4A | POLK COUNTY ENTERPRISE | Thursday, February 27, 2020 OPINION When did your rock last roll? Like many Americans allergic to adulting, I often zone out on Facebook when I should be doing something more useful - like scooping the litter box or lecturing my children about Jase the dangers of Graves social media. Inevitably, I come across one of those surveys posted Poor, poor Mike by Facebook users who are probably planning to hack into my account and steal my I never thought I’d feel pet selfies. sorry for a billionaire - a MAKING I recently saw a survey that $60 billion billionaire. asks you to identify various SENSE rock concerts you’ve attended, But watching Mike By Michael Reagan Bloomberg getting beat up and since my teen years were in the Democrat debate in in the 1980’s, attending rock Vegas Wednesday night was apologizing than concerts was a rite of passage almost tragic. explaining how his policies that ranked right up there It was like watching a differ from his competitors. with cursing at your Rubik’s geopolitics on CNN than “Monsters of Rock” festival at Worst Concert old boxer who gets clocked He did get off a few Cube and sporting your first hang out with us, we’ve The Cotton Bowl in Dallas. early in Round 1 and then sarcastic quips. But fuzzstache. caught a few concerts on our Nothing against the The lineup featured such wobbles around the ring in apparently he was so afraid So hold on to your Hacky own over the past couple of R&B legend, but I only eardrum-slaying legends Sack, and let’s do this! a daze for the rest of the of stepping into a politically years. Our most recent event went to see Keith Sweat as Van Halen, Scorpions, fight while he’s pounded incorrect hole he didn’t First Concert was the Billy Joel concert at in 1988 because the girl I Metallica, Dokken, and unmercifully. take ownership of the good Globe Life Park in Arlington, was dating at the time liked Kingdom Come. Van Halen’s In August of 1985, a Mike never recovered things he’s accomplished Texas. The show was fantastic, Keith Sweat. I’ve got about Sammy Hagar actually lost from the opening series of or get even a little bit mad friend’s parents dropped off as much rhythm and blues as his voice at the concert - and two of my fellow fifteen- and it was great to remain left hooks and below-the at being a public punching comfortably seated with Mr. Rogers on his least-funky I lost my ability to tell the bag. year-old nerdlings and me belt punches delivered by hundreds of other boring, days in the neighborhood. difference between the smoke Liz, Pete, Amy and Joe at the legendary and slightly alarm and the microwave Bernie, Liz, Pete, Amy and middle-aged couples singing Most Surprising old Joe. all got their jollies taking dilapidated Hirsch Memorial beeping when my chicken cheap shots at Mike and his Coliseum in Shreveport, LA, along to hits from our teen Concert For two hours he was years while waiting for an taquitos are ready. slapped around and bullied fat wallet. for the “World Infestation” I’m not sure what I was It’s nice that my wife and But they did nothing tour of the hair metal opportune moment to take a by his much taller, much bathroom break. expecting, but the 1988 Rush I can still occasionally get poorer and much better- to stop the juggernaut band Ratt - with Bon Jovi, concert in Shreveport was away to see elderly 1980’s prepared opponents. that is going to run all of ironically, as the opening act. Best Concert a true revelation - despite icons taking advantage of the Mini-Mike found out fast them over in the coming As we sat at the back of the the relatively small number fact that their fans are now primaries - Bernie Sanders. venue’s top row seating with I witnessed the epitome of bodacious babes in old enough to carry a line that he was definitely not of 1980’s British metal among friends. Bernie was stronger than our mouths agape, we could attendance. From Neil Peart’s of credit. But these days, I ever in Vegas. He looked actually feel our undeveloped and poor spelling when phenomenal percussion work mostly get my head banger For millionaire socialists Def Leppard performed in like Bernie and Liz, crazy and sounded great as mullets standing on end as we that demonstrated what a fix from the praise band at usual. were initiated into the world Shreveport for the “Hysteria” truly inadequate drummer church. And if I’m feeling simply being a multi- tour in 1987. Not only was billionaire capitalist was an And no matter what of live power chords, drum I was, to the Toronto band’s particularly nostalgic, I’ll the issue was, he always solos, and overly excited girls I amazed by the laser show cerebral lyrics, the show left rock out to Def Leppard on unforgivable original sin - and Leppard drummer Rick no matter how self-made he managed to end up on the with impressively permed, me feeling exhilarated, more my iPhone while I scoop the Allen’s inspiring one-armed was, how hard or smart he same ideological soapbox crimped, and teased hairdos respectful of Canada - and litter box and take a few pet shouting for more socialism, performance, but standing worked or how much of his as far as the eye could ogle. slightly smarter. selfies. more taxes and stricter near the stage in my sleeveless wealth he’s given away. government control over Last Concert Union Jack shirt, I was Loudest Concert And thanks to the Copyright 2020 Jase Graves evil capitalism. accusations about his sexist Since my wife and I are surrounded by hundreds of The concert that probably distributed exclusively by Cagle Liz was tougher than tongue, his allegedly racist now the parents of three squealing teenage girls who contributed most to the fact Cartoons newspaper syndicate. usual and quick on her feet. teen daughters who would didn’t seem to mind that I that I often can’t hear my Graves is an award-winning remarks about New York’s But she was also her stop-and-frisk crime policy rather fold laundry while was there - or that I probably daughters asking for money humor columnist from East annoying professorial self watching Wolf Blitzer discuss forgot to wear deodorant. was the 1988 Texxas Jam Texas. and his arrogant quest to - a tiresome know-it-all buy the Democrat Party and a leftwing moral scold presidential nomination, who along with Bernie Mike was put on the wants to save the planet by SUBMIT LETTERS TO: defensive all night. implementing the Green Letters may be submitted in person; mailed to “Letters to the editor,” Polk County Enterprise, P.O. Box 1276, Even the refs - NBC’s New Deal and outlawing all-liberal moderators - had fossil fuels. Livingston, TX 77351; sent by fax to (936) 327-7156 or sent via e-mail to [email protected]. no mercy. Mayor Pete - the They didn’t challenge youngest and poorest Mike’s opponents’ low blows candidate - did pretty well. or question their ludicrous When he wasn’t having plans to have the federal a high school lunchroom Governor establishes clemency government fix everything catfight with Amy, his wrong with America. fellow moderate, he seemed By now everyone in the to be the only adult on country knows that Mike’s stage. She did her standard application for certain survivors debate debut was a total third-place job. AUSTIN disaster. Like Governor Poor Joe. No one picked — Gov. Greg STATE CAPITAL to their own advantage, he Feb. 21 announced that Texas Perry and Mayor Giuliani Abbott on Feb. 20 established added. Attorney General Paxton on him or paid much Update: Coronavirus in 2016, he turned out to be attention to him because a clemency application HIGHLIGHTS had filed a lawsuit against all media hype and hope. his candidacy is in a death specifically for survivors By Ed Sterling The Texas Department TPC Group Inc. and TPC Along with his advisers, spiral. He was not as of human trafficking or Texas Press Association of State Health Services Group LLC for violations even his makeup person incoherent as usual. But domestic violence. on Feb. 21 announced the of the Texas Clean Air Act fell down on the job. Mike he embarrassed himself by The application, crafted in and Paroles as we work U.S. Centers for Disease and the Texas Water Code didn’t appear anywhere bragging so much about coordination with the Texas together to develop a stronger Control and Prevention pertaining to the Nov. 27, near as youthful or sharp- how much experience he’s Board of Pardons and Paroles, justice system that promotes had confirmed three cases 2019 explosion at its Port minded as he does in his had in DC that he made includes a section that affords redemption, restoration and of novel coronavirus 2019 Neches plant. slick TV ads. it sound like President the applicant an opportunity transformation,” Abbott in people under federal The lawsuit requests that Mini-Mike’s failure Obama had been his VP. to provide a statement to the added. quarantine at Joint Base San the court grant injunctive reminds me of what So the consensus is clear. board regarding their human In his recent Antonio-Lackland. relief, civil penalties, Homer Simpson said to The big loser of the night - trafficking or domestic announcement proclaiming The first was a traveler reasonable attorney fees, his daughter Lisa after she other than the Democratic violence victimization.