page 2 the paper november 6, 2019

Construction pg. 3 Clown Movies pg. 9 Worst Book Ever pg. 15 Features & Lists pg. 20 Wax pg. 22

the paper “Favorite middle school dance song” c/o Office of Student Involvement Editors-in-Chief Fordham University Jack “Replay” Archambault Bronx, NY 10458 Meredith “NUMB” McLaughlin [email protected] Executive Editor http://fupaper.blog/ Gabby “Low” Curran

the paper is Fordham’s journal of news, analysis, comment and review. Students from all News Editors years and disciplines get together biweekly to produce a printed version of the paper using Christian “Cupid Shuffle” Decker Adobe InDesign and publish an online version using Wordpress. Photos are “borrowed” from Noah “Poker Face” Kotlarek Internet sites and edited in Photoshop. Open meetings are held Tuesdays at 9:00 PM in McGin- Opinions Editors ley 2nd. Articles can be submitted via e-mail to [email protected]. Submissions from Liv “In Da Club” Langenberg students are always considered and usually published. Our staff is more than willing to help Angelina “Bring Me to Life” Zervos new writers develop their own unique voices and figure out how to most effectively convey their thoughts and ideas. We do not assign topics to our writers either. The process is as follows: Arts Editors have an idea for an article, send us an e-mail or come to our meetings to pitch your idea, write Katelynn “Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)” Browne the article, work on edits with us, and then get published! We are happy to work with anyone Ashley “TiK ToK” Wright who is interested, so if you have any questions, comments or concerns please shoot us an e- Earwax Editor mail or come to our next meeting. Marty “Boom Boom Pow” Gatto So, why come write for us? We are a constantly evolving publication, and have been since 1972. We provide an outlet of expression otherwise unavailable to Fordham students. Writers Features & Lists Editor are free to say whatever they want, whenever they want. We are also pretty cool people, to be Zahir “Animals” Quader completely honest. So please come hang out with us. You’ll have a good time, we promise. Copy Chief Katelyn “Just Dance” Cody

our aim Copy Legion the paper is Fordham University’s fully student-run, free speech publication. Our aim is to Nora “Trumpets” Hogan, George “Thrift Shop” Kite challenge our writers and our readers: we want to make you think. We provide an outlet for all students to express themselves, whatever their passion may be. Whether it’s commenting on a social issue, writing a factual news article, making people laugh with a humor piece, composing Contributors a personal narrative, giving advice or ranting about something that makes you feel a certain Omkar Ratnaparkhi, Sebastian Guccione, Rich Shrestha, Julia Tuck, Hope strong way -- we have a place for you. Because of our platform as a free speech newspaper, we Guzzle, Taylor Mascetta, Erin Stehler, Andrew Millman, Destin Piagentini, tend to push the boundaries of university journalism by talking about important social issues, Connor Lutts, Julia Carnevale, dangerbf123, Bitmoji, 123movies, Manny expressing otherwise silenced voices and opinions, addressing Fordham policy and administra- Heffley, The Boss, revolutions, Superhero Dean Rogers, clout, proper spelling tion, and starting serious conversations about what is important to our student body. Here at of “Abigail,” scary high school teachers, theatre, Halloweekend, Dum-Dum the paper, we encourage creativity and uniqueness, spark dialogue and discussion, and foster lollipops, “rise and shine,” Robert Pattinson’s career, opinioons, and viewers a community where students are free to fully express themselves. like you! november 6, 2019 the paper page 3

McGinley Center About to Get a Lot More Awesome by George Kite Contruction on several Fordham buildings is ongoing Staff Architect taking longer than their projected the expansion. floor of Collins has to enter through the Nothing elicits a “bruh” more date of completion. And being in New At Collins Hall, more fences back, but to enter the theater you have than running into construction on one’s York City, known to have an extensive gate construction on the east side of to go through the front, so that makes daily commute. Since the beginning amount of regulation, construction the building. Collins Hall is getting a sense. of the school year, a flurry of heavy can often be impeded for numerous long-due elevator put into it, to much Around Loyola Hall, you can machinery, fluorescent vests, and reasons, for better or for worse. avail. Considering Collins was built also find the trademark green fences fences have been all around Fordham With a bigger and better McGinley, simply to block a planned railroad up. But these fences are up around to University’s Rose Hill campus. Truly, we will have space to expand the and to be an actual building, it is a protect students from a terrifying few chaos reigns supreme when it comes to fitness center as well as a more nightmare for anyone who has difficulty pipes being dug up. In what seems like McGinley center, Collins Hall, and Walsh spacious weight room. A new cafeteria, climbing stairs or has a physical a bit of overkill, a small section of the Library, where construction workers Loyola lawn has been dug up for piping, mill about, the road can be blocked off, but the entirety of the lawn is blocked and all assortments of jackhammers off. I don’t make the rules, but like, it and clanging can be heard. isn’t the end of the world to see a few At McGinley center, things pipes exposed. are poppin’. Although fenced off, you Walsh Library, our beloved can enjoy a wonderful view of rocks, study space at Rose Hill, is also getting dirt, and heavy machinery from the its fair share of construction. Between cafeteria, McGinley second floor, or the library itself and Fordham Road, Hughes Hall upper floors. Perhaps the small bulldozers and construction biggest change that construction has workers have torn up the ground and caused is on Bellarmine road, which installed more pipes. The trees behind runs from the three-way to Fordham the library have miraculously survived Prep, to be blocked off. People walking - for now. While it seems nothing is from any of the freshman dorms like being built, it looks like Walsh is in the Queens Court, South, or Loschert must same boat as Loyola, except with more now walk by the Edgar Allan Poe way work being done. and Old Elm road in order to get to the With the construction around cafeteria, the gym, and the post office. campus, it seems that campus is no It has perhaps caused a much greater longer a peaceful respite in New York pain for Fordham Prep, considering City. Fordham students now have to Prep students must now be dropped wake up to the reality that construction off at the entrance by swerving around follows you everywhere, and that there university students and cars in a one- is no escape from it. It seems like the way road accommodating two lanes. idyllic green oasis that Fordham has All the construction at McGinley cultivated has gone; yet, one must note is for the expansion of McGinley center, complete with more space for students disability. Accessibility for disabled that construction, as long is may seem due some time in 2021, that will expand to sit. New spaces for clubs and people is an important priority in urban to stick around, will eventually be done the gym, cafeteria, and ballroom. activities, ideally with a space for the areas, where buildings and cities are with. Construction, while a nuisance for Currently, the construction is putting paper to host extravagant production planned without giving thought to students, faculty, groundskeeping, and pipes and other utilities underground, parties with catering and a ball pit. But people in wheelchairs or crutches, Fordham cats, is just another part of in preparation for the extended spaces. we won’t see the finished product of all making living or working in certain life that elicits the saying “Just grin and Whether or not the construction is the construction for another 2 years. areas impossible. On a strange note, bear it.” finished by 2021 remains to be seen And there is still a lot to be built - there the construction means that anyone - construction projects often end up isn’t even a concrete foundation yet for wanting to enter the basement or first page 4 the paper november 6, 2019 The Trump Administration’s Syria Policy by Omkar Ratnaparkhi Making a Quagmire out of a Quagmire Middle East Correspondent troops were immediately withdrawn from lives. As of October 14th Turkish deny access of the valuable resource to On October 6th the Trump the area. On October 11th news reports aerial bombardment of various SDF ISIS militants. Many are skeptical of the Administration drastically modified its emerged of American Special Forces controlled prisons has allowed over President’s claims due to the fact that the policy on the U.S. Military presence in troops almost being wounded by Turkish 1000 of the 10000 ISIS prisoners President has also expressed interest in Syria. The Trump Administration allowed artillery strikes in the city of Kobani that of war to escape from prison. At this the investment of American oil companies Turkey to take a more aggressive role was near an outpost of American advisors. point, the Trump administration’s in Syria. Despite the President’s clear in Kurdish-held territories backed by American special operations forces policies became widely scrutinized conflicts of interests, many foreign policy American troops, and also withdrew have remained close to or near various by both sides of the aisle as both experts are quick to point out that the oil American troops from key locations in SDF bases. The U.S. Military, realizing Republicans and Democrats believed fields have been the greatest source of Kurdish-held Syria. Despite the success the imminent danger of such strikes, that abandoning the Kurdish SDF, income for various terrorist organizations of the raid that killed ISIS leader Abu immediately ramped up the withdrawal America’s greatest ally in the region in the past. If the oil fields are not Bakr al-Baghdadi, many foreign policy process. On October 13th, Secretary could only lead to the Islamic State destroyed or guarded, then they could analysts believe that the United States of Defense Mark Esper announced the gaining a possibility of resurgence. easily fall into the hands of an American has lost its foothold in combating administration’s plans to withdraw all President Trump has repeatedly adversary. Another faction vying for the Assad Regime and preventing American forces currently in Syria in order tweeted that he has been the power of the oil fields is the Assad regime the spread of ISIS in the region. The to prevent American troops from taking President who successfully defeated and the Russian government due to the United States’ longtime ally in the contact with Turkish, as well as Syrian ISIS, however, many Pentagon financial power and strategic location of region, the Kurdish Syrian Democratic and Russian forces trying to counteract officials and members of Congress the fields on the Eastern border of Syria. Forces (SDF), has lost ground to Turkey, the Turkish incursions on the border. remain wary of the President’s On October 26th members a NATO ally of the United States. capabilities in successfully of America’s Delta Force and 75th President Donald Trump gave containing the Islamic State Ranger Regiment conducted a raid on implied approval for the Turkish invasion when his policy shifts in the last the compound of the founder of ISIS of Northern Syria on October 6th to three weeks have to lead to the Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. The raid was a Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan. release of thousands of ISIS success as Baghdadi killed himself after President Erdogan immediately POWs. The various criticisms of running into an underground tunnel and mobilized Turkish troops to invade the President over his decision detonated a suicide vest. For more Northern Syria. The initial invasion to withdraw troops from Syria by information on the raid read Sebastian displaced over 200,000 civilians and friends and foes in Washington Guccione’s article on page 7. The raid killed 200. Kurdish troops were unable alike lead to the President was a success, but man skeptics remain to hold their ground as the Turkish announcing the deployment around the world and on Capitol Hill. military had received a green light for of troops to replace current American adversaries have gained invasion from President Trump. In an combat advisors in Syria various territories in the region. The act of desperation, the Kurdish Syrian rather than a full withdrawal. Assad Regime and Russia have also Democratic Forces did the unthinkable On October 20th the Trump gained more territory in the last three and allied with their longtime enemy: As American forces continued Administration announced its latest weeks due to the desperation of the the Assad Regime. The move not only to withdraw from their respective areas change in policy: protecting oil Kurds, and the Trump Administration allowed the regime’s forces to gain of operations, a power vacuum was fields in Eastern Syria. On October has been blamed by critics for causing territory in Syria, but also allowed created that allowed President Assad’s 25th, Secretary of Defense Esper two American allies, the Kurds and the Russian forces to enter areas under Syrian forces to expand their territories. announced the use of armored Turks, for fighting against each other. American protection just days before The power vacuum which was caused by and mechanized forces to protect The 1000 troops that President Trump in order to limit the Turkish incursion. the fact that American forces no longer oil fields. A few hundred troops in stated would be coming home soon will President Trump ordered stood next to their Kurdish SDF allies mechanized, as well as armored simply be replaced by another 1000 the withdrawal of American troops in meant that Turkish ground troops could units, have crossed the Iraq-Syria or more troops who will guard oil fields Northeastern Syria in order to limit overrun Kurdish positions. The result of border and began guarding the oil rather than assisting the Kurdish SDF the possibility of American forces this was instead of holding ground and fields of Eastern Syria. The Trump in its war against the Islamic State. fighting Turkey a NATO ally, however, monitoring prisons the SDF was forced administration has claimed that only approximately 50 of the 1000 to abandon positions and fight for their the move to protect oil fields is to november 6, 2019 the paper page 5 Senator Romney’s Alter Ego “Pierre” Flames Online Haters by Nora Hogan Mitt Romney’s Secret Twitter Account Uncovered Copy Legion & existence of his secret Twitter account Feinburg conducted a thorough stalk years. He most recently responded in Freshman Liaison to the writer of The Atlantic’s profile, of the profile and its followers, she May to Jennifer Rubin, a conservative Aside from being the world’s only McKay Coppins. The Utah Senator was entirely certain that Pierre was blogger at The Washington Post, strangely attractive Mormon Republican admitted to using the alias profile “to Romney. who called Romney’s strategy on senator from Utah who actually hates keep tabs on the political conversation” According to Feinburg’s research, Trump’s “non-confrontation verging on Trump, Mitt Romney (who I call Mittens and to occasionally defend himself Pierre’s online presence was born in spinelessness,” to which Pierre replied: affectionately) is also apparently an online. 2011, exactly one month after Romney “Jennifer, you need to take a breath. internet lurker. Initially, he refrained from disclosing announced his 2012 presidential Maybe you can then acknowledge the Last month, The Atlantic published a the name of the account, but instead run. His first follower was Romney’s people who agree with you in large profile of Romney, one of the few high- revealed the number of profiles that eldest son, Tagg. The account then measure even if not in every measure.” profile Republican lawmakers that have he follows (702 to be exact) and followed all of the Romney children, (Sacré bleu!) Needless to say, Pierre is criticized President Trump’s efforts outlined the types of users that he grandchildren (ultimate clout grandpa) no stranger to the art of the roast. to pressure Ukraine into investigating follows. After this information was and several of his former advisors, in After Feinburg published her Democratic rivals. Trump’s attempt publicly published, speculation swirled addition to political commentators, findings, Coppins followed up with to influence the 2020 presidential online as to what Romney’s covert politicians, late-night show hosts like Romney to verify the allegations, to election through foreign interference online identity would reveal, until a Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Fallon and which Mitt simply responded: “C’est has recently launched an impeachment writer for Slate, Ashley Feinberg, took former NFL players such as Tom Brady Moi.” Since then the account has been inquiry by House Democrats. After it upon herself to unearth the secret and Brett Favre. It became evident that made private, but the screenshots live the article was published in The profile. After scouring the public this user was indeed Mittens’ as no on. In essence, if Mitt Romney can tell Atlantic, Trump lashed out online, Twitters of the Romney family tree, normal person would ever follow more us anything, he reminds us through attacking Romney in a series of Feinberg struck gold while scrolling than four Mitt Romney fan accounts Pierre that we can all be our own tweets that included the hashtag through the followers of Romney’s at one time. Additionally, although his hypemen. Sometimes you just gotta be “#IMPEACHMITTROMNEY.” oldest grandchild, Allie Romney. tweet count is low (10 tweets total), a stan for yourself. In the profile, Romney revealed the She found Twitter user @qaws9876, Pierre has sagely replied to a variety of also known as Pierre Delecto. Once Romney-related commentary over the Taking Hate to Court by Julia Tuck The Lawsuit Taking Aim at the Charlottesville White Supremacists Staff Constitutional Lawyer Heyer who was against the white the white supremacists guilty of the and execute violence — toward Jewish Here in America it is not supremacists, induced a great death of Heyer and violent outrage, people, people of color, diverse unusual to see people hailing from amount of violence. The specific the plaintiffs must show that the acts communities like Charlottesville — different countries from around the question, however, is whether the led by the white supremacists involved you will be held responsible for your world. It can often be thought that First Amendment protects this hate violence prior to the protests. actions.” The ongoing Sines v. Kessler America is the “Great Melting Pot,” speech and whether the protests Proving a conspiracy is the crux case serves as the longstanding case infused with people who add to the premeditated the violence or if it was of the lawsuit, which is rooted in the protecting against racially motivated cultural richness that makes America component of an 1871 federal law incidents involving racism. so unique and unlike other nations. commonly called the Ku Klux Klan Act, Thus far in the Charlottesville case, Despite this, however, it must also which criminalized efforts by the Klan Judge Norman K. Moon of Federal be acknowledged that there do exist to re-enslave African-Americans. This District Court cited the Griffin case and racial tensions which not only divide act essentially protected the freedoms the Ku Klux Klan Act in rejecting the America as a nation but divide us as a of African Americans who remained defendants’ initial attempt to have the people too. targets of Klan violence despite lawsuit dismissed on First Amendment The Charlottesville racially motivated having been freed from the shackles grounds. It seems that the case can be riots of 2017 not only spurned violence of slavery, literally and metaphorically. hopeful for the plaintiffs in the respect by white supremacists but also incited The case now with Charlottesville that there is evidence of premeditated more tensions. A new case regarding is not much different than similar violence in this situation and it seems the riots will be tried before a jury in actions taken by neo-Nazis and the clear that the white supremacists the summer of 2020. The specific white supremacists in the past which were not simply hoping to spread their details of the torch lit protest are not a result of the words and chants used. essentially orchestrate violence based hateful opinions but did get physically clearly identifiable and attorneys have The defense lawyer W. Edward ReBrook on racism and wrongfully prejudiced involved with those disagreeing with differing opinions as to why certain IV claims that “The First Amendment notions regarding minorities. them. It is in this vain that hopefully events happened and what their is about protecting horrible opinions, According to Ms. Sines, the leading this case can positively conclude arguments are for the court. not protecting reasonable ones.” plaintiff in this case, “Civil litigation bringing justice to the plaintiffs and It seems almost undeniable, This seems reasonable except that allows us to hold those responsible those who were wrongfully hurt, either nevertheless, that these riots, which oftentimes hate speech does lead to for violence accountable in a way physically or emotionally, by the white resulted in the death of Heather violence. Despite this, in order to prove that other tools do not. If you plan supremacists. page 6 the paper november 6, 2019 Faker than Small Step of Progress for NCAA Student-Athletes by Rich Shrestha Truth Loyola RA & Contributor Do that shmoney dance by Jack Archambault The NCAA’s board of governors met himself described the situation best, Even with this news, politicians, this past Tuesday, October 29th with while signing the bill on LeBron James’ athletes, and representatives in the a new response for student-athletes media platform Uninterruputed, “I sports industry alike are skeptical McShane to be Relieved of and their supporters vying to profit off don’t want to say this is checkmate, of how much change the NCAA will Presidential Duties, Replaced their name, image and likeness. The but this is a major problem for the commit to. Some notable figures with Bitmoji Likeness collegiate governing body announced NCAA. It’s going to initiate dozens include politician Nancy Skinner who it will allow student-athletes to take of other states to introduce similar sponsored the California bill. Skinner legislation, and it’s going to change tweeted, “California’s leadership is a The Fordham University Board advantage of sponsorships across its college sports for the better by having game-changer once again! The NCAA’s of Trustees announced Tuesday three divisions. This has announcement shows promise on that university President Rev. been a hotly contested giving college athletes’ NIL rights. Joseph M. McShane, S.J., would issue in the past decade, But the devil is in the details on what be relieved of his duties, effective especially due to news the NCAA means by adhering to the immediately, and replaced by his surfacing periodically of ‘collegiate model.” Former Olympic Bitmoji likeness, Bitmoji McShane. these athletes accepting skier Jeremy Bloom also found the “It is evident that all missteps or soliciting compensation details, or lack thereof, to be a sign of by the university in the past have from potential schools. false advertising. Bloom has previously been the result of human error,” Some examples that have battled the NCAA after they forced him said Robert D. Daleo, Chair of the floated around in recent to be ineligible for two seasons of his Board. “We realized that all of years involve Phoenix Suns collegiate football career in Colorado, these mistakes could have been professional basketball due to endorsements he recieved prevented had they been made by player Deandre Ayton’s from skiing. an omniscient, superior being un- time at Arizona, or Cam Skinner, Bloom, and other sports susceptible to the pitfalls of human Newton, quarterback for figures see the “collegiate model” emotion.” the Carolina Panthers, term to be an attempt to hide how The Board stated that while they whose father tried to far the NCAA is actually willing to go. had no major qualms with Mc- extort Mississippi State. Bloom’s fiery response to the NCAA Shane’s performance over the past With new rules, athletes statement was, “Bottom line, state 17 years, Bitmoji McShane repre- could openly receive a now the interest finally of the athletes legislators need to continue down sents an opportunity to better the compensation separate from their on par with the interests of the the path and keep the pressure high university by turning over its reins school without penalization. For institutions. Now we’re re-balancing while the NCAA figures out how to hold to a clearly superior life form. athletes, this means the possibility of that power arrangement.” Some up their house of cards.” To Bloom’s “Bitmoji McShane is everything hundreds of thousands of dollars in states that also acted with new bills likely approval, other legislators McShane could never be in his sponsorship for those stars in top tier include New York and Florida, and agree. Florida legislators, like state human form,” Mary Anne Sullivan, programs. However, even students federal politicians have shown interest representative Kionne L. McGhee, Vice Chair of the Board, said. “Bit- in smaller schools could benefit to work on the case on a national level found the NCAA’s statement positive, moji is so excellent, so pure. Sleek, from endorsements in their local through Congress. but not the end of the fight. McGhee toned, funny. So, so excellent,” community. Thus, the NCAA’s decision to support stated, “While this is a great first step, Sullivan continued while rubbing This news comes a month after the college athletes having endorsements we must ensure Florida’s student- her hands together and staring California legislation on the same is the group’s reaction to such athletes are provided fair treatment blankly into the distance. “Perhaps matter passed by Gov. Gavin Newsom, initiatives. Michael Drake, chair of the and long-term protections found in my one day everyone at Fordham will or the “Fair Pay to Play Act.” The law board for the NCAA and president for bill, HB 251.” be a Bitmoji,” Sullivan said, “but I details that athletes at California Ohio State University, commented, The organization gave the three must stick to The Plan… They’ll see universities will be able to accept “We must embrace change to provide divisions a timetable of January 2021 things our way in due time. Excel- endorsement deals. The act allows the best possible experience for to create the new rules. Notably, in lent, excellent.” student athletes to use their name and likeness to earn money in a similar college athletes.” Additionally, the their statement, the NCAA has yet to fashion to professional athletes, president of the NCAA Mark Emmert, outline any other specific steps for but this does not entail having the in closing of the statement, asserted, this transitory process. However, the schools directly paying the athletes “As a national governing body, the organization has emphasized that for their time. At the time, the NCAA NCAA is uniquely positioned to modify they will still support student-athletes considered the law dangerous and its rules to ensure fairness and a as students first. And these students “unconstitutional.” The organization’s level playing field for student-athletes. will not be given preferential treatment concern is if a state like California The board’s action today creates a over non-athletes beyond that deemed allows their college athletes to have path to enhance opportunities for necessary to accommodate for their sponsorships, then these schools student athletes while ensuring they commitment to the school. can have a comparative advantage compete against students and not in getting top-level recruits. Newsom professionals.” november 6, 2019 the paper page 7 ISIS Leader Dead Following U.S Operation Realer by Sebastian Guccione Al-Bagdhai Kills Himself in Midst of US Military Raid Paper Sec. of Defense local gunfire which they quickly As the building was cleared, al-Baghdadi On Saturday, October 26th, President Than eliminated as they neared the fled into a dead-end tunnel with three of Trump tweeted out that “Something compound. Trump believed this his children, all the while being chased very big has just happened!” Curiosity, gunfire to be not from any organized by U.S K9 units. Once in the tunnel, excitement, and slight panic by some group or nation, but rather “people al-Baghdadi ignited his suicide vest, Fact ensued until it was revealed the next that were shooting that were killing himself, three of his children, and by Christian Decker day by the President that Abu Bakr indiscriminately shooting… we think collapsing the tunnel. al-Baghdadi, the leader of ISIS, was that these were people that were Al-Baghdadi’s body was mutilated College Student in Carrie dead following a U.S Special Forces just random people that don’t like to by the blast, though on sight DNA lab operation in northwestern Syria. U.S Costume Scares the Shit see helicopters, I guess.” technicians were nonetheless able Intelligence had long been trying out of First Responders The president stated that the U.S to obtain a DNA sample and confirm to capture or kill al-Baghdadi, and informed Russia and Turkey prior a positive match between the man he is the most prominent terrorist So I got a wholesome one for to the operation that they would be that blew himself up in the tunnel and leader that has died as a result of U.S you guys this issue! Sidney Wolfe, flying over their territories, to which previously obtained al-Baghdadi DNA. operations since the death of Osama a student at Marshall Universtiy the countries accepted, despite not Trump remarked that U.S troops bin Laden in 2011. was coming back from a Halloween being told the reason or destination were able to obtain “highly sensitive Al-Baghdadi had been under even when her car struck a deer. of the flight. The same route was information” on ISIS, specifically in surveillance for multiple weeks A first responder arriving on the taken both ways, before and after regards to their origins and future plans. preceding the operation. While the scene was sacred out of his mind the raid, and, in addition to the low Trump noted that he decided not to notify actual raid was conducted solely when he saw, covered in blood flying helicopters, air support flying Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and with U.S troops, it was made possible and looking like somehting out of high was also present throughout other congressional leaders because through the cooperation of U.S, a horror movie. Coincidentally, she the operation. “Washington leaks like I’ve never Kurdish, Iraqi, and Turkish intelligence, was straight out of a horror movie. Once the U.S Special Forces seen before… Washington is a leaking who worked together to obtain Wolfe was just coming back landed on-site, they began to machine.” Pelosi responded by stating information on the terrorist leader’s from a costume party where she infiltrate al-Baghdadi’s compound. that “The House must be briefed on this frequently changing direction from was promoting her role in her The front door of the complex was raid, which the Russians but not top his close informants. Once U.S troops school’s production of Carrie: The rigged with booby traps, and so Congressional Leadership was notified of became confident on the location and Musical, accodring to HuffPost. the soldiers used explosives to in advance, and on the Administration’s details of al-Baghdadi’s compound, She was dressed in the now iconoc gain entry through the side of the overall strategy in the region. Our military they began the raid. prom dress that gets covered in building. Troops remained inside and allies deserve strong, smart and President Trump remarked that the blood during the prom scene of for two hours, during which eleven strategic leadership from Washington.” most dangerous part of the operation the movie, which naturally, would No U.S troops were killed or injured scare anyone who is trying to help during the operation, with the exception someone they think is injured in a of a K9 unit, Conan, that chased al- car crash.Apparently the officers Baghdadi into the dead-end tunnel and who arrived on the scene noticed was injured by the blast of the terrorist’s her dripping blood and remarked suicide vest. Conan was recovered and that they should probably get her already has returned to duty. mediucal attention. President Trump has created What’s fun about this story controversy over his vivid description of is that the stars just so perfectly the operation. He stated that al-Baghdadi aligned so that all of these was “screaming, crying, and whimpering” lovely events just so happened in the moments preceding his death. to coincide and make for a truly Both Secretary of Defense Mark Esper hilarious sequence of events. I and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of hope her show goes well! Staff Mark Milley were unable to confirm Trump’s descriptions. ISIS acknowledged the death of al- Baghdadi and has already appointed a new leader, by the name of Abu Ibrahim al-Hashimi al-Qurashi. American intelligence will continue to examine the new structure of ISIS and seek children and a few adults were information on its new leader’s past and was the seventy-minute flight to and removed uninjured. Those who present roles within the organization, as from al-Baghdadi’s compound. The did not surrender and those who the War on Terror continues to rage on. eight helicopters that embarked on attempted to return fire were killed. the flight flew low and were met with page 8 the paper november 6, 2019 The Return of paper Legend Lauren Duca by Lauren Duca Famous journalist and author of How to Start a Revolution answers some of our Staff Revolutionary most pertinent questions a lot of time squinting at a Google doc telling a cute guy that I was not a feminist. How did your time at was clueless as to who the fuck I was, in total fucking agony, just drinking Something about “women’s rights, buts.” the paper prepared you for I felt most myself as I typed out my another cup of coffee for no reason. Obviously, things have changed. your career as a journalist? latest article. At a time when I hated It all came together in the end, though! I now understand that feminism is myself so much that I was regularly about essential equality. The goal of Writing for the paper is the thing that making myself puke, I was sure I What advice would you give “How to Start a Revolution” is building made me decide to be a journalist. was good at one thing, and it was college-aged people who want equitable public power, and I believe When I got to Fordham, I knew I wanted the words on the pages of the paper. to pursue a career in writing? that is necessarily a feminist issue. to push nouns and verbs together, So, yeah, that, or maybe the time It took me a while to get there, and but I didn’t have any idea what that we did a cover with McShane’s I meet a lot of college students who the journey started with writing for the would look like besides fantasizing face Photoshopped onto “The ask me for writing advice. The problem is paper. As I wrote about being cat-called on about publishing a book someday. Dark Knight Rises” poster. usually that they haven’t started writing. Fordham road, the bizarre double standard It didn’t take long for me to be of same-sex hookups, or being seduced by the undeniable pull of What is the treated differently because of the that windowless print shoppe in the process like for size of my boobs (that one was basement of McGinley. Just kidding, writing a book? called “Making the Breast of It.”) I met the paper kids at the club fair. How long does it I remember walking around Eddie’s take, what does a How has the “fake news” culture and grabbing flyers from everyone day look like when that is often antagonistic towards who offered. At one point, my you’re writing, etc.? journalism affected your career? roommate said, “OK, put down that What can a journalist today do sailing club brochure right now — it’s I worked on “How when their work is stonewalled getting to be a bit much.” It was as to Start a Revolution” by accusations of “fake news?” if I was grabbing lottery tickets for for close to three which future self I would go on to years. The hardest I get a lot of harassment by be. I picked writing about culture. part was figuring out people who are media illiterate During my first semester at Rose how such a massive and have been brainwashed by the Hill, I started working on op-eds and project was going to concept of “fake news” as peddled personal essays for the paper. That’s become a cohesive by Fox News and the President. where I first found my voice as a whole. Even after I There are actual fake news journalist. the paper taught me that had a ton of research sites, but the bigger problem is I need to write things that are true, and reporting under the concept of fake news, which and that the most effective way to my belt, I was worried has misled many members of the do that is often through personal it wouldn’t come public to believe that journalists are stories. (It also set the irreverent tone together into, well, a actively working to manipulate them. of my current work, partly because book. I felt like “The Left unchecked, this misconception I was allowed to curse while doing Little Mermaid” for has the power to totally erode all of that —- sorry, mom and dad.) a minute, you know, the forces of democracy. “Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat?!” When it comes to a writing career — or I think the most essential thing we can What are some of your favorite To that end, every day was political participation, for that matter — no do is journalists is to explain our purpose. memories from Fordham / the paper? different. I’m a freelance journalist one is going to come around and knight As journalists, our utmost allegiance is focusing on building equitable public you. So, my advice is this: Write. Write for to citizens. It is crucial that we remind Real talk, y’all: I had a rough time power by getting as many young the paper! Try your hand at freelancing. people of that by demonstrating objectivity at Fordham. I was struggling with an people invested in the political At the very least, regularly come up of method with radical transparency eating disorder and depression, both process as possible. Sometimes with ideas, and execute them. Always, for all editorial decision-making. of which I routinely attempted to that meant writing op-eds — at the always, always, be doing the damn thing. drown in Blue Raspberry UV vodka. I time I was working on my Thigh- What advice do you have for writers got away with being such a hot mess High Politics column for Teen During your time at Fordham, what coming from alternative publications, because I miraculously managed to Vogue. I would often travel to high were some hot-button issues you had the like the paper or Teen Vogue, who can also get good grades despite soaking schools and colleges to speak to chance to deal with while on the paper? sometimes be discredited because their my brain in booze. (Freshman year, I students, or interview activists and publications aren’t taken as seriously? woke up blacked out in St. Barnabas political candidates (I interviewed The biggest hot-button issue was and also made the dean’s list.) Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez two weeks my own goddamn feminism. I come If you are writing things that are true the paper is a thing that helped keep before she won the primary, and from a Roman-Catholic authoritarian with the goal of empowering people with me sane, and partly because it helped David and Lauren Hogg, after they upbringing, and that meant I showed information, your work is serious journalism. me get to know so many different types led a sea change in the national up at Fordham with a lot to learn. I have Period. Mainstream respectability is not a of people at Fordham. At a time when I conversation on gun reform). I spent one particularly cringe-y memory of a requirement for speaking truth to power. Get used to telling gatekeepers to fuck off. november 6, 2019 the paper page 9

Clowns May Be Murderous, But We Still Love Them… For Some Reason By Taylor Mascetta Yo Pennywise, drop ur everyday makeup routine. Staff Clown Scholar One notable scene depicts Joker, laughed into theaters in October, loved by millions? Why do thousands It is spooky season, which means cigarette in hand, dancing to “Rock and Pennywise the Dancing Clown decided of Tumblr girls thirst after a clown that it’s time to send in the clowns… for Roll Part 2” as he makes his way down to re-enter our lives with the release of that eats kids for breakfast? It seems better or worse. a set of steps. The Bronx-based stairs IT Chapter Two. The movie is a sequel a clown-caused craze has spread Clowns are scary. It’s as simple became a tourist magnet overnight - to smash hit IT, a horror film depicting a across America once again. Everyone as that. They’re intended to bring cosplayers, fans, and influencers have group of young kids, dubbed the Loser’s claims that they hate clowns; whether happiness into the lives of children, flocked to the area, skipping down Club, battling an interdimensional, we want to admit it or not, we all have but they actually cause more fear the steps in full Joker getup. TikTok shapeshifting clown that feasts on coulrophobia. There’s something about than cheer. Nevertheless, clowns, naturally, latched onto the movie too. children. The sequel depicts the grown their chilling smiles and terrible jokes specifically the murderous ones, are Thousands of makeup artists have up Losers fighting to defeat Pennywise, that unsettles us to the core. Okay, all over the entertainment industry recreated Phoenix’s signature clown who is played by the beautiful Bill maybe some clowns have the intention at the moment. Take, for example, getup, and self-described “men” dance Skarsgård, once and for all. Both of making us smile, but it still feels as if everyone’s favorite psychotic jokester they want to suck out our souls. - the Joker himself. Anticipation has Clown panics have broken out been building for Joker ever since across America before. In 2016, Warner Brothers’ greenlit the film back people dressed up as clowns and hid in 2018. Fans have been clamoring for in the woods, ominously strolled down a new depiction of the ever-popular streets, chased people with knives and clown prince of crime following Heath terrorized innocent drivers. Naturally, Ledger’s iconic portrayal and, well, America erupted into a frenzy, leading Jared Leto’s interpretation. The film, to “clown hunts” and costumes literally starring Joaquin Phoenix as the titular being outlawed in some cities. character, follows failing comedian We may be afraid, but we can’t Arthur Fleck as he struggles to find his get enough of this fear. There’s just place in society. Arthur suffers from a something intriguing lurking behind variety of mental illnesses, including the mask. It’s as if we want to feel the a disorder that causes him to laugh fear, especially during the Halloween at random moments. Joker shows his season. Or maybe these clowns relate slow descent into pure madness and to us in a twisted way. Many people do clownery as society continues to fail share the same resentment towards him. away their woes locked away in their films of the IT saga are coming of age society like Arthur: they just don’t go The general consensus, despite its bathrooms. stories that happen to have a terrifying to his extremes. Hopefully no one is heavy, dark themes and fair share of All jokes aside, Joker illustrates the monstrous clown wreaking havoc. considering eating kids like Pennywise, controversies, has been extremely formation of a monster. The tragic arc Pennywise rips kids’ arms off, dances but instead choose to feel inspired by positive. It is the top grossing R-rated Arthur faces does not excuse all the menacingly on multiple occasions, and the Losers Club overcoming their fears. movie in history, making $850 million atrocities he committed during the is homophobic. Naturally, the clown Perhaps, watching these clowns gives dollars worldwide and dethroning film. The film has come under fire for its has an adoring teenage fan base that, us a sense of satisfaction that we can Deadpool much to Ryan Reynolds’ glorification of a killer, and its potential for inexplicable reasons, is willing to overcome our fears of them. dismay. Audiences praised Phoenix’s to inspire more mass murderers. launch themselves into sewers to try to Or maybe we just want to learn where performance and are rooting for him to This isn’t even the first clown inspired get lucky. the Joker got his sick moves, or that secure an Oscar nomination. Scenes movie that took America by storm this So why do clowns seem to be ruling we’re all secretly horny for Pennywise. from the movie have already engraved year. Less than a month before Joker pop culture right now? Why is the Joker The world will never know. themselves into pop culture history. page 10 the paper november 6, 2019 Death by a Thousand Skater Bois By Julia Carnevale Where do the Skater Bois come from? We may never know... Staff Swiftie manage to say see you later, boy? And sometimes… I wonder... how finally at Starbucks, breathless, and I When I was a freshman all I had to That is four words and she says it to much time and energy do they save could have gotten here earlier if I had worry about while walking to class him four times. Does time slow down on average while scootering, if any? just crossed when the normal person were cars and the occasional football when you sing? ...Does time slow What inspires them to add such would have, like at most chaotic scooters that may or may not be pink down when you’re Avril Lavigne? eloquent decorations? ...Should intersection -McGinley- instead of and may or may not say “riding 69 The origins of sophomore slump we blame them for the increase in continuing straight towards Fordham dirty”. seem more recognizable to me than skaterbois on campus? Are they… prep. I don’t have this luxury with As if sophomore year isn’t hard the origins of skaterbois and I don’t threatened by these new skaterbois? skaterbois. Usually I am considering enough, I have experienced Death by even know what sophomore slump is. Hmmm. Maybe I’ll write another crossing from McGinley to go to a Thousand Skater Bois… Do they have a directly proportional article about our football scooter Starbucks, and double, double check Similar to Taylor Swift, I am so relationship? @trafficlights, what do friends. for cars and football scooter-ers, distressed by this relationship you think? I would define skaterbois Besides not knowing where and miraculously there are neither. (between skaterbois and walkergal, as boys who use a device to get skaterbois come from, I also do not I no sooner step from the sidewalk aka me) that I know is going to end onto the road and then (almost) badly, that I turn to inanimate objects, CRASH... skaterboi. Literally out of like traffic lights, for answers. Except, nowhere. They’re like large fairy there are no traffic lights around boys who skate instead of fly. I bet campus. Maybe there should be so I they all have really cool names don’t have to experience DBATSB. too… like Terrence from the 2008 In the past three months, I almost Tinker Bell movie. got hit by like 10 skaterbois!!!!! At I often assume that I have the least 10 of them which is almost a right of way, as a pedestrian, as a thousand… well 10^3 but it seems female, as a swiftie. But, then I’m they are increasing exponentially like well, what if they are a beginner anyway. And I almost die every time. skaterboi, and like, they can’t stop Worst of all, I have no idea where for me in time, or great, here comes these bois come from!!!! So if I were an automatic skateboard I don’t to die by skaterboi, I am not confident know how they control those, what my killer would be found. If I had if they can’t control them, and so the chance to ask these skaterbois as I’m trying to make a decision where they came from, please I am unconsciously crossing the believe that I would. But, every time street and it’s Death by a Thousand I come across one they are seconds Skater Bois… almost. Do I recognize away from skating right into me. And around campus faster than the rest know, (I don’t know a lot of things, but that I may be partially to blame? Yes. not in the cute movie way, where like of us. I guess that means that the that is precisely why I’m at college… I guess I should apologize for my role he’s cute and I’m like it’s really no football players are technically a filled with skaterbois…) what the in these awkward encounters… and I problem at all, blood dripping down type of skaterboi. All scooterers are “proper” etiquette is when you really would (and plan to) if I ever got my legs from the crash, let’s spend skaterbois but not all skaterbois are almost get run over by a skaterboi. the chance!!!!!!!!!! If you’re a skaterboi the rest of our lives together since we skooterers. At least with the football Admittedly, I’m not quite sure what the and you’re reading this… I hope you were OBVIOUSLY fated. No… instead, players, we know that they all came “proper” etiquette is for our football will consider helping a walkergal out… I see my life flash before my eyes… from the basement in South. I’m not scooter friends either. I tend to avoid and then he’s just zoom- gone, and sure where they got their scooters. them at all costs, as in prolonging my I’m… fine? How did Avril Lavigne even crossing of the street. Like yeah. I’m november 6, 2019 the paper page 11 Stop the Nickelback Hate!! By Erin Stehler They’re lyrical geniuses, y’all just won’t admit it Staff Rockstar in several other countries. Amazing. all done it. I have a Bluetooth speaker for an unpopular voting rights How did humanity get to the point of Iconic. Show stopping. Spectacular. in my shower and sometimes when provision on the floor of the House of bullying a bunch of men in their 40’s We let Rihanna’s song, “Work,” top my roommate is taking a shower, I’ll Representatives. That’s not even the for enjoyment? I am far from saying the charts for several weeks and I blast my playlist consisting of only worst of it– several representatives Nickelback is within miles of anything still don’t even know what she said. Nickelback and Kahoot remixes. began to debate the use of Nickelback other than my 2000’s emo playlist, Yet here is Nickelback with such That’s how this whole thing started. I in the comparison. They really talked but I disagree with the hate they thought provoking lyrics as “what the realized that I don’t hate Nickelback, for several minutes in a room full of get. Before I burst in with another hell is on Joey’s head?” I watched the I have just been told I should. I never arguably pretty important people unpopular opinion, do their voices “Photograph” music video, yet it is still seek out their music unless it is for about the social standing and talent sound good? No. However, I could unclear exactly what was on Joey’s a joke, but I would not be actively of Nickelback. It was like Nickelback never trust anybody who doesn’t began the whole cancel culture but know the words to either “Rockstar” didn’t even do anything wrong. Yet or “Photograph.” They were literally y’all really let people like Chris Brown the first songs I downloaded onto my survive? In this climate? This is why iPod Shuffle in 2007 and I refuse to all the bands of the early 2000’s join in on tarnishing what’s left of are disappearing. Fear. What ever their fragile reputation. happened to the Black Eyed Peas, I asked several of my friends to you ask? I mean other than Fergie give me their honest opinions of of course. There were other peas Nickelback (anonymously, of course, besides Fergie, I think. They probably as I didn’t want to ruin their social saw what happened to Nickelback lives). I received three answers: “their and headed out before the internet band name is bad, nickels are the could really rip apart “Imma Be.” I do worst American coin,” “idk who they not believe all of this ridicule is strictly are,” and “they’re not appreciated because their voices sound bad. enough, ‘How You Remind Me’ There are plenty of artists out there still slaps”. For the purpose of this who sound bad and get half as much argument, I will focus on the latter. harassment. In the early 2000’s, Nickelback I just think we should find a gave us nothing but gold, and what different, more problematic group to did we give them in return? The look hate. I was going to give examples of at this graph vine and a spot at the some bands we could hate instead, bottom of the social hierarchy. It’s head. Plus it was 2005, so we were upset if it ever came on and would but when I googled problematic not like they released songs that all on cloud nine singing the word hell. probably sing along. But why did we bands, the first article to come up nobody liked; actually, they were Go and listen to a Nickelback song; decide it was cool to hate Nickelback was called “Ten Bands Easier to Hate pretty consistently in the top ten on we have all slept on their lyrics for all specifically? It seems so obscure. Than Nickelback,” so do with that the charts and many of their songs these years. This brings me back to They are so completely average. I do what you will. Next time you hear were at number one at some point. my main point: Why Nickelback? not even remember them becoming a Nickelback joke, think about the We can’t deny that their lyrics are I have concluded that Nickelback’s a joke, but all of a sudden name- average forty-year-old guys behind it. genius. He really said “I’ll have the hate comes from the same place dropping them could get a good laugh I’m not going to pretend to know any quesadilla, haha” in the middle of a as many fanbases– a bandwagon. in any situation. They were the best of their names, but I can still feel bad song, and that song hit number 6 in People think it is cool to make fun of comparison for anything bad. They for them. the United States and number one Nickelback. And to be fair, it is. We’ve were literally used as a comparison page 12 the paper november 6, 2019 Study Abroad Student Accidentally Wanders into Political Crisis By Andrew Millman But it’s my BIRTHDAY!!!! Foreign Correspondent nian separatism is one of those issues Sagrada Familia that day. Instead, my where rioters had set fire to trash bins When your flight gets cancelled- be that can get super nuanced and com- friends and I went to the beach, which and cars in the middle of the street. cause of civil unrest in your destina- plicated, so I won’t get too much into was nice, but also totally empty, as most After the sound of rubber bullets rang tion city, there are two options. First, it. Basically, Catalonia is the region of sensible tourists had cancelled their out in the night, the crowd momen- as any rational person would do, ac- Spain in the northwest of the country trips on first sign of trouble. The Medi- tarily stampeded towards us and we, cept the refund on the flight and try that has wanted to become its own terranean was beautiful, but the whole including one of my friends who was to get the Airbnb cancelled too. Or, country, primarily because it is signifi- thing had a “fiddling while Rome burns” in heels, had to suddenly run to avoid second, use the logic of a drunk girl cantly wealthier than the rest of Spain. vibe to it, as the city slowly descended getting trampled. Our rented flat was draped in a tiara and pink sash at This reasoning itself would be com- into a chaotic scene mere blocks away. on the other side of the protest, so Barnyard when her friends want to plicated as seceding from Spain would Incredibly, we still thought it would we ended up having to hustle through leave, “but it’s my birthday!” The lat- also mean leaving the European Union, be a good idea to go out drinking the gothic quarter to get back, which ter is the path I choose two weeks ago, and Spain could veto Catalonia’s at- that night. Again, I was using Barn- was relatively calm except for the oc- when I received an email from Vueling tempts to join the EU, singlehand- yard birthday logic. Sensibly, many casional sprinting protesters in masks. Airlines (the slightly more respectable edly wrecking their economy. And no bars had closed up for the night, and So, that was how I spent my 21st Ryanair) informing me that all flights in one would be crazy enough to want the ones that didn’t were mostly filled birthday: navigating a tumultuous and out of the Barcelona Airport would to leave the world’s largest trading with other panicked visitors. The situation in a foreign country and be cancelled on October 18th (my zone with no future planning, right? riot police were using rubber bullets obnoxiously pronouncing it Bar-th- birthday), because of a general strike. While all of this is surely important, in and water cannons to try to quell the lona like Noah Galvin in Booksmart. At that point, there had been protests my mind, celebrating my birthday was crowd, but the result was mostly just I write this article now in the hope bordering on riots in the city for sev- of the utmost importance. During the changing the direction the protesters that I won’t be inclined to constantly eral days after Spain’s highest court general strike that Friday, much of the were heading in. reference “my study abroad experi- sentenced a dozen Catalan separatist city shut down. There were mini-march- For the most part that night, we were ence” when I return to the Bronx. leaders to long prison sentences for es throughout the city, often impeding on the periphery of the action, but at trying to secede from Spain following any hopes of traversing main thor- one point we were about two blocks an unauthorized referendum. Catalo- oughfares. Protesters even shut down away from the epicentre of the protest, Stumbling into the World of Exotic Animal Content By Olivia Langenburg Who knew reptiles were so charming? Opinions Editor me, considering I’m absolutely not this is why I’m so intrigued by these my mind off things, I have definitely As I’m sure you’ve all realized in the market for an exotic reptile, channels. Initially, I really liked learned a lot over the past few weeks. by now, being a person is a lot but I can’t help myself. I sit for hours watching people feed and take I’d wager that these channels do a lot harder than it looks. I have to pay watching people show all their care of their hedgehogs because I more good than your Jake Paul/Dobre rent, feed myself multiple times a geckos. It’s oddly satisfying. I’m going could live vicariously through them. Brothers type. If people can learn how day, go to class, go to work, shower, to pretend that the reason I’m deep Now, however, I have a newfound sweet and interesting exotic animals and “socialize” among 400 other into Pet YouTube is because I’m trying attachment to various lizards. Did are, perhaps we’d be a lot nicer if tasks?? No wonder I have to take to educate myself. Truthfully, though, you know that blue-tongued skinks we encountered them in real life. I three different medications to help I’m just in a rough pit of depression love bananas? Do you even know know I used to be way more scared of my brain function correctly. and I need some sort of weird outlet what a blue-tongued skink is? Google snakes, but I While I am obviously to distract myself. So… 30 minute it. They’re so cute, you know, for a see now that aware of my never-ending list of “Feeding All My Pets” videos it is! lizard. And boy, you don’t even want they’re just responsibilities, I am also a normal You’d be surprised at the to get me started on all the various silly worms college student who procrastinates audience that these Pet YouTubers species of gecko. They just chill in that don’t like no other. Sure, I may have an have. Many of them have hundreds their enclosures, climb around, and really want assignment due at 5pm, but that will of thousands of subscribers, and I’ve stick their little tongues out. I wish my to harm you. not stop me from surfing the Internet seen some with over a million. Clearly, life were that simple. They just until 4:30. Recently, a video popped I’m not alone in entertaining myself It’s pretty crazy to me that want to slink up in my YouTube recommendations with exotic animal videos. While there are so many people out there under logs and mind their business. from a famous Pet YouTuber. Now I’ll occasionally watch an explicitly with literal zoos in their houses. Have some extra time what is a Pet YouTuber, you may educational video about a specific Each YouTuber I’ve watched, though, between classes? Feeling dead inside ask? I’m not entirely familiar with species, my favorite ones to watch stresses that this should not be the and unsure how to find meaning in the qualifications, but I’m not talking are feeding videos or “Meet All my everyday person’s goal; taking care life? Maybe check out Pet YouTube. about someone who makes videos Pets” videos. Why on earth would I of that many animals is a huuuuge If you’re squeamish, maybe don’t about their dog. I’m talking about sit and watch someone feed a bunch responsibility, and should only be watch videos of people feeding their people with between 10 and 30 pets, of animals? I don’t know exactly, but taken on by someone with experience animals, but definitely tune in to most of which are ~exotic~ animals. don’t judge me until you’ve tried it. who can handle it. And yes, my regular informational content. It’s so I’ve gotten pretty deep into I’ve always kind of wanted obsession with exotic animal content much more calming and entertaining these videos in the past week or so. a hedgehog as a pet, so perhaps originally began as a way to take than you might think. I have no idea what the appeal is for november 6, 2019 the paper page 13

the paper’s view

I don’t know about anyone else but this year’s Halloween was a bit underwhelming for me. The Halloweekend that followed was lit, to be sure, but I didn’t do anything beforehand to get me into the spooky spirit. I missed watching Over the Garden Wall (if you haven’t seen it, it’s a delightful and spooky animated short series and you should check it out,) nor did I really engage in any other Halloween-ish media. I have finally become the thing my child me feared: a young adult who barely participates in Halloween festivi- ties. I haven’t slacked on eating candy though. If I don’t have a cavity right now I definitely am on the precipice of having one. Unlike Halloween, I am fully ready and feeling the vibes for Thanksgiv- the paper-libs! ing. It might be because as a senior the only thing I’ve been eating are ramen noodles and tears but I’m really looking forward to getting wrecked on turkey Take a stab at our very own paper-libs! If you’ve done any mad-libs and crescent rolls. Thanksgiving can be weird because you have to balance enjoying family time and feeling uncomfortable about the less than accurate you know how this goes. We’e taken out some words from Alex Jones’ representation of the relationship between Indigenous Peoples and Euro- famous “I’M A PIONEER, I’M AN EXPLORER” rant so YOU can fill it in pean Settlers. That doesn’t mean you can’t focus on the fun parts of Thanks- with your own ideas. We’re pretty certain this is how Alex Jones writes givings. My personal favorite part of Thanksgiving is my towns annual Turkey Trot, a 5 mile race that just destroys me every year. I haven’t run regularly for his material anyways, and whatever you put in is bound to make as the past 3 years, so the last few races have been rough to say the least. Are much sense as what it originally said. So go crazy! (Just not, like, Alex you guys enjoying this dive into my personal complexes about Thanksgiving? Jones crazy.) I am. Finally, Christmas is creeping upon us, and at this point I really don’t care when we start celebrating. It can never be too soon to start feeling that Christmas goodwill, and if anyone yells at me for singing Christmas carols in I’m a pioneer! I’m an______(1), I’m a human, and I’m ______(2)! November I’m gonna lose it. Let me have a good time! All my paperviews are about me trying to regain my childhood happiness, and having a 2 month I’m animated, I’m _____(3), my ______(4)’s big! It’s got hot _____(5), Christmas definitely helps with that. going through it _____(6). I like to ______(7.) too! I like to eat! I like to Meredith have ______(8)! ..I’m here! I’ve got a _____(9) force! This is a ______Do you ever wonder how really big garbage got there? Driving down the street for example, and seeing a mattress in a tree. (10), this is what we look like! This is what we _____(11) like! This is Or an abandoned car in the middle of a forest. Or perhaps a college basket- ball team in the middle of the Bronx that, for the past 40 years, has been the what everybody was like before us. This is what I am, I’m a throwback. sports equivalent of a steaming pile of dumpster trash. Basketball season is here. Which means everyone at Fordham can I’m here! I’ve got the _____(12) of human liberty! I’m ______(13) fires spend the next four months willfully ignoring the existence of the men’s bas- ketball team. I don’t have that luxury, unfortunately. That’s because sopho- everywhere! And ______(14) are turning on everywhere! more year I decided to join Pep Band. Where else could I find a club that combines my three passions of sports, music, and acting like a jackass at sporting events? It was a no-brainer. (1) A noun starting with a vowel What I didn’t realize when I signed up for band was that I would be (8) plural noun willingly subjecting myself to torture 15 to 20 nights during the winter for the (2) verb ending in “-ing” next three years. (9) noun Two years ago, Fordham came in last place in the Atlantic 10. Last year, (3) state of being Fordham came in last place in the Atlantic 10. This year, preseason polls are (10) noun picking Fordham to finish last in the Atlantic 10. (4) body part I’ve seen the Rams lose in nearly every way possible, but I’m sure this (11) verb year they’ll show me a few more. (5) liquid But still, it’s a new season, and maybe this is the year the Rams as- (12) noun cend to the top of the conference. Hell, at this point I’d be happy with just (6) adverb finishing second-to-last. (13) verb ending in “-ing” I know I shouldn’t care this much. But I do. And even if this year brings (7) verb more of the same, at least I can take comfort in knowing I won’t have to (14) group of something watch it next year.

Jack page 14 the paper november 6, 2019 Mayor Pete’s Slow Fall From Grace... By Hope Guzzle Why must all the good ones become sell-outs? Staff Politician criticisms of her plan boiled down to Pete had generated a lot of initial Pete had to offer, he was so much We all know Pete Buttigieg, two things: the divisive nature of her airtime when he first started his more than just another electability affectionately known as “Mayor plan and her lack of a plan to pay for campaign, however, he began to really argument. However, now it seems Pete”, as the mayor of Southbend, her proposed idea. However, he once lose steam over the summer. This like his only concern, much like many Indiana. He is known for his big plans was a supporter of medicare for all. new push has revived his campaign, Americans’, is electability. I just find to abolish the electoral college and In February 2018, he tweeted, “Gosh! and while it took dumping tons of this argument to be an odd choice remake the Supreme Court. Or at Okay... I, Pete Buttigieg, politician, do Super PAC money and completely considering we do not actually know if least he was. Recently it seems like henceforth and forthwith declare, rearranging many of his platforms, he Buttigieg is electable. He’s not called Buttigieg is completely changing the most affirmatively and indubitably, is now placing third or fourth in many Governor, Senator, or Representative way that he is marketing himself; he unto the ages, that I do favor Medicare of the early states. Now it just needs Pete for a reason. While I don’t think is no longer the generational change for All, as I do favor any measure that to be decided if “selling out” is worth that holding high political office candidate full of unique ideas, but would help get all Americans covered. it. should be a requirement to run for rather he is just Joe Biden below the office, it is a bold move to claim you legal retirement age. are the most electable when you are While he was never a the mayor of a town with a population progressive leader, Buttigieg once of just over 100,000 people. seemed to be comfortable leaning It also takes away one of into some less mainstream ideas, but my favorite qualities of his: his now seems to be backing away. One earnestness. He never felt like just key issue that allowed him to gain another phony politician. I remember media coverage in the first place was watching the first debate back in his plan to reform the Supreme Court. June when he fully took responsibility Initially his idea to add six new judges for the police brutality incident that to the court was one of his favorite happened in his hometown. He talking points, yet he now seems admitted that there was more that to be backing off this. One look at he could have done, and to me it his website and he now has several felt pretty genuine. No excuses were “promising ideas” about reforming made, just the idea that he could the Supreme Court, and this change have done better. So when he comes is only visible during the few times Now if you’ll excuse me, potholes When Buttigieg announced out completely doing a 180 on many he brings this issue up. This idea await.” This is clearly a big change he was running and started gaining of his policies, it feels like some of may catch fire in the primary, but it is from what Americans were hearing on national recognition, I was really that is lost. I cannot say for certain not something you can run on when the debate stage. excited. It felt like there was finally a what Mayor Pete does or does not trying to win over independents and This has left many original candidate that could bridge the gap believe, but what I can say is that for moderates. This would explain his Buttigieg supporters wondering what between moderates and progressives. me it feels pretty disingenuous. pivot towards healthcare, and more happened to their guy. It is pretty He seemed like the perfect candidate All that being said, I do not specifically challenging Warren and obvious that Buttigieg is trying to fill to bring the party together, but think all hope is lost. During the most Sanders’ Medicare For All plans. the role of Biden Jr., a candidate that apparently not many other people felt recent debate we saw Pete more fiery This was most apparent will not completely upset the balance that way because he did not do well in and passionate than ever. I can only during the fourth Democratic debate that many democrats enjoy while also the primary. I fully understand why his hope that he takes that passion and when Buttigieg went after Warren for not making embarrassing gaffes left campaign would do this, but I have directs it toward the issues he started her Medicare For All plan. His main and right. And it is working. Mayor found it disappointing. I loved what off with. november 6, 2019 the paper page 15

Onion’s Book Made Us Cry: Stones to Abbigale is Wretched By Gabby Curran and We can’t stop hating on Onision Meredith McLaughlin and that shes so so thankful James Spokane, Lisa leaves with her, and with to Davis, a.k.a. the Human Sycophant Meredith : noticed. Even though Abbigale is the that leaves the story. Prop. Several shenanigans ensue, Stones to Abbigale is a “book” by second most important character, Hopefully it’s clear that James including James “saving” Abbigale Gregory Jackson, known online as she’s only important in how she serves (and Greg) treat people objects that from her abusive ex-boyfriend, a school Onision. This “book” is self published; James. She either serves as a figure for provide a service. His cold and clinical shooting, Abbigale moving in with he wrote it after not reading a book him to save or a figure to give him love. treatment of others is a character trait, James, and the protagonists’ school for 14 years. Everything about this Their relationship isn’t one that can James describes how he has “enjoyed burning down. Thank goodness for the work is a muddled mess; I’ve read it exist in real life, especially considering seeing how people move around reader, James and Abbigale’s totally at least ten times trying to understand Greg’s abysmal and abusive track and talk to each other, like they’re all healthy and normal relationship stands why someone would write this. It is my record with love. animals at the zoo.” This book is poorly the test of time. Vietnam. Davis is James’ best friend, though written, but even if Greg wrote on I’m going to be blunt: this book is a Stones to Abbigale has one main that term is used loosely. In reality, Hemingway’s level, it still suffers from shitshow. Onision isn’t wrong when he character, James, who serves as a Davis is more like an obsessive fan, how terribly Greg treats the secondary calls James an alien because 90% of stand in for the author. This isn’t a someone who exists only to cheer up characters. the interactions he describes wouldn’t deep analysis, Greg boasts “James is James and say things like “Hallelujah, Gabby: ever take place in reality. You’ve got essentially a better version of myself. James is here to save us from the evil Just when I thought Onision couldn’t romanticized abusive relationships, His home, his school & his life all clouds!” It’s heavily implied Davis is in get any more inconceivable as a human teachers calling students the F-word resemble my own at his age. The people love with James, even after James negs being, I found out that he is the author with zero repercussions, and the James analyzes and is surrounded by him for feeling emotionally wrecked of three self-published books. The first craziest, most unhealthy relationship are not so unlike those I’ve known as after surviving a school shooting. Davis of these, Stones to Abbigale, is nothing between the two main characters well,” in the description for his book later gets run over and dies like a dog short of a literary masterpiece–– painted as the epitome of human on Amazon. It’s ironic that the people in one of a series of horrific events riddled with grammatical errors, romantic interaction. This is High James is surrounded by are based on that Greg uses to inject pathos into his spelling mistakes, and one-dimensional School Musical meets Law & Order in real people Greg knew, because Greg empty, banal story. characters, it did not fail to meet my the worst way possible, and I don’t hate writes human beings with the same Lisa, James sister, is treated as already high expectations of Onision’s anyone enough to recommend this level of insight as someone who was an afterthought, therefore she’s my writing. book to them. introduced into society for the first time favorite character out of spite. James The book opens with the story’s To conclude, I thought I would include at 20 would write. With that in mind, hates her because she gossips all protagonist, James, ruminating on just a compilation of some of my favorite it might be interesting to look at some the time and apparently has a lot of how special he is because he doesn’t quotes. Onision is nothing if not the of the more prominent secondary boyfriends. Greg is merciless in making like anything. A troubled soul, James reincarnation of William Shakespeare: characters to understand how Greg her out to be this screeching banshee, isn’t like other guys: he always feels “I could hear a scream in the back views other people. describing her as someone “...who like “an alien who had a VIP pass of my mind reminding me my dorkiness Besides James, the most important thought she was so important, everyone to submerge [himself] in primitive and borderline obsession was escaping character in Stones to Abbigale is, of around her just had to hear everything human culture just for entertainment.” through my face.” course, Abbigale. She is James’ love she had to say no matter how trivial Unable to relate to any of his peers, “I loved that she did everything I interest and the embodiment of pity the topic.” Later, Lisa’s friend dies in James braves the world alone––that would have done, leaving no room for porn and not much else. She has one the school shooting, and from the little is, until he meets Abbigale, a girl who me to imagine potential alternatives to (1) moment of agency, where she we are told, Lisa is distraught. James is somehow different from the rest of what she felt about Jason’s chauvinistic berates James for assuming she is shows no sympathy to his sister, or any the students at James’ high school. act.” (Nothing more sexy boyfriend, “broken,” and it’s one of the only good to any character besides Abbigale, and They are paired together in art class amiright?) Like a dam rapidly cracking moments in the book. This is of course even slut-shames her when he notices and share some kind of connection open she began to pour out as I kissed undercut by Abbigale breaking down she’s upset. When James’ mom leaves because he makes her laugh once. her marks.” “What if stars were like and admitting that yes, she is broken their home to live with her boyfriend in Shortly afterwards, we are introduced birds, and they took craps on us[?]” page 16 the paper november 6, 2019 Horoscopes Paranormal Activity Who? Check Out the Lighthouse This Week: Signs as “Influencers” By Marty Gatto Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe get wet. Earwax Editor foreshadows Pattinson’s theft of fire lines between sanity and madness Robert Eggers’ slow-building, Aries: Alexis Ren (light) and consumption by birds as become blurred, Pattinson more psychotic, occasionally homoerotic punishment. and more frequently encounters an Check your astrological new film The Lighthouse is a The other integral reference to actual, beautiful mermaid in what can compatibility with your masterpiece. Following his 2016 literature in the film is the implicit only be described as “masturbation lover before the media debut The Witch, Eggers has stirred reference to The Rime of the Ancient dream sequences.” The mermaid, gets to it... the proverbial waters with his Mariner. The Rime of the Ancient too, is no Ariel. She cannot speak. two-man horror period piece. The Mariner is a poem by Samuel Taylor Instead, she only emits high-pitched Taurus: Dobre Brothers Lighthouse, written by both Eggers Coleridge about a seaman who kills inhuman shrieks. Nevertheless, Remember to smile when brothers, details the story of two an albatross at sea. The albatross her psychosexual grip on Pattinson you’re with other people. crusty lighthouse keepers played by is considered a good luck sign, and seems more and more to pull him Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe. the crew is punished for its death towards ultimate doom. Some of the most Gemini: Danielle Cohn In this context, the fascinating things about mermaid seems to represent People love you anyway, this film are its implicit one of the famous sirens despite your Harvard or explicit references to from Homer’s Odyssey. The hoodie. literature. This is what I sirens in Homer’s Odyssey will primarily be talking are creatures that lure Cancer: Cameron Dallas about in this article and sailors to their death with Your Magcon days are SPOILER ALERT I am their irresistible song. While over but it doesn’t mean unapologetically going Homer’s description of the that girls aren’t still to reference the entire sirens does not include fawning over you :) plot. The film begins “mermaid” features, it with shots of the two seems like a contemporary on a ship cleaving its Leo: Belle Delphine trope to depict sirens as way through the water mermaids or beautiful, water- People admire you for your towards the lighthouse dwelling women. Eggers entrepreneurial nature. in the distance. There is uses this myth to fashion Keep at it. Keep adapting. no ham-fisted exposition. a psychosexual siren. This Instead, details are siren may have had a role in Virgo: Emma slowly dropped here and Pattinson’s predecessor’s Chamberlain there about why the two madness as well, since it is People miss the old you men are here. Slowly, his predecessor’s mermaid but remember your health we learn that Robert carving that induces a is more important. Pattinson has been “mermaid fetish” of sorts. enlisted to complete Finally, let’s return to various chores for Willem Libra: Danielle Bregoli Dafoe’s last mad ramblings. Dafoe, a crotchety old As he is being buried alive Let your creative juices seaman with a hell the man references “Protean flow this week. of a pirate accent. forms.” Proteus, in Homer’s Throughout, Pattinson Odyssey, is a shape shifting Scorpio: Jay Alvarrez fetishizes a mermaid carving, violently with stagnant winds, starvation, and sea-god. In order to gain knowledge Hahahaaaaaaaaaa surf’s kills a seagull, and obsesses over the death. This mirrors The Lighthouse in on how to return home, Menelaus up bruh...... swim this light at the top of the lighthouse that several ways. must capture the god. This theme is week queen. Dafoe (who is, possibly, a tentacle Dafoe, early on, warns Pattinson translated to the bizarre relationship monster) himself fetishizes. In the that it’s “bad luck to kill a seabird.” between Dafoe and Pattinson. Sagittarius: Malu end, Pattinson physically dominates Later, he states that this is because Dafoe is psychologically abusive and and kills Dafoe, sees the light, falls the seagulls contain the souls of mercurial, but ultimately becomes Musical.ly may be dead down the lighthouse and is picked at but you will keep tik toking dead seamen. Pattinson doesn’t overpowered by Pattinson (who by seagulls while still alive. listen and, quite horrifically, bashes makes him bark, roll over, and walk around the clock. Probably the most important a seagull’s skull in. Following this, on a leash). The theme of “protean reference to literature in the film is Pattinson becomes trapped on the forms” is especially notable in the Capricorn: Fred (Lucas the explicit reference to Prometheus. lighthouse’s island due to weather unsettling shots of unexplained Cruikshank) At the end when Pattinson is burying and the two run out of rations, much tentacles. You will have the biggest Dafoe alive, Dafoe specifically like in Coleridge’s poem. The Lighthouse is a must-see for social media turn around references Prometheus in some of Next, we should talk about any fan of horror. The film is extremely in the next two weeks. his last mad ramblings. The myth mermaids. Pattinson, upon arriving, enigmatic and going into it with of Prometheus, first referenced discovers a wooden carving of a knowledge of the plot and literary Aquarius: Lele Pons in Hesiod’s Theogony, details the mermaid hidden in his bed. Later, he background won’t help answer the story of a Titan who defies the learns that the man he has replaced unanswerable questions it posits. Try somthing different this gods by stealing fire and giving it to week. went mad with delusions about the Nevertheless, the film is worth seeing man. As punishment, the god was light atop the lighthouse. Presumably, if not for its literary background, chained to a rock where every day the carving was his predecessor’s. then for its Kubrick-esque shots and Pisces: Amanda Cerny an eagle would come to eat his liver Throughout the film, Pattinson brilliant acting. It certainly left me Keep your emotions in and every day it would grow back. pleasures himself to the mermaid eagerly anticipating another Eggers Dafoe’s invocation of Prometheus check. carving. As time goes on and the feature. november 6, 2019 the paper page 17 Bojack Horseman’s Final Season Delivers Events By Destin Piagentini Honey, you got a big storm coming... Staff Quentin Tarantulino with people he’s hurt in the past. up a cast of characters that are going These include Diane and Hollyhock, to resurface and rail against Bojack What: Drag Show with **Warning: Spoilers** Bojack’s half-sister. The episode is a for the harm he’s caused them in the The final season of Bojack signal: Bojack is finally ready to put past, with some of these injustices Jizzabella, Valkyrie Hail, Horseman, which is releasing in his past behind him and start anew being highly illegal and certainly and Sugga Pie Koko two separate parts (with this review as a good friend, a good brother, and actions that could land Bojack in jail Where: Rod’s Coffee looking at the first half), is admittedly an overall good person. It’s a truly for the rest of his life. The show is House bittersweet. On the one hand, this heartfelt episode, but in true Bojack in a position to make an important show has meant so much to so many fashion, the sentiment doesn’t last. message about “cancel culture” When: Friday, Nov. 8 (including me) and it’s genuinely sad The last episode of the season is and the MeToo movement. Bojack How much: FREE! to see one of the best shows still truly bizarre, and introduces strange is clearly a changed person, and Why: This event is super running get archived. On the other new characters we’ve never seen has actively sought in this season to fun and you should go. hand, the legacy of Bojack Horseman before, resurfaces old one’s that mend hearts and establish himself is a great one that is—like any as a force for good in There’s not much else to other great show—always one the future, but now his say about this. season away from leaving a past actions are about black stain on what has been to catch up with him. What: J.D. Salinger an otherwise near-perfect Now that push comes to show. Thankfully, if the first half shove, do we just throw Exhibit of Season 6 is any indication Bojack away? Do we Where: New York Public for the final half, the show is say his redemption arch Library going to stick the landing. never really made a When: Now-Jan. 19 The world of Bojack is difference in the grand one of change in the eight- scheme of things? 2020 episode first half. The end of For Bojack, the only How much: FREE! Season 5 saw each character thing that carried him Why: The New York beginning new journeys and through the ages was Public Library presents tackling new problems. Most the hope that there was main characters of the series still time to overcome a rare glimpse into get at least one episode his troubled past, die the life of J.D. Salinger that addresses their current a good person, and be with an exhibition of situation. Of course, with such someone others could manuscripts, letters, a large cast, these characters look up to and love. often interact within their daily Dying in jail would take photographs, books, lives, so episodes typically any hope Bojack has and personal effects see everybody at least fought to reclaim, and drawn exclusively from momentarily. As the season confirm his lifelong Salinger’s archive. progresses we see our cast suspicions that he was sort out their lives in genuinely broken from the onset, heartwarming ways. Diane, and that happiness is What: Lauren Duca after her recent divorce from simply out of reach for Where: McNally Mr. Peanutbutter, finds a some people. Not only Ampitheatre at Lincoln stable and supportive relationship have seemingly no bearing on the would it be a sad message for Bojack, with her cameraman, while Princess present story, and ultimately is a but it is a sad message for us, the Center Campus Carolyn discovers what it means to confusing mess. The closing seconds audience, and our personal lives as When: 11/08/2019 be a mother, and doubting herself as of this episode, however, bear an we overcome our own impediments @4:00pm she questions whether she’s forming important warning for Bojack’s fate and, for some, mental struggles. How much: Free a genuine connection with her child. heading into the final stretch of the So how do we deal with Bojack Meanwhile, Mr. Peanutbutter finally series. Hollyhock mingles with a Horseman? It’s a tight line for the Why: Lauren Duca is works up the courage to sort things new friend she met at a party who show to walk. If he walks away one of us...a paper out with his girlfriend after cheating recalls the story of his prom night in untouched does it send the message alum. We’re so excited on her with Diane last season, and high school when a stranger crashed that predators can get away with to have the opportunity Bojack stumbles but ultimately his friend group and bought drinks it? On the other hand, if Bojack’s succeeds in rehab after taking his for the teenagers which ultimately incarcerated for the remainder of his to speak with her about situation into his own hands with resulted in a night at the hospital life, does that send the message that her new book, How to Diane’s help. for one of his friends. His name was we are forever defined by our past Start a Revolution: Young Towards the end of the first half of Bojack Horseman. actions, and that there’s no reason People and the Future of the season, the focus is on Bojack. The more I think about this finale in reforming ourselves? I’m not sure In the penultimate episode of this the more heartbreaking I interpret it. which direction the writers will go in American Politics first half, Bojack spends his time Looking at the final episode of this the final eight episodes, but I sure am travelling around and reconnecting part, it’s clear that the show is setting excited (and scared) to find out. page 18 the paper november 6, 2019 The Conspiracy Collection: Cash Grab or Inspired Collab? By Angelina Zervos Shane Dawson takes on the beauty community Opinions Editor into the makeup industry despite nonetheless. dedicated to it titled “The Failure of Shane Dawson has published his never expressing interest in it before. Shane was able to dodge many of Jeffree Star and Shane Dawson,” so latest “docuseries” on YouTube and The goal of Shane Dawson’s these criticisms in his latest series, sad! In all fairness, we do witness managed to earn a spot on the top previous series was to investigate however, as it focused his personal some wholesome moments, such five trending videos with each video’s (and also entertain defamatory experience with Jeffree Star in creating as Shane’s proposal to his boyfriend release. The six-part series, titled conspiracies about) the lives of the “Conspiracy Collection,” which Ryland, a motivational speech made “The Beautiful World of Jeffree Star,” popular influencers. The main issue consists of two eyeshadow palettes, to Ryland’s sister Morgan about was posted throughout the month many held with these series was the a lip gloss collection, accessories, subjective beauty standards, and a of October, leading up to the launch biased, ignorant approach Shane and an entire merch collection (that shot of Shane and Jeffree hugging of Shane’s makeup collection with took to examine these figures. Many has already sold out). Viewers sit in as they watch eyeshadow pans get Jeffree Star Cosmetics on November of the questions posed by creator on board room meetings, makeup impressed with their names. 1st. In a previous series, Shane and viewer alike were either brushed labs testings, conference calls, and HOWEVER! This does not excuse had followed the life of Jeffree Star, over or completely ignored. Viewers photoshoots. The two insist that what the questionable intent of Shane, reflecting on the multimillionaire’s still have no true understanding of they are creating “has never been who throughout his entire career, had music career, social media presence, Tana Mongeau’s involvement with done in the makeup industry before.” never expressed interest in makeup and cosmetic line. During one of the planning and failure of TanaCon, Perhaps showing the process of a or the beauty community until his the videos, the two had joked about if Jake Paul knowingly manipulates large makeup collaboration, from the series with Jeffree. He makes an Shane creating his own eyeshadow his young audience, or whether or not lab to the shelves, is impressive, at effort to address these concerns, palette; a year later, the duo has done Eugenia Cooney has fully recovered one point we are given an incredibly doing makeovers on his friends and just that, and then some. However, as from her eating disorder. Shane dramatic shot of a JFC employee family in each of the videos. Yet Shane’s previous “documentaries,” is no journalist, and in the case of calculating the projected earnings this doesn’t disguise the avaricious or as many critics prefer to call exploring whether or not Jake Paul of the duo on his iPhone calculator nature of the duo, who constantly them, “vlogumentaries” have proved was a sociopath, is no psychiatrist app… it is hardly revolutionary. We allude to the grand amount of money to be problematic, with the use of either. Instead of answers, he are only given glimpses into the to be made by the launch. They were questionable journalistic practices presents melodramatic storylines process, and in all honestly, they successfully able to sway the hearts and uninformed deductions. Many that intersect each other repeatedly, make it look easy. It appears the of millions into buying their collection; viewers are left questioning the intent creating a long-winded narrative most difficult part of the launch was don’t bother trying to purchase the of the YouTube veteran’s endeavor that leave viewers begging for some choosing the correct packaging, Conspiracy palette now – it’s already sort of resolution; it is entertaining which had an entire “episode” sold out! J.D. Salinger May Be Gone, But His Legacy Lives On By Katelyn Cody Experience history at the public library Copy Chief publication demonstrates the care room on the library’s first floor. author was present at the D-Day On February 1st, 2019 the the author’s loved ones are taking to There’s a strict no bags policy and I landing and at the Battle of the Guardian published an interview with preserve his legacy and proceed with had to check my bag, coat, and even Bulge. It was at military school in Matt Salinger, son of “Catcher in the publication as he would have wanted. my phone. The “no photography” rule Pennsylvania that Salinger began to Rye” author J.D. Salinger, announcing Also teased in February’s article was taken up a notch by not allowing write and was also the literary editor that his father’s unreleased works any phones at all inside of his school’s yearbook. Much of would finally be published. Despite and I was told at coat the works on display were Salinger’s continuing to write between the check that for security correspondence with his colleagues publication of his last short story, reasons, guests were not in the literary world. One work that “Hapworth 16, 1924,” which was allowed to have anything struck me was a set of letters and published in the New Yorker in 1965, on them that had large drawings in which he meticulously and his death in 2010, the author did pockets. The exhibition outlined what the cover of “Catcher not publish any new works, and often room is incredibly tiny, in the Rye” should look like. The refused to comment on his writing not much larger than author’s attention to detail was so and declined interviews. The younger the average Martyr’s apparent throughout the exhibit Salinger stated that the first of the Court dorm room, yet that I can’t help but think that is the unreleased works should start to roll it was jam-packed with reason as to why we have had to wait out in 2020 and that readers need photographs of the so long to read his unreleased works, to be patient because going through author’s childhood and Matt Salinger wants to do his father all that his father had written in the days in the military justice and take as much care as he 45 years prior to his death is a big during World War II would have had he published while undertaking. was an upcoming exhibition of and letters he wrote to various book still alive. There was so much on In August, Salinger’s U.S. publisher Salinger’s personal archives at the agents, publishers, family members, display that there is no way it could Little, Brown. And Company released New York Public Library Stephen A. and friends. And of course, right be described in just one article, you’ll all of Salinger’s current works in the Schwarzman Building on 5th Avenue. at the entrance was the typewriter just have to see for yourself. I wish form of eBooks. The publishing house The exhibit opened on October 18th Salinger used to write most of his I could have provided pictures, but even created an Instagram page for and will run until January 19th, 2020. works, including “Catcher in the Rye,” honestly, I liked the no-phone policy, the famed author, fully bringing him Last Saturday I had the opportunity along with the original typescript of it made me actually spend more time and his works into the 21st Century. to visit the exhibit and appease my the novel. One of the most interesting contemplating what I was looking The hesitancy that the Salinger estate moody-” Catcher in the Rye”-loving aspects of the exhibit to me was the at. And one thing is for sure, I am showed in releasing the eBooks and higher schooler soul. The exhibit is amount of memorabilia from his anxiously awaiting the arrival of new in preparing the unreleased works for free to enter and housed in a small military service during WWII; the Salinger fiction in the coming years. november 6, 2019 the paper page 19 Baa Baa Black Sheep Have You Any Idea Who the Murderer Is? By Connor Lutts Town Hall of Horrors brings the ruckus in the Blackbox Staff Sheep star performance of Sheriff Jim Gor- ban mother who could potentially get don, mid-40s man who’s angry at the away with murder, if she were so in- Abbey Delk (Wabigail Billiams): Ab- There was an idea - Fordham clined. More than once, a character Experimental Theatre knows this - world. He was considered by John bey Delk stars as the other one of the Mayor to be quote ‘a suck-up’, whose goes out of her way to eat her brown- damn teens. Unlike Christian, Abbey called the Black Sheep Murder Mys- ies, though whether that’s more me tery. The idea was to bring together name should’ve been Matt ‘because chose to stay within her typecast of so many people walk all over him’. and Simon getting hungry, or actually ‘high school girl’, reprised from She a group of remarkable writers to see part of the show, is beside the point. if they could do something more: to Kills Monsters, another show that Shelby Daniel (Rhiannon): Shelby Described by John Mayor to live on you should’ve seen. Opening with a see if they could work together to ‘corner of Sixth Street and hell’. commit murder, to tell Daniel plays the local Boo Radley, just slow clap and an accusation against a story we never could, brownies, she delivers through poetry. Simon the show’s best line, Rodriguez’s charac- which was amazing - ter, John Mayor, died don’t at me, it’s a fact. for this idea of heroes. Anyway, last week- Charlotte Utschig end, Black Sheep ran (Biggie Scoops): News its third ever murder reporter looking for mystery show: The Town the next big scoop, Hall of Horrors. In it, she would’ve died of someone died, some- boredom if the Mayor one killed them, and hadn’t bit it first. Unlike then everyone accused the paper, she doesn’t everyone else of doing care about something it. Shows ran Novem- as pointless as “jour- ber 1st and 2nd, at the nalistic integrity,” ask- Blackbox in Collins Hall. ing “if a murder hap- Let’s take a look pens in a backwater at the cast (in or- town, and no one’s der of appearance): around to report it, would anyone even Simon Rodriguez know?” Described by (John Mayor): Up until John Mayor as “if Ari- the moment he tragi- anna Huffington huffed cally died, he was the too much paint.” mayor of this small town. He smoked a Eric Conor Lutts (Prof. cigar, stole brownies Hariton Splimby, PhD) from children, and de- A lecturer from a local cided to introduce the university, who swears entire rest of the cast he didn’t commit the of characters by in- murder, even though sulting them, and comparing them he had access to the to Haulin’ Oats. While some of the so happens to live in the woods with poison that killed the mayor. He once two black cats, and while she doesn’t Julia Tuck (Cindy McBarbara): published a paper openly favoring insults could be perceived as ‘per- Daughter of Susan McBarbara, sonal’, we were assured that this was own any books on the occult, she Marxism during the McCarthy Era, and does rent the Necronomicon from the you might know her better as class is described by the mayor as ‘a bore’. only the character he was playing, president. She derides conformi- and not how Simon acts in real life. town’s local library. Declared a witch by some, John Mayor describes her ty, believes her mother murdered So who murdered the may- as ‘about as edgy as James K Polk’. the mayor, and defends the witch or? Well, now you’ll never know. Christian Decker (Jim Gordon): solely on this account. John Mayor Christian Decker finally breaks out Emma Paolini (Susan McBarbara): describes her as ‘another one of of his typecast of ‘old man who’s an- those damn teens’, along with… gry or happy at the world’ to bring a Soccer Mom and amazing brownie- maker, Emma plays the quiet subur- page 20 the paper november 6, 2019 The Paper’s Book Club Recommendations Because books are still a thing

How To Not Get Egged Dick Pic Protocol by Gooey Greg by Brett Fogarty My 18-Hour How to be Bike Ride to Awesome Montauk by by Zahir Steel Noah Alloy

Did I Oops! Mention I I Fucked Up Went to Harvard? by Rammed by a Pugsley’s: God Ram: A Tale by The story of of Forbidden Ben Shapiro a man and a Romance dream by Kawaii by Kween69 Pizza Rat november 6, 2019 the paper page 21

Features and Lists: Literary Edition

story of your life The paper’s editors are The Bible and worked as a baker in the Why Always Me? more than just awesome, by Martin city, making bread and honing by the Bad Luck Barry good looking, smart, “The only difference between my pastry skills. I don’t know funny and all around Martin and God is that God how much detail I’ll go into For the past few years my great people. We are also does’t identify as Jeepers.” how I overthrew the king and family and I have had a acomplished authors with This two part saga explores started my sprawling empire, running joke that all the bad riveting and well-written my life from the time I created and the countless souls I or mildly inconvenient stuff autobiographies. Some man to the time I sent my son destroyed in my journey for seems to happen to me. For of us were kind enough above the stratosphere and ultimate power. example, if we ever go out to to share a sample of our into the heavens. Purchase eat there’s always something works, so sit back relax this book at Barns and Nobel. Drive: The Story of My Life wrong with my food, or and enjoy! Behave yourself and I will if I was Larry Bird Instead Something really cool comes sign your copy at the gates of of Me up and I’m the only one who Heaven. Tell St. Peter you’re by a Not Larry Bird can’t go, stuff like that and How to Procrastinate to a Barnes and Nobel platnum worse. I’m literally Neville Success member and I will include a My favorite biography is Larry Longbottom before he has by a Genius personalized message. XOXO Bird’s Drive: The Story of his tough guy glow up. Thus, Martin. My Life. My autobiography my autobiography title was This book would be about takes place in an alternate born. Honestly, I have no how I desperately want to My Power reality, in which instead of doubt that crappy stuff will get stuff done but God, I just By Darthon, Lord of the 7 myself I am the three-time continue in the near future can’t muster the strength. Realms NBA champion who amassed because honestly you tend to However, it would have more than 21,000 points kind of go with the flow after an uplifting message that I would write my autobiography over 13 seasons for the that stuff keeps happening sometimes the pressure of by describing my infinitesimal Boston Celtics. In my story, to you over and over again. leaving stuff to last minute power and how cool it is. of course, Larry Legend (me) IT does get a little annoying leads to diamonds of good I’d probably start with my won two additional titles and sometimes I’ll admit though . work. It would also chronicle troubled childhood as a cult played another four seasons attempts I made to get child of the Eternal Keepers, because my back isn’t quite stuff done earlier. If you and how I bargained with the as fucked-up. What’s the procrastinate, it’s not the end gods themselves in order real Larry Bird doing in this of the world. We’re all doing to obtain forbidden magic alternate universe? Probably our best to get stuff done. knowledge. From there, I’ll still riding around on a write about how I left home garbage truck somewhere. page 22 the paper november 6, 2019 Kanye West collection feels lackluster. It is missing Jesus is King his original, drawing R&B hip-hop Rich Shrestha essence. Unfortunately, if this album is an indicator of Kanye’s new path and not a short detour, then this could mean the end of Kanye’s best.

Favorite Track: “Follow God”

Alcest Miroir,” which then devolves into the Spiritual Instinct wails of a banshee, made all the more Christian Decker potent on “Protection,” which is clean Praise the lord. Kanye’s evan- Selena Gomez for most of the song till the end. The gelistic mission has finally dropped: “Look At Her Now” guitar melodies and harmonies that Jesus is King. However, unlike the Julia Carnevale are picked are so very Alcest, mean- preachers on Fordham Road, people ing, that you’d be hard pressed to find do not want to ignore this. At first these sounds from any other band. listen, the album seems to be what Other bands have replicated this com- Kanye came up with after opening bination of atmosphere and heaviness the Bible for the first time. His normal but not quite like Alcest. musical production value as always The opening song “Les Jardins is high quality. Some tracks with such de Minuit,” hits very heavy but also fills strong instrumentals include the ag- you with such serenity. It’s like walking gressive Selah and the melancholic into a dark forest alone at night but and controversial Closed on Sundays, knowing that nothing in there is going discussing Chick-fil-a. Yet, for many of to hurt you. I suppose that describes his original fans, Jesus is King lacks much of Alcest’s music. Spiritual In- the grittiness of his musical roots. stinct brings more of the beautifully He leaves room for his new religious dark music that they are the best at to devotion. More reminiscent of the old the forefront of metal talk. Kanye and my personal favorite song is “Follow God,” with vibes of My Beau- By virtue of their musicianship, Favorite Track: “Les Jardins de Minuit” tiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. I am a firm believer that there is a Alcest have been able to craft songs Nevertheless, this album right time for everything. I think Selena that successfully blend the dark and is not for me. Kanye does what he Gomez is too. She finally released the screeching blackness of metal with believes is best for Kanye and what lead single, “Lose You to Love Me” the soothing beauty of atmospheric makes Kanye happy. Right now, Kanye off her highly anticipated upcoming rock. Spiritual Instinct is a masterpiece wants to perform gospel music, even album on October 23, 2019. Although of atmospheric black metal and it though the majority of his fans do she has released “droplets” during deserves its place with the greats of not want it. Instead, he reaches an the dry period between her albums the genre. The album is very short, audience of devout Christians and lost like “Wolves,” and collaborations like boasting only six tracks, but each one souls. His track “God Is” is an example “Taki Taki,” this is the first time in four brings a rich array of tones and vocal of this type of acclaim with YouTube years we have seen Selena at her most performances I have never heard comments such as “I’m not even a vulnerable, true self. before. It’s crazy to think that the believer but this makes me want to be “Lose You to Love Me” recently melodies are so touching when I can’t saved,” and “Bruh Satan jus took that debuted at number 15 on Billboard, even understand the words because L.” which is Selena’s second highest debut they’re all in French. Indeed Satan may take that L, since “Good For You.” Many fans are Perhaps there need be no but Kanye might have as well with this expecting “Lose You to Love Me” to be translation. The music speaks for itself. new course. Isolated from Kanye, this Selena’s first number one. The single Neige, with his mind bending soothing album is decent and definitely grows is doing incredibly well for a ballad in clean vocals brings solace and comfort on you after more listens. As a Kanye the streaming era. I think this is in part on songs such as “Sapphire” and “Le fan, compared to his other work, this due to the anticipation and excitement november 6, 2019 the paper page 23 surrounding Selena’s comeback and weeks, this album has been the Rex Orange County didn’t enjoy the album — it’s definitely because the lyrics allow Selena to say soundtrack of my existence. It’s been Pony worth a listen. However, compared to what needs to be said. my go-to musical accompaniment to Katelynn Brown his past releases, the songs on this My favorite lyric from the homework, subway naps etc. It’s an album are not nearly as strong or single is “sang off-key in my cho- album full of tangled feelings tinged memorable as his others. rus, cause it wasn’t yours.” As a fan with a hint of self-deprecation. King myself, I sense a double meaning. Princess fully admits to her tendency Favorite Track: “10/10” Selena is first commenting on the to be hard on herself in the album’s toxicity of a relationship. When it first track, “Tough On Myself.” She then came time for her to cultivate herself delves into the web of betrayal and and her talents, she simply could not. confusion of love that exists within her. This explains her singing off-key in her Mixing emotion with upbeat own chorus, since it wasn’t the other melodies, King Princess wraps her person who she gave all her time and cries for unconditional affection in energy to. I also think this line is a jab songs that you can bop to with tracks at those who have negatively com- such as “Ain’t Together” and “Cheap pared her singing to other women in Queen.” However, juxtaposing tracks the industry. After she sings this line such as “You Destroyed My Heart” about her chorus being off-key, a new and “Do You Wanna See Me Crying?” beautiful chorus of solely Selena’s predominantly focus on her frustration vocals follows. The black and white with the fickleness of love in a more music video encapsulates her every somber tone. emotion. Selena has not only grown She succeeds in finding the When I heard Rex Orange personally in these four years, but also appropriate ratio between sitting and County was coming out with a new musically. thinking deep thoughts at 2am and album, Pony, I was pumped — it was Electro + Surf letting us thoroughly enjoy a song about to be real sad boy hours again. without listening to the lyrics and getting Pony definitely delivered our annual 4 U emo about it. In general, I find Cheap dose of relationship highs and lows, Queen particularly refreshing to listen loneliness and isolation. However, as to as it genuinely encompasses the compared to previous albums such struggles of finding love in the modern as Apricot Princess, this album fell a 1. The Godfather - age without the naive innocence that bit flat. As other Rex Orange County Satan’s Pilgrims accompanies much of her earlier work. albums do, many of the songs blend However, I think that the release of into one. her EP, “Hit the Back,” spoiled the I feel usually that if you listen 2. Miserlou - Dick release of the album by giving listeners to them enough, you begin to pick out a premature preview of all the hits of different sounds, poignant lyrics or Dale King Princess Cheap Queen. No track on the album good instrumental riffs. This album Cheap Queen really stood out to me other than the lacks this severely. I listened to this Nora Hogan ones that I had previously listened to album about five or six times, and not 3. Them Changes - on the EP. Regardless, King Princess’ much really stood out to me except the songwriting and message in her new first song, “10/10,” which was origi- Thundercat work are truly great and worthy of nally released as a single. I also really praise. enjoyed “Face to Face” and “It’s Not the Same Anymore,” though I don’t 4. Gods in Heat - Favorite Track: “Ain’t Together” remember how either of these songs Tobacco go. I just remember liking them. Other than these songs, I felt many of the other songs didn’t stand out. I think 5. Creature - Tijuana Pony could have benefited a lot from more musical variety. Panthers In general, I think Rex Orange County excels at singles, while his albums blend into a homogenous 6. white Awakenning 40-minute melody. Pony was no excep- V2 - Les Rallizes tion — it’s actually a perfect example of this. In addition to this, Pony feels Denudes exceptionally short. Every time I lis- tened to Pony I was left thinking, “Oh, On October 25th, 2019, the it’s over.” I think that if the songs were 7. Flames up - world’s ears were blessed by the longer or if there was an extra song or Thinking Fellers release of King Princess’ highly-antici- two, the album would have felt more pated Cheap Queen. For the past two complete. This is not to say that I Union Local 282 page 24 the paper november 6, 2019