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The Problem with Daycare

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The Problem with Daycare http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/daycare.html ThisarticleoriginallywaspublishedbyTHEAMERICANENTERPRISE,MAY/JUNE1998 THEPROBLEMWITHDAYCARE byKarlZinsmeister MerylFrankisanexpertonchildcare.ForfiveyearssheranaYaleUniversityprogram thatstudiedparentalleave... Frankwentbacktoworkparttimewhenherson,Isaac,was5 monthsold,andinthetwoyearssincethenshehaschangedchildcarearrangementsnine times. Hertravailsbeganwithawell-regardeddaycarecenternearhersuburbanNewJerseyhome. Onthesurface,itwasgreat.Onestaffmemberforeverythreebabies,asensitive administrator,cleanfacilities."ButwhenIwentin,"Frankrecalls,"Isawthislineofcribsand allthesebabieswiththeirarmsoutcrying,wantingtobepickedup.Ifeltlikecryingmyself." ShewalkedoutwithoutsigningIsaacupandwentthroughasuccessionofother unsatisfactorysituations--ababysitterwhocouldn'tspeakEnglish,awomanwhocaredfor10 childreninherhomeatonce--beforesettlingonaneighborhoodwomanwhotookIsaacinto herhome."Shewasfabulous,"Frankrecallswistfully.Threeweeksafterthatbabysitter started,shegotsickandhadtoquit.Frankadvertisedforhelpinthenewspaperandgot30 inquiriesbutnoqualifiedbabysitter.(WhenFrankaskedoneprospectivenannyabouther philosophyofdiscipline,thewomanreplied:"Ifhetouchedthestove,I'dpunchhim.")Afew weekslatershefinallyhiredhertenthbabysitter."She'saveryniceyoungwoman,"Frank says."Unfortunately,shehastoleaveinMay.AndIjustfoundoutI'mpregnantagainanddue inJune." That'swhathappenswhena pro triestogethelp. Sobeginsastoryinaspecialissueof Newsweek onfamilytrends.Whilethismanydaycare problemsintwoyearsisprobablynotaverage,itisbynomeansunusual.Mismatches, repeateddisappointments,andoccasionalhorrorstoriesaretherule,nottheexception,when itcomestohiringparentalsubstitutestoday--asyou'llquicklydiscoveronceyoustart interviewingacross-sectionofdaycareusersabouttheiractualexperiences. Inaperfectworld,therewouldbeanabundanceofintelligent,well-balanced,devoted individualswillingtoattendlavishlyandpatientlytothedemandsofstrangers'children-- enoughsothateveryfamilywhowantedcouldhavetheirownfull-timelovingsurrogate.These dreamworkerswouldallbewillingtoprovidetheirservicessocheaplythattherewouldbe littleornostrainonfamilyfinances.Andtheywouldremainwiththesamefamilyyearafter year,meshingperfectlywithchild,parents,andsurroundings. Buttherearenodreamcaretakers.Thereisverylittlethatevencomesclose.Inreallife, purchasedcareisrarelymorethanastopgap.That'snotmyverdict.It'stheverdictofparents themselves.TakeJoanieColquitt,motherandholderofamaster'sdegreeinsocial psychology.Inalonglettershewrotemeafewyearsago,Ms.Colquittdetailsaquitetypical setofexperiences: IcanrememberwhenIconsideredsendingmyownfirstchildtodaycare.Ihad spentsolongonmyeducationandwedidtrulyneedthemoney.SoIvisitedwhat was,atthattime,thenumber-onedaycarechaininthecountry.WhatIsawthere brokemyheart.Babieswerelinedup,sixinarow,crying,waitingfortheirmeals. Zinsmeister,TheProblemwithDaycare 1of25 Toddlerswerestillintheircribs,somewithtear-stainedcheekssimplysittingthere withnotoys,nocompanionship,withlooksofhavinggivenupanyhopefor personalattentionalongtimeago....Therewasabucketonthethefloornextto thehighchairswhereseveralragsfloatedindirtylookingwater.Thehelperpulled oneouttowipeababy'sface.Therewere15-month-oldchildrenwhocouldnot evenwalk,Ibelievebecausetheyhadnotbeenallowedoutoftheircribsenoughto developproperly. Ihavevisitedotherdaycarecentersthatwerecleaner,andhadacademic programsandactivitiesgalore.However,theatmosphere,tome,wasstillnegative. Thechildrenwerenotlovedthewaytheyneededtobeandyoucouldtell.They lookedtiredandkindofwashedout. AuthorLindaBurtonisanotherpersonwhohasdescribedindetailwhatshecameacross whilescouringherhometown(theWashington,D.C.area)fordaycare: Inoneinstance,Ifoundthe"absolutelymarvelous"familydaycareprovider, recommendedbytrustedfriends,sleepingonhersofawhile11children(shehad informedmethatsheonlycaredforfive)wanderedaimlesslyaroundinfrontofthe blaringTV.Anothertime,onanunannouncedvisit,Ifoundthatthe"highly recommended"licenseddaycareproviderconfinedsevenpreschoolerstohertiny diningroom.Ifoundthemhuddledtogether,leaningoverabarricadetowatchaTV programshowingintheadjacentroom. Thesearenotisolatedanecdotes.Anyoneinvestigatingtheworldoffull-timedaycarequickly amassesfilesofsuchtestimony.AfewyearsagotheMetropolitanTorontoSocialPlanning Councilinvestigatedasampleof281daycarehomes.Theyreportedthatasmallnumber weregenuinelystimulating,andanothersmallnumberwereout-and-outabusive.Thelarge majority,however,providedcarethatwasmerelyindifferent.Onlyafewofthecaregivers studiedwereabletomakethemselvesgenuinelyinterestedineachoftheirindividual enrollees.Inasignificantminorityofcases,youngstersweresimplyignoredmostofthetime. Howdoparentsreacttothedisappointingstandardsofmosthiredcare?Veryoften,by loweringtheirexpectations.IwasstruckbyaconversationmywifeandIoncehadwiththree ofourWashington,D.C.neighborswhousedsignificantamountsofsubstitutecarefortheir children.Weaskedthemhowtheylikedtheircurrentsitters."Thisone'sgoodwithchildren," repliedthefirst."She'salwaysproselytizingfortheJehovah'sWitnesses,though,and sometimesthatannoysme."Anothervolunteeredabouthersitter:"She'sgreat.Exceptthat she'sreallyincrediblylazy.""------isnice,andwe'rehappywithher,"answeredthethird, "butshesmokesallthetime,andneverhastheTVoff." Daycare-usingparentsmakeminorcompromiseslikethesebythemillions.Andsomeendup facingmuchlargerworries.Likethedual-careerWashington,D.C.couple(themotheractually workedasachildcareresearcheratoneofthelocaluniversities)whodiscoveredthatthe Spanish-speakingwomantheyweredroppingtheirnine-month-oldoffwithwastakingin severalotherbabieswithouttheirknowledge,andregularlyleavingthemwithher12-year-old daughterwhileshewentouttocleanhouses.(Theydiscoveredthisonlywhenoneofthe infantsswallowed30aspirintabletsandendedupinahospital.) Atellingexampleofhowdifficultitcanbetoaccuratelyjudgeahiredcaregiverinvolves professorSandraScarr.Scarrisoneofthemostzealousacademicdefendersofdaycarein thecountry.Shearguesregularlyandvociferouslyinherwritingandinmediainterviewsthat "daycarecanactuallybegoodforchildren."YetwhenScarremployedbabysittersforherown children,herdaycareexpertiseandenthusiasmwerenotenoughtoavoidproblems.Oneday shereturnedfromworktofindher18-month-oldweeping."Kathyhitme!Kathyhitme!,"the Zinsmeister,TheProblemwithDaycare 2of25 toddlercriedsimply.Scarrfoundlarge,redweltsonherdaughter'sbody--"thesitterhad beatenherbadly."Sheexpressedgreatfrustrationwhentoldbypolicethattherecouldbeno prosecutionwithoutwitnesses.Apparentlywithoutanysenseofirony,Scarrcomplained bitterlythat"noonewastheretopreventtheabuseortotestifyaboutit." Butphysicaldangersandout-andoutabusearenotthemajorproblemsassociatedwith substituteparenting.Despitethescreamingheadlines,thesearefairlyunusualoccurrences, thankgoodness.Thecommoner,deeperdrawbackissimplythatitisanemotionally unsatisfyingsubstituteforthenaturalattentionsofmotherandfather.Fromayoungster's perspective,thetypicaldaycarearrangementisapuzzling,oftenchilly,slightlysad arrangement.Unfortunately,veryfewdiscussionsofdaycarelookatthingsfromthatangle. "WecoulddowithanotherCharlesDickens,"suggestsfamilyhistorianJohnSommerville,"to giveusachild's-eyeview"oftheworldofdaycare. DAYCAREASITREALLYIS There'snoneedforanyonetowriteabookonwhatchildrenencounterinatypicaldaycare setting--becauseawriternamedDeborahFallowshasalreadydonethat.Fallows(aRadcliffe graduate,linguist,andformerassistantdeanatGeorgetownUniversitywhoismarriedto U.S. News editorJamesFallows)isnotCharlesDickens.Butin AMother'sWork shedescribes one-and-a-halfyears'worthofcloseobservationindozensofdiversedaycarecenters scatteredacrossMaryland,Washington,D.C.,Texas,andMassachusetts. WhileFallowsdiscoverednoabuse,relativelylittledirt,andadequatephysicalconditionsin mostcenters,shenonethelessfoundtheaveragechild'sexperiencefrighteninglyempty.This wasafairlytypicalvisit: Isettledintoaninconspicuouscorneroftheroomandbegantowatchthe children....Often,onechildwouldattachhimselftome--maybegoingoffforafew minutesbutalwayscomingbacktosayafewwords...pointtoashoethatneed tying...orshowmehistummy. Theteacherwatchingthechildrentriedherhardest,ad-libbingherwayfromone activitytothenext.Sheputonarecordandstartedtodance.Onelittleblondboy starteddancingalongwithher.Afewothersjoinedthegroup.Fiveorsixgathered bysomeswingingcabinetdoorsthatformedthepartitionbetweentheplayarea andtherestoftheroom.Onelittlegirlsatbyherself,cryingsoftlyinthecorner. Therestwanderedaround.... Thenafighteruptedbetweentwolittleboys,andtheteacherhadtostopdancing tobreakitup.Withoutherexample,thedancingdiedoff.Shetriedagainafew minuteslaterbutwasinterruptedthistimebyasmallcouplewhotrippedovereach other.... Shegaveuprecordsthenandtriedreadingastory.Thesamefeweagerdancers movedrightintolisten,whiletherestkeptonswingingonthecabinetdoorsor aimlesslywandering.Thelittlegirlwasstillcryinginhercorner.Afterashortstory, theteacheropenedthelargecabinetandpulledoutsomepuppets.This immediatelyattractedthelargestcrowdofthemorning.Allbutafewrushedright overtowatchtheshow.Butthebrillianceoftheideadimmedafterseveral moments.Asherimpromptustorylineweakened,thetoddlersdriftedbacktotheir swingingdoorsandwandering,shufflingtheirfeet,chasingbackandforth.... Zinsmeister,TheProblemwithDaycare 3of25 HereasatothercentersIvisited,youcouldalmostfeelthemorningdrivingitself towardthegrandfinale--lunch. Fallowsgiveswrenchingdescriptionsofchildrenreferredtobytheirteachersas"littleboy"or "heylittlegirl,"ofactivitiesthatcatertothegroupaveragebutleavequiettoddlersbehind,of desperatenotespinnedtoyoungsters'coatsinwhichparentspleadforextraattentionor specialcomforts.Shetellsofcaretakerswhocan'trememberbabiesbynameanddescription
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