LIFE AS PEDAGOGY: A STORY OF ONTOLOGY AND SELF-AWARENESS by Sharrah Pharr, B.B.A., M.Ed. A dissertation submitted to the Graduate Council of Texas State University in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy with a Major in School Improvement August 2014 Committee Members Approved: Miguel Guajardo, Chair Mike Boone Clarena Larrotta John Oliver COPYRIGHT by Sharrah Pharr 2014 FAIR USE AND AUTHOR’S PERMISSION STATEMENT Fair Use This work is protected by the Copyright Laws of the United States (Public Law 94-553, section 107). Consistent with fair use as defined in the Copyright Laws, brief quotations from this material are allowed with proper acknowledgment. Use of this material for financial gain without the author’s express written permission is not allowed. Duplication Permission As the copyright holder of this work I, Sharrah Pharr, authorize duplication of this work, in whole or in part, for educational or scholarly purposes only. DEDICATION To my son, Townes, the author of my universal soul. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS The world has spoken to me throughout the years in the form of story; however, my soul took a while to craft, to condition, to hear the wisdoms that this life has offered my heart. As I reflected on this journey, from my days of youth where the one hundred year old walls of a country farm home spoke to the wisdoms of modesty, perseverance, work ethic, kindness and resourcefulness; to now, a time in which my son speaks to my heart with his gentle coos and tender moments, I hear, I resonate, and am aware of the story life has to tell me. Each of you has told a story to my heart, and, by means of story we have traveled this journey together. Without your love, guidance, and relationship, our work to inspire the spirit of social constructivism through the craft of story, would not have transpired into this account of our experiences together. This is our work, and I am humbled. There have been many moments of time sacrificed during the wordsmithing of this piece; but know, we have crafted an account for others that validates the essence of story. Together we stand to testify that story begins, story creates, and story educates. Life is story, story is life. From first breath, this world speaks to us, and from first breath, you have spoken to me and I am grateful. To my parents, Hugh and Carolyn, and my sister, Andrea, my days of youth, are the foundation of my country soul. Nestled in the midst of the wise ole oaks, I shared with you a curriculum of family, in a setting where fields of wheat and grasses billowed in the wind, the tastes of home grown tomatoes fell sweet on the tongue, and the sounds v of nature enveloped the soul as the winds whipped the dandelions and floated their dreams into the skies. The simplicities of life are the cornerstones of my existence and it is that sweet simplicity that warms my heart with the truths of togetherness, resourcefulness, hard work, creativity, ambition, aspiration, the value of education and appreciation for family. No matter the endeavor, no matter the barrier to overcome, your strength has rectified life’s struggles and I will forever be grateful. Without your continuous selflessness and understanding this work would not have been a possibility. To my husband and son, we set on this journey together, and there has been much time sacrificed with one another during the process; however, this time is now encapsulated in history, scripted in the black and white of these pages for generations to read. For it is our story, that has inspired its’ creation. The moment you were born, my son, to our family, my heart felt this world for all that it is worth. You have authored a story without pen or paper, without spoken word, just by existence alone. It is a story of endurance, patience, and pedagogy of life that we will share through the ages as mother and son. It is a work that I hope brings light to the fact that our schools need to start with story as praxis for education, with the concept of self as connected to the universe and shared with others; not numbers, assessments and a stoic, bureaucratically created accountability system that disenchants our creativity. Mark, yellow paper says it all. Who knew that an interview at the hamburger stand, a hug by “Stars” and a trip to Port O’ Connor would lead to this? You have been, and still are my inspiration as an educational leader. Your passion for community is vi revered and celebrated. You bleed your soul for this world and it is a better place because of it. Do not relent. You are a witness to my soul indeed, brother. Now finish your paper. Dr. Guajardo, we were sitting at tables positioned along the perimeter of a classroom. You had the class face one another, and with pen in hand, you opened a journal and began to write. I resonated with the power of story in action for the first time that day. You took account of our life as we spoke, you asked for heartfelt reflection and readily, people offered their narratives without hesitation – I had never seen anything like it. Your first words spoken to us as an entire class, felt as though you were personally inviting me to embark on the journey ahead; despite the fact that I felt out of place, as if this moment was beyond my legacy. From there, you have watched me grow in pedagogy, word, action, and soul. You have seen me broken-hearted from love and then build with a community using the same mighty force. You have seen me transition from teacher, to principal, to a student of life. That day in class, you asked, “Where is home?” Now, after several years of navigating this life, I write this dissertation with you. Like a father, you watched me take my first steps with patience, guidance and have led me to a path of self-awareness in a quest to answer that question. I have now come to realize, that, for me, home is the in-between and I find comfort with the unfinished tapestry this world has wrapped around my gypsy soul. You have helped me realize that my story, that which is continuously crafted, and has a collective, synergistic and loving meaning – one that has meaning once spoken. vii I humbly thank my research partners for their contributions towards this work. I also want to thank my committee members, especially Dr. Larrotta, for having provided the space to create, negotiate and make meaning of the spaces between current practice and imagined possibilities. To this world, that encompasses teachers, students, and community, we have a purpose. That purpose is to share our story. And that purpose is only lived out when we engage in conversation and share lovingly, empathetically and courageously, with one another, our account of life. Story educates and has done so for generations past, and will continue to do so for generations to come. When we give of our self through story, we gain the collective identity of ourselves. It is time to ask each other about our lives, and craft our curriculum from the heart; instead of basing it on the numbers that present themselves on academic performance reports. Accountability is the ability to stand affirmed for one’s thoughts, actions and lives; to account, one must have witness. We are each other’s witnesses in this world. We make meaning together. Share your story; co-construct knowledge. Finally, I thank you the reader. For you have now created story together with me, witnessing, experiencing and living as your eyes journey the pages and sift the sea of black and white. I ask that you navigate the pages of this work, making your own interpretation, using your imagination and allowing your mind to render a picture of public education that platforms on the roots of story, self and ontological awareness. viii TABLE OF CONTENTS ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ...................................................................................................v LIST OF FIGURES ........................................................................................................... xi ABSTRACT ..................................................................................................................... xiv OPENING REFLECTION.................................................................................................xv CHAPTER I. THE CONTEXT OF SELF THROUGH STORY ................................................1 Overview of the Dissertation .......................................................................5 An Invitation to Journey ..............................................................................8 Research Questions ......................................................................................9 Utilization of Story to Make Meaning .......................................................10 Articulating the Journey .............................................................................11 Conceptualization of Research Study ........................................................14 Role of Self ...............................................................................................22 II. ONTOLOGY AND SELF-AWARENESS .........................................................24 Theoretical Perspective ..............................................................................30 Symbiosis of Literature, Self and Story .....................................................38 Self-Awareness ..........................................................................................41 Connection to the Universe ........................................................................45