Angus Mackay Diaries Volume VII No. 69 – 79 (1986 – 1987) ANGUS MACKAY DIARY NO. 69 August 15 1986 – September 17 1986. Friday August 15 1986 In the morning, yesterday, went to the opticians. More preparation for the Nicolson. Saw the same comic little man (comic to look at, long face like Robertson Hare, big ears), but a dear. Loves birds and motorbikes and has my views on medical things exactly. Said, after looking into my eyes with that light, ‘Thoroughly good healthy eyes’ as he always does, and that my sight had scarcely changed since 1974 when he first examined me. I have now found the bit of paper onto which I copied his, K’s letter to Simon with the first IM tape. Every word is precious, to see him writing to someone else. I expect he would be cross, but I don’t care. Dear Simon Enclosed is the promised tape. As arranged, I shall hire the equipment for the week Saturday 3 August to 10 August, but this time I shall only hire the bare bones of what I need so that we can get right down to the essence of the composition and save money. We can sort out the ‘sound’ at a later date. It was such a pleasure for me to be working creatively with you – all your ideas are slowly but surely (sic) becoming part of me, and I look forward to bodying them forth for you. Love, Kevin Moving to me because there are three phrases straight from me, ‘Bare bones and ‘essence’, ‘Such a pleasure’, ‘Bodying them forth.’ Imagine K five yrs ago saying ‘such a pleasure.’ And Edna told me that his letter to her, that I delivered from Ed’s, finished, ‘I think of you and hope you are well often. Love as ever.’ Perfect. I had been expecting Paul Ryan back from Spain on Tues. But he stayed longer, and started rehearsal sooner. Never mind, I was going to ask him for tonight if he were free. And he rang and said What are you doing tonight, so round he came. Isn’t it awful, I half expected another scene and was half disappointed it didn’t come? And very ashamed I feel. At any rate, he’s made up his mind, if not his heart and body, to give her up. Well? I think he must. He was very sweet speaking some Spanish and enthusing about his holiday. At least he was actually staying with some Spaniards. K with Sharron tonight and they were going to a barbeque at Phil Lawrence’s. Ah. I used to go to parties at Phil’s with him. Of course it’s much better for him go with a girl-friend so that beady-eyed Clare can stop wondering whether he didn’t sleep with her at the RNCM because he’s really gay! And equally, of course, all three parties were agonising occasions for me. But I felt a pang. Saturday August 16 1986 Started painting, or preparing to paint, the French doors on the balcony. Have learned to about page 10. out of 30. Sunday August 17 1986 Neil was coming round at six to go over his South Bank Show and the new mini-series Murders in the Rue Morgue. So I rang K to see if Fri was all right to offer him. Nigel answered. He’d got Carol round. K was out ‘picnicking.’ Oh, and he and Sharron had called in at N’s pub after the pictures on Tottenham Court Rd. And yes, I did feel bitter that I get four hours, she gets three days. Quite right of course, rationally. But I got over it quicker. Neil came. So slim. Very sweet now he's got a job. We ran over the two scripts. What a poor sight reader he is! Can’t hold seven words in his head. Turned the page too fast for him once or twice. Good at accents. I think he's a star, not an actor. Later. Quite comfortable now. Later still. He rang at 9.15. They'd been down beyond Tunbridge Wells. He was going to bed! He was knackered. Well. He sounded cross, and didn’t seem to attend to my instructions. (Forgot to say that Simon rang to arrange a prod. conf. at Offstage on Sat so I really can’t go to the wedding.)! But we must meet therefore one afternoon, so as to be ready to record Neil, which by now I’d arranged for Friday. Later, later still. He rang back at 10.30. He’d been to the pub for a quick half. So not so knackered. ‘Yes, all that fresh air.’ Perhaps they were late at the barbeque, oh no, that was Friday. Anyway, I’d said he’d sounded vague. And he said that’s why he was ringing back, because he’d worked out his week, in the pub. Offstage Wed. Tues. he was doing the wedding music with Cliff, that black friend of Phil and Colin, who’s going to be best man instead of K.! Better black than long hair. So I’ll see him three days running. That’s something. Must write a bit more about the row tomorrow. Monday August 18 1986 Tuesday August 19 1986 Monday was quiet and good. I actually did Lalla’s income-tax in the morning and felt virtuous all day. Today I'm sitting outside a pub in the street by the left hand side of Selfridges. Went to the new dentist recommended by John. Rough and ready in comparison. Like going for a commercial interview. 2nd floor, small waiting room, rapidly running out of chairs. Other customers included two fairly raffish-looking boys, a middle-aged lady, and a girl of about 22 with a very pleasant open face. She turned out to be going to the same dentist on the appointment before me at 11.30. It was now 11.50. Never mind, I got in and the nice girl said it was very rare for them to be late. He laid me flat on my back, niceish young Australian, and – amazing – there was nothing to be done, after two years. But I must see his dental hygienist. Obviously he doesn’t want to waste time just cleaning. So, to her tomorrow and had to pay £17. To Neil and Linda’s at 6.0, tail end of Lucy’s b’day party. Thank God I missed that! Wrote her a little poem for her to read later. Wednesday August 20 1986 He rang at 11.30, ‘something’s happened, we can’t do the Offstage this afternoon.’ He was shivering uncontrollably and could hardly speak for his teeth chattering. He said he couldn’t get warm and was going to ring Sharron and get her to come and give him a cuddle, but he didn’t say it lightly. He was bad. I downed everything and went there. S was already there and is capable and sensible but inexperienced. She was looking down a list of doctors in the Yellow Pages, rather hopelessly. K was huddled under six blankets and the central heating on. He was shaking quite frighteningly. I gave him a couple of Nurofen, rather good aspirin type affairs, but not aspirin as his tummy was upset too. He was v. pale and damp, tho’ not sweating. Sent Sharron out for various things including a thermometer, took his temperature, it was 102! His pulse was fast, well over 100. He was quite ill. I felt a perfect calmness, not the spasm of terror that has run thro’ me imagining him ill. The shivering eventually died down and there was an hour or so of sleep. Then he got hot, then shivery again. The second shivering was almost worse, lying curled up on himself knees to chest, arms wrapped round himself, trying to keep warm and still. I sent S out for some more things, Evian water, orange juice and a hot water bottle. He came into the sitting room an hour or so later, looking like a conventional Jesus with his hair down and near beard. He said he felt better enough to have some Weetabix, so he did. I had to go off to the dentist and Offstage which took me about two hours. When I got back, he was back in bed, feeling even worse, having squittered out the Weetabix. He had another hot fit, and she sponged him down. Now he was shivering again. Nigel from upstairs called in – I’d left a note – and confirmed that Doctor Jacobs was their doctor. I’d been over the road to Kate’s and asked if she knew a doctor and one of her housemates had said Jacobs was round the corner). I rang him and he agreed to come. K wanted to ‘go’ again and I had to help him he was so wobbly. Had a pain all round his back, he said as well as a bad headache and the other symptoms. On the phone, the Dr. thought it was food-poisoning. Black Griff called round with the amplifier. K had started to feel ill by about 6.0 but gone on working till 10.0. Cliff is going to be best man, so long hair is worse than black. The Dr. came and was black, too. Seemed very pleasant but I never trust doctors and kept a watch round the bedroom door. K was sleeping just in the black kimono I gave him, but although it opens completely like any gown, the Dr made him take it right off, - all it covered was his upper arms! Just like a doctor, so K had to struggle about.