The Sad Muppet Society presents... Issue 21, Winter 2005
T HE NEWSL ETTER
THE MARATHON OF GLEBE
THE SAD MUPPET SOCIETY
G AMESDAY VI|NEWBURY NECRONS|CHEF’ S COOKER|THE LEAGUE 2004 O PEN TOURNAMENT II|GLEBE WARS|SQUIGGOTH 101 Page 2 Issue 21, Winter 2005 EDITIORAL Contents (THE RAT’ S RAMBLINGS)
The Rat’s Ramblings 2 Happy New Year and Freeth for winning best I’m back! More rubbish welcome to the first sportsman in the 2004 from Chief Muppet Newsletter of 2005! league, and Matthew Pinto In order to work around a for finally claiming the Pixie Events Diary 3 few other things in my life Jam Trophy! Incoming 4 (Christmas, work, college, Well done guys! Regarding Retribution etc, etc), the publishing Richard Kerry and ASMOH 05 Despite everything, I’ve dates for the Newsletter Chief Muppet managed to survive have ended up being pushed As always I’m on the look out Christmas with my sanity back about a month. So the Muppet Army 6 for more articles so if you’ve intact, and Halo 2 finished! spring edition should be Got a painted army? got any new rules to test out, However, ten days away from rolling out in April, the Earn the kudos you want to review something, the office and I’ve managed Summer edition in July, and deserve! write a story, or have any to paint approximately one the Autumn edition in other interesting article in Gamesday 6 7 model. October. Sorry about that buts that’s the way the mop mind, email me and you Nick examines the Hum, that next army may might see it in here next flops. fallout from GD6 take some time… time. Newsletter Twenty Two Richard (the Rat) Kerry 2004 was a fantastic year is due out on the 12th April Gem Hunting 8 for the club where we Chief Muppet so I need any articles in the Exploits of my Tau in the managed, somehow, to week beforehand at the combat patrol madness organise three separate latest. tournaments (including that Newbury Necrons 10 big one), a huge demo game, Nick at Starsmash and even managed to bring home Gamesday 2004 11 some silverware from a couple of Peppering Predators 12 tournaments. Pompey Pillage report Not wanting to rest Eisenhorn 13 on our laurels, we’ve already In the Hall of Heroes 14 started to plan a lot Open Tournament II more fun stuff for report, with added 2005 including two, Tauiness yes, two full size big grown up The Green Menace 15 tournaments of our Daemon Hunting in 16 own (see Incoming Nottingham for more details). Nick’s version of events However before we at the 1st Company dive into the 2005 Veterans tournament Muppet Show, I’d Building an Army From just like to Mr Pinto holding aloof the infamous Pixie Jam 17 Trophy, mostly in front of Birthday Boy’s Scratch contragulate Mark Front cover: head (Little Nick) Mark Waple returns to A really bad guy the land of pointy sticks As drawn by Mr White. Squiggoth 101 18 Muppet THE CLUB Guess what Nathan now has... Merchandise We’ve now got a club earns you the title ‘Member Statistics IIII 20 If anyone wants one, we can running, so what’s the deal? Muppet’ and entitles you to a get ‘Team: Muppet’ t-shirts Well, as the main aim is just printed copy of this Never Doubt He Is 21 and polo shirts, with the to cover our running costs, Newsletter four times a year Watching Us... SMS logo on the front and ‘The Meet’ on Tuesday nights plus gets you into ‘The Meet’ The fallout from our at member’s rates. In the Team: Muppet logo is going to cost you £2 if 2004 40K campaign across the back, as you’re a member and £3 if addition to this you can join The Chef Cooker modelled by various folk at you’re not. Team: Muppet, for the glory 22 the club. of, umm, Basingstoke... He’s back, and this time So how do I become a its Sportsmanship... These are £15 each and member? So that’s it? available in various sizes. Sorry, this is going to cost Yep, it is. At least until we The League 2004 23 Speak to Other Muppet you more money. £5 per year change our minds... (Dave James) for more info. The League 2005 24 The NewsLetter Page 3
Coming to a Muppet EVENTS DIARY tournament near you... O R MORE OPPORTUNITIES TO SPEND MONEY FORLORN
23rd January 2005 Siege of Glebe’s Deep Paul Russell (aka Money Muppet) and Mr Freeth are organising an HOPE Orc versus Empire Siege on a grand scale at Glebe Hall. “To win is to lose, 12th February 2005 Call to Arms To lose is to Win” The Newbury and Reading Wargames Society annual show, this year Combat Patrol with a Twist at Theale Green Community School rather than Newbury College 19-20th February 2005 Cardiff Carnage 2005 40K tournament, see www.cardiff-wargames.org for more info.
21st February 2005 Open League Meeting The first GCN Open League night with Oxford Wargaming Club. Speak to Richard Kerry for more info and to join Team: Muppet.
13th March 2005 Overlord 2005 Date: TBA The Abingdon Club’s annual show at Fitzharrys School, Northcourt Road, Abingdon, and possibly including the Final Trials. 9th April 2005 1st Company Veterans Open War 3 WH40K, WFB, and EPIC tournament at Warhammer World, Lenton.
9-10th April 2005 St Valentine's Day Aftermath 5 Spiky Club’s annual campaign weekend at the Post Office Club in Reading. 7th May 2005 A Small Matter of Honour 05 Church Cottage, Basingstoke. See page 5 for more information. 11-12th June 2005 Pompey Pillage 40K and WFB tournament in Portsmouth. Contact <
I 4 TH JANUARY 2005 THE AGM NCOMING
The club Annual General around about a Meeting was held on the 4th Comic Relief January 2005. Apart from 40K Combat the important stuff like giving Patrol event, out trophies and Muppet and then of Army certificates we also course we have covered more mundane club the two biggies. business. On the 7th May Apparently, the club is doing there is our premier 40K The strongest player in last year’s league, Ross quite well on the money side propping up the rest of us from last place (ask Paul if you want to know tournament, A exactly how well) and has Small Matter of besides, we’re having fun). started to invest in a bit Honour, and then more scenery for you chaps provisionally on the 12th The last business is to thank (including a rather nice November, there is our first everybody who has fortress Paul and Ross were ever big Warhammer Fantasy supported the club over the painting just before Battle tournament, past year and all the Christmas). In addition to Regarding Retribution. volunteers such as John this, Antony Walls proposed As well as this lot, we’re also Barter, who have helped that the club make a planning to do a Fantasy grease the wheels and keep donation to Tsunami disaster game for this year’s us going in 2004. which was passed Gamesday at the NIA. Details Richard Kerry unanimously. are sketchy at the moment Chief Muppet but see Dave ‘Other Muppet’ Events wise, there’s quite a Paul Russell Offen-James if you want to bit going on. In January we Money Muppet have a Fantasy Border Patrol be involved in that project. themed evening on the 18th Finally, the committee tried Dave Offen-James January and then a big, their damnedest to stand Other Muppet mega, Orks versus Empire down so they didn’t have to Nick Jenkin siege on the 23rd. Later on do any work this year. With League Muppet in the year, rumours have the exception of Nathan, we already started to drift were unsuccessful (and
12TH NOVEMBER 2005
REGARDING RETRIBUTION
be the one victor, the one Ostland, the tournament true hero to hold the power would have rules though; and suffer the subservience these will ensure that truly, of all other races for eternity. only the best would win. For centuries the prize had They came from far and The finest knights of the been hidden and safely near, from the Icy wastes of Empire and Brettonia, guarded by the ancients, Kislev and the Chaos Wastes stalwart Dwarves from their now there was but one and to the steaming Jungles of mountain holds, the she sensed her life force was Lustria, fair Maidens of Lizardmen from their jungle slipping away, her arcane Brettonia and the Boorish ziggurat’s, elegant Elven powers which had aided in Orcs from the Wastelands. nobles with their retinues. it’s concealment were Chaos warlords and their waning. Something needed High Elf Princes, Dwarf Kings, Demons and Warlords warbands, menacing Skaven to be done, but what? There and the sinister Dark Elves, Hi all, this is a bit of a new was no choice but to offer all seek the famed prize, the column here to keep you Chalice of Perdition. There Orcs and Goblins, Giants, this to the greatest race in Ogres all are coming… good folk abreast with all the the known world. A are those that crave its little projects going on at the tournament would be called, power while equally there For their will be…ONLY ONE! club. invites were offered, are those who would thwart Mark Freeth So watch out, there’s challenges issued and these attempts at supreme Fantasy Muppet power. All races are INCOMING... threats made, there can only gathered onto the plains of The NewsLetter Page 5
7 TH MAY 2005
As everyone enjoyed It is ten years after the their flag and stained the themselves so much last planet was plundered by the snow red. time, and as Nickron combined actions of twenty- In the equatorial jungles, volunteered us to run it eight different factions all strange creatures challenged again within days of the last intent on capturing whatever the crusading armies of the one, ASMOH will be returning secrets this world had to Emperor. to Church Cottage, give. Basingstoke, this year, on And on a high mountain In the cities, giant Ork plateau, Space Marines of Saturday the 7th May. Squiggoths ripped through the Salmander’s chapter As before, the war-torn world the civilian population. In the fought their brother marines of St Michael is the site of polar oil fields, foul minions at ‘its’ call. our little war. of the dark gods planted Battered and broken, the The small world of St Michael has a secret. Army Limitations & people of this world must steel themselves for another Underneath the towering Requirements war... cities, amongst the wild • No more than 1750 points jungles, hidden within the may be spent on the army, The format of the day will be snow swept tundra, there largely similar to A Small using the Standard Force is... something. Matter of Honour 04 with Organisation chart unless specifically allowed to use players requiring a 1750 Many years ago the forces an alternative (such as point Warhammer 40000 of Imperium, led by marines Saim-Hann) and fielded as a army (or put another way a 1500 point army plus a Land of the Salmander's chapter, single detachment. Raider). However this year cleansed the world of St • Your first battle will be we will have the added twist Michael like an avenging fought using a 400 point combat patrol army. This may be of a 400 point combat patrol storm, claiming the prize in selected from a different list if you cannot field your main game to start the day off the name of the Emperor. army with the combat patrol restrictions. A roster MUST still with. be submitted for this army. Oh, and this year you will But many years have • All models used must be PAINTED and BASED miniatures of need a number of passed… the appropriate type they represent. appropriate loot counters for
• Any full Codexes/Army Lists published at least one month one of the games. Traitors, aliens, and worse before the tournament will be allowed. The list in the rules Anyway, for the princely sum have once again set foot on pack represents the permitted armies as of December of £10 Nick Jenkin will this world. The time has 2004. happily sell you a ticket, but come again for the righteous please be warned, they will • Special Character models may be used subject to any to heed the call to honour only be 30 places this year stated restriction, but only in your 1750 army list. and glory! so you’ll have to be quick. • Each army is limited to the troops specifically permitted by its list and allies may not be used. Therefore Imperial armies Oh, and the excellent may not take Daemon Hunter or Death Watch Allies and catering staff will be back again so they’ll be plenty of Kroot Mercenary allies may not be used. bacon butties!!!! This was the general theme • Daemon and Witch Hunters may use Inducted Guard units Richard Kerry behind Gary Batchelor's World or Allied Space Marines as these are standard features on Eaters last year. We expect more ASMOH Muppet these army lists. of the same! • Equipment detailed only in Forge World’s Imperial Armour publications may not be used. • No VDR vehicles or Tyranid Monstrous creatures will be allowed. • Space Marine armies may use Drop Pods in games two, three, and four. • You will require three appropriate objective markers in addition to your 1750 point army. Each of these should be mounted on a base no larger than 65mm in diameter. Page 6 Issue 21, Winter 2005
The Rules MUPPET ARMY In an attempt to promote modelling, painting, background and non-cheesy army lists; the Muppet Army scheme works as follows: • A player must submit a set army list, Muppet Army is our little more details background for an army, and a FULLY devilish scheme to make about the painted and based army to the committee to sure that anyone who fully scheme but judge. As standard Warhammer Fantasy paints and fields an army, the theory is armies should be 2000 points and fleet, or even a Blood Bowl simple. Warhammer 40000 armies should be 1500 team, gets the kudos they Dedicate an points with a standard force organisation. deserve. unreasonable These will be published on the website and/ amount of your or the Newsletter. spare time to • Muppet Army is not restricted to just Painting and Modelling designing, Warhammer Fantasy or Warhammer 40000 Painted: ALL of the army is painted with at least three colours. building, and armies; Blood Bowl Teams, Gothic Fleets, or painting your more or less anything else can be entered. Based: ALL of the army has painted and textured bases. army. Submit • An army may only be submitted once. Detailed: All of the models have had details of the models an army list painted in a variety of colours or with noticeable effects. This and some • The player must play the submitted army discriminates between the merely painted forces and forces background to against two separate league opponents over that have had attention paid to them. This should include a member of the course of the league year. These shading/highlighting. the committee, opponents will verify that you have been and use it at using your Muppet Army. Markings and Banners: Models have appropriate markings/ least twice • The committee will score Muppet Armies insignia. Units have banners were appropriate. To qualify for down at the based upon composition, fluff, quality of these points marking should be on most models, not just a club. painting etc, etc, out of a possible 20 marks. few. Simple huh? • The committee will use the submitted Consistency: The army should have a roughly consistent colour Richard Kerry armies to judge the award for best army at scheme. Major Muppet the end of the year. Advanced Painting Techniques: At least one unit shows evidences of advanced painting techniques such as blending or non-metallic metals. Army Composition Conversions: At least one unit is extensively converted in some WYSIWYG: Every model conforms to the “what you see is what manner, or a number of converted models are scattered you get” requirement, including wargear and vehicle upgrades. throughout the army. Any conversions should be recognisable. Entirely Converted: This point may be awarded to armies which Roster: The player has a full and clearly readable roster. have been extensively converted. In this case almost the entire Legal: The army is legal and correct in all details (such as army will have been converted to some degree. points costs). Extras: The army has had additional, unnecessary bits added to it. Examples include: civilians, objective markers, wrecked Size: The army includes at least fifty models. vehicles, themed scenery, sentries, mine fields, baggage Themed: The army theme presented in the fluff is trains, head coach models, etc, etc. appropriately carried over into the army in terms of Striking: The army has “wow” factor and really, really, stands composition and painting. out from the norm. Balanced: The army represents a balanced force in the opinion of the judges. The Painting Army, and Over the three years we’ve Background boxes should been running, the club has hopefully give you some idea seen some utterly fantastic Background how Muppet Armies are scored, and beautiful armies on its Background: Background for the army has been written. Major but remember, you ONLY tables and we want to characters identified. Army theme presented if appropriate (all NEED a painting army and a encourage more of the mounted, all infantry, whatever). roster to enter. same! The rules opposite provide Fluffy: Background consistent with the appropriate universe. Correct in most details (for example identifying parent legion, historical contact with worlds/races named in the existing fluff, etc, etc). Tailored Fluff: Background fits in with fluff already generated by people at the club or includes battles fought against club members. You What!!!: Background ties in with all the previous points and is over the top. The player has gone several miles over the extra mile to generate background for their army. Wow factor required. My 2004 Muppet Army, the First Naval Cadre The NewsLetter Page 7
On October 17th 2004 a collection of Muppets was, erm… well… collected together for a feast of warfare. In the climes of a dry, yet cold, Basingstoke fourteen of the world’s foremost Muppets stepped forth into an arena of blood. They were ready to revel in the flames of victory, in the cornucopia of death that awaited every last one of them. For here, on this day in history, these warriors would reap the benefits of a caffeine fuelled day as they fought eight battles across the mighty world of Cin. For extra of two “gems” for them again. this was Gamesday VI. The to capture – these gave extra After reason? Children-in-Need. VP and could make all the each This was sponsorship difference if there were any game warfare at its best and the ties. Due to a day went something like slightly non- this… conformist John set about making my nature I scoring spreadsheet actually decided to work whilst I ensured the randomly players knew where to go for throw in special mission their first game1. rules such as Each game used the Combat Deep Strike Patrol rules from the new and Night Fight rulebook with the added every now and
Gamesday VI Final Results John would feed the results Player Army Gems Overall VP into the now working Richard Kerry Tau 6 2540 spreadsheet and we then set about ensuring everyone Andrew Driver Dark Angels 8 2481 played someone different in In addition to first, second, 2 Matthew Pinto Space Marines 7 2306 the next round . and third (Richard Kerry, I thoroughly enjoyed the day, Andy Driver, and Matt Pinto Dave McCoy Speed Freaks 10 2301 it’s hard not to play, but it’s respectively), Nathan White won the most sporting player Dave Driver Imperial Guard 3 2024 very rewarding when a plan comes together. award, and Jamie Morton Mark Walker Death Guard 4 1911 won the best army award And, most importantly, we Mark Freeth Orks 5 1820 managed to raise a grand total of £656.60 for charity, Notes Dave Offen-James Space Marines 4 1766 a truly remarkable 1 The draw having been Nathan White Tyranids 3 1652 achievement. made by my wife the night before; so any complaints Jamie Morton Imperial Guard 1 1621 Congratulations to all involved and a big thank you would be headed her way – Nick Doran Imperial Guard 1 1585 to everyone who sponsored if they were brave enough. us. Next year it’s Comic Ben Dove Imperial Guard 4 1573 2 This was easy until we got Relief. Be prepared…. to round 8 and boy did we Jonathan Jones Alaitoc Eldar 3 1425 Nick Jenkin have fun with that list of Ross McNaughton Orks 2 1221 Marathon Muppet permutations! Page 8 Issue 21, Winter 2005
GEM HUNTING FOR THE GREATER GOOD
A bit after six in the morning. provided a nice distraction Guard were hiding out of That’s the time I woke up on from revision. So with my sight. With only one squad the 17th October 2004. After display base, 15 Tau and 12 reduced to less than half spending the previous day Kroot we were ready to take strength we didn’t pickup getting stuff ready and doing on the best Muppetdom many victory points but we the food shopping I was could throw at us. had notched up another win. knackered and still couldn’t Operation Crash Bandikroot Game three. Speed Freaks. “Shas’el Por’va, we have really get any sleep. Two begun with the entrees being Of all the armies present on our probe has detected the hours later myself and my matched up against random the day, I knew Dave gems on the surface.” wife, Ruth, were getting opponents. For my first game McCoy’s Speed Freaks would “Excellent Kor’ui, ready the Glebe Hall organised for the Nick’s wife had drawn me be able to literally run rings dropship for launch.” sixth Sad Muppet Society against Dave OJ of all round me. First mistake here Gamesday, this time entitled In an instant, a holographic people! OK, in fairness this was placing my Fire Warriors The Marathon of Glebe after was the first time I had on a hill with a fairly display of the Orca dropship the main event, an eight appears in front of the air played Dave this year and restricted line of sight. game Warhammer 40000 today he was fielding an all Dave’s warbikes managed to caste Tau. In quick Combat Patrol tournament succession the automated scout army from his maul my Kroot, and a rocket for Children in Need. diagnostic systems report. Sabretooths Chapter. knocked out one of the Even though this was my Infiltrating, my Kroot battlesuits. In return we only “Yes sir. This is just like dumb idea in the first place, managed to capture the managed to eliminate one Crash Bandikroot!” Nick Jenkin had taken over middle of the board (a warbike unit. However, In the “Kor’ui, you spend far too running the event much conveniently placed forest) end the game was a draw much time on the training earlier in the year much to forcing Dave’s Scout’s 18” with only one victory point in simulators.” my relief1 and had already away in all directions. To cap it!!! The diagnostics finish and done a fantastic job putting it all, we got the first turn. Game four, Andy Driver’s the holographic dropship together the rules pack, The three Crisis suit moved Dark Angels. I was quietly flashes blue. Por’va allows therefore I got to enter my in to get line of sight to the confident here, after all, himself a brief smile. He Tau into this mad event. closest Scout unit and then there weren’t that many of leans over and touches one My army list was straight my luck kicked in. In the first them, and then Andy parked of the illuminated forward enough and exactly round of shooting, the his Rhino in front of my Fire holographic controls. the same as the one I had Scouts bearing down on my Warriors and proceeded to “Patrol One, you are clear to used at Cardiff Carnage in Crisis suits disappeared demonstrate how bad my under a hail of missiles and go. Good hunting.” the summer. Twelve Fire saving throws were!!! I mean Warriors and twelve Kroot plasma, whilst Dave’s fire twenty shots at close range! base across from Despite his initial success, the Kroot was cut Andy couldn’t get at my down too just two Kroot but he’d already done or three Scouts. enough to secure a very solid Poor Dave’s face victory. just dropped. And turn two was After lunch break, game five. worse. Finally, Yes, half way through and my Dave’s Veteran first Imperial Guard Sergeant, and opponent of the day, Mr only model, was Dove, and this time it was cut down trying to Night Fight! How Ben charge into my laughed at our lack of Kroot. Two turns blacksun filters, and it was all unfortunately for him both the Tau and Kroot had been over. eating their regulation Game two pitted carrots prior to the battle us against Mark and the first turn saw most provided the backbone of Walker’s Death Guard, an of one unit disappear under Operation: Crash Bandikroot the army, and three Crisis army which we outnumbered a hail of pulse fire. Ben’s ready to roll suits provided the firepower. almost two to one. Seeing Hardened Veterans moved 27 models in 400 points. the number of Strength five up to take the fortified About two weeks before the or stronger weapons at my position in the middle of the actually event, I made the disposal, Mark was board just before my mistake of mentioning extremely cautious. In the battlesuits decided to toast display bases to Dave OJ, so first round of shooting, one their transport. With the Fire within 24 hours a basic MDF of his seven man squads Warriors now working on base was sitting in my games was reduced to just three Ben’s command squad Mr room2, and during the and by the end of the game Dove’s battle plan was falling following week, modelling it the seven remaining Death The NewsLetter Page 9
them, Dave’s Commissar Rules of Engagement, Combat Patrol: drove on the Each player will need an army that conforms to the rules conscripts as below: they fell like flies under the • Armies are no more than 400 points. combined • You must have one Troop choice. firepower of • You may have one HQ choices, but no more than one. my Tau. It took awhile, but in • You may spend remaining points from anywhere in the the end the Codex. Commissar • No model can have more than 2 Wounds. was left to play • No Special Characters. catch the Nathan’s bugs getting stuck into Dave missile with • No 2+ saves. Driver’s conscripts the Crisis suits. • No vehicles with a total Armour value greater than 33. This is In the end one calculated by adding the Front, Side and Rear armour apart, in the end another Kroot warrior had died. numbers (only count the Side once). wipe out to the Tau. Game seven, The Pinto. Of • No ordnance weapons. Game six. Dave Driver had all the players present, Matt earned himself a reputation is probably the one I have • All models must be WYSIWYG - ”What you see is what you in the morning. Until Ross’s the most respect for as a get.” Orks had defeated them, player, and after beating his • All models must be painted and based. Dave’s 40 conscripts and Space Wolves earlier in the associated support had year, I knew he had a score swept aside all opposition. to settle with my Tau. battle against his Tyranids. We faced them on the trench Unfortunately for Matt, his Again we got the first turn, board and what followed was ability to make saving rolls is this time giving my quite embarrassing to say even worse than my own3. In battlesuits the opportunity to the least. Dave deployed the the first round, most of his kill all the really scary stuff in big scary unit directly fire base was gone. In the Nathan’s army, or at least opposite my Fire Warriors second round, his Rhino had shot at it. On the other side and managed to infiltrate a been popped, and by the end of the battlefield, my Kroot unit of Hardened Veterans to of the third there was a guy had been deployed as a my left. My battle suits with a missile launcher left. speed bump for the big quickly spied the meltaguns Quite disheartened at this group of gaunts in the river. they were packing. point Matt resigned, Happily we managed to Considering the Conscripts determined to exact shoot a few, but the really to somewhat of a future retribution upon his final frightening stuff happened threat, a conclusion backed opponent.4 when Nathan charged them in. OK, I’m in cover so I go up by Dave’s very poor Game eight and the final different terrain rolls, my first. Cool. Err, twelve Kroot, game of the day. This time so that would be 24 attacks. entire army opened up on my opponent was Nathan the veterans. The sole “Richard, that’s a lot of hits, White. Well, it’s not as if we what Strength are they?” survivor of the volley decided 5 ever get to play each other! “Err, Strength four Nathan.” to get the hell out of the way. This was a surprisingly quick With a slow march ahead of “Oh.” Nine gaunts went straight back into the box. After a couple more turns, Notes: the speed bumps had turned out to be slightly too severe 1. Between work and for the bugs and the rest of college my free time has Nathan’s army had been cut been severely curtailed this down at long range. The fifth year. wipe out of the day for 2. Read: garage Operation Crash Bandikroot. 3. And before anyone says Despite the five wipe outs anything, my normal aim is during the course of the day, to avoid having to take we still only beat Andy Driver saving throws unless by less than hundred points absolutely necessary. showing how close the 4. Ross was at the receiving tournament had been. Damn end of that one. good fun. Matt, next time I 5. As a bit of background, won’t be using Tau, honest. Nathan lives about three Richard Kerry minutes walk from my place Blue Muppet and has very kindly allowed me to destroy all of his armies while I was building my Tau. Page 10 Issue 21, Winter 2005
AT THE RACES WITH THE NEWBURY NECRONS
was left, you ask? The Lord, I would have won the two Warriors (running) and game at that point if it the Monolith. hadn’t been for those So we moved swiftly on, after pesky kids and their dog the much required caffeine and for two stupid injection, to a battle against leadership tests in turn Paul and his… wait for it… six. My Flayed Ones It’s September so it must be Necrons! There was no assaulted some warriors Starsmash! The third time Monolith but he was very and then failed to kill any. I’ve been able to attend this kind and introduced me to We lost one and then ran little old event and the first the C’Tan, Deceiver. Eek! from combat with no chance to rally. My time my Necrons have This battle was very much a managed to get themselves warriors in against the legged it around turn three case of kill something and Deceiver then also decided or four. To make matters out of their slumber in time then watch it get up again. for a party on this scale. they weren’t happy and worse they were all capable You could walk over and of rallying but were a little So sit back and allow me to promptly legged it. watch for a while and see too close to the table edge, regale you with a tale of Full points for those two lots and lots of firing and so off they went! Cool. Half honour, death, destruction, squads turned it from almost then lots of troops falling my army had run away. The coffee, floating pyramids a 500 point win for me into over. The you could walk off, other half was dying. All and bottom table flirting. come back later and the an 81 point winning draw. except the Monolith. We phased in from the same figures would still be Goddamit! Not a good game for me as transport vehicle and there, possibly moved So that was the end of day I’d lost it in my head before I promptly registered. Then off around a bit, but now back one. We came, we saw, we even started; we put up a to find our first opponent; on their feet. met death and destruction reasonable fight though and chap by the name of Steve and their mate, “ouch!” This though was half the fun I did get to turn six before Pearce. He’d brought along of the game, trying to work Day two then and there was phasing so nearly a moral his Slaanesh army and his out just how much firepower no way it could be as bad as victory of sorts. set up proved to be very it was going to take to day one; was there? Of quick. A Defiler and twelve destroy units, where to course there was. After that disaster I knew that with two defeats and a Terminators. Yes, that does position yours for optimal Eldar, specifically Ulthwe say twelve. A Lord and his firing and least resistance. draw that the bottom table Eldar, stepped up to the was looking awfully close. Retinue. The four daemon What to get into combat etc. plate and introduced packs prepared for the For the last game I could So, here’s how it went. First themselves as an Avatar, two wave at it as I was on the summoning. turn and the Monolith made Wraithlords, Scorpions in a one next door! One thing to note – if you funny faces at his Destroyers Wave Serpent and lots of can take out his terminators and those poor scared bikers Fortune and Conceal on Nurgle arrived. A very pretty before he summons his ran away. However, the other every Guardian squad. Now Nurgle army (pretty? Nurgle? daemons then you’ll win. He unit of Destroyers was still we all know my love for the Eh?) led by Lee. So, I decided can’t summon if the one unit there so my Scarabs went Eldar so I found it no that I’d be spending most of with an icon in his army is careering across the surprise to be facing the the game trying to avoid a dead. However, Terminators battlefield and hit them in army from hell with my short- Demon Prince and a Greater are a problem for my combat. He hadn’t met range shooty army under the Daemon (when it decided to Necrons since we have no Scarabs before but after they conditions of night-fighting join in); whilst also worrying real low AP weapons. We held up his shooty unit for for the first turn. Oh goody. I about quarters. threw everything we could at the entire game from turn set myself a target. Do not I lost first turn roll again. His the termies and did manage two onwards he’s learnt phase out. Predator then opened up on to kill five before he started some new respect for them. All I remember is this mass the Scarabs with the only summoning things. Turn three and the Monolith of Eldar walking across the lascannon sponson that Unfortunately he then was blown up by the Heavy field and smacking me could see them. He failed to started summoning. All four Destroyer; not very sociable around. I took one wound off wound. Maybe my luck was units of Daemonettes (foot if you ask me. My Flayed a Wraithlord but the other changing! and mounted) turned up on Ones got into a combat with one was unhurt all game. The Destroyers promptly the second turn. Even better his Immortals and, The Avatar didn’t take a returned the Predators they proceeded to scatter eventually, did me proud: single scratch and we advances towards the towards me. I was in combat routing them off the table! phased out on turn six. Scarabs and blew it up. Not with my Immortals, The Deceiver eventually got The main reasons for my much else died. Then all hell Destroyers and Warriors by into combat with my failure? Leadership tests. broke loose as the Greater the end of turn two. 42 Warriors, who couldn’t hurt Again. Here’s an army with Daemon turned up. I was attack dice later, with sixes him – he’s toughness eight leadership ten across the surprised as he was a little auto-killing my poor chaps, you know – but we refused board and I failed three tests too far away to really achieve and we’d had enough. to run and he wasn’t going in a row. My Destroyers, much which was, of course, We pulled the plug, phasing anywhere. Immortals and Warriors all excellent news for me. out shortly afterwards. What The NewsLetter Page 11
I spent the next few turns to hold up his Demon Prince couldn’t get to. We won by a 24 (I think it was). pouring every single shot I when he got too close and lot having lost the Scarabs The Necrons will be back for could into the Greater they did well. Eventually and Flayed Ones primarily. some more tournament Daemon and the Demon dying during his turn so that So that was that. We’d experience but, for now, they Prince, whilst staying out of the Prince had to consolidate phased out twice in four phase out gracefully to the their way using teleporting in front of the Monolith and games and lost the Monolith car park, embark in their and walking backwards. my army. He died an only once. My record for the transport and disappear into The Greater Daemon went agonising death, gaussed weekend was one win, one the evening sun.. apart! down eventually. There’s a draw and two defeats. An Nick Jenkin lot of wounds on there! By the end we had three enjoyable time, no matter Metal Muppet I sacrificed the Flayed Ones quarters and there was one the results, and we finished contested by a Defiler that I around 17th or 18th out of
G AMESDAY 2004 BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG HALL
This said, one of those big games behind us did look really impressive. GW Manchester bought along 12’ of board covered in
As you may have already Even before the doors had guessed from the above opened, myself and Other picture, this quick article (or Muppet had cracked and more precisely, excuse to purchased lots of pre-release string together a few photos), marine stuff. Dave did is about Gamesday, the mutter something about it ultimate venue for our Final being for Matt, but I wasn’t Trials game. so sure… Far too early on Saturday the Anyway, Big Dave and the 3rd October, myself, Dave, Marks kindly took the first Dave, Mark, and Mark1 set shift whilst myself and Dave out for our big day. did a bit of networking. Surprisingly considering my Right, let me get this off my navigational skills, we chest to begin with. Mark managed to find the National Freeth and Mark Waple are Indoor Arena quite easily. Black Templars and some Yep, that little thing is the club mad, totally barking. I Tyranid’s controlled by a banner, the NIA is THAT big Setup of the game was quick suspect this is why the table radical Ordo Xenos and painless (being the was so crowded. As a fast Inquisitor. Way cool. seasoned professionals that ‘turn around’ game, the Final we are) although there was a Trials went down extremely Anyway, even with the Marks fair amount of shiny stuff to well, especially considering and Daves doing most of the distract us… that some of the other demo work, I still managed to walk games took all day to finish. away from Gamesday 2004 with almost no voice left. Dave doing his sergeant-major bit whilst Mark Freeth and Mark Waple A cyber-nid from GW do the real work (well that’s what they told me) Didn’t have much money left Manchester’s big demo game either... Richard Kerry Basilisk Target Holder Muppet
Notes: 1. Dave Driver, Dave (Other Muppet) Offen- James, Mark Freeth and Mark Waple. Page 12 Issue 21, Winter 2005
POMPEY PILLAGE 2004 PEPPERING PREDATORS IN POMPEY
Turn three and we were in single turn. It wasn’t pretty. back, right onto the Vindie combat. Oddly enough things The tankbustas did fail to and missing his squad actually got better here as live up to their name and entirely! Oops. To make we started to kill stuff for a didn’t destroy the Predator matters worse I then change. The Emperor’s but everything else went managed to roll a Champion died at the hands pear-shaped very quickly. penetrating hit and a nice big of my Lieutenant and the Only my Lieutenant came out six shortly thereafter. Damn. This was my first time Chaplain forgot to turn on of it with anything remotely Vindie had managed to blow visiting the Pompey Pillage the Crozius; he then died resembling smelling of roses himself up. and, all things considered, when a lascannon was when he charged into a mob My Lieutenant carried on his I’ll certainly be returning next placed somewhere he really of Orks and with five attacks good day and killed the year; if only to find where my didn’t want it! managed to kill five of them. Grand Master in combat but army ran off to. However, it wasn’t enough to He survived but we were, to did get mortally wounded at Oddly enough I managed to stem the black and white all intents and purposes, the same time; still, not a reach the venue with the tide and we ended up with a massacred! bad trade-off. minimal amount of single quarter, held by the Oh dear, two defeats in a row In the end it was a well misdirection and promptly squad that had beaten off and not looking good. Who earned draw. So at least it met Dave Driver who’d the Chaplain. Nothing else was next on my trail of being wasn’t a complete wash out turned up with his Guard was alive. So a victory by just massacred? Ah that would and I was able to trundle ready for a bit of close under 1200 points for Paul. be Jacob Curran and his home happy in the combat. I had my Serpents Maybe next time… Dark Angels. Jacob had been knowledge that we’d of Ferrius (Iron Warriors) Game two was going to be up to A Small Matter of achieved at least some with me as they are one of slightly different as my 500 Honour in May so it was nice points on day one. the few armies that can point add-on got to start on to thank him personally for Day two dawned and without manage the required 1,500 the field and then the rest attending and to be much further ado I was points plus 500 point add-on came on as reserves. splattered by his army. All introduced to my next regulations for this Obviously this was also true 2,000 points were to be opponent. Steve and his tournament. for my opponent, Andy used for this recon mission. Necrons. All 2,000 points of So we registered and I was Knight, but he was using Recon? With my shooty them which included three introduced to my first Speed Freaks so he would army? Oh goody! Monoliths. Yes, three. opponent, a certain Paul be potentially turning up on Jacob has a lot of Plasma turn one. Not good as his We spent the next two hours Frith. I’d met Paul at Devizes weapons in his army so I working out how to kill these earlier in the year where speed would mean he was tried to set up as far away as into my lines before I’d even things as the rest of his army he’d promptly despatched possible. The battle began was staying fairly well hidden my Deathwing with his Iron had a chance to get on the with the Basilisk scattering board, let alone get a shot behind them. One turn one Hands. Now I was going to 6” and missing completely – our record against the off. be meeting his Black otherwise his Chaplain and Monoliths was one shaken, Templars with my shooty The Vindicator fired first and assault marines might have one stunned and one dead. army. could have killed three been singing a different For the rest of the game we A quick summary of how this trukks with one shot but tune. We did kill his Predator kept penetrating, amazing battle went. There was no scattered off instead and early but all my Obliterators number of sixes from the real cover on the board for only hit the one, which was died on the first turn to lascannons, but just couldn’t either of us so I’d set the promptly destroyed. plasma weapons. roll that 4+ to destroy them. Basilisk up in the open. It Unfortunately Andy had We returned the favour by loads and loads of rokkit The Obliterators did died on turn two. Our first eventually wiping out the eventually get one by walking turn of shooting against a launchers in his army and plasma cannon Devastators the Vindie went down on turn up to it, reaching into the sky mobile army with no cover but we couldn’t kill a single and pulling it down to the was not particularly good; we two. My Rhino went down to Land Speeder. Damn thing a strength nine Zzap gun. ground! In other words we immobilised one Rhino and was blessed by the Gods or managed to charge it, get a Ouch. blew a gun off the Land something. six to hit it, then penetrate it Raider. Whoopee. We turned up and killed as Then the moment to end the and blow it to smithereens. The rest of the Black much as we could before first day on a high. The Dark We also eventually Templars looked at us and combat began. The Havocs Angels Chaplain and his immobilised the other one. took out his Basilisk. We smiled as they prepared to squad moved to just outside To be fair though he couldn’t shake our hands. The immobilised two trukks and 6” of the Vindicator, then our termies killed take out my Vindicator Obliterators died shortly preparing to apply melta either, even with all the thereafter before combat another trukk but the squad weapons in the next turn. So that jumped out had burnas gauss weapons pointing at began as they couldn’t I took a calculated risk and me, I think it had one shot in remember how to save and this was 3rd edition, so fired at them with the no pinning. Oh dear. This the whole game and spent against meltaguns and the aforementioned tank. the rest of the time in a was going to smart. rest of my army was having Unfortunately there was stunned or shaken state. My trouble rolling above a two Turn four and the Orks obviously too much wind and Lieutenant eventually died by on the glancing hits table. achieved five assaults in a the shell came bouncing The NewsLetter Page 13
being shot by a Necron Lord Really hard work. behind a hill and missed; 3,000 VP and he had 478. A that was running away from In the end we had a draw as scattering 6” onto a Rhino. It massacre the other way for a combat! What? Not good. I just couldn’t kill enough of penetrated with ease and change! The craziest moment was them to make them phase then I threw a six on the We then had the prize when we had a squad of five out. He wasn’t far off I don’t Ordnance Penetration roll. ceremony and it was nice to Destroyers in our sights. think but it just wasn’t to be. Ooh. That was a HQ and his see that the two players I’d squad of Blood Claws wiped They were too far from the So it came to the final game lost to on day one were in out. Gone. Big crater. other squad of five for We’ll and forward stepped Chris the top three. Cool. For those Be Back rolls, so if we could Goodall and his mighty The rest of the game pretty keeping score I finished 9th take them all down in one Space Wolves. This was to much went the same way. out of 20. turn they wouldn’t be coming be a Take and Hold mission The Termies deep struck into Next year they’re moving the back. We killed four and then with a central position the objective and stayed tournament to June so it’ll be the remaining autocannon marking the objective. We there. We shot anything that nice and hot whilst I watch and five, yes five, lascannons lost first turn again but he poked its nose out from my army die. I wonder who’ll all failed to either hit or didn’t have a lot to shoot at cover and due to his be going next year? My wound. Five!!!! Not a happy and the Havocs in their fragmented attack we were money is on one of the bunny at this point. We did bunker were very, very able to pick bits off as it Inquisitions armies…. eventually kill all five on the happy. appeared. We eventually lost last turn but even then it the Havocs, a Rhino and the Nick Jenkin came down to the last Our turn and my luck finally Predator but his entire army Metal Muppet lascannon from the Predator. changed for the better. The was deceased. We had Basilisk aimed for a target
T HE HERETICS TOMES THE EISENHORN TRILOGY
It may come as a surprise to this way), with the detective perspective of the average some of you, but actually do story format it actually works Imperial citizen. occasionally read, and I’m really well, even considering And then there is the not just talking about how long this combined Inquisition itself. Abnett’s in- Codexes either. volume is. depth exploration of this Holy Eisenhorn, is actually a Order, and its agents collection of three Dan motives and methods really “Some mumblings on books Abnett novels, Xenos, adds meat to the Daemon from me!” started Nathan’s Mallius, and Hereticus, plus Hunter, and Witch Hunter feature six months ago. Well, two interconnecting short Codexes, and this is without its back, via a roundabout stories; all following the Grey Knights or Sisters of route... career of Inquisitor Gregor Battle even getting a Eisenhorn. mention. Stormtroopers and The first ‘book’ Xenos, opens the various henchman in with Eisenhorn as a young particular are bought to life puritan Inquisitor of some (Stormtroopers in particular sixty odd years, chasing a are potrayed as hardened, heretic through a sleeping extremely lethal, and necropolis, generally causing professional killers, sort of an awful lot of trouble and SAS, but a bit nastier). And making a mess. I’m sorry, but anyone who can attempt to mess with sort of SAS, Eventually catching his guy, Battle Titan has got to Eisenhorn is dragged into a but a bit nastier deserve some respect. much bigger conspiracy, which then, over the course Overall, and thoroughly good of the next hundred years or read, especially if you’re into so, ties in with chaos cults, a the Warhammer 40000 Dan Abnett also does a universe or detective stories. ultra-radical Inquisitor and fantastic job of describing worse. And in the meanwhile the side of the Imperium not And an essential read if you Eisenhorn has to come to seen in the Warhammer ever thinking of building an terms with the ever more 40000 game. Civilised Inquisitorial army without the extreme measures he has to worlds, hive worlds, remote glory boys (or girls). Not that employ. mining colonies and strange I’ve started to think about it Dan Abnett does an excellent impossible daemon worlds now… job of writing the entire tale are all visited in excessive Richard Kerry in the first person and from detail. Even relatively normal Don’t mess with a gun cutter Eisenhorn’s point of view. troops such as guardsmen or Muppet. Although I thought this might Space Marines are given a get annoying (I’ve only ever sense of awe from the read one other book written Page 14 Issue 21, Winter 2005
IN THE HALL OF HEROES 1ST COMPANY VETERANS OPEN TOURNAMENT II
Using the amazing space- Tim. I think the caffeine time compression hadn’t quite kicked in at this technologies installed in my point, but even so this game car, we managed to fit all was hard work. four of us plus armies in. First off, army lists. Some of Although in fairness, I think you may be aware that I am the lack of blood circulating fairly sad even by muppet first round of combat three Six days. Some how in thought Mark Freeth’s legs standards, and combined of the marines bounced. December I had managed to might have contributed to with the fact I have a Chaos Unfortunately their mate ate plan two visits to him mostly sleeping all the army anyway, this means I the pathfinders so any Nottingham and the haloed way. have a reasonable idea bravery awards will have to halls within six days. The Upon arrival, approximately about the Chaos Space be posted back to Dal’yth. previous Sunday Mr Freeth three minutes late2, we Marine codex. So an In the end we ran out time, had very kindly offered to quickly proceeded to mow Undivided army, with two which is probably just as well drive up for the GCN down the pile of doughnuts free aspiring champions considering my Ethereal was 1 Thankyou Day and some in Bugman’s Bar and got looked a little off. Still, with running away at that point. A how on an otherwise some caffeine. We then this little oversight corrected close game and a losing relaxing day I managed to registered and proceeded to we moved on to deployment. draw to the First. squeeze in four games of the top 40K tables in the hall As Tim had won the choice of After catching a bite to eat 40K Combat Patrol. in order to setup own armies However, today was table edge, I had to deploy and discussing how Daemon for the judges. Saturday the 11th first, so down a Hunters don’t work, it was December, and this time After the mysterious men Hammerhead went… as time for round two, and the four muppets where with clipboards had done close to the middle of the Orks. destined to compete in the their thing, it was time to board as I could get him. Round Two: Is that a Leman “Open War”. start properly. This forced Tim’s not very Russ Battle Tank or are you 3 Round One (Cleanse): Mr large army back into his just pleased to see me? Hunter I presume… quarter. Unfortunately the flip side of this was that Joe Sutton from Leicester My first game of the day was Tim’s army also had a nice was an absolute gem of a against a fairly beardy Chaos bit of scenery to hide behind. player, very relaxed and Space Marine army surprisingly quiet from Oh well. belonging to a chap named someone who plays First turn went to me and the greenskins. Within his fairly First Naval Cadre, Dal’yth Prime (Codex Tau) first task was to thin out the sizable ork army he had four marines a little, so after a bit Aun Tsua’m (Ethereal) 50 Killa Kans, a looted battle of concerted effort, one tank, and just a couple of squad bad guys left and Stealth One (XV17 Stealth Suits) 217 trukks… 5 Shas’uis, Shas’ui Team Leader (two gun another was seriously depleted. In addition to this Now I’ve played orks before drones), Bonded the Crisis suits blew up the and I vaguely remember about nasty things being Crisis One (XV8 Crisis Suits) 130 Chosen’s ride. Hooray! 2 Shas’uis (missile pod, plasma rifle, multi- transported in truks. And Three Obliterators exacted when Joe informed me that tracker) revenge in Tim’s turn safely said vehicles were protected removing one Hammerhead Crisis Two (XV8 Crisis Suit) 65 by a power field my whilst everyone else moved Shas’ui (missile pod, plasma rifle, multi-tracker) suspicions were confirmed. up to assault next round, We were playing Retrieve & The Tribe 84 including Mr Big Nasty Secure, so five objective 12 Kroot Warriors Daemon Prince. markers were scattered Sentry One (Fire Warriors) 230 The next couple of turns across the board. As it 11 Shas’las, Devilfish (4 seeker missiles) involved a lot of falling back turned out these were largely on my part, although the irrelevant. Using a standard Ranger One 193 Kroot managed to shoot split deployment formation, 7 Shas’las, Shas’ui (target lock), Devilfish down Tim’s furies while the the bulk of my fire power rest of the army shoot at that Ranger Two 193 units proceeded to ignore daemon prince. After making 7 Shas’las, Shas’ui (target lock), Devilfish the battle tank and three invulnerable saves, he concentrate on the Kans. Fire Support One 170 eventually failed a 2+ Thankfully, a lucky shot Hammerhead (2 burst cannons, railgun, multi- armour save. However this removed the Leman Russ’s tracker, target lock, blacksun filter) wasn’t the funniest moment battle cannon on the first of the game. Imagine if you Fire Support Two 165 turn while the Kans got will four scary possessed Hammerhead (2 burst cannons, railgun, multi- chewed by various missile marines charging into a unit tracker, target lock) pods and burst cannons. of pathfinders. Ouch you The only really worrying Total 1497 might think. However in the The NewsLetter Page 15
moment of the game came many Dark Eldar Sam was about to concede a Notes: when, several turns later, deploying I got a little massacre, however we 1 Where we were thanked Joe’s warboss and friends worried. counted up the points and mauled the Kroot in close he managed to gain a couple for helping GW out. Hard life However, my Tau are quite you know, go to games day, combat. Unfortunately for well equipped to clear out of tournament points back, play games… Joe, the unit strayed a bit to horde armies so all I had to but it was a second win to close to my lines and a unit do was survive the first me! 2 Famous last words: “We’ll of Pathfinders, Stealth Suits, volley. Sam was probably After winding down in never get there by nine…” and Fire Warriors blew them thinking the same. We rolled Bugman’s for a bit, I was 3 Oh, that would be two away in my following for the first turn. Two fours. time for the final results, and units of five marines as shooting phase. We rolled of turn again, and I much to me surprise I came troops. Lots and lots of big A fun game, but a massacre won! third in the 40K scary stuff then. to me in the end. The first round of Tau competition!!! Less than a 4 For the record I got the After the second game the shooting was devastating. point ahead of the forth best mark in the 1st Company Veterans Three units were completely placed guy and only one tournament for this with 17 managed to squeeze in a wiped out to begin with and point sly of second. For the out of 20. Engaging smug devilish quiz, including one various other units suffered record, the Wych Cult army mode… question written in Tau.4 losses. Sam managed to pull that won massacred all of its the game back a bit later opponents and Round Three: Dark Lances scored an Too Spare with his Lords munching the THE FIRST NAVAL CADRE Crisis Suits and the Kroot, impressive 97 The First Naval Cadre was founded dur- Anyway, on to the final round but when his Archcon of points of a 100. ing the initial colonisation of Dal’yth and Sam Hunt’s foot Death got killed by my Fire Anyway, I think we’ll Prime in order to defend the planet’s slogging Dark Eldar, which be back next year, Warriors the game was over. valuable aquatic colonies. Although long include no less than 14 Dark maybe with a more Lances! I’ve played two Despite still losing a lot of since moved to off-world duties, the First competitive army… different armies before now models, I still had lots of still retains its highly mobile, air/sea based on the all infantry stuff in Sam’s deployment Richard Kerry operational structure, and still controls theme and they were both zone and he only had a Blue Muppet several oceanic bases on its homeworld. really nasty, so seeing how single Talos left. Sam was
G LEBE WARS EPISODE ONE THE GREEN MENACE
On the Agri world of Finch, undoubtedly draw the Warboss FraggStikk, licked attention of the Astartes, his fingers and slurped already several regiments noisily on the remaining of the Imperial Guard, blood from the 'Umie namely the 45th Mordian barbeque. This was the life, and the Sevlar Chem feeding on the fat Umies, Dogs have been mobilised, burning the pretty trees and so the whole zone was "Ello NatBoy." even da Grots'll get a look in" turning things into what he escalating into a war of "Hur, hur, hur! Da boyz dun "Huh! Dats not fair! We believed was a far more immense proportions. Just good eh Boss!" wants a reel fight!" homely feel, with the mud what the Orks wanted. "Yeah NatBoz, your boyz "Bring on da Marine boyz and smoke stained ruins of Several factions of the Chaos gave em a bit of a kickin, and da Sizzters, let's kick the farm house they had just Gods had seen the potential don't et too cocky doh! Da 'em." destroyed marking the for acquiring new worlds and girlie umies aint showed up "WAAAAAAAGH!!" landscapelike an open yet." "allowed the Orks to pave the The boyz picked up on the wound. way." So far the Nightlords "Yeah but boss deys only got call and the roar The human planetary and Plague Bearers had da burnas and da Bad reverberated around the defence force had put up a been seen on a couple of the moonz'll make dem inta valley as the throats of bit of a fight, but not a real worlds. lumps o' Umie!" thousands of Orks roared fight! That was after all what FraggStikk then noticed a "Okay, okay, i wasn't worried, their delight for this was the they had come to the system commotion in the crowd of jus' wanna get into dem as life, fighting and killing all for for. Over the last 10 years Boyz nearest the farmhouse, soon az!" fun!! the various warring tribes a Grot flew ungainly through "How did dem nize smellin In the haze of the smoke had combined under the the air and landed heavily on leadership of FraggStikk, Umies do?" from the fires a looming FraggStikks wartrukk with a shadow strode through many a Boy had to be beaten sickening crunch and rolled "Oh da Nurgle Boyz? Dey woz to death to achieve this, but sweet." ungainly, Orks running off on to the floor! around it's feet like insects, that is the Ork way! The boyz then parted quickly "yeah, yeah and wot about the megaphones on the Now that they had hurtled as PainBoss NatBoy strode da ovvers?" Stomper adding to the row! into the various planets up to him! "Well i rekon we iz gonna Mark Freeth within the system, it would make short work of 'em, "Ello Boss." Emissary of Gork Page 16 Issue 21, Winter 2005
DAEMON HUNTING IN NOTTINGHAM 1ST COMPANY VETERANS OPEN TOURNAMENT II
squad. He took a look combat as she waltzed into their shrouding protected around and decided that the Terminators. However, them from some Fire today was not a good day to she was then despatched by Warriors and a Broadside die. Or, to put it another way, lots of power weapons. but, eventually, they were he failed his leadership test Never mind dear. taken down to below half and ran off the battlefield My Grey Knights all died, strength. I then promptly hid with the remaining eventually killed in combat them away rather than I finally finished the stormtroopers! Not the most by the Chaplain. My Grand- present the points to Pinyo! objective markers for my auspicious start to his Master detached from the The Dreadnought took out a Daemon Hunters on Friday career. Terminators and finished off Hammerhead, keeping up night, hours before having to We ended by being his terminators in close his one tank a game ratio, set off for a land where massacred, especially when combat. He’s quite mean before failing to kill the other there be dragons; or at the the Terminators decided they with a strength 6 power one and then entered a dual very least a nasty shop that didn’t have their armour on weapon isn’t he? with the Broadside. We keeps taking all my money. and failed all their 2+ saves My Terminators then wounded him but he had Open War 2 beckoned on a on the last turn! proceeded to upset a foot Shield Generators and nice early Saturday morning. So down the order we went. slogging Black Templar promptly made his 4+ My Daemon Hunters had Table 16 for my next battle. squad by incinerating them. invulnerable save. The been out for only one There were 32 players so The Templars were very Dreadnought was then previous fight at 1500+ have a wild guess annoyed and failed their reduced to a pile of scrap points and that had been whereabouts table 16 was. leadership test, thus running metal by the aforementioned against an all bike Ork army Yep, that’s right! The bottom straight at me. The suit. in Winchester run by Dave table! The fun bit was that of Terminators despatched Both my Chimeras went to McCoy. That had proved very the four muppets Mark them in combat with no the other side of the board nasty and we’d somehow Freeth was on table 14, losses. Ooh are we nasty in and hid. Being Recon we managed a draw (largely Jamie was on 15 and I was combat, or what? Note to decided to just earn the thanks to a lunatic Eversor on 16; typically only Richard self: remember that in points and settled down for a assassin). This time we had was spoiling our bottom future! game of hiding. no assassin but we did have table hugging as he insisted My Inquisitor was in combat With the lack of long range lots of nice golden Grey on drawing his first game, with the Emperor’s firepower we were never Knights and Terminators rather than being massacred Champion’s squad and, once going to hit much that had ready to do battle. like the rest of us (ed– it was again, ran away! reached my side of the board Game one and we faced Will a losing draw). Unfortunately his unit was and, in the end, everything Platten’s Space Marines. Matt and his Black Templars faster and wiped mine out in was just hiding to prevent so These were painted silvery came along for this one, a sweeping advance. Not many points going to Pinyo. so we had a nice battle of fresh from their outing as good. The game ended in a draw the precious metals to begin one of the top painted We took one objective but it with him holding my the day. Boy did we die armies at Open War 2. This wasn’t enough to prevent a deployment zone and me horribly! mission involved capturing 19-6 defeat. his. the objective markers. He Will’s army is all mounted Ah well, we moved onto table We eventually finished in and because of my lack of brought out a Vindicator and 28th position out of 32 I hid my army and decided to 15 for the final battle, mobility he was able to pick against Pinyo and his Tau. players. A tough baptism of and choose what he deep strike the Terminators. fire for my new army but I He was also going to deep- This was a recon mission attacked and it hurt. The and we both set up with a learnt a lot and I’ll be using Dreadnought did take out strike his. my Daemon his Predator but then died to Turn one and the Hunters through- plasma. Will had a nasty Shrouding worked out next year. I habit of not overheating any as neither think I’ve found of his plasma guns, it was Razorback could a very very impressive! see my Grey challenging army One of my Chimeras Knights! Hurrah! to use and I look managed to immobilise a My termies didn’t forward to trying Rhino, which was cool, but show up until turn to scare the we were struggling to stop four. His came on muppets with the rest. He had one Rhino in turn two. Fairly typical for refused flank. We then them in the future. that just refused to die. We me that one. proceeded to walk passed Oh and no, we didn’t find any hit it with everything we The Dreadnought took out each other into the other daemons at all in could but it wouldn’t stop the Vindicator before dying side’s deployment zone. Nottingham. Even the shop and, eventually, got into our to a lascannon wielding Most synchronised. failed in its bid to remove quarter! Templar. My Grey Knights managed a more of my money. My Inquisitor started the day The Death Cult Assassin double-one through some Nick Jenkin in style when we lost three finally killed something in difficult terrain at one stage, 28th Muppet stormtroopers from his The NewsLetter Page 17
armies that are winning a lot BUILDING AN ARMY FROM SCRATCH of games, Tony’s Lizardmen and of course Rich Kerry’s OR HOW TO DRIVE YOURSELF TO THE EDGE OF INSANE FOR NO REASON Skaven. Both of their armies have solid battle lines and OK, after months of that’s when the problem By this I mean do I have a hard hitting troops, have nagging from Da started. I soon realised that block of men at arms, worse dependable magic and Boss, I have finally the Bretonnian army was than gobbos stats wise, shooting phases (and before put finger to very specialised. It does not archers with the rather nasty Rich complains his Skaven keyboard (more often to the offer you the great swathe of field fortifications and a tree very rarely misfire backspace key than any choices that are on offer to bucket, or do I commit to a spectacularly) and have units other) and I am going to try the would-be Chaos or Orc more flexible and that make the opponent and explain how I set about General. Instead they offer a manoeuvrable army that has consider how to react against them. In the case of building my new army. few choices that must be knights, knights and more the Lizardmen that is the fitted together precisely. knights. This more than Let’s face it, I have been hard hitting Kroxigors, playing the bad guy since I To put it another way, a anything else has driven me insane. whereas in the Skaven Army started. Whether it be Chaos Army is that alcoholic that would be the 1,345, mutilating everyone in sight punch that you get at parties Time for the Afrikaan tracker 222 ½ rats in the big block. in good old Khorne fashion where the host has added from ‘Zulu’ to step forward or generally causing a bad the entire dusty back row of and draw some tactics in the So at the end of this smell in the corner as an Orc his alcohol cabinet into a dirt. I have always felt that discourse where am I now (a smell that compares large bowl. Then added white an army that is purely mobile with my army? Well I am favourably to that of a McCoy wine and orange juice and, will always suffer against an aiming to have the following in the basement area of the hey presto, before you know army that has a good solid (points permitting) in my Devizes Tournament after it everyone is drunk and car defence line, like the army copious amounts of 6X). keys are being assembled in dwarves. It doesn’t really • 10 Hunstmen Anyway I digress, evil armies the now empty bowl. It is matter which picturesque Skirmishing archers who I have done. I wanted to diverse, strong and does route you take to get to the can deploy as scouts. paint and design an army exactly what it says on the enemy, if he is still there • 30 Men at arms that was brave, strong, mean tin. Let’s face it, when was singing the battle song of Cheap as chips and will and menacing (oops bit of a the last time you met a some long dead bearded provide a good holding one, he will cut you down backslip to evil ways then). Chaos army that didn’t work? unit. I am sure I am not the only The Bretonnian army is more before you have time to say • 1 Tree Bucket one who has seen the great like a malt whisky (one from ‘nice axe, but is it really Let’s face it, it is strength models a new army has to the dusty back row of Mark sharp?’ Attempting to whittle offer, purchased, assembled Freeth’s drinks cabinet). The down your enemies through 10 or 5, ouch! and lovingly painted them, process has been honed the shooting or magic phase • 2 Wedges of 12 Knights of paraded them on the field of down over generations. The is extremely important, the Realm battle, only to realise that ingredients are balanced unless you certain that you Double ouch although may they about as effective in beautifully and every can cause more than five have to drop the second battle as a rampaging mouthful shows that great deaths in the enemies line one in numbers for the snotling armed with a rather time and effort have been when you charge. In drawing points. my army together I have strange looking stick. Either taken in making it perfect. • A few Grail Knights looked to select units that that or you have played an Then as you let the amber Triple ouch opponent whose Army was fluid slide languidly down will keep the initiative on my mean, menacing and damn your throat, it kicks your side. As soon as you become • 3 x Pegasus Knights near invincible and have head in. This was how my responsive in your play, then Ouch that flies. An been converted to his way of Bretonnian army would be: your chances of victory are excellent unit that should thinking. Well it was a bit of subtle, pleasing to the eye greatly reduced. Make the never be underestimated. both with me and the (and the nose, unlike a enemy react to your actions. • A lord, a Battle Standard Bretonnians. McCoy), but as hard hitting The ability to cause more Bearer and a couple of I had played against Sir as slightly irked dwarf slayer than five deaths I mentioned heroes. Robin of Artois, and his with a hangover. relates to combat resolution So there we are at the stroppy spouse beating So where does that leave me - rank bonuses, standard moment. Of course, this is missus Stella, and been now. Well I have worked out bearer and possibly far from a finished army list really impressed with the a couple of army lists and outnumbering equals five. If but it is a start. I hope that way the army played and the tried to imagine them on the you know you cannot achieve this will be visiting a way Paul played them. The battlefield, working out the more than five kills, thus battlefield near you soon. My new Warhammer Armies had tactics that I would employ. also eliminating attacks back next instalment on this army been released with the new Unlike the full tilt charge of in most cases, why charge will discuss how I intend to models and when we met, as my Chosen Knights of when you are already going paint them and some of the Max once said, “it was Khorne, the way that the to lose the combat before conversions that I will have a murder” (of my bank mighty wedge formation will you pick up your random bash at. number generating cubes? account). So armed with my be used will require patience Mark Waple GW tokens I had received for and thought. More Am I going too deep here, Horsie Muppet my Birthday (god I felt eight importantly I spent a long well I don’t think so. For years old again) I visited the time agonising over whether example take a look at the shop to get my army. Well to have a battle line or not. two Warhammer Fantasy Page 18 Issue 21, Winter 2005
S QUIGGOTH 101 H OW TO MAKE A BULLET MAGNET
Having dallied with the oh so to crave the shape I wanted thick enough to look meaty subtle joys of Orkdom over for the model out of the on the model but thin this past year I decided that I mass of polystyrene. This is enough to cut and bend needed to take my Ork best done when you are up easily. I also placed a line of warband to the next level on brownie points with the plates around the belly to and the only thing that can spouse, the ‘white xmas’ give the impression of a achieve this is a Squiggoth!! effect is not OK I thought, always options for appreciated! You acquiring a can be fairly Squiggoth drastic during the include… cutting as it easy enough to fill in 1. Paying lots of holes by sticking a (beer) money for bit more a lovely polystyrene onto Forgeworld one. the model if 2. Buy a big you’ve hacked too plastic dinosaur much off. and slap a Having got the plasticard basic shape for howdah on the back. Detailing: Stage One Dem bones, dem bones... the wee beastie 3. Give in to the craving to the next stage is to cover it in hack apart polystyrene!!! polyfiller. This serves serves harness to hold the howdah on the Squiggoth. These The sane choice would be to several functions, it fills in plates in turn were detailed get the plastic dinosaur but, any gaps between the blocks hey, when did I of polystyrene, it ever claim to be coats the model sane? Polystyrene ready for spraying it is then! Now to at a later time, work out how to and it smoothes make a giant out the contours scaly war monster of the model. out of crumbly Once its dry, the white polyfiller can be lumps….Hmmm. sanded down to get rid of any After a long think unwanted ‘blobs’. (about forty The sanding winks) I decided makes the model that the best way a bit dusty so I to approach the project was Oh my, he’s caught the measles... Polystrene everywhere... opted to give it a to have a ‘spine’ upon which quick coat of thinned down the polystyrene could be emulsion, I had some spare with small circles of card attached. I created a white household paint which punched out with a hole- cardboard frame, the frame I mixed with a touch of green punch which look like bolts. helped me visualize just how ink to make it easier to see Rather than model toes, I bug the Squig’ which bits are was going to be covered, easier whilst giving the than painting structure some internal strength. white on white! Once the rough After drying the Squiggoth shape model was ready was cut and glued for the addition of together I began detail. I began to stick overly with the larger large chunks of armour plates polystyrene to the around the neck, cardboard frame thighs and tail. with PVA until the These were made whole thing was from the Lots and lots of card and foam-core. Plenty Our squiggoth starts to take covered. cardboard that you find on the of room for some green passengers!!! shape. With all the PVA dry, I started back of A4 pads, The NewsLetter Page 19
choose to use the same it to be too method to give the garish as Squiggoth hoofed toes. that’s the The skin now needed job of the texturing, this was done Boyz! using a small modelers glue The gun. I slowly worked my way Squiggoth over the model putting blobs also had its of glue to give it a bumpy armour scaly effect. When these plates dry were set I filled in some of brushed the gaps between the blobs with Tin bitz, with split lentils (this proved Bolt gun to be very tedious giving me metal and even more reason to dislike Mithral lentils). Silver. With In the mouth I placed the plates chopped off cocktail sticks to complete I represent the (pointy) teeth began to and around the mouth itself I paint the used milliput to create the skin. This lips. As the polystyrene tusks was done could potentially be knocked with Dark about during transport and Angels green followed by a heavy gaming I wanted to make How to ride in style, that dry brushing of Goblin green. lentils approximately £0. them a bit stronger. Milliput Yep, zero, zip, squat diddly! there is a lot of Orks was used again to give them To highlight the scaly parts of the skin I dry brushed it with One giant Squiggoth all for ‘caps’. This should protect the bargain price of about them quite well as Milliput is Scorpion green. The mouth £15. Cheap as chips! (sorry) tough stuff once fully cured. and eyes were painted with Blood red and once dry the Hmm….what next Hierophant With the main body of the mouth had a wash of red ink or Warhound?… Squiggoth complete I to give it a moist look (lovely commenced work on the Nathan White word: Moist, Nyuk! Nyuk!). I Green Muppet howdah. This was fairly gave the teeth, hooves, horn straight forward as the main and tusks a lick of white structure was made from paint and then went back foam-core. I made an open and stained them with Flesh box plan which enabled me wash to to cut the majority of it out in ‘dirty’ them. one piece which was then Some Bolt scored and folded into Gun metal shape. Separate pieces were on the tusk used to make the raised caps, some platforms at the front and brown dry once these were glued on brushed on the whole thing was the belly ‘Orkyfied’ using different and two types of card for armour blobs of plate and various bits from Black for the bits box to give it that the pupils ‘lived in’ look. meant that With construction finished he was the Squiggoth needed a lick finished! of paint. Both the Beast and Sweet! One the howdah where sprayed angry black as an undercoat. looking Strangely enough this took Squiggoth! the best part of a whole can Hmmm… let of spray! He is a big bugger me after all! The howdah was think….can quick to paint as it only of black needed a heavy dry brushing spray was with Tin Bitz for a metal look. £6, some glue sticks, maybe And the completed beast. To pick out the details it was £3, assorted paints and a bit Isn’t he cuddly? also dry brushed with Bolt of milliput, about £6 (if that). gun metal and lightly with Oh and most importantly – Mithral Silver. The addition everything else, card, of Orky transfers brought it a polystyrene and those bloody bit of colour but I didn’t want Page 20 Issue 21, Winter 2005
S TATISTICS III The Basics NUMBERS Year Played Won Drawn Lost End 2003 154 79 17 58
RELOADED 2004 87 46 16 25 The Armies Total 241 125 33 83 Last year there were six in this list. I’m slightly disappointed to have only succeeded in What does this say about 2004 then? I’ve Over the last couple of years adding a single new army in here, but, to be played more games this year than in any of the I’ve been inflicting my fair, I did spend a lot of time away from the previous years. Considering I had a large break statistical ramblings for my painting table in the summer and my Tomb over the summer I have no idea how this has likkle games of 40K on to all Kings filled in the early part of the year. Next happened! Hate to think how many I could play of you out there in Reader year there will be a full 2,000 point Tomb King without any breaks; hmm, perhaps that’s next army and a new 40K army at least. Maybe. Land. year’s challenge… Possibly. This year I’m refusing to I’ve won 52% of my games; up from 51% at the break with tradition! So here These figures represent the total number of end of last year. is the statistical number games with each army so far (from my humble I’m drawing more and more of my games now; crunchiness of the Chef up to beginnings in the summer of 2001 to my hopefully this is because I’m turning defeats and including 21 December crazy number of armies now in 2004 – has it into draws at the last minute and not the other only been three and a half years since I began 2004. way around. 14% of my games end in a draw. this hobby?) Oh and none of this is meant I’ve lost 34% of my games; down from 38% at to sound like gloating, the end of last year. Cool. Army Played Won Drawn Lost moaning or anything similar, Oh and I’ve enjoyed nearly 100% of those this is purely the facts Dark Eldar 64 33 10 21 games and, hopefully, so have my ma’am. The other stuff I can opponents. do after a couple of pints. Flesh Tearers 22 13 3 7 Necrons 44 26 4 14 Winning/Losing Streaks: Iron Warriors 63 34 4 25 The Enemies Who has managed the best and worst runs overall for Witch Hunters 15 7 4 4 So, what can we glean from this table? me? Deathwing 15 6 5 4 • Eldar aren’t quite so bad! Four games this year: two wins and two defeats. • Winning Streak Daemon Hunters 13 4 3 6 The Dark Eldar hold this • Space Marines are hugely prevalent with 8 wins in a row, Swap Army Games 5 3 0 2 again; 25 extra games this year. achieved this year. • Imperial Guard and Tau have been my major In 2004 the Necrons, Iron Warriors and Dark • Undefeated Streak opponents after Marines. Tau record this Eldar have seen the biggest number of The Flesh Tearers hold this year: Pld 10, W 3 D 3 L 4; hmm I wonder games, no surprise as they have been my with a run of 10 games. whose Tau I’ve been losing to this year main tournament armies and have been used • Losing Streak at the SMS and WWC in campaigns. The Flesh • Space Wolves and Dark Angels I have not The Iron Warriors hold this Tearers have retired and will be sold in 2005. lost to this year. with a run of 6 straight They will eventually be replaced by a new • Black Templars I have had a retched year defeats. Flesh Tearer army when the Blood Angels against and not won a single game. Codex is revisited in the future. • No Blood Angels, Khorne or Tzeentch battles Chef Champions: For 2005 the Iron Warriors, Dark Eldar and at all this year. Necrons are temporarily retiring so that the 2001 Necrons other armies can take over the spotlight; Army/Race Played Won Drawn Lost 2002 Witch Hunters (Sisters you will not be able to fight these retired of Battle) armies except for special occasions so Chaos 32 20 4 8 2003 Flesh Tearers please don’t ask for them to come out to Dark Eldar 7 2 2 3 play! They will be back though so don’t 2004 Dark Eldar worry. Eldar 22 5 1 16 Here are some highlights from the Army Imperial Guard 21 17 1 3 Anyway that ends this year’s table: extravaganza in statistics and Necrons 3 0 2 1 • Daemonhunters are not having a good we can all look forward to Orks 29 21 2 6 another year of number time. Lots to learn there. Hurrah! crunching and we’ll see how • Iron Warriors have finally drawn some Witch Hunters 7 4 2 1 they change and grow. Prepare games. Space Marines 66 29 10 27 yourselves for Statistics IV: • Dark Eldar are the Chef Champions Revenge of the Stat; release 2004, having the best average for the Tau 17 8 3 6 date December 2005. year. Tyranids 10 5 1 4 I wonder how many armies I’ll • Daemon Hunters are the Chef Wooden Mega-Games 27 14 5 8 have by then. Any bets? Spoon 2004 winners. Nick Jenkin The NewsLetter Page 21
GLEBE WARS EPISODE ONE: THE GREEN MENACE The final battles have been played, and finally the dust NEVER DOUBT HE IS WATCHING US... has settled across the Glebe sector, a sector of As the last strains mask he had had space that barely remains in 'Men of the Imperium, Imperial hands. As a final act of the Imperial surgically fitted on his today we stand against hymn of Penitence arrival at the moon of of vengeance, the important the foulness of the Forgeworld of Ollograd was echoed around the Savlar, the largest Penal Emperors foes, a force as small room on the first floor colony in the Gothic destroyed by a device known large this galaxy has not seen in a only as the Fist of Gork. And of the Imperial spaceport, sector. Wise move, millennia, but we will not falter in Penal Commander Benedict thought Benedict, as the with the warp storms our duty, and though we may fall on clearing from Dunstad, sat down on the small Commissar was well the line, we will do so knowing that uncomfortable chair he had known for his almost much of the sector's it is for the good of the imperium, resources remain in Ork been provided with. sixth sense of when and every enemy killed is just one hands, although the all- Around him, his subordinates people were even step closer to our imperative thinking of questioning important agri-worlds, remained standing, with the victory, stand fast men, for this day, remain mostly under exception of Lieutenant him, and even more well we will triumph!!!' known for the severe Imperial control. Bonasky, who was the only Kommissar Driver addressing the other person, apart from the punishments that Kill-teams belonging to the accompanied the gathering forces of Imperial Might Legion Astartes have been Commissar himself, who had on St. Michael. been provided with a chair at identification of such dispatched to St Michael, the new capital of the sector all. lapses of judgement. "Penal Commander "The 17th Savlar stand ready to drive out the remaining Benedict, for to enforce the Will of the greenskins, while rescue your Emperor, Commissar" replied ships have been dispatched information, Benedict, who had quickly to Glebe to locate the few we have now learned this was the only survivors of the Inquisition's landed on the acceptable response to the wrath. Emperor's own Commissars statements. Responsible for the anarchy world of "I know they do" replied the of the sector, the Governor Alabrim, an Commissar in an ominously of Glebe has gone into agri-world in low voice "the scum in this hiding to escape the critical the Glebe legion are here precisely eyes of the High Lords of sector" said because they have all failed Terra. Inquisitor Pinto has the the Emperor before." been dispatched to bring Commissar, "I shall not allow them to do this traitor to justice. not even trying so again." And as the Ork hordes to keep the Strike Force Agnetha under the direct command of retreat, the whereabouts of contempt out Jamie Morton the Governor of Glebe Rough Rider Muppet the Emissary of Gork is of his voice as unknown. Perhaps one day All eyes in the room were he spoke. another Waaagh will engulf fixed on the Commissar, who "We believe this this place in his name... remained standing, hands world may soon Richard Kerry clasped behind his back. come under Campaign Muppet "Ten days of solitary attack from an confinement, penitent unusually fasting and ten lashes a day organised Ork in that period for that force attacking legionnaire, for slouching this sector. We during the praise of the may need to Emperor" snapped move to other Commisar Himmeltopf, worlds in this pointing fiercely at sector to help Guardsman Hung, the bearer the other forces of the company standard, fighting in this who was standing directly righteous behind the Commissar. resistance, which includes other How in the name of the guard battalions, Emperor did he know that? orders of the Thought Benedict, he hadn't Holy Sisters looked around at all during Sororitas and the singing to even see the several of the guardsman. Emperors own No trace of annoyance most blessed passed over the face of Astartes. That is Hung, although it was mostly all you need to obscured by the filtration know." Page 22 Issue 21, Winter 2005
T HE CHEF’ S COOKER S PORTSMANSHIP
This time I have only one these broad categories: bad his army is all the way thing to say. The Bad Loser through the game and how I hate, nay detest, bad it has absolutely no chance • This person will rant and against your army. sportsmen. rave every time something Absolutely loathe them. I goes against them. They • Your army, meanwhile, will loathe them in anything and will argue over every small have everything going for it because GW obviously everything, but especially rule detail and will when it comes to a game. conveniently forget rules likes your army but hates Yes. A game. that are detrimental to theirs. their army. • Why they play the game I • They will try everything to have no idea. All they do is win, sometimes blatantly mope and whine about cheating. For instance every single little thing in elastic tape measures. You their army. know that your unit is Now I will be the first to outside 12” because you admit that I’ve succumbed to could not rapid fire last being a Sulker. I’ve turn and yet, somehow, he apologised to all involved has managed to assault and I can find neither rhyme that unit this turn. nor reason why I fell into that • Remember that if you beat mode on that day. It won’t this person then you must happen again. have either cheated or you I would encourage everyone got very lucky. He’ll have to look into themselves like I you next time for sure as did and find out whether any he’s much better than you! of the above is somewhere inside. If it is then don’t bring • This type of person tends it to the table against me as to be a win at all costs it just winds me up and merchant and when it spoils my enjoyment of a doesn’t work, when their army of doom actually fails, hobby that I love. they become agitated. Remember the golden rule: This is a game. The Sulker The way some people go at it It is a battle between two Paul and Nick discussing their • This is the person who just you’d think that this hobby of armies set in a futuristic (or game in a sporting manner... seems to shut down as ours was a matter of life and not futuristic as the case soon as something goes death, that their world will may be) world that does not against them. Anything at end the moment a dice goes exist. If you win then great. If all can set them off. They against them or your tank you lose then great. Anyone start to sulk. The bottom lip happens to blow up their can set out to win at all costs comes out and from that tank with a lucky shot. but the real trick is to win moment on they just go and ensure that your Sheesh. I hate it. This is a through the motions. game. It’s two people getting opponent enjoyed having together to have a bit of fun • They hope, perhaps, that their army taken apart. The for a couple of hours. you’ll feel sorry for them other side of that is to Someone once said that it is and stop wiping out their ensure that you can laugh in The Rat has let me have my a contract between two army. Problem is that as the face of adversity as your own likkle rambling space, people to have fun and soon as someone does this plan collapses and the battle here in the corner of the enjoyment (or something I tend to lose all interest in disappears from your grasp. being nice and will try kitchen. What do I intend to similar) and how true that is. If you can achieve these then do with this? Cause trouble, everything legal to wipe out you have my admiration and If you come to the table with their entire army. Sorry but that’s what! no thought for the other I’ll look forward to each and that’s the way it is. I want to use this space for person then you’re in the every game against you. things that don’t really fit wrong hobby and you can • If you want to ruin my two If not then you may find anywhere else. Little rants, kiss any games against me, hours with a silly strop that yourself living a very lonely observations and general after our first one, goodbye. I expect from my six year existence within walls of your “things” for want of a better old then that’s your own making. So what is a bad sportsman problem. I will now destroy word. I’d like to start some then? I think we will all have Nick Jenkin healthy debate within the your army, piece by piece. slightly differing views on this The Chef Sad Muppets and beyond; but most of the ones I’ve The Whiner let’s have some fun. encountered fall into one of • This one will tell you how The NewsLetter Page 23
F INAL ANALYSIS THE LEAGUE 2004
I feel that this year has been progress up the table you’re a vintage year for the league going to have to beat as I believe we’ve finally players in the top echelons; found the equalising factor: this being the only way to the bonus point for beating quickly and significantly someone with a better improve your average. average than you. This has also meant that it Matt and Peter scrap it out in another By taking out the is nearly impossible to league game Worried, you should be… I Sportsmanship votes, and have runaway leaders and present the 2004 champions... adding in the bonus point, winners, plus it is not a whole year but you can be we have made it a league closed league so new pipped at the post. that reflects gaming members can join in at any Guess what? This has been experience and results only. moment. You might, for proven this year! For most of This means that in order to instance, hold the lead for a the year Richard has topped the table, and Bragging Rights 2004 (as of 31/12/2004) certainly looked like Player Played Won Drawn Lost Bonus Points Rating winning it, until we hit December. His Matthew Pinto 20 14 1 5 4 33 1.65 problem has been that his average was Richard Kerry 29 22 2 5 1 47 1.62 never going to get Dave McCoy 28 17 5 6 3 42 1.50 significantly better because he had no- Mark Walker 14 7 3 4 3 20 1.43 one above him; The Pinto... Antony Walls 10 6 2 2 0 14 1.40 everyone else could improve their Nick Jenkin 25 12 6 7 3 33 1.32 averages by beating Dave Offen-James 35 16 4 15 7 43 1.23 people above them. In December Matt Jamie Morton 15 6 1 8 4 17 1.13 played and beat Dave Driver 24 9 4 11 5 27 1.13 Richard twice. That meant a whopping six Andrew Driver 28 10 4 14 7 31 1.11 points added to his Mark Freeth 28 12 3 13 2 29 1.04 total for two games and Richard gained Ben Dove 22 8 4 10 2 22 1.00 zero points for same Nathan White 22 7 3 12 5 22 1.00 games. Their averages swung and Paul Russell 22 7 4 11 4 22 1.00 Matt has been Mark Waple 19 7 3 9 1 19 1.00 crowned champion! Mr McCoy So you see, it can be Ian W 14 5 2 7 2 14 1.00 done. All you have to Peter Hibbett 18 5 2 11 5 17 0.94 do is stick at it…. Nick Doran 13 4 2 7 1 11 0.85 Congratulations to everyone for another Ross McNaughton 34 9 3 22 6 27 0.79 year of high excitement and a Ken Dunn 1 1 0 0 0 2 2.00 special congratulation John Barter 5 4 1 0 0 9 1.80 to the top three. Well done. Simon Ashe 6 4 0 2 1 9 1.50 Here’s to 2005. Can Callum Smith 5 2 0 3 1 5 1.00 Matt retain his title or And the mad green one with the will a new contender Lee Cook 8 2 1 5 2 7 0.88 Sportsmanship award emerge from the pack Jeff Crane 5 1 1 3 1 4 0.80 and challenge him for the Pixie Jam Trophy? Richard Crane 8 1 1 6 1 4 0.50 Tune in next year to Overall League Winner: Matthew Pinto find out. Second Place: Richard Kerry Nick Jenkin Third Place: Dave McCoy League Muppet Best Army: Richard Kerry Best Sportsman: Mark Freeth THE LEAGUE 20042005 THE SAD MUPPET SOCIETY Bragging Rights 2004 (as of 10/01/2005) valde tristes sumus… Player Played Won Drawn Lost Bonus Points Rating (we’re very sad indeed…) David Offen-James 2 2 0 0 0 4 2.00 Email: [email protected] Jamie Morton 1 1 0 0 0 2 2.00 Web: www.sadmuppets.org Yahoo Group: groups.yahoo.com/groups/ Mark Freeth 1 1 0 0 0 2 2.00 sadmuppets Phone: 0118 9820489 (David) Nick Jenkin 2 1 0 1 1 3 1.50 The league is a chance Dave McCoy 2 1 0 1 0 2 1.00 THE COMMITTEE for members to test each other’s metal Chief Muppet Richard Kerry Paul Russell 2 1 0 1 0 2 1.00 (again). Money Muppet Paul Russell Andrew Driver 3 1 0 2 0 2 0.67 Other Muppet David Offen-James • A win is worth 2 Memory Muppet Nick(ron) Jenkin points Ross McNaughton 2 0 0 2 0 0 0.00 • A draw is worth 1 Mark Waple 1 0 0 1 0 0 0.00 points (any result THE CONTRIBUTORS earned for winning against (in no particular order of importance or where the winning margin • Remember any game can is 10% or less of the someone with a better be a league game as long achievement) rating than you in the Richard Kerry, Nathan White, Nick Jenkin, starting values of the you agree with your Mark Freeth, Mark Waple, Jamie Morton, armies involved or defined league. opponent beforehand. Dave Driver, Ruth Kerry and Che Webster as a draw by the scenario) • And you must play at least Nick Jenkin
• A loss is worth 0 points. ten games to be in League Muppet No senior managers were harmed in the contention for the title and publication of this Newsletter. • A bonus point can be you must be a member.
The Disclaimer This material is completely unofficial and in no way endorsed by Games Workshop Limited. Adeptus Astartes, Battlefleet Gothic, Black Templars, Blood Angels, Blood Bowl, Catachan Jungle Fighters, Chaos Space Marines, the Chaos device, Codex, Dark Eldar, Dark Angels, Dark Future, the Double-Headed/Imperial Eagle device, the 40k device, Dwarfs Crossed Hammer logo, This is a rather neat scratch built Space Marine And this is a really big nid creature from the Open 'Eavy Metal, Epic, Eldar, Eldar symbol Drop Pod at Gamesday, courtesy of Will Platten category of the Gamesday 2004 Golden Daemon devices, Eye of Terror, the Games from Gobstykes awards. Stop it Nathan... Workshop logo, Games Workshop, Genestealer, Golden Demon, Gorkamorka, Grey Knight, Hammer of Sigmar, Horned Rat logo, Inquisitor, the Inquisitor device , Khorne, the Khorne device, Kislev, Kroot, THE LAST LAUGH... Leman Russ, Mordheim, Necron, Necromunda, Nurgle, Nurgle logo, Ork, Ork Skull devices, Skaven, Skaven logos, Slaanesh, Slaanesh logo, Slottabase, Space Hulk, Space Marine, Space Marine chapter logos, Space Wolves, Sisters of Battle, Steel Legion, Talisman, Tau, the Tau caste designations, Tyranid, Tyrannid, Tzeentch, Tzeentch logo, Ultramarines, Vampire Count logo, Von Carstein, Von Carstein logo, Chaos, 40k, GW, Warmaster, Warhammer, White Dwarf, and all associated marks, names, characters, illustrations and images from the Warhammer world and Warhammer 40,000 universe are either (r), TM and/or (c) Games Workshop Ltd 2000-2004, variably registered in the UK and other countries around the world, used without permission. No challenge to their status intended. All Rights Reserved.