On the positives, though, it’s packed full with the action (this is why Caves of of action, intrigue and incident – too Androzani part two succeeds). Also by packed, as it turns out, to end properly the time the episode was edited they within its seven episodes, leaving the would have known that they’d be Doctor to empower Liz Shaw, walk out repeating the cliff hanger at the end of and leave them to it! It’s gritty, well made part 6. I’ll take a ‘talkie’ cliff hanger over (set wobbles notwithstanding), well a will they / won’t they shoot ‘em one performed, well directed and the any day – hence the impact of the remaining four cliff hangers are cracking. famous episode 2 ending. Episode 3, Plus it’s got that extra cliff hanger at the with Liz apparently falling into the water, beginning of each episode with the split is very well shot and episode 4 is very titles which is a real curio but works SO well crafted for a Doctor-in-mortal-peril well. event. Episode 5 is nice, but it’s let down by the visuals. It’s easily Liz Shaw’s best story. She has a proactive and involved sub-plot which I’d read various reviews about the DVD utilises her as a scientist, not just as a release before I bought it. My cipher or a way of the villain getting at expectations were raised from reading the Doctor. Inferno may have given how great the colour restoration work Caroline John the widest scope as an was on it. But, frankly, I could have cried actor, but Ambassadors gives the the first time I watched it. I didn’t mind character her best screen time and the patchy colour version of Invasion of shows her mettle when not restricted by The Dinosaurs part one in the UNIT Pertwee’s frankly overbearing Doctor. boxset, because the BBC were wise enough to promote the B&W version as Michael Ferguson is justly proud of the the primary one, with the best-efforts serial as a whole, and over-spending colour recovery version as an alternative Barry Letts’ budget, but particularly of his extra. I’ll only watch the colour version cliff hangers and his use of the scream now. I just wish they’d done that with into the closing theme. Personally I have The Ambassadors of Death as well. always felt that the ‘scream’ has more Episode one, of course, looks gorgeous, impact when it runs over the visuals, but but the blotchy, patchy colour mapped here you immediately cut away to the on to the grainy prints for the other six titles. Yes, there’s shock value, but my episodes was so distracting that I forgot brain had already adjusted to the fact about enjoying the story and just that the titles were playing before it had scrutinised the images instead. I enjoyed

22 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 it a bit more the second time around well, to round it off. It’s a shame that the when my expectations had already been timing was out (presumably) on getting shattered but I’d be amazed if this contributions from Nick Courtney, version was ever allowed to be Caroline John and Peter Halliday when broadcast on TV in its current state. they recorded the commentary, as even some brief input from these would have I know re-colourisation from scratch is made the piece feel more being applied to The Mind of Evil part comprehensive and complete. As it was one, with colour recovery being used for I found myself wanting to revisit The the remaining five episodes, and it’ll be UNIT Family Part 1 doco from the interesting to see how that release Inferno DVD. compares next year. I’m also in no doubt that as soon as the technology becomes Peter Purves does a fine job on cheap enough Ambassadors 2-7 and Tomorrow’s Times, a series which I feel Dinosaurs 1 are bound to be revisited touches too lightly on the press reactions and colourised properly from scratch so with its Points of View-style. I’d be that they come a bit closer to the happier to see more analysis of the standard set by the frankly beautiful coverage, but it aims for a light overview Planet of The Daleks part 3. I think what and that’s what we get. I object to most about the Ambassadors release is that it was sold to me by both The trailer is another one of those little reviewers and the packaging, on a false gems we’re SO lucky to have, and it’s premise. Yes, it is wonderful that we can great that it’s got the same energy and see it complete in some sort of colour intensity as the episodes themselves. version at last – but for God’s sake manage people’s expectations. I’ve not Overall this was a release that divided been this disappointed in a release since me: I love the story, but the visuals are I picked up the early ‘Missing Stories’ very distracting in its current format. The releases on cassette and found I’d extras are fine, but just short of being purchased two tapes’ worth of white brilliant. The commentary is an noise and hiss. I can only wonder what unwittingly emotional affair to us three Ambassadors must have looked like years down the line. when they were originally going to release it in 2011... Can I just ask as well, is it only me who finds the ‘courting space modules’ music As for the extras, the main ‘making-of’ in episode one uncomfortably perverse? doco Mars Probe 7 is a fine effort It seems like background music for a drawing the uncanny parallels with the sleazy hotel sex scene in a mid-sixties Apollo 13 mission, although I would have Brit-flick. I know it’s referencing Kubrick liked to see some archive footage of and 2001, but it just makes me shudder Barry Letts to compliment what Terrance in its Hammond glory, particularly when Dicks and Michael Ferguson were the modules ‘join’. OK, so it’s just me saying from the production side. There then. Fine! was a very heavy emphasis on the Havoc team too and although this was  TIM GAMBRELL fine I felt it over-balanced the piece. We needed to hear from some actors as

23 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 How Do You Solve A Problem Like Ian Levine?

Dicks for The Terrible Zodin fanzine, he had not mentioned it being turned into a video project as Levine claimed it was being considered for. Levine quoted my post and gave an explanation. So I have no axe to grind, no grudge to bear, no hidden agenda, etc. I am simply going by what has been said in interviews with Mr. Levine both on various DVDs and his recent three hour interview with the DWO Whocast as well as his posts on Gallifrey Base and Twitter. In short: I am There are some names in the world of a fan trying to make sense of things.

Doctor Who that bring up strong For those who might be asking who Ian opinions in a heartbeat. Some names Levine is well… are new ones likes Russell T Davies or

Steven Moffat. Others are old names like To begin at the beginning, Ian Levine John Nathan-Turner and Eric Saward. was simply a fan, like so many of us. But And then there’s Ian Levine: music Levine’s family owned a Blackpool club producer, collector of DC comics and fan where Levine was able to meet such of Doctor Who. The fact is though that Who luminaries as Jon Pertwee in the Levine is far more than just another early 1970s. This also meant that Levine Doctor Who fan. He’s hunted for missing was also well off and able to start his episodes, been an unofficial continuity own recording company. At this same advisor to the show (1980-86), put time, Levine became actively involved in together DVD extras and, most recently, the burgeoning fandom of the series in been involved in the reconstruction of the UK. He was an early member of the the material edited out of “Planet Of Doctor Who Appreciation Society Giants” as well as being the man behind (DWAS) and in 1978, after getting the oft mentioned animated version of permissions from various unions and “Shada”. He’s also a controversial and with financial help from other DWAS outspoken figure who has often been members, was able to get into the BBC critical of others be they the show’s Archives to watch episodes and later makers, fellow fans or those involved in purchase them. It was then that the putting together the DVD range. The destruction of episodes became question then is: exactly what is Ian apparent and Levine was able to alert Levine’s role in Doctor Who? Sue Malden, the recently appointed

head of the BBC Film and Videotape Before we go any further I will say two Library, to stop the destruction of things up front. The first is that I do not episodes. From there Levine became know Ian Levine personally. I have never involved in the hunt for the missing met him or spoken to him in person. episodes, eventually locating episodes Secondly, I have had no contact with of “The War Machines” and “The Time him. The most contact I have had is Meddler” in Australia and in Africa. when he quoted a post I made on Events though were soon to give Levine Gallifrey Base about his recon of an even bigger role in the show’s legacy. Terrance Dicks’ novel The Eight Doctors Levine met John Nathan-Turner soon that he was putting together, and I after the latter’s appointment as mentioned that having interviewed Mr.

24 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 producer of Doctor Who. Levine soon fourth Doctor story “Shada” and why it became an unofficial continuity isn’t being released on DVD when he supervisor to the production team as offered it for free to 2 Entertain. Or the part of an effort to tie the current series fact that Levine’s various animated into what was then an almost two reconstructions of various unproduced decade long run of stories. His role led television stories aren’t seeing the light to changes both minor and major as time of day either despite thousands of went on. The major changes led to an pounds being spent on them by Levine. ongoing controversy about Levine’s role (or perhaps lack thereof) in the writing of Ultimately, after all this history and 1985’s “Attack Of The Cybermen” for controversy, the question is this: what is example. Levine also became something Ian Levine’s role in Doctor Who, its of a spokesman for the series including fandom and ultimately what is his appearances on television during the legacy? 1985 hiatus crisis. On the surface, Levine would appear to But Levine’s role was soon to change have been in a position that most fans and this brings us to the other side of the would give just about anything for. story. Levine would end up becoming Levine’s parents and his own success as highly critical of John Nathan-Turner as a music producer gave him the financial a result of events during 1985-86. The opportunity to go into the BBC Archives first of these was on the sixth of April at a time when home video was just 1985 when, at DWAS event where getting going (Levine bought his first Levine revealed the news that Season VCR in the mid-1970s for example) and, 23 would have a reduced count of as the story goes, stop the destruction of episodes and urged the 500 or so episodes starting with the entire first attendants to write into the BBC and Dalek story. If that wasn’t enough, he got complain. Levine was accused of “rabble to be involved with the show itself rousing” in DWAS’ Celestial Toyroom through his role as continuity supervisor. and Nathan-Turner soon took to the He got to read scripts, make notes and stage to deny what Levine was saying, have an actual influence over the series though time proved him to be right. The as it was being made in the early to mid- second event was the casting of Bonnie 1980s. Langford as Mel which, according to Levine’s recent interview with the DWO Yet the question is if this influence over Whocast, led to a falling out over the the series was a good thing or not. phone. Levine said in the documentary “The Depths” on the “Warriors of the Deep” In the decades since those events, DVD that “Being able to make John Levine has continued to be involved in listen to me, I often wanted to see a Who fandom. He has been involved on fan’s dream come true. He started and off with the VHS and DVD ranges bringing the Master back and the ranging from the William Russell Cybermen back. And everyone was so narration links for the VHS release of knocked out and giving John such “The Crusade” to such DVD special adulation, he looked more and more to features as “Genesis Of A Classic” and bring the big things back.” This the recently released reconstruction of statement is an intriguing one then for a the edited out material from “Planet Of number of reasons. Giants”. Yet Levine has no shied away from controversy either as seen recently The first is that it helps to explain the with the controversy surrounding his trend that began towards the end of animated version of the uncompleted Season 18 and would continue for the

25 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 next six years. That is the emphasis laid world of Mondas from their debut story on the show’s past and how it came into “The Tenth Planet”, the Cybermen using play within the ongoing series. Levine’s the London sewers from “The Invasion” notes led to changes as mentioned as well as the Cyber-Controller and the earlier. One of the earliest changes titular tomb of the Cybermen from the comes in “State Of Decay” where the (then missing) 1967 story of the same name of the ship, later castle, was name. There’s also Lytton from the changed from Hyperion to Hydrax due to previous year’s “Resurrection Of The another spaceship of that name Daleks” as well as the TARDIS appearing in the story “The Mutants” chameleon circuit (which functions on broadcast eight years before. While this and off throughout the first episode). was an insignificant change, others were This was to be televised Doctor Who at not to be. its most continuity heavy, having gone from references and occasional Levine, also in “The Depths”, discusses flashbacks in stories such as his continuity notes for “Warriors Of The “Earthshock” and “Mawdryn Undred” to Deep” and how there were “28…major instead relying entirely on the show’s things” and that, when script editor Eric past to tell a story rather than trying to Saward’s attempts to fix these led to move forwards. Perhaps not surprisingly, even more issues. The result ended up Ian Levine would appear to be involved. being a twisted version of what writer Johnny Byrne had intended as the story While credited to Paula Moore (who in became muddled in continuity from fact was Paula Woolsey), behind that previous decade old stories, creating name lies an ongoing debate about who problems in the process. In retrospect, it really wrote the story. Depending on who almost feels that Saward took his you believe one of three things frustrations with Levine’s plethora of happened. One: Paula Woolsey continuity gripes out on the script as his originated the script but Saward had to rewrites led to an increased body count heavily rewrite it. Two: Levine created as characters that lived in the original the plot, Saward wrote the script and script were systematically killed off. Woolsey took the credit for reasons of Given the rushed production of the story, BBC and Writer’s Union rules and perhaps Levine should have stepped regulations. Three: Levine and Saward back instead of sending a long list of co-wrote the script. All three have given notes which only served to further differing versions of events over the complicate matters. In Levine’s own years and, as a result of the apparent words: “Eric had enough and says ‘I’m subterfuge employed by bring not having any more of this. I’m sick of Woolsey/Moore onboard, the issue may this. Are we making a show for the fans never be settled. or are we making a show for the public?’” This anecdote ultimately raises Whoever wrote the story and whatever the specter of the show’s fall from grace Levine’s involvement it would appear and this era of the show being that, given Levine’s role as continuity remembered as one where continuity supervisor, he must have been involved. became so heavy that only a longtime “Attack” then seems to be a story where fan could understand some stories. Levine was given free rein to create what was a greatest hit’s album for the The prime example of this type of story Cybermen. While the first episode comes in Season 22 “Attack Of the makes use of continuity (the sewers, the Cybermen”. The story is heavily based in chameleon circuit, Lytton to name the the Cybermen stories of the past three major examples), it is the story’s including the destruction of their home- second and final episode that the

26 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 continuity comes on fast and loose. The You Believe?” as well as its editor result is a tangled skein that it is all but likening his effect on attendants to being impenetrable to many fans, let along like “a Hitler rally”. Levine’s falling out members of the general public. Yet for with Nathan-Turner led to him taking part fans, the story served simply as an in two events that ultimately damaged example of what happens when loose the reputation of the show both with fans ends and memories of a story thought to and with the BBC. The first was in be lost forever are forced to fit into a setting up the infamous interview in story already too complex for its own Starburst magazine where Saward good. Levine’s influence had gone from attacked Nathan-Turner quite publicly. minor to major with results both good The second was his involvement with (the return of the Master, “Earthshock”) Gary Leigh’s DWB in its “JNT Must Go!” and bad (the continuing emphasis on the campaign that eventually led to threats show’s past as seen in “Attack”). of legal action and led to a belief that even the fans didn’t like the show How did this happen? It’s often been anymore. That isn’t to put all the blame noted by Eric Saward and others on Levine, but his actions didn’t help involved with the show that Nathan- what was already a precarious situation. Turner sought out the approval of the fans. Perhaps, in catering to Levine’s Levine’s involvement continued during wishes as a fan, Nathan-Turner believed the 1990s and 2000s. He supplied the he would garner the very approval he color tapes that he had arranged to have sought. This in turn led to frustrations for recorded in the US of several Pertwee Saward, rewriting scripts not only to era stories to allow re-colorization of serve Nathan-Turner’s insistence on those stories to take place. Levine linking stories together but also to cater became involved with the extras for the to Levine’s continuity notes. This could DVD range directing documentaries on lead to weird moments of the DVDs of “The Edge Of Destruction” misremembered events (see the scene and “Genesis Of The Daleks”, including in ‘Warriors Of The Deep” part four the latter’s making of documentary where the fifth Doctor and the Silurian “Genesis Of A Classic”. Yet even here leader “remember” events from the Levine couldn’t avoid being controversial Pertwee era) which was something that with criticisms of the work of other extras Levine was there to prevent to begin producer’s. This included criticizing the with. Nathan-Turner has been accused decision not to include a reconstruction by many (including Levine himself in the of the then entirely missing first Doctor Whocast interview) of pandering to the story “Galaxy 4” on DVD as well as fans to the point of losing the public and, being extremely critical of the errors and in that interview, Levine takes some of changes made in animating the two the blame quite rightly. missing episodes of “The Invasion”.

Levine’s power within fandom at the time Perhaps as a result of his feelings on the though is apparent in the events at the animation of “The Invasion”, Levine DWAS event in 1985 and his actions began to undertake his own animation when he left the series effectively. projects. Perhaps the best known one of Levine’s announcement of reduced these is “Shada”. Costing £24,500 to episodes incurred the wrath of Nathan- make, Levine brought together nearly Turner at the time, forcing him to issue the entire supporting cast of the story an ultimately false denial and led to (the notable exception of Tom Baker DWAS’ fanzine The Celestial Toyroom who, once again depending on where basically denouncing him in their May you ready, was either unaffordable or 1985 issue with the headline “Who Do uninterested) to create audio for un-

27 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 filmed scenes, Levine brought together a “The Invasion”. It might also be the fact team of animators to animate those that “Shada” has (between the 1992 same scenes during 2010 and 2011. In VHS reconstruction with Tom Baker’s the meantime, word leaked out onto linking narration, the 2003 Big various Doctor Who forums and saw an Finish/BBCi webcast and the recent ongoing conflict between both Levine Gareth Roberts novelization) has been and his supporters with fans who complete different times now. Shada has questioned both the quality of the the status of a lost story but perhaps it production and the logic of producing it doesn’t quite deserve it at this point. unofficially with the intention of presenting it for official release in the Something that came to light as a result future. of the “Shada” animation was that Levine was also working on animating Nevertheless, Levine presented it to 2 other missing and unproduced Doctor Entertain shortly after it was completed Who stories. These various unofficial in September of 2011. In late October of productions including the stories lost that year though, 2 Entertain announced from the aborted Season 23, The Dark that the Levine animation would not be Dimension, an augmented version of the included on their planned DVD set fan film Downtime now featuring the containing the story. While Levine was seventh Doctor and “Mission To The understandably upset, as was his Unknown”. To do this Levine used some supporters, this led to anger being of the original actors, voice directed at members who raised impersonators and voice actors along concerns that had been expressed with animation to create and recreate months before. Levine himself laying the stories. Like Shada, these projects were blame for the rejection not on the quality done unofficially but, as a result of that of the production (which had been seen animation, were given public attention by a select handful of member of the and Levine attempting to get these Gallifrey Base forum and reviewed by released as well. It would appear that 2 some of them) but on the short- Entertain, perhaps for the same reasons, sightedness of 2 Entertain and his have rejected these as well. previous feuding with others involved in the DVD range. Yet what is troubling is the way that Levine and his supporters took their The exact reasons for the rejection anger out on fans. While Levine certainly haven’t been revealed as of writing. has ruffled feathers prior to this point, Speculation is rampant, thanks in large how many of the people that were part to the lack of reason given and attacked were simply fans who, having Levine’s own comments in the Whocast looked at the situation from a different interview. Levine’s reasons aren’t the perspective, pointed out the same issues only possible reasons that it was that I have above? Levine’s projects are, rejected. 2 Entertain announced its own at the end of the day, fan productions. plans as Levine was doing the animation While some fan productions have ended for example. Levine also made the up on DVDs in the past (such as the animation without clearing any of the section of the fan film Devious featuring rights (an action he defends by saying “I Jon Pertwee that was included on “The never would have gotten the clearances War Games” for example), does this anyways,”) or perhaps the lack of Tom mean that the door must be opened to Baker participating in the voice work. It every, single production that comes might even be the quality of the along that someone presents? Of course animation itself that might not be up to it doesn’t. the standards set after the animation of

28 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 There is though one Levine project that hunt of missing episodes and his time as has seen the light of day: the continuity supervisor. The example reconstruction of what was originally Levine highlights is trying to get a ticket parts three and four of “Planet Of to the BFI screening of Asylum Of The Giants”. This reconstruction, featuring a Daleks and the reaction of people on mix of newly recorded audio, augmented Twitter when Levine said that his high footage from the edited down final profile made it impossible for him to episode and computer animation, was queue like other fans. Levine comes released on the story’s DVD release across less as a fan of the show than a across the world in August and man who feels entitled to something September of 2012. This reconstruction because he’s a fan. seems to have been well received for the most part though some of the Now given all of this from the recovering animation and voice work has come in of missing episodes to his role in the for criticism in some circles. Levine was demise of the old series to his criticisms somewhat angered by some of these and controversies he has been involved criticisms and those criticisms, along in, the question remains: what is with controversy surrounding a script Levine’s role within the world of Doctor excerpt from one of the unproduced Who? Does he deserve our gratitude or stories he was creating, have led to our scorn? Levine taking a hiatus from posting the Gallifrey Base forum (though he returned Levine’s role within fandom is as to posting in mid-October). complex as fandom itself. He is owed some gratitude for his role in recovering What has been the latest source of missing episodes but that doesn’t mean controversy is the interview Levine gave he’s owed a ticket to a BFI screening of to the DWO Whocast that was released Asylum Of The Daleks. Levine also in August 2012 as episodes 256 and played his part in the downfall of the old 257, lasting three hours all together. The series as well not to mention how both interview gave Levine a platform to vent his vocal criticisms of the DVD range his anger at all corners of the Doctor and the way he went about producing Who world from 2 Entertain to Big Finish and promoting his animation projects Productions for its range of Doctor Who have also created a section of fandom – The Lost Stories (and Levine’s feelings left both angry and disappointed by about what should and shouldn’t be in some of the decisions made that didn’t that range), hints of his production (and go along with Levine’s vision. Yet or all the lengths he has gone to in the the good he has done, it seems that in process of making them), as well as the final analysis, Levine has likely done once again telling stories from his as much harm. hunting for missing episodes, his version of events regarding “Attack” and Perhaps there’s an old saying that sums criticizing Nathan-Turner (revealing that up this situation. And perhaps, if the there was a biography of Nathan-Turner Whocast interview is to be believed, in the works). What comes across perhaps Levine himself might feel this strongest in the interview is Levine’s way. “Be careful what you wish for…” bitterness at how his projects will never see the light of the day and a sense of  MATTHEW KRESAL entitlement because of his role in the

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35 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Whostrology

There seems to be many fan-written books based on Doctor Who knocking about these days. Many of them seem to tread the same old ground as others have done before, whereas some carve out a nice niche for themselves. Recently the release of Whostrology, a Doctor Who–themed Horoscope guide, has gone down very well due in no small part to it’s humorous entries, originality and excellent illustrations. Here we chat to author Michael M. Gilroy- Sinclair about the book, horoscopes and their relation to Doctor Who.

Hello Michael! How did the idea to do saw it as... on some odd level... as Horoscopes, based on Doctor Who connected. I worded out what was on Horoscopes (Whoroscopes?), come when my best friend Andy was born and about? And what made you expand it the idea grew from there. I sat down and into a book? worked out a sarcastic astrology for all of the (then) 200 stories.

I did most of those over a few months and then my wife suggested that I send them to a publisher. The most obvious candidate was Telos. Telos have been producing high quality Doctor Who and SF titles for many years and is run by the Uber Fan David J Howe. David rang me up and said that he loved it and suggested that I cange the format from.. what was basically a sarcastic episode guide to something much more in depth. I would take ever single episode (over 780) and work out which day of the year they were shown. Combine the readings for days with multiple episodes and see what happens.

This would involve re-watching every episode of Doctor Who and being sarcastic about them all. Turning that sarcasm into an astrology style reading and seeing what was left. (I say re- Like most Doctor Who fans, I worked out watching but you know what I mean...) what story was on when I was born (I arrived 6 hours before episode two of Due to the broadcast nature of the show, The Sea Devils.) and being a Pieces I there were more episodes shown in the autumn, winter and spring, leaving the

36 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 summer relatively sparse in comparison. Dave suggested that I find I would point anyone thinking that ‘real’ the birthdays of Doctor Who people and astrology was be used as a guide to include them. Working out an psudo- running your day to Dave Gormans astrological reading from the character experiment where he and his identical they played. twin brother chose to live their life by their astrology readings and the Soon after that came the suggestion that subsequent nightmare that brought for I incorporate a Chinese style astrological Dave. So, basically. No. On a sarcastic reading. But instead of ‘Year of the Rat’ I note I can’t see how one twelfth of the would have ‘Year of the Meddlesome population of the earth can have roughly Teachers’ (1963.) etc. Beyond that was the same day. the inclusion of the Illustrations (over 375!) from the tremendously talented The concept of Horoscopes seems so Deborah Taylor which gives my words a apt for a show that involves stars and brilliant gloss. planets (and one that is also into spreading messages of morality and The way that the book is structured – guidance!) are you surprised nobody using 50 years of back catalogue means else picked up on the idea of that it isn’t specific to any year and can Whostrology before? be used for any year so it isn’t specific to 2013. Though it is the perfect Christmas I am always surprised that this idea gift for the fan who has everything… seems to be original. But I am also aware that it took many years to So to answer your question. It simply research and write this book so I am not seemed like a good idea at the time surprised that I have never seen anything like it before. The morality of How much research into Horoscopes the show is something I hold very dear did you do, and did you find out any and see it as one of the most positive interesting facts that you didn't know aspects of British Television. before? The book has a reading for every day As a child I was ‘into’ of the year, how difficult was it to mysticism/religion/the power of faith in write entries for any days when a big way however that was many MANY episode of Doctor Who wasn't on? years ago. So when I started the project I actually did some actual research into I was tremendously lucky with birthdays ‘real’ astrology in order to get a feel for of cast members. I could look up the the language used and the style of characters they played in which stories delivery. If I could imagine Mystic Meg and let my imagination run free. Except reading it in her dulcet tones then I knew for October the 3rd where there was no was on the right track. However it is not discernable Doctor Who related birthday a real astrology. It is Whostrology. It was or event. Thanks to an email I received always intended as a humorous book. after asking for help on the podcast And hopefully that’s what I have alliance forum – and a direct message to achieved. Andrew Pixley). It was pointed out that on the 4th of October – 1963. Sidney The book is very much a humorous Newman took Verity and Waris out to a look at Doctor Who and Horoscopes, Chinese restaurant to order a reshoot. however do you think Horoscopes So on the 3rd of October. There was a can be a serious guide to a persons booking made at the restaurant. Thus life?

37 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 making it the most obscure Whostrology date of the year.

Let's test you - If I was, say a ginger- haired lady from Pease Pottage with a loud voice, a fitness fetish and quite alarming shell suits, what would my birthday reading be?

Ahhh (best Tom Baker Impression) That would be July 22nd , A date with no episodes shown on but with the birthdays of Tommy Duggan (1909), Geoffrey Durham (1949) and indeed Bonnie Langford (1964). The Whostrology reading for this day is...

Something nasty in a jar will show you a secret fear – Until you scream and Thanks to Michael for taking the time scream until you are sick. You may be to answer our questions! You can seen as a cruel and cynical attempt to find out more information on the book put a beloved show to death or merely at http://whostrology.com as a pantomime villain.

THIS MONTHS HOTS AND NOTS (Sponsored By Angel Travel – “any time, any place”)

HOT NOT 13 episodes 5 episodes Teletext The Internet Brian Williams Arthur Weasley Burning soufflés Fish Fingers and Custard (Better not mean the fanzine! – Ed) Sherlock Hound Elementary Snazzy Cardigans Paul’s Boutique The Key To Time The End of Time Markets Shopping Centres D84 C-3PO Pencils as a prize Medals as a prize Flares at Ice Hockey games Drums at Ice Hockey games Ace Rimmer (what a guy!) Chuck Norris Jago and Litefoot Holmes and Watson Killer robot parrots Guns that come out of your hand Bonfire Night – Burning rubbish in the back Bonfire Night – Buying loads of actual garden and running around making firework fireworks to look good in front of your kids. noises Having grass in your garden Having concrete flags in your garden Harriet Jones (MP for Flydale North) Nadine Dorries (MP for Mid Bedfordshire)

38 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Big Buster Boozler’s Doctor Who Quiz

There’s been a sad event in the UK recently – Ceefax has been switched off. To be honest, we only used it for the football scores anyway - the kids who kept it real knew that Teletext is where it was at. We booked a holiday off it and everything.

For those not in the know, Teletext was an interactive service on your telly that produced news and personal adverts for you to browse at your leisure. An internet without all the angry people, if you will.

Apart from being the pioneers of early 90’s soft-porn and soap operas set in Liverpool, Channel 4 was also host to the legendary Teletext quiz, Bamboozle. Brian Boozler hosted the quiz every weekday, whereas his son, Buster, hosted a kids version every Saturday. So to cut a long story short (and to avoid a possible lawsuit) Buster is now all grown up and is known as Big Buster, and we’re delighted to say that he’s agreed to hosting this Doctor Who-themed quiz for us (nearly) every issue.

Sadly, we don’t have a remote for you to choose the answers, nor will we annoy you by sending you back to the start if you get a question wrong and have Buster’s little sister take the piss.

Q1. Which is the only Doctor Who episode NOT to feature The Doctor and his companions?

Q2. What is name of Russell T. Davies’ New Adventure Novel?

Q3. Which is the only Doctor Who story NOT to feature any incidental music?

Q4. What ‘production mistake’ was made with Rory’s name badge in The Eleventh Hour?

Q5. During the 1960’s, what was Doctor Who known as in Latin America?

(Answers on page 46)

39 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 The Doctor And The Ripper

This article – originally published on my Victorian artist Walter Sickert (first postulated blog - examines how the Jack the Ripper by Stephen Knight in 1976, then by Jean canon has been depicted in Doctor Who Overton Fuller in 1990) as the Ripper, after media since that initial mention of ‘Jolly spending millions of dollars on research. Two Jack’ in The Talons of Weng-Chiang more suspects were revealed in 2005: The (1977), with particular emphasis on the 21st Century Investigation (Trevor Marriott, novel, Matrix. Written by Robert Perry and Blake) provided seaman Carl Feigenbaum, Mike Tucker, Matrix (BBC Books, 1998) whilst Uncle Jack (Tony Williams/Humphrey features the return of the Valeyard, and Price, Orion) cited surgeon Sir John Williams. offers yet another contribution, albeit Three years later, Marriott presented further fictional, to the pseudo-science that is findings that the Ripper had claimed two more Ripperology. victims in Central London, as early as 1863! In 2010, co-authors David Monaghan and Nigel Cawthorne reasoned that a Victorian pornographer, known only as Walter, was the Ripper (Secret Confession, Skyhorse). Then last year Ripperologist Robert House supported a contemporary suspect, Aaron Kosminski (The Case for Scotland Yard’s Prime Suspect, Wiley), whilst Tom Slemen speculated that Jack was in fact a British Intelligence Agent (Bluecoat). Now, twenty years after the notorious Ripper ‘diary’ surfaced in Liverpool, the killer’s latest ‘memoirs’ also purport to provide his true identity (The Autobiography, James Carnac, Bantam). And the 'Jill the Ripper' theory - favoured by Conan Doyle, and first suggested by Inspector Abberline himself - is examined again in yet another new book, The Hands of a Woman (John Morris, Seren). Here, the latest candidate, Lizzie Williams, is actually the wife of another suspect (see Uncle Jack above)!

The first series of ITV1′s excellent Whitechapel (2009) even dramatised the murders of a modern-day Ripper copycat. The aftermath of the "Autumn of Terror" is also explored in the forthcoming BBC drama, Ripper Street. Finally, the most recent Firstly, some context. Recent interest in the TV documentaries on the subject were: Killer Whitechapel Murders was renewed by the Revealed (Discovery, 11/10/09), Tabloid Killer film From Hell (2001), and the case was re- (24/6/10), and The Definitive Story (11 & assessed by the Discovery Channel’s 20/1/11) – both for Channel Five – and interactive Trial of Jack the Ripper (2002), Marriott's The German Suspect on National were James Maybrick – revealed as a Geographic just last week. suspect in 1992 – was found guilty by the audience/jury. Many theories and suspects Matrix establishes that the infamous murders have since been advanced in dozens of of 1888 resulted in a bloody revolution (as books. Even famous crime writer Patricia was feared by the establishment at the time) Cornwell (see Portrait of a Killer, Sphere, and that caused an alternate timeline, where, by BBC1′s Omnibus, both 2002) named noted 1966, London is under US-controlled

40 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 quarantine. The city is beseiged by the walking dead and street-gangs who worship Coincidentally, John F Plimmer is convinced Jack. Here the Doctor and Ace encounter a that the Ripper was based in docklands (In local couple. Ian and Barbara, who never met the Footsteps of the Whitechapel Murders, Susan Foreman. They and the visiting Book Guild, 1998). Trevor Marriott later American President, John F Kennedy, are named a merchant seaman, the German Carl killed by zombies, and the Doctor determines Feigenbaum, as the killer (2005), and even to put recorded history back on track. speculated that the murderer had first struck in 1863, then 1872! In channel Five's Mapping When the book's narrative first moves to the Murder (2002), however, geographical profiler 'Autumn of Terror' (page 63), East End local, David Carter speculates that Jack's lair was in Jed Barrow has been following "shadows" in the Middlesex Street area - the actual location the fog for months, and had even heard the of Ripper 'diarist' James Maybrick's London "strangled screams" of the second Ripper rooms. victim at Hanbury Street [2] (we can actually dismiss the trademark 'pea-soup' fogs This would-be victim, a young woman because it was never foggy during any of the wearing a cream dress (presumably the one slayings). Jed also watched the police search that Ace changed into at Gabriel Chase in of the yard at number 29, and even "found 1883, see Ghost Light, 1989) was never two gold rings". In fact, two brass rings were identified, and the subsequent 'Jacksprite' apparently taken by the killer from Chapman's incidents spiralled out of control. Interestingly, left hand, but never recovered (two similar the Ripper episode of The Outer Limits (1999) cheap rings were discovered amongst features a victim credited only as a "woman in suspect Francis Tumblety's belongings after [a] cream dress". ITV mini-series Jack the his death in 1903). Ripper (1988) also includes a sixth (staged) murder attempt, whilst From Hell (2001) Jed later meets Jacques Malacroix, the reinterprets the fifth canonical killing by tyrannical circus-owner, at Mitre Square, as presenting the murder of a French prostitute the police remove Eddowes' [4] body. mistaken for Kelly [5]. Malacroix wants to find the Ripper to display with his other freaks, and so employs Jed as The Doctor now transforms fully into the his "eyes". 'Ripper' in "a sudden swirl of wind and leaves" (page 73), an event forseen in Relative There had already been a murder that night, Dementias (Mark Michalowski, 2002). He the first of the so-called 'double event' when a attacks 'Dorothy' with a glass shard and she prostitute had been "cut from ear to ear". This flees, now cut and bloodied. was the victim's only injury because the killer was supposedly disturbed by Louis Ace runs into horse-slaughterer Henry Diemschutz, and he needed to sate his Tomkins, who presumes that 'Leather Apron' bloodlust by seeking another kill. The murder [i] has attacked her. "They say he's a medical of this third canonical victim [3] has led to man" he states, which was a common further speculation that she wasn't slain by assumption from 1888 onwards - a Doctor the Ripper at all, but by a copycat killer (or perhaps! Tomkins [ii] is the only real-life that this single murder was hidden amidst the person connected with the case who appears series). in Matrix (although the generic Scotland Yard detective who later questions Ace remains Nearly six weeks later, Jed witnesses the anonymous). arrival of the TARDIS at a Thameside wharf, and recalls similar magical scenes at Mr Later Ace takes a room in Whitechapel Road, Jago's Palace Theatre (p. 69, see The Talons but she finds the area so different to the East of Weng-Chiang, 1977). Coming under End seen in Illegal Alien (also by Tucker and immediate mental attack, the Doctor explains Perry, 1997). When Jed retrieves the TARDIS to Ace that according to the distorted version telepathic circuit he has a vision of the of history (studied from Barbara Wright's London Blitz, as well as seeing the "Cheetah books in 1966), a sixth Ripper murder, one girl" Ace (see Survival, 1989). that should never have happened, occurs on the very wharf where the travellers have The next day sees Kelly's murder in Miller's landed (p. 72). Court [5] - the only one committed indoors -

41 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 so we can assume that the time-travellers known in the East End as 'Leather Apron' and arrived on Thursday November 8th 1888. was arrested by Sergeant William Thicke on Now posing as Dorothy Gale (the heroine of September 10th, but was later cleared of all The Wizard of Oz), Ace finds work in service suspicion. at Treddle's Wharf, whilst the amnesiac [ii] Tomkins was a witness at the Nicholls Doctor is sheltered and christened 'Johnny' by inquest, and worked in Winthorp Street at the his new friend, Joseph Liebermann. time of her murder in neighbouring Buck's Row. The funeral conducted at Christ Church, [iii] Kelly was actually interred at St. Patrick's Spitalfields (p. 173) must be Kelly's, since she RC Cemetary, Leytonstone. was buried on November 19th [iii]. In [iv] Tabram was slain at 37 George Yard attendance at the graveside are the Doctor, (now Gunthorpe Street) on Tuesday August Liebermann, and Malacroix, who remarks that 7th. "the Jews will be blamed for this". This echoes the real 'graffito' chalked on a wall at We now reach the other Jack the Ripper links Goulston Street on the night of the double in Doctor Who media since The Talons of event. Recorded thus (and removed on Sir Weng-Chiang was first broadcast in 1977. Charles Warren's orders): "The Juwes are the The serial opens as eight women (not men That Will not be Blamed for nothing" the specified here as prostitutes), including mis-spelling is believed to be deliberate. Emma Buller, have now gone missing in East Allegedly scrawled by the murderer, this London, and the action seems to be set soon message was left on a wall above another after the 'Autumn of Terror' as Casey refers to clue, Eddowes' [4] bloody apron, and has an 'Jolly Jack'. In the draft script, Casey added apparent double meaning. It served as an that the recent disappearances can't be the anti-semitic reference left near Jewish Ripper's work because he's in Canada. This dwellings, besides containing the Masonic remark alludes to Prince Albert Victor, a phrase "Juwes". suspect in the Royal conspiracy theory, advanced in Stephen Knight's book, The Final Malacroix then acquires Nicholls' [1] blood- Solution, published just months before the stained dress, and states that "some people story was broadcast. claimed that Martha Tabram had been the first [victim], nearly a month earlier. They Location filming for the serial took place in were wrong" (p. 204). He seems well Wapping, whilst it's supposed setting of informed because many contemporaries Limehouse - just east of Whitechapel - assumed that Tabram [iv] along with at least housed a large Chinese community in three other non-canonical victims, was indeed Victorian times, and was also the site of Fu killed by the Ripper. Manchu's hideout in the books of Sax Rohmer (surely another influence for writer Robert When the Doctor eventually discovers the Holmes). The opium dens of Limehouse - telepathic circuit, he regains his memory. He seen here as the final refuge of Li H'Sen recalls his last trial, and even senses his Chang - inspired Dickens, and featured in the future gunshot injuries and consequent eigth From Hell novel (1991-96, 1999) and film incarnation. The Time Lord then confronts the (2001). Ripper in the crypt of Christ Church. The killer is revealed as the Valeyard (see The Trial of Both books, The Shadow of Weng-Chiang a Time Lord, 1986), and his lair is in fact the (David McIntee/Virgin, 1996) and The Doctor's warped TARDIS which now houses Bodysnatchers (Mark Morris/BBC, 1997) set a the Dark Matrix. They battle on the bell-tower date of 1889 for Talons (the character of as the corrupted time-ship dies, and the Professor Litefoot returns in the latter novel, Valeyard falls to his death. wherein Sam asks the Eigth Doctor if he As they prepare to leave London, the Doctor knows the Ripper's identity). tells Ace that "those particular five women had to die. Simply because that's the way it Knight's thesis that Queen Victoria's own happened". This reinforces the belief that physician, Sir William Gull was the Ripper there were indeed five Ripper victims. (expanded from Dr Thomas Stowell's 1970 article in The Criminologist) has been Notes: perpetuated by two Jack the Ripper TV drama [i] Contemporaneous suspect John Pizer was series (BBC, 1973 and Thames, 1988), and

42 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 the films Murder by Decree (1979), The The Pit (Virgin, 1993). Here, his companion, Ripper (1997), and From Hell. the poet William Blake, discovers the date of their arrival from the Evening News. The Nigel Robinson's novel Birthright (Virgin, headline for September 30th 1888 reads: 1993) is set in the London of 1909. More "Jack the Ripper strikes again" which grisly murders in the East End are apparently presumably reports the 'double event' of that the work of the legendary 'Spring Heeled morning. Stride [3] however is only murdered Jack' who first terrorised the capital in the later on in the book. Then, lost in the 1830's. Again the seventh Doctor exposes the alleyways, Blake sees the killer armed with real killers - the insectoid Chaarl, and Ace his knife and is scared off by a policeman. even visits Hanbury Street, scene of the Later in the Old Nags Head pub, Blake hears second Ripper murder [2]. This flying fiend of another murder and proceeds to Berner always evaded capture, and the last account Street, where the Doctor examines the victim, of this 'Jack' came in 1904 when he leapt over Stride, and concludes that the killing seems to the roofs of Everton in Liverpool, to escape be ritualistic. They soon encounter the real yet again (the 2011 series of Luther on BBC1 culprits - the fanatical Fellowship, who featured the 'Punch' killer who is obsessed sacrificed the women, a nod to the actual with this other Victorian bogeyman). Masonic links of the Royal conspiracy.

The Doctor Who play Hellblossom (2000, The most recent Jack the Ripper references 2002, 2010) also features an alien 'Spring in Doctor Who media are courtesy of the Heeled Jack', here revealed as the Hybrid. three-part comic series, The Ripper's Curse. Similarly, in two versions of Johnny Byrne's Released last year by IDW Publishing, and The Time Lord scripts (1988-90), the Doctor written by Tony Lee, this graphic novel offers (disguised as a prostitute) despatches the another fictional interpretation of the Ripper, in reality the shape-shifting Weazll. Whitechapel Murders. Unlike Matrix, this story features many real-life people involved in the case. Now, the Eleventh Doctor must stop Jack's reign of terror.

Part One opens in the early hours of September 30th, 1888. A stranger offers to walk 'Long Liz' home to Spitalfields. Sensing another customer, the prostitute agrees, and on reaching Berner Street she proffers a bag of "cashous" sweets, but he suddenly stuns her with a nerve paralytic. By 1am, Liz lies dead, and as Louis Diemschutz turns his cart into Dutfield's Yard he makes a grim discovery. The killer (now reverting to human form) flees just as the TARDIS materialises nearby. As the Doctor exits, his sonic screwdriver detects Kryon energy, which has pulled his ship to Earth. The police activity in the street attracts the travellers and the Doctor is asked to examine the murdered In Excelis Rising (Big Finish, 2002) a parallel woman: "her throat was cut, she died... series of murders took place on the planet instantly" he comments, and rushes off to Artaris. Grayvorn tells the Doctor that the confront the same stranger. The Doctor "Eastern slums prostitute murderer was discovers "a reptile in a shimmer suit..." [i] identified and hanged... the murders emitting "a lot of... radiation... from the Matrua stopped". This reflects yet another theory that Nebula." Meanwhile, Amy and Rory introduce the sudden cessation of the slayings was the themselves as Miss Marple [ii] and Inspector result of the Ripper's capture, and the truth Clouseau [iii], of CSI London! covered-up. We then witness Sir Charles Warren being The seventh Doctor was present in quizzed by Tom Bullen of the Central News Whitechapel prior to Matrix, in Neil Penswick's Agency, about the Ripper and the 'Dear Boss'

43 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 letter [iv]. Warren declares the featured Dr Thomas Cream (1850-1892), correspondence a hoax, then is informed of another candidaite for Jack. Supposedly, Bell this victim's details: "Elizabeth Stride, aged submitted the name of his Ripper suspect to 44, throat slashed, killler interrupted" [3]. She the police, and a week later the murders had been seen earlier by PC Smith, with a ceased. Doyle appeared in John Peel's fair-haired man. Warren then reads Rory's ID Evolution (Virgin, 1994) and Revenge of the from the psychic paper: he's the Earl of Judoon by Terrance Dicks (BBC, 2008), and Leadworth, the actual inspiration for Doyle's he was even known to Redvers Fenn-Cooper, Sherlock Holmes! (see Ghost Light, 1989).

Amy now realises the truth - this is "the night [iv] Inspector John Littlechild, who named Dr. of the double murder" and they must get to Tumblety as a Ripper suspect in 1913, also Mitre Square to save Catherine Eddowes [4] - revealed that journalist Bullen (in fact, "she's next!" Inspector Frederick Abberline Thomas Bulling) and his editor, John Moore, now arrives and deduces that the killer is were the true authors of the 'Dear Boss' letter. right-handed, contrary to current opinion [v]. Amy sees the alien Ripper as she enters the [v] Here, Rory compares (the real Inspector) Square, but she's too late to prevent the next Abberline to (the fictional one, played by) canonical murder, and is herself stunned by a Johnny Depp, as seen in From Hell. dart to her neck. The Doctor appears just in time to save Amy by attacking the reptile's Part Two September 30th 1888, and the noise-sensitive "tympanic membranes" with 'Double Event'. Rory and Abberline arrive at his screwdriver. The police arrive and arrest Mitre Square in Aldgate, and the Inspector the Doctor at this new murder scene. Bullen has the Doctor released. The Time Lord announces, news-vendor style "...Ripper explains that the Ripper isn't a man - "It's a captured! creature. Taloned fingers, some kind of leecher [extracting].. minerals from the Notes: deceased.. he's wearing a shimmer suit.. [i] Akin to the 'Shimmer' technology employed drenched in Kryon radiation.." The culprit by the Vinvocci in The End of Time. could be either of two races, "The Ju'wes [or] the Re'nar.." and the women's missing organs [ii] Agatha Christie's English spinster sleuth, are "..a tasty snack" to him, "The alien needs Jane Marple, appeared in 12 crime novels the victim to be scared.. the tastier.. they and 20 short stories, and in many film, TV, become." radio, and stage versions (she is also mentioned in The Unicorn and the Wasp by a The Doctor then meets Warren, addding tactless Donna: "Come on Agatha, what "You're looking for a shape-changing alien.. a would Miss Marple do?"). Ju'wes hunter, blades for fingers.." The nervy Commissioner tells this friend of 'Clouseau' [iii] Bungling French detective, Jacques that his imagination is worthy of H G Wells [i] Clouseau, appeared in The Pink Panther before rushing away (Wells' first books were films, and was played by Peter Sellers. It's only published in 1895). The Doctor deduces telling that in comic-form, Rory is still that Warren knows what the killer is, but how? percieved as a bumbler, and given the guise of Clouseau. Later however, Rory presents The travellers are next seen in Abberline's himself (via the psychic paper) as a Dr. study at New Scotland Yard [ii]. Amy Joseph Bell-like figure, who actually inspired remembers reading about Jack the Ripper, the uber-detective, Holmes. There is a long "Wasn't it someone from the Royal family?" tradition of Ripper/Holmes fiction, and Conan and Rory recalls "one more [murder].. Mary.. Doyle even theorised a 'Jill the Ripper' we could save her." Naturally, the Doctor suspect - read Dr. Watson's account of the disagrees, "Every Ripper victim is a staic killings in Dust and Shadow (by Lyndsay point in time and space [that].. can't be Faye, 2009) and the new ebook, Whitechapel: altered" (a similar argument occurs at the end The Final Stand of Sherlock Holmes by of Matrix when the Doctor tells Ace that Bernard Schaffer. Doyle met Bell in 1877, and "those.. five women had to die.. that's [what] served as his clerk in Edinburgh. Their happened"). working relationship was the basis of Murder Rooms (BBC, 2000-01): the first serial even

44 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 They are then summoned to nearby Goulsten 'Herbert' on screen in Time Lash (1985), and (sic) Street to view a new clue - a message actually became the inspiration for the writer's [iii] that implicates the "Ju'wes." Warren now subsequent works of "science fiction." Wells appears and orders the removal of the again assisted the Doctor in The Time seemingly anti-semitic graffiti, but Inspector Machination (IDW, 2009). In The Ghosts of N- Smith protests (hereby voicing another Space (1996), the Doctor claimed to have lent theory), "you're.. defending your Freemason 'Bertie' his ion-focusing coil for his invisibility friends." The Doctor concludes that the alien experiments. When faced with the TARDIS Ripper has feasted enough for weeks, interior in Pyramids of Mars (1975), Laurence perhaps the reason why no killings occured Scarman likens it to the "scientific romances the next month, October 1888. of Mr Wells." The Master reads The War of the Worlds (1898) in Frontier in Space, whilst Back in the TARDIS, the trio again discuss (Professor Chronotis in Shada and) the the last canonical murder. The Doctor Doctor prefers The Time Machine (1895) in declares that "..Mary has to die.. there has to the TV Movie. In the context of Ripper fiction, be a fifth victim.. All of London would be the film Time After Time (1979) sees a friend changed." Rory follows Amy back outside, but of Wells, Dr. Stevenson (played by Unbound the Doctor is stung by a paralysing dart. The Doctor, David Warner) unmasked as 'Jack' Re'nar Ripper tells the Time Lord that these and he escapes to the future in the writer's "most horrific murders.. will be blamed on the own time machine. The hero of the US Ju'wes" (mirroring the double-meaning of the show TimeCop, Jack Logan, is sent back to graffito's key phrase). 1888 to hunt a time traveller who has killed the real Ripper and taken on his identity. Amy finds the Ten Bells pub [iv] where the Incredibly, this episode, A Rip in Time (TX: landlord Bert is evicting two drunken women, 22/9/1997) not only includes a huge gaffe Mary Warner and Mary Kelly. Amy tries to (here Eddowes is murdered on November convince Kelly that she'll be slain by the 7th), but the police inspector, Wells, happens Ripper on November 9th. The two prostitutes to be the uncle of H G Wells (actually played stagger off as Rory catches up with his wife. by William Morgan Sheppard, Old Canton in At Scotland Yard, the fully recovered Doctor The Impossible Astronaut). visits Warren - in reality, the Ju'wes creature (the real Sir Charles is on holiday) who is [ii] Only in 1890 did the headquarters of the hunting the escaped Re'nar, Mac'atyde, here Metropolitan Police move from Whitehall to a in Earth's past. They arrange to meet again in new purpose-built base on the Victoria five weeks, when the Ripper strikes for the Embankment. In October 1888, a female final time. Back at the TARDIS, the Doctor torso was discovered at the construction site also tells Abbeline to be ready, at 9pm on for New Scotland Yard, but the police ruled November 8th - he now intends to save Kelly! out any connection to the concurrent Whitechapel Murders. Fast forward to Miller's Court, off Dorset Street - Abbeline is supervising the police [iii] At about 3am, PC Long found a dirty, surveillance, and at midnight the inspector bloody piece of Eddowes' [4] apron in the informs the Doctor that 'Warren' has resigned. stairwell of Model dwellings at Goulston Despite waiting all night, Mary doesn't return Street. On the wall above was the chalk- home, but at 10am, another murder is written message that is now known as the discovered upstairs in Kelly's room. The 'graffito.' Three slightly varied versions were Doctor had told the police that Mary Warner, recorded by Long, DC Halse, and Frederick not Kelly, was the next victim. He now Foster, before Warren demanded it's removal. realises that Amy's warning has altered time Here, 'Smith' probably represents the real (Kelly's room was indeed at No. 13, but on the detective, Halse, who advocated ground floor, a subtle but vital change), and photographing the message, whilst wating for the present is fluid again - the Ripper "could his superior, Major Henry Smith (the City of kill again, be anywhere." Amy meanwhile, has London Commissioner and Warren's been captured by the Ripper! counterpart). Many interpretations of the graffito have been advanced ever since. Notes: [i] Doctor Who owes much to the stories of H [iv] The Ten Bells pub still stands on the G Wells (1866-1946). The Doctor first met corner of Commercial and Fournier Streets in

45 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Spitalfields. A 'victims board' on the wall now battle for survival. The Ju'wes cannot opposite the bar even cites Martha Tabram as reason with his enemy, and so forces the a Ripper target. It is believed that Annie Re'nar back into his lair. Both are then Chapman [2] and Kelly [5] frequented the consumed as the alien time portal explodes - pub. the 'Ripper' is dead! Abbeline will continue the investigation for Part Three: The Doctor and Rory travel to now, but with no further killings, the modern-day Whitechapel to question a newspapers cannot scare the populace and 'Ripper walk' tour guide. They want to know "the Ripper will be forgotten." As the travellers "how many Ripper murders are canon?" The depart, the Doctor says that the crimes will answer stuns them - twelve! The "never be forgotten.. because [they].. can Ripperologist begins to list the victims - never be explained." Nichols [1], Chapman [2], Stride [3], Eddowes [4], Kelly [5], then Mary Warner and Amelia As a neat coda to both this Doctor Who blog Marple, ie. Amy! He informs them that the and to the programme's links to Saucy Jack, bodies of Marple and Warner were found in a we finally get a definitive on-screen reference yard off Hanbury Street [2] the night after in A Good Man Goes to War (June 4th 2011). Kelly's death (ie. November 10th) and "Unlike Here in 'London, 1888 AD' the scene is set for the others, these two were murdered a resurrected Silurian warrior to actually find elsewhere." and execute this legendary killer. On her return home, Madame Vastra asks her maid, Meanwhile in 1888, Amy is being held captive Jenny to inform Inspector Abbeline of in a cellar with Mary. The TARDIS returns to Scotland Yard that Jack the Ripper is dead! Spitalfields, and now the Doctor tells Abbeline of the night's impending double event. KEY Canonical Murders: Although officially off the case, Warren arrives [1] Mary Ann Nicholls - Buck's Row, Friday and the Doctor persuades him to reveal his August 31st 1888 true self to the inspector. 'Clouseau' is then [2] Annie Chapman - Hanbury St. Saturday put in charge of the manhunt, and the Doctor September 8th finds a tracking device (similar to the one [3] Elizabeth Stride - Berner St. Sunday used to locate the invisible Krafayis in Vincent September 30th and the Doctor). [4] Catherine Eddowes - Mitre Square, also September 30th As night approaches, Amy assaults her [5] Mary Jane Kelly - Miller's Court, Friday captor's "tympanic membranes" by making as November 9th "much... unbearable" noise as she can, with a metal bar. Amy helps the paralysed Mary  THOMAS MILLS from the cellar. The new chief of police gets to (ecklefecken.blogspot.com) the Ripper's house just as the two women escape. The 'Warren' reptile and Mac'atyde

Big Buster’s Quiz Answers

46 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Hot or Not?

Here we consider two characters from Doctor Who and try to decide who’s the sexiest, who would people most want to date – who’s hot and who’s not?

This month’s eligible bachelors are Davros and Professor Sondergaard.

Davros

First appearance Genesis of The Daleks (1975), most recent appearance The Stolen Earth / Journey’s End (2008).

Pros

Power mad – many people find this attractive in a partner, particularly in the bedroom, negotiating at the bank and when returning goods at department stores.

He is driven and single-minded – he gets an idea and he goes with it to the end, regardless of the consequences.

He is very old – excellent sugar daddy material. Also free transport and concessions at events is always helpful for extending those tight budgets on the dating scene.

Bald – sign of virility? Many think so...

Mobility impaired – this is not a con in these enlightened days, and people get the hell out of your way when you’re driving those scooter things so getting places should be quick and easy.

Good with his hand – let’s face it, he’s achieved a hell of a lot with one good hand, so any sexual partners are bound to be in for a treat.

Clever – a partner who can solve any problem? Eligible bachelors and batchelorettes should be queuing up by now.

Glowing third eye – useful as a night light, or for reading at dusk. Not afraid to show his chest off in public – sure sign of self confidence.

47 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Cons

Power driven – mobility chair needs occasional maintenance and a power source from time to time. Days out need to be properly planned and prepped in advance to avoid life- support failure and embarrassment.

He is very old – quality time together may not be plentiful...

What’s his left hand up to? This bothers some people.

Dental hygiene – this guy needs some serious work done. Probably dentures at the very least. Could you snog a guy and risk his teeth coming out with your tongue?

He is driven and single-minded – if he gets an idea will he have any time for you and your needs?

What’s with the third eye? Where do you look in conversation, at it, around it, where? Universally despised, even by his own kids – admittedly this is pretty damning. You’ve got to be the kind of person who sees good in everyone to get past this, or deaf-blind.

Verdict

Sexual deviancy hot, oral freshness, not.

Sondergaard

Only appearance so far The Mutants (1972)

Pros

Bald – possible sign of virility as noted above.

Middle aged – possibly qualifying as a sugar daddy for the under-21’s. Still a bit of good living left in this chap, unless the thaesium radiation has done for him. Might be worth getting him checked over first.

Owns his own property – he’s not going to be a sudden financial burden on anyone.

Jewellery – this guy is a free spirit, not hung up by social or sexual mores. He is comfortable wearing loose clothing and jewellery, much of which it looks like he’s made himself from local rustic materials.

Popular with the natives – at least if he takes you home you won’t encounter any hostility from the locals, which is more than can be said of some.

48 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Clever – intelligence is just as attractive to some as good looks are to others. If you are one of those then you should check him out.

Owns a radiation suit – dresses sensibly and appropriately according to the occasion. This is commendable in any partner. You won’t catch this guy playing with the thaesium core in his hippy slacks and Hawaiian shirt.

Buff and tan – well, tanned at least. Doesn’t look flabby after years of living and surviving on his own on Solos. That’s hardship for you!

Nice smile – come on, who isn’t impressed with a great Colgate grin?

Bit part in Empire Strikes Back – yes, that was Professor Sondergaard playing Lobot on Cloud City. It does mean that with image and merchandise rights, plus film sales, there’s a steady cash flow coming in each month.

Cons

Property he owns is on a planet where you can’t breathe the air for the next 500 years at least, and you may naturally evolve into an insectoid mutt or beyond by living there. Possibly frail – he didn’t make a good job of reaching Sky Base on the first attempt. Probably should see the nurse and get an asthma pump. Avoid long walks on dates for fear of disappointment or filling out hospital forms - a real passion killer. Spent years living and working alone, in exile – although he did have some native Solonians for company from time to time. Still, you have to wonder, is this man willing to share his life with anyone else? Can he change? Can I change him?

Bit part in Empire Strikes Back – yes there’s the money, but he’s bound to be recognised in public. Let’s face it Star Wars fans get everywhere. Days out could be frustrating with autograph hunters and general nerds all wanting a piece of him. Be warned.

Verdict

Hippy hot, suburban heaven, not.

Overall Verdict

Get these two out on the lash, then make up your mind. Too close to call on paper.

 TIM GAMBRELL

NOTICE

DUE TO A NUMBER OF COMPLAINTS, REGULAR COLUMNIST HARRY SEDGEWICK IS LAYING LOW FOR A WHILE. AFTER MUCH FEEDBACK AND DELIBERATION, HIS COMMENTS WERE DEEMED TO BE OUT OF TOUCH, OFFENSIVE TO WOMEN AND SLIGHTLY BELOW THE BELT IN HIS CRITICISM OF TELEVISION PRODUCERS.

So he’ll be back next time.

49 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Stitches: A Bloody Clown

I’ve never bought people being scared of clowns. Clowns are supposed to be funny. Yes they look creepy, but so did Mad Mary who used to pick up cig stumps from outside Debenhams. Would a film about a creepy, murderous clown actually try to portray one as a character, rather than the caricature that is rife in this particular staple of horror?

I’ve commented in the past how intriguing it’ll be to see how the youngsters from The Sarah Jane Adventures would take those experiences forward as they embark on their adult acting careers. I’ve tipped Daniel Anthony for great things, so it was nice to see another, Tommy Knight (Luke) in something completely different.

We attended the final night of the horror film festival, Grimmfest, in Manchester and with Stitches being the final film of the night (along with a Q&A from the main cast members) it was a joy from start to finish. No doubt Tommy’s experiences with the SJA episode Day of The Clown came into play during the filming of this. I’d love to ask him who makes a creepier clown - Bradley Walsh or Ross Noble!

Stitches follows a performing clown who, whilst being berated by kids, meets with a very grave accident. ‘Grave’ being the operative word, as he climbs from his and seeks revenge on those who contributed to his demise. Ross Noble plays the title role and you can’t help but enjoy his performance as he goes around, killing teenagers in many interesting ways, like we’ve all wanted to do. From the first couple of minutes, his character is pretty much there for us to latch on to and possibly, to sympathise with. I can just imagine him – a frustrated out-of-work actor, forced to live in a caravan and doing kids parties to pay off his debts, despite him being a bit useless as a clown. Maybe I’m letting my imagination run away with me, but it can be so easy in a film like this to make the kids ‘good’ and the clown the ‘evil’ one. Really, the line between the two are blurred and you can understand why Stitches is so pissed off and is going around knocking them off, which just adds a few more laughs to it all!

This is a film that has all the potential to go over-the-top and campy, but it never loses that bit of creepiness that keeps your eyes fixed to the screen The deaths, especially, are spectacular to say the least, but they’re done in a way that isn’t jarring. The chorography of a particular scene got an ovation from the screening crowd which meant everyone missed what Ross Noble described in the Q&A later as ‘the best line in the film’!

50 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Tommy Knight heads the cast of the kids and all of them do a decent job playing it straight, which allows Noble to be more noticeable with his creepy, but hilarious performance. Director Conor McMahon does a fine job and the lighting of the film in particular was something that I thought worked well.

The film was released across 150 cinemas nationwide from the 26th October, so be sure to look out for it when it’s released on DVD. If you like your horror to be gory fun, then be sure to go and see it! Even if you’re scared of clowns, the hilarity of it all will actually work to calm that fear a bit.

Stitches has all the hallmarks of being a cult horror classic, which not ironically, will leave you in stitches.

 DANIEL GEE

For more information on Stitches visit http://stitchesmovie.com/

Review taken from:

In the past, many people made many mistakes. There’s simply no excuse and everyone hopes that the people responsible are brought to justice and that we learn from these mistakes and never let them happen again. But for those hoping and campaigning for the end of one of the institutions that makes Britain truly ‘great’, simply because a few evil people decided to take advantage of its good

nature, then you can FUCK RIGHT OFF

Thank-you

51 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Targeting The Invasion & The Massacre

considered slightly more creative and inventive, and I have fond memories of the latter’s novelisations of The Ark In Space and The Ribos Operation as a child. I didn’t really feel that Ian Marter was doing anything out of the ordinary as such here, although I was very surprised when Packer used the word ‘bastard’ – is this the first instance of swearing in a Doctor Who book? I assume the book was based on an early script as well, since Gregory’s death is the abandoned car scene that was never filmed. It’s an interesting scene, and a surprise for the seasoned reader predicting the events before they happen, but I also think it shows very well that what they ended up filming through necessity (having failed to get I’ve reached that stage that many this scene in the can) was far superior, older fans have been through, where with Gregory interrogated by Vaughn sacrifices have to be made and my after the event and then mercilessly (and Target novelisations just have to go. noisily!) shot down by the Cybermen for However, before they do I’ve got a bit his pains. Gregory, as Vaughn’s stooge, of time to catch up on some old should die by Vaughn’s doing, not by comfort reading, and occasionally UNIT’s. some that I never got round to reading back in the day. While I’m at it If there’s any overall narrative effect on I thought I’d share my views on some the story then it’s that Marter makes it a of them. This time around it’s Ian more personal story: we lose the Marter’s The Invasion and John majesty of the cybermen bursting from Lucarotti’s The Massacre. the Central London sewers and marching through the deserted streets These days many of us have seen all around St Pauls. Instead we get Isobel the extant episodes over and again so looking out of a window and seeing them it’s a natural reaction to match up the burst out of the sewers locally. For such images in your head with the words as an iconic moment in the programme’s you read them. But then occasionally history, and the obvious opportunities of you get the surprise of the books poetic description this is a real shame deviating from the televised version – and a real loss. Also Vaughn is much which is true of these two. more controlled in Marter’s version, so we never see him really losing control The Invasion: I was amazed that I’d not and letting rip at Packer as he does in read this before, since I tended to favour the later episodes on TV. Again, this is the ‘monster’ stories as a shallow youth. an opportunity missed for florid I had pretty high expectations of this description and creative metaphor as book, I’ll admit. Terrance Dicks was a Vaughn’s face should crease in anger, reliable adaptor but the books by his eyes narrow and with spittle-fuelled Malcolm Hulke and Ian Marter tend to be fury he yells ‘find him packer, FIND

52 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 HIM!!!’ Alas, not in the book. What also who likes to spoon-feed his readers. The tripped me up as a reader were the TV version allows the audience to make occasions where Troughton’s Doctor is up their own mind and we would almost unwittingly written like Hartnell or always come down on the side of the Pertwee – particularly jarring are the Huguenots and share their fears and ‘young man’s and ‘my dear’s which don’t frustrations. The only time I ever got quite sit right with the Second Doctor. really engaged was when the Doctor and Also calling the Brigadier ‘Brig’ - that’s the Abbot eventually met. It’s a nicely not a Doctor-ism at all. crafted scene but annoyingly brief. I found myself distracted for much of the It left me wanting to watch the DVD, but book by the differences between the two only to take comfort in the televised versions of the story – which was not to version being better. the advantage of the novel, I fear. I also felt on various occasions that it was like The Massacre was a whole other kettle reading what was going on behind of fish. I love John Lucarotti’s scripts for closed doors in the televised version, in Marco Polo and The Aztecs, they are the the same way that watching quintessential early historicals. What Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead finally went out on TV as his third and can inform a viewing of Hamlet – yet the final commissioned historical was pretty two are also mutually exclusive. I also much entirely the work of script editor felt that Lucarotti’s novel portrays Steven Donald Tosh and tried to guide the Taylor as weak, whereas in the TV programme where producer John Wiles version he is a very strong character in wanted to take it. Tosh has been very the absence of the Doctor, moralistic dismissive of what Lucarotti wrote, so for and noble. The fragility of the religious that alone I am glad that when asked to situation is not aided by the author write the novelisation he chose to base it allowing the Doctor to enjoy himself a bit on his rejected scripts instead. We don’t too much in his deceptions. We lose the have the episodes to view, but we have wonderful soliloquy at the end where the the book to read and the gorgeous off-air Doctor considers going home; here he’s soundtrack to listen to for comparison. already at home, relaxing on Gallifrey in The two versions are similar in many Lucarotti’s framing device and answering ways, but vastly different in plenty of some nosey Time Lords who’ve accused others. Tosh’s is both more dramatic and him of interfering. Been there, done more naturalistic but also daringly that... frustrating in that it’s impossible to tell if the Doctor is ever pretending to be the If John Lucarotti’s The Massacre was a Abbot of Amboise. This is also its manifesto for his original script then I brilliance. In the novel it’s never in doubt feel Donald Tosh wins the election which is the Abbot and which is the hands down, but I’m certain fandom Doctor: Lucarotti goes out of his way to would be poorer for not having this make it clear to us and to point out document at least as a comparison. I where and why it isn’t clear to Steven wonder if we’ll ever get Lucarotti’s and others ‘in the know’. original Ark In Space, or Lewis Greiffer’s The Doctor has much more to do in this Pyramids of Mars instead..? version, which Hartnell may have found a strain, but where it most loses out Hooray for Target! against the televised story is that there’s a far less palpable fear over the potential  TIM GAMBRELL religious dangers. Lucarotti is an author

53 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 To Those We Never Had…

Following the surprise appearance of 10 years later) it’s just a bloke in a suit. I Jenna-Louise Coleman in Asylum of know K9 is loved by many, but D84 the Daleks, everyone was left as could have played that role AND would confused as a newspaper journalist have been able to walk on a beach and when tasked with doing some admire Leela’s goodies. research. Is this her character, or will she be playing someone else when D84 (to use an old British term for she joins as a fully-fledged ‘awesome’) is the dogs bollocks. I would companion? How is her story going love to throw hands at him - a double to be told? high-5.

With those questions in mind, here are a Duggan – Part of me didn’t want to couple of our suggestions for suggest this, as it works so well in City of companions that never were, and Death and the problem with Doctor Who probably should have been, instead of (especially today) is that it doesn’t know what we actually got. when to leave something be. However, I reckon having Duggan aboard for at least 2 stories would have been great. Perhaps The Doctor could have shown him the universe in order to educate the more ignorant side of him? It would have been hilarious to see him fighting monsters with his bare fists or The Doctor hitting him over the head every few minutes or Romana taking the piss without him realising.

But then again, when The Doctor and Romana say BYE BYE DUGGAN that was (probably) quite rightly the end to a magical story (with science-fiction elements).

Lynda Moss – .I’ll level with you here – I D84 – Doctor Who and Robots have a didn’t really like Rose. I just found her long history, but I don’t think that there’s too selfish and smug, the latter part of any doubt The Robots of Death is the Series 2 especially. For me I would pay best story to portray them. Nothing else a fee AND swap Rose to get Lynda on seems to pull off that sinister look that board the TARDIS. In 60 minutes, she these robots give off. Polite, cute and showed more companion qualities than very roboty, D48 would have made a Rose ever did. She seemed to be great companion. He even had a bit of interested in The Doctor, rather than character, which ironically, was more herself, she was always willing to help than most former Doctor Who and just seemed so bright and likeable. companions ever did! It wouldn’t take But no, sadly she was shot by a Dalek much budget (or pissing around with and found herself in Eastenders, where electronics – as the production team she’s currently wasting away in a sea of learnt to their cost with a certain Robot mediocrity. You’re better than that love.

54 Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 actress who played her (Sara Griffiths) used to flog stuff on QVC. So to be fair, she probably isn’t losing any sleep over joining the show at perhaps its lowest ebb. Not when you can get away with selling all that tat anyway.

Glitz – He eventually came back to take Mel off our hands (good luck with that, pal) but how much better would it have been to have this space thief travelling around with The Doctor for a couple of stories? He could have been the one handling all the violence, whilst The Doctor’s softer nature could have come to the fore more quickly and hence Sally Sparrow – Ah Sally Sparrow, the possibly saving his job. In fact, the true success of Blink in our eyes. What interactions with him and Peri would we like most about that episode is the have been very interesting to watch and feeling that you (and The Doctor and with The Doctor in the middle, it could Martha) are intruding on another TV have been a better version of the Tegan- drama, as all the characters are very Turlough partnership a few years’ strongly realised and the story excellent. previously. Obviously, by the end of his After Blink aired, message boards were time he would have learnt quite a lot awash with posts asking for her to from The Doctor. But not so much that it return, but once Carey Mulligan got would mend his thieving ways! involved with those tedious costume dramas, she was lost to Hollywood (and Rita – The God Complex was an us geeks) forever. Like we had a intriguing episode in many ways, but chance. mostly (for us anyway) the characters that were in it. Having rooms that Rachael ‘Ray’ - Yes, we know that she contain each persons fear is an was originally sounded out, has a dodgy ingenuous way of telling us more about Welsh accent and the name of a boy, these people, without the need of but the question you’ve got to ask is, endless boring dialogue and it can also was she better option than Mel? After present us with some action and scary watching her interactions with The scenes in its place. Out of those Doctor (where she actually behaved like characters, Rita was by far the most his companion) you have to think, yes, intriguing, her interactions with The she is. Delta and The Bannermen is a Doctor were great, she had an bit of a dodgy one with fans, personally interesting back-story (her relationship we don’t mind it - it just needs an iron with her father - could have been fleshed and a decent editor to sort it out. And out in further episodes) and she just maybe some decent SFX and actors too. seemed like a dynamic character who But on the whole, Delta is a just-about didn’t stand around looking all pouty. watchable tale of unrequited love, aliens, What’s more, she was the right age and holiday camps and Ken Dodd being had all the right bits in all the right gunned down. It’s much more of a places, as we all know - a Doctor Who Doctor Who story than some new series companion NEEDS to be young and episodes we could mention, so it pretty… deserves better! Interestingly, the

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