Breast-Knitting Campaign PAGE 4

PRIME A MONTHLY GUIDE TO STAYING ACTIVE | OCTOBER 2020 Cancer survivor passes 1,000 mark in breast-knitting campaign PAGE 4 Married for decades, Children’s Museum of Consider sewing separated by COVID-19 Indianapolis celebrates Barbie your own face masks PAGE 2 PAGE 8 PAGE 14 2 | OCTOBER 2020 PRIME MARRIED FOR DECADES, SEPARATED BY COVID-19 Longtime couples find ways to get around visitation restrictions caused by the pandemic PAIGE CORNWELL says Sheila is the most interesting person The Seattle Times he has ever known, with a laugh you can SEATTLE — When the COVID-19 pan- hear across the room. demic forced the nation into lockdown, “These memories lift us beyond our im- long-term care facilities were chained mediate circumstances and concerns,” he the tightest. Residents of Washington’s says. “And make us grateful again for our nursing homes, assisted-living wings and long journey together.” memory-care units were limited to their Sheila has to remain in the facility until rooms. No touching, no walks, no con- she can bear weight on her ankle. Once she nections. can, Don says, “I’ll get to have her back.” Meanwhile, their loved were on the out- “Bye, sweetie,” he says to his wife side, speaking through phone calls, drop- through the window. “I love you. I’ll look ping off care packages and waving from forward to seeing you this evening.” parking lots. Those rules are loosening, Update: Sheila has moved back to the but with strict limits; even hand-holding couple’s unit in independent living. “We still isn’t allowed. are glad to be together again,” Don said. These restrictions had a specific im- pact on couples with one spouse living Pan and Bob Smith in a facility and the other someplace else. Married for 45 years. They’ve spent most of their lives together, Pan: Lives in an Edmonds, Washing- and their initial separation was supposed ALAN BERNER, THE SEATTLE TIMES VIA TRIBUNE NEWS SERVICE ton, adult family home. to be the hardest part. They reassured Don Belcher taps the window and says goodbye for this visit with his wife Sheila. Visitors are Bob: Lives in their Edmonds house. themselves there were still visits, outdoor not currently allowed inside CRISTA Rehab so he’s taped images to the window. Last winter, Pan Smith had no issues excursions, even vacations. They could with walking or talking. She might get lost, still be with their partner, their sweet- Taped against them and facing inward “Did you get the apples?” or what she said sometimes didn’t make a heart, their beloved. are photos from their life. Every three Before his morning visits he makes a whole lot of sense, but given that she was Until lockdown. or four days he rotates the photos: their list of emails, messages and cards he’s re- diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, her family Over three months, The Seattle Times adult children with their families; their ceived, news events, and evening TV op- felt fortunate. followed the experiences of couples sepa- son when he was 3 giving his mother a tions he wants to tell her about. Tonight, She recognized visitors, and she had a rated because of COVID-19-related lock- flower; their first grandchild and his fian- they’re planning on watching a mystery. lot of them coming in and out every day, downs at senior facilities. These are the cée, beaming with joy; a scene from their He’ll bring over items and food she’s re- until lockdown. Within two months of not stories of who they are, how they coped 60th anniversary luncheon. quested, like sliced apples to sit on her tray. seeing her husband and children, Pan, who and where they are now. Had Sheila, 84, not fallen and fractured He comments on her yellow cardigan; she is 71, was bedridden, unable to eat or sit an ankle bone, the couple would be to- says that she’s bored in there without him. up on her own. Don and Sheila Belcher gether at their apartment in Cristwood “He comes twice a day, whether I like it Her husband of 45 years, Bob Smith, Married for 60 years. Park, a few minutes’ walk from the rehab or not,” she jokes as they talk on the phone. watched his wife’s decline through Face- Don: Lives in CRISTA independent center on the CRISTA campus. She be- Their conversations surround their Time. senior living. gan her recuperation at CRISTA in early memories together. They met in Phila- “Here my wife is sick with this scary Sheila: Temporarily living at CRISTA March, just as lockdown began. delphia, where she was studying medieval disease, and I can’t hold her hand, I can’t Rehabilitation Center. More than 60 years into their marriage, history and he was in medical school. For be with her,” said Bob, 71, who lives in the On the window of his wife’s room at Sheila and Don Belcher were separated at 10 years they taught in Ghana and Ethio- couple’s home in Edmonds. “It was kill- CRISTA Rehabilitation Center in Shore- length. Twice a day, every day, Don, 86, pia, where Sheila gave birth to one of their ing me.” line, Washington, Don Belcher taped a walks around the corner from the build- children in a bedroom. Pan Smith — her nickname is “Pan,” cardboard display he hoped would give ing’s entrance, through a thicket of flow- They moved to Seattle permanently in though she wouldn’t correct someone Sheila Belcher a boost for the day. Facing ers, to the window, where Sheila is waiting. the 1970s. Sheila enjoyed meeting inter- if they called her “Pam” — moved to a outward are images of spinach and tarte She picks up a call on the room’s landline national students at Seattle colleges; in memory care facility last December, as flambee pizza, giving away that the dis- and hears her husband’s voice. total, their family hosted 100 students her dementia worsened to the point she plays were once pizza boxes. “How are you doing, sweetie?” he asks. from other countries over the years. Don wasn’t safe in their home. The first month PRIME OCTOBER 2020 | 3 was great, Bob says. She had visits from Jim: Lives in adult family home. and know he is well and reassure him Yao, 77, used to visit her husband at family members, friends and members of It has been five months since Diane Le- that I am well, too,” she said. One of her Aegis Gardens in Newcastle daily, though their church, where she worked as a recep- wan last saw the man she has been mar- daughters visits a few nights a week and the frequency dwindled starting in No- tionist and was known as the “jelly bean ried to for 44 years this month. It has been helps around the house. vember, when she received her cancer di- lady” because she gave out candy. about that same amount of time since Diane goes grocery shopping, wear- agnosis. But Cheng would occasionally After the facility closed its doors to visi- they’ve had a conversation. ing a mask, of course. But she misses her come back to their house in Renton. His tors, Bob and Pan would check in using an They live close to each other. Diane, husband. Maybe, she, thinks, it’s actually last trip home was in mid-February, be- iPad, though she didn’t always understand 90, lives in their Federal Way house; Jim more difficult for her than it is for him. fore Aegis shut its doors in the pandemic. how to use it. Then residents started re- Lewan, 85, lives in a nearby adult fam- “I really just miss his company and his Cheng has lived at the Newcastle fa- porting COVID-19 symptoms, and nurses ily home. But their phone conversations sense of humor,” she said. “It’s so sad cility for about two years. He seems to were too busy to help Pan with the iPad. haven’t gone well because Jim can’t really that he is such a good fellow and that this recognize his loved ones, and his long- She didn’t understand why she didn’t have speak. Seeing each other in person, sepa- would happen to him. To have this happen term memory is fairly strong. He and Yao visits; Bob worried that she or the other rated by space and a pandemic lockdown, doesn’t seem fair.” were introduced by a family member in residents might think they were being held would be too much for Diane to handle. “Goodness knows” when Diane will see Taiwan. They lived in Topeka, Kansas, hostage. “To see each other and not be able to Jim again. She just hopes her husband re- where Cheng was a urologist, but they “With Alzheimer’s, time is a sacred communicate, and all I could do was members her. always wanted to retire in the Seattle area commodity, and the weeks, hours, months wave, to me that would be too emotional,” Update: Diane Lewan visited Jim in to be closer to Yao’s extended family. They are just very sacred,” said their daughter she said. “To see him and not really visit early September, on their 44th wed- moved here in 2014. Molly (Smith) Machado. “I have no doubt him.” ding anniversary. During their outdoor, The couple connected through Face- that our absence dramatically impacted Unable to use his legs because of a socially distant meeting, she recounted Time calls during the lockdown; Cheng her.

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