An interview Fashionp21 Fashion with Palestinian disaster? terrorist leader Jonny and Munir Luciana Al-Maqdah will make Features you look p22 Meet the Foals fabulous Music p25 Issue No 660 Friday October 5 2007 varsity.co.uk

e Independent CambridgeStudent Newspaper since 1947 Students for Sale

Clients liked the fact that I was a

Cambridge

“student, and so did the agency. They liked having “ a classier girl there. It was good for business. Cambridge student, 21, former prostitute

LIZZIE ROBINSON The student, who has since given vertise escorting services, charging pany, but said he could make up to Katherine faulkner up the practice, said that she would anywere up to £300 for a single date. £200 per week. “If someone’s stupid News Editor get calls out to students “maybe The company pride themselves on enough to buy essays on the inter- Lindsey Kennedy once or twice a fortnight.” their selection of “elite dates”, a net, then I don’t really care about A Varsity investigation into Cam- Another cash-strapped under- status reserved for Oxbridge and their economic future,” he said. Work: bridge student jobs has uncovered graduate travelled to a northern ‘Ivy League’ educated escorts. Some Cambridge graduate stu- undergraduates working as pros- city on weekends to strip for clients But they claim that despite the dents are even on “scholarships” curse of titutes and strippers during term in return for up to £100 per dance. high prices and suggestive profi les of up to £10,000 per year, which time, as well as a plethora of students “It can be so degrading,” she the website “has always been and they pay back to the company by the selling essays and dates for cash. admits, “but, when I’m home, I’m always will be strictly a dinner date writing briefs. student One Cambridge student has ad- not going to stack shelves at Mor- service”, and that “inappropriate The university’s board of grad- mitted to spending her fi rst under- rison’s for £5.50 an hour when I behaviour will not be tolerated”. uate studies is looking to modify classes graduate year working as a call girl, could do this. Even more widespread was the its existing plagiarism clause in charging £50 per hour. Unbeknown “There are the moments I re- completion of work for the Ox- order to prohibit this, calling the to her friends, the fi nalist slept with ally don’t want to do it, but it is bridge Essays service, a practice scheme “an attempt to deliberate- p1 between 40 and 50 men for money certainly character building. My which the university has con- ly degrade the academic integrity over two months, and once with worst fear is dancing up there in demned as “cheating, or complicit of the university.” seven men in a single night. front of someone I know, but eve- with cheating.” John Foster, head “That’s a fairly ludicrous and ill- Letters 10 “I did have a day job at the same ryone has to do it.” of sales at Oxbridge Essays, es- considered statement,” said Foster. time, but it just wasn’t paying Takemetodinner.com claim that timates that the company has “at “The fact is that most people just Comment 12 enough,” she told Varsity. “I met 450 Cambridge students and alum- least 500” Cambridge students and can’t get that money elsewhere. other students who did it too. Once ni are members of their escorting alumni on their books. They face a stark choice between you’ve done it, it is tempting. If you site, which was formerly known as One student claimed to have made getting some funding and not doing Idler 13 need quick, easy money, it’s there.” Oxbridge Escorts. Of these, 342 ad- £2,000 by selling essays to the com- postgraduate study at all.” Reviews 28 » Special Investigation pages 4-5 The Anorak 38 Got a news story? Friday October 5 2007 2 NEWS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news

In Brief Flasher strikes again

Cambridge police have recieved two reports of a fl asher in the last week. The fi rst incident occured in the grounds of Robinson College, whilst on Monday the man exposed himself again on Madingly Road. The fl asher is said to be a White male of a medium build in his mid- twenties. When seen he was wear- ing casual clothes and black or dark grey baseball cap. Police believe this may be the same fl asher who was active in May to June. They have asked that any students who encounter this male report him im- mediately to the police. Katherine Faulkner

Police chief blames immigrants for crime increase

The amount of immigration into Cambridge has placed some strain on the limited police force in the city. Chief Constable Julie Spence has requested a further £2 mil- lion pounds from the Home Offi ce. Local politicians readily agreed with the demands, and Jim Paice DYAN SPENCER-DAVIDSON MP commended Spence’s “courage for raising the issue”. Others have DYLAN SPENCER-DAVIDSON called the statement infl ammatory Foaming fresh and xenophobic. A response from Wednesday October 3. Freshers’ Week 2007. The cleanest crowd Ballare has ever seen enjoy their bubbles well into the morning. the home secretary is expected shortly. Alex Glasner Queens’ to sober up ‘Doomsday is not nigh’ Top schools embrace Queens’ has become the latest college to restrict the availabil- » Environment sceptic visits Union ity of wine at formal halls. Under new ‘Pre-U’ Exam new rules, guests will no longer be allowed to bring wine to for- Emma Inkester pected that the top band will allow mal, while Queens’ students will Senior Reporter for an extra grade which measures be limited to one bottle each. No achievment higher than the new student deemed inebriated will be A* mark at A level. permitted entry to hall. The mo- A handful of leading public schools The development follows outcry tion introducing the new rules was have this week confi rmed their de- last week over a new report by the passed unanimously by the col- cision to road test a a new alterna- Sutton Trust which revealed that lege’s governing body. One student tive to A levels that has been de- a student who attended one of the commented, “I feel it’s a shame as veloped in Cambridge, beginning top thirty independent schools is it is quite a patronising rule, but in the next academic year. twice as likely to go to Oxbridge it is understandable on the part of Winchester, Eton and Rugby join than one who attended one of the the college given some students’ a number of colleges in piloting the top thirty grammar schools, even if alcohol-induced misbehaviour at Cambridge Pre-U examinations they have the same A level results. formals.” Brad Norman from September 2008. The move However, Cambridge University refl ects growing concern over the admissions have issued positive potential of A levels to challenge comments on the proposed syl- and distinguish the most able stu- labi, stating that the “emphasis on Emma tree gets own book dents. The Cambridge Pre-U ex- open-ended, challenging, synoptic amination is an attempt by Cam- assessment” is welcomed, but the An oriental plane whose seeds are bridge International Examinations Pre-U examination will not receive thought to have been brought from to respond to the complaints of funding in the maintained sector Thermopylae to Emmanuel by a leading schools that modular ex- until approved by the Qualifi ca- group of Cambridge scholars has aminations and unlimited resits tions and Curriculum Authority, fi nally received due recognition. have led to a focus on exam success leading to concerns that the new Beneath one such “canopy where a rather than rounded education. system will serve to increase the shadow of Eden still exists” (Luis Dr Kevin Stannard, CIE Direc- divide in university admissions. RICHARD GARDNER Cernuda), Hippocrates once taught Lomborg addresses the Cambridge Union tor of International Curriculum This week CIE attended the early medics on Kos; Emmanuel’s Development, said that by offering Headmasters’ and Headmistress- own plane has now been celebrated He maintained that environmen- the Pre-U schools “will be making es’ Conference in Bournemouth to in a work by Dr Ronald Gray, one of Katy Lee talists ought to recognise “the posi- a strong statement about the val- persuade principles of the benefi ts the college’s most eminent scholars.. tives as well as negatives” of global ue of learning over testing. Cam- of the Pre-U. The response to the Alex Glasner Speaking at the Cambridge Union warming. He claimed that by 2050, bridge Pre-U has been designed as scheme from schools has so far on Wednesday night, controversial 20,000 fewer people will be dying a coherent two-year programme. been mixed. academic and self-styled “sceptical from cold in the UK than the cur- Candidates who take the exams Keith Pusey, Director of Studies enviromentalist” Bjørn Lomborg rent annual fi gure. The extra deaths after two years of study will have at Winchester, told Varsity that his condemned the Kyoto Protocol as from very high temperatures will additional levels of maturity and school was “very happy” to be tak- an ineffective mechanism for deal- total approximately 2000. understanding, and will have a real ing part in the trial examinations. ing with climate change, and called Lomborg explained that address- sense of how it all hangs together. “Many of our heads of department for governments to focus resourc- ing global problems such as the Instead of a ‘learn it, forget it’ cul- are interested in the specifi cations 52 Trumpington Street Cambridge CB2 1RG es on more immediate concerns spread of disease would give us bet- ture, Cambridge Pre-U offers edu- and in some cases they have been such as Malaria and HIV/AIDS. ter value for money than an attempt cational value, rather than training chairmen of panels drawing up FREE CHELSEA BUN Lomborg, who received numer- to tackle global warming with the for exams.” these specifi cations so we’re very With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop ous challenges from members of Kyoto Protocol, which would have The Cambridge Pre-U diploma much in the vanguard of this exam OR the Union audience, reiterated “a dramatically small effect.” is a linear, two year course, with which we regard as educationally claims that some of the best publi- “Kyoto will cost $186 billion sim- exams taking place after the fi rst benefi cial”. FREE MORNING cised arguments regarding global ply to postpone global warming year only as a “progress check”. Martin Stephen, headmaster at COFFEE/TEA warming are “alarmist”. “Global by fi ve years. The task at hand is The diploma includes a Global Per- St Pauls School, sees this divide as (9am-12pm) With any cake or pastry in the restaurant warming is real and man made. It’s to make sure our kids and grand- spectives project, which covers a cause for possible failure of the one of the most complex problems kids have much better technol- the challenges confronting young Pre-U. “Many initiatives where on presentation of this voucher in the world,” he told the chamber. ogy to deal with these problems.” people in a modern world environ- the Independent sector tries to go and proof of student status “But we need a sense of proportion. Next week: full Bjørn Lomborg ment. The exams will be graded it alone have been attempted, but Doomsday is not nigh.” interview. using a detailed scale, and it is ex- they have all failed.” Friday October 5 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 3 Peterhouse urged to clamp down on squat » Locals angry at college’s failure to secure site known to be frequented by drug users

Katy Lee property strewn with empty bot- tles, abandoned trolleys and litter News Editor when they investigated the site this week. Peterhouse had com- Police and councillors are calling plied with Cambridge City Coun- on Peterhouse to secure a derelict cil’s request that they board up the building owned by the college. building’s windows following the The site, which is on the cor- meeting at Parkside Police Sta- ner of Radegund Road and Perne tion, but the boards from the up- Road, has become a hotspot for per windows have been torn off antisocial behaviour and has been and the glass smashed. attracting drug users and rough Local community offi cers found sleepers since the last occupants a bag of needles in one of the ga- left in August 2006. rages on the site. The police also The police arranged a meeting at have evidence that people have Parkside Police Station on 20 Sep- been sleeping in the main building. tember to discuss what should be The council have asked Peterhouse done with the property, which has to secure the perimeter of the land, fallen into disrepair after decades which they have so far failed to under Peterhouse’s ownership, do. but representatives of Peterhouse “What they need to be doing is and Carter Jonas, who manage the securing the site so that drug-deal- building, failed to turn up. ers and rough sleepers can’t get ac- Carter Jonas claim they did cess to it,” said Mr Sadiq. He has not receive an invitation to the called for Peterhouse to demolish meeting, but Tariq Sadiq, the the garages and sheds at the back Cambridge City Councillor who of the property, a proposal which spearheaded the campaign to get has been supported by the police. the site cleared up, insists that “I’ve been in email contact with the company was asked to attend. the bursar at Peterhouse and “Peterhouse had received several recommended these actions. The invitations as well,” he told Var- other thing is obviously to put in a sity. The bursar of Peterhouse planning application and redevelop refused to comment on why they it as soon as possible.” had not been present at the meet- Three shops continue to operate ing. on the site, but their owners have Varsity reporters found the complained that antisocial behav- CHRIS THWAITE iour in the area is damaging their The council has repeatedly asked Peterhouse to seal off the derelict site business. Andrew Weatherly, who runs one of the shops in the com- to the police, but they expressed nity College, the secondary school as well as some new shops. plex, has reported four incidents of anxiety that reporting such crimes on Radegund Road, also told us But the college’s reluctance to antisocial behaviour to the police could drive up their insurance pre- that the site is frequently used by spend money on addressing the since August 2006. “They smashed miums. students who smoke and drink dur- site’s problems with antisocial all the front windows above this “The problems really occurred ing their lunch break. A statement behaviour in the short run has an- shop. There was glass everywhere. last winter, when local kids discov- from Carter Jonas last week re- gered local residents. “Peterhouse Like all businesses we try to oper- ered that the building was empty,” vealed that Peterhouse is planning have indicated that they want to ate as best we can, but doesn’t help said Mr Weatherly. He claims that to redevelop the property soon. redevelop the site, so they clearly that we have to deal with this.” the location has become a notori- “The owner has been working don’t want to spend any money on Mr Weatherly also described ous meeting place for local youths. on redevelopment proposals for it at present,” said Mr Sadiq. how the shops on the site have “It tends to be in the evenings and the site for the past eight months The councillor has attacked Pe- experienced problems with wa- at the weekends, and after school. and expects to submit a planning terhouse for not taking their re- ter supply because people have They’ll smash bottles, break stuff. application in October,” said Guy sponsibility to the community se- been breaking into the building to And I’ve been told by locals that Pewter, a spokesperson from Cart- riously. “They can’t simply wash steal pipes. Other local shopkeep- they fi re BB guns.” er Jonas. The redevelopment will their hands of it and leave it to the Locals say they feel threatened ers have made similar complaints A pupil from Coleridge Commu- include one and two bedroom fl ats, police,” he told Varsity. “Evil” anarchist bomber jailed » Judge: anyone who uses violence to change the public will is a terrorist

Jessica King Court on September 27. attacks, and he reamins a key sus- did. If what you did was rational it scribed by Thames Valley Police as Among the targeted organisa- pect in the investigation into a let- is evil. If it was irrational, then that “very fast-moving and complex”, A Cambridge man has been con- tions were Capita, which runs Lon- ter bomb sent to the headquarters is all the more frightening.” involved forces Scotland Yard’s victed of a nationwide letter bomb- don’s congestion charging system, of Cambridge’s Labour Party in Cooper’s defence team, led counter-terrorism command. ing campaign. Miles Cooper, a care- LCG Forensics, in Oxfordshire, August 2006. Police found an ex- by Michael Wolkind, said little Cooper’s arrest on February taker who worked at Cherry Hinton and the DVLA offi ces in Swansea, tensive arsenal of deadly weapons throughout the four day trial since 19 came just one month after the Junior School, targeted several where three people were hurt by a at his home in Cherry Hinton, in- Cooper admitted both to making fi rst incident, but police have not organisations he considered to be glass bomb on February 7. His ter- cluding a machete, rifl es and lethal and sending the devices. “He is cru- revealed how they caught Cooper, “government affi liated” with glass ror campaign has cost the organisa- chemicals. Toxic chemicals known cially aware that harming innocent who left no trace of DNA in any and nail bombs, in what he claims tions involved around £80,000. to be used by terrorists in fi re- individuals is unjustifi ed under any of the bombs he sent having used was a protest against a surveillance Cooper selected these targets bombs were also discovered. These circumstance,” said Mr Wolkind on gloves, masks and tweezers while obsessed society. He now faces an because he considered them to included the chemicals HMTD and September 28. “We don’t consider constructing them. indeterminate prison sentence. have links to an “over intrusive” TATP, both of which have been used him a signifi cant risk. No-one is Detective Superintendent George Cooper was found guilty of eight and “authoritarian” government. in a large number of suicide attacks entitled to change his views; that Turner of Thames Valley Police counts of causing bodily injury by He has expressed hope that his ac- across the world. is the freedom we enjoy in this so- said, “I consider Miles Cooper to be means of an explosive substance, tions will not undermine the efforts Judge Julian Hall, sentencing, ciety, but this defendant is intelli- an extremely dangerous individual. two counts of using an explosive of civil liberties groups such as Lib- told Cooper: “You are a terrorist. gent and young enough to change If he hadn’t been caught when he substance with intent to disable, erty and NO2ID. Anyone who tries through violence his response to laws he doesn’t ap- was, his campaign would have con- and a charge of making an explo- There is considerable evidence to change the public will is a terror- prove of.” tinued. We still don’t know what his sive substance at Oxford Crown that Cooper was planning further ist, and that is precisely what you The investigation, which was de- end game was.” Got a news story? Friday October 5 2007 4 NEWS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news

News Investigation The things we do for money... Offi cially, Cambridge students do not work during termtime. A few hours a week at the collge bar is all that is allowed. It’s an open secret that many of us fi t evening and weekend jobs around our studies. Undergraduate life is expensive these days, especially for those who enjoy the odd luxury. But why are 350 Cantabridgians working as es- corts? Why are 500 – nearly one in twenty – writing bespoke essays for anonymous clients? Katherine Faulkner and Lucy McKeon meet a few of the students selling their brains and bodies for cash.

“call-girlthe slept with clients on 40-50 occasions over a period of two months. It started in my fi rst year. There are several Iagencies in Cambridge. I chose my one because they didn’t have a website, and they have branches all over the UK under different names. Curiosity made me do it. Clients were charged £120 per hour; you got £50, the agency got £50 and your driver got £20. Drivers take you to the client’s houses and wait outside, sort of like a bodyguard. You could drive yourself and make a bit more money but not many girls did that – it’s a bit too dangerous. I would sleep with between one and seven clients a night, the most being at Christmas when it was really busy. If it was a quiet night and someone wanted a deal I would offer it for cheaper than 50 pounds, or if someone only wanted half an hour. I probably earned between £5-6k in the time I was at the agency, about £1000 per week cash in hand. I would sometimes get tips, the most being £150. Once you’ve done this, it is tempting. If you need quick, easy money, it’s there. The money went on going out, partying, clothes... it went on absolutely nothing. It was just a day-to-day lifestyle thing, but very extravagant for a student. The clients were really varied. The youngest I saw was 18, the eldest 80 (although we couldn’t really do a great deal). Some houses would be really amazing, others weren’t that well-off. Some had wives who were away, some had just got divorced, and there were stag dos. Quite a few men were regulars who would spend more than £400 a week, every week. I did turn down clients when they were disgusting I thought in a way it was quite glamorous, especially getting and I never went to someone I knew from Cambridge. We dressed up in nice clothes and getting told you were beautiful would get calls from students once or twice a fortnight. It all the time. We were encouraged to wear dresses or skirts, get home until 6am, so of course I couldn’t keep up with my does happen that you see someone you know and that was a stockings, suspenders and nice lingerie. If we didn’t look nice work. I did have a day job for a while at the same time, but concern of mine, especially when I would go near student ar- enough or if we didn’t do what the agency wanted they would it just wasn’t paying enough. In the end, I left of my own eas like Mill Road. They would be in student accommodation, threaten to chuck you out. There was no room for bullshit; in accord. I just didn’t fancy doing it anymore. It did affect my but not in college. We did get a call out to Trinity while I was a business like that you have to be that way. A couple of times studies but it was good while it lasted. I probably wouldn’t there. I didn’t go, but the girl thought the client was a fellow I did get a bit scared. I got locked in a house once along with recommend it to others as it really does take nerves of steel - or a professor as he was an older man in nice accommodation some other girls by a client, but we got him to let us out after you have to be sure that it is what you want to do. Most girls in the college. It happens. a while. It was alright in the end, but still frightening. One wouldn’t be able to do it - it’s silly, reckless and there are so Clients did like the fact that I was a Cambridge student, and driver made a deal with his mate and they drugged one of the many more important things to be doing as a so did the agency. They liked having a classier girl there – it girls at the agency and took turns with her. He was beaten the student. But, at times it was very Belle du was good for business. I got more extensions on the one hour shit out of. Knowing what I know now, you can’t trust anyone. Jour - and I liked that. call-out than the other girls. Some asked to see me privately, It defi nitely got in the way of my academic work. I would away from the agency, and I would go even though we weren’t usually go out about three nights a week and wouldn’t get supposed to – it was £300 straight in your pocket. home before three, even on a quiet night. Usually I wouldn’t ” Friday October 5 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 5

» Comment p13

Do they, or don’t they? do for money... take me to dinner › The service, originally started just after I split up with my boyfriend. I wanted to called Oxbridge Escorts, was do something that would piss him off, and the only thing I launched by Oxford clas- Icould think of was to be a pole dancer - so I marched straight sics student Nick Dekker in in. The fi rst time I was numb all over. I was still so emotional 2005 to intense media inter- that it didn’t sink in. My fi rst night I earned 150 quid. If it had the est. Since then a number of been a really bad night I might not have carried it on, but there was no looking back. In my fi rst year I would go to the club from journalists have attempted Cambridge every other weekend, or go a few weekends in a row (unsuccesfully) to expose the and then take the next few off. website as an upmarket pros- stripper On an average night I would be working from 10.30pm. First titution service. you have to wear a long dress that doesn’t show too much fl esh, then at midnight you change into something skimpier, usually a short dress, although some girls wear the most horrible things › The company has always possible – nipple tassels and so on. We don’t actually take our maintained that, unlike many “ clothes off at the pole. We talk to the men for a while, have a other escort services, they drink with them, and then go to a private booth if they want provide dinner dates only and a dance. There are cameras everywhere. It’s £20 for a private no additional services. Escorts lap dance, and we do on average about 20 a night. On a good night I could go home with £300. If I had a huge phone bill to must agree to abide by the pay I would make myself stay and dance until I had earned it. policy against “inappropriate We can’t leave before 4am, and at busy times like Christmas we behaviour.” could stay until 6am. We actually pay £50 house fee every night. In this sense we are just renting the fl oor space and access to clients; we are self-employed, making our own money. › All the escorts we have spo- I’ve met so many different people doing this job: some as young ken to claim to abide by the as 17, and we’ve had a 92 year old in with his family on a stag do. policy, though they say clients I’ve met people like footballers, who are polite and always buy you occasionally appear disap- a drink, but there are others who want you to take your clothes pointed. off for a fi ver. That’s what makes me question this job. It can be so degrading. If you turn your back on some men for a second they will try to put their hands where they shouldn’t. Those are the mo- ments I really don’t want to do it, and I do get angry and upset, but it is character building. A lot of men ask for extras or for you to go home with them for money. I don’t do that, but lots of the others do. Is it legal? I won’t be dancing very much anymore. I really thought I could go for the weekends and come back and work, but I think the oxbridge essays reason I didn’t do as well in my second year as I wanted to was that I danced so much. I feel that being at Cambridge really cancels out being a stripper. I have my head screwed on. Some men think you are some single mother, the usual clichés. I love to see their faces › To buy or sell essays students when I tell them where I’m at university. Now that I’ve done it must sign a legally binding for so long it has desensitised me to it. It’s like having a double life. undertaking that forbids pla- It doesn’t really mean anything to me now, although that doesn’t mean that I would ever be an escort. I see it as acting; I even have giarism. Essays are provided a different name. The money helps to pay for things like rent, and as a “model or inspiration my lifestyle has been pretty luxurious, but then I don’t think that only”. many Cambridge students really live the poor student life. I ran out of money in my fi rst year and that was when I did it the most. The only reason I dance now is for the money. It is such › Matthew Harris, a leading easy cash in hand. I have a boyfriend who Intellectual property lawyer, would like me to stop, but I’m not going to said: “any Company which, in stack shelves in Morrison’s for £5.50 an hour reality, is encouraging unlaw- when I could do this. ful behaviour is not going to be able to hide behind a piece of paper in court. Any judge would look at the facts of how what you get paid. Oxbridge Essays don’t tell you that, but I this service is being used, and checked the fees for a couple of essays I have done and it was assess whether or not it is the twice what I got paid. But because the money is so good you case that they are inducing don’t question it. You don’t care. I’m really cold towards people the breaking of a contract.” who pay for essays. Although I’m benefi ting from it, I have no respect for the people doing it. I think you really shouldn’t get someone else to do your work. There are people who send re- › A spokesperson for Oxbridge quest after request to Oxbridge Essays; you” can tell from the Essays says: “This is all pure briefs. Obviously it’s their whole course that they are paying speculation based on no for. That pisses me off. I know it’s unethical, but it is so expensive in Cambridge, and evidence. The writer you the money you earn in the holidays does not cover term time spoke to has never had any too. I think that if they let us work during term time, there contact with the recipients he most amount of work I’ve done for an essay was would be fewer people doing it. If I could get a proper part time of his essays. The only basis a day, and that was for the dissertation. That was job like a bar job, I would. I don’t feel like a victim, forced to for his accusation of plagia- Tsix in the morning until four in the afternoon. I do it, but I think Cambridge’s policy does make some students rism is that we submit briefs defi nitely felt like I earned my money for that. The disclaimers do Oxbridge Essays when they don’t have to. I don’t think I’m with very specific titles. This say things like we can’t give in any old work we’ve done before cheating. I’m making good money to improve my writing. I - it has to be original for the brief we have been given. We can’t know now that I can write a 2.1 standard masters essay, as a is because our clients pay a plagiarize, which is ironic, because it is obvious you are writing second year undergrad. If someone wants to pay someone else high price for a very spe- essays for other people to use as their own. to write their essay that’s their problem. I care more about it cific model...I have spoken to The disclaimers don’t say anything about what the essays will when I see briefs from medicine students - that many students, in particular be used for. But you know. Every single essay I’ve done, I’ve makes me worry that they would, and international students, who known it is no way just a ‘study guide’. I’ve even done one that should, have failed their course when recieve very little advice from I know was for a Cambridge student, from the lecture notes they have passed through “ tutors on how to write an that were sent to me. Once, I was sent a case study of a school Oxbridge Essays. placement in a brief. It had to be inserted in the essay, in their essay. Perhaps this kind of writing, and then I would carry on with my own writing, so it the advice should ideally be com- wasn’t at all integrated. They do have this legal loophole when ing universities, but we are everyone knows what really happens to the essays we write. pragmatists. It is very little And that’s why they keep their clients anonymous; to cover different to hiring a private themselves. But as long as I get paid I don’t mind. I get the impression that it’s not just students but super- tutor. Nobody has any moral visors at the university who write Oxbridge Essays. The essayist objections to that.” person who buys the essays is pretty much paying double ” ” Got a news story? Friday October 5 2007 6 NEWS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news

Bedder the devil you know Varsityprofi le » Scruby gets suspended sentence after webcam sting »Vasilios Anastasiou

and forged cheques in their names Tom Parry-Jones for two years before she was »born turned in by a suspicious cashier. delphi, greece 1961 A light-fingered bedder at Sid- Scruby pleaded guilty to 25 charg- ney Sussex College was caught es of forgery and obtaining money by students when a webcam re- by deception. »22 years corded her stealing money from a In the Sidney Sussex case, the since vasilios arrived in student room. bedder had initially denied involve- cambridge and got his first Cleaner Margaret Scruby, 58, ment with the thefts, which oc- job at gardie’s was sentenced on Monday to four curred in February of this year, but months in prison, suspended for 18 reportedly confessed when faced »over 7,000 months, after she pleaded guilty to with the overwhelming evidence of photos of patrons on his fi ve charges of theft from student’s the webcam footage. wall rooms, including on some occas- Scruby’s lawyer Jeremy Kendall, sions, small amounts of change. mitigating, said that while Scruby The worst hit student had £140 couldn’t explain why she stole the »3 weeks stolen, but in total Scruby was re- money, the crimes had come shortly gardie’s the opera’s original ported to have taken £146.90, which after she was widowed. Her husband, run at queens’. extra shows she has now been ordered to repay Eric, was killed by a drink-driver. scheduled at the union due to the students involved. The university has a long history to unanticipated success Money was taken from purses of putting webcams to use, though and desks in the college’s Sussex perhaps for more trivial reasons. House accommodation. The presid- The fi rst webcam ever was creat- Originally from Greece, 46 year began the long standing tradition ing magistrate, Rosie Spencer, de- ed by students at the Cambridge- old Vas, as he is more commonly of photographing his liveliest cus- scribed Scruby’s actions as “a seri- Computer Laboratory in 1991. In- known, has owned and worked tomers. He keeps all of the pho- ous breach of trust”. stalled in the Trojan Room, it was in The Gardenia for over twenty tos and has collected almost 7000. The case has brought to light pointed at the coffee pot and updat- years. He studied engineering at Vas says that the Daily Mail Scruby’s long history of theft and ed every second, so that students university in Athens and worked offered him “a lot of money” to fraud. In 1991, she was convicted of could check if there was refresh- for the Greek agricultural minister. buy the photographs but he re- stealing from her employer, and in ment available without leaving He came to England 22 years ago to fused. He wants to create a mam- 2000 she was jailed for three years their seats. The webcam was even- work on genetic research in Cam- moth exhibition of all the pictures after defrauding Sir John and Lady tually taken out of service in 2001, bridge and fi rst came to Gardie’s in and invite old students to come Walley of nearly £90,000. and the coffee machine was sold at order to be able to speak with staff back and buy them so the money She began working as a cleaner auction to German newspaper Der in his own language. can be donated to local charities. for the nonagenarian couple in 1994 Spiegel for £3,350. Before Vas took over, The Some years ago Varsity ran a Gardenia was mainly a restau- successful campaign to save The rant for fellows. Some people Gardenia from being shut down claim it was founded in 1902, oth- and ever since then Varsity has ers say it was founded in 1918. been his favourite newspaper. Vas claims that it was originally On the subject of inebriated stu- much more expensive and only dents, he says: “They are not drunk, frequented by affl uent students. they are young. Students have an Over the twenty years he has obligation to have a good time.” Vas’ worked there Vas has noticed a own son has just started at Kent change in the type of students University studying Archaeology. who are at Cambridge. Before Vas says that it is part of his 2000 they were mostly private- philosophy to pass on a love of ly educated but now he thinks life, along with his kebabs. He en- they seem to come from a much joys having philosophical chats wider range of backgrounds. with students upstairs in the Gar- The photographs that paper the denia restaurant. His favourite wall of Gardie’s originated when a subjects are the students he has student was desperate for a kebab met and the books he has read. but didn’t have any money. The He collects rare books, especially penniless student offered to leave ones about philosophy, religion his camera as a guarantee that he and alchemy. His favourite book is would pay the next day, but in the an untitled collection of scripts by end decided to leave the camera as Francis Bacon. He loves writing a present. The camera sat on the and plans to publish his memoirs counter a while until one day Vas when he has retired. Friday October 5 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 7 Larger than life slides to illustrate the discussion. Emma Inkester The professor followed the lecture by answering questions put to him A Geography professor last week by those present. became the fi rst Cambridge Uni- One retired schoolteacher who at- versity academic to give a lecture tended said, “I was really impressed in a virtual world. Philip Gibbard, a by the fact that you had a Cambridge geologist, spoke for half an hour to professor speaking on Second Life. I an anonymous cyber-audience from have always been looking for some- around the world via Second Life. thing to exercise my mind here. Last Gibbard’s talk on “How Britain be- night made me think it had been came an Island”, delivered straight worthwhile!” The professor himself into a computer from the comfort of is optimistic about the potential ben- Nature’s offi ces in London, was the efi ts of virtual communication. “The third in a series organised by the sci- educational potential is enormous. entifi c journal Nature. His voice was The audience includes anyone who broadcast into the cyber-auditorium chooses to come along, not just mem- together with a series of Powerpoint bers of the academic community.” Professor Gibbard in the fl esh ...and as his online self in virtual universe Second Life

St John’s In his pocket Our spy was perplexed to witness a gangly Johnian fl eeing from the sweaty milieu of Club 22 with a conspicuously spreading wet patch about the middle trouser zone. The damp attack resulted not from any reckless uriniation on the part of our Your career is Johnian, (who was in fact the victim in this incident) but the doings of a most notorious and corpulent mem- ber of the rugby team, who had seen no laughing fi t to thrust himself enthusiastically upon the vulnerable lad and piss in his pocket. The rotund reprobate is said to be unapologetic. matter.

Jesus Condomonium C M An upstanding bedder was the vic- time of a cruel and unusual shockY when she came upon a kitchen tableCM lavishly scattered with withered con- traceptives. Believing herself to beMY at the crime scene of a most disgustingCY and profl igate orgy, our bedder con- fronted (not without timidity, nowCMY wary of the evident baccanalian ten- K dencies of the owners of said kitchen. But it emerged that the offender was not actually a depraved sex maniac, but a reputable member of the Jesu- an JCR, who had been diligently re- hearsing a demonstration on sexual responsibility aimed at this year’s intake of innocent freshers.

Trinity Buck pushes luck Red Gate Software is the ideal place to kick-start your career. A fi t young buck of a fresher discov- ered a new way to get his kicks when Ranked 8th in The Sunday Times ‘Best Small Companies to he invited a blonde conquest back home for an evening of seduction. Work For’, we offer small company culture with big aspirations. This particular buck, unlike his pred- ecessors, is more often found scaling buildings than exposing himself. He had discovered a secret passage from For your opportunity to shine contact us at www.red-gate.com his room. Inching along the narrow parapet, the pair dropped through an or call careers on 01223 438556 open window, to fi nd themselves in suspiciously plush settings. Too de- lighted with their luck to think whose rooms these might be, they began to indulge themselves amongst the velvet cushions, before the solid oak Red Gate Software Ltd. door swung open to reveal a glower- St John’s Innovation Centre, t: +44 (0)870 160 0037 ext.8556 ing gowned fi gure. Our buck and his Cowley Road, Cambridge f: +44 (0)870 063 5117 blonde had time to scramble onto the CB4 0WS United Kingdom e: [email protected] parapet, half-naked, before the poor www.red-gate.com ingeniously simple tools Don worked out what was going on. fresh talentvarsity drinks? TaBouche, Market Passage, 8pm Friday October 5 half price cocktails TONIGHT

news reporters photographers sports writers reviewers come along designers wits meet the team gossips sign up critics foodies

fashionistas e Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Friday October 5 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 9 THEATRE » Editorial p10 A fabulous abridgement “t’enrich his inventory”, lovingly Cymbeline collecting priceless miniatures: ★★★★★ her lips, “rubies unparagon’d”, Dr Subha Mukherji and the mole on her breast, “like the crimson drops in... a cowslip”, This was always going to be a land- are translated into the same order mark production, with Sir Trevor of preciousness as the bracelet Nunn returning to the Marlowe he takes off her arm. His pleas- Society to direct a student pro- ure derives not from what drove duction - his fi rst attempt at Cym- “our Tarquin”, but from narrative beline. On a sparse and subtly jouissance. Why, then, does Nunn versatile stage designed by Ruari cut out that other central prop in Murchison, the talented cast more the scene, which complements the than rise to this strange and chal- trunk? For Iachimo is also, surely, lenging play. In its economy and emerging from Imogen’s half-read integrity, this gripping perform- book of Ovid, turned at the page ance can rival any production by where “Philomel gave up” (Shake- a professional company. The pace speare’s wicked joke about the is unerringly sustained, the lines pure Imogen’s bed-time reading spoken with clarity and the acting - Ovid’s tales of sex?). Ovid stood almost uniformly convincing. for the aestheticising impulse in The production is faithful to Cym- the English Renaissance imagi- beline’s hilarious longeur, an orgy of nation, and embodied at least one artifi ce presented tongue-in cheek strand of the meanings of Rome in through the King’s words as “this this play. This is consistent with fi erce abridgement”. Yet from these other cuts of sexually suggestive shambles, it captures the sense at sections – such as Posthumus’ the heart of Shakespeare’s play – implication that Imogen often that all of this is somehow made to “restrained him” from his “law- resonate inwardly – “like the action ful pleasure – which would have of one’s life”, like Posthumus’ dream added piquancy not only to this which he awakes to fi nd true, like scene but also to the bizarrerie Imogen’s nightmare, “without me, of the Cloten-Imogen mingling in as within me: not imagin’d, felt”. It Milford Haven. gathers up the meaning of subjec- Italy and Britain remain op- tive emotional lives, which refuse to posed as aesthetic impulses, be alienated in spite of the excesses though reconciled politically. And of art. To keep this sense alive, the this opposition is focused on the actors must believe in and retain character of Iachimo, embodying their sense of selfhood. Lizzie Crar- all the fascination of rivalry that er as Imogen does this brilliantly. Renaissance England felt for Italy. The balance between artifi ce and The “subtle Italian brain” clearly mimesis, absurdity and poignancy, belongs to the crook, but it is ten so hard to pull off in the theatre – times more inventive and sophis- is the greatest achievement of the ticated than the “duller British”: production. And Crarer’s almost James Norton and Lizzie Crarer as Postumus and Imogen OSH JONES this Shakespeare knew, and made troublingly performative and aes- the stuff of his art in Cymbeline. thetically indulgent yet full-blooded a mixed character, whose Cloten- never feels real. drapes and wine glasses – cleverly The production does offer glimps- and heart-rending heroine contrib- like elements have to be expunged But if there is an extra character aligning both Iachimo and Italy es into the inventive sickness of utes not a little to this. in order for him to be reinstated. in this production, it is indeed the with theatricality (but doing little the plot, embodied in Iachimo, but The pastoral interludes deserve (Iachimo would not be caught in trunk. This is a play where words with the larger political resonances it does not sustain it consistently. special mention: Rob Carter and a hundred years imagining a full- constantly turn into things, meta- of Cloten’s headless trunk). But by Also, Nunn could have made a lit- Dan Martin bring an endear- acorn’d boar mounting his wife, phors literalise themselves (think the time Jupiter ascends (rather tle more of the Italianateness of ing comedy and pathos to those crying “O!”) Rory Mallarky, clearly heads and maidenheads and rings than descending on an eagle) from the Italians. But the way in which scenes, and, unusually, but faith- an excellent comic actor, does not and trunks). Bits of stage-business, the trunk, to solemn music rather the soberly clad Posthumus never fully to the text, speak rather quite get across the hint of menace such as Cloten’s head and the dead than thunder, the cleverness be- drinks with the richly clad Ital- than sing the dirge over their (his “perilous tail”) that combines rabbit dangling like equivalent gins to feel like an end in itself ians sipping delicate red wine with “dead bird”. Even minor charac- with buffoonery in Cloten’s char- objects in the pastoral haven of and the trunk seems to be made style and measure till he loses his ter, such as Ed Rowett’s Philario, acter. The war-scenes are a mish- Milford, ending in the rabbit being to work a touch too hard, losing its mind, and then drinks the whole contribute to the mood and the mash worthy of a lesser produc- given to ‘Fidele’ as a loving taken, symbolic clarity. bottle straight from the bottle, is tension. There are minor frustra- tion. Though the caricature-Queen are sensitive to this textural qual- But the playing of the bedroom a nice touch. tions. James Norton’s Posthumus is played by Vivienne Storry with ity. Thus, it is apposite that the scene, where the trunk is a cen- Despite minor evasions, and is a sympathetic complement to assured saccharine falsity, Cym- trunk from which the Italian fi end tral prop, is at once brilliant and an effort to make things, or peo- Crarer, but his eruption into vio- beline (Patrick Warner) himself is Iachimo (consummately acted by half-baked in its conception. Ben- ple (e.g. Iachimo), fi t in too much, lence, vulgarity and misogyny directed to be a doped and spaced- Max Bennett) pops out into the nett, with his note-book, slips eas- this is one of the most moving and could have been emphasised more out King all the way through, and English princess’ bedroom should ily into the role of the artifi cer, cogent productions of Cymbeline to bring out the pathos of his nothing changes even when the become the operative visual sym- infusing this proto-rape scene that I have seen. It makes abso- premature forgiveness of his er- Queen dies: the kingdom remains bol on stage. It is the chest from with a sinisterness of a different lute sense on its own terms, and rant (as he thinks) wife, and his a headless trunk, and the relation- which the props come out –crowns kind, as he peruses the sleeping sustains the mingled yarn of a self-punishment thereafter. He is ship between father and daughter and robes, wigs and podia, satin Imogen by items which he stores strange and challenging play.

»varsity.co.uk »News New stellar »Features Jo Trigg »Theatre Full length atlas unveiled wonders what Cymbeline review »Burma protests in happened to our Cambridge desire to protest

»Fashion A dream »Comment Becky of quality in an era Varley-Winter of industry: the on discrimination place of couture against the young in in the modern age juries »More photos from this week’s shoot »Sport More photos Something to say? Friday October 5 2007 10 EDITORIAL&LETTERS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news

Letters to the editor [email protected]

Established in 1947 Issue No 660 Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge, CB2 3RF Positive Empathy not to accept the proposal made ers who have been concerned by Telephone: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 760949 Robert Stagg’s article in issue by my then-H.o.D. to reduce the media’s coverage of the re- 659 may have assisted India Portuguese from a full Tripos cent report will get involved with Knight’s in attempting to bury language to a single paper. I was the many Access schemes, and Yield, rustic mountaineer the concept of empathy alive, unsurprised at the University’s urge them to contact their col- but I beg to differ. To my mind, decision. Portuguese is the fifth lege Access Officer, and to sign the author has only managed to world language, spoken on four up to the new monthly CUSU The Marlowe Society has marked its centenary in some style. demonstrate the death of his own continents, one of the growing Access bulletin. Sir Trevor Nunn’s remarkable rendering of Cymbeline at the empathy. As a scientific con- modern languages in universi- Yours, Cambridge Arts Theatre has proved that the Marlowe remains cept, there is sufficient support ties in the UK, its graduates Charlotte Richer as innovative and signifi cant as it was in 1922, when a produc- for a neurobiological account have an excellent employment CUSU Access Offi cer tion of Troilus and Cressida, until then largely unperformed, led of empathy such that we can track record, and in Cambridge to the play’s dramatic and academic revival. Last year Troilus define mental disorders such as the subject’s performance in Letter of the week will receive a replaced Hamlet as the Shakespearean staple in the diet of psychopathy partly in terms of a teaching and research has had bottle of wine from our friends at disordered or nonexistent sense repeated praise heaped on it Cambridge Wine Merchants every English Part I candidate. Mission accomplished. Don’t be of empathy. Clearly the author’s by the University’s assessment surprised if the undergraduates of 2093 fi nd themselves spend- scepticism over “the concept that reviews. It would have been ing rather a lot of their Easter terms with Cymbeline. we can actually feel the thoughts curiously inconsistent on the part Correction The Marlowe was formed by a zealous bunch who sought and feelings of other human be- of an institution that trades on The Graduate Union is rewriting its electoral ings” is not shared by everyone, its intelligence to have approved procedures, not, as we reported, its constitu- to revitalise the performance of Shakespeare in Cambridge. tion (The Great Graduate Union Election A century on, and despite the Society’s emphasis on original- if indeed the author allows that such a proposal. Farce, 28th Sept 2007). Similarly, it was these such sharing is possible! With kind regards, procedures and not the constitution which the ity and reform, the initial raison d’être remains largely the Manucha Lisboa Junior Proctor condemned as “experimental”. same. And the success the formula has produced over a hun- Reader in Portuguese dred years is extraordinary. At a recent event to mark the Department of Spanish and centenary, the stage was held by three totemic Marlovians Portuguese and St. John’s Col- Poem of the Week – Sir Trevor Nunn, Sir Peter Hall and John Barton. The lat- lege BY ANON . ter pair founded the Royal Shakespeare Company in 1960. Widening Access In the same year Sir Trevor Nunn played a minor role in the The Sutton Trust report on Marlowe’s Cymbeline. Just eight years later, having followed admissions to Higher Educa- L3 O1 V8 E1 Hall and Barton to Stratford, Nunn became Director of the The author is entitled to call tion highlighted that a lack RSC. The initial enthusiasm of those fi rst Marlovians had for less “mawkish sentimental- of resources in state schools, You put the rabble into my Rabelais paid off tremendously. ity” and more cold hard facts in uneven aspirations and misper- Antic Scrabbler! Sitting in the front row at the same event was Tim Supple, news reporting. But this is not ceptions about Oxbridge are the The pad pad of your furry slippers another Marlowe prodigy. His 2006 production of A Midsum- the same as sounding the death root causes of the gap between Across the slimy lino fl oor knell for empathy in the media, maintained and independent Rouses rebellious juices mer Night’s Dream (in seven languages) was hailed by John much needed in a globalised school admissions. Despite In this word-based game of war. Barton as “near the top of the top three productions of Shake- world. One could argue that the these difficulties, the majority speare I have ever seen”. He has seen a lot of them. Clearly loss of empathy where it is most of admissions to Oxbridge are Man the board-game barricades the aim of safeguarding Shakespeare in pioneering ways is needed, in the response to inter- from state schools. Nonetheless, Sordid Gerontophile! national crises such as Darfur Cambridge University Students’ one with enduring appeal, so enduring because it allows su- A nice young man, he visits me, perbly talented people to experiment without feeling limited and now Burma, is what is most Union (CUSU), the colleges and And many times my hand he’s held, by what could easily have become a rather fusty and typically “idiotic and hurtful”. To quote the University realise that there Although he deigns to let me win the poet John Donne: “any man’s is work still to be done. We con- His lexicon’s unparallel’d. self-congratulatory Cambridge institution. death diminishes me, because tinue to dedicate significant time This week freshers have been signing up to all sorts of socie- I am involved in mankind, and and resources into reaching out I’ll storm your Bastille, he cries ties. Many of these come complete with the dubious retrospec- therefore never send to know for to students from all backgrounds to her tive endorsement of celebrated former members in a kind of whom the bell tolls; it tolls for by visiting schools, producing Revolutionary heart. name-dropping extravaganza which can bamboozle and inspire thee”. guides and organising residential Thomas Ling Although we play at different visits, such as the very success- games in equal measure. Cambridge presents a wealth of opportunities Emmanuel College ful February Shadowing Scheme. to bask in the accomplishments of its alumni. The Marlowe So- This means their meaning’s more This is to address the common, As I gently put down ‘love’ again ciety consistently produces actors and directors of the highest A Welcome Revival yet patently false, idea that On the double-letter-score. calibre, enjoying a level of success which has led both to the defi - I am writing to comment on the Oxbridge is only accessible to the nition of the Society in terms of its alumni, and to the defi nition University’s recent decision privileged. I hope that all read- of its alumni in terms of the society. It takes productions like Cymbeline to demonstrate that the Marlowe has not become complacent about its own achievements. The next generation of talent will not stagnate in a marsh of inherited glory, something confess which the play itself warns against so forcefully, confounding expectations of identity, class and gender. The characters in to Cymbeline might not always be too sure who’s alive and who’s dead, but the Marlowe is defi nitely still bouncing.

Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947, and distributes 10,000 free copies to every Cambridge college and to ARU each week. e

Editors Lizzie Mitchell and Elliot Ross [email protected] Associate Editor Lowri Jenkins associate@ varsity.co.uk Chief News Editor Adam Bott [email protected] Comment Editor Tom Bird [email protected] Features Editor Ed Cumming [email protected] Arts Editor George Grist sho [email protected] Interviews Editor Jossie Clayton [email protected] Chief Sport Editor Simon Allen [email protected] News Editors Katherine Faulkner, Katy Lee and Camilla Temple [email protected] Senior News Reporter Emma Inkester [email protected] Letters Editor Jo Trigg [email protected] Science f y Editors James Shepherd and Hannah Price [email protected] Fashion Editors Iona Carter, Emma Draper and Francesca Perry [email protected] Visual Arts Editor Sam Ensor-Rose visualarts@ varsity.co.uk Theatre Editor Orlando Reade [email protected] Literature Editor Orlando Reade [email protected] Chief Music & Listings Editor Joshua Farrington [email protected], [email protected] Music & Listings Editor Verity Simpson [email protected], listings@varsity. co.uk Classical Editor Toby Chadd [email protected] Sports Editors Noel Cochrane, George Towers [email protected] Chief Subeditor Dylan Spencer-Davidson [email protected] Subeditors Trish Abraham, Charlotte Young Chief Photo Editor Lizzie Robinson [email protected] Chief Photographers James Keeling, Debbie Scanlan, Chris Thwaite [email protected] Online Editor Rhiannon Easterbrook [email protected] Online Team [email protected] Technical Director Chris Wright [email protected] Business & Advertising Manager Michael Derringer [email protected] Company Secretary Patricia Dalby [email protected] Board of Directors Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof Peter Robinson, TomWalters, Amy Goodwin (Varsoc President), Chris Wright, Michael Derringer, Joe Gosden, Lizzie Mitchell, Elliot Ross, Rhiannon Easterbrook

NEWSPAPERS Varsity Publications, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, SUPPORT Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity Anything to declare? Sniffed RECYCLING is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also Recycled paper made some scandal? up 80.6% of the raw publishes BlueSci, The Cambridge Globalist and The Mays. ©2007 material for UK newspapers in 2006 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication Post your secrets to us or NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any RECYCLING form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without email [email protected] prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Mortons Print Ltd — Newspaper House, Morton Way, All submissions remain Horncastle, Lincolnshire LN9 6JR. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Offi ce. totally anonymous Friday September 28 2007 Write for this section varsity.co.uk/comment [email protected] ROSTRUM 11

How a poem is like likeness, Or, looking the other way Andrew Zurcher explains why we must all read poetry.

spend a lot of my time reading is the poet’s intention behind the dis- is which? skill of reading poetry is effectively and also teaching people to read position of the words, or the reader’s Life and the memory of it cramped, that of writing poetry. The skill of poems. Occasionally someone assumptions about the ways in which dim, on a piece of Bristol board, writing poetry, like that of painting, suggests to me that the reading the words ought to be attended to, or dim, but how live, how touching in or of making a good sandwich (ut Iof a poem either cannot or should construed. It was once argued by the detail panini poesis), may contain some not be taught. The argument for the English aristocrat, soldier, and poet – the little that we get for free, furious elements only achievable by impossibility of teaching someone Philip Sidney (in his Apology for Po- the little of our earthly trust. Not direct infusion from the muses, but how to read a poem might begin etry, c. 1582) that what made a poem much. there are technical aspects that can, from a defi nition of poetry that at- a poem was the combination of the About the size of our abidance and must, be learned if the writer tributes to it some fundamentally poet’s moral and didactic intention, along with theirs: the munching cows, of poetry (who reads her works into human or idiosyncratic nature, that on the one hand, with her skill in the the iris, crisp and shivering, the water existence, after all) is to imitate the either appeals to everyone by virtue creation of “notable images”. Sidney still standing from spring freshets, constructedness of nature, of social of their common humanity, or can is so far my exceller in all things that the yet-to-be-dismantled elms, the or political life, of cognition, of what- only appeal to anyone by virtue of I won’t presume to contradict him, geese. you-will. Surely only the perverse her individuality. The argument but many practising poets today would argue that having more tools against the propriety of teaching would probably laugh at the idea It is typical of Bishop to seem care- for understanding the world around poetry probably stems from epis- that they were discharging a morally less while being precise: ‘“visions” you impoverishes your experience temological or ethical assumptions: didactic function. And maybe Sidney is’ is grammatically unsound, for of it; similarly, having more tools for either one contaminates the reader’s was joking, anyway. example, until you recall the citation the reading and plumbing of poetry ‘innocent’ interpretation by schooling It might be better, possibly, to marks, and remember that the word, can only enrich the experience of its him in artifi cial word-play (‘rheto- take a more contemporary witness. like the painting, is a sign for some- signifi cance. An understanding of ric’) or sophisticated interpretative Elizabeth Bishop writes in her poem, thing – here, itself. And those two Bishop’s ‘Poem’, for example, will be techniques (really just a form of the ‘Poem’, about a little painting of looks – not, it turns out, the look of substantially enriched by reading earlier objection), or one spends one’s Nova Scotia conserved as a family the painter and that of the poet, but it alongside Matthew 25:14-30, the own and another’s time and energy heirloom, but rarely regarded. It the two looks, natural and artifi cial, parable of the talents; it becomes in a way that might more ethically shows some houses, a meadow, cows, ‘life and the memory of it cramped’. obvious, when conferring these two be spent on something of common or an iris and geese, all in a sugges- Bishop suggests in this poem that a texts, why the painting of ‘Poem’ is social benefi t. I worry about these tive but not delineative style; as the poem is a two-looks thing, a cramped likened to “an old-style dollar bill”, arguments every time a student narrator comments, storm clouds are thing, the interactive system of per- why its creator went over sea “back walks through my door, not be- ‘the artist’s specialty’. The speaker ception and memory. The reader of to England”, and why the narrator cause I am unsatisfi ed with my own of the poem lets an eye wander over the poem, who will likely be neither of the poem worries about the “col- response to them, but because I fear the discrete elements of the paint- the painter nor the poet, nonethe- lateral” and unprofi table nature of that the student may not know why ing until suddenly, at the head of less still participates in the two- the painting’s, and the poem’s, social she is doing what she is doing – and the third stanza, a clap of surprise looks dynamic, because although circulation – all of which connections if she did, would want to stop doing throws up the poem’s matter: ‘Heav- both the painter and the poet have throw even further weight onto that it immediately. I also worry about ens, I recognize the place, I know it!’ their ‘specialty’, this is a universal culminatory word, “abidance”. Un- these problems when I read Varsity, This short poem is what poets and experience, one we have all had – derstanding poems requires learn- mainly because it seems to me that critics call an ekphrasis, or a descrip- the recognition of a coinciding, a ing, in the same way that humanity poetry has become in our time a part tion of a visual within a verbal work coincidence. “Heavens, I recognize requires it. of intellectual and communal life of art, and like most ekphraseis it im- the place, I know it!” (Don’t be too But the really interesting question that is preserved marginally, among plicitly compares the supposed visual careless; reality is precise!) – the ‘should’ question – is whether the specialists, and does not inform with the verbal perspective, likening The echo that Bishop leaves you, the reader, should be taking the thoughts, and the structures of them but also distinguishing them. dangling – very nearly a rhyme time away from your lab-bench, your thoughts, that occur to people in the – between “coincided” and that social life, your sleep, your computer, everyday negotiation of their ethical, strange, strange (dim, dim) word, your generous and charitable acts political, psychological, metaphysical “abidance”, is one of the precise- of human kindness, to worry about (and other) problems. So I thought I “Should you bury casual paths into (incide, inside) the poetry. Like no other art that we might use this space to suggest some poem. What remains or ‘abides’ of have, the art of words can immerse reasons why poetry can and should your talent? If not, us, when we like the elms have been you in an aesthetic experience at be taught, not to one person or a few for whose sake dismantled, is our similarity, and not the same time that it forces you to people, but to everyone. Perhaps you our distinction; that old paradox of witness yourself experiencing. The might want to teach yourself. should you trade it?” the Shakespeare sonnet, that only poetic mode is for this reason the The fi rst thing we need to do is to that universal part of the particular pre-eminent mode for the experience agree on what a poem is. These days, can survive, here exhales melancholi- and understanding (the cognition and almost anything made of words (and cally from Bishop’s lost but lingering the recognition) of value. To learn sometimes things that aren’t made The poem also brings its speaker geese. Does a poem, then, thrust our about the two-looksness of skill and of words) can be called poetry, by and the painter of the picture into consciousness up against similarity inspiration, of memory and percep- someone. Certainly the words of po- a coordinated relation, and one that or likeness itself, as a way of forcing tion, of you and me, is to learn how etry no longer need to rhyme or to fi t seems to say something about what a us to confront, in all of its painful- to do and be in the world. Should you a fi xed metre, as once it was agreed, reader might take from a poem (and ness, the alien survival of that most bury your talent? If not, for whose among English poets, that they did; thus what a poem, with respect to its universal, and least particular, part sake should you trade it? Moral phi- though, again, metre and rhyme – or reader, might be). It ends, speaking of ourselves? (“Along with theirs.”) losophy demands, how should I live? phonic effects, generally – are tools of the painter: Is the recognition that we achieve in A poem, like the master returning available to poets in the construction the reading and study of poetry an from a far country, demands that the of poems. If you found this passage in I never knew him. We both knew this analogue for our metaphysical condi- reader both do, and reckon with that a newspaper, would you consider it a place, tion? The consequences of Bishop’s doing as it is done. The special recur- poem? “In Buckinghamshire hedge- apparently, this literal small back- poesis of humility are many, and this siveness of poetic cognition makes us row the birds nesting in the merged water, short article cannot even aspire to all into artworks (ut persona poesis) green density, weave little bits of looked at it long enough to memorize it, read this one poem’s meaning fully. as well as readers, impelling us with string and moths and feathers and our years apart. How strange. And it’s But I would like to suggest, at least, one look toward a universality that thistledown, in parabolic concentric still loved, that the model of cognition and might be moral, and with another curves.” Probably not. But Marianne or its memory is (it must have changed recognition that she presents as the look toward the vanishing experi- Moore quotes it, in full, in the fi rst a lot). work of ‘Poem’ is an exemplary one. ence that we might call a self – cast four lines of one of my favourite Our visions coincided – “visions” is (Obviously, by this defi nition, many into outer darkness with weeping poems in English (‘The Icosasphere’). too serious a word – our looks, two kinds of texts – not just versifi ed and gnashing of teeth. Perhaps Sid- If the same verbal material can be looks: ones – would, and should, be consid- ney wasn’t too far off. both non-poetic and also successfully art “copying from life” and life itself, ered as poems.) integrated into a poem, then perhaps life and the memory of it so com- If this is what poetry is – a model it is not the material of the words, at pressed of likeness, like to itself – can it be Dr Andrew Zurcher is a lecturer in all, that makes the poem; perhaps it they’ve turned into each other. Which taught? Should it be taught? The JAMES SHEDDON the department of English Comment editor: Tom Bird Friday October 5 2007 12 COMMENT [email protected] varsity.co.uk/comment

Alexander Rankin An elephant in the room Why we cannot overlook overpopulation in Africa

How quickly the tides of activism he next attempt to solve which no-one bothered before. may defl ect us from the broader the population appears to grow. do turn. Early last week the world the ills of the developing Equally, though, association with perspective that everyone knows is Shouldn’t it immediately occur was looking to Burma with a spirit world through the tried and these causes has never quite been needed to help effect real change. to us that this is so outrageously of trepidation, yes, but also with one tested medium of glamor- de rigueur as now. Take as evidence Take the issue of overpopulation. perverse that the only conclusion is of hope and excitement. Almost 20 Tous international summit will be of this the July issue of Vanity Fair. No-one seems to want to touch it. It that the two facts must be related? years after the brutally suppressed taking place at Lisbon in Decem- Guest edited by Bono, every single isn’t high on the agenda at Lisbon, Whisper it softly, but could it be student-led uprising of 1988, and ber. If the event is not completely page was dedicated to Africa. The or anywhere else for that matter. that part of the reason so many revolution was in the Rangoon derailed by the controversy sur- signifi cance and symbolism of this Certainly no televised super-con- people are dying is that too many air again. But as the weekend rounding the probable attendance can’t really be understated. We are certs, celebrity appeals or ranges are being born in the fi rst place? approached, hope turned to fear of Robert Mugabe, then the leaders talking here about a publication of clothing in GAP. Little mention The problem is that engage- and despair as the junta’s military of the European and African Union which has a reputation somewhat in the media and little wonder, ment with the population problem action against the monks and their nations will apparently occupy less for tireless activism than as un- frankly, when you consider what requires straying into complex and supporters whirred into effect. themselves in an attempt to create apologetic evangelists for an ethic a dismal and unexciting thing it is murky moral waters which rela- The monks’ protest against the a new “strategic partnership”. of self-indulgent to contemplate. tively straightforward issues like despotic regime of the generals When all the aspirant rhetoric and consumerism. It It deserves our malaria do not. The reasons why was a simple yet supremely self-congratulation is said and done, has even taken as attention, though, people in Africa are reproducing powerful one: Buddhist mantras this may well just amount to an- its title the place because if UN popula- so prolifi cally are complicated and about the virtues of love and peace other of these exercises in specious in A Pilgrim’s tion researchers are thus more susceptible to patient gesture-politics to which we are Progress which right then Africa and thoughtful solutions than grand becoming so well used. Bunyan used is undergoing a gesture. So efforts to raise aware- “Moral support is Then again, it may not. There is as the symbol population explo- ness about it might well fail in spite cause for hope that we are in the of a society sion that will lead of the likely causal connection with all well and good, process of undergoing a quantum wholly in thrall to its doubling to the less controversial causes that shift in the way that we in the West to avarice and 1.7 billion by 2050. enjoy greatly heightened public but it isn’t going to relate – collectively and individu- moral dissolu- The effects that awareness and engagement. ally- to global issues, specifi cally tion. I belabour this will have We have to hope that the cachet prevent a repeat of poverty and climate change. And the point, but on a continent which the cause of Africa seems to the massacre” interestingly, this change is popu- the lack of irony already racked be acquiring will lead to its being larly driven. The Live 8 concerts with which with pandemic, perceived by our politicians as a attracted amazingly impressive Vanity Fair: desertifi cation, more rewarding arena to become line ups and world-wide audiences. The Africa Edi- war and famine involved in. If greater muscle can were chanted in bold defi ance This summer, top artists positively tion was produced are frightening. be fl exed at the Lisbon meeting of their converse vices, fear and scrambled to get involved in Live speaks eloquently to how con- When the con- and others like it then everybody violence, the weapons of the junta’s Earth, the success of which was temporary and altruistic values temporary narrative will celebrate. But as popular rule. It seemed for a short while clearly presaged by the success at can apparently, in this setting at has Africa as the site of a catastro- campaigns heighten awareness, we last week that the courage of this the box offi ce of Al Gore’s Oscar least, not just co-exist but even be phe of total proportions and amaz- have to be on our guard to avoid the message had served to paralyse Winning documentary An In- synonymous. Somehow and sud- ing lethality, it is easy to see how vapidity that can accompany fash- any military reaction: over 100,000 convenient Truth. When David denly, it is becoming fashionable to the simplest approach is to measure ionable, celebrity-involved causes. people had taken to the streets, Cameron attempted to re-brand his spend time and treasure on making success by the number of lives you Ignoring an issue as complex and willing such a message to triumph party as progressive and modern, the world a better place. can save, or put another way, the risky as overpopulation would be and believing that it could and it was no accident that high profi le There is a danger, though, and it number of deaths you can prevent. an unfortunate example of this. If a would overcome oppression. visits to the Arctic and Rwanda is one that is inherent in any popu- This focus neglects, however, to simple message is only successful in It was the speed with which such were central to his efforts. larly driven cause or movement. explore the vicious irony of the fact galvanising a simplistic search for hope faded over the past week, It would be nonsense to suggest It is that the very popularity of that the more people are wiped out solutions then its success will have and the descriptions of the “return that these are new issues about single issues like AIDS and famine by pestilence and plague, the more been all in vain. to normality” on the streets of Rangoon that were so crushingly disheartening. Despite calls for restraint from politicians around the world, and shows of support such Tom as the 3,000 strong solidarity march A confederacy of dunces that snaked its way through London Bird on Sunday, it felt like the world was only watching, and could only look On the sorry state of student politics on helplessly, expressing sympathy and moral support as thousands of monks and other protesters were beaten and arrested in night-time ew stand for the top jobs make CUSU more relevant to lie partly in the transience of our posals put forward by a longstand- raids; an unmeasured number were in Cambridge student students. Elsewhere, several posts time here as students. As life-long ing committee fell through due murdered for daring to claim their politics. Candidates must on the CUSU Executive went citizens of the world, it is climate to a large number of abstentions. rights as human beings. shelve a refl ex apathy uncontested. Here is a coalition change, regime change, and con- Impotence is frustrated by apathy. Yet I don’t quite buy this Ftowards issues like restructuring of the willing, where entry to the stitutional change that are more Yet the unions are keen to impotence. We are far from helpless proposals, local speed-limits, and university’s corridors of power likely to occupy our higher thoughts defend their relevance. As Mark bystanders looking at some distant NUS student surveys. The roles, appears to be based not on skill but and indeed these comment pages. Fletcher sees it, “CUSU is the only crisis, where more lives are being in their mundanity and thankless- misplaced zeal. And as normal human beings, such organisation that is in any sort of ruined and hopes destroyed in some ness, demand as much altruism The responsibilities are un- topics as the intricacies of higher- position to make sure the student far-fl ung corner of who-knows-where. as ambition. And while excited glamorous, time-consuming, and education funding are not going to view is represented”. He accepts It is only with real pressure from the talk of payoffs and disqualifi ca- straight-jacketed by political cor- occupy our baser contemplations. that “the majority of students rest of the world, and particularly tions in a controversial Gradu- rectness. An extraordinary amount A collegiate structure exac- may not know everything we do from the UN Security Council, that ate Union election fl ew about, it of effort goes into ensuring that erbates the situation. JCRs and on a day-to-day basis”. Liu agrees. the Burmese government can be was overlooked that the fi rst set nobody is left behind, though little MCRs provide a fi rst port of call. But other student unions enjoy a forced to change, and held to account of nominations closed without progress is made on any other The role of the larger umbrella generous grant; CUSU and the for its actions. But instead, a united producing a single candidate. front. Moreover, most graduates organisations is semi-redundant. GU have to earn the lion’s share and thorough condemnation of the The second round yielded three have goals in the real world. GU Meanwhile, where JCR presidents of the budgets they spend each aggressive response to these peaceful contenders and the eventual vic- President Liu is right when he have forged a college reputation year. Add to this an over-worked protests has been thwarted by vested tor, Leo Shidai Liu, has assumed admits, “A mature community are and members vote for a candidate team – “the six sabbatical offi cers interests: while China’s appalling presidency with few recommenda- less likely to be keen on student they know, to become acquainted do the work that most other unions record on human rights makes it tions, a string of detractors, and politics if it does not fi t into their with the public face of those stand- have double the amount of people reluctant to condemn its neighbour, all the charm of a Slough-based career path.” But when CUSU ing for CUSU and the GU students to do” – and the picture is one of countries such as ‘progressive’ paper-merchant. and the GU command budgets of must attend a hustings or tune in an under-funded, unattractive, and Germany and France also have Nor did last term’s CUSU elec- to CUR1350.The prospect of such unappreciated task. economic interests in maintaining the tions inspire much confi dence. an evening would no doubt fail Student politics will never be status quo. A last-minute candidate lacking to light the fi re of even the most riveting. Fletcher concluded his Moral support is all well and in self-esteem, a left-wing slate “all the charm of a ardent acronym enthusiast. comments with an apology for good, but it isn’t going to prevent whose leader eschewed leadership, Tackling this issue as an outsid- their length and an excuse: “I’m a repeat of the massacre of 3,000 and the fact that this pair of unin- Slough-based paper- er, unfamiliar with the anatomy of just unsure how much you under- protesters by the Burmese spiring characters comprised the these bureaucratic monsters, is a stand about how the university government in 1988. Political total competition allowed one Mark merchant” challenge. CUSU is complicatedly works”. I didn’t understand; I still leaders need to draw on the show to succeed another. Mark Fletcher compartmentalized. For Duncan don’t. The subject falls somewhere of courage by the Burmese monks won the election for President on Crowe, Chair of the Cambridge between stamp-collecting and over the last few weeks; they need a middle-ground ticket and a turn- £400,000 and £250,000 respectively, Student Liberal Democrats, egg-shell painting on a roll call of to force the junta to listen to the out of 16.4%. On the night of the a palpable lack of interest presents there is perception that a clumpy items unlikely to fl oat the col- Burmese people rather than scaring results, he was unable to identify a a serious cause for concern. structure “makes it diffi cult to get lective boat. No wonder student them into inhumane submission. single measure by which he could The roots of this disinterest anything of real worth done”. Pro- politics is a sinking ship. Friday October 5 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/comment [email protected] COMMENT 13

Several days ago I pondered, as I sought a non-palindromic pretext to extend my lie-in to 2.22 in the after- noon, how over-investment in the alcohol industry must be responsi- ble for much student idleness. At no point, of course, is this invest- ment more charitable and encour- aged than in freshers’ week. What better a pretence for this Idler to opt – rather as the German people did when they sportingly propelled David’s Hasselhoff’s single Look- ing for Freedom to number 1 in the German charts in 1989 – to see what all the fuss was about? As I fl opped out of my bed this morning, looking so Neanderthal that I momentarily entertained the idea of roasting my nearby room- mate for breakfast on a fi re gener- ate from rubbing together a couple of shoes cast on the fl oor nearby, I began to refl ect on my experiment. As my bowels willingly gave expres- sion to themselves in the latrine I recalled too late something about a toilet in the vicinity being blocked. Was it this one? A tentative consultation of my rapidly shrink- ing memory cells gave results which could euphemistically be described as inconclusive. At least, I observed, my digestive system had been more fl uid than my train of thought. The evidence was Lindsey before me in the form of a straw- coloured puddle obligingly hydrat- Kennedy All work and no pay ing the best, (or rather, I had now to concede, the very worst,) part The curse of the student classes “I momentarily entertained the idea of roasting my espite the placating effect of being leaving students with ungenerous sponsors in sternly proclaims (in small print under Part 5 of handed free bags of novelty pens a diffi cult predicament. Although Cambridge the terms & conditions) that the essays are to nearby room-mate” at every turn, a complete circuit of bursaries are liberal, in keeping with an admis- inspire and should not be submitted as a client’s the Freshers Fair is a panic attack- sions policy which declares that no student own work. But it charges £900 for a 1st Class, Dinducing endurance test which few complete. It should be deterred from applying due to fi nancial 2000-word undergraduate essay with deadline- of my mattress. On the bright seems you can do almost anything to distract concerns, assistance is neither assured nor can friendly 8am next-day delivery. side, its discovery prompted my yourself in Cambridge, be it rowing, acting or even be applied for until late October, long after Another possibility for those willing to pros- relieved realization that I was not, dressing up in period costume to read stories all students are required to sign a form stating titute their intellect is Oxbridge Escorts, which in fact, “broken”, contrary to the aloud in silly voices. Anything, that is, provided that they are able to cover their costs, and are supplies well-educated, intelligent dinner dates loud protestations of a vast drib- you are not being paid. expected to have paid their fees and accommoda- to paying customers. Members post a photo- bling rugby player, whose drink Whilst heavy commitments such as running tion bill. As a result, loans are often exhausted graph, basic information and their chosen fee, I had stumblingly purloined the student societies or volunteering through the early on, and if no other help becomes available, and requests for a “date” are sent through the previous evening. I soon realized without a regular income the only option is to get website. Once confi rmed, the website collects its grimly that only as a harbinger deeper into debt. cut (10%) and sends emails containing contact of a hangover most potent could I Even in the holidays, temporary jobs are in details, safety advice and reminder that the fee have found such a simple play on “without a regular income high demand, and those who have had little or paid is for dinner, with no sexual element implied words so unexpectedly witty and no work experience are unlikely to fi nd many or expected. However, after having spent a emitted such throaty guffaws upon the only option is to get employment options. Internships, yes. Paid gruelling hour and a half poking nauseously at it. There would be no sugar python work, no. Our graduate CVs may be sparkling my salad whilst a balding city lawyer stroked suffi ciently assuaging, no hopeful deeper into debt” with verve and brilliance, but the chances of my hand and grinned suggestively, I fl ed with speculation of the night’s unre- being hired as an investment banker for four my £100, a strong need for a hot shower, and the membered happenings fantastic weeks over the Christmas vac are slim, and niggling suspicion that this man was not, in fact, enough, and, most crucially, no when it comes down to it, your local would after my dazzling conversation. unprescribable animal tranquiliser SCA are encouraged as enhancing your CV, rather you just knew how to pull a pint. These examples are extreme, but perhaps of adequate sway to negate my restrictions placed on “real jobs” are stringent Unsurprisingly, this has led many students, indicate the extent of students’ pecuniary body’s rapidly-approaching exor- to the extent that they might as well be entirely including myself, to embark on less conventional worries. Though the rules against term-time cism of Bacchus. prohibited. These rules are singular to Oxbridge, moneymaking methods. Volunteers for medi- jobs, and the bursaries in place to prevent The much-trampled-upon paths and the reasoning is unclear. Admittedly, the cal and clinical trials are often drawn from the them becoming necessary, are apparently of my brain seemed to be winding Cambridge workload requires more dedica- student community; the Cambridge brain scan in place to liberate students from these less their way excruciatingly towards tion than might be true of equivalent degrees unit may offer only a modest £6, but larger trials erudite concerns, being forcibly dependent on that much underrated conundrum elsewhere, but one would think that balancing pay hundreds or even thousands of pounds for outside sources is stressful in itself, and the of the morning sufferer: when studies with other pursuits, and moreover the a few hours of tests, or extended period of drug help offered not always suffi cient. Worries the disadvantages so outweigh nature of those pursuits, would be the preroga- trialling. Whilst these are required to be pre- that other obligations will impact negatively their suffi x, why drink to such tive of the student – particularly given that the tested according to EU guidelines and deemed on academic work are understandable, but excess? Not until I discovered the attitude to even the most trivial pastimes is that safe for human use, there is nonetheless always inconsistent. In addition to the plethora of portfolio of credit card receipts you can more or less do what you like, so long as a risk. Last March, six volunteers were admitted sports and arts clubs, Cambridge allows furnishing the otherwise minimal- it doesn’t interfere with your studies. to intensive care at Northwick Park Hospital, Oxbridge Essays to advertise to students by ist interior of my wallet would I Students fearful for the state of their overdraft London, during a trial organised by the clinical re- leaving fl yers in student pigeon holes, despite be at as much of a loss. The only can fi nd this apparent arbitrariness frustrating. search company Parexel. Among them was Ryan the website’s own admission that an average thing recognisably Dutch that the The average graduate leaves university £15000 Flanaghan, a student given £2000 to take part, essay will take between 12 and 24 hours – far evening’s drink-induced courage in the red, and a recent national study found who began to suffocate when his head and neck more distracting and time consuming than appeared to have achieved was that 50% of students who drop out do so due to swelled to nearly three times the normal size. a weekly waitressing shift. The university’s some distinctly wind-mill-esque fi nancial concerns. Income-assessed maintenance Other schemes are targeted specifi cally at concerns may be valid, but its interference is dancing. I am normally a shy boy loans and top-up fee calculations work on the Oxford and Cambridge students. Oxbridge Es- patronising and unwarranted. Outside of aca- with a rather leering disposition. assumption that, regardless of circumstances, all says recruits Oxbridge students on a freelance demic affairs, its role is to advise and to sup- A friend’s photograph was enough parents earning above a particular sum are will- basis, pays between £100 and £800 for each port. It is not to dictate to its students what to confi rm my worst fears about ing and able to lavish money upon their children, essay, and then sells them on. The website they can and cannot do in their own time. the fortitude of my inhibitions. pfli\m\e`e^ pfli]lkli\ c`d`kc\jjgfk\ek`Xc

D\ii`ccCpeZ_`jXnfic[c\X[`e^@em\jkd\ek9Xeb n`k_X^cfYXce\knfibjgXee`e^j`oZfek`e\ekj% PflËi\`em`k\[kf1

Ê8e

;Xk\ N\[e\j[Xp('k_FZkfY\i K`d\ -1*'gd M\el\Le`m\ij`kp8idj#I\^\ekJki\\k ?fjk\[YpBXi\e?fck\idXe#DXeX^`e^;`i\Zkfi# ?\X[f]P\e

dc%Zfd&ZXi\\ij&\lifg\

D\ii`ccCpeZ_`jXe\hlXcfggfikle`kp\dgcfp\i%

Life membership still discounted (for a limited time).

Colonel Gaddafi

Shut Up And Dance!

Members’ bar

C

M Y Comedy CM

MY

CY

CMY

K Snooker

Stephen Hawking

And much more...

Shake. Stir. Stimulate. The Cambridge Union Friday October 5 2007 varsity.co.uk

AMY HOGGART Sorts out your problems with her magic wand p35 VIEWFEATURES ARTS THEATRE FOOD MUSIC VISUAL ARTS FASHION LIFESTYLE LISTINGS

One Question ? Why can’t I buy clothes for men? KIRAN MOODLEY Professional Dandy

In a recent chat with my ‘bitches,’ I was angry at the fact that I can only ever read half of Heat, because the last bit is all about women’s fashion and how minging Joss Stone looks in everything she wears. If I want to read about men’s fashion I have to fork out over £3 for GQ, which only deals with clothes which would blow my student loan in one go. It’s indicative of the general problem with men’s fashion and shopping in gen- eral, and Cambridge is just one of the prime examples where the problem can be found. It’s the process of buying clothes that is a problem. The fi rst nuisance is display. You tell me the last time you entered a shop here and the fi rst thing you were greeted with was the men’s section. In the majority of cases the men’s department is shunted either to the back, upstairs or down below, into a dark pit of fashion obscurity. All I’m asking is for the men’s sec- tion to be put at the front of the shop; not only would it make a nice change, but it might entice the many fashionably chal- lenged men around these parts. The staff are another problem; they all look like the creepy lead singer of Right Said Fred. What is evident, after all this ranting, is that when a man goes clothes shopping, he has to battle with blatant sexism. The shopping world is basi- cally geared to women. It places them at the front of their stores and casts men aside, assum- ing that men don’t like to shop and know bugger all about how to dress correctly. And I’m not An Idler life even going to start with the fact that there’s no men’s H&M Tom Hodgkinson, editor of e Idler and bestselling author of How To Be here. The march of feminism has gone way too far (It’s bad Free and How To Be Idle, tells Alistair Unwin how to get out of the rat race. enough Radio 4 gives the op- posite sex a whole 60 minutes Tom Hodgkinson missed the He’s an engaging interviewee, a azine set up on “the conviction Doherty, Michael Palin, Bruce every week just for themselves start of this interview, for which curious and passionate speaker that laziness has been unjustly Robinson, Alan Moore, Jeffrey with bloody Women’s Hour). he gives a slightly unexpected with a strong sense of humour. criticized by modern society, Bernard and Douglas Coup- The problem is that there is excuse: “Sorry, I was taking a Disillusioned with the world and that it deserves to have its land have all featured in one not enough emphasis given to long bath.” in which he found himself good conscience returned to it”. issue or another. men’s clothes, and if shops did But then again, this should on graduating from Jesus, in The bi-annual publication What began as a personal try to attract men and make come as little surprise from a 1993 he and his chum Gavin attracted a small but de- aversion to the 9 to 5 gradually shopping generally a more man who has made a career Pretor-Pinney (whose book voted army of fans, including became a philosophy, a reaction enjoyable experience, then out of telling people to slow The Cloudspotters’ Guide now a wealth of our prominent to the entire notion of the Prot- perhaps we would have a world down, stop working so hard and adorns many a student bedside cultural fi gures - the likes of estant work ethic, which where Trinny and Susannah remember how to enjoy life. table) founded The Idler, a mag- Will Self, Damian Hirst, Pete Continues on next page were blissfully unemployed. Features Editor: Ed Cumming Friday October 5 2007 18 VIEWPoints [email protected] varsity.co.uk/features

An Idler Life... Continued from p17 according to Hodgkinson began many of us. On leaving school magazine was abandoned until Statistic of the week with the Industrial Revolution he read English at Jesus, the late 19th century, when it and has been getting worse where he divided his days was taken up by Jerome K. Jer- Elephant Crime Prevention since. The message is not “don’t “reading books, playing in ome, author of one of the semi- work”, but rather to use your bands, editing magazines and nal works of Idler literature, time better, and spend more watching great lectures”. Three Men In a Boat, and an- time doing the things you want So it came as a bit of a shock other confi rmed man of leisure. to do, rather than those you to leave Cambridge and fi nd Unfortunately it folded - it has feel obliged to. And one of the that the whole world suddenly never been a wildly profi table revolved around the need to venture - until Hodgkinson get a job, to earn money for picked up the baton again. things you don’t really need. “What I fi nd depressing is It’s something he still feels that some quite good people particularly strongly about. have been saying what I’m “Education isn’t an invest- saying in books and essays for Elephant ment in the hope that it will thousands of years and it just get you a good (i.e. highly paid) seems to have gotten worse. job at the end. Jobs are crap. I don’t put much faith in the Students are assuming that political system because it’s a because a consulting job starts question of how are you going on £25k, it is necessarily a good to run capitalism, not how are thing. You will be humiliated, we going to develop a different and then promoted to a posi- system to capitalism.” tion where you can humiliate He considers himself an Crimefi ghter others. And that’s your life.” anarchist - despite the laid- Surely some money is im- back nature of the Idler, there portant, I suggest, for paying is a strong streak of protest in for things? And if nothing else Iraq for the security to enjoy the pleasurable life he advocates Botswana has a big problem, phants to any nation for free, as so strongly. His response is and the problem is big ele- long as they can provide trans- quick and, after a while, obvi- “Where’s your phants. Elephants are very big. port. The obvious progression is ously true: So big, in fact, that they can to send them to Baghdad, where “Just reduce your outgoings free spirit? How eat up to 250kg of food a day, they would sort out sectarian a bit. It’s simple. We grow our which is the equivalent of you violence in about ten minutes. other tenets of the philosophy own vegetables, which is not are you going to or me eating 250 mixed kebabs “Well Ahmed, I would kill you is that great works are often only cheaper but nicer, too, and from Gardi’s, assuming that for being a Sunni/American, achieved after long periods of we stopped buying newspapers make anything they each weighed 1 kilogram, but there’s this motherf****** inactivity, or “thinking time”. and magazines, because we which they don’t. elephant out on my lawn, so if Hodgkinson calls these mo- realised that we were probably worthwhile?  e But still, it gives you an idea. you don’t mind, I’m going to deal ments “paroxysms of diligence”, spending a thousand pounds a The real problem, however, is with that fi rst.” but it’s a way of working famil- year on them.” whole point of not so much that elephants The US would also have no iar to many. The magazine itself is actu- eat a lot, but that there are too trouble sending them over - an Eventually the magazine ally in its third incarnation University is to many of them. According to my elephant’s not much bigger spawned the books “Crap having been originally founded good friend Festus Gontemban- than a tank, and they’ve got Towns” and “Crap Jobs”, as by Samuel Johnson, a man cause trouble”” ye Mogae, Botswana now has loads of them over there. But well as Tom’s manifestos for famous for his affection for close to 75,000 of the pachyderm once Baghdad is sorted, why better living, “How To Be Free” the good life, and one of Hodg- pests, and they are becoming a not the world? They could be and “How To Be Idle”. The lat- kison’s “Idle Idols”, who said, much of his writing, although real nuisance. 75,000 elephants used to wander around potential ter book advised, among other in one of the pithy one-liners the enemies are not the sweat- each eating 250kg of food means nuclear research sites in Korea, things; more conversation, he seems to have spent his shop or the despotic regime, that they collectively chomp or sent to disrupt the Spice Girls drinking, smoking, slower life specialising in, that “the but our own “englightened” through 18,750,000 kg every reunion gig. eating, slower sex, gardening, happiest part of a man’s life is Western, work-obsessed cul- day. The situation is bad enough Once again, you heard it here lie-ins and, most importantly, what he passes lying awake in ture. He’s quick to interrogate that the Setswana government fi rst. forgetting the idea that you bed in the morning.” Many an me about the University, won- has offered to give 1000 ele- Adrian Dangerhands need to be rich to enjoy a rich arts student will know what he dering if the fi res of student and productive life. means, and scientists will wish protest are still burning. I tell But he began down a path that they did. him that protest and radical- that rings far too true for After Johnson’s death the ism are now side-issues, taken Profi le of the Week up by those with too much time or too little soap. His response You’ve put it online, we’ve taken it off is indignant: “Where is your free spirit? How are you going to create Polly anything worthwhile? The Most recent wall point of University is to make trouble.” It is a point well, Aspinall post: if often, made, but one of the 3rd Year Architect, New Hall What’s with all the new friends more attractive things about College called Steve? : S (Stephen Hodgkinson is that he has fol- Begley) lowed his own advice - he and his family moved out of London to an old farmhouse in Devon, Friend count: where he is currently writing a 565 Embarrassing book about Idle Parenting. Not to let his alma mater photo: down, he’s planning a trip to Cambridge in Lent term to give Status: an “anti-careers fair”, where Keen for Steve “interested (and interesting, he adds) students can come and learn more about the develop- ment of a freer life.” Specialist skills: “Listen to ‘Anarchy in the Roller-blading, ice skating, spa- UK’”, he urges, “Read ‘The ghetti bolognese, blowjobs. Revolution of Everyday Life’ by Raoul Vaneigem, learn the ukulele, bake your own bread, reject the supermarkets, cut Favourite place: up your credit cards, go fi sh- Zoo ing, write more, read more. Take back your time”. Some- thing for everybody there, you would think. Wants babies with: Owen Wilson Tom Hodgkinson, inheritor of the idling tradition Friday October 5 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/features [email protected] VIEWPoints 19

UndergraduaTelly is is You Edgy Architect We watch TV, so you don’t have to.

“£2” (actually £300) I’m afraid the tragic events of On paper Jeremy Kyle (or the past week have forced me to Jezza, as he’s known to his Scars (mental) from Prada glasses. deviate from last week’s pledge friend and many, many enemies. not to include anything about Has anyone whose name ends schoolday bullying. non-BBC shows. It was not a de- “ezza” ever been anything other cision which came to me easily, than a morally questionable but I was moved by the trauma yobbo? Gazza, Wazza...) has been of the monumental news fl ood- almost disgracefully successful, ing our screens. but then when you think about Hoxton Swagger Tentative The tragedy in question is, of it, it’s honestly not so surpris- course, the raking over in the ing. It’s the only programme drug habit national media of our beloved on TV(other than perhaps the Self- facilitating Jeremy Kyle, a man so dear to darts, and that holds irregular our national hearts that he is hours) which has the ability media node almost like an uncle. Admittedly to make one feel richer, better he is the drunken, lecherous, ex- looking, more intelligent, bet- convict gambling addict brother ter mannered, better behaved, Absence of on the dole, but he’s still family. more responsible and, quite Pile of Here is a man who has fought frankly, more evolved all at the self-respect and fought, and fi nally earned same time, whilst never letting “structurally his place in the pantheon of you lose sight of the essentially monumentally nasty television voyeuristic nature of the viewing incredible” personalities- bastards of such experience. breathtaking magnitude that rubbish they slightly make you want to sit up and applaud. It is a list in which we can include, but not exclusively: Genghis Khan (not strictly televised), OJ Simpson, Robert Maxwell, Alan Titch- marsh, Jodie Marsh, Richard Branson, Jim Davidson, Jeremy Beadle, Gary Lineker and Sir Trevor Macdonald. We’re talking Career Girl’s trousers about a man who made a child cry on television, for fun. Trevor: Irrelevant prospects His show was described as “bear-baiting” by a high court A typical “Jezza” Kyle ex- judge, a description which reas- change: suringly proves that our legal JK: “So, Sharanavee, you’re a system hasn’t lost its natty way ropey pikey who fell out of the with an understatement. It’s ugly tree, hit every branch on just so much more than that. the way down and fell into a It’s the grossest, most offensive, bin. How do you feel knowing most pointless programme in that your daughter Maybelline’s the history of broadcasting. heroin and Ginsters’ addiction Anklet It makes Jerry Springer, and was caused by a combination of indeed Kilroy (another for the your poverty, your stupidity and list, incidentally) look like a your loose vagina?” Anklet beacon of televisual integrity, S: “I’m sorry, Jeremy.” and Roman gladiatorial combat JK: “No you’re not, you slut. look like a day at the zoo (actu- Let’s bring out Maybelline.” ally thinking about it, it must And then there’s a brawl, some have felt a bit like that for some ads, a DNA test and a hysterical- of the Christians too, only more ly insincere reunion, and before intimate). you know it you’ve watched two A whistleblower from the episodes of Midsomer Murders programme admitted that the and winter is creeping in. producers deliberately favour Long live Jeremy, as long as those shows in which there is he makes Britain all feel the a chance of physical confronta- same way, as in where do they TOM WRIGHT tion. Well, duh. It’s well known fi n d these extraordinary fellows that the only thing better than to roll out every week? But if he watching scumbags argue is ever stops doing that, Jeremy Going Up Going Down watching scumbags argue at the Kyle should die in a very slow, outer limits of their powers of very painful manner, on televi- articulation, particularly if they sion - perhaps even in his own have genuinely, tangibly miser- slot. e University e death of your Phil Collins able lives. John Reicher Back in the charts thanks to of Cambridge parents the brilliance of that Cad- Number 1. Again. It’s Dave Cameron and George bury’s ad with the monkey just so easy. I sort Osborne want to cut inheritance drummer. But to most of us of wish the other lot tax. Even less reason for that he never really went away, would buck up and cripplingly expensive “retire- he was just polishing his give us a game. ment castle”. So, Dad, how about unique brand of humble self- that fi shing trip in a storm? regard. G: Graduate

Bear Baiting TV News Freshers’ Fair Once such a noble, proud When was the last time you One of the worst events sport, but irreparably dam- found out anything from this? in Europe - a meat market aged by recent association A big waste of time, and some- of fetishes, deviancy and with the groundbreaking psy- how still increasingly irritating. humiliating hobbies, run in chotherapist Jeremy Kyle (see the world’s grottiest gym by right). Probably wasn’t going the earnest and try-hard for to make a comeback anyway, alleged benefi t of the credu- but let bygones be bygones. lous and the naive. Avoid.

A popular TV news crew Jeremy Kyle: Concerned Fashion Editors: Iona Carter, Emma Draper and Francesca Perry Friday October 5 2007 Friday October 5 2007 Write for this section: 20 VIEWFashion [email protected] varsity.co.uk/fashion varsity.co.uk/fashion [email protected] VIEWFashion 21

Fashion Disaster? Johnny & Luciana are on your trail and they’re going to make you look fabulous

Issy n McCann bravely steps funky, ciana perspex-heeled shoes forward as our fi rst victim of from Karen Millen are a little my beautiful launderette the term. And stepping forward pricey at £150 but a good Dress from Ark Vintage, £42. Photographed by in sandals as bad as hers, I’m pair of shoes will instantly Francesca Perry. Modelled by Tash Lennard. sure everyone is breathing a sexualise any outfi t and, if sigh of relief that she did. A chosen carefully, will defi nitely Styled by Iona Carter and Emma Draper. quick look at the rest of Issy get you your money’s worth. and we realised that absolutely Wear them to a party. Wear everything she was wearing them to lectures. Wear them had to go the same way as the in the bath. Whilst you might shoes… straight into the bin. be horrifi ed at the thought Horizontal stripes are never of eating into your overdraft, you’ll be pleased to read that before the rest of Issy’s outfi t is actually very reasonable. We picked up the vest and skirt (a fl attering bubble shape to cover any unsightly bulges) at Cult Clothing for a combined £40, and the cute pink belt and snappy grey jacket (tossed oh-so-casually over Issy’s shoulder) were sourced at the Jemporium Retro Clothing Stall, open for business next to The Cow on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays (prices vary but you can get some great bargains). Bear in mind that grooming is important – greasy, untamed locks and a neglected face will ruin even the nicest outfi t . We straightened Issy’s hair and highlighted her already pretty features with a bit of blusher and some smoky eye makeup. The overall look is chicer, more after

slimming, so we traded Issy’s manky T-shirt for a simple pink vest. Block colours streamline and fl atter a curvier shape, while the deep V of the black cardigan (stylists’ own) gives Issy a subtle yet stylish décolletage. We set the cardigan off nicely with a sparkly pink brooch (also stylists’ own). If you’re lucky enough to be the owner of a pair of whoppingly mahussive melons like Issy, invest in a good bra (or, alternatively, use bulldog clips to lift them up, like we did) – nobody likes a pair of saggay tittays. Find your best features – Issy has a classic hour-glass fi gure with a slim waistline, but she was making sure no-one saw any of it in that baggy T-shirt. We accentuated her curves with a smart pink belt and elongated mature and defi nitely fi tting her shapely legs by popping for a budding businesswoman. her into a pair of high heels Guys, if Issy McCann can, so and choosing a skirt that stops can you. at the most fl attering point Need a makeover? (just above the knee). These Email [email protected] Features Editor: Ed Cumming Friday October 5 2007 22 VIEWFeatures [email protected] varsity.co.uk/features

Meeting with Resistance

KRISHNAN NAGENDAN Colonel Munir Al-Maqdah is the founder of the Al-Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigades and the Black September 13th Phalanxes. He was once the 10th most wanted man in Israel. In an extraordinary interview, Krishnan Nagendran met with the terrorist leader and heard about how he feels as a Palestinian, his involvement in the Lebanese and Iraqi confl icts and how he hopes to protect today’s youth from religious extremism .

olonel Munir Al-Maqdah was number equipment that have disappeared in Iraq, has for the last forty years been outside ten on a deck of 38 cards made by and early nineties Nike Air Maxes, they the control of Lebanese central author- Cthe Israeli secret service during the alternate between slouching on battered ity, while control of the camps is divided Al-Aqsa Intifi da in 2000. At the time leather arm chairs or pacing across the between various Palestinian factions. of writing only six are still alive. He room. In contrast Colonel Munir al-Maq- “When you see a At a time when the Fatah dominated is the founder of the Al-Aqsa Martyrs’ dah in an olive green shirt and greying Palestinian Liberation Organisation Brigades and the Black September 13th beard is a fi gure of total composure and Palestinian baby you (PLO) is losing its control of the Pal- Phalanxes, which have carried out sui- control. Throughout the interviews he estinian scene, both in the Hamas- cide bombing attacks against Israel. smoked ultra-slim cigarettes. can see the sadness occupied Gaza Strip, and in the refugee In 2000 he was sentenced to death in At the time of the interview, the camps to radical Islamist splinter absentia in Jordan in connection with fi rst given in his new role, he had just in his face. We are groups, this new position is a sign that the Millennium Bomb Plot. It has been rejoined the Fatah political mainstream, both the PLO and the Lebanese gov- widely alleged that he has provided having chosen a semi-autonomous deprived from ernment now need a power-broker of training and support for Palestinian path since 1993 in protest at the Oslo al-Maqdah’s status to prevent a descent recruits for the resistance movement in Accords. Ten days earlier he had been anything that would into civil war both in Lebanon and Iraq. He has survived over a hundred made commander of the Ain-el Hilweh amongst the Palestinian community recorded attempts on his life. refugee camp. During the course of the make us human. It is a in the camps. There are an estimated The Colonel’s bodyguards constantly interview his aides appointed him a gen- half million Palestinian refugees, pre- adjust and re-adjust their automatic eral as “a symbol of the great love the pitiful life... And we’re dominantly Sunni Muslim and Greek rifl es, swinging them from one shoul- people have for him as our commander”. Orthodox, in Lebanon, constituting der to the other. Dressed in U.S. desert The area of Ain el-Hilewh is prefi xed alone.” around ten per cent of the country’s camoufl ages, one of the many recipients in the Lebanese press with terms such total resident population. of over several billion dollars worth of US as “radical”, “lawless”, and “restive” and Ain el-Hilweh is an overcrowded open- Friday October 5 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/features [email protected] VIEWFeatures 23

air prison, housing 80,000 refugees- “My new job, will allow me to make turned-inmates in area of just over sure that religious extremism will a square kilometre. It is encircled by not affect the generation who are now Lebanese army check-points controlling between 15 to 18. We are now in the those who enter and exit the camps. process, to protect this generation to Foreigners are only allowed entry with avoid such religious extremism, we are an army permit. starting to rebuild our culture, social Just beyond the check point lies a and traditional establishments here. We no-man’s land of about twenty metres, cannot let this new generation speak the the site of clashes between the Islam- language of terror. The student estab- ist group Jund al Sham and the secu- lishments are very important, for school lar Fatah. The Fatah check-point sits and university students – to protect below a banner of Saddam Hussein and them, for the young are very sensitive to Yasser Arafat shaking hands against the KRISHNAN NAGENDAN these things.” backdrop of Al-Aqasa (the Dome of the “Unemployment is around 70%. These Rock in Jerusalem). It is an evocative economic problems, create situations reminder both of the late Iraqi presi- where someone like Sheik Abbsi with dent’s fi nancial generosity towards the money can create problems.” Sheik Palestinian cause and of his posthumous Nahr al-Bared after heavy Lebanese mortar attacks Abbsi is the leader of Fatah-al-Islam, status as a symbol of anti-Americanism. the Islamist group which took over The camps are steeped in the hu- ed PLO is struggling to maintain control I asked Al-Maqdah what his forces did the northern refugee of camp of Nahr man misery of a people who have been inside the occupied territories, and in during last year’s confl ict with Israel, a al-Bared and for three months fought systematically de-humanised for the the refugee camps in the neighbouring war that was reported as being strictly against the Lebanese army in what was last sixty years, since the Nabka in 1948 countries. Despite sporadic clashes be- between Hezbollah and Israel. Lebanon’s worst internal violence since (the massive Palestinian exodus). Yet tween the Islamist group Jund al Sham “During the invasion whoever was the civil war. they manage to survive in the enforced and Fatah throughout the summer, inside the country fought against Israel. Although al-Maqdah was supportive squalor of a place where even construc- al-Maqdah is confi dent that the PLO All that we had we put at the hands of of the Lebanese army’s fi ght with Fatah tion is illegal. will remain in control of the camps and the Lebanese Army, whatever we had al Islam in the camp of Nahr al-Bared, Unemployment stands at around sev- in our hands to resist the invasion we he was critical of what he saw as the enty per cent, hardly surprising when did it. If the Lebanese army allowed us disproportionate response of the army, the Lebanese authorities, desperate not to share in the ground battle, we would which has gone to great lengths to to upset the country’s delicate sectarian have done it .” present the confl ict as between Lebanon balance, have barred the Palestinian “ is American At this point I butted in. “Last year’s and Fatah al Islam, and not against the population from over 72 professions. In war was between Hezbollah and Israel, Palestinian community. summer the temperatures soars above and Zionist project, the Lebanese army did not participate.” “Around 35,000 refugees from Nahr forty degrees, and the lack of electric- After my point was translated, everyone al-Bared have been created. What little ity and poor sanitation makes working starting in Palestine in the room burst into peals of laughter, they had was destroyed, they have been almost unbearable. During the autumn apart from his political advisor who refugees twice over. Now the winter is the rains turn the dirt roads into open and now in Iraq, is a looked nervous. coming, and they will have no shelter.” sewers. “Around 60 martyrs in the Lebanese I was in Nahr al-Bared on the fi nal Al-Maqdah (47) was born in Ain el- project to divide the army have been created from the war. day of fi ghting between Fatah al-Islam Hilweh and has spent most of his life in They used their anti-aircraft weapons and the army before the group’s fi nal Lebanon. I asked him what it meant to Arab nation in pieces. against the Israelis,” Al-Maqdah said. stand after three months of almost con- be Palestinian. It is an embarrassing admission for the tinuous fi ghting. By that stage the Leba- “To be a refugee, it is a special word. Terror will beget terror, Western-backed Lebanese government, nese army were bombing rubble and You feel that you are a stranger, you live who claimed strict non-interference in mortaring the militants’ bunkers, which outside your home, in exile, you have no murder will beget last year’s war. were obscured by the mangled skeletons home –this you can feel from your child- Al-Maqdah is very clear in differentiat- of destroyed buildings. Amazingly the hood. You are missing a part of yourself. murder, crime will ing between what he sees as legitimate militants, who by that stage numbered When you see a Palestine baby you can resistance and terrorism. In particular he fewer than 50, managed to occasionally see the sadness in his face. We are de- beget crime.” is critical of the radical Islamist groups respond with volleys of gunfi re. prived from anything that would make that have emerged in the last few years It is hard to imagine that any form us human. It is a pitiful life. The Israeli in the camps, often numbering not more of human habitation would be possible aircraft bomb these shelters; if you than a hundred members. there before the beginning of next year, don’t know that you are a Palestinian, these incidents were isolated, and that but nevertheless the refugees from Nahr you only need to hear the aircraft. The his Fatah group can maintain leader- al Bared are demanding a right of return aircraft know that you are Palestinian.” ship of the Palestinian cause. to the camp as soon as possible. They are (The Israelis have almost continuously “Whatever happened in Gaza will currently in the neighbouring camp of bombed the refugee camp over the last not be allowed to happen here. There Beddawi, and the ones I talked to said sixty years, most recently in last year’s are enough problems from beneath the that their homes in Nahr al Bared are confl ict, killing seven and destroying earth and above our heads. Whatever the closest surrogate to Palestine. much of the camp’s basic infrastructure). happens in Gaza, let it stay in Gaza. Al-Maqdah reserves his anger to- “And we are alone.” We have suffered enough for 60 years wards the Western governments for It is a sentiment repeated by many without internal problems. Here Hamas what he sees as their encouragement Palestinians in the camps. I asked a are represented in the General Palestin- and perpetuating of oppression in the similar question to another militant. ian Union. I am a patient person, I will Middle East. “This American and Zionist “It was when I realised that if I was ill have dialogue with any organisation, project, starting in Palestine and now I would go to the UNRWA (United Na- representing Palestinians, I can make in Iraq, is a project to divide the Arab tions Refugees in Western Asia Agency) them come here to work with me, work nation in pieces. Terror will beget terror, medical offi ce, not to the Lebanese with me to stop any confl ict, and to work murder will beget murder, crime will hospital. It was when I could not leave for our common goal.” beget crime.” the camp when I wished. It is these Al-Maqdah is a strict Palestinian But he claims he no longer provides small things that made me realise from nationalist, far from the freelance terror the training or support for the resist- a very small child that I was not from operator that several commentators ance in Iraq, saying that it has a mo- here. It is from this beginning that made have accused him of being. He appears mentum of its own, and that the soldiers me wonder where I was from, where my willing to co-operate with all groups that he sent at the beginning of the Ameri- home was, and why I could not go there.” support his goal of liberating Palestine can occupation were simply a symbol of Munir al-Maqdah has spent his and opposing Israel. the solidarity between the Palestinian entire life in the Palestinian resist- However, since the mid-1980s, armed and Iraqi people as people both under ance. He joined the al-Shabiba wing of Palestinian groups are no longer the foreign occupation. al-Fatah at the age of eleven. He shot main military opposition to Israel in At times you can detect a weariness to fame as a young commander during Lebanon. That title goes to Hezbol- in al-Maqdah. A military man who has the Israeli invasion of Lebanon in 1982 lah, the armed Shi’ia group formed in spent his entire life fi ghting, he is now and subsequently as a result of his role response to the Israeli occupation of desperately struggling to maintain Pal- during the intifadas of 1987-1993 and southern Lebanon between 1982 and estinian unity. At times Al-Maqdah feels 2000. Neither his age nor the reasons 2000. The relationship between the Pal- obliged to re-iterate the offi cial PLO for joining the armed Palestinian strug- estinian groups and Hezbollah is often line that his immediate priorities are gle are exceptional. unclear, although both see themselves to improve the civil rights of Palestin- “Our everyday life is permeated with as opposing Israel their sectarian and ians in Lebanon, while all the time the an atmosphere of suffering and pain. political visions differ, with the Pales- dream of returning to Palestine remains The resistance restores our status as tinians being predominantly Sunni and as elusive as ever. It is a direction that human beings, it is the vehicle to bring Christian and Hezbollah mostly Shi’ia. al-Maqdah, the poacher turned game- about our overwhelming desire to return “Hezbollah are a resistance move- keeper, is not totally comfortable with, to our homeland. Al-Fatah were the fi rst ment, and any resistance movements KRISHNAN NAGENDAN as I leave for the fi nal time, he shakes group to fi re the fi rst bullet against the are welcomed by us, always we are in my hand and kisses me on both cheeks. occupier [Israel], they transformed us contact with them. Abbas Zaki (The PLO He looks me in the eye and tells me: from refugees to resistance fi ghters.” ambassador in Lebanon) is in contact “The next time I see you, I will see you in The goal of liberating Palestine has with them, we need to keep contact with Al-Quds Al-Arabiyya [Arab Jerusalem.]” been put on hold, as the Fatah-dominat- all resistance groups.” A Palestinian guards Fatah HQ Write for this section: Friday October 5 2007 24 VIEWFeatures [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts Burma before the cameras e brutal suppression of peaceful protesters in Burma in the past weeks has shocked the world. But the actions of the military-led junta came as no surprise to Gianna Vaughan, who lived and worked in the country during 2005, and witnessed the government’s growing heavy-handedness.

The Burmese government’s preceded by “Shock for visitors bloody suppression of religious to fake beach” and “In pictures: protestors has made interna- an ice cream adventure”. tional headlines this month. Deprived of virtually all But the shocking events on international information, our television screens are only it is remarkable how many the tip of a vast iceberg of re- Burmese are aware of the pression which has been stead- fi ctitious nature of the barrage ily intensifying for years, as I of government propaganda, saw when for two months in but it still diffi cult for them 2005 I was fortunate enough to to know what to believe. I was work and travel in the country. approached by several people I mean fortunate quite liter- wanting to know if it were true ally, as a coup at the top of the that US troops were poised on junta the previous December the borders for invasion, as had revoked almost all foreign the state newspaper The New teaching visas and increased Light of Myanmar frequently restrictions on movement claims. They should be so within the country. lucky, I couldn’t bear to tell Yet despite the regime under them that most people don’t which they live, most of the even know where Burma is people I encountered felt that and even fewer seem to care. their ability to speak English From the retired teacher who gave them some protection from quizzed me for more English military informants, and were idioms he could learn, to the surprisingly willing to discuss Buses are stopped for hours at a time for military checks GIANNA VAUGHAN artist with his cherished copy their political views. Two years of Orwell’s Burmese Days, the ago the overwhelming feeling in as simply an example of hope- tion, it is easy to underestimate the UN envoy, Ibrahim Gambari, teenage monk in Pyay who had the country was one of resigned ful heroism. In many ways the just how incredible the events has now arrived in Burma to taught himself to speak English passivity - whilst they did not present unrest is a sign of total unfolding in Burma are. None of hold talks with the Junta, his by listening to the BBC and support the military they felt desperation. the protesters have the means presence there in November watching the movement of his there was little they could do In the area where I worked, to arm themselves in self-de- 2006 resulted only in Aung San lips in the mirror when they to oppose them. This seems far those who could speak English fence, and it is entirely unclear Suu Kyi being allowed to receive formed the right sounds, the removed from the scenes of pro- were able to increase their who is leading the marches or more medical visits. hopes and dreams of the Bur- test fl ooding onto our screens at income by as much as 100% how they have been organised. The NLD do not encourage mese thrive on any exchange of the moment. by fi nding employment in one Yet every day more and more tourism to Burma on the basis outside information. It is a hid- Most adults lived through people have volunteered, risk- that it gives money to the op- eous paradox that the reports of the violent crushing of the ing their lives even though they pressive regime. This is true. imminent foreign intervention 1988 protests, when over expect little to change. As one If you enter the country your used by the military to frighten 3,000 people were killed and young woman said: visa costs and your airport the people also foster a false thousands more imprisoned or “I don’t think we can defeat taxes will go to government sense of hope that the world forced to fl ee the country. Not I was approached the government; I can’t imag- organisations. Nevertheless, I actually gives a damn. a single family I encountered ine what will happen.” disagree with the NLD stance, In Freedom From Fear, Aung escaped entirely unscathed. by several people Leading nations have threat- particularly given that the San Suu Kyi states that, “The Since then the level of mili- ened to impose new sanctions UN, hampered by China and quest for democracy in Burma tary control over the nation has wanting to know on the Burmese military if they Russia, has failed to be ‘united’ is the struggle of a people to live only increased, and the shocking use force to end the protesting. in condemnation the of the whole, meaningful lives as free repression in our newspapers if it were true This is not going far enough. A Junta and international aware- and equal members of the world this week is not so much a last Burmese Freedom and Democ- ness is already wanting as the community.” It is the quest for resort as a way of life. Through- that US troops racy Act signed by President protests have been brought to everything from the right to pro- out long night journeys, the were poised Bush on July 28, 2004 banned a halt. Now it is all the more test without being shot at, to the military stop buses, get every- all Burmese imports, ended US important to remain interested basic right to ride a bicycle past one out and make them wait, on the borders investment there and froze all in Burma. Yet on the day when a police building without being crouching by the roadside for assets belonging to the Junta. unarmed monks and civilians forced to get off and walk. hours in the dark, simply to in- for invasion. I It has had a very limited effect. were mercilessly gunned down Above all this it is a quest for timidate. Soldiers who spoke no Equally, if the international in the streets of Yangon, the the right not to be ignored by a English would open my passport couldn’t bear to community truly believes that story came bottom in a list of world they are so desperate to backwards and upside-down, harsher sanctions will have the BBC’s most read stories, be a part of. compensating for an inability tell them that an impact, why has it waited to understand what it said by most people until now to impose them? In a fi ngering their rifl es. controversial decision in 1997, The gentle majority of these don’t actually the Association of South-East people are naturally passive. Asian Nations elected to admit Theravada Buddhism, practised know where Burma, arguing that member- by over 80% of the population, ship would fuel positive change is a non-violent religion, focus- Burma is. through “constructive engage- ing on the individual medita- ment.” This January, however, tive practice. Although in the ten years later, during which last couple of days commentary time other Asian nations have on the ‘Saffron Revolution’ has continued to sell arms to the emphasised the historical role Burmese government, a UN of monks as political activists, of three small hotels. Those draft resolution proposed by the after their participation in the who could not scraped a living United States and Britain which 1988 uprisings, a new ‘Sangha attempting to sell sea shells called for democratic reform in Union’ was set up under the strung on fi shing wire to a Burma was rejected by Russia control of the Ministry for Reli- barely existent tourist popula- and China. They argued that gious and Home Affairs, requir- tion. Local children would fre- Burmese domestic unrest was ing all monks to take an oath quently skip school to scavenge an internal matter. The cynical not to oppose the government for dead fi sh with which to feed truth is that the Burmese energy or the military Tatmadaw. their families. resources - oil and off-shore gas Their current bravery is thus In Britain, where we are con- fi elds - make the stability of the all the more astonishing, but ditioned to protests and people status quo more valuable to its we are mistaken if we view it raising their voices in opposi- Asian neighbours. Even though Most adults have lived through the 1988 protests GIANNA VAUGHAN Friday October 5 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWArts 25

Five minutes with... Sam Sword Sam Sword’s had a long, hard summer, or at least he has if you can describe touring round Foaling the country and spending over a month at the Fringe Festival as hard work. The Cambridge Footlights tour show Wham Bam has been performing in all sorts of venues across the UK from pubs, schools and Around even the Royal Naval College. When I asked him about how Rhiannon Easterbrook gets carried away by the Skins-soundtracking puzzle- he and his fellow cast members had been received in differ- pop upstarts. ent locations, Sam replied, “It depended very much on expec- tations: at Edinburgh people t took forty-fi ve seconds for visages the band in a state of tant. He rhapsodises about broken, fuses are blown and came to shows expecting to see the mosh pit to thump, one perpetual progress. “You can the “special” relationship with an alarm goes off but every- Stephen Fry look-alikes and minute for the frontman never be content with what the producer of Foals’ freshly- one is happy, even Jimmy, the got us, whilst in smaller venues IYannis to run through the wel- you try to make, otherwise recorded, “Afrobeat-inspired” guitarist, who’s chipped his audiences tended to be very coming crowd and two songs you’ve failed. There’s never debut album, TV on the Ra- front tooth. “It was worth it,” much more open-minded and as for girls to appear dancing on going to be a moment when dio’s David Sitek. Shunning apparently. a result liked what they saw a stage. Despite the fact that we say that this is it. This is “careerist” professionals, he Unfortunately for Yannis, lot more.” the mathematically-minded what we sound like.” explains that instead, “we took “these house parties are get- On a critical level, the show band has yet to release an Such perfectionism is appro- ten grand off the record label ting increasingly rare. Soon and cast have certainly been album, this overwhelmingly priate for a performer display- and gave it to our friend who they’ll be impossible”. Shame, a hit. The Edinburgh Festival joyful reaction to the set in- ing a mix of bravado and cour- works in a kebab shop and has as Yannis clearly enjoys this magazine this year described dicates the band’s abilities. tesy, drive and deep feeling. never made a video before. He kind of audience-band inter- Wham Bam as “by far the best Foals’ records have intricate Yannis, 21, who dropped out of is talented, though,” he adds. action. He “loves dearly” his Footlights show in years.” Quite a and delicate-sounding ar- Oxford University because “I At the house party, every connection with fans. A con- compliment given the pedigree of rangements and, for me, took wanted to learn about litera- surface is covered by acolytes nection, of course, which he is past Footlights talent. a good few listens to get into. ture; I didn’t want to work in as Foals begin an instru- still working on. “I like music I asked him what it’s like Live, the music’s more brutal an investment bank”, claims mental set in this tiny room. that is interesting for your trying to fi ll the shoes of past aspects come to the fore as that he’d have no qualms if Unable to breathe in the heart and for your body and presidents such as John Cleese, their sound becomes expan- the band split up. “I wouldn’t squash, fans still sing lyrics. for your mind and if you can Hugh Laurie and David Mitchel. sive and shimmering but care, I’d start another band.” Sonic precision is replaced by balance that out, then you’re He admitted, “It was pretty scary insistently danceable. One suspects that while a rough elegance and, soon, making the perfect pop music.” at fi rst, but I console myself with That there are different he really does need to make in the crush and heat, instru- If they haven’t solved this the knowledge that they must dimensions to Foals’ output is music, relationships with his ments are fl at and everything equation yet, they might soon. have all been like me and only re- important to Yannis, who en- colleagues are also impor- is glorious chaos. A light is ally got big after leaving univer- sity. After all, the Footlights are all about experimentation.” song Fightin’ the Nation refer- swing here, raising the chorus Hearing this frustratingly mod- ences the Junior Marvin track up on a precarious balance of est response I tried to goad him Police and Thieves, which was feedback, ride cymbal trills, and into some display of his spontane- Kano’s Able once covered by the Clash in screams and whoops from the ous wit that has made him a suc- their early days. audience. cess. “So, if you’re the President of Tom Hamilton chats to Grime MC Feel Free, a track recorded After a long set which held the Footlights does this make you with Damon Albarn, was another the audience in rapture, the gig the funniest man in Cambridge? sensation Kano before his Junction standout and is at the heart of came to an end with an encore of Go on, make me laugh.” He rolls the album. “It’s defi nitely a spe- Me and My Microphone, a song his eyes, having obviously heard show and gives the lowdown on the gig cial track for me,” Kano added. recorded with Kate Nash back this too many times before and The song’s eerie soundscape mir- when the chart-topper was just a quickly retorts “F**k off, I’m not itself. rors much of Albarn’s best work MySpace footnote to Lily Allen’s your monkey.” I feel shamed but with Gorillaz. Kano describes rising star. It’s Kano’s take on that’s one of things that make eginning his set with the the gig, “but I wrote whole songs his experience of performing “old school hip-hop in its truest Sam Sword so genuinely funny. same explosive run of that spoke about things everyone with Albarn and a whole host form”, but with the exciting taint Sam only started in the Foot- tracks that introduce his could relate to, keeping the edge of established African artists at of harsher London accents. The lights last year when like most Blatest album, London Town, that the MCs had.” Glastonbury as inspirational. “I song brought an excitable bounce aspiring comics, he gave it a Kano ducked and weaved onto The lively and tense Buss It got to hear music I would never to the gig’s climax, encouraging go. “It’s really worth trying out, the stage, slapping hands with Up, recorded with Jamaican otherwise get hold of. It made me the rapper to hang around shak- Footlights is based on people who the adoring fans and fl ashing dancehall legend Vybz Kartel, think that there’s so much more ing hands with as many people have the guts to give it a shot. I his smile all around the venue brought waves of hands into the that could be added to my sound. as could barge their way to the encourage anyone to audition for whenever the choruses came air, but the track signifi es more To be a part of something with front. the Virgin Smoker later on this around. Kano’s fi rst album, Home than that for Kano. “The whole such respected artists was really This talented MC may not term.” Sweet Home, won him a legion of musical culture of Jamaica really important to me.” have found his niche yet, since As Sam saunters off, every inch fans, crossover success, a MOBO inspires me. Music is everywhere Perhaps the highlight of the gig too many of his tracks rest on an the image of the average gap and a Brit Nomination for best there, and that attracted me to for many, especially for the four- uneasy balance between Ameri- student, I wonder if this is the fu- newcomer. This new record can perform, seeing the reactions mu- teen year-olds wearing Nike caps can mainstream hip-pop and the ture of British comedy. Time can only serve to bring the MC, who sic can give. That kind of thing is and white plastic rosaries around smoother edges of grime. But he only tell, but I don’t see why not. got his fi rst break with the song around in the UK too, and I get their necks in an unconscious is an artist who thrives on fresh Most of the big names who came Boys and Girls on pirate radio, the best feeling when I hear my traditionalist parody of bling (or ideas, hard work performance. to Cambridge were involved even greater recognition. “When I song blasting out of someone’s maybe they were just cheap?), The strength of this album and somewhere along the line in the was about seventeen or eighteen car, or kids playing it on their was the single, This is the Girl, Kano’s genuine belief in his tal- Footlights, and I’m sure even everyone else was spitting 16 bar phones in the street.” There’s a featuring Craig David. Kano’s ents as an artist could take him Stephen Fry took a Gap year. rhymes,” he explains to me before strong Jamaican infl uence - the backing band fi nally got into full very far indeed. Simon Allen Arts Editor: George Grist Friday October 5 2007 26 VIEWArts [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts Life in theswan old

Ballet may be known in some circles as “ e Dying Art”, but valiant attempts are being made to show the 21st century that plies and pirouettes can still be relevant. Sarah Wilkinson examines a controversial dance revolution. allet has this new approach and many Darcey Bussell (Britain’s most sics have come to defi ne what story ballet is slotted into the gar- have reacted strongly against famous and recently-retired ballet means for many young Christmas TV schedule as a nered a it. But perhaps this rebrand- ballerina) excepted. BBC people: girls fl apping around token gesture towards the art. Brather prissy ing is essential for the surviv- One’s Strictly Come Dancing This means, sadly, that the av- reputation in al of ballet in Britain into the regularly attracted more than erage person’s view of ballet is Britain over 21st century and beyond. 10 million viewers each week rarely challenged. They reject the years. Dance in general is undeni- and fan bases continue to “ballet remains ballet altogether based on the Ask someone ably among the most popu- increase for programs such as pink and white of the clas- to picture a ballet lar of all the arts. But while DanceX and Britain’s Got Tal- that marginalized sics, yet remain unaware of dancer and your average bod ballroom and Latin American ent. Unfortunately, a reality the Technicolor of new chore- will envision pink tutus and are out there on the televi- television show in the same Cinderella sister, ography. Funding admittedly tiaras, unsightly bulges in sion sparkling in sequins and model isn’t really plausible for makes it diffi cult to take risks tights, anorexia and grown smiles every Saturday night, ballet. Amateur competitors left home alone with new works, but when women dressed as fairies. Not it seems ballet remains that in Strictly Come Dancing may there are fi nancial opportuni- exactly universally appealing. marginalized Cinderella sister, be able to master the Foxtrot to dance in the ties to bring a new image of Jamie Bell did wonders for or Samba to performance level ballet to the masses they are ballet’s street-cred when Billy over a few weeks, but it takes dust.” sadly not always seized upon. Elliot came out in 2000 but years of gruelling practice to Darcey Bussell made a step since then the art has slowly “Physically, ballet perform ballet’s most impres- in the right direction when slipped away from the public sive lifts and jumps - which in white frills and feathers she chose the piece that would platform into its unfashion- dancers really are is why the end result is so (Swan Lake) or some bird end her glittering career on able satin slippers. The Royal astonishing to watch. So in a twirling around on her toes the Royal Opera House stage – Opera House’s latest adver- superheroes in physical sense at least, ballet to Christmas advert music shown live on BBC 2. Instead tising campaign, however, is dancers really are superheroes (The Nutcracker). Most are of bowing out with Aurora or determined to change this. training.” in training. unaware of how extraordinar- Juliet, Bussell chose a piece Picking the most stud-like of The classics (the most fa- ily athletic ballet is, and how which not only showcased her their principal male dancers, mous ballets even the blokes innovative and relevant it can own beautiful technique, but posters around London show down the pub will have heard be. This is largely because one which also allowed view- a hero-jawed Edward Watson of) are required by the fi nan- whenever they encounter bal- ers to fl irt with the idea that staring into the camera with a left home alone to dance in cial departments of ballet let these classics are all that’s not all ballets involve tutus smoldering gaze. Alongside are the dust. Despite the phe- companies to guarantee bums on offer. Every year Russian and happy endings. Channel the words “Superhuman. Meet nomenal beauty of the bal- on seats, yet these classics and British touring companies Four’s recent series Ballethoo Ed. Fact: When he’s dancing, let dancer’s body, and quite are paradoxically one reason dust down their productions also did well to showcase the pound for pound, he’s stronger often his or her face too, the why new, especially young of Swan Lake, The Sleeping benefi ts of participating in than a rhino. Superheroes re- art fails to attract the same adult, audiences are so hard Beauty and The Nutcracker ballet, by allowing underprivi- ally do wear tights.” The ballet media attention lavished to attract, and even more and bring them back to pro- leged adolescents to train and world has been divided over on its Dancesport siblings – importantly, sustain. The clas- vincial towns, while the odd perform with Birmingham

A ballet dancer leaps across salt fl ats MIRIAN ORCUTT Friday October 5 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWArts 27 An American in Life in the old Cambridge

e artist James Whistler tried to rid his work of pity swan and love. Sam Rose visits a new show of his prints and yet? discovers a gentler side to a man with many enemies.

Royal Ballet, whilst the spire them to pick up a pair of rugged pair of Royal pointe shoes. At the Princess Ballet defects, known Diana concert in July, look- as Ballet Boyz, continue ing incongruous amongst to bring ballet down to earth the line-up of pop acts, with their touring produc- the English National tions. Mathew Bourne’s Ballet performed popularist versions of the excerpts from Swan classics, such as his all- Lake, and earlier this male Swan Lake, have year, Swan Lake (yet taken ballet to Broadway again) was projected and, in a small way, done live onto a screen in for ballet what Lesley the centre of Liverpool Garrett and Russell from the Royal Opera Watson have done House. Reportedly about for opera in recent 150 people stopped to years. But there is watch initially, but the still a long way to rain narrowed this down go. Great hope lies swiftly to 50. What could with Christopher have made them Wheeldon, an weather it ex-Royal Ballet out? What dancer who could have has recently made bal- launched his let look as relevant own company, to the Wembley audi- Morphoses, with the aim ence as Kanye West of “revitalizing contem- and P. Diddy? Suppose porary, classical ballet by instead of stumbling marrying dance, music, upon a screen fi lled visual arts and design”. with feathery white His forward-thinking tutus, Liverpudlians is demonstrated in one had come across of his latest projects - a one taken over by “Reading by Lamplight”, james Whistler, 1858 collaboration with the sexy young danc- Icelandic singer Björk. ers clad in simple s with many of the Im- he made, the ten prints in satirical pamphlets and lectures Unfortunately many black unitards pressionists, Whistler’s the exhibition of fellow etcher (including The Gentle Art of other outreach at- perform- work often comes across Seymour Haden and his fam- Making Enemies, from which the tempts are failing the ing one of asA something of a paradox. The ily stand out. These are tender exhibition takes its title). The art form in their Christopher prints and paintings show a re- and beautiful prints, recalling most notorious incident recorded choices. The BBC Wheeldon’s new pieces? What fi ned delicacy, yet they stem from Rembrandt in their atmospheric by these is his attempt to sue the is currently fi lming a new if instead of meeting their a background of great passion use of light and shade as well as critic John Ruskin for libel after production of Noel Streat- mental image of a ballerina, and controversy. This survey of Japanese art in their decorative he called him a “coxcomb... fl ing- fi eld’s Ballet Shoes, set in the the Wembley audience had prints of people in the Fitzwil- simplicity. This did not stop the ing a pot of paint in the public’s 1930’s, but although for an been confronted with some- liam collections highlights not friends falling out over Whistler’s face”. Ruskin was one of the older generation this may be a thing entirely new in the only some of the close personal outrageous bohemian lifestyle; highest authorities on art at the manner of the revolutionary friendships he formed through the hand list gleefully notes that time, making this move rather Royal Opera House advertis- his art, but how he tore many of fi ve years after the last print was unwise. Whistler argued bril- ing campaign? these apart through his strong made Whistler was banned from liantly and won the case, but was Yes, ballet dancers are artists views and biting wit. seeing his sister (Haden’s wife), awarded damages of only one “Not all ballets before they are athletes, but The son of an American rail- and three years later Haden was farthing, ruining him fi nancially. it is the physical element of way engineer, Whistler always pushed through a plate glass Despite the ruin it brought, his involve tutus and their art which is most likely seemed keen to play the part window after the two fought in a willingness to stand up to - and to draw newcomers, and this of the foreign aristocrat. After Paris cafe. brilliantly ridicule - many of his happy endings” is something the Royal Opera being thrown out of West Point Interestingly, the lively person- critics lives on as a testament to House should be praised for Military Academy, he worked ality does not come across at all the faith he had in his art, with recognizing. Instead of shun- as a military draughtsman, in the prints. As he put it, “Art his defence helping prepare the ning this rebranding of the art learning etching as a US Navy should be independent of all clap- way for many artists to come. form, it seems the ballet world cartographer, before deciding to trap - should stand alone, and When asked by Ruskin if “The la- welcome return to a children’s needs to embrace it if they become an artist. He felt that appeal to the artistic sense of eye bor of two days is that for which classic, for the young it may be want to gain the interest of the America did not have enough or ear, without confounding this you ask two hundred guineas?” yet another reinforcement of general public. Why perpetuate respect for fi ne art, and his with emotions entirely foreign Whistler’s response was a perfect the notion that ballet has long the old image and then wonder obsession with the artist’s place to it, as devotion, pity, love, justifi cation for a “less fi nished” exceeded its expiry date. Harry why people seem reluctant to in society led him to cross the patriotism, and the like”. As a modern art: “No”, he replied. “I Potter fans may be drawn in alter their stereotypes of an art Atlantic in search of success. result, despite the artist’s stormy ask it for the knowledge I have by the hope of seeing Emma form? Ballet, in reality, is as In England and France he was private life the prints offer an gained in the work of a lifetime.” Watson donning a leotard in malleable for the zeitgeist as to fi nd fame and recognition, objective look at their subject; her role as Pauline Fossil, but music and often as universally yet his fondness for ridiculing friends and strangers stand alike “The Gentle Art - Friends and it is doubtful that the attaché comprehensible as a Tom and friends and critics alike was in decorative harmony. strangers in Whistler’s Prints” is on cases and references to Noel Jerry cartoon – just a little ultimately to lead him to ruin. It is also wonderful to see at the Fitzwilliam Museum until 13 Coward will do anything to in- more graceful. Of the many enemies that original copies of Whistler’s January 2008. Arts Editor: George Grist Friday October 5 2007 28 REVIEW [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts

view from the gods Puppet Masters Jossie Clayton chats to David Friend and Simon Morley, purveyors of a As the youngest, blondest Von particularly curious style of origami, Trapp girl child edged her way backwards up the stairs dur- ahead of their Junction show ing So Long, Farewell, so the dramatic oligarchy reluctantly There are many different audience might be female, but left the stage, with that steely types of educational experi- unsurprisingly, whole rugby glint of those-who-just-want- ence to be had in Cambridge; teams have been known to at- to-be-loved when they are the this being freshers’ week, tend and have a private “play” centre of attention. So they may there are steep learning later on in the pub. have been seen later on, weep- curves in all directions and So what should we expect ing at last orders in the ADC involving all sorts of differ- from this over-18s-only “ul- bar, facing a terrifying future ent topics. One for the less timate knob gag”? The two as a professional actor. Many academically minded among “puppeteers,” Martin (“the years have passed since all us involves neither historical new penis”) and Dan, will be you had to do was hitchhike to dates nor scientific jargon. It teaching us handy tricks such Stratford clutching a Cambridge sells itself as something more as “how to make the perfect diploma and a handful of ADC akin to origami. The Puppetry burger in 4 easy steps” at programmes to be made direc- of the Penis, God forgive us, “Dick Trick University” and if tor of the RSC, but the talent in has come to Cambridge. your hands are warm enough, Cambridge remains more or less Claiming continuity of an then you might just get the the same. This week’s four main ancient Australian artform, the chance to help out on stage. shows are Pembroke Player’s Ja- performers produce a species “Malleability,” I am reliably pan tour with Romeo and Juliet, of puppetry which essentially told, is key. the American tour of A Winter’s and pretty self-explanatorily The phenomenal success of Tale, the Footlights’ Wham Bam! consists of the contortion of this show rests upon a sim- and Cymbeline. the penis into a repertoire of ple understanding of what One always has the sense that shapes and structures. makes an audience gasp, stare people who act in Shakespeare Surprisingly, the perform- and giggle: that “going along do it because they shouldn’t be ance is completely non-sexual. to laugh at a couple of guys acting at all. There’s the pomp- Viagra is considered “a dirty playing with their willies and ous Polonius fan club which word”. The objective is to making shapes is a good night simply ruins a play whenever “de-mystify the penis” and out.” I couldn’t agree more. they thrust a puffed chest on- the show’s combination of stage. It usually tends to be a “nudity and comedy in one The Puppetry of the Penis, will be male phenomenon. Then the go” has garnered fans across on at The Junction on Saturday tall, well-built public school men the globe. The typical British 6 October who are felt to look the part and no one minds because every- one can hear them speak. But there are the women too: the fey, pretty and pale who litter the The Winter’s Tale strides the relationships between stage with wan words, and do The Winter’s valiantly into the precarious characters from building con- very well to confi rm everyone’s yet all too irresistible terrain vincingly. Ed Martineau dem- suspicions that Shakespeare just Tale of “problem play”. It balances onstrated an enormous range Roming couldn’t write women’s parts. neurotic court life and absurd of acting ability with Leonides’ Dir: Jiri Verjdelek Trevor Nunn was very lucky. It Boston Legal levels of psy- undulating emotions and the is rare that a director in Cam- ADC eatre chological intensity with the slapstick Old Shepherd, partly bridge is able to amass such casual absurdity of Bohemia, paralleled by Molly Goyer Film a large cast of talented actors. where inhabitants often take Gorman as the modest Hermi- ★★★★★ Consequently Shakespeare is of- leave of their responsibilities one and the over-exaggerated ten performed very badly and far and even, while “pursued by Clown. Finally Owen Holland too often. In my opinion, Shake- a bear”, the stage. Equally shone as the show-stealing Roming is simply one of those speare in performance is very valiantly, the Cambridge Autolycus, strumming his way fi lms which you’ll laugh at and boring unless it’s done very well University American Stage through Bohemia and con- enjoy thoroughly, only to leave indeed. A twenty-foot-tall Jupiter Tour packed their performance ning shepherds and audience- the cinema knowing you’ll with a disproportionately small into a handful of suitcases and members alike with confi dent never see it again. OK direction head shocked the audience last hopped across the Atlantic, charm. is met with OK performances, night with a self-consciousness to cover ten states and two The drab Edwardian el- with the exception of Bolek Po- that seemed almost unaccept- thousand miles in the relative egance of the design subtly livka whose facial expressions able in a Shakespeare produc- cultural void between the end evoked the youthful mania force laughter. The audience tion. And, once shocked out of of the Edinburgh Festival and and tea-stained tone of Arthur will undoubtedly be restricted complacent tedium, the audience the start of Freshers’ Week. Rackham’s illustrations in the to Guardian-reading house- could understand the ridiculous- The plot starts off in the 1907 edition of Alice in Won- wives keen to add to the dinner ness of the of the last act, and familiar guise of familial derland, giving a surprising party repertoire along with the the tedium turned to humour. tragedy, only to lurch at times unity. However, the clarity of latest Zadie Smith novel. It’s a One of the main successes of into pastoral comedy. Paranoid the production, with minimal classic road trip story about the Trevor Nunn’s Cymbeline was King decides loving Queen is set and severe lighting to Gypsy community of the Czech that he saw no reason everyone unfaithful and callously dis- suggest space, placed great Republic where the educated shouldn’t enjoy it as a simple cards their baby on the shores pressure on the play, forcing son travels with his dumb-but- fairy tale, and understand it too. of Bohemia. He then struggles the quality of the language wise father and happy-go-lucky Unfortunately, the theatre was, with sixteen solid years of and the energy of the per- uncle to meet his arranged as usual, bereft of a real student guilt and remorse, as the baby formances into sharp relief. wife. Of course the son is audience. Apart from the small is raised by a geriatric father, This focus made a harmony against the idea but eventually group smoking outside during loved by a bland Prince, and fi - between the earnest and the comes round.What makes this the interval, the majority of the nally re-united with her family eccentric components almost even worse than the standard student body simply cannot be in a crescendo of increasingly impossible, while the direction Disney plot is the ‘surreal’ sub- convinced to watch Shakespeare happy coincidences. was not always consistently story that accompanies the bulk or indeed any play. The eight actors morphed equal to the curious demands of the fi lm, which is bearable One hopes that, when our through various different gar- of the text. This confi dent (perhaps even humorous) at peers perform Shakespeare to ments and puppet masks to take on a lesser-performed fi rst, but becomes very tiresome such high standards, there will Dir: Jeff James convey both placid court mem- piece had moments of both the very quickly indeed. Roming be a certain excitement to see bers and peculiar bumpkins. sublime and the ridiculous, yet is slapstick-funny, yet arse- the achievements of those who Theatre The disconnected sequence of The Winter’s Tale remains a clenchingly lurid as well. It’s a willsucceed the luminaries of ★★★★★ the play and doubling of roles problematic play for cast and fun fi lm, but it’s also stuck in previous years. allowed for several impressive audience. the middle of nowhere (no pun Orlando Reade performances, and yet stopped Monty Stagg intended). Ravi Amaratunga Friday October 5 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] REVIEW 29

French Dog Blues, co-penned Baby Shambles by no less than Kate Moss and albums Ian Brown, shines with star every right-minded person Shotter’s quality and is sure to be a live should own favourite. Nation Doherty has lost none of the lyrical fl air which is so often overlooked by the press in favour of his more sensational private life. It is ably displayed in Baddies’ Boogie, essentially a tragic song about romantic despair (it’s a lousy life for the washed up wife of a perma- nently plastered pissed up bas- tard). One thing lacking is the noodling guitar work of Patrick Walden (which characterised much of the material on the Graceland fi rst album), now replaced by Michael Whitnall’s more Paul Simon schoolbook stylings. UnStookie Titled is another sterling ef- 1986, the year before my birth, fort, which arguably references and Paul Simon releases Gra- Carl Barat’s Doherty-less celand. Since then, it’s followed Libertines residency (since me everywhere; “are we nearly you vowed to back it and you’re there yet” car journeys, family too proud to sack it you have to holidays, Christmas days. So, Babyshambles’ second al- Stookie & Jim Bumfest demos carry on on your own). it’s a genuine and often dis- bum effort was never going posted on the web, and many Some weaker tracks such as heartening surprise to fi nd that to be perfect. After the scat- of the same songs feature on Side of the Road and Crumb many have a rather nonchalant terbrained highs and lows of this album. Regrettably, songs Begging Baghead highlight attitude towards this mas- Down in Albion, the appoint- such as There She Goes, with the deficiencies of yet another terpiece. Graceland too often ment of Stephen Street as Drew McConnell’s unnecessar- almost-but-not-quite-brilliant seems to pass under the radar, which I fi nd inexplicable. producer was probably a wise ily jazzed-up walking bassline, album. Listening to Shotter’s You might know of Paul choice, but it is his excessively suffer from their studio re- Nation, it’s easy to appreciate Simon as one half of the duo clean and shiny approach that modelling, and UnBiloTitled, a Doherty’s considerable tal- Simon and Garfunkel, but often stops the songs reach- Libertines-era demo, feels far ent as both a musician and don’t judge him yet. For this Album ing the dizzying heights of the too radio-friendly in its latest lyricist but it’s hard to resist solo album he shunned Gar- ★★★★★ Libertines’ previous efforts. reincarnation. Nevertheless, longing for the Libertines to funkel, and rightly so. Instead Earlier this year, fans were it’s a stand-out track, and a reform. of continuing the folky twangs rewarded with the fantastic refreshing change of tempo. George Grist heard in songs such as Scar- borough Fair (what were they thinking?) he chose to record this album in South Africa and immerse himself in the infl u- ences surrounding him. In fact, Ladysmith Black Mambazo shot to worldwide fame as a Richmond Fontaine Jack Peñate result of collaborating with Si- mon on many of the tracks on $87 and a guilty conscience that The Junction Graceland. So, not only was it groundbreaking in terms of its musical direction, but also in gets worse the longer I go Live Review its pioneering of the talents of ★★★★★ black South African musicians in the midst of apartheid rule. Album But don’t feel that you ★★★★★ should love this album on This was, Jack told us, mop- have the songs to back it up. account of any political do- ping sweat from his brow, “by While fast-paced and lively, his gooding. The elements that far the maddest gig of the lyrics are sometimes worry- make it a work of art are the as though he’s simply listing whole tour”. With infectious ingly emo. His heartstrings are intensely moving yet uplift- lonely-sounding American energy, an arresting stage even plucked at the prospect ing melodies, and the steady towns), there’s an intangible presence, and a pair of catching a train (My contemplation of his own (at presence to his voice that of crazed eyes that eyes, eyes, eyes, are times) depressing life embed- makes you do more than screamed serial not dry, dry, dry ded in some of the best lyrics listen, it makes you really be- killer, Peñate he tells us in I’ve ever heard. Well you don’t lieve. It only takes a couple of delivered a Torn at the feel you could love me, but I lines to evoke a whole sprawl- performance Platform). feel you could - it’s simple, it ing patchwork landscape of that swept Elsewhere, doesn’t rhyme and yet it’s able drifters, drunks, and endless a hitherto he laments to refl ect an everyday thought highways stretched out under restrained she never accurately without losing its train of thought amidst po- smoky skies, whilst at the crowd into wanted me etic crap. For those of you who same time pulling you in to a a raptur- (Second, think Garfunkel was the crea- sudden narrative so sharp it ous frenzy. Minute, or tive genius of the two, you’re cuts to the core (My roommate The night, Hour), and wrong. It only takes a cursory It would be easy to dismiss was sleeping. I took his keys, however, had the concert look at Graceland to see who this mini album/ep as a mere and a hundred bucks. Headed not begun so concluded that title really belongs to. The cash-in afterthought, contain- out till his car broke down, well. on a similarly title track, Graceland, which ing as it does six unreleased outside of Tousanne). This is Two hours sombre note, recounts a pilgrimage to Elvis’ tracks from the sessions that a songwriter who hasn’t just earlier, the lights with the song home, is probably the best on produced their last album, been compared to legends like had dimmed, the audi- When We Die. Yet the album; it’s truly captivat- Thirteen Cities, and a couple Bob Dylan and Bruce Spring- ence fallen silent, and a squat despite the subject-matter, ing. He talks of his “travelling of tagged-on extras. Easy, that steen, he’s been compared to fat man appeared from stage Jack Peñate’s style is not going companion”, nine years old and is, if it weren’t completely the great American novelists, left. He played with some wires to leave you sobbing into the the child of his fi rst marriage, brilliant. Raymond Carver, John Stein- and then waddled back off. speakers. One member of the which launches him into a Though they fall in line with beck, and Charles Bukowski. Five minutes later, Wild Beasts audience threw his fi zzing can verse about his ex-wife (and the Americana/alt country Now that’s heavyweight class. emerged to a tangibly tame of Red Stripe onto the stage she said losing love, is like a mood that that had produced If you were ever duped into reception, despite their name in a fi t of ecstasy; and another window in your heart, every- so many solid bands and art- the ridiculous hype surround- promising a leonine roar of a member cast aloft his shoe, the body sees you’re blown apart). ists over the last couple of ing Cold War Kids, make voice and dance moves that jubilation wiped off his face There’s so much more to be said about the brilliance of this years (Ryan Adams, Wilco, amends by switching to this. would turn heads in the jungle. only when someone stamped album, further tracks to be Willy Mason, Bright Eyes to Richmond Fontaine are the The reality was a hyena-laugh- on his foot. delved into, yet more wonder- name but a few), Richmond overlooked but infi nitely su- able disappointment. Few will be provoked to ful lyrics to be explored, but to Fontaine manage to stand out perior underdogs, singing out Juxtaposed against this, throw missiles at their hi- write it all down would be a by sheer brute quality. Though their poignant songs from the Jack stormed the stage with fi s, but add in the writhing work approaching an epic. Any- sometimes the whisky soaked bottom of a broken bottle and such an overwhelming, energy- lunatic behind the guitar, and way, it would spoil it for those croak of lyricist Willy Vlautin the dark heart of a broken infused spectacle that nobody it proved a very special night of you haven’t yet discovered tends to wheeze out countri- continent. had time to pause and con- indeed. why Graceland is a must have. fi ed clichés (occasionally it’s Josh Farrington sider that he perhaps didn’t Tom Bird & Julia Tilley Verity Simpson Workshop 1 Springboard Schedule What is Springboard? 2007—2008 We will look at what you want Springboard is an award- to achieve, as well as your You have a choice of two winning Personal skills and experience. This timetables for the Development Programme for workshop will help you to programme: women that enables each identify your individual learn- woman to set her own ing style and how to make the most of this. Essential agenda for both her career Timetable A: and her personal life. time management skills will also be introduced. Saturday 01 December 2007 Saturday 12 January 2008

Workshop 2 Saturday 15 March 2008 What does Springboard Saturday 19 April 2008

involve? Takes a positive look at your strengths and weaknesses. The Springboard Programme You will also be asked: what Timetable B: consists of four one-day are your values? How will Thursday 10 January 2008 workshops. A second, key these affect your priorities Friday 11 January 2008 component of the programme and goals? What are your Saturday 12 January 2008 is the Springboard ambitions and how will you Thursday 13 March 2008 Workbook—you will be given achieve them? a free copy of this specially- You will be expected to written book to work through Workshop 3 attend all four workshops, in your own time. and to stick with whichever

timetable you choose. Offers practical help with the goal setting and action What will I gain from planning needed to achieve Springboard? your ambitions. You will also How do I apply? practice assertive behaviour, You will learn how to: positive communication and To join this year’s active listening. Programme, just complete - Value what you’ve got going the application form on: Sponsored by for you and build on your Workshop 4 strengths www.admin.cam.ac.uk/ - Develop the self Focuses on networking and offices/personnel/equality/ Confidence to make things the presentation skills springboard happen needed to promote a positive - Be assertive and image. We then review the communicate effectively entire programme and dis- Application deadline - Set and achieve your own cuss how to continue beyond Friday 9 November 2007 goals the workshops, into your - Plan for your future career future.

The Springboard Programme is free to you as an undergraduate For more information, see www.admin.cam.ac.uk/offices/personnel/equality/springboard

What is Navigator? Workshop 1 Navigator Schedule Navigator is a Personal Introduces you to the 2007—2008 Development Programme Navigator programme—its that has been specifically aims, objectives and There will be one Navigator designed for men under- methods. The workshop also Programme running this graduates at the University of introduces the concepts of academic year. Cambridge. Navigator personal learning styles, enables each man to analyse types of intelligence, The workshops will be held his goals and then set the communication and feedback on the following four dates: agenda for both his career skills. and personal life. Workshop 2 Monday 03 December 2007 Thursday 10 January 2008 What does Navigator This workshop asks you: Friday 11 January 2008 involve? what are your values? What Friday 14 March 2008 does it mean to be male in The Navigator Programme modern culture? What are the consists of four one-day qualities of good leadership? You will be expected to workshops. A second, key attend all four workshops. component of the Programme Workshop 3 is the Personal Journal, which will help you take stock of This workshop considers your life and support you models of politics, power and practically in making things authority; how to gain How do I apply? happen. recognition; emotional Intelligence; assertive To join this year’s behaviour and positive com- Programme, just complete What will I gain from munication. the application form on: Navigator? Workshop 4 www.admin.cam.ac.uk/ offices/personnel/equality/ Navigator will give you the Sponsored by navigator tools you need to: The final workshop covers ways to look to the future, -understand and build on your action planning and goal learning style setting, as well as effective Application deadline - put your stills into action networking. The Programme Friday 9 November 2007 - influence and negotiate; closes with an evaluation of give and receive feedback the progress you have made - be confident and gain so far. recognition -plan for your future career

The Navigator Programme is free to you as an undergraduate For more information, see www.admin.cam.ac.uk/offices/personnel/equality/navigator Careers Service event

Consultancy Event 2007

Consultancy is an important career destination for Cambridge graduates. 40 consultancy firms will be on hand to discuss career opportunities. This year you will find a wide range of consulting firms including

Business and Professional Services Engineering and Manufacturing Technology (including IT) Economic and Actuarial Health Care, Transport Media, Retail as well as Strategy Consulting

Tuesday 9th October, 13.00 to 18.00 University Centre, Granta Place, Mill Lane, Cambridge

For full details of participating organisations click on the Consultancy Event in the termly diary via www.careers.cam.ac.uk

Entry is restricted to current University of Cambridge students (and recent alumni) – bring your University id card with you to this event A cumulative, depersonalised attendance level from different years and courses allows us to improve our events in the future. Personal data will not be passed to anyone outside the University

Careers Service event

Banking and Finance Event 2007

Banking and Finance is an important career destination for Cambridge graduates. Over 65 financial organisations will be on hand to discuss the wide range of career opportunities available.

Accountancy (including Forensic Accountancy), Actuarial, Asset Management & Investment Management, Commodity & Derivatives Trading, Corporate Banking, Equity Research, Financial news & data, Finance & Technology Development, Further Study & Professional Bodies, Hedge Funds, Independent Financial Advisers, Insurance & Re-insurance, Investment Banking, Regulatory & Public Sector Bodies.

Wednesday 10th October, 13.00 to 18.00 University Centre, Granta Place, Mill Lane, Cambridge

For full details of participating organisations click on the Banking and Finance Event in the termly diary via www.careers.cam.ac.uk

Entry is restricted to current University of Cambridge students (and recent alumni) – bring your University id card with you to this event A cumulative, depersonalised attendance level from different years and courses allows us to improve our events in the future. Personal data will not be passed to anyone outside the University Applications are now open for the position of editor of the STRATEGY MARKETING Mays 16. ORGANISATION LEADERSHIP ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT Interested candidates should INNOVATION email [email protected] for more information

the e the mays �� Students are welcome to attend an mays ��the �� information session on strategy consulting ys th a hosted by Monitor Group consultants with year of the Mays anthology, �� This is the 15 m s drinks and a buffet th year ofshowcasing the Mays anthology, the best new writing by students from the Universities of Oxford and Cambridge. This is the 15 Previous collections have included early work showcasing the bestby new Zadie writing Smith, by students Nick Laird and Robert McFarlane. West Lodge and Maitland Rooms from the Universities of Oxford and Cambridge. Downing College, Cambridge Previous collections have includedThis year’s early selections work are made by by Zadie Smith, Nick Laird and RobertSean O’Brien McFarlane. and Colm Tóibín. Wednesday 10th October 2007 This year’s selections are made by Sean O’Brien and Colm Tóibín. guest edited by sean o’brien and colm tóibín Between 7-10pm guest editedseano’brien by colm tóibínand

Please register your attendance by email. Applications are by CV and covering letter emailed to Helena Doherty. [email protected]

Deadline for applications: Wednesday 14th November 2007 guest editors ors guest editors sean o’brien n £4.99 ie £4.99 sean o’brien colm tóibín bín colmcolm tóibíntói

Varsity are currently looking for editors and designers for the University of Cambridge Graduation Yearbook 2008. If you want to get involved, please email [email protected] Friday October 5 2007 Listings Editors: Josh Farrington, Verity Simpson varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWListings 33

fi l m theatre music other going out 24 Hour Party People Medea Maps Henrik Håkansson: Adam Ficek Fri 5 Oct - Sat 6 Oct Wed 10 Oct - Sat 13 Oct Fri 5 Oct Three Days of the Sunday 7 Oct Arts Picturehouse, 22.10 Cambridge Arts Theatre, The Soul Tree, 20.00, £7 Condor Fez, 21.00-02.00 Providing some context for 14.30, 19.45, £10-20 Some people call might be call- Sat 29 Sept - Sun 18 Nov, the new Anton Corbijn biopic If it hasn’t already sold out, ing it “nu-gaze”, but then again, Kettle’s Yard of Joy Division frontman Ian Euripides’ Medea will be the some people are idiots. What this Henrik Håkansson’s fi rst Curtis, Control (see below), highlight of this week’s, and is, is epic swooning electronica major UK exhibition presents this hilarious 2004 fi lm from possibly this year’s theatre made with a pop-rock sensibility, new and recent works about Michael Winterbottom shows performances. It promises and it’ll be ruddy fantastic. birds whose survival is endan- us the life and times of the raw emotion; after all, the gered, drawing on their recently late, great music main protagonist does kill her isolation, vulnerability and impresario, TV presenter and children. In previous years, beauty. In fi lm, sound works pick founder of Factory Records, the Greek play has been and sculptural installations, he Tony Wilson. Played with known to induce an unsuspect- combines scientifi c systems of of great aplomb by Steve ing audience member to vomit observation and communica- Drummers have a bad Coogan, and featuring cameos at the sight of Oedipus’ self tion with a visual language reputation for being the from the people who actually mutilation. Maybe you should that frequently makes refer- butt of every joke, especial- lived it up in “Madchester”, read the Penguin edition, just ence to popular fi lm and music ly if they’re in Babysham- the it transports you back to to prepare yourself. It’s in culture. bles. But on Sunday Adam the time when Joy Division, ancient Greek, which will be Ficek, the stick man behind the Happy Mondays and the fascinating for those taking Pete Doherty, comes into week Smiths ruled the music world. Classics, but fear not, there his own to play a live DJ set And lets face it, those were will be subtitles too. This only at Fez. Expect Indie/Elec- proper good days. comes around once every tro/Rock, expect a good three years, so don’t miss out. night all round. friday 24 Hour Party People The Winter’s Tale Maps Henrik Hakansson: Three The Get Down Arts Picturehouse, 22.10 ADC Theatre, 19.45 Soul Tree, 19.00, £7 Days of the Condor The Soul Tree £4 before 11 Control Wham Bam - Footlights Mercury-nominated bedroom Kettle’s Yard, 11.30 - 17.00 Shut Up And Dance! Arts Picturehouse, 13.00, National Tour shoegaze. Wicked. The Gentle Art: Friends and The Union Society, 15.30, 18.00, 20.30, 23.00 ADC Theatre, 23.00 Stangers in Whistler’s Prints 21.00-01.00 Two Days in Paris Cymbeline Fitz’ Museum, 10.00 - 17.00 Free for one night only, Arts Picturehouse, 16.00 Cambridge Arts Theatre 19.45 happy hour all night. Nice. saturday 524 Hour Party People The Winter’s Tale Laura Marling Organ Recital Instinct Arts Picturehouse, 22.10 ADC Theatre, 14.30, 19.45 Barfl y 19.30, £5 King’s College Chapel, 18.30 The Soul Tree, £6 before11 Control Wham Bam - Footlights “Wow shes so pretty and has The Gentle Art: Friends and Use yours, and steer clear. Arts Picturehouse, 13.00, National Tour such a neat voice”, says the Stangers in Whistler’s Prints The Indie Thing 15.30, 18.00, 20.30, 23.00 ADC Theatre, 23.00 Youtube idiot. He might be Fitz’ Museum, 10.00 - 17.00 Kambar, 20.00 - 03.30 £5 Two Days in Paris Cymbeline right though. Isn’t indie dead yet? Arts Picturehouse, 16.00 Cambridge Arts Theatre 19.45 sunday 6 And When did you Last See Romeo and Juliet Maximo Park Ethiopian Encounters Adam Ficek Your Father? Pembroke College New Cel- Corn Exchange, 19.30, £16.50 Fitz’ Museum, 10.00 - 17.00 Fez, 21.00 - 02.00 Arts Picturehouse, 12.15, lars, 14.30, 19.30 Hadouken! The watercolours of Sir Wil- Go for the craic, stay for 14.30, 19.00, 21.10 The Pembroke Players bring The Junction, 19.30, £10 liam Cornwallis Harris. How the crack. Inland Empire their Japanese tour on home Neon-rave-grime-blah-blah-blah. cool a name is that? Arts Picturehouse, 12.00 with dueling and drag. Yikes. monday 7 Control Romeo and Juliet The Mexicolas Kendo Open Day and Intro Renacimiento Arts Picturehouse, 13.00, Pembroke College New Cel- Barfl y, 19.30, £5.50 Course The Soul Tree, 22.00 - 03.00 15.30, 18.00, 20.30 lars, 19.30 I know nothing about this band. Homerton College, 19.00 - £4 The Singer Lucky dip, then. 21.00 International student night. Arts Picturehouse, 19.00 Japanese Swordmanship. The clubbing UN. Sort of. Atonement Literally amazing. ArcSoc Launch Party Arts Picturehouse, 13.15,16.30 Kambar, 22.00 - 03.30, £3 tuesday 8Control The Lion, the Witch and the Kula Shaker From Carrying an Umbrella Ebonics Arts Picturehouse, 13.00, Wardrobe The Junction, 19.00, £15 to Changing the Weather Fez, 22.00 - 03.00, £4 15.30, 18.00, 20.30 ADC Theatre, 19.45 The lead singer’s mum was in Keyne’s Lecture Theatre, The Calling The Singer Footlights Smoker Whistle Down the Wind. Fact. King’s, 17.00, Booking re- Kambar, 21.00 - 02.00, £4 Arts Picturehouse, 16.15 ADC Theatre, 23.00 Palladium quired. Gothic/Industrial/EBM/80’s Primary Colours Portland Arms, 20.00, £5 I’m going for the Rihanna Do you wear guy-liner? Arts Picturehouse, 13.30 jokes. You’ll like this then. wednesday 9Control The Lion, the Witch and the Seth Lakeman Public Talks and Observing Melamondo Arts Picturehouse, 13.00, Wardrobe The Junction, 19.00, £12 Institute of Astromony, 19.15 Fez, 22.00 - 03.00, Students 15.30, 18.00, 21.00 ADC Theatre, 19.45 Insert your own “folk off” joke - 21.00 free before 11 Atonement Alcock Improv here. The Gentle Art: Friends and Tayo@FunkDaBar Arts Picturehouse, 16.30 ADC Theatre, 23.00 Stangers in Whistler’s Prints Emma Bar, 20.30-00.15, £5 The Singer Medea Fitz’ Museum, 10.00 - 17.00 on the door, £4 in advance Arts Picturehouse, 11.00,20.45 Cambridge Arts Theatre,19.45 thursday 10 Beau Travail The Lion, the Witch and the Editors From Delight to Disaster: Scratch Perverts Arts Picturehouse, 17.00 Wardrobe Corn Exchange, 19.30, £16.50 How Big Business Plays Fast Fez, 22.00 - 03.00, £7 Atonement ADC Theatre, 19.45 Most likely sold-out anthemic and with Disaster Freak Off Arts Picturehouse, 18.15 Alcock Improv moaning. Fitzwilliam College Audito- La Raza, 21.00 - 03.00 The Singer ADC Theatre, 23.00 rium, 18.00 £2 before 10, £3 before 11 Arts Picturehouse, 20.45 Medea Funk and Hip-Hop from 11 Cambridge Arts Theatre,19.45 the S.U.AD. stable. More Film... Currently recieving rave reviews Freeform Five live tro pioneer Mylo. With the Electro from many critics (focusing on the boom propelling Freeform Five Control performance of newcomer Sam Tuesday 9th October into the charts and ensuring their Arts Picturehouse, Riley in the role of the troubled Soul Tree 21:00 - 03:00 worldwide popularity it’s quite Various times icon), it’s a powerful evocation of a £5 Advance tickets (available a coup to have them drop by man, a band, and a whole period of from Ta Bouche on Market Cambridge (between U.S. and Have you been and seen 24 Hour history, shot in a beautiful mono- Passage) European tours no less) and Party People yet? If so, now’s the chrome by photographer turned for only £5 with an advance time to go see this and get the director Anton Corbijn. You know that song, the one ticket it’s also a frikkin’ steal. real story. Haven’t seen it? Well, you’re always hearing in Part of the fantastic line up there are other ways to research clubs, but you don’t know of S.U.A.D. events dominat- the fi lm. Buying Joy Division’s the name of it? It has this ing Cambridge nightlife this (recently re-released) Unknown awesome distorted synth term including Fingathing Pleasures and Closer would be bass sound that gets people live, C2C and Krafty Kuts in a good start, especially since the really fi red up. Well it’s called November. DJ support comes songs on these albums are as reso- ‘No More Conversations’ by from Sam I Am of the legendary nant with this dark issues behind Freeform Five, a fi ercely addic- Priory nights. singer Ian Curtis’ life as this biopic tive track born of a collaboration ever can be. between the band and fellow Elec- We hope that you’re enjoying university life, having worked so hard to get here. As one of the world’s leading global financial firms, we are interested in talented, motivated individuals like you who are committed to excellence in everything they do.

Open to first-year undergraduates (or second year of a four-year degree), the UBS Academic Sponsorship Programme offers financial support throughout your university career, as well as opportunities to explore our world through mentoring, networking and internships.

Apply to the programme and impress us with your ideas. Find out more at www.ubs.com/ academicsponsorship With your potential, The online application form is open from our future is in 15 October – 25 November 2007. good hands. It starts with you.

16863_Varsity_Advert:Layout 1 24/9/07 12:07 Page 1

© UBS 2007. All rights reserved.

Unconventional Interested in a career in Law?

Come and chat informally with partners, trainees and graduate recruitment over a drink and a bite to eat. We can tell you all about work experience and training contracts with SJ Berwin LLP.

Join us on: Monday 15 October 2007 from: 12.30 pm - 2.30 pm at: Pizza Express, 71 Jesus Lane, Cambridge

To register please e-mail: E [email protected]

For other enquiries: T +44(0)20 7111 2268 www.sjberwin.com Convert the wine glasses into a house by rearranging six blocks

Berlin Brussels Frankfurt London Madrid Milan Munich Paris Turin SJ Berwin LLP is a limited liability partnership registered in England no OC313176 Friday October 5 2007 Send in your problems varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWLifestyle 35

Auntie Amy Alex Englander talks to Solves your problems Madame le Claire

Dear Amy, ing about anger Dear Madame Le Claire, Dear Madame Le Claire, Some advice would be appreciated management A rather sensitive issue. The winter My partner and I were recently on two things: fi rstly how to curb may be a months are fast approaching in a restaurant where everyone’s my vicious temper and then how to good step. and the cold tends to have a dining experience was ruined by a make some friends. I have trouble Simple pretty downsizing effect on my screaming baby. The parents were tolerating other people’s habits, things like manhood which barely makes an blithely unconcerned as were the conversation and general presence. being aware of the physi- impression on my trousers. I know staff, and our fellow diners merely I tend to become quickly frustrated cal conditions which may it shouldn’t bother me, but I do like grimaced. Given that this was the and am usually tempted to hit out prompt anger is important. Over- to cut a robust fi gure in public as kind of establishment where one verbally (or at least physically). Con- tiredness, hunger, sexual frustra- well as in private. Have you any is paying for a somewhat more sequently I have few companions, tion, hormonal changes and cravings recommendations? refi ned evening, what would have only three Facebook friends (family for addictive substances (such as GF, Fitz been the correct etiquette for such members included) and too much alcohol, nicotin and caffeine) won’t a situation? time to devote to my studies. Please help your situation one jot. But The obvious solution would be GHJ, Pembroke help. (and not to be rude dear) although woolly briefs. But if you’re seeking Jennifer considering these factors may help, a more direct approach, beware the You’ve probably noticed that the it sounds to me like your anger will malodorous. Where I come from, the circumference of the standard Jennifer dear, need more psychological attention. gentlemen who adopted the usual bread roll is an exact match for Getting hold of self-help books ploys of shoving down a cucumber that of the standard infant mouth What a pickle! I am sorry. Not to is usually wise. There’s a series of wrapped in tin foil, a sock fi lled at full stretch. It’s just small worry though, we won’t straighten absolutely golden guides which use with haricots verts, a half bottle of enough to fit and just wide enough this out completely, but we will cognitive behavioural techniques. Chateau Petrus 1945 etc. were all- for the baby to be able to remove try. It sounds like you connect Another possibility is visiting the too-unaware of the high likelihood it only with extreme and painful your struggles to make friends lovely team at the University’s coun- of rapid decomposition and difficulty. Other customers will with that raging irritability of selling service. Give them a tinkle fermentation. Your best bet would be applaud your pacifying insertion, yours. Although this may not be a on 01223 33285 or try their website tighter trousers with a loose aioli to and if the parents protest, use the complete explanation, it’s at least (www.counselling.cam.ac.uk). ease the chaffi ng. exact same technique on them, a good starting point. You’d prob- Now, it’s important not to let and reach for the nearest bottle of ably benefit from a quick round of your thoughts get you too bogged Matteus Rose, standard size. this wonderful game I’ve invented down and gloomy. I shan’t tell you Dear Madame Le Claire, myself called ‘Piecing Apart The to pull your socks up, but I will add A couple of months into our Dear Madame Le Claire, Don’t get Process Of Your Reactions As This that it’s another worthy exercise to relationship my boyfriend joined me wrong, I’m immensely fond May Help You Decipher What Goes spend time concentrating on your a church and ‘found himself.’ It’s of my boyfriend. It’s just that he’s Wrong Every Time You Hit A Spot positive character traits. You must pretty obvious that his increasing way too touchy feely. Sometimes Of Temper Trouble’ (for 1 player). have some. And you mentioned religiosity is matched by an I just want to throw him off me Begin by thinking back on one that you do have a few friends, so increasing physical reticence, or pierce his liver with a cutlass or two occasions when someone try thinking about the reasons why and I can’t help thinking that he bayonet. How can I let him know made you angry in the way you they like you. What do you bring to might see me as some demonic how I feel without hurting his described. Think firstly about the these relationships? What are your distraction. What should I do? feelings? typical triggers, next how they strengths and the things about CT, Jesus College RY, King’s made you feel, how exactly you yourself which you’re proud of? If reacted and then finally why you you’ve found that your friends are Few people are aware of the fact, If you’re sure that you want to keep think all this happened. By tracing mostly family members, have you but back when we were courting him (though Madame Le Claire these patterns and picking every- considered whether you’re more in Provence, Monsieur Le Claire would by now have skipped the thing apart, you’ll not only better suited to company from different was a lapsing Catholic priest who bayonet and gone straight for the understand yourself, but you’ll also age groups? Your peers aren’t your needed a little help along the way. AK47) then desperate measures win the entire game with great only options. And many of them are I would leave a sample of humanist seem in order. Smother yourself ease. so annoying, aren’t they? Consider literature on his pillow every week in something that’s bound to repel Do bear in mind though that it joining clubs or visiting new places and, before long, he came to defrock him and simply take a shower is perfectly normally to feel an- where you’re more likely to meet me regularly. A word of warning when you’re ready to get closer. noyed by others’ behaviour. Traffic and get to know a variety of nice though: keep the humanism light May I recommend a beautiful jams, cats, and discovering your people. And do remember that not and fl uffy (Richard Dawkins will soupe à l’ail, a classic recipe for milk or quinoa’s missing from the everyone has a vast number of do). A friend of mine to whom I which is to be found in Escoffier’s communal kitchen are daily irrita- friends; many are better suited to offered the same advice left her Ma Cuisine? Incidentally, don’t try tions that most of us react to in less companionship as they prefer partner a copy of Thus Spake this in France since it will have some way. It’s the different types of to spend time alone doing whatever Zarathustra. He woke up in the the opposite effect; especially in behavioural responses to these oc- they feel like, all that choice! middle of the night screaming ‘God upper Bordeaux where Monsieur currences that determine whether Hope you’re feeling better already, is dead!’ and ran out the house. She Le Claire’s cousin, Emile, runs your anger is dysfunctional. If you With warmest wishes, hasn’t heard from him since. a brothel that thrives on the think that your reactions are easily Aunty Amy identical technique. triggered or too prolonged, think-

Later that day... Living together is say going to be so If only she knew CAM much fun this year! what I’m really Street thinking about...

WOw, Lee’s looking really good today... You never want to spend time with me anymore. You’re obsessed with football. The 2nd years are looking forward to a new year on Camsay Street. No one does cinema like MAKE A grafton centre • cambridge DIFFERENCE! Join a stimulating, home- based plan for our 12-year THE KINGDOM Friday 5 Oct – Thursday 11 Oct old, mildy autistic daughter, (15) (NFT) (2h10) SUPERBAD (15) (2h15) (NFT) Sat/Sun Sat/Sun Only 12.30 Daily 15.10 Only 12.45 Daily 15.25 18.10 20.50 based on the ‘son-rise’ 17.50 20.30 Fri/Sat Late 23.10 Fri/Sat Late 23.50 programme. THE HEARTBREAK KID RUN FAT BOY RUN (12a) (2h) Sat/ Sun Only 13.30 Daily 16.00 18.30 (15) (2h20) (NFT) We would like to ask you to Sat/Sun Only 11.20 Daily 14.20 21.10 17.20 20.10 Fri/Sat Late 23.00 THE SIMPSONS MOVIE (PG) (1h50) work for 2-4 hours a week Sat/Sun Only 10.10 CONTROL HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER (for six months). (15) (2h25) (NFT) OF THE PHOENIX (12a) (2h50) Sat/ No experience needed; Sat/Sun Only 12.00 Daily 14.50 Sun Only 10.20 We are the leading supplier to colleges, May Balls and student socs 17.40 20.40 Fri/Sat Late 23.30 SURFS UP (PG) (1h45) Sat/Sun Only full training given. 10.40 £6 an hour. and parties. Party wines from £2.99, over 200 single malts, Port, MICHAEL CLAYTON (15) (2h20) HALLOWEEN (18) (2h10) (NFT) Fri/ Make the call: Madeira, Claret, Absinthe, cans of lager. (NFT) Sat/Sun Only 12.55 Daily 15.35 Sat Late 23.40 If you can drink it, we sell it. (Not Tues) 18.20 21.20 THE BRAVE ONE (18) (2h25) (NFT) Tel: 01223 248622 ATONEMENT (15) (2h25) Daily 14.10* Fri/Sat Late 23.20 Make a difference! Free glass loan, free delivery, generous discounts, wholesale 17.10* 19.55* accounts available for all CU bodies, socs, clubs etc. I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU, CHUCK SUBTITLED PERFORMANCE: AND LARRY (12a) (2h15) (NFT) Sat ATONEMENT (15) (2h25) Sun 14.10* Double-or-Quits your student discount with our Trivial Pursuit Only 11.30 Daily 14.30 17.30 20.20 Tues 19.55* challenge. No conferring, bickering or face-pulling. book now on 08712 240 240 or online at www.myvue.com Branches at King’s Parade, Magdalene Bridge and Mill Road. Edinburgh too. www.cambridgewine.com

bar room bar Corn Exchange Street, Cambridge CB2 3QF

£5.50

Want to advertise your event here? Want [email protected] any 12” pizza, wrap or salad 12-4and everyday a drink

4 0 do Let’s B 0 e 0 ne 1 t 31 St 3 ree 22 lunch t ∙ :01 Ca N T mbridge ∙ CB2 3Q FRESHERS’ WEEK SPECIAL! Delicious Hot Toasted MODELS REQUIRED Ciabatta/Baguette For life drawing, £11 per hour + (inexperienced models welcome) Cappuccino/Hot Chocolate Contact: Mr Kourbaj, Visual Art Centre, See our special £3.50 Christ’s College. student deal Available from 8am to 12pm For more information please email on page 6 01/10/07 to 07/10/07 [email protected] Games & puzzles Varsity crossword no. 470 Kakuro Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total in 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1-9, and never 17. To re-evaluate sins I came? (9) use a number more than once per run (a number may reoccur 19. Nun is ill, queasily expelling in the same row in a separate run). last chemical (7) 20. Conscript is devil about ship COMPETITION 9 10 (7) Win a pair of tickets to the Arts Picturehouse 5 9 10 4 22. Angry after Penny said “mix- Re-arrange the letters by rotating the discs to create six 8 4 separate six-letter words leading in to the centre. Email your up is insulting” (11) answer to [email protected] 14 23. Try writing (5) 3 13 24. White in the room or pink? (9) 11 12 13 14 DRINKS 10 Down 14 18 1. Simple sounding tool (5) B GARETH MOORE 2. In goal, leg rose quickly (7) S 11 R 15 16 17 3. Cut back endless resolve (5) A 4 12 11 4. Puts down, for example, in G I 16 4 N 18 recounts (9) R 5. Having strata, set about turn- U P 7 17

Y H C H N

19 20 21 22 23 A

ing boy (7) C R

K A www.puzzlemix.com / MADE BY www.puzzlemix.com Y P A H G

6. Sister involved in money sticki- Y

D

24 ness? (11) A

S

7. Angry epic composed in praise L

A

25 26 27 (9) E Hitori

R 10. Points following initially ruin- O Shade in the squares so that no number occurs more than once

per row or column. Shaded squares may not be horizontally or W ing of gold business: you report- K vertically adjacent. Unshaded squares must form a single area. edly made a racket (11) 12. Pare off laboriously letters 28 29 30 initial, natural action to emerge EDELSHAIN MADE BY ADAM 1 6 7 2 3 6 5 (9) 13. Remember about small, small 6 2 6 3 6 7 6 church (9) Sudoku 31 32 16. Lazily under sun in mediocre The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the 2 4 3 1 4 5 7 fashion (7) digits 1 through 9 exactly once. 18. Throw out fruit after start of imperfections (7) 4 1 5 1 7 7 2 Across 11. Limited viewing: urn in 20. Angry, that is, about traitor 4 3 5 2 GARETH MOORE 1. Mess around boy and a lady, we Greece is exhibiting strange (5) 8 9 1 5 6 3 4 3 6 5 6 1 7 hear (9) expression (7) 21. Time Rosemary reportedly 5. Adore city dog (3,2) 12. Wealthy man forms a port accompanied wise men (5) 7 5 1 5 2 5 3 8. Angry beginning, ultimately cult? On the contrary (9) take girl around state in a sweet 14. Distract the German about Set by Fafnir 8 1 9 2 6 4 4 6 7 6 3 1 fashion (11) alien (5) / MADE BY www.puzzlemix.com 9. Angry, confused, deranged… 15. Repeats tape run backwards 3 1 (endless) (7) (5) 5 7 2 4 3 GARETH MOORE Last week’s solutions

12 10 6 2 3 9 4 7 8 5 1 1 5 1 4 1 1 3 6 5 1 5 9 8 6 1 3 7 2 4 4 1 3 4 5 6 7 9 7 1 4 5 2 8 9 3 6 LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS 10 4 1 7 2 10 3 2 3 5 4 8 6 1 7 9 1 7 1 2 4 3 1 ACROSS: 1. INVENTOR, 5. WEASEL, 9. DEPRESS, 10. MASONIC, 11. GODLY, 13. GLOOM, 14. PAN, 15. YACHT, 16. SYSTEMS, 19. PAYBACK, 22. SOUND, 25. LSD, 7 1 6 10 7 2 1 4 7 6 1 9 5 2 8 3 2 3 7 4 6 5 5 5 4 8 2 9 6 10 12 9 9 8 1 3 7 2 6 4 5 26. BUNNY, 27. PIANO, 28. GRIMILY, 29. ARSENAL, 31. ECHOES, 32. EDUCATOR. 3 2 7 10 7 2 5 4 2 6 5 2 5 6 3 6 2 8 5 1 4 9 7 DOWN: 1. INDIGO, 2. VAPIDLY, 3. NÉE, 4. ON SIGHT, 6. EPSOM, 7. SYNAPSE, 8. LOCH NESS, 10. MOORS, 12. YUCCA 2 3 1 1 4 7 2 3 9 5 6 8 1 6 5 7 2 3 4 8 6 2 3 8 1 7 8 5 9 7 6 4 3 1 2 6 5 2 3 1 4 5 www.puzzlemix.com / MADE BY www.puzzlemix.com Sport editor: Simon Allen & George Towers Friday October 5 2007 38 SPORT [email protected] varsity.co.uk/sport

Gamblers Back in Blue and on the attack Unanimous » Blues footballers hope to complete a historic Varsity treble

Ed Peace & Sean Burt Niall Rafferty Football Correspondent The new term is now underway and We’ve fi nally peeled ourselves off our inboxes are full with messages the ceiling following the success of last week’s banker and long from clubs, societies and sports shot. Despite David James’s best teams alike. It is easy to forget that efforts in the Portsmouth goal to as well as the Rugby and Rowing gift Reading their fi rst away win commitments, our national game of the season, Pompey ran out gets underway this week, with the comfortable winners and got our return to action of the Men’s foot- weekend off to a fl ying start. It ball Blues in the BUSA league af- was then all over to Frankie Det- ter their second straight victory in tori as his gallant efforts aboard the Varsity match earlier this year. Ramonti sent us to the college bar Yet the indifference towards the with our wallets bulging. University football team amongst The fi rst of two racing selec- many students here is clearly vis- tions this week takes us across ible. As Wednesday saw their fi rst the channel to Longchamp, where we’ll be hoping Authorized can land the spoils in the prestigious PlayerWatch Prix de l’Arc de Triomphe. The race traditionally pits European »Jamie Young nations’ best performers against each other in a showdown worth »Matt Baxter over 1 million euros for the even- Positions: tual winner. Though the contest Left midfi eld/defence has been dominated by the French in recent years, our British raider Why watch them? looks set to run a big race and, Both are very capable of open- provided the pace is strong, he ing up play down the left and should be capable of conquering are naturally suited to that the native challengers. Authorized side. They give the team more has only been beaten in one of his dynamism out wide with pace last fi ve starts and we’ll be steam- and trickery in spades. ing into the 6-4 being offered by those ever-generous bookmakers. Captain’s Report: For the long shot we go up “They both have a good left the road to Newmarket, where foot and they are improving Pipedreamer is looking to record all the time.” his fourth win of the season in the Cambridgeshire Handicap. We will be placing faith in the fi xture of the season: a friendly old racing saying, ‘the bigger the against Nottingham at Cats’ pitch- fi eld, the bigger the certainty,’ as es. The only disappointing thing over thirty horses are likely to about the afternoon was the dis- line up for the contest. That said, tinct lack of support for the boys in the colt is held in high regard by blue. After a mid table fi nish last his trainer and he should be able season, Anthony Murphy is keen to swallow up the fi eld with his for his side to take their Varsity trademark late run. There is a form into the league campaign. chance he will fi nd traffi c during The early signs are good. A fi ne the race as a result of the fi eld display of passing football saw his size, so it’s worth chucking on a side come away with a creditable few quid each way just to be safe. Our football betting turns to 1-1 draw against a team from a Craven Cottage, where Fulham higher division. With a few play- and Portsmouth will do battle ers playing out of position and only on Sunday afternoon. Although the captain remaining from last years defensive line, Cambridge Harry Redknapp’s side managed STEVE SMITH to put seven goals past Reading took the game to the visitors in Explosive rookie Wayne Redmond has impressed in training and is vying for the right-back spot at the weekend, the Portsmouth the fi rst half and deserved their defence was far from watertight. 1-0 lead at the break after exploit- season preparations told and they ing much of the Varsity line-up, a tory of club football and some who Fulham, under Lawrie Sanchez, were able to equalize twenty min- new crop of Freshers and college have just played for their schools”. are a hard team to beat at home, utes from time. As Murphy stated players need to make the step up The truth is; if you have a bit of as Tottenham, Bolton, and Man “We played football afterwards “We played football to- in order to continue from where talent and you want it enough, City have all discovered this day in every position...It was only the 2007 team left off. Here lies anyone has what it takes to play season. As each transfer window today in every a tactical change in the second half the beauty of football. The Blues football for the University side. closes, the Fulham teamsheet and our lack of fi tness towards the rugby team and the Blues Boat University Trials are this Satur- might look more and more like position” end which made the difference.” boast an impressive array of sport- day at Emma pitches from 10am that of Northern Ireland, but we One thing which is immediately ing accomplishments. ‘The Beauti- until 12pm and home games are should not forget that it was only 12 months ago that this team beat noticeable about Murphy’s side is ful Game’ however, is just so for played at Fenners on Wednesdays Spain 3-2, and 24 months since the ing a weakness on the Nottingham that they try to get the ball down being exactly the opposite. As An- at the same time. If the team is to 1-0 victory over Sven’s England. left to good effect. In the second and play football at every oppor- thony Murphy clearly states: “Our match its potential and continue its Fulham impressively gained a half, the fi tness of a Nottingham tunity. His only concern must be team is made up of some former hegemony over Oxford, then it will point at Stamford Bridge last side two weeks further into pre- his current squad size. After los- county players, some with a his- certainly require more support. weekend, and it is diffi cult to see them letting Portsmouth leave with a more than a point, so wise THE ANORAK Cambridge’s comprehensive fi xtures, tables and results service with Noel Cochrane money is on the draw at 12/5. Results lost 1-4. Hockey. Lacrosse THE BANKER 6-4 Athletics 5/10 University Men’s trials, Wilber- 6/10 Women’s III v Bristol. AUTHORIZED TO WIN PRIX Rugby Union 41st ‘Oxford & Cambridge vs Har- force Road, 2-4pm. Contact stp23. 6/10 Women’s II v Loughborough. st DE L’ARC DE TRIOMPHE £4 Blues v Old Boys, won 29-24. vard & Yale Track and Field, Sir 5/10 University Women’s trials 1 Rugby Union Blues v Trinity College Dublin lost Roger Bannister Track, Oxford round, 12-2pm, Wilberforce Road. 15/10 Blues v Saracens, Grange 11-2 22-38. Cambridge Ben Carne won 400m Contact ncf24. Road. 7.15pm. PREDICTION Kick Boxing Cambridge Humphrey Waddingon 6/10 University Men’s Blues v Rob- Golf PIPEDREAMER TO WIN £2 e.w. Blues v Keio University Japan, won won triple jump. inson, away. 6/10 Cambridge v Little Aston. CAMBS HANDICAP 4-3. 6/10 University Women’s Blues v 7/10 Cambridge v The Wigorns GS. Hockey Fixtures Canterbury II, away. Modern Pentathlon 12-5 THE LONG SHOT Men’s Blues v Ipswich, won 3-2. 7/10 Exeter University v Men’s 6/10 University Squash, Pembroke FULHAM & PORTSMOUTH Women’s Blues v Bury St Ed- Swimming Blues, away. N6, 10.30-12.30 TO DRAW £2 munds, 2-2. 6/10 University team trials, Park- 13/10 Women’s Blues v Wisbech Women’s Blues v Old Loughtonians, side Pools, 6-8pm. Town, away. Friday October 5 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/sport [email protected] SPORT 39

Hockey girls deserved better News from the River »Spirited Blues denied by Bury’s stolid defence

I have made a lot of sacrifi ces for free beer in my time. As a student in the United States it usually required little more than accepting the smell and seediness that accompanied fraternity par- ties. England, however, seems to demand something more in return: such as racing a group of massive Cornish fi shermen, fresh from their respective world champion- ships, in a six man gig down the Cam. Which, I am somewhat puzzled to say, is the position we found ourselves in on Sunday afternoon, when most students in their right mind were sleeping off the effects of their fi rst night back in Cam- bridge. What is a gig? I still am not exactly sure. In the simplest terms possible, it is a ten-meter long craft, more suitable for re- enacting childhood pirate fanta- sies than moving quickly down a river. Needless to say, as soon as we gave up any hope of actually beating our opponent, it became immediately apparent that rowing a gig is far more fun than rowing a RICHARD Cambridge’s Emma Goater cuts inside to beat her marker. Goater provided a constant stream of quality service to the team’s forwards WEST traditional racing shell. If I put a cannon in the Blue Boat, it would CAMBRIDGE captain, “James has really changed regularly threaten, despite the skill make one too many passes in sight of sink. If I put a cannon in our gig, it STANLEY 23, RICKMAN 57 2 the style of our play, bringing in a of Bury’s Left Back, Faye Barrow, goal, meant that the scores remained would look at home. There’s likely much more tactical approach to the who effectively shut off any attack level. Bury kept up their defensive one in there already. BURY ST. EDMUNDS game.” It certainly showed in the from the right. Possession and pres- composure and were quick to coun- But the icing on the cake, as BRANS-ZACHARY 28, POTTER 53 2 match played last Saturday against sure on the opponent’s defence paid ter-attack and seize on errors that previously mentioned, was that Bury St. Edmunds, where Cam- off eventually and chances did start started to creep into the Blues’ game. we were racing for beer! And it Simon Allen bridge displayed a much more ambi- to appear. Having wasted an earlier Cambridge were let off several times didn’t matter if we won or not; our tious and wide-ranging type of hock- opportunity, just before the end of the when they gave the ball away and it sponsor brewery allotted the same Chief Sports Editor ey, deserving better than a 2-2 draw. fi rst half, a well worked short corner took the combined individual abili- amount regardless of outcome. A new year and a new team have After initially being caught off created chaos in the Bury goal mouth ties of Cambridge’s goalkeeper Lucy Which begs the question: why really changed the women’s Hockey guard by Bury, Cambridge recov- and Anna Stanley was able to get the Stapleton and the timely interven- continue on with 180 years of Blues team’s character and style of ered from their early sluggishness last touch as the ball skittered across tions of Rosie Evans at the back, to tradition when we could easily just play, not least because of the intro- and began to win more of the posses- the line. keep their team out of trouble. Their spark up a new rivalry with the duction of new coach James Waters. sion. Some good link up play in the As happened several times during efforts were not enough however to Cornish gig champions? A rivalry According to Tash Fowlie, this year’s midfi eld saw the Blues starting to the match, periods of impressive play keep Bury St. Edmunds’ Naomi Pot- with a prize much more tangible were followed by passages of simple ter from putting the away side ahead and delicious than pride? Ed Cum- errors and a reluctance to close down midway through the half. Suddenly ming’s so-called “defi nitive” guide luckily our defence remains intact, so the opposition in defence. Completely Cambridge found themselves behind, to essential Cambridge experi- Captain’s we’ve got a solid platform to work off. against the run of play, Bury St. Ed- despite having dominated possession ences that graced the pages of last What’s changing this year? munds were allowed to forge right and having played the more ambi- week’s Varsity, might need to be We’ve lost the Varsity match twice in Corner a row now, and Oxford have a strong up to the Blues’ D and win a short tious and technically skilled hockey. amended to include this essential returning side, so changes have had corner, which they dispatched to This seemed to snap them out of pastime. »Sarah Warren to be made. We’re training more as a level the scores just before half time. their day dreaming. Within minutes, On a more serious note, preced- squad, rather than 2 separate teams to the skipper Fowlie, leading by exam- ing Sunday afternoon’s gig race, encourage fi ghting for places. We’ve Women’s Hockey I v Bury St. Edmunds ple, was bringing more width from was our annual triathlon, held at also got a new coach: former England September 29, Wilberforce Road the back and linking up well with 7 am that morning. The triathlon player Jo Moxham, who’ll come once Cambridge: 2 Emma Goater on the wing, who kept is useful as it helps display overall Lucy Stapleton, Rosie Evans, Tash a week and importantly watch all our up a steady supply of deliveries to aerobic ability through a medium Close, Alex Workman, Tash Fowlie matches as well, so we’ll have some the team’s forwards. Such pressure other than rowing. Additionally, feedback. That didn’t happen last (c), Emma Goater, Hannah Rickman, year. Lisa Noble, Merel Alstein,Tash Barnes, fi nally lead to a clever short corner running, swimming and cycling Typical week Anna Stanley, Nicola Gardner, Jenny that allowed Hannah Rickman to don’t require a tremendous Our training is centred around our Stevens. score at the back post. amount of hand-eye coordination, matches on Wednesdays. We train 4 Goals: Stanley 23, Rickman 57 With their heads up, the Cam- a skill seemingly diminished with times a week in different locations. Bury St. Edmunds: 2 bridge girls displayed more hunger every day on the water. If, for ex- But without a university sports centre Faye Barrow, Hannah Bevan, Di for goals but unfortunately this brief ample, the coaches decided instead it sometimes drives me mad, as we’re History Ferrar, Jo Rees, Lucy Brans-Zachary, spell of penetrating play was some- to analyze their new team with constantly trying to fi nd new venues 3rd year undergraduate studying Bella Tew, Karen O’Neil, Naomi Potter, what doused by the dubious disal- a friendly football match, they to train at. Geography and Education at lowance of a winning goal just a few would all likely quit out of fear of Inside track on Oxford Sharon Holton, Ceryl Claydon, Jenny Homerton. Also the President of the Oxford hurt us last year with with Tilling minutes from the death. Quizzed af- losing the Boat Race by a record Women’s Blues committee. their goal shooter: she’s incredibly tall Goals: Brans-Zachary 28, Potter 53. ter the match Tash Fowlie declared margin. For there is a reason we Previous experience and her conversion rate is impressive, herself a little disappointed but hap- all ended up in a boat, and that I started netball when I was 8 and we’re going to have to work out a James Waters, the Cambridge coach py with the way her team had played reason is that we just aren’t good played county for 5 years. I trained way to edge her out of the game. Our in the England development squad certainly had a lot to say during the as a whole. “I think the general level at anything else. We were the kids whole team is fi ercely competitive, and spent my year out in Australia break, as he tried to instil much more of ability across the whole team has who sat on the pitch picking grass and losing twice consecutively has teaching netball in the Nike sports width into his team’s game, conspicu- risen and steadied since last year.” rather than chasing a ball around. hurt. We’ve got the skill to match camp there. ously lacking so far. She did admit “there are still wrin- And that’s about it. I think I Oxford, we just need to sort out our How’s the team looking? The second half was very mixed kles that need ironing out, but at speak for everyone in saying we’re tactics and attitude. We won’t lose this We lost a lot of players at the end of year. from Cambridge: they continued the moment we’re still experiment- all looking forward to the start of last season and we’re hoping to end up Trials are Sunday 7 October at Trinity to dominate possession and spent ing with different styles of play and term, and the ensuing break in our with a squad of 24. So obviously we’re Old Fields at 10am. the majority of the time in their op- I’m confi dent that we’ll sort these current monotony of training. focussed heavily on recruitment. But ponents’ half, but a mixture of over- out before our fi rst BUSA match on Spencer Hunsberger ambition and a tendency to try and October 17.” Friday October 5 2007 varsity.co.uk/sport

HOCKEY Women’s Blues held after impressive performance SPORT Page 39 Blues suffer heavy loss »Cambridge leak fi ve tries to dynamic Dubliners in fi rst home match

CAMBRIDGE Richmond, the game against Trinity was the fi rst of this season’s fl oodlit 22 matches held at Grange Road. TRINITY COLLEGE The game started well for Cam- bridge as Ross Broadfoot kicked an DUBLIN 38 early penalty just a minute into the match, giving Cambridge a useful 3 George Towers point lead. Despite the home side’s Chief Sports Editor scoring start, the early impetus was entirely with Trinity College Dub- The rugby Blues kicked off their lin as their fl y-half, Johnny Watt, season last Sunday with a warm pinned Cambridge back into their up match against previous Blues at own twenty-two. This early pres- Richmond RFC in London. Keen to sure was absorbed well by the Cam- start their build up to the Varsity bridge forwards who denied Trinity Match on the right footing, they put from making the line. Unfortunately in a solid performance against a side for Cambridge, an intercepted pass that, although they may have aged a gave Trinity’s outside-centre Volney little from their Varsity days, had not Rouse his fi rst try of the game. lost any of their fl air or physicality. In response to their early mis- take the Blues fought back. Several Men’s Rugby I v Trinity College hanging high balls put the Trinity Dublin October 2, Grange Road full-back, Paul Gillespie, under pres- sure, although rather than convert Cambridge: 22 pressure into points, the Blues al- Schwikkard, Crossley, Fitzpatrick, lowed the Trinity back three to Boynton, Blaikie, Bartholomew, link up beautifully in a text-book Malaney, Wheble, Blake (C), counterattack, eventually putting Broadfoot, Greenwood, Lewis, Gillespie through to score under the Welwood, Stevenson, Murray posts. Again Cambridge responded Tries: Wheeler with verve as they pushed forward, Conversions: Broadfoot but their backs could not break into Penalties: Broadfoot (5) their opposition’s twenty-two and you got the impression that the Trinity College Dublin: 38 Trinity try-line wasn’t ever going to Murphy, Cunningham, Gethings, be breached. The Blues showed fl ashes of brilliance but periods of carelessness were punished by the Irish side SOPHIE PICKFORD Condren, Young, Cantrell, Young, Midway through the second half Morrow, Burns (C), Watt, Hanratty, the Blues produced a sloppy pas- Donohoe, Rouse, Stafford, Gillespie sage of play as the line-out broke mainly thanks to rampant blind-side his second try of the game, extending Thus far the Blues have faced Tries: Rouse (2), Gillespie (2), down and the backs’ defence al- fl anker Rich Bartholomew, resulted their lead to twenty-three points. several different teams and played Donohoe lowed Trinity’s power runners to in a successfully converted penalty, in widely varying conditions. Of Conversions: Watt (5) push to within striking distance of followed by a second moments later, all their matches so far, Tuesday’s Penalties: Watt the Cambridge line. The Blues were bringing Cambridge to within a try. game against Trinity College Dub- saved from yet more Trinity tries Just as the crowd dared to hope that It was disappointing lin came closest to posing the chal- The Old Boys posed a considerable by some handling errors, which the Blues might claw ahead, Trinity lenge that they will face in several challenge to the Blues, but their dis- brought them some valuable posses- full-back Paul Gillespie scored an to see Cambridge weeks’ time at Twickenham. It was cipline and pre-season training stood sion and allowed them to clear their impressive individual try after chip- allowing their disappointing to see Cambridge al- them well as they outplayed a side lines. Half an hour into the game a ping the ball over the Cambridge de- low their opponents to run so freely that everyone in the crowd thought solitary period of Cambridge pres- fence, collecting it and then scream- opponents to run so with the ball, particularly in their they should beat comfortably. sure, mainly thanks to some heavy ing through to score in the corner. own twenty-two. There is still a The match against the Old Boys hitting by stand-off Ross Broadfoot, In the most dramatic episode of freely with the ball long way to go for the team before was an amicable affair, particular- brought the Blues a penalty. When the match, Ross Broadfoot put in a they reach their peak. However, it ly off the pitch, and can hardly be the Cambridge forwards pulled crunching tackle on Conor Donohoe, is not all negatives for Cambridge. classed as a true test of this year’s down a Trinity line-out in their own Trinity’s inside-centre, sending them Ross Broadfoot excelled himself at Varsity squad. Tuesday night at twenty-two, just moments before both rattling into the left hand post. In a last-ditch attempt to salvage fl y-half and several new players got Grange Road brought the fi rst real the sanctuary of half-time, they Donohoe was awarded the try. Far some respectability, the Blues for- their chance to play for the Blues test for the Blues as they faced a tour- gave away a needless penalty, which from losing their composure, the wards successfully drove over the and experience the intensity of uni- ing side from Trinity College Dublin. extended Trinity’s lead to 11 points Trinity backs continued to dazzle as line. In a brilliant piece of forward versity rugby at its toughest. Next Unlike the harsh tropical climate of at the interval. they displayed immaculate discipline play Joe Wheeler emerged clinging week’s game away at Loughborough Japan, or the social atmosphere of An early fl urry of Blues attacks, in putting Volney Rouse through for to the ball and was awarded the try. will prove similarly diffi cult.