Volume CVIII Issue 3 August 26, 2021 xaviernewswire.com Published since 1915 Fiat justitia, ruat caelum @xavier.newswire XU mandates vaccines for spring As COVID-19 cases spike,Task Force discusses further restrictions bor Day weekend coming up,” es to,” he said. BY ALEX BUDZYNSKI AND Coleman stated. In general, students were HUNTER ELLIS Additionally, the university not surprised by the recent Editor-in-Chief and Multi- will likely refine its Zoom pol- surge. media Managing Editor icy, reintroducing hybrid and “I wish it wasn’t that way, online options. but we’re now in this situation Xavier is now requiring all “I received a proposal this where off campus students students to be fully vaccinat- evening for how we’re going are having a COVID-19 spike ed against COVID-19 prior to pivot to potentially offer- and we need to be aware of to the Spring semester as an- ing a Zoom option as we did our actions,” Kirby said. nounced in yesterday’s cam- last semester, but only for stu- “We’re seeing no indica- pus-wide message from Dr. dents that are in quarantine tion of spread in classrooms Colleen Hanycz, president. or isolation due to COVID… on campus or in other facili- This update comes as Xavi- that’s going to be the number ties on campus so that’s really er is experiencing a surge in one item on the Task Force’s good news,” Coleman elabo- positive cases, consistent with agenda (this) morning when rated. national trends. we meet.” Following guidance from According to the email Newswire photo by Desmond Fischer Coleman noted that stu- the Centers for Disease Con- message, this protocol follows think it’s important that they tract the virus,” Coleman said. dents can expect to hear about trol and Prevention and Tri- full Food and Drug Adminis- are required for the spring.” Coleman noted that al- these changes by the end of Health officials, vaccinated in- tration (FDA) approval of a In contrast, senior biomed- though there are more break- this week via the Provost’s of- dividuals will only be required COVID-19 vaccine. With this ical science major Jayla Co- through cases than expected, fice. to quarantine for 10 days if announcement, Xavier be- pland did not agree with the it is still imperative that stu- Dean of Students Jean they are symptomatic or until comes the first institution in decision. dents receive a vaccine. Griffin emphasized the need they receive a negative test re- the Greater Cincinnati region “I don’t think the vaccine is “Most of the students that for students to change their sult. Inoculated, asymptomat- to mandate the COVID-19 right, because it is your body are vaccinated and are getting actions in order to prevent ic students are not required to vaccine. This requirement and your choice,” she said. the virus are experiencing further restrictions from the quarantine, even if they are a does not apply to university According to Coleman, stu- mild to no symptoms... The university. close contact. employees. dents with medical and reli- vaccine never said that you “I really hope we can make This year, Manor House Chair of the COVID-19 gious stipulations will be ex- wouldn’t get sick. What it the changes we need to make has returned to regular res- Task Force Jeff Coleman clar- empt from the mandate. said was you wouldn’t get as voluntarily... if it doesn’t idential housing, while the ified how the vaccine mandate This announcement comes sick or end up in the hospital,” work, I think we have... to University Apartments re- will be enforced. after a week and a half of Coleman remarked. look at what additional expec- main quarantine housing. “In order to register for classes and at a time when According to the Task tations we might have (to) put However, the majority of cas- spring classes on Oct. 18, Xavier is seeing a spike in pos- Force, the vaccine require- into place,” she said. es in this surge are being iden- students have to show proof itive tests, despite 77% of stu- ment has nothing to do with “The variant is starting tified in off-campus students. of their first shot. Then, By dents being fully vaccinated. the spike in cases. to be pretty prevalent in our In her message, Hanycz Jan. 3, students have to show According to the most “That decision had been community… (it) has created emphasized the power of vac- proof that they’ve been ful- recent data shared on the made a while back, but we a concerning reality. It is con- cinations, identifying them as ly vaccinated, otherwise they COVID-19 Dashboard, Xavi- were waiting for FDA ap- cerning to see the cases rise as critical tools in battling the will be withdrawn from their er is experiencing one of the proval to make an official an- quickly as they have,” Griffin pandemic that is not over. classes,” Coleman said. highest surges in cases since nouncement on it,” Coleman continued. “(It) is especially critical as Students expressed mixed the start of the pandemic, clarified. Coleman noted that a num- we are now experiencing, na- reactions about the vaccine with 86 active, positive cases However, students can ex- ber of positive cases have tionally, significant numbers requirement. Junior exercise as of this Tuesday. pect more changes in the com- been traced to large off-cam- of ‘breakthrough’ infections science major Iain Kirby was The campus message also ing days in response to the pus gatherings, which could among those who have been pleased to receive the an- stated that cases are being re- rise in positive cases. be resulting in the spike. fully vaccinated... we remain nouncement. ported in vaccinated and un- “We’re looking at strength- “As we were doing our convinced that we will sup- “As someone who is going vaccinated students. ening and expanding the mask contact tracing, a majority port those needs best by (re- to be a future healthcare pro- “We’re seeing more break- mandate to more indoor spac- (of positive cases) have been quiring vaccines). This com- vider, it’s hard for me to un- through cases than we had es. (We’re encouraging) social traced to three or four large munity has done extremely derstand other people who anticipated… in our planning distancing wherever you can. social events — house par- well to support our students don’t want to get the vaccine. for this semester we assumed Try to keep group gatherings ties. There was also an event and one another through this However, for the greater good if 80% of students were vac- to a reasonable number. Be at Stones Lanes recently that global pandemic. This is but of the Xavier community, I cinated, they would not con- aware, especially with the La- we’ve traced a number of cas- another chapter in that book.” In this issue... Campus, Page 2 Opinions, Page 4 Sports, Page 6 A&E, Page 7 5HY-XVWLQ:HVWLQWUR- A guest writer for the ;DYLHU¶VZRPHQ¶VVRF- Sports Editor Joe Clark duces himself as the Newswire implores us cer team crushes the UHFRPPHQGV¿YH3L[DU newest member of the to legalize all drugs in competition in their VKRUW¿OPVWRPDNH\RX CFJ. the United States. opening matches. VPLOHODXJKRUFU\ 2 August 26, 2021 Campus News xaviernewswire.com CFJ adds new Protestant chaplain Rev. Justin West joins the CFJ, bringing knowledge and a positive outlook

BY TESS BREWER justice-based discussions and 6WDৼ:ULWHU events for local students of color. Reverend Justin West has He was able to welcome joined the Center for Faith those students into his home, and Justice (CFJ) as the new which “was a dream I had; that Protestant chaplain, as well as I want to be able to not only the new Faith and Race Pro- offer support as a staff mem- gram Director. ber but invite students into He has embraced involve- my life too.” ment on campus and is eager Outside of his work at to start conversations with Xavier, he is also a PhD stu- students about “faith, race, life dent in African American — and the intersection of all Preaching and Sacred Rhet- three.” oric. He strives to teach in Before coming to Xavi- higher education, whether at er, West was involved in the Xavier or somewhere beyond. Chicago area as a youth min- Photo courtesy of xavier.edu As a new staff member, ister in a local church and Xavier’s Center for Faith and Justice added Rev. Justin West as the Protestant chaplain over the summer. West believes his perspective also directed nonprofit youth Rev. West will also assist the Dorothy Day Center for Faith and Justice as the Faith & Race Program Director. allows him to relate to first- programs. While he has had sues, adding that he looks for- and a vast array of societal involvement in general. year students uniquely. He experience working as a stu- ward to “being able to support divisions present unique chal- “I want students to feel shared a senior student reflec- dent leader in the past, work- the African American student lenges. supported, cared for and to tion he had heard at Common ing with students at a college population and journey with “There are challenges, but have a sense of freedom to ex- Ground that moved him. campus is a new environment them.” He is also excited by there are also opportunities to plore the issues that concern “The wisdom that (the se- in which he is eager to take the initiatives and programs imagine: to imagine new pro- them,” he added. “To feel like nior) shared to first-years… part. offered in the CFJ. gramming, to imagine new empowered faith leaders who to keep an open mind, allow- “This is new ground. This “The values that the (CFJ) work with students and with can partner with each other to ing yourself room to change is new territory… I feel pas- is committed to holding and co-workers,” West said. bring about a transformation and grow and evolve… I think sionate about education and the work that they are com- He said he can feel a great at Xavier, in their lives and in that’s important for students learning, and I see that as a mitted to doing was… even sense of potential present in the wider Cincinnati commu- to know,” he said. “If students component to this position,” more exciting,” West said. the support that he has re- nity.” are searching for a communi- West said. In his short time on cam- ceived, with “the ability to West takes pride in partic- ty to do that, there are groups He was drawn to Xavier for pus, he has felt welcomed by envision and not have to fit a ipating in these intense con- and staff members across the open position not only for both staff and students. specific mold.” versations with students. A campus that want to ensure the pastoral role, also for the In talking with members West currently leads Com- highlight of his recent minis- that holistic wellbeing and to opportunity to bridge two as- of the Xavier community, mon Ground, a non-denom- terial experiences included an support that evolution.” pects of his service: race and West says he has gained a inational protestant worship opportunity to host students Rev. West will lead a non- faith. better idea of the need for his service offered every Sunday. from the Fred Shuttlesworth denominational Common He described himself as position; the change in Xavi- He discussed some of his Leadership Team, a group Ground service this Sunday at “passionate” about these is- er’s leadership, the pandemic goals for this program and his that facilitates faith and social 8 p.m. in Clock Tower Lounge. HUB no longer requires masks when working out

want to wear a mask,” student the safety and wellness of working out. Proper proto- worker Valerie Workman said. themselves and others. col when exercising includes “But, of course, no one has Despite the change from maintaining six feet of dis- to disclose their vaccination mandatory to optional mask- tance from others, sanitizing status (at the HUB), so it’s re- ing at the HUB, students are equipment following use and ally up to them whether they strongly encouraged to follow wearing a mask if not vacci- choose to wear a mask or not,” COVID-19 guidelines when nated. Workman commented. “They know the risks at this point of August 23, 2021 not wearing a mask.” “All workers at the HUB Student Government are required to wear a mask during their shift. That in- Association Meeting Recap cludes anyone who works at the front desk, all the adminis- COURTESY OF CHLOE SALVESON tration, group fitness instruc- tors (and) personal trainers,” ‡ There have been recent changes to Xavi- Newswire photo by Desmond Fischer Workman added. er’s quarantine and isolation policies. The HUB is no longer requiring students to wear a mask while working out. Group fitness classes will Quarantine is not required for vaccinated, The decision was rolled out on Aug. 19 by Xavier’s COVID-19 Task Force. limit the number of students using the facilities and contin- per class, depending on the asymptomatic students and is two days BY IVY LEWIS shorter. Faculty have been advised to work Guest Writer ue to wear a mask if they are class’s location. Currently, the not vaccinated. Persist Studio will allow up with students who are in quarantine or iso- Xavier University’s Health Due to the high risk of to 20 students per class, the lation. United Building (HUB) re- transmission posed by the Transform Studio will allow cently announced that stu- COVID-19 Delta variant, stu- 36 and the Balance Studio will ‡ Jean Griffin, dean of students, spoke with dents will not be required to dents and faculty will still be allow 43. wear a mask while exercising required to wear masks in all Interested students are en- SGA regarding the surge in COVID-19 in the Recreation Center. This on-campus classrooms, lab couraged to pre-register for cases and a possible vaccine mandate, as comes as a response to evolv- spaces and offices. group fitness classes through the Pfizer vaccine was granted full Food ing guidelines from the Cen- Student employees at the EngageXU to ensure they and Drug Administration approval. ters for Disease Control and HUB were somewhat conflict- have a spot. Pre-registration Prevention (CDC) on masking ed but agreed that vaccinat- will be available 48 hours be- ‡ The outdoor basketball court situation indoors. ed people deserve to choose fore each class, and walk-ins The decision was guided whether they wear a mask. will be accepted only when will be evaluated by a task force of student by the COVID-19 Task Force “Personally, as an employ- the pre-registration spots leaders, faculty and staff in coming weeks. and went into effect last Fri- ee, I can see both sides to the have not been filled. Students day. The task force encourag- argument. At this point a lot participating in group fitness ‡ A permanent pass/fail policy is under as- es students to visit the HUB of people are vaccinated, so classes should continue to sessment. during non-peak hours, re- I think they should have the use caution and follow public main socially distanced when choice whether or not they health guidelines to maintain @xaviernewswire U.S. & World News August 26, 2021 3 Bomb threat scare at U.S. Capitol Roseberry spoke of “revolution” in a ve hour stando with Capitol police BY TYLER CLIFTON preme Court, the Cannon House Building and the offic- 6WDৼ:ULWHU es of the Republican Nation- al Committee were evacuated The U.S. Capitol came un- during the threat. Following der threat on Aug. 19 when Roseberry’s arrest, buildings Floyd Ray Roseberry claimed ended their evacuation proto- to have a bomb in his truck cols. when approached by a Capitol Both Congress and the police officer that morning. Supreme Court are in recess, Roseberry was charged with meaning neither building re- threatening to use a weapon quired an evacuation. of mass destruction last Fri- The FBI has already re- day. leased an affidavit in conjunc- Roseberry drove onto the tion with their investigation sidewalk in front of the Li- into the threats. In the affi- brary of Congress at approxi- davit, an unnamed relative of mately 9:15 a.m. Sydney Bobb, Rosenberry’s explained that a student who was walking to Rosenberry told him some de- a class at the United Method- tails of his plans. ist Building on Capitol Hill, “(He) ordered a trench coat saw Rosenberry in his parked to protect him from Taser and truck. pepper ball guns and he would “I look up, and I see a guy just tip his cowboy hat at po- throwing ($1 bills) out of his lice,” the relative said. truck,” she explained. “I hear Rosenberry had no history him say, like, he had a bomb on Photo courtesy of Flickr.com of criminal violence prior to him.” Floyd Ray Roseberry drove to the Library of Congress and livestreamed his threats on Facebook. Claiming that his actions on Thursday, apart A nearly five hour stand- there were four other bombs around D.C., Roseberry faces life in prison for his actions. His trial was postponed. from traffic offenses and larce- off ensued, during which well as more than two pounds destruction charge, Roseberry Chief of Police Tom Manger ny charges years prior. Roseberry livestreamed on of the explosive ammo prac- could face life in prison. The noted that communication The sheriff described Facebook. While on the live- tice material Tannerite inside explosive device charge would was first achieved through Rosenberry as a “sleeper stream, Roseberry made sev- of his truck. mean up to 10 years in prison. whiteboards. case,” meaning that there eral threats towards President U.S. Capitol Police stated In the videos uploaded to Eventually, Roseberry left were no overt signs that he Joe Biden and expressed his that, though they did not find Facebook during the standoff the truck and was taken into would commit violent acts. aim to start a revolution. a bomb in his car, they did — which have since been tak- custody. Roseberry’s family told re- “The revolution is on. It’s find bomb-making materials. en down by the platform — he “He got out of the vehi- porters that he has a history here. It’s today. America needs In a Friday hearing, U.S. expressed anti-government cle and surrendered, and the of mental health problems, a voice. I’ll give it to them,” Magistrate Judge Zia Faruqui views, blamed Democrats for tactical units that were near- which caused his trial to be Roseberry said. charged Roseberry with at- the fallout of Afghanistan by surrendered without inci- postponed on Wednesday. He He also claimed that there tempting to use an explosive and demanded to speak with dent,” Manger said. told the judge deciding his were four other bombs around device and threatening to use Biden before he would consid- After he surrendered, Cap- case that he was put on new D.C. and that there were other a weapon of mass destruc- er standing down. itol Police arrested and de- medication. This led the judge people involved. tion. Capitol Police gradually tained him without bail in a to postpone his trial for one Roseberry also claimed to The judge said that, if con- made progress in the stand- D.C. jail. month, citing concerns about have a keg of gunpowder as victed of the weapon of mass off negotiations. U.S. Capitol Among others, the Su- mental stability. The Lighter Side Voting Restrictions Proposed BY ETHAN NICHOLS Respecting women, sexy snakes, undies Guest Writer ‡ 7KH 7DOLEDQ KDV D 0F'RQDOGV GULYH DVNHG ZRPHQ WR VWD\ WKURXJK LQ &DP- Ohio House Republicans KRPH EHFDXVH ILJKW- EULGJH &DQDGD $XJ proposed extensive voting re- HUVKDYHQRW\HWEHHQ   strictions last week, including WUDLQHG WR UHVSHFW enhanced photo identification ZRPHQ $XJ  ‡ ,Q D ZLQ IRU FUHDWLYH requirements, stricter rules on VWXGHQWV HYHU\ZKHUH absentee voting and bans on ‡ 7KH QXGH LQIDQW SLF- VFKRROV LQ 6HRXO .R- ballot drop boxes. WXUHG RQ 1LUYDQD·V UHD KDYH UHPRYHG UH- The voting rights bill House KLW DOEXP Nevermind VWULFWLRQVRQWKHFRORU Bill (HB) 387, was introduced Photo courtesy of commons.wikimedia.org LVVXLQJ.XUW&REDLQ·V RI  VWXGHQWV· XQGHU- by Ohio Rep. Bill Dean (R-Xe- Ohio House Republicans put forward new voting restrictions in HB 387. HVWDWH DOOHJLQJ WKDW ZHDU 1RZ VWXGHQWV nia). HB 387 follows another bill, best when everyone can vote,” KH ZDV IRXU PRQWKV FDQ ZHDU QRQZKLWH The bill would limit early HB 294, in adding stricter re- Kelly said. “If we listen to our ROG DW WKH WLPH WKH XQGLHVZLWKRXWEUHDN- voting to the 13 days before quirements to voting. communities, they want to SKRWRJUDSK ZDV WDN- LQJ WKH GUHVV FRGH Election Day, except the Mon- HB 294 was introduced to make voting more accessible.” HQDQGFRXOGQRWFRQ- $XJ  day before Election Day. Pre- the Ohio House of Represen- Defending HB 387 as nec- VHQWWRKLVSKRWR·VXV- viously, voters had a 28-day tatives on May 6 by Rep. Tom essary to minimize voter DJH $XJ  ‡ $JURXSRI NLGVQHDU early voting period. Brinkman R-Mount Look- fraud, Rep. Scott Wiggam 6DOHP KDYH OHG D HB 387 would also ban the out) and Rep. Sharon Ray (R-Wooster) expressed con- ‡ /LO 1DV ; KDV EHHQ PRYHPHQW WR SDUGRQ Secretary of State from mail- (R-Wadsworth). cerns with the security of bal- QDPHG´&KLHI ,PSDFW DZRPDQFRQYLFWHGRI  ing absentee ballot applica- It seeks to limit drop box- lot drop boxes. 2IILFHUµDW7DFR%HOO ZLWFKFUDIWGXULQJWKH tions to voters. es for mail-in voting to the Wiggam, along with six $XJ  WKFHQWXU\ 6DOHP Only people with with diag- 10 days before Election Day, other Republicans, is co-spon- WULDOV $XJ  nosed physical disabilities that remove early voting on the soring HB 387. ‡ 7KH$WWRUQH\*HQHU- would prevent voting in-per- Monday before Election Day Wiggam also stated that DORI 7H[DV.HQ3D[- ‡ 9HQHPRXV VHD VQDNHV son, under the new bill’s provi- and require Ohioans to sub- the current period of early WRQ ZDV LQYHVWLJDWHG KDYH DWWHPSWHG WR sions, can vote in-person. mit two forms of identifica- voting was too long, citing DQG FOHDUHG E\ KLV KDYH VH[ ZLWK GLYHUV The new bill will only al- tion to request a mail-in bal- this as a reason to support HB RZQRIILFHRI ZURQJ- 7KH VQDNHV PLVWDNH low Ohioans to register to lot. 387. GRLQJLQEULEHU\DOOH- GLYHUV IRU SRWHQWLDO vote with a driver’s license, Rep. Brigid Kelly (D-Hyde “What’s the difference be- JDWLRQV $XJ  PDWHV DQG ULYDOV DO- passport or state ID. Previ- Park) has been a vocal oppo- tween 30 and 40 and 50? How WHUQDWLQJEHWZHHQDW- ously, Ohioans could vote with nent of both bills, and char- about a year of early voting? ‡ /RYLQ· LW WZR FRX- WDFNV DQG DWWHPSWHG military IDs, utility bills or acterized them as a “step in How many days do you actu- SOHV JRW PDUULHG DW VHGXFWLRQ $XJ bank statements in addition to the wrong direction.” ally have to have in order to go state-issued photo IDs. “Our democracy works vote?” Wiggam asked. 4 August 26, 2021 Opinions & Editorials xaviernewswire.com Legalize every drug America has lost the war Measure 110, a bill that de- that needs to be quelled rather dicts with their disease. The- Prohibition of drugs pushes on drugs, and this isn’t new criminalizes all drug use. Un- than treated. oretically, it would also help people into the shadows: peo- news by any means. However, der Measure 110, the posses- Complete legalization is the take money away from those ple who need help and have how long will the judicial and sion of small amounts of any best option. It takes addicts criminal organizations that personal issues that need to be penal system keep repeating and all drugs is punishable by out of the shadows and into highly benefit from the prohi- addressed rather than stigma- the same mistakes before they a fine of no more than $100. the forefront of the discussion bition of drugs. tized. realize something needs to In lieu of the charge, the per- about addiction as a disease, as Additionally, legalizing Legalization of drugs change? son can complete a health as- opposed to a blight on society. drugs could bring about a de- would be able to bring peo- The war on drugs wasted sessment at an addiction cen- Legalization could solve many crease in overdoses. Indulge ple from the shadows and into billions of taxpayer dollars. ter. of these negative side effects me for a moment: envision an the light of day where their Not to mention the cost to the Oregon’s new law is similar addiction has on both the in- America that has dispensaries disease can be recognized, Black community has been so to the national decriminaliza- dividual and society. for what are currently illegal addressed and treated. Prohi- much more — thousands of tion of all drugs in Portugal Making treatment more substances. bition only demonizes these lives were lost and Black peo- that took place in 2001. The accessible and addiction it- Heroin at a dispensary people and their conditions, ple rotted away behind bars Portuguese measure was also self less stigmatized is the would be cleaner and purer thereby forcing them to con- for minor drug offenses. a decriminalization of all first issue with addiction that because it would be govern- tinue their habits in secretive The criminalization of drugs, not a complete legal- legalization would address. ment-regulated. There could and dangerous ways. In the drugs and penalization of ization. However, I still feel By making drugs legal, and be rooms with sanitary beds long run, it makes it so much both dealers and users alike this radical decriminalization even government-regulated, and clean needles, providing harder for these people who has not proven to be worth- is not enough, and the politics the stigma behind addiction a safe environment for drug are in need to get the help while for America as a whole. surrounding drugs still needs would be lessened. It would users. However, first and fore- they require. It’s very apparent that some- to be heavily reevaluated. become a less taboo subject most, dispensaries could have thing needs to change if we What has taken place in within popular society, and addiction specialists on site in are to properly address social Oregon and Portugal were treatment would be more ac- order to provide therapy and issues, such as gang violence only measures to decriminal- cessible as social workers and offer opportunities to treat and addiction. The current ize, rather than legalize. How- treatment facilities would their disease on a more long- tactics failed long ago. ever, I feel legalization is the work in close contact with term basis. However, radical steps to- next step in truly addressing dispensaries. Decriminalization is a step ward changing the approach the public health issue of ad- Also, the tax revenue state in the right direction, but af- John Smithmeyer is a to the way drugs are handled diction; that’s what addiction governments make from dis- ter a decades-long war on in- senior philosophy ma- in American society have re- is — a public health issue. pensaries could go toward animate objects and wasted jor. He is a guest writer cently been taken by the state The war on drugs treated setting up treatment facilities taxpayer dollars, there needs for Newswire from Cin- of Oregon with Measure 110. this health issue as a public and paying social workers to be a leap in the right direc- cinnati. Last year, Oregon passed nuisance or extreme crime who are equipped to help ad- tion rather than a mere step. From White Jesus to White supremacy Our master Yeshua Bin from their colonies. For centuries, the Black 600 years. 600 years of They shoot us as we Mariam is a representative They have weaponized the and Brown races have been Black and Brown bodies en- sleep, like they did with Fred of God, renowned for his Messiah by disfiguring him cursed with torment because slaved and discarded. 600 Hampton. They hang us kindness, wisdom, patience with pale skin, blue eyes and we bear the “mark of Cain,” years of our self image and while we fight, as they did and perseverance. He is ven- blond hair; by promoting because our mere existence identity destroyed by White with John Brown, or they erated and loved by billions this corruption as the ideal opposes the traits of holiness Jesus and his creators. 600 leave us to die alone and sick- for the piety for which he human figure and by teach- and purity. For centuries, years of our skin color being ly as they did with Thomas strived. ing their children that since this vile White Jesus, bear- the mark of Cain the Mur- Paine. This is the fate for So, whether Jesus Christ Je- ing no derer. And after 600 years, he people who apostize from the in the Western world, Ye- sus is Instead of honoring the strength resem- still has the nerve to preach American religion, the wor- shu Masih in India or Isa ibn White, of Christ, they dishonored it by blance to us about salvation from ship of White Christ. Mariam in the Arab world, a n d making him the god of White su- or re- sin. Despicable. And if the mark of Cain he is deeply respected for his Jesus premacy. lation What’s more is that this is my darker skin, then I em- devotion towards his Lord. is per- to the caricature of devils is the brace it, and I am proud to Among the prophets, he is fect, it must follow that true Son of Mary (peace be national God of our coun- bear it. And if rejection of the mightiest. Among hu- Whiteness is perfection. upon him), has been used try. The American diety, and this distorted Jesus is hereti- manity, he is the holiest. Instead of honoring the to torment and cleanse the his loyal prophet Uncle Sam, cal, then I make heresy my But unfortunately, with strength of Christ, they dis- world of all who bear this have made the enslavement, religion. all things holy, it is nearly honored it by making him mark. lynching, persecution and inevitable that he is defiled the God of White suprem- He has raped us, hung us, humiliation of non-White and dishonored. And those acy. cut open the bellies of our and impoverished individ- who have dishonored and From this global decep- mothers, burned us, forced uals an obligation on every blasphemed our prophet tion came hell for humanity. many of us into his religion citizen. But those who refuse have done so with the blood, During the Enlightenment, and has preached that the to abide by this command- Waleed Majid is a tears and anguish of the Whiteness had been made darker-skinned must hate ment, and instead choose to sophomore Philoso- colonized. Namely, the Eu- so synonymous with purity themselves and must yearn feed the people and liberate phy, Politics and the ropeans of the Renaissance and divinity that people who to look like the European, them, are labeled as heretics. Public major. He is a and their settler descendants weren’t White were consid- since he has been made the “Communists,” “radicals,” staff writer for News- who have plundered and sto- ered the antithesis of these standard of elegance, civili- “violent” and “evil,” they call wire from Cincinnati. len every ounce of dignity honorable qualities. ty, morality and intellect. us.

Sports Editor Online Editor Mission Statement year, except during vacations THE STAFF Joe Clark Nina Benich The Xavier Newswire is DQG ÀQDO H[DPV E\ WKH VWX- Editor-in-Chief committed to reporting the dents of Xavier University, Alex Budzynski Arts & Entertainment Education & Enrichment news, as well as explaining 3800 Victory Parkway, Editor Coordinator LWV VLJQLÀFDQFH WR UHDGHUV &LQFLQQDWL2+ Managing Editor Kate Ferrell Joseph Cotton In addition, through pub- Mo Juenger lishing opposing viewpoints Newswire also releases on- Back Page Editor Show Managers and opinions, the Newswire line articles and a newsletter Managing Multimedia Aidan Callahan Will Pembroke hopes to foster a dialogue on Monday mornings and Editor Emma Stevens on campus and among stu- works with XUFM to produce Hunter Ellis Head Copy Editor Chloe Salveson GHQWVIDFXOW\DQGVWDII a weekly radio show, Xavier 0ROO\.+XOOLJDQ Newswire Live, the Debates Campus News Editor Photography Editor Advertising and Discussions podcast Robbie Dzierzanowski Copy Editors Desmond Fischer All inquiries should be direct- and Inside Xavier Sports Nina Benich, Stella DeMar- ed to the Business Manager, World News Editor co, Maggie Schroeder, Tess Photographer Melissa Navarra, by email at Sophie Boulter Brewer, Hannah Thompson Erik Maahs QHZVZLUH#[DYLHUHGX RU DW ZZZ[DYLHUQHZVZLUHFRP Opinions & Editorials Staff Writers Adviser For Your Information Editor *ULIÀQ%UDPPHU7\OHU&OLIWRQ John Stowell Xavier Newswire is published Charlie Gstalder Grace Hamilton, Waleed Majid, weekly throughout the school @xaviernewswire Opinions & Editorials August 26, 2021 5 Violence can be quiet There is a quiet violence “Today, he shouted at medical procedures outside of bing myself clean. I’m so tired Only by naming the mon- in the way women’s passions the top of his voice that his delivery and childcare. They of the mask I wear to please ster can we kill it. I know its and work are ignored, disre- dearest wish was to leave were called witches. They the men I know and the men I name. Its name is patriarchy. garded and erased. It is silent, his family. I shall carry the were drowned. They were don’t know. It’s getting heavy. Its name is manhood. Mascu- and it is everywhere. memory of that heartfelt, burned at the stake. It’s always been heavy. linity. Oppression. There is a quiet violence heart-rending cry to my Where are the women? My ex-boyfriend loved Womanhood is not a sin. It painted across the history of grave. I pray for death. For Where are the artists? The watching obscure movies, and is not a crime. It is not some- womankind. Behind the revo- without his love I can not musicians? The scientists and he wanted to study film. He thing to be erased or disre- lutions, massacres and witch survive.” math- judged garded. The things we love hunts is a bloodless brutality Abandoned. Discarded. Ig- emati- I’m just so tired of scrubbing me for and contribute and invent and that every woman faces. nored. cians myself clean. I’m so tired of the watch- create are important, because Leo Tolstoy is regarded as F. Scott Fitzgerald stole and in- mask I wear to please the men I ing they come from us. Toxic ideas the greatest Russian writer, letters and journals from his ventors? know and the men I don’t know. reality of manhood and masculinity, and yet his wife Sophia pub- wife Zelda and refused to let Loyal shows. of femininity and domesticity, lished his works, managed his her publish any of her own wives. Loyal mothers. Loyal He thought they were stupid are the violence by which we estate, raised their thirteen work because he used it in his women. and vain. suffer in silence. children and cooked two dif- own books and stories. Women are at the center My father hates that my I don’t want to suffer any- ferent meals every night be- Silenced. Controlled. of culture, history and revo- mother watches HGTV. He more. I want to create. I want cause he was a vegetarian, all Smothered. lution. They create life. They thinks the people are annoy- to speak. I want to love. I want with no help and no regard for Women scientists con- are the beginnings of the hu- ing, and that the shows are to live. I want every woman to her emotions and needs. ducted invaluable research man race and sufferers of the pointless. do the same. It was Sophia who edited on airplane design, ballistics sacred act of birth. A boy in my sister’s engi- I know the monster’s name. and copied his manuscripts. calculations and vitamin pres- Women are the model of neering class cussed her out Only when we kill it will we She wrote the manuscript for ervation during World War I. God. for “taking” his spot in the finally know what it is to be War and Peace six times, cor- Women worked in factories, Even on a small scale, pas- aerospace major. free. recting his spelling and gram- drove trucks and repaired air- sions and hobbies are set aside When my sister told a man mar and making suggestions planes. They served on the for the sake of the home, the she liked to knit, he responded for the plot to appeal more to front lines as nurses. They husband and the children. that it was “natural for her to a general audience. were wounded. Taken prison- There is nothing wrong have domestic hobbies.” And yet, after all of this, er. Killed. with choosing to be a wife or I’ve read stories of women Tolstoy named a male friend They are reduced to the a mother. There is nothing controlled by their fathers. By as the executor of his estate women weeping at home, wrong with keeping the home, their husbands and brothers. *UDFH +DPLOWRQ LV D before his death and allowed waiting for their brave sol- the center of life and love. It is everywhere and always VRSKRPRUH SROLWLFDO his works to become public diers to return. But throughout history, and now. VFLHQFH PDMRU 6KH domain, when Sophia had pre- Midwives were the moth- women haven’t been allowed We’re suffocated. We’re LV D VWDII ZULWHU IRU viously owned them for her ers of medicine, with their to choose. They’ve been suffocating. We’re haunted Newswire IURP $NURQ publishing company. knowledge of childbirth, forced. and haunting. We’re eaten 2KLR She wrote in her diary: herbal remedies and even I’m just so tired of scrub- alive. First-year frenzy Let’s get one thing practices, there is one cate- don’t fully know what they’re that they know more than a cajones to hit us with your straight: first-years are not gory that I find doesn’t get doing as of yet and how to first-year, and they may also best pick-up line, we just college students. Or, at least, talked about nearly enough: function in this new envi- recognize a first-year’s de- find it jarring. If pursuing a not mentally. relationships and hookups. ronment. I mean, that’s why sire to feel mature through relationship with an upper- They go to and live at Here’s the thing. We’re they’re forced to take Goa. their relationship. classman is something you a college, yes, but in their all of legal age here, but re- The most exposure they This could lead to taking actually want, give it at least mindset, they are more akin winding the conversation have to higher education is a advantage of that, too. The until the end of second se- to experienced high school back to Manresa, I’ve heard couple AP classes and a col- bigger the age gap, the big- mester — although honest- seniors than they are the typ- one horror story after an- lege visit. So, it comes as no ger the issue in my opinion. ly, sophomore year is more ical, functional college kid. other of different Manresa shock to say there is a stark So while I can’t tell a first- preferable, personally. That It’s almost a Schroedinger’s leaders who have all had to power dynamic between the year not to pursue relation- way you are able to take the age gap. They are, in reality, deal with or overhear one of incoming class and the rest ships such as these, all I can time to grow as a person and often legal adults, yet there’s their group members flirt of us. say is please be careful. really start to know what this persistent feeling that with them or their partner. I’m no philosophy major, So by now, I’m sure I’ve you want. they’re so much younger. Every single time the com- but I like to think that hu- received a lot of rolled eyes And if this all really does If I had a dollar for how mon consensus has been an mans are inherently good, and sighs from first-years boil down to maturity? Well, many times I heard my overwhelming feeling of or at the very least, aware who think I’m some absti- there’s nothing more ma- Manresa friends call their disgust or being creeped out. of the opportunities around nent Puritan type, but that’s ture than being able to know group members “their kids,” But, why do we feel that them to be good. When a sit- not my intent. I was just like yourself. I’d have some serious spend- way? A lot of it has been uation arises where a first- you all last year, thinking I ing money. concluded to involve that ar- year flirts with the upper needed to rush into some- There is a certain social tificial age gap, but it’s really classes, a lot of us are able to thing that I couldn’t con- immaturity that arrives with a matter of experience. identify the power gap and trol to feel bigger and more each incoming class, and I write this as a sopho- know that, even if it’s legal, mature. So leave with this with it, first-years tend to fill more, someone only a year it still doesn’t feel right. parting advice: Give it some in the blanks with common older than the first-year Those upperclassmen who time. perceptions of what it means class. However, that year was may accept a first-year’s ad- Right now, I speak for *ULIÀQ %UDPPHU LV D to live at college. This fits spent at college. That means vances, however, are abusing quite a few upperclassmen VRSKRPRUH QXUVLQJ into the usual, negative cli- I already have a full year un- the power dynamic between when I say your advances PDMRU +H LV D VWDII chés: drinking, pot and dorm der my belt. them, and thus, will not have are not charming. They are ZULWHU IRU Newswire room “ragers.” And while The first-years, by con- the first-year’s best interests weird. We don’t find you IURP'XEOLQ2KLR I could say my fill on those trast, are inexperienced and at heart. They may recognize more mature for having the

Want to respond? Have an idea for an opinion piece? Submissions are open! Email: [email protected] 6 August 26, 2021 Sports @xaviernewswire Scrimmages start seasons smoothly Team Scruggs took the win in softball while men’s soccer lost to Bowling Green one of the more exciting ele- BY TYLER CLIFTON ments to watch was the assis- 6WDৼ:ULWHU tant coaches play.. Assistant coach Jonas Hayes hit home A doubleheader took place runs in two consecutive at last Friday at Hayden and bats. Corcoran Fields, featuring According to junior health two Muskie sports back-to- services major Amanda back. Hagedorn, that was the most The afternoon consisted fun part of the game. of the men’s basketball team “You could see everyone playing a slow-pitch softball was smiling and having a game on the baseball field, good time. The players were followed by the men’s soc- laughing as Coach Hayes was cer team playing their first jogging around the base- preseason game of the year paths,” Haegdorn added. against Bowling Green. When asked who took the The softball game provid- softball game most seriously, Photo courtesy of @XavierMSoc via Twitter ed fans an opportunity to see junior criminal justice major Xavier had a doubleheader on Friday evening, as the men’s basketball team played their annual softball game, the men’s basketball team do Jack Dzierzanowski had only which was won by Team Scruggs 10-7. Immediately following, the men’s soccer team played an exhibition. something far more casual one answer. pegged some of the players a win for fifth-year senior The cheers quickly went than what they’re used to see- “Oh, Coach Steele by far,” and the umpire almost threw guard Paul Scruggs’s team, silent, however, as Bowling ing. he said. “In fact, there were him out.” and after the seven inning Green scored two quick goals For those in attendance, a couple times where he The game ended 10-7 with game was completed, the to take a 2-1 lead going into teams decided to play an ex- halftime. tra inning just for fun. The match played out Once the game ended, stu- similarly in the second half dents, staff and faculty made as Xavier attacked early, but their way over to watch Xavi- Bowling Green proved to be er’s men’s soccer take the the better team on the day, pitch for the first time this The final score was 4-2 season. Bowling Green. The Musketeers are com- The men’s basketball will ing off a relatively rough 3-7- play their true season opener 1 year, but they have higher on Nov. 9 against the Niagara expectations coming into this Purple Eagles in Cintas Cen- season. ter. The fans were loud at the The men’s soccer team’s start and only grew more next game is at home at 6 p.m. raucous when Xavier scored on Friday against Eastern Il- a quick goal to take an early linois in what will be their of- Photos courtesy of @XavierMBB via Twitter lead. ficial season opener. Xavier women’s soccer opens up new season 2-0 Xavier picked up a road win over No. 21 St. Louis before beating Northwestern BY WILL PEMBROKE the season in the first half, Show Manager they finished strong, allowing The Xavier women’s soc- no goals in the final 60 min- cer team turned in a pair of utes of the match. excellent performances last Jenkins had a solid per- weekend, showcasing the formance, ending with three team’s potential for great suc- saves and only one goal al- cess entering the season. lowed.Offensively, Xavier had Game One occurred in a solid showing with 15 shots, St. Louis versus the No. 21 eight of which were on goal. ranked St. Louis Univer- Freshman forward Mathil- sity Billikens. The game, de Rasmussen put the team’s which was also streamed on first score on the board in ESPN+, was nothing short the 52nd minute, following a of a dominant outing for the great pass from Vargas. Musketeers, specifically dom- That would not be the inating defensively, as the de- freshman’s only score of the fense only allowed six shots match however, as Rasmussen with just two on goal for the put home another goal off a Billikens. free kick in the 64th minute, Xavier’s offense tripled pushing Xavier in front of that shot total, ending with Northwestern for the remain- 18, six of which were on der of the match. goal. A 2-0 start to the season Sophomore forward Sonia has put the Musketeer wom- Vargas scored the match’s en’s soccer team in a good lone goal late, near the spot heading into the week- 85-minute mark. end. Senior goalkeeper Oliv- Tonight, Xavier faces off ia Jenkins secured a shutout against archrival University with two saves, as the Muske- of Cincinnati at 7:00 p.m. on teer’s went on to win 1-0. Corcoran Field. The Musketeers dominat- On Aug. 29, the Muske- ed in similar fashion in their teers will be at home again to second game against North- take on Murray State at 1:00 western at Corcoran Field, Photos courtesy of @XavierWSoc via Twitter p.m. The Musketeers then winning 2-1. Xavier’ women’s soccer got off to a hot start to their season, taking a road win from a ranked St. Louis team travel to Champaign, Ill. for a Despite the close score, before returning home to beat Northwestern. Xavier was anchored by their strong defense in both matches. big non-conference matchup Xavier’s defense showed up cats. Northwestern was only with just four of those being While the Musketeers sur- with the University of Illi- in a big way against the Wild- able to muster seven shots, on goal. rendered their first goal of nois. @xaviernewswire Arts & Entertainment August 26, 2021 7 Pixar shorts persistently impress the umbrellas go in opposite sand and water really popping BY JOE CLARK directions, the blue umbrel- off the screen. Sports Page Editor la fears it’ll never see the red umbrella again and forces its 1.“Lava” Pixar is well known for way out of the hands of the Inspired by the music of Is- having not only some of the man carrying it. rael Kamakawiwo’ole, “Lava” best animated movies in histo- Eventually though, with is about a singing volcano just ry (and being a major driver the help from a few friends in- trying to find love. for computer-generated an- cluding a living construction As he gets older and older, imation) but also for having barrier and storm grate, the he doesn’t think he ever will, some pretty amazing shorts. two umbrellas are reunited in but he continues to sing his Here, I’ll be ranking the a heartfelt ending. song to find “someone to lava.” five best animated shorts, with He eventually sinks under the one caveat — the short had 2. “Piper” ocean, defeated that his quest to be attached to a theatrical A cute story about over- to find love was futile. release, which eliminates any coming fear, “Piper” is about However, another volcano SparkShorts or feature-relat- a sandpiper who struggles to heard his song everyday, and ed shorts. get food when the waves come when he went under the ocean Without further ado, here’s crashing to shore. After being she came up, and she sang his my personal ranking of the caught under a wave, Piper is song. Upon hearing someone top five Pixar shorts. fearful of going back to the else sing his song, his lava was shore to gather food. reignited and he rose back 5. “Partly Cloudy” She shows her resilience above the ocean, and the two 3KRWRFRXUWHV\RIÀFNUFRP “Partly Cloudy” is a sto- ,QWKH3L[DUVKRUW´3LSHUµDVPDOOELUGÀJKWVDQGRYHUFRPHVKHUIHDUV when she copies a hermit crab volcanoes lived happily ever ry about sticking with your digging in the sand to get its after. friend when times get tough. stork perseveres and adapts to way in the world. food, and gets more food than Unlike most shorts, which The stork becomes bat- keep helping out his friend. While his dad and grandfa- the rest of the flock. Piper feature instrumentals, “Lava” tered and bruised by his de- This short is heartwarming ther bicker about everything then overcomes her fear of has a song throughout that’s liveries, but he’s good friends and funny at the same time. from the way the boy wears going in the water, realizing incredibly peaceful and tells with the cloud, who feels bad his hat to how to sweep up the that the ocean isn’t as scary as the story. that he can’t make anything 4. “La Luna” stars on the moon (where they she thought. It inspired me to buy a uku- as pretty as the other clouds, Directed by Enrico Casa- work) he tries to emulate both The animation is once again lele, which should be enough who make babies, puppies and rosa, who also directed Luca, of them. When a shooting the highlight. It’s incredibly evidence thats it’s really freak- kittens. “La Luna” is thematically sim- star gets wedged in the moon, detailed and vibrant, with the ing good. “Partly Cloudy” is ulti- ilar. Like Luca, “La Luna” cen- the two men can’t figure out mately about friendship, as the ters on a boy trying to find his how to get it out. As they push and pull, the boy symbolically turns his hat backwards and climbs to the top of the star, hitting it with a hammer as hundreds of smaller stars flutter out from it. It’s a story of indepen- dence and forging your own path with a beautiful setting off the coast of Italy. It’s defi- nitely a fun watch.

3. “The Blue Umbrella” “The Blue Umbrella” is a beautifully animated story of teamwork. In a world of black and grey umbrellas, there’s one blue umbrella who becomes 3KRWRFRXUWHV\RIÁLFNUFRP enamored with a red umbrel- 3KRWRFRXUWHV\RIÁLFNUFRP :DWFKDVD\RXQJER\QDYLJDWHVDVWDUU\VLWXDWLRQLQWKHVKRUW´/D/XQDµ la. When the people holding $KRSHOHVVO\URPDQWLFYROFDQRÀQGVORYHLQWKH3L[DUVKRUWÀOP´/DYDµ Some Cincinnati events you won’t want to miss Check out a few of the upcoming events the Queen City has to o er you

BY KATE FERRELL ing is hosting their Yappy A&E Page Editor Hour on Aug. 31 from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m.. Cincinnati is a bustling hub At this event they will have of activity, culture and peo- a wide assortment of dog ple. With fall just around the vendors, adoptable pets, dog- corner, Cincinnati is pulling friendly games, prizes and so out all of the stops to keep much more! If you’re a pet the people entertained and lover, this might be just the coming back for more. event for you. If you’re looking for some- Cincinnati Hispanic Fest thing fun to do on your week- This festival features food, ends and to take a break from entertainment, dancing and the stress of life and academ- much more all revolving ics, you might want to check around Hispanic culture. You out some of these events 3KRWRFRXUWHV\RIÁLFNUFRP can attend this cultural cel- coming to our very own 0DURRQZLOOEHFRPLQJWR5LYHUEHQG0XVLF&HQWHUWKLVZHHNHQGRQO\µ ebration on Sept. 5 from 12 Queen City. the butterflies before they’re ents to Cincinnati. p.m. to 5 p.m. for absolutely The Krohn Conservatory gone! While tickets for this event no cost. Butterfly Show Maroon 5/ Blackbear may be hard to come by, I rec- This is just one of Cincy’s Go check out the “Butter- Concert ommend attending if given many cultural fairs but defi- flies of Bali” exhibit at the Happening at Riverbend the chance. nitely not one you want to Krohn Conservatory. This Music Center on Saturday, Yappy Hour miss. breathtaking exhibit is only three-time grammy award Ever wanted to drink beer Free admission and end- open until Sept. 6 so make winning band Maroon 5 will and play with dogs? Here’s less fun: what more could you sure you act fast — go see be bringing their musical tal- your chance. MadTree Brew- want from an afternoon? 3KRWRFRXUWHV\RIÁLFNUFRP 8 August 26, 2021 The Back Page xaviernewswire.com Masks, Pants and More Now Optional in the HUB BY CHARLIE GSTALDER As I’m sure Pants: Eective immediately, pants, shorts, skirts and all other primary leg cover- 2SLQLRQV (GLWRULDOV(GLWRU you’ve heard ings will no longer be mandated in the HUB. by now, Xavier has declared that masks In lieu of traditional bottom garments, stu- are no longer required inside the Health dents are strongly encouraged to wear either United Building (HUB). In celebration of uy pink leg warmers or thigh-high, neon the joyous news, we here at the Back Page green Nike Elite socks. have compiled a list of other inconve- niences that will no longer be required at Condoms: When you really think about it, the HUB. masks are nothing more than condoms for your face — they’re both designed to block Aries: Despite this unbearable potentially virus-laden bodily uids from en- heat, that weird kid who sits in the tering another person — so if you don’t need back of your class will still wear one, why should you wear the other? us, all sweatpants everyday. Befriend him condoms (latex, lambskin or otherwise) will Pantless students engaging in lively banter. and learn his powers. no longer be required inside the HUB. It is important to note that the HUB is still strongly recommending that students wear condoms while participating in certain Taurus: You are allowed to kill one person, as a treat. The stars forms of Ancient Greek morale-building. recommend the random person who sits next to you in the Caf Personal Hygiene: e managers of the HUB were so inspired by the stories of Jake and loudly calls their friend. Gyllenhaal, Mila Kunis, Aston Kutcher, Kristen Bell and so many other celebrities who refuse to bathe that they have stopped requiring HUB patrons to practice any Gemini: Kendrick is dropping a form of personal hygiene. Gone are the days of washing your hands, giving your new song on Friday, but who cares? gym socks a sni and dousing yourself in deodorant before going to workout. Now The only good music is anime in- you can play pickup basketball with all the cleanliness tros and video game soundtracks. of a fourteenth century peasant!

Cancer: Your love life is like the A will to live: Do you feel little motivation to get out of café in the library: completely bed each morning? Has the world been seeming color- devoid of any signs of life. less and devoid of meaning? Maybe you failed your rst exam, lost your fake at Lateral or were recently dumped Leo: Think Xavier students are via Snapchat Bitmoji. Whatever the reason may be, you prudes? Think again! Simply down- no longer have to worry about your antipathy towards load Yik Yak to read the vilest stuff existence stopping you from getting your pump in! you’ll ever lay your eyes upon, all from the minds of Musketeers. Vaccines: e HUB was so blown away by the posi- tive feedback to the University recommending but not Virgo: Avoid campus after mid- requiring the COVID-19 vaccine that they have decid- night; all the statues come alive ed to extend their policy to all immunizations. So, if Night at the Museum-style, and St. you’re a little behind on your meningitis, HPV or mea- Ignatius is a big creep. sles vaccinations, the HUB is now open for you! Feel free to wait for your TriHealth appointment in all your Libra: Don’t vape in the Alter mump-y glory. bathrooms. There’s a chance your Bitmoji breakups are surprisingly common. professor will walk in and confront Personality: Students who have no discernable positive personality traits and you, or worse, ask for a hit. their poor friends will be thrilled to hear that no one in the HUB is required to have a personality. While this Scorpio: Stop fawning over that rule change was primarily tailored towards insuerably manic pixie dream girl who sits gym-obsessed students, others including J. Cole fans, A24 next you in class; you are not Scott lm bus, horse girls, people who are too proud of their Pilgrim, and she’s gay. hometown and “mom friends” are expected to reap huge benets. Sagittarius: Avoid showering right before class. You won’t look In closing, it’s important to remember that none of the clean; you’ll just look wet. things on this list are banned, they are just no longer re- Horse Girl. quired. However, please be aware that just as it is embarrassing to be the only one Capricorn: If you’re late to class, wearing a mask, it will be equally embarrassing to be the only one with a personality just take the ‘L’ and walk in a few wearing pants. minutes late. Don’t be one of those weirdos sprinting across campus like you’re being chased by the ghost of Father Graham. Fictionary Aquarius: Never sit at those tables The “It Is Way Too Goddamn Hot” Edition by the stairs on the bottom floor of BY TESS BREWER Gallagher. That’s where the theater 6WDৼ:ULWHU kids like to nest, and they are fiercely Schlumpy (sh-luhm-pee): Describes the negative correlation between the amount of territorial creatures. humidity and the amount of motivation one has to walk to class. Example: It’s really schlumpy out there, and I really don’t want to go over to Elet Hall. Pisces: You’re in a rut. This is be- cause the new Jeopardy! host hasn’t ck (thh- f-i-cc-k): e particular sound thighs make when peeling o of a plastic been selected yet, a factor which has chair. a profound effect on your life. Don’t even get me started on what will Ballizmageleth (Bahl-is-maag-eh-leeth): Circa 1431; demon of humidity, name used happen to you if they don’t choose to curse enemies with awful, sticky weather. LeVar Burton. Example: May your days be as hot as Ballizmageleth!