The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, April 24, 2020 — Page 1

Vol. CCLXIV, No. 16 The New Hampshire Gazette Grab Me! April 24, 2020 The Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ • Editor: Steven Fowle • Founded 1756 by Daniel Fowle PO Box 756, Portsmouth, NH 03802 • [email protected] • www.nhgazette.com I’m Free!

The Fortnightly Rant “Darwin’s On Deck…” n times as terrible as these—the herent and self-contradictory jabber news cycle dominated by daily in- with the lowest signal-to-noise ratio Ifomercials featuring a clearly addled since the Tower of Babel fell. We mountebank praising his own ho- have all seen the photo: the source micidally ham-fisted response to a of this chaos and confusion, staring lethal pandemic; the global economy with naked eyes at a solar eclipse. So, wheezing like a chain-smoker in the too, are we transfixed by him—the Tour de France; choruses of ignored Black Hole of Meaninglessness. As scientists chanting a litany of pend- with a black hole, the thing itself ing but unaddressed environmental cannot be seen—only the havoc it catastrophes; and, apparently, no wreaks. baseball—we must keep our heads, To better see what’s actually in and strive to accomplish whatever front of us, let us imagine something good we can. As one small step to- a little different, something to which ward that end, we propose the aboli- we have not become blind by staring tion of the term “intelligent design.” at it for too long: the President is a Intelligent design, as we all know, black woman, a socialist, exhorting is a weasel-phrase engineered to her supporters to strap on their guns insinuate religion into our public and assemble on the steps of state schools under an assumed name. In houses across the nation’s heartland, modern parlance, it’s an attempt to expressing their willingness to die in re-brand an old product. Far from defiance of decrees issued by Repub- attacking religion, though, abolish- lican governors. ing this phrase would defend it. This picture would be incomplete This Presumed Designer of our without the proper context: a ubiq- The finishing touch for our originally dismissed the risks associ- the latest episode of his unrehearsed ludicrous species—is he, she, or it uitous propaganda channel, oper- Bruegelesque hellscape would be the ated with the virus before gradually remake of “The Gong Show,” he was benevolent? Cruel? Or simply in- ating around the clock, claiming to leaders of the Democratic Nation- adjusting his position starting late promoted a new cure: injecting peo- sane? Judging from the available be the sole source of unadulterated al Committee, wearing Che berets, February.” The study showed “great- ple with disinfectant. evidence, it’s some mixture of the truth while condemning its com- benevolently smiling over all that it er viewership of ‘Hannity’ relative to The atmosphere was already latter two. Don’t bite the hand that petitors as dupes and liars. It reports had encouraged and promoted. ‘Tucker Carlson Tonight’ is strongly warming when this virus came created you, we say—admit you’re a Madame President’s every utter- Our analogy is flawed, of course, associated with a greater number of along; the ice caps were already monkey’s distant nephew, and put ance, and backs her to the hilt. because it is incomplete. It includes COVID-19 cases and deaths in the melting, the oceans were already the blame on Darwin’s lemurs. For the sake of accuracy, we’d have no representation of the investing early stages of the pandemic.” acidifying, and species were going While we’re ladling unsavory to expand our vision even more. It class. Overwhelmingly favoring the Then there’s the matter of the tan- extinct at a rate not seen since the di- ingredients into the communal would have to include a broad ar- GOP, it pursues its further fantastic gerine-colored man who’s not a doc- nosaurs went bye bye. We might get punchbowl, we’ll note that there’s a ray of tax-exempt foundations, enrichment at the risk of all our lives. tor but acts like he is one on TV. “I a handle on the pandemic in a year disturbing parallel between so-called subsidizing generations of scholars Hyperbole? Our editorial foot. hope they use [hydroxychloroquine] or two, but meanwhile the house is intelligent design and our alleged steeped in the works of anarchists, Scientists at the Becker Friedman because…what do you have to lose?” on fire. If we Homos really are sapi- democracy. Winston Churchill— socialists, and communists like Ba- Institute in Chicago—Ground Zero Your life, apparently. “About 28 per- ent, this would be the time to start that homicidal half-American— kunin, Kropotkin and Trotsky. These for pro-capitalism academics—pub- cent who were given hydroxychlo- showing it. called democracy “the worst form of intellectual shock troops would reg- lished an academic study Sunday, roquine plus usual care died, versus The good news is that in a poll government except for all those oth- ularly release, as if from a bat cave, titled, “Misinformation During a 11 percent of those getting routine last week, 81 percent of the public er forms that have been tried from viral packets of language in endless Pandemic.” They devised a way to care alone,” according to an AP re- backed social distancing, even if it time to time.” Considering the way succession. At the core of them all compare the health outcomes for port about a recent Veterans Affairs does continue to damage the econ- ours is operating, one has to wonder would be this essential message: the audiences of two Fox News pro- study. Wednesday we learned that he omy. Only ten percent held the op- if he shouldn’t have quit while he ideologically speaking, capitalism grams, one featuring Sean Hannity, fired the director of vaccine develop- posite view. was ahead, i.e., at “government.” and cancer are indistinguishable. the other Tucker Carlson. ment—who has an actual PhD in Forget our wisecracks earlier Public consciousness, such as it Both Big Cs believe growth is ev- “Carlson warned viewers about immunology—because he refused about the flaws of democracy. We’ll is, has now been subjected to nearly erything; there is no future beyond the threat posed by the coronavirus to waste resources on a quack hy- take that any day over the lunocracy five full years of increasingly inco- the next quarterly report. from early February, while Hannity droxychloroquine cure. Yesterday, in that rules us now.

The Alleged News® Can’t Give It Away n Monday, a barrel of West This, of course, seems pretty weird. According to Peter Zeihan, who the burden of a production cut. It Because it is landlocked, there is Texas Intermediate crude oil On NPR Tuesday morning, energy appears to know about this sort of has since expanded into the Saudis only one market for the nasty oil Ohad less value on the market than correspondent Camila Domonoske thing, the real weirdness is just be- targeting the end markets of every from its tar sands: via a pipeline, into a printed copy of this newspaper— told host Noel King, “I’m running ginning. In a post at Zero Hedge, he single one of what the Saudis’ con- the U.S. Since we’re already awash which, under normal circumstances, out of synonyms for unprecedent- wrote, “this is nothing but the war- sider to be inefficient producers. The in oil, we don’t need it. TC Energy, is free. Anyone willing to accept ed.” After an explanation of how this mup for the big show. Saudis are directly targeting markets though—the company behind the delivery could expect to receive $40 had come about, King, searching “That will happen when the world previously serviced not just by U.S. Keystone XL [KXL] Pipeline—has along with each 42-gallon barrel. for some shred of normalcy, asked, runs out of storage. shale and Russian [crude], but those a lot invested and seems determined Demand for oil was already falling “could the federal government in- “… no one thinks there’s a whole serviced by Kazakhstan and Azer- to do whatever it takes to reap what early in March, due to the corona- tervene and stabilize the market in lot of storage capacity left. Glob- baijan and Libya and Iraq and Iran it considers to be its rightful profits. virus. Because Vladimir Putin was some way?” According to Domo- al oversupply of crude right now is and Malaysia and Indonesia and James Hansen, the former NASA resisting his plan to keep oil prices noske, “President Trump mentioned over 20 mpbd [million barrels per Mexico and Norway and the Unit- scientist who has been warning the comfortable by lowering production, a few different possible actions. … day] (with 30 mbpd seeming to ed Kingdom and Nigeria and Chad world for thirty years about the Saudi Arabia’s fun-loving Prince He talked previously about filling be the “average” guestimate). Most and you get the idea.” greenhouse gasses and climate Mohammad Bin Salman decided up the Strategic Petroleum Reserve folks in the know are now musing A Pox on All Their Houses change, got right to the point about to start an oil price war against Rus- [SPR] ….” That’s not going to help. that what storage remains will be In a melee involving the entire glob- tar sands in a 2013 interview in The sia. He jacked up production and The maximum capacity of the SPR filled up completely sometime in al fossil fuel industry, there are no Guardian: offered big price breaks on Saudi is 717 million barrels [mb]. The cur- May or early-June. good guys for whom to root. Fortu- “Oil from tar sands makes sense crude. The combined effect was a rent inventory is about 635 mb, so “And filled up it will be, because itously, though, according to Zeihan, only for a small number of people glut so sudden and so great that the there’s only about 82 mb of capacity that is the express goal of the world’s there is one player in all the world who are making a lot of money whole global system for transport- left. Before the virus and the price largest oil exporter, Saudi Arabia. that “has the most to lose” in this ing oil seized up like an overwound war, the world used more than that The Saudi price war started out as a price war, and it’s one we should all The Alleged News® watch. in a day. spat with the Russians over carrying be rooting against: Alberta, Canada. to page two Page 2 — The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, April 24, 2020

The Alleged News® “In Alberta, premier Jason Ken- from page one ney, a pliant servant of the oil com- panies who had already set up a ‘war from that product. It doesn’t make room’ to fight environmentalists, sense for the rest of the people on invested $1.1 billion of taxpayers’ the planet. We are getting close to money [in] TC Energy to fund the dangerous level of carbon in the construction through the year, and atmosphere and if we add on to that set aside another $6 billion in a loan unconventional fossil fuels, which guarantee. have a tremendous amount of car- “Meanwhile, on the southern bon, then the climate problem be- side of the border, a series of states comes unsolvable.” quickly adopted laws making it a Bill McKibben wrote in The felony to protest ‘critical infrastruc- Guardian on April 5th about just ture’ like pipelines. (Last week South how far TC Energy execs, their cro- Dakota, a crucial link on the KXL nies, and their enablers will go for a route, made it a felony even to ‘incite’ buck. such protest.) And the Department Thousands of demonstrators had of Health and Human Services is- persevered long enough to get the sued a memorandum exempting project shelved during the Obama pipeline construction from stay-at- Administration. Naturally, Donald home orders because such work was Trump reversed that decision on his ‘critical’—that is, the department fourth day in office. Still, nothing is asserting it is essential to build happened because TC Energy was oil pipelines at the precise moment broke. that the world is swimming in oil “[T]hen came the coronavirus and that the Trump administration epidemic,” McKibben wrote, “and is boasting about getting Saudi and the oil industry saw its opening. It Russian autocrats to cut supply.” moved with breathtaking speed to All is not yet lost, though. take advantage of the moment. As Niina H. Farah reported for E&E News, on April 15th, “Chief About Those Pandemic Bonds big investors until a pandemic happens. Judge Brian Morris for the Mon- In our most recent printed edition, And when the pandemic happens, the tana district court sided with envi- published on March 13th—and original capital that was invested in ronmental groups’ complaints that about which there is more below— the bond, that is used to help countries the Army Corps of Engineers had we noted that two days earlier the deal with that pandemic. failed to perform a multiagency WHO had finally declared that a The problem is that in order to en- consultation mandated under the pandemic was under way. We were courage big investors to buy these Endangered Species Act to assess wondering at that time if that dec- bonds, they’ve been structured in such the risks of its Nationwide Permit laration would finally trigger a pay- a way that they don’t really work at 12 ahead of the program’s five-year off from the World Bank’s peculiar all. They’ve effectively never paid out to renewal in 2017.” Pandemic Bonds. date, despite the Ebola crisis and what- The Corps of Engineers has tra- Yesterday we went looking for an ever else, they’ve never paid out. ditionally taken a rubber-stamp ap- update on those bonds. The best ex- Now with corona virus pandemic proach to individual permits making planation came from Double Down bonds have finally been triggered, so up part of a larger project. News, a UK non-profit, in aYou - we hope now that those bonds are going “In their lawsuit, which focused Tube video by Nick Dearden titled, to pay out. However, these bonds have on the KXL pipeline but raised “WTF Are Pandemic Bonds? And been paying out, high rates of interest broader claims about the Army Why Are They So Shit?” Here’s a for the entire time that they’ve been is- Corps’ general permit,” Farah wrote, transcript: sued to rich investors. So a lot of people Llandudno, in North Wales, is home to about the same number of people “the environmental challengers said The World Bank, which is supposed have made money. as Portsmouth—plus a couple hundred wild Kashmiri goats. They are de- the agency approval treats each of to be about developing societies, and It would be far far better if we put scended from a pair given to Queen Victoria by the Shah of Persia on her the pipeline’s water crossings as a fighting poverty around the world, society’s resources into trying to take coronation in 1837. The goats normally hang out on the Great Orme, a distinct project and does not take one of the ways that it thinks that you money out of tax havens, tax the super headland overlooking the Irish Sea. With its streets deserted in the wake into account the cumulative harms fight epidemics is the creation of special rich, tax big business, so that countries of the global lockdown, they’ve taken to wandering around in town, nib- of building through all the water bonds called pandemic bonds. Pandem- are able to develop decent universally bling on the landscaping. Our Wandering Photographer—out for his con- crossings along the entire project ic bonds are loans that are sold to inves- accessible, public health care systems, so stitutional—discovered on Sunday that the four Rockingham Lions have route.” tors, sold to pension funds, sold to hedge that when something like this happens, stepped down from their stairtop lairs. Other pedestrians: be advised. As Rick Perry might say, “Oops.” funds. And they pay a return to those they have a head start—they’re ready to

Sometimes Old is Good “Happy The Fechheimer Building, one of the fin- to The arts are vital to our vibrant Seacoast community. est examples of a cast-iron facade in Port- Support Please consider supporting your many local arts and land, Oregon, was built in 1885. Listed in Progressive culture organizations in this time of crisis. the National Register of Historic Places, it was restored in 1981 by Russell Fellows Journalism Gathering together to experience the arts is the heart Properties, the principals of which enjoy a subscription to this newspaper. and and soul of what we do here at The Music Hall. The We are ever grateful for the unwavering support of our community, and look forward to seeing you when our New Hampshire doors reopen. Gazette” – Joe Keefe �/MUSICHALL �@MUSICHALL �/MUSICHALLNH 603.436.2400 • THEMUSICHALL.ORG B2W BOX OFFICE AT THE HISTORIC THEATER • 28 CHESTNUT ST • PORTSMOUTH NH The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, April 24, 2020 — Page 3 begin dealing with a public health cri- time. And I think most people in Brit- sis, in a way that can actually meet the ain probably regard the NHS, as kind needs of everybody but especially, those of the pinnacle of civilisation, of what [who] were going to struggle otherwise. if we put our minds to it we can achieve The idea that you can kind of per- to create a better way of living. suade the financial market to behave, as Exactly that kind of solution needs to if it was a development institution, as be rolled out, right the way around the if it was something that was interested world today. in solving poverty around the world, is Unfortunately, the very institutions ludicrous and we shouldn’t tie ourselves like the World Bank, that are creating up in knots like this. these ridiculous pandemic bonds, have We need to tax, and we need to reg- spent years, and years and years tell- ulate, and we need to build up decent ing countries they need to slash public public services. spending, they need to privatise every- I always like to think that after the thing in sight, they need to liberalise Second World War, my grandparents’ their economies, they’ve made those generation suddenly thought: We’ve kind of solutions that much more diffi- been through this war, we’ve been cult. And we need to reverse course now through horrendous suffering, we want very, very rapidly. And hopefully one of to build a better society—how do we do the few positives that might come out that? And one of the things they did in of this crisis, is that we finally wake up this country was to say; health care is to the damage that’s been done, to our too important to be dictated by the mar- ability to meet our needs as human be- ket. Whether I get treated or not, how ings, by the ravages of the market for much I suffer or not, should not depend decades now. upon how much money I’ve got in my The mainstream media has become bank account. Health care should be a more and more dominated by vested given. It should be available to every- interests. That’s why alternative me- body in society, no matter where they dia is so utterly vital, if we’re to create Our Third Fortnight in Digital Limbo they knew too well to work for, were State for Life. Writing a check for come from. the kind of better world that most of us It’s been 42 days since we loaded considering a mutiny. The plan was $40, hoping it wouldn’t bounce, he And that’s where they created the want to create. And it’s why things like the hand truck and wheeled fresh for the whole crew to jump ship and whisked the rights to the Nation’s National Health Service, and it was a Double Down news are so important, papers to RiverRun Bookstore; six start a rival paper. Oldest Newspaper™ from the very effective way of trying to re-lev- so please, please, please support it if you weeks since we sat and helped fold A paper needs a name. The editor previous claimant, then the owner el, some of the inequalities that had possibly can. papers for mailing to subscribers. had recently been reading certain of the Portsmouth Herald, Kenneth evolved in society over a long period of Which we were happy to do. Lord, how we miss publication quaint and curious volumes of for- Thomson, 2nd Baron Thomson of day—and all those other days in gotten lore, looking for confirmation Fleet, and the 9th richest man in the between. Seeing the paper on tables of a story his father had told him world. (TheHerald and the Gazette here and there, slightly crumpled or three decades earlier: “There was a had been paired up since F.W. Hart- soup-stained, was visible, tangible printer in the family, way back in the ford bought all the papers in town at evidence that all this daily key-pok- olden days, and he printed some- the turn of the 20th century, shut- ing had a purpose, and meaning. thing the authorities didn’t like. So ting down all the others.) Now we make do with a few addi- they threw him in jail.” Gardner made it official on May tional clicks, silently sending a file to There it was, in Isaiah Thom- 1st, 1989. After a decade of publish- some gadget on a rack in an air-con- as’ History of Printing in America ing on irregular dates from a num- ditioned room devoid of human life. [1810]: Daniel Fowle, thrown into ber of locations, we reintroduced this This represents an incredibly radical Boston’s stone gaol in 1754, found- paper to Portsmouth 21 years ago, and rapid change from our familiar, ed this—the first newspaper in New on May 1st, 1999. In mere months comfortable, former circumstanc- Hampshire—in 1756. Making we gained two stalwarts still with us es—a state of being it literally took things all the more enticing, Frank today: Business [Such as it Is] Man- decades to develop. Indulge us while Luther Mott’s American Journal- ager Rose Eppard, and Starving Ar- we briefly reminisce…. ism [1942] noted that “the oldest tiste Mike Dater. The editor first heard of theNew American paper surviving today Until we’re back on paper, we’ll Hampshire Gazette in the late 1980s, is the New Hampshire Gazette, of be here, confined tonhgazette.com . during his second go-round at the Portsmouth….” Happily, though, we expect that on The sign clearly states, “Stay Wicked Fah Apaht,” but this dinosaur and Hillsborough [N.H.] Messenger. Its The editor hastened to the of- May 1st, 2020, this site will undergo unicorn paid it no mind on Sunday afternoon. Maybe they’re from away, disgruntled employees, warned of fices of William “Bill” Gardner, a subtle transformation, making it and the local vernacular escapes them. an impending takeover by a man New Hampshire’s Secretary of more flexible and responsive.

Murph’s Fortnightly Quote

“Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, “We are the one species on this planet that seems to think and the whole world will be clean.” that this place belongs to us, and only us.” – Prince Harry “It is a fresh and continuous robbery, – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832) writer, poet [email protected] that goes on every day and every hour.”

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As soon as it’s safe for them to do so, our volunteer distributors will resume bringing this newspaper to following locations: Concord: The State House Visitor’s Center, Gibson’s Book Store, 45 S. Main St. A Constantly-Changing Selection of Concord COOP Grocery Store, 24 S. Main St. Concord Public Library, 45 Green St. New & Used Books in both Franklin Pierce Law School, 2 White St. Hard Cover & Paperback Hanover: Your Coffee, Ice Cream, Children Give the Gift of History – Come Shop with Us! Hanover Public Library, 13 South St. & Pets Are All Welcome Keene: Store Hours Keene Public Library, 60 Winter St. Mon - Sat: 9 a.m. - 7 p.m. Sun: 10 a.m. - 7 p.m. Lebanon: Lebanon Public Library, 9 E. Park St. Page 4 — The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, April 24, 2020

Back to Normal? Not Without More Testing tested are being issued certificates as To the Editor: proof that will allow them to return to All of us here in New Hampshire work. and the rest of the country are doing It is clear that this is not the time to our best to push down the Covid-19 reduce the number of tests, in fact we threat so that we can get back to our need to accelerate that number. previous normal lives. However, it is For example, if the data that I have Walter: important for our political leaders, the received is correct, while Maine CDC Ah, yes—that other parallel. We knew healthcare community and the busi- is currently doing 3,500 tests per day we’d forgotten something. ness community to develop a strategy and planning to increase that number, The Editor damned. “When it’s my time to go, now to get there after the health threat New Hampshire is only performing –=≈=– God’s going to call me home,” one arms. In another, he called Governor subsides. Most professional medi- approximately 500. Why? Trump Threatens Lives and System said, with disregard for the safety of Whitmer of Michigan “Half-Wit- cal experts and worldwide business Rep. Peter Somssich, District 27 To the Editor: others. The protests themselves endan- mer.” She responded that she supports leaders are already recognizing that a 34 Swett Ave. Portsmouth, N.H. In recent days, protestors carrying ger lives, congregating in tight groups citizen’s rights of assembly but protests major component in any such strategy 03801 weapons and wearing Trump, Nazi without masks, handing out candy to must be conducted “in a manner that must be intensive and comprehen- tel. 603-436-5382 (h) and Confederate insignia, have con- children with bare hands. doesn’t put their health or the health of sive Covid-19 testing and testing for Peter: our first responders at risk.” Covid-19 antibodies. Why, indeed. Perhaps there are more Seeing Trump’s tweets as incitement We can assume that if a person parallels between our Governor and “Hey, I Didn’t Vote for Him!” to riot, some ask if he is above the law. has developed antibodies against President than a thirst for the limelight. As we learned from Mueller, a sitting Covid-19 (even without any symp- Incompetence, for example. a found poem president will not be indicted, so the toms for at least 14 days), that person The Editor remedy is impeachment, which is un- is then immune from Covid-19 for –=≈=– I. Donald Trump’s Failed Businesses likely. at least some time (experts suggest, Protect Us From King Sununu The underlying problem is that at least one year). If a national agen- To the Editor: Trump Steaks our system of justice and government cy such as the CDC, with the help of New Hampshire’s founding fathers GoTrump can function only if citizens respect it. the states, sets up a database to record knew what it was like to live under a Trump Airlines With what Trump is doing and say- everyone who has been tested for king. Our State Constitution impos- Trump Vodka ing, we may be losing that respect. Ul- Covid-19 and for antibodies against es many limits on elected officials to Trump Mortgage timately, it falls upon the people…on that virus, it could be possible to start prevent anyone from acting like a king. Trump: The Game November 3rd. bringing back the economy. Individ- Elected officials are elected for two- Trump Magazine Don Nolte, uals who have been tested Covid-19 year terms. Uniquely, we have an elect- Trump University Exeter N.H. free or who have the antibodies could ed Executive Council. Appointments Trump Ice Don: return to jobs, together with other by the Governor must be approved by The New Jersey Generals Let us hope, on that day, that an- such employees, to resume work. This the Executive Council, as are contracts Tour de Trump ti-Trump voters turn out in sufficient would require a large volume of test- over $10,000. Trump Network numbers to overcome all the Republicans’ ing, however; the higher the volume, Unfortunately, New Hampshire Trumped! various voter suppression campaigns. the sooner we could resume normal now has a Governor who wants to play The Editor economic activities. While those suf- king. He says we are in an emergency II. Donald Trump’s Bankruptcies –=≈=– fering from Covid-19 would be iden- and he should be given sole power to Worst Trump Failure Yet tified and properly treated, we would distribute $1.25 billion in Federal aid. Trump Taj Mahal To the Editor: also know who has not yet been affect- He says there is no time for oversight Trump’s Castle Donald Trump had one thing to do! ed by the virus. or the Constitution. This is the same Trump Plaza Casinos Just one job. And he couldn’t do it! It is unrealistic to believe that with- Governor who handed out campaign Trump Plaza Hotel His job was to lead the country in out such extensive testing customers money to his siblings and other family Trump Hotels and Casinos Resorts the midst of an emergency, to show would return to stores and businesses, members. He is acting like our corrupt Trump Entertainment Resorts leadership, to be President of the Unit- including doctor’s offices and hospi- President, who says no one should be ed States—and he couldn’t do it. tals, without the certainty that the en- able to see or say how he hands out W. D. Ehrhart Instead he chose to be President tire staff has undergone testing and are $500 billion to large corporations. Bryn Mawr, Penn. of his base. He was unable to switch not Covid-19 carriers. Such massive State Representatives have filed suit gears, stop campaigning, and be Pres- testing is being advocated by many to stop this usurpation of power and ident to the whole country. His job health and economic professionals restore the legislature’s roll in how your fronted Democratic governors to de- Conservative media figures and was to be reassuring, to give support such as Dr. Paul Romer, World Bank money is spent. We all should hope mand that Covid-19 social distancing officials have encouraged such pro- to first line defenders, to coordinate a economist and Nobel Prize recipient, the court steps in to protect us from orders be lifted. In Michigan, their cars tests, to “free” the states, suggesting response; to be out in front, not of the and countries (e.g. Germany) have would be King Chris Sununu. blocked ambulance access to a hospi- that controls are excessive. In one such cameras, but of the curve. His job was already begun such testing. In these Walter Hamilton tal. Protestors demand that governors tweet, President Trump cited Second to lead, to unite, to look for solutions. countries, individuals who have been Portsmouth, N.H. “reopen” their states, public safety be Amendment rights on bearing of Instead, he looked for scapegoats.

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phineas test The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, April 24, 2020 — Page 5

signs of outbreak saves lives and reduc- of not changing will become cata- es damage. Denying there is a problem strophic. enables the catastrophe to accelerate. With commerce largely shut down Delaying response causes preventable by coronavirus, and the price of oil deaths and costs uncountable fortune. sinking into negative numbers, we The cost of early preparation, pre- now have a special, one-time-only op- ing, and the future of printed news, vention and response is substantial. portunity to switch to non-polluting, that I called the Suicide Hotline. I got The cost of early preparation, preven- renewable energy sources to avert the a call center in Pakistan. When I told tion and response is very low, com- climate change catastrophe. Clinton or G.H.[H.]W. Bush won in them I was feeling suicidal, they got pared to the cost of doing nothing. Bruce Joffe He has failed massively. 1992, either one was ready to sign the all excited and asked if I could drive a Can we apply these lessons to the Piedmont, Calif. Michael Frandzel first Free Trade Agreement. Clinton truck. But they hung up on me when global climate crisis? We are suffer- –=≈=– Portsmouth, N.H. did. Environmental protections and I told them my license had been re- ing early signs: hurricanes are more “Clean Drinking Water is a Human Right” Michael: labor protections were nothing com- voked for a DUI. powerful and damaging; droughts are To the Editor: To say that the President has one job pared to reaping big, bigger, biggest William Daniel more severe and flammable. Some “Clean drinking water is a human seems reductionist to us. The Presidency profits by the companies that gained Philadelphia, Penn. people, regrettably in political leader- right,” says the N.H. Palestine Edu- may be the most complex, multifaceted by going overseas. Being Democrat cation Network (N.H. PEN). N.H. task ever put before a mortal human. or Republican didn’t play. President PEN has supported the “Alliance for What’s most remarkable about the in- W.[MD] Bush came along, then Water Justice in Palestine,” a Massa- cumbent is that he’s failed at every one of President Obama. No curbing Free chusetts based organization (waterjus- them. Trade Agreements. At one time I re- Foxes in the Time of Coronavirus ticeinpalestine.org) that has sponsored The Editor call, early in Obama’s tenure, believing walks to raise funds to assist Pales- –=≈=– I’d see him sign the first Fair Trade Never saw the like of it before: tinians who live in either Gaza or in When Local Jobs Went Away Agreement. At the time we already four sets of railroad tracks on one side, the West Bank to gain access to wa- Dear Editor: had Fair Trade coffee purchases and four lanes of traffic on another, ter. Another Massachusetts group Special for me during isolation— Fair Trade chocolate. No. Obama was parking lots on either side, barely linked to the “Alliance” is 1for3.org, by phone playing a Scrabble game in the mode of corporations getting space for bushes and a patch of grass, which works closely with Aida Refu- just about daily with my 96-year-old their way. an early April day, sun shining— gee Camp in Bethlehem, Palestine, to friend Marylou in Florida, in assisted Now we need to think harder about and there, beside the fir tree, a fox. promote water security. living, in isolation too. We have con- our economy after this coronavirus is There, another. Smaller. And another! According to the Alliance for Wa- versation while playing, so please don’t contained and hopefully receding, then Three, four, five, six! Incredible. ter Justice in Palestine, “95 percent of suggest online “Scrabble with Friends!” over. Where should our goods be pro- A vixen and her six small kits, the Gaza Strip’s two million residents, My Scrabble game’s box lid is fall- duced? How should the planet’s needs the mother keeping watch, aware of us, including 991,400 children, are with- ing apart, but in it I glued, when new, be considered equally—at least—to fifteen feet away, my wife and I, out clean drinking water due to Israel’s this article about the manufacture of economic needs as we provide for but not alarmed so long as we stood still, continuing destruction of Palestinian Scrabble letters. The article is dated people’s lives? Should we be throwing her babies tussling, tumbling, racing, wells and the water infrastructure, and January 13, 1999. A Hasbro spokes- away so much as we do? Which peo- pouncing, prancing, chasing one another, its refusal to repair damage from its man said, “The Bauhinia Limited Co. ple count? Everyone should count, no having fun, though never far from Mom. military onslaughts.” When Israel lim- of Hong Kong is [now] making the matter race or wealth or hemisphere. I know it’s anthropomorphically its the electricity to Gaza to four hours wooden tiles and tile racks at its plant We are all on one small, lovely, stressed incorrect to think of animals a day to power the four dilapidated in Shanghai.” Also, “For 20 years, Mil- planet. Our next election must provide in human terms, but if those baby power plants and the necessary fuel to ton Bradley Wood Products, Inc., in national leadership that is intelligent foxes weren’t as happy as a school boy run them, the children of Gaza suffer. Fairfax, Vermont, produced tiles and and thoughtful and far-sighted. If you on a snow day off from school, What the Israeli leaders are doing to trays. Hasbro closed the plant Dec. agree, please send this letter to voting I’ll eat this mask I’m wearing. the children and the elderly constitute, 4th, costing 87 people their jobs.” friends and relatives in other states of for many, crimes against humanity. Closing that Vermont plant and five our U.S.A. W. D. Ehrhart Moreover, the coronavirus has begun other manufacturing (toys) plants Lynn Rudmin Chong Bryn Mawr, Penn. to impact Palestinians as well. People “around the world” is “expected to save Sanbornton, N.H. are told to keep washing hands with the company $350 million before taxes –=≈=– soap and water so as to protect against within five years.” Suicide Note infections, but what if there is no easy In 1998, plant-closing-year for To the Editor: access to water? Hasbro in Vermont, Bill Clinton was I think this self-quarantine stuff is We Need to Learn From This ship, deny there’s a problem. Delaying Following the 1967 “Six-Day War,” a 2nd-term President. His first elec- getting to me. I was so depressed last Dear Editor, response enables the crisis to accel- Israel took control of all water resourc- tion had Independent H. Ross Perot night thinking about social isolation, What can be learned from the coro- erate; climate change feeds itself and es in the Palestinian Territories, the in the picture. H. Ross Perot accu- the economy, wars, jobs, Trump, my navirus pandemic? Preparing for epi- may soon become unstoppable. The rately predicted “the sucking sound savings, Social Security, retirement demics before they happen saves lives. cost of changing from our oil-based Mash Notes, Hate Mail, &c. of jobs leaving the country.” Whether funds, nuclear disaster, global warm- Responding to epidemics at the first energy economy is large, but the cost to page six

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The Northcountry Chronicle Educating Billy by William Marvel or wrote me in for industrial arts. I lege preparatory course. I took some ing them off, and only in amounts school. That gave me the free time I don’t know how it happened; maybe interest in English and history, but that seemed possible to repay. The needed to experiment with my most arly in the spring of 1963, we I found the phrase “industrial arts” by the beginning of my senior year it system of unlimited, unsecured, and compelling interests, and eventually eighth-graders at Conway intriguing, and said “I’ll take that,” or dawned on me that my post-gradu- essentially federally subsidized loans they coalesced into what became a EJunior High traipsed down Main maybe he suggested it. After all, this ation prospects would be limited. If that encouraged colleges to charge most satisfying occupation. Street to Kennett High School to was the same man who later sug- I didn’t go to college, my schooling astronomical tuition had not yet Had a Mrs. Gagnon taken me by sign up for our freshman programs. gested that I ought to consider be- only qualified me for local jobs I been engineered. the elbow again when I graduated It did not occur to me, or perhaps coming a barber. I didn’t really care didn’t want, or for military service. I So I didn’t go. Even after getting from high school and insisted that I to many of my classmates, that this what course I took. I hated school was considering the Navy. out of the Army, I still spent sever- begin college, I might have followed event could have a significant impact anyway, because it cut too deeply Attending college already seemed al years dividing my time between the logical track for those who don’t on the future course of our lives. We into my reading time. economically impossible by my last bread labor and obsessive reading. yet really know what they want to saw the guidance counselor, who I came back to the junior high in year of high school. Tuition and For upwards of two years I lived do. That would probably have yield- asked us a few questions and filled time to file back into the building af- housing expenses then only came barely half a mile from the Boston ed a respectable career with a satis- out some 5x7 cards before signing us ter noon recess, and my homeroom to a few hundred dollars a semester, Public Library, and made that my factory income, and in a day when up for a program. teacher, Margaret Gagnon, fell into but I had accumulated no savings. principal hideaway, with a decided students had to actually pay their There were three general courses line beside me. While we shuffled in Neither had I thought far enough preference for the microfilm and own college costs it would not have of instruction at Kennett. College she asked what I had chosen for a ahead to compete for local scholar- special collection departments in the cost a fortune—but there isn’t much prep consisted mainly of academic course. When I told her, she took me ships that bridged the gap for better old half of the building. chance it would have made me hap- studies. General education began by the elbow and turned me away scholars. In 1967, family-court judg- Thanks to the GI Bill, I did final- py. Today the education racket pro- with fundamental English, math, toward the office, where she sat me es had not yet extended the limits ly earn a degree in the last months motes college as the “key” that all history, and science, and bookkeep- down and called the high school. I of mandatory parental responsi- of my third decade, and graduated students must have, but those who ing or secretarial classes for those don’t remember what she said, but bility through the college years, with savings instead of debt. I did rush into it often find that it locks a with business interests. Industrial from a drawer she produced a 5x7 and I had moved out of the house quite well, too, in that era before door that might otherwise have re- arts included the same basic courses card just like the one the guidance anyway. Student loans—as ridic- grade inflation rendered deans’ lists mained open. as general education, but with wood counselor had used, and after filling ulous as it must seem to adherents completely meaningless. Still, the and metal shops and some basic au- it out she told me to take it over to of Elizabeth Warren and Comrade degree itself never won me a job, tomotive training. the guidance office after school. Bernie—were limited to those who and I continued at blue-collar work I Somehow the guidance counsel- That was how I entered the col- actually had some intention of pay- could have taken straight out of high from page five Why Does Trump Lie? To the Editor: West Bank, East Jerusalem, and in At a press conference on April 20, Gaza, except for one small aquifer President Trump said “I cannot tell which runs under the Gaza Strip. a lie.” And yet, fact checkers have Sadly, this aquifer has been pollut- the end of 2020. And, as shown, water security is one counted over 16,000 untruths, and ed and thus the water pumped from When visiting Palestine, I have Jerusalem, I saw green lawns and a such human right. One hopes that we have all heard him say things we this source is so contaminated that stayed in the houses of Palestinians very large swimming pool and fully someday Israel’s oppression of Pales- know are not true. Of course, all pol- 97 percent of it is unsafe to drink. As and observed that on some days the thriving gardens. Later that same tinians and its brutal military occu- iticians try to cast events in a light a result, many children suffer from water supply is turned off by Israel. week, I travelled to a Bedouin vil- pation will end and that justice and favorable to their cause, but Trump various diseases such as dysentery, This compels the families to buy lage where there is no connection peace will prevail. goes further. diarrhea, kidney disease and gastro- trucked in water which the Israeli to a water supply so they must buy Will Thomas, N.H. Palestine Ed- I have often wondered to what enteritis. company charges Palestinians three expensive “Israeli” water. Their water ucation Network extent he truly believes his fantasies, The 13-year-long Israeli blockade to four times higher prices than for consumption can drop to 20 liters of Auburn, N.H. to what extent they are gaffes, and has helped create a massive sani- Jewish families. Al Jazeera reports water per person per day. Will: to what extent he does it by design tation crisis in Gaza where tons of that, “While Israelis have access to In conclusion, Camilla Corra- If we were to give one percent of our -- and if so, to what ends: to con vot- sewage, raw and untreated, flow di- around 240 liters of water per per- din of Al Jazeera says that ”Israel’s war budget to organizations like the ers; to entertain fans and attain “top rectly into the Mediterranean. The son per day, and illegal settlers over discriminatory water policies prove Alliance for Water Justice in Palestine ratings”; to divert blame and create UN’s World Health Organization 300, Palestinians in the West Bank that it is using water as a tool to and 1for3.org, that would do more plausible deniability; to energize his predicts that unless drastic steps are are left with 73 liters—well below dominate Palestinians, exercise its for our real security than the other 99 base and give them ostensible justi- taken to provide clean water and the World Health Organization’s power, and punish an entire popu- percent. fications for supporting him (what- stop the tremendous discharge of minimum standard of 100.” During lation by deliberately depriving its The Editor ever their real reasons might be); waste Gaza will be uninhabitable by one trip to a settlement outside of inhabitants the most basic rights.” –=≈=– to irritate and gaslight foes (“poke

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Don’t shut the post office, expand their services by Jim Hightower excellent ideas for expanding the post offices. Incredibly, their list of sic architectural flourishes and 13 services center—and, as U.S.P.S. services that U.S.P.S. can deliver, closures include the historic post of- museum-worthy murals. “It’s not employees have suggested, a public hat’s the matter with the thus increasing both revenue and fice in Philadelphia’s Old City, the just a post office,” says one customer bank offering basic services to the post office? the importance of maintaining these very building where Ben Franklin fighting the closure, “it’s part of my thousands of neighborhood people WThe U.S. Postal Service, I mean— community treasures. presided as our country’s first Post- life.” No one feels that way about ignored by commercial banks. Come the corporate hierarchy that runs Yet, the Postal Board of Gov- master General, appointed by the a Fed Ex warehouse. Yet, says a on, U.S.P.S., show a little creativity this enormously popular public in- ernors, which includes corporate Continental Congress in 1775. U.S.P.S. spokeswoman dismissively, and gumption, and remember that stitution. Yes, I know that U.S.P.S. interests that would profit by kill- All across the country, post offices the four-story building is “severely “service” is a key part of your name! has lost revenue it traditionally got ing the public service, seems intent that are invaluable artistic and his- underused.” –=≈=– from first-class mail delivery, but I on—guess what?—killing it. The toric assets are slated to be sold to So, use it! Put a coffee shop in it, a Copyright 2017 by Jim Hightower also know that letter carriers and board’s only “idea” is to cut services developers. One is the marvelous public internet facility, a library and & Associates. Contact Laura Ehrlich postal workers have offered many and shut down hundreds of local 1935 Bronx post office, with clas- museum, a one-stop government ([email protected]). from page six disbanded.” Unfortunately, while the Depart- the bear”); to belittle established ment of Actual Defense has not politics and “political correctness”; yet attained actual existence, the to sow confusion and disorganiza- Department of War…I mean, the tion among the opposition; to play wars and engaging in vast military to millions of its people.” Department of Pseudo-Defense… ball with those who have sway over buildups with the goal of slaughter- Normal, the falseness of that belief While world leaders prepare for continues to strategize about win- him (e.g. Putin); to smokescreen the ing one another?” doesn’t matter. It’s the way things war, real threats continually perco- ning victories that have nothing to dismantling of democratic systems And Khury Petersen-Smith, are. Protecting borders and “inter- late. One of them, of course, now has do with the real world and its real while pursuing autocratic ambi- pointing out how xenophobic rac- ests” is the primary function of most the name COVID-19. But most of dangers. For instance, the New York tions; to see how much he can get ism at the level of national govern- national leaders across the globe. them remain nameless and barely Times recently informed us: away with in the game of life, how ment — e.g., Donald Trump’s initial Almost every nation maintains a imaginable. That doesn’t mean we The Pentagon has ordered mil- rich and powerful he can become. impulse to blame China for the virus hammer — that is to say, a military shouldn’t be looking at and address- itary commanders to plan for an I wonder how conscious or sub- — fans the flames of public stupid- — and every problem out there then ing them with all the clarity we can escalation of American combat in conscious Trump’s motivations ity, writes: becomes a nail to whack at. Is the muster. Iraq, issuing a directive last week to might be, and how they emerged The impact will be disastrous. Al- coronavirus waking us up? Doing this is the work of what prepare a campaign to destroy an from his experience on the school ready, racists have taken license to “Imagine,” writes David Swan- Swanson called a Department of Iranian-backed militia group that yard, in real estate and finance, in attack Asians and Asian-Americans son, “if the nuclear doomsday clock Actual Defense, which is a far dif- has threatened more attacks against Hollywood. in public. And stoking division on a being closer to midnight than ever ferent entity from the current U.S. American troops…. Whatever his purposes for dis- world scale will undermine one of before were addressed appropriate- Department of Defense, which for Some top officials, including Sec- sembling might be, it is clear that he the most important keys to our col- ly, with some hint of interest from most of American history was more retary of State Mike Pompeo and is corrupt and unscrupulous, lacking lective survival of this crisis: cooper- human governments in human sur- accurately called the Department Robert C. O’Brien, the national se- in integrity, without moral or ethical ation across borders. vival.” of War. A Department of Actual curity adviser, have been pushing for center, without empathy or concern As the world struggles to create That’s precisely what millions Defense “would need to be global, aggressive new action against Iran for others. or flee from the new normal that’s of people across Planet Earth have not national,” and, actually having and its proxy forces — and see an Don Nolte, emerging (or maybe not), here’s a desperately wanted from their gov- an interest in human survival, would opportunity to try to destroy Irani- Exeter N.H. phenomenon almost too strange ernments — some hint of interest address our collapsing ecosystem, as an-backed militia groups in Iraq as –=≈=– to comprehend: March 2020, with in human survival! — since, I would well as poverty, physical and mental leaders in Iran are distracted by the War, Irony and The New Normal schools across the country closed say, the dawn of the nuclear age. Has health, and issues of safety, he writes. pandemic crisis in their country. by Robert C. Koehler down, “was apparently the first the division of the planet into nation I could see it also addressing the on- Actual military commanders see The uber-irony about the deadly March in nearly two decades with- states, each with a desperately main- going global pandemic of violence, a few problems with this: “The de- coronavirus is that, as it claims lives, out a school shooting in the U.S,” tained sense of identity -- an identity the inadequacy of our prison system, bate is happening as top Pentagon endangers millions and interrupts CBS News reports. The last March that seems so real to so many when the nature of crime and the nature officials and senior commanders the social normal, threatening un- our school system has been free of a there’s an enemy beyond the borders of healing. worldwide are also expressing grow- precedented global chaos, it is also shooting spree was 2002. to hate and fear -- completely de- “A Department of Actual De- ing concerns about coronavirus cases quietly informing us what we must What? prived national leaders of the ability fense,” he writes, “would train expanding rapidly in the ranks, po- do to create a better world — and, America, America, God shed His to think holistically: to think beyond pro-environment workers, disas- tentially threatening the military’s indeed, creating it, in certain ways, as grace on thee…. the imaginary borders of the worlds ter-relief workers, and suicide-pre- ability to field combat-ready troops.” we look on in stunned wonder. But let’s go back to the nearly $2 they rule? vention workers in the tasks of And there you have it: The virus The “what we must do” part is trillion the world as a whole devotes “Considering these questions,” protecting the environment, reliev- is interrupting humanity’s ability to obvious to many: “After all,” writes annually to war and armaments, all writes Murtaza Hussain, “it’s hard ing disasters, and preventing suicide, kill itself. Lawrence Wittner, “why not work in the name of keeping itself safe. not to conclude that the American as opposed to training and arming Robert Koehler (koehlercw@gmail. cooperatively to save humanity from This is insanity beyond compre- government’s national security pri- them all to kill large numbers of com), syndicated by PeaceVoice, is a massive global death and econom- hension. But because, up until the orities have been so askew of reality people with weapons but then as- Chicago award-winning journalist ic collapse rather than continue to last couple months, it has been, for that they left the country dramati- signing them to other tasks. We and editor. He is the author of Courage devote $1.8 trillion a year to waging several millennia, the essence of cally unprepared for an acute threat don’t need a military redirected but Grows Strong at the Wound.

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Portsmouth, arguably the first whom you choose to believe. drags about seventeen billion moves from the mouth of the Twice a day, too, the moon lets all Badger’s Island, bobbing around in and bridges work their hardest. town in this country not founded The Piscataqua’s ferocious current gallons of seawater — enough to river, up past New Castle, around that water go. All the seawater that the current. It weighs several tons, Ships coming in laden with coal, by religious extremists, is bounded is caused by the tide, which, in fill 2,125,000 tanker trucks — up the bend by the old Naval Prison, just fought its way upstream goes and it bobs and bounces in the oil, and salt do so at high tide, for on the north and east by the turn, is caused by the moon. The the river and into Great Bay. This under Memorial Bridge, past the back home to the ocean. This is current like a cork. more clearance under their keels. Piscataqua River, the second, third, other player is a vast sunken valley creates a roving hydraulic conflict, tugboats, and on into Great Bay. when the Piscataqua earns its title The river also has its placid mo- They leave empty, riding high in or fourth fastest-flowing navigable — Great Bay — about ten miles as incoming sea and the outgoing This can best be seen when the tide for xth fastest current. Look for the ments, around high and low tides. the water, at low tide, to squeeze river in the country, depending on upriver. Twice a day, the moon river collide. The skirmish line is rising. red buoy, at the upstream end of When the river rests, its tugboats under Memorial Bridge. Sunday, April 26 Monday, April 27 Tuesday, April 28 Wednesday, April 29 Thursday, April 30 Friday, May 1 Saturday, May 2

1986—A meltdown at Chernobyl 2017—“This is more work than my 2011—During a speech in Las Vegas, 2014—Despite nine tries, Okla. pris- 1993—The first website goes online. 2003—G.W.[MD] Bush says “major 2011—After outliving the Adminis- lowers Ukrainian real estate values, previous life,” says President Donald Donald Trump drops about seven on officials miss Clayton Lockett’s 1977—The Clamshell Alliance as- combat operations in Iraq have end- tration of G.W.[MD] Bush, Osama contaminates much of the northern Trump. “I thought it would be easier.” f-bombs, promising to tell the Chi- veins; the poison goes into muscle. sembles at Seabrook to fight the nuke. ed.” U.S. death toll so far: 140. bin Laden is whacked by its successor. hemisphere to some degree, and con- 2016—Calling Sen. Ted Cruz “Luci- nese, “listen you mother______s, Without enough left to kill, they dis- 1975—Saigon falls. 1999—The New Hampshire Gazette 2006—With stereotypical inefficien- demns thousands to death. fer in the flesh,” former Speaker John we’re going to tax you 25 percent.” cuss options as he writhes. He ends 1973—Rabid Nixon supporter Rev. resumes regular (fortnightly) publica- cy, state workers in Lucasville, Ohio 1970—The Senate Chamber of Lou- Boehner tells Stanford students he 2006—Rush Limbaugh’s lawyers an- their debate by dying of a heart attack. Sun Myung Moon gets a green card. tion in Portsmouth. jab Joseph Clark 19 times over 86 min- isiana State House and the Baton “never worked with a more miserable nounce that their fine work will keep 2006—Stephen Colbert, at the Cor- 1973—Announcing their resigna- 1989—“Bill” Gardner, Secretary of utes to kill him by lethal injection[s]. Rouge Country Club are damaged by son-of-a-bitch in my life.” their dope-addled client out of prison. respondents Dinner, performs the first tions, Richard Nixon calls felons- State for Life, assigns rights to the 2003—Richard Perle, its architect, dynamite bombs. 2011—On the worst day of the largest 2004—The SEC votes to let banks risk televised autopsy of a sitting President. to-be John D. Ehrlichman and H.R. trade name New Hampshire Gazette to writes that the Iraq War “ended with- 1953—Radioactive rain falls on Troy tornado outbreak in history, 324 peo- more money and keep less on hand. 2004—The Commission “investigat- Haldeman “two of the finest public a collateral descendant of the founder. out the Arab world rising up against and Albany, N.Y. ple are killed from Texas to Ontario. 2004—Frank Lautenberg [D-N.J.] ing” 9/11 allows George W.[MD] servants I have ever known.” 1977—Seabrook: 1,414 Clams busted. us, as the war’s critics feared, without 1952—The captain of the U.S.S. 1994—In South Africa, ex-prisoner says on the floor of the Senate, “We Bush and Dick “Dick” Cheney to 1971—Medal of Honor recipient 1975—Tom Polgar sends CIA’s last the quagmire they predicted, without Hobson, disregarding an underling’s Nelson Mandela is elected President. know who the chickenhawks are. “testify” without taking an oath. Dwight H. Johnson is shot to death cable from Saigon: “…we have lost.… the heavy losses in house-to-house advice, takes his destroyer across the 1986—Protesting high rates for dish They talk tough on national defense 1992—A mostly-white jury in Simi while robbing a Detroit grocery store. Let us hope…that we have learned our fighting they warned us to expect.” bow of the U.S.S. Wasp. Cut in half, owners, John R. “Captain Midnight” and military issues … but when it was Valley finds LA police not guilty of 1966—Rep. Melvin Laird (R-Wisc.) lesson. Saigon signing off.” 1972—The good die young. J. Edgar the Hobson sinks with more than half MacDougall hijacks HBO’s satellite. their turn to serve, they were AWOL.” assaulting Rodney King. Soldiers and says that the problem with Vietnam is 1970—U.S. troops join ARVN sol- Hoover does it at 77. its crew, captain included. 1951—An Air Force B-36—biggest 1988—Aloha Airlines 737 develops a Marines end the rioting six days later. “an administration that fails to inform diers in the Cambodian “Incursion.” 1971—The U.S. Government reneges 1946—Edna Rose Ritchings, 21, a bomber ever—is cut in half by an F-51 20 foot hole in its fuselage; stewardess 1975—As helicopters begin evacuat- the people fully and frankly about the 1960—Russian missiles bring down a on its permit, calls in the 82nd Air- Caucasian-Canadian, marries Father fighter during a training flight over Clarabelle Lansing falls to her death. ing Saigon, Marines Charles McMa- objectives and progress of the war.” U-2 piloted by the CIA’s Gary Powers. borne, arrests 12,600 protestors, and Divine, 65, an African-American re- Oklahoma; 13 die, four live. One, 1987—Contras in Nicaragua, “moral hon and Darwin Judge become the 1961—Leonid I. Rogozov, the sole 1955—To supplant Harding’s failed packs them into D.C.’s RFK stadium ligious figure. TSgt. Dick Thrasher, survived a B-36 equivalent of our Founding fathers” last two Americans to die in Vietnam. doctor at a Soviet station in Antarcti- “Americanization Day,” Ike proclaims without food, water, or sanitation. 1944—The U.S. takes over Mont- “Broken Arrow” crash a year earlier. according to President Reagan, mur- 1974—The Nixon White House re- ca, removes his own appendix. an equally-doomed “Loyalty Day.” 1967—The California State Assembly gomery-Ward after it defies the Na- 1937—The first Social Security check der American volunteer Ben Lindner. leases redacted transcripts of Oval Of- 1956—Ex-Veep Alben Barkley 1944—Jacob Coxey, 90, on the Capi- is visited by 26 armed Black Panthers. tional Labor Relations Board. is mailed to Ida May Fuller: $22.54. 1975—Daniel Schorr reports on CBS fice recordings; the phrase “expletive concludes his keynote speech to the tol steps, completes the speech he be- 1963—In Birmingham, Alabama, 1937—German and Italian planes 1932—Saying “Goodbye, every- that the CIA plotted to assassinate the deleted” enters the English language. Washington and Lee Mock Conven- gan 50 years earlier. 959 schoolchildren are arrested for let- destroy Guernica, Spain. body,” Hart Crane, 32, leaps from the leaders of Chile, Congo, Cuba, the 1961—The Army’s Chief of Staff tells tion, then keels over dead. 1921—To supplant filthy leftists’ sub- ting themselves be attacked by dogs, 1931—Lou Gehrig hits a home run Orizaba into the Gulf of Mexico. His Dominican Republic, and Vietnam. Defense Secretary Robert Strange 1900—The Illinois Central’sCannon - versive May Day, Warren G. Harding firehoses, and cops with billy clubs. but is called out for passing another body is never found. 1973—Hot brakes start a fire in McNamara “we cannot win a conven- ball Express slams into a freight train proclaims “Americanization Day.” 1957—Senator and morphine addict runner on the basepath. 1930—A boy and girl burn to death the Roseville, Calif. railyard, and a tional war in Southeast Asia.” at Vaughan, Miss. Engineer John Lu- 1894—Jacob Coxey leads a 500-man Joe McCarthy dies of liver failure at 1901—“I’ll be in Hell before you start within sight of their mothers after a trainload of bombs explodes; 5,500 1899—Hundreds of union miners ther “Casey” Jones is the only fatality. “Army of the Unemployed” to the 48, relieving top dope cop Harry An- breakfast!” says train-robber Tom sightseeing plane crashes in Greenland, buildings are damaged, the town of hijack a train in Idaho, haul 1.5 tons 1871—Apaches, having surrendered, Capitol steps, where he calls for a fed- slinger of an awkward chore: slipping “Black Jack” Ketchum, whose head N.H. Burned in futile attempts to save Antelope disappears, but no one dies. of dynamite to the mill of the Bunker living at Camp Grant in the Arizo- erally-funded jobs program. Within him safe government morphine “for flies off after the hangman drops him. them was pilot Clyde Robinson. 1945—Benito Mussolini and his Hill Mine, and blow it to bits. na Territory, are attacked by a mob minutes, police hustle him away. reasons of national security.” 1865—Boston Corbett, a hat- 1865—The steamboatSultana ex- mistress fail in an attempt to flee from 1886—Boston Beaneaters Charles of American vigilantes and Toho- 1865—In Charleston, S.C., 10,000 1940—Mississippi Governor Paul ter-turned-cavalryman who had ear- plodes on the Mississippi: 1,800 dead; Italy. They are shot by partisans and “Old Hoss” Radbourne gives the no O’odham; 144 die, but for eight, people, most formerly-enslaved, includ- Johnson, 60, clubs Jackson Daily News lier castrated himself with scissors to 1,450 are just-freed Union POWs. hanged by the heels from lampposts. finger to a rival New York Giant, on they’re women and children. ing veterans of the 54th Massachusetts editor Major Frederick Sullens from better resist prostitutes, shoots and 1861—Abraham Lincoln suspends 1789—Fletcher Christian leads a mu- camera; the first documented use of 1844—Hank Thoreau accidentally and 104th U.S. Colored Troops, hold behind. Sullens, 62, floors the Gover- kills John Wilkes Booth. the writ of habeas corpus. tiny on the Bounty. that gesture by an American. sets 300 acres of Concord forest afire. the first-ever Memorial Day. nor and beats him mercilessly. 1:49 2:22 2:26 3:03 3:08 3:49 3:57 4:42 4:53 5:41 5:55 6:43 7:00 7:45

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2016—Lindsey Graham tweets, “If 1990—Six-inch flames shoot from 1985—In Bitburg, Germany, Repub- 2012—Stabbed in a bar fight, actor 1999—A U.S. B-2 drops five “smart” 2003—A cargo door on a Rus- 2017—President Donald Trump fires we nominate Trump, we will get de- Jesse Joseph Tafero’s head as Florida’s lican President Ronald Reagan lays a Sean Bean orders another drink. bombs on the Chinese embassy in sian-built plane flown by a Ukrainian FBI Director James Comey. stroyed…and we will deserve it.” “Old Sparky” takes three jolts and sev- wreath at a cemetery full of Nazis. 2010—An imaginary bus bomb in- Belgrade: three dead, 27 wounded. crew pops open over the Congo. 1999—At the University of Chicago, 2016—After suggesting Ted Cruz’s en minutes to kill him. 1981—In Ireland’s Maze Prison, spires panic in Portsmouth, N.H. 1998—Treasury Secretary Robert Three-fourths of the 200 aboard are two students competing in a scavenger father helped assassinate JFK 1989—U.S.M.C. Lieut. Col. Oliver Bobby Sands dies of starvation. 2010—A Londoner scamming from Rubin and Federal Reserve Chairman sucked from the plane. hunt build a plutonium-producing re- (prompting Cruz to recall Donald North is convicted of four felonies in 1970—Jerry Rubin speaks at UNH. his parents’ basement gives The Invis- Alan Greenspan successfully quash an 1979—Salvadoran police maintain actor. They come in second. Trump’s boast that dodging VD had the Iran-Contra scandal, but a Con- 1961—New Hampshire’s own Alan ible Hand of the Market™ jitters: the effort to regulate credit default swaps. order in a cathedral; 23 KIA, 70 WIA. 1989—“What a waste it is to lose one’s been his Vietnam) Trump wins the gressional screw-up lets him skate. Shepard prays, “Please, dear God, Dow drops nine pct. in five minutes. 1992—Reporters reveal Ross Perot’s 1970—With flags at half mast for mind,” says Veep Candidate Dan Indiana Primary and clinches the 1970—In Haymarket Square, Chica- don’t let me f__k up.” Prayer an- 1996—Missing for nine days, ex-CIA “concern” over U.S. POWs was most- Kent State kids shot by National Quayle, addressing the Negro College Republican Presidential nomination. go, a new cop statue replaces one de- swered, he’s 1st American in space. Director William Colby turns up in ly about Richard Nixon’s presidency. Guardsmen, students protesting in Fund, “or not to have a mind is being 2003—The law of gravity busts the stroyed by a bomb months earlier. This 1960—The U.S. announces that Gary Chesapeake Bay, dead but remarkably 1985—New York throws a ticker tape NYC at Wall and Broad streets are very wasteful, how true that is.” Old Man of the Mountain. one gets blown up, too, months later. Powers’s U-2 was a “weather research fresh-looking, 20 feet from where parade for 25,000 Vietnam veterans. attacked by 200 “hardhats” organized 1980—The Liberian-flaggedSum - 1995—Alabama Governor “Fob” 1970—Ohio National Guard troops plane” and its pilot a “civilian em- searchers found his canoe eight days Better late than never. by AFL-CIO leader Peter Brennan. mit Venture knocks out a span of St. James reintroduces chain gangs. shoot 13 unarmed students, killing ployed by Lockheed.” earlier. Verdict: a routine drowning. 1970—Marine Sgt. Robert Phleger, Nixon will make him Sec. of Labor. Petersburg, Fla.’s Sunshine Skyway 1987—E. J. Dionne’s column quotes four, at Kent State. 1945—The collierBlack Point is tor- 1982—LAPD Chief Darryl Gates ex- 1st Force Recon, is killed in the night 1970—At the University of New Bridge, causing a Greyhound to Sen. Gary Hart (D-Colo.): “Follow me 1961—The Freedom Rides begin pedoed by U-853 within sight of the plains “some blacks [die in choke holds by a tiger in Quang Nam Province. Mexico, 11 people protesting the plunge into Tampa Bay killing 35. around;” meanwhile, the Miami Her- throughout the south. Point Judith, R.I. lighthouse. because] the veins or arteries do not open 1955—Black voting activist Rev. George Vietnam War are bayoneted by Na- 1974—Congress finally begins to ald reports that a woman (not his wife) 1942—The Battle of the Coral Sea be- 1945—Sunday school picnickers in up as fast as they do in normal people.” W. Lee is gunned down in Midnight, tional Guardsmen. ponder impeaching Richard Nixon. spent the night in his D.C. townhouse. gins. In four days 14 ships are sunk or Bly, Ore., find a strange object. The 1978—In Chicago, First Lady Rosa- Miss. No charges are ever filed. 1967—Muhammed Ali is indicted for 1970—Richard Nixon chats with 1970—“[The North Vietnamese] damaged, 159 planes destroyed, and Japanese balloon bomb explodes as lynn Carter is photographed shaking 1954—The Viet Minh overrun the refusing to be inducted. antiwar students on the steps of the have been in a war for years and years,” 1,565 men killed; it was a great victory. they’re dragging it out of the woods, hands with Polish Constitution Day French garrison at Dien Bien Phu. 1964—Against Ike’s orders, Curtis Lincoln Memorial at 4 a.m. says Veep Spiro “Ted” Agnew. “I don’t 1940—Nora Joyce tells Jim, “I haven’t killing five Sunday school children Parade chairman (and prolific serial 1931—In NYC, 300 cops entertain LeMay sends a B-47 into Russian 1969—The New York Times reports the think they are capable … of continu- read any of your books but I’ll have to and a minister’s pregnant wife. killer) John Wayne Gacy. 15,000 bystanders by directing 700 territory on a recon mission. It returns U.S. is bombing Cambodia. ing this fight.” someday because they must be good 1925—As he and local boosters had 1967—Gen. Wallace Greene, Jr., rounds of rifle and machine gun fire with extra holes thanks to a MiG-17. 1967—Because he won’t fight in Viet- 1946—“Gruesome Gertie,” Louisi- considering how well they sell.” hoped he would be, John T. Scopes U.S.M.C., says in Manchester, N.H. at a fifth-floor apartment in a room- 1963—In Hue, Ngo Dinh Diem’s nam, Muhammad Ali is stripped of ana’s electric chair, wired by a drunken 1927—A motorman “sick of seeing is arrested in Tennessee for teaching that America is winning the war in ing house on West 91st St. After two goons kill nine Buddhists for flying the title he won in the ring. trustee, fails to kill Willie Francis, 17. that policeman with his arm raised” evolution. On the team prosecuting Vietnam, “and I say that without any hours Francis “Two-Gun” Crow- their flag, then blame the ’Cong. 1963—The U.S. orbits 480 million He’s escorted back to Death Row. A drives his streetcar into a nine-foot Snopes is a man named Sue K. Hicks. doubt whatsoever.” ley, his 16-year old girlfriend Helen 1958—In Lima, Richard Nixon is bits of wire .7 inches long in a failed year later, Gertie kills Willie. statue of a cop commemorating the 1904—Cy Young pitches the Ameri- 1937—A huge Nazi gasbag ignites Walsh, and his partner Rudolph stoned and spat on by Peruvians. communications experiment. 1945—The RAF bombs the German Haymarket bombing. can League’s first perfect game for the over Lakehurst, New Jersey, 14 years “Fats” Durringer surrender. 1755—In Portsmouth, murderer 1961—FCC chairman Newton Mi- ship Cap Arcona, believing it’s carrying 1886—In Haymarket Square, Chi- Boston Americans (later the Red Sox). before Rush Limbaugh was born. 1931—In Corbin, Ky. Harland Sand- Eliphaz Dow becomes the first person now calls American television “a vast SS officers. Of 4,500 concentration cago, demonstrators against May 3rd 1902—Bret Harte dies in England at 1868—Angry that Samuel Mills had ers—later Col. Sanders—puts two executed in New Hampshire. wasteland.” camp inmates aboard, 350 survive. police brutality at the McCormick 65. Mark Twain had called him “an dropped from sight when the gallows bullets in a gas station manager for 1725—John Lovewell, who had 1960—“The” pill is approved. 1927—Turnout for Liberia’s Presi- Reaper plant are attacked by more po- invertebrate without a country.” opened under him, hundreds of ob- painting over a sign for his restaurant. marched into Boston a month earlier 1958—On CBS’s “Trackdown,” law- dential election is 1,680 percent. lice. A bomb kills seven cops; a dubi- 1886—In Milwaukee, Gov. Jeremi- servers riot in Woodsville, N.H. 1896—Gilmanton-born Herman W. wearing a wig made of Indian scalps, is man Hoby Gilman exposes a con man 1909—A passenger train collides with ous trial later convicts eight anarchists. ah Rusk orders 250 National Guard 1864—The Battle of the Wilderness Mudgett, aka “Dr. H.H. Holmes,” killed by an Abenaki near Pequawket who claims that only he can save the a switching engine in the Portsmouth 1814—Former Emperor Napoleon soldiers to fire on a crowd of strikers. rages; 3,723 die, including two Union fiendish killer of over 100 women, is (now Fryeburg). A mountain in town from destruction. The con man’s rail yard: one dead, seven injured. Bonaparte arrives at Elba, his new jail. They comply; seven die. and three Confederate generals. hanged for murdering one man. Washington, N.H. bears his name. name is Walter Trump. 8:05 8:43 9:06 9:37 10:03 10:28 10:58 11:17 11:50 12:06 12:41 12:54 1:32

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