Student Newspaper of The University of Lethbridge • Volume 37 Issue 24 • www.themeliorist.com • Thursday, 18 March, 2004

"Everybotly knows that smokin'ain't allowed In school"

Chock out some of this week's main features

Students' Union elections Pg5

Laramie Pg10

Funny ha ha! Pg16

•••MMMMMH ••••MMMMMMNMi Let's rock! Hardcore Croquet Pg22 See related article on page 12

turn m ndex News - Pg 4 nightclub. Entertainment - Pg 9 Revolution in Nightlife. Sports-Pg 19 Our House, Your Party" dw* SU election winners - Pg 5 Nir IJtat ml* turn K i mti mr e week exhibition - Pg 9 NEW Dance Platforms H ble - Pg 21 www.cl u b s pin. c,a 1016 1st Ave South www.theroadhouse.ca ^?I?^rL* Opportunities The Meliorist | Thursday, 18 March 2004 Page 02 careers and opportunities zsitinut • § i .• brie 219^163

- BASEBALL OPERATIONS in Lethbridge - Henderson Stadium tions (May 31st) WorkopolisCampus.com job listings - Mosaic Sales Solutions, various positions in promotions, mar­ PART TIME - three positions, Baseball 2000 Inc. - two positions, Bulls keting, sales, and merchandising. (ASAP) - Movers needed on March 25th & 26th to assist a family. Baseball 2000 Ltd. - seven positions, Little League District #1 - - Gov't of Saskatchewan summer jobs, www.gov.sk.ca/psc/stu- (ASAP!!) two positions, WCABF - two positions, LDIBF - two positions, dent - U of L Health Sciences - Research Assistant (ASAP) Little League Alberta - one position, AABC - one position. - TranSearch Group Inc. - Traffic Surveyors to conduct head - Leduc County Agricultural Services, Nisku - Weed Inspector, - Trojan One - Field Marketing Positions (ASAP) counts at local restaurants. (May 27th) Light Equipment Operator, Pesticide Applicator (Apr. 2nd) - Camp Okonoki and Canyon Church Camp - Camp Counsellor, - Manpower, Edmonton - Collection Representatives (Mar. - U of L - Electrical Apprentice (Mar. 24th) Assistant Cook, Camp Custodian, Head Cook, Assistant Director 30th) - Fort McMurray Public Library - Summer Programmer (Apr. (ASAP) - Independent Counselling Enterprises (I.C.E.), southern Alherta 8th) - RCMP Summer Student Program (ASAP) - Residential and relief staff (ASAP) - The Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise - Various resort positions - The Mountain Restaurant, Lake Louise - Wait Staff, Kitchen Staff (ASAP) - Saskatchewan Watershed Authority, Regina - Nursery (ASAP!) - Sundance Lodges Campground, Kananaskis - Inside and out­ Technician from May - Oct. (Apr. 5th) - Cargill AgHorizons - Summer Field Scout. This position is side work. (ASAP) - U of L - Education Strategist for Students with Disabilities part of On-Campus Recruiting (OCR). You must be registered in - Tim Horton Children's Foundation - Many different positions (Apr. 30th) order to apply. Come in to CES for more info (B610). Deadline - Bluefox Association, Lethbridge - Vocational Relief positions available! (ASAP) is March 24th. - Exalta 21 Inc./Banff Guide Service, Banff - Japanese-speaking (ASAP) - Creston Valley Wildlife management Area, Creston, B.C. - - SPSS Tutor required for U of L Master's student (ASAP) Tour Guide (Mar. 31st) Wetland Interpreter/Educator, Natural History Communication - Northwest Territories Recreation and Parks Assoc. - Pool and - Trojan One - Field Marketing Positions (ASAP) sand Sales Coordinator, Wetland Interpreter/Naturalist (Apr. - U of L School of Health Sciences - Teaching Assistant (ASAP) Waterfront Supervisors (ASAP) 2nd) - Kilmorey Lodge, Waterton - Summer employment in various - Chinook Health Region - Unit Clerk, Therapy Aide, Food - Town of Milk River - Pool Staff (Apr. 2nd) Service Aide, Clerk I (ASAP) areas. (ASAP) - Camp Columbus, Waterton Lakes National Park - Various - BrainMass - Online Teaching Assistants. Must be enrolled in - Truguard Pest Control, various U.S. cities - Sales Program. camp positions (May 31st) grad or post-grad program. (ASAP) - Bow River Irrigation District, Vauxhall - Habitat Development - Western Wats, Lethbridge - 150 Telephone Survey Researchers - Elite Swine Inc. - Pork Production Assistants in AB, SK., MB, Technician (Mar. 31st) - this is not telemarketing. Choose your own schedule. (ASAP) and ON. (ASAP) - Alberta Revenue, Alberta Investment Management, Investment SUMMER - 5th on 5th Youth Services - Casual Labour Program Administration Division, Edmonton - Summer Student (Mar. - Frito-Lay Canada, Banff and Invermere, B.C. - Route Sales - AB Sustainable Resource Development: Various positions and 19th) Representative (Apr. 10th) various deadlines! - Alberta Revenue, Tax and Revenue Administration, Revenue - Talisman Centre, Calgary - Accounting Assistant, Summer - Young Canada Works - in both Official Languages; in Heritage Operations - Tax Assessors (Mar. 19th) Camp Coordinators, Summer Camp Instructors, Customer Organizations; National Parks and National Historic Sites. Must - Alberta Revenue, Tax and Revenue Administration, Services -Tour Buide & Special Event Assistant (Mar. 28th) be returning to school in the fall of 2004. (ASAP) Compliance-Commodity Tax Audit - Tax Analyst (Mar. 19th) - Gorgeous Gardens, Lethbridge - Garden and Yard FULL TIME - U of L Conference & Event Services - Conference Clerk, Guest Maintenance (Apr. 2nd) - The Westin Calgary - Accounting Assistant (Mar. 22nd) services/Night Audit Clerks (Mar. 18th) - U of L Physical Plant - General Maintenance and grounds posi­ - U of L Library - Systems Support Specialist II (Mar. 19th) - City of Fort Saskatchewan - Assistant Development Officer tions. (Apr. 15th) - Wildrose Economic Development Corporation, Strathmore - (Apr. 26th) - DeKoda Agri Business Inc., East Central Alberta - High Career & Employment Counsellor (Apr. 2nd) - Father Lacombe Chapel Provincial Historic Site, St. Albert - Clearance Operator/Sprayer (Mar. 31st) - Eli Lilly Canada Inc., Scarborough, ON - Analytical Biochemist Bilingual Seasonal Historical Interpreters and Lead Interpreter (ASAP) (Apr. 2nd) - Canadian Hereford Association, Calgary - General Manager - Victoria Settlement Provincial Historic Site, Smoky Lake - (Apr. 30th) Seasonal Historical Interpreters and Lead interpreter (Apr. 2nd) - County of Two Hills - Municipal Conservation Technologist - Fort George and Buckingham House Provincial Historic site, (Apr. 30th) Elk Point - Seasonal Historical Interpreters and Lead - U of L Faculty of Management - Executive Programs Assistant Interpreter (Apr. 2nd) Student Newspaper of the University of Lethbridge (Mar. 19th) - Historic Dunvegan Provincial Park, Fairview - Seasonal - Cargill AgHorizons - Assistant Farm Marketing Rep. This An autonomous body, separate from the U of L Students' Union Historical Interpreters and Lead Interpreter (Apr. 2nd) position is part of On-Campus Recruiting (OCR). You must be SU-166,4401 University Drive West, Lethbridge. AB TI K 3M4 - Prairie Rose Regional Division No. 8, Dunmore - Summer registered in order to apply. Come in to CES for more info Groundspersons in Oyen, Foremost and Medicine Hat (Apr. (B610). Deadline is March 24th. 2nd) mel*io*rism (meel'ye riz'm, me'le e-), n. the doctrine - Grasslands Group, southwest SK - Agronomist (ASAP) - Camp Wannacombac, Medicine Hat - Program Coordinators that the world tends to become better or may be made - General Dynamics Canada - BATUS Conversion and Program Workers (Apr. 2nd) Installation-Suffield Base - Installers, Team Lead, Technical better by human effort - The Bethany Group, Camrose - Casual Relief Nurses (ASAP) Publications Specialist, Schedule Planner (ASAP) - Bos Sod Farms, Coaldale - Truck Driver, Sod harvester The Meliorist is the student newspaper of the University of Lethbridge, publshed most Operator, Receptionist (Apr. 16th) - TakinglTGlobal - International internships in Paris, Sydney, Thursdays throughout the academic year by The Meiorist Pubkhing Society, an - Bos Scapes, Coaldale - Truck Driver, Irrigation Installer, New York, Boston, London, and Rome (Apr. 15th) autonomous incorporated body. Please address all correspondence to The Meiorist. Landscape Construction Labor (Apr. 16th) - Agriculture Financial Services Corp, Red Deer and Camrose - 4401 University Drive. Lethbridge, Alberta, T1K 3M4, or drop it off at room SU-166. - Municipality of Sioux Lookout, ON - Various Camp and Loans Officer Trainees (Mar. 23rd) Deadlne for submissions is Sunday at noon. The phone number is (403) 329-2334 or Waterfront positions (Apr. 1st) - University of Calgary - Human Resources Assistant (ASAP) fax us at 329-2333. The Meiorist appreciates and encourages the writing of thought­ - Bayshore Inn, Waterton lakes - Servers/Housekeeping/Front - DeKoda Agri Business Inc., East Central Alberta - ful, concise, timet/ letters. However, The Meiorist will only consider for publcation those Desk (Mar. 30th) Agronomist/Sales (Mar. 31st) letters which are signed by the author (special arrangements may be made for those - Alberta Agriculture, Food and Rural Development, Lethbridge - County of Paintearth, Sedgewick/Castor, AB - Rural wishing anonymity, but absolutely no pseudonyms), contain the authors legible name, - Technologist Aide (Mar. 24th) Conservation Technician, temporary/contract (Mar. 22nd) address, telephone number and student identification number (address, I.D. and - District of Houston Parks & Recreation, B.C. - Lifeguarding - County of Camrose No. 22 - G.P.S./G.I.S. Mapping Technician phone number not for publcation). Letters may be edited fa brevity, clarity and legal­ positions and Parks Labourer (Mar. 24th) (Mar. 26th) ity. The Meforisf reserves the right to edit submissions ana wil not print Ibelous material. - Ducks Unlimited Canada, Calgary - Agricultural Resource - Drumheller Regional Chamber of Development and Tourism - Technician (Apr. 7th) Tourism Assistant (Mar. 19th) Editor-in-Chief | David Green - Green Acres Foundation, Lethbridge - Various summer posi­ - HunterMercantile - Inside Business Development [email protected] tions (Mar. 31st) Representative, Western Canada (Mar. 31st) - Woodlands County, Fort Assiniboine - Weed Inspector (Apr. - Grasslands Group, SK - Supervisor, Payroll/Accounting Business Manager | Kris Fleckenstein 9th) (ASAP) b. [email protected] - Frito-Lay Canada, Lethbridge - Route Sales Representative - AgriVenture, International Agriculture Exchange Association (ASAP) Advertising Manager | Ken Atwood (Mar. 26th) - Bridge City Chrysler, Lethbridge - Lube Technician (ASAP) [email protected] - Town of Inuvik Summer Day Camp Counsellor; Instructor/Lifeguard (Mar. 31st) - IND Diagnostic, Delta, BC - Lab Technician (ASAP) - Wireless Matrix Corporation, Calgary - Internship for IT Copy Editor | Alicia McKenzie - Star Choice, B.C. and Alberta - Team Leader, Promotional [email protected] Sales; Promotional Representatives (Apr. 15th) majors (ASAP) - Camps Winadu and Danbee, Massachusetts - Camp Counsellor - AB Agriculture, Food & Rural Development, Stettler - Production Manager | Lance Semak positions (ASAP) Internship - Alberta Ag-Info Centre (Mar. 10th) - Municipal District of Fairview #136 - ASB Technician (Apr. - Saskatchewan Watershed Authority, Regina - Prairie [email protected] 2nd) Restoration Coordinator, May - March 2006 (Apr. 5th) - Town of Olds - Summer Parks Staff (Mar. 29th) Distribution Manager | Byron Duvichak - Rooftops Canada/Abri International - Young Professional - Marksmen Vegetation Management Inc., Lloydminster, SK - Intern Program (Apr. 5th) News Editor | Nathan Sharpe Pesticide Applicators, and Assistants (ASAP) - CANADEM Junior Professional Consultant Program - overseas [email protected] - Fort Whop-Up Interpretive Centre - Summer Interpreter (Apr. placements (ASAP) 1st) - L9 Consulting Ltd., Calgary - Intermediate Entertainment Editor | Tanya Plonka - Drumheller Regional Chamber of Development & Tourism - Remediation/Reclamation Technician, Junior Field Technician [email protected] Tourism Assistant (Mar. 19th) (ASAP) - Bow Waters Canoe Club, Calgary - Canoe Camp Instructor, Sports Editor | Craig Hamilton - Federated Cooperatives Limited, western Canada - Retail Canoe Guides/Instructors, Lessons Program Coordinator (ASAP) [email protected] Department Manager Trainee (Food), Retail Office - Town of Strathmore - Parks Dept. summer positions (Apr. Manager/Accountant Trainee (ongoing intake - APPLY ASAP!) 23rd) Photo Editor | Josh Nagy - BD Biosciences, Mississauga - Product Manager, Associate [email protected] - RENU-L-TECH Environmental, Alberta and southern Product Manager (ASAP) Saskatchewan - Herbicide Applicators (Mar. 30th) - Biolynx Inc. - Technical Sales Reps in Eastern and Western Creative Designer | Lance Semak - FireFox Marketing - Special Event Staff (ASAP) Canada (ASAP) - Saskatchewan Watershed Authority, Regina - Nursery Office Assistant | Jaime Tremblay - Scotia Personnel Ltd., across US - Au Pair/Child Care, Technician; Range Technicians, both from May - Oct. (Apr. 5th) Hospitality Jobs in the UK (Dec. 31st) WebMaster | Vikramjit Singh Gill - Canadian Red Cross Society, Lethbridge - Program support - Nal-Path Insurance Brokers Inc. - Agents (ASAP) Assistant (Apr. 15th) Printing | Southern Alberta Newspaper Group - Calgary Police Service - Police Officer (ASAP) - Town of Fort Macleod - Summer Youth Development - SourSeed Inc., Taiwan, China, Japan, South Korea - ESL Contributors: Jay Willy, Andrea Jennings, Program; Community Programs Coordinator; Summer Youth Teachers (June 30th) Dubbjay, Ryan Reed, Geordon Hoag, Mamie Development Program Assistant (Mar. 19th) - Cool Jobs Canada - Canada's job posting Web site for the Hamagame - The Cooperators Insurance, Lethbridge - Storm Students - tourism and hospitality industry - www.cooljobscanada.com - Assistant Claims Adjusters (Apr. 15th) hundreds of tourism/hospitality positions all across Canada Quote of the Week - AgriValuc Agronomy Ltd., Warner - Irrigation Scheduler (ASAP) 'Books have the same enemies as people fire, humidity, ani­ Assistant/Crop Scout (Mar. 31st) For information on international opportunities, come in to CES mals, weather, and their own content. " - Carbon & District Recreation Board, Village of Carbon - in B610 and check the international job binder or view tbcm - Paul Valery Swimming Pool Stall (Mar. 31st) online at www.workopolisCampus.com. - Western Pacific Silviculture Co. Ltd. - Tree Planter (Mar. 31st) - Scotia Personnel Ltd., USA and Italy - Summer Camp posi­ Letters to the Editor The Meliorist Thursday, 18 March 2004 Page 03

Dear Editor, these days, and there are elements common to various ones, including ^^^ JBLII JHLMI The unidentified author of "Inter- many (he says "all") of which consider Varsity Christian fellowship chokes on themselves to be "the chosen or spe­ reality?" [The Meliorist, ll March cial people." By some impenetrable 2004, pg. 03] starts out by noting that logic, he concludes from this that it is IVCF and other evangelical Christians not possible that the Bible and the assert that ultimate truth exists and Cm Urn: Christian's claim that Jesus is unique the redemptive death of Jesus is can be true. Such a conclusion is tan­ and postmodernism it is politically Christianity claims that Jesus Christ is investigation, not pre-judgment. unique. He apparently thinks he is tamount to saying that there is no correct to accept all beliefs as equal; the Son of God, and laid down his life showing this to be an impossible posi­ truth. This way lays intellectual sui­ but my point is that in the university, for us in an unprecedented (unique) Don Frantz tion by observing that we know more cide. if nowhere else, we should be search­ act of redemption. Either this is true Professor Emeritus & Visiting about other cultures and religions Granted that in this age of pluralism ing for truth in all areas. Biblical or it isn't. This calls for open-minded Professor, NAS

Dear Editor, nation is not important). The fact is and degraded it for the sake of contro­ I have made it a practice in my own my professors and classmates have that these "artistic" images were blas­ versy. Regardless of the beliefs of the life to accept others for their individ­ the courtesy to give people with spe­ On Wednesday, as I was walking to phemous and crude. As a believer in artist, it is not his right to destroy ual ideas, and I would imagine that cific moral and religious beliefs a my class in the P.E. building, I was Christ, the Savior of the world, I someone's sacred icon. It is one thing others would have the same tolerance. choice as to what they partake in class bombarded with blasphemous images believe that he (as well as his image) to share one's beliefs in an appropri­ Also, sure he has the freedom of - why is this different? Why did I referred to as "Art". The pictures of deserves respect. The kind of respect ate forum, (as a lot of religions do via expression of his beliefs, but it is also have to see this? If the artist wants to Jesus Christ, the figure beloved to that would absolve him from such promotions and missionary work), my right to go to classes and see the create these images, they should be in many Christian denominations, were pointed and inappropriate spectacles. but no one, or religion for that matter, things I want to see. I avoid rated "R" a place where people consciously surrounded by profanity. Naturally I I understand the notion of free has the right to dissemble and make a movies so that I don't have to witness choose to see them, not in a public was offended. I am a Christian; more expression, and ideas and opinions, mockery of other faiths. It is his right some of the images contained within, hallway. specifically, I am a member of the and I even understand the nature of to believe and proselyte his beliefs, and yet while on my way to class I am Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day thought provoking art, but this isn't but it is not his right to make a mock­ unavoidably confronted with offen­ T. Duncan Saints (although my specific denomi­ OK. This "art" took a sacred figure ery of mine. sive pictures and statements. Even The Wandering Maple Leaf returns

Hello Alberta, our whole bus though I was one of two who made it to the flat burning hot It has been such a busy week. My last top. It was beautiful to look 360 few days in Melbourne were wonder­ degrees around at the surrounding ful. If the pollution did not cause me flat plain. Felt like that first scene out so much trouble breathing. I would of The Lion King, only without the have definitely stopped there and animals. Off in the westward distance picked up work for a little while. I had you can see another large set of red so much fun; played bingo with drag rocks. We returned to the base just as queens, enjoyed the Sinceta Festival, the last bit of shadow was disappear­ had dinner again with my friend's ing. The heat was unbearable. We did aunt and uncle, and was asked out on one more short hike through the split a proper date by this gorgeous big in the rock that was on the horizon, Dutch bloke. Sad to move on but that and then it was time to return to Alice. is what travelling is about, never get­ Have said good-bye to the German ting too attached. and am catching the train to Darwin Currently I am in Alice Springs. It is tonight. a disgusting small town filled with wandering, drunk aborigines people. Christie Page So far I have been screamed at and The Wandering Maple Leaf called a racist by an elder lady who February 9th, 2004 tried to take a five-dollar note out of my hand, and I was groped by a gen­ tleman while on the phone to my mother. Poor mom had to listen to me slap and scream "don't touch me" Hello Alberta, while there was nothing she could do for me on the other side of the world. This weekend the Med students I am fine but looking forward to leav­ invited me down to Kakadu with ing the town that would not exist if it them. Kakadu is a giant nature were not for Ayres rock. reserve in the Northern Territory. I I was all worth it though for the expe­ rode down with Matt on his bike - rience of the red centre. I caught the sorry Dad, I know you don't approve. tour bus at midnight Saturday. Sat Four others rode in the car. next to this very good looking German We did all sorts of hikes through the guy who let me sleep with my head on tropical prehistoric scenery. It really his lap. We arrived at the rock just did look like a picture out of Jurassic before sunrise. Over a bacon and egg Park and felt like it too. It is the wet breakfast I watcher the sacred rock season and is almost always raining. turn from black to the most brilliant It always shocks me when I climb out shade of red. It really was breathtak­ of the air-conditioned car and into the near the water holes. We did see some its bum. You grab the ant by the head, something soon. ing. Ten minutes after the sun had sweltering humid heat. When we cool insects though. The termites squeeze it, and then bite off the bum. peaked we rushed to the base of the entered the park we were warned here build gigantic homes out of well- Tastes just like a lemon drop. Christie Page climbing trail on the west side. It is a about the crocodiles. Most of the park packed dirt. They look like old tree Yum! When we got back, I was invit­ The Wandering Maple Leaf race against time to climb to the top is flooded and underwater so the crocs trunks only they are approximately ed to a dinner party with a lot of the February 19th, 2004 before the shadows fade and the heat can be anywhere. The only place you twelve feet high and eight feet in local doctors. The theme was a "chili becomes unbearable. It is so steep are allowed to safely swim is the pool. diametre. Amazing when you think cook off". Everything everybody Check out my Web site for current you must use a chain to pull yourself We took a boat ride hoping to see how small a little termite is. brought had to have a chili in the photos: up the 348m high stone. The rise is so some wild life but only saw birds. To The highlight though was when we recipe. What a good idea. Now I am http://www.liquidgecko.eom/menu.a great each step felt like razor blades see crocs it is best to come in the dry ate ants. Yep. There is a breed of ant back doing the job search thing. sp?sid=404 were running down my calves. Out of season when they are all concentrated here that has a yellow ball attached to Really love Darwin - hope I find Xeach English Too Many Essays Too Little Time? OOPS! OverseasTESOL Certlfte!e IISl 6 Daye In claee Online or by Essay Experts Can Help! Correspondence We would like to apologize for the following mis­ * All tigott * NO Degieo takes in the March 11th issue: We provide Essay ' No Experience Writing/Editing/Research services. Free Info Seminar: F«b. 19 (& 7pm The Letter to the Editor Travelodfle Hotel. Phd Writers. Satisfaction Guaranteed! Travel Th* Glotw Mayor Magrath Dr. S. lEarn Great Money Went Course: May 19-23 "Inter-Varsity Christian No job too big or too small. Call for a FREE consultatipn or a FREE info pack. Fellowship ..." should 1-877-974-TEXT 1-888-270-2941 have been credited to U of Essayexperts.ca www.globaltesol.com L alumni Gordon Koppang. J MI News The Meliorist Thursday, 18 March 2004 | Page 04 Information on the Campus Women's Centre throw around all of the theoretical their sexual partners are, how many ety of events throughout the year. attached to it". Is that who is at the names and titles like Marxist they have, and how long they have Some are fundraisers as the Centre is Women's Centre? Feminists? Are we Feminist, Social Feminist, Liberal them for, the right to make decisions a non-profit organization that a group of man hating, hairy legged, by Mamie Hamagami Feminist, First, Second or Third Wave that affect your life, and the direction receives funding from government granola eating women? Well, no, Campus Women's Centre Feminist, there are Third World it will take. organizations to complete projects, actually, we aren't. We are a group of Volunteer Feminists, Anti-Racist Feminists and Every person has a different defini­ but most of the events are free. women who care about others, and tion of what it means to be a feminist The Centre is currently performing a and some feminists reject the word all two-year security project to assess together. In the end it doesn't matter students' perceptions about safety in what you call yourself, only that you the campus community. There is a W HAT is THE CAMPUS acknowledge the right to choose and confidential survey available for all Women's Centre? Where is it? Why the acceptance of diversity. students to fill out at the centre. is it there? And who is at the Centre? Does that make all of us at the Centre Where is the Campus Women's These are the kind of questions asked Feminists? Yes and no, not all would Centre? The Centre is located in of me when people first hear that I accept this label as pertaining to between the Physical Education volunteer at the Centre, and they are them, and not all will like the defini­ Building and the Students' Union in also the kinds of questions I wanted tion I have written out, but in the end room SP150. We have a place to sit answered when I first heard we had a the people here all do accept the and a place to work. It is not a large women's centre at the University. diversity of others and they acknowl­ space but we are happy to share it This is my response: edge the right of all women to choose. with everybody. What is the Women's Centre? The In answer to my question "who is at Why do we have a Women's Centre? women's centre is a place on campus the women's centre?": we are a group The Centre was created to do many of that people, that's right people, not of women who are here to help in any the things I have already mentioned, just women, can go for references and way we can, be it through references, provide referrals, references, and it is referrals regarding a large range of referrals, a safe place to sit, or even a a safe place to go. We also play a topics from health issues such as eat­ free condom. We are here to help, not watchdog role at the University. We ing disorders and doctor referrals, to to force our personal political views try to ensure all policies adopted by not all of us here would take kindly to even the "big bad" Militant Feminists. counselling referrals and STD infor­ onto those who choose to use our the University and the Students' being called a feminist. This large and diverse group of people mation. The Centre is also a safe place services, but to provide those services Union are fair and equitable. Perhaps it is important to discuss do have a couple of common threads: for staff, students, and faculty to come without judgment. during office hours for a friendly con­ Who is at the Campus Women's what a feminist actually is. Who are choice and acceptance of diversity. versation or just a quiet place to sit. Centre? This is perhaps the most dif­ feminists and what is it they believe They all believe in choice and the right We encourage you to come in and say The centre also has a number of refer­ ficult and the most important ques­ in? Feminist is a difficult word to to choose. They believe women and hello. Ask us some questions and ence books that can be used at any tion. Feminists. There I said it, the define. Many different people, men men alike have the right to choose make use of the services we have to time inside the centre and that can be "biggest, baddest" word in the English and women alike, call themselves whether or not they stay at home and offer to you. You don't need to have a taken out by Centre members. language. If it escapes that title, then such, and the only thing more diverse take care of their children or go out problem in order to come in, and you Besides referrals and information the it certainly has a good claim to the then this group of people are the and work. Feminists believe that all don't need to be a woman to find us Campus Women's Centre hosts a vari­ title of "the word with the most stigma things they believe in. We could people have the right to choose who useful. Biodiesel: The wave of the future? by Geordon Hoag diesel. Rudolph Diesel, inventor of the diesel and, possibly best of all, when burned, Escort your parents gave you as a News Contributor Prenevost explained that bio-diesel is engine, initially planned for these it smells like popcorn. In addition, "graduation gift" (i.e. your dad was a form of diesel made from biological devices to use peanut oil. However, diesel engines offer some advantages sick of seeing it parked in the drive­ ingredients. This fuel can be synthe­ diesel fuel, as we know it, was a cheap to a standard gasoline engine: they get way) running for just a little bit sized from such derivatives as canola substitute at the time. Nevertheless, it better mileage, they last longer, and longer. oil, soy oil, hemp oil, safflower oil, and has recently become impractical, gen­ have more torque than gas engines. And although there are many advan­ \r N MARCH 11TH, 2004 MR. the tallow of beef, pork, and chicken. erating 40 pollutants including car­ "The only disadvantage," says tages of running bio-diesel in older Kelsey Prenevost, president of Kyoto These, mixed with ethanol, produce cinogens. Prenevost, "is you'll have to replace cars, many companies are producing Fuels Corporation, spoke to the bio-diesel and glycerin as a byprod­ The switch from petrol-based diesel your fuel filter the first time you run it models specifically for use with bio- Southern Alberta Council of Public uct. Using organic oils and chemicals to bio-diesel would yield many bene­ through your car's fuel line." This is diesel. One model can get from Affairs about the benefits of bio­ to this end is nothing new. In fact, Dr. fits, such as a 40 per cent reduction in the result of the bio-diesel cleaning Lethbridge to Calgary and back on 65 output of carbon monoxide, 20 per out all the residual byproduct of burn­ cents worth of bio-diesel. For those of cent in soot and a varying amount in ing regular diesel fuel prior. That's you intrigued by this "miracle fuel", smog. In addition, there would be a right folks; it cleans your engine as feel free to check out hefty reduction of C02 (78 per cent). well. In fact, bio-diesel generates 65 www.biodiesel.org or e-mail Kelsey Furthermore, it is biodegradable and per cent less engine wear than petrol- Prenevost at non-toxic to the environment when based diesel. In other words, bio- [email protected]. spilled. In marine spills, bio-diesel diesel will help keep that '87 Ford was found to have even less toxicity than table salt. As for immedi­ Costly fuel wasted while motorists sit Idly by ate benefits to the lion a year. consumer, bio- Every year, the number of vehicles on Alberta's diesel is safe to AMA News release roads increases by 50,000 additional vehicles. use in enclosed areas, any diesel By the end of the year, Alberta's 2.3 million engine can run it. vehicles will consume about five billion litres of fuel. OTORISTS IDLING THEIR VEHICLES UNNEC- "Too much of our diminishing fuel supply is earls earis earis earls earis earis earis earls ear essarily are wasting fuel and getting poor fuel economy, warns the Alberta Motor wasted," notes Scott Wilson Association. of AMA's Advocacy and Community Services. "We need to use it HALF PRICE Wings and CHEAP Beer, Industry experts predict that fuel prices will rise as demand for gasoline responsibly. Idling isn't only a waste of fuel, it's How could you go wrong???? increases over the summer, when people tend to bad for your engine and drive more. Some bad for the environment." have speculated that the price of gasoline may EUERY Wednesday if is Beer and reach $0.90 per litre by AMA also suggests the following tips for reduc­ summertime. AMA urges drivers to consider ing fuel consumption: Wing day at Earls. See you there! ways to cut fuel costs. Everybody predicts this - * Slow down and drive the speed limit it's a fact. * Avoid jackrabbit starts and stops 2nd Ave. * j^j&reet £outh One easy way to reduce the amount of fuel you * Maintain proper tire pressure - check at consume is to avoid least monthly letting your engine idle unnecessarily, says Scott * Keep your vehicle maintained properly Wilson of AMA's * Don't carry unnecessary weight in your Advocacy and Community Services. "Every trunk or pickup box time you let your vehicle idle, * Carpool when you can you're wasting fuel. You're getting zero miles to * Combine errands to reduce trips the gallon and paying dearly for it." The Alberta Motor Association is the largest Just ten minutes of idling burns up one-tenth membership organization in of a litre of fuel in a small Alberta, with more than 660,000 members rep­ motor, and up to four tenths of a litre for eight- resenting one in three households, or one in tour cylinder engines. If every driver of Alberta's 2.3 drivers. AMA represents member interests to all million registered vehicles reduced their idling levels of government and other organizations to time by just five minutes per day, Alberta would ensure the safety needs and rights of motorists, earls earls earls earls e< conserve 92 million litres of fuel, worth $64 mil­ travellers and consumers. News The Meliorist Thursday, 18 March 2004 | Page 05 Your new Students' Union

Loralee Edwards Jason Rumer Kelly Andres Clay Campbell Bryce Steeves SU president V.P. Academic V.P. Administration V.P. Internal Affairs Arts & Science rep.

Nafisa Jadavji Erin Williscroft Owen Beddoe Lindsay Hammond There are still several Arts & Science rep. Arts & Science rep. Fine Arts rep. Residence Rep. positions available

As for the Campus Women's Centre, VICE PRESIDENT ADMINISTRA­ CALGARY CAMPUS REPRESENTA­ Position vacant, by-election in their referendum passed and the TION TIVE September Compiled by Nathan Sharpe Centre will receive a one dollar levy Kelly Andres - 404 votes Position vacant, by-election in News Editor from the students per semester. Greg Imeson - 303 votes September FACULTY OF HEALTH SCIENCES REPRESENTATIVE PRESIDENT FACULTY OF FINE ARTS REPRE­ BOARD OF GOVERNORS REPRE­ Position vacant, by-election in Loralee Edwards - 205 votes SENTATIVE SENTATIVE September Jon Morrison -198 votes Owen Beddoe - yes Position vacant, by-election in HIER.E ARE YOUR STUDENTS' Tyler Tanner - 189 votes September Please note that all of this material is Union representatives for the Paul Daniels -150 votes FACULTY OF ARTS AND SCIENCE unofficial. If there is a discrepancy 2004-2005 academic year! It was a REPRESENTATIVES FACULTY OF EDUCATION REPRE­ between this and the official results, tight race and drew about 10 per VICE PRESIDENT ACADEMIC Nafisa Jadavji - yes SENTATIVE the latter shall prevail. cent of the students out to vote. Jason Rumer - 362 votes Bryce Steeves - yes Position vacant, by-election in All terms commence on May 1st, Notice that the presidential election Gorm Hansen - 248 votes Erin Williscroft - yes September 2004. has the top three candidates within 15 Matthew Sletto -116 votes votes of each other; that is about a RESIDENCE REPRESENTATIVE FACULTY OF MANAGEMENT REP­ fifth of a percent, so obviously, every VICE PRESIDENT INTERNAL Lindsay Hammond -125 votes RESENTATIVE vote does count. AFFAIRS Nancy MacNeill - 69 votes Position vacant, by-election in Congratulations to all of the winners, Clayton Campbell - 314 votes September news and hopefully the other candidates Patricia Butt - 239 votes EDMONTON CAMPUS REPRESEN­ will run in the by-election in Michael Smith -163 votes TATIVE FACULTY OF HEALTH SCIENCE September. James Samaroden - yes REPRESENTATIVE Election woes plague the U of L cerns that the Chief Returning Officer (CRO) declared invalid and another one was scheduled posters did come late in the races, both of the had a conflict of interest, as she was a good where the GA upheld their original decision. SU's Executive members who ran again got by Nathan Sharpe friend with one of the candidates. These con­ During the campaigning, candidates hung their crushed in the polls. News Editor cerns were quickly and quietly resolved though. posters too close to each other, stuck them to Other posters that were not posted by candi­ This was only the tip of the iceberg. One candi­ painted surfaces, listed Web sites and e-mail dates were the "beer belly Kelly" pesters. These date had his banner up early in a prime spot. addresses, and other such minor infractions that were similar in humour to the "vote Cactus" Campaigning early is against the bylaws set by resulted in fines. posters that had a cactus pitted against Paul HE STUDENTS' UNION ELECTIONS ARE the CRO and the SU for elections. Other candi­ Some candidates used parts of the University Daniels last year. over, but the dust has yet to settle. dates complained and there was an emergency crest in their banners and posters, which was Besides the fact that there was a spread of 15 General Assembly meeting. resolved as well. Even the Campus Women's Centre referendum votes between the top three candidates for pres­ It was decided that the person in question was Posters were ripped down or turned upside was not without slander. A smear campaign was ident, many controversial moves were made to be fined. They then countered, accusing the down during the campaigns in a shameful repre­ launched after the campaigning had officially during the election period that may have been two candidates that issued their concerns of sentation of student politics. closed. Posters were put up stating all sorts of able to sway that handful of votes. infractions. Other campaign materials were called into facts like "university men are more likely to com­ Before the election even started there were con­ The next day the emergency GA meeting was question, one in particular where a student was mit suicide," and others used to try and reason riding the bronze Pronghorn, located in the that the Campus Women's Centre is redundant. LINC's entrance. It has also previously suffered There were no sources for these facts, and no abuse at the hands of Students' Union execu­ one has come foreword to suggest starting a tives. Campus Men's Centre. Posters covered other art during the campaign, The elections at the U of L were actually run which was against a few rules set out to keep the more smoothly than the ones at the University of 1415 - 33 Street North campaigning fair and respectful. Calgary, as their electronic ballots have been With the extensive campaigns, some relying on called into question. On Thursday, March 18th, Pack it, Store it. Secure it massive colour posters, some plain black-and- a vote will be taken by one of their SU hoards on white sheets, and others with video equipment, whether a reelection will be necessary. some think it will be an interesting occasion The election at this University was filled with 11 different bay sizes when the candidates have to submit their mistakes and miscommunications, but in the expense reports, since expenses can he no more end, we unofficially have the cabinet for the New than a hundred dollars). Year. Some people were called into question as they were running for positions while they already had some form of power within the SU, for fear that this might have resulted in a conflict of interest. Student Biseoutit The debate was a hot item as well. Slander was thrown across the table, at times not having am thing to do with the debate itself. 24 hour Hccess Perhaps one of the more amusing moments 329-1666 came from the ^till visible, anti-smoking posters that said "this year the SU executive allowed advertising that degrades women. Does this YOU Km mm show respect ami leadership?" Although the MARCH lf&2@

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IV< Contact Mark Philips or Austen Roadz for more information @ 3804210 On loo on to www.theroadhouse.ca for all of our upcoming events NEWS The Meliorist |_ Thursday, 18 March 2004 | Page OB Web registration U of A students send textbooks to Afghanistan of M soon realized it was too large to lem. Medical training in Afghanistan take on themselves, so they contacted is traditionally in English, so this will by Kristine Owram is here the other English-speaking medical not be a change from the few books The Gateway System, soon to be renamed the schools in the country and gave each currenfiy left in the library. Most of the textbooks have already Registrar's Office "Bridge", to find your individual reg­ EDMONTON (CUP) school a target of 50 to 70 textbooks. News Release istration dates. Note that students The U of A exceeded that goal long been sent to Manitoba, and Gordon register in order of seniority ago, and expects to contribute over hopes to have them sorted and sent to (Calendar, page 40), based on the 200 books, thanks to the efforts of the Afghanistan by May. "It's been a frustrating experience. number of successfully completed Thanks to the efforts of students, John W. Scott Health Sciences Last year I was fourth in line to ship E ARE PLEASED TO courses. Your individual registration professors, and librarians at the Library and medical students, past up to 26,000 pounds of stuff with the announce that Web Registration will start date will be somewhere between University of Alberta and across the and present, throughout the city. Canadian military, but then we pulled be available to all continuing students March 18th and April 2nd. country, medical students in Kabul out of the country," he laughed. commencing March 18th, 2004 (Early Watch your e-mail for more infor­ will soon have almost 1,000 new text­ "Since then we have gone back in, but Registration). You will have the mation. books in their library. we're obviously not their top priority." option of using Web Registration or Started by University of Manitoba Despite frustrations and setbacks, ULINK (403-320-5555), your choice. You can locate the Web Information radiology professor Dr. Richard however, those involved are excited Instructions and FAQs for Web System at: Gordon, the Kabul Medical Library about helping their fellow medical Registration have been sent to you on Project aims to send as many of the students in need. Friday, March 12th, 2004. Please pay https://poas.uleth.ca/webinfo textbooks named in the Brandon/Hill particular attention to registration essential medical library list as possi­ "If educating the people of information in the FAQ document You can view the Summer Session ble to the Afghan city. Afghanistan is going to be the priority to help work through the war, then regarding add/dropping courses with and Fall 2004 timetables online at: The Kabul Medical Library was you're going to have to provide them lecture/lab links. The method for reg­ depleted and damaged during years of http://www.uleth.ca/reg/ro_quick_li the resources to facilitate their educa­ istering into these classes has conflict and instability in Afghanistan. On top of that, approximately $350 changed dramatically from ULINK, so nks.html tion, so that's the primary goal," said "The details on it are actually really has been raised to pay for the costs of please review carefully. Anand. vague, but it was already in ruins shipping the books to Winnipeg. Web Registration is brand new to the under the Taliban regime, and when "It actually worked out really well," Denise Koufogiannakis, collections U of L and, as with any new computer the war came about, the whole library said Anand. "We decided to contact manager at the John W. Scott Library, applications, problems may arise dur­ was destroyed," explained medical the Professional Association of agreed. "Especially in this day and ing registration. If this should hap­ student Vishal Anand, a local organiz­ Residents of Alberta. If, for example, age, you need access to information to pen, we will shut down web registra­ er and executive member of the U of you're a resident in cardiology, you no really move things forward," she said. tion until the problems are solved. A's International Healthcare longer need your gastrointestinal According to Gordon, those at Kabul However, as always, ULINK will be Initiatives for Medical Students. textbook, it's no longer relevant to University have been "overwhelmed" available throughout registration. We "They always refer to this one ency­ what you're doing. So we had huge by the project. have tested extensively and do not clopedia that had bullet holes through amounts of donations from residents "They have a library with 300 books anticipate having to shut down Web it. That's indicative of the state of the at hospitals, which was really great," in it that are about 30 years old. What Registration, but we want you to be Kabul Medical Library," said Anand. he said. would you do as a physician if you aware of the possibility. According to Anand, the medical stu­ The textbooks are all in English, but were stuck with that for an educa­ Please log into the Web Information dents involved in the project at the U according to Anand this is not a prob­ tion?" Southern Albertans to protest continued occupation of Iraq nathan's little corn rebuild the shattered country." I U%M il 1131 2P lli 1 •_•_ wK BfL.1 Lethbridge Network for Peace The rally on March 20th will be followed by a News Release march through the downtown area. On March 15th, Lethbridge Network for Peace courses, you will have to cheat more because organized a film night in the Theatre Gallery of you do not actually have the prerequisites. the Lethbridge Public Library. Several films on by Nathan Sharpe This issue is compounded when students hit O N MARCH 20TH, SOUTHERN ALBERTANS the war were shown to those in attendance News Editor the work world. How would you like it if your will join concerned citizens across Canada, the including the feature film Uncovered - The doctor did not actually know what he was doing United States, and Europe, and in towns and Whole Truth About the War on Iraq. There when he cut you open? What if your lawyer •— cities all over the world to protest the contin­ was a discussion after the films. spent his time in law school at the pub, cheating ued occupation of Iraq. In Lethbridge, a rally Last February, over 500 Southern Albertans EDUCATION, LIKE ALL THINGS, IS A COM- his way through an education, and taking your will be held at 1 p.m. outside City Hall where marched through downtown Lethbridge and modity. As such, many other markets are tied money even thought he knows as much about speakers will inform the public about aspects of urged the Federal government not to provide to education, and can develop because of the law as your cat? the devastation and consequences of the pre­ any support for pre-emptive military action evolution of education. Starting to sound interesting? What about if emptive war on Iraq. against Iraq. Some of these are great resources but some after you graduated, it was found out that you "It is estimated that 10,000 Iraqi civilians that are being seen more often are the "essay had plagiarized something in your third year? have been killed and 30,000 injured. About writing services". For a fee, a student can have Yes, you got it, your education would become 700 coalition soldiers are dead - mostly someone else write an essay for them. Some of worthless and your money and time would be American. And still no weapons of mass the essays end up at places like turnitin.com - wasted. destruction have been found," says Sheila students note that this university is a subscriber. This is not meant to scare people; I do not mind Rogers, the head of Lethbridge Network for If a student hands in an essay that they did not if they want to throw their futures into the Peace. "Thousands of Iraqis are being held by write, they risk being expelled. Eventually, and hands of strangers dealing in unethical prac­ the U.S. military authorities without being often sooner, rather than later, cheating stu­ tices, who likely got through school the same charged and without due process. We call for dents will get caught. way. The thing is though, when me and Joe an end to the occupation of Iraq and on the These essay writing services charge a nominal Blow walk into a job interview with the same international community to step up efforts to fee, starting at just over ten bucks American per credentials, I will get the job because I know page. Often, those who pay will just get a recy­ what I am talking about, whereas Joe has paid cled essay, but some services will write an someone to be his voice throughout his academ­ entirely new essay for that student. Writing ic career and can't even BS himself through it services like this can cost upwards of $50 a anymore. page, and even dissertations can be written. If you are paying for an education, do not pay The idea is that you use the essay as an exam­ extra to have it become worthless. A warning to ple to start writing your own essay, but in reali­ all students considering these essay writing ty, these services are in place to help students services: if your professor is smart enough to get trade money for grades. The writers will write a doctorate, they are going to be smart enough you the paper to very specific guidelines, such as to bust you and send you packing. how many sources, what topic, what length, what margins, what name on what kind of cover page, and so on. As an added security feature, students can pay to have the essay held from public domain for a period of time after they hand it in to avoid getting caught. There is no guarantee that the people helping you cheat are fair though. By now there may be a few people reading this who are still thinking "what a great idea", but no, it isn't. Essay writing services are the things that get you kicked out of university, and stu­ dents who plagiarize do not get accepted else­ where. Even if you do not get caught, you will notactuallj learn anything Tin maj seem like a small problem now bul when you take more Entertainment The Meliorist | Thursday, 18 March 2004 Page 09 Artist Trading Cards I feel Pretty and Witty hit Lethbridge array of student submitted visual art, of materials are unlimited, so it is a must register by Friday, March 19th. University of Lethbridge with similar themes, including paint­ by Tanya Plonka fun and democratic way of experienc­ Mabie will discuss the history of the News Release ing and photography. One can expect Entertainment Editor ing and spreading artwork. art form and other information relat- a highly entertaining evening of These cards may employ painting, thought provoking and timely art drawing, caricature, collage, the Mr ^fckRi T HAS A WAY OF IMITATING from enthusiastic and dedicated the­ "ready-made", etc.; may be either 2D life, and for many people, being gay, atre and visual artists. lOCAL ARTISTS WILL FINALLY or 3D; and subject matter can widely or having gay loved ones, is a big part "As an artist," said event organizer have a chance to trade their works entertainment range from the comical, to the politi­ of life. The show Pretty & Witty & Jay Whitehead, "I think it is very with other artists. cal, to the inane. Cards may be part of GAY will explore this fact. It will important to share ideas, in an enter­ The SAAG is introducing Artist a series, or individual works of art. share the lives, joys, and passions that taining way, that may open eyes, or Trading Card sessions, free events comprise gay and lesbian culture, allow others to view things from an where, as the name suggests, artists ed to the cards, while participants will through theatre and art. Pretty & angle they could not see before." He create cards with whatever artwork have a chance to produce their own Witty & GAY shows one night only, continues that, "our first objective they desire, browse through cards cre­ cards. Supplies will be provided, but Sunday, March 21st, at the U of L with Pretty & Witty & GAY is to enter­ ated by other artists, and trade with you are encouraged to bring whatever Drama Studio (W420, next to the tain the audience and create aware­ whomever they choose. else you feel you may need. David Spinks Theatre). Doors open at ness. We hope to give the Lethbridge This has been very successful in The very first trading session will 7:30 pm and show time is at 8 pm. community a chance to explore the Calgary, and is both a national and take place immediately following the Pretty & Witty & GAY, an evening of culture of this minority group that is international trend in the art commu­ workshop until 5 p.m. exciting and provocative theatre per­ struggling to find its place in our nity. The trend has even been picked Mabie will also be lecturing at The formances and art displays, will cen­ time." up at The University of Lethbridge as University of Lethbridge on Friday, tre around themes like sexuality, fem­ Audience members should expect several professors within the art To start the monthly event, the March 26th at Noon in the Recital inism, and gender roles. and evening of thinking, laughing, department have chosen Artist Gallery is featuring Calgary artist Don Hall as part of the Visitors in the Arts Performances by U of L students and and sharing. "Despite sexual orienta­ Trading Cards as assignments in place Mabie (a.k.a. Chuck Stake) in an series. faculty will include a dynamic combi­ tion, we are all far more alike than we of sketchbook exercises. Artist Trading Cards Workshop on If you'd like more information on nation of monologues, dramatic are different. We all want to have a Artist Trading Cards are miniature Saturday, March 27th from 1 p.m. - 3 Artist Trading Cards, visit www.artist- scenes, comedy, musical numbers, good time." works of art produced on 2.5 by 3.5" p.m. Registration for the workshop is trading-cards.ch and be sure to come poetry, and readers' theatre presented Admission for Pretty & Witty &GAY cards. The subject matter and choice $12 regular and $10 for members; you to Don Mabie's lecture. in a variety show format. From is only $5 at the door. The show will Vagina Monologues to Drag Queens, be presented cabaret style with a cash the night will not disappoint. bar. The show contains mature There will also be an interesting themes and content.

TOP 5 ADDS 24 JUNIOR WATSON 1 STANDARD If I Had A Genie (Heats & Soul) Wire Post To Wire 25 JULIAN MARLEY 2 VON BONDIES A Time And Place (Tuff Gong) Pawn Shoppe Heart 26 PULSE OF BRAZIL 3 DEAD KENNEDYS Various Artists (Arc) Live At The Deaf Club 27 DANI SICILIANO 4 AVEO Likes E (K7) Battery 28 STEREOLAB 5 SON OF THE VELVET Margerine Eclipse (Elektra) RAT By My Side 29 TRANS AM Liberation (Thrill Jockey) CKUL TOP 30 30 THE END 1 CLUB DREAD Within Dividia (Replase) Various Artists (Sanctuary) 2 CHRIS BOTTOMLEY RPM Top 10 Cerebral Lubrication (Partly Bent) 1 DIG YOUR ROOTS 3 DIG YOUR ROOTS EELECTRONIC DANCE EELECTRONIC DANCE Various Artists (DYR) Various Artists (DYR) 2 60 CHANNELS 4 CONTAMINATED VI Covert Movements (Supa) Various Artists (Replase) 3 CLOUDDEAD 5 FIELD REGISTER Ten (Mush) Eastern Shore (Ships at Night) 4 DANI SICILIANO 6 ANOTHER BLUE DOOR Likes E (K7) Haulers (Stinky) 5 STEREOLAB 7 RAISING THE FAWN Margerine Eclipse (Elektra) The North Sea (Sonic Unyon) 6 CHROMEO 8 VIBRE She's In Control (Turbo/Vice) Blue Comedy (Indie) 7 GOLDEN GATE BREAKS 9 DIRTY AND THE DERE­ Various Artists (OM) LICTS Derelict Effect (Indie) 8 SHAPES ONE 10 60 CHANNELS Various Artists (Tru Thoughts) Covert Movements (Supa) 9 CRYSTAL METHOD 11 BUILDING PRESS Legion Of Boom (V2) Young Money (54 40 or Fight) 10 AIR 12 CLOUDDEAD Talkie Walkie (EMI) Ten (Mush) 13 VISIONARIES Jazz Top 10 Pangaea (Up Above) 1 CHRIS BOTrOMLEY 14 GET UP KIDS Cerebral Lubrication (Partly Bent) Guilt Show (Vagrant) 2 VIBRE 15 NO IDEA 100: REDEFIL- Blue Comedy (Indie) ING MUSIC 3 MOCKING SHADOWS Various Artists (No Idea) Out Of The Blue Live (Indie) 16 NORTHERN PIKES 4 SHARON JONES AND It's A Good Life (Sextant) THE DAP KINGS 17 RAINING CONFUSION Dap-Dippin' With Sharon Jones And Fear of Falling (Indie) The Dap-Kings (Daptone) 18 EVENING 5 CHICAGO UNDER­ Other Victorians (Lookout) GROUND TRIO 19 LIARS Slon (Thrill Jockey) They Were Wrong, So We Drowned 6 LIBBY YORK (Mute) Sunday In New York (Blu Jazz) 20 JOEL KROEKER 7 SUGARMAN THREE Melodrama (True North) Pure Cane Sugar (Daptone) 21 ELIZABETH ANKA 8 BOB BROUGH VAJAGIC Stand With... A Decade Of Favorites (Indie) (Constellation) 9 NELLIE MCKAY 22 ANI DIFRANCO Get Away From Me (Sony) Educated Guess (Righteous Babe) 10 ' BARRY FINNERTY 23 ASCETICS Ira//! (Birland) Leave It All To Rock (Indie) The Meliorist | Thursday, 18 March 2004 Page 10 Entertainment Play explores Laramie killing of listening to what citizens had to say some 70 characters. "It is a challenge intrigued him." explained Director for the students to ensure that the University of Lethbridge Ches Skinner. "The resulting play is audience knows when they change News Release made up entirely of the words of resi­ characters using only a minimum of dents." props and costumes. They have to Kaufman and members of Tectonic portray everyone from a university Theatre first visited Laramie only four resident to a cafeteria worker, from IN 1998. MATTHEW SHEPARD, A weeks alter the tragedy and returned the doctor who attended to Matthew. gay University of Wyoming student six times over the next year and a half, to the boys who killed him." was brutally beaten and left to die out conducting more than 200 interviews. Presented in the intimate space of the on the prairie. In an attempt to get "The play provides an insight into how David Spinks Theatre, the set is sim­ beyond the media coverage of this any community would try to come to ple with a fence as the focal point. horrific crime, members of New grips with a tragedy." said Skinner. "The Laramie Project reaffirms the York's Tectonic Theatre visited "This is about any community of peo­ role of theatre as an ideal place to Laramie, Wyoming and the result of ple, it's not about something that hap­ explore our humanity and from this their research is the eloquent play The pened to them over there. It's about crime of hate it finds a strong thread Laramie Project, running in the Lethbridge as much as it is about of hope that should leave us a bit David Spinks Theatre March 23rd - Laramie." wiser and more caring." 27th at 8 p.m. nightly, with matinees "The Laramie Project is a popular Tickets for The Laramie Project are on Mar. 24th and 25th at 1 p.m. play that is being produced around $12 (regular) and $8 (student/senior) "The idea for The Laramie Project the world. It really is a powerful play at the U of L Box Office 329-2616. originated with playwright Moises for our time," he said. Poignant and The Box Office (W510) is open from Kaufman's desire to learn more about touching, it also includes humour as 12:30 p.m. to 3:30 pm weekdays. The why Matthew Shepard was murdered, people attempt, with varying degrees complimentary shuttle bus transports about what happened that night, and of success, to articulate their feelings. theatergoers from the north parking about the town of Laramie. The idea In this production, 10 actors portray lot to the theatre entrance. ur» mlncj Thornley, (the vocalist formerly of Big advance or $10 at the door, and the Lethbridge - or so we hope. They 27th. DJ Plush will be providing the by Tanya Plonka Wreck), and The Trews, who I think don't have a venue yet so I can't tell music, and there will be prizes for best Entertainment Editor are absolutely great, so those expen­ you where they'll be, but keep your male-impersonator and best female- sive tickets in the nosebleed section eyes open because they're awesome impersonator, not to mention a bach- are almost worth it just for that. live. elor/bachelorette auction and a les­ The next night, March 24th, there In honour of the quickly approaching bian kissing booth. Tickets must be ARCH WILL BE A BUSY MONTH, will be live music at the Starlight Pride Week, a few entertainment purchased in advance from the SU especially for the music scene. Lounge. The female-fronted punk events will be taking place. On Service Centre or the Atrium during Regina rock band Asmatic have final­ band, Resistance, will be headlining Sunday, March 21st, there will be that week, and everyone, regardless of ly been able to reschedule their can­ the show, along with Invein. Tickets Pretty & Witty & GAY, which will be orientation, is welcome to attend. celled show from January, so now you are only $5 and the show starts some held in W420 (next to the David Also on Saturday, March 27th, local can find them at the Starlight Lounge time around 8 p.m. It's worth check­ Spinks Theatre). Doors open at 7:30 rock band Snaggle will be opening for on Friday, March 19th. These guys ing out because you'll also have a p.m., the show starts at 8 p.m., and it hard rock/metal band Prescribed seem like they'd be excellent rockers chance to win tickets to the show only costs $5. Burn at the LCC DA Electric Barn. when live, so definitely go check them that's happening there that Friday. The University's final theatre pro­ Prescribed Burn are from Calgary and out. There will be a bunch of bands play­ show starts at 8 pm. duction, The Laramie Project, runs feature Lethbridge drummer Garwin We also cannot forget the big return ing at the Starlight Lounge on Friday, Falling in between those two shows from March 23rd - 27th, so be sure to Poff; this show marks their of our beloved Nickelback on March 26th. The show features on Thursday, March 25th, Calgary buy your tickets and show support for Lethbridge debut. Doors open at 8 Tuesday, March 23rd at the Enmax Nevertheless, Hills Have Eyes, All punk band Deville, (with our drama department. p.m. and the show starts at 9 p.m. Centre. Why go again, you ask? This Purpose Voltage Heroes, The Hand, Everynewday, One Shot Left, and The week concludes with the Gender Tickets are only $10 in advance, or time their opening bands consist of and The Minimals. Tickets are $8 in Ludo), is finally coming back to Bender Cabaret on Saturday, March $15 at the door. The juxtaposition that is emo and funk They don't seem entirely comfortable much emo earlier it was a frightening esting was doing Bob Marley like that. formance, on the other hand, were using an electric guitar yet, (in terms contrast and surprisingly hard to by Tanya Plonka Vocally they did a good job with this, when they actually "had melody" of preference, not technique), which is adapt to. You see, Paramedic was a but while the guitars were good, they Entertainment Editor (their words, not mine). The vocalist sad because the songs where they little nu metal, a good amount of funk, weren't good enough if an obvious grabbed an acoustic guitar a few times used it were some of the most well and a lot of hip hop, most of which comparison to Rage can be made. and actually sang, (though not T done. Even though most of their stuff was extremely up-tempo. By this After all, Morello (Rage's guitarist) through the entire length of any HIS PAST SATURDAY, THE ULCC is mellow and quiet, they still know point I wasn't sure if I should dance or can be close to being a genius with 1 song), and the sound seemed to suit held a food drive fundraiser cab in the how to rock. It's quiet, but it's still just sit and listen. what he does, and those are pretty them as well as the true hip-hop did. SU ballroom that was unfortunately high expectations for another band to Paramedic took some time to "get in met with an extremely low turnout. live up to. touch with [their] emoness" by play­ It's sad, considering the event was for Aside from that, they delivered. ing a few more mellow tracks. To nit- a good cause and there were even Sure, they had a good number of cov­ pick, that brief collection of songs incentives like door prizes, free jelly­ ers in their set, but these were covers reminded me more of Tupac's music beans, and really good music provided done the right way - taking existing than anything else - but then again, by two great local bands. songs and adding a different style to can't you call Tupac the emo of the rap First up was Raining Confusion, that them. world? lovable band full of emo-goodness. The coolest part of the show was This was only my second time seeing when each musician in the band had a the band, and my first time catching a chance to solo. The two guitarists full set of theirs, so I was worried I weren't given much for solos, but the wouldn't enjoy it as much as the time bass was so sensual and the drums before. However, everything started were so intense. The vocalist showed well, and then they had me sold when off his beat box skills, which were they played Blink 182's "1 Miss You", insanely good, and his techno beat my latest guilty pleasure song. was definitely the best. For a show that turned out so well, The crowd wanted an encore at the you never would have expected there end, iv" 'rpady to be SO many difficulties. Lead vocal­ ist Evan Morgan was sick and having rocking. Even If you Voice problems, and due to audio 1 love seeing these guys play because move, it was difficult to do so. They

problems in the ballroom, most of the they look so passionate about what had some really funky rhythms and ,L one ot uiv " " band couldn't hear what they were they do, and they can't be a boring sexy bass lines that were almost con­ set. playing. In spite of all this they still acoustic band when there's passion tagious. They seemed to receive more appre­ Both bands played such great long sounded awesome. like that. I obviously look forward to The only thing that made dancing ciation from the audience when they sets it's always annoying when a It almosl seemed like Morgan tried seeing them play again. difficult was the vocal Style. Although played clich6d covers like "Play That hand's there for only half an hour and to overcorapensate for his singing dif­ Raining Confusion was followed up at times it was hip-hop that was easi­ Funky .Music, White Boy", which had then leaves - so it wasn't disappoint­ by Paramedic, which features our er to digest, a good portion of the ficulties by putting even more drive most of the people there dancing ing that there were only two bands at newly elected VP Academic Jason SOngS were done in the style of Rage into his vocal performance, because it rather than their more original mate­ the event. The only thing that would Rumer on drums. Against the Machine (whether origi­ felt a lot more emotional mu\ raw than rial. have made it better would be If, you Paramedic was good, but after that nals or covers). What was most inter­ my last encounter with the band. My favourite moments of their per­ know, more people had gone Entertainment me Meliorist Thursday, 18 March 2004 Page 11 Love as sweet as Strawberries truthful and admits that it was Poulsen because they had great chem­ characters are, and instead focuses on throughout the area. Sophie, and not he, who broke off the istry on stage, portraying a true to life her search for her childhood friend, Usually lighting doesn't stand out too by Tanya Plonka engagement, and this is something his friendship where one person was tor­ Sophie, even though she still loves much, but it was exceptionally good in Entertainment Editor character is still unable to accept. tured by love. that traveller who stayed at her inn this production. Warm, soothing those many years ago. colours were used, and they often Bedster's character was a little silly, served to differentiate between reality therefore she provided the most and fantasy. It became more a part of comedic scenes within the play. Her the set than the actual props were. L.IAS T WEEK, NEW WEST THEATRE character was rather distanced from Although Strawberries In January presented Evelyne de la Cheneliere's the others aside from a few key was a very lighthearted play, it was Strawberries In January, a romantic scenes, but she was constantly present heartbreaking to watch so much unre­ comedy that poses the question, "Do in spirit as the ideal of what quited love throughout most of the you ever wish love could be more like MacArthur's character was in search the movies?" of. The play, directed by Brian MacArthur's character, unlike Parkinson and Misty Cozac, is a Frangois, doesn't wish to be tied down romantic comedy that revolves by love; he wants to travel, he wants around four characters whose lives freedom. Although his character was­ become intertwined as they fall in and n't nearly as important as what was out of love. going on between Francois and Everything about this production Sophie, this personality type was was great. The cast had a very fresh, enough to juxtapose him next to interesting, and creative script to Poulsen's character. It worked work with. Strawberries In January extremely well - you had the impres­ alternates between reality and roman­ sion of two men who truly want differ­ tic ideals or recollections as the char­ ent things in life. acters pause what's happening in real The cast, in general, impressed me life to reenact past love affairs and Poulsen gave the best performance Strawberries In January also with their subtle and realistic styles of breakups, with a few lies in between. out of the cast - his seemed the most involved the brief relationship acting. Nothing was forced or made This was stronger earlier in the play truthful. The fake tears seemed real, between Robert (Douglas MacArthur) obvious, allowing the audience to read when these flashbacks were used to (you could hear people crying with and Lea (Arlene Bedster), who are into the subtext of each scene. enhance the story. Later, events him in the audience), he created what each tied to Francois and Sophie with­ The design of the show was equally unfolded more naturally and it was felt like actual feelings of love for out knowing the other's connection. as strong as the acting. A large floor sad to see that time was no longer Sophie, and he flawlessly switched Robert frequents Francois's coffee space within the Sterndale Bennett toyed with. from the real life scenes to the day­ shop and quickly becomes involved in Theatre (at the Yates Memorial show. The production really showed The story focuses, for the most part, dreams. He may have even tripped his life, as well as Sophie's. Through Centre) was used as the stage, and that it's silly to search for love in all on Francois (Jason Poulsen), a over a few lines, but those were so well these people, he soon learns that after although the scenes tended to remain the wrong places - going off of screenwriter hung up on the breakup covered up that they seemed like part a fling with Lea while staying at her static in a particular place, the shift romantic movie ideals - when true of himself and his friend Sophie (Erica of the script. inn, she has given birth to his son. betweens scenes flowed smoothly love is right in front of you. Hunt). The two had been roommates, Hunt's performance was strong as Lea, mean­ love was proclaimed, and marriage well. She too switched between while, is less decided upon, until Frangois seem­ scenes without effort and showed a concerned about ingly backed out of the deal. broken heart as well as pure happi­ finding love However, Poulsen's character is soon ness. She was an excellent match with than the other Frusciante offers a taste of the surreal ical listen. Another highlight of the music is the great by Tanya Plonka vocal delivery from both vocalists. The lyrics are Entertainment Editor not sung straightforwardly but rather flow- through inventive melodic rhythms, and as I previously mentioned, Frusciante and Klinghoffer sound great together vocally. W HILE THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS ARE Shadows Collide With People opens with one on hiatus for an indeterminate length of time, of those bizarre, purely instrumental treatments it's nice to see something happening from that on "Carvel", and does a pretty good job at setting camp. the stage for what is to come. The track soon John Frusciante's fourth solo album, Shadows develops into something less inventive, though Collide With People, is a brilliant piece of work clever nonetheless, with Frusciante's emotional that mirrors the poetic nature the Peppers are so vocals and some great guitar sections. well known for while maintaining Frusciante's Everything here is emotional, whether directly distinct voice. (through lyrics) or indirectly (the mood the Although Chad Smith plays drums on this music suggests). The raw "Regret" has only two album and Flea has a guest spot on "The lines, constantly repeated throughout the song, Slaughter", this is nothing like the Peppers' with music dominantly strummed on guitar and music. Vocals are expected to differ, but sur­ everything else quietly falling into the back­ prisingly enough, the guitar is utterly different ground for the most part. It's an immensely as well. powerful song, as though Frusciante is offering a This is my first experience listening to his solo glimpse into his soul (as cliched as that may work, (yes, I am that deprived), and having only sound). heard mediocre appraisals of his previous solo On the other side of the spectrum is endeavours, I wasn't sure what to expect. Rest "Omission", which has a lot more happening in assured, l was pleasantly surprised. it. The song consists of conversation between On Shadows Collide With People, Frusciante the vocalists with lyrical overlapping, intelligent teams up with Josh Klinghoffer, (of Bicycle pace changes, and emotional deliveries, whether Thief), who provides every instrument alongside the vocals are quiet or passionate. Frusciante, as well as vocals. Together the two Not everything is so experimental. Songs like form a strong duo, with Klinghoffer adding an "Song To Sing When I'm Lonely" is more easy- inventive, creative touch on tracks like "- listening radio-friendly and only does a bit of ooGhost27" and "Omission", and providing nice the synth stuff in the beginning. Others, like vocal additions where Frusciante cannot. "Chances", still employ the odd techniques, but This album is such a great aural experience that seem to do it in such a subtle way that it refer­ I'm not entirely sure what to write about it - ences music from the '60s rather than some­ words cannot capture what this music is. thing futuristic. Shadows Collide With People is an hour- long The whole album isn't about lamenting and journey into a world that feels unknown and expressing emotions quietly, however, thanks to mysterious, yet underlying this is an honest, hugely up-tempo tracks like "Second Walk" and somewhat dark look at life. The lyrics are noth­ "This Cold" where there's some bravado on gui­ ing short of gorgeous in their humble way. tar and the drums finally announce their pres­ The music heightens this effect. This is a high­ ence. ly textured album the entire way through, Frusciante proves that he knows how to coher­ employing a variety of creative Instrumentation. ently provide variation throughout an album, all Frusciante frequently uses eerie effects from while Haunting his skills in all aspects of the synthesizers ami keyboards, most notably on work (he's also the producer). This isn't the sort tracks like "-ooGhost27", "Failures Object", or of thing to garner much mainstream attention, "23 go in to end", which are nothing but that but it's a noteworthy artistic work from a bril­ sort of instrumentation. These add to the surre­ liant guitarist/composer that deserves to be al feel of the album, making it a very psycholog­ heard. The Meliorist Thursday, 18 March 2004 | Page 12 Entertainment Jump, sing, repeat tion that happened on March 11th only featured trasted against rather melodic, well-done lyrical tight can a performance be?). lines. Unfortunately, the vocals were a little lost The performance was even more energetic than by Tanya Plonka Winnipeg rockers High Five Drive in addition to in the heavy guitar distortion, which was a little the last time as well, as hard as it was to believe. Entertainment Editor the two local bands who graced the stage. too much in the first place - not that it was Last time I was impressed by all the jumps, intentional, but something wasn't planned out swinging of heads, and sweat flying in all direc­ properly during sound check. tions while the music remained flawless, and Atrophy Manuscript gave the most reserved although they did all the same things, they did more of it. I was tempted to count exactly how- T HE LATEST NEW REVOLT SHOW helped 1UC performance of the night, most likely because put certain things into perspective. Although I they were first and it's always harder to be the many times the one guitarist completely left the frequently complain about our lack of live music, hand who warms up the crowd, but it seemed ground. I doubt these guys have ever played a (and concert goers' spirit), in Lethbridge, the odd for a heavy band to be so laidback while punk scene we have around here is not so bad. playing. We often have punk, emo, and hardcore bands - Next was hardcore band Until It Ends, (former­ often several at a time - playing all ages shows to ly known as the Orwhen), who knew how to give half decent turnouts, with the best mosh pits in a more energetic performance. This night, they town, and loyal fans of the local bands coming were left without a lead vocalist, leaving the gui­ out to shout their support. tar player to filli n some of the vocals while most­ While most New Revolt shows feature one local First on the bill was Atrophy Manuscript, who ly only singing/screaming his own parts. band and two from out of town, the last produc- played heavy punk (very hardcore-esque) con- When you heard them play, it wasn't very apparent that a vocalist was missing. After all, there are a good number of hardcore bands who are mostly instrumental aside from a few vocal interjections, and Until It Ends still sounded great with only the occasional lyrics. Their situation provided them with a nice focus on instrumentation as the guitarist and bassist typically played at the drummer, making them feel like a stronger collective. Musically they were tight, offering rather melodic music while still sounding heavy and intense. High Five Drive was definitely the high point of the evening. This was my second time seeing them, and since I loved them the first time, I had some strong expectations this time around,

MMHMMMM# which the band met and then some. This was definitely a better performance than LOCA" the last time they were in Lethbridge. In those boring show if they can have that much energy WaaaaaaWt^aaWaaW* ^PFWTTfc 1 Street South six months, their talent has just skyrocketed. from the opening chords. Their melodies are tighter, the percussion more What's more, after they thrash around like that, jrnaments every [I ••• intense and rhythmic, the bass heavier, and the they can sing without sounding out of breath - guitars more intelligent. I once thought the two very impressive. Saturday @ 3pm guitarists were excellent when they came togeth­ As a final note, for anyone who was at the show :00am to 2:00am Mon- er, but back then they were still separate beings and wondering: the drummer, who looks 15, is pm to 9.00 .•:maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamaaaammamaamaaWaaaWeaaaWa\mi - now it almost feels like they've formed one actually 23. I hope I don't disappoint too many DRINKS FOOD DANCE FLOOR FOOL TABLES powerful guitar-playing being (how much more of the teenage girls with this news.

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'My grandfather'; Alison Lohman unny crap after Sean Penn eating a bucket of Kevin Kline Harrison Ford dead bird." George Clooney -Terrah 4th year Answer Jz Anthropology Susan Sarandon Diane Keaton The $#!t of someone Meryl Streep who just participated Mel Gibson in the Sport Marketing Armand Assante Conference." Answer a -Blake 4th year Management iLast Week's Answer >ponge Bob'$ square John Goodman Steve Martin

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Your dog will not be given food, but is instead by Tanya Plonka expected to hunt. 10,000 rabbits had once been Entertainment Editor released on the island, and they continue to reproduce rapidly even though the dogs prey on them. Dogs will soon form packs and start living with www.thedogisland. com their new, more natural families. Your dog will be perfectly safe, as the Web site urges: "Fights break out occasionally, but this is not a real issue, because eventually, the dogs learn to get OR YEARS, DOGS HAVE SUFFERED OPPRES- along. Every now and then some dogs gang up sion at the hands of their human masters. Never and kill and then eat another dog, but this is just free to exist on their own, they have been bound natural, and it's okay for it to happen now and by leashes and fences, table scraps and doggie then, but normally this is not the case." doors. Chances are, you'll miss your dog. This is A place just for the dogs, where they can run something you'll have to learn to accept. free, catch their own food, and live how they Although Dog Island offers three days a year were meant to live has finally been created. that you are allowed visitation, it is essential for Located in sunny Florida, Dog Island offers a your dog to exist free of human contact with the permanent getaway for canines of all shapes and other dogs. sizes. Dogs are divided into three sizes: small, What will this cost for you, the dog owner? who live on Tiny Dogs Island, medium, who live Absolutely nothing! Dog Island receives fund­ on Mega Dog Island, and the big dogs, who live ing from generous wealthy people. Give your on Huge Dogs Island. dog the treatment he or she was meant to have. FEATURES The Meliorist Thursday, 18 March 2004 Page 15 Meliorist HOROSCOPES These are for the week beginning March 13th, 2004 ARIES (Mar. 21st - Apr. 20th) Empty promises will cause upset. Think twice before you agree to take on any new projects. Don't be too quick to spend money. The existing problems must be dealt with one way or another. crossword Your lucky day this week will be Friday. TAURUS (Apr. 21st - May 21st) There are ways of making extra cash if you put your mind to it. Disappointments regarding partners will be subject to the way you react to their personal comments. Don't let your health suffer because of abuse. Erratic behaviour at home may be hard to handle. Your lucky day this week will be Tuesday. GEMINI (May 22nd - June 21st) Opportunities to travel will be favourable in terms of moneymaking con­ nections. Travel will lead you in new directions. Correspondence may not clear up issues. You will be able to get good advice if you listen to close friends or relatives you respect. Your lucky day this week will be Sunday. CANCER (June 22nd - July 22nd) Past partners are likely to reappear. You are best to tuck your money away where no one will be able to touch it, including yourself. You are best to avoid joint ventures, and whatever you do, don't lend to friends or relatives. You may find that female colleagues will be more help than you anticipated. Your lucky day this week will be Monday. LEO (July 23rd - Aug. 22nd) Losses could occur if you haven't been careful when dealing with joint financial ventures. Hidden assets can be doubled if you play your cards cor­ rectly. Overindulgence will mean poor health. You will be able to close any deals successfully. Your lucky day this week will be Monday. VIRGO (Aug. 23rd - Sept. 23rd) Try and avoid getting involved in idle chatter or gossip that might get you in trouble. Take time to catch up on overdue correspondence. Home improvement projects will enhance your residence and bring the family clos­ er together. Minor accidents could occur if you don't take precautions. Your lucky day this week will be Tuesday. LIBRA (Sept. 24th - Oct. 23rd) Across Down Your emotional partner will push all the right buttons this week. If you put your mind to it, you could entertain or host a multitude of social events. Don't allow personal problems to conflict with professional duties. 2. Price paid 1. Held fast Emotional situations could bring out your stubborn nature. 5. Torch 2. Northern Irish county Your lucky day this week will be Saturday. 7. Fishing net 3. Unpaid 8. Fiddler 4. Long, laborious work SCORPIO 11. Loud, resonant sound 5. Sudden forward thrust (Oct. 24th - Nov. 22nd) 13. Small cave 6. Little pie Too much talk might lead to hassles. You can look around for the right 14. Monarch 9. Annoy place and enlist some of your friends to help you move. If you can put some 10. Farewell (2 wds.) work into home improvements, yov should. You may want to stay in the 15. Once a week background this week. 16. Globule of air 12. Whisky Your lucky day this week will be Monday. 19. Dynasty in China 15. Very small 22. Spool-like toy (2 wds.) 16. Mild oath (2 wds.) SAGITTARIUS 23. Juicy fruit 17. Automatic advancement to next (Nov. 23rd - Dec. 21st) 24. Central Kansas city (2 wds.) round Be cautious while travelling to foreign countries. Too much talk might lead 25. Dexterity 18. Brag to hassles. You can get phenomenal returns if you present your ideas to 26. Baseball glove 19. Soiled those who can back your interests. Your mate may not have been honest 27. Knock out 20. S California town with you. 21. Devout Your lucky day this week will be Friday. 23. Table-like mountain CAPRICORN (Dec :22nd - Jan. 20th) Keep the promises you Ye made or you can expect to be in the doghouse. Property investments, insurance, tax rebates, or inheritance should bring you financial gains. You can meet friends who will let you know how valuable you an-. Overexertion aiul negligence will be your worst enemies. Your lucky day this week will be Saturday.

Across Down AQUARIUS (Jan. 21st - Feb. 19th) A- CHALK UABON Make career changes that may increase your income. Try to stay calm, ami 8. HASH PHILA whatever you do, don't nag. Deception is evident around you. Abrupt 10. AGONY HARM 11. OBLITERATE AGAIN changes concerning your professional position are evident. 112. SOUL 6. LOTS VOW lucky day this week will he Sunday. L3. MISER 7. KNEEL 14. UNSAFE 8. BOSUN PISCES SLUSH 20, OPPOSE 9. (Feb. 20th - Mar. 20th) 23- ROARS PUPIL 15- Your trendy style and unique way of doing things will entice new acquain­ 26. LAPS 10. PESTS 27. DISINHERIT 18. JUDAS tances. Don't let your partner get away with spending too much of your ^8. NAKED RISEN Last week's answers money. You need to take some time out to decide what you want to do. 29. ASKS PLEAD Partners may try to argue with you; however, you must stand your ground. 30, SENSE SPIKE Your lucky day ibis week will he Thursday. PIKE <^£> I.IDS m FEATURES The Meliorist Thursday, 18 March 2004 Page 16

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping MM Voter turnout for the SU election has increased from trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay last year. down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faith­ QlSSl Voter turnout was only approximately 10 per cent of ful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what the student population. Come on people, that Is only 700 stu­ dents out of 7,000; end student apathy. you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Holmes asked. TiW* To the U of L's Communications Office, for giving stu­ Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells dents a chance to be famous, (well sorta), by inviting them to take part in a photo shoot so that they can be part of some me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially bil­ publications to promote the University. lions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approxi­ mately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that OlSSl To the death of "Dining with Fleckenstein." Oh, why did it have to end?! God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignifi­ cant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Wrt; To the Registrar's Office for getting the timetables out Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. a few days early. "Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!"

DISS! Impending registration and the scheduling that goes along with it - let the stress and frustrations begin...

HIT* Only one month of school left in the Spring 2004 semester!

DISS? Only a month until finals for the semester. Have a newsworthy hit or diss you'd like to share? Email us at [email protected] Attn: Hits and Disses.

University of Lethbridge Web Registration is Here!

Continuing students will now be able to register for Summer Session or Fall 2004 on the Web or via ULINK (your choice)! YOU" Check the Notice Board To lessen their workload! (http://www.uleth.ca/notice) or your Students are free to contribute U of L email account for details. articles, editorials etc. to [email protected] FEATURES The Meliorist I Thursday, 18 March 2004 | Page 17

9. The whole school went to the same party after graduation. out any ID.

10. You don't give directions by street names, but by references 25. The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away (or more). (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks past Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field). 26. The closest mall is over an hour away.

11. The golf course had only nine holes. 27. It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a rid­ ing lawn mower or picking bottles in the ditch (and you know his 12. You can't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. name).

You might be from a 13. Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads and you will 28. Everyone who played sports had to play on every type of small town if... never own a light-coloured vehicle for this reason. team, or there wouldn't be enough people to have a team. 14. The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty", but 29. You know what it means to go out "checking crops". is actually just like your town. 30. Being able to hit a road sign with a beer bottle while driving * Please note that the following were received via e-mail, and 15. You refer anyone with a house newer then 1980 as "the rich down the highway is considered a necessary skill. are intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy! people". 31. A cool vehicle had "Blue Bottle" mufflers, or better yet i. You can name everyone you graduated with. 16. The people in the "big city" dress funny - then you pick up straight-pipes. the trend two years later. 2. You ever went to parties in a field, gravel pit, or in the middle 32. You can remember when your town finally got cable. of a dirt road and the party couldn't start until someone with a 17. Anyone you want can be found at either the local gas station big stereo in their truck showed up. or the town pub or coffee shop. 33. Driving to the party on a Ski-Doo is quite normal.

3. You used to cruise "main". 18. You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through 34. You thought the 30-year-old guy that still was at all the par­ town or one of your friends drives a grain truck to school occa­ ties was cool. 4. You got a fine and your parents knew within the hour. sionally. 35. The whole town reeks when the wind is blowing from the 5. You scheduled parties around the schedule of different police 19. The gym teacher suggests you haul hay for the summer to get direction of the pig barns. officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which stronger. ones wouldn't. 36. The town population increases by one-third when the rigs 20. Directions are given using the four-way stop as a reference. shut down for spring break-up. 6. You could never buy cigarettes or booze because all the store clerks knew how old you were. 21. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and five people 37. The best burgers in town are at the rink. pull over and ask you if you want a ride somewhere. 7. When you did find somebody old enough to "pull beer" or buy 38. You know exactly where to go when the party is at "the lake." cigarettes or booze, you still had to go out to the country and 22. Your teachers call you by your older siblings' names. drive on back roads to smoke and drink. 39. You lost your virginity at the drive-in. 23. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents. 8. It was cool to date somebody from the neighbouring town. 40. You laugh till your sides hurt reading this because you know 24. You can charge at all the local stores or write cheques with­ it is all true.

Q. What occurs more often in December than any other Jim the Corporate month? Interesting Facts A. Conception. A$$hole says: *Please note that the following were received via e-mail, and are intended for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy! Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace "I know Stewy, and - The first couple to be shown in bed together on primetime believe me, insider trad­ TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? ing is not the worst thing - Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the A. Obsession she's done!" US Treasury. Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you - Men can read smaller print than women can; women can have to go until you would find the letter "A"? hear better. A. One thousand - Coca-Cola was originally green. Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield Aunt Mildred's wipers, and laser printers all have in common? - It is impossible to lick your elbow. A. All invented by women. - The state with the highest percentage of people who walk Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? Secret Recipe to work: Alaska. A. Honey.

- The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28 per cent. Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other (Now get this...) The percentage of North America that is day of the year. wilderness: 38 per cent. A. Father's Day.

- The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) $6,400. is the most ironic? A. He was allergic to carrots. - The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000. Q. What is an activity performed by 40 per cent of all peo­ ple at a party? - Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet.

- The world's youngest parents were eight and nine and - In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed Angel Hair Pasta with Lemon and Chicken lived in China in 1910. frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mat­ tress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence - The youngest pope was 11 years old. the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight". Ingredients: - The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer. - It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would 1 pkg. (9 oz.) Refrigerated Angel Hair Pasta - Those San Francisco cable cars are the only mobile supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. national monuments. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar 11/2 cups cooked diced chicken based, this period was called the honey month we know 1/3 cup butter, melted - Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great today as the honeymoon. king from history: Spades - King David; Hearts - 2 tablespoons lemon juice Charlemagne; Clubs - Alexander, the Great; Diamonds - - In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley (or l tea­ •Julius Caesar. old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender -111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987.654,321 would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and spoon dried parsley) settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's 1/4 teaspoon marjoram - If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both and Q's" 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse lias one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of - Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When the ground, the person died of natural causes. they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some serv­ Directions: ice. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this prac­ - Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence tice.

- Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that - At least 75 per cent of people who read this will try to lick Serving Size: 4 makes them looks like it's kissing tin- conveyor belt. their elbow. The Meliorist | Thursday, 18 March 2004 | Page 18 Three Lines Free TIJUANA TUESDAYS!

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Not a penny more! Everyday vehicle Try someone else! includes GST maintenance price (Type 1) Get better service! 380-4900 'Muti car* uuii light uiuk» bxp. Apr. 30/04 < .11 \\.i.>h • t .11 \.u udin • Kn.ui Test by rechnioi; Don't wait a week for service!3602-2 Avenue South • Lice i9 PUJJH Inspection • <>il I ube ^ Filter The Meliorist | Thursday, 18 March 2004 Page 19 SPORTS CIS bronze medal for U of L Track team lished a new CIS record en route to his and field record on the hooks. Steacy and personal best of 18.99 metres in at the championships. "We certainly Canadian Interuniversity gold medal performance of 21.76 established a new personal best of the weight throw to win the event and have made strides in where we are as Sports News Release metres in the weight throw, while 16.65 metres to finish second while then went on to win the women's shot a program and definitely have shown teammate Chris Meisner finished Doucette added a fourth place finish. put with a throw of 14.67 metres. that we have the strongest throws pro­ with the silver. Mike Sagert finished Host team Windsor won the men's Another strong performance was gram in the country right now," noted fourth while Adam Smith was fifth. championship for the second year in a Arielle Mitchell in pole vault with a Steinke. The 'Horns knew they had a Jonathan Doucette finished eighth in row while Sherbrooke finished in the fourth place finish of 3.70 metres. chance to medal at the national cham­ HE UNIVERSITY OF LETHBRIDGE the event while Scott Paterson fin­ silver medal position ahead of the Kendra Harper also had a strong fin­ pionships as they headed into the Pronghorns Men's Track and Field ished tenth. The tables turned in shot 'Horns. ish as she earned a fifth place mark championships ranked in fifth posi­ team finished the 2004 season with a put as Meisner established a new CIS On the women's side the Pronghorns with her performance in women's tion. "I couldn't have asked for a bet­ CIS bronze medal behind the strength record with a throw of 18.46 metres, had their best showing ever as they pentathlon. ter finish and the athletes deserve all of throwers Chris Meisner and Jim which bettered the old mark by over a finished in eighth place on the The Pronghorns now hold three out the credit for the superb effort to Steacy. metre. The previous record was held strength of Kate Forbes' performances of four throw records in the CIS and come through when it counted and Steacy, who was earlier named the by Frank Balkovic of the University of in the shot put and weight throw. built on finishes from a strong season I'm ecstatic with a bronze medal fin­ CIS Field Athlete of the year, estab­ Toronto and was the oldest CIS track Forbes established a new CIS record last year that saw the men finish fifth ish." UBC T-Birds Are Women's Basketball Champions from nationals it was a silver in 1975. In Sunday's game, the Cougars and (North Vancouver, B.C.) led the Simon Fraser player of the game, for­ The Canada West Conference cham­ Thunderbirds traded baskets for Canadian Interuniversity Thunderbirds with 17 points. ward Morgan McLaughlin (West pion Regina Cougars won gold in much of the first half, with UBC up Vancouver, B.C.), topped her team Sports News Release Regina player of the game Cymone 2001 and bronze in 2000. 29-25 at halftime. Bouchard (Regina, SK), this season's with 17 points and eight rebounds. UBC head coach Deb Huband, this With 10:32 left in the game and the CIS player of the year, dropped in 23 Guard Kelsey Thu (Maple Ridge, B.C.) WINNIPEG (CIS) season's CIS coach of the year, was score 46-45 for Regina, UBC pulled points and had five rebounds. Phoebe notched 13 points and post Julia beaming after ending the program's iway on the strength of a 10-0 run. De Ciman (Regina, SK) added 12 Wilson (Mission, B.C.) scored 11. long drouj Cougars came after points and five rebounds. In the consolation final, Bishop's "When y tlK'H athin six points with 1:56 In the bronze-medal game, host defeated Ottawa 62-53. OR THE FIRST TIME IN 30 YEARS, ground, t University of Winnipeg Wesmen Bishop's player of the game, Anouk the University of British Columbia fact the lhst nat^ial championship "We just finishi d 34-5 [this season], came away with a 65-62 victory over Boulanger (Sherbrooke, Que.) had 20 Thunderbirds are national Women's won by UBC was actually in won the touglues t conference in the Simon Fraser Clan. points, seven rebounds and five Basketball champions. Winnipeg it makes for a very interest­ Canada and got 1 silver medal out of That makes three medals in a row for assists. Both Amelie Rousseau The number two-seeded ing story,* Huband said. it." Regina heac coach Jeff Speedy Winnipeg, which won silver last sea­ (Sherbrooke, Que.) and Josianne Thunderbirds defeated number one "We knew this game would be a bat- said. It's a litt disappointing, but son and bronze the year before. Lafreniere (Sorel-Tracy, Que.) added University of Regina Cougars 60-53 in tle. We were outplayed by Regina the there aren't too many teams that had Simon Fraser's last medal was gold in 11 points for the Gaiters. Sunday's Canadian Interuniversity previous two meetings [this season]. better seasons." 2002. Moriah Trowell (Ottawa, Ont.), Sport Women's Basketball But that was in the past and we saw UBC player of the game guard Carrie Wesmen post Heather Thompson Ottawa's player of the game, recorded Championship gold medal game. this as a new opportunity." Watson (Agassiz, B.C.), this season's (Winnipeg, MB), her team's player of 19 points, 12 rebounds and two assists UBC last won the title in 1974. coin- Regina dominated UBC 73-36 in this CIS defensive player of the game, the game, finished with 22 points and to lead the Gee-Gees. Julie Rodrigue cidentally in Winnipeg. The last time year's Canada West championship notched 16 points and three steals. 12 rebounds. JoAnne Wells fired in (Sherbrooke, Que.) chipped in with 10 the Thunderbirds took home a medal final. Rookie forward Erica McGuinness 20 points and grabbed nine rebounds. points. Pandas three-peat, win CIS Hockey championship third. The 5'4" senior from Edmonton effort, despite being out-shot 49-11 as medal and Wilfrid Laurier edged St. requested the official pucks used for received Sber-Wood player-of-the- net minder Megan Takeda shone like Mary's 6-5 in overtime to finish fifth both goals, in addition to the stick and Canadian Interuniversity game honours, was named to the all- a beacon with an impressive 47-save in the six-team competition. jersey worn by Bourgeois. Alberta Sports News Release tournament team, and led the tourney performance in a losing cause. The GAME NOTES: The game was played allowed only one goal against in three in scoring with seven goals and one 18-year-old marketing freshman from in front of a jam-packed crowd of 912 tournament games, matching the sec­ MONTREAL (CIS) assist in three games. Toronto was selected as Ottawa's boisterous fans in the 950-seat ond-best defensive record in CIS tour­ The Pandas extended their undefeat­ player of the game. McConnell Arena, situated atop ney history. Previously, Concordia ed streak against Canadian university Earlier, McGill blanked Mount Royal. Officials from the allowed no goals in the 1998 tourney teams to 81 games, going 35-0 versus Saskatchewan 1-0 to claim the bronze Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto and only one in the 1997 edition. OURNEY MVP DANIELLE CIS opponents this season and 39-1-0 Bourgeois tallied twice as the overall. Their last loss to a CIS learn University of Alberta defeated Ottawa was on October 13th, 2001. 2-0 to win its third consecutive CIS Goaltender Robin Rittmaster, a fifth- Women's Hockey championship in year veteran from Halifax, needed to Montreal. make only 11 saves for her third Tired Bourgeois snapped a scoreless tie at straight win and second shutout of the 18:56 of the middle period and added weekend. an insurance marker at 8:08 of the The upstart Gee-Gees put in a gutsy of Standing in Line? .. . . Try Something New! 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This is the voice of the generation. Micallef ty is baseball, which can be a valued commodity need to be looking up to. Not only is Rome respected by journalist, sportscasters, and by Jay Willy spends his time shooting one-liners, cracking in Canada where our baseball coverage is very jokes, giving you your daily highlights, and fight­ light. If you can't get access to USA Today, broadcasters, he's also the top choice of fans and Sports Contributor ing crime. He's young, having fun, and you can Lopresti's articles are in the Calgary Sun, about athletes. And he should be. Rome comes across tell by the way he talks that he was made to do once a month. as opinionated at times, but his opinions are his job. Who else do you know that can quote Knocks: It might be hard to take him seriously usually in line with what is going on and the sit­ rap lyrics while giving the play by play on a if you see him. Think of Drew Cary writing uation of the sport. Rome is also battle tested. HAT THE HELL AM I TALKING about? Donald Brashear cross check? That's right, only about sports and you get what I'm talking about. He's been attacked in the past by former L.A. That is the million-dollar question. Most of the this guy. What's even better is he's the play-by­ Rams quarterback Jim Everett as Rome kept time I don't even know, so it is understandable play man for CIAU football games and National Martine Gaillard & Greg Sansone calling him Chris Everett (a former lesbian that you might not either. Considering I attempt Lacrosse League games. That ladies and gentle­ The Score women's Wimbledon Champ). Rome is not to give you guys the news and fill you in on the men is what you call range, and a head full of When you think of on air chemistry, these two afraid to say what he thinks, and he has formed word on the street, it might help if my message info just waiting to be given to you. are the best examples. They might not be the opinions for many fans, helping them to under­ got across to you. It doesn't matter if you read Knocks: His voice sounds like a mix between a best insiders but they make you want to pick up stand what goes on in the locker room and else­ me like a book, or if I'm as easy to follow as an cocky porn star, and the biggest jock you've ever what they're throwing down. Greg plays the role where. The best part is, he unafraid to tell idiots episode of Sesame Street, because I am one of met. as the witty class clown, as Martine comes across who phone into his show, (and make stupid two trillion sports writers. If that sounds like a as the somewhat straightforward lady deflecting comments), that they are just that: idiots! You daunting number try this one: There are 17 quil- Tony Kornheiser & Mike Wilbon Greg's wisecracks. With the two of them togeth­ won't get that from too many other sports broad­ lion sports journalists. Yes, I said quillion. Pardon the Interruption, ESPN, TSN er spitting back and forth, it's like watching an casters. Anyways if I'm not your bottle of beer, there are Two guys arguing over sports at your local bar, Knocks: Highly opinionated, but it stems from tons of other people willing and more capable to minus the alcohol and you get these two. Where the fact that he has the inside news before some give you your sports fill. Some are writers, some they differ is the amount of sources they have. professional players. are sports casters, and others are radio personal­ Both write for the Washington Post when they ities. In order to help you out when it comes to are not on the show. It's also safe to say they are Honorary Mentions: filling your sporting needs, I compiled a list of in the loop when it comes to who they know in worthy personalities who are fresh and know the sporting world. As guests they have had - Hazel Mae, Sportsnet West: She's cute and she their stuff. Don't say I never did anything for Brett Hull and Deion Sanders just to name a few. does the A.M. three play every day. That's hot!! you. Their show is fast paced and covers a wide range - Chris Berman, ESPN Gameday and Primetime: of topics in every show, from "Why is George How many times have you heard "He The Best of the Best Foreman still boxing?" to bears falling out of could...go...all...the...way...touchdown!!" Yeah trees onto trampolines. (Don't ask!) that's this guy and he should be forever called Kelly Hrudey There is usually something here for everyone. episode of Moonlighting. (For those of you who the voice of sport. Hockey Night in Canada, CBC Even if you don't like the two hosts, you and your were just babies in the 8o's, Moonlighting was a - Ryan Reed, "Reed on Roundball": A perfect Who thought I would ever be giving this guy friends will probably find yourselves arguing show starring Cybill Shepherd and Bruce Willis read if you want to familiarize yourself with the respect? Mr. Hrudey has finally gotten rid of his over one of their topics, just like in the bar...with and it defined the phrase "sexual tension.") Just NBA. silly blue bandana and found a commentary job some alcohol. like Micallef, they bring you your highlights and - Dubb Jay, "Voice for Print": All he does is on CBC giving his two cents about the NHL dur­ Knocks: As a hockey fan it pains me that an info with a flair for the modern and an irrever­ watch, read, talk, and write sports, so you better ing intermissions. Make no mistake about it, American show and it hosts make very weak ence unseen in national Canadian sport broad­ believe there is some knowledge to back all that Kelly knows more then the average Joe, Joey, attempts at covering the NHL. To say it's rare to casting. Sansone was also named one of sports info up. and Jethro combined. What is even more inter­ see Tony and Mike covering the NHL is like say­ Canada's top broadcasters by T.V. guide maga­ - John Garrett: He knows waaaaayy too much esting about him is that if Don Cherry were to ing Santa hardly ever visits you in the summer zine. Even if you don't learn anything from about hockey to not be good. Plus he played as a die tomorrow, Hrudey would probably get a shot months. (But, he did send me an e-mail.) them, they're fun to watch. goalie, and he makes fun of a lot of today's unin­ at possibly being his replacement (if it is even Knocks: With the exception of Tony Twist, telligent refs, and the weak players. Go John!! possible to replace Don Cherry). This shows Mike Lopresti many of the analysts they interview on their how smart and how confident CBC is in his abil­ USA Today, Gannett News Service show "Score Tonight" are pretty weak and lack The Worst of the Worst: ity to analyze the game. If you want the truth, this man is giving it away the personality to keep up with Greg and Knocks: Loves to talk about goalies, and he can for free. A sports columnist for USA Today, Martine. A few higher profile analysts would Bob Mackenzie & Pierre Maguire, TSN: Yeah never be forgiven for helping kick the Flames out Lopresti is well respected in the journalist realm. help their cause greatly. they know some stuff, but both make you want of the playoffs in 1991. He's witty as hell, and his articles come across to punch them in the face when they open their like a wise older brother telling you about Jim Rome mouths. Why are you guys still talking? .lust Tim Micallef women: he doesn't sugar coat anything, and he Rome is Burning, Rome Alone, ESPN shut up already! Like my roommate says, "it's The Score gives it to you straight. It seems like his special­ This is the man broadcasters and journalists easy to hate a guy with the name Pierre!!" Time to put Cherry to pasture Trollsfest: that he was speaking about cowardice in the Bigger and better context of the game of hockey. They'll state that by Norman Ed Baskerville that's the appeal of the retired NHL coach—you The Martlet never know what's going to come out of his than ever! mouth. VICTORIA (CUP) But let me tell ya, I've been watching Cherry For those of you we've never met, Trolls Rugby rant and rave for over 20 years, and I know is a club of the Students' Union and was formed what's going to come out: a few genuinely intel­ by A ndrea Jennings in 1986. We meet Mondays and Thursdays for ligent observations about the mechanics of the Sports Contributor practice, and everyone is welcome regardless of INALLY THE CBC HAS MUZZLED ITS RESI- game, and then something offensive. The for­ • their rugby experience (or lack thereof). Apart dent redneck buffoon, but shouldn't Don Cherry mula is designed to attract viewers entertained from hosting Trollsfest, we normally attend two have been fired rather than censored? by an "Archie Bunker", Cold War era, don't- other tournaments during the year, as well as Since 1980 the host of Hockey Night in know-no-better Neanderthal. IADII;S AND GKNTI.KMKN, IT is THAT TIME of participate in local games with teams from Canada's "Coach's Corner" has maintained a And this isn't the first time Cherry has been in year again. The Trolls Rugby Club is proud to Calgary, and put on plenty of great social events. pop-culture following by willingly treading over trouble with the network. At the 1998 Nagano present the 18th Annual Trollsfest, March 19th - To find out more, check out the political correctness line. For years Cherry Olympics, he criticized the selection of freestyle 21st! This year looks to be the biggest one we've http://people.uleth.ca/~trolls.club/trolls. has been slurring anybody that doesn't fit his skier Jean-Luc Brassard as Canada's flag-bearer, ever had, so for those of you who have never image of the good English-speaking Canadian calling him "a French guy, some skier that attended any of the happenings, here's what kid, calling them "chicken Swedes" or "dirty nobody knows about." you've been missing: a great chance to get out in Russians," but his comments during the January Even worse, when Toronto fans cheered the the spring weather to play some rugby, (whether 24th HNIC finally forced the CBC to keep his off­ U.S. national anthem days after the song was you are an experienced player or not), a fantas­ handed ethnocentrisms in check. jeered in Montreal in protest of the U.S. war on tic cabaret on Saturday night, food, fun, and a During a first-period intermission tirade, he Iraq, Cherry said, "Do you think that will make chance to meet and compete with Rugby players called players who wear helmet visors weak and CNN? I don't think so, it's only when those jerks from all across the prairies! This year, however, cowardly, before specifying exactly who he in Quebec boo the national anthem." you won't be just meeting players from the meant. Well, as Canadians, Francophones included, we prairies; we have teams from as far away as Utah fund the CBC and we expect a little more for our "Most of the guys that wear them are coining out to compete! Europeans or French guys," Cherry said. buck than Don Cherry. Like it or not, personal­ After the captain's meeting on Friday night, As a result, Harold Redekopp, the executive ities like Cherry's influence society merely by games will begin bright and early at 9 a.m. on vice-president of CBC Television, said Cherrj being on television, and broadcasting bis hateful Saturday morning at the Lethbridge Rugby will be censored by a seven-second delay of slurs perpetuates and condones bigoted behav­ Club. We play all day, so come out and see what broadcast after bis "inappropriate and reprehen­ iour. It's time to slop, not edit out, his stereo­ a good game of rugby looks like! Saturday night sible personal" comments. typing. Instead of a seven-second delay, Cherry we are presenting Ruby Tooth al Ihe Roadhouse, should have been fired. Hold 011 there, spineless executive -type man- and it will be a great patty. However, then' will Don't worry CBC, people would still tune in lo you're saying that after unabashedly slandering not he tickets sold at ihe door, so drop by our French Canadians and Europeans, ('berry is still HINC, Inn they'd watch it for the great hockey, table in the Allium to pick them up - only $3.00! noi because lirandpa might sa\ something someone you want representing the CBC? Sunday we'll be back at the pitch foi finals and naughty. Now, I know Cherry's diehard fans will awards. The Meliorist | Thursday, 18 March 2004 | page 21 SPORTS U of L student to jump into ring

taught by North American Light martial arts fights, will run this Lethbridge on a regular basis, and middle aged women who just want to by Craig Hamilton Heavyweight and WKA Muay Thai Saturday at the Lethbridge Exhibition with greater exposure of high-impact get into better shape." Sports Editor Kickboxing Champion Trevor Hardy, South Pavilion and will feature a large sports, there are an increasing num­ As for Redvers, who spends a large and allowed the 22 year old Redvers number of local fighters, many of ber of young women who are becom- amount of time in the gym, getting to get an inside look at what competi­ whom are some of the best fighters in •"""• into shape is just one of the benefits tive fighting is about. "We wanted to Canada. Hardy, who will be featured behind kickboxing. "A lot of girls talk use it to get into shape," says Redvers, in the Main Event, will square off about going the gym, but I don't think U NIVERSITY OF LKTHBRIDGF. against the number three ranked that kickboxing is what they have in student Nicole Redvers has been in "The Rumble, which is a combi­ World IKF and WKA Heavyweight mind." Leading up to the Rumble, training for over a year, but this week­ Yahosha Yahudah. Hardy will also be Redvers spends six days a week in the end will be the first true test of her nation of Muay Thai, kickboxing, looking for his nth straight win by gym, rotating between weights, car- work, as she will step into her first KO. Jason "Dooms" Day, the Alberta dio, and "light" sparring with other high-profile competitive fight in The and mixed martial arts fights, will MMA Heavyweight Champion, will fighters. Hardy, however, spoke to his Bee-93 Rumble. The Rumble is in its face Vancouver's Cameron Brown, 00 _ PNK |pF- t student's intensity in the gym saying ninth installment here in Lethbridge, run this Saturday at the Lethbridge who is the number one ranked that "Nicole doesn't do a lot of 'light' and Redvers has high hopes for her Canadian Heavyweight in the first work with the pads. It's usually fairly fight, which will be one of up to 16 Exhibition South Pavilion" undercard. heavy no matter who she's working possible cards scheduled for the Tickets for The Bee-93 Rumble IX with." event. "but the class sparked an interest, and are available from the Progressive Anyone looking to get involved in the Redvers is a fourth year Exercise now I'm in the gym six days a week." Fighting Academy and can be had by introductory kickboxing class, contact Science student at the U of L, and has The young fighter will face Calgary calling 327-3744, or by visiting any ing interested in the activities. Recreation Services at 329-2706 for been involved in kickboxing for only a native Misty Southerland, who put on number of local sponsors. Doors open "Kickboxing is becoming more main­ more information. relatively short period of time. a strong showing at the Rumble VIII, at 5 p.m., with fights starting at 6 p.m. stream, and a lot more girls talk about It isn't often that a kickboxer would Redvers was first introduced to the and is the sixth ranked welterweight Bleacher seats are available for $20, doing it, and there are a lot more girls have the chance to utilize a university sport when she and some friends in Canada. Redvers and Hardy are while floor seats can be had for $25. in the beginner classes," says Redvers. education in the ring, but come this signed up for a kickboxing course both optimistic about her chances. Tickets are also available at the door Hardy echoes her comments, recog­ Saturday, Nicole Redvers is hoping offered here at the University by "We're looking for a big win, and can't for $30, but buying tickets in advance nizing that more and more women are that her goal of earning a degree in Recreation Services. The class, billed wait to get in there." is recommended, as the venue will registering for classes. "We have a sports medicine will come in handy as a "new and exciting exercise alter­ The Rumble, which is a combination likely sell out. pretty wide range of students. when she has to revive her opponent native" focusing on conditioning, is of Muay Thai, kickboxing, and mixed With such events taking place in Anywhere from about 13 years old to after their fight. Drop everything: it's madness!

Battle tested, and if they play together defensive­ mula. So we will take a look and pick apart some attempts, so your only chance is to blow them by Dubbjay ly- of the so called "favourites": out. Sports Contributor Have not: They showed that they're not even Your answer is...UConn Huskies. Of course PITT PANTHERS close to battle tested by getting blown out in the there are no perfect formulas in the wild world of Have: The shooter, Carl Krouser, who allegedly last game of the year by Xavier, and they will sports, and this year appears to be tougher than takes well over 2000 three pointers a week. As have to beat some damn good teams to win. usual. The Huskies meet the criteria with only well they are battle tested, being the number one IT S FINALLY TIME. MOST OF THE STUDENT Stanford in their bracket posing a serious threat. team in a conference featuring UConn, Syracuse, KENTUCKY WILDCATS population has been too consumed with things UConn have another question mark regarding Seton Hal, and Providence. All dangerous tour­ Have: Gerald Fitch is a good enough player to that actually matter to know how far away it was, the first part of my extremely successful method. ney teams. carry them, because he has help, (kinda like my but you knew it was coming. You just didn't Although Emeka Okafor is arguably the most Have not: Though Krouser can score he's just Maryland pick two years ago), and he's the know exactly when. If you need help fillingou t not good enough to carry a team in a dry spell. shooter. The road appears to be one of the easi­ "I've picked the Also they would most likely have to beat, est because they won big games all year, which your bracket, read on. If you don't need help fill­ National Champion for ing out your bracket, read on, because it's easier Wisconsin, Oklahoma St., and St. Joes just to get gave them the number one seed overall. four consecutive years to the Final Four. to be safe than sorry, as they say. They also say, in a row, and the loser Have not: The only thing that keeps them from "the more you find out you know, the more you the year before that. find out less you know." Check the stats: I've I've done so on a simple GONZAGA BULLDOGS picked the National Champion for four consecu­ formula . . ." Have: The player, Ronny Turif, the undisputed tive years in a row, (Syracuse, Maryland, Duke, emotional leader and one of the most physical, and Michigan State), and the loser the year dominant player in the tournament, (Jameer yet skilled college players I've ever seen. Their before that (Duke lost to UConn). I've done so Nelson, Childress, Duhon, Dee Brown, and oth­ road to the final four goes pretty much strictly on a simple formula: ers could be argued), he is not even close to through Kentucky. healthy. Much like Cincinnati in 2000, the Have not: I'm going to put shooter in have not, The best, most dominant and consistent player Huskies run the risk of being upset without him. although Blake Steep shoots an impressive 42.5 coining into the tourney Unlike Cincinnati, they don't rely strictly on per cent from the long half circle, I've yet to see + their star like the Bearcats did with Kenyan him hit a game winner. And with 174 3-pt The potential match-ups that that team has Martin, and they are too talented to lose in the attempts this season he's gonna have to take it, ahead of them second round. despite being third on his team in percentage. In beating Stanford is that Kentucky's big shooter + There are a few teams that could realistically fly spite of impressively only losing to St. Joes and is their best player. I smell triple team if it's A guy who can hit the big shot through and look about as good as UConn, but Stanford all year, the Bulldogs didn't play a sin­ close. are missing one or more of the pieces of the for- gle tournament team after December 20th. You call that battle tested? So since my pick would have been UConn, I can't take them now with Okafor hurt. This Tuesdays & Are Always ly TEXAS LONGHORNS year's champion as far as the formula is con­ Daily Matinees °" he Movie Mill Have: The path. Much like the Zags only Duke cerned will have to be: really stands in their way, meaning they have a For 24 hr. Movie info really easy road. STANFORD CARDINAL - Battle tested, xvvv^?v.iicT<3A^ierriill.o<3iini-C^all 38 1-rVI ^J-^ Have not: Despite having one of the best all healthy, they have the player (Josh Childress), Buy 1 Ticket at Regular Price around teams they lack a legitimate star and the big shot (Matt Lottich), and have a pretty Receive A 2nd shooter. Oh yeah, and they've been battle tested smooth road, (two-Uconn, three-N.C. State, Ticket for only $1. by Oklahoma State three times and lost. four-Maryland, five-Syracuse), only having to M0VR beat Texas, Duke, or Illinois most likely to Valid Sun. Mon. Wed, Thurs. DUKE BLUE DEVILS advance past the final four. It appears they have Expires May 15th, 2004 Have: J.J. Reddik can hit the three in a game it all and have had it all year, only losing to INRMN Not Valid with any other offer that Chris Duhon keeps close. The road is remi­ Washington. Oh yeah, and they have the best D »• 1M — •»•• — — •••"* Bu7l"Ti7ke7 aTRegulaTPn ce" niscent of one in Saskatchewan (you know, not in the United States that isn't coached by Bill ^t 0 llnViE mm i Receive A 2nd very challenging) and they play in the toughest Belichick. conference available. Just make sure when you're fillingou t brackets, *• mV W IE HP£| Wf Ticket foi only $1 Have not: Despite the conference they play in, that you realize the madness makes fools of us I I m^RABMMJfcfcl ValExpire: sui ,Ma Mony . 15thWed,. Trim2004s Duke slept through too many games to be con­ all. The best policy is to pick one long shot in ABMIftlON Not Valid with any other offer sidered battle tested. every round and at three or more upsets in the first round. At least that's the average since they ST. JOSEPH'S HAWKS went to 64 teams. Most of all, go with your gut Have: The player, Jameer Nelson may and never change your mind. Lastly, and Mike Buy «=»X-L«=» admission sa.t xr&oru.1 ar deservedly win Player of the Year honours I'm looking at you. Don't bet too much money. F»rioe and a. second P©^sc (although I think Okafor is more dominant). If you want to join Dubbjay's twoonie bracket oa.n golf fox- jtxst SP 1 - They have about three shooters besides Nelson pool e-mail me your bracket at Expires May 1 5, 2004 who shoot over 40 per cent with more than 100 [email protected] . The Meliorist Thursday, 18 March 2004 | Page 22 SPORTS

Brand). In hindsight, they may have Leo Double Degree the T-Wolves camp. I don't want to been some of the worst in the recent "For me dunking is just another way brag, but I think I did predict it. Troy history of the NBA. Brand has contin­ of scoring two points." -Leo West Hudson and Wally Szczerbiak are not ued to blossom into one of the game's To Yao Ming, it isn't about turning happy with their minutes and the best power forwards in Los Angeles. the rookie/sophomore game into a team is losing. (4) Ron Artest and Brad Miller made the dunk competition, 6. Detroit Pistons (43-25): Their All-Star team this past year, Miller for (like King Showboat), but basketball defence is unbelievable. Five straight the second time. Just think about it is about team play and winning (Bill games of seventy points or less. The for a second. Contracts aside, the Walton would concur). The Rockets Wallace acquisition looks pretty good! Bulls could still have Brad Miller, may earn a berth into the NBA play­ (7) Elton Brand, Ron Artest, and Eddy offs for the first time in eight years 7. Memphis Grizzlies (41-25): Hubie Curry on their team. Imagine that thanks to the leadership of Yao Ming. has worked miracles with this squad. frontline. Combine that with Jamaal His game is simple and effective. Let's just hope they can keep them Crawford and Kirk Hinrich in the Guards like Lebron are a dime a together next year. (6) backcourt and you have one of the dozen. Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Vince 8. Dallas Mavericks (42-24): I had the best top sixes in the League. Carter, Kobe Bryant, Tracy McGrady, chance to watch them play the by Ryan Reed Instead, we're left with an unprofes­ Carmelo Anthony, Allen Iverson, etc. Clippers. I don't think this team pos­ Sports Contributor sional bunch of young kids, calling Those are the elite. Even most teams sesses that killer instinct they are each other on cell phones in the lock­ have serviceable guards such as going to need to advance in the West. Latrell Sprewell, Stephon Marbury, Steve Nash is pretty good though! (7) The good thing was the Bulls were er room, and plummeting in the Michael Redd, and Corey Maggette. building a good core of talent. Elton standings. Although the Chicago 9. Houston Rockets (39-26): After HIS IS A STORY ABOUT A ONCE Brand was co-rookie of the year in faithful have not given up on this watching the Rockets play, I really proud franchise. The model fran­ 1999/2000 and was the building squad, it is tough to envision them believe they are buying into Coach chise. The untouchable franchise. block of things to come. Ron Artest ever hoisting the championship tro­ Van Gundy's philosophy. Yao Ming is This is a story about the Chicago was second in scoring that same year phy again! getting more and more touches. (9) Bulls. and was the best rookie defender in 10. New Jersey Nets (40-25): Not that It seems like yesterday that we the League. The following year, the Raptor Report they've done anything wrong, it's just remember Michael Jordan shaking Bulls added Brad Miller to the mix, The return of Jalen Rose is huge for I don't think they're better than any (not pushing off) Bryon Russell for this squad. The Raptors were lacking team ahead of them. Jason Kidd may the game winning shot in the '98 big time in the backcourt without the have something to say about that finals. The Chicago Bulls were the former Michigan star. Now their though in the playoffs. (10) best team since Bill Russell's Celtics. main guys are playing. If the Raptors They had won six titles in eight years. do not make the postseason, GM Glen Something I don't like that you The only reason it wasn't eight was Grunwald is done. His team that be shouldn't either because MJ had an urge to play right put together is now on the court. It's Billy Packer is the most annoying field for a couple of years. The only put up or shut up time for the Raps! In the NBA good centres are rare, and announcer on television. While I love thing stopping the Bulls was the Bulls Yao is as rare as they come! March Madness, I could do without themselves. Well, they did it! Head to Head him. His sideline commentating Who did it you ask? While some Weekly Power Rankings reeks of arrogance! More Clark point the finger at Phil Jackson for JT the Brick 1. Sacramento Kings (49-17): I do Kellogg, less Pack Man. bailing out when Michael left, the real LeBron James is the man. his stats wonder about this team's toughness root of the problem is found on the are ridiculous, and he changes games. on the road. If they were playing the Quick Hits very large plate belonging to Jerry forming one of the most formidable He has tipped the Cavs win total from Lakers in a best of seven right now, I - Los Angeles Clippers guard Quentin Krause. Crumbs, as many referred to Irontcourts in the Eastern last year by thirteen, with fifteen don't know who I would pick. (1) Richardson should be one of the most him as. had a run of good luck in the Conference. games left to play. They are in the 2. Indiana Pacers (49-17): The Pacers sought after free agents this summer. NBA. Assembling the right parts to fit That's when Jerry Krause decided to hunt for a playoff spot, words not loss to the Cavaliers on Sunday scares The powerful guard can rebound, with Michael Jordan was not an easy get involved. In some not so subtle heard around Cleveland very often. me. Jermaine O'Neal had 32. but no shoot the three, and finish in traffic. I task moves. Krause traded Elton Brand for and it can all be attributed to the King. one else showed up. (2) don't think the Clippers will make a What Crumbs has shown since the the second overall pick in the draft, Yao Ming is a 7*6" serviceable centre, 3. Los Angeles Lakers (34-23): The run to sign him after the team's disap­ dynasty ended is that he is not a good which turned out to be Tyson dominating at times, but inconsistent. Lakers are getting healthy at the right pointing season. general manager. The Bulls went Chandler. The Bulls also had the The only games he comes out to play time. Will it be enough to get them - Allen Iverson has definitely worn out through a dreadful stretch immedi­ fourth pick, with which they picked are when he's going against Shaq, and through the tough Western bis welcome in Philly. Iverson ately following the '98 season when Eddy Curry. Krause then decided to that's only four times a year. Anyone Conference playoff? (5) thought he was returning from injury Tim Floyd took the reigns and guided move Ron Artest and Brad Miller to who picks Yao over LeBron must 4. San Antonio Spurs (44-23): The on Sunday at Detroit. Coach Chris the squad to a League worst 13-37 Indiana for Jalen Rose and Travis either not know how to play the bass Spurs are surviving without Duncan. Ford wanted him to come off the record in the lockout shortened year. Best. Raptors fans are painfully aware or struggle with his jump shot! His return better come soon though, bench and work into the game due to The next season was no better, as the of Rose's vast potential on the court. James's reign over the L will compare because this team needs to find itself condition concerns. Iverson changed to Michael Jordan's when it is all said Bulls again finished near the bottom At the time, the moves were not crit­ before the playoffs start. (3) and watched the game in his throw­ and done! of the league, with a paltry seventeen icized too harshly (except for moving 5. Minnesota Timberwolves (46-21): back. He's gone this summer. wins. Rumors of complaining coming from That's it for this week. Later. 26 Ave N Croquet to the extreme X-treme croquet. "We usually start by Matt Barton on the second floor of any building on QCI f QTORAfiF ~ The Carillon, campus and go from there. It was too University of Regina cold to play outside a couple weeks ago, so we started a game in the REGINA (CUP) Riddell Centre. Security was called, but by the time they got there, we had already finished playing through. The 18 Ave N. IT IS THE LATEST IN X-TREME WIN- security guard was really good about ter sports. Furious ball and mallet it," Phillips grins. We Offer: action coupled with all-terrain. It 2315-36St.il takes concentration, finesse, and "48 different sizes available intelligence to become a master of croquet. Yes, we're talking about cro­ ~Double security storage, quet. security lighted and fenced Just outside the Riddell Centre's front doors on a Friday afternoon, "Cheap upstairs storage facing a brisk wind and bitter cold, It seems that you don't always need "Monitored security alarm the University of Regina Croquet a lawn for a good game of croquet. Enthusiast Consortium (URCEC) had They claim to have played on dirt, "Mailbox rented gathered to engage in the latest match mud, ice, and of course, snow. of croquet. Nothing slows them down. "It's defi­ "Moving help available The cold was no match for these nitely an intellectual sport," muses paragons of athletic prowess and Bryn Barber, CEO of URCEC. "It "24 hour keypad, gate code Don't Throw il Away! Bring in Any Unused goodwill. They were all smiles and takes planning and strategy. I am entry on some storages Sniffles between measured and calcu­ working on my game, short shots, Non-Perishable Food ItemsTo Help lated shots. power shots, finesse shots." "Authorized UHAUL dealer "We have been playing croquet since "It's a gentlemen's...uh...gentleper- high school," explains Ross Phillips, son's sport. Gentleperson sounds Support TheLethbridge Food Bank President of URCEC. "We'd play cro­ lame. Gentlemen's sounds better, but quet on the front lawn during spares. girls are welcome to play. We're going It just kind of grew from there. lo have a grand finale tournament at "We started playing at the University the end of the year, it should be pret­ last fall in October when the Students' ty good," Phillips concludes in a pics Union officially sanctioned us idential manner. [URCEC] as a club." Will this be the latest addition to the With a little help from URSIJ, these X-Games? Only time will tell. athletes continue a long tradition of gDOT ^wwTKyoOnllcBttnnD ccaa o tl on Grad Photos March 31-April 2 I deJourands will be here once again on campus. r This will be your last chance before graduation! To book your session, stop by the SU office (SU180) or call 329-2222 for more information. Remember, when you make an appointment for grad photos, to bring $15.00 +GST for the sitting fee. Please make sure you have a package picked out and payment available on the day of your pictures. Thursday fill —MJ Tonight, March 18, at The Zoo • No Cover Charge & No Tickets • All Three Ballrooms Open I • $2 Hi-Balls - $1.50 Glasses of Beer • Doors open at 8 pm Students May Bring One Guest. Service until 2 am. No entry after midnight. Must be 18 years with valid student & photo ID. test: Bank Drive The Students' Union wants to update our Test Bank and you can help! Drop off your tests today and win prizes. Tables will be set up in the Students' Union Building March 15- 19 and in the Atrium March 16 & 17. Test Bank Drive March 15-19 Alcohol & Last class bashes will be happening soon and many student will want to party, but not over-do it. Remember that refusing a drink that you don't want requires an equal amount of assertiveness, creativity and humor. Anticipate reactions of people and prepare a response. Practice a few one liners before you go out e.g. "I've got a final tomorrow." Look people in the eye when you say no. Be prepared to leave if there is too much pressure to over drink. Brought to you by AADAC and The U of L Alcohol Awareness Committee.

Become a Candidate in the Students' Union By- Elections Nominations Begin March 29 at 8:30 am Nominations Close March 31 at 4:30 pm Orientation Meetings April 1 at 5:00 pm aaaaa%%*aaWaW aaa%aa\%aaaa\a\+ JM> UmaaW Positions Available: 3 Arts and Science, Management, Education, Health Sciences, Calgary Campus, and Board of Governors Rep. Come to the Students' Union office and pick up your nomination package today. 1 HE 1 OP HAT GENTLEMEN CLUB M 1216 1st Av*fj|^ue South iaaVTIP thinn

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ALWAYS H AVINO FUN, THC TOP HAT MK1 TO THANK ALL STUDENTS FOR THEIR P THROUGHOUT TH1 SCHOOL YIAfl!