ISSUE 1611 SATURDAY 3rd OCTOBER 2015

The Student Newspaper of Imperial College London rd PAGE 2 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk

felix@imperial.ac.uk

A word from the Editor Contents ello and welcome to run something. Don’t ask me what News 3 Editor-in-Chief Grace Rahman this, the very first the others are here for, but I do the FELIX of the year. newspaper. Comment 7 News Editor And thanks for taking It’s a big old job, which needs Cecily Johnson the time to read my editorial, you a big team behind it. This means Feature 12 sweet angel. that there’s plenty of room for Comment Editor H Congrats for getting this far! You you. We’re always after illustrators, Tessa Davey Science 15 all deserve a pat on the back for photographers, writers and other Science Editor getting into Imperial. You deserve a cuties to get involved. You can read Clubs & Societies 19 Jane Courtnell little sit down for moving all your more about what we get up to in stuff into halls. By the end of freshers Clubs and Societies on page 19. We Music 22 Arts Editors week, you’ll need a beach holiday. have a good time. Indira Malik, Jingjie But for now, it’s time to forget your Stop me if you see me around the Arts 25 Cheng and Max A-Level results, unfollow all your place. Please. Most of my friends Falkenberg school friends on Facebook and have graduated and have proper jobs probably knock in a minute. Until Film 29 Music Editor think of a new nickname. Good so I have no one to eat lunch with. then amuse yourself with news, Cale Tilford luck to you. If you spot me wondering around culture, recipes, sport and some Food 34 Freshers’ week, man, what a time. Imperial, come and introduce nudity in the form of our ancient Film Editor It’s awful and great and terrifying, yourself! Don’t be scared. Much like centrefold tradition (flick to the Welfare 35 Fred Fyles but you don’t need me to tell you a spider, I am more frightened of middle you perv). that. I wish you the best of luck you than you are of me. Don’t be a stranger. Let me know Puzzles 36 Welfare Editor – with your studies, with your I hope you enjoy this issue. FELIX if there’s anything you think we Noor Mulheron communal kitchens and with your went to the big med student protest should be reporting, and come say Hangman 37 Sports Editor first load of washing. Don’t tumble this week, we’ve got a lot of bolshy hi if you want to get involved, no Kunal Wagle dry wool. You’re welcome, friends. opinion pieces, and there’s a big experience necessary. You’re reading Sports 38 But who am I to tell you how to feature on sex and your health. That this, which tells me you can read Copy Editors wash your clothes? Well no one last one is a personal obsession of and are already vastly overqualified. Fred Fyles, Cecily really – I’ve shrunk loads of washing mine. Other people are passionate Our brand spanking new office is Johnson, Jack Steadman in my time, but I’m just the Editor about Star Wars or The Great British in the West Basement of Beit (by FELIX, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, and Stephen Ball London SW7 2BB of your weekly student newspaper. Bake Off, but I love contraception (I the union) or you can email me at Tel: 020 7594 8072 Technical Babe Like the Union President, or any really love all three of these things [email protected]. Finally, have a Printed by Iliffee Print Cambridge, Luke Granger-Brown of her deputies (who you may well but contraception probably comes lovely week, and if you get to the Winship Road, Cambridge have already Facebook stalked) I am out top). puzzles and no one’s knocked on Registered Newspaper ISSN 1040-0711 Cover Picture by a sabbatical officer. We all get paid Have you left your room yet? your door yet, you should probably Copyright © FELIX 2015 Graham Davies to take a year out of our studies and Don’t. Read on. Someone will go outside and introduce yourself.

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NEWS [email protected] Imperial’s University Challenge team through to second round Our boys attained the highest score so far this series, beating the University of Reading

Cecily Johnson aired on the 14th of September. News Editor Imperial thrashed the University of Reading team with a current series high score of 285 to 110. team of students from Performing strongly on the Imperial College range of science and mathematical London has made it questions, the team earned through the first round of a rare “well done” from host popular BBC quiz show University ChallengeA this month. They will face a new team in the second round Over 100 of the knockout tournament on Monday 2nd November. students took Headed up by last year’s FELIX Science Editor James Bezer, a third year student of the Department part in the The Imperial College London team pose with host Jeremy Paxman and a FELIX mascot. Photo Credit: Ben Fernando of Physics, the team also features postgrad Onur Teymur, who is internal team Jeremy Paxman after successfully Imperial last won the show back part in the internal team selection working on his PhD in statistics, completing a starter round on in 2001, also coming runners-up process earlier this year. fourth-year physicist Ashwin selection planetary astronomy. However they one year later. This is the first team Winners of the quiz show get Braude and Ben Fernando, also a flopped the second picture round, to make it onto the televised portion bragging rights and a shiny trophy. third-year physics undergrad. not recognising Salma Hayek’s of the series since 2012/13, when See how the team fare in the They were featured in the tenth process portrayal of artist Frida Kahlo. we were eliminated in the quarter- second round at 8pm Monday 2nd episode of the 2015/16 series, which Seriously guys, Kate Winslet? finals. Over 100 students took November on BBC Two . Times rankings put Imperial eighth globally Overall a good year for European and UK universities as US dominance wanes

Cecily Johnson overseas.” Universities and Science, did his News Editor Other top UK universities best to assuage these concerns: included the University of Oxford, “These rankings confirm the world- in second place, and the University class standing of our education he Times Higher of Cambridge in fourth. sector. Education (THE) World Topping the table was the “Our reforms will ensure our University Rankings California Institute of Technology universities continue to compete 2015/16 were revealed for the fifth consecutive year. A with the very best internationally this week, with Imperial College total of 78 UK universities made the and deliver high-quality teaching to LondonT gaining one place from last top 800, second only to the United students at home” year. Four of London’s universities States. Editor of the THE rankings were ranked in the top 30. Phil Baty described the UK as a Imperial took eighth position “stand-out performer”. The capital this year, with University College “However, despite the UK’s London in 14th, the London School success, its continued cuts in higher continues to of Economics 23rd and King’s education funding … and series of College London 27th. immigration measures affecting Mayor of London Boris Johnson overseas students, will hinder its be the global said that he was “incredibly proud” performance in the long run”. He of the capital’s performance in the continued: “The UK will have to leader in rankings: “The capital continues to work hard to ensure [these] do be the global leader in education, not hinder its place in the World education innovating and inspiring top talent University Rankings”. from both across the country and Jo Johnson, Minister for Imperial came third in the UK and top in London. Photo Credit: Imperial College rd rd PAGE 4 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 5

NEWS [email protected] NEWS [email protected] n Monday, around three thousand junior doctors, 3000 medical Demonstrators say their main medical students and supporters marched on students and junior concern is safety, and that long Whitehall to demonstrate against IMPERIAL MEDICS ORGANISE PROTEST doctors marched The government’s proposed new contracts could see Grace Rahman hours would affect quality of care Othe proposed changes to junior Editor-in-Chief doctors’ contracts. The protest began outside the Methodist Central Hall on Whitehall newly qualified doctors taking a significant paycut in Westminster, near the Houses of Parliament, where a meeting Union, was one of a handful of sign waving around the meeting between the NHS and some junior students who arranged the protest. hall, protesters with megaphones We cornered doctors about the proposed changes She predicts she was joined on the maneuvered through the large group the Imperial was supposed to be taking place. march by several hundred students and headed towards Parliament. When this meeting was cancelled from Imperial’s medical school. The handful of police officers who College School halfway through the day, organisers One of those was Med Harris, the were stationed to look after the of Medicine’s of the evening’s protest encouraged school’s Union President. Both of event seemed vaguely surprised supporters to come along anyway. these positions are elected and paid at the movement, but were far elected Jennie Watson, Deputy President sabbatical roles. outnumbered by a growing crowd president, Med of Welfare of Imperial’s own student After an hour of shouting and of young, well-educated and well- (right), at the behaved medics. Organisers, including medical protest. Yes, he’s a medic called Med at the students from Imperial, had only protest for medics. applied for a stationary protest permit, and it was obvious that “We’re here as medical students and junior doctors in protest at the announcement by NHS Employers [the organisation in charge of NHS employers in England] that they were going to go ahead “This isn’t and enforce the DDRB recommendations [the independant report on contract reform for doctors and dentists in training].” about “The BMA, the representation body for the medics, were in negotiation with NHS Employers, but they had to withdraw from money,” she the negotiation process because they couldn’t see an adiquate, safe way forward. The meeting was called off only hours before we were said, “this is meant to come here, but I think it’s a great turnout.” about patient police officers made this obvious. give up just yet, and crowds milled was never going to be present at With nothing yet decided, the and doctors’ As a giant red moon rose above about for a while. the cancelled meeting, having doctors may go further. Although Westminster, police stopped It was bit like the end of a house stepped away from negotiations the profession hasn’t taken industrial safety” traffic again, allowing protesters party. People who lived far away in protest. Just before the demo, action since the 1970s, medics are to cross back. Someone with a started to leave, and some bloke got NHS Employers announced that warning that they may be forced to megaphone meekly asked if people out an acoustic guitar and started Jeremy Hunt himself had officially strike. Another protest is planned the police weren’t expecting any could disperse, but with Whitehall singing the unofficial junior doctor’s asked the head of the BMA’s for the 17th of October. deviation from this. It is technically volumes of protesters attempting whom had been stopped further closed in one direction and traffic anthem, to the tune of Jessie J’s junior committee to return to the Jennie Watson told FELIX “This illegal to stage a march without to walk down Whitehall. up. Whether the horn tooting heading away from Parliament Price Tag. negotiating table, and for that isn’t about money, this is about letting the police know at least six Instead of Downing Street, the that ensued was in frustration, or Square completely blocked by The doctors’ union, the British reason the planned meetings were patient and doctors’ safety, but the days beforehand, but the timeline of group congregated around the as the crowd interpreted them, in demonstrators, they weren’t keen to Medical Association (BMA), postponed. two are inextricably linked”. the protest and good behaviour of Department of Health. Doctors support, it wasn’t going to make any the crowd meant that the organisers crossed the roads in huge numbers, difference. The junior doctors knew are unlikely to face any action from stopping cars and buses, none of where they were heading, what they They bayed the police. The group moved across to The road around the houses for Jeremy Parliament Square, joined by swathes of junior doctors, getting Hunt, the off shifts with some having brought of parliament was blocked by wanted, and who they wanted to young children. The road around see. After congregating around Parliament was blocked by sheer sheer volumes of protesters the health ministry, they bayed for health Jeremy Hunt, the health secretary, while he tweeted from safety, most secretary, The protest by numbers likely from home, about childhood obesity. while he When Hunt didn’t emerge from the grey buildings, despite cries of NO IFS, NO BUTS, NO JUNIOR tweeted from DOCTOR CUTS, the crowd 200 3000 £23,000 30% 90 10 turned on its heel, slower than safety about Signatures the Imperial Number (ish) of protesters. A junior doctor’s basic rate of pay before subsidies Potential paycut junior doctors Hours per week a pm would be how before, and edged back towards medics got on their board Although almost fivefor working overtime. About the same as newly from the BMA say the new contracts junior doctor would late junior doctors Parliament and Big Ben. None of childhood outside the meeting hall. thousand clicked attending qualified police officers earn, and slightly more would cause. Although the basic rate be expected to work would have to work this movement was planned, and It’s now at Reynold’s on Facebook, police seemed than newly qualified nurses. Less than half of pay would increase , overtime for as standard under as standard. At the the wild gesticulation involved in obesity bar, if you want to sign. unprepared for such a crowd. of newly qualified tube drivers get though. antisocial hours would be reduced. the new contracts. moment it’s 7pm. encounters between organisers and All photos by Cem Hurrell New at Imperial? Get some genius advice.

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COMMENT [email protected] They’re all the same: why arguments for not engaging in student politics are baseless Despite growing turnout, fewer than half of 18–24 year olds believe they have a duty to vote

t has been a tumultuous year for British politics. We had a surprise majority appear after the general election, the Labour leadership campaign played Iout exactly opposite to how people expected, the Liberals have gone back to the ‘70s and we came within a whisper of having the British Isles Jeremy Corbyn won the Labour leadership election with a surprising 59.5% majority. Photo Credit: Huffington Post trimmed at the neck. For politicos like me, this is such as the Commons’ 2013 rejection of an understanding of the majesty and unreasonable even to me. They vary stuff as dreams are made on, and yet airstrikes in Syria (285-272, against), importance we should all attribute from “start your own political party” time and time again the data shows or multiple small related changes to our democratic system. However to “join the one closest to your Eamonn Postlethwaite that the younger the age bracket, the which follow a clear and distinct I believe that firstly we should allow views and change it from within”. Comment Writer less people seem to care. This article direction from that of a hypothetical our conscience to inform, at least Neither of which are feasible for is not one of statistics and figures alternative administration, such as in part, our vote, without worrying the vast majority of us, and certainly though, but of arguments against the many alterations and reductions solely about hard facts and figures, don’t help you if you need to vote political apathy. The interested in the scope of legal aid we’ve seen and secondly someone who realises tomorrow! reader who wishes to add context over the past five years, just because the importance of voting in an Instead I would suggest going to might be interested in The Hansard an individual’s life isn’t altered informed manner should probably spoil your ballot paper. It’s quite Society’s annual audit on the subject drastically over the course of one take a look at their priorities and fun to come up with inventive or any number of useful documents parliament says nothing about the set a little time aside, they may even ways to invalid your ballot and if from the Commons Library or state our country is left in. find they find politics interesting! the 34% of adults who didn’t vote Parliament websites. Furthermore we live in a democracy all spoilt their ballot, vote hungry Here are a few common maladies “My vote won’t change anything” (and all of the problems that established parties would sit up the younger voter may suffer from: (a slight refinement). may come with it) rather than a and take notice and there would It is often said that absolute power geniocracy, so perhaps we should be massive incentives for newer “Voting won’t change anything.” corrupts absolutely, and there’s no not worry about our relative or parties to innovate and try to Whether a lazy excuse or a genuine quicker path to absolute power assumed ignorance about politics. harness this sudden outpouring of belief, it is false. It is clear that the than an electorate who think their Plato’s dialogue Protagoras, in dissatisfaction. act of voting decides the constituent voices carry no weight. I don’t know which he recalls Socrates asking the It would also create a boom in parts of the government, which may enough about the subject (and don’t sophist Protagoras why we consult grassroots politics, desperate to radically change the direction the have time to sufficiently educate only shipbuilders about building engage the same, suddenly vocal, country is taken in. Whether we are myself ). This can be quite an earnest ships, only architects about house unhappy majority. All of the above talking large individual issues, such argument at times, stemming from design etc. and yet all citizens about can do nothing but fuel direct the running of the state, is a far democracy, perhaps then a party more intelligent exposition on the might start to represent you more subject. accurately. You can’t be represented unless people know what you want. “The voting system is flawed.” Hence this is my plea to you, Yes it is, terribly terribly so (or especially those of you just starting you may not think so), and yet your time at this wonderful place, to change it democratically we get yourself registered to vote and to can only work within the system damn well do so, and if you decide by voting or applying pressure to exercise your democratic right through other democratic means; by drawing a massive hairy cock on such as petitioning the government your ballot paper, then hurrah! or peaceful protests, all of which require far more political nonse and You can register to vote if engagement than simply voting you’re a British, EU or qualifying every few years. Commonwealth citizen. Visit aboutmyvote.co.uk to find out if “None of the parties represent me.” you’re any of the above. The London Really don’t want to vote for anyone? Spoil the ballot. Photo Credit: mirror.co.uk The usual responses to this are Mayoral elections are next May. rd rd PAGE 8 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 9

COMMENT [email protected] COMMENT [email protected] This crisis needs actions, not words Words can help us understand this Perhaps social media is again these people as people rather than a Jonathan Masters questions why we failed to culpable: the sidebar on the right of faceless­, job-taking horde. Tessa Davey champions the need to talk about events to truly comprehend them the Facebook home page now gives My question is: why did it take an respond to the refugee crisis in Europe at all until all users a brief list of current events, image of a dead child to change the allowing us to selectively participate national sentiment? nder the strain of we saw that photograph in what has been deemed important. It has to be said that within thousands of people It feels like once again our national Europe there is a general unease seeking refuge in his summer I had a For many people there was a single reaction to this tragedy is one of self about allowing more migrants into Europe, several countries typical first year student moment this summer when their aggrandising for the small time we the respective countries, and in including Germany began to restrict holiday and went opinions of nervous discomfort spend campaigning for social action, Britain it is even further heightened Utheir borders, after decades of free interrailing around of these Syrian migrants making and by signing an online petition we by our national propensity to feel travel within the continent and the Europe. During this trip we spent their way across Europe to become can go forward and forget. that we are separate to the rest of Shengen Area. threeT days in Budapest, Hungary a National Burden became one of, The one thing that makes me Europe and its woes, whether that As a result, my well ­planned and frequenting the assortment of cheap well, human compassion. But the feel incredibly uncomfortable is be economic, social, or political. advance booked night train from bars and inexpensive restaurants fact that it took photos of a drowned the fact that only now when the There is a palpable unease within Vienna to Munich, being a direct due to the excellent Pound to Forint three year old boy on a Turkish image of this dead child has been the parties as to what the British train from Budapest, was partially exchange rate. beach should disturb us all. seen are people starting to wake up people’s attitude to remaining in the and then fully cancelled in the On the last day we had to catch The photo of Aylan Kurdi’s to this crisis. Since May there has EU is. Tessa Davey early afternoon. I hurried to the a night train from Budapest to limp body became the defining been report after report after report I believe that a great amount Comment Editor train station, cursing the refugees, Krakow which meant catching the of that comes from our heavily assuming that I would be able to Jonathan Masters metro to the Keleti train station­. ingrained idealism that as an island switch to a different train fairly Comment Writer As soon as we stepped out of nation the literal geographical easily. the metro, we were greeted by the separation also separates us from When I got to the station, it was sight of tens upon tens of families the aforementioned issues, and clear that this wouldn’t be the case. sleeping, eating and living on therefore a responsibility for them. The back of the station was organised the ground floor of this station, chaos, with volunteers and refugees each lying with all their worldly Why did milling around, distributing food possessions on a variety of flattened or organising people. Sleeping and cardboard boxes. children’s play areas had been set We walked in silence as the various it take an up, and this had clearly become a other travellers that were due to temporary home for hundreds of Refugees are rescued from an overcrowded boat by the Irish Naval Service. Photo Credit: Wikipedia.org depart from Keleti train station families. At the ticket office, armed filtered past the asylum seekers in image of a police were guarding the ticket selling out quickly, and mainly only the reality for many families whose human. It is my opinion that if we order to catch their trains. machines, inspecting passports available at sales offices, not online. lives have become a matter of trying experience something that changes As I passed one family I saw a dead child before you were allowed to buy a Buses seemed to be the only way, to find ways to travel to the next our perspective, it is almost our duty young boy, about eleven gesture ticket, not that it would have got but with roadblocks throughout country. to share that. to one of the stations cleaners to you anywhere. Austria, and the border being In most of the central European I am humbled to admit that the borrow his broom as he wanted to to change partially closed, it wasn’t clear if countries, people are clearly very conclusions I draw at first are not clean what little space his family anything would be running at all, sympathetic to their plight, and always the way that I want to see occupied. Germany is how delayed it might be, or if it are very willing to offer provisions, things, and it is the ideas of others A small boy approached me, the national might have to turn back. Neither belongings, time and space to help that change that. Comment is no more than five years old, with obviously the bus operators nor the staff at ease the situation. something that is important to me, bloodshot eyes and gestured towards sentiment? the bus stations could offer any In the UK we’re clearly shielded and something that I’m proud of. the stall selling pastries and then reassurances. After a day of chasing from the worst of this crisis. Beyond pointed at his mouth, stretching What remains now is to wait until desperate tickets for services that shortly got the basics in the news, I hadn’t If you also think that sharing your out his hands and all I could do was the situation settles: at the time cancelled, I shelled out a final €40 kept abreast of all the reporting comments can change the world, email helplessly shrug and indicate that I Refugees try to board a train in Budapest. Photo Credit: Washington Examiner of writing, the Hungarian border for a night bus that looked hopeful, surrounding this exodus of me at [email protected], had no money left. police have set up a barrier to the to regain and settled down for an evening humanity, and so it wasn’t until I saw and join my team of opinionated We then passed up the escalator image of this summer, with many of asylum seekers crossing the displaced peoples, retaliating in of obsessing about roadblocks and the crisis for myself that it became writers who probably love a good to the train platforms where there publications refusing to publish mediterranean sea to escape from waves of tear gas and baton strikes. border controls. more of a reality, and I immediately argument. was no sign that you had ever seen the pictures showing his full body; a home that is no longer safe, often Croatia has become the new route some Just before midnight, dozens of become far more empathetic. anything out of the ordinary. but before long this three year old’s with hundreds of people crammed to pursue for these people, with their clearly stressed people waited for Cold, hard facts can tell you a Before this experience, my only corpse had become nothing more into these small boats, hopefully prime minister freely admitting that control over the bus, worrying about where lot about a situation, but to really Our opinions knowledge of the Syrian asylum than clickbait to be shared among making it to Greece, but more often there is no way that they can stop they would stay should they be understand it, you need to feel. seekers had been that of distant social media users as an attempt to than not, relying on a European the flow of asylum seekers. left without anywhere to go in the People write about their opinions ideas of barricaded channel tunnels look interested in something other coastguard being nearby to save The truth is that no one knows the situation middle of the night. When the to convey their emotional response are what and David Cameron’s promise than themselves. them. what will happen with this current bus finally arrived, the passengers to those that cannot witness that there was no better life here One newspaper was even That is four months that we crisis­: will Cameron relent with the The scale of what Europe is desperately swarmed towards it, something firsthand.­ define us as awaiting these “migrants”. advocating at the end of an article have known about the journeys current figure of 20,000 migrants facing rapidly hit me. Although overpowering the driver. Through observing the reaction of There was nothing as sobering about Aylan Kurdi’s journey to tweet being made on a daily basis, with over the next 5 years, will there still accepting refugees, Germany I was lucky. The only thing that others, we can be more informed, and as walking through this and then using the hashtag #refugeeswelcome a different headline for a different be an E.U consensus on a unified is obviously desperate to regain this cost me was a wasted ticket to draw more educated conclusions for people, and watching a Hungarian train and then to sign their own petition, number of survivors. response to work towards a more some control over the situation, and the ballet (that I didn’t go to so I ourselves. Through discussion, we employee search underneath the which all feels so very close to the That is four months for us to ask stable Europe? the border at this rail crossing is could catch the bus), some money, can challenge negative sentiments, what make train carriages with a flashlight in ‘pat yourself on the back’ culture of David Cameron to reconsider his Frankly this situation will only probably going to remain closed for and a few hours of my time. I spread awareness, and explore new order to make sure there weren’t egotistical charity support that we position on not taking anymore take time, money, and planning. some time. I had to find another way was stressed, for sure, but it was viewpoints. people risking their lives for another only recently saw with the ALS ice asylum seekers. What it doesn’t need is views, likes, to get to Munich. nothing compared to the stress Our opinions are what define us human country. bucket challenge. That is four months to try to treat and shares. Tickets into Germany were scarce, and desperation that has become us as people, and what makes us rd PAGE 10 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk

COMMENT [email protected] A word of advice from one Imperial graduate Welcome to Imperial, you fools. Our resident anonymous graduate columnist is only slightly bitter...

o to a world class­ double whammy there but at least your shell, be spontaneous, and if Secondly, turn down your bloody institution they said. I’m defying stereotypes). you hate the morons/friends you’ve expectations of what University You’ll be hyper­ Thus, this is my probably-not- made in a couple of weeks, not a entails. You’re at Imperial for god’s employable, they said. very-weekly column on the world problem! Getting an upgrade is sake, not Loughborough/Leeds Well here I am, three years on with of graduate bliss. Willkommen my bloody easy; if Eleanor’s jodhpurs Met/anywhere with more than one Ga bang tidy degree from Imperial pretties, to the life of the angry and shocking horsey tales are good looking bloke within a 10 College London. grad. Seeing as it’s freshers’ (woops, getting on your tits, tell her you love mile radius. We have a reputation Now, the ickle little freshers fist pumps, claps chaotically like a a ready meal “beef ” lasagne and you of nerdsdom to live up to! You The Angry Grad amongst you might be feverishly slippery seal), this column is about won’t even recognise her two years will most likely not be going out Columnist reading my words at this point, what to expect from freshers’ week; ­ on. I mean, be ruthless. five times a week or grinding on a looking up to me; an Imperial what to do, what not to do and what chirpsing second year in the erotic survivor (squeals excitedly as if I would do differently. Trust me ego­boosting steam room that is any Harry Styles himself just tweeted kids, take my advice, I’ve turned out Wasabi central London club. You live in back). great (if in doubt, refer to the intro London now, you will be broke. As a graduate, what exciting above... I mean, I get my washing Yes, you might spend your money adventures am I embarking on done for me, be envious). is an evil on alcohol over food because you’re currently? Raking in dollar like First and foremost, be excited! a studentLAD and yes, Wasabi will the banker wanker Imperial wants You’ve left the nest (for now), steal all your sterling. For you new us to be (obvsiously for alumni hurrah! Genuinely, congratulations temptress, to London cuties, Wasabi is an evil contributions). Cotching in Sierra on getting here. It is an achievement, temptress, enticing you with her Leone, battling the Ebola epidemic? and don’t let those Oxbridge enticing you perfectly salty and starchy sushi Well actually, avid readers, I’m rejections get you down! If you are or curry delicacies. While she may currently rolling around on my feeling bitter, just remember: at least make the voices in your head stop parents’ couch in urban Berkshire, you’re not at UCL, with all their with her throwing around antipsychotic­ drug feeding on my mother’s (perfectly fit arts students and University of names (which ironically, you will round) chapattis and writing for my London benefits. probably rather need than study) for old student newspaper. That’s right Anyway, freshers’ is truly the time sushi twenty minutes, she will also make kids, I’m unemployed (and Asian, so to go big or go home. Come out of you crash into a worthwhile food coma. So yeah, you can’t spend six quid on a tofu curry and another twenty in Soho’s finest discotheques every night (plus a bloated stomach is never attractive in body con, gurl, so really, Wasabi saves your liver). The overdraft struggle is real my friend. If you can afford to party that hard, you’re probably either a) spending your nights in Metric, which is never cool, or b) the child of a sheikh. I despise you Sheikh spawn, you, with your super snazzy multimillion pound South Kensington flat, and your mindblowing­ ability to make shisha look cool. Lastly, get involved. Join clubs and societies, (write for FELIX, please). They’re the perfect place to expand your Facebook friend count and get away from your course mates. That’s my biggest regret, not involving myself in clubs and societies properly. You see those netball girls wearing those tiny nurse’s costumes at Drs and Nurses club nights, who you judge from the bottom of your heart? You could be one of them! You probably weren’t that cool at school, but at Imperial, we have different standards. You CAN be a plastic or a jock, because, well, You do get to graduate here. That’s a benefit, right? Right? Photo Credit: Imperial College London IMPERIAL, YO. AAAAAAAAA ...... 08 October ...... OCT- ...... LIVE MUSIC, FEATURING ...... OBER ...... IC BIG BAND 19:00 - 23:00 wel-...... 06 October ...... 08 METRIC ...... 2015 fRESHERS’ FREE ...... Metric plays hosts to a number of live ...... YOUR ESSENTIAL bands for your listening GUIDE TO WHATS ON FAIR OVER WELCOME WEEK pleasure! The line up ...... AT IMPERIAL COLLEGE 11:00 - 16:00 Imperial College Union Freshers’ Fair is UNION includes IC Big Band South Kensington packed with 400+ stalls showcasing the playing swing and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA come...... best of what student life has to offer. jazz classics as well campus ...... The biggest day of Welcome...... Week is not as mixing up modern ...... FREE to be missed! classics...... AAAAAAAAAAAA ...... 06 October 08 October ...... 03...... fRESHERS’ FAIR NICE N’ SPIKY ...... AFTERPARTY COMEDY ...... 19:00 - 22:30 03 & 04 October 17:00 - 20:00 h-bar Bring your new friends and have a giggle with our ...... 19:00 - 01:00 Fivesixeight ...... line-up of stand up comedians presented by Nice SHIFT K3Y FREE ‘n’ Spiky Comedy. We want to tear the roof off the ...... ALL UNION BARS metric POSTGRADUATE ...... ONLY h-bar with laughter! Performances from Earl Okin and 04...... £10.00 FREE James Dowdeswell, and...... presented MC Sion James...... Freshers’ Fair doesn’t quite end when all the stalls have packed 09 October AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA up - join us in Metric to see some of our Clubs, Societies & ...... Split across two nights, your hall will be invited to either the Projects showcase their talents. Saturday or Sunday night Mingle. As the fi rst big social event ...... of Welcome Week it’s the perfect way...... to get to know new friends from your hall of residence and meet new ones from 06 October ...... others. Shift K3Y headlines both nights...... 03 - 09 October WINES, WHISKYS ...... 20:00 - 03:00 09 ...... PIE & ALE AND SPIRITS METRIC ...... FESTIVAL 18:00 - 23:30 £12.00 IN ADVANCE ...... H-BAr The h-bar serves a range of premium £13.00 ON THE DOOR wines, whiskys and spirits all year 12:00 - 21:00 We’re hosting a Pie & Ale Festival in the The Freshers’ Ball is the alex mytton FREE round - come and sample some of the ...... h-bar during Welcome...... Week featuring a fi nal party of Welcome h-bar range and learn more about what’s on host of pies and matching ales for you to POSTGRADUATE ONLY Week for Undergraduates ...... prices vary try! You’ll fi nd the full food and drink menu ...... offer from experts on the night. and a great way to (made in chelsea) ...... for the festival on our website...... celebrate with your new 03 October found friends. Alex Mytton ...... 06 October (Made ...... In Chelsea) is your headliner for the night ...... alongside a host of DJs...... live acoustic Bandeoke ...... festival 09 October ...... 20:00 - 23:00 ...... 20:00 - 22:00 ...... Fivesixeight pgi friday h-bar Visit the h-bar and enjoy some live music metric ...... FREE from our Jazz & Rock society on the £3.00...... fi rst Saturday of term! Our Jazz & Rock silent disco ...... POSTGRADUATE What do you get when you cross a live band with...... karaoke? society are one of the Union’s long 20:00 - 01:00 Bandeoke! Bust our your karaoke favourite or try something ONLY running live music club, and feature a ...... new alongside a live band. h-bar ...... host of talented student musicians. Celebrate Friday at the h-bar with our Silent Disco! ...... FREE There will be two channels...... of music you can listen 03 & 04 October POSTGRADUATE ONLY to on your own set of headphones - which will you ...... 07 October choose? ...... LITE CSP WEDNESDAY 10 October AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ...... 19:00 - 01:00 The Postgraduate ...... MINGLE metric...... 19:00 - 01:00 £2.00 ...... The Lite Mingle is for anyone who JUNIOR COMMON CSP Wednesday fancies a chilled-out alternative to the ...... is your weekly ...... ROOM Mingle. We will be showcasing a live 10 lounge of student performers as well as night featuring live ...... FREE sport and music ...... offering coffee and other non-alcoholic ...... refreshments. and is open to all, 19:00 - 02:00 whether you’re part All union bars ...... 05 October of a Club, Society or Project (CSP) or not. AAAAAAAA £10.00 in advance ...... COCKTAIL ...... buy one get one free ...... 07 ...... October POSTGRADUATE ONLY dj yoda ...... BAR LAUnCH ...... The Postgraduate Mingle is Imperial College Union’s offi cial welcome party 19:00 - 23:00 h-bar pub quiz for all new incoming Postgraduate students. DJ Yoda will be headlining the 05...... Fancy a Mojito or like a classy largest ...... PG social event of the year. h-bar Cosmopolitan? There will be 19:30 - 23:00 ...... FREE something for everyone at the h-bar 11 October AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ...... launch of the new h-bar Cocktail POSTGRADUATE ONLY Bar. £1 entry ...... 05 October POSTGRADUATE ONLY Get a team together and use your grey DRI ...... matter to compete for some great prizes! Pub Quiz in the h-bar is on the 19:00 - 01:00 ...... LIVE ...... second and last Thursday of every fivesixeight ...... Comedy month during term time...... free ...... 20:00 - 23:00 ...... 11 Bring your new friends and have a ...... metric giggle with our line-up of stand up ...... £3.00 comedians.Performances from Marcel DRI is Imperial College Union’s alcohol free club night. From 19:00, ...... Lucont, Carl Donnelly, Andrew Watts FiveSixEight, Metric and the Union Bar will be serving only non-alcoholic ...... and special guest stars from Imperial drinks for the rest of the evening. Entry for DRI is free. All students are Comedy! Presented by MC Sion welcome at DRI, including those under 18. It’s a great chance to meet with ...... James...... new and old friends and have a chilled night out after Welcome Week, ...... whether you drink or not...... imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on rd rd PAGE 12 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 13

FEATURES [email protected] FEATURES [email protected] LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX (NO, SERIOUSLY, LET’S TALK) It was World Contraception Day last week, so we DID YOU KNOW? Sexual F.A.Q. Useful thought we’d use that as an excuse to give you lot I can’t believe anyone thinks this is funny, or (god forbid) sexy, but Still got some questions? Contacts the lowdown on sexual health. Plus it meant we like, obviously don’t rip open the Here’s some answers! got to say sex a lot in the office (SEX) and share condom wrapper with your teeth. For urgent care, e.g. if you think RESPECT The poor thing is no match for your I had a great gap you’ve had unprotected sex with sharp and beautifully maintained year, but now it someone with HIV, you may gross stories about our “friends from home”. by modern dentistry knashers. Also We’re not need to be put on emergency THE don’t pin it to the noticeboard in burns when I pee. medication. You can go to A&E Grace Rahman You might not be planning on your room. It sounds ridiculous but If you have any actual symptoms, for this. If you’ve had unprotected Editor-in-Chief trying to scare shagging your way through freshers’ babies have definitely been born best to get yourself checked. sex within the last 72 hours week, but experience has taught RUBBER because of this. Maybe you were? As well as the classic urinary burn, you, but ‘super and want to take the morning No one most of us that these things are Nice subject for your first phonecall they can extend but aren’t limited after pill, you can get it at most o you’re a fresher embarking mysterious, and if they happen, it’s home, that. to: weird genital discharge, pain gonorrhoea’ is pharmacies, and Boots offers an on your first year away remembers often when you least expect them. when having sex, needing to piss online ordering service. from the homestead. Your So be prepared, rubber up and take really urgently, out of the ordinary parents coming back early note. Let’s start with the basics. Double periods or any new bumps around a thing now 24 hour pharmacy can’t stop you now. Halls feels like how weird Whether your mum, slyly and bagging is not a thing. Contrary to your junk. Gross to read, but grosser You can buy condoms here a giant school trip; the bubbling without mention, packed you Gavin and Stacey’s Smithy, using to have. at any time of day. S How much is all this Zafash Pharmacy, Old sexual tension, lack of teachers you were a Costco bulk box of condoms two condoms at once is not a way Look, it might be nothing, but after dark and playful fights in the when you left home, or you lost ONE AT to give yourself double protection you could just get a free STI test to safe sex going to Brompton Road, SW5 0EA communal kitchen when you should your virginity at fourteen with an against STIs. You go to Imperial, put your mind at ease. It might be cost me? be working. Except now there are in year exchange student, we still think you and so probably know more about something else, like a urinary tract Jefferuss Sexual Health several hundred of you, no one might discover something new in A TIME, friction than this ex-biologist. It’s a infection, which you’d want to get Nothing! God bless the NHS. Walk In Centre remembers how weird you were in this spread. great way to break them and make sorted anyway. Contraception is free in the UK, Run by the NHS and here year nine, and damn, your bedroom’s nine, and You know you’re meant to use a yourself even more vulnerable to You know when something’s to everyone. Even if you’re an for all your contraception/STI just down the hall! condom. We all know, but it cam be GUYS disease/pregnancy/embarrassment changed down there, so if all is not international student, you are testing needs All this might lead to you damn, your a little more complex and confusing that you thought double bagging quite how it should be, best get it entitled to free contraception and 0203 312 6626 bringing back your new bae for than that.We’re not trying to scare was a thing. sorted. sexual health checks. St Mary’s Hospital, Christmas, but unless you’re careful, you, but ‘super gonorrhoea’ is a thing We’re not saying you can waltz Paddington, W2 1NY your first holiday home could bring bedroom’s now. But getting an into Boots and nab a box of Durex something decidedly itchier. Maybe you’ll have loads of sex, but Ok this one surprised even us, but without paying, but all methods John Hunter Clinic for FELIX doesn’t slut shame and just down maybe you won’t and that’s okay. At according to the NHS you shouldn’t STI test is such a of contraception are free once Sexual Health we’re totally pro you enjoying your least after this you’ll be well armed be using a condom for more than massive effort. you’ve registered with a GP. The 0203 315 6699 sexual awakening in between lab with contraceptive knowledge. All half an hour. So if you’re getting it contraceptive pill and everything. Chelsea and Westminster reports. However, if you’re a novice the hall! this information works really well as THE ‘HALF on in anything nearing endurance, You can book an STI test at Condoms can be picked up at the Jennie Watson, the Union’s Deputy President of Welfare, with her weekly stash. Hospital, SW10 9NH in the contraception department, stilted small talk at freshers’ events. best change it up part way through. Imperial’s own health centre in Student Union and the Imperial Photo Credit: Grace Rahman that has got to change. At least it does for the medics. Better safe than sorry. This could Prince’s Gardens or there are College Health Centre on Prince’s Non-emergency NHS AN HOUR act as a nice snack/phone checking walk-in clinics all over London if Gardens, FOR FREE. Don’t be All this talk of 111 break for your lover, which they will you’re worried about bumping into embarrassed, just walk in and ask. condoms, are you undoubtedly be grateful for. Again, someone you know. You’re a strong independent person We’re not Dean Street Express RULE’ it’s a friction issue. Hurry up with Tests for Chlamydia and who requires some rubbers, well lot sponsored by Fully automated STI check that super-condom your lot are Gonorrhoea for lads just involve done you, and if anyone in the Durex? What are the ups in Soho. You literally don’t working on, Bill Gates, jeez. pissing in a cup. You can do that, waiting room looks at you funny, saying you have to talk to a human to get can’t you? they’re probably just jealous. alternatives? tested. Futuristic and super Ladies, there is a little swabbing If you’re really worried you could Much to our editor’s quick, the Ferrari of sexual involved, but you can usually do it probably just write it on a little note can waltz disaapointment, we are not yet health clinics Look, even if you’re on the pill, yourself, and it’s nothing particularly and hand in to the receptionist. But sponsored by Durex, but no, 34 Dean Street, W1D 4PR having a stomach upset could nullify out of the ordinary. come on now, we’re all grown ups. condoms aren’t the be all and end all its effect. If you throw up within two into Boots of contraception. There are myriad Pharmacy in South Ken hours of taking it, chances are you’re But I feel fine! Condoms are a other methods for ladies and gents You can pick up the morning probably not going to have absorbed Loads of stuff can be symptomless. to prevent pregnancy. The obvious after pill here. Open on the those lovely hormones. The NHS If you’re at it all the time, we advise pain. and nab a one is the pill. To get it you will have weekends and until 8pm every recommends you take another one getting checked every three months, Do they actually hurt? If you to see a doctor. They weigh you, weekday BEING ILL straight away and that then you’ll or between sexual partners. genuinely think they’re too small, check your blood pressure and ask 0207 589 8788 be okay. However, if diarrhoa or Look, sleep with who you will; there’s a site called TheyFit who box of Durex a few questions just to make sure it 35 Old Brompton Road, FUCKS UP vomiting continue for longer than we’re not about shaming, we’re just measure your member and ship suits you. Then they give you a three SW7 3HZ 24 hours, you should assume that about safety. specially made rubbers. They also month prescription to see how you the pill won’t have worked. If you Some of this shit can make you have a money back guarantee if without fair. Imperial College Health THE PILL are going to have sex during this infertile, and although babies is you’re not happy. After that you go back, and they’ll Centre bout of what sounds like a pretty exactly what we’re all trying to There is literally NO EXCUSE. give you as many as you want. This GP Practice right by uni awful stomach bug, you’d better use avoid right now, anything that has FELIX is certainly not judging paying being said, condoms are the only 0207 594 9390 a condom. consequences that dramatic has got you for how you choose to get your form of contraception that protect 40 Princes Gardens (below Look at this lovely doctor from Imperial’s Health Centre. She’s not going to judge you. Photo Credit: Jody Kingzett to be pretty grim. kicks, but use a freaking condom. you from STIs. Selkirk Hall), SW7 1LY your reps elections

and union council

Get involved in making your student experience the best it can be.

This year we are electing Year and Course Representatives, the 16 Ordinary Members of Council and the Graduate Students’ Union Reps simultaneously. This is a brilliant way to get involved and be part of ensuring student views are expressed to the right bodies to make changes for the benefit of students.

Nominations close 23:59, 15 October. For more information, visit imperialcollegeunion.org/elections

imperialcollegeunion.org/elections felixonline.co.uk SATURDAY 3rd OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 15

SCIENCE [email protected] Outbreak of drug-resistant ‘super gonorrhoea’ Imperial College President calls for urgent action in combatting antibiotic resistance

Cecily Johnson that they had recently had sex with relies on two antibiotics taken the rise of antibiotic resistance. minds from all academic disciplines Science Writer people from other parts of England. concurrently, one by injection The Antimicrobial Resistanceand all sectors to contribute to the Sixteen cases have been confirmed (ceftriaxone) and the other in tablet Collaborative was launched by fight” said Dame Sally Davies. by Public Health England (PHE) form (azithromycin). The newly Professor Dame Sally Davies, the “Working across disciplines to solve new highly drug- so far, all in heterosexual individuals. discovered strain exhibits resistance UK’s Chief Medical Officer, at an global challenges, like drug-resistant resistant strain of Gonorrhoea is a sexually to azithromycin, according to PHE. event last week on Imperial’s South infections, is what [Imperial] does gonorrhoea has emerged transmitted bacterial infection In a statement, the British Kensington campus. best.” in the north of England, that can be passed on through Association for Sexual Health Imperial College President leading health authorities have unprotected oral, vaginal and anal and HIV (BASHH) expressed Professor Alice Gast warned that warned.A First detected last March in sex. Many more people in the UK concerns that “the effectiveness of Bacteria the long-term consequence of Leeds, the infection has reportedly could already be harboring the new current front-line dual therapy for failure to tackle the issue of drug spread as far as Macclesfield, strain of bacteria, as patients do not gonorrhoea will be threatened if this are getting resistance would be 10 million extra Oldham and Scunthorpe. always experience symptoms. resistant strain continues to spread worldwide deaths per year by 2050. Some infected patients disclosed Effective treatment of gonorrhoea unchecked.” She called for doctors and scientists If left untreated, gonorrhoea can stronger, to take action by accelerating the result in infertility and chronic pain. hunt for new drugs. People under the age of 25 are most while the “Our efforts to stem infectious likely to be affected, with almost diseases are increasingly futile. 35,000 cases reported in England Bacteria are getting stronger, in 2014. Symptoms for both men illnesses while the illnesses they cause are and women can include pain during getting worse. London’s academics, sex or while urinating and unusual they cause businesses, hospitals and charities discharge. can help solve this great challenge Infection can be prevented by of our time. always using condoms with new are getting “As medicine advances, we expect partners. It is also advisable to get to get healthier. But our faith in regular sexual health checks; testing worse medical progress is being turned on for gonorrhoea is easy, painless and its head. And we should have seen available for free on the NHS. it coming.” Professor Gast added: This new outbreak coincides with “Drug-resistant infections are one “We’ve heard the warnings. Now’s the launch of a new Imperial College of the great health challenges of our the time for action … to tackle this Neisseria gonorrhoeae under the microscope. Photo Credit: Rex Features London campaign to combat time. We need the best and brightest great threat to humanity.” Water flows on Mars, but is it habitable? NASA researchers ‘follow the water’ in ongoing search for life elsewhere in the universe

Cecily Johnson a process involving liquid water. The Science Writer new findings, published in Nature Geoscience, confirmed the presence of perchlorate salts, known to lower he strongest evidence yet the freezing point of water. that liquid water flows “The detection of hydrated salts intermittently on the on these slopes means that water present-day surface of plays a vital role in the formation Mars has been provided by NASA’s of these streaks” said the paper’s MarsT Reconnaissance Orbiter lead author Lujendra Ojha of the (MRO) this week. Georgia Institute of Technology. Researchers studying mysterious The scientists hypothesise a shallow dark streaks which appear to flow subsurface flow, leading some water Flows of water leave dark narrow streaks on Mars’ steepest slopes. Photo Credit: NASA/JPL/University of Arizona down steep slopes during the red to rise to the surface and produce planet’s warmer seasons were able the dark streaks. appears to confirm that water – convincing science that validates surface of this cold, desert planet. to detect the signatures of hydrated Astronaut and associate albeit briny – is flowing today on what we’ve long suspected.” “It seems that the more we study minerals using the MRO’s imaging administrator of NASA’s Science the surface of Mars. Michael Meyer, the lead scientist Mars, the more we learn how life spectrometer. Mission Directorate John “Our quest on Mars has been to for NASA’s Mars Exploration could be supported and where there The narrow, dark streaks were Grunsfield stated that “This is ‘follow the water’, in our search for Program, confirmed that “now we are resources to support life in the previously believed to be caused by a significant development, as it life in the universe, and now we have know there is liquid water on the future.” from Imperial College Union!

#helloicu

Keep a look out for our team of student volunteers around campus all Welcome Week in their purple shirts.

They are here to answer any of your questions and help you have the best possible welcome to the College and your new Students’ Union!

All things Welcome Week on our website! imperialcollegeunion.org/welcome DON’T MISS C mmunityConnections Volunteering Fair 2015 Tuesday 13 October 11:30 - 14:00, Great Hall The Community Connections Volunteering Fair returns for its second year! The Volunteering Fair is the place to be if you are looking to volunteer alongside your studies. Tuesday 6 October 11:00 - 16:00 See the back page for a list of stallholders and their locations

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44 46 47 48 49 50 51 imperialcollegeunion.org/welcome felixonline.co.uk SATURDAY 3rd OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 19

CLUBS & SOCS [email protected] Make friends and influence people at FELIX Read all about it – a week in the life of Imperial’s student newspaper society!

Cecily Johnson usually set their own deadlines for Writer submissions, so just ask them when they need an article finished by. The Weekend Monday

Here at FELIX, our week normally Our glorious leader – Editor- starts on a Saturday. This is when the in-Chief Grace Rahman – starts editors start thinking about sending drawing up the pagination emails to each section’s mailing spreadsheet, asking each section’s list or posting on their respective editors to confirm how many Facebook groups, requesting article pages they’d like to fill that week. submissions from the writers. She figures out how much ad Some editors will already have a space we’ve sold and makes sure bank of story ideas for the coming someone’s organising a (tasteful) issue and will offer these up for nude photoshoot of a club, society anyone to take a punt at writing; or project for the Centrefold. others might just ask you to pitch We’ve got 40 pages to fill and by your own piece. Content can be now the content is flooding in to submitted to any section editor the section editors. Big pieces for at any time, but this is when the the Features and News sections are majority of ideas get discussed. being researched and lots of coffee FELIX Arts will have already is consumed. At this point we still sent students out to shows and have no idea what will be on the exhibitions for reviews, while sports front page. teams write up their match reports as soon as they finish celebrating Tuesday We have many leather-bound books and our office smells of rich mahogany. Photo Credit: Cem Hurrell (or commiserating). Science will be eyeing up the latest discoveries, Section editors will usually set to entertain you between lectures. Friday So that’s it folks – a week in the Food will be cooking up ideas and their final submission deadline The office is always buzzing on life of your student newspaper. Hangman thinks about crawling for Monday or Tuesday at the a Wednesday as everyone starts Deeply hungover, a few of us drag Hopefully I’ve convinced you that out of his dungeon to predict your latest, so they can get down to the worrying about tomorrow’s print our sorry selves back to Beit Quad there’s tonnes of ways for you to be future for the next week. basement and start laying out. We deadline. early(ish) in the morning to see the involved in FELIX. We’re currently Writers can come down to the use software called InDesign to put fruits of our efforts; overnight a van recruiting for photographers, web office in the west basement of Beit the paper together, working from Thursday has delivered a giant pile of fresh- editors, programmers, copy and Quad and use our shiny shiny Macs, templates to make sure each section off-the-print newspapers. We load layout editors, illustrators and (of or work from home – whatever has a common look. Panic stations! Our crack team up the trolley and get distributing course) writers. If you’re really keen, environment you prefer to get stuff Around 900 words fill a page of copy and layout editors take the thousands of copies of FELIX all you also have the opportunity to done in. There’s usually a couple of of FELIX – 450 for half a page – reins, working through the entire over the South Kensington campus. take over as Section Editor this year us in the office. Section editors will but often content comes in a little paper again making sure everyone A few bundles of papers are taken for Puzzles, Technology, Games, over so the editors will have to play successfully dotted their ‘I’s and to the internal post office to be sent Fashion, Television, Books, Food or around with the scissors and make crossed their ‘T’s. Most of the to Imperial’s campuses in St Mary’s, Science. sure everything fits. Editors will problems at this stage are simple Charing Cross, White City and You can submit content for any FELIX will find photographs and graphics to tweaks to improve the paper’s Hammersmith. Finally we reserve section of the paper. Many people go with each piece and come up design and readability. some copies to send to the British work on several – personally in the with headlines as they go. Sometimes, however, things get Library for archiving, and a bundle last year I’ve written for Comment, take up as stressful on Thursdays – we might to have bound in giant leather books Features, Science and Film on top Wednesday find that a section promised more for those of us who want a memento of editing the News section; just pages of content than they actually of our time here. in this issue you’ll see me in News, little or as One by one, sections are laid out put together, forcing us to write After distribution we grab some Science, Food and here in Clubs and ticked off ready for the final something quickly to fill the space. food – cheeky Nando’s or maybe and Socs. copy and layout edit. The News Conversely, we might also need to a liquid lunch in FiveSixEight – I started out after Freshers’ Fair last much of team will have a few articles ready bump some excess content to next and breathe a sigh of relief. Then year as a copy editor and fell in love to go, but more news is always week’s issue. members of the Web team come in with the office atmosphere, quickly breaking – if we’re half a page We scramble to finish the News and make sure every article in the learning how to use InDesign and your time short at this point we can almost stories and design the front page. paper gets posted on felixonline. Photoshop to help edit layout too. guarantee something will happen Grace writes an editorial piece, co.uk for those of you who don’t like By the end of second term I was a as you’ll tomorrow to fill the space. commenting on the events of the getting inky fingers. Section Editor and elected Vice Adverts and Centrefolds are sent week or something of interest And then, of course, the cycle Chair of the society. As you can see, in by today and Hangman coughs featured in another part of the repeats! We publish every Friday FELIX will take up as little or as allow it up some witty satire. Puzzles puts paper. Finally the whole issue is during term time except in the much of your time as you’ll allow it. together a page or two of sudoku, finished and ready to send over to last week, as well as putting bonus I urge you to get involved – some of slitherlink or crossword puzzles the print company. We celebrate! content online throughout the year. the best people at Imperial are.

rd PAGE 22 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk

MUSIC [email protected] Four of London’s top music venues to try As live music becomes more expensive, which club nights and gig venues are worth it?

Cale Tilford London’s best small and intimate Music Editor venues where an impressive line­ up of alternative pop and rock artists will drown you in sound. ondon is home to some Recent acts include dark wave of the greatest music venues in the country with heavyweights such as O2 If you’re a Academy Brixton, the Roundhouse Land Alexandra Palace playing host to the biggest names in music. fan of indie, As artists shift away from making their money on album and single sales, live music has punk or become more expensive than ever. A ticket for a midrange­ gig metal it’s (which usually lasts only a few hours) now often exceeds £30. Nonprofit art space Village Underground is painfully hip. Photo Credit: Daddy’s Got Sweets Photography With this in mind, we’ve well worth compiled a list of some of our popular Friday club night (from Rough Trade East and West). High Street, from ~£10.) favourite (relatively) cheap music 11pm­-4am) playing the finest in The popular indie club night venues that offer not only great live making the left­field pop and house. (Angel, New Slang each Thursday is a must, Easily one of London’s best clubs, music but great club nights too. club nights £5, live music ~£10.) hosting massive DJ sets from the XOYO in Shoreditch is well known trip biggest names in electronic music for its excellent residency series The Lexington’s downstairs If you’re feeling adventurous such as Jamie xx and Disclosure. bringing some of world’s best DJs lounge is a modern­-day hipster’s head down to Banquet Records To top it off, you can catch store- to the capital (Busy P, who managed dream, offering a massive selection of newbie Petite Noir and Japanese in Kingston. Frequent in-store live organised gigs during the week Daft Punk, is in residence from American microbrews and whiskeys acid­punk four-piece Bo Ningen with shows where bands squeeze into at The Hippodrome with both now until the end of the year). whilst hosting the Rough Trade Seattle punk group Chastity Belt the stores tiny interior bundled Foals and Bring Me The Horizon Split across two floors, the venue Shop pop quiz every Monday. taking the stage later this month. with the latest releases (a pairing playing in the coming months. was refurbished in 2013 and it Upstairs, you’ll find one of White Heat is the venue’s that has also found success at If you’re a fan of indie, punk now boasts one of the best lighting or metal it’s well worth making and sound systems in town. the trip to experience Banquet Records exhaustive live music line- up. (Kingston upon Thames, New Expect an Slang and live music ~£10.)

Situated in Shoreditch in a abundance renovated warehouse, Village Underground describes itself as a non­profit art space and it’s easily of finely one of the East End’s hippest venues (they even have their own zine). sculptured From afar, the venue is instantly noticeable thanks to the tube carriages perched atop its street­ beards and art covered walls. The cavernous interior’s fantastic acoustics help deliver some of the best experimental moustaches club­nights in the capital. From now until December, Student club night Sneak on the venue is one of many hosting Tuesdays is always a rave, delivering Clock Strikes 13 – a series of nights the best in house, tech and bass – focusing on the future of electronic just make sure to get there early music – evenings from labels XL and to avoid the massive queues. Hyperdub are not to be missed. Regular live events are also Expect an abundance of finely available with electronic post­ sculptured beards and moustaches rockers Vessels playing in the and not to be able to afford coming weeks. (Old Street, student Club night White Heat moved to The Lexington from now-closed Soho institution Madame Jojo’s. Photo Credit: Time Out any of the drinks. (Shoreditch club night £3, live music ~£14.) Sir Alexander Fleming Building SAF

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Tamil QTR 31 Graduate Prospects ICME 6 Catholic BQ 15 Rifle & Pistol M 8 Interact SF B Graduate Recruitment Bureau BQ 17 Caving SAF 1 Right to Play MEF 26 International Public Health QTR 70 Here & Now CP 12 CGCU Motor Club M 12 Robogals DC 12 Investment CP A Hertz UCH 3 Chamber Choir MEF 22 Robotics DC 18 IQ LGBT+ QTR 5 IAESTE, British council UCH 4 Chamber Music UCH 2 Rock and Metal GH 26 Iranian SF C Image Scotland ICME 5 Chaplaincy GH 40 Romanian GH 12 Iraqi QTR 39 IC Careers Service QL 26 Cheerleading BQ 7 Rotaract GH 27 Irish QTR 34 IC Clinical Research Facility DC 8 Cheese QL 11 Rounders ICME 23 Islamic QTR 8 IC Heart and Lung Institute MEF 6 Chem Eng MEF 24 Royal College of Science Union GH 21 Israeli QTR 7 IC NHS Neonatology MEF 14 Chemistry MEF 25 Royal School of Mines Union GH 28 Italian QTR 23 IC Rectors Ambassadors Scheme JCR 5 Chess CP 7 RSM Motor Club GH 23 Japanese QTR 69 IC Success Guide GH 11 Chinese QL 5 Rugby M 6 Jazz & Rock QTR 42 IntoUniversity UCH 5 Choir CP 11 Rugby (CGCU) ICME 14 Jewish QTR 36 LFKO Ltd SAF 33 Christian Medical Fellowship QL 39 Rugby (Medics) AS 15 Jiu Jitsu (Aiuchi) (Medics) QTR 28 London Business School ICME 7 Christian Union CP 10 Rugby (RSM) AS 3 Ju-Jitsu QTR 47 London Farmers Market MEF 23 City & Guilds Union QL 32 Rugby League AS 2 Judo QTR 58 London Sinfonetta MEF 7 Civil Eng GH 41 Russian Speaking BQ 11 Juggling QTR 41 London Symphony Orchestra AS 21 Comedy Society BQ 22 Sailing QL 23 Kabaddi QTR 61 Lucozade UDH 1 Connect GH 44 Saudi AS 5 Karate Shotokan SAF 30 Medical Protection Society ICME 8 Conservative BQ 25 Save the Children AS 6 Kendo QTR 16 Metropolitan Baptist Tabernacle DC 4 Consultancy GH 45 Scandinavian GH 29 Kenyan QTR 52 Milkround QL 3 Cricket BQ 40 Sci Fi UDH 15 Kenyan Orphan Project QTR 40 Minted QL 43 Cricket (Medics) M 13 Scout and Guide Association AS 7 Ki Aikido QTR 15 Nandos QL 51 Croquet Club AS 13 Shaolin Kung Fu JCR 10 KnitSock QTR 66 Notting Hill Community Church QL 14 Cross Country & Athletics AS 10 Shorinji Kempo GH 30 Korean QTR 57 NHS Blood and Transplant blood bank GH 15 CSSA ICME 18 Sikh AS 8 Krav Maga QTR 6 Notting Hill Arts Club JCR 7 Culinary UCH 12 Sinfonietta ICME 15 Krishna Consciousness SF A Now TV QL 15 Cycling GH 46 Singapore AS 4 Kung Fu QTR 62 Party Hype GH 42 Cypriot BQ 8 Skate ICME 16 Labour QL A Pepsi Max GH 16 Czecho-Slovak QL 27 Skydiving QL 44 Lacrosse (Medics) QTR 53 Pimlico Connections AS 1 Dance BQ 9 Snooker & Pool GH 31 Latin-American QTR 25 Prospect AS 19 Dance (Medics) QL 17 Snowsports DC 2 Law QTR 60 RMP AS 16 Dance Company SAF 41 Society of Research and Academia QL 30 Lawn Tennis QTR 56 Royal Albert Hall SAF 16 Darts M 11 Soup Run GH 32 Lebanese QTR 51 Royal Borough Kensington and Chelsea MEF 17 De La Beche JCR 2 _Software JCR 21 Lego Council DC 9 Debating GH 47 Spanish BQ 5 LeoSoc QTR 20 Santander SAF 5 Dermatology DC 16 Speakers ICME 21 Liberal Democrat QTR 14 Sesquis BQ 3 Design Collective QL 37 Sport Imperial QL 28 Liberation QTR 67 Shazam MEF 8 Doc Soc QL 29 Squash SAF 14 Light Opera QTR 35 Soup Run QL 6 Dodgeball SAF 25 Squash (Medics) JCR 11 Linux Users Group QTR 63 Sta Travel SAF 12 Drama GH 48 Sri-Lankan MEF 2 London Forum for Science & Policy QTR 19 St Andrews Church UCH 15 Dramatic Society JCR 14 Starcraft BQ 38 Magazine QTR 12 Studybuddy GH 18 Dutch UCH 13 String Ensemble JCR 12 Mahjong QTR 46 Target Jobs UDH 8 E.quinox UDH 17 Student Action for Refugees GH 33 Malaysian QTR 37 Teach First DC 10 Economics BQ 30 Student Development DC 13 Management QTR 33 TfL UDH 9 El Salvador MEF 10 Students for the Exploration and MEF 19 Materials QTR 30 Tutorfair MEF 9 Elec Eng Development of Space MEF 15 Maths QTR 38 Wagamama UDH 3 Empower BQ 27 Surfing GH 34 Mauritian QTR 4 Westminster Chapel SAF 6 EMSA SAF 36 Surgical Soc DC 6 Meat Appreciation QTR 49 Would Love To Go UDH 10 Enactus QL 13 Swim/Waterpolo MEF 11 Mech Eng QTR 3 University of London Officer Training Corps M 1 Energy QL 12 Synchronized Swimming SAF 35 Medical Education QTR 22 University of London Air Squadron BQ 28 Entertainments BQ 12 Table Football SAF 2 Medics Students’ Union QTR 2 University of London Royal Naval Unit ICME 13 Environmental QL 33 Table Tennis SAF 4 MedSIN QL B Virgin Media GH 2 Erasmus JCR 8 Tabletop Gaming ICME 21 Mentality QTR 13 Yada app GH 3 European Union Society AS 11 Tae Kwon Do JCR 22 Model United Nations QTR 44 Zoological Society of London ICME 9 Every Nation Christian GH 49 Taiwan felixonline.co.uk SATURDAY 3rd OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 25

ARTS [email protected] ARTS ARTS ARTS ARTS ARTS ARTS This year’s FELIX Arts editors welcome you to the London art scene

Jingjie Cheng, Indira Mallik & we’d be a couple of grand out of Don’t be put off, we’re lovely introducing our brand new poetry Max Falkenberg pocket. Wouldn’t it be great to see people, honest! Besides getting to and comedy sections. We also have a Arts Editors all these wonderful things for free, We’re see the shows on press night – often bunch of arty events in the pipeline and not just now but throughout weeks before anyone else, in some and a number of features and your course? sitting in the of the best seats, for free – the more interviews with London’s art scene. ongratulations! Welcome Before you ask: no, it doesn’t delightful venues often like to throw Later on this term we’ll be to Imperial and the next involve any nefarious cult-like free booze at you and many offer a publishing Phoenix, the Imperial three to six years of your ceremonies or deals with the devil. epicentre of second free ticket! Arts magazine and we’ll need lots Clife! What were you thinking? We, the wonderful people at FELIX Of course they are hoping you’ll of you artists, photographers, short Of course we’re all looking forward Arts, can get you the tickets for be nice to them, but with your livers story writers and poets to submit to not having to spend time with almost any new London show and global arts hardened by freshers’ week, your your work. humanities students, but let’s face all we ask in exchange is 400 words journalistic integrity is unlikely to This is all in addition to our regular it – we’re sitting in the epicentre of of your most scathing opinions and culture, be challenged. content of reviews and hard hitting global arts and culture, so let’s make – no previous writing experience Tl;dr: if you like art, free things comment pieces as the culture bible the most of it! necessary! and alcohol, come write for FELIX of Exhibition Road. If you’re like the three of us and If you’re worried you’re not a so let’s Arts! If you’d like to get involved but are have nothing better to do with your good enough writer, or that you If for now you just want to enjoy unsure what with, or if you just want time, you’ve already made a list of won’t know what to say, stop right reading our awesome Arts section, to put faces to the words, drop by the all the galleries, plays and stand-ups there. The three of us will guide make the you can check out our favourite FELIX office in the West Basement you want to see. you through the process and we upcoming shows and our guide to of Beit Quad or drop us an email But London isn’t cheap and if we promise, every review you write gets most of it London’s best cheap venues. on [email protected]. We’d be went to see everything we wanted, easier than the last one. In the upcoming weeks we’ll be delighted to meet you!

A pictorial representation of the Arts section

Jingjie Cheng rd rd PAGE 26 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 27

ARTS [email protected] ARTS [email protected] The Young Vic

Consistently brilliant and constantly pushing the boundaries of modern theatre, the Young Vic showcases the best of the best on the British stage. Having stolen the show at the 2015 Olivier’s, the YV Barbican unsurprisingly approaches the New Year with sky high expectations. With two shows transferring to New York after a sell-out season in A world class arts organisation with a stellar reputation for London, the YV might be one of London’s smaller venues, but they National Theatre innovation and learning, the Barbican covers all areas of the arts carry a big punch. with one of the greatest purpose built venues in London. Home of One of the great arts institutions in the country, the National the London Symphony Orchestra and Cumberbatch’s Hamlet, the Tickets from £10 for students and under 25s. Theatre is at the forefront of British theatre. A major collaborator Barbican represents the best of the best in British creativity. both internationally and at home, the NT is an essential component Tickets from £5 with Young Barbican. of the UK’s arts scene with its shows frequently transferring to the West End and beyond. Although the NT isn’t the biggest risk taker, its shows are always accessible and of a consistently high quality. The Comedy Tree Tickets from £5 with NT Entry Pass.

Having recently relocated from Putney to Hammersmith, the Comedy Tree starts a new season of Thursday night stand-up. Despite not being a particularly well known venue, the CT has welcomed a number of big names including Milton Jones and Reginald D. Hunter. While I doubt it lives up to London’s more famous comedy clubs, the bar is open until 1am and the tickets are surprisingly cheap. Who can complain? Tickets from £6 for students.

Tate Modern

One of the best collections of contemporary art in London, and part of the Tate Collective London, there’s plenty of opportunity to enjoy the art and get involved more actively. Free! Special exhibitions typically from £10.

Victoria and Albert Museum

The V&A is so close to campus and halls that there is really no excuse not to visit. It houses everything from punk rock fashion to classical sculpture, by the way of jewellery and tapestries, so there’s something for all tastes. In addition to the permanent displays, free themed exhibitions are staged regularly in the Porter Gallery. The V&A is the perfect place to go to sketch, explore or escape the rain. Plus the café is pretty great. Free! Special exhibitions from £9.

Tate Britain National Gallery...... and National Portrait Gallery Tate Britain is placed bang in the middle of the tourist heartland; minutes from Big Ben and the Palaces of Westminster, it is home to the Turner This is truly the bastion of all visual art in London, and the country. You are guaranteed to Just around the corner from the National Gallery, the NPG is the ultimate illustrated Prize. That’s not all, The Tate Collective London which works with Tate see Monets, van Goghs and da Vincis for free whenever you go, where else would that be who’s who. It is home to the fantastic BP National Portrait Awards, and numerous well Britain and Tate Modern run free events and festivals for students. On the possible? Just wandering around the galleries is a master course in art history, only there known paintings, among them the controversial Duchess of Cambridge painting. The first Friday of October, November and December there will be workshops, are so many galleries that it would be impossible to see it all in one visit. Whilst you’re NPG is a must-visit for anyone who’s interested in boundaries between celebrity and talks, live performance, even a DJ as part of Late at Tate Britain. there, make sure to check out the Fourth Plinth in Trafalgar Square for a quick modern fine art. art fix. Free! Special exhibitions typically from £14. Free! Special exhibitions from £8. Tickets from £6 on Thursdays. rd PAGE 28 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk

ARTS [email protected] Recommended: Things to see in London

Photograph 51 (Noel Coward Theatre, Until 21 November) In recent decades, as the sexism in science has become more recognised, Rosalind Franklin has been increasingly brought up as an example of an under-credited player in the all-important discovery of the structure of DNA. In Anna Ziegler’s new play, Nicole Kidman portrays the scientist’s life and career in her return to the West End stage. Many critics have praised her precise performance in bringing out Franklin’s ambition, dedication and intelligence.

Wildlife Photographer of the Year (Natural History Museum, 16 October – 10 April) One of the most important competitions in wildlife photography in the world, the winners and commended pieces from the Wildlife Photography of the Year are exhibited yearly in the Natural History Museum. From intimate portraits to grand landscapes, the works on display tell compelling stories from the natural world around us in beautiful ways. With over one hundred images on display creating an immersive experience for the senses, this is definitely not an exhibition to be missed by anyone interested in photography, art or nature.

The World Goes Pop (Tate Modern, Until 24 January) Pop Art has become synonymous with western consumer culture, but its history as a global medium of protest has been largely forgotten. The Tate’s new exhibition explores the unseen side of Pop Art and its diverse cultural adaptations. From Latin America to Asia this exhibition delves into the rich history of this global phenomena and celebrates an art form whose subversive message is more relevant now than ever before.

Ai Weiwei (Royal Academy, Until 13 December) Arguably more famous for his political dissidence than his art, Ai Weiei was put under house arrest and tortured due to his vocal opposition of the Chinese government. The RA has given over many of its main galleries to showcasing his work; this is a chance to judge the art on its own merits, and it does not disappoint. Filled with powerful political messages and humanity, Ai combines the remains of Ming and Han dynasty artefacts with his own minimalist constructions in a witty and moving re-imagination of Michel Duchamp’s ‘readymades’.

National Poetry Day Live (Royal Festival Hall, 8 October) The theme for this year’s National Poetry Day is “Light”, and in line with this Southbank Centre and The Poetry Society have teamed up to organise an afternoon of events celebrating up-and-coming young poets and artists presenting their take on light and its manifestations. There will be poetry readings, workshops and installations, including performances by Karen McCarthy Woolf, John Hegley and many more. There will also be an installation by poetry light artist Robert Montgomery and opportunities to create your own light-inspired artwork.

Hamlet @ NT Live (Various Cinemas across London, From 15 October) Whether Cumberbatch’s Hamlet is an exciting, fresh staging or not – and consensus seems to be that this production isn’t hugely special – Hamlet is still the greatest play ever created. Though I firmly believe that Cumberbatch is simply too old to play the great Dane, Ben is still a seasoned, powerful performer who I’m sure will go to great lengths to put his unique touch on Hamlet. Whether it’s worth the several hundred pounds you’d pay to see it on stage is difficult to judge, but NT Live offers a well produced filming at a fraction of the price. felixonline.co.uk SATURDAY 3rd OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 29

FILM [email protected]

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o r i I e e t l l g C a s h o F m n l o i Q u i e g t e t SEE o B X t h e c a e & h f n r h g i c h s o t t e e a e A l A c s n e a n r a i r t h t e e s i r e s l d t e t y n i , c - m , l g ? , h r y o t M t w e h r e s e c T h I e o u m i g a e r h s l n e i l s p n . n I u i g o h a x c J e e C F n n - d u A n e i a t g s h n n o a s B t o t i f o i e l e t e i i t o y o n l t e l s h m o i , i c n s r e a t s a f k t g a c m s o f c m n N i - u D e u s o f L r a h l a a w y t h b c f e t y b t m o z , r f i r e b , c e e c c h r i y a n t h p i u r e t e d n m u a m t n a e i s f n s e e e n t o o 0 e a i e m h n w i g r t S 2 h n r , g m h a 3 x c 5 e ’s e s s u t S ? r h 6 r t , q m o n t 2 e o lt s W f o t a i c u m f s n t r a e e d o g n u e ? b n n u e d d r ll s i b r e e O t o s r e n , th C s L u k a li r u e s c v o in th e w ur ry j f n s e n zo bu t o a lo e f g e h n Blooms il id e s s P o u n l b ic a p n m r c o ri B o o e a n ic s d P c c n w c n o . o i d - e n te e o m a ic , e e u l r o Th n a r r w o p e e n e ig c c y y a v p i C es n s ll e e c u d o n r rz re c a o im n t ov o d is h H ts o e n R an th it e & ry rs en gr r to n ee oir r a lie W ts o s n shut ar fo ar x d g n um by its doors last ye e le ite a e- m ar ned p u lo er chi pe om s r lo , tect reo c e e ca rec Takero aki, and ne th . te hri Shimaz thi d d sten yrin se nu u ed lab a y m nde the y. A cre el be r Curzon Bloomsbur in let r o the has p to f s icon ign om d cr ic Br redes d c rs. oc een unswick Centre, the ote ve um s to dev lo en 6, h is ry ta includ whic nta ries ing the Bertha Dochouse, me – th ocu e fir for d st scre must en of its kind in Europe. A rd rd PAGE 30 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 31

FILM [email protected] FILM [email protected] Eraserhead. As long as you’re sure you won’t get any sleep that night Lynchian: Use it to describe FELIX Film presents: you’re in business. any film that has a weird Sundance soundtrack, features a dream The A-Z of Being a Film Snob Festival: sequence, features a dance o, you’ve packed your bags with colour-coded stationary, set off from your hometown, and are finally about to get rid of that unfortunate nickname that plagued you through secondary Everyone says that Sundance is the school. However, as any of the biologists can tell you, in order to survive the jungle that is the university food chain, you need to find your ecological niche. Maybe a #unilad? Only if you new Cannes, but we all know that sequence, is in black and want to spend the next three years necking snakebite with a group of fucking wankers named ‘Jonno’. High flyer? Unless you’re prepared to lock yourself in your room and risk a breakdown really TIFF is the new Sundance, before freshers’ week has even finished, you should just aim for a 2:1. Luckily for you, the role of ‘corridor film snob’ is easy to fill. We’ve even provided you with a guide, so tear down that Berlin is the new Telluride, and white, or you find confusing. Star Wars poster, sit down, and pay attention. anyone who’s anyone heads to S Locarno come August. What were Y we talking about again? Widescreen: Almodóvar, Time: chromosome: The harder a As aspect ratios get larger and Absolutely necessary to become a Pedro: The best films are all either 75 larger, it’s only a matter of time until successful film director, apparently. film/director’s minutes long, or 5 hours. Everything films are beamed directly onto our In the BFI’s latest poll of film critics, Remember, accent at the end. else is shit. Make your opinion on eyeballs. Make your opinion on this out of the top 250 films, only seven It’s Almo-DO-var, you fucking name is to this well known by loudly espousing travesty known by refusing to watch were directed by women, and this uncultured cretins. it in the hall kitchen at 2am . anything that’s not in 4:3 ratio. inequality seems to span the whole pronounce, industry. Show off your feminist Underground: chops with ready references to Bergman, X-Rated: Agnes Varda, Chantal Akerman, the better it Underground cinema is good. and Joanna Hogg. Ingmar: Underground cinemas are better. Now you’ve escaped the sounds in Watching underground cinema in awkwardness of watching nude Zero: ‘Yeah, it really reminded me of an underground cinema is best. scenes with your parents, you’re free Persona’. Never explain how. conversation. to watch as many R-rated films as The number of friends you will VHS: you want. Just remember – if there’s have if you follow this guide. Film no explanation for the nudity, it’s snobs are awful people, everyone Critics: Example: As vinyl records are to music twats, art. knows that. But at least you have Decorate your room with freaky Polish film posters! No-one will ever want to VHS cassettes are to film snobs. your Criterion Kurosawa Collection Remember, film critics all know Koyaanisqatsi. visit, giving you more time to watch arthouse films. Photo Credit: Cinéphilia to keep you warm at night. nothing, unless they validate your When you first arrive in halls, clutching your belongings, it can seem like a scary place. It is. Assert your cultural dominance own opinion. Complain about the by becoming a film snob. Photo Credit: David Lynch/Creative Commons to see the new Hunger Games at rating system. Say that you can’t and commercial disaster. We don’t Imperial Cinema? Ah, I wish I place a number on art. Secretly No fucking way. Remember that talk about crowdfunding anymore. was free, but I’m going to see an Posters: attend everything The Guardian Fight Club: hype is the devil trying to get you Image-Maker: experimental art film from the 60s gives five stars to. to look like a nark, and never reveal of a man in a relationship with a A chance to put some of your FYI – It’s not a ‘Cult Film’ if just how fucking pumped you are Using terms like director and cheesegrater. It’s all about Vietnam. personality on your bedroom wall. 1 everyone’s fucking seen it. about the new Star Wars. filmmaker are so trite nowadays, Lynchian, use Obviously.’ point for a foreign film. 2 points for Dubbing: and the time when you could refer a foreign film poster in a different to Hitchcock as an ‘artist’ is long of: language. 3 points for anything Give me original language or give Genres: gone. Now, in order to be hip, you’ve Names, Polish – that shit cray. me death. Placing chopsticks into Hype is the gotta use terms like ‘Image-Maker’, While technically meaning a your ears would be preferable to Dilettantes of cinema seem to or perhaps ‘Image-Creator’ when balance of the mundane and the pronunciation seeing a dubbed French film for you. think there are a set number of devil trying describing your favourite auteurs. macabre, as found in Lynch’s work, Questions: genres: comedy, drama, romance, use it to describe any film that of: action etc. But you know better. As to get you fulfils any of the following criteria: Remember, the harder a film/ ‘What kind of movies do you Eating in the anyone who’s read a music review Judging is bleak; has a weird soundtrack; director’s name is to pronounce, the like?’, the biochemist on your floor on Pitchfork knows, the best way to features a dream sequence; features better it sounds. Prime example: asks at the hall social. ‘I prefer to cinema: seem to know what you’re talking to look like a others: a dance sequence; is in black and Koyaanisqatsi. look at cinema in terms of directors’, God, just die already. about is to be as unintelligible as white; you find it confusing and you reply. It’s over. You win. You possible, and this is where obscure nark; never Yeah, you’ll be doing this a lot… you don’t know why. When you’re have won Cinema. Fight Club: film genres come in. Wikipedia has constructing an opinion of a film, a list of about 200 different ones, so reveal just substitute in for every third word Originals vs there’s no excuse for not being able Kickstarter: and you’re in business. Realism: You can’t call to tell your Metacinema from your Remakes: Mumblecore how pumped Crowdfunding used to be a Basically, in order to really impress it a ‘Cult Film’ nice little niche industry; a way Similar to the dubbing idea. The people you need to par down your Hype: you are about for creative people, who wouldn’t Mainstream newer film may have a bigger budget, interests into two main camps: if everyone’s otherwise have the resources, to better actors, a more coherent disturbingly depressing realism, and What kind of person comes to the new Star achieve their vision. cinema, script, and special effects that don’t depressingly disturbing fantasy. You mind when you think of the word But then Zach Braff (net worth: look like a child’s Christmas play, can either watch Olivia Colman fucking seen cool? Wearing lots of black? Most $22 million) convinced nearly boycott of: but for you the original is always being urinated on in graphic detail definitely. Sunglasses on indoors? Wars. 50,000 idiots to fund his next pet better. Complain about the remake in Tyrannosaur, or John Nance ‘I would literally rather have my eyes sliced open with razor blades than watch fucking Harry Potter again’ – you, all the it... Perhaps. Excited about anything? project, Wish I Was Here, a critical ‘You guys are off on a hall trip endlessly. Never go and see it. cutting open a mutated foetus in time. Photo Credit: Creative Commons rd rd PAGE 32 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 33

FILM [email protected] FILM [email protected] FELIX Film’s Guide to Cinema on a Budget Imperial Cinema: Autumn Term Line-Up t’s a brand new academic year and here at Imperial Cinema we’ve come up with a fantastic line-up of films to keep you folks entertained. Whether you’re looking for some high-octane Fred Fyles on how to see the most films on the least cash post-apocalyptic action or are more of a classic Shakespeare kind of guy/gal, we have something for all your cinema taste buds. As usual we’ve kept our prices at just £4 a film (or £3 with our bargain discount pass) so you don’t have to forgo next week’s dinners for some quality entertainment. eing a film-lover in London is both a dream and a nightmare. Sure, you may be able to achieve your goal of seeing all the latest arthouse releases as soon as they hit distribution, and be spoiled for choice in terms of preview screenings, but unless your budget is at a Ridley Scott level, you’ll soon find yourself living off cereal in order to make that Les Enfants du Paradis th th rd th screening you’ve been hyping up. Don’t despair – here at FELIX we have used our years of experience of the London cinema scene to discover the best deals in the capital, so you’ll have IWeek 1: 6 & 8 October in the title role with support from to dinosaur expert Owen Grady to Week 5: 3 & 5 November revolutionised the music scene and more money to go clubbing, splash out on new clothes, or just buy emergency Library Café jacket potatoes. We’ve all been there... Sherlock’s Mark Gatiss, this is save the day. pop culture with the titular album. Inside Out a powerful, unflinching take on Mission Impossible: Rogue This biopic tells the story of their B In this Pixar adventure, the five Shakespeare’s classic tale. Spy Nation rise to fame as the five members use 5. Picturehouse Cinema – £5.60 emotions come alive; Joy, Sadness, When the list of all active CIA The IMF is disbanded and Ethan their swagger, bravado and talent to Anger, Fear and Disgust all have a National Theatre Live: Hamlet agents falls into the wrong hands, Hunt left a fugitive. Despite this fight back against the authorities While the Picturehouse chain’s branch to Imperial, The Gate, is saving). This membership will then part to play when 11 year old Riley Benedict Cumberbatch takes desk jockey Susan Cooper takes he and his team face off against trying to keep them down. latest opening, the Picturehouse located just by Notting Hill Gate give you access to £5.60 tickets all- is uprooted from her home in this on the Danish Prince in this sell- to the field in an effort to locate a criminal organisation the Syndicate, th th Central in Leicester Square, has station, about 30 minutes from day Monday. riveting and touching story. out production. Hamlet’s father, dangerous suitcase nuke, in this who will stop at nothing to establish Week 7: 17 & 19 November hit the news for charging £18 per campus. They offer a £15 student the King of Denmark, has been hilarious action comedy. a new world order. ticket at peak times, once you get membership, which includes two Nearest Station: Notting Hill Mad Max: Fury Road murdered and usurped by his Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials th th out of the centre, things tend to be free tickets (peak price for students Gate Just a short walk from Imperial, The Gate is one of the closest independent Our favourite anti-hero Max own brother, the evil Claudius. Week 4: 27 & 29 October Man from U.N.C.L.E In the second chapter of the Maze much more reasonable. The closest is £11.60, so you’re already making a cinemas that doesn’t cost the earth. Credit: Our Screen is imprisoned by the gang the Can Hamlet allow this to go In this film adaptation of the Runner, Thomas, our hero, has War Boys. But when the warrior unchallenged? Ant Man classic 1960s TV show, a mysterious escaped the Maze but must now Imperator Furiosa escapes with the From the Marvel Cinematic criminal organisation hopes to upset face a new set of trials. Will Thomas th nd War Boys’ leader Joe’s five wives, he Week 3: 20 & 22 October Universe comes well-meaning thief the delicate balance between the US and his friends survive The Scorch, 4. Barbican Cinema – £5 will stop at nothing to recover them. Scott Lang, inadvertently caught and the Soviets. A CIA agent and a a desolate landscape filled with Jurassic World in a battle between shrinking KGB agent must work together to challenges in a world contaminated th th Part of the Barbican Centre’s jaw- mainstream and arthouse cinema, day, Monday through to Thursday, Week 2: 13 & 15 October In the fourth instalment in the technology inventor Hank Pym and prevent a global catastrophe. by the deadly disease known as the droppingly large offering of cultural mainly focussing on independent as well as numerous other discounts Jurassic Park series, Isla Nublar is his former protégé Darren Cross. Flare? th th activities, the Barbican Cinema sits films made by well-known directors. on art, dance, and music events National Theatre Live: Coriolanus yet again the home of a fantastical When Cross perfects his own Week 6: 10 & 12 November apart from the Ballardian towers of The Young Barbican Scheme is free organised by the Barbican Centre. The sell-out Donmar Warehouse dinosaur theme park. However, shrinking suit it’s down to Lang to For detailed times visit our the estate, in a squat building off to join for those aged 14-25, and production returns to cinema when the latest attraction proves save the day. Straight Outta Compton website. For screenings find us on The brutalist Barbican Centre’s newly developed cinema. Photo Credit: Mihai Silk Street. They offer a mixture of gives you access to £5 tickets all Nearest Station: Barbican screens. Starring Tom Hiddleston to be too much to handle, it’s up In 1988, the group N.W.A. Level 2, Union Building, Beit Quad. Andrei

3. PeckhamPlex – £4.99

Sure, south of the river may sound PeckhamPlex before East Dulwich been replaced by a branch of The like a scary place, but with ever- is unrecognisably gentrified. The Breakfast Club, or maybe another improving transport links, and a cinema offers all the latest big- motherfucking Foxtons, so hop on propensity for edgy overpriced budget showings, with tickets the overground fast! cafes to pop up overnight, make costing only £4.99, all day, every day. Unconventional thinking. Real impact. The PeckhamPlex’s cheap tickets are worth making the journey south of the river. sure to get the most out of the By the time of writing, it may have Nearest Station: Peckham Rye Photo Credit: Time Out Smart. Nice. Driven. These are the words we use to define who we are, 2. Genesis Cinema – £4 what we value and what we seek in individuals.

With the building functioning as as well as a number of special events want the best deal you should go Interested in strategy consulting? Learn more about Parthenon-EY. a cinema since 1912, Whitechapel’s – this year it hosted the annual along on Mondays, when tickets are Genesis Cinema offers a piece of Twin Peaks Festival, a celebration of £4 only. Come meet the team to explore opportunities on these important dates: local history, along with ludicrously all things Lynch, and similar things plush seats. They show a mixture of are planned throughout the season. Nearest Station: Stepney Green Whitechapel’s Genesis Cinema, where you can view in style. Photo Credit: Ewan–M • Parthenon-EY Info Session: Wednesday, 14 October 2015 – Time: 18:00 Parthenon-EY is a leading advisory organisation blockbuster and independent fare, Student tickets are £6.50, but if you Location: Imperial College London Campus focused on strategy consulting. We are committed to combining our unconventional • Application Deadlines: 1. ICA Cinema – £3 Tuesday, 3 November 2015 – Full-time Associate Position thinking with our clients’ smarts to deliver Thursday, 7 January 2016 – Summer Intern Associate Position actionable strategies. Successful candidates A hidden gem in the London £15, but is well worth it for the of Kieślowski to an exploration of are intellectually curious and hardworking cinema world, the Institute of benefits: £3 cinema tickets before women filmmakers working today. To learn more about Parthenon-EY please visit parthenon.ey.com Contemporary Arts on the Mall 6pm Wednesday to Friday, and £3 Definitely one to visit. with an entrepreneurial mindset. offers two small screens, showing tickets all day on Tuesday, as well the very best of arthouse and as discounts in their café and bar. Nearest Station: Piccadilly international films. A student They also offer up special seasons Circus The ICA Cinema – London’s cheapest arthouse venue. Photo Credit: Victoria membership will set you back on the regular, from a retrospective Erdelevskaya Find us and join the conversation rd PAGE 34 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk

FOOD [email protected] Freshipes: How to make a basic... Four fabulous foods to get you started in the challenging task of feeding yourself

Cecily Johnson Food Writer ...Chocolate Brownie Start by melting the chocolate and butter together (microwave in 10 second blasts and stir). Mix all or most students, the move Ingredients: the dry goods together in a bowl to University coincides with 250g unsalted butter and add the chocolatey mix. the first time in your life that 200g dark chocolate (70% cocoa) Beat the eggs together then you’re 100% responsible for 80g cocoa powder stir into the rest until everything looking after yourself. One of the 65g plain flour is combined. Add the nuts and biggest challenges for many will be 1 tsp baking powder chocolate chips last, then pour F 360g caster sugar learning how to make tasty, healthy into a brownie tin or any dish with meals on a budget. 4 large eggs tall enough sides. Bake at 180ºC Some of you may never have 75g white chocolate chips for about 25 mins; they should be cooked before, and with that in 75g mixed nuts (brazil, hazelnut) cooked through but still fudgy. mind FELIX Food are presenting four simple, basic recipes to try out while you’re still learning which end of the spatula is which – plus a few ...Pasta Sauce Finely chop your celery, carrots extra tips to get you going as you’re and onions. Fry them up in the oil unleashed in the Hall kitchens. until they soften up and get a light I’ve given you the recipes for my Ingredients: brown colour. legendary chocolate brownies, a 1x 400g tin plum tomatoes Pour in the tomatoes and add the fresh pasta sauce for when you get 1 stick of celery herbs, salt and pepper to taste, plus sick of the stuff in jars, chicken 1 carrot a glass of water. Mix it all up and fried rice to help use up leftover rice 1 large onion cover with a lid. and vegetables, and classic British 1 tbsp tomato puree Simmer the mixture on a low comfort meal: toad in the hole. 1 tbsp olive oil heat for half an hour, stirring it salt and pepper occasionally. Try not to let it boil. a handful of fresh basil (or dried) Make a big batch and store the There are bay leaf or any other herbs leftovers in the freezer. tonnes of ...Chicken Fried Rice Cook your chicken first – just fry resources it off in the pan with a little oil until it browns. Chop your vegetables up Ingredients: small (or just grab a bag of mixed online 400g cold pre-cooked rice veg out of the freezer and chuck 1 tbsp sunflower/groundnut oil some in the microwave to defrost). There are tonnes of resources 2 medium eggs Remove the chicken from the online to help you find recipe ideas. 2 spring onions pan and heat some more oil. Move I recommend the BBC Good Food 1 carrot the rice around in it until it’s hot website, Jamie Oliver’s YouTube 50g frozen peas through, then add the beaten eggs. channel for videos on how to prepare 50g sweetcorn Stir like crazy for a minute then a range of basic to more complicated 150g chicken thighs throw in your vegetables. Add meals, and the Guardian’s Word of salt and pepper spring onions last for some crunch. Mouth blog for its ‘How to cook a perfect...” series. If you’re starting to get a queasy feeling in your stomach every time ...Toad In The Hole Fry the sausages in oil for 10- you view your bank balance, consider 15 mins until brown – or save on hitting up the local supermarkets washing up by baking them in after around 9pm. Most, if not all, Ingredients: a deep-sided dish. Make up the will have a reduced price section 6 pork sausages batter mix by combining the flour, for items coming up to their ‘best 2 tbsp beef dripping (or any seasoning, and both eggs first. before’ date. flavourless vegetable oil) Whisk the mixture for a few You can often find very cheap meat 140g plain flour minutes while slowly adding the and vegetables that – with a little 2 eggs milk and water. Get your pan imagination – you can turn into a 125ml semi-skimmed milk sizzling hot – the oven should be decent meal, as well as sandwiches 50ml water at 220ºC – and pour the batter and salads if you just want to grab salt and pepper in. Cook for 25 mins until golden something light before heading dried sage brown, then serve with gravy. back to your library all-nighter. felixonline.co.uk SATURDAY 3rd OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 35

WELFARE [email protected] Mental health helplines and Coping with tough times in this resources

If you are concerned about your own mental health or that of a loved one, there are people out there brave new Imperial world you can talk to who can give you Noor Mulheron advice, or will be there to listen. Welfare Editor Helplines and Online Resources elcome to Imperial! I’m sure you’re If you are distressed and need enjoying your someone to talk to: newfound freedom as freshers, and are looking forward Samaritans toW making lots of new memories and Phone: 08457 90 90 90 friends. The first few weeks at uni (24 hour helpline) are some of the most exciting and www.samaritans.org.uk fun, because everything is still so new and fresh. But on arrival, things For issues with anxiety: can also feel overwhelming, and very different to what you are used to. Anxiety UK Being faced with a sea of new Phone: 08444 775 774 people and having to interact with (Mon-Fri 09:30-17:30) them, trying to find friends and www.anxietyuk.org.uk make memories and join all the interesting clubs and societies, can No Panic start to feel like a lot of pressure. I Phone: 0808 800 2222 know that when I first came to uni (Daily 10:00-22:00) I started out excited, but ended up www.nopanic.org.uk feeling a little overwhelmed by all the things I could do and people I It is very normal to feel a little overwhelmed at times when you’re first starting out at uni. Photo Credit: Newscast Online For eating disorders: could meet. Imperial seemed so large and in my room and only venturing out The next most important thing are just so many people at Imperial Beat everyone seemed like they had to a couple of freshers’ events. They though is to know when to stop that it’s impossible to connect with Phone: 0845 634 1414 already established friendships were enjoyable, but sometimes left indulging yourself. After spending and befriend everybody, but this also (Mon-Thurs 13:30-16:30) and activities, and I felt like a tiny, me feeling as if I hadn’t managed to a day feeling down, try to make means that amongst our number you www.b-eat.co.uk unnoticeable and awkward fish in connect with anybody properly. yourself do something sociable, be it are guaranteed to find some people this enormous pond. Home and all However, after a few weeks when attending a freshers’ event or baking who you will ‘click’ with. Generally For addiction: the things that were familiar to me I sorted out which clubs were to be cookies in the kitchen in halls – and speaking students are always seemed very far away. my regular commitments, I was able trust me, the kitchens are wonderful grateful to find another person who Alcoholics Anonymous Given that I also often find it to find a core group of friends who areas for friendship-formation! is feeling a bit overwhelmed. Phone: 0845 769 7555 hard to talk to new people, being shared my interests. I also made a Dealing with the social anxiety You are under no obligation to (24 hour helpline) convinced I will make a total fool of few good friends on my course who that made it hard to talk to people in immediately form a group and have www.alcoholics-anonymous.co.uk myself and cause them to ostracise I am still in contact with today. the first place was somewhat more a perfectly structured social life – it’s me forever, I ended up mostly staying To deal with homesickness, I difficult, and coping mechanisms okay if it takes a while to find your Narcotics Anonymous personally found that trying to line for this are even more personal than circle of friends. But if you persist Phone: 0300 999 1212 up plenty of new and exciting things those of self-care. General helpful in investigating all the clubs and (Daily 10:00-midnight) You are to do can help. Keeping busy makes tips include practising breathing societies, and keep on striking up www.ukna.org it a lot harder to dwell on the things exercises or repeating some mantra conversations with the people you you’re missing at home – plus when that gives you self-confidence, think are interesting, it will pay off. guaranteed you next see or talk to your family, reinforcing your ability to just walk Finally, bear in mind that there College Resources you will have loads of cool stuff to up to someone, introduce yourself, are so many resources available for tell them about. and start a conversation. you if you’re feeling worried or alone Student Counselling Service to find But on the other hand, it is also Another thing that can be useful or overwhelmed. Take a look at our Phone: 020 7594 9637 absolutely okay to take a day where is to try and pull your thoughts resources section and pick a person Email: [email protected] you cuddle up in your room, watch into perspective. This is very tricky, or group you feel most comfortable some Netflix or a DVD, have some tea and in itself the advice of ‘get talking to – and don’t forget that Imperial College Health Centre and chocolate and just let yourself some perspective’ can be radically your peers can also be a great source Phone: 020 7584 6301 people who feel a bit rubbish, call your parents unhelpful. But try to take some time of validation and comfort! Email: [email protected] and comfort yourself with fluffy to breathe and remind yourself that Good luck on your first year at socks and blankets. Of course that’s others probably won’t notice the Imperial. It can be tough – the you will just my method, but finding your mistakes and social awkwardness workload will build up quickly – You can also go to your academic own way of practising self-care and that seems glaring to you. but it’s more than worth it. I hope or personal tutor regarding pastoral allowing yourself a healthy way It can be liberating when you you all get settled in and have a issues, especially if you think your ‘click’ with to express and work through your accept that things won’t go perfectly wonderful Welcome Week and rest mental health might be affecting emotions is very important. with everyone you say hello to. There of year! your academic performance. rd PAGE 36 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk

PUZZLES [email protected] Sitting in your bedroom, waiting to make friends? Don’t go to the Sudoku mingle, or even unpack before you’ve finished these puzzles. Email them to us when you’re done and you could make it onto the below leaderboard. You can enter as a team, or as an indivdual, you little star. FUCWIT BOARD

Points available this week: Sudoku 3 points Slitherlink 2 points

We’re being extra generous this week because you’re all new and fresher’s week is tough. You miss your dog and you’ve got no clean underwear left, have some extra puzzle points. Also, if you send us even one of these puzzles (completed, obs) you’ll basically be guaranteed a place on the FUCWIT puzzle champ leaderboard. We haven’t put it here, because, well you aren’t on it yet. But you could be. Dream big guys. Email solutions to [email protected]. Do it.

Slitherlink How to play

Slitherlink is a bit like the puzzle love child of Mindsweeper and Sudoku. The object is to draw lines between the dots to create one long and importantly, looping line. it shouldn’t start or finish, it should be like an elastic band. Each number indicates how many lines should be drawn around it. Cells which don’t contain a number can be surrounded by any number of lines. The line must form a loop, so no branching. Squares aren’t allowed either. There are never cells containing the number 4. Not in Slitherlink. Oh no. The best place to start is usually by drawing crosses around the few zeros on a Slitherlink grid. These crosses indicate that you can’t have a line there.

Do you love puzzles more than your friends and family? We really need a puzzles editor. No experience necessary. Holla at [email protected] if you’re interested. felixonline.co.uk SATURDAY 3rd OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 37

HANGMAN [email protected] Top Tips for Freshers (But Just the Tips) The first in a long-running advice column without your best interests at heart

elcome to Imperial. we’ve picked up a few things from Nobody cares about Oxbridge. For whatever our reading that we thought were We know, you applied to that reason, your life worth passing on. College at Cambridge/Oxford/ choices have led whatever. Yes, we’re sure it was you here, and you now stand on Nobody cares what you did at A really nice and just the perfect place theW precipice of higher education. Level. for you to learn. We all failed at Hooray for you. Seriously. Nobody cares. It’s getting into Oxbridge too, so stop Whether you’re here to study great that you did some. Now you loudly protesting the injustice of it This space intentionally left blank for artistic purposes. Photo Credit: Hangman science, science, science that isn’t are here, and A Levels are history. all. Because you’re not there. You’re actually science or medicine, this is Nobody cares about history except at Imperial. We’re better, anyway. Something something triangles. so you’d better listen up. where you’ll be spending the next history students, and we don’t have If you spend any time near the USE A CONDOM (or equivalent three/four/six/several years. those at Imperial. For good reasons. Freshers’ Fair is good for one thing Union, you’ll notice an abundance method of protection*). That is all. No doubt you’ve picked up this and one thing only. of triangles being used for *Pulling out is not an equivalent issue looking for a glimpse into Nobody cares what you did on your Freebies. marketing and such. There is a method of protection. Anyone who what awaits. That was your first gap year. reason for this, but no-one knows says or thinks otherwise is an idiot mistake. They really don’t. They care so little, There is only one way to endure what it is. Something to do with the and should not be getting any. Hangman has been reading a in fact, that we’re not even going to the unending awkwardness of the Illuminati, if you ask Hangman. At this point, we would put lot of articles with titles like “Top justify this claim any further. Mingle. something about how we hope you Tips for Freshers’ Week” and “36 But we thought we’d just leave Use a condom. find these Top Tips (But Just the mistakes every Fresher will make” Nobody cares that you didn’t do a this space blank to represent said We’re actually being serious here. Tips)TM useful, but honestly we recently. gap year. unending awkwardness. This is the only time that don’t care. It’s been a long summer. You didn’t do a gap year? Or something. Hangman will ever be serious Do what you want. The upside of this for you is that Congratulations. Now shut up. (See picture) during your entire stay at Imperial, Just beware the Hangman. CANCER TAURUS GEMINI VIRGO ARIES

HOROSCOPES LEO

This week the crippling This week you have this awful This week you discover to This week, after your lads’ This week after discovering This week after a Summer loneliness felt during freshers nightmare that Imperial your horror that your mum holiday to Malaga you receive that all students in the School of being a #Corbynite, week causes you to have a has placed you in a Halls of packed some baby photos a friend request from Manuela, of Medicine receive a free you discover that you are promiscuous rendezvous with residence that’s five miles in your luggage and after a your 46 year old one night iPad, you go to the head of the beginning to grow a grey beard a Sainsbury’s basics chicken away from the main campus. ­ drunken Freshers party, your stand. She is pregnant with school and remove his plastic and you keep finding black breast. Unfortunately your You then wake up and realize new friends discover this and triplets and is demanding that mask in a Scooby-­Doo like caps in your house after you roommate takes a GoPro­ video you’re in Woodward.­ purloin them. The next day you marry her. At least if she fashion only to discover it was wake up. You realize you really of you and instantly everyone you are awoken to the sight of comes to halls, she won’t have in fact Oprah that has been do have Corbyn fever and the calls you chicken fucker. At least you’re not in Xenia. a photo of 5 year old you in the an ID card to get in. running ICSM this whole time. Daily Mail was right! Succinct at least. bath emblazoned around your SCORPIO AQUARIUS SAGITTARIUS CAPRICORN

halls. PISCES LIBRA

This week after arriving at This week in your Halls This week you believe that This week you are the This week you realize that This week you desperately Imperial you decide to go someone has left some chicken your long distance relationship horoscopes writer. You start perhaps having sex with your name-drop brand names left to one of the local clubs as breast in the fridge that you with your girlfriend/boyfriend the year by trying to sneak Hall Senior was probably a and right in the vain hope you assume it can’t be that can use, and despite from from home will last because an unprintable horoscope in, mistake, as it appears that they they’ll send some money or expensive and you might as a slightly strange odour, it you are an idiot. After taking thinking Hangman won’t be were a 47 year old ost doc who other free goodies your way. well whilst you’re in South tastes quite good fried with a miserable National Express paying attention. probably should have learnt to Hangman is sponsored this Kensington. The morning after a little garlic butter. The day coach to go see them, you You are wrong. Hangman is live like an adult sooner. This week by Wonga, The Daily you sell your kidney to Wonga afterwards you unfortunately discover they have left you for always paying attention. makes Freshers’ Mingle very Mail, and GoPro. to be able to eat. develop mouth herpes. a Brazilian god/goddess. awkward. rd rd PAGE 38 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 PAGE 39

SPORT [email protected] SPORT [email protected]

Imperial rugby wants you! SusannahUltimate Rynhart team. Despite Frisbee not being aware of finds life’sas the team’s accommodation, not this initiala momentumbeach and managed to Frisbee this game and swimming in the was a great opportunity for the draw out a lead before Sky Hawks As England’s dreams of Rugby World Cup success hang in the balance, Imperial sea until five minutes before it was Despite team to relax after another day of battled back with some big grabs due to start, dD put in a very strong ultimate, mingle with players from in the end-zone to bring the scores College’s rugby clubs tell use why the sport is so great or five days in September, performance but were unable to not being other teams and get dressed up! Tin level at eight all. The final point of Imperial Ultimate secure a win. Once the game had foil proved a useful asset to costume the game was again close, with both Vivien Hadlow evening of merriment so we can all We’re a really friendly society, Tom Hedley to attend our Fresher’s Trial on the Frisbee Club attended finished, dD were able to relax on aware of this making, with crowns and even teams turning over, however dD Rugby Web Editor relax, forget all that Imperial stress and we’re unusual in that there’s Rugby Publicity Officer first Wednesday of term. Get to Burla Beach Cup, a the beach and watch the sun set in dragon wings being made to keep stayed patient on the disc, before a and have a good time as a team. no separation between medics know the university outside of your three-day international tournament style with the mountains behind game and with the party theme. forehand caught easily in the end- Sometimes this means a karaoke and non-medics, so here’s your course and halls by coming down to heldF on the sandy beach of Torre them. With another early start on zone brought the game to an end, ugby is probably evening at the pub, or a civilised chance to mix with people outside et more out of your meet members old and new for the de Lago, Italy. It was an enjoyable The next day was an early start Sunday, dD were beginning to and Imperial to a final finishing something you’ve been round of Come Dine With Me, and your subject! We’re from all years, studies, and play for first session of the year. and challenging weekend for the and a brand new pool, based on swimming in tire from the hard days of playing. place of 13th. hearing a lot about sometimes it means heading to undergrad to PhD, so if there is Imperial College Sign up now and join all these team who attended, with Imperial Friday’s results to compete in. The However, they managed to sail For a team not used to playing on recently, what with the one of our university bars in fancy someone who does your subject, Union Rugby Club teams on tour to South Africa in the discDoctors (dD) finishing 13th team found this group more suited the sea until through their first game of the day. sand and who always tried to have World Cup currently gracing the dress to join in on sports night. If you’ve got a helper on standby if during your time at university. summer of 2016! These tours are the out of 16 teams in their division. to their level of play and were able Although the team were tired from at least two women per line in a pitchesR of England. But if you’re that weren’t enough, we go on tour you’re ever stuck on your course. ICURFCG offers members a full envy of all other Imperial clubs so For the majority of the group, this to finish second overall, after a close five minutes the night before, dD managed to mostly male division, discDoctors just following score updates, or even twice a year – last year saw us hit Most importantly, though, we’re and diverse social calendar, as well don’t miss out. tournament represented the first defeat by the Warwick University reach the point cap of 13 whilst played extremely well over the religiously watching every match, Southampton, with an inevitable mixed ability - we love to win, but as access to all the premier sporting Find us at fresher’s fair for more time they would compete against alumni team, where dD struggled conceding only a few points. The weekend, which is promising for the you’re missing out on a whole lot of visit to the infamous Jesters, and mostly we love to play, and the more facilities that Imperial has to offer. information. top-level club teams from around against an all-male team with before it was team was working well together upcoming university season. the fun of the sport – and we can Newquay, where we entered the the merrier! Most of our players ICURFC is made up of three Follow @ICURFC on twitter and the world and also the first time experience and athleticism. The and communicating effectively with Ultimate Frisbee train twice help you with that! University is ‘social’ league for a more casual came to us as complete beginners, teams. The third team, which plays like Imperial College Rugby on they would play beach Frisbee. final game was another cross over due to start, the disc easily flowing between the a week and regularly compete a perfect opportunity to come and weekend. so it absolutely doesn’t matter if in South Eastern 7A, offers a solid Facebook. The team of fifteen all arrived match, against yet another Warwick handlers – dD had reached their in tournaments throughout the get a taste of what rugby’s all about, you’ve never played before – and if entry point for beginners and less in Italy ready to take on a new University team. It was hard fought they put in stride. Autumn and Spring terms. All whether you’re a clean-faced fresher you have, maybe you can show us experienced players. The second challenge and to have fun both on by the discDoctors but yet again Winning their first game meant are welcome to attend training, or an Imperial veteran. So what Every training a thing or two. If you’re still not team plays in South Eastern 5B The England and off the pitch. On the first day they could not break through their that dD were to play Sky Hawks, regardless of experience. Please do we do at IC women’s rugby? convinced we’re the best society league, this squad is perfect for of the tournament dD faced a tough opponents to reach a win. a strong an experienced Swiss team they had contact [email protected] for Obviously, we play rugby. We play session brings going, we’d love you to come chat to intermediate to advanced players vs Australia group stage and managed to come That evening dD attended the beaten the previous day. The last more information. against other universities once or us at fresher’s fair or at one of our looking to develop their skills third in their group of four. The tournament party, which was ‘Kings performance. match had been close, but Imperial twice a week during rugby season us closer other fresher events. Our first one’s further. The first team plays in match is on ITV final game of the day was a cross- and Queens’ themed. With the knew it would be even tougher this (November-March), preparing with on move-in day, we’ll be in Prince’s South Eastern 2B and offers an over match against a strong Italian party being held on the same site time round. discDoctors had the weekly training sessions. Every Gardens from 10am playing touch environment for advanced players to at 20:00 today. training session brings us closer to being a rugby with the boys before heading take their game to the next level. to being a slick, well-oiled rugby to Eastside bar to watch the world All teams have access to You can watch machine, something which can only slick, well cup, so come join in! high quality coaching staff and it at Eastside come with team practice. The sense We’ve got a lot more going on conditioning sessions during term of camaraderie born on the pitch oiled rugby in Welcome Week, so head to our time. Dedicated line out and gym bar in Prince’s is increased tenfold at our weekly website for more information. We sessions are also incorporated for socials: every Wednesday our two hope to see you soon! more advanced players. Gardens. Rowers gonna row row row row row lovely social secretaries organise an machine We encourage players of all level Toby Heaton throughout the year. Our toga party to some of our taster sessions at and Wednesday 14th. They will stay updated or come to our stall Rowing is our flagship social and is spoken our Putney boathouse. These are all be early afternoon but follow at the fresher’s fair if you have any of in hushed tones throughout the on Wednesday 7th, Saturday 10th us on Twitter @Imperialboat to questions about ICBC. land. s a fresher, you’re If you’re still not sold, come along bombarded with propaganda from different clubs and Our toga societies telling you what fun you canA have if you join their gang. party is our How many provide any proof of this? At Imperial College Boating Club, we offer more than that. We flagship are consistently the most successful sports club at Imperial, ranking social and 3rd at BUCS regatta this year, qualifying 8 crews for Henley Royal is spoken of Regatta and winning a silver medal at the European university rowing championships. Even if you’ve in hushed never rowed before, ICBC can be the club for you. Every year we have tones an excellent novice programme for people who haven’t rowed before throughout and even devote a coach specifically for this group! But it’s not all hard work either. the land We do fresher’s week properly and Success for the college team as they triumph over the medics at last year’s Varsity rugby match. Photo Credit: Ben Lester play host to some legendary parties We asked for a picture of them falling in but they didn’t have any, so they must be good. Photo Credit: IC Rowing rd PAGE 40 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON SATURDAY 3 OCTOBER 2015 felixonline.co.uk

SPORT [email protected] A word from the adrenaline junkies Fancy something more extreme than football?

Jonny Jackson & José Videira required!). We have experience Skydiving in every discipline, from canopy formation to acrobatic wingsuiting, and can guide you from zero to hero. We had an incredible year last hen did you last year, obtaining two brand-new club really test yourself, parachutes, year-round jumping, your mind or your foreign tours (2015 saw a crazy week body to its limit in the idyllic Portuguese Algarve) and experience something you’ve and a new competition Formation onlyW ever heard about, or watched Skydiving team. on YouTube? For example, have you If you aren’t sure about skydiving, ever wondered what it feels like to we run frequent vertical wind tunnel fall through a cloud at 150mph, or trips, so you can experience freefall use the sky as your playground? while hovering only a few feet off IC Skydiving, Imperial’s most the ground! Plus with newly formed adrenaline-fuelled extreme sports relationships with other unis and club is here to give you that skydivers, our social scene has never opportunity! We can help you with been better. You don’t have to be a everything, from charity jumps skydiver to join IC Skydiving, and to getting a full skydiving license who knows, you might just get from scratch (no prior experience hooked. Have you ever wondered what it feels like to fall through a cloud at 150mph, or use the sky as your playground? And you thought The Mingle was scary. Photo Credit: José Videira

Jukka Hertzog the Imperial Devils club is the Ice Hockey best place for those looking to try out the sport. Experienced players will find a superb atmosphere in Ice Hockey is without a doubt the dressing room and on the ice one of the most exciting games in at our weekly training on Monday the world. With speedy skaters, nights. New skaters will be helped powerful shots, fearless goalies, and to pick up the fundamentals at big hits, the intensity and pace of our “learn to play” programme the game is unrivalled by any other throughout the autumn term. Email sport. Last year had many great [email protected] for more moments for the Imperial Devils, information, or visit us at fresher’s including a fantastic performance fair. at nationals in April, and attending an international tournament in the Netherlands. Now, after a long The intensity summer of rest and preparation, the Devils are looking forward to and pace of another fierce season. Both the A and B teams are ready to build on the game last year’s successes and work harder than ever before. If you’re interested in trying is unrivalled ice hockey at Imperial, everyone, from seasoned skaters to complete by any other beginners, is welcome to get involved. Since we provide sticks, sport full kits and transport to the rink, It’s hard to believe that at one point all these people were once nervous about Freshers Week. Photo Credit: Adam J Webb