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Home , Alex Burrows, Darcy Hordichuk, Kevin Bieksa, Mason Raymond, Pavol Demitra, Rob Davison

$3 Hey Teacher, We Brought Our Pencil...Give Us Something To Write On, Man $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program secondcityhockey.com March 29th, 2009 [email protected] WELCOME BACK INSIDE Did you find your way in off the Objects In Mirror Are Wearing Hid- Also like the Devils, any analysis of ledge? Or are you staying out there just a eous Uniforms the Canucks begins in net. Though he looks little longer, just in case tonight goes balls- Only the Whale should be allowed like a wine-cooler drinking asshat, Roberto up? We woulnd’t blame you if you did, but it to combine blue and green! Anyway, this Luongo is one of the tougher nuts to crack would take a stubborn one indeed to say the evening’s contest is, arguably, the biggest around. Since his return from injury, he’s ship isn’t turning around. game at the UC in years. Judging by the way gone 17-6-4, and is boasting a SV% of about We all had chewed our fingernails off we’ve been shaking since last night, it makes .910 in that time. Just like Friday, the Hawks when this homestand started. The season had a pretty strong case for that title. had better be all up his grill, yo. every chance of turning into a mess only W. Tonight will not decide anything. A On the other end of the ice, there’s Bush could create. But so far, the Hawks have win, and the Hawks will have a four lead the Sedin twins, who lead the Canucks in come up trumps. They’ve gotten better each with a game in hand, but that’s no sure thing scoring, as always. Yet, they always give you game, with the biggest one looming tonight. -- the Hawks pissed away a much bigger gap the impression that they can be taken out of We asked for eight points in this stretch, and than that already. But it would be a a better a game, if need be. In the first two games the Hawks have seven. Tonight will deter- position to be in than tied (none of this may between the two this year -- both Hawks wins mine if this will be a mildly disappointg-to-ok matter if continues to back up like -- the Children of The Corn managed only homestand, or lifting-your-glass-at-the-bar- us when we hear the words “commitment” or three points between them (we won’t mention in-a-toast-to-the-Hawks-satisfying of one. “paternity suit”). that overturned clown car of a game in Febru- The Keg Is Tapped The Canucks tale is one similar to ary). There’s also prostitute and There were a few things that we were the Devils -- though with a lot more Swedes his cane, but if enough people in the crowd delighted to see on Friday night. The leading -- in that they are a very different proposi- sign up to Pokerstars.net on their Iphones facet was the way the Hawks crashed Martin tion away from British Pot-Is-Legal-Here-bia. during the game, he’ll be too distracted. It’s Brodeur’s net as if it had been announced that They’re 2-3-1 in their last six in the white and who make this there was free beer in the crease. Countless uniforms. This is #5 of a six-game roadtrip team tick (more on them inside) and you’ll times the Hawks had multiple players right in for them, and they’ve split the first four. They know them well tonight. Brodeur’s mug. This opens up so many things were abysmal against Phoenix to start the Beep Beep for the Hawks. It gives their d-men space trip, you probably saw the they scored Though a win doesn’t end the dis- and opportunity to let loose, and the Hawks on themselves during a delayed . They cussion for home-ice, it makes a pretty good carry more than a couple blue-liners who have were just good enough in a win against Dallas, argument. Four points up with eight to play, scuds from the point. With the defense col- and got completely outworked in losing to the meaning that a .500 finish would require the lapsing, it also gives more space to the Hawks’ Blues (though that seems to be happening to Canucks to go 5-0-2 in their last seven to creative wingers to make something happen. a lot of teams recently). From all accounts, catch the Hawks. So win this tonight, and our Notice Havlat having another mutant perfor- they didn’t bother to show up until the last 30 sphincters can really relax. And really, who mance, and Versteeg as well. Prime example minutes in Colorado, but still came out with a doesn’t want a relaxed sphincter? is how Versteeg was allowed to walk out from 4-1 win. -Happy Birthday, Shankar the corner to open the scoring. Another is just how physical the Hawks were, despite the various drunken frat- douches complaining that the Hawks weren’t hitting enough (luckily, most of the tools were passed out or vomiting by the 10-min- ute mark in the 3rd, leaving the rest of us to enjoy the game). The Devils are not a bunch of daisies who want to discuss Sex And The City. Especially when the game was reduced to one referee, leaving lots of goofiness to go on behind the play. The Hawks did not shrink, and in fact, brought it to the Devils. Most of all, we’ve heard enough complaints that the Hawks struggle with the type of game played in the spring. They have at times, but they’re certainly not incapable of thriving in them, too. Friday night was the perfect example of that. Khabby was only re- quired to make a couple big saves, and finally a Hawks’ goalie made those saves. But for the most part, Mssrs. Parise, Elias, Zajac, and Lan- genbrunner were rendered anonymous, with only a deflected goal to show for their work. FROM THE EDITOR

too much. There is no feeling like the day of an important hockey game. There’s a charge in the air, the jitters all day are unbearable. -I have something I’d like to address to the few (they’re there It feels like you’re spending all day waiting for the chance to ask though, believe me) female readers we have. One of the more an- out the hot chick at school. You know it’s going to be a torturous noying sights that cross in front of my eyes is the strange phenom- process getting to the moment, and the moment ena of pink sports gear. You’ll see one or two itself will be an uncomfortable ride (though what pink Hawks jerseys on girls at the UC, but you you’re after is a very comfortable ride). And you can see these at any stadium. Ladies, if you’re know that when it’s over, you’ll either be elated over 12 years old, this is unacceptable. Any guy (so I hear) or devestated. will tell you that there’s nothing as sexy as a Baseball has too many games in its woman in a real Hawks jersey. It’s just a pain- season to have a truly big regular season game. fully alluring look. Most of all, all girls I know, Football having only 16 pretty much means and any girl with a semblance of attitude, hate every game is important, so thus none stick out. pink sportswear. I’m sure the members of the Basketball can have them, but the nature of the fairer sex who read this will agree with me, so sport, in my opinion, means nothing of any con- consider this playing to the crowd. sequence happens before the second half (you Sam Fels -From my post at Gate 3, I had the unfortunate might suggest that a team jumping out a 20-point undertaking of watching Dan Akroyd’s entrance lead in the 1st quarter is of consequence, but ask into the building Friday night. Dan Akroyd? the Lakers how that worked out for them in Game 4 of last year’s Pimping some vodka he’s loosely involved with? This is what Finals). constitutes a celebrity sighting around here? People, he was Louis This is yet another reason why being a hockey fan rules. I Winthorpe 26 years ago! Elwood was 29! What are we hanging hope this contest lives up to its billing. Based on the last two home on to here? The Blues Brothers’ clips on the scoreboard during games, it looks likely. I also have to say that if this is what April timeouts were ridiculous. What about clips from “My Girl?” That hockey is like, I may not make it past Game 3 of the first round. would be more indicative of his career, I think. Maybe I should do yoga, or something. The stress is getting to be NHL STANDINGS *late game not included

Eastern Conference Western Conference

W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY 1 Boston 47 17 10 104 250 176 25-6-6 22-11-4 1 San Jose 48 15 11 107 240 185 30-3-4 18-12-7 2 Washington 46 23 7 99 245 222 27-9-2 19-14-5 2 Bile 49 17 9 107 276 221 26-6-4 23-11-5 3 New Jersey 47 24 4 98 228 186 26-11-1 21-13-3 3 Calgary 43 26 6 92 241 230 25-9-4 18-17-2 4 Philadelphia 41 23 10 92 239 213 22-11-4 19-12-6 4 HAWKS 40 22 11 91 242 198 21-8-7 19-14-4 5 Carolina 42 28 7 91 220 214 23-13-1 19-15-6 5 40 25 9 89 225 203 22-11-4 18-14-5 6 41 27 8 90 239 225 23-13-3 18-14-5 6 Columbus 39 28 8 86 210 206 24-11-2 15-17-6 7 NY Rangers 39 28 9 87 196 208 23-11-4 16-17-5 7 Nashville 37 30 8 82 192 206 23-12-4 14-18-4 8 38 27 10 86 226 229 23-8-7 15-19-3 8 Edmonton 36 30 9 81 216 228 16-13-6 20-17-3 9 Florida 37 28 11 85 213 216 19-11-7 18-17-4 9 St. Louis 36 30 9 81 209 217 22-13-5 14-17-4 10 Buffalo 37 30 8 82 226 217 22-13-3 15-17-5 10 Anaheim 37 32 6 80 215 216 18-17-3 19-15-3 11 31 32 13 75 230 271 14-14-9 17-18-4 11 Minnesota 35 32 8 78 192 185 20-11-6 15-21-2 12 Ottawa 32 32 10 74 197 215 20-12-6 12-20-4 12 Dallas 33 33 9 75 209 234 19-15-5 14-18-4 13 e-Atlanta 32 38 6 70 237 262 16-19-2 16-19-4 13 31 33 11 73 191 219 16-14-8 15-19-3 14 e-Tampa 24 34 17 65 196 249 12-15-11 12-19-6 14 Phoenix 31 36 7 69 184 227 20-14-3 11-22-4 Bay 15 e-Colorado 31 42 2 64 192 243 18-19-0 13-23-2 15 e-NY Island- 25 41 9 59 189 244 16-15-6 9-26-3 ers teams that have clinched playoff berth in italics teams that have clinched division in bold italics

TOP 10 LIST PUCK DROP

Top 10 Chicago Celebrities Who Annoy Us 10. Dan Akroyd- You made a 2nd Blues Brothers movie. You sir, are going to hell.

9. Billy Corgan- The only two good albums you made were 15 years ago. You’ve been whining ever since. 8. Ron Santo- Oh, you love the Cubs so much? So do millions, and at least some of them can complete a coherent sentence 7. Jeremy Piven- Yeah, he’s not really acting on Entourage. He’s just that This is clearly what the Canucks’ logo should have been. big of a douche Does any team in any sports have a worse track record of 6. John Cusack- Thanks, now every guy has had a girl make him watch uniforms? Perhaps the San Diego Padres, but at least theirs Say Anything, asshole told you what they were. The Canucks original jersey, the stick and puck, gave you no indication as to what their 5. Mike Ditka- Seriously, you weren’t a very good coach. Really, you nickname was or where they plied their . Then came weren’t. the affront-to-the-Lord V-Chest, followed by yellow skate that looked like vomit. Following that was the somewhat- 4. Oprah-...actually, scratch this, she might have us killed. acceptable Black and Gold. However, that was replaced by 3. Mike North- In North’s world, no one in Chicago has an IQ over 78 Shamu. Man, must the weed be good in BC to make those 2. Rod Blagojevich- Go to jail already! jerseys pleasing to the eye. No wonder they made it 1. Jim Belushi- Simply the Anti-Christ legal. Fuck, they should make it mandatory. 40-22-11

Signhimnowsignhimnowsignhimnowsignhimnowsignhimnowsignhimnow.

# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary (Cap Hit) 24 R The Perfect Beard 6' 2" 217 27 72 26 42 68 25 24 5 0 5 222 11.7 $6,000,000 88 R Patrick Kane 5' 10" 187 20 71 24 40 64 -7 40 13 0 3 233 10.3 $3,725,000 19 C Marvel 6' 2" 209 20 73 30 33 63 7 49 12 0 6 178 16.9 $2,800,000 32 L VerStud 5' 10" 180 22 70 21 29 50 13 55 6 4 2 126 16.7 $491,667 51 D Brian Campbell 6' 0" 188 29 73 7 39 46 -2 20 4 0 1 98 7.1 $7,142,875

- 36 C Dave Bolland 6' 0" 188 22 73 17 28 45 21 44 1 2 4 103 16.5 $845,833 16 L 6' 2" 198 23 73 13 29 42 24 26 0 0 1 174 7.5 $1,550,000 10 L The Sharp-Shooter 6' 1" 197 27 57 25 17 42 4 39 9 0 4 173 14.5 $3,900,000 2 D 6' 1" 194 25 69 8 34 42 32 44 2 1 1 158 5.1 $1,475,000 25 D Cam Barker 6' 3" 213 22 59 6 34 40 -6 53 5 0 1 86 7 $2,768,587 33 R Dustin Byfuglien 6' 3" 247 23 68 13 13 26 3 75 3 0 3 181 7.2 $3,000,000 22 R Troy Brouwer 6' 2" 213 23 64 10 16 26 7 50 4 1 0 123 8.1 $675,000 7 D 6' 3" 220 23 73 7 16 23 22 60 2 1 1 116 6 $3,500,000 46 C Colin Fraser 6' 1" 188 23 73 5 11 16 3 53 0 0 0 59 8.5 $500,000 26 C Samuel Pahlsson 6' 0" 204 31 57 5 10 15 -20 34 1 0 1 80 6.3 $301,000 55 L Ben Eager 6' 2" 220 24 66 10 4 14 3 139 0 0 0 69 14.5 $568,000 8 D Matt Walker 6' 3" 214 28 58 1 13 14 5 75 0 0 0 78 1.3 $600,000 37 R Adam Burish 6' 1" 189 26 57 6 3 9 4 73 0 0 2 76 7.9 $712,500 23 D Aaron Johnson 6' 1" 211 25 32 3 5 8 20 24 0 0 1 25 12 $600,000 4 D Niklas Hjalmarsson 6' 2" 200 21 12 0 1 1 -2 0 0 0 0 8 0 $643,000 *injured Totals/Averages 6’ 1” 202.5 24.4 238 418 14.2/g 68 9 33.4/g 9.9% $44,607,000 Get this mook off the point on the power play. Now. Yes, Buff has a big . But Buff’s big shot is like the First Gordie Howe Hat Trick by a Blackhawk this sea this Blackhawk a by Trick Hat Howe Gordie First son, we think. female orgasm; it’s great when it happens, but far too much has to be done and has to go right to cause one to consistently count on it. (Cheers, UC Smoking Crew) Quick, name one other player in the league who skates on a team’s 4th line but plays the point on the PP. Don’t worry, we’ll wait... # Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 39 6' 1" 209 36 35 2041 2.50 20 7 6 1 1023 85 .917 0 2 8 $6,750,000 38 Cristobal Huet 6' 1" 205 33 39 2231 2.5 19 14 4 3 1031 93 0.910 0 0 2 $5,625,000 Totals/Averages 6'1" 207 35 2.63 40 22 11 4 29.0/g 192 0.909 0 2 10 $12,375,000

This line still doesn’t work, but it’s hard to figure how to break up the top-two lines TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $57,283,000 right now. CAP SPACE: $274,000* Probable Lines Probable Pairings *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Left Wing Center Right Wing 2 Keith 7 Seabrook Injury List 22 Brouwer 19 Toews 10 Sharp 51 Campbell 4 Hjalmarsson Brent Sopel- Out (Talent) 16 Ladd 36 Bolland 24 Havlat 23 Johnson 25 Barker Matt Walker- Questionable (Idiocy) 32 Versteeg 26 Pahlsson 88 Kane 55 Eager 46 Fraser 33 Byfuglien

16 years ago, David Stern sent me to ruin the NHL. I have done every- thing I can think of to drive the core I am so close to completing the task fan away, strip hockey of all that’s Stern charged me with.... great about it, and eliminate any at- tention by the mainstream media...

Van Cooter and Schmucks 40-25-9

ing. Most of his penalties have been of the lazy-ass, offensive zone calls. The Canucks are 4th-worst in penalties-per-game, and Phil Helmuth here isn’t help Here’s a guy just good enough to break your heart. You’ll see the size, and a flash of skill, and then wait and wait and wait. Two teams have given up on him, but he’s only 23, and the light can still go on.

# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary (Cap Hit) 22 R 6' 1" 185 28 74 28 45 73 19 32 8 0 6 249 11.2 $3,575,000 33 C 6' 2" 190 28 74 18 54 72 16 40 4 0 6 129 14 $3,575,000 17 C Ryan Kesler "A" 6' 2" 205 24 74 23 31 54 10 50 8 2 1 166 13.9 $1,750,000 38 R 6' 0" 200 34 61 18 31 49 9 20 3 0 1 124 14.5 $4,000,000 14 L Alexandre Burrows 6' 1" 190 27 74 25 19 44 18 130 0 4 3 159 15.7 $483,000 3 D 6' 0" 205 27 65 11 30 41 -4 78 5 0 2 141 7.8 $3,750,000 23 D 6' 3" 220 22 72 10 23 33 9 52 5 0 1 136 7.4 $550,000 18 R 6' 2" 225 23 73 15 16 31 4 27 2 0 4 129 11.6 $2,500,000 42 C 5' 10" 180 25 66 16 9 25 4 2 9 0 3 82 19.5 $987,000 13 C Mats Sundin 6' 5" 231 38 33 9 14 23 -4 26 5 0 2 63 14.3 $5,363,000 21 L Mason Raymond 6' 0" 182 23 66 10 12 22 3 24 4 0 0 138 7.2 $883,000 8 D Willie Mitchell "A" 6' 3" 210 31 74 3 19 22 31 57 0 0 1 79 3.8 $3,500,000 6 D Sami Salo 6' 3" 215 34 52 5 17 22 8 24 5 0 2 95 5.3 $3,500,000 2 R Mattias Ohlund "A" 6' 3" 220 32 74 4 18 22 11 99 2 0 0 119 3.4 $3,500,000 36 R 6' 1" 201 23 54 6 15 21 7 37 0 0 1 64 9.4 $500,000 9 L 6' 4" 230 27 66 10 8 18 0 43 0 0 1 97 10.3 $1,575,000 5 D Ossi Vaananen 6' 4" 215 28 48 1 10 11 8 22 0 0 0 19 5.3 $242,000 55 D Shane O'Brien 6' 3" 224 25 69 0 10 10 3 170 0 0 0 35 0 $950,000 10 C Ryan Johnson 6' 1" 202 32 54 2 6 8 2 10 0 0 1 22 9.1 $1,150,000 24 R Darcy Hordichuk 6' 1" 215 28 66 4 1 5 2 102 0 0 0 24 16.7 $750,000 37 D ** 5' 11" 170 24 5 2 0 2 -1 7 0 1 0 3 66.7 $522,000 4 D Rob Davison 6' 3" 220 28 23 0 2 2 -4 51 0 0 0 15 0 $560,000

* injured Totals/Averages 6' 2" 206.1 27.7 222 390 16.5 61 7 28.5/g 10.5% $45,038,000 The Canucks average getting outshot every game, which doesn’t seem to be a path to long-term success. - # Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 1 "C" 6' 3" 205 29 46 2692 2.43 28 11 6 6 1311 109 0.917 0 1 4 $6,750,000 Far and away a career-year for this guy, who’s also second on the team in Behind The guy, who’s also second on the team in Behind Far and away a career-year for this solid defense. has become a very He’s anchoring what Net. 30 Jason LaBarbera 6' 3" 225 29 28 1447 2.78 8 10 6 2 675 67 0.901 0 0 2 $461,000 Totals/Averages 6' 3" 215 29 2.66 40 25 9 7 29.2/g 197 .909 0 1 6 $7,211,000 TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $53,858,000 CAP SPACE: $2,852,000 *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Probable Lines Probable Pairings Left Wing Center Right Wing 2 Ohlund 23 Edler Injury List 14 Burrows 33 H. Sedin 22 D. Sedin 6 Salo 8 Mitchell Rick Rypien- Out (personal?) 17 Kesler 13 Sundin 38 Demitra 3 Bieksa 55 O’Brien 9 Pyatt 42 Wellwood 18 Bernier 21 Raymond 10 Johnson 36 Hansen

...IS THIS THE YEAR? With the home schedule coming to an end, we thought we’d rerun some of our favorite Page 6’s from our first year, for those who missed them or those who can enjoy them again. Oh, and we’re lazy fucks. Anyway, we’ve never bought into the saying, “Never kick a man when he’s down.” After all, when they’re down, they’re that much closer to your foot. So with that in mind, we present... An Exclusive Interview with Bill wirtz from Hell

Q: So Bill, how’s life in the flame treating Q: Well, surely you must appreciate that you? will all his moves the Blackhawks have be- come a profitable organization again, and Rocky’s making lots of money. A: Oh it’s all beach chairs and Mai Tai’s! What do you think it’s like, fuckstick? The A: The only thing better than people hap- beer’s watered down, there’s no gin because pily giving you something is people unhap- of some dispute with a distributor apparent- pily giving you something. That applies to ly. There’s absolutely nothing on TV, there’s anything. Money, gifts, respect, blowjobs, an inch of water on my bathroom floor at all they’re all better that way. Makes you feel times, and if I go anywhere I have to pay $20 like an emperor. I thought I made him to park. Who could live under these condi- harder than that when he was a child and I tions? broke all of his toys. Q: Yes, who indeed? Anyway, what have you made of your son Rocky’s stewardship of the Hawks? Q: I guess the team’s improved perfor- mance on the ice isn’t bringing you much joy either, then? A: You know the saying, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,”? Why isn’t there one God no! That’s what makes players about the apple falling off and then kick- want to get paid. Worse yet, Rocky’s ing the tree in his drunken, wrinkled, saggy paying them! Look at all these contracts nuts? He’s pissed on my legacy so much I being handed out! Seabrook, Byfuglien, smell like urine down here. Games on TV, Sharp. You don’t build loyalty in your full building, Foley back in the booth, it players that way. You break their spirit, never ends. Bringing back Hull and that ri- that’s how you make players loyal. I diculous wig? Why would you want someone spent a lifetime chasing exciting, skilled, who wears a deflated football on his head to handsome forwards out of town. Hull, represent your organization? Answer me Roenick, Amonte, I’ve chased every that. good-looking scorer outta there. Now that Sharp’ll be hornin’ in on Wirtz’s trim for years! Though I guess it doesn’t Q: Wow. Didn’t know you would be so matter, due to booze and age I haven’t angry. Is that all? had an erection since 1968. That, and I’m dead.

Q: That’s a disturbing image. Anyway, we’re out of time, Bill. enjoy your eternity A: Fuck no. I understand the need to make Down Below. changes. Sometimes I’d drink whiskey instead of gin. I get that. But putting Pully out to pasture? That man was loyal like a dog. Sure, he also smelled like a dog, looked A: Yeah, well, it’s still better than Joe like a dog, drooled like a dog, GM’ed the Louis Arena. team like a dog, and knew as much about hockey as a dog, but still... The Fight Card HAWKS vs. CANUCKS Fight Stats provided by Hockeyfights.com

GAME FIGHT TIME Bloody Black Bruised Just Analysis Nose Eye Ego Dancing 10-19-08 Eager v. 2nd. Right off a draw, these two grapple right Brown 2:46 into the Hawks bench. Brown throws all the √ √ punches as Eager can’t find balance. Brown on points. 10-19-08 Burish v. 1st. Typical Burish fight. After scrum these two O’Brien 5:46 separate, and Burish proceeds to receive lots √ √ of rights to the face, which we think is like food to him. 3-1-08 Barker v. 3rd. Barker jumps in to retaliate high hit on Pettinger 5:51 Toews, but other than an angry face, it wasn’t √ much. ‘Preciate the effort, though 3-1-08 Wiz v. 3rd. Wiz reacts to elbow from Burrows, and like Burrows 9:49 most Vancouver fags, Burrows quickly opts √ for takedown. What To Watch For: Well, with Alexandre Burrows around, someone’s going to get rip-shit. This game probably means too much to both teams for someone to get out of line. But with the extra charge and emotion in the building, there’s a chance. The Canucks rank 7th in kefluffles, with Darcy Hordichuk leading the way with 12.We know, a scrapper named Darcy. We’re sure more than a few op- ponents have pointed this out. Shane O’Brien is no slouch either, with 7. With Eager returning from suspension, he’s the most likely to get back into the swing of fisty-things. Power Play Penalty Kill Team Opp PPG PP% Team OPP PPG PP% Team TS PPGA PK% Team TS PPGA PK% DET 329 84 25.5 VAN 323 61 18.9 NYR 309 37 88 OTT 316 60 81 WSH 311 77 24.8 CGY 328 61 18.6 MIN 267 34 87.3 CHI 301 58 80.7 SJS 325 78 24 TBL 312 58 18.6 SJS 283 46 83.8 VAN 344 67 80.5 BOS 283 65 23 MTL 341 61 17.9 NSH 317 52 83.6 ANA 354 69 80.5 PHI 290 64 22.1 CAR 348 62 17.8 CGY 326 54 83.4 WSH 361 72 80.1 ANA 289 63 21.8 EDM 328 56 17.1 STL 332 56 83.1 NJD 299 60 79.9 BUF 329 70 21.3 NYI 296 50 16.9 LAK 329 56 83 CAR 281 58 79.4 CHI 330 68 20.6 PIT 337 56 16.6 PHI 369 63 82.9 TBL 369 77 79.1 STL 322 66 20.5 COL 297 48 16.2 BUF 310 54 82.6 COL 292 62 78.8 ATL 327 66 20.2 FLA 285 46 16.1 FLA 292 51 82.5 DAL 299 64 78.6 TOR 306 61 19.9 NSH 293 44 15 NYI 327 58 82.3 DET 301 66 78.1 MIN 297 59 19.9 DAL 330 49 14.8 BOS 274 49 82.1 EDM 317 71 77.6 NJD 280 55 19.6 PHX 310 45 14.5 CBJ 313 56 82.1 PHX 265 61 77 OTT 310 60 19.4 NYR 323 46 14.2 PIT 321 58 81.9 TOR 283 70 75.3 LAK 341 66 19.4 CBJ 306 39 12.8 MTL 340 62 81.8 ATL 335 83 75.2 Spotlight

Alex Burrows & Ryan Kesler

One of the common refrains about the Sedin twins, and Mats Sundin, and well, the Canucks as a whole, is that they didn’t have a lot of heart. In fact, they didn’t have any. The Sedins’ and Sundin’s recent playoff performances would bare that out. Well, here are two guys who will make up for a lot of that, if not all of it. If there are a pair of players more unpleasant to play against, we’d like to see it. Burrows plays every shift as if his family’s being held hostage. #14 is straight out of the Steve Ott, Jordan Tootoo-school of annoying fuckhead. If the Hawks do end up drawing the Canucks in Round 1, Hawks fans will be bringing sniper rifles into the arena by Game 5, and the sight-lasers will be pointed right at the killer whale on his chest. But Burrows is much more than that. Like Ott, when his team needed him to, he’s kicked up his scoring to a new level. He’s already doubled his career-high in goals, with 25. He’s also doing all of the dirty work while the Sedin twins braid each other’s hair and paint their nails and talk about kissing boys. Kesler, when the Canucks get off this ridiculous goalie-as-captain experiment, will be wearing the “C”. While not quite the tick-bite that Bur- rows is, he still never takes a shift off, and pretty much can’t as he skates between corpses Mats Sundin and Pavol Demitra. These two caused quite the stir this week when both commented to the press that some guys would have to take less money than they would get on the open market if they wanted the Canucks to remain together and winning. It seemed that was aimed right at the Sedins. It was a little odd, especially from Kesler who signed an offer sheet from Philly a couple years ago, but shows what is important to these two. Here were two guys probably sickened by the Sundin cash-grab. Unfor- tunately, their comments were about as well received as Lindsay Lohan getting behind the wheel of your car. Which makes us think that even these two can’t pump enough blood to make the Canucks heart go. The Committed Indian is printed by Royal Omega Graphics- Elk Grove, IL 847-952-8000 [email protected] KNOW THY ENEMY

This evening, Mike from Nucks Misconduct (www.nucksmisconduct.com) on the believe he’s used to making the most of the opportunities presented to him. So SB Nation was kind enough to put down the legal weed in BC and share some when Vigneault was juggling lines (which he does every other second) and he info on the boys from BC. wound up playing with the Sedins (which is the equivalent on our team to win- ning both showcase showdowns on the Price Is Right) he hit pay dirt. He has Big game tonight obviously, but are Canucks fans eying our 4th seed, or meshed far better with the twins then any other winger in recent history, including more the division crown over the Flames? Markus Naslund last year. Mike: Personally, I want to see them get the NW title. Calgary has been our bitter rival for a few years and we didn’t have a prayer in catching them just a month How do you guys feel about a possible 1st round match-up with us? ago. To be one point back and an easier schedule to end the season, I think it Mike: Our first round is looking to be either Chicago, Columbus or Calgary. would mean more to the players and management to get the crown. Plus, you Honestly, I’d rather have Calgary because they’re playing the worst of that group know, sticking it to Keenan and Bertuzzi has a certain schadenfreude that doesn’t right now. Chicago would be a tough match up, though one I think Vancouver come along too often. would eventually win assuming they don’t spend half of every game in the box. But I wouldn’t want to face the Hawks youth and resurgence if I had a choice; The Sedins’ and Sundin’s playoff record isn’t exactly glittering. Does this getting Khabby back is huge for you guys and you seem to be back on the win- worry supporters in Vancouver? ning side of things again. I think the series would be great as I imagine both Mike: Well, yes and no. Luongo is the man who will define how far the Canucks teams will be looking to prove themselves and could get very smashmouth once go in the post season. Two seasons ago, he beat Dallas in the first round while he the puck drops. Lord help you guys if we get Rypien back from injury by then. received almost no support. So I’m far more concerned with his mentality then He’s as instable as Hanibal Lector (so yes he may eat Kane, what can I say?) our Swedish uberlords. That said, I suspect the Sedins will improve. Year-to- year they have gotten better in the regular season even as opposing defensemen How far do you think the ‘Nucks can go this spring? have figured out how to better contain their cycling. Sundin? As long as he stays Mike: As far as Luongo and the defense can carry them. The Canucks never blow out of the penalty box, I’d be content. a team away (except Chicago...ha!) but are better at jumping out to a one/two goal lead and then letting Lui take it from there. If they can find their groove and Kesler and Burrows made some waves with their comments about people escape the first round, I like our chances to go pretty far. If they let their penalties needing to take paycuts in order for the team to stay together and win. Why undo them as they have very often this year, well, you’ll find us at the bar. And was this such a big deal? And was that aimed at the soon-to-be-free agent probably underneath it. twins? Mike: Kesler and Burrows are the types of players that, as fans, you want on your Mats Sundin started out awful, then got real hot, and has now settled in. team. Burrows was an undrafted dark horse that made our first line after years of What’s been the overall verdict on him in BC? patience and improving his game. Kesler, since we drafted him first a few years Mike: I skewered his signing to begin with. I personally don’t like him, but he has ago, has been preordained to be the second coming of in terms of helped remove the pressure off the Sedins and, while he’s amazingly inconsistent leadership. The fact they both are having career seasons and pulling Vancouver and has a terrible tendency to take penalties 200 feet from his own net, he does along with them is honestly nothing short of astounding. I’m sure guys like the use his body pretty well and has shown some great chemistry with Demitra and Sedins or Ohlund - all UFAs to be - may have not wanted to hear these two popu- Kesler over the past several weeks, giving Vancouver two scoring lines which is lar guys stomp all over their potential paydays, and certainly the NHLPA didn’t something it’s never had. Ever. I think Sundin will be judged very much on the want to hear it either. But their point is honest enough: in the cap era taking less postseason. If they go all the way and he contributes one point, no one will care. money on a team you believe in can go a long way. Just ask Hossa. If we get bounced in the first round and he scored a hat trick every game, people will still say it wasn’t enough. He’ll be under a lot of scrutiny, but that’s what Burrows and Kesler have really busted out this season, despite their feelings comes with 8 million for half a season (christ I want to punch myself in the face about others’ contracts. What got into them? just writing that). Mike: Kesler has been slowly improving year to year. He was called out in the offseason to contribute more and truthfully I didn’t think he could do it. But he’s an incredibly complete player, capable of playing a shutdown style of defense while, three seconds later, pursuing an aggressive forecheck and then crashing the net. He’s been simply invaluable this year. And Burrows is playing in another dimension. I think Burrows has played the underdog so often in his career that I

Hawks-CANUCKS: the Last 4

Feb. 7th, 2009: Hawks 3, Canucks 7 Dec. 20th, 2008: Hawks 3, Canucks 1 Probably less said the better. ‘Nucks go 4-for-8 #7 of December’s March To The Sea. Kane scores with the man-advantage, and this one’s over half- sweet backhander roofed over Sanford’s glove. way through the 2nd when Vancouver is 6-0 up. Sharp gives Hawks the lead a few minutes later, and Huet and Hawks shut Vancouver down through the 3rd. Toews adds empty-netter

Oct. 19th, 2008: Canucks 2, Hawks 4 Mar. 2nd, 2008: Canucks 1, Hawks 4 Coach Q’s and Huet’s first win with the Hawks. Canucks manage all of 10 shots, and yet Patrick La- Seabrook and Sharp give the Hawks the lead in the lime still can’t get a shutout. Kane with two, Sharp, first, and Kane and Sharp blow it open in the 3rd. and Ladd turn this one into a laugher that wasn’t this close. Hockey Sabermetrics CHICAGO Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calcu- lated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/ minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60. NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Aaron Johnson -0.04 -0.21 11.9 3.94 1.26 2.68 2.29 2.12 0.17 2.51 Andrew Ladd 0.08 0.23 12.88 3.69 2.26 1.42 2.33 2.13 0.21 1.22 Duncan Keith 0.06 0.15 18.45 3.3 2.15 1.15 2.52 2.29 0.23 0.92 Martin Havlat 0.05 0.21 13.44 3.65 2.58 1.07 2.35 2.01 0.34 0.73 Dave Bolland 0.09 0.33 12.7 3.48 2.43 1.05 2.42 2.07 0.36 0.69 Adam Burish -0.08 -0.08 7.13 2.55 1.5 1.05 2.75 2.3 0.45 0.6 N. Hjalmarsson -0.01 -0.18 12.87 0.85 1.27 -0.42 2.88 3.73 -0.85 0.42 Brent Seabrook 0.07 0.3 16.56 2.77 2.06 0.7 2.69 2.23 0.46 0.24 Troy Brouwer 0.02 -0.14 11.59 2.46 1.73 0.74 2.77 2.24 0.53 0.21 Matt Walker -0.03 -0.13 13.89 2.73 2.12 0.61 2.49 2.03 0.46 0.14 Colin Fraser -0.12 -0.12 7.78 2.36 1.82 0.54 2.79 2.24 0.55 -0.02 Ben Eager -0.11 -0.11 8.23 2.47 1.91 0.56 2.76 2.14 0.62 -0.06 0.02 -0.11 13.24 2.83 2.33 0.5 2.67 2.1 0.57 -0.07 Kris Versteeg 0.02 -0.17 12.14 2.58 2.22 0.36 2.81 2.23 0.58 -0.22 Dustin Byfuglien -0.03 -0.04 11.79 1.97 1.59 0.38 3.07 2.45 0.62 -0.24 Patrick Kane 0.03 -0.1 13.77 2.43 2.36 0.06 2.7 2.14 0.57 -0.51 Patrick Sharp -0.01 -0.03 13.18 2.64 2.24 0.4 2.93 1.89 1.04 -0.64 Brian Campbell -0.03 -0.05 17.19 2.67 2.62 0.05 2.75 1.89 0.86 -0.81 Cam Barker -0.03 -0.11 13.22 2.11 2.58 -0.47 2.87 2.01 0.86 -1.33 Samuel Pahlsson 0.03 -0.83 12.34 1.54 2.73 -1.19 2.95 1.98 0.97 -2.17 Power Play Ratings Penalty Kill Ratings Corsi Rating Penalties Drawn This measures how many goals a team Shots attempted for a team vs. how many are at- This is a measure of a team’s goals-for gives up per 60 minutes the player is on tempted against while a given player is on the ice, per 60 minutes of player being on the vs. Taken the ice on the PK. per 60 min. ice on the power play. Player GFON/60 Player GA/60 NAME CORSI NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 Cam Barker 11.28 Troy Brouwer 4.63 Jonathan Toews 16.9 Adam Burish 1.8 1.1 Troy Brouwer 8.8 Adam Burish 5.48 Martin Havlat 16.4 Colin Fraser 1.5 0.5 Patrick Kane 8.59 Duncan Keith 6 Troy Brouwer 14.5 Kris Versteeg 1.5 0.7 Patrick Sharp 8.48 Brent Seabrook 6.14 Andrew Ladd 13.9 Patrick Kane 1.5 0.9 Jonathan Toews 8.04 Aaron Johnson 6.28 Brian Campbell 13.7 Patrick Sharp 1.4 0.9 Brian Campbell 7.56 Andrew Ladd 6.44 Patrick Kane 12.9 Dave Bolland 1.3 0.8 Dustin Byfuglien 6.2 Colin Fraser 6.71 Kris Versteeg 12.3 Jonathan Toews 1.3 0.8 Duncan Keith 6.17 Samuel Pahlsson 7.01 Patrick Sharp 12.3 Andrew Ladd 1.2 0.7 Martin Havlat 6.03 Kris Versteeg 7.07 Brent Seabrook 12.2 Ben Eager 1.2 2.5 Brent Seabrook 5.73 Matt Walker 7.08 Duncan Keith 12.1 Dustin Byfuglien 1.2 1.2 Kris Versteeg 5.21 Cam Barker 7.59 Dustin Byfuglien 11.2 Martin Havlat 1.1 0.6 Dave Bolland 8.29 Cam Barker 11.1 Troy Brouwer 1.1 0.9 N. Hjalmarsson 19.78 Dave Bolland 10.3 Aaron Johnson 0.5 1.8 Matt Walker 8.7 Brian Campbell 0.4 0.4 Aaron Johnson 8.5 Samuel Pahlsson 0.4 1.2 Face-offs Ben Eager 8.1 Brent Seabrook 0.3 0.9 Player Face-Offs Taken FO% Adam Burish 8 Matt Walker 0.3 0.6 Jonathan Toews 1152 55.1 Colin Fraser 3.2 Duncan Keith 0.1 0.8 Samuel Pahlsson 1125 53.2 N. Hjalmarsson -2.1 Cam Barker 0.1 0.6 Colin Fraser 725 48.0 Samuel Pahlsson -12.3 N. Hjalmarsson 0 0 Dave Bolland 1067 44.5 Total Rank: 24th 48.0 Hockey Sabermetrics VANCOUVER Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calcu- lated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/ minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60. NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Daniel Sedin 0.06 0.17 13.68 3.32 1.96 1.36 2.41 2.28 0.13 1.23 Willie Mitchell 0.06 -0.1 17.49 3.06 1.81 1.25 2.45 2.42 0.03 1.22 Henrik Sedin 0.07 0.25 14.01 3.3 2.2 1.1 2.41 2.17 0.24 0.86 Ossi Vaananen -0.02 0.09 14.2 2.82 2.11 0.7 2.43 2.52 -0.09 0.79 Pavol Demitra 0.04 0 13.34 3.24 2.29 0.96 2.7 2.3 0.41 0.55 Alex Burrows 0.03 0.09 12.95 3.13 2.44 0.69 2.51 2.07 0.44 0.25 Alex Edler -0.01 -0.01 15.07 2.54 1.94 0.61 2.76 2.37 0.4 0.21 Jannik Hansen 0 0 10.5 3.39 2.86 0.53 2.54 2.18 0.36 0.17 Kyle Wellwood 0.02 -0.26 10.35 2.28 1.76 0.53 2.62 2.25 0.37 0.15 Mattias Ohlund 0.02 -0.01 15.61 3.01 2.44 0.57 2.52 2.04 0.48 0.09 Ryan Kesler 0.03 -0.01 13.08 2.79 2.29 0.5 2.65 2.13 0.52 -0.02 Sami Salo 0.06 0.2 13.24 2.53 1.92 0.61 2.86 1.96 0.9 -0.29 Mason Raymond -0.02 -0.1 10.52 1.99 1.73 0.26 2.87 2.28 0.6 -0.34 Darcy Hordichuk -0.11 -0.43 5.39 1.69 1.35 0.34 2.89 2.22 0.68 -0.34 Steve Bernier 0.04 -0.01 11.2 2.5 2.28 0.22 2.74 2.12 0.62 -0.4 Shane O'Brien -0.01 0.02 13.52 2.64 2.51 0.13 2.63 2.03 0.59 -0.46 Ryan Johnson -0.03 -0.28 7.61 1.9 1.75 0.15 2.94 2.15 0.79 -0.64 Taylor Pyatt 0.06 0.01 11.32 2.25 2.41 -0.16 2.81 2.12 0.7 -0.86 Mats Sundin -0.02 0.08 12.81 2.55 2.7 -0.14 3 2.09 0.91 -1.05 Kevin Bieksa 0.04 0.16 16.14 2.17 2.57 -0.4 2.95 2.05 0.89 -1.29 Corsi Rating Penalties Drawn This measures how many shots are attempted for a Power Play Ratings Penalty Kill Ratings team vs. how many are attempted against while a vs. Taken This is a measure of a team’s goals for This measures how many goals a given player is on the ice, per 60 min. per 60 minutes of player being on the team gives up per 60 minutes the ice on the power play. player is on the ice on the PK. NAME CORSI NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 Player GFON/60 Player GAON/60 Daniel Sedin 7.9 Alex Burrows 1.8 1.4 Mats Sundin 7.66 Kevin Bieksa 4.27 Henrik Sedin 6.9 Darcy Hordichuk 1.7 1.4 Ryan Kesler 7.29 Taylor Pyatt 4.81 Alex Burrows 5 Mason Raymond 1.6 0.7 Alex Edler 6.64 Jannik Hansen 5.23 Ryan Kesler 3.1 Daniel Sedin 1.5 0.4 Steve Bernier 5.9 Shane O'Brien 5.67 Pavol Demitra 2.1 Henrik Sedin 1.4 0.8 Kyle Wellwood 5.83 Alex Burrows 6.22 Sami Salo 1 Ryan Johnson 1.3 0.4 Kevin Bieksa 5.76 Ossi Vaananen 6.52 Kevin Bieksa 0.9 Jannik Hansen 1.2 0.8 Mattias Ohlund 5.67 Mattias Ohlund 6.53 Willie Mitchell 0.6 Ryan Kesler 1.2 0.7 Daniel Sedin 5.5 Willie Mitchell 6.75 Jannik Hansen 0 Steve Bernier 1.2 0.5 Henrik Sedin 5.44 Ryan Kesler 7.05 Mason Raymond -0.9 Taylor Pyatt 1.1 1.3 Pavol Demitra 5.4 Sami Salo 8.58 Mats Sundin -2 Kevin Bieksa 1 1.3 Sami Salo 4.6 Ryan Johnson 9.17 Alex Edler -2.1 Mats Sundin 0.9 1.6 Alex Edler 9.48 Shane O'Brien -4.4 Alex Edler 0.6 1.1 Rick Rypien 19.67 Kyle Wellwood -5.8 Kyle Wellwood 0.6 0 Steve Bernier -7 Willie Mitchell 0.5 0.7 Mattias Ohlund -7.5 Ossi Vaananen 0.4 0.7 Face-offs Player Face-Offs Taken FO% Rob Davison -7.6 Shane O'Brien 0.4 2.2 Kyle Wellwood 564 56.5 Taylor Pyatt -9.8 Pavol Demitra 0.3 0.5 Mats Sundin 499 56.1 Ossi Vaananen -15.6 Mattias Ohlund 0.3 1.7 Ryan Kesler 949 53.8 Darcy Hordichuk -20.1 Sami Salo 0.3 0.9 Henrik Sundin 1227 49.7 Ryan Johnson -22.5 Rob Davison 0.3 1.1 Total: Rank: 6th 51.6 Rick Rypien -44.7 Rick Rypien 0 0 Referee Stats For The Hawks

Referees 1st NHL Hawks Games Hawks PP’s Hawks Pens/Game Hawks PP/Game Hawks PK/ W L OTL Game PK’s Game 2 Fraser, Kerry 1980 3 14 17 10.3 4.7 5.7 3 0 0 3 Leggo, Mike 1997 5 19 22 8.2 3.8 4.4 4 0 1 4 McCauley, Wes 2003 5 11 14 5.0 2.2 2.8 2 2 0 5 Rooney, Chris 2000 1 4 1 5.0 4.0 1.0 1 0 0 6 Marouelli, Dan 1984 3 14 11 8.3 4.7 3.7 1 2 0 7 McCreary, Bill 1984 4 17 15 8.0 4.3 3.8 2 3 0 8 Jackson, Dave 1990 6 28 24 8.7 4.7 4.0 4 1 1 10 Devorski, Paul 1989 3 12 16 9.3 4 5.3 1 2 0 11 Sutherland, Kelly 2000 2 11 14 12.5 5.5 7 0 2 0 12 Koharski, Don 1981 4 19 20 9.8 4.8 5.0 3 0 1 13 O’Halloran, Dan 1995 6 34 23 9.5 5.6 3.8 3 2 1 14 LaRue, Dennis 1991 6 28 24 8.6 4.3 4 4 1 1 15 Auger, Stephane 2000 4 17 13 7.5 4.3 3.3 3 0 1 16 Shick, Rob 1986 1 2 2 4.0 2.0 2.0 0 0 1 18 Kimmerly, Greg 1996 5 26 25 10.2 5.2 5.0 3 2 0 20 Peel, Tim 1999 4 19 19 9.5 4.7 4.7 2 2 0 21 VanMassenhoven, Don 1993 4 17 10 6.7 4.2 2.5 2 0 2 23 Watson, Brad 1996 4 15 8 5.7 3.7 2 2 1 1 25 Joannette, Marc 1999 3 19 7 8.6 6.3 2.3 2 0 1 26 Martell, Rob 1996 1 3 1 4.0 3.0 1.0 1 0 0 27 Furlatt, Eric 2001 6 27 26 8.8 4.5 4.3 2 3 1 28 Lee, Chris 2001 2 11 10 10.5 5.5 5 1 1 0 29 Walsh, Ian 2000 1 1 3 4.0 1.0 3.0 0 1 0 30 Hasenfratz, Mike 2000 3 22 13 11.7 7.3 4.3 0 1 2 32 Kowal, Tom 2000 4 13 10 5.8 3.3 2.5 4 0 0 33 Pollock, Kevin 2000 4 14 15 7.2 3.5 3.7 1 1 2 34 Meier, Brad 1999 4 14 20 8.5 3.5 5.0 3 1 0 35 Warren, Dean 1999 ------36 Morton, Dean 2000 3 24 13 12.3 8.0 4.3 1 1 1 38 St Laurent, Francois 2006 2 14 15 14.5 7.0 7.5 1 0 1 39 Dwyer, Gord 2003 5 30 24 10.8 6 4.8 3 0 2 40 Kozari, Steve 2006 5 30 23 10.6 6 4.6 2 2 1 42 O’Rourke, Dan 1999 3 17 15 10.6 5.6 5 2 0 1 43 Pochmara, Brian 2006 3 12 14 8.6 4 4.6 2 1 0 45 St. Pierre, Justin 2003 6 29 26 9.2 4.8 4.3 3 1 2

NHL LEADERS Goals Points GAA SV%

Player Team G Player Team P Player Team GAA Player Team SV% 1 A. Ovechkin WAS 53 1 Evgeni Malkin PIT 107 1 Tim Thomas BOS 2.11 1 Tim Thomas BOS .931 2 Zach Parise NJ 42 2 A. Ovechkin WAS 100 2 Steve Mason CBJ 2.19 2 T. Vokoun FLA .925 3 Jeff Carter PHI 41 3 S. Crosby PIT 97 3 Pekka Rinne NSH 2.24 3 Craig Anderson FLA .924 4 I. Kovalchuk ATL 40 4 Pavel Datsyuk DET 89 4 Jonas Hiller ANA 2.25 4 Jonas Hiller ANA .922 5 P. Marleau SJ 37 5 Zach Parise NJ 89 5 N. Backstrom MIN 2.36 5 Pekka Rinne NSH .922 21 J. Toews CHI 30 28 Martin Havlat CHI 68 14 Cristobal Huet CHI 2.50 11 N. Khabibulin CHI .917 The Other Brother Is There Such A Thing As A Hockey Crip? If you ever listen to someone who proclaims to know a lot at first I was upset, because he was smaller than me and I should about hockey, he -- and every leap year the occasional she -- will have just beat the shit out of him. But I saw how much he LOVED tell you that hockey is “in their blood”. That part of their DNA is hockey, and how disrespectful I was being to that love. vulcanized rubber, or sponsored by CCM, or something. Usually these people spend too much time on hockey and over-analyze and Naturally, I would soon find myself in another arena that not over-discuss everything hockey. And who you thought was a cool only required talent, and dedication, but a busload of passion in your hockey friend, you’re now dreading making eye contact with out of DNA to make it --the theater. But that was easy to walk away from. fear that you’re going to hear him talk about Sami Pahlsson trade for Too much drama. Too many life changing decisions,t oo many over- the umpteenth time. The next thing you know, he’s got a spork in analyzations of people’s responses. Too much bickering. I wasn’t his eye and you’re being dragged away in handcuffs. Meanwhile, all lashing out at my inability to understand Gay Pride because my your friends are all shaking their heads saying, “ I don’t get it. They father wouldn’t come to a baseball game when I was young, I was both have Hockey in their blood.” simply ordering a roast beef sandwich for lunch. End of story. Good thing there weren’t sporks at the theater I interned at, all I’m saying. It is true that Hockey fans are more diehard than other fans, and thank God for that. If you’re crazy But nowadays my Blackhawks blood is racing. We enough to play then you start bonding with some of the haven’t had a team this good in 15 years. It’s young, nuances of the game. The way you tape a stick. The way and it’s going to be around awhile, and everything is your ankles feel when you take off your skates, etc etc. positive. But the more “diehards” and Hockey DNA Well, when that happens, then you feel like you, Bobby people I talk to, I just get depressed. They want to kill Orr, and Eddie Shore all fell from the same family tree. the GM. Prices are too high (even though they’re be- ing frozen). They’re worried about Toews and Kane’s I originally felt this. I played hockey. In fact, contract which don’t happen for another year and a half. in 1981 during the third coldest day in Chicago history, I Some even worry about Havlat just playing well for was out on the Lincoln Park Lagoon playing hockey. It Adam Fels the money then kicking it into second gear once he has had to be in my DNA then. It simply had to. Otherwise, money. why was I out in -23 degree weather? But I would soon learn later that that was not the case. When school started allowing middle Maybe it’s just the way we communicate. Baseball writers school athletics, I split my time with basketball and hockey. And my here in New York talked about how the ability to post anonymously hockey DNA was failing me because I was excelling in basketball has led to the death of a conversation. With 24-hour talk radio, and and falling behind in hockey. Needless to say,this didn’t sit well with unlimited blogs, we all become soloists in a giant field of white my hockey team captain. noise. Whatever the reason, I’m gonna be just a tad skeptical next time someone tells me they have hockey in their blood. If ever there was a man who had hockey in his DNA, it was the captain of my peewee hockey team. You knew just from being Of course, the editor of this fine publication seems to have a around him that not only did he enjoy hockey more than you, but fairly square head on his shoulders, and he clearly has hockey in his that twenty years from now he’ll still be involved in hockey in some DNA. But that can’t be. After all, he’s my brother. capacity ( a little over twenty years later and I’m proud to report that he is still in hockey. You probably see him. I won’t embarrass him Adam Fels lives in New York after growing up in the standing room by saying his name, but he’s awfully good at what he does and it’s no of Chicago Stadium, and waits patiently by the phone for when his surprise. [Editor’s Note: We won’t reveal said hockey captain’s name brother calls him to come post his bail. either, but it rhymes with Josh Mora] ). When he pulled me over and whined about me being late and suggested I just play basketball,

If you’d like to contribute to our silly rag, please send submissions to committedindian@ gmail.com. All guest contributors will have a chance to win a free jersey from Triple Threat Sports! The Committed Indian We’re freezing our ass off so you can laugh yours off The Making of The Chicago Blackhawks

info in part provided by hockeyreference.com YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Samuel Pahlsson (COL 7th round 1996) and Brian Campbell (BUF 6th Logan Stephenson (PHX 2nd round 2004) from round 1997 ANA for James Wisniewski (CHI 5th round Cristobal Huet (LA 7th round 2002) and Petri Kontiola (CHI 7th round 2004) 2001) Matt Walker (STL 3rd round 1998) Aaron Johnson (CLB 3rd round 2001) 2007-2008 Patrick Kane (1st round) Ben Eager (PHO 1st round 2002) from PHI for Brent Sopel (VAN 6th round Jim Vandermeer (FA PHI 2000) 1995) Craig Adams (HAR 9th round 1996) from CAR for future considerations. Andrew Ladd (CAR 1st round 2004) from CAR for Tuomo Ruutu (CHI 1st round 2001) 2006-2007 Jonathan Toews (1st round) Martin Havlat (OTT 1st round 1999) from OTT and (BOS 1st round 1990) for Tom Preissing (FA SJ 2003), Josh Hennessy (SJ 2nd round 2003) and Michael Barinka (CHI 2nd round 2003) Kris Versteeg (BOS 5th round 2004) from BOS for Brandon Bochenski (OTT 7th round 2001) 2005-2006 Niklas Hjalmarsson (4th round) Patrick Sharp (PHI 3rd round 2001) from PHI Nikolai Khabibulin (WIN 9th for Matt Ellison (CHI 4th round 2002) and CHI round 1992) 3rd round pick 2006 2004-2005 Cam Barker (1st round) Dave Bolland (2nd round) Troy Brouwer (7th round) 2003-2004 Brent Seabrook (1st round) Colin Fraser (PHI 3rd round 2003), Jim Van- Dustin Byfuglien (8th round) dermeer (PHI FA 2000) and 2004 2nd round pick from PHI for Alex Zhamnov and 2004 4th round pick (WIN 4th round 1990) 2002-2003 Duncan Keith (2nd round) Adam Burish (9th round)

COACHES GM HISTORY Head Coach-Joel Quenneville Dale Tallon (2005-Present) Assistant Coach-John Torchetti Bob Pulford (Too Fucking Long) Assistant Coach-Mike Haviland Mike Smith (2001-2004) Assistant Coach- Marc Bergevin Bob Murray (1999-2000) Goaltending Coach-Stephane Waite The Making of The info in part provided by hockeyreference.com YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Steve Bernier (SJ 1st round 2003) from BUF Pavol Demitra (OTT 9th round for 2009 3rd round pick and 2010 2nd round 1993) pick Darcy Hordichuk (ATL 6th round Shane O’Brien (ANA 8th round 2003) and 2000) Michel Ouellet (PIT 4th round 2000) from TB Ryan Johnson (FLA 2nd round for Lukas Krajicek (FLA 1st 2001) 1994) Jason LaBarbera (NYR 3rd round 1998) from Mats Sundin (QUE 1st round 1989) LA 2009 7th round pick Kyle Wellwood (TOR 5th round 2001)- off waivers Rob Davison (SJ 5th round 1998) Ossi Vaananen (PHX 2nd round 1998)-off waivers 2007-2008 2006-2007 Taylor Pyatt (NYI 1st round 1999) from BUF Wille Mitchell (NJ 8th round 1996) for 2006 4th round pick Roberto Luongo (NYI 1st round 1997), Lukas Krajicek (FLA 1st 2001), and 2006 6th round pick from FLA for Bryan Allen (VAN 1st round 1998), Todd Bertuzzi (NYI 1st round 1993), and (FLA 2nd round 1999) 2005-2006 Mason Raymond (2nd Alex Burrows (Undrafted FA) round) Rick Rypien (Undrafted FA) 2004-2005 Alex Edler (3rd round) Jannik Hansen (9th round) 2003-2004 Ryan Kesler (1st round) 2002-2003 Sami Salo (OTT 9th round 1996) from OTT for Peter Schaefer (VAN 3rd round 1995) 2001-2002 Kevin Bieksa (5th round) 1999-2000 Daniel Sedin (1st round) Henrick Sedin (1st round) 1996-1997 1994-1995 Mattias Ohlund (1st round)

COACHES GM HISTORY Head Coach: 2007-Present: Asst. Coach: Rick Bowness 2005-2007: Asst. Coach: Ryan Walter 1999-2005: Asst. Coach: Darryl Williams 1988-1999: Pat Quinn Goaltending Coach: Ian Clark The Hawks Record When...

Playing at home...... 21-8-7 Allowing a short-handed goal...... 2-4-1 Getting obliterated on face-offs...... 16-10-4 Playing on road...... 19-14-4 Taking 30 or more shots...... 31-16-8 Are even close on face-offs..... 24-12-7 Scoring first...... 28-5-4 Taking less than 30 shots..... 9-6-3 Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!”.... 34-18-11 Opponent scores first...... 12-17-7 Allowing 30 shots or more...... 17-8-6 Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D Shoot the puck bimbo scores...... 5-1-1 Allowing 30 shots or less...... 23-14-5 during 4-on-4...... 34-17-11 Shoot the puck bimbo doesn’t score...... 16-6-6 100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem. 21-7-7 Pat Foley screws up a name...... 38-18-11 Shoot the puck bimbo blows editors of Commited Indian..... 0-0-0 1st of a back-to-back...... 4-5-3 Ice Crew wear skirts...... 7-1-3 Editors of Indian have car broken into day of game ...... 1-0-0 2nd of a back-to-back..... 7-5-1 Ice Crew wear pants...... 3-1-0 Playing on a Monday...... 2-2-1 Opponent played night before.... 8-5-2 Ice Crew wear shorts.... 11-6-4 Playing on a Tuesday...... 6-3-0 Taking more than 5 penalties..... 16-15-5 Member of Ice Crew hilariously falls on her shapely ass.... 0-1-0 Playing on a Wednesday...... 9-1-3 Taking 5 or less penalties.... 24-7-6 Leading after 2 periods...... 31-2-3 Playing on a Thursday...... 2-3-0 Seabrook gets a flat-footed penalty.... 8-5-6 Losing after 2 periods...... 2-15-4 Playing on a Friday...... 5-4-4 Burish takes a penalty...... 8-5-2 Tied after 2 periods...... 7-5-4 Playing on a Saturday...... 7-5-3 Keith takes a penalty...... 13-3-2 In ...... 5-5 Playing on a Sunday...... 9-4-0 Sharp takes a penalty...... 10-2-2 In shootout...... 4-6 Savard changes lines during game... 1-2-1 Toews takes a penalty..... 9-5-3 Cam Barker plays...... 32-18-8 Coach Q keeps lines as they are..... 39-20-10 Havlat takes a penalty.... 6-3-1 Cam Barker is in Rockford due to GM incompetence..... 6-2-3 Are out-muscled by opponent.... 10-17-4 Sopel takes a penalty...... 3-2-1 Lacking a #2 center...... 37-22-9 Outshoot opponent...... 29-13-6 Sopel looks 6 steps slow...... 7-5-5 In 1-goal games..... 11-7-11 Are outshot by opponent.... 11-9-5 51 Phantom blows a coverage...... 27-18-9 In 2-goal games...... 12-7-0 Havlat shies from contact...... 16-6-6 Toews is trying too hard...... 3-7-3 In 3-goal games...... 8-5-0 Patrick Kane scores...... 11-7-3 At least 1 fight in 300 Level... 3-2-4 In 4+ goal games...... 8-3-0 Jonathan Toews scores...... 13-3-6 No fights in 300 Level..... 18-5-3 Scoring 3+ goals..... 37-6-7 Martin Havlat scores...... 16-4-1 Playing Eastern Conference..... 9-6-3 Scoring less than 3 goals...... 3-14-4 Patrick Sharp scores...... 16-3-2 Playing Western Conference..... 31-17-8 PA plays Ministry...... 0-0-0 Dustin Byfuglien scores...... 7-2-1 Playing Central Division...... 4-7-6 PA plays Modern Cock-Rock..... 21-8-7 Dustin Byfuglien wins a foot-race??!!!!!..... 1-0-0 Playing Northwest Division.... 12-6-1 PA plays Stranglehold...... 6-2-4 Andrew Ladd scores...... 11-0-1 Playing Pacific Division 15-4-1 PA plays P.J. Harvey...... 0-0-0 Dave Bolland scores...... 11-1-4 Playing Atlantic Division 2-3-2 Fraser fights...... 7-3-1 Adam Burish scores...... 3-2-1, and totally ruins that joke Playing NASCAR Division 4-1-0 Burish fights...... 5-2-0 51 Phantom scores...... 3-2-1 Playing Northeast Division 3-1-1 Seabrook fights..... 1-0-0 Duncan Keith scores...... 5-3-0 Playing in October.... 4-3-3 Barker fights...... 0-0-2 Brent Seabrook scores...... 5-1-1 Playing in November.... 6-3-3 Buff fights...... 1-1-2 VerStud scores.... 12-7-1 Playing in December...... 10-1-1 Sharp fights...... 1-0-0 Troy Brouwer scores.... 8-0-0 Playing in January..... 7-6-1 Eager fights...... 10-3-1 Scoring a Power Play goal...... 29-10-9 Playing in February..... 7-4-1 On Comcast...... 30-12-8 Not scoring a Power Play goal... 11-11-2 Playing in March...... 6-5-2 On WGN...... 10-7-3 Allowing a Power Play goal...... 17-16-10 Playing in April...... 0-0-0 On Vs...... 0-2-0 Not Allowing a Power Play goal...... 23-6-1 UC plays really stupid goal song..... 21-5-7 On NBC.... 0-1-0 Scoring a short-handed goal...... 6-2-0 Huet’s five-hole open like Lindsay Lohan’s..... 3-11-4 Judd Sirott hates Adam Creighton 40-22-11

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