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Urge to merge: Israelis insist on big , coronavirus be damned Many are willing to risk breaking the law to host hundreds of guests while others have opted to downsize. But almost no one is willing to stay unwed

found out there was a prob­ life, which is an explicit as married just like Israelis shows you that the Shuki Sadeh lem because the authorities commandment ” who are listed as “having no isn’t just for the and Haim Hemmendinger, enforce the rules in a place From the standpoint religion.” MK Evgeny Sova groom, it’s for the commu­ manager of the Pavilion that has a business license, of halakha, you need a (Yisrael Beiteinu) proposed nity.” Mehadrin wedding hall so they had to hold the wed­ groom, a bride, a rabbi to another emergency regu­ In recent years, some in Jerusalem, which hosts ding in a pirate location. preside over the ceremony lation, by which the young people have tried to buck ultra-Orthodox weddings, Within three hours, they and 10 men for a minyan. couples could marry in for­ the big-wedding trend in fa­ recalls a recent wedding at­ had to move 100 people and “Politics has entered into it eign embassies or consul­ vor of “socially conscious” tended by 50 people. It was the chuppah and the tables here. Weddings have been ates in Israel for the coming weddings. The idea is to get outdoors and people were and all the rest. It’s possible brought into other issues, year. back to the spirit of what spaced apart, but the num­ in the WhatsApp age, but like street protests and weddings were like in the ber was well over the maxi­ it’s no easy feat,” he says. prayer services, regarding Solutions needed old days - modest events mum allowed under the Hemmendinger has no what is or isn’t allowed dur­ in which neighbors and coronavirus restrictions. compunctions about skirt­ ing the coronavirus. It also “No one is trying to friends would help prepare “A policeman showed up ing the rules. “If you tell a fits into the Haredi narra­ make these couples Jew­ the food and set up every­ and said, ‘If in two minutes bride and groom to hold an tive that opposes the coro­ ish according to halakha,” thing. there are still more than event with just 20 guests, navirus regulations, which says Sova. “But a tempo­ Four years ago Dina 20 people here, I’m taking you ruined it for them. You at least parts of the commu­ rary solution must be found Abramson, a former jour­ the bride and groom home can’t put off the party ei­ nity view as deliberately in­ for them during the crisis. nalist and owner of an ad­ in handcuffs,”’ he recalled. ther. ... Rejoicing with the tended to harm the Haredi This is something the state vertising firm, staged such “You can imagine what bride and groom is a sacred public.” is obligated to do for its citi­ a wedding for herself with it was like after that - the value - it’s a mitzvah to re­ Of all the kinds of gather­ zens.” For now, however, hopes that the trend would ceremony took place but the joice with them and make ings banned in Israel since neither of these proposals catch on. She paid 1,000 event was ruined.” them happy. It’s not the the coronavirus outbreak appears likely to be ap­ shekels ($295) to hold the What was unusual about same thing for secular peo­ began in March, experts proved. wedding in a synagogue. that incident isn’t that the ple. There you have couples agree that weddings are Even those not permitted The food - falafel and sushi wedding party exceeded who live together for a long among the riskiest. Aside to marry under halakha, - was bought beforehand, the limit but that the police time before the wedding. from a few weeks in May and the secular public in and friends helped set up came to enforce the rules. The wedding is basically a and June, when weddings general, haven’t been will­ and served as waiters. Hemmendinger estimates party - so there’s no prob­ of up to 250 people were ing to give up the wedding “I tried to break a bub­ that on any given evening lem postponing it for six permitted (a limit that was ceremony itself. For exam­ ble that was very hard there are 200-300 unauthor­ months.” also widely violated), since ple, Havaya - Secular Jew­ to break,” she says. “Not ized weddings in religious Yerach Toker, a Haredi Israel’s first lockdown last ish Lifecycle Ceremonies enough people were ready and ultra-Orthodox circles. consultant, says that in the spring there have been re­ in Israel, an organization to say, ‘Hey, we don’t really “The trick is to find plac­ Haredi world restricting a strictions of one form or belonging to the Be Free want to write huge checks.’ es that the police don’t know wedding to 100-150 people another on weddings. At Israel (Israel Hofsheet) The goal was for people to about. Event planners are would mean that only the present, no more than 20 movement, has a registry see that a social wedding in now hiring guards who are bride and groom’s close people are permitted to of hundreds of people who which people prepare the posted at a distant perime­ relations could attend. “No gather outdoors, including preside over alternative food themselves is a totally ter from the chuppah (wed­ one wants to get married at weddings. ceremonies. respectable way to get mar­ ding canopy). If they spot “A wedding is an im­ ried. At my wedding, people a police car, they pass the portant event for secular were happy because they word and guests disperse. people, too,” says Dr. Ana felt free. Whoever wanted When the patrol car drives Prashitzky, a sociologist at to bring cookies, brought off, they go back to what Western Galilee College, cookies. Whoever wanted they were doing,” he says. who wrote her dissertation to give 1,000 shekels, gave If anyone didn’t know on the differences between 1,000 shekels.” it long ago, the coronavi­ Orthodox and alternatives. The pandemic has rus has come to show how “A decade ago, there were caused more Israelis to important the idea of wed­ hardly any alternative cer­ see that small is beautiful ding, and family emonies and now it’s an ac­ when it comes to weddings, remains in Israel. For many cepted norm. Abramson says. “Everyone Israelis a highly contagious “You can ask why bother is finally coming around to virus takes a back seat to a to get married at all if you this approach because of major, perhaps the major, don’t believe in the rabbin­ the coronavirus, but at the event of people’s lifetimes. ate, and it has to do with a time it was considered quite The phenomenon isn’t lim­ lot of factors. There’s the in­ subversive and brave to say ited to religious Israelis, but An outdoor wedding. Avishag Shaar-Yashiuv fluence of Jewish tradition, it. I think the coronavirus to the secular majority and and of Hollywood movies. will change the Israeli wed­ even to Israel’s LGBT com­ with just a rabbi and two As much as wedding re­ The white , walking ding culture.” munity. witnesses, as if we were strictions anger many Is­ down the aisle at sunset - Meanwhile, over the last “Israeli society sancti­ in the Warsaw Ghetto,” raelis, even before the onset most people still want these few months, thousands of fies family and tribe. Even he says. “Just like large of the coronavirus, mar­ things. Israel is also a coun­ young couples have been LGBT couples try not to protests are permitted us­ riage was on the decline. try where family is a very racking their brains trying breach the holy value of ing the capsule system, it According to the Central strong value,” she says. to figure out how to hold the having a wedding. They should be possible to find Bureau of Statistics, in 1985 One sign of the grow­ big wedding they always want to be like straight cou­ a similar solution for wed­ there were 6.9 weddings per ing Israeli obsession with dreamed of. Many had al­ ples,” says Linda Sasson, dings.” 1,000 people; in 2018, it was weddings over the last ready made down payments who officiates at alterna­ For the religious public, just 5.6 per 1,000. Unmar­ few decades has been the on venues and then had to tive weddings. “I hear from there aren’t so many days in ried Jewish couples ages 18- ever-increasing size of the cancel, forcing them to go parents who say they don’t the year when one can get 34 who are living together events. Nowadays, an event through all sorts of legal care if their son or daughter married. The period from tripled between 2000 and with 400-500 people, which wrangling with venue own­ comes out as gay, as long as the end of the High Holy 2018 to 6%, used to be considered quite ers who refused to refund they marry and have chil­ Days until Passover is the When they do get mar­ big, has become standard. the advance. dren. Israelis are obsessed main wedding season, in ried, more and more nonre­ Young couples who want Others are just grappling with having children and addition to certain stretches ligious Israelis eschew do­ smaller weddings find that with long periods of uncer­ strengthening the tribe and of spring and summer. But ing it under the auspices of many event halls set a mini­ tainty. A. was supposed to the family.” it’s worth remembering the Chief Rabbinate, hold­ mum of 200-250 guests. get married in late March that the wedding ceremony ing an alternative ceremony And a whole wedding in­ in front of 250 people, with Put to the test itself is the essential thing, and getting officially mar­ dustry that includes a D J or many guests coming from not how many guests are in ried abroad. For the LGBT band, bar, , That commitment is be­ attendance. community or those who makeup and, of course, ca­ ing put to the test in the Tehila Bigman, a re­ are not halakhically rec­ tering - has also become coronavirus era when wed­ search fellow at the Jeru­ ognized as Jewish, this has a regular part of wedding ding planning has come to salem Institute for Policy been the only option. And culture. resemble a black ops mis­ Research who studies ultra- now that travel abroad is so “The market economy sion. Orthodox society, says she restricted, many young cou­ and the consumer society Hemmendinger recalls sympathizes with the desire ples who fall into these cat­ we live in give priority to a wedding scheduled just a for big weddings, but adds: egories have been caught in all kinds of gimmicks,” says couple of days prior to the “There’s no halakhic justi­ a situation where they have Prof. Zvi Triger of the Col­ event. The bride and groom fication for holding large no legal way to get married. lege of Management Law had to quickly locate a gen­ weddings at this time. It’s At the meeting of the School, who has researched erator and porta-potties just a sociocultural thing. Knesset Interior Commit­ the custom of giving checks because it was being held Citing the saying that one tee last month, MK Nitzan as wedding gifts. “It’s not outdoors. In another, guests must bring joy to the bride Horowitz (Meretz) proposed unusual to hear couples were informed of a change and groom is very clever, that an emergency order be say that they weren’t so of venue just three hours but no mitzvah is more im­ issued permitting couples keen on a big event, but it’s before the ceremony. “They portant than preserving like these to be registered what their family wanted. It עמוד 2

abroad. The wedding was coronavirus, we distilled it is over, I’m starting to re­ ultimately postponed until to the real essence. It was ceive wedding invitations,” September and held at a much more personal. It was she says. “It says on the in­ winery in southern Israel so joyful and so much fun.” vitation ‘in accordance with for a very small number of Udi Erlich, a DJ from the coronavirus guidelines,’ guests. northern Israel who start­ but I know that’s not what “We had to bring ev­ ed the Social Weddings will happen. Personally, erything there ourselves (Hatunot Hevratiyot) wed­ I’m not ready to go to wed­ - tables, chairs, catering, ding planning website two dings. [Last] week, a friend DJ,” she says. “It was my years ago to bring together of mine from the north told dream to get married in professionals who work at me that they were driving a vineyard, in an intimate such events, says he doesn’t around with loudspeakers setting, but with so much think the social wedding inviting the whole village family around and wanting trend will last past the end to a wedding.” to please our parents, the of the pandemic. Jaljuli says police en­ wedding was originally sup­ “Right now people are forcement would help re­ posed to be a lot bigger. In stepping on the brakes, but duce the number of mass the end, it was really fun. It as soon as the virus eases weddings. “Before these was very nice and intimate. up, the big parties will events started being held, And there was also dancing, be back. The week after the Arab corona desk and despite the prohibition.” Prime Minister Netanyahu influential people in Arab Amit Mor Ben-Zahav is said, ‘Go out and have fun,’ society warned about wed­ also happy about the small I had a wedding gig. The en­ dings and the lack of en­ wedding she had, contrary ergy level was insane, way forcement. But in July and to her original plans. She beyond anything I’d seen August the police totally was supposed to get mar­ before. It was like people ignored it. I heard about ried at the end of May, at a wanted to celebrate with people who held weddings large venue with 400 guests. extra intensity after two and just calculated the Because of the coronavirus months of tension stuck at 5,000-shekel fine as part of restrictions, she and her fi­ home” the wedding expenses,” she ance Daniel postponed the says. wedding until mid-August. Wedding season In response, the Israel But in mid-June the wed­ Police says it is enforcing ding halls were shut down The urge to merge is just the law and coronavirus and they had to rethink as imperative among Israeli regulations “everywhere their plans again. . The high infection and at all hours of the day, They decided to impro­ rate in Arab communities in including in Arab communi­ vise, holding the event at early September was widely ties.” a bed-and-breakfast her attributed to a spate of wed­ Dr. Maha Karkabi-Sab- husband’s family had re­ dings in July and August, bah, an anthropologist and served in the Kedumim many of them in violation of sociologist at Ben-Gurion settlement for the Shabbat the rules. With a concerted University, says large wed­ Chatan celebration. There effort by Arab mayors and dings Arab society, were 60 guests in all, divid­ other civic leaders, the rate which is traditional and col­ ed into three groups, and has declined sharply. By lective. each group had patio space mid-October there were “The people who held in front of one of the B&B hardly any “red” Arab cit­ large weddings during the

Jf' ■ cottages. There was also a ies left, according to the coronavirus didn’t do it small dance floor that the government’s traffic-light because they wanted to dis­ different groups could use, rating system for the coro­ obey the law, but because one at a time. navirus contagion rates. they wanted to preserve “We agonized over things Arab wedding celebra­ tradition,” she explains. a lot before the wedding,” tions generally span several “Weddings are a vehicle for Mor Ben-Zahav recalls. nights, with the ceremony strengthening social ties, “At first we thought we taking place on the last and the number of invitees wouldn’t get married with night. In Daliat al-Carmel, and guests is a marker of fewer than 100 people, local council head Rafik social standing within the and we thought we’d post­ Halabi instituted a system community, which is of pone it if the restrictions in which events were also central importance in a tra­ wouldn’t allow that. But at held during the day, with ditional society. Apparently, some point we couldn’t wait rotating groups of 20 peo­ the coronavirus didn’t af­ anymore, we just wanted to ple every half hour. That fect any of this.” be done with it. In the end, clearly helped bring down She adds that weddings we only had our very close the number of infections. are also related to the gen­ friends there plus our fami­ But back in July and Au­ erational struggle within An August wedding at a Givatayim wedding venue. O/er Vaknin lies, but it was an amaz­ gust, the situation in Arab Arab society between tra­ ing event. Because of the towns had been very differ­ ditional and new forces, be­ ent. “Despite all the calls cause of the changes in the to restrict celebrations and consumerist trends in Arab limit them to one night, society. people kept having wed­ “For young couples who dings in their homes, which want to live independently are more crowded than and stop relying on their the wedding halls,” says parents’ support, the ex­ Maisam Jaljuli, a co-chair penses associated with of Sikkuy - The Association weddings, especially dur­ for the Advancement of ing the summer, are a huge Civic Equality and a mem­ strain,” Karkabi-Sabbah ber of the “Arab corona says. “Since the virus out­ desk,” a panel of experts break, there’s been more within the national corona­ talk about having smaller 1*11/1 ninn virus headquarters charged weddings, but it’s too soon tana tkd nyn po di nunna D’anniynn mxn l’l with combating the virus in to know what Arab wed­ Arab communities. dings will look like once the A mass Haredi wedding captured in a television broadcast. “Now that the lockdown coronavirus crisis ends.”