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Vol. XXII No. 8 "Reach around your soul and love your fellow man" February 7, 2001

Oil Spill @Galapagos Islands

The Pflaums Break it Dowr 7&11 Meal Plan9From Outer Space pg.9 .. f Diana Post

~ ______a~ _ _ _ _ I _ q q _ __ I I _ _ C ______L_ __ _ _ I Oil SillY@ T'he- -Enchanted-- 1~C C -L- Islands_ -- -- C- - - - - By Diana Post In 1835, Charles Darwin spent several weeks at the Galapagos Islands. His stay there led to his writing of the most influential texts of his century, The Origin q Species. Two weeks ago, these precious islands off the northwestern coast of South America suffered a disaster that put the world on edge. The oil tanker Jessica ran aground just 500 yards from the shor of San Cristobal Island when her captain, Tarquino Arevalo, mis- took a signal buoy for a stranded for four days, slowly keeled until it w When this listing occurr diesel fuel and bunker, on cruise ships, began p tine waters surrounding tanker was uninsured. will take the ecosystem three to four years to spotted along Santa Fe Island with diesel stains. of The veteran captain tearfully told offi- recover fully from the spill. The damage could be grave for the hundreds that populate cials after he was detained at a local military base, When oil is leaked into the ocean, it sea lions and thousands of iguanas of the World that if the Galapagos National Park officials had effects several different aspects of the ecosystem. Santa Fe, Carlos Valle, coordinator in Ecuador called for help earlier, the oil leaking out of the It stops sunlight from reaching the ocean floor, Wildlife Fund's Galapagos program inhabitants that vessel could have been prevented. He, and his which kills the algae and plant life. This, in turn said. Thankfully, the Galapagos the miniature crew, face up to four years in prison if they are causes the grazing animals and fish to die off. are in danger of extinction, like flightless cormorant brought up on charges of negligence and crimes Ecologists are also concerned about the bottom- Galapagos penguin and the on the western against the environment. Arevalo said that he dwelling sea life, such as lobsters and the marine are not in danger because they live knows he is responsible for the vessel running iguana, which exists no where else in the world, half of the islands. the Galapagos aground, but he could not control the oil in the and grazes algae from the sea floor. The humans who live on The local fisher- hull. Ironically, the tanker's cargo was to be deliv- This spill is terrible because of where it are also affected by this disaster. a standstill. ered to the tour boat industry on the Galapagos, occurred, but it is by no means the worst the men who depend on the sea are at of the islands which attracts more than 45,000 tourists each year. world has ever seen. Even the Exxon Valdez spill, The 160,000 human inhabitants a Water currents began pushing the oil which was the worst spill in U.S. waters, ranks have been warned not to swim or eat sea food, the main source of slick immediately, and by Tuesday it had reached 53rd out of the worst oil disasters. The worst oil difficult warning since fish is The fishermen cannot the shores of Santa Fe Island, 37 miles west of San spill in history occurred in 1991, when not only food on the island chain. as they normally do, Cristobal. However, the currents have since tankers, but oil terminals failed, and released fish in the shallow waters to deeper sea come back as changed and are moving the 488 mile slick north- more than 240 million gallons of oil and petrole- and those who go out animals. ward and away from the "Enchanted Islands", a um into the Persian Gulf. covered in oil as the workers emptied the nickname they received because clouds of fog As far as officials know only one pelican Over the weekend, cargo, and the efforts to would often obscure the islands from the view of and two seagulls have died. But many other birds vessel of its remaining ongoing. Many feel that sailors. and marine animals such as sea lions, seagulls, clean up the oil are tougher conservation laws About 185,000 gallons of diesel leaked blue-footed boobies and albatrosses have been Ecuador should review accidents like this in the future. into the fragile ecosystem, which includes many affected. Volunteers and workers from the to prevent .-,,,,,-ner ý TBil[J jYoI[ulhe'' e~~i

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------~-~-1-11- - -~ anti-cow will be appearinq @ the Arcade this Friday from 10am until Lpm to autoqoph their latest CD "aiqht where's me smack" ~rm~D·sD·llmrarrra~·Is~araa~w~L~.·~r--~a ---^-·----.-~--- I Hir - · - Ir_--~-~-~__ucation Woes By Meagen Reeve, NYPIRG Project Coordinator D minus. That's what we've got. One on it, and it's not nearly enough," said Stony to opportunity programs that many rely on such step above the lowest possible ranking. You Brook se n ior Sandra Davermann, whose TAP as EOP, HEOP, and SEEK, as well as a $5 million wouldn't want that on your college transcript, [Tuition Assistance Program] funding was cut in cut to childcare programs. and you certainly don't want that designation half during the last year. If you're not speaking out in defense of given to the system that is providing you with New York is one of the stingiest states- in your own education, then it's time to wake up your education. the top three, nonetheless- when it comes to and realize what you have to lose. We obviously The National Center for Public Policy appropriating money for higher education. Even can't rely on our Governor to look out for the and Higher Education awarded the SUNY and now as the state enjoys a $2 billion surplus, the interests of students so we will have to fight until CUNY system a D- for Affordability on its Higher New York State budget is finding ways to make he does. If you want to let someone know how Education Report Card after a state-by-state survey students pay more. What that translates into are these budget cuts to SUNY have threatened your done in 2000, as if the students in New Ycrk State fewer and fewer people who can afford an educa- education, join us up in Albany for NYPIRG's couldn't have told you that already. tion. It is sincerely baffling that the legislators Higher Education Lobby Day on March th. You We're broke, we're working 5 a job or two who are supposed to be working to benefit and will be able to speak directly to your elected offi- to make ends meet, and when we finally graduate better our state don't prioritize a college educa- cials and tell them how these cuts hurt you and and head out we're already behind on the thou- tion for its future citizens, parents, and workforce. your family. sands of dollars we owe in loans. And the New For that reason, NYPIRG (The New York To find out more about Higher Education York State Governor doesn't give a shit. Public Interest Research Group) continues to lead Lobby Day, as well as NYPIRG's other campaigns Every year we hold our breath to see just the fight across New York State to keep education including environmental preservation, consumer how bad Governor Pataki's budget proposal is affordable for students of all socio-economic back- protection, hunger and homeless outreach, cam- going to try to screw students. Our tuition has grounds. The whole point of state-funded uni- paign finance reform, anti-sweatshops, and Small gone up 155% in the past decade at a rate faster versities used to be to provide a quality education Claims Court Action Center, come out to our than any other state in the nation. To add insult regardless of financial status, and every year Student Action Meeting on Thursday, February to injury, tuition hikes are often accompanied by NYPIRG fights to keep that goal a reality. 15 at 7:00pm in the Union Bi-Level. You'll hear slashed budgets for financial aid. This year we are calling on the Governor student leaders speak about these issues and how Most students already know this because to increase funding for TAP, including TAP for you can get involved. After all, your education they've had to absorb these costs themselves. part-time students and graduate students, and to just might depend on it. "Even the students that you wouldn't think need reduce tuition by $250. NYPIRG students across financial aid- however little bit they get- do rely the state are also fighting to halt a $13 million cut A.LPtter tin DYibv a Aadvi Cr for thIP Firt . in w It ^^^y^^ %Ixr -^ ------~---~-- -~~~~------~~--~-I~-~- I--~--~ · _ ByArif Rafiq President Bush, Republicans winning over the Congress. Newt's revolution was his nightmare. Gephardt's revo- Hope you are getting comfortable in your lution will be yours - if you fail to remember new home. After giving the Oval Office a "good lessons from the past and what saved Clinton's scrubbing", as you promised, you need to get set political life. for a long stretch of sleepless nights and serious Perhaps even more importantly, you politicking. Mr. President, your first hundred need to make civil rights one of your administra- days in office will define your first thousand days tion's major concerns, just like Clinton made wel- in office. In fact, your first week will be the most fare reform one of his. You need to sign a bill critical set of days in your entire administration. into office banning all forms of profiling, whether Now this may shock you, but the key to it is ethnic, racial or religious. Affirmative action the success of your presidency lies in modeling is condemned by many of your supporters yourself in one way after your predecessor. Don't because it makes one's race an issue, but then so worry, it has nothing to do with pizza. The one too should racial profiling. Forcing our states to Clintonian precedent you need to adopt is that of abandon this immoral policy will help increase maintaining centrist positions. the confidence of minorities in our law enforce- This week, Senator John McCain will be ment. Secondly, you need to appoint an African introducing his campaign finance legislation. His American leader to an advisory position. Coretta challenge, unlike the other ones that you face, can Scott King, wife of slain civil rights leader Martin be perceived as one from "within". As your Luther King, Jr., is one of the more viable candi- motorcade rode along Pennsylvania Avenue, you dates. She is less partisan than most African were certain to have seen the hundreds, if not American leaders and maintains a spotless repu- thousands of protesters. Your administration can- tation. wiml e a tougn issue to tackle, so take a moderate not afford an attack from the right in addition to Finally, it is the economy, stupid. A approach, and don't ignore the plight of college these current attacks from the left. Compromise recession or a steep economic slowdown will students as you focus on primary education. The is necessary. Campaign finance reform is Senator pave the way for an Al Gore or Hillary Clinton amounts of federal grants for undergraduates McCain's pet issue, thus if you can negotiate a presidency. I'm sure your family doesn't want have not changed much over the past fifteen settlement with him on it, he will probably be off two one-termers. Fiscal responsibility, along with years, while college tuition has more than dou- your back for quite some time. Well, at least until the rapid development of the 'new economy', are bled. 2002 when he starts campaigning again for the the two major factors that contributed to a two- Therefore, Mr. President, unifying the Republican nomination. term Clinton presidency. His approval ratings are country by taking centrist positions on campaign Although you have obtained a so high because we are in a period of unprece- finance reform, civil rights, and tax cuts, in addi- Democratic sponsor for your tax reform bill, dented prosperity. You probably will "restore tion to fiscal responsibility and continued eco- Senator Zell Miller (D-GA), it will certainly be honor and dignity to the White House", but that nomic growth, will help you earn a victory in viewed as a partisan initiative. Yes, you need to won't mean much if people are seeing pink slips 2004. If people feel they are well off and if they cut taxes because you promised to. It falls into and a decrease in their savings. don't see you as a tool of the Christian Coalition, line with your conservative philosophy of trust- As for other issues, like health care Fortune 500 CEO's, and the NRA, then you will ing the people with the responsibility over their reform and education, they will be tough to tack- have a decisive victory in 2004. Your base is own money. But a drastic tax cut is too much of le. The Clinton administration failed in their solidified - you have the eastern end of the politi- an economic risk, as we are in state of slowing health care initiative by settings the initial goals cal spectrum secured. Now heed the words of growth, and it bears serious negative political too high. It learned that gradual change, for Horace Greely and, "Go west young man!" ramifications. Remember that Clinton was set in example with Child Health Plus programs, is a 1994 to be a one-term president. His adamancy more suitable method. So don't get too hung over Sincerely, contributed to government shutdowns and the it. The same also goes for education. Vouchers Arif Rafiq Page 3 If ii ------C-- I - -

Editorial Dear Jesus hrist Kingr f King s A.l ill I icEk46 0icOh -*-that LP~ IvnIi arsmite GpnrniA·L- ~ W --CLRush- - Executive Editor J %n .aIPaH IIassnrI Now, I'm not what you would call a of a bitch. Managing Editor Christian. Nor would you even refer to me Hey, I know that you're busy, believe Glenn "Squirrel"'Given as an overtly spiritual fellow. But, in the me I can sympathize. So if you want to sub- wake of the recent presidential election I contract this work out to some other bibli- Associate Editor have found you, my lord and saviour, Jesus cal figure that would be just fine. Heck, Jill Baron Christ. even if you wanna get some crazy mortal to So Jesus, King of Kings, Son of Man, do it that's cool with me. All I ask is that Business Manager Holiest of Holies all that , your newly you make sure that whoever does the job is Absent McNothere devoted son, ask of you is that you smite thorough. News Editor George W. Bush. Oh, and try and get it to happen on Ellen Yau I know that this seems like a tall live TV if you could. order, especially coming from one of your I appreciate your consideration in Features Editor new recruits, but I truely belive that my these matters and for taking the time out of Baron Von Emptyspace love and adoration for you and you father your busy schedule of appearing in water Arts would only be strengthened if you were to stains on the sides of bui•dgs and inciting Editor strike George W. Bush dead where he holy wars to listen to me. If upon further Debbie Sticher stands. consideration you find that you are unable Photo Editor Actually, now that I think of it, sim- to either personally or through one of your Isaac Pflaum ply releasing George W. from this mortal intermediaries snuff the flame of George W. coil wouldn t really do much to solve the Bush's candle, please forward this request Copee Edider perdicament that my people and I find our- to any and all other Messiahs, Deities or Lord Nonexistence III, Duke selves in. As such, in the interest of the Demi-Gods that you are aware of. of Vacancyshire greater good you should also claim the life P.S. I must stress the ugency of this of Dick Cheney as well. And John Ashcroft, situation and implore you to act swiftly Production Mngr. and Christine Whitman, and if it's not to should you choose to entertain my humble Jacklyn Yeh much trouble the rest of George W's request. Cabinet. Thank you Jesus, Jesus whose love is Ombudsman Oh, and while you're at it take out eternal, Jesus, bringer of Life after Death Walter Boot Carson Daily as well. Yeah, he's an evil son (except, hopefully, for George W. Bush). ~I~~~p ~9-~ ~-- - ~ "--~--g--~~-~~P-lll-__-·-_--·-._----· ~ICI L -I -.- -- -·--·--~--~------L Which Stuff -Ie1- _g~~JrFrlitnrial 7CkB L~B~P ~ ThatI_~_e---a , asa.nn------~_-- -se~,--in ~- I -- -- ·I L - . Kevin CavannaughTim

n i M e Generall ------and~- - - -- Alp m w 77- rns LC-- lb-- --- Edelman,Rob AIm -An Am m m m ýýAs7r Im Connors,Cheyl nIR Marr be crowdedy aroundy the muddy Gilheany Angeos K Hannides, frozen swamp in Roth quad. JenHobin,BrianKate, I-con- Aah, the sweet embrace DavidKlein,BrianLibfeid, of science fiction... Pseudo-celebri- ties, drugs, anime porn screenings, ELving Steve PestE, Hamlet in Klingon and the love of DianaPost, the unwashed, t-con is where it's at CraigSdilanger for all your leather-clad needs. Brian"Scoop" Schneider, Beerfest- A little jammy we at the Press (21 & over, fellas) throw KatieSinnot, ChrisSorodin, every spring. It basically entails the haon Sng,Donald Toner, "sampling" and evaluating of a Hilay VidairJoanna iehlik, select genre of beer. It's not exactly MidhaelYh, the greatest thing if you aren't part DanielYohannes of the Press, but so what? Join the paper and you can test beer also. The Stony Brook Press is published bi-weekly Attractive people- Let's get during the academic year and twice during down to what really makes spring the summer intersession by The Stony Brook worthwhile: no more bulky winter Press, a student run and student funded clothes. Whether you're male, non-profit organization. The opinions female or otherwise, -you probably expressed in letters and viewpoints do not appreciate the opportunity that necessarily reflect those of the staff. warm weather provides for you to Advertising policy does not necessarily .reflect editorial policy. For more informa- ogle. tion on advertising and deadlines call The Goat Roast- This is just (516)632-6451. Staff meetings are held awesome. The anthropology Wednesdays at 1:00 pm. First copy free. For department gets in touch with their additional copies contact Business roots by carving up a goat with Manager. hand-made obsidian tools and The Stony Brook Press roasting it over an open fire. The Suites 060 & 061 event has caught flak recently over Student Union SUNY at Stony Brook the cruelty-to-animals issue and Stony Brook, NY 11794-3200 now it takes place off campus. (516) 632-6451 Voice (516) 632-4137 Fax Damn those squares, always spoil- e-mail:[email protected] ing everyone's good time. www.sbpress.org

[--gUy e A4 MMrr MIM MM I HiWIMl - M M M MW 16.066 w *t I:r First-Plae,piion iin I- -I N m fimmi 6m=-- mfI==•E= Letter: We're all coinr to a non-Christian Hell! Yav! This message is for the pus bags who write If a foolish member of the twice-born classes the column "Dr. Dog". I have never seen such [brahmana, ksatriya and vaisya] forces his wife to pathetic filth from any newspaper in my whole drink his semen out of a lusty desire to keep her life, and I'm an alumni from NYU . under control, he is put after death into the hell It just totally degrades the process of acquir- known as Lalabhaksa. There he is thrown into a ing knowledge (that's why we're all @ Boney flowing river of semen, which he is forced to Brook right? DUUUHHH) and destitutes one's drink. consciousness to the animal species. PURPORT: See what our scriptures have to say about The practice of forcing one's wife to drink your demoniac activities and your propagation. one's own semen is a black art practiced by You may think you are entertaining someone's extremely lusty persons. Those who practice this mind, but you're really just inviting them to. very abominable activity say that if a wife is Srimad Bhagavatam (by AC Bhaktivedanta forced to drink her husband's semen, she remains Swami Prabhupada) Canto 5, Chapter 25, Verse 26 very faithful to him. Generally only low-class men "yas tv iha vai savarnam bharyam dvijo retah engage in this black art, but if a man born in a payayati kama-mohitas tam papa-krtam amutra higher class does so, after death he is put into the retah-kulyayam patayitva retah sampayayanti." hell known as Lalabhaksa. There he is immersed in SYNONYMS: the river known as Sukra-nadi and forced to drink yah-any person who; tu-but; iha-in this semen. life; vai-indeed; savarnam-of the same caste;, Prepare to drink and swallow! bharyam-his wife; dvijah-a person of a higher caste (such as a brahmana, ksatriya or vaisya); Sincerly, retah-the semen; payayati-causes to drink; Chandravali Christiansen kama-mohitah-being deluded by lusty desires; tam-him; papa-krtam-performing sin; amutra- - P.S. That should read chapter 26, not 25, in the next life; retah-kulyayam-in a river of semen; patayitva-throwing; retah-semen; sam- P.P.S. And it should be "Translation and Purports payayanti-force to drink. by AC Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada", since TRANSLATION: he didn't write the actual whole thing. Letter: Religion 2, Press -10 Your "credibility quotient" just dropped 10 as good as the level of emotional response it elicits in points (see above-mentioned article in Nov.29 issue of the reader. The Stony Brook Press)-the book of "Revelations" is, So, your article is good in that it caused me to in reality, the book of REVELATION-you will notice write this in response! No matter what, keep writing. that there is no letter "s" in the title (look it up). Yours, I only point this out to show you that I have Clifford Still, Pharmacist indeed read your articleand a newspaper article is only Student Health Service Pharmacy Letter. Frntin' ta Isaac Letter to the Editor I also wanted to point out a factual error in Isaac's article. He seems to imply that the act of In reading Isaac Pflaum's column about the arm- Governor George Pataki "deputizing campus peace ing of campus police, I was struck by a strong sense of officers" (which actually was a law passed by the state irony. In the very same issue of your paper in which assembly, not an executive decree) gave campus offi- Mr. Pflaum decries the "oppression" of the campus cers the right to carry guns. This is not the case. police (whom he apparently considers to be "polite and According to the terms specified in the legislation, the well-trained" oppressors whose character he has no chief administrative officer of each university is reason to question), he also talks about smashing his responsible for deciding whether or not to arm campus car to a pulp with a tire iron. Now, I happen to know police. So while we are all aware of the sins that Pataki Isaac personally, so far be it from me to question his has visited upon the SUNY system, forced arming of mental stability. However, it seems to me that a kid campus police is not one of them. If Isaac and the read- going crazy with a tire iron is reason enough to be ers of this paper have issues with allowing the police thankful that campus police are armed. It is the nature here to carry guns, then they have no one else to blame of the law that the threat of some physical force is nec- about the matter than University President Shirley essary to maintain it. If Isaac wasn't complaining about Strum Kenny. But she is from Texas, sodon't hold your guns one gets the sense that he would be complaining breath waiting for action... about allowing the police to carry "oppressive" hand- cuffs and badgering the "polite" pigs for human rights abuses. -Jonathan Gelling : Page 5 Thep Sorry State of Things By Angelos Hannides Silence is my preferred form of reaction, when I wish to protest or express my disagreement at a situation in which I am called to rejoice. Unfortunately, doing so in the case of the politics of this country will not do me any good. Not because I will not be accounted for as one of the cheer- ing lot, but because my silence will be taken as a sign of acceptance of this sorry state or, in the worst case, as a sign of satisfaction. Well, I am not satisfied and I do not accept the state of things at all. The state of things frankly sucks, and the people living in it are content with shaking their heads and scratching their asses. Half of them, that is. These are the ones who think that if someone else were playing president, things would be better. I have to admit that there is an attractive and simple elegance in their liberal ignorance. There certainly are things to be said about the presidents, those who elect them, the laws and the crimes. They follow below.

I will not mention anything about the substance use, public nudity, public expression the Uwa people. ways the major parties discover and declare of opinion, freedom of appearance. If you think So, two baboons and the millions of their candidates. Various trapping techniques, that I am exaggerating on that last one, picture their hominid followers wrestled for a position both ancient and modern, are employed to yourself in black skin and dreadlocks in front of on the window. One of them wedged his way catch them, and then beautiful artificial land- four NYPD cops. Just guess what they were on the seat, in profound and repeated violations scapes are used to make them look cozy, comfy taught in cop school. of the shreds of what was once a democratic and actually cognizant. But, some are smart, In case you think that capital punish- constitution. What would spark extensive you will say! Sure, it is likely that some of them ment was another point of divergence, let me demonstrations, not to say a revolution, in nor- did well in college, can find their way around show you the forest. Prisons have become pri- mal societies, barely made headlines. This is New York City using the subway, and know vate ventures, contracted to companies which probably a predictable reaction, considering how to use a computer. However, it is more charge per capita, and are in business for how people handled electing and re-electing likely that their college life was taken care of by money and not for public service. If the prison- one of the ten best presidents of the country lineage and donations, that they are probably industrial complex wants to maximize its prof- ever in the eighties. A lunatic actor, who want- driving around town in their limos, and that its, it will increase the capita. And, surprise, it ed to be able to fight in space like in the they have absolutely no need to use computers; has promptly been doing so even during the movies, fired and replaced all air-traffic they just hire people to do,it for them. Hardly past eight years. Actually, almost half of the employees of the country overnight, and still suitable to work for the state, which is the task people jailed every year, serve because of doing got an airport named after him. An airport in at hand. something to their own bodies (possession of the country's capital. People survived that, The so-called presidential debates were substances), while cops who kill and maim still therefore they think (and they probably will) revealing. We witnessed two baboons opening roam the streets with guns. Not a word. survive this one too. Do remember, however, and closing their mouths, arguing, we were Business as usual for both apes. that laws have been violated with the consent told, about "issues". And most friends I could not forget the environment, that of the supreme judicial body of the country and informed me that "yes, it (was) all about remote and abstract notion detached from thus have been rendered obsolete. Just like the issues!" It is not hard to see why we are missing human societies, but much coveted by one herd state. the forests for some trees. For example, the two as a prime priority. You see the other one wants These words are not meant to disap- primates differed in opinion on their use of to use the resources in the environment and point. They are meant to underline the impor- public funds for education at early levels (for thus ruin it. Pull back a bit and look at the tance of our personal lives and conducts, more the time being), but they did not seem to be dis- argument from a distance. What is being dis- so today than ever before. The personal is very turbed by the massive sell-out of state educa- cussed is the protection of the environment just political and we should declare our politics by tion at all levels. Show me a few American state here, in this country. One says "let's screw it the lives we lead and share our personal experi- colleges with no tuition fees, like those which here too", the other one says "let's only screw it ences with others in intimate and trusty fash- exist in many European countries. Education is elsewhere." The "environmentalist" ex-VP, ions. Revolutions are now very personal and not a state priority. without a speck of epithelium, went to interna- they should happen, in spite of the state and its How about abortion? It is easy to see tional conventions and called for a cut in green- sorry condition, in spite of tax cuts and the that one pack was all for complete control of house gases a quarter of that proposed by the dirty child-labor economy, in spite of the cheap- our bodies and what we do to them by the male European countries, a seventh of that proposed er than milk gasoline. We should detach our chauvinists that they are. In that particular by the "developing, third-world." Meanwhile, selves from these putrefying corpses and, in the framework, it is not difficult to see that the his family's oil company is in the process of process (who knows), we might evolve to other pack was merely using the abortion issue homogenizing a good deal of pristine South Homo sapiens. to hide their true thoughts about others, such as American rainforest, performing genocide on Page 6 _ _ _ L _L~II I ~I ~ _ U _ _ _ I _ II_ _ _ II _ I _ _ _~I _ _ ~ II __ _ I _ _ _ _ Pating a Dead Donky -on -- Sistc -- RXnLrcu ssi on s By Isaac Pflaum American history has been interpreted by many people as revealing a pattern that can be used as a model for change in society. In its most general interpretation this model takes the form of a pendulum. This pendulum moves in such a way that it creates an arc that has two endpoints and a central point. The two end- points are representative of extremes in thought, One point is the conservative extreme, on which faces people in the direction of the future by orienting itself with the past. People at this extreme judge the present in comparison to their perception of the past. They peruse a future that approaches their perception of the past by correcting the differences between their conceived heritage and their judgment of the present. At their extreme, conservatives wish to rebuild and make stronger the Americans edi- fices of moral value, personal freedom, and small government which they believe to have become eroded by years of liberal influence. The other endpoint is the liberal extreme. At this point people are raced towards the future by orientation with the present. They judge the past in comparison with the present. lltCUlslbervclive extremer . ii11s is aibs tme rauil They evaluate the present and find the origin of Uner the rule of the Democratic party, the US of the increasing centrism of the Democratic problems in the mistakes of the past. A liberal, engaged in a war of imperialism with Mexico, Party. The Democratic Party in recent years has like a conservative, is a sort of engineer. The taking all of the South West. slipped right on the spectrum so that it now former specializes in additions and remodeling, Consolidation of the parties within the overlaps the conservative side. And lacks a while the latter is best at reconstruction. These Liberal space made possible a centrist compro- voice at the extreme. This slip began when the two extremes allow America to change, while at mise on the slavery issue. The Kansas-Nebraska party moved away from the offensive nature of the same time always remaining the same. Act and the Fugitive Slave Laws represent the liberal extreme and began to focus of pro- These broad strokes when applied to assertions of the power of voters within the lib- tecting their victories of the past from conserva- specific facets of society become very complex eral space. Progressives were unable to destroy tive rollbacks. The fear that Bush may attack and far more controversial. For the purposes of slavery and the economic system it supports abortion rights and social security drove many this article, only the political manifestation of they hindered the further expansion of slavery. voters from the left of the liberal space towards this model is discussed. When this model is When liberal voters became consolidated in the center, and the Democratic Party. There are applied to politics the endpoints become the their support of the Republican Party in the late many people who would have voted for the ideological equivalents. Political parties fill the 1850's they prevoked a reaction which shifted Green Party had they not let their fear over- space between the central point and each end- the Democratic Party towards the conservative shadow their hope for the future. Those that point. For the past 60 years, the Republican extreme. As a result the center point which sep- stayed at the liberal extreme could not voice Party has dominated the space between the arates the opposing spaces shifted to the right. their opinions with the Democratic party. Their middle and the conservative extreme. The Voters at the middle became liberal in compari- votes for third parties, especially for the Green Democratic Party has dominated the other son to the Democratic Party, which was domi- Party, are blamed by many people for Bush's space. Other parties, while they do have influ- nated by the extreme . Those voters, when victory. ence on the political arena (as is shown by the deprived of the Democratic Party became Both the Senate and the House were "Nader Effect"), lack the power to consistently Republicans. The election of Lincoln in 1860 split down the middle between Replicans and effect policy. This spectrum can be translated was the culmination of the progressive pull of Democrats. In this state they are likely to into popular support because the presence of a voters who moved to the left of the middle in remain in gridlock at the middle. They will not political party is tied elections. This popular response to Democratic extremism. participate in the radical shift the executive and support spectrum generally begins at one Today the parties seem so alike. They possibly the judicial branches have begun to. extreme with very few people, grows as it both take hundreds of millions of dollars from The executive branch will be the most power- approaches the middle and then dwindles as it corporations to finance campaigns. They both full branch of government for the next four approaches the other extreme. The number of support globalization, the war on drugs, larger years, just as it was during the Lincoln and FDR voters at each point of the spectrum pull the military, and the continued use of fossil fuels. years. With the exeutive branch pulling the pen- political pendulum towards them. In a democ- When Bush was elected he did not stay dulum far to the right, its momentum on the racy, which decides elections based upon sim- in the middle, he was pulled towards the con- swing back will carry it far to the other exteme. ple majority, the pendulum is more affected by servative extreme. This is vividly shown in the So if you voted for Nader, don't worry. It's not the voters on the side that wins even when they selections he made for his cabinet. The reason your fault, and, if history continues to repeat outnumber the opposition by only a few votes. for this is an even distribution of voters along itself, things might just turn out for the best When voter crowd at the middle the pendulum the Republican space and a Republican voice at after all. is kept close to the middle whichever way is swings. When voters move towards the extremes they pull the pendulum father from the middle if it swings their way. Amerian history reveals general pattern for progressive, or liberal change. In the 1840's and 50's the issue of slavery and states rights became inflamed by pro- gressive anti-slavery movements, such as the underground railroad. Changes from a rural to industrial economy in the north was also progressive at that time. The con- servative extreme of the spectrum at that time had a voice in the Democratic party. This party was opposed by many parties ------:i

-----~--- ~- -- Rm• -- :7, . . . N- ...... By F L. Livingston Ame~rican Ki~ngr:i a "We hold these truths to be self-evident, 3PEN HOUSE that all men are created equal" The American Declarationof Independence

ha! i ., it "...with liberty and justice for all." The (US) Pledge of Allegiance

Our country has not always lived up wed. 14th to these values. (Yes, I agree that's an under- statement.) But over the years, several social and political leaders have tried to move us closer to these goal- And none more so than the famous Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I see King as a hero on three levels.

He was, of course, a great black leader, fight- 11in me••ILIUIln zUUU. 1-LLa LILatL jesse JdlK.oUI., -Al ing for the rights of his people. And he was Sharpton and other black leaders used the also, a great Christian minister, adapting non- day, partly, as a springboard for "the week of violent techniques to his cause, never veering moral outrage," including Inauguration Day from his faith's teaching of "Turn the other demonstrations regarding the voting issue. I cheek." But, too -- and here's the point where say this not only because the plaintiffs are I often get an argument -- he was a great largely African-American, but also because American hero, propelling us to be more of this is about that basic American right to what we, as Americans, are supposed to be. vote. It's a matter of ensuring that we actually One reason that I get an argument enjoy a nation controlled by "the consent of here is that, while King is revered by many the governed" -- all of "the governed," not just Americans, black or not, he was never members of one or two races. revered by all the white Americans. "Of (I'm hoping that the timing of the course, he wanted to help the blacks win plan to reveal Jackson's marital infidelity in their rights," I've heard some of his detractors print was pure coincidence. I would hate to say, "but he upset a lot of whites, especially in think that it was scheduled for publication so the South. They were used to a certain way of close to the protests in an effort to discredit life, and he disrupted it!" the minister and/or the movement.) Oh well. Unfortunately, President George W. Bush And in the late '6os/early 70s, there may have entered office without the people's were some African-Americans who com- "full consent." Not just because all the votes plained that King didn't do enough. "He got weren't counted, but also because many sweeping legislation passed, but he couldn't blacks votes may not have been allowed, at change attitudes," lamented one of my black all. In fact, Sharpton called the inauguration professors in college. "the greatest untruth in American history." Frustrating? No doubt. Changing (McCarthy, Sheryl, "Protesters Find DC Is A- attitudes takes a much longer time than get- Changin'," Newsday. Vol. 61 No. 141 p. A 25.) ting a law passed. Marches and sit-ins alone As for George W., he spoke of "jus- don't do it, though they can help. (See below.) tice," "unity," "equality," and "community" in It takes education, I expect, at home, at his Inaugural address. But he failed to school, and in the media. acknowledge the allegedly disenfranchised But if it hadn't been for King and his voters or to explain how he would reach out followers, a lot of the old racist attitudes to them (or to the other protest groups that would still translate into practice (racially came to Washington, those focusing on gay segregated rest rooms, etc.). Today, most of rights, abortion rights, the death penalty, the them don't make this transference, and if they abandoned recount, etc.). do, there's legal redress. Yes, today, we do have that "legal Another reason that some people redress" that I mentioned earlier. More specif- seem to resist the "universality" of King is, I ically, the Voting Rights Act of 1965. And it think, a result of the same kind of racism that seems to be working, for the State he abhorred. They see the color of his skin as Department is closely scrutinizing these limiting. I have known non-blacks that charges. admire him tremendously but still argue," But then there's the "attitude" issue He was wonderful for black Americans, but again. It's horrifying to think that anyone what has he got to do with anybody else?" today would even consider discriminating (And this despite the fact that his birthday is against voters on the basis of race (or gender, now a national holiday and that a national or disability, etc.), that they would even toy monument may soon be built in his honor.) with the idea that this might be "okay." The Even cme Af rira'n-Anmeriransc ohicrf protesters wanted to call attention to the to the "universalizing" of Dr. King. "He's not (possible) resurgence of this bigoted mentali- everybody's hero! He's ours!" such blacks ty and try to stem the spread of its poison. insist. Because we cannot assume that "all Sorry, but he has got a lot to do with is cool" and equal now and just relax. "everybody else." And while he's a figure of Because we must keep finding ways to work black American pride, his legacy does not toward a culture where people are judged belong to the black race, alone. For, like it or truly by "the content of their character" and not, Martin Luther King served as the con- not by "the color of their skin" or any other science of this country, refusing to ignore superficial trait. And because there's one racism, demanding that we shun hypocrisy, more quote that should continue to inspire and pushing us, however peacefully, to real- our nation to greater heights of humanity: ize our alleged ideals as a nation. So it makes sense that many impor- "I have a dream" tant figures drew on "King's Day" (January Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. 15) for inspiration to speak out against the Don't ivpe u (vou r noints) by Gregory Knopp CT 1 'J 1-

first year, acknowledging portionately yet rapidly, they would just lose fact that it was mandato- huge sums at the end of the semester. Now if a for all freshmen. During student has $400 dollars left in the last few m selection I came upon days of school, he might be outraged enough to interesting fact that all the do something about loosing that much. But the Idings I would actually quiet and gradual stealing, plus the availability lsider living in were, as it to buy Coca-Cola spring water in bulk, thus d, 'non-cooking', hence saving 10% will keep that same student calm eal plan mandatory'. It is and content. Tranquility on campus is impor- his point that I realized tant, but I'm definitely not in favor of this par- t I was fucked, and ticular sedation method. willingly complied. Now Now maybe this didn't occur to every- t I am older and a sopho- body, but this our money. Making it mandatory re I accept the fact that I that most students who live on campus have to 1 be spending plastic eat campus food is a crime in itself. But once ney on stomach cancer for your brain numbs, and your stomach makes remaining years at USB. the proper adjustments this food can be tolerat- While waiting on line ed. What I'm having even more of a problem Kelly Cafeteria and trying with, is that if by the end of the semester I ignore Sisqo on the TV don't spend all of my so called 'points', they )nitors, I noticed yet are just gonna take them away. This isn't a other poster plastered up. board game. I'll be forfeiting my money? I lost iis sign, that is now in my my chance to spend them? I mean, what the >ssession, is entitled fuck?! I don't see any reasonwhy this money udgeting Chart' and its shouldn't transfer over or be refunded, except pposed to inform students for the fact that the school can get away with their 'maximum target just taking it. The administration's opinion of lance for Resident Points.' the student's must be getting progressively ow I'm all for setting stan- lower and lower. Every year they think that trds, but this seems a bit they could get away with more and more bull- it of hand. I mean, calling shit, and they seem to be right. I'll be damned e money spent on the if I spent my five customary years eating this andatory meal plan garbage and paying for what I couldn't eat. oints', making it sound "Remember: YOU CAN ALWAYS :e a privileged reward is SPEND AHEAD!". These people are fucking .t setting 'spending goals' mocking us! "Spend your points. Don't forfeit A... 4-.TA.a "4-L4-r 4rrC.: Cf'i.vvvx LIXLKI . L• C. VCk.I. I.V L. I 1. %JIL, IXI. U4. . f...•.A ý.. 4 V.i I. , .,L. .A . r ! a1 .,:At LUiiLU" L .. i Uont wantt LU lItL I m them!" "Don't Forfeit Your Points!" "Buying the the follow in.: s:: yeo:A livigil thislrob~ pointsjust .ecame. my favorite expression Case, Saves You 10%" "Last Day to Spend is you are requiri i ; '•• eon one of the Resident uttered by the USB masses, taking the lead Fri., Dec. 22nd". These signs are everywhere. I Meal Plans. Please contact the ID/Meal Plan from 'I'm a Comp-Sci Major'. walk through the designated feeding stations, office to complete the "Dining Agreement".' The 'Budgeting Chart' gives us a and see people with their degenerate smiles This applies not only to those fortunate enough biweekly breakdown on how much we should carrying boxes of goodies to the register. I to live in my room, but to everyone living in have spent. Even though taking away our think about trying to stop them, but decide Kelly Quad as well as most other buildings on excess money seems unfair and fucked up at against it. I look around and realize that I am campus. first glance, closer reflection shows the true Fucked. The only thing that I do is steal these When I was a freshman, I reasoned that reasoning behind it. If the students were not fucking signs and give innocent customers I would get off the meal plan once I completed given an incentive to spend their money pro- dirty looks... A hJJe d thed diTd say untomhem,"3 saj unto Thee, Come unto aedao ou here befre meMb shaflt Iwe fonever mey ce

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wed-saat Opiiim-a.n1 *poetry,world.•..sioC, jazz calaret, be.r & the son of god - --- Page 9 By Chantal VolcyVolcytoBr C^ J This spring semester, textbook publishers every year. Teachers and textbook writers often prices. You can see them standing looking at the are trying to make Stony Brook students go have no substantial changes to make in the book, post boards by the bathroom trying to snap the "Stony Broke" after buying their textbooks. This he says. In these cases, he continues, they add number first for the book they need. Some selfish- January 24, the first day of school, an upset stu- more examples, new homework exercises and so ly steal the whole post notes so no one else will dent was fuming outside of the University on, but in principle it is the same old book. call for the book. It is a real jungle out there! Bookstore, "How on earth does a book cost a hun- Karen and Olesya, freshmen at Stony Evefon feels that some books are just useless. dred-four dollar and 20 cents? Does it come with Brook, say that they do not need to buy a certain "I depend heavily on class notes. I guess extra-cheese?" textbook because their teacher is taking care of it. it depends on the subject of the class. I would In fact, publishers have been biggie-siz- They say that he is going to put up their home- imagine that for history, a student needs the book. ing books for years now. They add shrinks, CD- work and selection of notes in the web so that his But, even though, I seldom look into the book and ROM and study guides, and transform an old students can access them. This is not the first time when I do, it is only through small sections for textbook into a new product. It just keeps going that a teacher has shown solidarity with students. homework. I rely more on what the teacher says from bad to worse. I asked a few students their Many teachers that I have, allowed me to use an in the classroom." impressions about this situation. Each student I older edition of the text instead of the new copy. Olesyala lanovitch and Barbara interviewed had a different and surprising The only minor inconvenience was the page num- Affertsholt, two juniors, think that the students approach to getting books at better prices. Their bers. But sometimes teachers even bother looking should boycott the bookstore by selling back their tactics for book acquisition are amazing; where for corresponding pages from one edition to used books to other students exclusively. As a their minds wander to find a solution was another. result, from the fall semester to the spring semes- unthinkable to me before I talked to them. At this "Pages 69 to 86 in the ninth edition, ter the bookstore would not be able to buy back rate textbooks publishers will have to revise their pages 75 through 92 in the tenth edition!" they any used books. Others like Winn Htay, also a policy or they are the ones who are going to pay would shout in front of the class; and without any junior, from Burma, thinks that students should it at a high price. surprise students will turn the pages of the book turn to the international market. According to W.W. Norton and company are one of the and find the same text, word for word, in the old Winn, globalization is going to solve our book good guys (they edit their textbook every ten edition and the new edition. problems. Books are manufactured all over the years or so). Their statistic books by David Publishers don't hate students; they just world and shiped to the US. Pretty soon students Freedman and Robert Pisani have been reedited love money. Making new editions from time to should be able to get them through the Internet three times in twenty years. They are serious time is a business strategy. They make new edi- and have them shipped to the US. publishers who wait until there are real changes tions of books so that they can keep making more "There is also a black market out there," to make before they put out a new edition, says and more profit from the sale of the books. Winn added.. Professor Andrea Tyree, a statistics teacher at Bookstores are getting new books at higher prices Many schools such as Long Island Stony Brook. Publishers have argued that the instead of getting more copies of the old version University's Brooklyn campus and Morrisville world of information is moving fast and that this of the books. Textbooks are not in the open mar- College have programs that help students buy is why they their books have to be upgraded all ket for them to be evaluated by the general pub- books. At Long Island University's Brooklyn cam- the time. Statistics is a rapidly expanding field lic. They are specifically design for classrooms. pus, students can obtain a voucher credited to nowadays but W.W. Norton and company only Thus, students are captive buyers who are sub- their financial aid returns. Morrisville College stu- reviewed three times between 1978 to 1998. One jected to buy these books. Other trademark dents can buy their books and pay thirty dollars a could argue that textbooks can not contain all the books, such as Great Expectations by Charles month. However, Stony Brook students are on information out there; that they are meant to Dickens, are less expensive because there are their own when it comes to buying books. In teach the basic principle of a field, which doesn't other buyers, other than students interested in addition Stony Brook University Bookstore does change over night. these types of books. This also goes for many not even bother to compete with Stony Books humanities Allyn and Bacon are one of these pub- textbooks. store across the railroad. They join in the efforts of lishers who review their books as often as they I explained this to some students and book publishers in order to make students have a can. Allyn and Bacon printed eight editions of asked them if they thought this situation was hard-knock- life. The University Book Store Self and Society: Symbolic Interactions by John P. hopeless? A few students like Evefon, a sopho- needs to offer better prices to students to avoid a Hewitt in the same twenty years. A teacher, that more, are used-book post-notes hunters. They must stop this waste asked not to be cited, confessed that a publishing look through all the mumbo jumbo numbers post- revolt, and bsook publishers company required that he reviewed his book ed for books in an effort to get them at better of paper and save the trees! .... ~ a -- -I--·------I Why Mpntal Tilnss - A Five J T" cvri*l Ar 1l ci

By Dr. John Pflaum Ph. D.

Most of the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors we label as indicative of mental ill- ness are reactions to the frustration of the five basic psychological needs: Basic need #1 ... the need to feel "at home" in one's surroundings, to feel good and to feel that one is good. Basic need # 2.. the need to be recognized as good at doing something. Basic need #3 ... the need to have some say about one's own life. Basic need #4 ... the need for adventure, excitement, risk, and Basic need #5 ... the need to belong. Dissatisfaction of the five basic psycho- logical needs is built into our lives in order to motivate us to work and buy. Only the dissatis- fied are good customers, good workers, and attentive audiences. Our role, apparently, is to be the docile worker, the willing customer, the receptive audience. But being treated as a means to the ends of the Mediocracy (the world wide mass market economy) is frustrating our basic psy- chological needs. People get nasty, greedy, bossy, and spacey when their basic needs are thwarted. You can get nasty to yourself. You can get nasty to others. You can be greedy and bossy if you demand too much from yourself or if you demand too much from others. So craziness can turn inward as well as outward. The people we label as mentally ill are victims who in turn victimize. They are the ones who can't stomach, can't assimilate, can't take the deprivation which accompanies being an alienated nobody, a highly replaceable, expendable employee and customer, just one of the viewers. Some can't take the pressure because of a malfunctioning inhibastat, others because of a dysfunctional family, but all of us have a break- ing point, and many of us have gone far beyond that breaking point and turned nasty, greedy, bossy, and spacey. We live in a mass market, media mediocracy with subsists on mass production and mass consumption. Mass misery is the inevitable consequence. In a media mediocracy those who are different become the enemy, the focus of frustraton. Worship is directed up to the celebrity stars or their equivalents. work, government). function) is disrupted, malfunctioning. The Everyone wants a slice of the celebrity to feed The media and other agents of the symptoms of psychological distress take over. their hunger to be someone. Mediocracy (world wide mass market econom- Sickness, crime, the fanatics take over. We are Maniacal mediocracy on the march, led ic system) engender chronic frustration (dissat- all in trouble. by the celebrities, going on before: the un- isfaction) of the five basic psychological needs IN SUMMARY: The basic psychological assimilated hated and hating in return. Nasty in order to get us to work and buy. Again, only needs exploited by the system of mass-market- consumer greed, bossy little dictators: the dissatisfied are good producers and con- economy (the mediocracy) in order to get us to Assimilate! to the world mass market economy sumers. work and buy are: (1) the basic need to do or you are enemy. Ordinary people, desperate The substantial benefits provided by what is considered to be "right", to conform, to not to be ordinary, exaggerate the ordinary as the world wide mass market economic system do what is appropriate, proper, and correct; to their way of rebelling against the ordinary . (the mediocracy) are a the cost, the expense of be comfortable, "at home" in our surroundings; Insanity in action is only the tip of the taking causalities in terms of crime, illness, (2) the basic need to be recognized as good at iceberg with untold self-inflicted misery under accident, and psychological distress. The walk- doing something, to be acknowledged for our the surface. The inhibastat is out of whack. ing wounded, the psychologically crippled, achievements, competence, abilities; (3) the Assuming that behavior is a function of they pay the price that sustains the system. basic need to have a choice, some control, some the environment (past and present), and that Economics, the equivalent to war, eco- say over our own lives, to be in the driver's behavior includes how we feel, think and act; nomics which is warfare by other means, the seat, to do "our own thing".. (4)..the basic ' and that by the environment we mean circum- economics of mass production and mass con- need for adventure, thrills, excitement, to take stances, situations, conditions and surround- sumption, victimizes the few to benefit the a chance, risk, win, lose; (5)the basic need to be ings (past and present): Then we will observe many. In this our Age of Assimilation, we are liked by those who we wish to be like, affilia- that the overriding environment, the one most all expendable, replaceable, and would-be sac- tion, gregariousness, to be part of the "gang". of us have in common, is the Mediocracy (the rificial victims. Moderate frustration of the basic needs world wide mass market economic system). Chronic frustration of the many leads motivates us to work and buy. But too much Massive populations can be sustained to acute frustration of the few. When the few dissatisfaction is disruptive. Where do we and maintained -only- by massive production become the many there is mutiny in the ranks. stand today and in which direction are we and massive consumption. Mass production Extreme thoughts, exaggerated feelings, impul- going? Where do you stand today and in which and consumption, necessary to sustain massive sive behaviors become the rule rather than the direction are you going? populations, are promoted by mass media and Pagel 1 _ __ __ I C__ __~ II ___ T P,,A II CZc Vc1i Vlrn'1) T-TI-I7Q Trl I ix By Glenn Given

Under the cover of darkness known as the intercession, Shirley Strum Kenny released her State of the University Address. Never hav- ing read one of thesebefore, I was astounded to find it chock full of multisyllabic words like "ebullient," "interdisciplinarily," and "dilapi- dated." Yes, that's right folks; Shirley owns a thesaurus. In fact she forays deep into the heart of "Big-Wordology-Land" in a thinly veiled attempt to disguise the fact that this university is in the shits. Amid all this literary Hokum, Flim-Flam, Smoke AND Mirrors, Shirley takes special time out to metaphorically stroke our metaphorical cocks as she "do[es] a little brag- ging about our Division I teams." "Division I teams," you ask? Yes, poor downtrodden students of Stony Brook we have Division I teams right here at our little college. And they suck. But it's not like this Address was ever intended for students anyway. Infact, it reads much more like a stock-holders brief than any overview of our school and the atrocities that are being perpetrated upon it. Kenny, over the course of the ten pages that the Address entails, floods us with statistic after statistic that seem vaguely similar to what her fellow Texan George W. Bush often referred to as fuzzy math. Sprinkled with artist render- ings of far off "improvements" to the campus, a self portrait that I could have sworn was Boris Karloff from The Mummy, and a handful of publicity shots of the campus and its stu- dents presenting an Utopian wonderland (an image that runs counter to any of the attending students experiences). it is still neat to know that 6% of our grad stu- American, 4% African-American and 2% And then there are the charts. dents are from the "Unknown" ethnic catagory. Hispanic or Latino. Elegantly lining each page of propa- I prefer to think of them as Venusians. Does that seem a little fucked up to ganda is Chart upon Chart upon Bar Graph, I hate Venusians and as such implore anyone else? Pie Graph and Line Graph, twenty-nine in all. all of you to punch 6 out of every 100 grad stu- What the State of the University says is Five charts (4 bar graphs and one lone- dents you see in their filthy Venusian necks. less important than that which it has stratigi- ly pie chart) concerning money distribution Oh we also learn that their are more cally ommitted. across campus. Here's the gist of them. We're "Undecided" Freshman than all other majors Absent is any mention of the increase getting less money from the rich white people combined ( or so it appears to my casual we have experienced in on-campus crimes; who run the state, more money from rich white glance; I was just eyeing the chart). especially in sexual assault and rape. people who are prone to throwing gobs of cash Now these last set of charts are pure Missing is any explanation of the four at the first sweet talking. Texan to cross their statistical gold. First off we get to see that year-only policy enacted for campus residents. paths and the overwhelming majority of this Psychology is the single largest undergraduate Perhaps Shirley filled that with the memo on money is being funneled into Biomedical areas. major on campus, blowing it's closest competi- our steady tuition and fee increases. She Six (count 'em Six!) Bar Graphs detail- tor (Computer Science) away by 25%. It's inter- stacked it right next to the file on how the ing President Kenny challanging a contrever- esting to note that Psych (remember the top Technology fee has been used to limit our acces sial decision to continue to support Research, dog of undergrad majors) recieves the 2nd low- to the internet. Technology, Academics, Facilities and Campus est amount of research funding (less actually No mention is made of the negative Initiatives. than that because it shares this funding with aspects of the campus, increasing corporatiza- What are Campus Initiatives? Well, the other Social and Behavioral Sciences). tion of our campus, or of how we have squan- they're things like Academics, Research, Additionally, we are graced with dered millions on our Division I teams while Facilities, Technology, Advancement, Athletics another chart showing our increase in Full- all evidence shows that Division I schools lose and Student Services. Quick, guess which one Time Faculty (87 new Faculty since fall '97). money because of their teams rather than turn- has the least support from the President?!? Note that any indication of the number of full- ing a profit off of them. Give that man a Scooby Snack! That's time faculty that we have lost is absent from Considering these "oversights" it's right, it's Student Services. How kind of our these pages. funny that Shirl even touched on the refurbish- President to provide us with such a useful Comparing this with the increase in ments being done on the Sunwood Estate (a visual aid to clearly spell out for us how little enrolled students over the same span of time campus owned mansion that was burned to the she gives a shit. (up apox. 3,500) we find that our student- ground). Of course she neglected to mention There's also six squiggly line graphs teacher ratio has worsened (avg. 14:1 to 15:1). that the rebuilt estate will not be used for that provide us with vague aproximations of So what's the big deal about 1 more school purposes. Instead it will be her stable..I the past enrollment trends. Here's another big student in every class? I think about my War mean house. suprise for everybody. We're accepting more and Memory film class (which began over So thanks for shutting up about the and more students. Huzzah! Ring the church booked and placed in a room whose maximum important things, Shirl. You're pretty charts bells! Oh Joyous Day! More students pouring fire occupancy was less than the number of stu- have given all of us tons of intangible worth- in to find no housing, a worsening student to dents enrolled in the class) and the ten people less information. You suck. And when you teacher ratio, higher tuitions and fees and less who just signed into it. move into Sunwood, I will at last know which financial aid! To top the whole she-bang off, accord- house to throw my own feces at. Then we reached my favorite part of ing to a big purple pie, 83% of the full-time fac- the address - those sultry, sexy pie Pagel2 _ _ ~ ______

ina i- By Christopher Gennari

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you ala get a L-, just tnrow it in tne bag ana wiii not write sense to me, but was gobbly-gook to the profes- mosey off to the SAC. well under pressure. You will not have time to sor. To avoid this problem let someone else read Well, I've come not to berate you but to edit, rewrite or ask opinions. This is one of the the paper. The Writing Center in the help you. I don't have all the answers but I can, easiest ways to hamper yourself and lower your Humanities building exists to help you write in this small way, try to make you better writers grade. A better plan would be to write it in parts. better papers. Use it. If you can, write it early and maybe better students. The first problem is Writing five one page pieces is far easier than and ask your professor or TA to look at it. No writing a paper is not easy. It takes work. I have writing a full five pages at one time. This will one in my last two classes asked me to read a Zits comic taped to my computer which has the make you more efficient from a time manage- their papers. I'm sure most waited to the last main character sitting at his desk at eleven p.m., ment point of view but may hurt you paper's minute to write their papers. an essay due the next day, holding a dictionary consistency. That's why it is essential to use the Rule #7: Reread, Rewrite, Edit, Reread Again. saying to himself "All the words I need are right next rule. More than likely your first draft is going here. All I have to do is put them in the right Rule #5: Make an Outline. to be, well, crap. That's ok. Reread what you order." AVOID THIS! I was in college, I'm still a An outline is the skeleton of your ideas wrote, show it to someone (the Writing Center, student. I went/go to parties, hang with the and arguments. Your outline should show a pro- your TA, your Professor) and ask their opinions. buds, drink the suds, and discuss more hockey gression of thoughts, reasons and evidence. Write down what they say. Don't take the criti- than Hegel. My writing is never perfect and I've Think of yourself as a lawyer making a case. cism personally. Editing is all part of the process. written my fair share of papers that must have First you need to discuss what you will be argu- Then do it again. Yeah, I know. Who has time for made professors reach for the smelling salts. But ing (ie. An Intoduction). Do not restate the ques- all of this? We all have things to do. But if you no one ever sat me down and said "Look:Do A, B, tion in the introduction, the teacher knows what want to write the best paper you can this is a nec- and C and then 1, 2 and 3, and everything will be the question is, instead express your answer. essary part. Edit in parts. Hemingway wrote fine." You'll never be perfect. In one graduate Example- some of the best books, with the tightest prose, in th class a professor (a scholar of some 25 years and the 2 0 Century. But he edited and rewrote and one of the premier people in his field) showed us Question: What was the most important result of edited and rewrote single sentences as many as an article he submitted to a national journal. It World War II 30 times. looked like the editor's pen had exploded and Rule #8: Do or Do Not, There is No Try. leaked all over the pages. Answer: The division of the world between the Remember, practice makes better. The So RULE #1 is Don't Worry. You will Soviet Union and the United States. more you do the better you'll be. The more orga- not be perfect. So before you begin research or nized you are at the start (with research and in an sitting down at a Sine Site computer remember to Make a statement. Don't be shy. Throw outline) the less editing you'll have to do later. relax. Don't fret over ever little comma or every your opinion out there. Commit to an answer Have some guts when you write. Take hold of an little colon (unless you're over the age of 45 and and argue it. Even if the professor thinks you're idea, opinion, theory and follow it through with have a family history). Write the best you can. wrong you will get points for having the guts to passion. Try to be original. Don't write the same Practice will make you better. commit to something. The rest of your paper thing that everyone else writes. A novel idea Rule #2: Understand the Question!! must reinforce the points you make in your intro- takes some thinking but its not impossible. Make sure you know what question you duction. Paragraph (or chapters) are just the evi- are answering. Several students of mine wrote dence you are presenting to support your intro- I hope this all helps. This is not a com- papers which either answered a completely dif- duction. Your conclusion is just a rehashing of plete list of things to do. It is, in and of itself, ferent question or didn't answer anything at all. the introduction, bringing the point home. The only a bare bones fluff piece for a school newspa- Ask your professor or your TA, that's what outline will show you immediately if your paper per. But it is also a public service announcement. they're there for. Don't annoy them, but ask is going to make sense. Plus it lets you keep your Stop your teachers from saying bad things about them for constructive advice and make sure you argument straight. you in the smoking lounge and give this a try. know what the question is asking. Rule #6: Use English Unless You Don't Have To. What do you have to lose? Rule #3: Use the Library Ha ha, you say. I speak English, I write Avoid the easy road. It is safe and bor- I've known seniors who have never set in English. I know English. This doesn't apply ing and its just like everyone else. Don't be a foot inside the library with any other intention to me. BUZZ!!! WRONG, TRY AGAIN! You sheep! You did not come to university to rewrite than checking their email. The library has books, would not believe how many students could not textbook pages. Don't be George W. Sure, he's the books have lots of words. But don't panic! find a correct sentence with a flashlight, a gram- the President but he's just a tool of shadow pup- Those words make sentences, sentences form mar book, and a pack of bloodhounds. Know petmasters and Dick Cheney. Use your head. ideas. Those ideas will help you. Think your the basic rules of English, have a subject and a Kick some Ass. Give 'em the whole nine yards. topic is too mundane, arcane or just plain stupid verb, try to use commas and periods correctly. Quote Yoda. Watch Buffy. Reject the values of to never have been written about. THINK Use paragraphs. your father. Eat at Joe's. Get a bigger boat. AGAIN! There are books about stuff so specific Now, you know what you want to say. Refuse to hang a Monet poster. Remember: There it will blow your hair back to try to pronounce I've written many a paper that made perfect is no Spoon. Greatest Super Moves of All Time

Thp "Ricr-...... (.R RBang" -AR (God)------

"FlTinrBlltt Plier" (PRn an <impy)______

L II "Ta tsu-Maki-Sen-Pu-Kyaku" (Street Fighter 92)

The "2nd Plague of Egypt; Frogs" (God)

The "Smoke-a-Cigarette-at- a-Gas-Station" (Isnac Pflaunm)

"Yoga Flame" (Super Street Firhter Alpha 2 Tnrbo Gold) L./ A

The "Get Elected 43rd President of the ITS" (Bullsbh) S3_ The "Jen Pisca-poke". (T•rno Michaels Fighter 2)

The "Ma2ndible Claw" (WWF)

The "THindred-T Hand larp" (Your Boyfriend) ______Page14 Alice In Chains: Live (Columbia

L LCIa LOb. %/IL LtUI "jUUal Las CikdlUlL, Gehenna Murder (Moonfog) the most impor- This tant bands of the Jedi Mind Tricks: Violent By Design record is getting 1990's who just happen to hail from Seattle. (Superegular Recordings) a review for two Like fellow hometown heroes Nirvana and "I leave the blood spilling in the reasons. First, if Pearl Jam, most rock n' roll bands of the streets." So you look close mid to late 1990's owe something to AIC. states the Killah enough at the Everyone from Creed to Bush to Godsmack Priest sample cover, it's a to Whoeverthefuckselse wears the Alice in that opens chance to once Chains influence like an old flannel. And "Retaliation," the again-- j--printF -. . that... why shouldn't they? The 1992 Dirt full first track on Jedi overused execution graphic that The length is arguably one of the most complete Mind Tricks Press is so fond of running. Second, this records of the decade. Their ability to strip sophomore LP. thing will peel paint and rip your fuck- NoT na, ri n 4-tr down their sound and still kick your ass J.4 MJI LLjLIILC.I LL ing face off. was evident on both EP releases, Jar of Flies here. Hip-hop is definitely in need of some The Norwegian natives in Gehenna and Sap. The band eventually fell victim to blood spilling. Good rap records are really have honed their songwriting skills over drug-induced hype and seemingly self- rare these days (even in the underground) the past decade and become one of the destructed sometime around 1996 (after and these Jedi Knight MC's are out to most powerful black/death metal bands in releasing their most mediocre work, a self change that. They're mission is to make existence. Also adding an '80s thrash titled full length). some noise and establish themselves along- metal influence with this record, (Kreator So obviously there isn't much more side other Philly-based crews like the leg- is a good point of reference) these sick for Columbia Records to do but gather endary Roots. fucks are simply unstoppable. every fucking AIC song they can get their And to their credit these guys serve After a unique collage of samples hands on, and release them in the form of up some of the eeriest rap tracks this side of discussing psychosis, the record kicks off boxed sets, best-of packages and live the Gravediggaz debut. "Heavenly with the dirgy title track. A slow, plod- albums. But there's just one catch. Verylit- Divine" and "I against I" are two of the ding guitar riff gives way to a massive tle of what Alice in Chains leftbehind (save sharpest beats I've heard put to record. guitar lead recalling "Reign in Blood"-era for the final work and early glamrock Throw ithe prerequisite list of guest Slayer. Thing is, this is the most basic material) canbe called throwaways. Live appearances (Bahamadia, Mr. Lif, L-Fudge, track on the record (tempo-wise). The hammers that point home again and again. J-Treds and Tragedy Khadafi to name a moment they hit the first note of "Worthy Thisrecord clearly showsthat the few) for good measure. Exit" it's time to get your hands on some chemistry the band had in the studio set- The only area these guys might stimulants as Gehenna blasts into warp ting also carred over into a live atmos- wanna do some serious work on is in their speed. And they don't stop. Not until phere. Their entire legacy is represented lyrical delivery. While they definitely keep they're sure they've thrown you around nicely here with early material such as it interesting most of the time, there are too the room a bit, and maybe kicked you in "Bleed the Freak" held up right next to late- many instances of unfocused and discon- the face for good measure. See, they hate period tracks like "Again." Performance nected wordplay. However, I think this is you. dates range from early 1990 to mid-1996 really due more to inexperience than lack of This band has reached an utopia in (their estimated time of demise). ability of potential. Their voices scream of their songwriting where black and death I'm really having trouble finding hunger, but lack a necessary focus at times. metal are fully represented, with none of anything else to say about this. It's really Otherwise Violent By Design is well the ridiculous cliches of either genre simple. If you want to hear live perfor- rounded serving of beats, rhymes and life weighing down the material. mances of some of the best rock songs of that should appeal to the most hardened Thought you were indestructible? the last ten years, then go hunt down this thug, as well as backpacking underground Check out Murder. You'll think twice. I'm puppy right now. The band isn't getting heads. Give it a spin. telling you, this is the shit. back together anytime soon (unless their Pagel 5 How th Puzze Pieces of Peant Btter By Jaklyn Yehrty and Peeing By Jacklyn Yeh Fit

._"* .... - .1 "•J." _. ... D . ^. .,u. , +IkL 1 Sometimes all I'd really like is a little rience such intimacy. erhrapps 1116b IIIll I understanding. It's stupid 'cuz, well, most peo- children their parents strippec ind more. ple don't even have an adequate understanding away their pieces one by one, And why of themselves, let alone of others. Then again and have never given some of re this who said people made any sense. Look at me. them back. Trust is lost; they ab dream? I push people away when I need them the can only depend on them- "is my most. I practically tell them to fuck off when selves to keep the pieces they mind strug all I really want to do is sob torrents of tears have safe, and to make sense gling to onto their shoulder until there's no more mois- them. ke sense of ture left. tis is merely ay puzzle Maybe then I wouldn't need to iew perspe4 ieces. damned much. on how to >mehow, the pangs I get in my chest What's driving us to be who w( Is this a waste of time? have to do with my peanut butter addiction, are? I've realized just how much con- Pure bullshit to fill up a the adoration I have for my toys, and the fear fusion exists inside us. We look for ge? Just the other night I I have of my boyfriend abandoning me. I endless answers to endless questions, a had a dream. I came home woke up crying and told my sweetie what my the answers are wrong again and again with my sweetie, and there, "bad" dream was when he asked. And as I I'm thinking the answers to all our dif- he coat closet, sat a can of described it to him something hit home. ret and a choe rack full of ferent questions connect together in •,I l 0lV • L4% Those oanes--- 0-o I used to vget as a child U1,%1 jiT,,Avv Lii J& I-%iiL Aj./, Se rfaced in the last couple of llsomeYAa*11-iVtweirU Jgsawou uurA eng. r erilittpý Latu ILLYJ UILLCo;JL V Id4 JCvAmv J %VQIL%4old tovs. fc/ trick is to piece the separate pieces together, peanut butter disturbed me. I have years, right around when my instead of mulling over how oddly shaped each tion to the stuff. When I say addicti( boyfriend and I hooked up. is. I really mean addiction. I turn to it The pain seemed so familiar, Will we then see the answe n feeling anxious, bored, ret I couldn't quite place After we put together this puzzle v y. When it's not around ] here I might have felt them we finally see what it is that makes feeling jittery and debate before. Thinking about up who we are? We usually lose her or not to buy a new Clarence got me to think of my the box when we hit puberty, and n. I eat the shit straight dhood stuffed animals, and it it's an effort to piece ourselves )ut, scooping it with a me how terrified I was when VIL UJlL VkL L~L L A' trhPdt and chnloted while she back together when we haven't a k n•ILLeCifi~ . I IU I.A VLL nvct e .I ,,t I .. ,. V LJL clue what we ought to look like. L it, or crackers. I experience mild chucked citizens of the world I called Animal alone the frustration of trying to fii mptoms of withdrawal for God's Land into a dusty trash bag. The peanut but- scattered pieces. Sometimes sortin ake. ter addiction appeared a year before I found color helps a little; then it's trial an The toys gave me a queasy my sweetie, when I was struggling to go of little kids from a wasted 801bs to something the doctors from...... there...... The. . . . exhilaration...... of pou- . .. ing 'cuz a whole bunch together two pieces of practically the same were running around in my house, and I just and my family would find more substantial. PonArtii hnifl-Pr wasq thp fa"ctept wav; and so color totally at random is amazing. But those KIllC•W OUV LlCUlC• .U.I, LllIIlll LllAlC 3u two pieces fitted so perfectly together only take it home with them if they msaw me eat my mother could shows a tiny view of the whole. wish. When I was a child my er a radiant smile on her other- And then there is the predicament of toys were my most prized pos- rise ashen face. The doctors nod- weight being with someone. What is more perfect session. If you had read my last ded in approval as my than two fragmented puzzles drawn together article about Clarence, you'd knoi went up steadily. by mutual attraction? Thing is, mutu I gave personality I, however, slipped deeper attraction comes with compromise ,cious. The mere nd deeper in despair as I felt and mutual intimacy. And then you ught of my mothe nyself lose the control I had can misplace the pieces of your own hrowing them ou worked so hard to gain in the puzzle with your lover's. Working cause the sensati evious year. The determination together to put together the bits of ea heart being wretched and that I had learned to trust and the people other's being; you mingle your puzzl isted from the inside. When that I thought I could trust; it was useless. pieces with theirs. When the rela- she did throw them out I felt Determination can be squashed down by the I1__ 1 -. _ _ .- f2. T ., .12. v..A- 1%A,-kl.1 . . FI.... . %4.".,r,- ,1 , 4- k.l-»+-I- ATy7k;rbt ; c tionship ends, when you decide you L1Ke barring, ana i estees notLULL•LlL LLLuawLIL L t 1u would ratler not trust in the person i hardly eat. So ther Son the surface. People never you along to completion, what happe a wobbly shoe rac] what they say anyway. The It is maddening to try and separate pieces from sat Deer, various Voltron pieces, B ut butter offers some comfort now, two different puzzles. Think about how many and Rambo. They looked so piti- telicits the feelings I used to get close relationships you have in a lifetime. fully bewildered. •om pleasing so many people with Imagine all the pieces you left behind when I must have gotten my gradual weight gain. you lost touch, when you broke off ties. depressed or something, 'cuz I lefl I had lost myself in the world all the pieces you hold on to that do my boyfriend downstairs with my id neurotically created for my Imagine AtI vea ni. not pertain to you at all. latives, and w :uffed animals. Parts of me flew It's a pretty scary thought. Then pstairs. I'm n ito the garbage bag with each toy it is nearly impossible to put a puzzle tog even sure wh ,mother tossed out. As I filled my er by oneself. We need help. We need Soon after however, I real- body out, my control and self-confidence lifelong family, friends. Doing such a ized how impolite it was drained away. With each loving act that goes rlrrI rHC;->r byr>Ll»r me to leave him, so I unappreciated or unnoticed I lose some of my f is insane. returned downstairs. He identity and indeper ntion you'd was gone by then. My As these 'have mole family was outside pieces come togeth- ugh time to Sracket that can only be er, I realize there are ome close tc Chinese family, and I thousands more to finishing it. looked down the street hoping to see my consider. Thousand, For fear of los- sweetie's red book bag bright against his black more that scream to their own pieces, coat, but he was not in sight. I refused to give be put together, but >me never allow up, and went back into the deserted house, they're going to:hav lemselves to expe- calling his name. I searched and searched as to wait.

Pagel 6 [v C KiSI ^j 0 _ni___ini II Ia OL^r^nLX VAJI I m ------~------~~~-"~~--~- '

Throughout the ages, there has been one select group of people that has c-onistentl armed our hearts and captivated our attention better than a seex-education class. This subculture of course, are our friends: The Ninja. Ninja, with their stealthy mysticisr and their homicidal code of honor, are sure to fascinate and amuse as The Stony Brook Press presents this tribute to our favorite catlike sentinels of death

- Ninja can tell the time of day using only a car battery and a housecat.

-^ Ninja can survive for two full days after having their head severed.

iS Ninja can program a VCR by focusing the power of their mind.

NINinja will spill your entrails like a bag full of Manhattan clam chower at the slightest provocation. SHow man ninja does it take to screw in a lihgtbulb? : One. itjust takes one ninja.

Ninja are like Jedi, but with- out light sabers or the Force or SBlack and Hispanic Heritage Celebration an thing.

-q='Two words: utility Belts. Friday, February 9th 6 to 10 pm SThat's right, ninja have anduse Galleria- Level 3, Health Science Center bona fide utility belts.

- Jesus was a ninja. Or maybe he was a carpenter... Damn, I always mix those two up. Ninja can rip a man's heart Banquet Speaker: Ian Smith, M.D. out of his chest and show it to Medical Reporter, WNBC

Come awaken your senses o the echoes of our miusic, the skills of our him before he dies. performers, the taste of our ethnic cuisine, and feel the warmth of our welcoime' . ~---s--^ Spe•nwred by Student National Medical Association .-- -^-- ^ Stonry Brook School of Medicint

ii -. I 1. ------~----·------~_ __si , Rngi s arWork By Christopher Gennari T .A... I was at the U looking for read thi a new phi- Strikes I losophy. I weeks p am not nary lig 3ensation in my ad ome n.I exactly sure stress th her jacket ad•nt ariArted listeni1 why. I was off by ai I's version of "My Way" in th looking for Clown I ren considered starting days something this des hen I pulled a hamstring and new to read. new pui start by just walking around I know I an UNC was bored. So I picked up the little book The Tao of Pooh SState Parkway. Here I am, goin by Benjamin the unii r of traffic (i.e. 85 mph), when Hoff which of Pooh dies in an '81 Buick clog up thei uses lots of young ecause they're nuns they thi~ n big lettering they sec *road or something. Then there and exag- old mar responsibilities: read this book, gerated batterec o that homework, teach this':cla spaces to fall's ba irn your pay, pick your mother reach a hun- young j p from the hospital. Nag, nag ai dred and a strikes i ig. Pooh didn't have to deali ii half pages The old uis stuff; no wonder he was|so-• had to deal with a lunch .oa anuLL."A with the twelve-dollar price tag. Every College one wit esso Mocha Latte with::ifour sug Sophomore has this b ok somewhere on a turns oi ad of honey he m t t b s shelf and it had been sitting right there on my the Unc _1 _1 __ -LiI- 1- - .-- 2 1 -%-%4.. -%..., ."..4 sneir rignr oDeween a-D3uoom U1unry verse. ( Collection and Hemingway's ing one Farewell to Arms since I was a PLETEI sophomore in college. The basic Instead premise of the book is that Winnie- cool lea the-Vooh is the premier example or "There the eastern philosophy of Taoism. Pooh is patroln dubbed, by the author, a classic example of and fiv being the Uncarved Block. for." If this all sounds terribly complicated, let me reassure you - it is. And if I had the Uncarvw book in front of me, or on either side of me, I well, sh would do a better job of explaining but since I sible flh don't, I can't, so just read the book. It takes all to be ar of 32 minutes. You can read it while waiting the ess( ion line for a frozen grilled chicken sandwich itself. B rOopiion e insert., OU~"~r~r~~iT~ srL~~2elT~' _ ,,, i

-, IL~-~L~Ln ternIY~L~ B ~- ~ tnhili-LinkI ~L I ByGreg Knopp 1

http://www.jesusdressup.com and Favorite Band. When I first saw - Remember that old this site, I spent 3 hours and read the game, where you cut entire thing. out outfits from a page and attach them to a http://www.mchawking.com - This is nearly nude picture on a site about Stephen Hawking a.k.a. a different page? Well the guy in the wheelchair. But here you can do that again, instead of his better known life as a but this time with the physicist, his life as a gangsta rapper one and only, the son is discussed. They have a whole of God himself, Jesus. bunch of MP3s, including "Fuck The Creationists." The picture section is http://www.dolphin- amazing as well. sex.org - This is by far the funniest thing I http://www.jesus-diet.com/urine.htm ever read. It's a - Now Christians do some pretty detailed description on fucked up shit, but this site still man- how one can mate with aged to surprise me. Here they take a dolphin. It written by quotes from the Bible along with a Delphinic Zoophile, some scientific research and use it to one who makes love to justify abstaining from eating, and dolphins. If you have instead drinking our urine. Here's 7 10 minutes and some examples: "I had tried drinking Internet access you my own urine on a few occasions. HAVE to read it. Urine is pure, fresh, organic, live, fil- Here's a little excerpt: tered "structured" water, at body "In the considerations temperature, containing large quanti- of safety, you should ties of pure, predigested nutrients. It NEVER let a male dol- is fresh, raw, and alive, and the cost is phin attempt anal sex totally free (to say the least)." with you." http://www,musicuwant.com/- once http://heavy.com - you get passed all the advertisement You'll probably need and uncalled-for links to CD's for DSL or Cable to run sale, you can find some really funny : 4thisU site.S:.4- -^L ItT4 Aaslk io some! shit here. Click on SPOOF-O-MER- cool shit: Sabotage CIALS, that's the best part of the site. News Network is a The guess-that-song game isn't bad news crew that finds either. itself in some strange n// situations. They docu- htt pL~lyIq JbtWrd tcn.com/ard/reli.ion/iudec _~%JLm %aý protests. i•i[ ! II 1,14.11ILJ.j L• ~t)b•.e ZL~r LPLLI-LIVL- I li J L ment various • The one I liked the mon-masturbation- Here the most, was this guy Mormons provide us with a compre- throwing money to the hensive guide on how to overcome NYC public during the society's worst affliction. This is a biggest shopping day self-help site with STEPS IN OVER- of the year. Behind the COMING MASTURBATION. Now if Music That Sucks pro- everyone in Stony Brook would read vides alternative this, we would have a much happier biographies to many and peaceful university. I'll give you artists.(My favorite some quick tips, but you have to reac was Marline in the whole site for full recovery: If yo Manson). If you got free time on your are associated with other persons hands you should definitely check it having this same problem, YOU out. MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIEND- SHIP. Masturbation is a sinful habit http://www.ultranet.com/~-mari - that robs one of the Spirit and create: Christian lyrics that can be sung to guilt and emotional stress. And wher popular tunes. This is great. They the temptation to masturbate is took all these songs, and re-wrote the strong, yell "STOP!" to those though words to them. This is definitely as loudly as you can in your mind worth your while. Play the actual and then recite a prechosen Scripture songs and sing the new lyrics to or sing an inspirational hymn. them. They got more than one hun- dred songs to choose from. The funni- http://www.thespark.com/health/sti: est one is Smells like Holy(Teen) kyfeet/index.html - We all have goal Spirit. in life, some more realistic then oth- ers. This is a premier example of hoi http://www.mulletsgalore.com - with some ambition and dedication Now I'm sure a lot of people have one can reach his goal. Pain and dis- seen this site, but I had to include it couragement might come your way, here. It is truly amazing. Its a classifi- but if you focus you will succeed. cation, and description of all the This is scientific, day-to-day report ( types of Mullets out there. It judges a person's attempt to infect himself each mullet by Mulletude, with athlete's foot. It has pictures, Aggressiveness, Hobbies, Sightings, graphs, and much more. _ _ __ ~_ CUC _C_ _~ ~ _ I______I _L_ ___ II ______

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